Hot off the heels of Sunday’s Destination X PPV, Impact Wrestling is set to follow up with something dubbed “A Midsummer’s Nightmare,” or so we’ve been told by Heath Farley last week. For those of you that have already read spoilers… well… let’s just get to this.
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Normally AlyKat would be doing her VERY excellent coverage of Monday Night Raw. But due to circumstances beyond her control, you have an opportunity to hear a much different perspective of the night from me. Just think of this as “A Ruff Look at Raw.”

Tonight I will try the live blogging again. I can’t remember the last time I anticipated a Raw this much. There aren’t any gimmicks behind this one; there is just a Raw I want to see really badly tonight. Let’s be honest. Last week was phoned in. This is going to be the true test. Do we get Punk unleashed? Might we even get Cena or Vince unleashed? (Hey, you can’t blame a guy for dreaming.) Are we on the brink of a glory period of wrestling? Rather than a “Golden Age of Wrestling,” we have an “Adamantium Age of Wrestling?”(Better than Gold or Platinum)

We have some questions to answer. Will we see Zack Ryder again? Will Alberto del Rio tell us it’s his destiny to be champion or something? How is Riley doing after Miz’ beatdown? What of the Nexus? And what about this potentially explosively legendary epic moment between Mr. McMahon, John Cena & CM Punk?

The WWE has announced Punk leads off the night with a live mic. This is either going to be “The Promo” or the infamous Matt Hardy promo where he killed his career in 5 minutes. The skinny young Bill Cowher walked to the ring with a megaphone. (Ring of Honor chant #1) Punk cut a great promo about how he has made the WWE relevant. And then John Cena comes out to a surprising pop. The two have a confrontation. This is still all about the match, not Tony Schiavone shooting on Mike Tenay.

John Cena vs. David Otunga & Michael McGillicuddy

God, are you mad at me? Maybe this is a reminder that the WWE has not gone a total 180 and is still a work-in-progress. I’d love to go on the details of this match. But it’s just the last 5 John Cena handicap squash matches. Again. I hate handicap matches. Unless it’s The Giant vs. Pez Whatley & The Gambler. No single person should ever pin the tag team champions cleanly. Can’t we give him Hacksaw Jim Duggan or something? As much as I hate to say this, it was not a bad match. I just hated the premise. It could have been worse. I could have been watching a Keith Stone commercial.

One of the biggest signs that something big was happening during Raw-Twitter crashed. (And something called a Home Run Derby) Dolph and Vickie are talking about the US Title. Drew McIntyre and Vickie both mock “The Boss.” And the Boss showed up. He books them in a handicap match against Big Show. So Vince is a face? And then Scott Stanford asks Vince what the rest of the world thinks or something. Vince tells “the rest of the world” they can go to Hell. So Vince is a heel now? He turns faster than the Acolytes/APA.

We come back from commercial and Melina is back in the ring. We didn’t get to watch her entrance?

Kelly Kelly vs Melina

The Bellas did commentary. I think that is the worst plague to be unleashed on Earth since Glenn Close on the 4th season of The Shield. Kelly finished Melina quicker than Goldberg finished Rick Fuller. And then the Bellas mocked Kelly for being too skinny. So Kharma was too fat? And now Kelly is too skinny? Make up your mind, Bellas. I don’t like the Bellas being in the anti-bullying ad. Are they characters or not? Too many blurry lines.

When we come back from break, Miz climbs on top of the latter and cuts a great promo. And of course he gets interrupted by Jack Swagger. And then Evan Bourne interferes. And then Kofi comes out and we see pyro (I squee). Then we get R-Truth. He is an Acrophobe (me too) and an Arachnophobe. And then Alex Riley runs out. And then we get Alberto del Rio. Then the Anonymous Raw GM makes a match.

We got to see Big Show and Bruce Campbell together in the same segment. Pure awesomeness. Too bad it was for Burn Notice.

The 6-man was hard to keep track of. It got to help further the PPV. This is what they call a go-home show. And they definitely went home. Alex Riley got the pin, so it looks like they are committed to strapping a rocket to Alex Riley. I sure hope he’s ready for it. And Alberto del Rio got to stand in the middle of the ring like he was going to win. That means he will not win.

Big Show vs. Drew McIntyre & Dolph Ziggler

My iPod froze during this match so I spent my focus on resetting it. This is exactly what a handicap match should be. Neither wrestler lost anything. Mark Henry came out and took Big Show through a table. It was a pretty good visual. I love this deadly Mark Henry.

