On RAW, the crowd made the difference for the show to be a winner, ultimately, which I suspect and hope will remain a tradition as the so-called “hardcore” smarks stick around for it. Will that many of them stick around for Smackdown? I’d like to think so… but this “thing” is still a new “thing.” Only one way to find out, and you know what that means. Into the back of the closet and into Narnia, kiddo, we’re hunting wabbits. Hopping time! (a.k.a. Beer will make this better).
Okay, again this week, just a general run down of the show with some of my humble opinions.
First up, match results
CHRIS JERICHO DEF. DOLPH ZIGGLER W/AJ LEE & BIG E. – This match-up was booked as a card-change, as Fandango made his way to the ring for what was supposed to be his fifth or sixth “debut” but got beat-down/ran-off by an angry Jericho. Ziggler made his way out with his entourage as the announcers (Michael Cole/Jerry Lawler) told us this match was scheduled for later tonight. Jericho gets the win by submission with the walls of Jericho, but gets beat down by Big E. Langston. Fandango comes back out with his dance partner (the first girl to get a call-back) and picks the bones of Big E’s kill, landing a flying leg drop on Jericho’s neck.
MARK HENRY DEF. THE USOS – The Usos actually got in enough offense with their double-teaming to get a splash off the top rope for a two-count on Henry, but the match ends with Henry scoring a World’s Strongest Slam and getting the three-count. After the match, Henry brutalizes both brothers, making it clear he did not appreciate getting splashed.
U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO DEF. WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO (COUNT OUT) – Ricardo Rodriguez hobbles out on his crutches to introduce Del Rio. The intro falls flat, although I think it was on purpose to help sell what bad shape he’s in. The match is just a formality as both men go through the motions for about five minutes before Zeb Coulter comes out. Ricardo tries to move away, but from out of nowhere Jack Swagger grabs him, and drags him by the bad ankle over to the guard rail. Del Rio abandons his match to fight off Swagger and Cesaro gets the win by count-out. Del Rio takes his anger out on Cesaro with the cross-arm breaker.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO (KANE/DANEL BRYAN) DEF. THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS (TITUS O’NEAL/DARREN YOUNG)- “Pancake” Patterson is given one mention and then quietly swept under the rug. Match is just a warm-up for the champions. Ziggler and crew show up on the stage to distract the champs and give the PTP’s an opening, but the match ends with Kane choke-slamming Young for the three count.
THE MIZ DEF. WWE INTERCONTINENTAL WADE BARRETT – Before the match, Triple H came out to do cut a promo about his Wrestlemania match with Brock Lesnar. When Barrett comes out, he blocks Triple H’s way, and demands he step aside. Trips responds with a kick to the crotch. Miz comes out while Barrett is still recuperating. During the match, Barrett’s crotch briefly becomes the focal point of the match. Barrett crotches himself on the top rope with a missed kick and Miz gets the win with the figure-four submission.
THE SHIELD DEF. KHALI, RYDER, GABRIEL – To my knowledge, this is only the third actual match the Shield have officially wrestled in. The Shield wins this with a flying knee-drop to Justin Gabriel, trapped in a “Bow and arrow” hold. After the match, Khali takes a “Shield-Bomb.” Orton comes to the ring with Sheamus, and the Big Show comes up from behind, trapping the Shield. We get a brief fight before the Shield retreat.
TEAM RHODES SCHOLARS DEF BRODUS/TENSAI – Do you honestly care? This match is barley more than a pretense for a cat-fight between the Funkadactyls and the Bella Twins. Team Rhodes Scholars get the win by three-count during the confusion.
RYBACK DEF. 3MB – This was Ryback’s effort to show-up Henry that almost back-fired. The Three Man Band actually take control of the match using their numbers advantage, but it ends with Ryback getting two men up for the “Shell-Shock” and a three-count.
