Another week, another RAW review. I DID have somebody volunteer, but that somebody’s e-mail address they gave me bounced back to me. So, if you’re interested in being our BWF RAW Blogger, please e-mail contact@boredwrestlingfan.com.
I don’t remember what happened last week even though I wrote about it and we talked about it on yesterday’s podcast. Well, I remember Paul Heyman. THIS IS EXTREME!
For nearly four years now, I’ve been blogging about professional wrestling right here on BoredWrestlingFan.com. In that time, I’ve seen countless professional wrestlers pass away, but I’ve very rarely ever felt the need to get on the computer and write about it, other than maybe a “RIP So-and-so” status on my personal facebook. Today, however, I felt inspired by the passing of one Chief Jay Strongbow.
When you’re a wrestling fan for a long enough time, there are names that, whether you’d actually seen them compete or not, you know. Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Captain Lou Albano, Rowdy Roddy Piper, Ric Flair, Steve Austin, to name a few. Chief Jay Strongbow is one of those. I can’t honestly say that I’ve seen a Chief Jay Strongbow match in my life, but I know the name. I know the legacy. How big of a name in professional wrestling was Chief Jay Strongbow? Here’s a quote from the 1999 Adam Sandler film, “Big Daddy.”
“He taught me how to do the sleeper hold like Chief Jay Strongbow.”
My only real experience seeing Chief Strongbow with my own eyes was in a ceremony done on WWF Superstars with Tatanka, when Strongbow presented him a feather headdress that was destroyed a few weeks later by Irwin R. Schyster. But I’d known the name for a long, long time. Our condolences to his friends and family.
Last week, wrestling mattered. Or so we were told. Did it? Are you sure? I’m not convinced. While I liked the facelift of the iMPACT zone… Then sadly, the next day we found out that Randy Savage had tragically passed away. He will be missed. I don’t know if iMPACT matters, but there is no doubt that to wrestling, Savage mattered. They taped this episode last week, so I am unsure if there will be much mention of the Madness’ legacy although he appeared there briefly in 2004. I’m more interested in tonight, to see if they do anything about that. (more…)
Our Celebration of Professional Wrestling continues!
Earlier this year over at Wonderpod-Online, Bruce McGee and PatMan created a new theme of podcast for our site. PatMan and I decided to continue the series with a conversation reminiscing about our experience growing up in Calgary, the “Hart”land of the Stampede Wrestling promotion. What a perfect way for two old smarks to contribute to the ongoing festivities and celebration of professional wrestling going on at Wonderpod-Online and the Bored Wrestling Fan?
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After the worst week in recent iMPACT history (0.5) last Monday, how will the Orlando crew address this on a live to air episode. One thing we can be sure of is that tonight’s episode will be Bubba the Love Sponge free since he got his ass turfed on the weekend for basically… being himself (i.e. total waste of flesh piece of trash). Which “band” member will no show/show up drunk… tonight?
– We kickstart the show with a brief teaser of Hogan and Bischoff in a limo discussing another person coming in and defecting implied from WWE. Tenay and Taz announce that due to feedback, iMPACT will be moving back to Thursday nights. Also, they are adding a new show called TNA Reaction (not sure when this will air, but it sounds like Thursday as well). Hence, admitted failure!
– Nature Boy, Ric Flair’s music hits but it’s Black Machismo, Jay Lethal who comes out. He is not dressed like Randy Savage, rather in a suit and is wearing Flair’s HOF ring. Superstar Billy Graham somewhere feels confirmed in his fairly recent allegations against the fraud the WWE calls a Hall of Fame. And he does a pretty convincing impression (including attacking his jacket).
WOO!
– This is turn brings out Flair and he’s pissed. Lethal apologizes, gives back the ring, and tells Flair that this was something all he’s want to do his whole life… even if for 2 minutes. It’s a pretty endearing little rant, but Flair will have NONE of it. “I’m Ric Flair, I AM WRESTLING!” and slaps him across the face… Lethal slaps back and they go back a forth a bit until Lethal slaps on the figure four. Heels pour out of the back to back up Flair… Abyss and Team 3D clears the ring. Chaos! RVD comes down with a chair and the heels bail. The only bad part about this segment was Flair having his shirt off for most of it…
Yep
– An ad for Deadliest Warrior featuring Jesse James versus Al Capone is tomorrow. And it’s going to be awesome.
