Well, I was planning on reviewing the show as it aired, but outside of BoredWrestlingFan.com, I’m a busy, busy man. OK, so I wasn’t busy. I was sleeping. Anyways, I digress. I have no idea what’s supposed to be going on tonight, so let’s make some shit up. The Hart Dynasty will job to some random tag team, The Undertaker will try to send some kind of message to Shawn Michaels, something will happen with Rey Mysterio and the Straight Edge Society, and Michelle McCool, Layla, and Vickie Guerrero will annoy the piss out of wrestling fans everywhere. Oh, and Edge and Chris Jericho will likely have some kind of promo where the word “Spear” is said way too much. That sounds about right, doesn’t it? Let’s find out, shall we?
Todd Grisham and Matt Striker open with a somber tone, because they’re still in shock about what CM Punk did last week, punking out Mysterio in front of his family. Here, let’s watch it again!
Booyakah, booyakah! Whatever that means.
Mysterio is wearing an all black mask and looks miserable as he makes his way to the ring. He stands there with the microphone for like an hour before he finally says that he hasn’t had a moment of peace for the last week. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees his daughter crying and his wife and son putting the weight of the world on his shoulders, all because of CM Punk. Rey’s climbed a lot of mountains in his career. He’s taken beatings, won titles, been embarrassed and afraid, but Punk crossed a line that should never be crossed. It goes beyond the Straight Edge Society. Last week, Punk challenged him to a match at WrestleMania, and Mysterio accepts. It won’t be any match. Mysterio doesn’t just want to compete against Punk, he wants a street fight, because Punk needs to learn a lesson – you never mess with another man’s family.
CM Punk is here to save this segment. Rey’s a little bit emotional, so Punk will keep a safe distance. Rey is filled with hatred and rage right now, but that’s not how to solve his problems. Mysterio says that Punk isn’t human, he’s a monster. Rey wonders why he shouldn’t head up the ramp and give Punk a beating. Punk says that if Mysterio lays a finger on him between now and WrestleMania, there is no match at WrestleMania. Punk sees potential in Mysterio. Punk doesn’t have to close his eyes to relive Mysterio’s daughter’s birthday party, he’s got pictures. We see the pictures on the titantron as Punk describes what he sees in the pictures. In the first picture, Aaliyah has trust in her eyes as she looks at her father. In the next, she has fear, but hope that her father, the Superhero, will stop the monster. That’s not what happened though. Instead, it’s the moment that Punk realized that he could save Mysterio, if he just accepts Punk as his savior. Mysterio says that he and Punk are nothing alike. Punk says it’s because he’s straight edge, and straight edge means “I’m better than you.” If he joins the SES, he can live up to his superhero persona. Mysterio says that Punk has gone out of his mind. That will never happen. If Punk doesn’t accept his challenge for a street fight at WrestleMania, he’ll have to live for the rest of his life fighting Mysterio every day. Punk doesn’t like either option, but he’s got a third option. If he can defeat the right hand of the SES (no jokes, please), Luke Gallows, he’ll get his street fight. If he can’t, and then he loses at WrestleMania, he’ll have to accept Punk as his savior and join the Straight Edge Society. When that happens, maybe Mysterio can forget all about Aaliyah’s birthday party. Mysterio says he’ll never forget. He’ll take that image with him until the day he dies. He’ll beat Luke Gallows tonight, and he’ll make sure that Punk never forgets the beating he gives him at WrestleMania. May God have mercy on Punk’s soul.
WrestleMania XXVI: 9 days away!
The Money In The Bank briefcase is hanging high above the ring, and we’re set for tag team action involving Money In The Bank participants. RAW’s MVP makes his way out first for his team. He’ll be joining forces tonight with his former long time rival, the man who cost him Money In The Bank at WrestleMania XXIV, Fatt Lardy! Their opponents, first from RAW, The All American American, Jack Swagger. Thwagger’s partner would like to introduce himself. His name is Dolph Ziggler.
Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler def. Matt Hardy & MVP
Matt Hardy and MVP have the advantage here – you’ll remember that they were once WWE Tag Team Champions during their huge rivalry. Things aren’t looking good for the former champs as Jack Thwagger takes control over Fatt Lardy, and we go to a…
Thwagger is still beating up Lardy when we come back. Matt Striker reminds us of Edge cashing in the Money In The Bank contract against John Cena after Cena just endured the Elimination Chamber match at New Year’s Revolution a few years back. I’m paying too much attention to typing to notice that Ziggler and MVP were tagged into the match. MVP hits the Ballin’ Elbow, then Swagger gets in the ring. Hardy takes out Swagger, then in the confusion, he hits the ZigZag on MVP for the victory.