AJ LEE DEF. WWE DIVAS CHAMPION KAITLYN – This match was set up during a backstage segment, where Bryan and Kane were arguing over which of them was still hung up on AJ. Kaitlyn interjected, trying to get them both to let it go, while running off a list of nasty things to say about AJ, who just happened to be eavesdropping on them. Now here’s the interesting thing. AJ sends Kaitlyn head-first into a drinking fountain, or so it seemed. Kaitlyn sold it as making contact but their was NO sound effect to indicate Kaitlyn hit the fountain. Kaitlyn comes out to the ring holding her head, and when the bell rings, Kaitlyn goes to town on AJ, dominating the match and getting in all of the offence. AJ rolls out of the ring, and Kaitlyn goes after her. Kaitlyn tries a spear, but AJ side-steps her into the guard-rail, head first. AJ gets a count-out victory, and maybe a title shot at Mania. Kaitlyn gets a possible head-trauma gimmick.
So let’s look at the rest of the show.
C.M. Punk opens the show with a game of toss with the urn, and a promo that starts off by dumping on the Undertaker and his legacy. He even goes so far as to imply the streak is only important to him as something to break. He tries to mock the Takers classic pose, but the lights go out and when they come back, Taker is wailing on Punk. Punk and Heyman run off with the urn. Seemed a bit odd to me as the first half of Punk’s promo seemed to be Punk trying to convince us that this match wasn’t as important as we might feel it was.
Sheamus gets jumped by the Shield, during an interview about whether or not he and Orton can get along with Big Show, during their Mania six-man. Orton comes after them with a chair, but he gets overwhelmed by numbers. Big Show makes the save and runs off the Shield.
Now here, I gotta go into weird territory. If you’re a long time wrestling fan, you’l probably have some idea of what I’m saying here. Booking Show to come to the rescue seems a little heavy-handed to me. It’s like WWE is trying too hard to sell us on Show’s face-turn, which is par for the course with pro wrestling in general. Even if you’re among the youngest fans, you still can’t help but notice how it’s always Show that turns the tide when Orton/Sheamus gets jumped by the Shield. So I have to ask myself, is this just the same sloppy TV writing wrestling has always suffered from? Or is WWE trying to swerve me? I’m thinking maybe they want me to watch for a double-cross by Big Show so that they can swerve me with one by Orton…or Sheamus. I know Orton’s more likely, what with him reportedly wanting a heel-turn, but you know how wrestling-sorry “sports entertainment” likes illogical swerves.
Triple H cuts a promo on Brock Lesnar, about how if you don’t expect him to end your career, you’ve already lost. He makes it clear that he is coming to kick Lesnar’s ass.
Very generic promo, giving no sense that Trips was seriously concerned that his career was over. That might’ve been the plan, so that we’re actually surprised if he loses. (Which, if he does, we will be, just not for THAT reason.) And why did he have to bitch-out Wade Barrett on his way out? (See above.)
The show ended with an elaborate Q&A with John Cena and WWE champion The Rock, featuring WWE Hall Of Fame members Booker T, Brett Hart, Dusty Rhodes and Mick Foley. The panel lobs softball questions and both men give big, impassioned speeches about how/why they will win at Mania. Cena compares himself to Donavon McNabb, the Rock tells the story of how he had to get his first mattress out of a dumpster behind a motel. Cena blames his loss to Rock last year, on his letting Rock into his head. Cena tried to finish off Rock in Rock’s home-town, with his own version of “the peoples elbow.” Allowing Rock to catch him in a rock-bottom and getting the three. Rock borrows a quote from Ric Flair, “To be the man-woo-you must beat the man,” and between the two of them, Cena will never be “the man.”
I’m sorry to say this but I was underwhelmed. No new ground covered here, except for maybe when Cena “revealed” why he lost last year. I’m not a fan of “sports entertainment” trying to go into “deep, psychological,” story-lines, and I’m not moved by Cena’s need for redemption.
Overall, a pretty “meh” RAW. It did what it was supposed to do, advance the angles going into Wrestlemania, but it still felt like an auto-pilot show. That’s not always bad, but not the speed you want going into the biggest PPV of the year.
Just a basic recap this week peep-holes; as the week’s off to a rough start, (family stuff.)
