Tag Archive: real-time


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    Tonight!  I will once again attempt to cover tonight’s WWE RAW broadcast in real time for you, the BWF faithful.

    This is the last RAW before Wrestle-Mania this weekend, and WWE’s last chance to sell us on the Big Show. (Not the one in the six-man, although technically…) No, I mean the ENTIRE EVENT!  Will they convince us to shell out $60-70 bucks in our respective areas this year?

    Personally, I doubt it.

    From WWE.com;  “The Undertaker, Brock Lesnar, WWE Champion The Rock, John Cena, Triple H and CM Punk will all be at tonight’s Raw in Washington. What will unfold with Wrestle-Mania just days away?”

    We’re getting a rundown of what to expect at Mania and what to look forward to tonight.  Shawn Michaels will be here tonight for Triple H.  John Cena responds to the Rock’s shot last week. Punk, Taker, Lesnar and… more stuff.

    Cena’s out first and this is NOT a Cena crowd, here in DC.  Jerry Lawler doesn’t even bother selling it as a “mixed” reaction.  Lawler has Michael Cole and JBL with him at ringside.

    “I stand in the middle of a house divided.” – John Cena

    Rytman Remark: No you don’t John.  They hate you.

    John refers to everyone here tonight as “Cena-crats” and “Rock-publicans.” He gives Rock credit for conquering everything in his path and even goes so far as to call him the greatest WWE champion of all time.  He talks about the pain of his loss last year and how the Rock will lose his custom-made WWE  title in his first defense (of that specific belt.) He will happily keep the new belt just so the Rock will have to live with knowing every time someone brings up WWE, he’ll have to live with knowing someone else is defending that belt every night.

    Cole asks us who we think will win Rock/Cena 2 and invites us all to “Tout” about it on line.  He talks Jerry into posting a “Tout” about who he thinks will win Rock/Cena 2.  Lawler goes with history and chooses Rock.

    3MB is in the ring as Randy Orton, Sheamus, and the Big Show make their entrances.  We get a look at last week’s Smackdown where they were able to fight off an attack by the Shield.


    Match starts with the faces bouncing around Slater.  McIntyre tags in and takes over with a missile drop-kick.  Sheamus gets triple-teamed for a few moments but the match ends just the way you expected.  RKO, Brogue-Kick, and Big K.O. on Mahal for the three-count.

    After the match, the Shield comes out, cutting a promo from the crowd.  The Shield congratulates our three heroes on their huge win, and convincing themselves they’re a team.  But the Shield knows the truth; they are phonies and at Mania, everyone will believe in the Shield.

    We come back to the announcement of Zeb Coulter getting in the ring tonight against World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio.  We go to Zeb Coulter and Jack Swagger cutting a promo in front of our Nation’s Capital.  Our country is broken because we all are weak. If we don’t like Swagger as World Heavyweight Champion, then we don’t deserve to be Americans.

    Current WHC Alberto Del Rio responds in an interview segment.  One of the great things about America is freedom of speech, and if Del Rio doesn’t like what Zeb says, he can do something about it.  He will tonight, in the ring.


    This is a fast-paced back/forth with Ziggler on the defensive.  AJ skips around Kane, setting him up for a charge from Big E.  Bryan takes the E down with a flying kick to the head and Ziggler gets the three-count on Bryan w/a handfull of tights.  Big E. nails Bryan and Kane tries to make the save.  Big E. powers out of the choke-slam and lays out Kane with his drop across the shoulder.

    Back from break, we get  a look back at last August when Brock Lesnar took out Shawn Michaels.

    Mr. Wrestle-Mania, HOFamer, and the Heart-Break Kid, SHAWN MICHAELS is here.  He hits the ring as we get a look back at the Lesnar/Triple H feud of last year, with Lesnar breaking Trip’s arm in April, and winning their match at Summer-Slam.

    “You didn’t think we’d have Wrestle-Mania without MR. Wrestle-Mania did you?” – Shawn Michaels

    Shawn is out here to talk about Mania.  He runs down the card, bringing our attention to one particular match, because he and his arm are part of the history in that match.  Triple H comes out to reassure Shawn he knows what he’s doing, and he understands that Shawn was in the same spot Trips was in when Shawn retired.  Shawn says their perdicaments couldn’t be more different.  When Shawn lost his career-match, his opponent was just as heartbroken as him, because they had respect for each other.  Brock Lesnar respects nothing.  Triple H asks Shawn if he’s trying to talk him out of it.  Shawn tells him he’d better kick Lesnar’s ass.  Shawn will be in Triple H’s corner to make sure he does.  They get ready to give the crowd the “suck it,” chant, when Lesnar comes out w/Heyman.  Heyman lays it on the line.  Triple H had better get used to dissapointment.  At Mania, he will disapoint the fans, his best friend, his father-in-law, the board of directors and his wife…

    “…But she’s probably used to that.” – Paul Heyman

    Shawn and Hunter make the mistake of fighting from emotion, and that’s why Shawn had to retire, and that’s why Triple H will lose at Mania.


    Miz joins the announce team at ringside.  Ryder starts off strong, but Barrett takes control and beats him down.  On the outside, Barrett jaw-jacks w/Miz, giving Ryder an opening.  Ryder hits the “brosky-boot” for two, but Barrett takes over and ends this with the Bell-Hammer Elbow.

    Rytman Remark: Announce team spent the whole match trying to hard sell Miz as a threat to Barrett.  Came off pretty desperate.  Maybe Barrett might retain.

    Backstage: RAW Managing Supervisor Vicki Gurerro and her assistant Brad Maddox are talking when Santino Morella walks in, telling them Vince McMahon is here tonight and he’s P-O’d about them.  “Bricki” get freaked, until Santino reveals it was just an “April Fools” joke.  Vicki orders Santino into the ring, as Maddox says we’ll see who the fool is.


    We get a look at last week’s Smackdown when Henry attacked Ryback during their weight-lifting challenge.  Cole tells us this did not violate their “no-contact” clause because Henry never touched Ryback, he just tried to shove a set of weights into his throat.

    Rytman Remark: Are you fucking kidding me?

    Mark grabs Santino.  Santino threatens to bring out the Cobr-World’s Strongest Slam, three-count.


    Ryback is out and in the ring.  Henry reminds him of the no-contact clause, and walks off with a smile.  Ryback responds by picking up Santino AND RAMMING HIM INTO HENRY.  He checks if Santino is okay, THEN HOISTS HIM UP AND GORILLA PRESS-SLAMS HIM ON TO HENRY.  BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT THE “GOOD GUY” DOES!

    We go to break with Jack Swagger giving Zeb a pep-talk before his match with Del Rio

    We come back to Matt Striker asking C.M. Punk if he’s disrespecting Paul Bearer’s memory…

    “A better question is DO I GIVE A DAMN?” – C.M. Punk

    Rytman Remark: I’ve been asking myself the same question.

    Punk actually shocks me for a second with a remark about Paul Bearer’s streak of waking up every morning, which has been broken.   He warns Taker that if he loses his temper, Punk will win by DQ.  If he takes his eyes off the prise, he just might get choked out.  If he loses focus, he just might be down one second too long.  Punk makes it clear all he wants is to win, and he will spit in faces and walk on graves to do it, so that whenever anyone thinks of Wrestle-Mania, the grandest stage of all, they will think of C.M. Punk.


    Before the break, we saw Swagger breaking the ankle of Ricardo Rodriguez, making this personal.  Ricardo intros ADR and Del Rio sends him to the back to be safe.  Just as the match is starting, Ricardo comes back out, refusing to leave.  Zeb hangs back, close to the ropes as Swagger stalks Ricardo.  Ricardo raises a crutch, but Zeb swipes it.  Swagger goes after the bad ankle, Del Rio kicks him down and saves Ricardo.  Zeb wails on Del Rio with the Crutch when Del Rio rolls back in.  Ref calls for the DQ as Swagger and Zeb beat down ADR with Ricardo’s crutches.  Ricardo tries to get involved but Swagger swats him down.


    The Rock is out to make his big speech to the DC crowd.  Rock’s new movie, G.I. JOE: RETALLIATION is no.1 in the wold this week.  We’re reminded to “Tout” our opinions on who will win at Mania.

    Rock’s connection with the people is the only reason he’s standing in the middle of the ring right now.  This Sunday isn’t about redemption, it’s about the will of the people, specifically the will of the people to see John Cena get curb-stomped.  The will of the people can change the world, and maybe if the people will it, the Rock would have to live in this town, in the big white house up the road, and maybe…

    “We go from President Barack to President Rock!” – The Rock

    Rytman Remark: If that happens, I’m surrendering to China.

    The Rock makes it very clear that the only way Cena will get the Rock’s title, is if the Rock rolls it up into a ball, lights it on fire, and shoves it up Cena’s candy ass.

    Back from break, we get another look at Fandango attacking Jericho last week.



    Seriously, you can tell they’re just going throught the motions until Fandango comes out.  It’s a basic back and forth with Jericho taking over with a hurra-con-rana off the top rope.  Cue Fandango and partner comming out.  The match comes to a dead stop as we go to break.