Vince and Punk did their showdown. While Vince sat at the table, Punk paced around the ring with a microphone. Vince called CM Punk by his first name. No wonder Phil goes by “CM Punk.” Punk went over the provisions of his contract. 1. He gets to push Vince. 2. He wants to be WWE Ice Cream Bars. 3. He wants to be in Chaperone II. 4. He wants the Wrestlemania Main Event. 5. He wants Vince to apologize for suspending him. After much prodding (that included Colt Cabana & Luke Gallows), we had this:

“I apologize, you son of a bitch.”

-Vincent Kennedy McMahon

Then Cena came out to the ring. Before his music hit, we had “Colt Cabana” chants. (WTF? Was that real?) Cena regressed into 5th grader Johnny. But there were some moments where Cena would turn into sober, serious John. Punk called Cena the New York Yankees. (Oh, no he didn’t.)

I’m trying to think of what I liked and didn’t like about this Raw. I really liked the WWE’s focus. They needed to push a pay-per-view, and that is exactly what they did. The matches were sub-par. The promos were really good. I am feeling sold on the pay-per-view and I don’t know how this is supposed to end. I’m very intrigued.

The six sided ring has returned, along with Tenay and Borash on the announce team.  Instead of doing a match by match review I would like to point out what worked (for me) what was okay and what didn’t.

First what did work.

The match of the night. Bar none. The contract signing 4 way. Watching these men rip each other apart for a chance at a iMPACT wrestling contract was amazing, it went so fast and so furiously with all the near falls and counters that I felt that my brain melted from all the excitement. And you know its good when the crowd is hyped. The feeling was a warm one to say the least. Even the interviews leading up to the match throughout the show got me hyped. Seeing snippets of their personalities against the interviewer So Cal Val was just icing on the cake. When it was all over and the winner was announced I know along with the audience that Impact should of signed all four competitors.

Winner Austin Aries.

The Ultimate X: Number #1 contenders match.

With the Motor city Machine Guns and Ink Inc on the shelves for the time being, we have both Shannon Moore and Alex Shelley going solo for a chance at the X division championship. The other two contenders Amazing Red and (sigh) Robbie E also came in to make an almost well rounded match. Innovative on the part of Shannon Moore toward the end on finding a way to reach the X. Amazing Red pulled a sick spot where he was tossed out the ring, corkscrewing onto Moore and Shelley on the outside. Even though I will mention him in the bad category, Robbie E pulled some decent maneuvers to keep the others away from the prize. Nothing fancy but it was better than his match against Kaz and Gen Me. But in the end Alex Shelley fulfilled his dream and won. This of course lead to Chris Sabin walking out to congratulate him to applause from the crowd.

winner Alex Shelley

*The return of Shark Boy

*Brian Kendrick winning the X championship

*Cameos by Curry Man and Suicide

Now time for the okay.

AJ Styles vs Daniels/ Jerry Lynn vs RVD

I know some fans may argue but sorry these matches reminded me of Jarrett vs Angle at Slammiversary, their earlier matches were ten times better and it just seemed to planned out ring wise. Everything seemed to paint by numbers I’m trying to say. Especially when you look at RVD vs Lynn, its as if they watched videos of their earlier ECW bouts and paste and copied it into their match. All that was missing was Bill Alphonso and a Philadelphia arena. As for the Daniels/Styles match it just seemed to plodding and not innovative enough to best their earlier encounters, specifically the Iron man match. For Nostalgia purposes and to help the buy rate of the PPV this just seemed forced and lackluster.

winner Styles/RVD

Kazarian vs Samoa Joe

This match seemed good on paper with the hopes of seeing past moves/finishers I was cheated out of the Reverse Flux Compassitor?! Joe put on some good spots with the suicide dive but everything was on his end was expected. Kaz who should of brought it for me to be convinced just seemed to do average work which resulted in a lame roll up pin after reversing the Samoan chokeout. Even the fans were chanting B.S. It was short and felt rushed.

winner Kaz

Now comes the bad. And boy was it bad.

Douglas Williams vs Matt Haskins (who?)

This was so out of place it was sickening watching Williams trying to hype up Haskins as a fellow Brit to which the crowd chanted (Who are You) was hysterically bad. The kid was nervous albeit he had some good spots but it didn’t excuse his slip up on the turnbuckle delaying the finish. This was essentially a dark match inserted into the PPV. No one cared to see it and the finish which came after the Kaz vs Joe match was an insult. Another roll up pin following a botched finisher?

winner Douglas Williams

Generation Me vs Shark boy/Eric Young

Shark Boy’s return aside everyone could tell that due to the sidelining of MCMG this was just thrown together to give Gen Me an opponent. Failed opportunities all around. EY was still EY even though he did put his talented all in the ring. Gen Me shown brightly even though every time I watched the match (excitement of Shark Boy withstanding) I really wanted to see a rematch with the Guns. In the end EY and Shark Boy win with a double chummer/wheelbarrow.

winner EY and Shark boy

Oh wait I forgot, why is Eric Young looking like a rip off of Ring of Honor gimmick wrestler Grizzly Redwood? Championship beard my ass. I just thought about it why not just have the television title defended where Eric Young took on Douglas Williams saving us sans Shark Boy of two unnecessary matches?

