We’re less than a week till Shelton Benjamin and Christian try to steal the show at TLC for the ECW title. We open with Joah Matthews explaining the rules of the match. Vladimir Kozlov interrupts to call out Ezekial Jackson.
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William Regal demands an ECW title rematch on the basis that his mindset was thrown off at Breaking Point by Tiffany’s decision to ban Ezekiel Jackson and Vladimir Kozlov from ringside. Tiffany declines, telling him she’s decided he doesn’t get another shot. Instead, we’ll get a battle royal later on tonight to determine the number one contender. Regal is then instructed to stay in the ring, as he’s got a match, right now…
Stand back! There’s a Hurricane Coming Through!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
William Regal def. The Hurricane
Apparently, this means that The Hurricane won’t be in the battle royal later tonight – Whasssupwitdat? Regal is forced to compete in his street clothes as this match was a complete surprise to him, and it shows, as The Hurricane controls most of it, and in fact hits the cross body from the top rope for a two. Regal decides to leave, but Hurricane catches him and tosses him back in – and gets kneed in the skull for his troubles – and a three count.
After the match, Paul Burchill attacks The Hurricane from behind and hits him with the Jackhammer.
Backstage, Goldust is apologizing to Yoshi Tatsu, who apparently just wants to continue his English lessons. He even impersonates Goldust’s tourettes. Zack Ryder wants to know if he can say loser. Goldust tells him to say loser – and he says “Zack Ryder.” Ryder says we’ll see who the loser is – Woo Woo Woo.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
The new interview girl catches up with Burchill, who asks where Gregory Helms is, and remembers that he supposedly just left him in the ring. He says he wants to expose the Hurricane for who he is. Which makes me wonder why he didn’t unmask him when he knocked him out a few minutes ago.
The Bella Twins are here to be guest ring announcers. They introduce Yoshi Tatsu first, and considering he’s facing Zack Ryder, I hope he’s wearing an extra pair of tights. Matt Striker says that Zack Ryder has the best entrance music in ECW. I think it’s between his and Christian’s, honestly. And I still love Goldust’s theme.
Before getting into the match, however, I just found out that Mick Foley’s father, Jack, has passed away, so I’d like to take the opportunity to send condolences on behalf of the BWF staff to the Foley family.
Yoshi Tatsu def. Zack Ryder
A pretty good match, ending with Tatsu nearly kicking Ryder’s head off.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Battle Royal time. Shelton Benjamin, Vladimir Kozlov, Ezekiel Jackson, Tommy Dreamer, Goldust (who still has a letterbox entrance despite the fact that the show is broadcast in 16:9 widescreen), Tyler Reks, Sheamus…
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
…Yoshi Tatsu, Paul Burchill, and Zack Ryder (still holding the back of his head).
Zack Ryder wins a 10 Man Battle Royal to become the new Number One Contender for the ECW Championship.
Burchill is tossed by Shelton Benjamin. After about 5 minutes of nothing of any interest happening, Kozlov and Jackson stare each other down.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Reks was eliminated during the break. Jackson eliminates Tatsu. The fans are solidly behind Goldust. Seriously. Sheamus is eliminated by Benjamin, as is Jackson. Sheamus attacks Benjamin, causing him to drop to the floor, eliminating him. Ryder, Goldust, Kozlov, and Dreamer are left. Goldust accidentally eliminates himself while going after Ryder, who pulled the ropes down on him. The same thing happens to Kozlov when he goes after Dreamer, who is dumped over the top rope by the winner, Zack Ryder!
Ryder’s getting a title shot. Woo Woo Woo, you know it!
Just wanted to give you the results for this weeks ECW program:
1. The Hurricane def. Paul Burchill
2. Shelton Benjamin & Sheamus def. Goldust & Yoshi Tatsu
3. Zack Ryder def. (insert random jobber name)
4. Vladmir Kozlov & Ezekiel Jackson def. Christian & Tommy Dreamer
Well there you have it your ECW results and in less than 100 words.
Welcome to the War for another week.
First off, let’s discuss the happenings of Monday Night RAW this week from Calgary. Alberta, Canada. Hall of Famer, Sgt. Slaughter was the guest host and did nothing but annoy and piss off the Canadian fans all night. I didnt mind this, as the Sarge lapped up playing bad guy host.
Good to finally see the Woggle get what he deserved, at the hands of Legacy. The sad thing is, Legacy then went on and challenged the reformed D-Generation X at SummerSlam. Nice to see you booking yourself to lose guys!
The crowd gave rather unique remarks to Chris Masters during his match. Chants of ‘Roid Rage’, among other comments were chanted by the Canadians. Does the Masterpiece really deserve this?
It’s nice to see that after he leaves TNA, his finishing move is used by the Calgary Kid on RAW.
I still don’t watch ECW.
What did Teddy Long do exactly to end up on probation?
One wonders if John Morrison will be World Champion by the end of the year, seeing as many sources will say that Jeff Hardy will take time off later this year?
