Before the show starts, we are “treated” to a clip package of last week, focusing on the death of the dead man and Kane’s search to find the killer. Turns out it was… a broken orbital bone, and he’s on the shelf. They had a battle royale to determine who would replace him in the Fatal Fourway PPV, and low and behold, the guy who put him on the shelf (Rey Mysterio) won. BUT, the big question is whether or the NXT invasion on RAW will cross over to Smackdown, but whatever… let’s suffer through some SmackDown, shall we?
MAIN PAGE ANIMATED GIF. And seriously, we ALL want to do this.
Greetings and salutations, fellow “Smackdown” fans!
The work week has ended for me, and I invite you to join me in leaving the realm of public education behind, and diving headfirst into the B-show that really isn’t. I’ve read no spoilers, and actually have no idea what is happening tonight. (more…)
Match 1: Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo…Its your boys, Cryme Time accompanied by Eve Torres against the Hart Dynasty
Shad and David Hart Smith start the match off. DH is huge, but Shad is gigantic! The Hart Dynasty works on Shad’s knee after a chop block by Tyson Kidd. Once Shad gets the tag, JTG gets the pin on Tyson Kidd after a chaotic sequence that ended in a modified back breaker.
Rey Rey is out to address the Intercontinental title situation. Obviously Dolph Ziggler is going to be his opponent at Night of Champions. Ziggler comes out to remind people what his name is. Challenge made for NoC…challenge accepted for NoC. Rey Mysterio vs Dolph Ziggler for the Intercontinental title at Night of Champions. A fight ensues and Dolph Ziggler runs away from Rey Mysterio. What??? I forgot that Rey Rey is that scary.
Match 2: Diva match between Katie Lea and Brie Bella w/ Nikki Bella
Diva wrestling = Crap…Anyway, the twins confuse the referee and one of them gets the rollup win on Katie Lea
Main Event: United States Champ Kofi Kingston against the Big Show
Big Show dominates early on. Shouldn’t Show be in the World Title hunt? Big Show dominates the middle of the match. Shouldn’t Show be in the World Title hunt? Kofi tries to fight back, but Big Show shuts him back down. After a miss in the corner, Kofi tries to come back again, but Show shuts him down again. The quickness of Kofi takes Show down. Trouble in Paradise is blocked and Show Chokeslams the US Champ. Big Show gets the win.
Why is Big Show taking out Kofi on every televised show, only to lose to him at NoC? Shouldn’t he be in the World Title picture? Why isn’t Ted DiBiase taking on Kofi right now? Otherwise, the show saw random rivalries resume for no real reason. Bella Twins vs Katie Lea = random diva rivalry. Hart Dynasty vs Cryme Time = random tag team rivalry unless it leads to a number one contenders match.
Alrighty then folks…join me again for next week’s random mess otherwise known as WWE Superstars.
Giggity giggity giggity it’s time for this week’s review of WWE Superstars… Let’s go!
Right out of the gate we get the opening match. Rey Rey against the Gold Standard Shelton Benjamin, with special guest commentating from the Shaman of Sexy, the Guru of Greatness, the Friday Night Delight John Morrison.
This beginning of this match was awesome!!! Tons of flying and bumping. Rey jumped off of the apron and connected with a hurricanrana on Shelton on the outside. Shelton manhandled Rey a little bit during the match, as most people do. Loads of athleticism were on display during this really good match. The greatest line of the match was when Morrison called Shelton “Socially awkward.” Why hasn’t Shelton/Morrison been announced for Judgement Day?! That would be a fantastic match. Rey gets the win with the 619 and springboard splash. This match was great and gets a 9.8 out of 10…it was that good! After the match, Morrison and Shelton got in each other’s face and Morrison layed Benjamin out.
Match number two is Mizark Hizenry facing the ECW CHAMPION…Captain Charisma…Christian!!! This review will be full of plugs for Christian. I can feel it now.
