I did a live Raw blog last night. I’m not sure how it was received or if anybody thought it was nice. Looking over Raw I wanted to point out some things I really liked.

1. John Cena. I liked this John Cena. Let’s be honest. John Cena is not going to be Ric Flair or The Rock or Macho Man. He is a charismatic larger-than-life star, but he’s not on the level of some of those great talkers. I won’t say that he never will be, but right now he’s built like the Pied Piper of Hamlin leading the kids away. He has recently sounded like he was trying to get all the other kids to gang up on Little Jimmy (See what I did there?) in the schoolyard. But last night he was different. He seemed honest, transparent, self-depricating. He championed free speech. He sounded like John the guy you would find in the bar, rather than Captain Kangaroo gathering up the rest of the Children of the Corn.

2. Sgt. Slaughter. I enjoyed seeing Sgt. Slaughter last night. Done that way, it was perfect. We got to see our legend, our villain got to crush our hero and then a new hero came out to save the old one. I was going to rip them a new one, but it was fun and it gave Swagger and Bourne a nice rub.

3. Vicky/Lawler. I preferred Jerry Lawler calling Vicky an “old bag” rather than fat. Vicky has worked really hard to lose a lot of weight. Matter of fact, I think she looks a lot better than Lawler. It’s one thing for the Bellas to bully Kharma. They’re heels. It’s another thing for a babyface commentator to make fun of somebody for being fat, especially when they make David Otunga’s soulmate look like an underachiever (Jennifer Hudson reference).

4. Commentary. The commentary was very good last night. Jerry Lawler told us what “Rey Misterio” means, like he was Jim Ross or WCW Mike Tenay. The commentators were summarizing Miz’ losing streak. Michael Cole was fine in his heel role. Commentators should not be involved in matches because they spend all their time putting over their own storylines other than what is going on in the ring (and outside of it).

5. Questions. Raw answered some questions. But it also left a lot of questions unanswered, but in a good way. What will CM Punk say the next time he gets a mic? Why did Zack Ryder come out at the end of the tag match? Since Alberto del Rio won the triple threat, what does he get? Can Dolph beat Kofi alone? How will Riley react with Miz’ beatdown.

To follow me on Twitter, click here. For Facebook, click here.

For my site, click here.

Ladies and gentlemen, I exist!!  I missed you all so much, and I wanna say thanks to the boss man, ThinkSoJoE and Gee, both of which have covered for me a lot lately.  I appreciate it.  Unfortunately, my situation’s a bit of a bitchy one.  I may not be able to cover RAW for you all on a weekly basis.  It turns out that I only get my schedule Friday or Saturday nights, and it only covers a week.  I never know if I’m working Monday nights during RAW or not.  So, I may end up just being a guest reviewer again.  I’m sorry!! But, I’ll cover it as long as I’m able!

Anyway, enough of that.  Happy Fourth of July everyone!  I hope you enjoy it, and I hear fireworks going off now, but I’m ignoring them for the first time in my LIFE to write the RAW Review for you all, since I have been unable to do so for a while.  Also, I don’t know what’s been going on.  I know Punk got suspended/fired/fed the fuck up, but that’s all I know.  Also, thanks to WWE’s FaceBook page, I know that we’ll have a Triple Threat Match between R-Truth, Alberto Del Rio and Rey Mysterio to see who will face John Cena at Money in the Bank for the WWE Championship!  OH GOODIE!

<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last Monday was RAW Roulette! R-Truth vs John Cena in a Tables Match, where R-Truth wins, due to a distraction by CM Punk. Oh, yeah, and CM Punk says some stuff about Cena and the WWE and Vince McMahon.>

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR TABLES HURT ME!

John Cena makes his way to the ring with considerably less pomp and circumstance than normal.  He looks unhappy…  Wonder why.  Cena says that there’s major unrest in the WWE Universe.  Apparently, Punk said some things that didn’t quite mesh too well with the brass in the WWE.  So much so that because of his recent outburst, the WWE has suspended him indefinitely.  What that means Is he’s also stripped of his right to compete in his last match in his hometown to face John for the WWE Championship.  The WWE has thrown together a Triple Threat match to find a replacement Number One Contender.  As for CM Punk, we are just supposed to sweep him under the rug, ignore his accomplishments, outbursts, legacy, and pretend he never existed.  John’s never seen eye-to-eye with Punk and he has a voice, and he’s weighing in on the WWE’s decision, and he says it sucks.  Punk and John don’t agree on everything, especially Punk’s concept of loyalty to the WWE brand.  But Punk has been suspended for speaking his mind, telling everyone how he feels?  John knows exactly it’s a PG show and knows what he can and cannot say, but John found nothing wrong with it, despite not agreeing with it.  His question to us, the WWE Universe, is where does this stop?  Where does the WWE stop?  There was an incident where Daniel Bryan was fired for being too aggressive.  There’s speculation that WWE can confiscate signs we make.  And Punk has been suspended indefinitely for speaking his mind?  The audience is chanting First Amendment.  John looks like the Kool-Aid Man in jorts.  Does the audience have to act a certain way?  Cena says that the program is bigger than emails back and forth, so there will be no more back and forth with an anonymous GM during his tirade.  Cena was answers from Mr. McMahon.  Vince is on his way tonight and promises to be in the building.  And when Vince gets there, they’re going to talk it out in the ring, not backstage.  And Vince has some ‘splainin to do.  More importantly, we will hear first hand from our WWE Champion that he wants to face CM Punk at Money in the Bank.