    Apparently, during the break, Fandango actually gave Jericho a “two” with a score-card.  Cesaro takes conrtol and spends a lot of time working the neck.  Cesaro dominates Jericho with brute force, but Jericho’s agility turns the tide.  Fandango walks to the ring, giving Jericho a “three.” Cesaro counters Jericho into the gut wrench, but Jericho comes back with high flying offense and takes out Fandango with a flying kick.  Jericho wins this with the “Walls Of Jericho” but Fandango attacks from behind.  He finishes Jericho off with the flying leg drop and gives us all the proper pronounciation of his name.

    “FAHN-DAHN-GOH!” – Fandango

    Jericho is left laying as Fandango and partner dance off.

    Up next is OUR MAIN EVENT…

    A promo…


    We come back to Touts.

    Rytman Remark: That’s pretty much all I have to say about it.

    The Funkadactyls are out w/Brodus and “Sweet T” for a Divas tag team match.  They do the entrance and go to break.

    Rytman Remark: You couldn’t just finish the commercials then start the match?


    And yes, we will get an eight-person mixed tag at Mania, Brodus, Sweet T, and the Funkadactyls vs. Team Rhodes Schollars and the Bellas.

    Naomi is the star of this match, carrying the workrate and spending most of it getting double-teamed.  The match is not as bad as it should be, but the Bellas are showing the ring rust.  The match consists of botched-spots and really should’ve been booked quicker.  Cameron tags in and comes off as the most capable of the girls.  The Bellas take it with a reversed roll-up as we go to break.

    The Undertaker is out.  Punk’s WWE title reign lasted over 400 days, but the pain he’s facing will last for eternity.  Taker realizes the streak may come to an end, but Punk won’t live to talk about it.  Suddenly, a group of torch-bearing, chanting druids enter.  Taker looks on in confusion.

    OH YES!!!


    An enraged Undertaker goes after Heyman, then stops, realizing he’s been lead into a trap.  Taker unloads on the druids, but gets taken down from behind by the one he was looking for, C.M. Punk.  Punk beats down the Taker.  Taker reaches for the urn, but Punk has it, and uses it to beat the deadman down.

    Punk stands over the Taker, holding the urn.  He opens the urn… and pours the ashes inside all over the Taker.  He lets them spill through his fingers and throws them in Takers face.  RAW ends with C.M. Punk mocking the Undertakers classic pose, as the Taker lies beaten on the ramp.

    Rytman Remarks: Wow, I mean wow.  I was going to say this RAW was another auto-pilot show coasting into Mania until the end. 

    Now look, I know those weren’t Paul Bearer’s actual ashes.  I know it was part of the act.  It’s just… I think it was too much.  It just took me somewhere really uncomfortable.

    To be fair, they HAD to do something to get this show some momentum, but still, it just seems desperate. 

    I really do hope it pays off.


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    Hokay.  This is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY late.  What I’m going to do here is recap a replay of last night’s RAW.  This is for two reasons, I need more practice in real-time recapping, and I owe BWF my RAW recap.

    So here we go!

    We open with a recap of Elimination Chamber from Sunday.  Alberto Del Rio beat the Big Show, Jack Swagger won the Chamber, and C.M. Punk lost.  We get a reminder that Cena’s road to Wrestlemania starts tonight.

    Live in the Cajun Dome!  Cena’s out to address the WWE universe, and we’re reminded that it’s Cena vs. Rock for the WWE title.  John reminds everyone that it’ll be John Cena vs. The Rock, and that’s when Punk comes out.

    Punk accuses Cena of taking the easy way out.  Punk says Rock beat him fair and square on Sunday, if you disregard the fact that Rock hit an official, and Punk had him pinned for “an 18 count.” Cena tells him to “sit this one out,” and “for once, it’s not about C.M. Punk.” Punk disagrees, reminding Cena how he brought prestige to the WWE title, and how Cena can’t beat the Rock, and how he’s never beat Punk.  Punk tells him to walk away.  Cena makes it clear he will not.  Cena concedes that he hasn’t beat the Rock, and if he can’t beat Punk, then he doesn’t deserve the title shot.  Cena agrees to give Punk the shot at Wrestlemania if Punk can beat him in a match, right here, right now.  Punk decides to do this on his terms, and since he shouldn’t even be in this position, he decides to do this next week.  Cena makes it official.  Punk vs. Cena, Wrestlemania headline title shot on the line, next Monday.

    We get an announcement that tonight will be the Rock’s championship celebration, and The World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry, is up next.0


    We’re back.  We get a picture of Thomas Jefferson and one of his quotes as part of a “president’s day” tribute.

    “ONE MAN WITH COURAGE IS A MAJORITY.” – Thomas Jefferson

    Backstage with Sheamus and Matt Striker.  Sheamus doesn’t know what went wrong last night, they were supposed to get revenge on the Shield, but didn’t.  Ryback walks into frame and Sheamus call him a neanderthall.  Ryback and Sheamus get up into each others’ face, when Chris Jericho steps in.  He gets them to stop fighting and offers them a chance to team up with him in a six-man against the Shield.  Sheamus and Ryback agree.

    “FEED ME SHIELD” – Ryback


    This was an out-and-out squash.  Sin Cara got in one kick to the head, but it ends with a powerslam and a “world’s strongest slam.”


    Henry bullies the ref out of the ring and turns his attention to the fallen Sin Cara.  Great Khali strides out (slowly) and after a stare-down, teasing a fight, Henry bails.


    We go to a recap of the U.S. title match at Elimination Chamber, between the Miz and Champion Antonio Cesaro.  We see Miz drop knee first into Cesaro’s groin, and get dq’d.

    Vicki Guerro announces the six-man main event for tonight – Jericho, Sheamus, and Ryback vs The Shield via Twitter.

    When we come back, Miz vs. Cesaro, NO DQ!


    We’re back with a promo for FANDANGO, comming soon.

    Miz is in the ring w’a taped-up shoulder and arm.  We get a recap of last Monday’s RAW when Cesaro swung him into the guardrail.


    Miz starts strong, but the match goes out to the floor and Cesaro sends the bad arm into the post.  Cesaro throws Miz back in the ring with some chairs and a kendo stick.  Cesaro wedges a chair between two turnbuckles in the corner, and tries to drive the Miz shoulder-first into it.  Miz counters a few times and Cesaro has more luck with the Kendo stick.  Cesar pins the bad shoulder of Miz between his knee and a chair, and works the arm.  Cesaro sets Miz up in the corner for a charge, but Miz gets a shot to the face.  Cesaro charges knee first and Miz ducks.  Cesaro hits the chair in the corner.  Miz drop-toe-holds him chest first into the other chair, and ends this with a figure four for the submission.


    Later tonight, Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter will make a “State of the Union” address to the WWE universe.  Right now, we’re getting a look at an Internet video made by Zeb and Swagger. (youtube.com/wethepeoplezeb) It looks like a public access channel video with a “Don’t Tread On Me” flag tacked up in the back.  Zeb delivers a rant against immigrants with Swagger looming menacingly in the background.

    We’re reminded that Cena vs. Punk is next week and the Rock’s championship celebration is tonight.


    We come back to a pic and a quote of Abraham Lincoln.


    Backstage, WWE  tag team champions Daniel Bryan and Kane are arguing over what happened between them in the Elimination chamber last Sunday.  Brian has requested a singles match and doesn’t want Kane coming out with him.  Kane decides he’ll request a singles match and doesn’t want Bryan coming out with him.  Kane warns Bryan that he’d better be a man of his word, because he doesn’t like snakes.  Randy Orton overhears this, and takes exception to it.  Kane explains that if a snake gets too close to him, he squashes it with his boot.  Orton compares Kane to Barney the Dinosaur and Bryan laughs.  Orton disappears, and Kane sulks off.

    We go to Vicki’s office where Paul Heyman has been summoned.  Vicki rags on Heyman about how useless his special stipulations were in the WWE title match.  Later on, she will make a big announcement concerning his career, in the ring.

    Team Ziggler (Dolp, Big E. and AJ) makes their way out as we go to break.



    Ziggler’s in the ring as we recap Del Rio’s win over the Big Show at EC.  Ricardo Rodriguez comes out to introduce Del Rio.  The crowd is not into it.  Ziggler goes right after Del Rio.  Del Rio fights back.  Ziggler goes up and over the ropes, lands on the apron.  Del Rio hits the enziguri as we go to break…

    Ziggler in control as we come back, choking Del Rio against the ropes.  Ziggler with a dropkick.  Choking again, and Big E. sneaks in a cheap shot at ringside.  Ziggler gets a two-count with a fame-asser and goes up top.  ADR cuts him off and hits a REVERSE FACE-LOCK SUPERPLEX.  Ziggler up first. They trade punches, ADR hits two clothes-line, a tilt-a-whirl back-breaker, and a thrust kick for two.  ADR gets a “Si” chant going but Ziggler hits the neck-breaker for two.  Ziggler whips ADR into the corner, ADR gets the boots up, ties up Ziggler, and hits several forearms to the back and a back-stabber for two.  Big E up on the apron.  Del Rio knocks him off.  Ziggler goes for the flying DDT, but Del Rio hits the arm-breaker for the submission.


