Welcome all to another edition of what I do here on this site and as the days get longer it can only mean one thing, Wrestlemania is near. What did you think I was gonna say spring? We don’t really get that here since it can snow here some years as late as Mothers day, we just kinda transition from winter into summer so for me to say that spring is coming just wouldn’t fit, but without further ado, I have wrestling to talk about so lets get this train a rolling: (more…)
Happy Valentine’s Day!! Here at BoredWrestlingFan, we love you all! In a non-creepy kind of way. Like family, really… I love you like brothers and sisters and dysfunctional cousins, and that one uncle who always comes in around Christmas time dressed up like Santa, just to get you to sit on his lap, but always gets punched out by your dad. Yeah. I love you all like that.
Anyway, now that I’ve creeped myself out, who will be the guest host for Wrestlemania? And who is going to be showing themself next week on RAW?! AND WHEN WILL RANDY ORTON WEAR PANTS?! All these questions (or, y’know, just one of them), and more will be answered on tonight’s edition of Monday Night RAW!
Earlier tonight, the RAW GM announced three singles matches: Randy Orton v King Sheamus, John Morrison vs R-Truth, and John Cena vs CM Punk once more, but tonight, there will be a winner and the New Nexus is banned from ringside!!
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRR LOVE YOU TOO!!!
John Cena vs CM Punk – There Must Be A Winner and New Nexus is Banned from Ringside
<VIDEO PACKAGE: After the New Nexus destroys the other Elimination Chamber competitors, John Cena shows the New Nexus that he will not be neutralized.>
Before the match, Cena thanks King for the assist, and comments on the crowd. He says he sees some guys smiling, sweating, and that could only mean that it’s Valentine’s Day. He says it’s good to see all the couples, and nothing really says “I love ya honey” like a pair of tickets to WWE. Love is in the air, but so is Wrestlemania! Tonight’s gonna be big, because tonight we find out who will host Wrestlemania! As we can see, everyone’s talking about it, and there are tons of theories. Lady Gaga (after showing up at the Grammys in an egg), Sammy (after leaving Jersey Shore), but Cena thinks that his theory is the most solid: Michael Cole hosts Wrestlemania. He says that he’s equally upset, but Mr. McMahon said last night (Last week), all this special stuff. Cole gets a special feeling every time the GM sends him an email, Cole has a special attraction to Miz and A-Ry, and something that’s never been seen before? They’ve never seen any absolute proof that Michael Cole is actually a man. Cena says that there’s no need for Cole to stand up and embarrass himself, because he’d look like a host. Tonight, we find out who hosts Wrestlemania, Sunday we find out who goes to Wrestlemania for the WWE Championship. Cena says that after his year, he needs this Wrestlemania moment. At one point, he was a slave, working for a group of radicals, and then he was fired. And then he was living off of powdered milk and Crayola crayons, and then he came back and still had to deal with the group of radicals called the Nexus. The great thing about the Elimination Chamber is that only one man from that group can step inside, and that’s CM Punk-
CM Punk’s music interrupts and Punk comes out with a mic. He says that he does not need to listen to this anymore, just as he does not need the members of the New Nexus to defeat Cena. Cena’s a sports fan, it’s in the history book, the last two times that Punk and Cena met, let the record state: CM Punk: 2, John Cena: 0. He doesn’t need to listen to Cena run down Cole, or the people in Anaheim, because he is a good person. Trust Punk, Cena, even here, good things happen to good people.
The match starts with Punk closing the distance, and the two lock up, only for Cena to push Punk in the corner. Punk seems to have an injured leg, but runs to Cena to miss a clothesline, and throws Punk across the ring, and Punk moves as Cena runs to him, sending Cena shoulder-first into the steel post. Punk gets on the apron, and jumps onto Cena on the outside.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi I think I just heard Cole jizz himself when Punk complimented him. I think it’s a love square here now. #BWF #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar Uh-oh, Punk. Last time someone tried a win-loss countdown with John Cena, they got destroyed. Poor 2009 Miz.
@CMPunkSays So is Michael Cole asexual or a hermaphrodite? #VagueSexualSlurs #WWE
@legendkiller515 cole is a good Samaritan? since when? #bwf
@SadieandCompany Love the Grey’s Sports Almanac reference from @CMPunk! #WWE #BWF
We come back to Punk dominating Cena, and he goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out a two. Punk pulls Cena back up and suplexes him into another cover, but Cena won’t be put away. He latches onto Cena’s shoulder, and Cena gets him off with an arm drag before running right into Punk’s foot, and Punk goes for yet another cover. Punk then wraps his feet around Cena’s waist and applies some pressure. Cena works on getting Punk’s legs out from around him, and tries to lock in the STF, but Punk gets to the rope and elbows Cena off of him. Punk steps on Cena’s head and back, and the ref gets him off. Punk stands Cena up, and delivers a hit to the forehead. Punk continues with some hits to Cena’s head before wrapping it up with a kick to the chest. Punk relishes in the boos for a minute before meeting a punch to the gut by Cena. Cena Whips Punk, who counters, and then Cena hits some shoulder takedowns, and a sidewalk slam. He hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle and goes for the Attitude adjustment, but Punk pushes him off and kicks him right in the face. Punk goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Punk goes back to the submission, putting Cena’s head in between his legs, but Cena gets him up, and Punk fights his way to safety. Cena reverses and hits a Gutwrench, but Punk gets out of the cover. Cena climbs up on the top rope, but Punk jumps up and kicks him in the head, sending Cena back to the ring. Punk runs across the ring and gives the high knee to Cena before missing the Bulldog, and Cena tries to hit the STF only to get met with a swinging neckbreaker, but Cena kicks out of the cover at two. Punk gets Cena up, but Cena counters and goes for the cover, but Punk kicks out at two. Punk delivers some hard and high kicks and goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two again. Punk climbs out of the ring and goes to the top rope, hitting a cross body, but Cena catches him and puts him up for the Attitude Adjustment, and Punk gets the top rope. Cena sends him out of the ring, and Punk gets a chair from someone in Nexus, followed by a wrench. As the ref gets the chair out of the ring, Punk hits Cena with the wrench and hits the Go to Sleep for the win.
CM Punk wins via pinfall.
And there’s the end of RAW! … Oh, wait. It’s still the beginning of RAW…
Josh Matthews is taking the place of Jerry “The King” Lawler because King is taking time off after the death of his mother. Our prayers are with him and his family. But don’t worry, he’ll be at Elimination Chamber.
Still to come, the Wrestlemania guest host!
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Mae Young and Mark Henry’s hand is all grown up and it’s joined the Nexus!
@Niki_Sushi Huh. I haven’t heard any rumors about it being Johnny Depp or Ryan Seacrest. If only. #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes Michael Cole lies, NOBODY says it will be Vince McMahon
@legendkiller515 cole just sounds like a hater. he got that #hateration going on #bwf
<WWE Slam of the Week: Two weeks ago, Alberto del Rio announces he is going after the World Heavyweight Championship at Wrestlemania, and proceeds to beat Edge upside the face with a guitar, and then gets him in the Cross Arm Breaker.>
Justin Roberts tells us to welcome Ricardo Rodriguez. He says Ladies and gentlemen, something something something something something, something about a suit, something something, Excellent, Mexico, Alberto del Rio. Thank you Spanish Class! … I hope my Spanish teacher doesn’t watch wrestling, or I’m in trouble. And, now there’s a random plug about the Smackdown! Elimination Chamber match! … Cool. Cause RAW is Smackdown now. I guess.