After the match, Ziggler grabs a ladder and climbs it to grab the briefcase.
Last Friday, Edge was a guest on Chris Jericho’s Highlight Reel. Still to come tonight, Chris Jericho is a guest on The Cutting Edge.
Teddy Long wanted to see Drew McIntyre. He’s impressed that McIntyre is still undefeated. Sure, he lost twice, but Mr. McMahon erased both of those. Last week, McIntyre qualified for Money In The Bank against Mr. McMahon’s hand picked opponent. Undefeated. At least, until tonight. Long was thinking about a match. He thought about people who are undefeated. Like, at WrestleMania. So tonight, Drew McIntyre will face The Undertaker.
Undertaker is a future Hall of Famer. Hey, speaking of which, join WWE for the WWE Hall of Fame the night before WrestleMania!
Team LayCool are walking backstage.
WWE Smack Of The Night: Beth Phoenix saved Tiffany from a beatdown from Michelle McCool, Layla, and Vickie Guerrero.
The WWE Women’s Champion and her little buddy are already in the ring wearing t-shirts that say “Glama-Man?” Their opponents tonight are Tiffany and Beth Phoenix.
Beth Phoenix & Tiffany def. Michelle McCool & Layla
Phoenix kicks things off with an airplane spin on Layla. Tiffany and her ridiculous outfit are tagged in, and she maintains control on Layla until McCool gets a cheap shot in on the outside. Layla tags McCool in, and Michelle dominates. She wasstes too much time between moves, and Tiffany manages to get the tag in to The Glamazon. Phoenix uses her strength, and breaks out some new moves, including a slingshot suplex. She goes for a press slam on Layla but Michelle breaks it up. McCool goes for the Faith Breaker, but Phoenix reverses it. She hits the Glam Slam on McCool and picks up the victory for her team.
Vickie Guerrero kicks Tiffany out and tells Beth that she owes her an apology. Beth says she apologized in her office earlier. Vickie says it wasn’t good enough, she has to apologize in front of everybody. Beth says she’s sorry for putting her hands on a WWE Authority figure. Vickie says it’s still not good enough. She’ll always regret the day she put her hands on Vickie. She’s The Glamazon’s superior in every way, and to prove it, next week on SmackDown it will be Beth Phoenix taking on Vickie Guerrero.
Up next, Chris Jericho is a guest on The Cutting Edge!
You can win tickets to WrestleMania in the March issue of WWE Magazine. The April issue is on newsstands now.
Kevin Rudolph is in the crowd. He’s the dude that does that song “I Made It” that is one of the official theme songs for WrestleMania.
You Think You Know Me…
Last week, Edge was a guest on the Highlight Reel. Since Edge is such a nice guy, he’s invited Jericho to be a guest on The Cutting Edge. He introduces Jericho, who comes out with his NXT rookie, Wade Barrett. Edge says that bringing Barrett was well played. That’s what it’s become, a game of chess between two master manipulators. Last week, Jericho nailed Edge with the World Championship, and on RAW, Edge got him back. Edge plans on getting the last move in this chess match, and you know what that move will be. The chants of “Spear” begin. They’re very faint, but they’re there. Jericho says it’s a mistake to boil the entire WrestleMania match down to one word. It’s much more than that, including the fact that Edge may not be 100% healed from his injury. Is Edge hoping to squeak by on luck? The sound of 70,000 hypocrites chanting “spear” won’t help Edge if he’s not physically healed. Jericho saw Edge tear his Achilles with one step. What would happen if Jericho purposely tried to tear Edge’s Achilles? David Beckham has the same injury and his career is over. Edge doesn’t know if he’s injured, and neither does Jericho. He dares Jericho to go for his checkmate. When Jericho doesn’t make a move, Edge decks him. Wade Barrett gets involved, and Jericho clips the back of his leg out from under him. Edge disposes of Jericho and hits Barrett with the spear, but turns around into a Codebreaker from Jericho, who then stomps on Edge’s injured ankle. He picks up the microphone and whispers one word – “Spear.” My girlfriend’s reaction when she saw that? “Edge’s leather Converses are awesome!”
