Before we get started, I’d like to welcome all the new Bored Wrestling Fans visiting our site that I’ve been talkin to on twitter for the past few days. Want to get your thoughts featured in our RAW reviews every Monday? Get our attention on twitter @BrdWrstlngFn!
Anyways, it’s time to get EXTREME – WWE style!
I watched SmackDown, but I was eating at the time and didn’t feel like actually reviewing the show. So, to keep up with things this week, I’m going to do a recap/thoughts column on the show. Hope you enjoy it!
In ring segment: Teddy Long says that John Cena is more than welcome to join SmackDown if he should lose at Bragging Rights. CM Punk comes out and demands a submission match against The Undertaker for the World Heavyweight Championship with Scott Armstrong as the referee and Long at ringside at the PPV. Long says he can’t do that. Before he gets a chance to announce his plans, Mr. McMahon steals his thunder and announces that Long was planning a fatal four way pitting The Undertaker against CM Punk, Batista, and Rey Mysterio for the World Heavyweight Championship at Bragging Rights.
Match #1: Rey Mysterio def. Chris Jericho following a 619.
Word Up: This week’s word is Eve, because she’s next.
Match #2: Michelle McCool def. Eve.
Backstage segment: Teddy Long enters his office to find Vickie Guerrero and Eric Escobar. Vickie says that The Undertaker is going to be furious and that Punk should’ve gotten a one on one rematch.
Match #3: John Morrison def. Dolph Ziggler in an Intercontinental Championship match. Ziggler set a chair at ringside, but Maria took it and sat on it before he could use it, leading Morrison to use the distraction to pick up the victory.
Backstage segment: Dolph tells Maria that he sees bright lights in his professional future, but he doesn’t see her in his personal future.
Match #4: Drew McIntyre & Kane def. R-Truth & Matt Hardy. For the love of not seeing your underwear every week, Matt, please go back to regular pants!
Backstage segment: Rey Mysterio and Batista agree that the best man should win at Bragging Rights.
Match #5: CM Punk def. Batista via count out.
My thoughts: If the rumors are true that Punk is in the WWE doghouse for not dressing in a suit when it doesn’t fit his gimmick, that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. The Undertaker does NOT need the World Heavyweight Championship. He’s a legend, and a shoe-in for the Hall of Fame the moment he retires. Batista gets injured every time he wins a major championship, and Mysterio hasn’t done much of anything lately to indicate that he’d have a successful run with the title.
Dolph Ziggler either needs to win the title, or move on from trying to win it. I like Ziggler, I like Morrison, I don’t mind them feuding, but it should’ve been Ziggler who picked up the title from Rey Mysterio in the first place.
And Matt Hardy. I’m begging you Matt, go back to pants. The tights look terrible on you, they’re just not your style. And yes, I will say this every week in my SmackDown reviews.
William Regal demands an ECW title rematch on the basis that his mindset was thrown off at Breaking Point by Tiffany’s decision to ban Ezekiel Jackson and Vladimir Kozlov from ringside. Tiffany declines, telling him she’s decided he doesn’t get another shot. Instead, we’ll get a battle royal later on tonight to determine the number one contender. Regal is then instructed to stay in the ring, as he’s got a match, right now…
Stand back! There’s a Hurricane Coming Through!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
William Regal def. The Hurricane
Apparently, this means that The Hurricane won’t be in the battle royal later tonight – Whasssupwitdat? Regal is forced to compete in his street clothes as this match was a complete surprise to him, and it shows, as The Hurricane controls most of it, and in fact hits the cross body from the top rope for a two. Regal decides to leave, but Hurricane catches him and tosses him back in – and gets kneed in the skull for his troubles – and a three count.
After the match, Paul Burchill attacks The Hurricane from behind and hits him with the Jackhammer.
Backstage, Goldust is apologizing to Yoshi Tatsu, who apparently just wants to continue his English lessons. He even impersonates Goldust’s tourettes. Zack Ryder wants to know if he can say loser. Goldust tells him to say loser – and he says “Zack Ryder.” Ryder says we’ll see who the loser is – Woo Woo Woo.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
The new interview girl catches up with Burchill, who asks where Gregory Helms is, and remembers that he supposedly just left him in the ring. He says he wants to expose the Hurricane for who he is. Which makes me wonder why he didn’t unmask him when he knocked him out a few minutes ago.
The Bella Twins are here to be guest ring announcers. They introduce Yoshi Tatsu first, and considering he’s facing Zack Ryder, I hope he’s wearing an extra pair of tights. Matt Striker says that Zack Ryder has the best entrance music in ECW. I think it’s between his and Christian’s, honestly. And I still love Goldust’s theme.
Before getting into the match, however, I just found out that Mick Foley’s father, Jack, has passed away, so I’d like to take the opportunity to send condolences on behalf of the BWF staff to the Foley family.
Yoshi Tatsu def. Zack Ryder
A pretty good match, ending with Tatsu nearly kicking Ryder’s head off.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Battle Royal time. Shelton Benjamin, Vladimir Kozlov, Ezekiel Jackson, Tommy Dreamer, Goldust (who still has a letterbox entrance despite the fact that the show is broadcast in 16:9 widescreen), Tyler Reks, Sheamus…
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
…Yoshi Tatsu, Paul Burchill, and Zack Ryder (still holding the back of his head).
Zack Ryder wins a 10 Man Battle Royal to become the new Number One Contender for the ECW Championship.
Burchill is tossed by Shelton Benjamin. After about 5 minutes of nothing of any interest happening, Kozlov and Jackson stare each other down.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Reks was eliminated during the break. Jackson eliminates Tatsu. The fans are solidly behind Goldust. Seriously. Sheamus is eliminated by Benjamin, as is Jackson. Sheamus attacks Benjamin, causing him to drop to the floor, eliminating him. Ryder, Goldust, Kozlov, and Dreamer are left. Goldust accidentally eliminates himself while going after Ryder, who pulled the ropes down on him. The same thing happens to Kozlov when he goes after Dreamer, who is dumped over the top rope by the winner, Zack Ryder!
Ryder’s getting a title shot. Woo Woo Woo, you know it!
WELCOME TO iMPACT! ThinkSoJoE here, covering the earlygoing of this week’s episode, where we’ll see Dixie Carter on television for the first time! The Empress of iMPACT will be along shortly, but I’ve got the opening segment. Ready kids? Time to CROSS THE LINE!
———-X———-
Previously: Kurt Angle has had his problems with Kurt Angle and the Knockouts get their own tag division
“Mind Games”
Lauren meets up with Sting and AJ Styles as they pull up to the arena, and she asks AJ about his retirement announcement last week. He says he’s got his gear. Sting says TNA is growing up. Kyp James asks if Sting needs him to park his car. Sting says he doesn’t have to. Kyp says he used to have a car like that. Lauren asks him when. He says when he was over.
TNA Intro/Pyro
Dixie Carter will be joined by Bobby Lashley, and AJ Styles makes his return to the ring in our main event. Mike Tenay, Taz, and Daniels are ringside, and Daniels says he just wanted a good seat as the X-Division Champion is in action.