Alberto del Rio says that his name is Alberto del Rio, but we already knew that. This Sunday, it makes no difference to him who wins the Smackdown Elimination Chamber, because just like it was his destiny to win the Royal Rumble, it is his destiny at Wrestlemania to be the World Heavyweight Champion.
You think you know me…
Edge comes down with his World Heavyweight Championship, and I don’t know how he kept it because I didn’t watch. Edge asks Alberto what’s up, and says that the past two weeks he’s been so busy beating Dolph Ziggler on Smackdown that he almost forgot that del Rio attacked him with a guitar. So, he talks about his destiny, and Edge says he has a destiny too. Wanna know what it is? And then Edge takes del Rio off his feet and pummels him. Edge backs into the corner, and starts to go for the Spear, but Ricardo does what he’s paid for and distracts Edge. Del Rio starts to do something to Edge, but Edge Spears him.
Vickie says this Sunday there will be a World Heavyweight Championship match, but first, she’s there to introduce the new – and then has to excuse herself again – World Heavyweight Champion, her amazing boyfriend, Dolph Ziggler! Okay, last Friday, Vickie tries to Spear Edge, but hurts herself, and Edge takes advantage to Spear Dolph. Edge calls for another ref, and Packers linebacker, Clay Matthews went out and counted for the match.
Vickie says that she has told him over and over and over again that if he uses the Spear, he would face the consequences. This Friday night on Smackdown, they will have the official coronation of Dolph Ziggler as the World Heavyweight Champion. So, Edge, you lost the world title on Friday, and he is about to lose something else: his job. Vickie has proof that Edge is the one who assaulted Teddy Long, and then she cackles. Because this really is Smackdown now. I have a headache now.
Coming up next, Natalya’s getting her rematch for the Diva’s Championship in a Lumberjill match.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: The steps of the shack in the rain. We see a figure in the window. We start to see a face, then the candles are blown out. Johnny Cash’s Ain’t No Grave starts again, and the numbers 2.21.11 show up in fire again.>
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Vickie reveals she has “PROOF” that Edge attacked Teddy Long…..then she cackles like a hen laying a square egg. #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw
@KeepItFiveStar Wow. Sting really grew his hair out long. And grew a goatee. Man, The Undertaker look is coming back in style. …STINNNNNG!!!
@HitTheRopes SO, how does @HeelZiggler feel about Del Rio doing his whole introduction shtick but with a Spanish flair? Remember Dolph’s, Hi my name is..
@Niki_Sushi You attacked me with a guitar. MEET MY BANJO! #BWF #RAW
@FrankWWEClown Vickie Guerrero’s laugh makes puppies run for their lives, makes babies cry, and made me vomit. Talk about a triple whammy. #WWE #RAW
@ccastagnoli Best evil laugh since Ted DiBiase; @excusemewwe
@ThingsColeSays You know what, could 2.21.11 be the return of Triple H?
Tonight, we have another match I don’t want to watch, as the United States Champion Daniel Bryan will go against the WWE Champion, The Miz!
Natalya vs WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres for the Diva’s Championship in a LumberJill Match
I hate Lumberjack/jill matches too.
DON’T SHAKE HANDS! Anyway, Natalya gets Eve down on the match, but Eve gets her out of it, and then they do the same thing. The two then try to go for the same move, and respect one another. Natalya with two covers in a row, but Eve kicks out at two. Eve gets Natalya on her back, but not shoulders down, and Natalya fights to her feet. Natalya drags Eve into the ring, and gets her in that surfboard submission, but Eve gets her hands free and flips free, pinning Natalya, who kicks out at two. Natalya gets Eve in a headlock, but Eve fights out and the two of them exchange move, but Eve hits a handspring moonsault and Natalya kicks out of the cover. Natalya hits the spinning clothesline thing and Eve throws Natalya out of the ring. The bellas attack her, and Maryse Alicia and Melina join, but Gail Kim and Tamina try to help her, and do so. Eve then takes out the heel divas, minus Melina, and it looks like Maryse was hurt more. Eve gets back in the ring, and both Divas are down in the center of the ring. Maryse leaves ringside, by the way. Natalya goes in a roll through, but Natalya’s shoulders are down, and Eve retains.
WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres wins via pinfall.
Natalya stands up and the two shake hands again, which just infuriates me.
<COMMERCIAL>
@5CornersxSmootx #RAW Alicia Fox looks like a 6ft prostitute with that red hair.
@KeepItFiveStar Oh God! Maryse! Is she okay?! Somebody check on my fallen angel!
@kickoutblog Eve looks like Wonder Woman and Iron Man had a baby.
@legendkiller515 cole sounds like he never got some valentines love as a kid…he needs help! #bwf
@TKeep123 “Lumber-Jack” matches are usually to end some long terrible feud… This is for Eve and Natalya? What’s the point? #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw
Eve Torres and the Bellas are arguing backstage. One of the Bellas tries to choke Eve, and Gail comes up to help Eve, and then its Eve, Gail and Natalya against the Bellas in some crappy brawl or another. Well, I could be reviewing two people I don’t like shoving their tongues down their throats.
Cole has a lame ass segue turning back over to The Chaperone as we get a ‘sneak peek’, or, y’know… the trailer again.
<VIDEO PACAKGE: The Chaperone trailer.>
Mark Henry-
Mark Henry starts to come out to the ring, but Sheamus comes out and attacks him from behind, delivering a Brogue Kick to him, and then demands the mic, fella!
Sheamus says that to every fella in the Elimination Chamber, that’s a reminder of what he’s capable of. And if they want an even bigger reminder, they can watch what he does to Randy Orton tonight. A ref gets Henry onto his knees and Sheamus Brogue Kicks him again.
WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley make their way to the ring. Oh, and wouldn’t you know it? Michael Tarver’s doin The Creep!
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar What the hell, Natalya and Gail? Eve started the fight! She ran off at the mouth at The Bellas. Called them fat. Heard a racial slur or two.
@TKeep123 Diva Pile…Diva Pile! I so want to be the back-stage Ref! #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw
@HitTheRopes The backstage brawl was slightly better than the actual title match. #WWE
@Niki_Sushi Well. Looks like a Bella is getting fired. Didn’t you learn from leering at Daniel that choking is BAD? #BWF #RAW
@CMPunkSays I figured it out. Michael Tarver has been dead the whole time, BUT HE DOESN’T KNOW IT. #WWE #AsDirectedByMNightShyamalan
@KeepItFiveStar LOL Michael Tarver should come out The Creep by The Lonely Island featuring Nicki Minaj
@Niki_Sushi And he’s out! See ya later, Mark! Nice seeing you. #BWF #RAW #SameTimeNextWeek
@ThingsColeSays HAHAHAHAHAHA, MIZ JUST SHOVED DOWN CENA’S BEST BACKSTAGE FRIEND.
