Tag Archive: Locker Room

  1. RYTMANS RAW RECAP (RAW 03/04/2013)

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    Tonight is a special “OLD SCHOOL” edition of RAW, opening with the classic “The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment,” graphic.

    We are in Buffalo, NY at the first Niagara Center on a cold windy night, and the first thing we see is THE UNDERTAKER making an entrance. He stands on stage, raises his arms, and summons forth the WRESTLEMANIA logo. Mean Gene welcomes us to RAW w/a voice over and a montage of classic moments.

    From there we go to the classic RAW opening theme w/sirens and montage. Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole are here to welcome us, Cole in an ugly mustard-yellow jacket and Lawler in the Red w/matching crown, as C.M. Punk makes his way to the ring w/Paul Heyman at his side.

    Punk blames the fans for him not headlining Wrestlemania and for his not being champion.  He says there’s no purpose or point in being at Wrestlemania, until he saw Undertaker.  Punk says we stole from him and now he’ll steal from us by beating the Streak.

    Randy Orton is out next, mentioning his win over Punk at Wrestlemania and getting “this close,” to beating Taker 8 years ago as a rookie, now he’s the most dangerous man in the locker-room and asks the fans who they would like to see face Taker at Mania, Punk or Orton?

    Cue Big Show.  He faced the Taker at a Wrestlemania but back then he didn’t have his big right hand punch.  He makes a claim to the streak.

    Cue Sheamus.  He’s the only one who’s never faced or lost to the Undertaker.  It’s going to take more to break the Streak.  It’s gonna take a big foot, all the heart in the world, and a little bit of luck.  Sheamus thinks it’s possible with the luck of the Irish on his side.

    Vicki Gurrero is out. As RAW managing Supervisor, she decides to make tonight’s main event a 4-way for a shot at the Undertaker at Mania, giving the winner a chance to cement their legacy.

    Tonight-Point/Counterpoint w/Rock and Cena, Triple H addresses Brock Lesnar, and Ryback faces Antonio Cesaro NEXT!

    Rytman Remark: It took Big Show 20 years to figure out how to make a fist?  

    We come back to Cole and King offering us the chance to “Tout” about who we think Taker should face.

    U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO VS RYBACK

    We go to an old school Picture-in-picture promo with Antonio Cesaro.  He speaks five different languages fluently while Ryback, like most of us can barely speak one, NEANDERTHAL!  He follows up with a rant in Swiss.

    FEED ME MORE!

    Ryback makes his entrance as #old school raw trends worldwide.  So far the theme is Cesaro trying to be aggressive and getting bounced around the ring, but a big boot to the face puts Cesaro in control as we go to…

    BREAK

    Cesaro is in control as we come back.  Cesaro put up a strong fight but the match ends with Ryback reversing a Neutralizer attempt into the Shell-shock for a three-count.

    WINNER: RYBACK

    Rytman remark: Would be nice for Ryback to remember to put in a bid for the U.S. title.  Then again it would be nice if ANYONE remembers to put in a bid for the U.S. title.

    The World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry comes out for his match.  There’s a stare-down with Ryback as he goes to the ring.

    MARK HENRY VS ZACK RYDER

    Apparently, WWE Sat. Morning Slam is looking for its own GM, and will continue the search this Saturday.  Ryder, who wants the job, goes after Henry quickly and – briefly – actually puts up a decent fight before taking the World’s Strongest Slam.

    WINNER: MARK HENRY

    Tonight – fatal 4-way for the chance to challenge the Undertaker and the debut of FAHN-DAHN-GHOOOO!

    And Dolph Ziggler, w/AJ and Big E. faces the Miz, next.

    Rytman Remark: Saturday Morning Slam needs a GM because apparently WWE superstars can’t be trusted to act like wrestlers for half an hour LIKE THEY’VE DONE FOR ABOUT A YEAR!

    BREAK

    We come back with Miz and Dolph in the ring.  Miz gets the mike (which doesn’t work) and introduces RIC FLAIR!

    DOLPH ZIGGLER w/AJ AND BIG E. VS THE MIZ w/RIC FLAIR

    Cole claims this makes the odds “more even,” with Flair out to neutralize things.  Ziggler takes it right to Miz but is too concerned with mocking Flair, and winds up getting walloped.  Kick to the face puts Ziggler outside the ring while Flair and Miz both do the strut.

    BREAK

    Dolph is in control when we come back.  We’re reminded that Dolph will face World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio on this week’s Smackdown and possibly FAHN-DAHN-GHOO will make his debut tonight.  Miz fights back, gets a near-fall.  Dolph tries a small package and Miz clips the knee.  Dolph fights back w/the leaping DDT and a sleeper.  Miz gets free and hits a few spots before AJ climbs up on the ring.  The Ref is distracted and Big E. clocks Miz.  Flair whips his jacket in Big E’s face and chops him to no effect.  Miz gets a kick to Big E’s head.  Ziggler tries a roll-up, Miz kicks out, and catches Ziggler’s drop-kick attempt.  Miz wins it w/a figure four for the submission.

    WINNER: THE MIZ

    Cole and King push the WWE magazine – now with multiple collectors’ edition covers.

    Rock/Cena, Point/Counterpoint next

    BREAK

    IF YA SMELL…

    WWE champion THE ROCK is in the building tonight!  Rock makes his way out as #old school raw trends worldwide.  Rock tells the crowd about how he just got in from Central America – 95 degrees every single day – and a woman at the airport tried to get him to wear a jacket.  Rock said he had enough electricity in his body to melt anything made of ice.  Then he got off the plane here…

    “Sweet Harlem Shakin’ Honey Booboo it’s colllllllllld out here!” – The Rock

    Rock mentions icicles on the “peoples’ nipples,” and after ten long years… FINALY, THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO BUFFALO!  Rock mentions we are 34 days away from Wrestlemania… and John Cena takes that as a cue.  On the mike, Cena gives Rock credit for all his conquests.

    “You don’t know what it’s like…to tell the world… you have to do something, and then fail.” – John Cena

    John feels worthless because he needed to win and failed.  The crowd starts a “Cena sucks,” chance.  John talks about Rock being responsible for his collapse and turn-around.  It’s not just coincidence that Cena wins the Rumble the same night Rock won the title, and that he FINALLY beat Punk last week.  It’s a chance at redemption and rewriting history.  This is his second chance and Rock is getting a 34 day heads up.

    “I am not throwing this chance away.” – Cena

    Rock is happy to see that fire and desire in Cena, because Cena is the one man he wanted to face at Mania.  Rock knows what this means to him, the salute, kissing the dog tags with his family’s names on them, his will to win, no one has that… except the Rock.  Rock goes on about the connection he has with the fans in the arena, at home, all over and tells Cena…

    “You ain’t getting redemption Jack, you getting your ass kicked.” – The Rock

    Cena responds with a quote by the great philosopher Mike Tyson, (not the one about eating children…)

    “In order to be the greatest that ever lived, you have to beat everyone living.” Mike Tyson (as quoted by John Cena.)

    Cena will do just that, and at Wrestlemania Rock’s time is up, Cena’s time is now.

    Rock retorts with a quote of his own…

    “Winning is about heart, you just gotta have it in the right place.” – Lance Armstrong (as quoted by the Rock.)

    “He was full of crap and so are you.” – The Rock

    In 34 days, history will not repeat itself, and John Cena will become WWE champion.

    Cena has just crystallized everything about their rivalry.  Cena thinks he can beat Rock, Rock KNOWS he can beat Cena.  Rock leaves promising he will beat Cena again, if you smell, what the Rock is cooking.

    Fatal 4-way later tonight

    BREAK

    Tonight, Triple H Addresses Lesnar, Cole and King give us another look at the Taker’s appearance earlier tonight.

    Jack Swagger is in the Ring w/Zeb Coulter as HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN makes his way to the ring WITH SGT. SLAUGHTER AND DUSTY RHODES!

    JACK SWAGGER VS HACKSAW JIM DU-

    Wait-a-minute, Swagger has Duggan’s 2 x 4, and uses it beat down (not off) all the legends.  Slaughter and Dusty are left lying while Swagger locks in the Patriot Act on Duggan’s ankle.  Swagger leaves a pile of broken men behind him.

    NO CONTEST

    Rytman Remark: The six-man team I always wanted, 20 years after the fact.

    We get a quick look at “Marine 3,” staring the Miz, and Team Hell No face the Prime Time Players next.

    BREAK

    We get another reminder of the 4-way main event tonight, and Alberto Del Rio jumps Jack Swagger during an interview.

    WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO (KANE/DANIEL BRYAN) VS THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS (TITUS O’NEAL/DARRIEN YOUNG.)

    The Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase is in the PTP corner as a special guest, and potential manager (maybe) for the PTP’s.

    Basic tag without a lot of shenanigans; Bryan looks strong against O’Neal, but is soon overwhelmed by double teaming.  Kane tags in and takes over on Young.  Bryan tricks O’Neal over the ropes and out of the ring.  While Bryan scores a flying knee, Kane ends it with a choke-slam on Young for three.

    WINNERS: TEAM HELL NO!

    DiBiase spots Young a $100, stuffing the bill in his mouth.  Bryan waits until no-one’s looking, and swipes it out of Young’s mouth.

    Backstage, it looks like a legend is returning to Shake, Rattle, and Roll RAW tonight!

    Rytman Remark: Hey, Bryan’s not the idiot tonight.  Nice change of pace.  Also, HONKY TONK MAN!!! HONKY TONK MAN!!! HONKY TONK MAN!!!  

    BREAK

    We’re back with the Funkadactyls leading Brodus Clay and “Sweet T” to the ring.  We get some dancing and the announcer introduces THE GREATEST INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION OF ALL TIME! THE HONKY TONK MAN!  Cole and King mention this is the city where Honky beat Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat for the I-C title.

    Honky is about to address the crowd when Heath Slater swipes the mike from him.  Slater runs him down saying…

    “You need to go back to Las Vegas w/all the other Elvis impersonators.” – Heath Slater

    BRODUS CLAY/TENSAI VS 3MB (HEATH SLATER/DREW MCINTYRE)

    The time you took to read this is just about all the time Tensai needed to roll up Drew for a three count.

