WWE SmackDown results 7/31/09By thinksojoe · · 1 Comment
I have returned! I’m awake, home, and ready to review WWE SmackDown! The Charismatic Enigma is your new World Heavyweight Champion, so let’s get this Hardy Party started!
We start off with a recap of Jeff Hardy’s victory over CM Punk to capture the World Heavyweight Championship at Night of Champions.
We’re wasting no time in kicking off the Hardy Party, as the NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION makes his way out the the ring with his title in hand. Later on tonight, he’ll do battle with the Guru of Greatness, John Morrison. After Night of Champions, CM Punk offered a handshake to Jeff Hardy, and Hardy accepted. Hardy says that if this is a dream, don’t wake him. He’d like to thank the outcasts, rejects, freaks, and the people who stood with him through thick and thin. CM Punk said some pretty rotten things to everybody, and we all said no to his point of view. If everybody was like Punk, what a boring world it would be. He says that the only thing he’s high on is being World Heavyweight Champion. He beats to his own drum, and we have the right to choose to live the way we want. Teddy Long has granted CM Punk his rematch. Anytime he wants against whoever the champion is. Hardy puts over the talent of John Morrison. He says he doesn’t plan on his title reign being nearly as short as it was before. Hardy says it may be one of the most breathtaking, risk taking, and death defying main events in SmackDown history.
Yo yo yo yo, it’s Cryme Tyme
Cryme Tyme join in the celebration, and they’re in action, NEXT!
WWE SMACK! OF THE NIGHT: Cryme Tyme defeated The Big Show and Chris Jericho by disqualification on RAW, followed by Big Show and Shaq trying to choke each other out.
This match is for a shot at the Unified Tag Team Championships.
Cryme Tyme def. The Hart Dynasty in 8:34
Yes, I thought I’d give timekeeping a shot this week. I’m totally multitasking. I’m watching SmackDown, keeping time of the matches, eating a pizza, drinking a Diet Pepsi from a Super Big Gulp cup that has a big picture of Edge on it, and reviewing the show. Anyways, the Hart Dynasty start to work over the leg of big Shad on the outside of the ring as we head into a…
David Hart Smith continues his assault on Shad’s leg as we return. Tyson Kidd gets the tag in but is easily overpowered by Shad, who gets the tag in to JTG, who turns the momentum almost instantly to his team’s favor. Kidd hits a springboard blockbuster for a two count. JTG rolls up Kidd for a two. All hell breaks loose, and JTG hits the Shout Out for the victory!
Weeeelllllll… COME ON! It’s the Big Big Big Big Show
Chris Jericho and The Big Show have a team entrance theme now. They come out onto the ramp in nice suits. Jericho tells them to enjoy their moment, but they should know that things are going downhill from here. They’re this close to becoming WWE Tag Team Champions, but just like the rest of the failures in Baltimore tonight, they’ll fall short of their goals. Jericho points out that he and The Big Show have 40 titles between them. Shad cuts him off, and tells JTG that he’s looking at Hans Solo and Chewbacca, but he speaks Wookie. Shad then makes Wookie noises. Jericho asks if he thinks it’s a joke. JTG says that the joke was that when Shaq was around, he didn’t have too much to say, “Christina.” He calls The Big Show “fat boy,” and says that Shaq knocked him flat on his fat back. At SummerSlam, they’ll be the ones knocking The Big Show down, because they’ll be leaving with the WWE Tag Team Championships. Show says that they’re allowing Cryme Tyme to run their mouths. He and Jericho are used to being Champions. They’re used to having gold around their waists. Jericho’s a 5 time World Champion, and The Big Show is the only man to have ever held the WWE, WCW, and ECW Championships. And he’s a Giant, meaning he’s bigger and better than everybody else. Jericho tells them to enjoy their party, because at SummerSlam, the party is over.
Still to come, Rey Mysterio and Finlay take on Dolph Ziggler and Mike Knox (Knox still works here?!?)
Later on tonight it’s John Morrison taking on Jeff Hardy for the World Heavyweight Championship
Michelle McCool came out to the ring by herself and I thought for once we’d be getting a one on one Divas match, but then Justin Roberts announced that it’s a tag team match. Then Layla came out. And then Eve. And then Melina. And now it’s another multi-Diva clusterf*(#.
Eve & Melina def. Michelle McCool & Layla in 3:13
You know, TNA’s Knockouts division is just as deep as WWE’s Diva division, yet every so often, we’ll get a one on one Knockouts match on iMPACT. Every week on RAW, and every week on SmackDown, there’s a match with random teams of Divas. If it’s not that, it’s a Diva battle royal of some sort. It’s to the point where I essentially refuse to actually review these matches. In the end, it’s Melina reversing a Faith Breaker into a sunset flip powerbomb for the victory.
Josh Matthews is standing by with CM Punk. He asks if it’s true that Punk said he considers Hardy’s victory to be an upset. Punk says it was, not to take anything away from Jeff Hardy. He can’t respect anybody who lives Hardy’s lifestyle. He’s not being preachy, but he wishes everybody was straight edge. Punk says that Hardy likes to live for the moment, and he should enjoy this moment, because Punk will be taking his title back.
Dolph Ziggler is backstage with Maria, and he’s in action, NEXT!
I am perfection…
Dolph Ziggler makes his way to the ring, fresh off an impressive showing at Night of Champions where he fell just short of besting Rey Mysterio. His tag team partner is the rarely seen Mike Knox. Finlay is out first for his team, and still has Hornswoggle’s music for some reason. The Intercontinental Champion Rey Mysterio makes his way out and we’re set for another tag team match here on Friday Night SmackDown. This match is NEXT!
