Ladies And Gentlemen Archives - Page 2 of 2

RAW 8.23.10

August 23, 2010 11:16 pm 1 Comment

Hello ladies and gentlemen. Terribly sorry about missing last week, but I was out with my mom and grandmother, with a surprise visit from my aunt. We went and saw Cats, not like anyone cares… I’m going to shut up now.

Oh, heads up: My laptop screen is… busted, maybe, I don’t know. Something happened, I have no idea what. So, my laptop may be going in for repair soon. What that means is that the RAW review may be up later, because I’d have to take notes while watching it in my room, and then take the notes into the office and type it up on my desktop… Anyway, I’m still working out the kinks and trying to make everything easier. Keep an eye out on Twitter, and I’ll let you know.

Tonight, The Miz takes on John Cena. And what about Nexus? After expelling Darren Young, are they stronger, or are they beginning to crack around the edges?

So, Darren’s out of Nexus…? Maybe. We’ll see.

It’s a shameful thing… lobster head… TOO MANY LIMES! TOO MANY LIMES!

Lots of love to the RAW Tweeters for that one. I love you all.

Anyway, Sheamus makes his way out, and we get a rewind to the Justin Gabriel vs Randy Orton match where Sheamus came out to the ring and cost Randy the match via count out. And Randy demolished him last week outside the ring. Nexus? Not a threat. Sheamus pisses Randy off though. Ha.

Sheamus says that he’s noticed one thing about Americans: their children are spoiled brats, annoying, selfish, and will cry until they get what they want. Look at all the spoiled runts. He calls some random kid a disgrace and I JUST SAW FRANK! Anyway, he bashes a few more kids. He says there’s an even bigger spoiled child in the WWE, and that’s Randy Orton. Orton couldn’t beat Sheamus for the title at SummerSlam, so he attacks Sheamus after the match and on RAW. Everyone in the WWE Universe cheered Orton, chanting RKO RKO! Which they do now, much to Sheamus’ disgust. He says he’s going to burst their bubble, and says that Orton is not the WWE Champion, Sheamus is. Sheamus and the GM haven’t been on the same page, but in four weeks times, Night of Champions is coming up. Orton should be punished for what he did instead of rewarded. He should never get another opportunity at the WWE Championship.

<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>

“Sheamus, believe it or not, I have no problem with you. You have found a way to retain your WWE Championship, and I feel you should be rewarded. Therefore tonight I’m going to do something unprecedented. Gentlemen, will you please bring out the throne.”

Like we need this. Make someone’s ego even bigger… Anyway, there’s a throne now.

“Sheamus, I’m not going to decide your next challenger, you are. Tonight, there will be a series of matches. You will watch them, observe them, and see who impresses you the most. At the end of the evening, you will come to the ring and announce to the world your opponent for Night of Champions.”

Sheamus says there is finally justice in the WWE for him, and thanks the General Manager.

“Sheamus, there’s one other thing. The first of these matches begins right now.”

You think you know me…

Edge makes his way to the ring as we cut to commercial.

@Niki_Sushi It’s official. Whoever Sheamus picks is either going to have a mega push, or a mega burial. #BWF #RAW

@TKeep123 Until I hear Sheamus say “Fella!” my night won’t be complete. #RAW #WWE #BWF

Next week is RAW’s 900^th episode!! Awesome.

Edge vs. R-Truth

So, whose taking bets that someone’s going to try to beat Sheamus with his own throne? I would. Anyway, Truth did decently, but a Spear ended that.

Edge wins via pinfall!

Edge says Sheamus can sit on his stupid little throne, brag about all the people he’s beat, but until he’s beaten a nine-time champion, until he beats the man who led Team WWE to victory at SummerSlam, until he beats the Rated-R Superstar, he hasn’t beaten anybody.

Tonight, The Miz takes on John Cena! And Cody Rhodes is going to be on Warehouse 13 on SyFy tomorrow night at 9 Central!

@kickoutblog R-Truth just broke his hip like a 90 year old that just slipped in the tub. #WWE #RAW

@Niki_Sushi OMFG. Truth did the scissor kick, and all I saw was him in Alicia’s outfit. MY BRAIN NEEDS BLEACHING!!! #BWF #RAW

WWE went to China for the first time. AWESOME.

Sheamus is still sitting on his throne watching everything, and Lawler says that he looks regal. Huh, go figure.

The Great Khali vs. Chris Jericho

Khali manhandles Chris for a bit, but Chris fights back, attacking Khali’s injured knee. Advantage bounces back and forth, and Chris goes for the Codebreaker, but Khali just drops him. Jericho locks Khali in the Walls of Jericho, and Khali taps out.

Chris Jericho wins via submission.

Chris takes a mic and says that he hopes Sheamus wasn’t taking what Edge said to heart because he wasn’t the first Undisputed Champion, Chris is. Edge isn’t the man who just made a giant tap out, and most importantly, Edge isn’t the best in the world at what he does, Chris is. So Sheamus should pick Chris, and asks if Sheamus understands what Chris is saying right now. Khali gets back up and slaps Chris’ chest, knocking him out of the ring.