@kickoutblog Okay, Miz shoving that guy was hilarious.
@AkatsukiArtist @kickoutblog HE JUST SHOVED STAN
@kickoutblog Good thing Alex Riley keeps Miz’s soul in that briefcase, otherwise Michael Tarver would’ve enjoyed a late dinner
@JonHexLives The Miz shoving random backstage guy was easily the best thing he’s done since stealing Angry Miz Girl’s Slammy. #WWE #RAW #BWF
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last Monday, Jerry “The King” Lawler and United States Champion Daniel Bryan defeated Ted DiBiase and WWE Champion The Miz>
AWESOME!
WWE Champion The Miz with Alex Riley vs United States Champion Daniel Bryan
It looks like Alex Riley is on commentary again, which really kind of sucks. Though, I did laugh at Cole and Riley shaking hands, and then Cole backhanding Matthews. I did laugh.
Miz and Bryan circle one another, and lock up, Miz getting Bryan in a headlock. Miz then knocks Bryan down. The two lock up again, and Bryan gets a few arm drags on Miz. Miz elbows Bryan, and then avoids Bryan’s kick, only to get hit by two missile dropkicks in a row, and Miz kicks him in the face. Miz then attacks Bryan repeatedly. I’d go into more detail, but the damn cameras keep going to the announce table. Miz puts pressure on Bryan’s jaw, putting him in a headlock, and Bryan fights out. Bryan runs at Miz, but they both fall over and have a ‘what the fuck?!’ moment, and Bryan puts Miz in a headlock. Miz Whips Bryan and then elbows him so hard that Miz is knocked over too before going to the cover. Bryan kicks out, and Miz comes back at him, putting Bryan in a headlock. Bryan and Miz duke it out with a few hits, and then Bryan Whips Miz, who counters and then Bryan flips out of the corner and retaliates with a clothesline. Miz gets up in the corner and Bryan plants his feet in Miz’ chest before going for the cover, but Miz kicks out. Miz plays possum and fights back, but Bryan drops him on the outside of the ring. Miz stands up, Bryan runs at him, but Miz moves. Bryan then launches himself at Miz outside the ring. Bryan throws Miz back into the ring and goes up top, and plants his feet in Miz’s chest again, but Miz kicks out of the cover at two. Miz is on his feet, and he is lured into the LaBell Lock, but Miz gets to the ropes first. The two seem to fight for a minute in the ropes before Miz hits a neckbreaker and deposits Bryan outside the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar OH! What a neckbreaker by Miz! Damn!
@Niki_Sushi NO! WHY CAN’T I EVER ESCAPE!? I’m going to start crying every time I heard this damn song now. Daniel, just… go away. Please. #BWF #RAW
We come back to Miz in control, and he gets Bryan up on the top rope, delivering some this to him. Miz tries to go for the suplex that no one seems able to hit anymore, and he manages to get Miz from the top to the ring on his back in record time, but Miz still kicks out from the cover. Bryan’s on his feet first and delivers some hard kicks to Miz’ chest, rapid-fire. Miz ducks under his next one and goes for a cover, but Bryan kicks out at two. Miz does it again, but Bryan kicks out again. Miz starts to drop Bryan onto his knee, but Bryan counters and kicks him in the chest again, but Miz kicks out of the cover at two. Bryan tries to get the LaBell Lock in again, but Miz gets up to his feet, and Bryan jumps onto his shoulders before dropping Bryan right on his face. Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the win.
WWE Champion The Miz wins via pinfall.
Miz stays in the ring after his match and asks if everyone saw what he did to the United States Champion Daniel Bryan? He knows everyone saw what he did, but there’s one person that didn’t see: Jerry “The King” Lawler. We all know Jerry’s unfortunately not here tonight, because his mother passed away. Therefore, Miz would like to take this moment to offer his sincere condolences. And yet he still gets boo’d. However, Miz says, he hopes that Jerry doesn’t use this as an excuse as to why he loses his match on Sunday at the Elimination Chamber. Because if Miz wants him to hear one thing, it is that The Miz will still be WWE Champion because he’s The Miz and he’s AWESOME!
Apparently, the rumors about the host of Wrestlemania have included every celebrity. I heard it’d even be Elvis!
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar That could’ve went down a really bad road. Thankfully it didn’t! #MizIsAwesome
@CMPunkSays HE’S GOING FOR THE NUCLEAR HEAT #Miz #WWE
@BrdWrstlngFn I see a lot of hate for @MikeTheMiz on here. Means he’s doing his job. Keep up the good work, Miz!
@HitTheRopes Lol, people starting freaking out thinking the WWE would have Miz go in on Lawler’s tragedy. Good job there WWE. Respectful and sells match
Michael McGuillicutty and David Otunga with Mason Ryan vs John Morrison and R-Truth
HOLY SHIT TRUTH’S DREADS ARE GONE! Oh, not they aren’t.
During the commercial, the RAW GM made this match to allow Truth and Morrison a chance at revenge, or something. Truth starts out with McGuillicutty and starts beating him up, but McGuillicutty fights back, only to get beat again. Morrison has some red around his eyes, and Otunga distracts the ref, so Morrison goes to get him, and Ryan gets Truth out of the ring and kicks him in the ribs. McGuillicutty climbs out of the ring and rams him kidney-first into the apron before hitting him again. McGuillicutty throws him into the ring and goes for the cover, but Truth kicks out at two. McGuillicutty tags in Otunga, who suplexes Truth and goes for a cover, only for Truth to kick out. Cole and Matthews argue over Punk’s victory as Otunga works on weakening Truth. Truth fights back and dodges a wild clothesline before dropping Otunga on his neck. Truth and Otunga are both down in the middle of the ring and Morrison gets in against Otunga. Morrison drops Otunga and hits him repeatedly, obviously furious about the attack on him last week. Otunga tags McGuillicutty in, but Morrison doesn’t care. He’s gone Hulk, and proceeds to just beat the shit out of McGuillicutty now. I’m not sure if the ref or Truth are safe either. Morrison works harder on kicking the shit out of McGuillicutty, and the ref finally gets him off of Otunga, and Morrison kicks Ryan away from the ring before sending Truth out on Ryan. Morrison kicks, or knees, McGuillicutty in the face and pins him for the win.
R-Truth and The Hulk John Morrison win.
Mason Ryan attacks Morrison from behind, but Morrison and Truth fight him out. The ref raises his hand and Morrison jerks it away to glare threateningly at Nexus.
Chris Jericho’s new autobiography, Undisputed, is available Wednesday! It’d be the perfect late Valentine’s Day present for your favorite RAW Reviewer, just so you know…
Coming up, the guest host of Wrestlemania will be announced, and Randy Orton and Sheamus will go one-on-one.
<COMMERCIAL>
@CMPunkSays Did John Morrison just activate Devil Trigger? #WWE
@KeepItFiveStar John Morrison’s traded in the Parkour for Hardcore! He is PISSED!