    WINNERS: CLAY/TENSAI (SWEET T)

    HTM’s back in the ring to start the party, but Slater’s back in his face.  Slater takes the guitar shot and we get back to the dancing.

    FAHN-DAAAHN-GOH makes his debut against Kofi Kingston next!

    BREAK

    We come back to a look at Wade Barrett in L.A. last weekend for the premier of “Dead Man Down,” a new action thriller starring Clive Owen, in which he has a bit part.

    Kofi Kingston is in the ring and announcer Justin Roberts introduces FAHN-DAAHN-GO!

    Up on stage, we have a lovely little ballroom dancer doing a few steps as…he comes out.  FAHN-screw it Fandango calls Robert’s pronouncing “inappropriate,” and makes him try again.  After this waste of everyone’s time; Fanny refuses to debut until someone gets his name right.

    “Tonight was the night that you ALMOST got to see the debut of… FAAAAAAAAHN-DAAAAAN-GHO.” – Fandango.

    BREAK

    We return to a replay of last week’s Heyman/McMahon “fight” that became the Triple H/Brock Lesnar fight.

    After that, it’s time to play the game…

    “TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!” – Lenny (Motorhead)

    WWE Chief Operations Officer Hunter Hearst Helmsly – Triple H is out of the back and in the ring.  Last time he stood in the ring, it was 8 days after losing to, and getting his arm broken for the second time by, Brock Lesnar at Summer-Slam.  As soon as the cast was off, he was back in the gym, with no real goal.  He went back to the day job, put on the suit, got a haircut, started training, and got into the best shape in years, waiting for a reason.  After Lesnar put Vince – the “crazy old man” – in a hospital bed, after the hip surgery, put aside all Vince has done and the entire family crying their eyes out, Hunter smiled inside.

    He had his reason, and he was ready.  Lesnar thought they were done?

    “Reach up on top of your head and feel those 12 staples, and you know we’re just getting started.” – Triple H

    He calls Lesnar out, making reference to the cut on his head where he split Lesnar wide open, letting him know that the Ass-Kicker, the King of Kings, The GAME is back.

    “Are you gonna show up and fight, or are you gonna sit there and bleed?” – Triple H

    Fatal 4-way tonight

    BREAK

    We come back to a WWE rewind of Randy Orton vs. The Big Show last Friday on Smackdown.  The match ends with run-ins by the Shield and Sheamus, and the Show clocking Reigns with the KO.

    We go to a promo by the Shield.  Everyone wants to make history and face the Undertaker at Wrestlemania, but in case you’ve forgotten, the Shield has yet to be beaten.  The Eye of Justice is watching everybody, including the Big Show.  Show got in one cheap shot.  It won’t happen again.

    Believe in the Shield.

    WWE Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett is in the ring and Justin Roberts introduces Alberto Del Rio’s personal ring announcer Ricardo Rodriguez, who introduces World Heavyweight Champion ALBERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIO!

    WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION WADE BARRETT

    Swagger and Coulter make their way out to the stage during the match.  Barrett’s brawn and brawling batter down… Berto, while Alberto agitates his adversary with agility.  Every time one man makes a mistake, the other takes over.  Del Rio wins it with a cross-arm-breaker by submission, and stares down Swagger from the ring.

    WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RIO

    Del Rio faces Ziggler at Smackdown this Friday and Fatal 4-way tonight

    Rytman Remark: WE GET IT! THERE’S A FOUR-WAY MAIN EVENT FOR THE RIGHT TO FACE THE UNDERTAKER AT WRESTLEMANIA! WE BELIVE YOU!

    BREAK

    We come back to a disclaimer, saying that the views expressed in the following video are those of Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter.

    There was a time when if someone came into your house uninvited and stole something, they would call you a thief.  They wouldn’t call you prejudiced.  Real Americans refuse to use politically correct language, because they tell it like it is.  That’s what being a real American is about.  There will always be a group of people to tell it like it is.  WE THE PEOPLE!

    OH YOU DIDN’T KNOW!?

    I THINK YOU BETTER CALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL SOMEBODYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

    It’s the D-o-double-g!  With the Bad B-A-double crooked letter Billy Gun, telling all the parents to lean down to their kids and tell them they’re the guys who…

    “Wear your granddad’s clothes… we look incredible,” – Road Dogg  

    THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS VS PRIMO/EPICO WITH ROSA

    This is the first match on RAW in 13 years for the outlaws.  Team mo/co gets in a lot of double teaming on Road Dogg, but Billy picks up the win for his team w/the fame-asser.

    WINNERS: THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS!

    After the match, we get another look at the Rock/Cena promo and a tweet from Stephanie McMahon.

    “Brock, it’s time to play the game.” Stephanie McMahon – (via Twitter.)

    BREAK

    We come back to Lawler commenting on his and Coles outfits.

    “You look like mustard, I look like Ketchup, makes me want a hot dog” – Lawler

    We get some Touts from the WWE universe, regarding who should get Taker at Mania.

    Rytman Remark: These guys don’t look like the usual toothless morons that take wrestling seriously.  I’m thinking if they’re not plants, they’re playing along in order to get on TV.

    A dozen or so Superstars are up on stage with a table full of birthday cakes whishing Mae Young a happy 90th birthday.  Mean Gene Oakerlund M.C.’s the festivities as the Divas bring out Mae.  Everybody just starts “happy birthday,” when Punk’s music hits.  Punk and Heyman strut through the party, on their way to the ring, pissing everyone off.  Punk is in the ring as we…

    BREAK

    Rytman Remark: It’s their own fault for having the party on the main stage right before the main event.

    We come back to a promo for Mania.  Big Show, Orton, and Sheamus all make their entrances.

    MAIN EVENT: FATAL 4-WAY – WINNER FACES UNDERTAKER AT WRESTLEMANIA- C.M. PUNK VS BIG SHOW VS RANDY ORTON VS SHEAMUS

    No one wants to start with Big Show.  Orton and Sheamus chase Punk into the ring.  Show makes quick work of him.  Show takes out Sheamus, Orton fakes out Show, Orton and Sheamus face off with Punk trying to steal a pin when one of them goes down.  Sheamus catches Punk and bum-rushes him w/Orton’s help.  Show back in, takes them both down.  Show stands alone as we go to…

    BREAK

    When we come back, the pattern is quickly established.  We get two guys one-on-one, and when one is down/out another steps in.  Show takes over with a KO to Punk.  It becomes Sheamus on Show with Orton in and out.  Show misses the KO on Sheamus.  Sheamus hits the Brogue kick on Show.  Orton gets the RKO on Sheamus, AND PUNK GETS THE GTS ON ORTON FOR THE WIN!

    WINNER: C.M. PUNK

    RAW ends with the Undertaker on the stage, staring down Punk.

  2. Smackdown 11/23/12

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    Ahh… Black Friday Night Smackdown. There will be a ton of people not watching, even some that normally would. All six of them. So that just leaves me, the sole viewer of this program to review it for them.


    Yep.

    (more…)

  3. RYTMANS RAW REVIEW 06/11/2012

    3 Comments

    We open with Mr. John Laurenitis coming to the ring. Cole says there are rumors that Vince is very satisfied w/Johnny Ace’s job. Lawler says the rumor is Vince is very unhappy w/Johnny Ace.
    Vince comes out just as Johnny introduces himself. He gives the duck-walk as the crowd pops huge. Johnny offers a handshake.
    “I’m not gonna shake your hand, I don’t know where that hands’ been!” – Vince McMahon
    Vince wants one reason not to fire Johnny’s pencil-neck butt. Johnny responds “people power,” and botches a line-referring to RAW’s”100th” episode coming up. Johnny empowers the people, and they love him for it. Johnny lists the things he and Vince have in common, while the crowd chants “FIRE JOHNNY!”
    Vince rings up Brock Lesnar and the two separate lawsuits that followed his signing (Author’s Note: CONTINUITY! Boom) Vince also brings up Johnny – true story – hiring the WRONG one legged wrestler.
    Johnny puts the Brock debacle on Triple H, and Vince changes the subject. He calls resigning the Big Show a “horrible investment” that “hasn’t performed,” up to expectations “since 1998.” Johnny argues that the show will deliver at NO Way Out, and claims the entire locker room sees him as a friend.
    Cue Sheamus
    Vince intros Sheamus to Johnny; Johnny congratulates Sheamus on being World Champion (?) Sheamus says it sounds sincere. He says Johnny is the kind of friend who fines you half a million dollars because he can, and then begs Vince…
    “On behalf of the entire WWE, kick Johnny out on his arse!” – Sheamus
    (Side Note: “Fire Johnny,” trending worldwide)
    Johnny is insulted, and demands Sheamus stay in the ring and wait for Johnny to send out someone to kick his ass. Vince adds that this and every match made tonight better impress him or Johnny will be fired. Johnny storms off and Vince rides Johnny’s motorized wheel chair up the ramp, and shoves it off the stage.

    COMMERCIAL

    We’re back with Sheamus in the ring. We recap last Smackdown showing how Del Rio suffered a concussion in his match with the great Kahli, explaining why Del Rio won’t be wrestling Sheamus at No Way Out.
    SHEAMUS VS TENSAI
    I’ll give you a blow by blow in my next post. Here I’ll just say it’s a quick brawl with lots of Knees, forearms, head butts, and a few high spots. They take turns overpowering each other and Tensai hits his double choke-slam finisher for a two count. Sheamus brings the Brogue-kick out of nowhere for the three-count.
    WINNER: SHEAMUS
    We go backstage w/Vince, Jonny, and Teddy. Vince refers to Tensai’s loss as “strike one,” and asks Johnny what his great idea is to replace Del Rio at the PPV. Vicki Guerrero enters and mentions that there are two former champions on the roster, Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger, who could face Sheamus in a triple threat. Vince says it’s a great idea and Johnny will take it under advisement… unless he has a better idea. Johnny passes the buck to Teddy Long. Teddy mentions there are actually four former champions on the roster – including Kahli and Christian. Teddy suggests a four way with the winner being named number one contender. Vince thinks it a great idea. Johnny says that’s just what he was gonna suggest, and sends Teddy to get some coffee. Johnny offers Vince a fist bump, but Vince refuses.
    “You’ve got small hands.”- Vince McMahon

    COMMERCIAL

    We come back to Tensai beating the hell out of his second, Sakamoto. Sakamoto is battered and tossed all over the ringside area. I’m guessing Sakamoto won’t be coming back anytime soon.
    Cole and King hype the 1000th episode coming up. We get a look back at July 13, 2009. Seth Green guest stars on RAW, teaming w/Cena and Triple H in the main event. Seth remembers the night fondly and hopes for another shot.
    We go to Matt Striker interviewing R-Truth. Truth talks about how “Little Jimmy,” was traumatized by last week’s fight w/Big Show and drove him crazy with the crying all night. He tells Jimmy to “straighten up.” He gives Cena a vote of confidence at the PPV, but gets clocked out of nowhere by the Big Show.