    After the match, Big E. blindsides ADR and beas him down.  Ziggler realizes this is the best time to cash in the MiTB briefcase, but Ricardo swipes it and runs off with Big E. after him.  AJ recovers the case, but Ziggler eats a huge kick from ADR.

    Later tonight, the Rock’s celebration, and Kane vs.Randy Orton

    And we got to break…


    We are back with Intercontinental champion Wade Barrett in the ring, telling all of us about his big break in a major motion picture.  We then get shown the trailer for “Dead Man Down,” in theaters on March 8th.  We come back to Wade but Sheamus interrupts from the Titan-Tron to point out that Wade isn’t the star, Colin Farrell is.  He invites Barrett to respond, but is told we’re out of time.


    The Funkadayctals make their entrance w/Brodus and Tensai.  Rosa and team MO-CO cut the music short with their entrance.  Naomi starts off with Rosa, taking charge with high-flying moves.  Rosa tags in Primo who goes after Naomi but Tensai makes the save and send Primo out.  Naomi hits a sliding dropkick between Tensai’s legs on Epico and Rosa.  Tensai and Brodus ends this with double headbuts and a double splash.


    We get a dance party in the ring before going to a WWE.com press conference in the Super-dome, where we get an announcement about Wrestlemania 30 being there next year, April 2014.

    Up next is the “State Of The Union” address from Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter.


    We come back with a quote from Harry S. Truman

    “THE BUCK STOPS HERE.” – Harry S. Truman

    Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter are in the ring with a podium and a “don’t tread on me” flag set up.  Swagger claims that he took the weight of the nation on his shoulders when he won the EC match and became #1 contender to the WHC.  He turns the mike over to Zeb, who claims the state of our union is “pathetic.” In summation, he basically accuses foreigners of coming here to take our health care, jobs, and resources, and how when Jack Swagger beats ADR, he will restore our nation to greatness.

    Daniel Bryan makes his entrance as we go to break.



    Match is basically Bryan slipping out of Swagger’s grasp with his speed/agility until Swagger gets a chance to pound on the bad ribs of Bryan.  Bryan fights back with quick strikes and high-risk high-flying.  Bryan misses a charging drop-kick and Swagger works his leg.  Swagger ends this with the “Patriot Act,” submission.


    Later tonight, Jericho, Sheamus, and Ryback vs. The Shield, and Vicki’s big announcement about Heyman.


    We come back to a Wrestlemania promo and Vicki in the ring demanding our attention, preparing to make an announcement that could change Heyman’s career/life.  She announces Brad Maddox as “assistant to the managing supevisor.” Brad says this was his reward for blowing the whistle on Heyman.

    “IS THIS MY CUE TO VOMIT?” – Paul Heyman

    Heyman says goodnight and gets ready to leave, when Vince makes his appearance on the Tron, stopping him.  He reminds Heyman of last week when Heyman requested the DQ/count-out stip for the WWE title match at EC, and how Heyman said he do “anything” for it.  Basically Vince challenges Heyman to a fight in two weeks when he makes his return.

    And Break…



    Jericho, Sheamus, & Ryback each make a separate entrance, the Shield come down all at once through the crowd.  The faces start off strong, with each man getting a shot at a Shield member.  The faces dominate as we go to break…

    We come back to the Shield beating down Sheamus.  Sheamus fights his way free and brings in Ryback.  Ryback hits hard and fast, tossing around the Shield, but he takes a spear when the ref isn’t looking.  The Shield pile on Ryback with double teaming until one of them misses a charge.  Ryback brings in Jericho, who takes over on the Shield.  Jericho locks in the “Walls Of Jericho” while Sheamus takes a Shield member to the outside, brawling.  Ryback is down, and the Shield leader takes out Jericho with a flying knee behind the ref’s back.  Jericho gets pinned for three.


    And break…


    We come back with a quote from JFK.



    Sandow comes out, berating the audience and claims his great-grandfather came up with the new deal.  He attacks Kofi before the bell rings and brutalizes him, until R-Truth makes his comeback and the save.  Sandow is left lying.


    We go to Josh Mathews at ringside w/two of his co-stars from “G.I. JOE: RETALIATION,” and a clip from the movie.

    The Rock’s celebration, up next…


    We’re back with another promo for Fandango, and Randy Orton making his entrance.


    We get a plug for the EXTREME RULES PPV as Kane makes his way to the ring.  Match is back and forth until Daniel Bryan comes out to distract Kane.  Kane loses focus and walks into an RKO for the three-count.


    And break…


    We come back to a local marching band making their way down to the ring.  After they finish playing, the Rock makes his big entrance.  First, he runs down Punk, pointing out how he beat Punk in two straight PPV’s so he could be here tonight as WWE champion.  Rock says in 48 days he’s going to Wrestlemania, but not with the “spinny” belt.


    The Rock retires the WWE “spinner” belt, and talks about how the belt should “inspire” the people watching and respect the legacy of champions past.  He then unveils the “New” WWE championship.  It looks like a big ring, with the WWE logo taking up most of the face-plate over the word “champion,” and the Rock’s Brahma-Bull logo on each side.  Rock asks the question “Who will the Rock face at Wrestlemania? John Cena, or C.M. Punk?” Rock is about to name his preference, when Cena’s music hits and he comes out.  He’s facing down the Rock when Punk nails him from behind with the spinny belt.  He tosses it aside, and says “I want that one,” while pointing at Rock.  The show ends with Punk staring down the Rock and walking out, while the Rock paces around the ring in confuion and Cena tries to pull himself up.




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    Sorry it took so long.

    We start with the recap of last week.  Cena announces his challenge for the WWE title and gets beat down by the Shield, along with Ryback and Sheamus.  Vince catches Paul Heyman in his lie and gets F5’d by Brock Lesnar before he can fire Heyman.

    We open with C.M. Punk walking down to the ring, he walks up to a young fan and fakes giving him a “High-five” so he can snatch his “it’s my birthday” sign, and wreck it.  Punk commanders a mike and orders Justin Roberts into the ring, forcing him to announce Punk as “The Peoples Champion.” He then denies over-reacting to his situation, clamming he acted the way anyone else would act…

    “If you think I over-reacted… it’s clear to me you’ve never held anything as special as the WWE championship… in fact I doubt anyone in this building has ever done anything great in their entire life.” – C.M. Punk

    Punk claims he was “screwed” and the title in its “physical form” stolen from him.  He then addresses the video of Heyman with Maddox and the Shield from last week.  He goes to fans in the front row, calling one “four eyes,” another “sweet-heart,” and asking Michael Cole if any of them saw him in the video.  They each say no.  Back in the ring, Punk compares Heymans claim that he wasn’t in the video, against Vince McMahon, who put HIS video on HIS Titan-tron on HIS television show…

    “He is going to Doctor a video and he is going to play it on his television show, and all of you mindless, no-good, low down, fat, stupid, lazy people are gonna eat it up.” – C.M. Punk

    Punk goes on to say Vince “deserved” to have his hip broken by Brock Lesnar, claiming it was Karma.  Punk invites anyone to step up and try shut him up, promising to punch their face and toss them back on the side of the railing they belong.  Punk continues his tirade until Smackdown GM Booker T, interrupts him.  Booker has a miserable time trying to call Vicki “managing supervisor,” and informs him she allowed him to come out and decide Punk’s fate.  Booker decides we can decide Punk’s opponent for tonight.  We have to download the WWE app and vote for a “Wrestlemania Rematch.”

    Our choices are…

    • Randy Orton
    • Rey Mysterio
    • Chris Jericho

    Booker is out, and we go to Michael Cole giving us a tutorial on using the app.  We’re promised an “epic announcement” about the hall of fame later tonight, and Ryback makes his entrance as we go to break.

    Back from break, we get Randy Orton on WWE RAW-active, mentioning how perfect it would be to shut Punk up with an RKO, right here in Atlanta, the sight of his Wrestlemania victory over Punk.


    Cesaro makes his way to the ring waving the U.S. flag, as Cole makes a quick mention of his Wrestlemania “streak.”

    Cesaro starts off with an amateur style go-behind, Ryback muscles out and tosses Cesaro w/a fireman’s carry-like lift.  Ryback pummels Cesaro in the corner, Cesaro fights back with a head-butt.  Ryback gets a hip-toss, drops the leg across the face of Cesaro, and gets a two-count.  Ryback scoops him up and hangs him in a “tree-of-woe” position in the corner.  Ryback stomps him for a few moments until the ref orders a break, and Cesaro rolls outside the ring.  Ryback goes out and tosses Cesaro back in.  Cesaro catches Ryback with a stomp to the head, and continues stomping.  Cesaro picks Ryback up and hits a short-knee, European upper-cut, and a whip into the ropes. Ryback reverses it and hits a Thez-press.  Ryback bounces Cesaro off the mat a few times and hoists him up by the head, tossing him into a corner.  Ryback charges, Cesaro moves, Ryback hits the corner and Cesaro hits a clothesline to the back.  Both men are down as we go to break.