Oh, God.  Next up, the fakey-Champ, Kelly Kelly and Eve are facing the whores.  Just saying.

<COMMERCIAL>

@KeepItFiveStar “I called Vince McMahon earlier today. He is on speed dial. I have him #6 He’s in my group known as AC/DC buddies” – John Cena

@ThingsColeSays OMG, Cena’s not running to the ring! He must be SUPER CEREAL.

@HitTheRopes Haven’t read the spoilers but I’ll assume the Divas match ends under 2 minutes. #WWE

@Niki_Sushi I don’t know ’bout y’all, but I refuse to Chris Benoit @CMPunk. #BWF #RAW #ImSuspended

@KeepItFiveStar Kelly Kelly has moved on from Justin Gabriel with the new man in her life, Eve Torres.

Hey, look! The Miz finally gave up the Money in the Bank briefcase!

The Bella Twins vs. Diva’s Champion Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres

… Don’t get me wrong, okay.  I believe that women can wrestle very well.  I just don’t believe these women (and Eve) can wrestle well.  That’s all.

Anyway.  I’m sure there was a match, but I was trying to develop X-Ray vision to see through the house behind me to see the fireworks.  It didn’t work.

Divas Champion Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres win via pinfall.

Hey, Andy won WWE Tough Enough.  Whoever that was.

<VIDEO PACKAGE: WWE Tough Enough Winner, Andy.>

R-Truth is on the phone with Flo, from Progressive about getting him some insurance.  Scott Stanford interrupts and says that he wants Truth’s thoughts on the Triple Threat match and getting another chance against Cena.  Truth says he should be rewarded a title match, not having to compete in the Triple Threat match.  A conspiracy.  The good news is he saved 15% by switching over to Geico on his car insurance (…).  The bad news, someone’s gonna get got.  He turns around to see Alberto del Rio and then says “First Little Jimmy, now Senor Jimmy?!”  Rio says it’s all about destiny, and his destiny is to become the new WWE Champion, but… Truth already knows that.

<COMMERCIAL>

@HitTheRopes Truth is talking to Flo? Is it Aunt Flo? Is Truth on the rag? #WWE

@CMPunkSays OK, he was just talking to the Progressive lady, and now he plugs GEICO? They have no idea what they’re talking about, do they? #WWE

@KeepItFiveStar You see what had happen was Kelly Kelly & her Sindel screaming popped the Bellas eardrums. She took advantage and got the win. She cheated

@KeepItFiveStar Kelly Kelly with her Bugs Bunny style of sexual harassment offense

@kickoutblog Eve’s rump-shaking moonsault is as bad as Victoria’s. #SheAintALadyToMessWit

@seraphalexiel Random: I remember the time when Brie went to Maria to make her two of the exact same wrestling gear when they didn’t admit Nikki existed

@ULTIMATEMARKOUT YOU CAN LOOK BUT YOU CAN’T WRESTLE

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs. WWE Tag Team Champions David Otunga and Michael McGuillicutty

I’m mad they came out to CM Punk’s music.  Put it back to that “We Are One” bullshit.  THAT’S RIGHT! PUT IT BACK!  Hey, wait.  Otunga, this is your chance to take that shit over!  Oh, wait, you suck.

Otunga and Marella start it out with Otunga pushing Santino back and Santino tells him to try it again.  Otunga does it again and Santino fakes a kick to Otunga, who returns by dropping Santino to the ground painfully.  Otunga Whips Santino, who jumps over Otunga and goes for the Cobra.  Otunga runs out of the ring, however, and then climbs back in, tagging in McGuillicutty.  McGuillicutty kicks Santino, then drops him to the ground.  McGuillicutty stands him up, and Santino punches him before dropping him and smacking his head against the turnbuckle.  Kozlov gets tagged in and goes for a quick cover, but McGuillicutty kicks out.  Kozlov drives some hard shoulders into McGuillicutty, then tags in Santino.  Santino is then thrown into McGuillicutty’s torso and goes for a cover.  It doesn’t work and he tags in Kozlov, who dominates McGuillicutty, dropping him onto the top ropes.  Kozlov goes to throw McGuillicutty, but Otunga distracts him and McGuillicutty takes advantage, quickly tagging in Otunga, both of them double-teaming Kozlov.  Otunga kicks Kozlov in the head and then goes for a cover, but Kozlov kicks out.  Santino starts a Kozlov chant and Kozlov starts to fight back, but Otunga stops him and tags in McGuillicutty.  The two try to suplex him, but Kozlov double suplexes them instead and tags in Santino, who blocks McGuillicutty’s hit and then hits him back, avoiding both of them trying to get him with a split.  Santino dive-head butts McGuillicutty, and then sets up the Cobra, but has to hit Otunga with it.  McGuillicutty takes advantage and hits Santino with a swinging neckbreaker for the win.