@Niki_Sushi No, it goes like this. ‘JoMo used DUCT TAPE! It’s SUPER EFFECTIVE!’ #BWF #RAW
@JRosz78 At least they didn’t give that crackhead R-Fail a mic to fuck up this week! #RAW #WWE #BWF
The co-star to Triple H in The Chaperone is here, Ariel Winter, I mean. She says that she’s excited to be in the ring on Monday Night RAW. Good for her. As we know, in The Chaperone, Triple H plays her father. Not only is tonight Valentine’s Day, but tonight is the night for the Khali Kiss Cam, and I think Cole reacted with my reaction. Ugh.
Khali says something and I heard Kiss Cam, and I think he said BLAH BLAH BLAH! Ranjin says that he said Welcome to a special Valentine’s Day Kiss Cam! For the first time ever, Khali won’t be kissing anyone, but everyone else, backstage or in the front, gets to kiss. Audience, audience, Santino and Tamina, (with the Cobra trying to kiss), then Vickie and Dolph (who looks disgusted), audience, Maryse and Ted (and Maryse totally says no and kisses Yoshi instead!), Zack and Regal (OMG REGAL KISSED HIM!), audience, Hornswoggle?! Horny comes out with chocolates for Ariel, which is cute. He gives her the box, and then goes to leave, but she kisses his cheek. He hugs her and lifts her, spinning her around. Ariel then totally loses the chocolates all over the ring.
Still to come, that stuff I said before was still to come.
Randy Orton is making his way to the ring!
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog William Regal is so manly, he’s totally comfortable with kissing another man.
@KeepItFiveStar OHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! YOSHI TATSU GET YOU SOME!!!
@HitTheRopes Ariel Winter’s jacket is cool. And she dances better than Khali, not that that is difficult.
@Niki_Sushi Regal is my damn hero. Not many men are comfortable enough with themselves to kiss another man. #BWF #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar Awww. Chocolate botch! Mark Henry’s like “I’m on my way!” *Mark Henry runs to the ring with Ultimate Warrior like speed*
@FrankWWEClown Hornswoggle, that’s illegal. You have a full beard. That girl is like 10 years old. You little creep, you. #WWE #RAW
@HitTheRopes William Regal just wanted to get Zacked! @ZackRyder
@CMPunkSays REGAL! You cheeky bugger, you. #WWE
@kickoutblog Chris Hansen returns to Dateline NBC this week with “To Catch A Leprechaun”
@TKeep123 Next week Chaperone HHH shows up to kick the crap out of Hornswaggle for sleazing on his ‘daughter’… #WWE #RAW #BWF
@JRosz78 #RAW was goin so well then they throw this PG kid crap in there! SMH #RAW #BWF
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Repeat of the above 2.21.11 teaser.>
Tonight’s order is screwing with me… Seriously… Shouldn’t the Wrestlemania guest host announcement come before this match? Aw, whatever.
King Sheamus vs Randy Orton
Orton comes out to the ring and looks over his shoulder, just in case.
Orton and Sheamus lock up, and trip over one another against the ropes. Orton backs up and Sheamus kicks him, hitting some hard hits before Whipping Orton, but Orton counters and takes Sheamus down before pounding on him and stomping on his head. He then goes to drop his knee on Sheamus, but Sheamus moves and hits him back, punching him in the head. Sheamus punches Orton, and Orton retaliates with a back breaker. Orton then drops the knee on Sheamus and goes for a cover, but Sheamus kicks out at two. Sheamus shoves Orton’s face into the turnbuckle, and then Sheamus takes Orton down with a clothesline. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Orton powers out. Sheamus steps on Orton’s chest before pushing Orton’s neck into the middle rope. Sheamus hits Orton’s chest with five or six hard forearms, and then drives his thigh into Orton’s face. Orton gets up and Sheamus swan dives into the ring and takes Orton down, going for a cover, but Orton kicks out at two. Sheamus goes for a submission, but Orton fights quickly to his feet, and Sheamus holds on, getting Orton back on the ring mat. Orton fights back up and fights out of the submission, delivering some head butts before getting kicked, but retaliating with two clotheslines and a scoop slam. He Whips Sheamus, and then kicks him in the chest, going for something, but Sheamus hits the Irish Curse Backbreaker, and Orton kicks out of the following cover at two. Sheamus punches him in the head and then puts him on the top rope. Orton takes a hit, and then Sheamus goes for the super plex, and Sheamus hits the super plex! Sheamus gets up, but Randy hits the RKO out of nowhere!
Randy Orton wins via pinfall.
Punk slides into the ring with the New Nexus right after Orton’s victory, and John Morrison comes out to help Orton, followed by R-Truth and finally John Cena. Randy RKOs Otunga, then McGuillicutty, and then attacks Ryan, before Cena and Randy both throw Ryan out, and Punk tries to get Randy in the Go to Sleep, but Randy counters and pushes Punk to Cena, who hits the Attitude Adjustment.
Backstage, a limo pulls up. The door opens, and heels are what come out of the limo.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Sheamus is like an RKO Magnet
@kickoutblog I actually think Sheamus and Orton have chemistry, they just haven’t found the right mixture yet. #SCIENCE
@KeepItFiveStar IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!!
@ThingsColeSays TOO MANY LIMES, TOO MANY LIMES!
@Niki_Sushi I’m open to just about anyone, but if it’s Stephanie McMahon, I’m going to whip her with Cole’s tie.. using Daniel’s arms. #BWF #RAW
And the host of Wrestlemania 27 is…
IF YOU SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL!!!!!!!!
The Rock has finally returned to the WWE, and what a way to do it! He gets an absolutely astounding pop, so much so that I actually turned down my TV a little to try to save my head from exploding. Then again, it already hurts, so… yeah.
Silence, jabronis! The Rock has a microphone!
Rock goes to speak, but they start cheering him again.
Rock says after seven long years, finally, finally, finally the Rock has come back to Anaheim! Which means, finally, the Rock has come back to Monday Night RAW! Which means, finally, the Rock has come back home. Before The Rock gets into that, before we electrify, before we turn this out tonight, for those of you who don’t know, the Rock has many nicknames: The Great One, The Most Electrifying Man in All of Entertainment, The People’s Champion. But he wants to tell us something that’s important right now, as Dwayne. It’s been a long time since he’s been back. Seven years, to be exact. But he wants to take this moment, in the middle of this ring, to tell us why he’s back. It’s not because of the money, it’s not to promote a movie, he is back in the middle of this ring, because of us, the WWE Universe. When he left the WWE seven years ago, he dreamed big, and we dreamed big with him, and we helped him to do that because we never left his side. And he wants to take a moment to tell everyone here, millions watching around the world, thank you, he loves us, and it is because of us that he is back, and it is because of us, and he gives us his word, that he is never ever going away. Simply put, the Rock is back. He’s back because he wanted to do something unprecedented, host Wrestlemania! So it happened, Rock called Mr. McMahon. McMahon knew why he was caling, there was only one man electrifying enough, who can captivate the world, Rock, that man can only be, Justin Beiber-?! But Rock told Vince, no no no nononono. The Rock knows Justin, he’s cool, but make no mistake about it, there’s only one man capable enough host Wrestlemania, The ROCK! I forgot how fast this man talks. The Rock is going to Wrestlemania, is hosting Wrestlemania, and at the drop of a dime, the Rock with Layeth the Smackdown at Wrestlemania! But, to who? That’s the question. Could it be the WWE Champion, The Miz? Rock hears “I’m awesome” all the time. If you gotta run around telling everyone how awesome you are, it means you completely suck. But, there’s one more man, who the Rock wants to see, one more man the Rock is gonna see:
Cole says he has gotten an email, and Rock says WHOA! Rock says that if Cole takes one more step toward that computer, the Rock will slap the taste out of his mouth so hard he’ll never get it back. Does Cole think that Rock is going to let him interrupt Rock when he’s live on RAW? Does he actually think that anyone gives a damn what the General Manager has to say? Cole, is that what you think? Cole says – IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK! And what you do, Cole, is sit your ass down, take off your headset and don’t say a word. And Rock Quotes: “Know your damn role and shut your damn mouth.” Cause if he doesn’t, Rock will post some cool pictures on the Rock’s FaceBook. Facebook.com/DwayneJohnson. If Cole does it, Rock will step out of that ring, go over to the computer, shine it up nice, turn it sideways, and stick it straight up Michael Cole’s candy ass! Rock calls him a drunk hobbit and tells him to sit down.