    Back from break, Cesaro has a headlock but Ryback shoots him into the ropes and takes him down hard just by standing there.  He hits a few clotheslines then hoists Cesaro up, and plants him down (D-Lo Brown style.) Cesaro rolls out and walks off.  Ryback goes after him, hits a clothesline to the back.  Shot to the face by Ryback, and he rolls Cesaro into the ring.  Cesaro catches Ryback by the head and drops down, pulling Ryback neck-first into the rope.  Sliding kick to the leg by Cesaro and Ryback meets the edge of the ring with his face.  Cesaro, on the outside sends Ryback into the post, then into the stairs.  Ryback just beats the ten-count back into the ring.  Cesaro pummels Ryback in the corner, the holding Ryback by the head, goes up on the top rope, plants his knee on Ryback’s shoulder, and shoves off, driving Ryback backwards into the matt with his knee on Ryback’s face.  Cesaro gets a one-count.  Cesaro charges in, but meets a knee-lift, an elbow, and takes a huge back-body drop, followed by a “Meat-hook” clothesline.  Cesaro tries to escape through the crowd. Ryback catches him and puts him back in the ring.  Cesaro hits a huge boot to the face, but Ryback catches him by the leg when he tries a second time.  Ryback hits a Power-bomb and the “Shell-shock” for the pin.

    WINNER: RYBACK                                                                              

    We get another plug for the app as we’re reminded we can choose Punk’s opponent for his Wrestlemania rematch.  We go back to last week to see John Cena challenge for the WWE championship, and get beat down by the Shield.  Sheamus runs in, and gets beat down.  Ryback runs in, and gets beat down.  We take a special look at the Shield, when we come back.

    Back from break, we see Chilli from hip hop R&B group TLC in the crowd tonight.  We then see Rey Mysterio on “WWE Active” doing a promo w/Matt Stryker, saying he should face Punk because he’s the only one who’s ever taken his hair.  We then get a video package on the Shield, including a montage of beat downs on WWE superstars.  We go backstage where Vicki Guerro is with Cena.  She’s heard about his plan to confront the Shield tonight, and compares it to the movie “Death Wish.”  Cena reminds her he won the Royal Rumble, he’s going to Wrestlemania, and the Shield needs to be stopped tonight.

    We get another look at the video package for Trish Stratus, going into the HOF, and are reminded of the “epic announcement” later tonight, as we go to break.

    We’re back, and this time it’s Jericho on WWE Active, saying it’s our second chance to see who the best in the world is.

    Santino Morella hits the ring and Booker T joins Cole and Lawler at ringside, followed by the “Real American” Jack Swagger.


    We start with a lock up, and Swagger puts Morella down hard.  Swagger takes him back into the ropes and hits a knee.  Swagger whips Santino into the ropes and Santino starts his “power-walking” bit, but Swagger kills it with a knee, followed by a tackle to the leg. Swagger pummels Santino in the corner but misses a charge.  Morella ducks a big right and hits some punches.  Swagger blocks a hip toss, but Morella ducks the clothesline and hits a few rights.  Santino tries a whip, but Swagger no-sells, knees Santino, hits the Swagger-Bomb, and the “Patriot Act,” for the win. (Patriot Act = Ankle lock.)

    We’re reminded of our chance to vote for Punk’s opponent as we go to break.

    We come back with a promo for Wrestlemania, and we get an apology from the WWE.  Apparently, so many people voted, the system crashed.

    WHC Alberto Del Rio makes his entrance as we get a recap of his feud w/Big Show, starting with the attack on RAW and ending with the attack on Ricardo Rodriguez on Smackdown


    Cody comes in strong with a flurry of punches and an Irish whip into the corner, Del Rio meets him with an elbow, and goes up top in the corner, catches Cody behind the head w/his feet and takes him down w/a Lucha style head-scissors, followed by body-drop and a kick to the back.  Cody slaps Del Rio in the face, Del Rio responds by pummeling him in the corner and with an Inziguri to the shoulder for two.  Cody throws a wide-kick to the leg that stops Del Rio.  Cody gives Del Rio the knee-breaker, and takes over, stomping Del Rio into the corner.  Cody hits a head-butt but misses a charge.  Del Rio hits a clothesline, a tilt-a-whirl back-breaker, and a thrust-kick to the face for a two-count.  Del Rio gets a “Si” chant going; signaling for the arm-breaker, but Cody shoves him off and hits the “Beautiful Disaster” kick off the second rope for two.  Cody charges in, Del Rio hooks the arm-breaker, (not smoothly,) and gets the submission.


    Alberto gets the mike and apologizes for all the time he spent looking down on us.  He calls Big Show a “bully” and a “Monster,” and promises the Big Show will pay for what he did to Ricardo Rodriguez, and he will be a champion for everyone who works to put food on the table.

    Big Show comes up on the Tron, challenging Del Rio for a rematch for the title, from a hotel room in an undisclosed location.  He says he’s staying away to protect Del Rio from his rage, and has Booker sending him the contract.  Show warns Del Rio that if he tries to find him, or shows up here, Show will give him a worse beating than the one he gave Ricardo.

    Jerry Lawler overcomes a few flubbed lines to announce Chris Jericho as the winner of the RAW Active poll, and C.M. Punk’s opponent tonight.

    And we go to break.

    We come back with a recap of team Rey/Cara defeating team Hell No (Bryan/Kane) in a non-title match on the last Smackdown.

    Backstage, we see Daniel Bryan up in Kane’s face, blaming him for the loss.  Kane accuses Bryan of not being able to take care of himself.  Bryan says he’ll do just that in his match tonight, and tells Kane to stay backstage, so as not to ruin his chances at getting a spot in the Elimination Chamber.  Kane says “fine.”


    They lock up.  Bryan hits a knee, a snap-mare, and a kick to the back.  Bryan hits another kick and gets three consecutive one-counts.  Mysterio bridges up, catches Bryan on his feet.  Bryan pulls him up, Mysterio hooks a body-scissors, into an arm-drag, hits a dropkick, and knees to Bryan’s face.  Bryan pushes him off, Mysterio ducks a clothesline and goes for a head scissors, but Bryan drops Mysterio chest-first into his knees.  Bryan gets a two-count, a stomp, and a wrist-lock/arm-bar.  Mysterio grabs the top rope and flips out.  Mysterio hits some fore-arm shots, Bryan hits an elbow.  Bryan sends Mysterio up over the top rope, but Mysterio holds on, and hits a shoulder-block to the stomach.  Mysterio goes to the top rope but Bryan takes out the leg, and Mysterio is in the “tree of woe” position.  Bryan hits some short shoulder-blocks, but misses a charge and goes shoulder first into the post.  Bryan on the outside and both men down as we go to break.

    We come back with Bryan controlling the arm of Mysterio.  Mysterio hits a few fore-arms, but Bryan takes him down in a German suplex, bends the arm, pinning the palm to the matt, and stomping the up-raised elbow.  Bryan works the arm and tosses Rey out of the ring.  Rey rolls up on his feet, but Bryan meets him with the dropkick.  Bryan tries to dive into Mysterio but meets a fore-arm.  Mysterio hits a dive off the top rope, hits two head-scissors, rolling through a sunset-flip attempt on the second, and hits a kick to the head for a two-count.  Bryan blocks a “619” attempt, Mysterio rolls out of an imperfect “No-lock” and hits it on the second attempt.  Bryan dodges a “drop of the dime” and locks in the “No-Lock” for the tap.


    As Bryan celebrates, MARK HENRY MAKES HIS COMEBACK!  Henry meets Bryan on the way to the ring and takes him out with no problem.  Henry hits a “spine-buster” on Rey.  Sin Cara tries to save Rey, but takes “the World’s Strongest Slam.” Rey is up and fights back, but ends up taking a WSS and a splash off the middle rope.  Henry walks off, jaw-jacking with the crowd.

    Punk vs. Jericho, after the break

    We come back to Bryan demanding an apology from Kane, for not helping him out with Henry.

    “Daniel, I’m hurt by your tone.  Word’s hurt, and there’s nothing more powerful than our friendship.” – Kane

    “Do you mean that?” – Daniel Bryan

    “HELL NO!” – KANE

    After that, we get a recap of Vince busting Heyman, and Brock busting Vince’s hip.

    (It goes on a LOT longer than it needs to.)

    Later tonight, Heyman is on MizTV.

    We go live to Big Show’s hotel room where he’s on the phone, waiting for the contract.  He answers the door for room service and the waiter stands there waiting for a tip.

    “Get a better job.” – Big Show

    Sheamus makes his entrance and his match is up next, after the break.

    We’re back, getting another recap of the Shield attack on Cena, Ryback, and Sheamus, as well as a reminder Cena calls them out later tonight.