WWE Tag Team Champions David Otunga and Michael McGuillicutty win via pinfall.

OOOH RADIO, TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!

OMFG IT’S ZACK!

“Woo woo woo.  You know it.”

That’s it.  I think that he’s definitely throwing down a challenge, and no one’s smart enough to get it.

Money in the Bank ladder match participants: Swagger, Kofi, Rey, Evan, Truth, Rio, Riley, Miz.  (unless Truth, Rey, or Rio win tonight).

Coming up tonight, Alex Riley will face The Miz again, one on one.

<COMMERCIAL>

@dasharpshooters David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty cannot use CM Punk’s theme. Thats like JTG using Shawn Michaels’ music. #wwe #raw

@KeepItFiveStar ZACK RYDER!!!!

@CMPunkSays RYDER RYDER RYDER #WWE

@JRosz78 Oh SHIT Ryder on my tv!!!!!!!

@kickoutblog Webgasm on the way. Zack Ryder is here.

@Niki_Sushi Twitter just blew up. #BWF #RAW #RyderRevolution

!HitTheRopes Holy hell @ZackRyder just made a Raw moment. Don’t know what that moment is but it’s a moment. #WWE

@redsandman99 Zack Ryder appears and 99% of my timeline jizzed themselves.

Vince still has to come out and answer us.

Scott Stanford tells Miz he’s never beat Riley and tonight, are we going to see something new?  Miz says that CM Punk has been suspended so there’s another golden opportunity to be WWE Champion, but he wasn’t picked because of Alex Riley.  Riley’s a nuisance who sent him off course.  Miz could have kicked him to the curb a long time ago, but Miz gave him an opportunity, one that he abused.  Miz brought him into the WWE, and he will take him out tonight.  It all ends tonight.  Because he’s the Miz, and he’s awesome.

Evan and Sgt. Slaughter are backstage, and Evan says that they’re lucky to have him out here tonight.  Sgt. Slaughter says that he’s happy to be there to lead everyone in the Pledge of Allegiance.  Swagger says that Slaughter was around when the country got their independence, and Swagger should lead the WWE Universe in the Pledge.  Slaughter says that everyone makes mistake: him, Evan, Jack’s parents by not using birth control.  Swagger says Slaughter should make a mistake by getting in the ring with Swagger.

Now we see “earlier tonight” that McMahon’s jet has landed.

Later tonight, a Triple Threat match with Truth vs Rey vs Alberto.

<COMMERCIAL>

@Niki_Sushi DAMMIT @WWEUniverse! YOU SHOULD’VE WARNED ME ABOUT EVAN! I JUST SQUEE’D MYSELF! #BWF #RAW

@CMPunkSays Someone call GLAAD! Oh wait, he said “maggot.” False alarm. #WWE #Raw

<VIDEO PACKAGE: Wrestlemania XXVI, Jack Swagger wins the Money in the Bank Ladder Match and then wins the World Heavyweight Championship.>

Jack Swagger vs. Sgt. Slaughter

Slaughter and Swagger lock up, then Swagger breaks it with a knee to Slaughter’s gut.  He then backs Slaughter into a corner and Slaughter starts fighting back, delivering hard hits to Swagger’s chest.  Slaughter starts to Whip Swagger, but Swagger counters.  Slaughter locks in the Cobra Clutch, but Swagger manages to fight out.  Swagger bounces off the ropes to belly-flop on Slaughter and goes for the cover.

Jack Swagger wins via pinfall.

Swagger then locks in the ankle lock on Slaughter, only for Evan to come out.  @Niki_Sushi just lost her mind.  Evan chases Swagger out of the ring and talks to the ref to help Slaughter out, and keeps an eye on Swagger as well, who seems to have injured his pride pretty deeply.  Evan gets a microphone for Slaughter, and Slaughter starts the Pledge of Allegiance.

Up next, the Triple Threat Number One Contender match.

<COMMERCIAL>

@Niki_Sushi Guess the Sarge’s chin just wasn’t into the match.. #BWF #RAW

@CMPunkSays EVAN BOURNE IS AMERICA, AND SO CAN YOU #WWE #Raw

@kickoutblog I was really hoping Sarge would’ve turned on Bourne there and formed an All-American alliance with Jackie Swaggs.

<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last Week, Mark Henry rips the door off the hinges and slams Big Show right through the wall of a steel cage.  Kool Aid Man gone loco.>

Alberto del Rio vs R-Truth (and his lame intro) vs Rey Mysterio

1)      Where the FUCK is Ricardo Rodriguez?  Wait, I’m sure I actually missed this in the past few weeks.  Nevermind.