Let’s start with Match results;
JOHN CENA DEF DARRIEN YOUNG (w/”Pancake” Patterson. I will get to that in a minute.)
RYBACK DEF DAVID OTUNGA (Like any other outcome was possible.)
FANDANGO vs GREAT KHALI: NO CONTEST (Not that it would’ve been one anyway.)
R-TRUTH DEF DAMIAN SANDOW BY COUNT OUT
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO DEF PRIMO/EPICO w/Rosa Mendes
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO w/Roberto Rodriguez DEF CODY RHODES
RANDY ORTON/SHEAMUS DEF 3MB (Heath Slater, Jinder Mahal, Drew McIntyre)
DOLPH ZIGGLER w/AJ and Big E. DEF KOFI KINGSTON
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL WADE BARRETT DEF CHRIS JERICHO AND THE MIZ (3 way for the title)
Okay, so let’s talk about the show…
“Pancake” Patterson
“Pancake” fucking Patterson
“PANCAKE” FUCKING PATTERSON
PANCAKE FUCKING PATTERSON!
Seriously
(Sigh) I’m praying this is something Titus actually wanted to do, because if this was any white guy’s idea, and Titus HAS to do it, then we need to shut down WWE, I’m sorry. HOW IN 2013 ARE WE SUPPOSED TO JUSTIFY A BAD FRED SANFORD GIMMICK? The sad thing is, this bit is stupid enough to actually go over, God help us all.
RAW Managing Supervisor Vicki Guerrero and SMACKDOWN Senior Advisor Teddy Long pulled Ryback out of the six-man with Orton/Sheamus against the Shield and booked against Mark Henry. Later in the night, The Shield jumped Orton/Sheamus, and Big Show made the run-in to cement the “face” turn. (Hey, it’s more effort than they put into Miz’s face turn.) So, Big Show is in the six-man, and Ryback gets Henry. My question is why not just book Big Show in the six-man in the first place? For the record, Ryback would’ve been the better choice, as he still has “unfinished business” with the Shield, but since when does WWE care about continuity? I’m thinking this could still turn into an eight-man, Henry and the Shield vs Ryback, Show, Sheamus and Orton.
I gotta admit, Fandango scored some points with me tonight. I dig him with a different Ballroom Dancing girl leading him in every week, I was into the streamers, and the outline of his silhouette from the ceiling. I dig him hitting on every Diva that comes to the ring with his opponents. Kind of stupid, seeing how much I hated “Pancake” Patterson, but with Fandango, there is a small difference. Fandango is still a “mystery.” I actually don’t know if he sucks in the ring yet. There’s still a chance this could pay off. With “Pancake,” I know it’s just a desperate attempt at getting a mid-card guy some heat.
R-Truth getting a count-out over Sandow felt like filler to me. I could live with their “feud” ending here. Neither man has enough momentum to justify a spot on Mania.
Cody had a bit with the Bella Twins and Kaitlyn that I’m hoping brings this “flirtation” angle to an end. It’s going nowhere, and the only logical outcome is a face turn for Cody that he does not need right now.
Side Note: WHY DOES FACIAL HAIR COUNT AS A GIMMICK?
And now the highlight of the night, in the best heel promo in history, C.M. PUNK MOCKS THE UNDERTAKER WITH THE URN OF PAUL BEARER.
So apparently, Ziggler is getting a shot at the tag titles w/Big E. as his partner. WWE set this up with AJ skipping out to the ring during Hell No’s match against Mo/Co, Kane and Bryan responded by coming out to challenge Ziggler and Big E. after Dolph’s win over Kofi. AJ demanded they put the tag titles on the line. I feel obligated to point out that Ziggy/Big E. haven’t wrestled as a tag-team in the entire time they’ve been on RAW, and Big E. has yet to wrestle an official match on any show besides NXT, however; one thing I’ve learned in all my years of watching RAW, the meaning of the word futility.
Side Note: Daniel DID get a win over Ziggler on Saturday Morning Slam, so you could argue they’re working a “program,” but you’d be stretching it. (You’d also be someone who cares more than any one else.)