-RVD (w/ 3D, Abyss and Lethal) call out Desmond Wolfe, Beer Money!, and AJ Styles to continue the brawl. They do, and I can’t find many non-porn clusterfuck images… so you’ll have to get the idea. This continues for a bit until Hogan makes his way out… Hogan somehow takes out all of the heels with absolutely no moves. Pretty odd.
This ^ is odder…
– We come back, and Hogan more or less books everyone into matches for the night… and since I’ll to those as we suffer through tonight’s episode. Then cut to Sting up in the rafters pacing… more commercials.
– The Beautiful People are in their dressing room applying the pancake and having a bull bitch session about having to defend their titles tonight… eye candy? Yes. Relevant promo? No.
– Doug Williams was stripped of his X Division title (the volcano from last month prevented him to make the last PPV). That was pretty lame on TNA. He lets us know he is still the title holder in his own mind and will face Kazarian at the next PPV event. Him and Kendrick (stoned from the bong rips with RVD earlier) will tag against Shannon Moore and Jesse Neil and their retarded Mohawks… we used to call these types of guys “Punks for a day” in Calgary when going in indie shows back in the early-mid nineties. Punk rock is a mentality, not the way you look. Matt Morgan continues his pluralized reference to himself on commentary.
– In all fairness, this is a fun high spotfest of a match. If you’re like me, this was a highlight of the night. Team Mohawk picks up the win in a far too short match. Samoa Joe comes out post match and takes out both Kendrick and Williams.
Punk for a day!
– Flair and his heel crew meet backstage as Flair tries to “coach” them. Then cut to a Hogan interview about building up the new TNA and whining about Sting going awry. I call this filler. Tenay/Taz + Sting explanation = blah, blah, blah… meh.
– Desmond Wolfe won the fan voting poll for the number one contender shot, which seems about right. Last time I checked, Wolfe and Hardy were both tied for 27% with no one else even close to contending. I guess those internet indie darlings do well when the internet actually gets the opportunity to vote, eh Daniel Bryan? We then cut to Mr. Anderson beating the crap out of your Pope, my Pope… the Pope backstage. Anderson is wearing some fucked up choir boy outfit and takes Dinero’s Pope Glasses and walks off.
I never tire of this picture.
– Anderson makes his way down to address the congregation. As per usual, I will just take in the over-the-top antics that are Ken Anderson. After delivering the gospel in the fashion of a Jim Baker style southern evangelist, the crowd is clearly divided, but loud “We want Pope” chants prevail. This is turn, logically of course, calls for Jeff Hardy whose first retort is “The Congregation and the Creatures of the Night are one and the same.” … … Anderson puts on his WTF epic logic fail face to my own pleasure. This is getting too gothic and emo for my comprehension. Hardy’s challenge to face Anderson is turned down… so Hardy KO’s him and uses his hands to make Anderson’s mouth move like a puppet and accept the challenge at Sacrifice.
AWESOME!
– By the way, after Hardy rips the choir boy outfit off of Anderson, Ken’s trunks say the following on the reverse: “Talk into…” and on the front “…the mic.” I wouldn’t wear these with Orlando Jordan around unless you are REALLY comfortable with your sexuality.
– Like the PatMan, known amongst the inner circles as PatMan of all that is Horny, the Beautiful People are out to defend their Tag and World titles against Sarita, Taylor Wilde, and Tara in an “I Don’t Understand the Stipulations Either” match. “What’s Lacey doing… it’s like the Elaine dance from Seinfeld…”
Good call Taz! AWKWARD…
– The match dissolves fast shortly thereafter allowing for the Beautiful People to retain all of their titles while Tara’s antics take out Sarita and piss off Taylor Wilde. So far, not a lot of action tonight. Hemme addresses the issue with Tara post match… Tara will put her career on the line against Rayne for the title….
– Three way tag match. Team 3D versus Beer Money! versus the Motor City Machine Guns. If there is any justice, the MCMG’s (best tag team out there) will prevail. God hates wrestling fans so…
Charles Barkley@ G: “I’ve got a public speaking function tonight, so I have to skip out on the TNA stuff…
G@ Charles Barkley: “Ok, just let me know when I have to bail you out of jail again…” Click here for stats on celebrities and how many times they’ve been bailed out.