2)      GET SOME GODDAMN THEME MUSIC, R-TRUTH!  The overwhelming sound of boos that greets you is about to become your permanent theme.

… Anyway, let’s get on with the match.  Because I love more than two people in the ring at a time.

Rio starts immediately on Truth, and Rey goes to town on Rio, then on Truth.  Rio delivers a harsh kick to Rey’s knee, then head.  Rio throws Rey into a turnbuckle, but Rey moves when Rio tries to jump on him.  Rey starts for Truth, but Rio dropkicks him in the head.  Rio kicks Truth in the head, then tries to grab Truth before Truth rolls out.  Rio then focuses on Rey again, going for a quick cover, but Rey kicks out.  Rio Whips Rey, who holds onto the ropes and ducks, sending Rio through them and onto the floor.

Truth gets back in the ring and Rey’s focus is on Rio, but Truth spins and does some purty thing to distract Rey.  Truth goes for the cover, but Rey kicks out.  Truth pounds on Rey’s head and screams ‘What’s up now?!’, which gets his theme going again.  Truth stomps on Rey, who rolls under the bottom rope and falls right out of the ring.  Truth follows him out and slaps him right by the audience.  Truth then throws Rey head first into the guard rail, and focuses on Rio, throwing him into the fan barrier guard rail thingamajig too.  Truth turns his focus back to Rey and kicks him in the stomach.  Rey gets back in the ring, and truth goes for another cover, but Rey kicks out.  Rey stands up, but Truth follows and Whips him into the other turnbuckle, going for another quick cover.  Rey kicks out at two again.  Truth argues with the ref.

New block!  Truth goes right back to beating on Rey before stepping on his neck.  Truth stands Rey up and pimp slaps that ho for not giving him is money! Slaps Rey, but something happens and Truth goes out to beat up Rio for a minute.  Rey starts to fight back on Truth, back in the ring, and Truth side-slams Rey.  Truth goes for another cover, but Rey kicks out again.  Rio comes back into the ring by attacking Truth and then going after Rey again.  Rey kicks Rio in the face and Rey then hurricanranas Rio.  Truth focuses on Rey again and throws Rey into the turnbuckle.   Rey and Truth are on the turnbuckle and Rio fights Truth.  Rio gets Truth on his shoulders, Rey then launches on both of them.  And-

<COMMERCIAL>

@HitTheRopes The fact that Mysterio is wearing white just makes Truth seem even darker.

@KeepItFiveStar What the hell is with Rey’s titantron? He’s trying to cause seizures! What a horrible person.

@Niki_Sushi Alberto Del Rio isn’t nearly as cool as he thinks he is. Ricardo Rodriguez brought it all to the table. #RAW #BWF #ButYouAlreadyKnewThat

@HitTheRopes Mark Henry rewind = someone’s gonna get their ass kicked. #WWE

@TKeep123 “Say the pledge, damn it!” -What Slaughter is thinking…. #WWR #RAW #BWF

OHSHITSORRYGOTDISTRACTED!

Rio is owning Rey now.  Rey is Whipped across the ring and starts to show momentum, but Rio puts a stop to that and goes for a cover, but Rey kicks out.  Rey tries to hide in the corner, but Rio follows and Whips him into another buckle.  Rey gives a drop toe hold to Rio, sending his face right into the turnbuckle.  Truth is on the apron and sends his shoulder into Rey’s abdomen.  Rey stops Truth from lifting Rey off his feet and Rio does something, and then Truth is pimp slapping smacking Rio, then Truth tries to pin Rio.  Truth then drops Rey onto his stomach and goes for a cover, but Rio breaks the cover.  Rio hits the Codbreaker Backstabber whatever it was on Truth and Rey breaks up the pin.  Rio then takes it out on Rey and Rey puts his knee in Rio’s face, but Truth breaks up the pin.  I hate Triple Threat matches.

Truth gets Rey to his feet, kicks him in the stomach, then hits the scissor kick Lie Detector and goes for a cover, but Rio breaks the pin.  Rio throws Truth into a corner, but Truth dives out of the way when Rio comes at him.  Rey hits the 619, climbs up, and then hits the seated Senton.  Rio comes in with the cross arm breaker and it’s all over.

Alberto del Rio wins via submission.

John Cena still needs to confront Vince McMahon about CM Punk.  That needs to hurry up and get here.

<COMMERCIAL>

@HitTheRopes What a loser Rey is. He tapped immediately. He didn’t even try to see if Truth would try to break the submission. #Reycist #WWE

@imababyface thats not vintage del rio…thats vintage Carlito!

@WWE_Creative Density has bought Alberto Del Rio to the #1 Contender Slot. #RAWTonight

<VIDEO PACKAGE: Wrestlemania 21 Money in the Bank Ladder match is won by Edge, who cashes in to win the WWE Championship.>

I am perfection!!!

