Smackdown 06/22/12
Leave a CommentLet’s hip-hop to it, shall we? Word?
Making the “hop to it” phrase about as appropriate as possible this week, right Harley Quinn?
Let’s hip-hop to it, shall we? Word?
Making the “hop to it” phrase about as appropriate as possible this week, right Harley Quinn?
We open with a recap of No Way Out, showing John Cena victorious over Big Show and Vince McMahon firing Johnny Laurenitis as Cena puts him through a table. Also, Cyndi Lauper guest stars tonight. (Why?)
Mick Foley is here as special guest GM for tonight and Smackdown this Friday! His first official act is booking a tag team match between Kane and Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus and C.M. Punk. Also, we get the farewell address from Johnny Ace.
Big Johnny comes out in a neck brace, a sling, and on a crutch. As he enters the ring, Foley goes in for a hug or pat on the back, which aggravates Johnny’s injuries. Johnny demands the crowd be quiet, they refuse, Johnny ask Mick for help. Mick asks the crowd to quiet down. Mick then claims Johnny said “Long Island Sucks.” Johnny gets fed up and decides to do the speech later, but announces in his last official act as GM of both RAW and Smackdown, he has booked a handicap match with John Cena against Him, David Otunga, and Big Show.
As Johnny leaves, Sheamus makes way to the ring for his big match. He locks eyes with Johnny and smirks. Punk is out next. With the kicking of dirt and the big thumb to the back, he mimics a baseball umpire and tells Johnny “you’re outta here.”
COMMERCIAL
We come back to see a recap of last week when AJ locked lips with Kane, taking him out of the match and giving her and Punk the win.
Kane comes out to the pyro and scary Halloween music, followed by “The Flight of the Valkeries,” and Daniel Bryan. The crowd starts in with the “Yes! Yes! Yes!” chant.
WWE CHAMPION C.M. PUNK / WORLD’S CHAMPION SHEAMUS VS. DANIEL BRYAN / KANE
This is a fast paced brawl with a lot of high-impact spots. Both Sheamus and Punk play the face in peril, as Kane and Bryan do the most double teaming. The big tide changer is when AJ runs to ringside DRESSED UP EXACTLY LIKE KANE! MASK AND ALL! AJ skips around the ring and back up the stage. Kane follows her while Bryan takes a GTS/Brogue Kick combo from the champions and goes down for a three count.
WINNERS: C.M. PUNK AND SHEAMUS
Later tonight, we find out if Brock Lesnar will accept Triple H’s challenge for a match at Summer Slam.
COMMERCIAL
We come back to see Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger arguing over who the weak link in their team is. Vicki comes in with an “EXCUSE ME!” and demands they settle this in the ring. The men walk off and Vicki smiles.
Fade in to Johnny and David Otunga sharing a laugh. Show comes in and wants to know what’s so funny. Johnny explains they were laughing at Cena and how bad he’s gonna get hurt tonight in the three on one handicap match, and how the WWE universe doesn’t deserve him. Johnny promises he’s going to leave a lasting impression tonight. Show doesn’t find anything funny anymore.
COMMERCIAL
We’re back with Ziggler and Swagger in the ring.
DOLPH ZIGGLER VS JACK SWAGGER
This was kind of a slow paced match until Ziggler tweaked his leg. From then on it was Swagger working the leg until Ziggler hit the Zig-Zag and scored a three count. Ziggler gets a kiss from Vicki and struts off into the sunset.
WINNER: DOLPH ZIGGLER
COMMERCIAL
We’re back, and Lawler is reminiscing about the night we got the debut of Mr. Socko and a Stone Cold beat down in Vince’s hospital room. Lawler’s favorite part is Vince taking a bedpan to the head.
Paul Heyman is here on behalf of Brock Lesnar to respond to Triple H’s challenge.
•No, Lesnar will not drop his suit against WWE
•No, Heyman will not drop his suit against Triple H
•No, Brock Lesnar will not face Triple H at Summerslam
Thank you for your time, good night.
Time to Play the Game…
Triple H is in the ring and this becomes a trade off of two of the best mike workers in this business. I’d fail at trying to quote this verbatim, so please try to find this on line. Basically, both men take shots at each other with winks to the smart marks, but the highlight is Heyman dressing down the game, taking shots at his new position in life. Of course it ends with Heyman out on his back, but it’s still an example of why the WWE needs him back on the stick.
Up next, U.S. Champion Santino Morella vs. Alberto Del Rio
COMMERCIAL
We come back and Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio enters in a 150 thousand dollar Audi-T1000 as we get a promo for the Night of Champions PPV. Santino is out next and power-walks quickly to the ring.
U.S. CHAMPION SANTINO MORELLA VS ALBERTO DEL RIO
This is a quick match that has Del Rio working particularly vicious, as he’s taking out his frustration over being pulled from No Way Out on the arm of Santino. Santino gets in some offense but it amounts to little as he takes an inziguri to the head while setting up the Cobra. Del Rio hits the arm-bar and Santino taps.
WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RIO
Roberto actually gets some payback on Santino with a shoulder-drop as Alberto walks off.
Promo for Cyndi Lauper making an appearance, featuring her “girls just wanna have fun,” video
COMMERCIAL
The lovely Layla, Divas champion, is in the ring introducing Cyndi Lauper AND WENDI RICHTER! She credits both women with setting the foundation for the Divas division. Cyndi looks “influenced,” Wendi has looked better, and the crowd does not love this.
Heath Slater comes out to call this the train wreck it is. He gets in the ring, makes some snide remarks, and demands the chance to debut HIS NEW SINGLE.
Slater wants to sing.
Slater-haters gonna Slater-hate.
And they do.
Cue the bagpipes and its ROWDY RODDY PIPER out to make the save. He looks like he had some of what Cyndi had. He’s in the ring with a gold record, making reference to Capt. Lou Albano.
CROWD: LOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
He mentions having “a bad day,” all those years ago when he bashed Lou in the head with Cyndi’s gold record in Madison Square Garden, and wants to present her with a new one. They kiss and make-up, when Slater demands he get to finish his song. The segment ends with Lauper bashing Slater with the record. (Might’ve been a botch there as she did it twice, and left Slater with a cut on his head)
COMMERCIAL
We come back to a recap of the four way tag team match at No Way Out, featuring AW helping the Prime Time Players win the no.1 contenders spot for the tag team title, at the expense of Primo/Epico, the team he originally expressed interest in managing.
AW comes out to introduce himself as the owner of All World productions and the new manager of The Prime Time Players.
COMMERCIAL
PRIMO/EPICO VS THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS
It’s a very basic tag team match, with the bruisers (PTP) trying to out-muscle the high-flyers (P/E.) The match is cut short when AW simply pushes his team out of range and they take a count-out loss, explaining that his team already has the no.1 contender spot and doesn’t need this.
WINNERS: EPICO/PRIMO
Side Note: The crowd is DEAD for this match. No real faces to root for.
COMMERCIAL
We’re back with a promo for the upcoming 1000th show, July 23rd. We OFFICALLY go three hours on that night. (Question: didn’t we do that already?) DEGENERATION X will make a special appearance. That should kill the first two hours.
Back in the ring, we have Johnny Ace, in a neck brace, arm-sling, and a crutch, cutting a promo, calling the WWE universe losers, (one by one,) because we’ve lost the era of “people power.” Next time we’ll see him is his hall of fame induction. This is the darkest day in WWE history, and he promises Cena will get an epic beat down. He introduces his tag team partner David Otunga, who comes to the ring making his usual pose-down, and next, the Big Show.
COMMERCIAL
We come back with Teddy joining the announce team and ripping up the name tag Johnny made him wear. Michael Cole gives him an epic ass-kissing. Big Show has the mike. He thanks Johnny for his Iron clad contract, his huge bonus, the chance to be a real giant, says he has nothing to prove, AND WALKS OUT ON THE MATCH!
The music hits and John Cena is out.
HANDICAP MATCH: JOHN CENA VS JOHNNY ACE/DAVID OTUNGA
The crowd is really split tonight with the “Let’s go Cena/Cena Sucks” chant. The match begins with Cena dominating Otunga and Johnny Ace backing off every time Otunga tries for a tag. Johnny changes his mind once Otunga gets back in control. Once tagged in, Johnny ditches his wrappings and stomps away on Cena. Cena kicks out of a pin, Johnny tries for a tag AND OTUNGA WALKS OUT ON ACE!
