Match 1: Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo…Its your boys, Cryme Time accompanied by Eve Torres against the Hart Dynasty
Shad and David Hart Smith start the match off. DH is huge, but Shad is gigantic! The Hart Dynasty works on Shad’s knee after a chop block by Tyson Kidd. Once Shad gets the tag, JTG gets the pin on Tyson Kidd after a chaotic sequence that ended in a modified back breaker.
Rey Rey is out to address the Intercontinental title situation. Obviously Dolph Ziggler is going to be his opponent at Night of Champions. Ziggler comes out to remind people what his name is. Challenge made for NoC…challenge accepted for NoC. Rey Mysterio vs Dolph Ziggler for the Intercontinental title at Night of Champions. A fight ensues and Dolph Ziggler runs away from Rey Mysterio. What??? I forgot that Rey Rey is that scary.
Match 2: Diva match between Katie Lea and Brie Bella w/ Nikki Bella
Diva wrestling = Crap…Anyway, the twins confuse the referee and one of them gets the rollup win on Katie Lea
Main Event: United States Champ Kofi Kingston against the Big Show
Big Show dominates early on. Shouldn’t Show be in the World Title hunt? Big Show dominates the middle of the match. Shouldn’t Show be in the World Title hunt? Kofi tries to fight back, but Big Show shuts him back down. After a miss in the corner, Kofi tries to come back again, but Show shuts him down again. The quickness of Kofi takes Show down. Trouble in Paradise is blocked and Show Chokeslams the US Champ. Big Show gets the win.
Why is Big Show taking out Kofi on every televised show, only to lose to him at NoC? Shouldn’t he be in the World Title picture? Why isn’t Ted DiBiase taking on Kofi right now? Otherwise, the show saw random rivalries resume for no real reason. Bella Twins vs Katie Lea = random diva rivalry. Hart Dynasty vs Cryme Time = random tag team rivalry unless it leads to a number one contenders match.
Alrighty then folks…join me again for next week’s random mess otherwise known as WWE Superstars.
So on RAW earlier tonight we found out that Evan Bourne, Jack Swagger, and Mark Henry have all joined RAW as part of a 15 Superstar trade. Here’s the complete list:
Coming to Monday Night RAW:
Jack Swagger (from ECW)
Evan Bourne (from ECW)
Mark Henry (from ECW)
Alicia Fox (from SmackDown)
Gail Kim (from SmackDown)
Coming to Friday Night SmackDown:
Matt Hardy (from RAW)
Finlay (from ECW)
The Hart Dynasty – Tyson Kidd, DH Smith, and Natalya (from ECW)
Coming to ECW:
Shelton Benjamin (from SmackDown)
Goldust (from RAW)
William Regal (from RAW)
Nicki & Brie Bella (from RAW)
Somebody please tell me – what the hell was the point of the draft? The Bellas went to RAW from SmackDown with the Draft, as did Matt Hardy. Alicia Fox just got over to SmackDown from ECW and now she’s on RAW. It’s ridiculous. Ah well, whatever. Be interesting to see if ECW is as good minus Swagger, Bourne, Henry, and the Hart Dynasty. Shelton Benjamin is the only major SmackDown loss – and I say this because they pretty much treat Gail Kim like she’s a jobber anyway. In fact, SmackDown will be even better with David Hart Smith, Tyson Kidd, and Natalya (who was drafted to ECW from SmackDown earlier this year in the supplemental draft, incidentally).
I just don’t see the point of this – the draft was just two months ago!
Ok, maybe not, but it is in real-time, so don’t forget to refresh the page every so often if you’re visiting between 10PM and 11PM Eastern on June 23, 2009!
ECW theme plays: Look, new ECW. I just brought up the original ECW, how can I not question your heart?
Five nights away from The Bash, where Mark Henry, Jack Swagger, Christian, Finlay, and ECW Champion Tommy Dreamer will attempt to walk out as champion in a Scramble match!
But tonight, Evan Bourne is here with taped up ribs due to injuries suffered at the hands of The World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry. Bourne’s opponent is The Hart Dynasty’s Tyson Kidd.
Evan Bourne def. Tyson Kidd
Matt Striker assumes that if he presses Triangle and L1, Kidd or Bourne will do something exciting, since they’re almost like video game characters with their high flying offense. David Hart Smith and Natalya hopped up on the apron at the same time, earning themselves an ejection from the referee. Bourne knocks Kidd out of the ring and hits a high-flying maneuver to the outside, earning himself a classic “ECW” chant! Back in the ring, however, Kidd goes after the injured ribs of Bourne. Kidd stretches Bourne as only a Hart Dungeon graduate can do, but Bourne reverses a back suplex attempt into a pin attempt for one. Kidd doesn’t let this minor setback impede his progress, he goes right back after Bourne’s ribs, driving his knee into them and then draping Bourne across the top rope. Bourne starts to battle back amid “Let’s Go Evan” chants. Bourne uses a unique rollup to score a two count and starts to build momentum. Bourne hits a hurricanrana and a Tito Santana-esque flying forearm before taking Kidd down with a high knee. He climbs the ropes and launches a picture perfect Shooting Star Press for the victory! Excellent match to kick off ECW!
