We’ve got ourselves another World Heavyweight Championship match tonight as Jeff Hardy defends against former champion CM Punk. Why waste any more time with an introduction, let’s get started!
We kick things off with a recap of Jeff Hardy’s title defense against John Morrison and the subsequent attack of the former champion CM Punk.
Speaking of Punk, he makes his way to the ring, and apparently our main event is first tonight. Punk is thouroghly booed as he says that he’s tried to empathise with all of the fans’ weaknesses. He emplored everybody to just say no, but all that got him was for everybody to love Jeff Hardy more than they already did. Punk will stay the course and will keep trying to teach the difference between right and wrong. He realizes it will be difficult, but he’ll face that challenge head on, just like he did last week. (Video of Punk’s assault on Hardy from last week). Punk says everybody loves Jeff Hardy because they’re just like him. None of them have the strength to be straight edge. They gravitate towards Jeff because it’s the easy way out. They’re weak like Jeff because they can’t be strong like Punk. They boo because Punk tells the truth, and the truth sometimes hurts. For instance, their prescription pills say take one every four hours, but they gobble the pills four at a time, which is drug abuse. Punk doesn’t do that. He doesn’t smoke either, and those that do are stupid for not listening to the Surgeon General. You have to be a fool. And then there’s those funny cigarettes. It’s hazardous to your health and illegal. The vast majority of everybody in the arena are criminals. Punk is not a criminal. He never has been, and never will be. Then there’s alcohol. He says it’s the worst poison of all, because it’s a gateway drug. If you even take one drink, you’re an alcoholic to Punk. So he understands why there’s a mutual love between Hardy and the fans, because they’re all week. Punk says the world deserves better. They need somebody who will stand up and just say no. They need somebody who will carry the World Championship with pride. They need a straight edge World Champion. They need CM Punk.
Justin Roberts announces CM Punk as the challenger in our opening contest. Jeff Hardy’s music hits, and the World Heavyweight Champion makes his way to the ring. He attacks Punk as soon as he gets in the ring, causing officials and SmackDown General Manager Theodore Long to come to the ring to break them up.
It’s the boss, look busy! Mr. McMahon comes out to the stage, and he says that Teddy Long can’t control anything and that he’s on probation. Vince wants cooler heads to prevail, and since T-Lo can’t control things, Vince will find somebody who will. So tonight we’re going to have a special guest enforcer, who will be named later. Hardy lunges at Punk, and the officials hold the two of them back from each other.
Todd Grisham and Jim Ross recap what happened before the break, and the Shaman of Sexy, John Morrison makes his way to the ring for action. His opponent tonight was his opponent on Superstars last week, Tyson Kidd. I actually got to watch that match on hulu.com a couple days after it aired, and it was spectactular. I expect another match like that tonight.
John Morrison def. Tyson Kidd
This is what I like about SmackDown. The wrestling on this show is second to none when compared to WWE’s other shows or TNA’s iMPACT. Tyson Kidd takes advantage early with some interference from Natalya and David Hart Smith. Kidd is in control as we head to a…
Control the head and the body will usually follow. That’s what Kidd is doing. He’s got Morrison in a headlock when we come back from break. Morrison finally fights out. It’s back and forth action from here, very entertaining, and words wouldn’t do it justice. Kidd tries to take advantage of a distraction from the rest of the Hart Dynasty, but Morrison hits a kick to the head and the Starship Pain for the win.
Word Up: Today’s word is “Pretenda: A fake, a fraud, a wannabe. A paper champion.” Jesse steps in and says he’s not a pretenda. He says that he knows Cryme Tyme will take home the bling at SummerSlam, and he knows that JTG will take care of “Christina” Jericho tonight, but for now they better find a monitor, because Jesse’s about to “clown” somebody. Whatever that means.
Still to come, CM Punk challenges Jeff Hardy for the World Heavyweight Championship.
Charlie Haas is on his way to the ring when we come back from commercial. Jesse is now known as Slam Master J, and he’s apparently “from the ATL,” and he has new music. And cornrows. Charlie knows about cornrows too, y’know.
Slam Master J def. Charlie Haas
Somebody’s been watching Married… With Children re-runs on TBS every morning. Isn’t that right, Grand Master B? Haas is very aggressive early on in this one. Slam Master J makes a comeback, but wastes too much time playing Malibu’s Most Wanted and Haas catches him climbing the ropes. He knocks Haas back down to the canvas and hits a big splash from the top to pick up the win! Don’t be hatin’!
Up next, Dolph Ziggler, R-Truth, Mike Knox, and Finlay are in a fatal-four-way to determine who gets a shot at Rey Mysterio’s Intercontinental Championship at SummerSlam.
Rey Mysterio joins JR and Todd Grisham on commentary, and R-Truth makes his way to the ring, rapping down the aisle and not playing his stupid “Pretty Ricky” character. Finlay is out second, follwed by Mike Knox. The last one out is Dolph Ziggler. Interesting to note that Mysterio was asked about his success against bigger wrestlers, and he mentioned Kevin Nash by name.
Dolph Ziggler def. Finlay, R-Truth, and Mike Knox in a Fatal Four Way match
I hate reviewing these kind of matches. It’s not that they’re bad matches, they’re just hard to keep up with. Hell, I don’t even know what happened to lead us into…
In all honesty, I’m not really paying a lot of attention to this match. After Mysterio mentioned Kevin Nash, it threw me off a little. Why acknowledge a prominent performer from the closest thing your company has to competition, especially somebody who was so prolific a few years ago? People who don’t know what he’s been up to might say “I remember that guy” and look him up on Wikipedia and discover TNA Wrestling. Anyways, things get crazy in this one but Ziggler picks up the win when he pins Finlay.
