I was looking at an issue of WWE Magazine from a couple months back and saw an ad for Night of Champions with Kane holding the World Heavyweight Championship, and I’ve realized how far Kane has come in the last few months since he started this storyline with The Undertaker. He’s consistently cutting some of the best promos on WWE television, and his eulogy for his brother was strong enough to keep him at the top of the Power Poll. (My vote: 2)
2. Edge (6)
The Rated R Superstar still manages to thrive in a PG setting, defeating Alberto Del Rio and Rey Mysterio in a triple threat match this past Friday on SmackDown to become the number one contender to the aforementioned Kane’s World Heavyweight Championship. (My vote: 1)
3. Randy Orton (4)
The Viper may well be screwed this Sunday at Survivor Series, but didn’t seem that way when he led himself and R-Truth to victory over Wade Barrett and David Otunga this past Monday with special guest referee John Cena. (My vote: 3)
4. Daniel Bryan (3)
Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit, kill the waaaaabit! Dolph Ziggler on Friday, Ted DiBiase on Monday, who’s next to tap out to the WWE United States Champion? (My vote: 7)
5. Wade Barrett (2)
With John Cena stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place, things are looking good for Barrett as Survivor Series draws nearer, despite a loss this past Monday in tag team action. (My vote: 6)
6. John Cena (5)
Despite being Wade Barrett’s errand boy, John Cena continues to impress the Power Poll voters with great promos and body language. (My vote: N/A)
7. The Miz (7)
Despite not making any effort to cash it in as of late, The Miz is not letting anybody forget that he’s still got that Money In The Bank briefcase. Isn’t that right, Big Show? (My vote: N/A)
8. Matt Morgan (NR)
Matt Morgan standing up for an injured Mr. Anderson has endeared him to the fans, Christopher Nowinski, and Power Poll voters alike. (My vote: 5)
9. Jeff Hardy (8)
The self proclaimed new AntiChrist of professional wrestling, Jeff Hardy, may not have seen much in ring action on last week’s iMPACT, but the video packages kept him, and what he did at Bound For Glory, fresh in our minds. (My vote: 4)
10. Alberto Del Rio (NR)
Interrupting Kane? Now that takes some juevos. Alberto Del Rio steps back up and jumps back in to the top 10 this week. (My vote: N/A)
Dropped out: Dolph Ziggler, Big Show
Also voted on by me: Sheamus (8), Santino (9), and Big Show (10)
Originally, I thought I wasn’t going to be able to catch this RAW, due to homework, but I managed to just miss about 18 minutes of it. I’m sure RAW will more than make up. Anyway, basically all that happened during that block I missed was that Cena and Otunga lost the WWE Tag Team Championships to Gabriel and Slater. Awesome.
We come back from the first commercial for a WWE Rewind.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week: United States Daniel Bryan challenges Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler to a Champion vs. Champion match at Bragging Rights.>
Vickie Guerrero and Kaitlin make their way out to the ring. Vickie says that there was a blemish in Smackdown’s perfect night at Bragging Rights, and that Ziggler was cheated by shoddy officiating, and that there was a bias for RAW by the WWE referees. Ziggler is going to embarrass Bryan tonight.
Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler vs United States Champion Daniel Bryan
Before the match even begins, CM Punk comes out.
In the ring, Ziggler gets an advantage over Bryan, and Punk joins them for commentary. Bryan takes the advantage back and gets Ziggler in the ‘surfboard’, and Ziggler manages to get out or Bryan lets him out. Ziggler goes for a cover on Bryan, but Bryan kicks out on two. Ziggler tries to keep advantage, but Bryan takes that away with a dropkick to the face, and Ziggler kicks out of the cover. Ziggler hits a low gut-kick on Bryan and Bryan flips him right out of the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes I love that @CMPunk is about to school King and Cole on announcing. #wwe
@ThingsColeSays CM Punk burying King is AWESOME!!!
@TKeep123 Here come Chuck Norris…err..I mean….Bryan Daniel. #WWE #RAW
We’re back to Bryan and Ziggler back in the ring, and Bryan takes Ziggler out with a hard clothesline. Bryan goes for the cover, but Ziggler kicks out. Ziggler looks like he’s begging for mercy, and Bryan ignores him, hitting hard kicks on his abdomen. Bryan misses his first kick, but hits the second one, only for Ziggler to kick out at two. Bryan goes for the LaBell lock, but Ziggler gets to the ropes. Bryan puts Ziggler on the top rope, and hits a hurricanrana off the top, only for Ziggler to flip it into a pin, though Bryan kicks out. Ziggler goes for the sleeper, but Bryan gets out, and Ziggler hits what could have almost been Sweet Chin Music on Bryan. Bryan kicks out of that cover though, and Vickie screeches about the ref cheating or something. Ziggler goes for the Zig-Zag, misses, Bryan goes for a cover, reverses into Ziggler covering Bryan, and then Bryan kicks out at two. Vickie is still screeching. Ziggler and Bryan trade moves, and then Ziggler throws Bryan, but Bryan kicks out of the cover. Ziggler goes for the sleeper again, but Bryan wonders absently around the ring, but Bryan counters into the LaBell lock, and Vickie pulls Ziggler’s foot outside the bottom rope. The ref takes his submission, Vickie freaks out, and the ref basically says that that’s too bad and keeps his decision the same.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan wins via submission.
Bryan’s enjoying his victory, and Ziggler slips back into the ring, but then flees when Bryan turns around.
Last night, Smackdown beat RAW again. Boo.
Later tonight, John Cena will take on WWE Champion Randy Orton, and the winner decides the special guest referee for their next match (or… Barrett and Orton decide).
<COMMERCIAL>
@WWEsAngel_Nef Okay, Bravo #WWE Good match w/ Punk as a God on commentary
@CawCawBang LMAO! I love CM Punk’s brutal honesty
@TKeep123 Ziggler’s gonna get callouses from tapping so much! #WWE #RAW
The guest star tonight is country megastar, Toby Keith.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: WWE In Your Corner: WWE Wrestlemania Reading Challenge.>
Toby Keith gives a copy of his albums to the Bellas, and they give him a Championship belt. Santino comes up, dressed like a cowboy. He said that when he came to America, it was all pop, and now it’s country and western. He then sings a song of sorts that he wrote. I’ll try to find these lyrics later, alright? It is funny. Toby tells him to keep his night job, and then Sheamus comes up.
Sheamus mocks Santino, of course, and says that Santino embarrassed his team last night, but Sheamus is going to give him an opportunity to prove he’s not worthless. He challenges him TONIGHT! Santino says he’s on. Sheamus then tells Santino he’d better show up. Santino then asks Toby if he thinks Sheamus was ‘for really’.
Cena walks up and yells at Barrett, who calls him out for finding a loophole last night. The only reason Cena’s still employed, is because Barrett is allowing it. If he tells Cena to make a cup of coffee, be silent, or lay down to give up a championship, then he’s gonna do it. Cena says that for the last few weeks he’s been trying to hold onto something he loves, but he can’t do it anymore. Fired, quit, it’s the same damn thing, and it beats working for Barrett. Barrett tells him to hold on, and that he may have a solution. If Cena beats Orton tonight, Barrett will make him an offer that will benefit both of them.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Santino still looks less ridiculous than Toby Keith usually does.
@inkincisions Please. Someone, anyone, get in that ring, and wrestle!
@thinksojoe Best. Country. Song. Ever! #BWF
@TKeep123 Cowboy crooner Santino Morella! Fear The Cobra! #WWE #RAW
@HitTheRopes The Bellas doing what they do best, standing next to the guest star….. Wait, wasn’t there some kinda dysfunction between them? #wwe
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Slam of the Week: LayCool mocks The Harts on Smackdown.>
LayCool vs Melina and Gail Kim
Melina goes straight for McCool, then dominates Layla. Melina goes for a cover on Layla, who kicks out. The two switch each other around, and then Layla knocks Gail off the apron, and they hit each other mid-ring with a cross body. Layla tags in Michelle, but Melina didn’t see it and takes a boot to the face and a cover for the win.
LayCool win via pinfall.
Short ass Diva’s match? Check!
Lawler tells us not to wear a WWE T-shirt when you go to vote next Tuesday.
Miz and Riley make their way to the ring, and Cole says Miz is going to read the Riot Act to the rest of the team.
<COMMERCIAL>
@divadirt Michelle pins Melina after a big boot and it’s all over in 1 minute. Yay(!) [/sarcasm] #WWE
@CawCawBang Does this mean we get to see psycho Miz again?