Holy shit, Dolph is important again! … Well, important-ish.

Vickie and United States Champion Dolph Ziggler make their way to the ring, where there’s a whole celebration set up.  Vickie says it’s a special night and we’re celebrating the USA’s birthday!  And, since Ziggler is OUR United States Champion, she thought (her first mistake) it’d be fitting if we gave him a birthday to him as well.  So, let’s all join her in singing.  But, that’s not about to happen.  Oh, minus those five people.  And Cole.

Vickie sings like Jillian Hall, just lower octave.  That’s all.

She asks if he wants to tell us his wish before she blows out his candle-I MEAN HE BLOWS OUT HIS CANDLES!

Dolph says we have no idea how good we have it, witnessing the finest superstar in his prime, or something, and there will never be another Dolph Ziggler.  They don’t have an idea what it’s like to be a natural in the ring.  Forget Punk, Cena, the WWE Title, and as long as he’s the United States Champion, this is the only title we need to make Monday Night RAW perfection.

Kofi comes out and says that we’re gonna have a party and not invite him? That’s messed up.  He guesses Dolph could come out and brag all day and have a party title celebration, but the fact of the matter is that without Vickie in his corner, Dolph cannot beat Kofi.  Dolph says he got dis.  Kofi, he and Dolph used to be toe to toe, but Kofi’s still here (low), and Dolph’s on his way here (high) (Hahaha, there’s a joke there).  Dolph just left him in the dust, so in case Kofi didn’t notice, they’re having a party so BEAT IT! BEAT IT! NO ONE WATNS TO BE DEFEATED!  Something happens, but I was jamming to Michael Jackson in my head and Vickie ends up ass first in the cake.  Kofi and Dolph fight, and Kofi sends Dolph into Vickie, who ends up torso first in the cake.  Vickie doesn’t scream this time, just calmly, with rage brewing deep inside, walks out of the ring.

Up next, Alex Riley and The Miz go one-on-one.

<COMMERCIAL>

@Niki_Sushi Oh no, ass in the cake! OH NO! FACE IN THE CAKE! Vickie, you might as well just rub some cake on your arms. BATHE IN IT!!! #BWF #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar Kofi, you have a M.I.T.B. match to focus on. You should move on from the U.S. Title

@KeepItFiveStar S.O.S! I hear them JOBBIN! S.O.S! Why am I tryinnnnnnn?! (I’m jobbin!”

@chynnacena Notice how vicky still licks the cake lmbo #wwe #raw #bwf

@WWE_Creative We may be the only company on the planet with a cake budget that high despite the fact that no one ever gets to eat the cake. #RAWTonight

<VIDEO PACKAGE: RAW Money in the Bank PPV match.  The Miz wins his first Money in the bank match and cashes in (ON THE NIGHT I’M THERE IN ORLANDO!) to become the WWE Champion.>

The Miz vs Alex Riley

Hey!  The Miz did his previous thing where he raises his arms with three fi-… Nevermind.  I’m having a moment.

Riley runs to the ring and tries to go right for Miz, but the ref stops him.

<VIDEO PACKAGE: Alex Riley.>

Miz and Riley lock up, and Miz backs Riley into the corner.  Riley shoves him off and Riley pushes Miz into the corner hitting him with forearms.  Miz fights back and the two exchange blows.  Riley hits a hard almost-clothesline on Miz and then kicks Miz out of the ring.  Riley follows and slams Miz’ head on the fan barrier before throwing him back in the ring.  Miz kicks Riley before stomping on him a few times.  Miz bounces off the ropes to kick Riley in the face before going for the cover, Riley kicking out at two.  Miz knees Riley’s chest a few times before gripping Riley’s neck.  Riley tries to fight out of it before he finally does, throwing Miz off him.  Miz moves out of the corner when Riley tries to hit him, then DDTs (or something) Riley and goes for the cover.  Riley kicks out and Miz digs his knee into Riley’s neck.  Miz hits Riley then goes for another cover, but Riley kicks out.  Miz starts to hit Riley, but Riley blocks and delivers some hits of his own, but Miz fights back and drops Riley on his face before going for another cover.  Miz tells Riley that he made him, and Riley’s had enough.  He fights back against Miz and delivers hard shoulders to Miz’ torso before another DDT and cover, but Riley kicks out.

<COMMERCIAL>

@JRosz78 Finally #RAW Just got AWEEEEEEEEESOME! @mikethemiz #RAW #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar No one is going to say anything to Alex Riley’s face. Look at what he did to The Miz after The Miz was brutally honest with him!

@kickoutblog WWE video editing team working overtime this week.

@Niki_Sushi According to Cole, Awry’s gonna get got. #BWF #RAW

Riley has the momentum via Riley throwing Miz to the ground, making him land on the back of his head.  Both fight to get up and then Riley Spears Miz.  The two move in a frenzy, but Riley is getting the upper hand, hitting a Spine buster.  Miz kicks out at two, and Riley starts to hit something, but Miz counters.  Miz hits his swinging corner clothesline on Riley and then starts to hit a backbreaker, but Riley counters and picks up a cheap victory.