Cole is pouting. It’s epic.
There is one man who the Rock is going to see, one man who the Rock has to see face-to-face. A guy who he met and thought was a cool guy, wished him well, happy for his success, and when the Rock leaves, he starts talking trash about the Rock. Rock doesn’t know and doesn’t care, and that’s John Cena. So, let Rock get this straight: The WWE has gone from the powerful Austin 3:16 to the Dominant and Iconic Can You Smell What the Rock is Cookin’, to… you can’t see me? What, are you playing Peek-a-boo? Believe Rock, we can all see you. A blindfolded, sleeping, stuck-in-the-basement Stevie Wonder can see your ass. How the hell do you think we can miss? Bright ass purple, green, orange shirt, lookin like a big fat bowl of Fruity Pebbles. Cena, Rock will see you at Wrestlemania. Just like the Rock will see Miz, and just like he will see everyone, and just as sure as the Rock turns Wrestlemania into the most epic Wrestlemania ever, and just as sure as Rock guarantees that he’ll show he’s the most electric man in entertainment, layeth the Smackdown at any moment, the Rock and the millions, and the millions, and the millions of the Rock’s fans go to Wrestlemania and electrify, if you smell-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l what the Rock….
….
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…
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Is cookin.
Well. There’s RAW. While I’m very glad that Rock is back, I think that they should have cut his mic time in like… half. I’m exhausted. Anyway, excited for Wrestlemania now! See you all next week.
Can Edge even the odds before his title defense against Dolph Ziggler on Sunday? Why was Michael Tarver skulking around backstage (and again on RAW)? And, most importantly, who was responsible for the attack on Teddy Long?
Vickie kicks off the show tonight, informing us that Teddy Long will not be here. Therefore, she is the acting General Manager. There’s a motive right there for attacking Teddy Long – with him out of the picture, Vickie has complete authority and the ability to potentially screw Edge over at the Rumble and cost him his title. Vickie is soon interrupted by Randy Orton who, we are told, is on the blue brand to participate in a tag match in tonight’s main event. Randy makes some promises about his tag match against Vickie’s boyfriend, and also vows to take back his WWE championship from The Miz this Sunday. Then he insults Vickie’s hair. Okay… ‘creepy, intimidating Orton’ is always great; ‘personal insults Orton’? Not so much. Dolph comes out to the rescue. He demands Randy shows Vickie and himself respect. Seriously, Ziggler has come on leaps and bounds on the mic. Dude has ‘it’. Not that ‘it’ helps him in this scenario, because he’s soon eating canvas as Orton strikes with an RKO.
LayCool vs. Kelly Kelly/Kaitlyn: It’s incredibly lame, but I love it when Striker sings along to LayCool’s entrance music. The No. 1 contenders for the Divas title are taken out on the ramp by Kelly and Kaitlyn – wait, Kaitlyn has a match?! I swear I can hear some members of the crowd booing this sneak attack on LayCool. This match lasts about a minute – that’s not me being hyperbolic; it seriously lasts around 60 seconds. Layla distracts Kaitlyn, and Michelle McCool takes advantage with a big boot. And people say the Divas don’t get enough screen time! Your winners: LayCool
Drew McIntyre vs. JTG: Kelly Kelly has remained at ringside for this bout; Michael Cole rightly calls her a hypocrite for attacking LayCool earlier on, despite going flippin’ mental (my words, not Cole’s) at Drew for essentially the same thing last week with Trent Baretta. Right on, Cole! This match goes on a little longer than it should, I reckon. As is typical of Drew’s matches lately, JTG is resilient and even manages a few offensive flurries (I need to stop saying that phrase; seem to use it every week) but, in the end, McIntyre prevails. I like this finish – JTG goes for a backslide, which Drew rolls through and delivers a devastating Futureshock DDT. These matches against lesser opponents have been noticeably longer than they would have been, say, 6 months ago. Is this deliberate on WWE’s part to give the impression that Drew is working hard, in order to give the fans a reason to respect or get behind him? He’s as vicious as ever, but he seems to appreciate getting pinfalls lately. This is gonna be a slow-burning face turn, for sure. Credit to Kelly Kelly – she’s performing her role in this storyline very well. I totally didn’t mean that to sound so patronising… Your winner: Drew McIntyre
Todd ‘Don’t Look Him In The Eyes’ Grisham is backstage with Dashing Cody Rhodes, who has his back to the camera. Last week, Rey’s 619 – complete with an exposed knee brace – broke Cody’s nose. Cody keeps his back to the camera as he delivers his promo; a whining affair about deviated septums and extensive reconstruction surgeries. Basically, it’s great. Rhodes sounds on the verge of tears as he informs Todd that doctors have told him he is not to compete in the Royal Rumble match. Jeez, Rey. What a jerk. This is the best promo I’ve ever seen from Cody. Good job, Not-So-Dashing One!
We cut to Jack Korpela (Jack Korpela?! We want Scott Stanford, damn it!) who is with Edge. Edge talks about his tag match tonight, where he will reunite with his former Rated RKO partner. After he’s said his piece, we see Alberto Del Rio walking backstage. He bumps into Michael Tarver and introduces himself. Tarver smiles and walks away. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH TARVER?! I’m dying to know, but I want them to drag this out for as long as possible. Providing the outcome is exciting, of course.