Johnny, in disbelief, turns around slowly. Cena unloads big on Johnny Ace with the “five moves of doom.” Three AA’s and an STF later, Johnny Ace taps out.
WINNER: JOHN CENA
We open with Mr. John Laurenitis coming to the ring. Cole says there are rumors that Vince is very satisfied w/Johnny Ace’s job. Lawler says the rumor is Vince is very unhappy w/Johnny Ace.
Vince comes out just as Johnny introduces himself. He gives the duck-walk as the crowd pops huge. Johnny offers a handshake.
“I’m not gonna shake your hand, I don’t know where that hands’ been!” – Vince McMahon
Vince wants one reason not to fire Johnny’s pencil-neck butt. Johnny responds “people power,” and botches a line-referring to RAW’s”100th” episode coming up. Johnny empowers the people, and they love him for it. Johnny lists the things he and Vince have in common, while the crowd chants “FIRE JOHNNY!”
Vince rings up Brock Lesnar and the two separate lawsuits that followed his signing (Author’s Note: CONTINUITY! Boom) Vince also brings up Johnny – true story – hiring the WRONG one legged wrestler.
Johnny puts the Brock debacle on Triple H, and Vince changes the subject. He calls resigning the Big Show a “horrible investment” that “hasn’t performed,” up to expectations “since 1998.” Johnny argues that the show will deliver at NO Way Out, and claims the entire locker room sees him as a friend.
Cue Sheamus
Vince intros Sheamus to Johnny; Johnny congratulates Sheamus on being World Champion (?) Sheamus says it sounds sincere. He says Johnny is the kind of friend who fines you half a million dollars because he can, and then begs Vince…
“On behalf of the entire WWE, kick Johnny out on his arse!” – Sheamus
(Side Note: “Fire Johnny,” trending worldwide)
Johnny is insulted, and demands Sheamus stay in the ring and wait for Johnny to send out someone to kick his ass. Vince adds that this and every match made tonight better impress him or Johnny will be fired. Johnny storms off and Vince rides Johnny’s motorized wheel chair up the ramp, and shoves it off the stage.
COMMERCIAL
We’re back with Sheamus in the ring. We recap last Smackdown showing how Del Rio suffered a concussion in his match with the great Kahli, explaining why Del Rio won’t be wrestling Sheamus at No Way Out.
SHEAMUS VS TENSAI
I’ll give you a blow by blow in my next post. Here I’ll just say it’s a quick brawl with lots of Knees, forearms, head butts, and a few high spots. They take turns overpowering each other and Tensai hits his double choke-slam finisher for a two count. Sheamus brings the Brogue-kick out of nowhere for the three-count.
WINNER: SHEAMUS
We go backstage w/Vince, Jonny, and Teddy. Vince refers to Tensai’s loss as “strike one,” and asks Johnny what his great idea is to replace Del Rio at the PPV. Vicki Guerrero enters and mentions that there are two former champions on the roster, Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger, who could face Sheamus in a triple threat. Vince says it’s a great idea and Johnny will take it under advisement… unless he has a better idea. Johnny passes the buck to Teddy Long. Teddy mentions there are actually four former champions on the roster – including Kahli and Christian. Teddy suggests a four way with the winner being named number one contender. Vince thinks it a great idea. Johnny says that’s just what he was gonna suggest, and sends Teddy to get some coffee. Johnny offers Vince a fist bump, but Vince refuses.
“You’ve got small hands.”- Vince McMahon
COMMERCIAL
We come back to Tensai beating the hell out of his second, Sakamoto. Sakamoto is battered and tossed all over the ringside area. I’m guessing Sakamoto won’t be coming back anytime soon.
Cole and King hype the 1000th episode coming up. We get a look back at July 13, 2009. Seth Green guest stars on RAW, teaming w/Cena and Triple H in the main event. Seth remembers the night fondly and hopes for another shot.
We go to Matt Striker interviewing R-Truth. Truth talks about how “Little Jimmy,” was traumatized by last week’s fight w/Big Show and drove him crazy with the crying all night. He tells Jimmy to “straighten up.” He gives Cena a vote of confidence at the PPV, but gets clocked out of nowhere by the Big Show.
COMMERCIAL
We’re back with a recap of the KO.
Our next match is a mixed tag team match. Santino Morella is out first, and we recap Santino beating Ricardo Rodriguez on Smackdown three weeks ago.
Back to the ring, Divas Champ Layla is out next, followed by Beth Phoenix dragging Ricardo to ringside.
SANTINO/LAYLA VS BETH PHOENIX/RICARDO RODRIGUEZ
The girls handle the serious action, but Ricardo is the star here, playing the goof role as well as Santino ever did, even going so far as to run himself into the ring-post trying to escape Santino. Beth wins with the glam-slam, and Ricardo mocks Santino. Santino rips off Ricardo’s shirt, revealing a JUSTIN BIEBER t-shirt underneath. Ricardo runs off with Santino/Layla laughing at him.
WINNERS: SANTINO/LAYLA
Backstage, David Otunga tries to weasel his way into Johnny’s spot, should he get fired. Vince shoots him down with a few choice words about brown-nosers, back-stabbers, and lawyers. Kofi comes in and gets up in Otunga’s face, wanting payback on Show. Johnny comes in saying R-Truth is hurt badly. Kofi gets in Johnny’s face demanding a fight with Show. Johnny makes it a cage match. Vince is impressed.
COMMERCIAL
“Daniel Bryan, C.M. Punk, Kane, clearly one of these superstars is not like the other, and I am the first to admit it. I am nothing like C.M. Punk and Kane. You see, C.M. Punk and Kane both have a weakness, in the form of a 95 lbs. distraction named AJ. Now in Punk’s case, it’s all about Jealousy. Punk is jealous because I proved I am a superior wrestler when I made him tap out. So now, he’s trying to get with my ex girlfriend, in an attempt to make me jealous. It’s pathetic. And Kane… thinks it’s getting to second base, when a woman looks him in the eyes, and doesn’t vomit. You see, C.M. Punk and Kane are both obsessed with a woman who, let’s face it, is still in love with Daniel Bryan.” – Daniel Bryan
“And quite frankly, how can you blame her? I mean, she had the opportunity, for a split second of her life, to be with something as great, as all of this.” –Daniel Bryan
Huge yes chant.
“Once you go Bryan, there’s no sense in tryin’.” – Daniel Bryan.
Bryan ends with a quick Q&A session, will he win the WWE title at No Way Out? YES! YES! YES!
Cue C.M. Punk.
Punk comes down the ramp and sticks up for AJ. He says AJ is actually pretty cool, and WAY out of Bryan’s league outside the ring. Inside, Bryan’s nowhere near Punk’s league. Punk sums up the Kane situation, saying its all come down to a match with everything on the line, just how he likes it.
“One of two things is gonna happen, either I’m gonna beat the deranged, out of his mind freak, or I’m gonna beat Kane.” – C.M. Punk.
Bryan says he used to respect Punk, but he changed, pandering to everybody, calling himself the voice of the voiceless…
“There’s a reason these people are voiceless, they have nothing intelligent to say.” – Daniel Bryan
Bryan calls Punk a sellout. Punk mentions Bryan’s new t-shirt. Punk says he got to the top without compromising himself, and calls Bryan a “goat-faced moron.”
The crowd responds with the Goat-Face chant.
Punk says he’ll give Bryan a wake-up call, at No Way Out, with the Go to Sleep.
Cue Kane.
Kane reminds us he’s set fire to J.R., electrocuted Shane McMahon’s testicles, and Tomb stoned a priest.
Cue AJ.
AJ gets the mike. She says she’s looked into Kane’s eyes and seen he really has a heart.
“You gotta looove crazy chicks.” – C.M. Punk.
(Side Note: Goat face trending worldwide)
She says she hasn’t gotten over Daniel, and Punk’s the coolest guy she ever met. She says she knows the best man will win at No Way Out.
Cue Johnny
Johnny, from the tron, makes a tag team match, Bryan and Kane vs. C.M. Punk… and AJ.
Recap of Vince/Johnny face off at the start
COMMERCIAL
We’re back, watching Jerry Lawler try out the new Domino’s Pizza Tracker App for the I-pod.
Yeah
Christian comes out for the four-way. Kahli comes out next. Cole and King credit him with Del Rio’s concussion, setting up this match. Vicki Guerrero introduces Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger next.