A lot of people are saying Finlay took cheap shots on Tommy Dreamer and Christian last week – but they don’t mention the shot on Jack Swagger. The show a video of the cheap shots in question – including the cheap shot on Swagger that I mentioned.
Speaking of Finlay, he’s on his way to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
For some ungodly reason, Finlay still has Hornswoggle’s music. I know this because he’s on his way to the ring as I type this. And apparently, he’s got something to say. People want to know what his problem is and why he did what he did to Christian and Dreamer. He tried to break up a fight between the two of them a few weeks back, and nobody called him to apologize – they texted him. What he did last week wasn’t a cheap shot, it was an eye for an eye, and this Sunday at The Bash…
Oh radio, tell me everything you know…
Zack Ryder tells Finlay to listen up, because Finlay’s overlooking the fact that he’s got a match with the man of ECW, Zack Ryder. Woo Woo Woo, you know it. Whatever that means.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Finlay def. Zack Ryder
The match is underway when we come back, and Finlay is in control. As Matt Striker says, Finlay is looking to make Ryder’s Woo Woo Woo turn backwards into Ow Ow Ow. Finlay attempts to wear down Ryder with submission holds and fierce strikes. Ryder starts to battle back after he and Finlay inadvertantly cracked heads, which seemed to hurt Finlay’s injured eye. Ryder starts to work over the Irishman with submission holds of his own. Mr. Woo Woo Woo goes after the injured eye, wearing Finlay down. Finlay starts to fight back with a barrage of strikes. He hits the Finlay Roll but only gets a two count. Ryder goes after the eye again, and exposes the steel turnbuckle as the referee checks on Finlay, but Finlay manages to catch Ryder with a surprise roll up for the victory!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
RAW REBOUND: Randy Orton and Triple H both failed to answer the referee’s ten count, thus allowing Randy Orton to retain the WWE Championship. Donald Trump sold RAW back to Mr. McMahon for twice what he paid for it. Mr. McMahon then told Randy Orton he’s going to wrestle in Three Stages of Hell at The Bash, defending his title once again against Triple H, who assaulted him in the parking lot after the show.
Josh Matthews and Matt Striker run down the card for The Bash.
Striker gets in the ring and has a blackboard illustrating the ECW Championship Scramble match with him. Your teacher teaches us the rules of the match. He then welcomes Gregory Helms, who is standing by backstage with Mark Henry. Henry starts to talk about tonight’s main event, when a large box falls on a production assistant. When Henry turns back around, Helms is gone, and The Hurricane is saving the production assistant! When Henry turns back around again, Helms is there and asks him again how he feels about his match tonight.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Jack Swagger is the first man out for tonight’s main event, followed by his tag team partner for the evening, Mark Henry. The ECW Champion Tommy Dreamer makes his way out first for his team. Christian makes his way out and we’re set for our main event of the evening.
Tommy Dreamer & Christian vs. Mark Henry & Jack Swagger
Christian and Swagger start off with Christian taking early control. He tags in Dreamer who doesn’t fare as well, until Swagger tags in Mark Henry. Dreamer knocks Henry out of the ring and dumps an incoming Swagger out as well. Dreamer hits the rolling senton from the apron on Henry and Christian hits a cross body from the top onto Swagger, and the “ECW” chants start up again as we head to a…
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Swagger is pounding away on Christian as we come back, but Christian starts to battle back. Dreamer gets the tag in, and starts dominating. Christian inadvertently causes distracts the referee, however, allowing Mark Henry to sneak in and attack Dreamer from behind, which gives Swagger the opportunity to take over and tag in the World’s Strongest Man. Swagger and Henry make the ghost of Gorilla Monsoon proud by cutting the ring in half and using frequent tags to keep a fresh man in the ring, but Swagger finds himself caught with a Dreamer spinebuster. Swagger gets to Henry first, but Dreamer gets to Christian soon after. Captain Charisma takes Henry down with a missile dropkick from the top rope and gets a two count. Christian goes for a sunset flip on Henry, but Swagger tags himself in. Henry goes to sit on Christian, who moves, but Swagger, the legal man, goes for a Gutwrench Powerbomb, which Christian escapes before hitting the Killswitch. Swagger was close enough to the ropes for Tony Atlas to pull his foot under the rope. Henry squashes Christian on the outside, allowing Swagger to hit the Gutwrench on a second attempt to pick up the win.
After the match, Henry drops Dreamer with a World’s Strongest Slam, and then gives one to Jack Swagger for good measure.