Backstage, Josh Matthews interviews John Cena. Matthews asks him to mention what happened last week. Cena says it’s petty and classless, and he doesn’t regret choosing Bryan over Miz. Miz almost cost them the match, and showed his true colors last week by attacking Bryan. Ever since he won the Money in the Bank match, he’s gotten a bigger mouth. Tonight, Cena’ shuts it with an Attitude Adjustment.

@KeepItFiveStar I will pay for Khali’s ticket to get him back to India

@ThingsColeSays Michael McGuillicutty has the “McGuillibuddies.” Michael Cole has “The Cole Miners.” John Cena has the “Purple People Eaters.”

@HitTheRopes I don’t hate Cena and all (and I have yet to look at spoilers) but I hope Miz looks better here than in their last feud. #wwe

@StrikerSays Jericho truly IS the best in the world at what he does, and here’s why: he just made a 5-minute match with Khali NOT entirely virulent.

We come back to Jillian Hall in the ring saying she has been Diva’s Champion before and she’s done it again. She starts singing Afraid by Eminem, and I think Cole was singing too. Thankfully, Melina interrupts.

Jillian Hall vs Diva’s Champion Melina for the Diva’s Championship

Jillian dominates most of this match, and they guess each other’s moves a lot, but no surprise, Melina wins with Last Call.

Diva’s Champion Melina wins via pinfall.

LayCool comes over the TitanTron to try to get Melina’s attention. They say they don’t feel bad at all for attacking her at SummerSlam. They’re going to be at the 900^th episode of RAW next week, and they have a flawless offer that she can’t refuse.

Matthews is backstage with Miz, asking if he wants to respond to Cena’s accusations. Miz says that he nailed Bryan in the back of the head, but what about Cena? Cena put Team WWE at risk the minute he chose Bryan of Miz. After the WWE Championship match, Sheamus was beaten down, and had to be carried out. But did Miz cash in Money in the Bank? No. He was thinking about Team WWE. The very least Cena could have done was talk to Miz backstage. Instead, he tried to embarrass Miz in front of the entire world. Being embarrassed doesn’t sit right with Miz. So tonight, Miz is going to beat Cena, and he will show Cena that there will be consequences for his actions. As for Sheamus, Miz doesn’t expect to be chosen. But, that doesn’t really matter does it? Because Miz can pick Sheamus anytime, anywhere he wants. He might even pick Sheamus tonight.

@legendkiller515 Why do they continue to have jillian sing? #wwe #bwf

@Niki_Sushi NO. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM RAW, YOU DIRTY BLONDE HO! WE JUST GOT RID OF Kx2! DON’T RUIN THIS FOR ME! #RAW #BWF

@JCenadotcom Why do they insist on making Michelle talk? :-

Nexus comes out to the ring, Wade with a microphone. Remember, it’s the Nexus Six now, which doesn’t have the same ring, does it? Sheamus asks what he owes the honor too, but before they can answer…

<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>

“I requested Nexus come out here to let them know I was highly impressed with their performance last week. As for the ban that says Nexus can no longer compete for titles, that ban has been lifted.”

Sheamus looks upset, and Barrett walks over. Sheamus and Barrett have a staring match before Barrett says their truce is over. With that, they walk backstage again.

Next up is The Miz vs John Cena.

@legendkiller515 sheamus looks like he just seen a ghost…physically and literary #wwe #bwf

@Niki_Sushi God DAMN Sheamus looks pissed! Just how many Superstars pissed in his Wheaties during commercial!? #BWF #RAW

AWESOME!

The United States Champion The Miz vs John Cena

I’m calling it now, as Cena comes out (BRRRRRR SOGGY SHOES!) that Daniel Bryan is going to interfere. Just my theory. Anyway, Miz gets an early advantage, but Cena takes it from him. He goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out, and dodges a move from Cena, sending Cena shoulder-first into the steel pole. Miz goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out. Miz gets the advantage back, and then Cena takes it back, Irish whipping him across the ring before suplexing him and going for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Miz gets advantage back with a knee to the face, and then a kick to the stomach. Meanwhile, Cole admits he has no friends. Anyway, Miz hits a leg drop across Cena’s face, and then goes for a cover, but Cena shoves him off. Cena gets the advantage back, and then goes to the top rope, and Miz knocks him off and out of the ring.

We come back to Miz hooked all around Cena in a sleeper, his legs around his waist from behind. Cena backs him into the turnbuckle, and goes for the bulldog, but Miz shoves him off, followed by a boot to the face. He goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Miz goes outside the ring and hangs Cena’s head over the edge, then knees him in the face. He gets Cena under the bottom rope, and then drops him, flinging him into the rope. He goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Miz is watching Cena as he gets up in the corner, and then hits the swinging corner clothesline. Cena gets in another corner, and Miz tries again, but Cena rolls out of the way. Cena hits a shoulder tackle and then gets the momentum back. Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Miz, who gets up and is picked up for the Attitude Adjustment. However, Miz hits him with a backbreaker, then a neckbreaker, then goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Cena gets up and Miz attempts the Skull Crushing Finale, but Miz blocks and gets Miz into the STF. Miz reaches for the ropes and grabs the bottom rope to get free.