This one starts off with Big Mark displaying his power as well as Christian ability to sell and take bumps. The quickness and smarts of Christian sends Henry to outside and he hits a baseball slide. Back from commercial break, Christian continues to exhibit his bumping ability, as he allows Mark Henry to dominate the match offensively. Christians speed and passion take Mark Henry down, as he hits a dropkick from the top rope. His agility got him out of several power move attempts by Henry, and he eventually hits a crossbody off the middle rope to pin the World’s Strongest Man. How can anybody deny that Captain Charisma is World Champion material?! The guy is gold!!!!! I give this match a 10 out of 10. Not really, but it gets that because Christian was in it and got the win (it really was about an 8 out of 10).
Match number 3 is Big Show against Hornswoggle! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
This was billed as an exhibition match for Show. The Big Show picked up the troll and placed him on the top rope and allowed him to do his tadpole splash, but Show moved out of the way. HAHAHA! This was rather humorous. He placed him up on the top a second time, but Goldust did a run-in to rescue the midget and got a chokeslam and camelclutch for his efforts from the Big Show. This was funny, but pointless. Since this was not even a match, it gets no rating.
The show was one of the better Superstars so far. At least it didn’t involve any diva wrestling. The show gets a 8.5 out of 10. The last segment hurt it a little bit. Now for a fact of life as I know it…the Houston Rockets are the worst team in the NBA without Yao and T-Mac. How are the Lakers having so much trouble with them? This proves they aren’t as great as everybody thinks they are!!! Kobe SUCKS!!! Thanks for reading and see you next week.
Wednesday. The only day in the week where there is zero wrestling on your TV. Monday Nights are RAW, Tuesdays have ECW. Thursdays make an iMPACT. Friday nights have SmackDown! Saturday Nights are ROH and Sundays are for Pay-Per-View. Where does that leave Wednesday? Luckily, at BoredWrestlingFan, yours truly has completed your weekly wrestling fix.
Superstars: I dont actually watch this show each week. I’m assuming it isnt as good as the opening video for the 1996 version however. 1996 Opening Intro
Smackdown: It seems my predictions from previous columns have come true. Jeff Hardy has become #1 contender and Chris Jericho looks like wrestling Rey Rey for the Intercontinental Championship. I’d like to see John Morrison’s singles push truly begin, maybe start him off in the IC Title feud, then by the end of the year have him up at the World Title level.
ECW: Christian’s Champ and it seems his challengers are Swagger, Henry and Dreamer. So they bring over Kozlov and yet don’t put in the title picture. Instead, they have him against jobbers. Why draft Kozlov over then? He could be doing that on SmackDown!
RAW: Shane McMahon os NOT the Hulk. Even though his last name is McMahon, he does not have super mega ultra powers. It sickens me to watch Shane O hold his own against one of Legacy, let alone three. God I hope Batista doesnt win at Judgment Day. For whatever God it is that exists in the world, please don’t let Batista win.
iMPACT: Lashley has done a grand total of NOTHING so far. MotorCity Machine Guns and LAX were knocked out of the Tag Team tournament, which means it looks like an easy path through to the final for Beer Money Inc. Daniels is accused of being Suicide. Daniels denies and will continue to deny until Kaz is back and able to wrestle, then they will both appear in the ring at the same time, confusing the hell outta everyone. Then they will take off the Suicide mask and realize it was Mr. Dean, the Farmer. Then Mr. Dean will say that he woulda gotten away with it too, if it werent for those MotorCity Machine Guns.
Short-ish but sweet, just the way I like it. Dont forget to check out all the details about the Priceless Wedding over at VinceRussoWatchesHisBeardGrow.com. I am the REAL Legend Killer, reminding you, that the Daschund is the best dog to have sex with.
Hey everybody! Its your favorite Christian enthusiast, tharvey1, here again for another review of WWE Superstars.