AWESOME!
Wheeeeeeee, Miz~! I haven’t done it in a while. Just… let me have a moment.
Okay, moment over.
Miz says he’s accomplished more in his career than everyone in this arena can dream of achieving in their entire lives. No matter how superior he is to everyone in the arena or the locker room, he is not a miracle worker. Last night, he endured adversity, overcame hardship, he lasted longer than any Superstar on RAW, but they still failed against Smackdown. If the WWE Superstars had a fraction of the talent that he possessed, the Bragging Rights trophy would be on Monday Night RAW. But his talent doesn’t just speak volumes. It screams ‘AWESOME’. That’s why he’s a leader. That’s why he’s the captain, and that’s why tomorrow, the poster child of THQ’s Smackdown vs RAW 2011 is none other than him. The Miz joins Cena and the Big Show on the cover of the game. Miz says that if they really wanted to make some money, then the cover should have just consisted of him. The RAW team should have just consisted of seven Miz’, instead of one Miz and six losers. If those people understand anything, understand this: he blames his team, he blames Smackdown, he blames Rey Mysterio, and if Rey wants to come over there, he’s putting out the challenge. Step right up over to RAW, next week, he doesn’t care. The reason people watch RAW is because of him. Because he’s the Miz and he’s the only person on the RAW roster that can honestly say that I’M AWESOME!
Eve comes out after his speech and makes her way into the ring, and Miz even holds the ropes apart for her. Miz says that Eve is there to apologize on behalf of all the Divas, but she doesn’t have to. She should, instead, be apologizing for her horrific taste in men, music, and hair extensions that don’t match. She says she didn’t come out to apologize. He needs to be worried about the fact that everyone in the locker room, arena, WWE Universe thinks he’s a… bunch of words here, loser. Miz asks if they all really think he’s a frog-faced loser, and I disagree. :3 Anyway… Miz says that the Packers aren’t going to the SuperBowl, so they’re all losers as well. As for Eve, Miz finds it amusing that the Superstars sent out a Diva to insult him. Eve says that she knows what he’s going to say and he’s quite possibly the furthest thing from awesome she’s ever seen, and he’s ugly. Riley says for her to shut the front door. Riley says that he doesn’t speak Gucci, but the reason the rest of the RAW team isn’t out there is because they’re all tip-toeing their way toward unemployment, and the Miz could have beat any of those slackers by himself. So, why doesn’t Eve take that little switch in her walk back to the back and find out if anyone in the team wants to take a piece out of the captain.
Truth comes out, thus ruining a few nights on Twitter. I wish he’d stop rapping though, I really would… God, I almost miss him screaming ‘What’s Up?’ at me… and yes, Cole, Santino’s singing was better.
Truth says slackers was a bit harsh. Anybody wanna piece of Miz? Truth would like to have a piece of Mr. Kermit. Don’t get mad because what Eve said is the truth, and they all know the truth hurts. As a matter of fact, he doesn’t have a problem showing Miz that the truth hurts. God, this is corny.
“Ding ding ding.”
The Miz vs R-Truth
Miz misses a clothesline, and Truth takes advantage, knocking Miz out of the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@WWEsAngel_Nef Is it just m or is Eve channeling some serious Dixie Carter right now? #WWE
@dasharpshooters: The Miz should Choke that bitch. STFU EVE! #wwe #raw
@StrikerSays For a minute, though, I was REALLY hoping for an intergender match.
@kickoutblog All those pansies in the Raw locker room had to send a woman to trash talk Captain Awesome.
@inkincisions LMFAO. Alex Riley. OMG. This segment has made my night. “OH YOU FANCY HUH!?”
@CawCawBang get back in the kitchen woman
@divadirt Miz says Eve should be sorry for her ‘extensions that don’t quite match’. You got served! #WWE
@TKeep123 I love Eve and she’s a trained dancer, model, cheerleader, etc, but when she dances to Truth’s rap…it’s just sooo bad. #WWE #RAW
Miz has Truth in a headlock as we return, getting momentum back with a big boot to the head. Truth goes for a roll-up, but Miz kicks out at two, and then pummels Truth’s head. Miz goes for a cover, but Truth kicks out. Miz gets advantage again, but Truth fights back, countering in mid-air and going for a cover, but Miz kicks out. Miz gets Truth in the corner and beats on him until the ref pulls him away. Miz then hits the swinging corner clothesline and goes for a cover again, only for Truth to kick out again. Miz gets him to his feet and then puts him on the top turnbuckle. Miz tries for a suplex, but Truth holds steady and knocks Miz off. Miz runs into Truth’s foot, and Truth jumps over him, hitting some hard hits on Miz before Miz counters with a kick to the gut. Truth then hits a vicious clothesline and keeps his momentum going. Truth goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Truth slams his elbow into Miz and ducks under a clothesline, hitting some weird move on Miz, and going for a cover. Miz kicks out at two, and Miz is outside on the apron. Truth knocks him right into the announce table. Truth then shoves Miz into the ring, and Riley shoves Truth into the apron. Eve walks over and slaps Riley. In the ring, Miz goes to suplex Truth, but Truth manages to get on his face. Truth then takes Riley out outside the ring, and goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Truth tries to hit Lie Detector, but Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale.
The Miz wins via pinfall.
Miz blows Eve a kiss after the match, getting some attitude back, of course.
Still to come, Cena takes on Orton.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar That’s R-Truth’s signature move, looking up a the lights, flatback.
Tonight’s guest star is Toby Keith, and he happens to be the special guest referee for the next match. The Bellas need to learn how to dance to country music. Seriously… and get off him, you whores. He’s too important to get herpes from you two.
Honestly… I’m a fan of Toby Keith (born and raised listening to him), but I don’t know what he’s saying, to be honest.
It’s a shameful thing, lobster head…
Sheamus vs Santino Marella
I love Santino. He just poked his head out from behind the lights there. Santino seems reluctant, but Toby Keith works on getting him in the ring. Santino managed to get one quick shot in before Sheamus decided to massacre him for his mistake. Sheamus went for the Brogue Kick, and Santino literally just flops onto his butt. John Morrison runs out and tells the ref something, falling on his butt again when Sheamus goes for another Brogue Kick. Sheamus went for another Brogue Kick, but ended up getting his feet all caught up in the ropes, and Santino capitalizes with a pin. He and John Morrison flee up the ring.
Santino Marella wins via miracle pinfall.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Toby Keith told Santino that Sheamus is no longer Triple H’s gym buddy.
@TKeep123 Toby Keith can’t keep his eyes open? OH, that’s right, protecting them from the Sheamus glow! #WWE #RAW
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Stand Up For WWE.>
More video packages, less wrestling. Totally makes sense.
Gabriel and Slater take pride in their title win. Otunga, on the other hand, wants to talk to Barrett and looks pretty pissed. Otunga asks why he had to go through that. Barrett says that he’s sorry he feels that way. Otunga says that since he couldn’t win last night, Barrett made him lay down. Otunga says that he may be a little pissed and may decide to tell everyone why they really attacked Taker last night. McGuillicutty and Harris come in wearing Nexus shirts, and Barrett says that they’re members, and while he understands Otunga’s frustrations, Otunga is either Nexus or against us, and he needs to make that choice right now. Otunga glares at them all, and then says he’s Nexus. Barrett says he’s pleased about that and for Otunga to keep up the excellent work. I wonder where they found enough fab- okay, no fat jokes. I’m sorry.
Next up, Cena vs Orton.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar “I was in prison watching the WWE because the inmates used to watch the show to get ideas on how to-” – MVP
@HitTheRopes Hey, Stand Up for WWE ad, I visited China…town! Chinatown, dammit! #wwe
@kickoutblog Okay, Stand Up for WWE is lame, but this promo is pretty damn cool.
@ThingsColeSays OK, I actually like this video package. I know it’s got ulterior motives, but it’s different.
Oh, dear God… Next week, Pee Wee Herman is the guest host… I may avoid RAW next week… He makes me twitchy.
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SHUT THE FRONT DOOR, EVE!
John Cena vs WWE Champion Randy Orton
Cena and Orton part seven million and forty-five starts now! … I love all their matches though, I’ll be honest.