CHRISTIAN VS KAHLI VS DOLPH ZIGGLER VS JACK SWAGGER
Cole and King argue over who gets credit for this match – Teddy or Johnny – while Kahli dominates the match with head butts and slaps to Ziggler’s chest. Swagger clips the leg, Ziggler gets a drop kick, and Christian hits a frog splash. All three men pin/eliminate Kahli.
COMMERCIAL
We come back with Christian in control, until Ziggler gets a drop-kick. Ziggler/Swagger get in some double-teaming; until Ziggler gets tossed out. It’s Christian vs. Swagger for a few moments, with Swagger working Christian’s ankle, until Christian hits the kill-switch, and Ziggler steals the pin on Swagger.
Ziggler and Christian trade near-falls and highspots, until Christian lands on his bad ankle and Dolph hits a Zig-Zag for a three count.
WINNER: DOLPH ZIGGLER
Ziggler walks up the ramp, meeting face to face with Sheamus. They trade some jaw-jacking as we go backstage.
Nattie Neidhart reminisces with Vince about his Wrestlemania match with Brett Hart, and tries to get her whole family a spot on the show. Vince gives her the slip. The Funk-a-dactyls come up to Vince and try to get Brodus Clay back on RAW. Vince refuses, but the girls get him to dance with them.
“Somebody Call My Mama!” – Vince McMahon
Back to the ring, Ryback has two more jobbers to kill.
RYBACK VS WILLARD FILLMORE/RUTHERFORD P.S. HAYES
BEST JOBBER NAMES EVER!
Fillmore and Hayes turn the tables on Ryback by making him wait for them to get to the ring. Ryback power-bombs Rutherford a few times, while Fillmore makes a run for it. Ryback cuts him off with the clothesline and tosses him back in. He ends this with his finisher while the crowd chants “Goldberg.”
WINNER: RYBACK
COMMERCIAL
We come back to see Vinnie Mac in da back with Hornswoggle, watching his JR impression on last Friday’s Smackdown. He does one too, and sends Horny off.
Cue John Cena; Vince brings up Cenas Wrestlemania loss. Cena brings up Vince’s loss to Hogan, Shane, Brett, Vince changes the subject and asks him not to help Kofi against Big Show. Cena agrees, and urges Vince to fire Johnny Ace. Cena leaves and Otunga comes back in. Vince tells him no one likes a kiss ass, then turns to say “no offense,” to someone behind him, camera pans to Steven Regal.
STEEL CAGE MATCH: KOFI KINGSTON VS BIG SHOW
Kofi comes out and enters the cage.
COMMERCIAL
We come back to watch the Big Show come out. Cole recaps the Big Shows’ path of destruction and blames John Cena for the Shows’ attitude.
Kofi jumps show but from that point on, it’s little more than a glorified squash as Show smashes Kofi into the cage, tosses him like a ragdoll, and crushes him under foot. Show shifts his focus to glaring at the crowd and taunting them. At one point, Show tosses Kofi into the cage; Kofi springs up and goes for the top. Show charges the cage and Kofi leaps over him, following up with “trouble in paradise,” spin kick that gets Show down. Kofi goes for the door twice but gets dragged back in by the ankle. Show blocks a kick and puts Kofi out with the WMD punch.
While the ref checks to see if Kofi can continue, Show gingerly exits the cage, taking long pauses to emphasize how easily he could have left at anytime.
WINNER: BIG SHOW
In the back, Johnny smiles.
COMMERCIAL
We’re back with Sin Cara making his entrance.
SIN CARA VS CURTIS HAWKINS
Sin Cara dominates with high-flying take-downs and a spinning body press over the top to the outside. Hawkins takes over with a baseball slide out the ring, hooking Cara by the ankle and dragging him to the floor. Hawkins in control briefly, but Sin Cara hits his springing elbow, and plants Hawkins face first to the mat with his head-scissors take down.
WINNER: SIN CARA
Commercial
We come back to a rundown of the No Way Out card. Then we go back stage where Daniel Bryan is stretching. Vince comes in to ask his opinion about something. He goes into an analogy about judging a book by its cover, and Bryan buying groceries; I have no idea where he was going with it. Bryan mentions he was fired once before, then came back to prove Vince wrong. He compares himself to Vince, saying they’re both self-made success stories. Vince reminds Bryan he lost his title at Wrestlemania in 18 seconds.
“I don’t think I’ve ever finished anything in 18 seconds.” – Vince McMahon
COMMERCIAL
We come back to Dolph Ziggler’s favorite RAW memory, the very first show.
Back in the ring, we’re told Johnny invited a former RAW main event talent to compete in this next match. Heath Slater in the ring says we’ve got a current superstar right in front of our face. He starts shouting that it’s “Slater Time.”
No; “IT”S VADER TIME!”
HEATH SLATER VS VADER!
Out comes Big Van Vader! The crowd comes alive, chanting for Vader every damn minute!
“Welcome Back!”
“You Still Got It!”
“VADER BOMB!”
Slater gets in a few shots but the match is never in doubt. Vader ends it with the Splash off the second rope.
WINNER: VADER
We take a look at a recent “Be a Star,” event featuring Stephanie McMahon and David Otunga speaking to school kids against bullying.
We go to Punk/AJ getting set for their match. Punk says this will be a glorified handicap match, and tells AJ to hold back and “don’t do anything crazy.” He says their advantage is they trust each other. AJ adds they “really like each other.” AJ sneaks in a kiss before leaving.
COMMERCIAL
We’re back to see Kane make his entrance. We get a recap of Kane vs. Sheamus last Friday on Smackdown, where AJ made eyes at Kane, setting him up for a boot to the face.
Bryan comes out, followed by Punk and AJ.
C.M. PUNK/AJ VS DANIEL BRYAN/KANE
It’s a surprisingly brief match, starting off with Punk fighting Kane and Bryan. The highlight is AJ getting tagged in by accident, facing off with Kane. She seems worried at first, and then she gives Kane the smile. Then she skips-literally-SKIPS around Kane a few times, JUMPS IN HIS ARMS LIKE A GIRLFRIEND WELCOMING HIM HOME AND KISSES HIM LONG AND HARD! Kane is confused – join the club – and tags in Bryan. He leaves. AJ tags in Punk, Bryan runs right into a kick and forearm shot. Bryan goes down and Punk scores the flying elbow for a three count. After the match, Kane, Punk, and Bryan all look confused, while AJ sits Indian style in the ring, smiling at Punk.
WINNERS: C.M. PUNK/AJ
COMMERCIAL
We’re back, and Vince is heading for the ring with security in tow. Vinnie opens up pandering to the Hartford crowd and calls out Johnny.
Johnny Ace comes out. He doesn’t appreciate Vince destroying his scooter, but promises he wouldn’t think of putting his hands on Vince.
“These Security aren’t for me, they’re for you.” – Vince McMahon
Vince says the security detail will march someone right out of his business. Johnny argues the WWE universe needs him. Vince is just about ready to make his decision when the Big Show comes out.
Show admits Johnny made mistakes, but the one thing he did right was give Show an Iron Clad contract with a “no cut” clause. Show can do or say whatever he wants and if he gets fired, Vince has to pay him millions of dollars to do nothing for many years. Show says Johnny isn’t the one to blame for all this, Vince is. Show blames Vince for all the years of being part of a “dog and pony show,” and tells him he needs to worry about his golden boy, John Cena.
The music hits, and Cena comes out. Cena runs down the list of everyone Show blames for making him an “entertainer,” and how the one guy he should blame is Johnny Ace. Cena admits Show’s got everything he could want, but, he asks, what will he do if he loses? What will he do knowing that he has to show up every night and admit to everybody they were right about him?
Vince chimes in here, saying he’ll be sitting next to Johnny at No Way Out and if Show loses, Johnny is fired.
Show goes after Cena, security tries to pull them apart, but they get tossed. Cena unloads on Big Show, Johnny Ace grabs Cena. Vince grabs Ace. Big Show clocks Vince.
Johnny sends Show to the back, while Cena tries to get help for Vince; and RAW ends with a trainer calling in emergency help, for an unconscious Vince.
It’s time for Smackdown, but I know what you’re all wondering… will Stan Stansky be on the show tonight? Only one way to find out, let’s kick it, shall we?
Can I kick it?
Yes, you can!