Moving onto the other side of the tracks now, and TNA thought it would be best to have a massive brawl to take up 15 minutes of their time. What they didnt show however, was BG James Frog Splashing a car.
Have you heard Ric Flair rap?
Have you heard Hulk Hogan rap?
Curt Hennig thinks Rap Is Crap.
Yet, the Macho Man rapped a rap just for him.
Twilight star nude! Wait, what’s a Twilight?
I just thought I’d let you know, that as this particular sentence is written, is it exactly 1:25am on Thursday 13th August. As I write this sentence as the BWF servers crashed when I tried to post the column, it is now 9:43am on Thursday 13th August.
Random Code Monkeys clip of the week.
Greatest news article of the week, even though it is an outdated news article.
Finally tonight, as I’m sorry this column is so short. If the ECW results arent posted in the next say … 16 hours? I will bring them to you. Also, be sure to check out our forums. Sign up and have fun.
That’s the lot. Stay tuned to BWF throughout the week. I am the one they call ‘Legend Killer’, reminding you to read the latest Vintage Collection review.
Here I go again. In my weekly column, I wrote how I shouldn’t write two columns in a night. Well, this is my third.
Word of warning, I have not watched ECW prior to this review.
Yoshi Tatsu def. Shelton Benjamin
Yoshi Tatsu is the full name of the little green dinosaur from Mario. Why he’s wrestling in ECW now is beyond me. It could be because they lost most of their talent in the trade, but none-the-less, let’s see if the rest of his buddies join him in the coming weeks. Can you imagine Wario vs Tommy Dreamer?
The debut of “the Abraham Washington show”
Wasn’t he a President of the United States? Wow, a former President on ECW. Too bad they didn’t get a decent one, because this guy sucked. If the Simpsons can get George Bush Sr. and Gerald Ford in the same episode, then the WWE can get a decent former President, like Bill Clinton. That way, the Bella twins, whom were the guests, could’ve done something useful for the first time in their WWE careers.
Sheamus def. some random, let’s say … Billy Jack Haynes
This guy is a white man, with four man-boobs. If you don’t believe me, go to the ECW photos at WWE.com, and look at pic #26. You tell me that isn’t another set. He’s also Irish. So was Brendan Behan, and so is Finlay, as is Hornswoggle. Three Irishmen in the WWE. Just thought I’d mention it.
William Regal and Vladimir Kozlov def. ECW Champion Tommy Dreamer and Christian
A Brit and a Russian versus and American and a Canadian. I thought the Brit’s were on the Americans side? Either way, Tommy Dreamer took the loss, because he realized that he wasn’t Edge, so Christian couldn’t be cool. Good to see Regal finally get used, whether or not this lasts remains to be seen is another thing.
That’s it for this multi-cultural version of ECW, someone else will do a much better job of reviewing ECW than me next week I’m sure. Until then, stay tuned for Superstars and iMPACT later in the week, and read my column!
Break out the Harry Slash and the Slashtones, because this ECW on SciFi review… is… EXTREME!
Ok, maybe not, but it is in real-time, so don’t forget to refresh the page every so often if you’re visiting between 10PM and 11PM Eastern on June 23, 2009!
ECW theme plays: Look, new ECW. I just brought up the original ECW, how can I not question your heart?
Five nights away from The Bash, where Mark Henry, Jack Swagger, Christian, Finlay, and ECW Champion Tommy Dreamer will attempt to walk out as champion in a Scramble match!
But tonight, Evan Bourne is here with taped up ribs due to injuries suffered at the hands of The World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry. Bourne’s opponent is The Hart Dynasty’s Tyson Kidd.
Evan Bourne def. Tyson Kidd
Matt Striker assumes that if he presses Triangle and L1, Kidd or Bourne will do something exciting, since they’re almost like video game characters with their high flying offense. David Hart Smith and Natalya hopped up on the apron at the same time, earning themselves an ejection from the referee. Bourne knocks Kidd out of the ring and hits a high-flying maneuver to the outside, earning himself a classic “ECW” chant! Back in the ring, however, Kidd goes after the injured ribs of Bourne. Kidd stretches Bourne as only a Hart Dungeon graduate can do, but Bourne reverses a back suplex attempt into a pin attempt for one. Kidd doesn’t let this minor setback impede his progress, he goes right back after Bourne’s ribs, driving his knee into them and then draping Bourne across the top rope. Bourne starts to battle back amid “Let’s Go Evan” chants. Bourne uses a unique rollup to score a two count and starts to build momentum. Bourne hits a hurricanrana and a Tito Santana-esque flying forearm before taking Kidd down with a high knee. He climbs the ropes and launches a picture perfect Shooting Star Press for the victory! Excellent match to kick off ECW!
A lot of people are saying Finlay took cheap shots on Tommy Dreamer and Christian last week – but they don’t mention the shot on Jack Swagger. The show a video of the cheap shots in question – including the cheap shot on Swagger that I mentioned.