Orton and Cena lock up, Cena getting Orton in a headlock, but Orton fights out of it and takes Cena down with a hard shoulder. Cena ducks a blow from Orton and gets him in another head lock. Cena gets out, but Cena hits a hard shoulder knockdown on Orton. They lock up yet again, but Cena backs Orton into a corner, then they run across the ring, and Orton counters Cena’s usual bulldog, hurling Cena across the ring. Orton gets the momentum and holds onto it, sparing Barrett a glance before focusing back on Cena. Cena launches himself at Orton, but Orton drops onto the mat and ducks under it, sending Cena right out of the ring. Barrett sneaks up on Orton from behind, but Orton catches him, and hits him, sending him scampering backward.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi @RandyOrton , why do you look like you were sculpted to make the Greek’s jealous?
@KeepItFiveStar Wade Barrett is doing the Smackdown vs RAW Manager bit. Just walk out while the person does their entrance.
We come back to Orton holding the momentum still, Cena fighting out of his headlock. Cena pulls Orton onto his shoulders, but Orton plants Cena face-first onto the mat first. Orton goes for a cover, but Cena powers out at two. Orton hits Cena with some hard hits to the face. Orton flings Cena into the corner, and Cena lifts his boot. Cena then hits a series of shoulder blocks on Orton and then drops him to the ground, calling for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, giving the You Can’t See Me to Barrett, before hitting it on Orton. Cena attempts the Attitude Adjustment, Orton attempts RKO, Cena attempts STF, and Orton hits a scoop slam. There was stuff in between, but it was moving fast. Orton glances at Barrett, and Orton pulls Cena into the ring, but Cena avoids the DDT and plants Orton outside the ring. Barrett goes to help, but Cena shoves him head over heels away from Orton. Orton and Cena exchange blows outside the ring, and then Cena throws Orton into the ring. Cena climbs onto the top turnbuckle and hits a leg drop on Orton. Cena goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out at two. Orton gets up, Cena attempts the Attitude Adjustment, and Orton wiggles free. Orton gets back into the ring and Cena locks in the STF. Orton is inching toward the ropes, but Barrett pulls the rope back, and Cena gets up in his face. They argue whether Cena should listen to Barrett or win the match. Cena gets back in the ring, and Orton hits a drop kick on him. Orton then hits his DDT on Cena, dropping to the mat and pounding in preparation for the RKO. Cena inches up to his feet, Orton watches him closely, and misses the RKO. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment instead and Orton manages to kick out at two. Cena gets Orton back up, but Orton hits an RKO on Cena, who rolled out of the ring. Orton rolls out of the ring to Cena and pulls him up and shoves him back into the ring, rolling back in himself. Orton gets to his feet and backs into a corner, but Barrett pulls Cena out and clotheslines Cena.
Jon Cena wins via disqualification.
Randy attacks Barrett from behind after the disqualification. Nexus runs to the ring and starts to take Orton out. Cena, on the other hand, fights Nexus back, and Barrett yells at them all to stop, and tells Nexus to get out of the ring. Barrett tells Cena well done, and that he gets to choose the special guest referee for his match with Orton at Survivor Series. His ref will be Cena. Barrett says that Cena will be an impartial referee, but if Barrett doesn’t win the championship at Survivor Series, he’ll fire Cena on the spot. When Barrett wins the WWE Championship, Cena will be relieved of any and all responsibilities to the Nexus. Cena looks like he can’t believe it, Orton looks pissed, and Cole poetically says that Orton is screwed. Way to take the words out of my mouth, Cole. Way to go.
What will Cena do? What will Orton do? WHAT WILL I DO?! There’s RAW. Til next week.
The Viper continues to dominate the Power Poll with a victory over Sheamus in a grueling Hell In A Cell match to retain the WWE Championship (My vote: 1)
2. Kane (2)
The Devil’s Favorite Demon is also the Father of Destruction’s favorite son, as proven by Paul Bearer’s assistance in Kane’s victory over his half brother The Undertaker at Hell In A Cell. (My vote: 5)
3. Wade Barrett (8)
The leader of Nexus finds himself up five spots this week following a victory over John Cena that forced Cena to be a part of the Nexus. Using his new authority over Cena’s career to help himself win the battle royal and become number one contender for Randy Orton’s WWE Championship didn’t hurt, either. (My vote: 2)
4. John Cena (4)
Even I ranked John Cena high on my ballot this week, despite his loss to Wade Barrett at Hell In A Cell. Cena played his role as the conflicted hero forced to join the enemy better than anybody thought he could. Legendary is available on DVD and BluRay at Walmart, I saw it, I enjoyed it, so I’ll plug it here! (My vote: 3)
5. Daniel Bryan (5)
The WWE United States Champion successfully defended his title in a triple threat, submissions count anywhere match at Hell In A Cell against John Morrison and The Miz, in what I consider a Match of the Year candidate. One would have to think that if he hadn’t been beaten so handily by Sheamus this past Monday night on RAW, Bryan’s rank would have gone up. (My vote: 8)
6. Edge (10)
Edge’s war on stupidity ran over three of the nights that this week’s poll covers. On SmackDown he ruined Jack Swagger’s celebration, spearing his eagle mascot. At Hell In A Cell, he interrupted Alberto Del Rio and then defeated Swagger in an impromptu match. His momentum came crashing to a halt on RAW, after being traded to SmackDown and then receiving a beatdown from The Miz and Alex Riley. (My vote: 4)
7. The Miz (6)
Mr. Money in the Bank tapped out at Hell In A Cell, but redeemed himself with the destruction of Edge, while saving Michael Cole, on RAW. (My vote: 9)
8. Sheamus (7)
Sheamus may have lost at Hell in a Cell, but his impressive showing in his match with Randy Orton and his subsequent decimation of Daniel Bryan the following night on RAW allow the Celtic Warrior to stay in the top 10. (My vote: 7)
9. Undertaker (3)
With Paul Bearer by his side last week, The Undertaker rose from the depths of wherever anybody that doesn’t make the Power Poll goes to hit number three, but drops to number nine as Paul Bearer has now aligned himself with Kane and cost The Undertaker the World Heavyweight Championship. (My vote: 10)
10. Alberto Del Rio (NR)
His name is Alberto Del Rio! But you, you already knew that. After mocking Rey Mysterio with an actual chihuahua on SmackDown, Del Rio attacked The Rated R Superstar from behind at Hell In A Cell, putting Edge at a distinct disadvantage in his match with Jack Swagger. (My vote: N/A)
Last night was Hell in a Cell! Did John Cena join Nexus? Is Randy Orton still the WWE Champion? Was Daniel Bryan brutally mu-… I’ll leave that one to myself. Find out tonight, as Jackass star, Johnny Knoxville guest stars what is sure to be another amazing Monday Night RAW!
Nexus comes out and talks about their victory at Hell in a Cell. Barrett says the two men who helped were Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty, which didn’t surprise anyone. Barrett says he doesn’t know them and they aren’t a part of the Nexus. Barrett then scolds Nexus for going down to the ring and potentially causing him his match. Tonight’s about inducting Cena into Nexus. Please welcome, the newest member of Nexus, John Cena.
He comes out with no music, which is just heartbreaking, to be honest. I’m upset. I wanted to make a joke.
Tarver says the joke is on Cena, because he failed. They have a gift for Cena: The Nexus armband. Cena looks at the arm band and puts it on. Slater says they know the transition’s going to be difficult, but they’re all there for him. The public wants to know exactly what his thoughts are. He says that he will read the official statement they made instead of saying what he wants to. Barrett says it’s not negotiable, and he’ll read it and read it now.
It essentially says that he acknowledges that he’s a member of Nexus, and an enemy of Nexus is an enemy of his. Barrett says that Cena has to participate in a tag match with a partner of his choice against Evan Bourne and Mark Henry. Cena picks Tarver.
Mark Henry and Evan Bourne vs. John Cena and Michael Tarver
Cena starts off the match with an offer to shake Bourne’s hand, and they do. Tarver’s pissed about it, but Cena doesn’t look like he cares. Cena then tags in Tarver and climbs out.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar HEY! Where’s your Nexus Shirt Cena?! There’s a dress code damn it! Put it on!
@seraphalexiel I hope both men don’t suddenly get to join. The end of Season 2 was a failure for a reason, and it begins and ends with McGuillicutty
@Niki_Sushi Awwww. His own wittle armband. Are they slowly going to give him different parts to the ‘uniform’ or what? #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes Geez, Cena sure likes to pick on the black Nexus guys. Wasn’t content with getting rid of your brother, now he’s going for Tarver. LOL #wwe
@CawCawBang Cena got something planned I don’t like it
@TKeep123 I wonder if Cena gave any secret signals while he was forced to read his (confession) speech. (Viet Nam era folks will get it.) #WWE #RAW
We come back to Tarver getting his ass handed to him by Henry. Cena really doesn’t seem interested in helping Tarver at all, to be honest, even mockingly reaching for a tag. Tarver manages to get toward Cena for a tag, but Cena leans away, and Henry seems amused by it, toying with Tarver. Tarver goes to tag Cena again, but Cena jumps down off the ring and begins signing signs in the crowd. Henry picks up Tarver and hits him with the World’s Strongest Slam.