The following contest is set for one fall – introducing first, SUICIDE! His opponent, representing the Nation of Violence, the TNA X-Division Champion, The Samoan Submission Machine, Samoa Joe!
Match #1: Samoa Joe vs. Suicide goes to a no contest
Suicide has some unique offense – and I say this because I don’t think I’ve ever paid attention to one of his matches. The Pope, D’Angelo Dinero hits the ring in the middle of the match, and all hell breaks loose, as this match ends in a no contest.
Earl Hebner apparently has booking authority in TNA, because he makes a match for later tonight pitting Suicide and Daniels against Samoa Joe and D’Angelo Dinero
Lauren is standing by with Eric Young. Last week, Young interrupted a Hernandez interview. Does he really think there’s a chance Hernandez joins the World Elite? Young says there’s no chance. No possibility – but there is a guarantee. He’s a foreigner to these people, just like Eric Young is. Tonight, Young will open Hernandez’s eyes.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
TNA is doing the stupid “Did you Know” things now – but they’re calling it “For The Record.”
The World Elite is in the ring, and Eric Young has a microphone. He’s going to hand it to Bashir, since he’s got something to say to the American public. The fans chant “USA,” despite the fact that Bashir is from Detroit. He takes off his headgear to eliminate any pre-conceived notions of him, and he’d like to talk about the War in Iraq. May 3, 2003, George Bush goes over and says “Mission Accomplished.” Six years later, if we’re no longer at war, than what is killing hundreds of his brothers and sisters every day? Innocent men and women, innocent children. It’s a world we know nothing about. We don’t want to stop terrorism. We’re junkies, addicts for their oil. We’re jonesing for our cars to be bigger. Our blood is itching for our country to be the richest in the world again. We all know it. Bashir thanks us for our time.
Eric Young says he wants to talk about somebody who’s handcuffed – handcuffed by his corrupt morals. He wants to talk about Hernandez.
Young doesn’t have to wait long – SuperMex makes his way to the ring, microphone in hand. Hernandez says that if Young has something to say, he can say it to his face. Young says he wouldn’t have it any other way, brother. How many times has Hernandez come down draped in the colors of Mexico? Did they honor that? Did they respect that? These people will never respect him. He’ll never be treated as an equal. To the fans, he’s always going to be a foreigner. They’ll stereotype him and view him like they’ve always viewed him – like a common criminal, a street thug, a good for nothing thief. Is that what Hernandez is about? Young knows it’s not, so he needs to come home. The fans chant “Kick his ass.” Young says to come home and be elite. He needs to join the World Elite. Hernandez says he is home. The fans are his family, and they want Young to understand one thing – this is our country. You either love it, or don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. Young stands there with a stupid smirk on his face.
Backstage, Lauren interviews Sharmell and Tracy, who will be facing Kong and Saeed in the first round. The Main Event Mafia representatives are elite females in the wrestling radio – they’re not only going to win tonight, they’ll roll all over Kong and Saeed’s fat asses.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Your Empress of “Impact” has returned! Many thanks to ThinkSoJoe for covering the start of the show for me.
To the back! Lauren tries to talk about the Knockoputs tag team match coming up, but Alex Shelley focuses the camera on her breasts instead. Dr. Stevie approaches, and tells the MCMG that if they want to get serious, he’ll pay them $50,000 cash to end Abyss’s career. The Guns accept. Lauren is appalled.
Traci and Sharmell vs. Awesome Kong and Raisha Saeed: This was the first round of the Knockouts Tag Team tournament. Saeed dominated early on, and though Traci does most of the work for the MEM team, both she and Sharmell avoid Kong. Kong tags in and levels Traci with several clotheslines. Kong hits Traci with a splash from the second rope, and goes for the pin, but Sharmell breaks up the count. Kong goes after Sharmell, but Saeed tags herself in, and covers the still-prone Traci. Kong and Saeed get the win, and advance in the tournament.
Video recap of the Kurt Angle/Matt Morgan situation.
Matt Morgan enters the MEM locker room alone (well, with JB). The rest of the MEM, particularly Booker, start yelling at him, but Morgan and Angle argue over experience in the business. Morgan asks if Angle plans to team him up with Booker and Steiner to teach him another lesson, and Angle concurs. Morgan asks if Dixie Carter approved of it. Angle says yes, that he talked to her earlier. Morgan points out that Carter is present tonight, and talks up a four-way World Heavyweight title match involving himself, Angle, and two others. Morgan will have Angle’s back, just like Angle had Morgan’s at “Hard Justice” and on last week’s show. Morgan hugs Angle and calls him “little buddy” before leaving. Morgan was awesome here!
Video package of Rhino and Jesse Neal in training.
Rhino vs. Jesse Neal:Rhino tries to shake hands with Jesse Neal, but kicks him in the gut and drives him into the corner with a barrage of punches and forearms. Rhino completely dominates Neal, choking him in th eropes and kicking him in the head, but Neal kicks out at two. Rhino hits a big spinebuster, and gets the three-count. Rhino wins. Neal’s head is bleeding. Post-match, Rhino Gores Neal flat. The referee reverses the decision after seeing Rhino’s actions, and announces Neal as the winner. Rhino continues to beat Neal down, but Brother Devon makes the save and stares down Rhino.
To the back! JB is with ODB and Cody Deaner. After JB’s assurance that Mick Foley takes his cases very seriously, Foley is shown wearing a judge’s wig and carrying a gavel. Abyss interrupts, returning Foley’s bat. Foley gives Abyss a bag of groceries, and wishes him luck in his match with the Guns. “Take it easy on Alex Shelley, my kids love that guy.” ODB claims that it’s the women’s title, and that Deaner doesn’t even look like a woman. Deaner shows evidence of beating up Mike Tyson and Chuck Norris. Foley decides to hold up the Knockouts title until the next ppv, where ODB and Cody Deaner will fight for it. This is crap.
Abyss vs. the Motor City Machine Guns: The Guns want the cash, Abyss just wants to eat. Dr. Stevie accompanies the Guns. Abyss and his street clothes hoddie are next. Sabin grabs Abyss’s legs while Shelley rushes Abyss from the front. They double team him, but Abyss counters and DDTs them both. Abyss chokeslams Sabin onto Shelley. Sabin lands a running Yaskuza kick on Abyss. The Guns follow up with another double team, and Abyss rolls to the outside. Shelley dives over the top rope in a cross body, but Abyss catches him. Sabin hits a suicide dive and knocks Abyss down. Abyss catches Shelley up on his shoulders, and kicks Sabin in the face when he tries to make the save. Abyss hits the Shock Treatment on Shelley while dropping a leg on Sabin. Sabin goes for a tornado DDT on Abyss from the top rope, but Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam on Sabin for the win. Post-match, Dr. Stevie berates the Guns and shoves them. The Guns retaliate with double team kicks to Dr. Stevie, hang him in the Tree of Woe, and hit him with a Hesitation Dropkick/super kick combination. Abyss applauds this. Abyss grabs a steel chair, and as the Guns leave, they encourage him to attack Dr. Stevie with it. Before Abyss can enter the ring, Kevin nash’s music hits, and the Old Man wanders down to the ring.