My Thoughts: THE HURRICANE IS BACK! This show is usually awesome enough, but to actually see The Hurricane on my television made it that much better for me.
ECW is consistently one of the best shows every week. There’s a reason for that – the talent. Twice tonight, ECW chants broke out in the crowd. It may not be the original, as I alluded to earlier in this post, but it’s still an extremely (no pun intended) enjoyable professional wrestling program.
What the deuce?! It’s me, tharvey1, again with a review of the latest WWE Superstars. I think this show belongs in the Random Randomness weekly column, but I guess it might be too random for even that. Anywho…off we go!
Match 1: Its a he…Santino! He has a message for Chavo. He says that chavo must be so lonely now that his Aunt Vickie has gone wee wee wee all the way home. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Chavo then makes his way to the ring.
This match is one of the very few matches that makes sense for this show. Santino is very funny in the ring. At one point, Chavo attempted to throw Santino into the corner and Santino did a cartwheel to avoid it. Santino blocks the third of the Three Amigos and turns it into a Jackhammer. He then gets greedy and goes for a frog splash, but catches a boot to the face. Chavo pins Santino 1..2..3.
Match 2: Woo Woo Woo! Zack Ryder against a random jobber (Mike Williams). This must be a nice change of pace for Ryder, as he is usually the random jobber.
I hate those half pants that Ryder wears. Woo Woo Woo….you know it! It’s just a matter of time until he is future endeavored. Okie dokie. Ryder wins with his Zack Attack. His entrance music should be Friends Forever by Zack Attack.
Match 3: The lovely, beautiful Maria is the guest referee between Eve and Layla.
Maria is the most important part of this match. Eve hits a cartwheel backflip splash onto Layla for the victory. That looked really nice too. Other than that, it was your standard diva match. After the match, Maria convinces Eve and Layla to shake hands. OK???
Main Event time: The All-American American Jack Swagger and the Hart Dynasty against Captain Charisma and the Tag Team Champs, The Colons
David Hart Smith starts the match with Carlito. There are alot of quick tags to start the match. I would not mind seeing the Hart Dynasty and the Colons for the Tag Titles…of course we probably won’t see that, as Legacy will most likely win the titles. Carlito hits the backstabber on Tyson Kidd for the win.
This show was actually pretty good and made sense for the stories that are going on at the moment. Very different than the random mess that has been thrown out there in past shows. Remember that RAW is commercial free on Monday. See ya next week!
Alright, a Tuesday off! For the first time since the ECW time slot change a couple months back, we’re running ECW in real-time (sort of). Not sure what’s booked tonight, so let’s jump right in!
Being the last WWE Superstars before “Extreme Rules,” this review also comes with predictions for the ppv. Let’s do it!
Match 1: The Bizzare One and the Midget (Goldust and the Midget) teaming up against THE Brian Kendrick and Jaime Noble
Believe it or not, even Hornswoggle doesn’t make Kendrick and Noble look big. Noble has to have bad memories of the little troll beating him for the Cruiserweight title. Anyways…Hornswoggle hits the tadpole splash on Spanky for the win.
Extreme Rules Prediction:
CM Punk over Umaga in the Samoan Strap Match. Punk hits the GTS and drags the Samoan Bulldozer around the ring.
Santina over Vickie Guerrero in the Hog Pen match. Mickie James and Kelly Kelly help Santino’s “twin sister” get the win.
Match 2: David Hart Smith vs. Tommy Dreamer. Christian doing commentary.
I hate the Hart Dynasty music. They need to just use the old music. As the referee was distracted by Christian grabbing a chair out of Natalya’s hands, Tyson Kidd kicked Dreamer in the head and David Hart Smith picks up the cheap win.
Extreme Rules Prediction:
ECW Championship Triple-Threat Match: Tommy Dreamer gets the win and becomes the new ECW Champion by pinning Jack Swagger.
Big Show over John Cena in a Submission Match. This match is the payback match for Show and builds on the fact that he is too big for Cena to submit.
Match 3: Chris Jericho and Dolph Ziggler tagging against R-Truth and Jeff Hardy
At the beginning, Jericho claims that from now on, Superstars will be his show because he is the ultimate superstar. Jeff Hardy gets the win with a Swanton Bomb on Dolph Ziggler. R-Truth should be IC champ very soon! That dude can work.
Extreme Rules Prediction:
Intercontinental Championship Match: Chris Jericho gets the win in the No Holds Barred match. As he attempts to rip off Rey’s mask, R-Truth makes the save and starts a program with Jericho.
World Heavyweight Championship Ladder Match: Edge gets the win. No reason for him not to.
US title Fatal Four-Way Match: Kofi retains the title. Again…no reason for him not to.
WWE Championship Cage Match: Randy Orton defeats Batista, as HHH finds a way to interfere. This sets up the Summerslam triple-threat main event.
That does it for this week. Thanks for reading and see you next week for another WWE Superstars Review.