    COMMERCIAL

    We’re back with a recap of the KO.
    Our next match is a mixed tag team match. Santino Morella is out first, and we recap Santino beating Ricardo Rodriguez on Smackdown three weeks ago.
    Back to the ring, Divas Champ Layla is out next, followed by Beth Phoenix dragging Ricardo to ringside.
    SANTINO/LAYLA VS BETH PHOENIX/RICARDO RODRIGUEZ
    The girls handle the serious action, but Ricardo is the star here, playing the goof role as well as Santino ever did, even going so far as to run himself into the ring-post trying to escape Santino. Beth wins with the glam-slam, and Ricardo mocks Santino. Santino rips off Ricardo’s shirt, revealing a JUSTIN BIEBER t-shirt underneath. Ricardo runs off with Santino/Layla laughing at him.
    WINNERS: SANTINO/LAYLA
    Backstage, David Otunga tries to weasel his way into Johnny’s spot, should he get fired. Vince shoots him down with a few choice words about brown-nosers, back-stabbers, and lawyers. Kofi comes in and gets up in Otunga’s face, wanting payback on Show. Johnny comes in saying R-Truth is hurt badly. Kofi gets in Johnny’s face demanding a fight with Show. Johnny makes it a cage match. Vince is impressed.

    COMMERCIAL

    “Daniel Bryan, C.M. Punk, Kane, clearly one of these superstars is not like the other, and I am the first to admit it. I am nothing like C.M. Punk and Kane. You see, C.M. Punk and Kane both have a weakness, in the form of a 95 lbs. distraction named AJ. Now in Punk’s case, it’s all about Jealousy. Punk is jealous because I proved I am a superior wrestler when I made him tap out. So now, he’s trying to get with my ex girlfriend, in an attempt to make me jealous. It’s pathetic. And Kane… thinks it’s getting to second base, when a woman looks him in the eyes, and doesn’t vomit. You see, C.M. Punk and Kane are both obsessed with a woman who, let’s face it, is still in love with Daniel Bryan.” – Daniel Bryan
    “And quite frankly, how can you blame her? I mean, she had the opportunity, for a split second of her life, to be with something as great, as all of this.” –Daniel Bryan
    Huge yes chant.
    “Once you go Bryan, there’s no sense in tryin’.” – Daniel Bryan.
    Bryan ends with a quick Q&A session, will he win the WWE title at No Way Out? YES! YES! YES!
    Cue C.M. Punk.
    Punk comes down the ramp and sticks up for AJ. He says AJ is actually pretty cool, and WAY out of Bryan’s league outside the ring. Inside, Bryan’s nowhere near Punk’s league. Punk sums up the Kane situation, saying its all come down to a match with everything on the line, just how he likes it.
    “One of two things is gonna happen, either I’m gonna beat the deranged, out of his mind freak, or I’m gonna beat Kane.” – C.M. Punk.
    Bryan says he used to respect Punk, but he changed, pandering to everybody, calling himself the voice of the voiceless…
    “There’s a reason these people are voiceless, they have nothing intelligent to say.” – Daniel Bryan
    Bryan calls Punk a sellout. Punk mentions Bryan’s new t-shirt. Punk says he got to the top without compromising himself, and calls Bryan a “goat-faced moron.”
    The crowd responds with the Goat-Face chant.
    Punk says he’ll give Bryan a wake-up call, at No Way Out, with the Go to Sleep.
    Cue Kane.
    Kane reminds us he’s set fire to J.R., electrocuted Shane McMahon’s testicles, and Tomb stoned a priest.
    Cue AJ.
    AJ gets the mike. She says she’s looked into Kane’s eyes and seen he really has a heart.
    “You gotta looove crazy chicks.” – C.M. Punk.
    (Side Note: Goat face trending worldwide)
    She says she hasn’t gotten over Daniel, and Punk’s the coolest guy she ever met. She says she knows the best man will win at No Way Out.
    Cue Johnny
    Johnny, from the tron, makes a tag team match, Bryan and Kane vs. C.M. Punk… and AJ.
    Recap of Vince/Johnny face off at the start

    COMMERCIAL

    We’re back, watching Jerry Lawler try out the new Domino’s Pizza Tracker App for the I-pod.
    Yeah
    Christian comes out for the four-way. Kahli comes out next. Cole and King credit him with Del Rio’s concussion, setting up this match. Vicki Guerrero introduces Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger next.
    CHRISTIAN VS KAHLI VS DOLPH ZIGGLER VS JACK SWAGGER
    Cole and King argue over who gets credit for this match – Teddy or Johnny – while Kahli dominates the match with head butts and slaps to Ziggler’s chest. Swagger clips the leg, Ziggler gets a drop kick, and Christian hits a frog splash. All three men pin/eliminate Kahli.
    COMMERCIAL
    We come back with Christian in control, until Ziggler gets a drop-kick. Ziggler/Swagger get in some double-teaming; until Ziggler gets tossed out. It’s Christian vs. Swagger for a few moments, with Swagger working Christian’s ankle, until Christian hits the kill-switch, and Ziggler steals the pin on Swagger.
    Ziggler and Christian trade near-falls and highspots, until Christian lands on his bad ankle and Dolph hits a Zig-Zag for a three count.
    WINNER: DOLPH ZIGGLER
    Ziggler walks up the ramp, meeting face to face with Sheamus. They trade some jaw-jacking as we go backstage.
    Nattie Neidhart reminisces with Vince about his Wrestlemania match with Brett Hart, and tries to get her whole family a spot on the show. Vince gives her the slip. The Funk-a-dactyls come up to Vince and try to get Brodus Clay back on RAW. Vince refuses, but the girls get him to dance with them.
    “Somebody Call My Mama!” – Vince McMahon
    Back to the ring, Ryback has two more jobbers to kill.
    RYBACK VS WILLARD FILLMORE/RUTHERFORD P.S. HAYES
    BEST JOBBER NAMES EVER!
    Fillmore and Hayes turn the tables on Ryback by making him wait for them to get to the ring. Ryback power-bombs Rutherford a few times, while Fillmore makes a run for it. Ryback cuts him off with the clothesline and tosses him back in. He ends this with his finisher while the crowd chants “Goldberg.”
    WINNER: RYBACK

    COMMERCIAL

    We come back to see Vinnie Mac in da back with Hornswoggle, watching his JR impression on last Friday’s Smackdown. He does one too, and sends Horny off.
    Cue John Cena; Vince brings up Cenas Wrestlemania loss. Cena brings up Vince’s loss to Hogan, Shane, Brett, Vince changes the subject and asks him not to help Kofi against Big Show. Cena agrees, and urges Vince to fire Johnny Ace. Cena leaves and Otunga comes back in. Vince tells him no one likes a kiss ass, then turns to say “no offense,” to someone behind him, camera pans to Steven Regal.
    STEEL CAGE MATCH: KOFI KINGSTON VS BIG SHOW
    Kofi comes out and enters the cage.

    COMMERCIAL

    We come back to watch the Big Show come out. Cole recaps the Big Shows’ path of destruction and blames John Cena for the Shows’ attitude.
    Kofi jumps show but from that point on, it’s little more than a glorified squash as Show smashes Kofi into the cage, tosses him like a ragdoll, and crushes him under foot. Show shifts his focus to glaring at the crowd and taunting them. At one point, Show tosses Kofi into the cage; Kofi springs up and goes for the top. Show charges the cage and Kofi leaps over him, following up with “trouble in paradise,” spin kick that gets Show down. Kofi goes for the door twice but gets dragged back in by the ankle. Show blocks a kick and puts Kofi out with the WMD punch.
    While the ref checks to see if Kofi can continue, Show gingerly exits the cage, taking long pauses to emphasize how easily he could have left at anytime.
    WINNER: BIG SHOW
    In the back, Johnny smiles.

    COMMERCIAL

    We’re back with Sin Cara making his entrance.

    SIN CARA VS CURTIS HAWKINS

    Sin Cara dominates with high-flying take-downs and a spinning body press over the top to the outside. Hawkins takes over with a baseball slide out the ring, hooking Cara by the ankle and dragging him to the floor. Hawkins in control briefly, but Sin Cara hits his springing elbow, and plants Hawkins face first to the mat with his head-scissors take down.

    WINNER: SIN CARA

    Commercial

    We come back to a rundown of the No Way Out card. Then we go back stage where Daniel Bryan is stretching. Vince comes in to ask his opinion about something. He goes into an analogy about judging a book by its cover, and Bryan buying groceries; I have no idea where he was going with it. Bryan mentions he was fired once before, then came back to prove Vince wrong. He compares himself to Vince, saying they’re both self-made success stories. Vince reminds Bryan he lost his title at Wrestlemania in 18 seconds.

    “I don’t think I’ve ever finished anything in 18 seconds.” – Vince McMahon

    COMMERCIAL

    We come back to Dolph Ziggler’s favorite RAW memory, the very first show.
    Back in the ring, we’re told Johnny invited a former RAW main event talent to compete in this next match. Heath Slater in the ring says we’ve got a current superstar right in front of our face. He starts shouting that it’s “Slater Time.”

    No; “IT”S VADER TIME!”

    HEATH SLATER VS VADER!

    Out comes Big Van Vader! The crowd comes alive, chanting for Vader every damn minute!