– In what starts out to have potential is ruined quickly… dammit. The “Band” interferes and a DQ is issued. In a turn, Eric Young runs down and appears to have joined the Band by making the Wolfpack gang signs. The MCMG’s pull some awesome double teaming to take out the Band briefly until Beer Money! takes them out. I didn’t see Waltman anywhere out there… so Waltman must be the guy to not show up or show up drunk as I referred to at the start of this retarded review.
– Welcome to the “O Zone” with your sexually ambiguous host Orlando Jordan. Honestly I will try to give this a chance… He brings out Rob Terry as promised last week, in the form of a cardboard cutout. Meh. The real Terry comes out, attacks Jordan, turns his back, Orlando takes him out. Tumbleweeds blow through as nobody is shocked nor cares.
– Monster’s Ball Match (i.e. garbage weapons match) between Styles and Abyss. I’m doing my best to stay awake…. it’s 1 AM here and I worked from 8:30 AM through 11:00 PM today (and did I mention I’ve been drinking?). It’s a pretty decent bout, but for some reason Chelsea comes out to distract? Umm… who? The ruse is used to allow Flair to toss brass knuckles in and allow Styles to use them for a win. And Abyss of course ends up in a pile of tacks as Styles picks up the win. What the point of that was, is beyond me. WEAPONS ARE LEGAL. BRASS KNUCKLES ARE LEGAL. STUPID.
WTF?!?! Weapons are legal!
– Finally, we get RVD versus Desmond Wolfe in what HAS to be our main event. It sure starts off good with some excellent ring action… I’m focusing my typing hands on watching this… ahh crap, another 2 minute match in what could have been epic. Retarded. After RVD picks up the win with the 5 Star Frog Splash, he is attacked by Styles…
– Hogan finds Jarrett beat up backstage… due to Sting. Right, I could give a shit about his heel turn forgot about that.
– Hogan calls out Sting, who comes down to retort… Basically Sting says it’s about Hogan having a “veil of protection” throughout the years and that he loves TNA, blah blah blah. Hogan uses the word “brother” a bunch and pretty much says nothing. Sting cackles, “I’ve always said you’re one of the best chess players of all time […] it’s your move Hulkster.” Hogan throws down the challenge to take his best shot. Jarrett comes down first and attacks Sting with his own bat. Hogan and Jeff argue as Sting gets to his feet…
– The TNA logo comes up, and I’m out.
Charles Barkley@ G: “Ok, I need that bailout G. Hook a brother up honkey!”
G@ Charles Barkley: “Good. I’ve got no time for final thoughts this week anyways…”
This year I thought I’d point out some things you may/may not have known about the event known as Wrestlemania, since this year is the 26th one I figured I’d give you 26 things you may /may not know about Wrestlemania: (note some events may not have actually happened or have been exaggerated for entertainment puropses) (more…)
The best way I can even attempt to top the Bangles, is show you my favourite songs at the moment, through the magical power of random links.
Let’s party like it’s 1999.
TNA Sacrifice
Lethal Consequences and Eric Young def. MotorCity Machine Guns and Sheik Abdul Bashir
Apparently, this match was announced on the TNA website the day of, or the day before the PPV. Great idea TNA. Although, the MMG and Afro Thunder/Randy Savage have been chasing Suicide the past few weeks, trying to find out his identity. Speaking of Suicide, I sense another link coming on.
Monster’s Ball: Taylor Wilde def. Daffney w/Abyss
Taylor Wilde wins and Abyss chokeslams Dr. Stevie Richards onto thumbtacks. This was the first KnockOuts Monsters Ball and hopefully it is the last. The only possible way I would watch a match like this, is with a group of friends so we can all bag the crap out of a match like this.
Suicide def. Daniels after Daniels had already won, but wanted the match restarted because of MMG’s interference.
I’m serious. Daniels won, but because MMG interfered and he didnt want to win that way, he wanted to make things fair. Yeah and you lost Daniels. Your so good Daniels, that you won the match, but thought, you know what? We all know Suicide is a woman and it’s hard to be a woman, trust me I know. I can beat a woman fair and square cant I? Jeff Jarrett thought the same thing about Chyna, but the difference is, Chyna is a man, Suicide is not.
Angelina Love def. Awesome Kong to retain the KnockOuts Championship
Kong misses a move and Love sprays hair spray in Kong’s eyes and gets the pin. Your telling me that Kong dismantles Madison Rayne, Velvet Sky and one half of the Smokin’ Gunns, yet a simple can of hair spray is what stops her? She’s a behemoth and yet she’s as soft as a kitten. It’s not right. This is a mistake. Kong should be and always be an indestructible force that should only be stopped by some sort of gang hit or by numerous numbers.