We open with a video package focusing on the Big Show, and recapping his heel turn and subsequent rampage on RAW and SMACKDOWN, where he put down Brodus Clay, Kofi Kingston and R-Truth, Zack Ryder and Santino.
Our opening segment is Michael Cole interviewing John Cena. Cole blames Cena for shows rampage and intros him.
Cena comes in, seeming quite upbeat in his Green t-shirt and cap. Cole tries to shame Cena into going for cheap jokes instead of supporting Big Show. John argues that beating and getting rid of Johnny Ace would’ve gotten Show his job back. Cole says it’s not all about Cena and Show went with the “sure thing,” signing w/Johnny. Cena says Show wanted “a wallet the side of his ego,” and took the easy way out, and turned his back on everybody. Cole says Cena isn’t “interested” anymore and calls Cena “over-rated.” He hopes Show, for the sake of all of us who had to sit through his matches, puts Cena out of “our collective misery,” and takes him out.
Cue Johnny Ace. Johnny comes out and offers Cena the chance to pick an opponent for tonight. Show isn’t here, and Johnny is retired and off limits. Cena picks Cole, and Johnny rolls out while Cole desperately pleads for Johnny to come back.
Later tonight: Punk vs. Kane, there must be a winner.
DID YOU KNOW? Wrestlemania 28 has outsold the Super Bowl on DVD.
We’re back, and Cole is begging Johnny to reconsider. Johnny says there’s a rumor going around about up-coming evaluations and he’s all about people power, and the people want to see Cena vs. Cole. John sends him back to work, and one more thing…
“Don’t call me Johnny,” – Johnny Laurenitis Laurinitis Ace.
We get another look at World heavyweight champion Sheamus taking David Otunga out with the Brogue Kick on last week’s Smackdown.
Vicki Guerrero comes out with an “EXCUSE ME,” to introduce the man who is “better than each and every one,” of us “at everything” we do, Dolph Ziggler. Sheamus is out next while Cole and King hype the match between Sheamus and Alberto Del Rio at No Way Out.
The bell rings. Ziggler ducks under a charging Sheamus and lays in with kicks and punches. Sheamus fires back with forearm smashes. Ziggler whipped into the corner, Ziggler hits an elbow and takes Sheamus down with a kick to the shin. Ziggler shoots off the ropes, Sheamus catches him and hoists him up on his shoulders, Ziggler slides down behind him and tries for a sunset flip, but Sheamus pulls him up by the head back on his shoulders, and scores a running Samoan Drop for a two count.
Ziggler in the ropes, as Sheamus gouges at his face. Sheamus shoots off the ropes, Ziggler pulls down the top rope, Sheamus over and out to the floor. Sheamus pulls Ziggler out by his heels, pulls him up by the hair, throws him over his shoulder and heads for the corner post. Ziggler slips down behind him and tries to shove him into the post, but Sheamus blocks it and elbows Ziggler back.
Sheamus tries to whip Ziggler into the stairs, but Ziggler meets them feet first and climbs up and over without breaking his momentum. Vicki distracts Sheamus allowing Dolph to climb back in and hit a sliding dropkick. Sheamus is down, and Ziggler plays to the crowd.
COMMERCIAL
We’re back and Ziggler has Sheamus in a chin lock/arm bar combo. Sheamus gets to his feet and hits two head buts but shoos off the ropes into a knee by Ziggler. Ziggler takes Sheamus down in a cross face. We’re shown how, during the commercial, Sheamus missed a charge and went shoulder first into the corner. Ziggler hits an arm breaker and has had control since. Ziggler has the chin lock arm bar combo again but Sheamus gets up and head buts Ziggler backwards. Ziggler goes into the corner with a shoulder-block and Sheamus hits two axe-handle forearms and a power slam for a two count. Ziggler ducks a clothes-line and hits a kick to the mid-section, shin, and jumps on Sheamus with the DDT. Both men down, Ziggler gets a two-count. Ziggler climbs the corner, Sheamus gets two hits, but Ziggler hits a flurry of kicks, punches, and elbows. Ziggler takes Sheamus by the hair and hits a Fame-Asser off the top rope for a two count.
Both men stagger to their feet. Ziggler jumps on Sheamus with a sleeper attempt, but Sheamus tosses him off. Ziggler jumps into the “white noise” by Sheamus. Sheamus hits the “Brogue Kick” on Ziggler and gets a three count.
Sheamus walks out a winner but gets ambushed by Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez. Sheamus goes down, head-first into the set and Del Rio slaps on the cross-arm-breaker, with Sheamus’ shoulder against the edge of the stage. Officials check him over as we go to commercial.
We come back with Johnny Ace demanding coffee from a crew member. David Otunga enters to tell Jonny about an announcement on WWE.com. Vince McMahon will be on RAW next week to evaluate Johnny’s job performance. John acts confident.
We fade in to Cole and Jerry. Cole says this explains why Johnny has him wrestling Cena. He just wants to impress Mr. McMahon.
Sin Cara, rocking the new Red/Silver look, makes his entrance. Next out is Hunico w/Camacho. This will be one on one.
Hunico scores a low kick and clubs Sin Cara w/forearms. Sin Cara whipped in, flips into the ropes, flips over Hunico, takes Hunico by the hand, hits a kick, climbs the ropes, flips 360 degrees over Hunico, arm drags him out to the floor, and hits the hurraconrana on the outside.
Sin Cara tosses Hunico back in, jumps over the top rope, over Hunico with a sunset flip attempt. Hunico rolls out and hits a kick to the head for a one count.
Hunico stomps Sin Cara, hooks his arms, takes him up in double under hook suplex and drops him back first on the knee for a two count.
Chin lock by Hunico. Hunico hoists Sin Cara up on his shoulders and spins, Cara holds on to the arm and scores an arm drag take-down.
Hunico charges into Cara’s feet, misses a second charge. Cara charges in, Hunico backdrops him to the outside apron, Cara holds the top rope and scores a double kick, followed by a hurriconrana and a drop kick.
Sin Cara charges, Hunico tries a hip toss but Cara ricochets off the ropes and gets an inverted arm drag, followed by a springing back elbow.
Sin Cara hits a dropkick on Camacho, runs into a slam attempt by Hunico, lands feet first and gets a flying head-scissors/face plant combo for the three-count.
Ryback is up next, and we go to commercial with a brief video recap of his wins.
COMMERCIAL
Promo for RAW 1000 next week, Cenas favorite RAW memory is getting picked for team RAW in the draft.
We’re back in the ring with the team of Rosenberg and Stansky, from Downers Grove, Illinois. They introduce themselves w/a poem.
“He may be undefeated, but perhaps he’s never heard, of the two men that will defeat him –Stan Stansky and Arthur Rosenberg. We’ve watched the men that tried (?) and he’s crushed them then and again, on a scale of one to five, the two of us are a ten, So sit back and relax, eat your popcorn, have some fun, cause’ tonight, Ryback will understand, why two is greater than one.” – Stan Stansky; and Arthur Rosenberg
Cole is unimpressed.
Ryback enters with a huge close up on his face and pyro off camera. The match begins and Ryback LAUNCHES one opponent into the air with a simple back drop. The picture goes out for a second and Lawler jokes about the guy “taking out the satellite.” The second guy leaps into Ryback and gets tossed into his partner. Ryback takes the first opponent up in suplex position, and then does a brief march before dropping him. He tosses both men into a corner and crushes them with a shoulder charge. He shoots off the ropes and takes BOTH MEN DOWN WITH ONE CLOTHESLINE. Ryback hooks both men in a suplex position and hoists them both up on his shoulders. He marches briefly, takes a short run and drops back down on both men for the three-count.
Punk vs. Kane is next.
There MUST be a winner.
COMMERCIAL
C.M. Punk comes out to “Cult of Personality,” while we hype the triple threat match at No Way Out for the WWE title. Cole begs Johnny to call off the main event. Johnny hangs up on him. Daniel Bryan comes out and grabs the mike for “Q&A time.”
“Has AJ gone completely delusional, since I dumped her? Yes! Will Kane destroy C.M. Punk tonight? Yes!
At No Way Out, in the triple threat match, will I become the new WWE champion? YES! YES! YES!” – Daniel Bryan
Kane’s pyro goes off while Bryan takes a seat. The WWE has a poll up on the website, “who is the greatest threat to C.M. Punk, Kane, Daniel Bryan… or AJ?”