Alberto Del Rio’s Royal Rumble Exhibition: Del Rio announces that backstage there are 39 fighters from around the globe who are ready to fight him. He’ll start with one, and another will enter every 30 seconds. First up is Seth Allen. WOO! SETH ALLEN! Seth Allen has a sweet beard. Unfortunately, his in-ring prowess isn’t quite as sweet – he lasts about 25 seconds before Del Rio throws him over the ropes. Next up is Mike Stevens, whose beard is even sweeter than Seth Allen’s. These guys look like default create-a-wrestlers in the SmackDown! vs. RAW games, it’s amazing. The clock ticks down for the 3rd competitor… and flames erupt. Uh-oh. Here comes Kane. Damn it, I was genuinely looking forward to 37 more jobbers with generic names! What about Zac Stone? Rick Daniels? Chuck Awesomesauce? (Actually, Chuck Awesomesauce is a real wrestler. I kid you not. He is my hero, purely for having that name.) Kane grabs Del Rio by the throat and goes to push him over the ropes, but for some bizarre reason, Kofi Kingston appears. He grabs Kane’s legs and pushes both men over the ropes. Umm. Okay. Del Rio and Kane slowly get back in the ring to seek revenge. I was hoping the 39 jobbers would run to the rescue (they could start a new megafaction) but, unfortunately, Rey Mysterio appears instead. The goodies stare down the baddies, and Vickie Guerrero comes out to announce they will compete in a tag match… right now!
Alberto Del Rio/Kane vs. Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio: Most of this match is standard, nondescript fare, so let’s skip to the end. Alberto’s mad at Kane, because Kane wasn’t there to be tagged in. Uhh, he was kinda busy lying on the floor after Kofi knocked him off, jerk. Kane doesn’t like being pushed around, so he hits Del Rio with a big boot and takes off. Mysterio hits a 619 (watch you don’t break his nose, Rey! Yeah, I said it! Jerk.) and Kofi follows it up with a Trouble In Paradise. Striker reiterates what he said earlier about his belief that a ‘new face’ will win the Royal Rumble this Sunday. Nice sentiment, but it’s never gonna be Kofi Kingston. Your winners: Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio
Big Show vs. Heath Slater: Big Show’s in the ring to talk about the emergence of Corre and their attack on the giant 2 weeks ago. Needless to say, he’s pretty angry. The Corre soon appear, replete with terrible t-shirts. Heath Slater slides into the ring, and I guess this is a match-up! Every time Big Show runs the ropes, I wince, expecting them to snap and send him tumbling to the floor. Show soon plants Slater with a Chokeslam, and it’s all over. The other Corre members enter the ring. Show swats Barrett and Gabriel away, but Jackson takes him down with a clothesline. A bunch of good guys run from the back to chase off The Corre. Your winner: Big Show
The Miz/Dolph Ziggler vs. Edge/Randy Orton: Midway through this match, Ziggler hits Edge with an X-Factor facebuster. Is Ziggler working his way through DX members’ finishers? Actually, I joke, but I’m pretty sure he’s used a superkick a few times in the past! This match reaches fever pitch as Dolph fails to connect with the Zigzag. Edge hits the Spear, and it’s all over. Or not, because Vickie Guerrero grabs a microphone and starts shrieking. She announces that, until further notice, the Spear is illegal. Wow, this is very reminiscent of Vickie protecting Edge by banning Undertaker’s gogoplata submission hold, eh? How time flies. Vickie announces that if Edge hits Dolph Ziggler with a Spear at the Royal Rumble, not only will he be DQ’d… he will lose his World Championship! Edge snaps, and hits Ziggler with a trifecta of, yes, Spears. Better get it out of your system tonight, buddy.
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I started out this report focusing on the Teddy Long mystery, but not a lot was said about all that… Oh well. Seeing as we’re oh so very close to the Rumble, here’s my take on what will (but probably won’t) happen.
Rich Flynn’s Royal Rumble Predictions (Which Probably Won’t Happen)!:
Beth Phoenix made history last year by being only the second female entrant in Rumble history – and the first to eliminate a Superstar. There’s a good chance she could appear again.
And what about Awesome Kong? I have a strong feeling she will make an appearance – either during the Diva’s title match or the Rumble itself. It’s a long shot, but what better a way to debut a monster Diva?
Drew McIntyre will have an impressive Rumble. He’ll make a very deep run, and I’m putting him in the final four.
I fully expect Triple H to return during the Rumble. Admittedly, I haven’t heard what his recent plans are regarding his in-ring career, but giving Sheamus the King of the Ring is too perfect a set-up for a ‘Mania match between the two. Sheamus will dominate early on, but Triple H will appear and throw himself at Sheamus. Both men will be eliminated, but all Triple H will care about is destroying Sheamus on the outside.
When a friend pushed me for a Rumble winner prediction, I could only make one cautious choice – John Morrison, but with the caveat that his ‘Mania match would be at least a Triple Threat affair so the WWE don’t have to rely on his star power to sell the match. My friend, however, picked CM Punk, and it is a very good choice. I could see the following happen: Punk wins the Rumble. Miz retains against Orton. At the Elimination Chamber, Morrison eliminates Miz early on, resulting in a guaranteed new champion. John Cena wins the belt, which sets up a WWE championship match against Punk at WrestleMania. This also establishes a nice little grudge match between Morrison and Miz, either midcard or between the two big title bouts. One of the headline matches is going to have to be a biggy and, with SmackDown!’s lack of headline Superstars, I think we’ll be seeing it on RAW’s side. So, long story short, I’m going with CM Punk (but secretly I’m rooting for a big surprise such as Morrison).
Either way, this year’s winner needs to be a ‘new face,’ as Striker said. With their youth movement and the dire need to create new stars, the WWE needs to use the Rumble as a tool for pushing someone who has never before won. The increase to 40 men has given the Royal Rumble a shot in the arm, so hopefully this excitement will result in an equally thrilling result – not another victory for Randy Orton, John Cena or the like.
And, most importantly of all, the Soaring Eagle will be an entrant. Mark my words, kids.
We begin with a look back last week at the emergence of Wade Barrett’s new-ish faction; Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel and the returning Ezekiel Jackson. Tonight, we will hopefully gain some knowledge of the group; perhaps a name?
Barrett kicks off the show by coming down to ringside with his cronies in tow. Unfortunately, the terrible music from last week remains. Maybe it’ll grow on me? Wade announces that Big Show will not be in attendance this evening, so the WWE Universe will be formally introduced to this new group. He says his mistake with Nexus was that it was all about him, rather than the group – this is what will be different about this new venture, which he reveals is called ‘The Corre’. Hmm. That just makes me think of apples. Anyone else? Still, at least it’s not ‘Nexus 2,’ or anything to that effect.
Ezekiel Jackson is next on the mic; he’s not bad, but lacks the air of menace that is so fundamental to his character. Slater is all brag and swag. I like this kid far more than I did during his NXT tenure, but it’s hard to take him seriously – perhaps the blue brand will let the ‘One Man Rock Band’ prove himself in the ring. Finally, we have Justin Gabriel, who should never ever shave off his beard. Seriously. Never. I’m pleased to say that Justin seems to have gained confidence on the mic. It’ll be interesting to see how Gabriel factors into SmackDown!, considering that – Barrett aside – he received perhaps the best treatment in the original Nexus. Not only did the 450 Splash provide the ‘exclamation point’ of the group’s attacks; Gabriel also had a great match with John Cena last year on RAW.
The group are soon interrupted by Teddy Long. The SmackDown! GM decides to flex his authoritative muscle by threatening to pull the group from the roster if they orchestrate any other beatdowns akin to last week’s attack on Big Show. During this exchange, Wade Barrett made mention to the fact that all 4 members of The Corre will be competing in the Royal Rumble match – perhaps we’ll see a confrontation between Nexus and The Corre? Could be interesting.
