I just saw a mouse run by. Seriously. That’s my intro for tonight’s SmackDown review. “I just saw a mouse run by.” Actually, I wanted to try and catch it and put it outside (I’m a humanitarian, I guess. Or I just have a soft spot for rodents, since I used to have pet rats. Hey, just like Bad News Brown when he was feuding with Jake Roberts!), but I couldn’t find him by time I bothered to get up to look. Anyways, if you guys like Michael Jackson, “This Is It” is not only a great movie, but it’s the reason I’m doing this review after SmackDown airs here in the United States instead of before like I usually do.
Ok, enough stalling. SmackDown episode number 232: “I’ll give you something to brag about.”
Batista threatened to – and nearly did – rip Rey Mysterio’s head off at Bragging Rights. The fallout, tonight on SmackDown!
Do you really wanna cross the line? Even now that Hulk Hogan is over there? Really? Well, too damned bad, that was yesterday. Tonight you don’t get to cross the line – you get to watch SmackDown!
Teddy Long is out first tonight, as Todd Grisham and Matt Striker brag about winning at Bragging Rights. Teddy Long congratulates Team SmackDown on their victory, which proves that Friday Nights are home to the superior “A” show in the WWE. Bragging Rights was a historic night, but it was a disturbing one as well, when Batista attacked Rey Mysterio. Long knows we’re waiting for an explanation from Batista, and we’ll get that later on tonight when Mysterio and Batista have a heart to heart conversation to settle their differences. That brings him to the number one contender for The Undertaker’s World Heavyweight Championship at Survivor Series…
BREAK THE WALL DOWN!
Chris Jericho carries a lot of hardware with him down to the ring – the Unified Tag Team Championship belts and the Bragging Rights trophy – the latter of which Long says is the property of SmackDown and takes from Jericho. Jericho says that the trophy belongs to him, because he’s the genius that won Bragging Rights for the SmackDown team. He didn’t do it for Long or the hypocritical sycophants, he did it for himself, proving that he’s the best in the world at what he does. For Long to give The Big Show a World Title match behind his back without consulting him was one of the most devious decisions Long has ever made. Jericho is the face of SmackDown, and most importantly, he single handedly brought SmackDown to victory and glory at Bragging Rights.
Kane walks with a purpose to the ring. “Single handed?” he asks. Kane was co-captain, if Jericho forgot, which means that the trophy and the bragging rights belong to Kane just as much as they do Jericho. Kane says he deserves a World Title match, not Big Show or Jericho. Jericho says that Kane has selective memory, because Jericho got the winning pinfall at Bragging Rights, not Kane. Besides, he’s got a spotty record against The Undertaker. He should just be thankful that because of Jericho he got his hand raised in victory. Jericho is the hero of SmackDown and all of these germ-incubators. He tells Kane to get out of his face. Kane grabs him by the throat, and Teddy Long implores him not to chokeslam Jericho. Kane lets go, and Long announces that since RAW is going to have a WWE Championship triple threat, SmackDown is going to have one for the World Heavyweight Championship. Kane and Jericho did a tremendous job representing SmackDown at Bragging Rights, but only one of them can be rewarded, so tonight, it’s Kane vs. Chris Jericho, and the winner will face The Big Show and The Undertaker for the World Heavyweight Championship at Survivor Series.
Now listen, this ain’t no make believe..
John Morrison has catchy theme music. It was stuck in my head all morning before I went to see “This Is It.”
I am perfection…
Dolph Ziggler says that for a show that has a lot to brag about, Ziggler really likes his chances tonight. Team SmackDown did their part, and tonight he’s facing the only guy on the SmackDown roster that didn’t win at Bragging Rights. Morrison says it’s fair enough, but Ziggler wasn’t at Bragging Rights, so his bragging is a little premature, which Dolph Ziggler def. John Morrison via count-out
Ziggler, along with Eve and Maria, will be on Deal or No Deal this Tuesday on MyNetwork TV. I may have to check that out, unless anybody knows anything else that’s on Tuesday nights that’s worth watching. Ziggler manages to actually dominate this match for the most part. Morrison manages to battle back, and it becomes a back and forth matchup, and a very entertaining one at that. The match spills to the outside, and Ziggler plants Morrison face first into the announce table. Ziggler gets back into the ring at 6, and Morrison remains unable to answer the count, giving Ziggler the victory.
Recap: Batista destroys Rey Mysterio. Rey asks for an explanation, later on tonight!