Speaking of Finlay, he’s on his way to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
For some ungodly reason, Finlay still has Hornswoggle’s music. I know this because he’s on his way to the ring as I type this. And apparently, he’s got something to say. People want to know what his problem is and why he did what he did to Christian and Dreamer. He tried to break up a fight between the two of them a few weeks back, and nobody called him to apologize – they texted him. What he did last week wasn’t a cheap shot, it was an eye for an eye, and this Sunday at The Bash…
Oh radio, tell me everything you know…
Zack Ryder tells Finlay to listen up, because Finlay’s overlooking the fact that he’s got a match with the man of ECW, Zack Ryder. Woo Woo Woo, you know it. Whatever that means.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Finlay def. Zack Ryder
The match is underway when we come back, and Finlay is in control. As Matt Striker says, Finlay is looking to make Ryder’s Woo Woo Woo turn backwards into Ow Ow Ow. Finlay attempts to wear down Ryder with submission holds and fierce strikes. Ryder starts to battle back after he and Finlay inadvertantly cracked heads, which seemed to hurt Finlay’s injured eye. Ryder starts to work over the Irishman with submission holds of his own. Mr. Woo Woo Woo goes after the injured eye, wearing Finlay down. Finlay starts to fight back with a barrage of strikes. He hits the Finlay Roll but only gets a two count. Ryder goes after the eye again, and exposes the steel turnbuckle as the referee checks on Finlay, but Finlay manages to catch Ryder with a surprise roll up for the victory!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
RAW REBOUND: Randy Orton and Triple H both failed to answer the referee’s ten count, thus allowing Randy Orton to retain the WWE Championship. Donald Trump sold RAW back to Mr. McMahon for twice what he paid for it. Mr. McMahon then told Randy Orton he’s going to wrestle in Three Stages of Hell at The Bash, defending his title once again against Triple H, who assaulted him in the parking lot after the show.
Josh Matthews and Matt Striker run down the card for The Bash.
Striker gets in the ring and has a blackboard illustrating the ECW Championship Scramble match with him. Your teacher teaches us the rules of the match. He then welcomes Gregory Helms, who is standing by backstage with Mark Henry. Henry starts to talk about tonight’s main event, when a large box falls on a production assistant. When Henry turns back around, Helms is gone, and The Hurricane is saving the production assistant! When Henry turns back around again, Helms is there and asks him again how he feels about his match tonight.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Jack Swagger is the first man out for tonight’s main event, followed by his tag team partner for the evening, Mark Henry. The ECW Champion Tommy Dreamer makes his way out first for his team. Christian makes his way out and we’re set for our main event of the evening.
Tommy Dreamer & Christian vs. Mark Henry & Jack Swagger
Christian and Swagger start off with Christian taking early control. He tags in Dreamer who doesn’t fare as well, until Swagger tags in Mark Henry. Dreamer knocks Henry out of the ring and dumps an incoming Swagger out as well. Dreamer hits the rolling senton from the apron on Henry and Christian hits a cross body from the top onto Swagger, and the “ECW” chants start up again as we head to a…
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Swagger is pounding away on Christian as we come back, but Christian starts to battle back. Dreamer gets the tag in, and starts dominating. Christian inadvertently causes distracts the referee, however, allowing Mark Henry to sneak in and attack Dreamer from behind, which gives Swagger the opportunity to take over and tag in the World’s Strongest Man. Swagger and Henry make the ghost of Gorilla Monsoon proud by cutting the ring in half and using frequent tags to keep a fresh man in the ring, but Swagger finds himself caught with a Dreamer spinebuster. Swagger gets to Henry first, but Dreamer gets to Christian soon after. Captain Charisma takes Henry down with a missile dropkick from the top rope and gets a two count. Christian goes for a sunset flip on Henry, but Swagger tags himself in. Henry goes to sit on Christian, who moves, but Swagger, the legal man, goes for a Gutwrench Powerbomb, which Christian escapes before hitting the Killswitch. Swagger was close enough to the ropes for Tony Atlas to pull his foot under the rope. Henry squashes Christian on the outside, allowing Swagger to hit the Gutwrench on a second attempt to pick up the win.
After the match, Henry drops Dreamer with a World’s Strongest Slam, and then gives one to Jack Swagger for good measure.
My Thoughts: THE HURRICANE IS BACK! This show is usually awesome enough, but to actually see The Hurricane on my television made it that much better for me.
ECW is consistently one of the best shows every week. There’s a reason for that – the talent. Twice tonight, ECW chants broke out in the crowd. It may not be the original, as I alluded to earlier in this post, but it’s still an extremely (no pun intended) enjoyable professional wrestling program.
Alright, a Tuesday off! For the first time since the ECW time slot change a couple months back, we’re running ECW in real-time (sort of). Not sure what’s booked tonight, so let’s jump right in!
What will the new ECW Champion, Matt Hardy have to say now that he’s finally achieved his firs World Championship? Speaking of which, what kind of mood does former champion Mark Henry have to be in after losing the title without being pinned this past Sunday at Unforgiven? The answer to these questions and more, on ECW!
Results and analysis after the jump! (more…)