Just as Teddy Long makes his exit, Alberto Del Rio’s music hits. Del Rio tells The Corre they are welcome on SmackDown!, but this is still his show. He makes yet another claim that he will win the Rumble match this Sunday. Big promises…
Alberto Del Rio vs. R-Truth: R-Truth is over from RAW, much to the delight of the piped-in audience sound effects. Perhaps that’s not very fair – Truth is evidently over with this Oklahoma crowd, although it seems a slightly cooled reception compared to usual. Around halfway through the match, the cameras cut backstage to medics crowding round Teddy Long, who is mounted on a stretcher – looks like The Corre got to the GM, perhaps? Back to the match, and Ricardo Rodriguez continues to earn his paycheck; a timely distraction allows Del Rio to lock in the Cross Armbar and make R-Truth tap. Your winner: Alberto Del Rio
We’re treated to another ‘It’s all about the numbers’ promo for the Royal Rumble match. Needless to say, I am hugely excited. Who do you think will win the match? Let me know your predictions in the comment box!
Layla vs. Beth Phoenix: One of the great things about Beth is the unusual moves she can both deliver and receive – early on in this bout, Layla hits what I can only (try to) describe as a springboard tornado reverse STO… I’m almost certain at least one part of that description is wrong – let me know! All the same, before long, Beth takes Layla out with the Glam Slam. Your winner: Beth Phoenix
Rey Mysterio vs. Dashing Cody Rhodes: The Dashing One quickly gets to work on Rey’s left knee, but Rey soon turns the tide by sending Cody face-first into the steel steps with a drop toe-hold. Not the face, Rey! Jeez! He continues his assault on Cody’s face with a 619. One top-rope splash later, and we have a winner. A trainer appears to check on Cody – it looks like Rey’s knee brace may have broken Cody’s nose. Y’know, despite the complete lack of blood, of course. Your winner: Rey Mysterio
Todd Grisham is backstage to update us on Teddy Long’s condition. I still can’t look him in the eyes without feeling pangs of guilt… Before Grisham can give us the news, however, he is interrupted by The Miz and Alex Riley. Apparently the two men will be appearing later on in the show. Michael Cole is suitably gushing.
Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston: This is an ‘Amateur Wrestling Challenge,’ apparently. The piped cheering is really in force as Kingston makes his entrance. Swagger looks incredibly gormless in his headgear and mouthguard; it’s kind of endearing, to be honest. I’ve never really seen the point in these amateur matches in pro wrestling – there’s rules and points, but no incentive to familiarise yourself with them, particularly with only 3 minutes on the clock. Swagger eventually wins 10-9, after an awkward ‘who actually won?’ moment at the end. Despite winning, Swagger decides to beat down Kofi (I’m guessing Kingston was originally supposed to win?) but it’s not long before he is taken out with a Trouble In Paradise and high crossbody. Your Winner: Jack Swagger
Drew McIntyre vs. Trent Baretta: This little mini-feud has been one of my favourite things about SmackDown! as of late. I just hope the WWE keeps Baretta around – he’s a much better worker than some people give him credit for, as is evident with some of his spots in this match. Despite his short offensive flurry, he is soon on the mat for the 3-count. After getting the pin, McIntyre offers his hand to Baretta who instead launches at Drew, knocking him through the ropes. Uh-oh. Drew runs back into the ring and begins a beatdown, but Kelly Kelly soon appears to stop him. Your winner: Drew McIntyre
The Miz comes out to ringside to bleat about the way he took care of Randy Orton on RAW. Before he can finish his catchphrase, Edge’s music hits. The two men will meet on Monday night, which has the potential to be a great bout. Both men talk trash, with The Miz eventually relenting and leaving the ring. Alex Riley looks to have a go at Edge, but is quickly taken care of with a Spear.
Edge vs. Justin Gabriel: As Barrett and co. come down to ringside, the Tron displays their name as ‘The Corre,’ which was a pain because I had to go back through the article and add a letter to every ‘Core’ I’d typed! All the same, Vickie Guerrero appears before the bell to introduce Dolph Ziggler as a guest commentator for the match. This match culminates in some predictably dirty tactics from Corre – Wade Barrett and Heath Slater are knocked from the apron, which allows Big Zeke to take Edge out with a clothesline while the ref is distracted. Justin Gabriel crawls over and gets the pinfall… from a clothesline? Post-match, all Corre members hit their finishing manoeuvres on the Rated R Superstar. Not bad for their debut proper. Your winner: Justin Gabriel
That’s it for another week – make sure to check back again before the Royal Rumble for some pre-PPV predictions. Cheers!
Many thanks to Joe for setting me up with a username here on BWF. I can now say I’m officially on board, and it feels great. Also, thanks again to Jana for helping me get started here; I really appreciate it.
Anyhow! On with the show. Tonight, Edge defends his World Heavyweight Championship against Kane in a Last Man Standing match. Elsewhere, Rey Mysterio and Alberto Del Rio will collide in a 2 Out Of 3 Falls match.
[World Heavyweight Championship] Edge vs. Kane: Last Man Standing matches can go one of two ways – either they’re heart-stopping thrill-rides, or they’re burdened with too many referee counts and not enough action. I have a feeling this one will lean towards the latter, but you never know. I’m rooting for Edge in this bout; partly because Kane has been lackluster as of late, and partly because I’m going through another of my Canada-obsessed phases. The action spills backstage in this match, as Kane and Edge bounce each other’s heads off a variety of surfaces and utilities such as a water cooler (…am I saying that right? ‘Water cooler?’). At one point, Kane steals a wheelchair from a plant in a cast (his reaction as he hops out of shot is fantastic) and sits Edge in it. He tries to dump Edge down a stairwell, but the Ultimate Opportunist manages to escape in time. The two fight their way back to ringside, but an Edgecution is not enough to keep Kane down for the ten-count. The same happens in reverse after a Chokeslam, and Edge tumbles to the outside of the ring after briefly standing up. A little while later, Kane grabs Edge by the throat and drives him through the announce desk. As this happens, Matt Striker wins the ‘Commentator Overreaction Of The Night’ Award with an Oscar-worthy performance, pretty much falling to his knees. This is to set up a bizarre spot where Edge uses Striker to push himself to his feet…? Kane goes berserk and starts throwing chairs in the ring, but his plan will backfire. After literally throwing a chair off Kane’s face, Edge delivers a couple more blows to the Big Red Monster’s leg. He hits a Spear, then lays a chair underneath the leg. One Conchairto later, and Kane is suitable incapacitated. The challenger almost makes it up, but his leg fails and he tumbles to the mat as the referee counts to ten. This was a good bout, if a little slow at times.