Teddy Long admires the Bragging Rights trophy as Mr. McMahon joins him in his office. He tells Long that if he keeps this up, he might come off of probation. CM Punk asks Long if he’s out of his mind. Big Show’s not even on the roster, and he’s got a World Heavyweight Championship shot at Survivor Series? And then there’s a match between Kane and Jericho tonight to determine who gets in to make it a triple threat? Long asks what’s wrong with that. Punk says that if it weren’t for Scott Armstrong’s shoddy officiating he’d be in the main event at Survivor Series. Mr. McMahon says he’s got it. He’ll give Punk what he wants. Punk says he’s in the match at Survivor Series. McMahon asks him how many chances he thinks he’s going to get, and tells him that’s not what he wants. What he wants, and Long should’ve come up with this, is CM Punk vs. Scott Armstrong. Subject to Long’s approval. Punk says it’s brilliant.
Beth Phoenix is from Buffalo, NY. Justin Roberts would’ve told you that, but Tony Chimel doesn’t. Her opponent is from Elmira, NY, weighs 110lbs and her name is Jenny Brooks. We know all of this, because Chimel tells us that. Matt Striker goes on to further tell us about Beth Phoenix’s amazing amateur background, and how Jenny Brooks is the only person to have beaten Phoenix in her amateur career.
Beth Phoenix def. Jenny Brooks
Remember the old WWF Superstars of Wrestling show back in the day? You know, the one where all of the big name wrestlers would beat the jobbers? Well, let’s just say that Barry Horowitz fared better in his matches than Jenny Brooks did here.
Later tonight, Cryme Tyme presents the Diva’s costume contest. Also, Rey Mysterio and Batista have a heart to heart chat.
Divide The Day, the band that does the SmackDown theme song “Let It Roll” are here. You know who else is here?
Why? Did ya fart? Vickie Guerrero is here. Tonight, she’s known as Princess Vickie Guerrero, and she introduces her Prince Charming, Eric Escobar. Without reading any spoilers or previews, I could’ve told you who his opponent is before his music even hit. Can you guess?
OH YEAH! I can slap a tornado…
Yup, Escobar is wrestling Matt Hardy. Again.
Matt Hardy def. Eric Escobar
Matt Hardy is dressed like Barney the Dinosaur for Halloween. Oh no, wait. That’s just a purple version of his usual hideous ring gear. Matt, unlike his outfit, looks pretty good in this match, until he hurts his knee coming off the top rope. Guerrero shouts to Escobar in Spanish that Hardy’s knee is injured, and he instantaneously takes over the match. It’s all Escobar until Hardy hits the Twist of Fate out of nowhere to pick up the victory.
Later tonight, Kane takes on Chris Jericho in a number one contenders match. Also, Rey Mysterio and Batista share their feelings, NEXT!
Video: Mysterio and Batista fight over who gets to pin The Undertaker, and in the end, neither of them do. Then Batista destroys Mysterio.
Mysterio comes to the ring first, dressed as a 12 year old in a Rey Mysterio mask – oh, no, wait, I’m sorry, that’s how he always looks. Mysterio tells us what we already know – he got his ass kicked by Batista. But aside from that, he’s emotionally hurt, because Batista is his bestest friend in the world. He felt angry at first, but then he realized that Batista being his family is really important. Rey gives him the benefit of the doubt, and he’s not leaving until he and Batista straighten things out. Batista enters without his pyro, and we’re ready for a heart to heart chat here on this episode of Friday Nights of our Lives.
Rey’s disappointed that Batista hurt him? He doesn’t realize how bad this could get. Who does Mysterio think he is calling Batista out. Mysterio says he’s just trying to straighten things out. Batista says he’s going to be the bigger man and give Mysterio one opportunity to walk out of his ring. Mysterio says he’s not leaving. He came out to work things out. They’ve been through so much. It was a fatal four way, was he not supposed to try? Dave should let it go. Mysterio calls him his big brother. Brothers fight all the time. What they have is going to last longer than their careers. After they finish wrestling, they’ll still be family. Is he getting through? What’s Batista thinking about? Batista says that Mysterio is thinking about what little effort it took Batista to hurt him so much. He’s wondering what he’s going to do now that he doesn’t have Batista watching his back. He’s wondering what Batista is going to do to him if he doesn’t get out of the ring right now. Rey asks if he’s serious, because apparently he didn’t learn his lesson at Bragging Rights. Mysterio says that if he’d known what it would do to their friendship, he would’ve never been in that fatal four way match. Batista says that he’s going to give Mysterio one last chance to turn around and walk out of the ring. Mysterio says no. He’s not leaving. He told Batista to do what he feels he’s got to do, but Mysterio is standing his ground. He came to straighten things out, and he’s not leaving until they do. Look at everything they’ve been through, all the times they’ve been together. Look at Eddie. Batista says “Eddie’s dead.” He’s not thinking of Eddie, or what they’ve been through, he’s thinking about himself. He drops his microphone and walks away. Mysterio looks upset as Batista smirks his way back up the ramp.