Match Numero Uno por la noche pits Rey Rey and Senor Money in the Bank CM Punk against Kane and El Grande Show. For those of you not fluent in Spanglish, it is Rey and CM Punk vs Kane and Big Show in a tag match.
To start the match, it is Kane taking on Rey. Kane and Rey seem to work well together when they square off, so the beginning of the match was quite entertaining. A pretty cool spot with Kane sliding Rey across the ring on his stomach to outside and Rey landing on his feet caught my eye. The middle of the match saw Kane and Show taking it to the much much smaller Rey. Somehow Rey weaseled away from Kane and made the tag to Punk, who came in hot until Show forced him off the top rope and into a chokeslam by Kane. Winner Kane and Big Show. I was suprised to see how little Punk was used in this match. I give this match a 6.5 out of 10.
The next match of the evening is Finlay and the midget against Tyson Kidd and Natalya, who were already in the ring
Kidd and Finlay start the match, with the troll quickly entering. He somehow pulled off a move, pulled out tennis balls and juggled them, threw them at Tyson Kidd, who proceeded to chase him out of the ring. Finlay then layed him out, tossed him back into the ring, and hit him with the shileighly….screw the spelling…you know what I’m talking about. The “little person” nails Kidd with the tadpole splash for the W. I was wildly disappointed with the lack of action for the B E A utiful Natalya, as her appearance was the only thing that made this squash match bearable to watch. I give this match a 2 out of 10. How can they build a guy like Tyson Kidd up if they are just going to job him to Hornswoggle?! On the way to break, Finlay seranades the audience and Hornswoggle with a rendition of When Irish Eyes are Smiling and just like that, Father and Son are split up. God I hope they future endeavor that little monkey soon.
John Cena talks backstage. Blah Blah Blah. He’s a great person, but there’s just so much I can take of him.
And Now for the Main Event of the evening. In the Blue Corner and fighting out of Jamaica…Kofi Kingston. In the Red Corner and fighting out of Toronto Ontario, Canada and hopefully future World Heavyweight Champion…The Rated R Superstar EHHHDDDDGGGE!!!!!!
Why hasn’t this match occurred sooner? Why didn’t Kofi get any revenge on Edge for stealing his Elimination Chamber spot? Whatever…The ultra, super athletic Kofi Kingston is great to watch…especially when he squares off against the magnificent Edge. The beginning of the match has a lot of arm bars by Kofi Kingston to pass the time on what will be a fairly lengthy match to end the show. Right before the final commercial break of the night, Edge knocks Kofi off the top rope. Back from break, Edge assumes control of the match. A little back in forth leads to Kofi showing off his athleticism off the top rope with a high cross body. Kofi uses an unorthodox, kinda belly to belly sweep for a pin attempt, which results in a twooooooo. Edge gets up and face plants Kofi, then misses a spear as Kofi recovers and hits a spinning kick to knock The Rated R Superstar out of the ring. A series of near falls by both men leads into a spear by Edge for the win. This was good back and forth match and by far the best match of the night. I give this match an 8 out of 10. It would have been a 10 out of 10 if Christian had shown up for a “5 Second Pose.” There’s my cheap plug of the night for Christian.
Overall, the show was just OK. The first match was alright, but lacked “it,” as all four of the guys seemed to care less about being there. The second match was a joke. Somebody please kill Hornswoggle already. The main event was very good, but not good enough to offset Hornswoggle being on the show. Now I will leave you with a fact of life as I know it….Firehouse is the greatest band of the “Hairband” era. Thanks for reading everybody and join me next week for another exhilarating WWE Superstars Review by Yours Truly.
Tonight, we’ve got a fatal four way elimination match to determine the number one contender to John Cena’s World Heavyweight Championship. I’ve also heard we’ve got a Diva’s battle royal. Guess what, kids, we’re going real-time tonight! Don’t forget to refresh every few minutes for the latest updates!
Full results (in real-time) after the jump! (more…)