Nash accepts the bounty on Abyss, and claims that Abyss had stuck his nose in Nash’s business. Nash and Abyss will go at the next ppv, with the bounty on the line.
To the back! Lauren interviews Daffney about wrestling a debuting Hamada. Daffney relies on the violence. She counts sheep, but doesn’t like them to jump the fence. She drains their blood, skins them, and wears them to the supermarket. GOLD!
Daffney vs. Hamada: This is a “No DQ” match. Daffney starts with punches and they trade chest chops. Hamada kicks and stomps Daffney in the corner. Hamada throws Daffney over the top rope, but Daffney lands on the apron. Hamada hits a spinning heel kick to the head and knocks Daffney from the apron to the floor. When we return from the commercial break, Hamada has set up a table on the floor outside. Hamada hits a jumping enziguri, several headbutts, and a jumping DDT, but Daffney kicks out at two. Daffney hits a kick, but Hamada kicks out at two. Daffney stomps Hamada, and gets a chair. She swings it at Hamada, but misses and hits the ring post. Hamada puts the chair around Daffney’s head and throws her into the ringpost. She lays Daffney on the table and hits a huge Asai moonsault from the top turnbuckle, putting Daffney through the table. She drags Daffney into the ring and hits the Hamada Driver for the win.
Backstage, The Beautiful People are hunting Madison Rayne.
Angelina Love andVelvet Sky force their way past JB and into a dressing room where Madison Rayne is alone. They get in Rayne’s face about costing Love the Knockouts title, and the upcoming ass-kicking that Rayne will get from them. Rayne and a mystery partner take on TBP. Rayne shoves TBP, and they kick the crap out of her.
“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero and Samoa Joe vs. Suicide and Daniels: This match follows up the opening match with no ending. Anyone who can find the joke about “The Pope” feuding with Suicide, please share it. I know that it’s there. Joe and Suicide start. Joe targets Suicide’s arm. Dinero tags in, and goes after Suicide, but Daniels helps double team Dinero, and then tags in. Daniels and Dinero go. Massive chants of “Pope is pimpin’!” We go to commercial break. When we return from the commercial break, Joe and Daniels are trading punches. Daniels hits the judo takedown. Dinero and Suicide tag in. Joe and Daniels involve themselves. Joe goes to the outside, and Daniels hits the split-legged moonsault from the top rope onto Joe. In the ring, Dinero pulls down his knee pads, and sets up for the running double knee strike that took out Creed last week. Suicide dodges and Dinero hits the ringpost. Suicide covers Dinero and gets the win. Daniels and Suicide celebrate outside, while Joe and Dinero look on with shock from the ring.
To the interview! Dixie Carter and Bobby Lashley sit on a couch, and JB asks a few questions. Dixie announces the new three-year extension deal between TNA and Spike TV. Lashley says that his plans are to have equal success in MMA and TNA. Dixie talks up Lashley as though he is the only person TNA needs on the roster. She wants to see him with world titles on both shoulders, one from MMA and one from TNA. Dixie announces that Lashley’s ppv debut will be against Rhino. Thanks for giving away the result!
Hey, look! It’s Kurt Angle! He makes his way to the announce table and joins Mike Tenay and Taz. Angle talks up Morgan’s lack of experience.
Matt Morgan, Scott Steiner, and Booker T vs. Hernandez, AJ Styles, and Sting: Massive “AJ! AJ!” chants. Sting and Booker T start. Yawn. I despise Booker T with an unholy fiery passion of burning. Not in a heel heat way. In a “Please fall in front of a bus filled with nitroglycerine” way. Steiner and AJ go, and AJ levels Steiner with a drop kick. AJ tags in Hernandez. Hernandez wants Morgan. They charge each other twice. The third time, Morgan drops Hernandez with a clothesline. Hernandez gets Morgan in a long delayed suplex, and takes him down. Morgan rolls to the outside, where Booker and Steiner take him to task for leaving. Sting and AJ pull down the top rope as Hernandez flies over the top rope and takes out all three guys on the floor. When we return from the commercial break, Steiner and AJ are in the ring. Steiner outpowers AJ and throws him over in a suplex, but AJ kicks out at two. Morgan tags in, and continues to isolate AJ. AJ manages to roll past Morgan and tag in Hernandez. Hernandez hits a shoulder block on Morgan. The match breaks down, with everyone fighting. Morgan kicks Hernandez in the gut, and goes to take him up for the Hellavator. Steiner enters the ring with a chair, but Morgan refuses to let him get involved or use it. This allows Hernandez to get away and tag in AJ, who takes down Morgan and gets the three-count. Post-match, Steiner and Booker get in Morgan’s face and berate him. Morgan starts to walk off with them, but levels Booker and Steiner with clotheslines instead. He points at Angle, and gestures that he was thinking. It will be Angle defending the World Heavyweight title against Morgan and two others as yet unchosen in the main event of the ppv.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Hamada debuting against Daffney was good. The concept of an international talent requesting a “No DQ” match for her debut is cool. Daffney’s promo was great, but (as The Green Teabagger said) crazy people don’t know that they’re crazy. Daffney’s one flaw is that she mentions being crazy too often. If Nash collects the bounty on Abyss, I’m breaking something. Once again, a near-cripple who can barely walk ends up fairly high up on the ppv card, while others much more deserving are not. Who is Madison Rayne’s mystery partner? Supposedly, it’s someone we’ll all recognize. I’m intrigued. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is looking great, but shouldn’t a street preacher get promo time? Dixie’s praise of Lashley was awkward, and a bit too much, almost as if no one else besides Angle and Lashley even needs to be on the TNA roster. Lashley is still terrible on the mic, even in a sit-down interview from a couch. Chris Sabin got tv time. Hooray!!! The Motor City Machine Guns actually had a match. More hooray!!!However, a tag team losing to one guy, even when that one guy is the “Monster” of the company, only makes the tag team look weak. Matt Morgan gave the best promo of his career in the MEM locker room, and the Morgan/Hernandez segment of the main event is the kind of thing of which we should see more in TNA. All in all, a good show. I’m curious to see where things go from here.
Peace out,
Drowgoddess
Last night, while security was detaining a fan, Randy Orton hit an RKO and pinned John Cena to retain the WWE Championship. It wasn’t really a fan, however, it was Ted DiBiase’s brother Brett. Orton says that Brett DiBiase’s actions were inexcusable, and Cody Rhodes points out that Orton would’ve won anyway.
Floyd “Money” Mayweather is our guest host tonight – but first, it’s the boss, look busy!
Mr. McMahon makes his way to the ring, and he seems to be in a good mood. He says that tonight’s guest host is one of the greatest showmen, one of the greatest fighter of all time, Floyd “Money” Mayweather! But before we get to that, the referee’s decision, despite the controversey, is final. It’s time to clear up that controversey, John Cena will get his rematch in about three weeks on a pay per view. It’s a brand new concept, aptly known as “Breaking Poing,” in which the main events are submission matches. Cena and Orton’s match will be an “I Quit” match. And if anybody interferes on behalf of Orton, he’ll immediately be stripped of the WWE Championship. Have a good night!
BREAK IT DOWN!