Punk and Kane lock up. Kane forces Punk to the corner, and beats him down with a knee, punches, and stomping. He takes punk by the head into another corner, and continues the beat down. Kane whips Punk across the ring, charges into a big boot by Punk. Punk scores a jumping thrust kick, and takes Kane over and out with a clothes line. Punk hits the ropes and launches himself shoulder first into Kane, putting him down. Punk goes up on a corner and hits a flying axe-handle. Punk forces Kane back in the ring. He goes up top and hits him with a flying body press for a two count.
Punk scores a few kicks to the mid-section but runs into a knee. Kane hits the low drop-kick to the head for a two count. Kane shoves Punk by the head into a corner and hits a punch. He goes outside the ring to send Punk back with a shot to the face. He stomps Punk down and drops several elbows to Punks chest for a two count.
Kane body slams Punk and drops the leg for a two count, then locks Punk up in a chin lock-leg scissors combo, but Punk elbows out of it. Punk takes over with kicks, forearm shots, and elbows. Kane scoops him up but Punk slides down behind him and scores a hard kick to the mid section. Punk charges, but Kane catches him by the neck and tosses him over the top rope to the floor. Daniel Bryan laughs.
COMMERCIAL
We’re back and Punk hooks a sleeper attempt while Cole begs Daniel Bryan for help in his match with John Cena. Kane drops Punk with a belly to back suplex, and gets a two count.
Kane has Punk in a chin lock. Punk elbows out, and gives Kane a few shots but gets caught in a side-slam for a two count.
Kane goes to the top rope, but Punk rockets up to meet him with a kick to the head, and both men are down. Punk scores the high-knee/bulldog combo for a two count.
Punk goes outside and springs to the top rope for a flying clothesline and a two count.
Punk tries to get Kane up on his shoulders for a “go to sleep,” but can’t hold him. Punk shoots off the ropes into a big boot by Kane and a two count.
Kane gets set for a choke slam, but Punk ducks, hooks the arm and gets a neck breaker for two.
While Bryan looks on, Punk goes to the top rope. Kane scores a shot to the face, and attempts a Superplex, but Punk fights him off. Kane goes down, and Punk hits a flying elbow for two.
Punk connects with a sliding kick, and lays in with forearms. Kane sends him hard, into the barricade, and crawls back in the ring. Bryan scores two kicks to Punk while the ref is busy with Kane.
Kane brings Punk back in with a hip toss and tries another choke-slam, Punk scores a kick to the head.
Both men are down, and AJ runs out. AJ argues with the ref, Bryan starts yelling at AJ, Punk launches himself into Bryan and bounces his head on the barricade.
Punk slides back in the ring and Kane scores a choke slam for the three-count.
AJ gets in the ring to tend to Punk. Kane stares at AJ. Bryan hits Kane, Kane kicks Bryan out. Kane turns back to AJ. AJ, SMILES at Kane. Kane looks confused, and leaves. AJ looks confused, and goes back to Punk. Bryan looks confused.
We do a promo for Cole vs. Cena and go to commercial.
DID YOU KNOW? WWE has more Facebook fans than MLB.
Josh Mathews interview AJ, asking about the “look” she gave Kane. AJ goes “manic pixie girl” (key word – manic,) on Josh and scares him off.
We recap Cena challenging Cole at the beginning of the show. Cole begs the WWE universe to use social media to beg Johnny Ace to call off the match. We go to a promo for Big Show, talking about how after 18 years of everybody else’s crap, we’re all gonna feel his pain.
Tag Team Champions R-Truth and Kofi Kingston come out as we go to commercial.
We’re back, and it’s Kofi in the ring w/Curt Hawkins. Kofi and Truth are all taped up, selling injuries from last week. Kofi and Curtis lock up, Kofi gets a wrist lock, Hawkins counters into a side head lock, Kofi sends him into the ropes, and Hawkins scores a shoulder block, hits the ropes, Kofi down, Hawkins over, Kofi leapfrogs twice and hits an elbow for a two count.
Kofi pulls Hawkins back w/the hammerlock, tags in R-Truth, double whip into a double hip toss, Kofi hits a kick to the face, Truth does a jumping split, hits the ropes, does a spin and drops a leg for a two count.
Hawkins tags in his partner, Tyler Recks, who runs into a leg-trip, take down; misses a clothesline attempt and R-Truth hits a spiraling forearm.
Truth pummels Recks in the corner. Hawkins takes a cheap shot from outside. Truth kicks him to the floor, but Recks pulls Truth back down hard, and beats on him. He picks him up in a back-breaker, and tags in Hawkins.
Hawkins gets in a shot to the side, a knee to the back, and tags back out to Recks, who stomps on Truth.
Truth and Recks trade shots. Recks pick Truth up in a slam, but Truth slides out and hits a jumping thrust kick. Recks tags in Hawkins, Truth tags in Kofi. Kofi comes off the top rope with the “superman punch,” to Hawkins, a boot to Recks, and a clothesline, knife chop, dropkick combo to Hawkins. Kofi hits another flying punch, and gives Hawkins the “boom boom” double leg drop.
Kofi, in the corner, signals for “Trouble in Paradise,” but has to take out Recks. Hawkins misses a clothesline, Kofi misses the kick, Hawkins shoves him into the corner, Kofi hits a flying body press for two, but Recks breaks it up.
Truth runs into a boot by Recks, Recks tosses him out, Truth pulls Recks out by the ankles to the floor, Hawkins misses a charge and Kofi connects with the “Trouble in Paradise” kick for the three-count.
Cole is told his match with Cena is next. Cena walks to the ring with a smile the length of his entire face, while Cole palms his face.
COMMERCIAL
Promo for RAW 1000: Triple Hs’ best RAW memory, making a big comeback from leg surgery on Jan 7, 2002.
We’re back, and Cena gets introduced for his match, Cole tries to talk his way out of it. Johnny Ace rolls in on his chair, and makes it a no dq match… if Cena can beat Tensai.
They lock up, and Tensai scores an elbow to Cenas head. Tensai punches Cena into the corner and beats him down with punching and stomping. Tensai gets a head butt, and pummels Cena into the ropes. Tensai digs his boot into Cena as the crowd starts the “Let’s go Cena/Cena Sucks,” chant.
Tensai catapults Cena neck-first into the middle rope. Cena gets up, and trades punches with Tensai. Cena fights him back, and takes him over and out to the floor with a clothesline.
Cena throws Tensai back in the ring, but Sakamoto gets two strong kicks to Cena while the ref isn’t looking. Michael Cole cheers as we go to commercial.
We come back to Tensai squeezing Cenas head. Cena fights out with a dropkick, but Tensai takes him down with a clothesline.
Tensai picks him up into the corner, whips him across the ring, and hits him with an “avalanche.” Tensai tries it again, but runs into Cenas boots. Cena scores a bulldog from the top rope, but when he tries a suplex, Tensai floats over and drops down on Cenas arm. Tensai hits Cena with a charge and gets a two count.
Tensai sends Cena to the floor with a big head butt. Michael Cole takes the chance to taunt Cena. Tensai bounces Cenas head off the announce table. Cole gets in a slap, and Jerry gets up to shove Cole back.
Jerry and Cole get heated at each other while Tensai beats Cena down, and whips him into the stairs.
Cena just beats the ten-count to get back in the ring. Tensai hooks a double underarm suplex for a two count, but misses a senton splash. Cena hits a shoulder block, ducks a clothesline, and gets Tensai down with another shoulder block. Cena clocks Sakamoto, ducks a shot from Tensai, gets him up in a cradle-drop suplex, hits the five knuckle shuffle, gets him up in the “AA” and gets the three-count.
And now, the “main event,” of the evening; Cole has to face John Cena in a no dq match. Cena is all smiles; Cole looks like he’s facing foreclosure on his home. Cole gets up… and runs into the audience. Cena catches him, and after a noogie or two, tosses him over the railing. Cole runs to the announcers’ seat and grabs a mike as Cena throws him back in the ring.
Cole tries to talk Cena out of the match; however it quickly turns into an angry promo about how important he is. This leads to Cena ripping all Coles’ clothes off and mimicking Big Shows’ “shhh” routine before slapping the hell out of Cole.
Cena grabs Cole in a chin lock and makes him apologize into the mike, to Jerry Lawler, then to J.R. The logical follow up is to pour BBQ sauce all over him. Cena follows this up with his hilarious fire extinguisher routine, spraying Cole until Tensai sneaks in a double choke-slam. Cole gets a cheap two-count, and then tries to whack Cena with the extinguisher. Cena catches him in the “AA,” and this match finally ends.