Mark Henry and Evan Bourne win via pinfall.
Cena takes a mic after the match and says that he’s gonna make his own statement. As the newest member of Nexus, he plans on doing one thing and one thing only: destroying it from within. Like no one expected that. Tonight, he proves that you can be Nexus and against us. He hits Tarver in the head with the mic, and then body slams Tarver onto the steel steps. Twice. Then he gets Tarver back in the ring and locks in the STF.
“The terms of the stipulation for your match with Wade Barrett stated that if you lost, you must join the Nexus. Now, Nexus is clearly a group that takes direction from its leader, Wade Barrett. And thus as a member of the group, John, you must also take direction from Wade Barrett. If you don’t, as much as I would hate to do it, as much as it would be bad for business, as much as the WWE Universe would despise it, I would have no alternative but to terminate your WWE contract. Mr. Cena, no one man, despite his popularity, is bigger than WWE. In other words, Mr. Cena, I will fire you.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@FrankWWEClown And who says Cena is boring, and not interesting? Are you watching this?! #WWE #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar Cena’s looking at this all wrong. The Nexus have a great benefits package. Family picnics, BBQs, and other fun Nexus activities.
@HitTheRopes We CLEARLY see Michael Cole reading from a paper and NOT the computer screen. #fail #wwe
@TKeep123 For months we can’t keep #NEXUS away from the ring, and now Tarver gets a beat-down and NO NEXUS to be found? #WWE #RAW
@Niki_Sushi Tarver is in Soul Sucking Position! YOU BETTA HIDE YO KIDS, HIDE YO WIFE! #BWF #RAW
@WWEsAngel_Nef Okay. Say what you want marks but John Cena has the best fans. So devoted. I actually love that they chanted ‘Never Give Up’ #WWE
Alicia Fox vs Natalya
No warning on this one at all, but good to see Natalya in the ring. Natalya hits the sharpshooter pretty quick, and Alicia taps. Great 30 second match.
Natalya wins via submission.
WTF? 30 second match, 30 second reminder of the guest star, Johnny Knoxville, and now five minutes of commercials.
<COMMERCIAL>
@RingsideRants That wasn’t even long enough for a bathroom break!
@CawCawBang wow that was quick
@kickoutblog My thoughts on Natalya vs. Alicia are longer than the actual match
@redsandman99 The good news is, Nattie won. The bad news is, the match was over in five seconds
@JoeyStyles What a match for Nattie…and I thought I finished fast.
Knoxville is talking with Gail and Melina, promoting Jackass 3D. Zack Ryder comes up, and Knox calls him a tool. He offers Ryder a high-five, only for him to get the shit smacked out of him by a giant hand. Knox mocks him a little.
Cena’s backstage with the Nexus armband again, and Josh Matthews comes up, asking what he’s gonna do. Cena says he doesn’t know. Cena suddenly takes off running after Husky and McGuillicutty, and Barrett says that there’s a lot he needs to talk about, concerning his future.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 FIRST time I was ever happy to see Zack Ryder during a Promo! “You know it!”…. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi Johnny Knoxville just wtfpwn’d Zack Ryder without even getting in the ring. I DEMAND WEE-MAN VS HORNSWOGGLE DAMMIT!!!! #BWF #RAW
@legendkiller515 damn zach ryder got his ass kicked and he aint even in a match #wwe #bwf #raw
Daniel Bryan is in the ring with his crazy ass music. God, I wanna punch him.
It’s a shameful thing, lobster head! … Too many limes, too many limes!
United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus
Sheamus beat the shit out of Bryan. Not even kidding.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan wins via disqualification.
I think. Sheamus hits the High Cross on Daniel after beating the hell out of him. Sheamus climbs out of the ring and starts back up the ring. Dear, God. Was RAW booking only Nexus and Cena tonight? This is ridiculous.
Anyway, Edge makes his way to the ring to supposedly apologize to the computer.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Oh. Damn. Forgot this fruit existed. Daniel Bryan, go awa-nevermind. GO SHEAMUS GO! #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Oh God, it’s the battle of wrestlers who don’t tan!
@KeepItFiveStar Did Daniel Bryan fail a Wellness test or something? Did he piss the Vegan police off? That was weird.
@Niki_Sushi OMFG! Who put a wrestling match in my commercials?! #BWF #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar “And THAT’s for fulfilling your indy dates while under contract!” – Sheamus after destroying Daniel Bryan
And a Video Package of what we just saw, like fifteen seconds ago. Jesus Christ, RAW. I get that Cena joining Nexus is a big deal, but there are other Superstars…
Oh, God, Michael Cole’s in the ring. He’s now going to speak for the General Manager. I guess Stephen Hawking got pissed at the WWE for using his voice. Supposedly, it’s because of the events of the last few weeks, and will now communicate via email. So, the GM hates us all, is what I’m getting.
Awesome.
Before Edge comes out, the GM wants us to see the hilarious, I’m sorry, horrific events of last week.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Edge WTFPWNS the GM.>
The destruction of the GM last week was unacceptable. Two things are going to happen: Edge is “going to apologize”, and the GM will make a huge announcement regarding the WWE Championship.
You think you know me…
Edge, of course, says he won’t apologize. He’s on a personal crusade against all things stupid, and around here, there are a lot of things that are stupid. Michael Cole has been the personification of stupid since 1997. He’d rather listen to a recording of JR than a live Michael Cole. And if the GM thinks he has attitude, then when Edge becomes WWE Champion, then he’ll see attitude. The GM says that tonight they will decide the Number One Contender for the WWE Championship in a 20-Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royale. Don’t expect me to keep up with that. The winner will face Randy Orton at Bragging Rights. Edge, however, has disrespected the GM one too many times, and won’t be in the battle royal tonight, because the GM has officially traded him to Smackdown.
Edge says it’s the greatest night of his career, because he now doesn’t have to listen to a computer, or this tool say, “And I Quote.” Cole flips out, and everyone boos him. Yeah, good job Cole. Cole says that now that he’s the official voice of the WWE, Edge needs to treat him with respect. Edge asks if he went off RAW after spearing Cole into next week would be respectful.
AWESOME
The Miz and Alex Riley make their way down to the ring. Miz says that Edge will do no such thing. Cole is a visionary, the one person that realized Miz’ awesomeness before anyone else. Cole leaves the ring, tripping. Miz tells him to go back to the announce table. Edge calls Miz an Edge-wannabe. Edge then goes through the checklist of Edge. Miz says that that was an interesting analysis, but they’re nothing alike. Edge says that he’s right, because Edge has been WWE Champion, and has been married, divorced, had a live celebration. He hasn’t even seen Miz talk to a woman, unless you count Alex Riley. Riley says that whether Edge likes it or not, Miz is the future of the WWE. Edge says that Miz is awesome at tapping out to Daniel Bryan.
Miz says that if Edge is trying to agitate Miz, it’s not working. Miz is either going to be competing in a WWE Championship match, or leading RAW into decimating Smackdown. So, why doesn’t Edge go to SyFy and tell all his new Smackdown buddies that he’s the Miz and he’s awesome.
Edge then attacks Miz and Alex Riley, Spearing Alex Riley, only to get a Skull Crushing Finale from Miz.
Cena backstage with Nexus, and Barrett says that Cena did him a favor in attacking Tarver. He wants Cena to help him with tonight’s battle royal. Cena asks what happens if he wins, and Barrett says that he’s ordering Cena to help him win. Otunga sticks his foot in his mouth and gets berated for it, and then tells Cena to either do as he’s told or get fired.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Michael Cole has to stand on a box to be seen? #WWE #RAW #BWF
@seraphalexiel Fool. Hide yo paper, at least.
@TKeep123 “I’d rather listen to a recording of JR than a live Michael Cole!” – Edge #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi That’s….. three or four laptops now? I seriously hope that’s included in the budget… I don’t think Nextel makes laptops. #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes Hey Otunga, know your role and shut your mouth. #wwe
@bethsharae I love Edge’s crusade. I shall join him. I now destroy all things stupid. #Raw #WWE
Oh, fuck me running… It’s the Bellas.