Before the chairman can leave ringside, Triple H and HBK, collectively known as Degeneration X, make their way to the ring. Mr. McMahon tells them to have a good night. Triple H says we probably expected them on a tank, but with the economy, they couldn’t afford it. He then says that he doesn’t like good guy Mr. McMahon. It’s creepy. Like Michael Vick at a PETA convention. HBK says it’s yucky. Triple H says there must be a reason he’s in a good mood. The boss says he knows where this is going. HBK asks if today is August 24th. He thinks somebody’s got a birthday. Triple H says it’s Dave Chappelle. HBK says to think whiter and crazier. Triple H says Marley Matlin. HBK says older and more incoherent. Triple H wonders who we know that’s old, crazy, and incoherent. Oh wait! It’s Vincent Kennedy McMahon’s 84th Birthday! The fans start chanting “84.” Triple H corrects himself and says it’s his 74th birthday. The fans chant “74.” Triple H says he’s actually 70. Mr. McMahon says “I’m 64!” Triple H and HBK are surprised that he told everybody how old he is. McMahon tells them to leave. HHH asks how many birthday’s he’s got left, especially in Vegas. HBK says that if he doesn’t want to have a happy birthday, it’s ok, because he’s a pioneer. Triple H says he was a real pioneer with the wagon and everything. HBK says no, he’s the reason we watch WWE Television. If he doesn’t want to have a happy birthday, it’s ok, but he wants to show him a tribute. It’s a nice touching tribute – until they play the clip of “Stand Back.” Then they show a bunch of Vince’s not so proud moments at the hands of not only DX, but Bobby Lashley, Steve Austin, Mae Young and others. McMahon says he won’t forget about this. Triple H says at his age he probably will forget about it, but he certainly won’t forget about this – a birthday cake is wheeled down to the ring as HBK starts singing “Happy Birthday.” Triple H interrupts and says something’s not right. This is Vegas. Anybody can have a cake, but in Vegas, things are done differently. HBK says that he’s been told that whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Triple H says that even if Mr. McMahon sends out memo not to mention his birthday, sometimes people just have to do it anyway. HBK says that he was roped into this, but anyway, you can’t have a Vegas birthday without showgirls. So of course, this brings out the Vegas showgirls. Mr. McMahon asks how much longer this is going to go on. Triple H says they also got him Cirque De Sole, and a couple of the Cirque De Soley pogo stilt guys come out. Mr. McMahon says their masks are really gay. Triple H makes fun of the guys bouncing around the ring, and Vince asks if they’re done. HBK says you can’t have a birthday in Vegas without the king of Rock and Roll, Elvis. An Elvis impersonator makes his way to the ring. McMahon calls him the skinniest Elvis he’s ever seen. Triple H hands him a microphone, and Elvis gives Mr. McMahon his sunglasses and leads everybody in singing Happy Birthday to the chairman. Triple H says he thinks Mr. McMahon should look at his cake – it’s no ordinary cake, if you get what he means. Some music starts playing, and Big Dick Johnson comes out of the cake. Mr. McMahon tosses him out of the ring, and says he’s had enough of this birthday crap. Triple H says there’s one more thing, and they kick out the showgirls, the Crique De Sole guys, and Elvis. HBK says he had nothing to do with this. Triple H says it’s a private thing so we should all close our eyes. He says he’s got one more present for Mr. McMahon. They position him in the ring as if something were going to drop on him, but Rhodes and DiBiase attack from behind. DX fend them off this time, and the WWE Champion appears on the top of the ramp. Triple H says that since Floyd Mayweather hasn’t gotten here yet, it’s going to be all three members of Legacy against DX and their partner, Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Mr. McMahon says it’s no disqualification. He says he’s always wanted to do this part – “If you’re not down with that, we’ve got two words for ya!”
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Santino is already in the ring, which means he’s probably doing the J.O.B. His opponent tonight is The Miz… and he’s… AWESOME!
The Miz def. Santino
The Miz looks to be more focused than ever before, and more aggressive as well. Santino starts to build some momentum, but it just takes one mistake on his part for The Miz to hit the Skull Crushing Finale for the win.
After the match, The Miz takes a microphone, and he says he’s now one step closer to defeating Kofi Kingston to become the new United States Champion, because he’s The Miz… and he’s.. AWESOME!
There’s three Divas in boxing gear walking towards the ring. That can only mean one thing – dinnertime!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
I love it when the WWE does these “Did You Know” segments about having more viewers than Monday Night Football when it’s the pre-season, like it’s some kind of accomplishment.
This is a six-Diva cluster*(# “Mayweather Melee”
Beth Phoenix, Rosa Mendez, & Alicia Fox def. Gail Kim, Mickie James, & Kelly Kelly
I’m not reviewing this crap. In fact, I didn’t watch it. I went and popped my dinner in the microwave and came back to Beth Phoenix’s team celebrating in the ring.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
HBK is concerned about the match later tonight. HHH is too concerned about The Rise and Fall of WCW DVD. HBK thought they only shilled their own merch. HHH says that they need to get Vince motivated to fight, and he should be absolutely fuming right about now. Backstage, Jillian is dressed like Marilyn Monroe and sings happy birthday to Mr. McMahon until he kicks her out.
Welllll – BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!
Last year, I went to WrestleMania, and I saw Floyd Mayweather knock out The Big Show with a pair of brass knucks. Here, let’s watch it again! Anyways, Big Show says that Mayweather is doing the right thing – he’s hiding from him. If Show gets his hands on him, he’s going to hurt him. He hasn’t forgotten about WrestleMania, and they have some unfinished business. Show says he’s not leaving the ring, and nobody can make him, until Mayweather shows up. Jericho says nobody can make him leave. It’s 9:52, and Floyd Mayweather finally strolls into the arena.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Big Show and Chris Jericho are awaiting the arrival of Floyd “Money” Mayweather. Lillian introduces him as the Quarter Billion Dollar Man. Floyd makes his way out to the ring with his entourage – and with a stack of money strapped to his arm for some reason. After milking his entrance for about 20 minutes, Mayweather gets in the ring, where he’s towered over by both The Big Show and Chris Jericho. Mayweather reminds Show about WrestleMania, and he says he’ll do it again tonight, but he’s got a September 19th PPV bout that’s more important. Mayweather gets in Jericho’s face. Jericho says that he was introduced as the greatest fighter in the world, but Jericho disagrees. He thinks he’s a great self promoter and a showboater, but he’s not that good of a boxer. He thinks, little man, that his big comeback fight against Juan Manuel Marquez, he’s going to get knocked out. Show says that after Marquez cleans his clock, maybe he and Jericho will step in the ring, take whats left, and wipe him from the face of the planet.
I’m Comin!