ADR vs Swagger just got personal as Swagger took out Ricardo’s ankle with the “Patriot Act” after Del Rio’s win over Cody. We got a “USA” chant during the match, which might not have been for ADR. I hate to say it, but I did see this coming. I’m guessing a LOT of WWE fans are “Tea-baggers,” and are slowly inching on to Swagger’s bandwagon. Also, Del Rio isn’t working as a baby-face. I’m sorry, but his “champion of the immigrants” routine doesn’t ring true enough. Del Rio really lost a step becoming a face. He’s watered down his personality too much and his “come back from nowhere” approach in the ring is sloppy and awkward. Honestly, I think Del Rio might have to drop the belt and disappear for a while if they want to salvage him.
The last actual match of the night was Wade Barrett getting a badly-needed win over Miz and Jericho. Most people, including me, felt this was a bit anti-climatic as it would’ve made a good addition to the Mania card. I’m thinking if they wanted to, they can revisit that whole “Intercontinental Open,” idea they scrapped so Barrett could feud with Bo Dallas. (Remember that? Neither do they.)
The night ended with the big contract signing between Triple H and Paul Heyman, representing Brock Lesnar. It ended with Trips clearing the ring and brutalizing Heyman before signing the contract. Lesnar came out and pulled Heyman out. Heyman revealed his big surprise stipulations – “No Holds Bared,” and Triple H’s career on the line.
This is where I allow myself to get optimistic (possibly masochistic,) and hope this is secretly Triple H’s retirement match, then I remember his match against the Undertaker a few Wrestlemania cards ago was supposed to be a retirement match.
And we are out…
RYTMAN’S REMARKS: Not bad, not bad at all. This show was a good build-up to Wrestlemania. Still, if you watched it you can see how little fore-thought went into developing an under-card for the show. Stuff is being thrown together and juggled around in a very last-minute manner. We’d better hope the three “big” matches can carry the show, because it doesn’t look like they’ll have a ton of support.
Welcome everyone to Monday Night RAW! It’s the 20th Anniversary of this show, which is an impressive feat for any show, let alone one that airs every single week of the year. I expect a solid show. No wait, no I don’t. There’s going to be another “Rock concert” tonight. The last one sucked ankle biting rat dog balls.
I watch 30 minutes of the show, leave for work, then watch the entire show at work whilst reviewing whatever WWE puts on my TV. And I make shit up as I go along too, because that’s what the RAW writers do. Let me entertainment you!
I’m still here. And I’m still reviewing RAW. So here we go.
I watch 30 minutes of RAW, leave for work, avoid spoilers like the plague, and then watch the entire show when I get here. That’s how ThinkSoJoE’s RAW reviews work. Also, I play by my own rules. Screw you, SmackDown review!
Welcome friends, it is I, ThinkSoJoE, returning to review the flagship show of the WWE while RYTMAN attends to some family issues. Before I get started, I’d like to send my well wishes to RYTMAN and his family in these trying times. Your job is waiting for you when you get back, bud.
I watch 30 minutes of RAW, leave for work, and avoid spoilers like the plague. Not the character BWF Radio’s Jorge played in the band Dead Before Dawn, the one that killed a bunch of people in the middle ages. Then I watch the show while I’m sitting around doing nothing else of note at work. That’s how ThinkSoJoE’s RAW reviews work.
We open with a recap of WWE champion C.M. Punk running away from Ryback on last weeks’ show, leaving his team to be decimated by Team Foley. Backstage, Miz tells Heyman he quits.
We go to the ring for a six-man tag with Sin Cara, Rey Mysterio and R-Truth against U.S. champ Antonio Cesaro and the Prime Time Players (Young/O’Neil.) Truth and the masked men win the match with a head scissors, 619, and a “little Jimmy.” During the match, Re and Cara seemed to have some legit confusion over a double team.
Lawler returns next week.