The over booking of the Kendrick vs Abyss Championship match.

I knew something was up when this match preempted the Styles/Daniels. Again like Slammiversary when the championship match is before a non title match you know overbooking is looming. That aside the match was the definition of ignominious, Kendrick bounced around off Abyss like a bird hitting a sliding glass door. And when the match finally went from degrading to interesting what happens, a ref bump! And who should come out but Eric Bischoff. The man who the spotlight can never dodge, even Hogan missed it. One dress down later, Kendrick blasts Bischoff only to be attacked by Immortal, who are then attacked by the X division roster, Immortal after clearing the ring go to finish Kendrick only to be met with more X division wrestlers making them clear the ring. Then I’m treated to a repeat of the notoriously horrid Knockouts tag match finish from Victory Road where Rosita some how sat on Winter and held her down for 3 count. We see again this time with Kendrick playing the part of Rosita with Abyss as Winter just lying there while a little man pins him. This chimerical display of booking took me completely out of the match. Follow that with carnations? roses? falling from the rafters was the movie equivalent of a sappy teen romance ending.

winner Brian Kendrick

*Robbie E needs to stop selling like he’s having an epileptic seizure. It was distracting and you could even tell Amazing Red was bothered by it when he looked at him with a “are you serious” look after dropping him with a kick.

There is no scintilla of a doubt that the X division will continue, with the additions of Haskins,Aries and Shelley now the number one contender we should see where this botched opportunity leads iMPACT Wrestling. Hopefully this is the sign that Dixie and Co have plans to furnish the Division with well rounded competitors who will wow us with their personalities and dare I say mic skills non gimmicky talk withstanding-looking at you, Kendrick-But we will have to wait. Until then I have to say Destination X was a “C” effort at best and C- at worst. Just average. Considering all the misused talent we could of seen better.

*And the commentary was average, we needed Don West. West and Tenay would have elevated this to a B. Just saying.

I apologize for no article this week but I overbooked myself and was way too busy to give you all one.  I will be back next week.

I would have included this in my rant yesterday but I thought it would be distracting since it deals with another topic. My disappointment with the Knockout Division has caused me to latch onto the fan fiction booking bandwagon with TKO by FK9, that is how bad its become. Within the last year we have been subjected to first Madison Rayne, who for some reason was the longest reigning knockout title holder, hence her last name Rayne, I guess. I thought it stood for “raining down mediocrity for fan consumption”.

Well before I go off on a tangent I first have to remind folks how during her title run leading to the hand off to Mickie James, they (booking team) attempted to amp up her heel heat by having her defeat former Knockouts like Roxxi, ODB and Alissa Flash  by the way was very painful  to watch . Now iMPACT is going back to the well with Jackie Moore and (glutton for punishment (paycheck) ODB.

These past few weeks have watched the veteran Jackie Moore be taken to school by former wet dream turned “runt of the litter”. Why? For someone who  once had an illustrious career taking on the likes of Trish Stratus, Gail Kim,Victoria (now Tara),Lita, Molly Holly and Ivory been reduced to jobbing to a glamorized valet? She must really be in dire straights to take a paycheck from a company that now expects her to put over “limited sky”, and her now face turn since her former more talented partner is now a talking Zombie with lesbian ambition. I understand that the wrestling business is all about the money and never leaving the spot light if one can help it but how much did it cost iMPACT wrestling to buy Jackie’s self respect? $400? $600? maybe (doubtful) $800 an appearance? How much does self respect go for now a days?

I guess we will never know. But then that leads to the inclusion of ODB, and her return yet again to take an ass whooping for pay. I guess someone has to pay the rent at her brother’s place. Earlier last year when she left the company with her rant talent usage and the influx of ideas from the Hogan regime I so thought we would never see her again in the company, maybe Vince’s company or even ROH but never iMPACT. And then 2011 happened and we watched three entertaining dedicated women come in to job to -Mundane Rayne- with Alissa Flash getting the worst of it since there was no actual wrestling but an attack from behind which lead to a minute match, watching Melissa Anderson walk away during the ensuing chaos with a look of irritation on her face was the final nail in the coffin of the former regimes Knockouts lead by Dutch Mantel and co.