Rey Mysterio & Finlay def. Mike Knox & Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler and Mysterio kick things off after the longest commercial break in the history of commercial breaks (save for the breaks on MTV back when there was actually anything good on that channel). More often than not, it’s SmackDown that I’m watching when I say that sometimes you just have to sit back and enjoy a match, and thusfar, this is one of those. Knox and Ziggler work over Finlay, particularly focusing on his leg. Ziggler shows off a bit of a mean streak in this one. Meanwhile, my buddy Turtle texted me to tell me he heard Warren G’s “Regulators” at the mall, which stopped my stopwatch. Anyways, I digress. Mysterio gets the tag and takes over. Mysterio hits the 619 on Ziggler, but Knox breaks up the pin attempt. All hell, as usual, breaks loose, and Mysterio rolls up Ziggler for the victory.
Josh Matthews is standing by with John Morrison. Morrison’s got his first ever shot at the World Heavyweight Championship later tonight. Morrison agrees that they’ll create history tonight. The energy will spark a blaze across the entire WWE Universe. Tonight, JoMo is the one with nothing to lose and everything to gain, and tonight the title will come home to the Palace of Wisdom.
The Great Khali is on his way to the ring, and he’s in action – NEXT!
Charlie Haas is playing himself in this following matchup. Unfortunately from him, the big monster dude from Adam Sandler’s “The Longest Yard” will be playing his opponent.
Charlie Haas vs. The Great Khali apparently ends in a no contest
Todd Grisham points out that Khali’s hands are the size of a laptop computer. Them are some big hands. Anyways, Kane appears out of nowher, grabs Ranjin Singh and heads up the ramp, causing Khali to run after him.
Jeff Hardy and John Morrison are warming up backstage. Their match is still to come.
RAW REBOUND: Shaq was in charge this past Monday. Michael Cole assures us it was Shaqualicious.
John Morrison is out first for our main event of the evening. His opponent will be joining us, NEXT!
The World Heavyweight Champion’s music hits, and Jeff Hardy his here for his first defense!
Jeff Hardy def. John Morrison to retain the World Heavyweight Championship
I said it earlier. Sometimes it’s just so good you have to kick back and watch. Two of the most exciting high fliers in the WWE battling for a World Championship makes this instantly one of those. The first few minutes of the match does not disappoint, as we head into a…
This highly entertaining match continues after the break. Morrison goes for Starship Pain, but Hardy moves out of the way. Morrison lands on his feet but gets hit with a Whisper in the Wind for his troubles. The two continue to do battle, even making their way up to the second rope and knocking each other down to the floor on the outside of the ring, sending us to another…
They’re slugging it out like championship boxers when we come back. From here, it’s a series of counters and reversals, mixed with high octane, high impact offense. Neither man really gets a clear cut advantage. Morrison starts to build momentum, but a Moonlight Drive is reversed into a reverse suplex of sorts, followed by a Swanton Bomb, but John Morrison managed to kick out! Hardy goes for the pendulum dropkick, but Morrison boots him away. Morrison goes for Starship Pain, but Hardy gets the knees up, hits a Twist of Fate and another Swanton, picking up the victory!
CM Punk’s music hits, and Jeff Hardy’s face shows signs of annoyance. Punk applauds Morrison as he walks by, and he joins Hardy in the ring. Punk raises Hardy’s arm in victory, perhaps as a sign of respect. He applauds Hardy, and he takes a microphone. He says that over the last few weeks – and then blasts Hardy in the face with the microphone. He tosses him all around the outside of the ring, against the guardrails. He rams Hardy’s spine into the guardrail, then pounds away at the World Heavyweight Champion with fists and elbows. Punk walks away, leaving Hardy lying in a heap in front of the announce table. He runs back over to Hardy and starts throwing knees to the back of Hardy’s head before tossing him over the announce desk. Fans look stunned as trainers check on Jeff Hardy, and the former champion leaves with a smug look on his face. At the top of the ramp, Punk takes a microphone and tells everybody to tune in next week, because that’s when he’s going to take back his World Heavyweight Championship.
My thoughts: Another solid episode of SmackDown. Not too thrilled about Cryme Tyme consistently beating The Hart Dynasty, but what are you gonna do? The main event more than made up for any shortcomings on this show, of which there were very few. An extended Hardy/Morrison or Punk/Morrison feud over the World Heavyweight Championship would be great, and a nice change of pace from the usual Orton/Cena/Triple H title hunt over on RAW.
I’ve got to apologize to you guys for my lack of presence here on BWF. I founded the site and I’m the main contributor, so I should be the last person to neglect it. I’ve just been burnt out, and to be honest, I didn’t even make it all the way through SmackDown without falling asleep. Thankfully, it’s Saturday and the only wrestling on TV is on a channel I don’t get (at the moment, anyway), so I have no excuse to not get a good day’s rest (I work overnights) and be refreshed for RAW on Monday. I’ll have a ThinkSoJoE’s Thought’s this week, and if I really feel up to it, I might make an attempt at a Random Randomness in JT’s absence on Sunday. I heard from JT yesterday, he’s having a lot of fun on his vacation, and he says hello to everybody.
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I know that another heel team can't face JeriShow, but the Hart Dynasty losing to Cryme Tyme (again) is a crime against god and man. I can't watch the Divas matches either. Personally, I think that someone in power knows that, with about three exceptions, none of them are capable of a decent one-on-one match. At least the multi-Knockouts matches involve factions like The Beautiful People, or set up future matches, like Awesome Kong/Tara.
Let's all (or both, as the case may be) contribute to a special non-JT "Random Randomness" column! Since the Lord and Master of Randomness isn't here, at least two people are required to pull off his awesomeness.