Vicki Guerro came out to talk about AJ and Cena some more. I think the crowd was chanting “QUIET!” I’m not sure. Cena came out and brought up her being GM on Smackdown while being married to Edge, and hooking up with Dolph Ziggler. He calls her something I don’t understand. We get videos of AJ in a bathrobe knocking on a door, and John in a towel opening and closing a door. Vicki demands AJ come out. AJ, on the tron, threatens to attack Vicki if she comes out, Ziggler steps in and implies AJ is a whore. Cena heads to the back. Vicki laughs manically.
Backstage; Heyman talks Wade Barrett into joining Team Punk. Barrett hints at a favor.
Hell No comes out. We get Daniel Bryan against Cody Rhodes. A brawl on the outside sets up a win for Cody. Cody grabs the mike and brags that Sandow could beat Kane. Kane grabs Sandow.
We get Kane verses Sandow. Bryan chases Cody into the ring. The ref throws them both out. Kane wins with a choke-slam.
Cole interviews referee Brian Maddox. Maddox screwed Ryback out of the title at Hell in a Cell so he could be famous. Vince comes out and says if Maddox can beat Ryback next week, Maddox will get a $1,000,000 contract. He sends Maddox out and calls out Vicki Guerro. He scares Vicki into booking Punk into a three-way defense against Ryback and John Cena.
We get Sheamus against Miz with Big Show at ringside next. Miz looks good, getting in a lot of offense and dominating the match, but it ends with a brogue kick and a three-count for Sheamus.
Backstage; Vicki comes out of Vince McMahons office and tells Dolph Ziggler he’s the new captain of Punk’s team. Punk steps in to voice his objections; Vicki tells them they’re facing Ryback and Cena in tonight’s main event.
We get a promo for FANDANGO?
Backstage; we have Sheamus; thanking Stephen Regal for all his support, and agreeing to have dinner with him.
We get a recap of Vicki’s “evidence,” against AJ, and then we watch Aksana and Eve walk to the ring.
Our next match is Layla/Kaitlin vs. Divas champion Eve and Aksana. Kaitlin pins Eve and no-one cares.
Backstage; Alberto Del Rio and Roberto Rodriguez discuss being on Team Ziggler when Rosa Mendez bumps into ADR. He smiles and they hit the ring.
WWE IC champ Kofi Kingston comes out, followed by Ricardo announcing ADR, who drives out in a $500k Aston Martin. We get a recap of last Friday’s Smackdown, where ADR cost Randy Orton a loss against Wade Barrett, and Randy responded by attacking him backstage.
Our next match is Kingston vs. Del Rio. It’s a hard fought match, with the tide going back and forth until Orton’s music hits and distracts Del Rio, allowing Kofi to get the pin, and Orton to run in and RKO Del Rio.
We get a recap of the Maddox interview and Co-Bro (Santino Morella and Zack Ryder,) come out.
We get a tag team match with Co-Bro vs. Mo-Co (Primo/Epico) w/Rosa. We get a chant for Ryder and Santino gets the pin w/the Cobra.
Next up is Wade Barrett vs. Brodus Clay. Barrett is clearly the crowd favorite, despite the “Funkadactyls,” embarrassing attempt to rally the crowd. Barrett wins with the “souvenir.”
We get footage of people in a pub for some reason, and then we get Heath Slater w/Jinder Mahal vs. Jay Uso w/Jimmy Uso. Slater wins with the “Smash Hit,” (wide swinging DDT.)
And now, our main Event
WWE heavyweight champion C.M. Punk comes out with Paul Heyman. Punk recaps his victories over Ryback and Cena, and mentions his reign has been 351 days and he is the best in the world. Ziggler comes out followed by Cena (to a hostile crowd) and Ryback.
Our main event is a tag team match, Ryback/Cena vs. Punk/Ziggler. Cena carries most of the match as the face in peril. The big finish is Cena making the tag and Ryback devastating their opponents. He tosses Ziggler out of the ring like a doll, and pins Punk with the Shell-shock. The show closes with a Cena/Ryback stare down and Ryback going “Feed Me More…Feed Me More…etc.”
Here we are, once again. Smackdown time. What type of show will we get with a kind-of-returning Jerry Lawler? Probably one involving a robot in the main event against a concussion victim? You guessed it, let’s hop to it shall we?