To give you a break from the block paragraphs, I’ll continue here. Cena goes for Miz, but Miz kicks him in the face. Goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out. Miz Whips Cena into the turnbuckle and then attempts another Skull Crushing Finale. Cena tries the attitude Adjustment again, but Miz gets out of the ring and away from him. Daniel Bryan attacks from behind, the ref calls for the bell, and Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment.

The United States Champion The Miz wins via disqualification.

Cena walks away, and Daniel Bryan gets in and puts Miz in a submission. Miz taps out, and four refs have to pull Bryan off of Miz.

Later tonight, Randy Orton will face John Morrison and Ted DiBiase in a Triple Threat match.

@FrankWWEClown “Get that idiot off him!” -Michael Cole No Cole, you’re the idiot, you’re the idiot.

@Niki_Sushi I now name Daniel Bryan’s submission move. It’s now the ‘Twisted Dick’. #BWF #RAW

@HitTheRopes These two are putting on a good match. Good job @mikethemiz and @johncena. #wwe

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs Jimmy and Jey Uso with Tamina

No idea. I was hoping Tamina would hit on Santino again. Anyway, Vladimir picks up the win.

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov win via pinfall.

Afterward, Jimmy (I think) went to attack Santino again, but Tamina protected him and helped him up. Tamina then blows Santino a kiss, and he hysterically ‘gets hit’ by it. I love that guy. Vladimir looks at him like he’s retarded and tries to move his hand, but Santino won’t. Santino says he thinks Tamina likes him.

Sheamus is deliberating on all the matches, even the one he hasn’t seen yet, and JoMo, Randy, and Ted have a match next.

@kickoutblog In King’s defense, I think Tiger Woods might be the only person sleazier than Jerry Lawler.

Sheamus seems to have decided. He’s looking pretty smug in that throne.

Ted DiBiase with Maryse vs John Morrison vs Randy Orton

Orton comes out and Sheamus stands at attention! Aaaand no match yet.

@dasharpshooters Yay its Maryse and her bitch! #wwe #Raw #bwf

Sheamus leaves the ring/stage area as Morrison disappeared somewhere and Randy and DiBiase go at it in the ring. There’s Morrison, beating DiBiase to a pulp. Randy and Morrison are in the ring, and Maryse is comforting DiBiase ringside. DiBiase finally comes back to interrupt Morrison’s cover on Orton, and flings Morrison out of the ring. He goes for the cover on Orton, and Orton kicks out. DiBiase gets an advantage on Orton and holds onto it for a bit, gaining momentum over Morrison too. But Orton comes back to get some momentum on both of them, hitting a scoop slam on Morrison, then DiBiase in succession. He then gets DiBiase between the top and middle rope, ducks a kick from Morrison, and DDTs DiBiase. Orton prepares to RKO DiBiase, but DiBiase shoves him into Morrison, who kicks him in the face, and then is sent out of the ring by DiBiase. DiBiase tries to hit Dream Street, but Orton counters. Orton then RKOs Morrison in midair and wins the match.

Randy Orton wins via pinfall.

DiBiase attacks Randy afterward only to also receive an RKO from Randy. Randy cackles and then Matthews is backstage with Sheamus. Sheamus says he doesn’t need to see anymore of Orton, because he’s already made his decision, and in just a few minutes, Sheamus is going to tell the entire world in that ring.

@TKeep123 If Michael Cole would use “Classic” instead of “Vintage,” it wouldn’t be half as obnoxious. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@legendkiller515 randy does it again…rko in mid air. he is a beast #wwe #bwf

@KeepItFiveStar Oh no!!!!! Morrison got the beard RKO’d off him!!

Sheamus is standing in the ring, and I think something glared off his face and into my eyes, because I went temporarily blind. Sheamus says that he is still a warrior, the Celtic Warrior despite last week. He says that he’s going to defend his title right now, and not wait until Night of Champions. A ref climbs into the ring, and Sheamus says that he’s seen a lot of great competitors tonight. But the only reason he became WWE Champion was because of opportunity. You can’t succeed without opportunity. Despite what he’s seen tonight, he went left field. He decided to make it a Superstar who’s never had a WWE Championship before, a man who could be the next biggest WWE Superstar. His next opponent is Zack Ryder.

OOOH RADIO, TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!

Ryder comes out and says that everyone all over the world is looking at the next WWE Champion, woo woo woo, you know it.

Zack Ryder vs WWE Champion Sheamus for the WWE Championship

Someone apparently loves Ryder, because he’s finally getting his chance! … Not like it’ll last. Anyway, there’s only like ten minutes left anyway. So, yeah. Sheamus destroys Ryder with the kick thing to the head.

WWE Champion Sheamus wins via pinfall.