MVP makes his way to the stage, and tell Big Show and Jericho that he doesn’t appreciate them talking to Money Mayweather that way, since he’s made him a lot of money. Jericho may look up 16 syllable words in his Oxford Dictionary every week, but Mayweather could knock him out 37 times before he can open his mouth. Kinda like he did to The Big Show last year. Jericho points out that Mayweather did it with the help of 18 friends. MVP says Show could’ve done the same if he had any friends. Jericho says Show is his friend. MVP says the only reason Jericho’s on RAW is because he’s one half of the Unified Tag Team Champions. MVP wishes that somebody would beat them so they could send Jericho back to SmackDown. He asks Mayweather for a tag title shot with a partner of his choosing at Breaking Point. Mayweather says let’s do it tonight. He asks if MVP has a partner in mind. MVP says he does…
Somebody’s gonna get they ass kicked…
Mark Henry joins MVP on the stage, and it looks like we’ve got a tag title match coming up NEXT!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
MVP & Mark Henry def. Chris Jericho & The Big Show
This match is apparently not for the tag titles, but instead if MVP and Henry win, they get a tag title shot at Breaking Point. The Tag Champs keep control of this one by cutting the ring in half and using frequent tags to keep the fresh man in the ring. Gorilla Monsoon would be so proud. The champs are doing a great job of keeping MVP away from Mark Henry as we head to a…
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
MVP is still cut off from Mark Henry when we come back. The Unified Tag Team Champions are still dominating this match. MVP rolls out of the way of a Lionsault, and he manages to make the tag. Rather than tag out, Jericho goes straight at Henry. He goes for the Codebreaker, but Henry catches him. Henry goes for the World’s Strongest Slam, but Jericho reverses it into a DDT for a two count. Henry tags MVP back in, who takes Jericho down and hits the Ballin’ elbow for a two count. Jericho hits the running enziguri, but Henry breaks up the pin. He tosses The Big Show out of the ring, and Mayweather puts brass knucks on the hand of MVP, who uses them to knock out Chris Jericho for the win!
Big Show carries Jericho’s unconscious body out of the arena as Floyd Mayweather celebrates with MVP and Mark Henry.
Rhodes and the DiBiases are discussing how they have the advantage in their match tonight, since it’s no DQ. Orton comes in and dismisses Brett DiBiase. He tells the other members of Legacy that tonight, he’s going to take out Mr. McMahon for good.
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Last week, Hornswoggle beat Chavo Guerrero with a little help from Kevin McCallister. This week, they’re going to have a boxing match. The referee tells Chavo he won’t need his gloves. He goes out of the ring and grabs some big glove boxing gloves. Chavo says he’s still gonna knock Hornswoggle out.
Hornswoggle def. Chavo Guerrero (again)
Chavo misses with a punch and Hornswoggle gets some body blows in. This happens a couple of times, and the third time, Hornswoggle gets a headshot, knocking Chavo down for a two or three count. Chavo takes his gloves off and bodyslams Hornswoggle, earning the disqualification.
After the match, Chavo climbs the ropes and is looking for the Frog Splash, when Evan Bourne comes out to make the save. He knocks Guerrero down and hits the Air Bourne before going to check on Hornswoggle.
Still to come, DX and Mr. McMahon vs. Legacy.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Mr. McMahon is warming up backstage with Floyd Mayweather when Carlito walks in and complains that he’s not on the show. Triple H comes in and says Mayweather’s doing a great job. Triple H then says something about getting busy with Stephanie, which prompts Mr. McMahon to knock Carlito out.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
ThinkSoJoE Note: Every week, much like RAW itself, we bring you a special guest host for the main event of RAW – for the sheer fact that I work a night job and cannot cover it myself. This week’s guest host is BWF’s Random Redhead, JT!
Thanks, JT!
My Thoughts: I didn’t hate the opening segment. A lot of people that I talked to tonight did, but I’m not in that category. I actually laughed a couple of times, which is more than I can say about most RAW segments not involving Santino Marella in the last few months.
This “guest host pisses off The Big Show” thing has got to stop. Unless Shaq and Floyd Mayweather are going to be teaming up at whatever PPV is after Breaking Point to take on Jericho and The Big Show, I don’t see the point of it. Also, the same goes for Chavo Guerrero jobbing to Hornswoggle. I get it, the guest hosts are amused by Chavo’s inability to beat the little guy. It’s getting old.
Speaking of old, happy birthday, Mr. McMahon! BTW, Mr. McMahon, if you’re looking for writers for RAW that understand professional wrestling, I can recommend about five people…
Let’s get crazy and see what happens.
Match 1: John Morrison vs Tyson Kidd
I’m looking forward to seeing Morrison/Hardy for the World Heavyweight title on Smackdown! The craftiness of Kidd and Morrison make for a great match. These two guys are prime examples for why Smackdown is so much better than Raw right now. Kidd hit a sick neckbreaker at the edge of the apron on Morrison during the middle of the match. Morrison exhibited his usual greatness. David Hart Smith and Natalya were ejected from ringside, which ulitimately spelled doom for Tyson Kidd in this match. John Morrison is one of my favorite superstars and his explosiveness is second to none. The Shaman of Sexy hit Starship Pain for the win.
Match 2: William Regal vs the Japanese Sensation Yoshi Tatsu
Yoshi Tatsu gets some of the biggest pops when he comes out to the ring. The fans love this guy. He kicks and karate chops guys to death. However, William Regal gets the win with a running knee. Regal gets his win back with that one.
Josh Matthews interviews Randy Orton in the locker room. He asks Orton’s impressions on John Cena winning the beat the clock challenge. He said Cena has won pain and agony with his beat the clock victory.
Main Event: WWE Champion Randy Orton vs the cartwheeling Primo Colon
Here is the random match of the night…but I like it. Primo is exciting and its always nice to see the CHAMPION get a chance at a real victory. Primo starts like an A.D.D. kid without his meds. He bounces all over the place and gets his offense in until the commercial break. During the break, Orton regains control and starts his methodical beatdown of Primo. Primo hits the ropes and nails a flying elbow and then his cartwheel. Missile dropkick hits but the springboard splash misses and Orton hits the RKO for the win. Refreshing match for the both of them.
This was a good, entertaining show. I like how they mixed good matches with the randomness this week. I guess thats what Superstars is for. Anywho…come back and check me out next week.
Let me make one thing very clear, friends and readers. My title of “Empress of ‘Impact'” exists for a reason.
JB and Lauren sound completely hoarse and strained vocally.
Lauren interviews Beer Money. Robert Roode talks at length in a sympathetic and reverent manner about Team 3D and their IWGP Tag Team title defense in Japan just before the TNA ppv. Beer Money bursts into hysterical laughter and talk about not caring at all that Team 3D would do something like that, and that they will still win.
Pre-show: Eric Young & Rhino vs. The British Invasion
Brutus Magnus and Doug Williams enter, accompanied by Rob Terry. Eric Young enters, looking disdainful of the whole thing. Rhino enters last, accompanied by two “special managers” who had won some kind of TNA promotion. Rhino was hugely over, and loud “Rhino!” chants kickstarted the match. Rhino extends the hand to make a tag, and EY pulls away. He drops down to the floor and refuses to make the tag. EY walks up the ramp to the back, where he is confronted by Jesse Neal. EY shoves Neal and exits. Neal moves to ringside, while the British Invasion works over Rhino. Magnus and Williams shake hands while double-teaming Rhino. Referee Rudy Charles yells at Neal for his presence, and Neal says that EY left. Charles appears to be ok with Neal filling in as Rhino’s partner. Rhino eventually tags in Neal, who cleans house at first. The British Invasion hits him with their double-team finishing move, and get the pin and victory. Rhino looks incredibly angry about the entire situation.