Nikki and Brie Bella vs. The Unified Divas Champions LayCool
Jesus Christ, someone put a mic on LayCool. My head hurts bad enough right now… I have no idea what the fuck is going on, okay? I don’t even care anymore. Oh, and there goes the Switcheroo again. Someone kill me. Seriously.
Nikki and Brie Bella win via the same old shit… er, pinfall.
Maryse is backstage, talking to Knox. He says that he doesn’t speak Spanish, and she accuses him of sending the messages. Ted then walks up and accuses him too, and Ted walks right into the huge hand. Maryse throws her shoes at Knox, and then Maryse is hit by the hand and lands right on top of Ted. Knox is apologizing repeatedly, and then runs away from a very pissed looking Ted.
<COMEMRCIAL>
@StrikerSays Are you serious. You just put the BELLAS over your champion. What is this fuckery.
@KeepItFiveStar This match is already longer than Natalya vs Alicia Fox
@ThingsColeSays They have found a way to make LayCool ever more annoying. Well done.
@inkincisions WHAT IS UP WITH DIVAS AND THROWING SHOES ?!?!?!?!?!
@divadirt LMAO! Maryse continues the shoe-throwing trend only to get hit by a giant hand. There’s a very un-PG joke in there somewhere. #WWE
@legendkiller515 that big ass hand is funny #wwe #raw #bwf
<VIDEO PACKAGE: R-Truth and Eve Torres defeat Maryse and Ted DiBiase two weeks ago; the secret admirer messages start.>
Please welcome the guest star of RAW, Johnny Knoxville. Oh, Jackass 3D is in theaters October 15th. Yes, let’s put Knoxville in the ring. Because that went so well last time.
Knoxville’s talking really fast, is obviously freaked out by DiBiase coming after him, and tries to leave before he does. Too bad, because he’s here…
Knox says that he was just trying to make Maryse laugh, like Ted does… And proceeds to make a fool out of himself. Then smacks the taste out of Knox’s mouth. Then, it looks like he’s trying for Dreamstreet, but Knox just lays there like a limp noodle. Another message comes over the tron: You are mine. Goldust attacks DiBiase, and Maryse just stands there.
Goldust then tells DiBiase he doesn’t want him, obviously, and walks over to Maryse, who seems to be trying hard not to laugh. He does, however, say that he doesn’t want Maryse. What he wants, is the Million Dollar Belt. Only Goldust would send love notes to a belt. Seriously.
Next up: The 20 Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal.
Here are all the guys I think I saw. I’ll fix it as I can:
John Cena, Mark Henry, Evan Bourne, Mr. Money in the Bank The Miz, William Regal, David Otunga, Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, and Zack Ryder. That’s all I managed to catch, but I’ll do the best I can.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes It’s amazing how great Raw started and where we are now. #wwe
@kickoutblog OMG IT IS GOLDUST! HE WANTS THE MILLION DOLLAR TITLE!
@ThingsColeSays Hey Johnny, there’s a new joke going around have you heard it? What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAPPPPPPPPPP!
@StrikerSays So happy for the return of BIZARRE Goldie. He had dialed down to just “odd.”
<VIDEO PACKAGE: WWE Superstars and Make A Wish.>
King and Cole remind us that a shitload of stuff has happened… if you’ve been watching, you know. If not, scroll up. I’m tired of repeating the same shit.
And Cena’s backstage, brooding over the arm band. Otunga walks up and says that he knows he’s upset. He wants to tell Cena that Nexus isn’t all bad. Barrett is a bit demanding sometimes, but deep down, they can make it work. Cena may feel like this is the end, but it’s not. If Cena ever needs to talk, Otunga’s there for him. Just let him know.
Cole opens his mouth and reminds us of what we’ve already seen. It’s okay, Cole. I have the memory of a goldfish. Thanks a bunch, man.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Randy Orton punts Chris Jericho last week.>
Twenty Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal
Fuck keeping up with this, so here’s who in the damn match. I’ll just tell you who wins, because it’s easier.
Participants: John Morrison, R-Truth, Santino Marella, Vladimir Kozlov, Sheamus, John Cena, Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, David Otunga, Zack Ryder, William Regal, Evan Bourne, Mark Henry, The Miz, Ted DiBiase, David Hart Smith, Tyson Kidd, Darren Young, and Primo.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar CENA! WHERE’S YOUR SHIRT! You had time!
@bethsharae …. Truth doesn’t get to sing anymore?! HELL YES!!! #Raw #WWE
@HitTheRopes Otunga, don’t you pay attention!? Darren Young, Michael Tarver. What do they AND you have in common? Stay far from Cena. LOLZ #wwe
@legendkiller515 once again no one understands what the hell r-truth is saying in his damn songs #wwe #raw #bwf
Found all the damn contestants. I don’t know what’s going on… Don’t make me figure it all out. Cena eliminated Otunga, and now Barrett yells at him for it. Nexus just argues in the middle of the ring, and no one is aware of it, apparently. God, idiocy.
<COMEMRCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Why is Mark Henry asking why? Did he not see the first 10 minutes of the show?
@HitTheRopes I always wish for something unexpected like Santino to win something like this. #wwe
@kickoutblog Why the hell is Darren Young in this match?
@Niki_Sushi I look up to see Nexus, and totally went ‘GO GO POWER RANGERS!!!’ #BWF #RAW
@legendkiller515 this is the oddest collection of #raw superstars for a battle royal ive ever seen. most of them dont belong in this match #wwe #bwf
I don’t’ know what I’m supposed to say. The outcome was obvious.
Wade Barrett wins.
But, cutting his victory celebration short is none other than the WWE Champion, Randy Orton, who makes his way right up to the ring and right inside, like Barrett ain’t nothing. Which, he probably isn’t. Insert epic staredown, Randy holding up the title, and thus, RAW ends.
Proud of myself for getting this finished for you all tonight, even with a headache and some weird ass dizziness. Anyway, until next week!
Well hello there and welcome back to your weekly edition of things random in this world of wrestlingHope things are all well and as I get closer to death, I look out and see a lot on my plate before that happens so lets talk some wrestling shall we?: (more…)
Thank you, thank you, thank you to Jason Mann of Wrestlespective for using one of my favorite old Bobby Heenan jokes for the title of this week’s Power Poll. Ready? Here we go!
Power Poll 9/29/10: Well, he urn-ed it!
1. Randy Orton (Last week: 1)
The Viper has set a record for most weeks at number one on the Power Poll – which, given the short time frame that the poll has been around, isn’t nearly as impressive as it sounds. Still, the WWE Champion manages to hang on to the top spot this week with his dismantling of Chris Jericho on RAW. (My vote: 2)
2. Kane (3)
The World Heavyweight Champion moves up a spot this week to number two after destroying Chris Masters and calling out his brother The Undertaker on SmackDown. (My vote: 7)
3. Undertaker (NR)
Speaking of The Undertaker, the power of the urn returns to him in the form of Paul Bearer at his side. Finally shifting the balance of power to his half of the dark side, the Phenom jumps from obscurity to the number 3 spot on the Power Poll (My vote: 4)
4. John Cena (5)
Let the instant replay in professional wrestling debate begin! The anonymous General Manager of RAW restarted Cena’s match with Edge after the Rated R Superstar pinned Cena with his foot under the bottom rope, leading to an STF victory for Cena. The GM, on the other hand, wasn’t so lucky… (My vote: NR)
5. Daniel Bryan (2)
The United States Champion may have bit off more than he can chew when he inadvertently hit tag team partner John Morrison following their loss on Monday. He now finds himself in a triple threat match with former WWE Tag Team Champions at Hell In A Cell. (My vote: NR)
6. The Miz (4)
He’s The Miz, and he pinned Bryan Daniel clean this past Monday on RAW. The second part of the US Championship triple threat at Hell in a Cell, Mr. Money In The Bank drops two spots this week. (My vote: 9)
7. Sheamus (10)
The former WWE Champion must’ve done something to redeem himself this week, since he’s moved back up three slots to number seven. Destroying The Great Khali, even if it was with chairs, will do that, fella! (My vote: 5)
8. Wade Barrett (8)
The leader of the Nexus coached the team of Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel to victory over Evan Bourne and Mark Henry, then joined in on the post match beatdown of Bourne. He faces John Cena at Hell In A Cell – can he win and prevent Nexus from disbanding? (My vote: NR)
9. CM Punk (NR)
With an out of nowhere victory over former Straight Edge Society running buddy Luke Gallows, CM Punk returns to the Power Poll. (My vote: 3)
10. Edge (NR)
After having a pinfall victory overturned by the anonymous General Manager, the Rated R Superstar finally had enough and destroyed the GM’s computer. Maybe now we’ll finally find out who the GM is. (My vote: 1)
Dropped out: Alberto Del Rio, Dolph Ziggler, John Morrison
Also voted on by me: Alberto Del Rio (6), The Pope (8), and John Morrison (10)
Hello, everyone! Terribly sorry about not getting a review up for last week’s RAW, but things were really hectic. Anyway, I’m back tonight, and you can bet there’s gonna be a review up this week!