    “Welcome Back!”

    “You Still Got It!”

    “VADER BOMB!”

    Slater gets in a few shots but the match is never in doubt. Vader ends it with the Splash off the second rope.

    WINNER: VADER

    We take a look at a recent “Be a Star,” event featuring Stephanie McMahon and David Otunga speaking to school kids against bullying.

    We go to Punk/AJ getting set for their match. Punk says this will be a glorified handicap match, and tells AJ to hold back and “don’t do anything crazy.” He says their advantage is they trust each other. AJ adds they “really like each other.” AJ sneaks in a kiss before leaving.

    COMMERCIAL

    We’re back to see Kane make his entrance. We get a recap of Kane vs. Sheamus last Friday on Smackdown, where AJ made eyes at Kane, setting him up for a boot to the face.
    Bryan comes out, followed by Punk and AJ.

    C.M. PUNK/AJ VS DANIEL BRYAN/KANE

    It’s a surprisingly brief match, starting off with Punk fighting Kane and Bryan. The highlight is AJ getting tagged in by accident, facing off with Kane. She seems worried at first, and then she gives Kane the smile. Then she skips-literally-SKIPS around Kane a few times, JUMPS IN HIS ARMS LIKE A GIRLFRIEND WELCOMING HIM HOME AND KISSES HIM LONG AND HARD! Kane is confused – join the club – and tags in Bryan. He leaves. AJ tags in Punk, Bryan runs right into a kick and forearm shot. Bryan goes down and Punk scores the flying elbow for a three count. After the match, Kane, Punk, and Bryan all look confused, while AJ sits Indian style in the ring, smiling at Punk.

    WINNERS: C.M. PUNK/AJ

    COMMERCIAL

    We’re back, and Vince is heading for the ring with security in tow. Vinnie opens up pandering to the Hartford crowd and calls out Johnny.
    Johnny Ace comes out. He doesn’t appreciate Vince destroying his scooter, but promises he wouldn’t think of putting his hands on Vince.
    “These Security aren’t for me, they’re for you.” – Vince McMahon
    Vince says the security detail will march someone right out of his business. Johnny argues the WWE universe needs him. Vince is just about ready to make his decision when the Big Show comes out.
    Show admits Johnny made mistakes, but the one thing he did right was give Show an Iron Clad contract with a “no cut” clause. Show can do or say whatever he wants and if he gets fired, Vince has to pay him millions of dollars to do nothing for many years. Show says Johnny isn’t the one to blame for all this, Vince is. Show blames Vince for all the years of being part of a “dog and pony show,” and tells him he needs to worry about his golden boy, John Cena.
    The music hits, and Cena comes out. Cena runs down the list of everyone Show blames for making him an “entertainer,” and how the one guy he should blame is Johnny Ace. Cena admits Show’s got everything he could want, but, he asks, what will he do if he loses? What will he do knowing that he has to show up every night and admit to everybody they were right about him?
    Vince chimes in here, saying he’ll be sitting next to Johnny at No Way Out and if Show loses, Johnny is fired.
    Show goes after Cena, security tries to pull them apart, but they get tossed. Cena unloads on Big Show, Johnny Ace grabs Cena. Vince grabs Ace. Big Show clocks Vince.
    Johnny sends Show to the back, while Cena tries to get help for Vince; and RAW ends with a trainer calling in emergency help, for an unconscious Vince.

  4. RYTMANS’ RAW RECAP

    4 Comments

     

    We open with the annual Memorial Day tribute montage to our armed forces, asking us to reflect on all we owe them.

    (Does that include health care and financial aid?)

    Our “prologue” if you will, is a recap of everything you know by now if you watch WWE programs.  Show double-crossed Cena at Over the Limit because no one felt sorry for him when he was humiliated and fired.

    Back in present time, the Big Show comes out in the Big Suit.  He points to the smile on his face and says that’s doing his job.  All those times he came out and made us smile was just business.  Now that he has an iron clad contract and a huge bonus, he doesn’t have to care about anybody but himself.  He claims there’s no one in his league;

    “No helmet, shoulder pad, 4 month out of the year, NFL player, no toothpick, noodle arm, NBA player, no Phony UFC fighter, and no one, in that locker room.”

    Show claims what really upset him was how easily we moved on without him.  Here we cut to a clip of Brodus Clay dancing with the ladies and kids.

    “MY TEARS WEREN’T EVEN DRY!” – Big Show.

    Apparently, we’re all shallow and phony to him, but the biggest disappointment was Cena not leading a mutiny in support of Big Show, how instead, he chose to mock Johnny Ace, and act like everything was a joke.

    “I guess that’s all I am; one big joke.” – Big Show.

    Show gives us a rundown of Cenas’ recent failures including the loss to Rock, the beating from Brock, and the loss to Johnny Ace, and promises to do all that and more to him at No Way Out.

    “And that put’s a Smile on my Face.” – Big Show.

    Punk vs. Bryan is announced while we watch Santino Morella get warmed up for his match with Alberto Del Rio.

    Commercials

    REWIND: LAST FRI, SMACKDOWN – Santino def. Ricardo Rodriguez.

    We come back to the action with Alberto Del Rio driving in one of his expensive cars as RR introduces him, while Santino “power walks” to the ring.

     

    Alberto Del Rio vs. U.S. heavyweight champion Santino Morella

    Del Rio Charges before the bell.

    Beats down Santino w/kicks to the legs and punches to the head.

    Front face lock by Del Rio as he takes him to the corner.

    Del Rio misses a charge into the corner.

    Santino w/a hip toss/diving head butt combo.

    Santino goes for the COBRA!

    Del Rio w/a kick to the torso, front face lock, float over into the cross arm-breaker.

    Santino taps out.

    WINNER; ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIO!

    Rodriguez makes a point of shouting right in the face of Santino and rubbing it in.

    Backstage: We see Eve close up.  Alex Riley is with her, trying to sweet talk her into something when Big Show walks in.  Eve informs Show that Johnny Ace has authorized him to pick his own opponent for tonight and leaves.  Riley tries to make nice with the Show which results in Show sending a message to the whole locker room, by slamming Riley into the wall.

    Commercials

    Shot of Bourbon Street

    Up next is a WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH!

    Champs Kofi Kingston/R-Truth are out first.

    Vicki Guerrero comes out and starts with the “EXCUSE ME!” bit.

    Crowd shot: Sign -“There’s no excuse for you Vicki!”

    Vicki introduces Jack Swagger an Dolph Ziggler.

     

    Tag Team Title Match: R-Truth/Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger

     

    Swagger/Kofi each go in first.

    Collar-elbow lock up, into the corner.

    Swagger misses a charge.

    Kofi w/2 shots to the legs and a dropkick.

    Tag to R-Truth.

    There is a Double hip toss on Swagger.

    Truth w/a dance and a leg drop for a two count.

    Swagger whips Truth into the ropes.

    Truth hits the breaks and gives a shimmy.

    Swagger charges.

    Truth ducks.

    Swagger over and out to the floor.

    Ziggler runs in.

    Kick by Kofi connects with Ziggler.

    Double wrist lock/jumping snap kick to Ziggler.

    Double baseball slide kick sends Ziggler to the floor.

    Commercial

    Back from commercial.

    Swagger with a double arm hook on Kofi.

    Recap: During commercial, Ziggler distracts Kofi, Swagger hits a shoulder block, and Kofi hits the floor.

    Kofi fights off a double teaming, but is sent hard, back into the corner.

    Swagger w/shoulder blocks.

    Ziggler starts choking Kofi w/tag rope.

     

    Swagger w/a body slam to Kofi and tags Ziggler.

    Ziggler drops an elbow and gets 2 w/sloppy cover.

    Chin lock/arm bar on Kofi by Ziggler.

    Both men up.

    Kofi gets two hits.

    Ziggler kicks him into the corner, misses a charge.

    Ziggler gets a tag.

    Kofi makes a tag.

    R-truth hits Swagger with flying thrust kick, boot to the stomach, DDT for a 2 count.

    Ziggler makes the save.

    Truth launches Kofi up/over/into Swagger.

    Swagger tries a roll-up, for a 2 count.

    Swagger hoist Truth up, charges the corner.

    Truth slips behind.

    Swagger hits the corner.

    Truth jumps up, grabs his head, and pulls him face first to the canvas.

    Truth scores the 3 count.

    WINNERS/STILL CHAMPIONS: R-TRUTH/KOFI KINGSTON

    Ziggler is not happy.

    He tells off Vicki and Swagger and bolts.

    Backstage: Santino is walking hurt with some help when Show rolls up on him and grabs his face.  He teases calling out Santino as his opponent when Brodus Clay steps up and dares Show to pick him.  Show agrees.

    “Forget about dancing. You won’t even be walking.” – Big Show.

    Commercials

    Did you know? WWE’s “Be a Star” Campaign made it into the records in congress.

    Johnny Laurenitis  Larinitis Meningitis Ace, GM of both RAW and SMACKDOWN rolls out in his motorized wheelchair with David Otunga and Eve Torres in tow.  He introduces himself and announces he will now make several announcements.  Big Show will face Brodus Clay tonight, and at No Way Out, Cena vs. Big Show is now a CAGE MATCH.  Johnny claims to be “the most popular WWE superstar in history,” and talks about people wanting HIM on the cover of the new WWE 12 video game.  John pulls the cover off an easel to reveal his face beaming off the cover of the game box.

    “This Will Be Bigger Than Pac Man!” – Johnny Ace.

    We hit the song “Cult of Personality,” and here comes the WWE champion, C.M. Punk.  Punk hits the ring, and alls out Johnny on his bull-shinola.

    “Neither Pac Man nor you have ANY testicles whatsoever.” – C.M. Punk.

    Punk basically calls the formerly Dynamic Dude out of touch and reveals the TRUE face of WWE ’12.  We hit the fireworks and drop the canvas.  C.M. Punk stands cross armed, straight edged, and ready to fight on the cover of the new game.

    “Take the hoeski and Carlton and get outta my ring.” – C.M. Punk.

    Johnny, not wanting to incur the wrath of the B.O.D. ; simply limps out the ring with underlings in tow, while Punk trashes Johnny’s picture.