    As the match begins, we’re told Daniel Bryan will be joining Randy Orton and Mysterio in the elimination chamber.  The big men lock up, and force each other into the corner.  Sheamus beats on Kane with fists, whips him into the corner.  Kane hits a clothesline.  Kane beats Sheamus down in the corner, whips him into the ropes.  Sheamus hits a kick to the face but runs into a side-slam.  Kane pounds and stomps on Sheamus, then tries to pull him out of the ring.  Sheamus kicks him into the guardrail.  They brawl a little on the outside.  Sheamus tosses Kane back in the ring, but walks into a big right hand.  Sheamus fights back and hits the “Irish Curse” back-breaker.  Kane is back up first, but Sheamus takes him into the corner with a shoulder tackle, followed by a knee-lift, and a double axe-handle takes Kane over the ropes.  Kane lands on his feet.  Sheamus ties Kane up in the ropes and starts the fore-arm pummeling.  Kane escapes and puts Sheamus down.  Bryan runs out and gets into an argument with Kane.  Kane shoves him off the ring by the neck, tells him to stay out of this, and walks into a Brogue-Kick, giving Sheamus the three-count.


    Bryan apologizes while smiling as we go to break.

    RAW slam of the week: GUESS! (Lesnar killing Vince)

    Welcome to Miz TV!  Miz is trying to recap the attack on Vince (again) but Heyman interrupts, not wanting someone like Miz to soil his reputation.  Heyman attempts to give Vince his “best wishes” on his hip surgery, but Miz interrupts him.  Heyman denies having anything to do with Brock’s attack on Vince.  Miz brings up the tape with him, Maddox, and the Shield.  Miz calls him the biggest liar he’s met in his life, Heyman starts asking questions about Punk getting screwed and winning back the belt.  Miz and Heyman are up in each other’s face, when Managing Supervisor Vicki Guerro decides to interrupt.  She admits to signing back Brock Lesnar, and expresses her grief over what happened to Vince.  As she starts to cry, Paul asks for a moment of silence, Vicki suggests they share a prayer, and Miz calls BS on the whole thing.  Lesnar comes out, kills Miz, wrecks the set, he and Heyman walk off.

    And we go to break…

    We come back to a replay of the Miz TV chaos and a confirmation that Brock is under contract to WWE.  Randy Orton makes his entrance, followed by Wade Barrett.  As Barrett makes his way to the ring, we get a picture-in-picture promo from Bo Dallas and a recap of their feud, including Bo’s upset win and the attack on Smackdown.


    Barrett beats down Orton in the corner. Orton reverses an Irish Whip and hits the Thez-press.  Orton pummels Barrett in the head and hits two fore-arm uppercuts.  Barrett reverses a whip but Orton hits the clothesline, and Barrett rolls out the ring.  Outside the ring, Orton bounces Barrett’s head twice on the apron, and drops him back-first into the top of the guard rail.  Orton rolls him back into the ring for a two-count.  Orton stomps away on Barrett.  Barrett tries catching Orton with the clothesline but it gets botched.  Barrett recovers with a knee, a suplex, and a “do-over,” clothes lining Orton over the ropes to the floor.  Barrett goes outside, kicks Orton in the head, and bounces Orton’s head on the apron.  Barrett rolls Orton back in the ring for two, drops a couple elbows on him, and hooks the chin-lock.  Orton fights out of it, hits two clothes-lines, ducks one by Wade, and hits the scoop-power-slam.  Orton hits the second rope DDT and teases an RKO, but Barrett rolls outside.  Orton rolls him back in, but Barrett hits the spiraling side-slam for two.  Barrett tries to hit the waste-land, Orton elbows out.  Orton tries an RKO, Barrett shoves him off.  Orton dodges a charging kick in the corner, and hits the RKO for three.


    After the break, Punk vs. Jericho (for really realz this time)

    We come back from break to a quick promo for “Fandango” coming soon to WWE.


    After playing to the crowd, the two men lock up and Punk gets in a knee followed by a chop.  Punk mocks the crowd, letting Jericho take over with three big chops, an elbow, another chop, and a big suplex.  Jericho hits a fist-drop and goes for a cover.  Punk grabs a leg and trips Jericho down, taking over with vicious stomps.  Punk gets a chop and a knee to the gut for two.  Punk locks the arm, Jericho gets to his feet and pushes Punk back into the corner.  Jericho fights his way free, Punk reverses a whip and meets the boot of Jericho.  Jericho charges Punk and takes a kick to the stomach.  Punk tries a tornado DDT, But Jericho shoves him off.  Jericho takes Punk over the ropes and out to the floor with a clothesline.  Punk hits the announcers table.  Jericho hits a baseball-slide drop-kick, sending Punk back into the table.  Jericho goes for the “ricochet-off –the-second-rope-in-the-corner” drop-kick, but Punk catches him, and pulls him neck-first into the ropes.  Jericho is down and Punk laughs as we go to break

    Back to the action, Punk hits a belly-to-back suplex, and three leg-drops to the back of Jericho’s head, for a two count.  Punk locks an under-hook face-lock on Jericho.  Jericho gets to his feet, Punk whips him into the corner, Jericho back-body-drops him over the ropes, Punk lands on the apron and tries for a flying clothesline, but eats the mat as Jericho side-steps him.  Jericho hits two shoulder-blocks, gets sent over the top rope by Punk, but lands on his feet, climbs to the top, and connects with a fist off the top rope.  Jericho hits a boot to the gut and the face-plant bulldog on Punk.  Jericho tries a Lion-Sault, Punk gets the knees up, but Jericho grabs the legs and tries for the walls of Jericho.  Punk kicks him off, into the corner.  Punk misses a running knee, and Jericho hits some head-shots before taking Punk off the top rope with the “hurriconrana.” Jericho gets a two-count, goes for another Lion-Sault but Punk gets a shot to the back.  Punk has Jericho up on his shoulders and tries for the GTS, but Jericho rolls out of it and schoolboys Punk into a “Walls of Jericho,” attempt.  Punk hooks his head for a small package, Jericho reverses it, Punk kicks out, Jericho tries a clothesline, but Punk catches the arm and twists it into a neck-breaker for two.  Punk hits the knee-lift in the corner, a short clothes-line, but takes too much time up top and misses the “Macho Man” elbow-drop.  Jericho’s Lion-Sault connects for two.  Punk hits a SICK kick to the head for another two.  Punk locks in the “Anaconda-Vice” but Jericho makes the ropes.

    “THIS IS AWESOME!” – The Crowd

    Jericho hits two shoulder blocks from the outside and goes up top, but Punk kicks his leg out from under him and goes for the GTS.  Jericho catches Punk’s leg on the way down and hooks the “Walls of Jericho!” Punk makes it to the ropes.  Punk tries to lift Jericho, he can’t.  Jericho goes for the legs; Punk twists him into the middle turnbuckle.  Punk sends Jericho shoulder first into the post; and hits the GTS for a three count.


    After the match, we get the huge Hall of Fame announcement.  Our next inductee is BRUNO SAMARTINO!  We get a package of Bruno’s career highlights, including winning the WWWF title in 48 seconds, coming back from a broken neck after three months, and meeting the Pope.

    And we go to break..

    We come back to Matt Striker interviewing Punk backstage.  Punk calls The Rock a thief and says the title of champion belongs to him.  He’s the best in the world, and he proves it every night.

    From that, we go to a video package about Rock winning the WWE championship after ten long years, featuring a montage of headlines and TV spots about the Rock.

    John Cena is backstage being interviewed about calling out the Shield.  Cena talks about how the time to laugh and joke and smile comes to an end when you get picked on and pushed around.  Tonight, he pushes back.

    And break…

    We come back to Big Show, eating, live from his hotel, and complaining on the phone about how long it’s taking to get the contract over to him.  Show answers the door for a guy with the contract.  While Show reads it over and signs it, the guy keeps trying to tell him something.   Show refuses to listen.  Show opens the door to let the guy out, and comes face to face with Alberto Del Rio.  They have a vicious fight in the hallway that ends with Del Rio blinding/knocking out the Big Show with a fire extinguisher.  Two men get out of the elevator, looking confused…

    “It’s okay; my friend just had some bad Mexican food.” – Alberto Del Rio

    Del Rio assures them he will get Show some help, and leaves Big Show with a wink.

    Back in the ring, Brad Maddox is here, asking for a mike.  He claims Heyman took advantage of him, and claims he is an “innocent.” He takes credit for giving McMahon the video of him with Heyman and the Shield, and calls himself the “hero,” of this story.  He says it’s gonna be him and NOT Cena who dishes out justice to the Shield, and calls them out.  They come down, admitting they took money from Heyman and that they they’re gonna enjoy beating him down.  After Maddox is decimated, Cena makes his way to the ring through the crowd, followed by Ryback and Sheamus.  The Shield attempt to flee, but the entire WWE locker room cut them off.  The Shield is trapped, back to back in the ring.  Cena and friends move in and the fight breaks out, for two and a half minutes.  The Shield retreat as the show closes.


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    We open tonight with a recap of the Rock’s win at Royal Rumble. Tonight is RAW ROULETTE live from Las Vegas.