If you didn’t know it by now, Randy Orton is the new WWE Champion following Night of Champions! And at Hell in a Cell this Sunday, he’s got his hands full with Sheamus in a one on one rematch for the WWE Champion. But, this week? He’s got his hands full with Chris Jericho as they compete. And if Chris wins? Well, if Chris wins, Randy Orton will give Chris a title opportunity whenever he wants it.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: The Miz didn’t tap out at Night of Champions, and Daniel Bryan pays for his win last week on RAW.>
AWESOME
Miz and Alex Riley get to the ring tonight, and Miz says that Daniel Bryan challenged him and Alex Riley to a tag team match. Didn’t Bryan learn his lesson last week? Bryan’s like the guy who wins a hundred million dollars in the lottery and thinks he’s gonna win every time he plays. What happens every Monday night? Bryan gets embarrassed by The Miz. And on tonight’s episode, he’s bringing a tag team partner to join in on the fun. So, come one, come all, and join in on the beatdown!
Daniel Bryan’s music plays, and Miz asks if that’s really his music. Then, he asks who Daniel’s tag team partner is, and if he even has any friends. Miz is interrupted in his catchphrase yet again by John Morrison’s music.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan and John Morrison vs Mr. Money in the Bank The Miz and Alex Riley
Bryan and Riley start out, with Bryan getting the momentum early. He goes for an early cover, but Riley kicks out. Bryan tags in Morrison, but Riley attacks back. Morrison gets the advantage, however, and Riley drops him into the top rope. Riley keeps the advantage over Morrison as Miz is in the ring. Miz then drops Morrison right into the bottom rope. Miz gets covered, but kicks out. Miz manhandles Morrison, then backs up to have Riley come up. Riley stomps on Morrison in the corner before the ref pulls him out. Riley then drops Morrison and goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out. Miz gets tagged in, and hits a swinging corner clothesline on Morrison before going for a cover, only for Morrison to kick out. Morrison goes for a tag, but when he jumps up, Miz catches him. Miz misses a clothesline and dives for Bryan, but Miz grabs his leg and goes to pull him back, only to get a kick in the face. Morrison finally tags Bryan in, and Miz misses a clothesline as Bryan takes out Riley and hits a dropkick on Miz. He goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Bryan goes for the Labelle Lock but Miz counters with Skull Crushing Finale. Miz pins him for the cover.
The Miz and Alex Riley win via pinfall.
Miz attacks Bryan after the match, but Morrison comes to his rescue, and Bryan takes out both Morrison and the Miz. Morrison pulls Bryan off of Miz, but Bryan attacks Morrison. Morrison attacks Bryan, then Miz goes back to attacking Bryan, and then Morrison jumps on them both.
“I’ve decided that this Sunday, at Hell in a Cell, for the first time ever, Daniel Bryan will defend the United States Championship against both John Morrison and The Miz. But it will be defended in a match that I just invented: A Triple Threat Submissions Count Anywhere Match.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@legendkiller515 since when was hell in the cell an important pay per view #wwe #raw #bwf
@ _MFS_ Can King please read the emails? Cole already talks WAY too much #WWE #RAW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar Damn Tamina. What’d the O-Zone Layer do to you?
@kickoutblog KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! #danielfudd
@bethsharae Yep, Miz and Riley will win this one. I’m already calling it. Morrison has once like once or twice against Miz since they broke up. #Raw
Divas Battle Royal for the Number One Contender for the Unified Diva’s Championship
I see Melina, the Bellas, Eve, Gail, Jillian, Maryse, Alicia, Tamina, and Natalya. Then LayCool comes on out to sit ringside. I’m not even going to try to keep up with this cluster fuck.
Natalya wins.
Good to finally see Natalya get her chance. Anywho, didn’t pay attention to the match. I hate Divas Battle Royals.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Legendary comes out tomorrow. John Cena’s been everywhere promoting it.>
Later tonight, Edge has The General Manager on The Cutting Edge.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Finally, a talented female athlete challenging for the Divas Title, are my eyes deceiving me?
@_MFS_ Okay, so they surprised me there, a Diva with actual fucking talent actually won, good job for once #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi Yeah…. Officially fucking sick of LayCool. Michelle needs to go the hell away so Layla – who has talent – can shine. Skank. #BWF #RAW
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Eve Torres and R-Truth defeated Maryse and Ted DiBiase. Mystery message on the Titantron.>
Maryse is backstage with Ted, upset that Eve cost her the battle royal. Ted says he doesn’t care about the battle royal, and that she cost them the match last week. Someone knocks on the door and slips an envelope under the door. Maryse opens it and it reads, “Next week, you will be mine.”
It’s a shameful thing, lobster head!! TOO MANY LIMES, TOO MANY LIMES!
Sheamus says that we may have heard of some kind of Irish tale about two princes who had to race to get the throne of Ireland. The first prince to put his hand on the kingdom became the new king. As it came to a close, the younger of the two princes knew he was about to lose, so he cut off his hand and threw it at the castle. It made him the king of Ireland. Sheamus says he’s willing to cut off his own hand to win back the WWE Title. I don’t think that’s a good idea. Orton has underestimated Sheamus, and Sheamus should talk to Triple H because Sheamus ended Triple H’s career. In that cell, Sheamus is going to have the time of his life. But, right now, he wants to call out any WWE Superstar with a set of tires to face him. But, if they do, not only will they find out why he’s a future three-time WWE Champion, but why he’s also the fiery red hand of the WWE.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi I’m waiting for i- there it was. Fella. And I quote: VINTAGE SHEAMUS!
@TKeep123 Mysterious “I WILL HAVE YOU” message….gotta be from GoldDust! #WWE #RAW
@ThingsColeSays Does “fiery red hand of WWE” mean Sheamus has herpes of the hand or something? Hide yo kids, hide yo wife!
@_MFS_ Sheamus, cutting off hands is not PG #WWE #RAW #BWF
We come back, and Sheamus says that it’s not a surprise that no one back there is man enough to take him on. Then, of course, the Great Khali comes out.
Sheamus vs The Great Khali
Khali slaps Sheamus’ chest, and Sheamus proceeds to beat Khali to the ground. Sheamus then kicks Khali in the head and out of the ring. Outside the ring, he proceeds to beat Khali up as the ref counts. He takes the top off the announce table and beats Khali with it, then stealing Jerry’s chair, and then Cole’s chair. The bell has rung at this point, but Sheamus just keeps throwing chairs.
The Great Khali wins via disqualification.
Sheamus then gets Khali up, but Khali pushes him into the turn buckle, but gets a Brogue Kick for his troubles. He goes to get up, but gets another Brogue Kick.
Up next, Edge has the RAW General Manager on the Cutting Edge!
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Every week I hope The Great Khali finally made that trip back to India. And every week I’m disappointed.
@bethsharae Dang Sheamus! One bonus of being so white, any amount of Red just glows. #Raw
@TKeep123 WOW!!! The hand print on Sheamus’ chest is amazing!!! #WWE #RAW
@kickoutblog If I had Khali’s hand tattooed on my chest, I’d be pissed too
You think you know me…
The whole podium is in the ring. If Cole reads the whole thing, I’m going to spaz… Really hard. I kind of wish Cole would get punched in the face. I’d take Josh Matthews over him.