Cole makes a lame joke, and everyone hates him more. Sheamus takes the mic and says that there we have it: another successful retention for the Celtic Warrior. Now, he wants to reference some WWE Rules and Regulations. Now, he doesn’t have to defend his title for another 30 days. That means at Night of Champions, he’s taking the night off. He says he may even take the whole month off, go back to Ireland. However, Nexus thinks that’s a bad idea.

We are one, we are one, we are one, we will stand together… until Darren Young loses!

Barrett makes his way down to the ring and says that Sheamus is right, legally. He doesn’t need to defend his title for another thirty days, but Barrett won Season One of NXT. Sheamus asks so what, and Barrett says that he gets a title opportunity at a pay-per-view of his choice. Barrett chooses to take it against Sheamus at Night of Champions.

<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>

“The GM would like everyone to know that he has upheld Barrett’s request: Sheamus will defend against Barrett at Night of Champions, but that’s not all. Earlier tonight, Sheamus, you spoke of opportunity. Well, I’m giving an opportunity to not only Wade Barrett, but to four other deserving Superstars. That means at Night of Champions, Sheamus will defend the WWE Championship in a Six Pack Challenge. Sheamus will not only face Wade Barrett, he will face Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, Edge, and John Cena.”

Sheamus shoves Barrett at the others, and they all glare at him, surrounding him. Cena attacks, and then so does everyone else. Sheamus throws Barrett out of the ring, then Jericho delivers the Codebreaker to Sheamus, Edge Spears Jericho, Cena Attitude Adjustment’s Edge, and Randy RKO’s John.

Overall, RAW could have been a little more impressive, but it wasn’t terrible. Hope you all enjoyed it, and I hope to see you next week. Keep an eye on my Twitter (@TheMizMagnet) for more details.

RAW 8.2.10

August 2, 2010 11:22 pm 1 Comment

Alright, ladies and gentlemen. I’m exhausted, and I feel like crap for some reason. So, I’m going to do the RAW review, include the tweets, but I’m just going to give the basics on the matches, or my opinions. I may do full coverage of the main event, but it depends on how I feel when it gets there, alright?!

You think you know me…

Edge comes out. Says stuff. Commercial.

Nah, just kidding.

Edge says he tried, he really did, but last week made him realize he needs to go with his gut, and listen to only himself. Case and point, after the Royal Rumble, he listened to the WWE Universe, and they let him down. Just like the SummerSlam team is letting him down. He doesn’t respect Cena, he doesn’t trust Jericho, he doesn’t have any faith in Khali, he barely knows Truth and Morrison… That’s why he needs to do things his way. He agrees that Nexus needs to get taken down, but he has a proposal: he does things his way. Tonight, he challenges Wade Barrett, one on one. He doesn’t want anyone to interfere.

What’s up?!

Truth makes his way down, not rapping his own theme for once, and Truth says he was gonna ask him the same question: Does Edge actually thing challenging Wade to a match is going to fix anything? It’s bigger than Barrett. Edge gets that, and that’s why he doesn’t want to listen to Cena. Truth says fine, don’t listen to Cena, but he’ll listen to Truth. Edge has been in tons of matches. But how many times has he ever had to fight for everything, everything? Truth, Edge, they’re fighting for their lifestyles, their friends, family, for the WWE Universe. It’s us, we, we gotta do this together and fight this together, or Nexus wins. Simple as that. Edge needs to stop thinking of himself and pull his head out of his ass, and that’s the truth.

Edge says it’s clever, but that’s Truth’s version of the truth. You kill a snake by chopping its head off. Edge takes out Barrett and Nexus crumbles. Is Truth going to get out of the ring, or is Edge going to have to Spear him out?

“If this is what Edge wants, then I will honor his request. Truth, please exit the ring, because he will face Wade Barrett of Nexus, and that match is next.”

Truth says good luck, because Edge is on his own.

@IAmJHPunk “YOU GONE SPEAR ME?!” – R-Truth #wwe #raw #bwf

@SadieandCompany And I Quote makes me want to poke my own eardrums with something! #WWE #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar “Izz us! Izz WE!. If NOT. NEXUS WIN.” – Perfect grammar from R-Truth

Edge vs Wade Barrett

I’m seriously addicted to the Nexus theme song… I really am. Anyway, decent match, with Edge getting the advantage early on, and Wade stealing it back at every chance. However, Nexus comes out and Edge takes off into the crowd.

No winner.

Still to come, Mr. Money in the Bank will face the Number One Contender to the WWE Championship tonight in a one-on-one match!

@dasharpshooters Maybe Edge should run track for Canada. Boy was moving. #wwe #raw #bwf

@Niki_Sushi Wait, what? Edge was in the ring #SheamusRevisited #RAW #BWF

@JonelleDanger #WWE #RAW #BWF skip sheffield reminds me of a bulldog…an overbuff bulldog.