    Now we’re looking at Vicki Guerrero in front of three roulette wheels. A superstar wheel, a stipulation wheel, and a “Vicki’s choice” wheel. Vicki announces the first match of the night and spins the middle wheel, making it a “special guest referee” match.

    C.M. Punk is out and he is angry. He claims he is the people’s champion and is throwing a tantrum about last night. He berates the crowd for supporting a “cheater,” and says Vince, Rock, and the crowd are all cheaters. Punk coins the phrase “Phoenix Screw Job.” Punk is still the champion and he is here to “crash” our “party.”

    Vince is out. He accuses Heyman of being behind the shield. He cuts Heyman off when he tries to protest, then announces a “performance evaluation,” of Heyman in the ring tonight, featuring surprise video tape “evidence.”

    Randy Orton is out. He is facing Antonio Cesaro in the first match tonight. This is the “special guest ref” match Vicki made earlier. Cesario is out next, swinging the American Flag.

    And now, our special guest referee… THE MIZ!

    And we go to break.


    We come back with the match in progress. Orton gets a two count. Cesaro dominates in the corner. Miz gets between them. Orton in control with a clothesline and a snap-mare. Orton gets another two count with a suplex. Both men trade shots on the outside, Orton drops Cesaro on the guard-rail, and takes control back in the ring with stomps and a catapult into the bottom rope. Both men trade uppercuts, the crowd gets into it. Cesaro takes control, whips Orton into the ropes, Orton backdrops him to the floor.

    And we go to break.

    Cesaro in control when we come back. Both men fight in the corner, Cesaro takes over with a headbut and a turnbuckle shot. Cesaro gets a two-count and takes control with a headlock. Orton fights out, Cesaro hits a slam for two. Gut-wrench by Cesaro for two. Cesaro hits a face-lock. Orton fights out, ducks a clothesline and hits two of his own and a scoop-slam. Cesaro hits the flying uppercut and pummels Orton in the corner, but he gets into an argument with Miz and eats an RKO when he turns back around.


    After the match, Miz treats Cesaro to a Skull-crushing finale.

    Back with the wheels, Vicki spins Ryback into a “make me laugh” match. Ryback gives Vicki a snort and heads to the ring.

    And we go to break.

    We’re back with Andre Aggassi and Stefi Graph in the audience. Titus O’Neal and Darren Young are in the ring with Ryback and Matt Stryker. Stryker explains that the challenge is to make the crowd laugh. Funnest man wins. After two “jokes,” Ryback decimates O’Neal while Young keeps a safe difference. Stryker announces Ryback the winner, Ryback destroys Stryker, and the whole announce team climaxes over an assault on an announcer.

    “What has four eyes, twenty fingers, and is about to be unconscious?” – Ryback’s “joke.”

    Video Package for Bob Backlund’s induction into the WWE Hall Of Fame.

    And we go to break.

    SIDE NOTE: Will someone PLEASE explain to me what Stryker has done that his being attacked for NO CLEAR REASON warrants such jockularity?

    We come back to Vicki spinning the wheel. It lands on “players choice,” meaning IC champion Wade Barrett gets to pick his opponent. Barrett chooses NXT rookie Bo Dallas, who eliminated Barrett in the Royal Rumble last night.


    Barrett goes right after Dallas, but Dallas fights out of the corner. He hits an arm-drag/dropkick combo, but Barrett takes over with vicious kicks and stomps. Barrett goes for the Bull-Hammer BUT BO DALLAS GETS THE THREE WITH A BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX!


    Backstage, a spin of the wheel pits Cody Rhodes against John Cena

    And we go to break.

    We come back with the announce team hyping up John Cena replacing Fred Flintstone on the cover of boxes of “Fruity Pebbles.” We even get a “tale-of-the-tape” graphic with Cena vs. Fred Flintstone.

    Yes, that happened.


    Cody and Cena trade shots until Cena hits a suplex and Cody rolls out the ring. Cody takes the mike and anounces he’s leaving. Cena grabs him and sends him back in the ring. Cena hits all “Five Moves of Doom,” and gets the three-count.


    Cena gets the mike and cuts a promo to the crowd, acknowledging the crowd not being in his corner. We get a “Cena Sucks” chant. Cena gives Punk credit for staying champion for almost two years, and besting him every time. He turns his attention to the Rock, recaping their fued, and his loss at Wrestlemania 28.

    “There were times when he couldn’t carry my jock-strap.” – John Cena.

    Cena chooses the WWE champion and the Shield make their entrance. Cena brings it to them, but the odds are against him and the Shield beats him down. Sheamus tries for a save, but doesn’t do much better. Ryback is out next, and he does a little better, but the Shield take him out. Sheamus and Cena try to fight back, but this ends with the faces down and out, and the Shield walking away.

    And we go to break.

    We come back recapping the Shield assault on Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback. We go back to Vicki for another spin of the wheel. It lands on “Lingerie Pillow Fight…” featuring Tensai and Brodus Clay.


    Tensai refuses to do this and stomps off. Vicki makes Brodus spin the “Vicki’s choice” wheel and it lands on a dance off.

    I have a bad feeling.

    We get a look at A WWE fan-event, and then Brodus comes out to the ring.

    And we go to break.

    We’re back with Jerry Lawler in the ring with Tensai…oh dear God…

    Oh God no…


    Tensai is in women’s underwear. He was not told this was a dance off. Tensai IS GOING TO DANCE IN WOMEN’S UNDERWARE.


    Oh yea, King works in a “What happens in Vegas…” reference. Tensai dances and I want to die.


    We go to world heavyweight champion Alberto Del Rio spinning the wheel and getting a “body slam challenge,” against The Big Show. Vicki wishes him luck. Del Rio reminds her in Vegas, “anything can happen.”

    And we go to break.

    We’re back with Ricardo Rodriguez introducing World Heavyweight Champion ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIO! Del Rio comes out and shakes hands with the fans, giving his scarf to a small boy in the crowd. We get a tiny “Si” chant until the Big Show comes out.


    Show attacks Ricardo and Del Rio right off. Del Rio hits some kicks but Show clocks him with the Big Right Hand. Show tapes Del Rio to the ropes. Ricardo tries to protect Del Rio, but the show just brutalizes him. Del Rio can only helplessly watch. Show wraps more tape around Del Rio’s hand, as Show goes back to beating Ricardo. Del Rio begs for Ricardo’s life, but show gives him the Big Right, and goes back to bullying Del Rio. Del Rio is clocked out, and the Show lumbers off, leaving carnage in his wake.

    And we go to break.

    We come back to a recap of Show’s Rampage and WWE divas in Showgirl outfits.


    This does NOT make up for Tensai.

    I can hardly bring myself to type this. Tamina takes charge with the head-lock of doom and boots Kaitlyn to the floor. Aksana and Alicia Fox jump her. Kaitlyn fights them off and whacks Tamina with a showgirl hat. She hits Tamina with some shoulder-blocks and goes for a pin. Then it naturally becomes a messy cat-fight, that ends when someone hits the music.


    We return to another recap of the Shield beat-down on Cena and friends.

    And now, our NEW WWE champion…THE ROCK!

    One word; FINALLY, as in…


    And finally, the Rock is once again WWE champion. He calls this moment the proudest of his career, and takes a moment to thank all of us. He recaps Punk’s put-downs of the people, and tells us those crap days are over. He makes a remark about Heyman needing a bra for his “Twinkie Tits.” Tonight is the People’s Era,


    Punk is out, accusing the Rock of not earning that title, and the crowd is too stupid to realize he is a genus. Punk says Rock should hand him back the title out of respect for his father and grandfather, and apollogize to him for tarnishing what he’s accomplished. Rock says if he had an ounce of manhood, and “nuts between his legs,” he’d come downthe ramp and take it. Rock gives him the choice of being a man, or a “punk ass bitch.” Punk will stand up on the stage “like a Punk-ass bitch,” because it’s cool to swear, and Punk will do things when it suits him, not Rock. Punk reads off a list of appearences Punk will be making, and offers Rock a chance to face him at anyone of them, if it fits his schedule. If not, he’ll give Rock a rematch in three weeks (at Elimination Chamber.) Rock agrees to face him at Elimination Chamber.

    When we come back, Sheamus faces Damien Sandow in a tables match.

    And we go to break.

    We come back with Sandow in the ring. We see a recap of him spinning the wheel backstage earlier where Vicki makes an obvious statement aout the match being a tables match.

    “How Observant,” –  Damien Sandow

    Sheamus takes over early and sets up a table. Sandow slips out of a slam and leads Sheamus into/out of the ring, where he hits a drop kick. Sheamus tosses a table into Sandow’s face, but Sandow takes over with a shoulder-breaker. Sandow traps Sheamus’ arm in the table and stomps on it, droping both knees on the arm.  Sheamus fights back, but misses a Brouge-kick. Sandow charges but Sheamus hits a flying shoulder-tackle. Sandow takes over and hits the “elbow of distain.” Sandow lays Sheamus on a table and goes up top, but Sheamus cuts him off. Sheamus ends this with “the White Noise” on Sandow, through a table in the corner.