Edge says that tonight is a first. The RAW GM is the guest. Edge does appreciate the GM agreeing to show up on the show. The computer will generate a voice (thank God), to keep this person’s identity a secret. Edge asks why he is such a spineless coward. The GM asks why Edge is such a moron. The GM remains anonymous to protect his identity. If people knew who he was, it’d change everything. Edge says that’s the worst voice ever. He thought he was Stone Cold, the Rock, Shawn Michaels, Bob Barker, or Lindsay Lohan after another bender. The only thing Edge knows is that whoever he is, he is a big fat liar. The GM says seriously, Edge, you hurt his feelings. Why do you have to hate, yo. He tried to make peace with him, but he wants confrontation. Why does Edge despise the GM? Edge asks why the GM despises him, and then asks why he’s arguing with a computer. Edge says that’s it. He’s gonna go ask Chris Jericho exactly who the GM is. The GM says Jericho is bluffing, but the GM knows a lot of things… Like Edge’s opponent. Right now.
Insert Stephen Hawking laughter.
Edge says that he doesn’t have an opponent, and he’s done talking to an overgrown Speak ‘N Spell, and he’s out. The GM says that he does have a match tonight, because the GM has scheduled a match between Edge and this man…
BRRRRRRRRRRRR RUBBER POO!
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes Edge, when you start arguing with a computer, you know it’s time to leave Raw. Come back to Smackdown, yo
@ThingsColeSays Edge is right. The state of Raw these days.
@KeepItFiveStar Is the GM JTG? JTGM?
@Grotessk The RAW GM is T-Pain.
@_MFS_ It’s okay Edge, I argue with my computer at work all day too #WWE #RAW #BWF
John Cena vs Edge
Nexus is watching backstage. Big surprise.
Anyway, Cena gets the early advantage, but Edge punches that out of him. Cena hits Edge with a drop toe-hold, but Edge kicks him out of the ring. Cena starts to try to get back in the ring, but Edge hits a baseball slide and kicks him right back out. Edge Irish whips Cena into the steel steps, then rolls into the ring to break the count. I missed what happened, but I saw Cena go for an Attitude Adjustment, and Edge counter. Edge goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out. Edge keeps the advantage, punching his face as the ref tries to get him to back up. Cena begins to fight back, ducking a clothesline, hitting a flying shoulder tackle before Edge stops him. Edge goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Edge gets Cena in a corner, then Irish whips him across the ring. Edge goes for a suplex, but Cena counters it with one of his own. Cena gets up and goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Edge counters again and goes for a cover, only for Cena to kick out again. The crowd starts a “Let’s Go Cena, Let’s Go Edge” chant as Cena wakes up and starts fighting back a little more. Cena gets up on the second rope and tries to get an Attitude Adjustment again, but Edge jumps down and hits a spear on Cena by the ropes, covering him. Cena’s leg was under the rope, however, and Edge thinks he just won cleanly. But, the GM hates him, so here’s the email!
Edge wins via pinfall.
“You need to play by the rules. John Cena’s foot was clearly under the bottom rope. See for yourself. Therefore, this match will continue.”
Told ya.
Edge then runs back and starts punching Cena in the head. Edge goes for the Spear again, but Cena counters with the STF. Edge almost gets to the rope, but Cena pulls him back to the center of the ring. Edge taps.
John Cena wins via submission.
Edge climbs out of the ring and starts slowly toward the computer.
“Edge, you lost fair and square. Don’t look at me like that. Just walk away.”
Edge stops, and looks at the computer again, only for the computer to ask him what he’s doing. The computer says that Edge has the crazy eyes and he’s warning him. Then, Edge knocks over the podium, and breaks the laptop in half, then beats it with a chair, then with his head. Obviously, Edge is pissed.
<COMMERCIAL>
@ThingsColeSays THAT’S WHY YOU HOOK BOTH LEGS, BOYS AND GIRLS. There’s a lesson to be learned here.
@bethsharae ….There is not instant replay in wrestling! Go away General Manager! #WWE #Raw
@HitTheRopes LOL, the Raw GM was injured. The #WWE had to find a way to write him out of the storyline.
@kickoutblog “Edge… you have the crazy eyes” might be my favorite WWE line since “malignant fist.”
@KeepItFiveStar OH NO! CHAIRSHOTS TO THE GM’S HEAD!
@TKeep123 Edge lays the RAW SMACKDOWN on the computer GM laptop. Edge 1 : GM 0 #WWE #RAW
@_MFS_ Yay! Dead computer! Man I wish I could do that to the crappy computers where I work! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@TeamNakedBaby Edge just killed Stephen Hawking 😀
Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater vs Mark Henry and Evan Bourne
Evan and Heath start out, Heath getting a good grip on Bourne pretty early. He already tags in Gabriel, who goes for a cover only for Bourne to kick out. Gabriel tags Slater back in and Slater hits a knee drop on Bourne and goes for a cover. Slater keeps momentum over Bourne, until he misses a clothesline and Bourne hits a high knee to Slater’s face. Slater tags in Gabriel, and Henry comes in off the tag too. Henry proceeds to deliver some hard hits to Gabriel, and downs Slater when he tries to help, then drops Gabriel on his stomach. Henry tags in Bourne, who is then taken out by Gabriel, after Slater takes out Henry. Gabriel climbs to the top rope now, and attempts the 450 Splash on Bourne, who manages to avoid it. Bourne goes to the top, and hits Air Bourne. He goes for the cover and Slater rolls them over so Gabriel pins Bourne.
Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel win via pinfall.
Nexus launches Mark Henry into the steel steps and then climb into the ring to get Evan. Otunga delivers a clothesline to Bourne, Tarver punches him hard, Slater just takes him down with some move (his trunks are sparkly and distracting), and then Barrett lifts him up, hitting Wasteland on Bourne. Tarver and Barrett move Bourne, and Gabriel hits a successful 450 Splash.
Barrett gets a mic and says that Nexus has said from the very beginning that you’re either Nexus, or you’re against us. After Hell in a Cell, Cena will no longer be “against us”, because when Barrett beats him, he will become property of Nexus. It’s not like they need him, but Cena’s going to serve a purpose. Cena’s going to take them to the upper something, and help them demoralize the entire WWE. Just to show Cena that being a part of the Nexus isn’t all bad, they’ve decided that they’re going to take a little trip. Otunga takes the mic and says that they’re invading Smackdown Friday. Unlike RAW, they’re giving all the superstars on Smackdown a fair warning. Tarver takes the mic and says the bad news is that they are the bad news. None of you can stop them.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Please, please, please let us get some high flying insanity with Bourne and Gabriel.
@TKeep123 Mark Henry becomes the World’s Strongest Yard Dart at the hands of Nexus! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@HitTheRopes Anybody else find Wade Barrett’s face eerily similar to that of a rat?
Next week, Johnny Knoxville is the guest star. Remembering how bad it was last time, this’ll be fun.
The Hart Dynasty with Natalya vs The WWE Tag Team Champions Drew McIntyre and Dashing Cody Rhodes for the WWE Tag Team Championship
I admit that I like typing Dashing in front of Cody Rhodes’ name. And that’s all I’ll say about that. Promise.
Tyson and Rhodes start out. Rhodes sends Kidd out to the apron, but Kidd jumps right back in and goes for a cover, only for Rhodes to kick out. Rhodes tags in McIntyre, and they hurl Kidd into the turnbuckle. McIntyre gets Kidd up by his head and tags in Rhodes. Rhodes hits Kidd, tags in McIntyre, and then Irish whips him right into McIntyre’s clothesline. McIntyre goes for a move, but Kidd kicks him in the head. McIntyre tags in Rhodes and Smith is tagged in too. Smith hits Rhodes with some hard this, and then knees him in the face. Rhodes is then dominated to the ground, Smith going for a cover only for McIntyre to interfere and then get knocked out of the ring. The Hart Dynasty go for the Hart Attack, but McIntyre pushes Kidd off early. Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the win.
Drew McIntyre and Dashing Cody Rhodes win via pinfall.
Smith asks why Kidd hit him from behind, and the two argue with Natalya trying to get them to stop. Smith walks away after shoving Kidd.
Up next, Chris Jericho will take on WWE Champion Randy Orton.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Uh Cole, all wrestlers shave their legs.
@seraphalexiel Everytime they play Cody’s song instead of Drew’s, someone kicks a puppy around. Stop puppy violence
@TKeep123 I wonder if Cody and Drew take turns shaving each other!…. Those boys be smooth! #WWE #RAW
@HitTheRopes Just what #WWE needs to do: break up an ACTUAL tag team. smh
@Niki_Sushi You know you hit hard when Drew McIntyre does a Gollum Crawl to the ropes. #BWF #RAW
Cena and Truth backstage. Truth says no matter what happens on Sunday, truth is, he always has Cena’s back. Cena says he knows what’s at stake, and he’s going to take Nexus out one by one. Truth tells him to be careful, and Cena says that he’s always careful. Truth says he’s one of the most reckless people he knows. Cena says he is, but Nexus, since they’re going to the premiere of Smackdown on Friday, maybe he should be there, and if they run into each other, then Hell in a Cell starts early.