Backstage, Edge is looking for Cena, and finds him standing there. Edge asks where he was, and Cena shrugs. Cena says that no one wanted to listen to him, so he listened to Edge. No one’s supposed to go down there, so he didn’t. The only way they have a chance against Nexus is seven-on-seven. Edge says good luck, because they’re going to be doing it without Edge. He quits. Jericho is standing next to Cena, smirking. Cena asks if he quits too. Jericho says that Cena doesn’t get it. If anyone needs to quit, it’s Cena. He’s just as much a problem as Nexus. If they have any chance of beating Nexus, it’d be if Cena quit. If Cena doesn’t wanna do it on his own, Jericho will make him do it. Jericho says they should go out tonight and have a match: Loser leaves SummerSlam team for good. Cena says that Nexus is laughing at them and they’re doing the opposite of what they should be doing. Jericho asks yes or no, and Cena says fine, if that’s what he wants.

Morrison and Khali are backstage. Morrison says he doesn’t care about last week, but, like in The Magnificent Seven, if the seven don’t stand together, they don’t have a chance. The Great Khali says they were also the seven dwarves. Morrison wishes him luck against DiBiase.

Tarver and Otunga walk up and say they didn’t attack him last week, because they don’t attack people the respect. Otunga says that if he loses to DiBiase tonight, then Cena may replace him, and if he wants to go somewhere he’s respected, then their door is always open.

@TKeep123 Ok, got a few chills watching Summerslam rewind: Bret Hart v. Mr. Perfect! Those were the days! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@HitTheRopes @TheRealMorrison: There’s also the 7 evil exes that Scott Pilgrim must face. #wwe

@Niki_Sushi The Great Khali would eat Wade and shit him out to become the new leader of Nexus. Wade better watch out before he’s fish n chips. #BWF #RAW

@kickoutblog #TheGreatKhaliSays he sees through Nexus’ clever ruse… he’ll only join Nexus if they kick out Heath Slater

Eve Torres, Gail Kim, and Natalya vs Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox, Jillian Hall, and Tamina

Good to see that Natalya finally gets to wrestle, even if it is in this stupid ass match that she’s probably not going to get much action in, but still. Oh, yeah, and I’m amused by how uninterested Tamina looks in her team mates. The Divas all went a little crazy outside the ring, though Natalya preformed very well. Anyway, Alicia attacks from behind for the victory.

Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox, Tamina, and Jillian Hall win via pinfall.

Alicia has the mic afterward and says that they’re all witnesses to the greatest reign in Diva’s Champion history. No matter what match, Alicia has beaten all of them. There isn’t a Diva on the whole roster that is comparable to her, because she’s-

And Melina’s theme hits and out she comes!!! Alicia looks like she’s trying to run, but the very Divas she just insulted are blocking her, and Jillian throws her back in the ring. Melina ducks a clothesline with a very Matrix-like move then drops Alicia in the Last Call, screaming ‘I’m back!’

Still to come: John Cena vs Chris Jericho, and the loser will leave the SummerSlam team!

Sheamus is making his way to the ring!!

@bethsharae Alicia beat Nattie? Well that was crap. #Raw

@Niki_Sushi Melina can keep doing her splits all around the ring, and we’ll only here the sound of Alicia’s ego splitting in half. #BWF #RAW

It’s a shame that they lost their head…

WWE Champion Sheamus vs. Goldust

Okay, quick random note: I love Goldust’s tweets. He makes me laugh so damn hard.

Sheamus wins with his High Cross. Kind of bland match, to be honest, but I do love Gold…

WWE Champion Sheamus wins via pinfall.

Sheamus cuts a promo afterward saying that he’s a two-time WWE Champion who got here all by himself, by hard work, and didn’t have to be a third-generation Superstar like Randy Orton, or win a briefcase like The Miz. Sheamus brings up how he ended Triple H’s career (COUGHdoubtfulCOUGH), and he’s going to do the same to Orton at SummerSlam. These people never give him the credit or respect he deserves, but he doesn’t want or need it. All he needs is the WWE Championship.

@dasharpshooters GOLDUST VS SHEAMUS THE FEUD CONTINUES! #wwe #raw #bwf

@dasharpshooters Aw it’s never good when Goldust gets buried, but it had to happen. #wwe #raw #bwf

@TheMizMagnet Never before has the man with the WWE Championship jobbed SO MUCH! #BWF

John Cena vs Chris Jericho: Loser leaves the SummerSlam Team

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR AND SHAGGY TOO!!!!!

Kay, couldn’t resist fucking up Cena’s theme again. Personally, a prediction to the match, I think that Nexus will interfere and they’ll both be there. My personal feelings. Anyway, about the match.

Good match between Jericho and Cena, with Jericho getting a good advantage over the Cena for most of the match. Cena starts up when he gets his advantage, going for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, only for Jericho to hit the Codebreaker, but Cena rolled out of the ring. Jericho tried to get him back in, and did, went for a cover, but it took too much time and Cena powered out at two.

OMG JERICHO DID THE HOGAN THING AGAIN! I’m okay. After the commercial break, the momentum changed a few times before Jericho steals it, calling Cena a stupid man a few times. Cena seemed to tweak his knee on a move off the top rope, but Cena locks the STF and Jericho taps.

John Cena wins via submission.

Jericho tapped before the STF was locked in, and Cena looks pretty damn confused. Jericho shoves the steps, and Cena has a mic.