    When we come back, Vince McMahon confronts Paul Heyman with an in-ring “performance evaluation.”

    And we go to break.

    We’re back.


    Zack Ryder and the Great Khali, singing superstars theme songs.

    We’re going to have a Karaoke challenge with Zack Ryder and The Great Khali.


    Heath Slater is out and asks “are you kidding me?” Jinder calls them an embarrasment. Drew jumps in Khali’s face and gets chpped down. It turns into a brawl and ends with Hornswoggle splashing Slater and thank God it’s over!

    Backstage, JERICHO! NEXT!

    We’re back to BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!!!!!! Jericho makes his comeback to RAW, in tiny shorts and the sparkly jacket. He talks about being out for six months and his surprise return at the Royal Rumble. He thanks us all for welcoming him back and it’s something he will Never, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEver forget again!

    Ziggler comes out w/AJ and big E, to ask what he’s doing here? Ziggy and AJ recap how they got rid of Jericho last year, Jericho tells him to put his “crazy little dog on a leash before she pees all over the ring.” Big E. threatens Jericho, who responds with a joke about his pec size. Vicki comes up on the screen to inform Ziggler she re-signed Jericho. She spins the whel and it lands on “Strange Bedfellows,” meaning Ziggler and Jericho must team up against WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No.  The champs make their entrance, and Ziggler starts off with Kane.

    And we go to break.


    Well this was quick. Ziggler starts off in control of Daniel Bryan, while taunting Jericho by faking the tag. Ziggler hits a body-slam, and the elbow. Ziggler keeps taunting Jericho until Jericho “tags” Ziggler in the back hard enough to put him down. Jericho takes over on Bryan, hitting a drop-kick n Kane and a lion-sault on Bryan. Bryan hits a flying kick and gets Jericho in a head-lock. Bryan tags in Kane, but Jericho shoves Bryan into him. Kane and Bryan start yelling at each other. Bryan shoves Kane, Kane shoves Bryan down. Jericho tags in Ziggler but cheap-shots Kane in the back before walking out on the match. Ziggler yells at him, before turning into a choke-slam from the p-o’d Kane.


    After that, we get our next HOF inductee high-light video, Trish Stratus.

    And we go to break.

    We’re back…

    BROCK LESNAR JUST KILLED VINCE MCMAHON! I’m leading with this because I want to make sure you have a reason to keep reading.

    We came back to Vince making his way to the ring. Vince called out Heyman and informed him that Punk had been escorted from the building. Heyman came out and offered Vince a handshake. Vince accepted it, then used hand sanitizer. McMahon proceeded to grill Heyman about the Shield and Brad Maddox. He asked Heyman if he ever lied…

    “You know, a long time ago, I remember – in the Madison Square Garden dressing room, I heard your father say the phrase “Adversity defines a man’s character in his darkest hour.” And faced with the adversity of the fact that I have a feeling I know where this is going, I will tell you, I have lied every day of my stinking life because I am a promoter, and that’s what promoters do…” – Paul Heyman.

    Possibly the best answer humanly possible. Heyman goes on about how he’s lied to stay alive and still have a business and a job the next morning. He promises to be an honorable man if that’s what it takes to stay. Vince seends the camera into Heyman’s face and asks the crowd if this is an honorable man with an honorable face, they say no. Vince shows footage of the “Brad Maddox experience.” Heyman has Maddox in a dark tunnel, orders the cameraman to shut it down. He then makes the same mistake EVERY VILLIAN WRITTEN BY A LAZY WRITTER EVER MAKES AND ADMITS EVERYTHING ON CAMERA. He tells Maddox that the Shield gets paid more than him because they are worth more. He sics the Shield on Maddox and the cameraman. We come back to the ring where the same crowd that chanted “ECW,” now chants “You got busted,” and the “goodbye” song. Heyman claims that wasn’t him. He claims it was a bad Vegas impersonator, and goes into a rant about his sucess with Punk and ECW. He denies being the man on the tape. Vince gears up the catchprase, wishing him well in his future endevors, we get to “YOU’RE…”

    Here comes the pain.

    Lesnar’s music hits and he makes his way out to the ring. Heyman begs him not to do anything, Lesnar orders him into the corner like a dog. He gets in Vince’s face, Vince warns him not to do anything he’ll regret later. After a pause, Lesnar HITS THE F5 ON VINCE MCMAHON!

    RAW ends with Heyman begging Lesnar for Vince’s life, and leading him out of the ring.

    Well, THAT was something.  To you the good readers, I apollogize if this report was less than “real time.” I’m still trying to get the hang of it.

    That’s about it for me peep-holes. See you next week (maybe.) Ryt-place, Ryt-time!



    Been a while hasn’t it?

    Tonight I Rytman will be recapping RAW in real-“RYT”-time. This is my first attempt for BWF, as well as my first attempt period. (<- see? Right there.)

    Bear with me folks…

    Well we’re off to the best start as I’ve missed three minutes so far.  We have Heyman and Vicki in the ring, recapping the “Rock” concert from last week. Heyman is not thrilled with Vicki calling for a replay of Rock’s remark about his penis, Heyman responds calling for a replay of Rock’s serenade to Vicki. We’re getting the whole song.


    Vicki confirms Rock is here tonight, but announces he is banned from the building and will be arrested if he tries to enter. Vicki is told the Rock is here and we go live to the Rock tyring to get in.  The police warn him he will be arrested if he tries to get in. Rock says arrest C.M. Punk, for impersonating a champion, Heyman for not wearing a bra in public, and ask Vicki Guerro what her intestines are like because she has her head shoved straight up her @$$. He also compares Punk’s scrotum to Manti Teao’s girlfriend, (imaginary.)

    Back in the ring, Vicki makes it clear if Rock tries to get in the arena, he WILL go to Jail…

    “If you smell – EXCUSE ME! – What the Vick is cooking” – Vicki Guerrero


    We’re back with U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro in the ring, and Randy Orton comming out.  This is going to be the first in a series of “Beat The Clock” matches.  Whoever wins their match in the fastest time, gets to pick their number of entry in the Royal Rumble.

    The match so far is odd, it seems slow-paced, however at the same time, neither man is wasting a lot of time setting up moves.  Match starts with an exchange of headlocks with Cesaro dominating for two minutes. Orton gets a shoulder-block and the match becomes a slow-brawl, spilling to the outside.  Both men gather themselves as we go to break.

    Back from break, a brawl in the corner ends with Orton outside to the floor.  Cesaro takes over with a gutwrech, a stomp, and chin-lock. Orton fights free and hits two clotheslines and a scoop-slam. He tries for the middle rope ddt, but Cesaro escapes. Cesaro sends Orton up and hits the bicep uppercut. He sends Orton shoulder-first into the post and Orton spills to the outside. Cesaro goes out to get him and tosses him back in the ring, however his mind is on the clock and not Orton.  RKO out of nowhere for three.


    TIME: 11:36

    Next up is a highlight reel for Mick Foley’s Hall Of Fame induction, followed by a Shield promo, showing their past attacks on WWE superstars.  And we go to break.

    Back from break, out comes The Big Show. We get a replay of Show losing the World Heavyweight Championship to Alberto Del Rio two weeks ago. Michale Cole announces Big Show gets his rematch at the Royal Rumble, in the same match


    Brad Maddox invades the announce table to put himself over as the new star of the broadcast team. Show ends this with the big right hand in less than two minutes. Show tries to give us an example of what will happen to ADR at RR by counting out Ryder. The crowd gives him two “WHAT” chants, and he gets so angry he just leaves.


    Up next, Ryback vs Heath Slater. We go to break.

    Back from break, Brad Maddox interrupts Paul Heyman’s phone call to make him an unwitting guest on “The Brad Maddox Experience.” Heyman admits he was wrong about Maddox and agrees to make him famous. Segment ends with a handshake, and Brad leaving while Heyman gives him a weird look.


    After the match, Ryback cuts a promo about entering the Royal Rumble.

    “Damn, my job is fun.” Ryback

    We go back with the Rock trying to talk his way into the show. Vicki interrupts and demands he be arrested. The officers can’t until he does something illegal. Vicki offers to lift the ban if Rocky apologizes to her. Rock makes it clear that won’t happen, and reminds her she still looks horrible tonight. Vicki storms off, and the Rock tells the cops he has a plan, as we go to break…

    We come back to an announcement about RAW in Las Vegas next week, featuring RAW Roulette.

    Paul Heyman and WWE champion C.M. Punk enter to address the people.