Ozzy Osbourne is hosting RAW this week, pissing off all of us who had to sit through those NASCAR dopes this past Monday in Buffalo.
Matt Hardy tries to talk some sense into Batista, telling him to not do anything he’ll regret with Rey like he did with Jeff. Batista laughs and walks away. Matt turns and starts texting (probably tweeting) when Batista comes back and slams him into a wall.
WWE Smack of the Night: Last week’s Bragging Rights re-qualifier.
Drew McIntyre is here and ready for action. Before that though, he would like to congratulate Team SmackDown for their victory at Bragging Rights. He says he never wanted to be on the team in the first place, because he’s going to make his own impact. Unfortunately for his opponent tonight, the party is over. His opponent is Finlay – who doesn’t even make it into the ring before McIntyre assaults him. McIntyre manhandles Finlay on the floor, and the referee sends him to the back, meaning that this match is not going to take place. As McIntyre leaves, officials check on Finlay.
Still to come, Kane takes on Chris Jericho, but up next, it’s the Diva’s Halloween Costume Contest.
Cryme Tyme are in the ring already and doing their boring ass routine. Great. Diva filler hosted by Cryme Tyme. Oh well, I guess I have a responsibility.
Ok, I have no idea what the hell Mickie James or Natalya are supposed to be, I think Layla is supposed to be Michael Jackson, and Michelle McCool is a devil. Shad tells us what each Diva is supposed to be. Natalya is a matador. Apparently a Canadian matador, because she’s got her wrestling boots on with the pink maple leaves on them. Shad gets to play the bull. Hooray. Layla is the Queeen of Pop and dances. Michael is spinning in his grave right now. Michelle is a devil, and she kinda flails about randomly. Mickie James is apparently supposed to be Elektra. The super hero one, not the ECW one. She um. Ah, who gives a crap. She’s the only face in the damned thing, so the fans are going to pick her anyway. The fans get to vote, and as I predicted, Mickie James won. Like she does every year. Natalya and Layla start messing with her after the contest, and Layla ends up getting clotheslined by Natalya. It comes down to Michelle and Mickie, with Michelle getting the better of things. God damn that was a waste of time. Thankfully the time change is tonight and I get this last hour of my life back.
CM Punk vs. Scott Armstrong is next. A match of the year candidate for sure.
Every time I hear that “Welcome To The World” song they play during the WrestleMania commercials, I can’t help but think of Beavis working at Burger World and saying “Welcome to the World, can I help you?”
Apparently, it’s Clobberin’ Time. That’s what CM Punk always says when he comes to the ring. Don’t believe me? It’s in the new issue of WWE Magazine with The Undertaker on the cover. Scott Armstrong doesn’t look as happy as Punk does. In fact, Todd Grisham says he looks like he’s headed to the guillotine.
CM Punk def. Scott Armstrong
Punk gets in Armstrong’s face and blames him for not being a four time World Heavyweight Champion. He says Armstrong’s a nobody, and Armstrong decks Punk, knocking him to the canvas. He doesn’t follow up though – and as a former wrestler he should know better. Punk attacks, kicking Armstrong a couple of times before dropping him with the Go 2 Sleep. He covers Armstrong with one foot and gets the pinfall.
Punk tells him that when he wakes up from his nap, he should never forget that Punk did this to him.
Up next, it’s main event time!
Next week, Matt Hardy gets to lose to Batista! Hooray!
BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!
Chris Jericho is out first for his number one contenders match with Kane. The Big Red Monster hits the ring, and we’re ready to go.
Chris Jericho def. Kane
A pretty decent match here, with Jericho focusing mostly on Kane’s lower back. He locks in the Walls of Jericho, but Kane gets to the ropes. Kane catches Jericho running in with an uppercut. Jericho catches Kane climbing the top rope, but Kane blocks the superplex, sending Jericho crashing to the canvas. He goes for the clothesline from the top, and Jericho catches Kane with a Codebreaker for the victory! Jericho is going to Survivor Series!
My Thoughts: I liked most of this show, but the Cryme Tyme segment just sucked the life right out of it. Hell, in all honesty, I skipped through most of the main event because of it. For those keeping score at home, that means that I’ve gotten over Hardy’s horrible tights, I’ve decided to see where this Batista as a heel thing goes, and Vickie Guerrero didn’t annoy me to the point of tuning out, but Cryme Tyme made me not want to finish watching the show. These guys need to go. Or at least get a gimmick refresh. That’s it for me folks, I’m out. Stay tuned for an all new Random Randomness from JT on Sunday and I’ll see you Monday for RAW!
Like this post? Subscribe to our RSS Feed today and never miss another!