Break the walls down!
Chris says that when he wins this match tonight, he will be the number one contender, and will go on to win the WWE Championship, do you understand what he is saying to you right now? He’ll be the first to admit that Orton is a dangerous man, but he’s not scared. He’s changed from the fresh upstart he was when he first started to a deranged lunatic who has done whatever he could to become champion. He is a viper. He thinks, strikes, and acts like a snake, whenever he wants when he hits the RKO. But, much like Randy used to call himself the Legend Killer, Chris is going to call himself the Viper Killer, and will strike the head of the snake right here, and Orton will join the ranks of Hall of Famers and Legends who have been beaten by him. The list starts and continues, but a commercial interrupts.
<COMMERCIAL>
@bethsharae Did R-Truth just call Cena “Crunk”? #raw
@KeepItFiveStar “U da moss reckless. Moss gettin crunk person. I KNOW!” – R-Truth (What??)
@kickoutblog I write the most gettin’ crunk Raw reviews. And that’s the truth
@HitTheRopes Every time R-Truth sets foot in front of a #WWE camera I feel the black race is set back decades “Most getting crunk person…” #facepalm
@seraphalexiel DID THEY JUST CUT OFF JERICHO???? SOMEONE NEED TO GET FIRED
@CawCawBang Word of the day is Crunk
@_MFS_ Ummm interrupting someone who can actually cut a promo with commercials? Not cool #WWE, not cool at all #RAW #BWF
We come back to Jericho’s list continuing, still. By the way, gonna plug here. Got Jericho’s DVD in the mail today, and it is amazing. Worth every penny. Trust me. Get it!
I hear voices in my head…
Anyway, the list is interrupted by Randy’s entrance.
Chris Jericho vs WWE Champion Randy Orton
Jericho starts off the match with a strong kick to Orton’s stomach. He gets Orton in the corner and delivers some solid hits before Irish whipping Orton across the ring only to run into a clothesline. Orton hits back at Jericho, however, dropping his knee into Jericho’s face. He hits an uppercut on Jericho, who’s hanging out of the ring on the apron, and then climbs back in. Jericho hits a slap on Orton to get him out of his face, and then kicks Orton right in the shoulder. He taunts Orton, calling him a stupid man, his new favorite insult, before Orton starts hitting back again. Orton Irish whips Jericho, who holds onto the ropes, and then is clotheslined out of the ring. Orton walks out with him and Irish whips Jericho, who reverses, and whips Orton into the barrier.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes ARMBAR!!!!! #wwe
@Niki_Sushi Wow…. was @IAmJericho seriously listing people off that whole time? Elephant memory he has. #BWF #RAW
@Lagana Has WWE mentioned and promoted more TNA people tonight then TNA usually does?
@WellYoureWrong …MOSS COVERED THREE HANDLED FAMILY GREDUNZA #1004opponents #wwe
@legendkiller515 damn jericho is naming everyone he beat. #classic #wwe #raw #bwf
We come back to Orton stomping on Jericho, and Sheamus walks out from behind the curtain to watch the match. Orton sees him and pauses his methodical beat down of Jericho’s legs to stare at him. Jericho gets to his feet and goes for a clothesline, but Orton ducks and Jericho hits and insagari before hitting Orton’s neck against the bottom rope after a failed cover. Orton gets up and attempts the RKO, but Jericho counters into a backslide, only for Orton to kick out. Jericho goes for another cover after a dropkick, but Orton kicks out. Jericho gets Orton in a headlock. Orton fights out of it, and runs right into a dropkick. Jericho goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out at two again. Jericho drops his knee in Orton’s face, and then goes for another cover, only for Orton to kick out again. Jericho gets Orton in a submission, but Orton fights out, delivering a back breaker to Jericho. Orton gets up and watches Jericho, taking him down with clotheslines, and a scoop slam. He then backs Jericho into the corner and Irish whips him. Jericho puts his foot in Orton’s face when Orton runs at him, and then misses a Lionsault. Orton hits the backbreaker and goes for the RKO, only for Jericho to drop him. Jericho hits the Lionsault this time and goes for a cover, only for Orton to kick out. Jericho gets up and kicks Orton in the stomach, but Orton goes for the DDT from the second rope. Jericho counters it and locks in the Walls of Jericho. Orton reaches for the bottom rope, however, but Jericho pulls him back to the center of the ring. Orton reverses it and knocks Jericho out of the ring. Jericho goes right back in, and then this the DDT from the second rope.
Block of test is huge, so here’s a break.
Orton drops down to his knees, and Sheamus misses a clothesline on Orton and the ref calls for the bell. Orton then hits the DDT from the second rope on Sheamus. Orton starts to go for a punt, but Jericho hits the Code Breaker on Orton instead. Jericho grabs a chair and climbs back in the ring, telling Orton to get up. Jericho says he’s gonna knock Orton’s head off, but Jericho misses with the chair and Orton hits the RKO on Jericho. Orton then punts Jericho in the head. Sheamus looks terrified that he actually did it, however.
Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. One wild RAW. Decent lead up to Hell in a Cell, I think, so we’ll see what happens! ‘Til next week!
Whats up people? I hope everything is all well on your end as well as it is mine and if not, hopefully it’s getting better like mine. But all in all your here and that’s what matters and I should stop rambling and just get on with the article because it just feels weird to just keep going on and on and on while you wait for what I have to say about things. So lets get this show on the road so we can all watch some football or something: (more…)
As if there were any question. The Viper has been topping the Power Poll regularly without the WWE Championship, and now that he’s got the title he’s got to be unstoppable on this thing. His show opening promo with Sheamus was one of very few highlights on this past Monday’s RAW. (My vote: 1)
2. Daniel Bryan (9)
Once again proving that a championship victory means a lot to the members of the Power Poll voting committee, Daniel Bryan jets up the ranks by taking the United States Championship from his former NXT pro The Miz. (My vote: 4)
3. Kane (2)
It’s a rare occasion for any superstar to have The Undertaker’s number, and it finally seems as if Kane may have joined that elite group as he retains the World Heavyweight Championship at Night of Champions. (My vote: 9)
4. The Miz (10)
Even in defeat, The Miz catapults up the Power Poll this week. Mr. Money In The Bank looked strong in his loss at Night of Champions, and his beatdown of Daniel Bryan on RAW certainly helped him regain any lost respect. (My vote: 3)
5. John Cena (3)
I could’ve sworn I voted for Cena this week in the poll, but apparently not. It doesn’t help him as he drops two spots, despite defeating a majority of The Nexus members on RAW. (My vote: NR)
6. Alberto Del Rio (5)
Not much from Alberto Del Rio this week, but he’s doing his job well enough that we haven’t forgotten him. (My vote: 8)
7. Dolph Ziggler (NR)
Retaining his Intercontinental Championship against all odds at Night of Champions, Dolph Ziggler earns enough votes to get himself onto the Power Poll. (My vote: NR)
8. Wade Barrett (NR)
A strong showing at Night of Champions and the prospect of forcing John Cena to join The Nexus helps Wade Barrett return to the Power Poll. Again. (My vote: NR)
9. John Morrison (NR)
How this guy didn’t get on the Power Poll last week is beyond me. Utilizing his Parkour Training in his matches is starting to get the Shaman of Sexy noticed on Monday nights. (My vote: 6)
10. Sheamus (8)
The Fellabration is just about over for Sheamus as he’s dangerously close to dropping off of the list. He’ll get his chance to redeem himself in two weeks as he challenges Randy Orton in a Hell In A Cell.
Dropped out: The Undertaker, Roderick Strong, Chris Jericho
Others voted on my me: Jay Lethal (5), Kurt Angle (7), Drew McIntyre (10)
The Power Poll is a weekly top 10 ranking of wrestlers as voted by members of these wondeful sites: BoredWrestlingFan.com, Future Endeavors, Hit the Ropes, NoVaWPodcast, Oh My WrestleBlog, Online World of Wrestling, PIZZABODYSLAM, Pro Wrestling Ponderings, Project Wonderboy, Ringside Rants, Smark Out Moment, The Superplex, The Wrestling Blog, WrestlingAdikt.com, WrestleRage.com and Wrestlespective. If you have a wrestling site and are interested in becoming a voter, e-mail wrestlespective (at) gmail.com.