Alex Riley wins via pinfall.

Rage finally gets the best of Miz, and Miz runs back in the ring, attacking Riley from behind and throwing him out of the ring.  Miz follows Riley and drives Riley into the fan barrier and then over it, following him again.  Miz throws Riley back over, then throws him into the steel steps.  Miz stays right on top of Riley though, and tries to rip Riley’s face off via his nose and upper lip.  Miz then bounces Riley’s head off the announce table and kicks him in the chin, right over the announce table.

A limo pulls up outside the arena, and out steps none other than Vincent Kennedy McMahon.  He comes to the ring up next.

<COMMERCIAL>

@KeepItFiveStar Charles Robinson with his white parent in a grocery store type of scolding “No Miz! Miz! You go back right now! Miz! Miz! MIZ! …NO!”

@kickoutblog The kick is good! Miz with the extra point!

@WWE_Creative Somewhere @TheRealMorrison is sitting at home with an @AlexRileyWWE voodoo doll. #RAWTonight

@HitTheRopes And finally, Vince McMahon finally decided to get off the Hulk Hogan route to the arena.

<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last Week… Wait, this is the same as the FIRST ONE TONIGHT>

No chance, that’s what ya got…

Vince struts his way to the ring, as per usual.  I’m going to watch DX mocking him and Shane after RAW’s over now.

Vince thanks us and then says the CM Punk thing has gotten out of hand.  He suspended Punk because he deserved it.  Really, it’s like when Punk comes out here and says the things he says and we’d do the same thing he did if we were in his shoes.  It’s not about him and his family, it’s about him doing what’s right for us.  That’s what he does.  He was going to tell us a story about Vince?  Vince will tell us a story about him.  Punk’s contract is almost over.  So, Punk says Vince this is what I want, special limo service, fly first class, etc. etc.  Vince says Punk wasn’t worthy of being on DVDs/magazines, and he suspended Punk because he deserved it.  Punk is just that, a punk.  Vince says he’ll see us next week in Boston.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR NO BULLSHIT!

Cena doesn’t even stop this time and walks right down to the ring.

Cena asks if that’s it.  After an unbelievable tirade like that, a suspension, and stripping him of his number one contendership, Vince is going to call him a punk and kick him to the curb?  Vince says that Punk did it to himself, and John says that he spoke his mind.  Vince believes in the first amendment, right?  Vince says that’s why Cena’s mic is still working.  Cena says that Vince has always been a fighter.  He remembers when Vince would walk down the ramp and do his walk (which Cena mimics terribly), and whoever stood in Vince’s way, Vince would fight.  Vince took down people because he was a fighter.  Punk says a few things that get under Vince’s skin, so Vince suspends him.  Has Vince finally gone soft?  Are those famous McMahon grapefruits now peach pits?  If Vince doesn’t wanna fight anymore, Cena still wants to, and he wants to fight Punk.  And if Vince doesn’t feel like fighting, maybe he should hang it up.

Vince says he’ll tell us why Vince really suspended Punk.  Vince doesn’t wanna take a chance on Cena.  Doesn’t wanna take a chance that Punk defeats Cena.  Vince takes calculated risks, which is how he beat everyone who gets in his way.  Therefore if Punk defeats Cena, Punk will walk out and into some other organization, and Vince will not be embarrassed.  Cena says that the billionaire chairman afraid of being embarrassed.  Vince is afraid of Cena not beating Punk.  Cena says that he’s not going to guarantee he’s going to beat Punk, but Punk earned a spot and the people want to see it.  Oh, and God forbid we embarrass Vince McMahon.  As a member of the WWE Universe, MitB is the biggest PPV of the year.  Can Punk pull it off?  Can Cena win against Punk?  It’s not embarrassing, it sounds like the match of the year.  But some kid said something that Vince didn’t like, so Vince suspended him.  Cena asks if he says something Vince doesn’t like, will Cena gets suspended?  Vince tells him not to piss him off.  Vince says don’t be Hogan or anyone that came before him.  Vince says they’ll talk in front of these people, but talk to him one on one.  Vince gave a logical explanation.  Vince doesn’t wanna take the chance of being embarrassed.  Cena says he should give the people what we want.  Vince says Cena is embarrassing him now.  Vince doesn’t give a damn what we want because he is not gonna jeopardize who he is and his company.  Doesn’t John get this isn’t His company?  Before John, there were others.  Doesn’t John get that?  It’s Vince’s company.  And Vince does what’s right for the company, and for each and every one of us.  His decisions are good ones.  Vince asks if they’re good.  John says he gets it and its Vince’s company.  He gets it and he’s not stupid.  But, if that’s how Vince wants to run it, it’s not something Cena signed up for.  He gets it, everyone is replaceable.  Cena works himself to the bone for Vince and the brand because he thinks that this stands for something.  You’re so worried about Punk taking the championship and making it meaningless, and if you just kick him to the curb, you make it meaningless.  Cena passes Vince the Championship and starts to walk out.  Vince tells him to stop, and Cena does.  Vince tells Cena not to go anywhere and makes his way out of the ring.  Vince and Cena stand nose to nose, and then Vince says alright, I hate this has come between them.  Punk’s reinstated, and Cena has his match.  Vince says Cena shouldn’t be smiling because if Punk walks out of Chicago with the championship, Cena is fired.