The Hart Dynasty are already in the ring when we come back. Yup, they’ve got a shot at winning tonight. Their opponents are the number one contenders for the Unified Tag Team Championships at WrestleMania, John Morrison and R-Truth. I think I want seats on the aisle when SmackDown comes to Buffalo in May so when Truth comes to the ring, I might have a chance to yell “SHUT UP” into the microphone.
R-Truth & John Morrison def. The Hart Dynasty
The Hart Dynasty have control for a minute or so, but Truth gets the blind tag in, and hits the lie detector on Kidd to pick up the victory. Yup, just like that.
Up next, Rey Mysterio takes on Luke Gallows with WrestleMania implications.
WrestleMania Recall: Pete Rose gets Tombstoned by Kane. The first time.
Hey, speaking of WWE Hall of Famer Pete Rose, he’s the guest host for RAW this coming Monday Night.
Booyakah booyakah. I still have no idea what that means.
Rey Mysterio is a little suckup, wearing Lakers colors to the ring in Los Angeles. Luke Gallows actually has his own music now instead of using Punk’s. By the way, SummerSlam tickets go on sale tomorrow. For the second straight year, it’s in the Staples Center in Los Angeles.
Luke Gallows def. Rey Mysterio
This match is surprisingly a back and forth contest. Gallows uses his power, while Mysterio uses his speed, but when Gallows slides Mysterio out of the ring it looks like it’s all over. He slams Mysterio into the guardrail for good measure, and the referee’s count makes it to 9 before Mysterio manages to get back in. Will Mysterio be able to mount a comeback? We’ll find out – NEXT!
Gallows has Mysterio in a bear hug when we come back. I would’ve lost at the old “guess the rest hold” game, because I haven’t seen a bearhug used in years. Mysterio finally starts to fight back, rolling after a seated senton from the top rope. Mysterio manages to nail a 619. Punk distracts the referee, and Serena shoves Mysterio off of the top rope, allowing Gallows to roll him up for the victory.
Mysterio attacks Gallows after the match. Punk and Serena sit back and watch, presumably because if Punk attacks Mysterio, it gives Mysterio a valid reason to fight him, which would nullify the “no touching before WrestleMania” rule that Punk set into place. Mysterio is relentless, even with the referee and Matt Striker trying to keep him back. Mysterio finally stops, and Punk comforts Gallows.
Still to come, The Undertaker takes on Drew McIntyre.
RAW Rebound: Bret Hart reveals that he faked his injury to get Mr. McMahon to agree to a match with him.
We get a rundown of the WrestleMania card. Hey, if you guys want to get your name on BoredWrestlingFan.com, join our forums and send your ‘Mania predictions via PM to J.T. before SmackDown starts next Friday, and he’ll include them in the BWF WrestleMania Roundtable.
The Undertaker is in the house – and his pyro seems a little sparser than usual. Guess they’re playing it safe after the incident a few weeks back at the Elimination Chamber PPV. The Phenom is in action against Drew McIntyre, NEXT!
Next Friday on SmackDown, the show emanates from WWE Fan Axxess. A nine man tag featuring the MITB participants will headline, and Vickie Guerrero will face Beth Phoenix.
McIntyre makes his awesome entrance, and we’re set for our main event of the evening.
The Undertaker def. Drew McIntyre
The Phenom outsmarts McIntyre at every turn, which doesn’t say that McIntyre is dumb, but more that there’s nothing that The Undertaker hasn’t seen in this business. The Undertaker is extremely intense here, clearly trying to send a message to Shawn Michaels. A chokeslam, followed by a Tombstone, and this match is over. I think the entrances lasted longer than the match did.
The Undertaker gazes up at the WrestleMania logo and leaves. He stops at the top of the ramp, then looks back. Shawn Michaels comes out and tries for Sweet Chin Music, but The Undertaker was ready for him this year. He counters and goes for a Tombstone, but HBK gets out of it and nails Sweet Chin Music on the second attempt. He yells at The Undertaker that if he thinks he’s going to end his career that easily, he’s sadly mistaken. Michaels puts his arm up and looks back at the fallen Deadman, almost mocking him, then turns around and delivers a DX crotch chop to end the show.
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