We open with the annual Memorial Day tribute montage to our armed forces, asking us to reflect on all we owe them.
(Does that include health care and financial aid?)
Our “prologue” if you will, is a recap of everything you know by now if you watch WWE programs. Show double-crossed Cena at Over the Limit because no one felt sorry for him when he was humiliated and fired.
Back in present time, the Big Show comes out in the Big Suit. He points to the smile on his face and says that’s doing his job. All those times he came out and made us smile was just business. Now that he has an iron clad contract and a huge bonus, he doesn’t have to care about anybody but himself. He claims there’s no one in his league;
“No helmet, shoulder pad, 4 month out of the year, NFL player, no toothpick, noodle arm, NBA player, no Phony UFC fighter, and no one, in that locker room.”
Show claims what really upset him was how easily we moved on without him. Here we cut to a clip of Brodus Clay dancing with the ladies and kids.
“MY TEARS WEREN’T EVEN DRY!” – Big Show.
Apparently, we’re all shallow and phony to him, but the biggest disappointment was Cena not leading a mutiny in support of Big Show, how instead, he chose to mock Johnny Ace, and act like everything was a joke.
“I guess that’s all I am; one big joke.” – Big Show.
Show gives us a rundown of Cenas’ recent failures including the loss to Rock, the beating from Brock, and the loss to Johnny Ace, and promises to do all that and more to him at No Way Out.
“And that put’s a Smile on my Face.” – Big Show.
Punk vs. Bryan is announced while we watch Santino Morella get warmed up for his match with Alberto Del Rio.
Commercials
REWIND: LAST FRI, SMACKDOWN – Santino def. Ricardo Rodriguez.
We come back to the action with Alberto Del Rio driving in one of his expensive cars as RR introduces him, while Santino “power walks” to the ring.
Alberto Del Rio vs. U.S. heavyweight champion Santino Morella
Del Rio Charges before the bell.
Beats down Santino w/kicks to the legs and punches to the head.
Front face lock by Del Rio as he takes him to the corner.
Del Rio misses a charge into the corner.
Santino w/a hip toss/diving head butt combo.
Santino goes for the COBRA!
Del Rio w/a kick to the torso, front face lock, float over into the cross arm-breaker.
Santino taps out.
WINNER; ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIO!
Rodriguez makes a point of shouting right in the face of Santino and rubbing it in.
Backstage: We see Eve close up. Alex Riley is with her, trying to sweet talk her into something when Big Show walks in. Eve informs Show that Johnny Ace has authorized him to pick his own opponent for tonight and leaves. Riley tries to make nice with the Show which results in Show sending a message to the whole locker room, by slamming Riley into the wall.
Commercials
Shot of Bourbon Street
Up next is a WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH!
Champs Kofi Kingston/R-Truth are out first.
Vicki Guerrero comes out and starts with the “EXCUSE ME!” bit.
Crowd shot: Sign -“There’s no excuse for you Vicki!”
Vicki introduces Jack Swagger an Dolph Ziggler.
Tag Team Title Match: R-Truth/Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger
Swagger/Kofi each go in first.
Collar-elbow lock up, into the corner.
Swagger misses a charge.
Kofi w/2 shots to the legs and a dropkick.
Tag to R-Truth.
There is a Double hip toss on Swagger.
Truth w/a dance and a leg drop for a two count.
Swagger whips Truth into the ropes.
Truth hits the breaks and gives a shimmy.
Swagger charges.
Truth ducks.
Swagger over and out to the floor.
Ziggler runs in.
Kick by Kofi connects with Ziggler.
Double wrist lock/jumping snap kick to Ziggler.
Double baseball slide kick sends Ziggler to the floor.
Commercial
Back from commercial.
Swagger with a double arm hook on Kofi.
Recap: During commercial, Ziggler distracts Kofi, Swagger hits a shoulder block, and Kofi hits the floor.
Kofi fights off a double teaming, but is sent hard, back into the corner.
Swagger w/shoulder blocks.
Ziggler starts choking Kofi w/tag rope.
Swagger w/a body slam to Kofi and tags Ziggler.
Ziggler drops an elbow and gets 2 w/sloppy cover.
Chin lock/arm bar on Kofi by Ziggler.
Both men up.
Kofi gets two hits.
Ziggler kicks him into the corner, misses a charge.
Ziggler gets a tag.
Kofi makes a tag.
R-truth hits Swagger with flying thrust kick, boot to the stomach, DDT for a 2 count.
Ziggler makes the save.
Truth launches Kofi up/over/into Swagger.
Swagger tries a roll-up, for a 2 count.
Swagger hoist Truth up, charges the corner.
Truth slips behind.
Swagger hits the corner.
Truth jumps up, grabs his head, and pulls him face first to the canvas.
Truth scores the 3 count.
WINNERS/STILL CHAMPIONS: R-TRUTH/KOFI KINGSTON
Ziggler is not happy.
He tells off Vicki and Swagger and bolts.
Backstage: Santino is walking hurt with some help when Show rolls up on him and grabs his face. He teases calling out Santino as his opponent when Brodus Clay steps up and dares Show to pick him. Show agrees.
“Forget about dancing. You won’t even be walking.” – Big Show.
Commercials
Did you know? WWE’s “Be a Star” Campaign made it into the records in congress.
Johnny Laurenitis Larinitis Meningitis Ace, GM of both RAW and SMACKDOWN rolls out in his motorized wheelchair with David Otunga and Eve Torres in tow. He introduces himself and announces he will now make several announcements. Big Show will face Brodus Clay tonight, and at No Way Out, Cena vs. Big Show is now a CAGE MATCH. Johnny claims to be “the most popular WWE superstar in history,” and talks about people wanting HIM on the cover of the new WWE 12 video game. John pulls the cover off an easel to reveal his face beaming off the cover of the game box.
“This Will Be Bigger Than Pac Man!” – Johnny Ace.
We hit the song “Cult of Personality,” and here comes the WWE champion, C.M. Punk. Punk hits the ring, and alls out Johnny on his bull-shinola.
“Neither Pac Man nor you have ANY testicles whatsoever.” – C.M. Punk.
Punk basically calls the formerly Dynamic Dude out of touch and reveals the TRUE face of WWE ’12. We hit the fireworks and drop the canvas. C.M. Punk stands cross armed, straight edged, and ready to fight on the cover of the new game.
“Take the hoeski and Carlton and get outta my ring.” – C.M. Punk.
Johnny, not wanting to incur the wrath of the B.O.D. ; simply limps out the ring with underlings in tow, while Punk trashes Johnny’s picture.
Punk v. Bryan next
Commercials
Crowd Sign: YES!
We come back with Punk in the ring and Bryan making the big entrance, while the announcers –Cole and King- bring up the recent unpleasantness with Kane and some folding chairs.
Recap: Bryan attacking Kane w/Chair last Smackdown.
WWE Champion C.M. Punk vs. Daniel Bryan
Lock up.
Bryan w/the wristlock into a side headlock, both men back into the ropes.
Bryan hits a shoulder block off the ropes.
Bryan shoots off the ropes, over Punk.
Punk leapfrogs Bryan.
Hip toss, arm drag, Punk w/the arm bar.
Bryan gets up on his feet.
Punk puts a wristlock on Bryan.
Bryan rolls over/benches up, hooks Punk at the waist, takes him over with a suplex variation, into the arm bar.
Bryan bends Punk’s hand backwards, presses it to the mat, stomps the elbow, and locks in a hammerlock.
Punk elbows free, shoots off the ropes.
Bryan goes down.
Punk goes over.
Bryan jumps up.
Punk catches him, hits a reverse atomic drop, and a kick to the torso.
Punk drops the knee five times and leg scissors Bryan.
Punk ties up Bryans’ legs and gets him into the surfboard.
Bryan rolls out, lands on Punk, 2 count.
Punk sweeps the legs, gets a 2 count.
Bryan hooks the legs, flips on top, and gets a 2 count.
Punk bridges up. Both men struggle for a back slide. Punk hoist Bryan up on his shoulder and drops him back first into the knee for a 2 count.
Punk hooks Bryan into suplex position but drops him on the top rope.
Punk moves in, Bryan grabs the arm and drops down, pulling the arm across the rope.
Bryan hits a flying knee off the top rope and slide kicks Punk to the floor.