Lauren interviews Sting. Sting is confident, not overconfident like Matt Morgan. He says “Matt” many times. He’s confident because of his twenty-something years in the business, and his mission is what it always was: to return respect to TNA.
The song used with the opening video package is by the Goldy Locks Band. Yes, as in she who was once a manager in the early days of TNA.
X-Division title match (King of the Mountain)
Suicide vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed vs. Alex Shelley vs. Chris Sabin
Is this match first because it could be the match of the night, and having it first might pull some last-minute buys? Lance Storm says that putting your third-biggest match as the opener is the way to go, so that would certainly make sense here. KOTM rules are clearly explained by Mike Tenay. Curtis Granderson of the Detroit Tigers gets his own entrance, and comes out first. Jay Lethal enters first, Alex Shelley second (to a huge reaction), Consequences Creed third, Chris Sabin fourth (to another huge reaction), and lastly, the champion Suicide. “Can’t he just come in the regular way?” Don West, you funny, funny man! Suicide appears on the top of the KOTM penalty cage. All four guys rush Suicide and beat him down. Huge chants of “Motor City!” Suicide takes out all four guys with a ladder to big cheers. Suicide Solution onto the ladder on Lethal for a pin. Suicide is eligible, Lethal goes to the penalty box. Suicide pins Shelley, and Shelley goes to the penalty box. Suicide and Lethal go, Sabin throws a chair at Suicide’s head. Sabin invites Lethal to use the chair, then sits down in it. Lethal hits the Lethal Combination on Suicide onto the chair, causing Sabin to jump up at the last second. Lethal pins Suicide, with Sabin and Creed piled on top of him. Lethal is now eligible, and Suicide goes into the penalty box. Lethal Consequences and the MCMG jump around in a circle, doing the luche libre celebratory arm pump. Creed pins Shelley, making Creed eligible and sending Shelley to the penalty box again. Suicide monkeyflips Sabin onto the ladder. Sabin climbs the ladder to the top of the penalty box and makes a spectacular leap to the floor, taking out Suicide and Lethal Consequences. Shelley tries to climb the ladder without the belt, and is told no. Shelley and Sabin look at each other, and Sabin drops to the mat for Shelley to pin. Sabin fights the pin just a little, and claims that Shelley pulled his tights. Shelley gets the belt and climbs the ladder while Sabin goes to the penalty box. When he gets out, Sabin hits a huge tornado DDT on Lethal. Now all five guys are eligible to win, and Lethal goes to the penalty box. Sabin hits the Cradleshock on Suicide, sets up the ladder, and climbs the ladder, but Suicide stops him. Sabin hits a hesitation dropkick on Suicide after putting him in the tree of woe, but as he climbs the ladder, Lethal comes back in. Shelley hits Lethal with a frog splash. Creed hits Shelley with an enziguri. Sabin hits the ladder set up by Shelley back-first. Lethal drops a elbow on Sabin as he lays on the ladder. Shelley and Suicide hit the floor by the announce table. Creed and Shelley slug it out on the ring apron. Shelley superkicks Creed, then follows up with a Sliced Bread on the ring apron. Suicide goes after Shelley, who attempts a Sliced Bread on Suicide off the side of the penalty box. Huge booing when Suicide goes to put up the title belt. Lethal pushes over the ladder. Suicide ends up on top of the penalty box with the ladder. Suicide and Creed fight on the top of the penalty box with the ladder planted on Lethal’s back. Shelley sets up another ladder and climbs it, but Suicide leaps off the top of the penalty box and knocks Shelley to the floor. Suicide climbs the ladder and hangs the belt, retaining the X-Division title to smattered applause and lots of boos.
Winner and still X-Division Champion: Suicide
Daniels vs. Shane Douglas (Second Chance match)
Douglas opens by yelling to cut his music and insults Detroit for treating a legend from Pittsburgh so poorly. Daniels enters next. Daniels dominates the opening. Douglas works over Daniels’s arm rather viciously, but Daniels hits the Best Moonsault Ever and scores the pin.
Winner and still on the TNA roster: Daniels
JB interviews Mick Foley in the back. JB doesn’t like Foley’s mathematical chances. Foley says that Jarrett won’t be against him after the bash that he threw him, and in terms of business, the two of them need to be on the same side and keep him champion for as long as possible. Foley will prepare for his next title defense at “Bound for Glory.” That’s “Bound for Glory” 2010, eighteen months from now.
Angelina Love vs. Tara (Knockouts title match)
Tara enters sporting a more MMA-style look. Her new shirt says, “Tara is Rising.” Coolness. Angelina Love enters with Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne, who stay at ringside. Don West’s commentary here is gold! A face-to-face standoff starts things. Tara dominates Love at first. Tara kicks Love through the ropes, and while the referee is checking on Love, Sky and Rayne jump Tara and throw her back in the ring. Love gets a two-count, hits a spinning heel kick, and gets a second two-count. Love distracts the referee again while Rayne and Sky throw Tara into the stairs. Tara is thrown back into the ring, but kicks out at two and a half. Tara’s punches look really stiff. Tara plants Love with a sidewalk slam, but doesn’t go for the cover. She goes to the floor and punches Sky in the face four times. Rayne runs up and gets several blows to the face for her trouble. Tara returns to the ring, only to get sprayed in the eyes with perfume or hair spray. Love pins her for the three-count.
Winner and still Knockouts Champion: Angelina Love
Lauren interviews Dr. Stevie, Raven, and Daffney backstage. Raven cuts a brilliant promo on Lauren and then on Abyss. Trust me, you have to see and hear it for yourself. The group hug with psychotic laughter that ends in what sounds like near-tears is the greatest ending ever.
Abyss & Taylor Wilde vs. Raven & Daffney (mixed tag team “Monster’s Ball” match)
Dr. Stevie, Raven, and Daffney enter first. Don West’s commentary here has to be heard to be believed. He talks about the faction reminding him of his own family and his crazy Uncle Clarence. Taylor and Abyss throw Raven and Daffney into each other. Abyss tosses Taylor over his head and she smashes into Raven and Daffney in the corner. Abyss charges into the corner, but Raven dodges and Abyss squashes Daffney. Taylor goes after Daffney and Abyss hits Raven with a trashcan. Abyss lifts Daffney up in a press slam and launches her over the ropes into Dr. Stevie and Raven. Taylor follows with a flying body press onto the group. Abyss and Raven brawl into the crowd. Daffney jumps on Abyss’s back, but Taylor slams a pair of trash can lids into the sides of Daffney’s head. Taylor and Daffney go at it on the floor, and Raven and Abyss continue brawling into the crowd. Taylor climbs up on top of some speakers and sound equipment and leaps off to splash Daffney through a table. Raven gets a kendo stick and hits Abyss with it. Abyss gets busted open after he pulls out a bag of thumbtacks. Taylor hits Raven with a trashcan lid while he chokes Abyss on the ropes. Daffney takes out Taylor in return. Abyss hits Raven with the kendo stick. Dr. Stevie distracts the referee, but gets knocked down from ringside. Abyss launches Taylor onto Raven, but Dr. Stevie grabs the referee’s leg and stops the count. Abyss pours a bag of tacks out onto the mat. Daffney sneaks up behind Abyss and hits him. Daffney gets caught between Abyss and the tacks, and begs off. Taylor throws Daffney onto the tacks! Taylor goes for the pin, but Dr. Stevie breaks it up. Abyss goes to chokeslam Dr. Stevie onto the tacks, but Raven stops it. Abyss plants Raven with a Black Hole Slam onto the tacks and gets the win.