    Punk v. Bryan next

    Commercials

    Crowd Sign: YES!

    We come back with Punk in the ring and Bryan making the big entrance, while the announcers –Cole and King- bring up the recent unpleasantness with Kane and some folding chairs.

    Recap: Bryan attacking Kane w/Chair last Smackdown.

     

    WWE Champion C.M. Punk vs. Daniel Bryan

    Lock up.

    Bryan w/the wristlock into a side headlock, both men back into the ropes.

    Bryan hits a shoulder block off the ropes.

    Bryan shoots off the ropes, over Punk.

    Punk leapfrogs Bryan.

    Hip toss, arm drag, Punk w/the arm bar.

    Bryan gets up on his feet.

    Punk puts a wristlock on Bryan.

    Bryan rolls over/benches up, hooks Punk at the waist, takes him over with a suplex variation, into the arm bar.

    Bryan bends Punk’s hand backwards, presses it to the mat, stomps the elbow, and locks in a hammerlock.

    Punk elbows free, shoots off the ropes.

    Bryan goes down.

    Punk goes over.

    Bryan jumps up.

    Punk catches him, hits a reverse atomic drop, and a kick to the torso.

    Punk drops the knee five times and leg scissors Bryan.

    Punk ties up Bryans’ legs and gets him into the surfboard.

    Bryan rolls out, lands on Punk, 2 count.

    Punk sweeps the legs, gets a 2 count.

    Bryan hooks the legs, flips on top, and gets a 2 count.

    Punk bridges up. Both men struggle for a back slide.  Punk hoist Bryan up on his shoulder and drops him back first into the knee for a 2 count.

    Punk hooks Bryan into suplex position but drops him on the top rope.

    Punk moves in, Bryan grabs the arm and drops down, pulling the arm across the rope.

    Bryan hits a flying knee off the top rope and slide kicks Punk to the floor.

    Bryan dives, Punk side steps and hits a kick to the mid section.

    Punk hits a moonsault off the ropes onto Bryan.

    AJ comes to ringside.

    Commercial

    We return w/Punk putting the boots to Bryan in the corner.

    Replay: Bryan hits a flying knee on the outside.

    Punk tries a suplex, Bryan slips out, whips into the corner, reversal.  Bryan climbs the corner and flips over Punk, runs into Punks’ boot.  Punk misses a moonsault and lands hard.

    Bryan hits with a running charge/low dropkick, and works Punks’ arm.

    Punk fights back w/kicks, but Bryan hooks a wristlock and pulls the arm hard across his shoulder.

    Bryan goes “YES!” 3 times and scores a running dropkick into the corner, 2 count only.

    Punk hits some kicks but Bryan hooks the arm and takes Punk up/over w/a suplex for a 2 count.

    Bryan goes back on the arm.

    Punk gets 2 hits.  Bryan works the arm again but runs into a knee by Punk.

    Punk hits a charging forearm, shoots Bryan into the ropes.  He hits a jump-thrust kick for a two count.

    Punk scores a running knee lift in the corner, but Bryan shrugs off the bulldog attempt.

    Bryan misses a kick.  Punk gets 2 w/a roll up.

    Forearm twice by Bryan, reversed Irish whip, Punk up/over to the ring apron, shoulder block by Punk and a clothesline from the top rope for 2.

    Punk tries a flying elbow, but Bryan hits the rope and Punk drops crotch-first on the corner.

    Superplex by Bryan gets 2.

    Bryan heads to the corner and unties a turnbuckle.

    AJ gets up on the ring and tries to tell the ref.

    Bryan shouts at her, Punk scores a kick to the head for 2.

    Punk yells at AJ, charges Bryan, Bryan hoists him up, face-first into the exposed corner for a 3-count.

    Bryan celebrates until Kane attacks him w/a chair.  He choke slams Bryan out.

    AJ throws Punk a chair, Punk fights off Kane.

     

    WINNER: DANIEL BRYAN. (YES! YES! YES!)

    Backstage-Eve sends Teddy for some coffee while Johnny Ace berates her and Otunga.  He points out that Otunga taped out in 10 seconds to the STF, while Johnny took two at the last ppv. He berates Eve for not getting Sheamus to apologize to him. He threatens to stay on the job another 20 years and Eve spits her coffee on Teddy.  That’s more of my attention than it deserves.

     

    More commercials

     

    I-C Champion Christian vs. Miz (surprise!)

    Lock up.

    Miz w/a knee, gets a side headlock.

    Christian shoots him off the ropes.

    Christian ducks down.

    Miz goes over.

    Christian w/a flying shoulder block.

    Christian w/a boot to the mid-section, sunset flip off the top rope.

    Miz rolls out and hits a kick to the face for a 2.

    Miz takes Christian face first into the corner. He beats him down w/a knee and punching.

    Miz walks back, and hits a charging leap clothesline.

    Miz scores a double ax-handle for a 2 count.

    Chin lock by Miz.

    Christian fights out, but Miz scores his reverse face lock, knee drop, neck breaker combo for 2.

    Miz drops down on Christians’ back and works a chin lock.

    Christian fights his way to his feet, Miz takes him to the corner. Miz hits 2 shoulder blocks and sets Christian up on the corner. Christian fights him back and scores a missle drop kick for 2.

    Christian springs over the top rope, hits a shot to face on Miz.

    Christian climbs the corner, hops over Miz and scores a reverse DDT.

    Christian tries a spear, but eats a boot to the face, Miz gets 2.

    Miz wails on Christian in the corner, Christian hits a double kick to the face, and a flying elbow from the top rope.

    Christian gets distracted by Cody Rhodes, Miz gets 2 w/a roll up.

    Christian goes to the corner and hits a kick to the midsection. He hops up on the corner ropes but Miz grabs an ankle and pulls.

    Christian hits the mat face first.

    Miz tries for the “Skull Crushing Finale,” Christian reverses it into a “Killswitch” attempt, but Miz shoves him into the corner.

    Miz misses a charge and hits the corner.  Christian hits the Killswitch and gets the 3.

    More Commercials

    We’re back, and Miz is peeved about not being treated like a star.  He’s not leaving the ring until…

    Cue Randy Orton.

    Orton hits the RKO and basks in the cheers.

    Backstage: Dolph thinks he should be getting cheers like Orton.  He wants out of his tag team with Ziggler.  Vicky will see what she can do.

    Next: Sheamus v. Otunga.

    Before the next break, we get a special Memorial Day voice over message from John Cena.  It’s basically an elaborate “thank you,” to our Armed Forces for their service.  I agree with the sentiment, I just think it’s a little bit pandering to have Cena be the only one to do it.

     

    Commercial

     

    We come back to David Otunga making his entrance to a round of boos.  Sheamus comes out next.

     

    World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus vs. David Otunga

    Otunga charges in strong w/kicks and punches, but Sheamus fires back.

    Sheamus tries a whip, Otunga reverses it, but a hip-toss attempt is met w/ a clothesline.

    Otunga rolls out.

    Sheamus goes after Otunga.  Otunga pulls Sheamus neck first into the rope.

    Otunga charges, Sheamus scoops him up into a slam attempt.

    Otunga slides down, and sends Sheamus into the corner.  Otunga hits a solid clothesline for a 1 count.

    Otunga hooks the head and peppers Sheamus on the chest with clubbing shots.

    Otunga shoots off the ropes and hits a low shoulder block. Otunga makes 3 pin attempts in a row, but never gets more than 2.

    Otunga takes Sheamus to the corner and works him over w/knees and clubbing forearms. He flexes for the crowd.

    Otunga whips Sheamus into the corner, Sheamus bounces back with an axe-handle smash, then another. He sends Otunga over the top rope, Otunga hangs on.  Sheamus clubs his chest with forearm shots. He pulls Otunga in and hits the “white noise.”

    Sheamus ends this with the “Brogue kick” and a 3 count.

     

    Crowd Shot: Kid rocking The Sheamus look.

     

    FUNKASAURUS up next

     

    Commercial: ECW Unreleased, vol.1

     

    Madagascar 3 – interest 0

     

    Recap: Over The Limit – Big Show’s betrayal, and subsequent sucker punch on Cena.

    We have the intro –you know the drill.

    Funkasaurs, Funkateers, Funka-dactyls, and I go Funk myself.

    The announcers remind us Brodus is 22 and 0 so far in his run.

    Big Show comes out. He claims to be a fan, and compares embarrassing things he’s done (sumo match at mania in a diaper,) to Brodus doing embarrassing things every night. He suggests Brodus get some make-up/a wig and be the new Doink.

    “The Difference btw you and Doink, Doink actually had talent.” – Big Show.

    Brodus dares Show to step up.  Show responds with a spear that shakes the arena (or at least a cameraman.) And from that point on, it’s pretty much a mugging.  The Funkasaurs is bitchified all over the arena floor while his backup dancers stand scared in the ring.  Kofi and R-Truth run out to try a save, but Show tosses Kofi into R-Truth and resumes the battering with a piece of the announcers table.  Show brutalizes Truth.  Kofi gets a big kick in, but gets sent through the Barricade.  Truth gets sent to the stairs.  WMD to Clay and Show leaves 3 men down.

    Raw ends with Johnny Ace raising the Show’s hand, up on the stage.

     

    RYTMANS’ RESPONSE: Ya know, at this point, I like it when a show goes on autopilot like this.  We get more actual wrestling, and interview segments that actually go somewhere (for the most part.) However, right now, I’d like to address all the people who were complaining that WWE wasn’t giving the Punk/Bryan program enough attention.

    ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!? WE GOT KANE AND AJ BOTH SHOVED INTO THIS!  ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WWE PAYS ATTENTION TO SOMETHING WE LIKE!  ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!?

    For the record, I can’t hate on Kane or AJ, and I’m good with them making a check.  I just don’t know why we have to pile on sub-plots to a story we’re happy with.

    Show was awesome tonight, and actually got the crowd chanting big for Cena.  Show makes an awesome monster heel, mainly because he‘s got charisma and personality peppered into his rage.

    Side Note: I’m actually wondering if any of that stuff he said about being treated like a joke was a shoot.