    “What I have here, I hold more dear to my heart, then most men hold their families. This is my life’s work and for 428 days I have proven that I am the man. But 428 days is just a faction of the time it’s taken me to get to this point. I’ve worked half my life to attain this, the most prestigeous title the WWE has to offer, and I will not allow the Rock, or any man to take this from me. The Rock is here to entertain, the Rock is here to electrify, to sing songs and tell jokes. I am here to hurt people and be the champion. I will not allow the Rock to leave the Royal Rumble as WWE champion because this is why I am here, because this is important. It’s important because I have made it important, it’s prestigeous because I have made it prestigeous. What is prestigeous to the Rock is the most meaningless, insignificant thing imaginable. It’s you, the people. The people, the cheers, the chants, the signs, the adulation. The Rock is proud of being the people’s champion, almost as proud as I am of being a real champion. I will not allow the Rock to become WWE champion because I’ve been in the ring with him, I’ve looked him in the eye. I’ve seen all the way down into his soul and I’ve seen why he’s so proud of the people and being the people’s champion, it’s because he knows he cannot be this. A long time ago, I was forced to make a choice between hypocritical humility and honest arrogance and I chose honest arrogance. While the Rock foolishly chose all of you. You can call him electrifying, you can call him the Brama Bull, you can call him the great one but what you cannot call him is champion, because this… this belongs to me, and this you earn with blood and sweat and tears and for 428 days I have done just that. I have earned this. I have earned the right to be called champion. I have earned the right to be the man. In six days Rock, this is what you’re on a colission course with, so for six days please, by all means, enjoy being the peoples champion, enjoy the cheers, the chants, the signs, I want you to slap every hand, I want you to wink at every hopeful look your sheep-like fans give you, cause I realized something a long time ago, that the people do not matter. This is all that matters, and in six days at the Royal Rumble, it doesn’t matter if I smell what the Rock is cooking. All that matters is that what these people cannot give you, will remain rightfully around the waist of your undisputed WWE champion, best in the world, C.M. Punk.” – C.M. Punk


    Pretty much the opposite of the first match, as both men go right for the fall. Ziggler hits a flurry of spots, but Miz takes over, matching Ziggler’s aggression and going after the knee with a VICIOUS shoulder-tackle. Miz goes for the figure-four, but Ziggler sends him to the outside. Big E. Langston shoves him hard into the apron and Ziggler gets a two-count, as we break…

    Back from break, Miz makes his comeback with fists, charging clothesline, axe-handle off the top rope.  Miz goes for a skull-crushing-finale, Ziggler rolls him up and holds the tights for two, Miz reverses it, and grabs the tights for two, almost pulling them off Ziggler. Ziggler hits the flying DDT for two. Miz gets a reverse face-lock-knee-drop combo, Ziggler shoves off a neck-breaker, Miz catches Dolph’s legs and gets the figure-4. AJ distracts the ref as Big E. pulls Dolph to the ropes. Miz jaw-jacks with him and Ziggler hits the Zig-Zag from behind for the three count.


    TIME:  (10:56)

    After a break, we have a recap of WWE tag champions Team Hell No (Kane & Bryan Danielson) punking out team Rhodes Scholars at Dr. Shelby’s command last week.

    In the ring, Dr. Shelby introduces Team Hell-No as the first graduates of his anger-management course. Kane and Bryan come out in graduation robes. Shelby congratulates them on how far they’ve come (with a few well hidden cheap-shots,) and Shelby asks them which of them deserves to be valedictorian, and get the chance to talk about their feelings. Kane and bryan both try to pass it off on each other. Shelby suggests they hug. This eventually leads to Dr. Shelby, Kane, and Bryan leading the whole arena in a huge “hug-in,” that includes Lawler and Cole, the ringside doc and Justin Roberts, and members of the audience. It ends in a huge group hug with all three men in the ring.

    It is truly a glorious train-wreck, as we go to break.

    Back from break, we get a recap of Kaitlyn winning the Diva’s championship and Eve Torres quiting WWE.

    Alicia Fox is in the ring, as Kaitlyn makes her way to ringside.


    Kaitlyn wins this with a spear. In fairness, Alicia didn’t look horrible here, but then again, she didn’t do that much to botch.

    Backstage, Heyman walks with Punk, telling him that he’s earned something special. Heyman promises a “Paul Bomb,” later tonight while Punk chills in a fully stocked, private skybox. We go to break.

    We come back to Heyman in the ring.

    “Champ, this one’s for you.” – Paul Heyman

    Heyman is here to act as an interpreter for Punk, seeing as the crowd can’t keep up with someone as articulate as Punk. He promises to “keep it simple.” He calls the Rock “stupid,” just like the people, for focusing on him instead of Punk.


    Rock is out the back and in the ring, apparently getting around the ban by buying a ticket off one of the cops. Rock calls Heyman “Twinkie Tits,” and chases him out of the ring. The Rock addresses Punk, saying he’s earned the right to be called the best in the world, but it doesn’t change the fact that the Rock is a man who will rip his face off. Rock goes on to compare himself to Dr. Martin Luther King, saying he has a dream, to make it to the mountain top, the promised land, and be WWE champion.  Promising that when he beats Punk, we will be “free at last.”

    Then the lights go out.

    The lights go on and the Shield is beating down the Rock. Rock fights back, but it ends with the Shield laying him out. Punk gets the mike and tells Rock he has to pay a price for his freedom. He tells Rock there’s only room for one man on the mountain top, and that eventually, you have to wake up from your dream.

    We come back from break with a quick tribute to MLK, and a recap of the Shield assault. During the commercial, Rock was able to walk out under his own power.

    Sheamus is out, he or his opponent must beat Ziggler’s time of 10:56 seconds for the chance to pick their number in the Royal Rumble.


    We start with some stomping and punching. Barrett pulls the arm of Sheamus over the rope. Sheamus hits a kick to the gut and runs to the ropes, but Barrett hits a clothesline, sending Sheamus over the ropes and out to the floor. Here we go to break…

    Back from break, Barrett is in control kicking Sheamus off the top corner, hitting a suplex for two, and hooking an arm-bar. Sheamus punches his way out and its an axe-handle. He ties Barrett up in the ropes for ten forearms and hits a suplex. He goes for white noise, but Barrett elbows out and tries a pump-handle. Sheamus slips out and misses a brogue-kick attempt. Barrett hits two back kicks, one to the gut and one to the head for two. Barrett hits the elbow of the second rope and makes a wasteland attempt. Sheamus elbows out of it and hits white noise. AJ Lee runs out with Ziggler/Big E. in tow. She runs in the ring and skips in front of Sheamus, blocking him. She leaves, and Barrett hits a spinning side-slam for two. Barrett misses a clothesline, and Sheamus hits the Brogue kick but the time is up.



    Ziggler, AJ, and Big E. are in Vicki’s office, braging about their win. Ziggler ribs Vicki by singing Clapton to AJ. Vicki informs Dolph he didn’t win the right to pick ANY number. He won a choice, of one… or two.

    Punk and Heyman walk backstage, Vince McMahon confronts them and threatens to strip Punk of the title if anybody interferes in his title match with the Rock.

    Back from break, Ricardo Rodriguez introduces World Heavyweight Champion ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIO! Tensai is in the ring.


    Tensai starts off strong with big right hands and forearms. He has Del Rio pinned in the corner with headbutts. Tensai with a hard whip to the corner AND MY PICTURE FREEZES. I MISS EVERYTHING up to Del Rio hitting a moonsault for the three count.

    After the match, Del Rio cuts a promo on Big Show, saying there will be a ten count IN SPANISH. He leads the crowd in a ten count in Spanish.

    Promo package for the second inductee for the Hall Of Fame – BOB BACKLUND!

    As he makes his way to the ring, we are promised that John Cena will address the WWE universe after the break.

    Cena makes it to the ring. He starts talking about Sundays. He finds a kid in the audience and starts in on how great Sundays are. No, school, playing video games, he asks the kid if he’s the one keeping him in noob status on Call Of Duty 2. (He reveals his gamer-tag as skidmarks187.) He turns his attention to a lady in the crowd, asking her about how Sundays are about reliving Saturday night and surfing YouTube, thinking she might’ve hooked up with someone special. He turns to a guy in the front row, and says his Sundays are about waking up surrounded by bodily fluids, a recite for two blow-up dolls, (one missing.) And posting embarassing photos on Twitter. Cena promises that on Sunday, he will win the Royal Rumble.

    This leads to Sheamus coming out to refute that, followed by The Prime Time Players, Randy Orton, The Miz, eventually the entire locker room comes out to claim they’re going to win the Royal Rumble. This leads to an impromptu battle royal as we close out.

    Okay, needles to say; you’d have to be generous with the definition of “real-time” in regards to what I’ve done here. There were rough patches and interuptions. I hope I gave you guys some idea of wha was going on, and that you enjoyed it.

    For now, I’m Rytman and I’m out.








  6. 2010 WWE Supplemental Draft Coverage

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    Due to the length of today’s post, I have edited it to better suit the front page.  The draft picks will be listed here by brand at the top of the post, and the in-depth analysis will be found after the jump.  This is done in Real-Time, so click your browser’s refresh button every 10 minutes or so for the latest picks!


    The Great Khali & Ranjin Singh
    Ezekiel Jackson
    The Hart Dynasty


    Chavo Guerrero
    Cody Rhodes
    Chris Masters
    Rosa Mendes
    Montel Vontavious Porter

    Full analysis of the 2010 supplemental draft picks, after the jump!