Bryan dives, Punk side steps and hits a kick to the mid section.
Punk hits a moonsault off the ropes onto Bryan.
AJ comes to ringside.
Commercial
We return w/Punk putting the boots to Bryan in the corner.
Replay: Bryan hits a flying knee on the outside.
Punk tries a suplex, Bryan slips out, whips into the corner, reversal. Bryan climbs the corner and flips over Punk, runs into Punks’ boot. Punk misses a moonsault and lands hard.
Bryan hits with a running charge/low dropkick, and works Punks’ arm.
Punk fights back w/kicks, but Bryan hooks a wristlock and pulls the arm hard across his shoulder.
Bryan goes “YES!” 3 times and scores a running dropkick into the corner, 2 count only.
Punk hits some kicks but Bryan hooks the arm and takes Punk up/over w/a suplex for a 2 count.
Bryan goes back on the arm.
Punk gets 2 hits. Bryan works the arm again but runs into a knee by Punk.
Punk hits a charging forearm, shoots Bryan into the ropes. He hits a jump-thrust kick for a two count.
Punk scores a running knee lift in the corner, but Bryan shrugs off the bulldog attempt.
Bryan misses a kick. Punk gets 2 w/a roll up.
Forearm twice by Bryan, reversed Irish whip, Punk up/over to the ring apron, shoulder block by Punk and a clothesline from the top rope for 2.
Punk tries a flying elbow, but Bryan hits the rope and Punk drops crotch-first on the corner.
Superplex by Bryan gets 2.
Bryan heads to the corner and unties a turnbuckle.
AJ gets up on the ring and tries to tell the ref.
Bryan shouts at her, Punk scores a kick to the head for 2.
Punk yells at AJ, charges Bryan, Bryan hoists him up, face-first into the exposed corner for a 3-count.
Bryan celebrates until Kane attacks him w/a chair. He choke slams Bryan out.
AJ throws Punk a chair, Punk fights off Kane.
WINNER: DANIEL BRYAN. (YES! YES! YES!)
Backstage-Eve sends Teddy for some coffee while Johnny Ace berates her and Otunga. He points out that Otunga taped out in 10 seconds to the STF, while Johnny took two at the last ppv. He berates Eve for not getting Sheamus to apologize to him. He threatens to stay on the job another 20 years and Eve spits her coffee on Teddy. That’s more of my attention than it deserves.
More commercials
I-C Champion Christian vs. Miz (surprise!)
Lock up.
Miz w/a knee, gets a side headlock.
Christian shoots him off the ropes.
Christian ducks down.
Miz goes over.
Christian w/a flying shoulder block.
Christian w/a boot to the mid-section, sunset flip off the top rope.
Miz rolls out and hits a kick to the face for a 2.
Miz takes Christian face first into the corner. He beats him down w/a knee and punching.
Miz walks back, and hits a charging leap clothesline.
Miz scores a double ax-handle for a 2 count.
Chin lock by Miz.
Christian fights out, but Miz scores his reverse face lock, knee drop, neck breaker combo for 2.
Miz drops down on Christians’ back and works a chin lock.
Christian fights his way to his feet, Miz takes him to the corner. Miz hits 2 shoulder blocks and sets Christian up on the corner. Christian fights him back and scores a missle drop kick for 2.
Christian springs over the top rope, hits a shot to face on Miz.
Christian climbs the corner, hops over Miz and scores a reverse DDT.
Christian tries a spear, but eats a boot to the face, Miz gets 2.
Miz wails on Christian in the corner, Christian hits a double kick to the face, and a flying elbow from the top rope.
Christian gets distracted by Cody Rhodes, Miz gets 2 w/a roll up.
Christian goes to the corner and hits a kick to the midsection. He hops up on the corner ropes but Miz grabs an ankle and pulls.
Christian hits the mat face first.
Miz tries for the “Skull Crushing Finale,” Christian reverses it into a “Killswitch” attempt, but Miz shoves him into the corner.
Miz misses a charge and hits the corner. Christian hits the Killswitch and gets the 3.
More Commercials
We’re back, and Miz is peeved about not being treated like a star. He’s not leaving the ring until…
Cue Randy Orton.
Orton hits the RKO and basks in the cheers.
Backstage: Dolph thinks he should be getting cheers like Orton. He wants out of his tag team with Ziggler. Vicky will see what she can do.
Next: Sheamus v. Otunga.
Before the next break, we get a special Memorial Day voice over message from John Cena. It’s basically an elaborate “thank you,” to our Armed Forces for their service. I agree with the sentiment, I just think it’s a little bit pandering to have Cena be the only one to do it.
Commercial
We come back to David Otunga making his entrance to a round of boos. Sheamus comes out next.
World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus vs. David Otunga
Otunga charges in strong w/kicks and punches, but Sheamus fires back.
Sheamus tries a whip, Otunga reverses it, but a hip-toss attempt is met w/ a clothesline.
Otunga rolls out.
Sheamus goes after Otunga. Otunga pulls Sheamus neck first into the rope.
Otunga charges, Sheamus scoops him up into a slam attempt.
Otunga slides down, and sends Sheamus into the corner. Otunga hits a solid clothesline for a 1 count.
Otunga hooks the head and peppers Sheamus on the chest with clubbing shots.
Otunga shoots off the ropes and hits a low shoulder block. Otunga makes 3 pin attempts in a row, but never gets more than 2.
Otunga takes Sheamus to the corner and works him over w/knees and clubbing forearms. He flexes for the crowd.
Otunga whips Sheamus into the corner, Sheamus bounces back with an axe-handle smash, then another. He sends Otunga over the top rope, Otunga hangs on. Sheamus clubs his chest with forearm shots. He pulls Otunga in and hits the “white noise.”
Sheamus ends this with the “Brogue kick” and a 3 count.
Crowd Shot: Kid rocking The Sheamus look.
FUNKASAURUS up next
Commercial: ECW Unreleased, vol.1
Madagascar 3 – interest 0
Recap: Over The Limit – Big Show’s betrayal, and subsequent sucker punch on Cena.
We have the intro –you know the drill.
Funkasaurs, Funkateers, Funka-dactyls, and I go Funk myself.
The announcers remind us Brodus is 22 and 0 so far in his run.
Big Show comes out. He claims to be a fan, and compares embarrassing things he’s done (sumo match at mania in a diaper,) to Brodus doing embarrassing things every night. He suggests Brodus get some make-up/a wig and be the new Doink.
“The Difference btw you and Doink, Doink actually had talent.” – Big Show.
Brodus dares Show to step up. Show responds with a spear that shakes the arena (or at least a cameraman.) And from that point on, it’s pretty much a mugging. The Funkasaurs is bitchified all over the arena floor while his backup dancers stand scared in the ring. Kofi and R-Truth run out to try a save, but Show tosses Kofi into R-Truth and resumes the battering with a piece of the announcers table. Show brutalizes Truth. Kofi gets a big kick in, but gets sent through the Barricade. Truth gets sent to the stairs. WMD to Clay and Show leaves 3 men down.
Raw ends with Johnny Ace raising the Show’s hand, up on the stage.
RYTMANS’ RESPONSE: Ya know, at this point, I like it when a show goes on autopilot like this. We get more actual wrestling, and interview segments that actually go somewhere (for the most part.) However, right now, I’d like to address all the people who were complaining that WWE wasn’t giving the Punk/Bryan program enough attention.
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!? WE GOT KANE AND AJ BOTH SHOVED INTO THIS! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WWE PAYS ATTENTION TO SOMETHING WE LIKE! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!?
For the record, I can’t hate on Kane or AJ, and I’m good with them making a check. I just don’t know why we have to pile on sub-plots to a story we’re happy with.
Show was awesome tonight, and actually got the crowd chanting big for Cena. Show makes an awesome monster heel, mainly because he‘s got charisma and personality peppered into his rage.
Side Note: I’m actually wondering if any of that stuff he said about being treated like a joke was a shoot.
Side-Side Note: BOD = Board of Directors
So, there’s my first ever official RAW recap. Hope you like it.
We begin with the contract signing being set up. John Cena comes out talking to his favorite cameraman, and then Johnny Ace breaks up Brock’s music to tell Teddy Long that Brock isn’t in the building yet. Then Edge comes to the ring much to the enjoyment of the fans. Then Edge cuts the promo we’ve all been waiting for. That got the crowd chanting “Cena, Cena, Cena.” Every wrestler should have been huddled around the monitor watching it. That’s how it’s done.