Samoa Joe def. Kevin Nash
The broken down injury prone Outsider survived a match without getting injured. It’s a miracle. If only Waco, Texas had a miracle. One final thing about this match. You know Jenna Maresca/Marasca/Mascara/Mil Mascaras? Apparently, this is the song of how Big Kev met his Survivor.
BEER MONEY!!!! def. the British Invasion to win the Team 3D Tag Team tournament
Justice is almost served. Now all thats gotta happen is Beer Money regain the Tag titles and the world will be right again. Thats all I need to say about this, oh and this.
For the record, I have a coathanger.
AJ Styles def. Booker T to retain the Legends Championship
The cross dresser came and threw in the towel so Dokken T lost the match and the Dog-Faced Gremlin was in Dokken’s corner too. It’s true, she is! I Heard It Through The Grapevine.
TNA Heavyweight Championship: Sting def. Kurt Angle to become the leader of the Main Event Mafia. Mick Foley retains the TNA Championship.
You would think that I put a clip of Creed’s ‘My Sacrifice’ here, well maybe I did, you just gotta click the link to find out. By the way, who didnt see the result of the Main Event a mile away. Raise your hands all those who didnt know? FOOLS!!! All of you. Thinking that the result would go any other way? Sure, I probably said something else in my last column, but I knew that Sting was gonna beat Angle. It was the only POINTLESS result, which is why they went with it. It is TNA we’re talking about.
WWE
One thing of mention. Coach interviewing Vince on ESPNews. Vince had a good chuckle I believe.
Thats it, another Wednesday, another column. Last thing, Trojans are Australia’s Best Selling Condom. It adds a whole new meaning to the ‘Trojan Horse’ now doesnt it? Just who put all those Trojans in that horse?
For some reason, I’ve always been facinated with Donald Trump, especially after starting my own business several years ago. I’d heard that The Donald only sleeps four hours a night, so that while his competition was asleep, he’d be up coming up with new innovations. Let’s face it, whatever the guy is doing, it works.
I happened to walk in to a discount book store a couple of months ago while my car was in for an oil change, and two books jumped out at me – “Tietam Brown” by Mick Foley, and “How to Get Rich” by Donald Trump. At the time, I still had a few books to read, but I bought them both. After finishing Chris Jericho’s “A Lion’s Tale: Around The World In Spandex,” I picked up Trump’s book and started reading. I’ve thusfar found it difficult to put down. I came across the following in a section (Trump’s book doesn’t really have chapters in the traditional sense) called “Cover These Eleven Bases (The Art of Public Speaking, Part II)” and immediately thought about the WWE and TNA.
“Notes can sometimes function as a useful reference point, especially if you’re speaking to a large audience. If you’re prepared, no one can tell that you’re using them. Ideally, you don’t want to read a speech. For some reason, no matter how good your delivery is when you read a speech, it’s usually boring. Everyone sees that you’re reading it and it’s never quite the same as delivering it off the cuff. Notes offer the best of both worlds: They keep you focused and moving in the right direction without turning you into a stiff.”
Now obviously, the wrestlers aren’t out there reading their lines off of a piece of paper, but they are essentially reciting them verbatim from the run sheets. Think about it. Think about the greatest talkers in wrestling’s illustrious history. Dusty Rhodes. Ric Flair. Hulk Hogan. Randy Savage. Steve Austin. The Rock. How many of them had their promos written word for word for them? I’d bet none.
This is a challenge to the WWE and TNA wrestling. Give your guys bullet points to hit and let them go out and get themselves over. If they can’t, back to the indies with them. If they can, championship gold and big money. Yes, you’re television entities, but that does not mean you have to script everything.
WWE Superstars aren’t strangers to endorsement deals, dating way back to Hulk Hogan doing Honey Nut Cheerios commercials, and probably even before that. Randy Savage snapped into Slim Jims, Mick Foley and Booker T shilled for Chef Boyardee, Triple H and The Big Show hammed it up for Stacker 2, and just recently, no less than Mr. McMahon himself, along with John Cena, did a spot for Gillette Fusion razors. What if more Superstars started getting into the act?
A couple of potentially lucrative deals for Edge and CM Punk are visualized by the BoredWrestlingFan Advertising Agency, after the jump! (more…)