Cena asks Chris for just a minute, and Jericho stops. Cena says that the people saw one helluva match against two of the best in the WWE, and says he doesn’t want Jericho to leave. He wants him to stay, because Jericho is the best in the world at what he does. Cena’s not gonna beg though, and says the choice is Jericho’s. Either come back in the ring and they agree to coexist, and they handle Nexus, or Jericho walks out, and he lets everybody down, including himself. Jericho stops, looking around for a minute, but starts toward the ring, stops, shakes his head, and walks back toward the back. He stops at the top of the ramp, then keeps walking toward the back.

Still to come: Randy Orton vs United States Champion The Miz!

@TheNexusWWE Ha ha ha … 7-on-5 at SummerSlam … too bad for you @JohnCena! #WWE #SSlam

@IAmJHPunk @IAmJericho (to @JohnCena): “Stay down! You’re a stupid, stupid man! You’re a stupid man!” #wwe #raw #bwf

Edge is backstage, when Jericho comes up to him. Edge says that he doesn’t blame Jericho for what he did. Cena needs them, not the other way around. Edge respects Jericho for what he did. Jericho says he doesn’t need that, and he respects that Edge quit. Cena needs them more than they need him. They were doing just fine before they got involved with Nexus. Edge says they’ve been through a lot together, but together, they could own this place. Maybe the two of them should let bygones be bygones. The two shake hands, give a man-hug, and then…

“After what has transpired tonight, next week Edge and Chris Jericho will team together against their former SummerSlam teammates, John Cena and Bret “The Hitman” Hart. Additionally, all seven members of Nexus will stand at ringside as lumberjacks.”

Josh Matthews is joined by Randy Orton backstage. Josh says that Sheamus was going to do the same thing that he did to Triple H at Wrestlemania. Randy says that he once gave Triple H a six-week vacation due to a kick to the skull. He invites Sheamus to sit ringside for his match against The Miz. The good news for Sheamus is that after the match, Miz will be in no shape to cash in his Money in the Bank contract. The bad news is that in two weeks, it’s Sheamus’ turn.

Up next, the world premiere of Legendary.

The Great Khali vs. Ted DiBiase

As usual Maryse accompanies Ted to the ring, but he makes her stay out of it. Can’t say I blame him. Anyway, Maryse provided enough of a distraction for Ted to grab the advantage, but Barrett and Sheffield come down to the ring. DiBiase gets distracted, and Khali just squeezes DiBiase’s head.

Khali wins via head squishing?

The United States Champion and Mister Money in the Bank makes his way to the ring!

@IAmJHPunk Someone take out Khali!!! #wwe #raw #bwf

@IAmJHPunk @TheNexusWWE are wayyyyyyy too good for Khali!!!! #FireKhali #wwe #raw #bwf

@JCenadotcom So… wait… Khali’s winning matches again?

Will Ferrell won some total cool points from me though as he called The Bellas average looking. I officially love him… more than before.

AWESOME!!

The United States Champion The Miz vs. Randy Orton

Before Randy comes out, Miz talks. He says that last week, Randy made a mistake. It wasn’t just a lapse in judgment, it was a life-altering moment in the career of Randy Orton. Because now, he doesn’t have a shred of positivity in his future. Tonight, he’ll pay for what he did. At SummerSlam, his best case scenario is that he beats Sheamus for the WWE Championship. But then what? What happens next? Miz’ moment. Do the voices in Randy’s head hear him? Miz’ moment! Randy only delayed the inevitable. Get it straight: Miz will be WWE Champion, because he’s the Miz and he’s awesome!

Orton and Miz lock up, and Orton pushes Miz back into the turnbuckle, but neither let go. Miz turns it around and pushes Orton into the turnbuckle, getting a punch in on Orton’s head before beating on Orton for a few minutes. Miz Irish Whips Orton into the opposite turnbuckle, but Orton clotheslines Miz. Orton then stomps on Miz’ chest, and again. Orton then stomps on Miz’ face, and then goes for the knee-drop, but Miz rolls out of the way. Miz gets up and knees Orton in the face. Miz goes for the cover, but Orton kicks out at two. Miz gets Orton in the corner, and starts stomping. Miz keeps Orton in the corner for a few minutes before Orton plants a boot in Miz’ face. Orton has Miz’ head under the bottom rope, and then slams his face into it. Orton then tries the knee drop again, hits it, and goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Orton whips Miz across the ring and Miz holds on to the top rope. Orton clotheslines him out, and then Sheamus comes out to stand at the top of the ramp.

@ThingsColeSays Will Ferrall buries the Bellas. Good man.