    Side-Side Note: BOD = Board of Directors

     

    So, there’s my first ever official RAW recap.  Hope you like it.

     

     

  5. PNTNR TNA Impact – …The Razzie goes to….Or what you goin’ to do Brother when the GM goes wild on you?

    2 Comments
    He's running wild on something

    He's running wild on something

    Impact is Hogan Country. After only being gone since October, Hogan is now a face official. And out to introduce him is Dixie Carter doing her best Price’s Right impersonation introduces the man in black in blue GM Hulk Hogan.

    This time the entire locker room is out there instead of the last weeks 5 or 6 faces. Hogan starts booking matches, Crimson and Morgan will settle their feud at Lockdown and also having Angle vs Hardy right after his speech.

    Angle and Hardy ends in a count out after Kurt decides enough is enough. Hogan congratulates him and sets up a Lockdown match between them. Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t Kurt legit hurt with a pulled groin so shouldn’t he be taking it easy for those Olympic trials instead of in a cage? But I guess priorities.

    Flair is in the back on his cell phone talking to Vince ..er I mean Eric Bischoff about out of control Hogan.

    The Bully Ray comes out talk about his name and how he’s taken craps bigger than Austin Aries. Which of course prompts Aries to come out and fling his microphone at him and beat on him in the corner before Ray gets the upper hand and powerbombs Aries. Bully Ray like a kid who forgets that he’s already introduced himself asks “Do you know who I am?”

    Then we have Joseph Park still looking for his brother Abyss. This time he hopes that the caterers know where he’s at but to no avail but he leaves his card anyway. At this point he should just go straight to Dixie Carter ask to see the tapes from Genesis, find out the Bully Ray may have something to do with and attack/litigate him to death. Just sayin.

    Then we have the knockouts number one contenders match with everyone but Brooke Tessmacher, Sarita and Rosita because you know they don’t exist in the realm of possiblity of getting the title. That right is reserved for Velvet Sky who not only was given a whole new backstory but hot shoted to the title picture because she exudes sexuality! Who needs talented knockouts when one can get first Madison Rayne who is the longest reigning former champion and a women who causes men to “Let the Pigeons Loose”. Glow, Shimmer and Chickfight keep me strong. Velvet wins after apologizing to Mickie and hitting her with “In Yo Face” for her Lockdown rematch.

    Wrong Pic but I like it better than a champion Sky

    Wrong Pic but I like it better than a champion Sky

    EY has a bachelor party with a bunch of nerds…Our word so I am allowed to say it. Well Jock nerds who play Fantasy Baseball when Dungeons and Dragons is too complicated. Then ODB comes in an places Eric’s face in her boobs. And I died a little inside. KO Tag Titles going to good use.

    Aj Styles and James storm was nice and a good flashback to when Roode took on Styles to prepare for Angle. After a moonsault, Storm kicks Styles teeth down in his throat. In a good little short match. Here is something I can get behind now if only AJ could stop being used as enhancement talent which seems to be the case 99% of time.

    Montgomery Gentry is in the back and is confronted by Roode and his bodyguards as he spits water into the rednecks eyes. OH SH–t  I smell a Canadian lynching! but no that is what security is for.

    In one of the oddest turn of events what was once a one on one match between Gunner and Garett is now turned into a Lethal Lockdown match were if Bischoff senior loses he right to the Bischoff name along with being kicked off Impact. Hmm I wonder who is going to win you know with Eric getting work on a project that could and will take him off television for a while but like a cockroach he’ll be back.

    Always getting his good side

    Always getting his good side

    MCMG have a tag match against Mexican America who I thought had disbanded after the Repo game guy took thier girls but there back too along with Helium Chavo. You know when I can’t have Sarita and to a lesser extent Rosita in the Knockout title picture but they can hang with LAX lite to be fed to the MachineGuns I know what I’m in for in the foreseeable future. Crap. MCMG win and then call out the Joe Daddies. So yeah here comes the tag division and I mean all the meaningful tag teams in a cage for the titles. 4 guys make up a once great division. TNA should look at the total roster and make more and not only that but with them renewing there deal with Spike put on Xplosion on Saturdays with focus on Tag team, Television and X Division story arcs. Internal booking mode off. I’m happy that Sabin is back though.

     

    And the main event is a “dream” match between Mr. Anderson and Roode who in typical heel fashion smacks a beer bottle over his head. And wins only to have Storm then Hogan out to reverse the decision to close out the show.

    Thoughts: I find the introduction to be really Razzie bad by Dixie but after that the show really took off and we got some good matches and some good progression what with the Motor City Machine Guns back and kicking ass and maybe we will have an official who watches the matches and intervenes when something goes wrong unlike Sting for the last few months. Here is to a better Go Home show then last PPV what with it being Lockdown.

    See you next Week

    See you next Week

    And no visible pics. yeah this is awesome. Hope to get that fixed for next time.  (ThinkSoJoE note:  Fixed!)

  6. Late Edition- Pintnoir’s thoughts on Impact Wrestling-11/17/11

    1 Comment

    Since I’m past the date of due, I decided after watching Impact Wrestling a day late to just run through what I liked and what really irritated the hell out of me.  Why you ask? Because after treading around for hours for a site to view it from I watched what could be only described as a shitty attempt at booking and story. The backstage segments felt just sadly inserted into the show where it looked as if Steve Borden (Sting minus makeup) Ninja vanished into a locker room only after seconds earlier talking to Matt Morgan and Crimson and convincing them to take on Mexican America. And lets not forget watching James Storm trek through the back looking for his assailant in one asinine confrontation after another.

    Lurking like a ninja in the dark.

    But before I spill all my guts about this travesty lets look at how the show starts.

    Show opens with Turning Point main event between Roode and Styles in which Roode wins via heel win. (For those not in the know he rolled up AJ and held the tights.) Roode comes out talking down to the rest of Fortune. Making sure everyone knows he was the leader and carried the rest of the group, but that now he had to scrap them off his boots. He tells Storm that he needs to get out of his shadow which of course prompts Storm to come out he makes the obligatory comments about being a redneck cowboy and calling Roode a jackass and a dumbass in the same sentence. Not making that up.  Making his way to the ring security intervenes. Skipping ahead AJ comes out and attacks Bobby. Later after Sting comes out and makes a 30 minute Iron Man Match; Roode attacks Dixie and eventually Styles again who comes to the rescue before security separates him from the owner of the company.

    Where is security when the owner of the company is being assaulted? They came quick for Storm but not for Dixie? Anyway this does very little for Roode’s heel heat which would actually have worked with a simple “Roode attacked Storm to get out of facing him for a second time” But no. We have the Cowboy come out and accuse Roode only to be told by his two faced former partner that oh no I didn’t attack you. And he buys it. Its good to know that Pritchard is filtering Russo to such wonderful success.

    And another thing what is up with the in ring brawl with security who for some reason can’t seem to successfully separate people. Gives me migraines of Hardy/Jarrett.

    Sting confronts Roode for shoving Dixie. Roode who now goes from Balboa back to his money heel promises to have his lawyer(s) plural sue Sting if he touches him. Consistency is a wonderful lost art.

    Devon (who is out of shape and obviously going to job for the television title)- ugh- His kids and the Pope all come to the ring like a wonderful same sex couple. Because Devon’s wife has all but vanished ninja style. But I digress they are all coming to give cannon fodder to Robbie E and Rob Terry, I’m having flashbacks to Disco Inferno and not in a good way. Long story short Devon dominates before the Pope is knocked out by Rob T, leading to Devon’s kids coming to his aid. This of course distracts Devon who is rolled up and losses the match.

    And I thought Pritchard killed this story.

    Tag Match with Austin Aries (who is one of the bright spots of Impact) Kash vs Sorenson (who is slowly forming a personality??!!) With Kendrick who could of easily been replaced by Xima Ion very easily.  Typical heel disruption causes Kash to eat a crossroads for the faces to win.

    Aries leaves and the match loses 50 cool points which is the only cool points it had to begin with.

    Karen gives Gail the night off. Sends brown nose Madison out to take care of Velvet. Pointless Storm search leads to Anderson who is playing Madden when he should be playing a new TNA Impact game if we ever get one on par with WWE’ 12. Any who pointless stare down and posturing leads to Storm unplugging the game.

    10 woman Knockout Elimination match-Velvet who is out first faces Rosita. Bell rings and 5 seconds later Sky hits the impact buster for the pin. Next its Tessmacher who gets a bull dog and waltzes out 3 minutes later. Angelina follows she pins Velvet with trunk assistance. Love gets taken out by Mickie James shortly after. Mickie then faces…Sarita, boy this should be a good match especially after she reverses the implant ddt but a minute later she is taken down with what looks like a funky version of a implant ddt. Next is Tara but a couple minutes later she is out with a DDT. Winter’s next, spin kick and out. ODB comes out and gets a solid reaction from the crowd. After some scuffle she is taken down with a top rope lou thesz press. After a tantrum where she takes out Mickie with an F5 maneuver which lays out James. Madison comes to the ring to crickets taking her time and I do mean she goes at a turtle pace before sliding into the ring for the pin only to be rolled up. Mickie wins. Yeah this was sad filler.

    Sarita versus Mickie; Sarita in the main event; The whole damn match!

    At this point I start to tune out as I see Storm confront Bully Ray who tries to get him into Immortal. Jeff Hardy has a confrontation with the Jarretts (specifically Karen Jarrett) which drags on way to long to be entertaining. Karen who looked so lost before and after Jeff Jarrett entered the ring is just a sign that she needs to be taken off television or put into OVW to sharpen her skills.

    Where sub par talent goes.....to hopefully never return

    So the makeshift tag team of Crimson Blueprint takes down Mexican America after only one night together while Ink INC with the addition of Von Erie aka Toxxin could not do. Bullsh…….

    Garrett beats Gunner with a Mickie style DDT. That was the main event by the way.

    Finally we have Storm. Who came out to accuse AJ of attacking him, seen as he has now been given two shots against Roode. Fight breaks out before Kazarian comes to the ring to break it up. Because that is all Kaz can do is break up bitch fights with team mates instead of the feud he should of had with Jarrett. But I digress again because who knows what is going on back in the writing room.