Winners: Abyss and Taylor Wilde
JB interviews Jeff Jarrett in the locker room. Jarrett has said that he has no desire to be champion again, but he has also said that tonight, he takes his company back. Isn’t that contradictory? Jarrett says no. He doesn’t want the responsibility of being champion because he has enough to do running the company. He will win back the title to stop Mick Foley’s reign of terror and get his company back on track. He will figure out what to do with the World title after he wins it tonight.
Matt Morgan vs. Sting (winner gets spot in the Main Event Mafia)
Morgan overpowers Sting. The reaction for Sting coming out was HUUUGE! Morgan throws Sting into the rail, and they fight on the floor. Morgan throws Sting back into the ring. Sting cuts Morgan off as he tries to get back in the ring. They fight on the floor again, and Sting kicks Morgan in the back of the leg. They get back in the ring, and Sting continues to work over the leg of Morgan. Morgan gets the upper hand and dominates Sting again, slamming himto the mat. Tenay and West talk a great deal about the match between Morgan and Kurt Angle, and the respect that Angle seemed to show Morgan then. Morgan squashes Sting in the corner, hits him with a sidewalk slam, and gets a two-count. Morgan chokes Sting on the ropes, then moves to choke holds on the mat. Sting throws some punches, but they lack power. Sting hits a high-risk jump, but walks into a Carbon Footprint and gets a two-count. Morgan attempts the Hellavator, but Sting gets out of it. Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop on Morgan, but Morgan kicks out at two. Sting applies the Scorpion Death Lock, but Morgan powers out quickly. Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop from the second rope and gets the three-count.
Winner (and still in the Main Event Mafia): Sting
Lauren interviews Samoa Joe and AJ Styles. AJ says that they’re taking the company back and putting it in the hands of the guys who built it. Joe is targeting Angle tonight, and he has already taken out the rest of the Main Event Mafia, one by one. He is hunting, and tonight, he and AJ will become the most powerful force in the history of professional wrestling.
Beer Money vs. Team 3D (Tag Team Championship title match)
Tenay accuses West of spending the previous night in the hotel bar with James Storm doing 12-ounce curls. West says that it was his birthday, and where the hell was Tenay? Awesomeness! Devon and Storm start. Loud chants of “We want tables!” Storm kicks out at two, and Roode tags in. Roode gets a two-count on Devon, and Ray tags in. Ray and Roode exchange punches. Roode goes for two clotheslines that have no effect, ducks one from Ray, and hits a flying forearm on Ray. Ray delivers several stiff open-hand slaps to Roode’s chest. Storm and Devon tag in. Roode crotches Devon on the ring post. Storm punches Devon on the mat. Roode and Storm fake a tag, and Roode and Devon go. Storm legitimately tags in.Team 3D hit the “Wazzup” on Roode. Ray directs the crowd in a huge chant of “Get the tables!” Storm cut off Devon on the floor. Roode and Ray go in the ring. The “Beer Money” salute was pretty loud too. The British Invasion comes down to ringside, to chants of “USA! USA!” The British Invasion sits at the announce table and comments, being quite friendly with Don West and antagonistic to Mike Tenay. Commentary from the British Invasion is great! Rob Terry climbs up on the apron to distract the referee, resulting in Ray climbing to the top rope and landing a flying body press on Terry to the floor! Storm tries to spit beer in the eyes of Team 3D, but misses and blinds Roode by mistake. Team 3D tries to capitalize and hits the 3D on Roode, but Rob Terry has distracted the referee again. Beer Money hits the Drinking While Investing (DWI) and gets the win! Huzzah!
Winners and NEW TNA Tag Team Champions: Beer Money
JB interviews Kurt Angle in an empty locker room. Angle says he’s winning the belt. The Main Event Mafia will resume their position and they will all be celebrating.
World Heavyweight Championship match (King of the Mountain)
Mick Foley vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe
Each competitor got a short video package prior to his entrance. Nice touch. Joe comes out wearing a Detroit Red Wings jersey. Angle comes out wearing a Pittsburgh Pengiuns jersey. Joe attacks Angle before the bell rings to start the match. The two referees announce that because of Joe’s actions, he starts the match in the penalty box, and Angle is eligible to hang the belt. Foley stands on the ladder outside of the ring while Jarrett and AJ work over Angle. Foley pulls Jarrett down on top of himself for a pin. Jarrett is now eligible, and Foley goes to the penalty box. Joe chokes out Foley with the Kokina Clutch, making Joe eligible and sending Foley to the penalty box again. Foley leaves the penalty box and shoves over the ladder that Joe stands on, and Joe lands on the legs of the ladder. Ouch! The entire ladder is bent and twisted. Joe hiptosses Foley into the ladder as Foley charges him. Jarrett tries to stand the ladder up, but it’s useless. Jarrett throws the ladder at Angle on the floor instead. Jarrett gets a new ladder. Jarrett, Angle, and Joe are eligible at this point. Jarrett sets up a ladder and climbs it, but Angle and Foley stop him. AJ stomps Angle and moves the ladder. AJ attempts a tornado DDT, but Angle blocks it and suplexes AJ into the ladder. JArrett tries to hit Angle with his guitar, but Angle blocks it. Angle gets Jarrett in the Angle Lock, but Jarrett uses his free leg to roll out and smashes Angle in the head with the guitar. Jarrett sets up a ladder and climbs it, with Foley coming up the other side. Foley tells Jarrett to give him the belt. Jarrett refuses, and the two exchange punches. AJ flies in, kicking over the ladder and knocking everyone to the mat. It’s Styles and Foley, Joe and Jarrett. Angle is out. Foley climbs up on top of the penalty box. AJ follows him. Foley teases a DDT off the box. Styles teases throwing Foley through the announce table. Foley throws AJ off the box and into the ring. Foley jumps off the box to hit an elbow on Angle. Foley gets a three-count, and Angle goes to the penalty box. Foley is now eligible. AJ is the only one who isn’t. AJ takes his Legends title belt off the announce table, hits Foley in the back with it, and kicks Foley off the ladder. Joe and AJ take turns working over Foley. Joe elevates AJ over the top rope to take out Foley. Jarrett runs into Joe with a ladder. AJ pins Foley on the floor outside. All five guys are now eligible, and Foley is back to the penalty box. AJ and Jarrett climb the ladder. The title belt falls to the mat as Jarrett and AJ exchange punches. Angle attacks Jarrett, who jumps off the ladder to DTT Angle. Joe and AJ fight. Joe climbs the ladder, but AJ grabs his foot and pulls him down. AJ tries to climb the ladder, but Joe stops him. Joe flies through the ropes to take out Jarrett and Foley. AJ tries to hang the belt, but Joe pulls him off and powerbombs him. Joe climbs one side of the belt as Angle climbs the other. Joe hands Angle the belt and Angle hangs it up. Angle wins, through help from Joe! The entirety of the Main Event Mafia comes out on the ramp, cheering as Joe and Angle hug at the top of the ladder.