@LadySwagger6 Bellas did way more than “hang out” with Wahlberg & Ferrell

@theerj Hey look it’s da Bella Whores!!! Can’t have an ass kissing Guest host segement without those 2

@dasharpshooters Will Farrell treats his tricks like tricks. #wwe #raw #BOSS #bwf

We come back to Orton owning Miz with Sheamus watching still. Orton has Miz in a headlock, but Miz powers out. Miz then gets revenge with his own boot to the face. Miz stops to catch his breath before stomping on Orton’s stomach and dropping elbows and forearms on Orton’s chest. Miz then drops another boot to Orton’s face, but Orton kicks out. Miz then gets Orton in a headlock and rakes at his face before the ref gets him away. Orton gets to his feet and powers out of the headlock, getting some this in on Miz before Orton drops Miz in a backbreaker. Orton’s knee is still bothering him, apparently. Orton walks over to Miz, but Miz plants him in the turnbuckle. Orton starts to get up, and Miz backs away, preparing to run across the ring. He hits Orton with his swinging corner clothesline, before going for a cover. Orton kicks out at two. Miz then hits Orton in the head and face a few times before the ref gets him off of Orton. Randy then uppercuts Miz out of nowhere. Miz retaliates with a hit to the face that drops Orton. Miz gets Orton by the ears, but Orton starts fighting back with some powerful hits before hitting Miz with some shoulder blocks, followed by a scoop slam. Miz is on the edge of the ring apron, and he pulls Miz in through the top and middle rope. Orton goes to hit his DDT, but Miz flips him over the top rope and onto the floor.

Miz rolls out of the ring and throws Orton into the ring. Miz blocks a clothesline and drops him in a backbreaker onto his knee and then down. Miz goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out at two. Sheamus looks unimpressed, and Miz looks stunned that Orton kicked out. Miz goes to clothesline Orton, but Orton comes back with an RKO. He pins Miz and wins.

Randy Orton wins via pinfall.

Sheamus ran down to the ring to attack Randy, but Randy dropped and started pounding the mat, and Sheamus stopped dead in his tracks. The two stare and Randy smirk-snarls at Sheamus.

Overall, not a bad RAW. Seeya next week.

WWE RAW results 3/15/10

March 16, 2010 2:35 am 2 Comments

What? I was supposed to review this at 9? What? I was supposed to use tweets? What? I should be publishing this right now instead of just starting on it? What? Deadline? What? Schedule? What? Punctuality? What? What? What? Truth be told, I was unable to catch the beginning of RAW or iMPACT for reasons beyond my control, so I opted to wait until after the shows were over to start writing about them. So I found a copy of RAW first – and fast! – so we’re going to start with the WWE’s show tonight. Too bad today’s only 3/15, because with our guest host tonight, 3/16 may have been more appropriate – That’s right, Stone Cold Steve Austin is our host tonight, and he’ll be moderating the contract signing between Bret Hart and Vince McMahon for their WrestleMania match. Speaking of WrestleMania, it’s WrestleMania rewind night tonight! We’ll get a rematch from WrestleMania XIX, which I happened to have attended, when Shawn Michaels faces the World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho. We’ll see a rematch of WrestleMania XX’s opening contest when John Cena faces The Big Show. WrestleMania 25’s main event will also see a rematch tonight, as Randy Orton takes on Triple H.

Alright, I don’t want to talk too much (this is the RAW review, not the iMPACT review, y’know!), so let’s get started!

(more…)

“iMPACT” Impressions 10/29/09

October 29, 2009 8:59 pm 1 Comment

Your Empress of “iMPACT” will attempt to lead you through tonight’s grand adventure, but should the insane storms interfere with my ability to watch the show, RYTMAN shall step in and take over. Onward! (more…)

Livin’ On A Wednesday

July 8, 2009 7:55 am 1 Comment

ECW’s not on until Thursday this week? Now what will people do? How can you survive two days without anything wrestling in your lives? I understand several people have been doing this.

First of all, I’d just like to say that I am sick and tired of hearing about him. Sure, his effect in the history of the world will not go un-noticed, but hearing about him all week has boiled my blood. Although I’m shocked about one thing. I’m surprised I haven’t heard more comparisions with this man.

Anyways, onto slightly more important matters. Is anyone shocked that the Main Event of Night of Champions has become a Triple Threat match between Randy Orton, Triple H and John Cena? I’m not, but Orton will still win. Maybe a H/Cena feud will ensue from this match?

Edge has been injured and is out for what is rumoured to be anywhere between six months to a year. This is bad news considering that the Tag Team of himself and Jericho was just beginning and starting to get it’s wheels in motion, and then this happens. Just what will happen to the Tag Titles now? Will they go to DiBiase and Rhodes, their opponents for Night of Champions? Nobody knows at the moment, not even me. Let’s just hope that this doesn’t send Jericho into obscurity.

Do you like pandas? Then click here. I dare you.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring to you, the unclickable LINK!

*insert weekly Kurt Angle reference here* If you don’t mention him, then he comes after you at night time. He will watch you in your sleep.

Myra Hindley became my facebook friend. Not only is she my babysitter, but she’s been dead for about seven years now. It just shows you, the dead use facebook.

Has anyone else notices that this column is starting to turn into JT’s column, rather than my own? Well, according to the poll, people read JT’s column more than anyone else’s. However, not even JT would post something like this, or say that how he once had a friend who dated a cannibal. He didnt know she was, nobody did. That was, until the one night she went down on him.