I guess what they say about wrestling is true it filled with egotists, ass kissers and genuine talent that due to not playing ball, get sent home. What really works my nerves is that what we have in front of us are what iMPACT wrestling has planned for us for the foreseeable future. Which could mean pretty soon we will have all the “talent” wrestling on Xplosion similar to the the talented divas on WWE Superstars. No going out with a bang but with a whimper that will barely register.

Well not to be a spoil sport, I want to congratulate Rayne, Sky, Tessmacher for being in the right place and right positions to keep the jobs they have and helping decimate a once landmark division which promoted diversity, talent and showmanship that will never come back. Also a special mention to Hogan,Bischoff, Russo and Dixie you made us care then you took it all away in under a year, to leave a disappointed fan boy with no desire to watch a full episode of iMPACT; without shedding a tear for what could of been.

[King Leonidas voice/] This – is – “Smackdown!”

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So we finally know the final four going into Destination X, Austin Aries vs Zima Ion vs Lowki vs Jack Evans. Liking the pedigree of this match and what could be had. Also we have the following matches to look forward to..

Douglas Williams open challenge

Ultimate X number one contenders match Shelley vs Moore vs Robbie E vs Red

Jerry Lynn vs RVD

Samoa Joe vs Kazarian

Styles vs Daniels and

Abyss (c) vs Kendrick

From looking at this the pay per view looks good not great but good. The 35 dollar price tag considering that there isn’t any build up and it seems that this event was thrown together from the last month with really no build up (outside of the nostalgia matches and the contract four way) and that includes the Abyss championship reign against Kendrick considering he’s dominated Brian time and time again. But we have what we have.  For all purposes this seems more like a specialty PPV booking on nostalgia and just moving the belt onto (maybe) another person and to feud with whoever wins the Ultimate X match (here’s hoping for Shelley, who is long over due).

I want to believe that the recent interview with Brian Kendrick is a work and him not shooting on the situation over in Dixieland. Where the buy rates of this PPV will determine whether or not the division is retired and the belt is merged ROH style with the World title, we really need this to work as fans of the product. We really don’t want to see a company who takes everything that made it different and unique, from the ring to the more beefed up divisions (Knockouts,X and Tag teams) and watch it become a mirror of Vince’s wrestling philosophy.

What philosophy? you may ask?

McMahon teaches that cruiser-weights are too dangerous and costly to have. So simply merge them in with the heavyweights in the hopes that like Rey Mysterio, Eddie Guerrero, Chris Jericho and Benoit they persevere and eventually win the title.

Women do not make good wrestlers. Their job during the Attitude Era where to entice, and shock with their sexuality not there wrestling moves. And in a friendlier environment they are there to give fans a chance for a bathroom break.

And finally the TAG TEAM Division is dead. Essentially the only purpose of a tag team is to find the marketable wrestler of the two and jettison the other when the time is right. Making the belts set pieces to be worn at random.

That also brings to mind the Ultimate X match for the number one contender ship, we have a deserving man Shelley taking on Shannon Moore, Amazing Red and the so out of place Robbie E. Why is Robbie E and not Max or Jeremy Buck part of the match? to me if TNA wants to use Robbie put him against Eric Young. Those two fighting over the television belt only makes sense, they have talent but are mired in comedy jobber ville.  Let me take you folks back to a time when WCW had their Television title champion the Disco Inferno defending his belt against Alex Wright, the German dancer, both men were humor material at best when first brought in but bonded with fans and put on some good matches even when the booking required dance offs and forced tag matches, we still saw them go one on one with each other over the belt and the fans were behind it. Put Robbie against Young, so we could finally have the belt defended without watching Young bounce from one humorless situation after another (besides the Wayne Arnold confrontation). Give us the Bucks, or even OKada, Kiyoshi someone who can actually wrestle that style to build to a feud worth watching.

If the X division falls we know the knockouts and tag team is not far behind. It usually works like dominoes one falling after the other. So here is to Sunday (day before my birth) and the return of the X division in all its splendor and its hopeful place in iMPACT for years to come. Where it deserves to be.

Back on Thursdays, is this G here. Yep, another week of craziness bookended by a long weekend up North and down South… which included all the drama of the NHL free agent frenzy. But you don’t care about holidays or hockey, no valued reader. You want to know what happened over in Orlando… and who Sting will emulate, tonight? Hell, I’ll even toss the Power Poll at the end for you!

It is the go-home show before this Sunday’s Destination X PPV.

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I’m taking this far too seriously these days. I actually have notes written in front of me as I type this. I never needed notes before, maybe it’s my old age getting to me, or maybe.. just maybe.. I want to produce something that is actually readable, and that makes sense. Although, it will probably make as much sense as LeBron James winning an NBA title..

CUE THE OPENING

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