We get Jericho in all his glittery sparkliness. And then we got Kofi in all his Enhancement Talent to the Stars glory. Kofi was great. Dolph is the most under-appreciated wrestler in the WWE. But I think Kofi Kingston has to be the most under-appreciated babyface. This was a great match. I don’t use the word “great” very often, but this was everything you would think it could be.
Johnny Ace names Eve something that gives her more dialogue. Ugh.
They replayed the really excellent Brock promo. I fast-forwarded. I’m pretty sure he’s still an a**wipe.
Jericho got CM Punk a liquor basket. Predictable.
We got more R-Truth. May I say that R-Truth has quickly become my guilty pleasure in wrestling? He is going to fight The Sultan outfit, who is now being portrayed by the Hip Hop Hippo, Albert. I think they’re trying with Lord Tensai so I should give them credit. R-Truth got in some offense so it wasn’t a total squash. He did the green mist, which means I’m going to hear every “smart” wrestling fan argue that Albert stole that from Tajiri (when we all know he stole that from MsChif).
Kane walks out wearing El Zorro’s mask. He cut the decent promo he always cuts. Then Randy Orton interrupts to show he has Kane’s father Paul Bearer bound and gagged in the back. He shoves him into a freezer. This is the second time he will be killed on tv. The two beat the living crap out of each other.
Alex Riley tells Jericho that CM Punk is drinking alcohol in the back. Jericho follows him to crack open the door and sure enough, Punk is drinking from a Red Solo Cup. Jericho, I think you just looked like 1990 Sting.
Alberto del Rio comes out to the best ring entrance in the WWE. He is teaming up with Cody Rhodes, I guess, because they both exist. And they are wrestling Big Show and Great Khali for the same reason. I think I need to say I am enjoying this phase of the Big Show’s career. Nothing will ever beat 1996 The Giant in my eyes, but I think the evolution of the Big Show is night and day. I think this was quite possibly the best match these 4 could have had.
And just as I feared. They gave Eve dialogue. Punk can be suspended because he drank in a 12-hour period. I cannot even begin to describe how ridiculously insulting this is to my intelligence.
Brock Lesnar annihilates Josh Matthews.
We’re supposed to have Beth Phoenix vs. a Bella. And because the divas do nothing, they make it a Lumberjill match. It was actually not a bad match. They gave the women some time and they used it well. The Bella won.
We got to watch CM Punk take a field sobriety test. It was everything you’d expect. According to the cop in the ring, Punk failed the sobriety test. Then Punk had to give the belt to Punk to give to Teddy. And then Punk recited the alphabet live. We even got a Ric Flair strut. Not my favorite thing but I will live.
Sheamus got Mark Henry. And Daniel Bryan was named special guest referee. The crowd is going rather nuts for him. It was a short match with Sheamus being pinned by Mark Henry with a (lightning) fast count. This night has been GREAT build-up for Extreme Rules.
Primo and Epico are wrestling Zack Ryder and Santino because they exist too. This was another pretty good match. Ryder and Santino won. So I guess tag champ makes you first jobber.
Kane takes Paul Bearer out of the freezer to put him back in. So now he can kill him just like his brother did.
Abraham Washington gives his card to the Latino 3.
Funkasaurus and Hornswoggle took on Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler. It wasn’t a bad match.
Then there was the contract signing which went on forever.
A really good Raw again. Work was first-rate. Matches seemed a little fresh.
I know. Raw is taped tonight. So is Mad Men. It’s still good. Here’s to hoping that we continue the hot streak.
We start off the night with CM Punk and Mark Henry (who is already in the ring?). The crowd was hot and engaged already. This was a good big man-little man match. Both guys really brought it. And Punk had to go to a crazy place to get the win. Then Jericho went back and forth for a bit. Jericho had a video where he showed Punk going into a pub. Apparently that means he was drinking.
Santino and Otunga had a match. It was painless. Please nobody ask Otunga to take a blood test. I think he might end up pregnant.
The Brock interview I think went pretty well. I really liked it.
Kane killed Zack Ryder. Then he called out Orton.
John Cena came out and delivered a really good spot-on promo. And then Johnny Ace came out. Cena was going to have a secret opponent. I was hoping for the return of Berzerker.
We got Kofi vs. Daniel Bryan. Tonight on Facebook, somebody called Daniel Bryan the most over face in the WWE. Too bad the WWE wants him to be a heel. It was a really good match. Daniel Bryan could cut a newborn kitten’s throat on live tv and the fans would chant, “One more time.”
Eve is having a one-on-one with Johnny Ace. Poor Johnny.
Great Khali. Because you know, the people haven’t been through enough. Khali was going to be teaming up with Big Show. They got to face the Colons. It was a great squash match. Too bad it was up against the tag champs.
John Cena comes out and has a mystery opponent-Lord Tensai. It wasn’t a bad match all things considered. Tensai walked away with a win.
All in all… Not a bad Raw. There were still some moments that left me scratching my head. But they seem to have a purpose, so it can’t be that bad, right?
Last week was perhaps one of the greatest Raws in history. How do you follow it up? I’m very concerned because I believe that the WWE is really good at having a good episode. But a streak of good episodes is something all together different.
We begin with a promo about the Three Stooges. Johnny Ace comes out with his lackey David Otunga. He said that David Otunga is not here to entertain us. I was so relieved because if he were supposed to entertain us, he’s doing a very bad job. Johnny Ace plays a video package and then introduces Brock Lesnar. I’m a little disappointed they’re letting him speak yet, but ok. Brock doesn’t need Paul Heyman this time. He cut the best promos in the UFC (aside from Chael Sonnen). He was the man you loved to hate and was so good being that villain. Cena slapped Brock and then Brock did the takedown. They brought out ALL the wrestlers. It took the entire roster to separate both men. And Brock bloodied John Cena’s mouth.
Johnny Ace is humiliating Teddy Long. Please. That man once managed Jim Powers in WCW. He is beyond humiliation. Now Eve wants her some Ace Crusher and he isn’t having it.
We had a nice match that happened way too early. This crowd was not last week’s crowd but the match was pretty decent. Santino did the face in peril to perfection. And the match was really well put together. Dolph bumped like Shawn Michaels in 1994. Funkasaurus got the pin.
Santino is looking for the Three Stooges. Why not?
R-Truth is taking on Cody Rhodes. So apparently he’s doing the Brian Pillman “wear a dress until he wins” thing.
Sean Hayes was on Raw. That was surreal.
Yoshi Tatsu got killed by Lord Tensai. At least they aren’t trying to pretend A-Train never existed. Then he did the claw on Yoshi again. It seems they are focused.
They continued the CM Punk-Jericho feud. Punk cut a promo. It wasn’t up to the caliber of the usual Punk promo. But it was real and emotional. Then Jericho appeared on the screen. Then Punk lit up. It was a thing of beauty. There was genuine fire. And then they killed any possible emotion by bringing out Mark Henry. Punk got dq’ed, mostly on purpose. Then Mark Henry did the beatdown followed by Punk getting a beer-bath.
Zack Ryder got squashed by Alberto del Rio. I do have to say that Ryder did a really great job of bumping for him.
They did a really cute segment with Will Sasso (Curly) doing Hulk Hogan. Then Kane came out squashed him.
Brock did an interview. He has always been a great villain wherever he’s gone.
David Otunga was in a main event (which made me cry a little, to be honest). They just really need to stop pushing guys this big. Lesnar came in and gave Cena a low blow. Then he had the most sadistic smile ever. EVER.
This was another pretty good Raw. The wrestling wasn’t that great, but the angles were pretty good. They look focused. I want to see Extreme Rules more than I wanted to see Wrestlemania.
It’s our first Smackdown back after WrestleMania 28! We wrapped our Celebration of Professional Wrestling 2012. Be sure to click that link to check out any of the fantastic podcasts and articles we saw during our marathon.
But things changed in some massive ways on RAW to kick off the unofficial start of the new “season” of the WWE. John Laurinitaus took over the reigns of Smackdown from Theodore Long, for example. Jack “The San Jose Shark” Swagger debuted his new look and showed distention with Dolph Ziggler. John Cena questioned his inner being. Brodus finally got elevated. The Rock made allusions to being World Champion one more time. Some oddly familiar, non-Asian looking guy debuted. Oh yeah… and….
Let’s hop to it, shall we?