Winner and NEW World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle
FINAL THOUGHTS: The Joe/Angle thing threw me completely. Peole who think that the opening X-Division title match had no psychology and no story and was a train wreck spotfest are completely wrong. Tenay and West should NOT be talking about how Raven and Abyss “aren’t afraid of dying in the ring” period, and certainly not just after Misawa’s death in the ring. Daffney took the thumbtacks bump! Is there anything NOT amazingly awesome about her? Sting botched his reversal of Morgan’s Hellavator into the Scorpion Death Drop, and while he did get it back shortly, this should be kept in mind while he talks (yet again) about retiring this year. It’s understood that veterans often say that to gain concessions from the company in contract negotiations. One botched move at a ppv doesn’t mean that a person should be fired, but would that be acceptable for, say, Alex Shelley? Look, if Sting can’t go anymore, he can’t go anymore. Why the hell can’t Team 3D just lose? Honestly, do there have to be so many reasons set up as to why they lost the belts? Title defense in Japan, jet lag, just got to the building with no rest, cheating tactics of Beer Money, involvement of the British Invasion, enough! If anyone can win on a given night, just have a clean loss, already!
This was a very solid ppv, and if the usual TNA bashing occurs tomorrow, it certainly won’t be because the show was awful. I paid for this show, and the opening match alone was well worth the money. Of four championship title matches, the first two saw the champions retain and the second two saw new champions crowned. There will certainly be a great deal of fall-out from all seven matches that could go in a number of interesting directions. Next week’s “Impact” should be something good. Check back with us next Thursday night/Friday for all your TNA “Impact” needs!
Peace out,
Drowgoddess
Hey everybody! Whose ready for another review of the rotating half face show?! I gotta say, the intro to Superstars kinda freaks me out a little. But, I digress. Let’s get this thang started.
First match of the evening pits THE ECW CHAMPION….CHRISTIAN against the Tommy Dreamer for the ECW title.
First out is Christian with his new shirt. I can’t wait to get it! Next out is the challenger, who was actually challenged by the champ, Tommy Dreamer. Why is the ECW championship match leading off the D-show? Shouldn’t it be the main event? Whatever….At one point, Dreamer looked like he was smelling Christian’s butt, when he applied a knee wrench. That was a little awkward. Throughout the match, Dreamer worked on Captain Charisma’s knee that was injured by Jack Swagger on ECW. This was a pretty good match. I’m not a huge fan of Dreamer’s work, but he certainly is not horrible. Christian is great and always does his part in the match. Dreamer hit a sicknasty suplex off the top rope and a cannonball to the outside, which were his two big spots of the night. Swagger made his way out the ringside and this match was ruled a no-contest. This match will likely be a triple threat match at Extreme Rules. This match gets a 8 out of 10.
Backstage interview with Josh Mathews and Chris Jericho
Jericho accuses Mathews of not respecting him and ties CMPunk’s popularity to his MITB briefcase. He defines greatness as himself and says Punk has his brush with greatness tonight.
The second match of the night is Kofi Kingston against William Regal
Regal should get a run at a world title soon. The guy is great. These two seem to work well together. I like their mix of high-flying and technical/brawling styles. From out of nowhere, Kingston hit the Trouble in Paradise for the win. This was good match for its length. I give it a 7.5 out of 10.
The main event of the evening is Chris Jericho and CM Punk
This match was good, but it seemed really random to have these two squaring off. It would have made more sense to have Punk and Rey tagging against Jericho and Umaga. This is the main event in name alone, as these two have no current beef with each other…Yet. Punk got the win with a counter of the Walls of Jericho into a rollup. After the match, Jericho hit a Code Breaker. This match looked like a seed-planter for a future program. We shall see. This match gets a 8.5 out of 10.
The show was very entertaining tonight. Except for the main event, everything else continued the storylines. Hopefully Jericho and Punk will start something going into Summerslam. As I leave you I will pose a question for you to ponder…If a penny is the unit for the American dollar, shouldn’t an ounce be the unit for the British pound?
Hey people! Let’s get this review of WWE Superstars going.
First Match is a Diva’s Tag Match pairing Gail Kim and the very delicious Maria against Alicia Fox and Michelle McCool
The match starts off with Gail Kim against Alicia Fox. Kim starts on the offense then tags Maria in, who continues the attack. Alicia Fox throws Maria into the ropes and McCool kicks her in the back o’ the head. A couple of quick tags in the Fox/McCool corner take place and Michelle McCool starts to wear Maria down. Gail Kim distracts McCool and Maria kicks her in the head and makes her way over to Kim for the tag. Kim hits a neckbreaker off the top rope. Kim goes up for another top rope manuever, but McCool executes a kick to Kim and makes the cover for the 3-count. Winner : Michelle McCool and Alicia Fox. I give this match a 4 out of 10. I’m not the biggest fan of Diva wrestling, and this was a very average match.
Next up is Pirate Paul….oh wait its just Paul Burchill w/ Katie Lea now against Evan Bourne
Paul Burchill starts off with the offense, but Bourne turns the tables with his quickness. Burchill’s strength puts him back in control for a bit. The quickness of Air Bourne gives him some offense, but he seemingly hurts his knee. Burchill focuses in on that knee with the help of his sister Katie Lea at ringside. Bourne battles back and takes Burchill down with a series of kicks. Bourne goes for the Shooting Star Press, but Burchill climbs the ropes to prevent it. Bourne then punches him of the ropes and Burchill lands on his back, and Shooting Star Press for Bourne for the win. I love that move. It is the prettiest move I have ever seen. I give this match a 7.5 out of 10. I wish Bourne had gotten more high flying spots, but both men worked well.
Backstage interview with Cody Whodth and Ted DiBiase. Does anybody else like Legacy as much as me?
Oh yeah…Christian is the new ECW champion! There it is….my Cheap Christian plug of the week. I hope the PEEPulation is growing!
Anywho…the main event of the evening is Ted Dibiase 2.0 against one half of the Unified Tag Team Champions, Carlito
The lock up has TD2 sending Carlito into the corner and beating him down. Carlito then switches it and beats on Dibiase. Good back and forth matchup to start the match. Pretty cool spot with both men going over the top to the outside happens, as Superstars goes to break. Back from break, DiBiase is on the attack and stomps Carlito into the mat. TD2 is very Randy Ortonesque in the ring. Dibiase hits his Million Dollar Dream Slam when Carlito tries a springboard elbow. Winner of the match is Ted Dibiase. I give this match a 8.5 out of 10. Both men are legit in the ring, and it blows my mind how Carlito has never gotten a main event shot.
The show was pretty good, with the exception of the Diva Tag match. I like them giving airtime to Ted Dibiase on here. He is definitely a future main eventer and needs the exposure. I guess its time to leave you with a fact of life as I know it. Most Diva wrestling sucks!!! Peace out peoples.