    When Kaz meets a storyline

    Kurt who was lurking under the ring comes out as Storm leaves. He attacks and shoves Storm back into the ring admitting it was him. This of course is followed by that crappy Impact Music of Doom. And I vomited.

     

  7. Smackdown: 08/26/11 Seat Filler Diary 3

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    On Tuesday, the WWE trucks pulled into Calgary to tape Smackdown. Once again, I had the privilege to be a seat filler and temporary WWE staff member. I will break down the episode as it appears on TV, and live in person. I will also comment on my third consecutive opportunity to be a seat filler.

    A special thanks to pintnoir who covered Impact Wrestling for our sites this week! Let’s get to it, shall we?
    (more…)

  9. RAW 6.14.10

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    Sorry this took so long everyone.  I was fighting with technology all night.

    What’s up everyone!! Tonight, RAW comes from my home state of North Carolina!! What is going on with the Season One NXT Rookies?! What’re the matches going to be to prepare us for Fatal 4Way? WILL SHEAMUS EVER TAN?! All questions will be answered tonight… Not really.

    Raw starts us off with a rewind of what happened last week.  If you didn’t see it, YouTube it, because I’d really rather not cover it again.  It was the NXT rookies beating the hell out of everyone, and that’s all I’ll say about it.  I saw enough of it reviewed and talked about and replayed in the past week that I’m so over what’s happened.

    We start out with Wade Barrett in the ring, and he introduces himself as the Season One NXT Winner.  He says he’s out there because RAW General Manager, Bret Hart demanded that he come out and apologize for lats week.  He says that the rest of the NXT Rookies need to come out too so that they can apologize properly.  The NXT Rookies fill the ring, and Jerry “The King” Lawler and Michael Cole leave, along with Justin Roberts and a few other people.  Barrett starts with Heath Slater, asking him to apologize.  Slater says no, and he would do it again in a heartbeat.  Barrett moves to Justin Gabriel, who says never and he still has goosebumps.  Skip Sheffield says no apolgies, no regrets.  Michal Tarver says that the look of fear lived on the sweetest of his dreams, and there is no one in the WWE who can make him apologize.  Darren Young says not a chance, and he had the time of his life last week.  David Otunga says apologize?  For what?  After how the NXT Rookies were treated, they need to apologize to them.  Barrett takes the mic back and says it looks like it’s unanimous.  The rookies were treated like dirt, animals, and sooner or later, people will behave like animals.  They were made to change in a small locker room, do ridiculous challenges, and were at the mercy of overzealous pros.  The rules changed at a moment’s notice, they were eliminated on a whim, and they were made an international joke.  Last time he looked, jokes were supposed to be funny, but no one was laughing after RAW last week when they destroyed the ring and John Cena (Obviously, this guy doesn’t read through the Twitter feed I was getting…)

    Bret Hart makes his way out and says that they look proud of what they did.  Where he comes from, eight on one doesn’t make you tough, just makes you look more cowardly.  He reminds us that last week, they attacked John Cena, the Straight Edge Society, security, Justin Roberts, a timekeeper, and a Hall of Famer.  Wade Barrett says that Daniel Bryan showed some remorse for it (because apparently that’s how they’re going to play off his firing…), and we’ll never see Daniel Bryan again.  Bret says that despite everything, John Cena will still be competing this Sunday at Fatal 4Way.  Wade says this had nothing to do with Cena, or the people in the arena.  It’s between the Rookies and WWE Management.  Aside from some of the pros, they don’t have a problem with anyone in the locker room.  The Rookies could stay out arguing all night, but they need to get down to business.  Wade has a contract, and a title opportunity at a Pay-Per-View of his choosing, but the other Rookies have their own demands.

    David Otunga takes the mic and says their demands are guaranteed WWE contracts, private dressing rooms, and first class travel accommodations.  If they fail to comply with even one demand, last week was just the beginning.  Barrett takes the mic back and says that before Bret says anything, two weeks ago, Vince McMahon informed him that he would have difficult decisions to make as RAW’s General Manager.  This isn’t a difficult choice, because behind him are a group of highly-polished athletes, who could be the future of the WWE.  They’re dressed, here, and ready to fight.  All they need is a contract.

    Bret says that Barrett is right.  It is his job to find new, fresh talent.  But, with that in mind, his answer is no.  He’s not hiring anyone.  Barrett says he’s making a mistake.  Bret says that it’s the Rookies who made the mistake by attacking Cena.  He’s not signing any of them and on account of his actions, Barrett is no longer the breakout star of the WWE (Though Bret said WWF and it made me laugh), and he doesn’t get a title shot, because he’s fired.  As for the rest of the Rookies, they can get out of the ring, or Bret will call the cops to physically remove them for trespassing, and they’re all through, whether they like it or not.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    Everyone’s back ringside, and King says you can’t bully your way into the WWE.

    Fatal Four Way Match for the United States Championship
    United States Champion R-Truth vs John Morrison vs Zack Ryder vs The Miz

    Ryder focuses on Morrison, and Truth focuses on Miz.  Truth and Morrison get Miz and Ryder out of the ring, and go at it.  Truth and Morrison lock up, and Truth gets Morrison in a headlock.  Truth goes for a cover, but Ryder breaks it.  Ryder whips Truth, and Miz grabs his ankles.  Truth kicks him off, and Morrison rolls Ryder up.  Ryder kicks out at two.  Miz, Ryder, and Truth are outside the ring.  Miz gets up on the apron, and Morrison flips outside the ring, grabbing Miz and throwing him out and into Ryder.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    Miz and Morrison are in the ring, and Morrison goes for the cover.  Miz kicks out at two, only to be covered again, and Miz kicks out at two again.  Ryder’s up on the turnbuckle, and Morrison goes up with him, going for a superplex.  Truth pulls them down and everyone’s down.  Truth goes for a cover on Miz, who kicks out at two, then Ryder, who kicks out at two, then Morrison who kicks out at two.  Miz goes for a cover on Truth, but Truth kicks out a two.  Miz is attacked by Truth, but Ryder pulls him off.  Truth starts wailing on him, then goes for Morrison and salms him down.  Ryder misses a clothesline, but Truth hits Ryder with a scissor kick.  Truth covers Ryder, but Miz breaks it up.  Truth goes for Miz, but Miz pulls on the top rope, sending Truth out.  Miz then hits Morrison with a baseball slide.  Miz then runs at the opposite tunbuckle and hits Ryder with his swinging corner clothesline.  Morrison pulls Miz out and hits him with a clothesline.  Truth and Ryder are in the ring, and Truth hits the Lie Detector on Ryder.  He goes for the cover, but Morrison breaks it.  Morrison went to do something to Truth, but Miz distracted him, and both Truth and Morrison throw Miz out.  Truth knocks Morrison down and goes for the cover, but Ryder breaks it up.  Truth knocks Ryder in the corner, Ryder moves, Truth hit with Rough Ryder.  Ryder goes for the cover, but Morrison breaks it up.  Morrison hits Startship Pain on Truth, Miz throws him out, and covers Truth for the win.

    New United States Champion, The Miz!

    The main event tonight will be Randy Orton vs Sheamus!

    Randy is backstage with Josh Matthews, and Matthews asks how Randy’s shoulder is, considering that Randy is competing tonight.  Randy says that anything can happen at Fatal 4Way, as was just proven.  He says to watch, wait, and see about his shoulder, when he fights Sheamus.  Matthews then asks about the NXT Rookies.  Randy says part of him has to respect it, because he understands why they’re making a point.  But, a bigger part of him just thinks they’re a bunch of punks.  They deserved to either be fired, or have their brains beaten in.  But, considering Barrett only got fired, they got off lucky.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    We come back to a Royal Pains package with Big Show, and Mark Feuerstein is with the Bellas.  We’re reminded that this Thursday, on USA, at 10/9 Central, the Big Show guest stars.  Ted DiBiase comes up and interrupts .  He says that Mark could have a shiny new car of his choice waiting for him in the parking lot if he makes Ted co-Guest Host for the night.  Mark says that unlike some people in the room, he has integrity.  The answer is no.  Mark then admits he’s a little scared of Ted, but then sees Big Show.  He says that he would love to let Ted co-Guest Host, but there’s no chance he’s going to let him do that, because Ted’s a spoiled little daddy’s boy.  Mark says that he was a wrestler in high school, and they called him Main Event Mark.  Show clears his throat, and they shut up.  Show says that they can do a match tonight: Show and Mark vs Ted and Virgil.  Ted says done, and he and Virgil leave.   Mark admits to Show that he was really an ice skater.  He does a move where he jumps into Show’s arms, and the Bellas see it.  Show says next time, Mark catches him, because it’s much more impressive.

    Up next, John Cena will talk about last week’s attack!

    <COMMERCIAL>

    Rewind to last week’s first Viewer’s Choice Match, the Body Slam Contest between Show and Jericho.

    Chris Jericho vs Evan Bourne

    Chris an Evan start viciously.  Chris kicks Evan, then rams him into the turnbuckle.  Chris Irish Whips Evan, who counters with a hurricanrana.  Drop toe hold, dropkick to the face, and then Bourne goes for the cover, but Jericho kicks out at one.  Jericho clotheslines Bourne, and goes for the cover, but Bourne kicks out at two.  Chri then drops Bourne, stomps on his back, gets him in a headlock.  Bourne gets up and kicks back, but Jericho smacks him and runs him into the turnbuckle.  He throws Bourne over, but Bourne lands on the apron, kicking Jericho.  He goes for a sunset flip, but Chris counters and goes for the Walls of Jericho, only for Bourne to kick him away.  Bourne goes for a cover, but Jericho kicks out at two.  Jericho hits the Codebreaker, and goes for the cover, but Bourne kicks out at two.  Jericho starts attacking Bourne, and the ref tells him to stop.  Jericho shoves the ref away and keeps going against Bourne.  Jericho threatens the ref the next time he comes over and keeps kicking Bourne.  The ref calls for the bell.

    Evan Bounre wins via Disqualification

    Jericho picks Bourne up and smacks him.  Bourne kicks him and hits the Shooting Star Press.