Interesting RAW tonight, guys.  I’ll be back… when I’m back. Sorry about the lack of appearance, guys.  I’m working on it.

Well Happy Independence Day to everyone here in the good old U.S.A.  Every go out and celebrate and be safe. Also Happy Canada Day to our friends up north, hop you all had a good day.  Now lets get this show on the road:

(more…)

One of my favorite battle royals in Pro Wrestling history must be the classic at WM4. And as mentioned in our Stampede Wrestling podcast, as kids growing up in Calgary that match was extra special for the likes of G and myself. There were several Stampede Wrestling alumni in that big match including Junk Yard Dog, Danny Davis and Jim“The Anvil” Neidhart.  The final two competitors in this famous WWF battle royal ended up being Bret Hart & Bad News Brown. The chemistry they displayed in the ring as they teamed up to eliminate their other opponents was no fluke, however. They had, of course, worked together many times before in the past back in the days of Stamped Wrestling. I can recall many great matches between the two back in the day, including ladder matches and no disqualification matches which aired on TV and entertained fans in countries all over the world well before  both men ended up in the WWF. I bring you today one such classic match between Bret Hart and Bad News Allen in Stampedes famous past. Its for the North American heavyweight title, held by a young Bret Hart facing his challenger, one mean looking Bad News Allen. Worth noting is, as always, the heels in Stampede wrestling getting away with all sorts of mischief, which also as always, is driving the crowd absolutely nuts. Also worth noting are the post interviews by both Bret with his brother Bruce and the hilarious ending of Bad News Allen’s post interview with his entourage of heels as they insult Ed’s tie? Its both interesting and entertaining to watch these future wrestling superstars in their younger years. Bret truly is in the learning stages of how to become the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be. And what better place to hone his skills than right in his home city of Calgary, Alberta, Canada. See you all next time for another edition of PatMan Picks ,Stamped Wrestling classics! Oh and for those who dont know who I am, I am on Wonderpod Videogame podcast over at www.wonderpodonline.com and have other PatMan picks and Patman plays articles over there, if you want to check them out!

[youtube Hm6tlFWuyTk]

Happy Canada Day (also known as NHL Free Agent Frenzy Day up North)! It’s also time for the blue show not called Impact Wrestling, that’s right! It’s time for a Smackdown review, full of animated gifs and all that jazz. And not just any jazz…

(more…)

The grand and glorious GIFmaster G is rocking out to concerty goodness as we speak, so the burden of recapping this week’s “Impact” returns to your friendly neighborhood Drowgoddess. Huzzah? While I lack the technical prowess and Charles Barkley connections of my comrade, those things will be represented in this week’s “Smackdown” review. Let’s check out the brain-damagingly unintentional hilarity! Such as it is.

(more…)

Yeah, I know. Everybody is going to be talking about the CM Punk promo from last night. Any why shouldn’t we? I can count on my hand the number of times wrestling has gotten “real.” Montreal Screw Job was one. Bash at the Beach (Russo’s promo) was at best what we still think was one. Edge’s retirement promo was one. And last night on Raw was a real moment. Or at least we think it was.

It was reminiscent of Paddy Chayefsky’s “Network” (which if you have never seen, is one of the best movies of ALL TIME). Another scene it reminded me of was the opening scene on the short-lived show “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip,” which had Judd Hirsch cutting a very Punk-like promo on the state of his television show.

Was it a work or a shoot? I still can’t decide. My Twitter timeline was filled with person after person calling this the greatest promo ever, the greatest moment in the history of Raw, CM Punk is a god, etc. Stone Cold Steve Austin called the promo one of the best he’s ever seen. My wife (who is usually asleep by 8:15 central time) was on the edge of her seat asking “What is going on?” She asked me to update her tomorrow morning. She made us go talk to my sister-in-law (who is temporarily living with us) to try to describe it to her. I LOST SLEEP thinking about this because I was so excited! Do you know the last time pro wrestling made me lose sleep?