It’s my birthday tomorrow, or Thursday the 9th of the seventh month, for those reading this on a non-Wednesday or past the date in question. Celebrate it whichever you wish. I choose to celebrate it by skidding out on a very icy road, and bending up the wishbone among other things on my car. That is a true story.

Did you know that Catholic Girls take LSD?

Does anyone remember the Sooty Show? With Soo and Sweet? The Puppets? If you don’t, this might help. However, this will help.

Finally tonight, the most important thing to remember is, is that we can be friends, and that’s the most important thing. See you next week!

I will never forget…

May 23, 2009 6:52 pm 2 Comments

When I was younger, I used to manage to catch every pay per view. Used to be, we’d buy them – back when there weren’t so many of them anyway. Eventually, the PPV schedule got too expensive for regular fans like me, so we’d end up missing PPVs here or there. I’m not sure why, but I somehow wound up watching “WWF: Over The Edge” on May 23, 1999. I may not remember where I watched the show, or how I got to watch it, but I’ll never forget it. It’s stuck in my memory and will never go away.

It’s not that there was a spectacular main event. Without looking it up, I couldn’t even tell you what it was. What I can tell you is that there was a match scheduled featuring the Godfather defending the Intercontinental Championship against the Blue Blazer. If you don’t know what happened at this particular event, it may just sound like another wacky Attitude Era match between a pimp and a superhero. Sadly, the match never took place.

The promo video for the match aired, as it normally would, but instead of coming out of the promo and straight into the entrances, an obviously thrown off JR shoots us to an interview conducted earlier in the day by Kevin Kelly with The Blazer, concluding his statement with “we’ve got big problems out here.”

When the interview was over, a wide shot of the Kemper Arena crowd followed, with the voice of JR.

“Ladies and gentlemen, when you’re doing live television a lot of, uh, things can happen, and sometimes they are not good. The Blue Blazer, who we know is Owen Hart, was gonna make a very spectacular super hero like entrance from the rafters, and something went terribly wrong here,” explained JR. “Certainly, Owen Hart… Blue Blazer – very serious situation here at this point in time, is being attended to by the EMTs. This is not a part of the entertainment here tonight. We are as… This is as real as real can be here. And uh, the EMTs are tending to Owen in the ring now. And we are, again, at a little bit of a loss in this situation. I’ve been doing this for more years than I’d like to admit, and this is the… well, it’s one of the most shocking things I’ve ever seen. This is not your typical wrestling storyline. This is a real situation. Owen Hart was to ascend in a super-hero like entrance from the ceiling of this arena, and something terribly, terribly went wrong. I don’t know if the harness broke, or what the malfunction was, and, uh, we are going to keep our cameras on this crowd at this point in time…”

JR continued to reiterate that Owen Hart had an accident, and that it was not a part of the show. He tells us the show will go on, but that the bigger issue is that Owen Hart has been seriously, seriously inured. Jerry Lawler rejoins him at the broadcast booth and says that it “doesn’t look good at all.”

An interview with a very somber Jeff Jarrett and Debra followed. They put over their match, and mentioned that Owen was in their prayers.

In true showbiz fashion, after the EMTs managed to get Owen out of the arena and to a nearby hospital, the WWF’s show went on. Three matches followed Owen’s fall, with very somber performers working them, some of whom – namely Jeff Jarrett, Debra, and The Road Dogg – saying that Owen was in their prayers in their pre-match promos.

Following a tag team elimination match between The Union and The Corporate Ministry, the camera went right back to JR and The King at ringside, with some terrible news.

“Ladies and gentleman,” began JR. “Earlier tonight here in Kansas City, tragedy befell the World Wrestling Federation and all of us. Owen Hart was set to make an entrance from the ceiling and he fell from the ceiling. I have the unfortunate responsibility to let everyone know that Owen Hart has died. Owen Hart has tragically died from that accident here tonight.”

That was a decade ago tonight. It was a very sad night indeed for everybody involved in professional wrestling, be in the performers, the promoters, or, of course, the fans. Allegedly, Owen was supposed to fly in from the rafters, press a quick release trigger on his harness, and fall flat on his face. Apparently, he’d inadvertantly triggered the mechanism, and wound up falling 50 feet (some reports say 78 feet) to his death.

The following night on RAW, the storylines were dropped, the wrestlers weren’t forced to work, and several of them told stories about their fallen friend. They all talked about how much Owen loved his wife and his children, and how he was a legendary prankster backstage. Those are two nights that I’ll never forget for as long as I live. They say only the good die young – Owen was 34. We’ll never forget you, Owen!

RAW is FLAIR! 2/9/09

February 10, 2009 11:02 am Leave a Comment

Tonight on RAW, Ric Flair confronts Chris Jericho, and we’ve got six man tag team action with John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Kofi Kingston taking on Kane, Mike Knox, and Jericho.

RAW Results, after the jump! (more…)

Tag Archive: Ladies And Gentlemen

RAW 8.23.10

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RAW 8.2.10

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WWE RAW results 3/15/10

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“iMPACT” Impressions 10/29/09

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Livin’ On A Wednesday

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I will never forget…

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RAW is FLAIR! 2/9/09

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