    Next up, Cena will respond to the NXT attack.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SHUT THE DOOOR!!!!!

    Cena comes out and makes his way to the ring as we flash back to earlier tonight when Barrett was fired.

    Cena says that he had the night off, and he thanks Bret for having his best interests at heart.  Thanks to Bret for not caving into the demands of the Rookies, because they’re demands that shouldn’t even be put up for negotiation.  A portion of him respects them for doing it, and they needed a target.  He says he’s the biggest target (and I blame the orange shirt for this), and he’s used to it.  He goes on to say that their plan was almost brilliant, because their genius was blinded by their ignorance.  The problem was with management, and they took RAW away from the WWE Universe, which was a bad move, because they made five million new enemies.  They destroyed the ring, considered sacred ground, and now every WWE Superstar wants their head on a plate.  Wade was fired tonight.  Bold decision, but it won’t fix the problem.  If the group was lawless enough to stop a broadcast of RAW, he says that getting arrested for a misdemeanor is the least of their problem.  They’ve been kicked out, but he’s still there, and he hopes their watching.  He’s going to Fatal 4Way, he’ll be on RAW the night after, and he’ll be standing in the ring, demanding they finish it.  They’ve been fired, and all Cena has is his word.  His word is this: If they fight, he won’t press charges.

    The NXT Rookies show up from the stands again.  He says that they thought he was a target?  They put the target off him and put it on their own heads.  King gets into the ring joined by Evan Bourne, William Regal, R-Truth, and Santino.  A full out brawl starts, and Mark Henry, Randy Orton, and Edge all join.  Sheamus even runs in with his lead pipe.  The NXT Rookies run away, but the Superstars chase them backstage and out of the arena.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    Sheamus is backstage with his lead pipe and Josh Matthews walks up and asks why he helped.  Sheamus says that he won’t let the NXT Rookies ruin his match at Fatal 4Way, and if anyone’s going to take out Cena, it’s going to be him.

    Rewind to last week’s Battle Royal.

    Diva’s Champion Eve Torres & Gail Kim vs Maryse and Alicia Fox

    It’s been announced that the Diva’s Championship is on the line in a Fatal 4Way as well on Sunday.  Diva’s Champion Eve Torres will defend against Gail Kim, Maryse, and Alicia Fox.

    Maryse shoves Eve before the match has even started, and the two start attacking as soon as the bell rings.  Eve kicks Maryse in the stomach and throws her down.  Eve bounces back, but Alicia grabs her hair.  Eve tries to pay her back, but turns around to get hit by Maryse with a spinning back kick.  Alicia gets tagged in and they hit a double team, before Alicia covers Eve, but Eve kicks out.  Alicia hits a superplex and then goes for the cover, but Eve kicks out again.  Alicia puts Eve in a headlock, Eve fights out, and Alicia throws her onto the mat.  She drags her by her hair to the corner and tags in Maryse.  I missed some part or another here, but Alicia’s back in, she kicks Gail away, and then Eve is thrown into the corner.  Alicia goes for a kick, but misses and ends up kicking Maryse.  Eve hits a neckbreaker on Alicia and wins.

    Diva’s Champion Eve Torres and Gail Kim win!

    Turns out John Cena has decided to compete tonight after all, and the main event is now the one we missed the other week: John Cena and Randy Orton vs Edge and Sheamus.  But, next up, Mark and Big Show will take on Ted DiBiase and Virgil.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    The Big Show & Guest Host Mark Feurstein vs Ted DiBiase & Virgil

    Ted and Show start out this match.  Ted tries to get Show in a submission, but Show powers out and shoves Ted into a corner.  He then proceeds to put his ass in Ted’s face.  He stands Ted up and slaps his chest once, twice.  Ted is throw into the opposite corner, and manages to poke Big Show’s eyes.  Ted tries to pick him up, but Show just throws him.  Ted then tags in Virgil, who looks at Ted like he’s nuts.  He gets off the apron to talk to Ted, but Show grabs his head and just hurls him into the ring.  Virgil rolls to the other side of the ring and out, but Mark grabs him and throws him back into the ring.  Show bodyslams Virgil, then steps on him.  He picks him up, throws him into the turnbuckle, rips her shirt, and slaps him too.  Show gets Virgil with the chokeslam.  While Ted’s yelling at a motionless Virgil to get up, Show tags in Mark.  Mark breakdances in the ring for a minute before he does the worm over to Virgil.  He winds up, and then drops… next to Virgil in an attempted elbow drop.  Anyway, he covers Virgil for the win.

    Big Show and Mark Feuerstien win!

    Ted looks both humiliated and pissed.  He starts to just walk right by Virgil, but then he stops and pulls $100 out of his boot, walking over and sticking it in Virgil’s mouth.  He then walks away, but goes back, grabs the money, wipes it on Virgil and puts it in his trunks, reminding me of a hooker, before he walks out.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    Showstopper by Toby Mac is the official F4W theme!

    William Regal vs Santino Marella with Vladimir Kozlov as the Special Guest Referee

    Kozlov starts the match and Santino, reminiscent of the other week, attempts a few kicks on Regal before Regal nails him with a shoulder block, stomping on his arm.  Santino’s flipped, and Regal’s back on his arm.  Regal’s focusing on Santino’s arm, but Santino manages to get Regal down with a handful of tights, and Kozlov gives him the three count.  Regal argues, but Kozlov rolls out of the ring.

    Santino Marella wins.

    Bret comes out and says that he wants every Superstar out on the stage to prevent history from repeating itself.  Up next, the main event!

    <COMMERCIAL>

    Edge & Sheamus vs WWE Champion John Cena & Randy Orton

    Sheamus starts with Cena.  They lock up, Sheamus gets Cena in a headlock.  Cena pushes down on Sheamus’ knee with his foot to get out, and reverses it.  Sheamus gets to the ropes.  Cena reaches out to Sheamus’ hand like he’s going to lock up again, then goes around him for a full nelson, but Sheamus gets to the ropes again.  Cena moves over and tags Orton in.  Orton punches Sheamus, then puts him in a headlock.  Sheamus pushes Orton into the turnbuckle and gets him down, kicking at him.  Sheamus tags in Edge, but Oton hits Edge with a backbreaker.  He goes down, pounding on the mat, then gets up and goes for the RKO, but Edge pushes him away and rolls out of the ring.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    Cena gets the upperhand on Edge, hits a fisherman suplex and goes for the cover, but Edge kicks out at two.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Edge gets out and goes for a clothesline only to miss. Cena hits a clothesline, however, and goes for a cover.  Edge grabs the ropes.  Cena punches Edge a few times and then knocks Edge out of the ring.  Edge gets back in, but stays on the apron, grabbing Cena’s head and jumping off the apron.  Cena falls back, and then Edge drags Cena to the other corner.  He gets him in an arm bar before he tags in Sheamus.  Sheamus kicks Cena, then goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two.  Sheamus delivers a running high knee to Cena, then shoves his head down.  Sheamus distracts the ref, and Edge holds Cena in a headlock.  Sheamus then tags in Edge.  Edge tries to get Cena up, but Cena hits a superplex on him.  Edge then tags Sheamus back in, and Sheamus hits an elbow drop.  Sheamus, once again, distracts the ref, and Edge takes advantage outside the ring.  Sheamus rolls out and throws Cena into the barrier.  He gets him back in the ring and goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two.

    Sheamus hits a clothesline and goes for another cover, but Cena kicks out at two again.  Sheamus gets Cena in a headlock and wraps his legs around Cena’s torso.  Cena stands up, holding Sheamus and reaches for Orton, but falls.  Sheamus goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two.  Sheamus tags in Edge and Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Sheamus drops him, and Cena is set up for the Spear, but moves last minute.  Orton and Sheamus are tagged in.  Orton keeps dropping Sheamus to the mat, and then hits a scoop slam.  Orton gets Sheamus between the ropes and drops him face-first into the mat.  He drops to the ring again, and then gets up to RKO Edge.  Sheamus hits Orton with an Ax Handle, and then hits what King (I think) called the Irish Curse Backbreaker, and goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out.  Sheamus gets Orton in a submission, but Orton fights out.  Sheamus puts his knee in Orton’s gut, and goes for the cover, but Orton kicks out.  Sheamus drags Orton to his corner and tags in Edge.  Orton fights Edge and Sheamus, and Edge hits a drop toe-hold and beats on Orton’s shoulder.  Orton gets to his feet and then is Irish Whipped.  He kicks Edge, who hits a clothesline.  Orton tags Cena.  Cena hits two shoulder blocks when the lights go down.

    The NXT Rookies are destroying the backstage area.  Two of them, I’m not sure which two because everyone started looking the same, get Bret in the back seat of a limo, which then proceeds to rear end a bunch of cars.  They pull him out and say they want an answer by Sunday, and then they scatter.

    So!  What will the answer be at Fatal 4Way?  Will the Rookies ever go away? STAY TUNED!!

  10. WWE Superstars

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    Hey, everybody.  This week’s episode of Superstars was fairly entertaining.  It at least furthered some storylines.

    Match 1: Carlito vs Primo

    Throughout the match, Carlito looked really apprehensive about apply any offense to his brother.  The end of the match saw Carlito grab a mic and tell Primo to quit wasting his career and rejoin with him.  Now the Colon’s are back together as a tag team contender and this match has no ending.

    Match 2: Chavo Guerrero vs Chris Masters

    This was the typical Superstars match-up that we normally get.  Two guys that have no real direction and are thus thrown into a random match.  Masters gets the win with the Masterlock after countering the Three Amigos.

    Backstage Segment:

    Michelle McCool and Layla walk into Kelly Kelly’s locker room and tell her she stinks, then try to hold her down for Vickie Guerrero to spray her with deodorant.  Beth Phoenix and Tiffany walk in and break it up.

    Main Event:  Shad Gaspard vs JTG

    This match was a good Superstars main event because it was a rematch from the Extreme Rules PPV.  Shad gets the win with the STO after blocking a Shout Out.  This fued is dying out now, especially considering they put it on Superstars.  We shall have to wait and see where these two go after this.

    That’s it for this week.  Check back in again next week for another Superstars.