After the match, Ziggler approaches Mysterio, but Finlay grabs him from behind, allowing Mysterio to hit a seated senton off of the announce table.
Earlier tonight, Mr. McMahon announced a special guest enforcer for tonight’s World Heavyweight Championship match.
Melina and Maria are talking in the back. Maria’s excited about being able to go to SummerSlam with Dolph Ziggler, and Melina says she’s happy for her. She then tries to warn her about Ziggler. Maria says he’s kind, sweet, funny, and wonderful outside the ring, and she thinks she deserves a good guy for once, and that’s Dolph Ziggler. Melina tells her to be careful.
Chris Jericho is making his way to the ring along with his tag team partner, The Big Show and their hack job of an entrance theme. JTG, of course, is accompanied by Shad when he makes his entrance.
JTG def. Chris Jericho
You want to know how bad Cryme Tyme sucks? The fans were actually chanting “Y2J” in this one. Yes, the fans would rather cheer the biggest heel in professional wrestling today than cheer Cryme Tyme. I actually think I heard some boos when JTG started mounting some offense. They cheered a Walls of Jericho attempt, which JTG fought out of. They cheered a Codebreaker, which Jericho tried to capitalize on by covering JTG who was half outside the ropes. When the referee refuses to count, Jericho pulls him to the center of the ring, but winds up being rolled up by JTG for the victory!
Jericho argues with the referee as Cryme Tyme celebrates their victory.
Still to come, it’s the World Heavyweight Championship on the line as Jeff Hardy defends against CM Punk.
SMACK OF THE NIGHT: Kane attacked Ranjin Singh last week, angering The Great Khali.
Speaking of The Great Khali and Ranjin Singh, they’re on their way to the ring right now! Who’s going to get their ass handed to them this week? Rally up, it’s Ricky Ortiz!
The Great Khali def. Ricky Ortiz
Well, I had a thought I wanted to make about Ricky Ortiz, but before I could even finish typing “The Great Khali def. Ricky Ortiz,” Khali picked up the win with the Punjabi Plunge.
Kane’s music hits, and he appears behind The Great Khali, who he dumps over the top rope. The Big Red Monster traps Ranjin Singh in the corner behind the announce desk, then kicks him and drags him away through the crowd by the arm.
Before the break, Kane attacked The Great Khali and pretty much kidnapped Ranjin Singh.
We’re gonna try this World Heavyweight Championship thing again folks, but first, our special enforcer…
Oh yeah! I can slap a tornado…
The special guest enforcer is the returning Matt Hardy! Matt looks like crap, but I suppose we’d all look like crap if we were recovering from the injury he’s coming back from right now. And Matt, if you’re reading this, I mean no offense by that statement, please don’t go on MySpace and blast me on your blog.
Tradition be damned as the World Heavyweight Champion makes his way out first for his title defense. Jeff approaches Matt but Matt just ignores his brother. The former World Heavyweight Champion, CM Punk hits the ring. We get Championship introductions, and we’re set for action.
Jeff Hardy def. CM Punk
This is another one of those matches where you just have to sit back and watch. Hardy went for a high risk move, but winds up being dropped to the concrete floor by Punk to send us to…
Punk is firmly in control when we come back. He maintains his offense for a while until Hardy hits a Whisper in the Wind. He hits the Pendulum dropkick for a two. He climbs the ropes, but Punk catches him, taking him over with a superplex for a two. Punk utilizes Muy Thai strikes. Hardy attempts a Twist of Fate, but winds up getting rolled up for two. The action spills to the outside. Hardy rolls Punk back in and confronts his brother again. Punk goes for a baseball slide but inadvertantly hits Matt instead. Jeff goes for a Swanton, but Punk gets his knees up. Matt Hardy pulls the referee out of the ring. Punk argues with Matt, and Jeff rolls him up, leading to a fast count from Matt to give Jeff the victory!
Punk chases Matt out of the arena, then comes back to attack Jeff. He slams Jeff’s head against the announce table, then attacks him with a steel chair. He wraps the chair around Jeff’s head and tosses him into the ringpost. EMTs come down to check on Jeff. Punk tells them to make sure he’s ok. He says to fix him so that Punk can break him again. Punk walks away, leaving Jeff Hardy to be attended to by the medical staff.
Teddy Long meets Punk up at the top of the ramp. Punk says he wants his rematch. Long says that if Jeff can defend the title at SummerSlam, Punk will get his rematch, but it will be a TLC match! Punk says he can’t do that. He tells Teddy to go check on his poster boy as the fans chant TLC. SmackDown ends with EMTs checking on the well being of Jeff Hardy.
My Thoughts: Another great episode of SmackDown. Punk is great in this role, as we here at Bored Wrestling Fan all knew he would be.
The thought I wanted to make about Ricky Ortiz is, with the rumors that Tony Atlas was quietly released from World Wrestling Entertainment, will Ricky Ortiz go back to being known as Atlas Ortiz?
I swear if Jesse, or Slam Master J as he’s going by now, finishes a promo with “don’t be hatin!,” he’ll be my new favorite wrestler. Only because I love the movie “Malibu’s Most Wanted.”
I got nothing else, other than that I’m looking forward to the SmackDown main event at SummerSlam. Punk is great in ladder matches, and we all know Hardy’s reputation when it comes to them. It’s going to be interesting to see where things go with Matt Hardy from here.
That’s it for now folks, see you soon!
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