I’ve watched wrestling since 1996. It’s hard for me to believe that anything that happens on WWE’s television isn’t a work. First of all, if Punk grabbed the mic and they didn’t want him to talk, it would have never turned on. And if he veered off the topic, he would have been cut off the moment he mentioned the fourth wall. Random stuff DOES NOT come on the WWE’s television. Second of all, notice that when he was cut off, he was talking about Vince McMahon. Now the only question is did Vince McMahon suspend Punk or did Mr. McMahon suspend Punk? Third, they mentioned New Japan and Ring of Honor and Colt Cabana. This is not the first time Ring of Honor has been mentioned on WWE TV (Matt Hardy, anyone?). And what money is the WWE going to lose by New Japan being mentioned? Notice he didn’t say anything about TNA? (And yes, I know. He was already there once and they didn’t know what to do with him. I doubt he will be going back there.)

Have we seen something new here? Is Triple-H (who we have heard is beginning to run things) trying something that will work? Did Trips give him the microphone and say “Shoot. I’ll cut you off when you start talking about Vince and Bullying”? For the first time in a LONG time, I am on the edge of my seat. Raw is must-see, can’t-miss. I have one million questions and reasons to turn into Raw. Whomever let this happen, I give you full credit. This is the best thing I’ve seen on Raw in a long time and possibly, ever.

To follow me on Twitter, click here. For Facebook, click here.

What?  Me again?  That’s right folks, it’s the Alpha BoredWrestlingFan, ThinkSoJoE here with you for a third straight week of RAW gimmickry!  I don’t mind a gimmick show every now and then, but three weeks in a row?  Last week we found out that CM Punk is leaving the company after the Money In The Bank Pay Per View, and he’s got a WWE Championship match that very same night.  Also, the voting got screwed up during the Power to the People RAW, and tonight we’ll see Sin Cara take on Evan Bourne because of it.  All this, and Shawn Michaels, tonight on RAW!

(more…)

Ring of Honor “The Best in the World” is in the books. I’m beginning to put my thoughts into words. I enjoyed all the video recaps. I needed those to keep myself up-to-date on the current storylines.

When I heard the first match was Tommaso Ciampa vs. Colt Cabana, I almost died of smarkdom. I really enjoyed most of the first match. Ciampa played a nice “straight man” to Cabana’s comedy. I thought the two had very nice back-and-forth. The ending just didn’t look right.

Next was “The Prodigy” Mike Bennett versus Jay Lethal. Jay Lethal was fresh off his TNA/Impact Wrestling/”It’s Still S*** No Matter How Many Times You Change The Name Because Vince Russo Still Works There” run. He was famous for the Black Machismo and it was his first time to appear on an event this big after the Macho Man’s untimely passing. The crowd was very into this, but the match did not click for me. Prodigy has looked good in matches to me before; this just was not one of them. It almost looked like he wasn’t on Lethal’s level.

The Rhino-Homicide “Barrio Street Fight” was really good. Plunder matches have their places in wrestling. Rhino really brought it. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bad Homicide match. We had some tables and some really awesome, intense “OMG” moments. Homicide got the win, but we got to see the gore through the table. It was nostalgic. It was like Old School (no Corino reference intended) ECW Rhino back again.

The Steve Corino-Michael Elgin match was really interesting. I did not watch ROH during the Kevin Steen era, so I really didn’t grasp the magnitude of his return. I was really amazed at how my opinion of Elgin changed during this match. Elgin reminds me of a stiff WWE would try to get over. But I got to admit-Elgin impressed me. He’s a power wrestler. If there’s a place for plunder matches, there’s a place for power wrestlers. Steve Corino sold like crazy, and Elgin looked like he had a spot in Ring of Honor. I personally think Elgin will be a better fit for the WWE, but I’ll keep him. The Kevin Steen post-match segment was greatness. The Corino rehabilitating himself storyline I think is one of my favorite storylines in all of wrestling.

The Daniels-Generico match really didn’t grab my attention. The commentary was pretty good for this match. Kevin Kelly and Dave Prazak made it important. I do love the El Generico gimmick. It’s one of my favorite all-time gimmicks. My 2-year-old woke up during this match and wanted the laptop, so I wasn’t able to dedicate the time I wanted to watching this. I am happy for El Generico winning. Christopher Daniels should be in the place now where he’s building talent, which is exactly what he did here.

The four corners tag team match was off the charts. Now granted, I haven’t seen every ROH event, so excuse me if I break out some hyperbole here. This is the greatest match in Ring of Honor I HAVE SEEN. I’m sure there were greater matches somewhere along the way. But this was insane. There were at least 4 “Holy s***” moments. The All Night Express looked great in this. I finally saw Kenny King for what everybody else does. This is most likely Match of the Year, barring some sweet miracle.

And finally there was the main event. There was no possible way that I could ever understand all the emotions that went into this match, but it sure felt like it. This match never seemed to end, mostly because my wife was over my shoulder waiting for it to end. Nothing I could write here could ever capture the emotion, the drama, the work these guys put into this match. This is now in second place for match of the year for me.

To follow me on Twitter, click here. For Facebook, click here.

For my site, click here.

Well I’m back here for another week of what’s going on in the world of whatever, whenever, whomever, wherever, whyever and however. (Wow I can’t believe I just wrote that!)  Lets hope I can remember everything that I wanted to talk about: (more…)