Your winner, and still World Heavyweight Champion: Edge
[Intercontinental Championship] Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston: Two title matches in a row! WWE is spoiling us. The announce team have mentioned that tonight sees the feuds of Kane/Edge and Mysterio/Del Rio come to a head; I’m hoping the same applies for these two. I really enjoy watching both in the ring – particularly Ziggler – but after so many matches, it’s starting to feel a little, well, same-y. Technical term for you, there. Towards the end of this match-up, Kofi goes for a Trouble In Paradise, but Dolph ducks underneath and locks in the Sleeper. Kofi eventually manages to counter with a Stunner-esque jawbreaker, and follows it up with an SOS. Dolph raises a shoulder in one of the closest kick-outs I have ever seen. Yikes. Both men are up eventually and grappling on the turnbuckle, but Kofi eventually hits a top-rope Gordbuster (thank you, Striker) and waits for Ziggler to stand before landing one of his insane crossbodies. He hooks the leg… and gets the 3! Holy cow. Nice unexpected finish to the match, but I’m gutted to see Dolph drop the strap. Kofi is busy celebrating, but Ziggler jumps him from behind and nails him with a Zigzag. Outside the ring, Vickie grabs a microphone and starts shrieking. She says Teddy Long isn’t here tonight, which makes Vickie the acting GM. She rules that Dolph gets a rematch for the title – right now! It looks like it’s official. The ref helps Kofi to his feet, and away they go! Dolph lays an aggressive beatdown on the new champ, but a few seconds later, he’s eating a Trouble In Paradise from out of nowhere! Kofi rolls Dolph over, and retains his title. I wonder what’s next for Ziggler?
Your winner, and NEW Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston
After a quick ad break, we’re backstage with Dolph and Vickie. They’re bickering about who’s to blame for Kofi’s double win, and it results in Dolph suggesting Vickie finds a new boyfriend. I’d just like to let Mr. Ziggler know that I would never call him a “two-time loser”. Get in touch, Dolph.
Kelly Kelly’s strutting about backstage, and Drew McIntyre appears to wish her good luck in her match tonight. Kelly questions how genuine Drew’s sentiments are, but he insists he will win Kelly’s trust. He also reveals he has a No. 1 Contender’s Match tonight…
Big Show vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Cody Rhodes: …and here’s the aforementioned No. 1 Contender’s Match, which will be contested under Triple Threat rules. Matt Striker alludes to the fact that Big Show has been a World Heavyweight Champion “once, in a parallel universe,” which I love because, like Striker himself, I’m a massive comic book nerd. Hooray! Of course, he was referring to Show’s reign as WCW champ back in the day. Hey, remember there was a phase late last year when the announce team – Striker in particular – kept referring to Big Show as ‘The Giant’? I was hoping something cool would come of that, but apparently not. Anyway, match time. McIntyre is last out, and as he is making his way into the ring, a familiar voice can be heard shrieking into a microphone. Sure enough, Vickie Guerrero has reappeared. Surely she’s not gonna do what I think she is… She does! Vickie is making this match a Fatal Four Way! Dolph Ziggler makes his way back to ringside, to compete in what will be his third match of the night. The other competitors seem pretty angry about it, but I’m not sure why. Surely a beat-up opponent from the offset will be easier to pin than the fresher competitors? But, then again, anything can happen in the WWE – and I kind of want Dolph to steal this one! Big Show is ultra-aggressive from the offset, dealing with any and all threats from his three opponents. Drew McIntyre finally manages to level the playing field, pushing Show face-first into one of the steel posts. All three men wisely decide to take the giant out of the equation, as they ram him through the barricade! Rhodes, Ziggler and McIntyre fight amongst themselves for a while, before Show reemerges. He quickly dispatches McIntyre to the outside of the ring, and resumes his earlier domination. Show signals for the Chokeslam, but… Wade Barrett slides into the ring and starts attacking him! Barrett lands a nice elbow to Show’s chest and makes a quick exit. Rhodes takes advantage with a Beautiful Disaster kick, but Big Show kicks out. Ziggler sneaks in to the ring, takes a run… and nails the Zigzag on Big Show! Holy crap! 1… 2… and a kick-out. Now it’s McIntyre’s turn, who plants Show to the mat with his Futureshock DDT. McIntyre makes the cover… and there’s yet another kick-out. Show throws McIntyre out of the ring, while Ziggler and Rhodes conspire in the other corner. Ziggler tells Rhodes to attack first, but as Cody starts to walk away, Ziggler lays him out with a Zigzag! Show’s not even aware of what’s going on behind him, and it’s too late – Dolph Ziggler has picked up the win and is the No. 1 Contender for Edge’s World Heavyweight Championship! Wow. Wow wow wow.
Your winner: Dolph Ziggler
Michelle McCool vs. Kelly Kelly: McCool works on Kelly’s left knee throughout this match, but Kelly soon fights back and even manages to set up the K2. Layla provides enough distraction for Michelle to counter it into a Faithbreaker, and it’s an easy win for LayCool. I wish I had more to talk about here, but it was over almost before it began! LayCool lift Kelly back up and plant her down with a double facebuster. All of a sudden, Drew McIntyre appears (who saw that one coming?) and tells LayCool to get out of the ring. They oblige.
Your winner: Michelle McCool
Rey Mysterio vs. Alberto Del Rio: Before the match, Del Rio mentioned he was going to win the Royal Rumble – is it just me, or has nobody else (save Cena) even mentioned the Rumble yet? Early on in this bout, Del Rio evades a 619 attempt and quickly locks in his Cross Armbreaker to make it 1-0 in his favour. Not too long later, Rey Mysterio manages to roll up Alberto and equalises. The finish to this match is hilarious – Alberto is on the outside, as his personal ring announcer Ricardo Rodriguez checks up on him. Mysterio splashes on top of both from the top turnbuckle, and eventually rolls Del Rio back into the ring. He goes to climb in himself, but Rodriguez has latched onto Rey’s foot, and Alberto wins the 3rd fall by count-out. Del Rio makes a quick exit, leaving his ring announcer to the dogs (well, the one dog… or maybe the Chihuahua?). Rey starts laying into Rodriguez, then rolls him into the ring. He sets up a 619 and connects, as Alberto Del Rio watches from the ramp. Maybe this particular rivalry isn’t quite over yet?
Your winner: Alberto Del Rio
And that’s the lot! The difference in quality between this and last week’s show is staggering – although, I’m sure you’d disagree if you’re not a Dolph Ziggler fan. A program with a fast, young, hungry superstar may be just what Edge needs after his turgid feud with Kane. It looks like Wade Barrett has made his way over to the blue brand – I’m not sure how he’s going to cope outside of the Nexus, but I have a feeling he’ll do alright.
Well, that’s it for this week. Be sure to check back again next week as we witness the fallout from tonight. Thanks for reading!
While the WWE tours Europe, they managed to tape a Smackdown for us. All we know for sure, is that on RAW we were told Otunga is facing Edge tonight Where in the world is Alberto Del Rio? Let’s find out…
HEY KIDS! CLICK THE LINK FOR THE ANSWER! EVEN BIG SHOW WANTS YOU TO. He also wants you to buy Knucklehead on DVD. He said, “Please, for the love of god, please.”
NOTE:I didn’t vote this week, and our friend Jason who compiles and sends out the Power Poll was unable to provide comments this week. So, here’s the poll!
Power Poll 9/8/10
The ever popular Randy Orton took the top spot by a wide margin this week in the poll, while WWE champion Sheamus fell out of the poll thanks to becoming more of an afterthought. Life just isn’t fair sometimes.
