Uh-Oh! It’s not the Big O, Broskis, it is in fact I, the ringleader of this little group of smarks we call BoredWrestlingFan.com, ThinkSoJoE! Justin Ruff is not feeling well this evening and we wish him a speedy recovery as I dive head first into Monday Night RAW! The best part about this is, I don’t know ANYTHING about tonight’s show other than Shawn Michaels is on it, so I can review this and give my thoughts as I initially watch. And here you thought I only did the podcasts!
Time for the dog show! Oh wait, they don’t preempt RAW for that anymore. You can watch it on CNBC, if you’re so inclined. Except this aired 3 hours ago, so you can’t.
As the title suggests, this is a look-back at wrestling past, and the era in which all of us here grew up with somewhere along the line. In tonight’s episode, we look back at 19th May 1997 edition of WWF RAW IS WAR from Mobile, Alabama, as we start.. Getting Down With The Classics
What? Me again? That’s right folks, it’s the Alpha BoredWrestlingFan, ThinkSoJoE here with you for a third straight week of RAW gimmickry! I don’t mind a gimmick show every now and then, but three weeks in a row? Last week we found out that CM Punk is leaving the company after the Money In The Bank Pay Per View, and he’s got a WWE Championship match that very same night. Also, the voting got screwed up during the Power to the People RAW, and tonight we’ll see Sin Cara take on Evan Bourne because of it. All this, and Shawn Michaels, tonight on RAW!
I’m going to go on record and say that at the time of this writing, I have not watched the April 11, 2011 episode of WWE RAW. Every Monday night I try to avoid the temptation of reading about what happened on the WWE’s flagship show when I was commuting to work prior to being able to watch the show. Tonight I made the mistake of going on Twitter and seeing a ton of tweets regarding Adam “Edge” Copeland. When I called home, as I usually do when I get to work, my fiancee made it a point to tell me that Edge is retiring. No matter how hard I try, news about Edge does not slip past my RADAR, and with good reason – Edge is one of my favorite wrestlers of all time.
Edge had everything you could want in a professional wrestler. He had great mic skills, he was amazing to watch in the ring, and he managed to evolve along with the business he lived his life for over the past fourteen years. For all fourteen of those, I’ve been an Edgehead. How could you not be? He always had the coolest entrance in the business, whether it was coming in through the crowd at the beginning of his WWE career, rising up through a ring of fire with The Brood, or emerging through a cloud of smoke to the heavy metal laden sounds of Rob Zombie’s “Never Gonna Stop” or Alter Bridge’s “Metallingus.” And that’s just to get you pumped up for the spectacle you’d be about to witness.
Shawn Michaels – my absolute favorite wrestler of all time, for what it’s worth – defined the Ladder Match with Scott Hall. Edge, along with Christian, The Hardys, and The Dudleys, redefined it. Throw in some tables and chairs, and it becomes his match, the TLC Match. Edge innovated in Hardcore matches with Mick Foley at WrestleMania 22 and ECW One Night Stand 2, showing that he’d have been a huge star in the original ECW if he’d opted to ply his trade there. Edge defined the Money In The Bank Ladder Match, and earned the nickname “The Ultimate Opportunist,” and that’s just his resume in stipulation matches. He’s also, for what it’s worth, undefeated in Last Man Standing matches.
Even without weapons, Edge was a deadly foe in the ring. He could beat you any way he wanted to. Edgecution. Edgeucator. Edge-o-matic. And of course, his weapon of choice toward the end of his career, the Spear. A Ten-Time World Champion. That’s not something that just any bum off the streets can pull off – that’s an indication that you are one of the best in the world at this profession. To retire as Champion is unheard of – there goes Adam Copeland innovating this business again.
My hat goes off to Edge for knowing that his body cannot continue to take the abuse that he puts it through night in and night out on the road for the WWE. Thank you, Adam “Edge” Copeland, for entertaining me week in and week out for the last fourteen years. We’ll miss you!
With the induction of Drew Carey into the WWE Hall of Fame, most of us are embarrassed to call that a legitimate Hall-of-Fame. But let’s be honest. It’s not a Hall-of-Fame for the wrestlers. It’s a wing for the celebrities. Do I really think Drew Carey deserves a spot in the HOF? Of course not. But he’s not getting inducted as a wrestler. He’s going in as a celebrity. And he is the only celebrity to ever compete in the Royal Rumble. I understand he’s got something to plug, and I think it’s totally embarrassing the WWE is using a HOF induction to help him plug whatever crap he’s plugging. Maybe they could have named him the emcee of the event.
But in honor of Drew Carey getting inducted for giving Kane money, I have come up with a list of 15 celebrities that I feel deserve induction into the WWE HOF more than Drew Carey. These are not in order of priority.
1. Jenny McCarthy-A woman who started out as eye candy that moved on to being a child advocate against vaccines (even though she was wrong) and autism. She also was a very successful writer about books about pregnancy and motherhood. Maybe being inducted by Shawn Michaels, this would be a reminder of a big moment from Wrestlemania XI.
2. Pamela Anderson-The biggest part about the 1995 Royal Rumble was that the winner got to be escorted to the back by Pamela Anderson. And then at Wrestlemania, she escorted Diesel to the ring. This was a big moment as she was at the hottest her career got at that time. The WWE always likes to have their big celebrity moment. Inducted by recent returnee Kevin Nash? Nash on the mic is always great fun.
3. Regis Philbin-Regis has always had wrestlers on and never worried about his image. He’s freakin’ Regis. And then when Steve Austin propelled himself to superstardom, aside from the big Mike Tyson “shove heard round the world,” one of the watershed moments in his career was when he appeared on Regis & “the one before Kelly Ripa.” Austin wore his “Austin 3:16” and Regis had his “Philbin 911” t-shirt. And there was the moment when Austin got in his face and Regis rubbed Austin’s head and Stone Cold smiled. Stone Cold would be the perfect person to induct him.
4. Burt Reynolds-The guest ring announcer at Wrestlemania X, I don’t really think he has contributed THAT much. But he was a big name. And since WWE has always loved their Hollywood celebrities whenever they could get them, if they could get Burt Reynolds for this role, they would be in “We make movies” heaven. I’m sure HE has something he could plug. I could see him getting inducted by Bret Hart or Roddy Piper.
5. Joan Rivers-Is there anybody better at stirring up a buzz? And doesn’t she have some reality show or documentary to plug? And when has Joan Rivers ever turned down an appearance? Anywhere? I could see her getting inducted simply because she was Joan Rivers. Who would induct her? Take your pick. I’m sure any of the young lions would benefit from the rub: Ted Jr., Randy Orton, Zack Ryder.
6. Muhammad Ali-Arguably the greatest boxer ever, if not the greatest athlete ever. He was the referee at the first Wrestlemania. Plus, Ali makes news any time he goes to the grocery store because of the sheer legend behind him. Who would induct him? Again, take your pick. Any wrestler of Black or Muslim heritage would be great here. The Rock, Booker T, Kofi Kingston (I don’t know of any wrestlers who are of Muslim heritage or beliefs.), etc.
7. Dick Butkus-One of the greatest defensemen in the history of pro football and a man who appeared in several Wrestlemanias. I know that he has his charities that he takes care of. He definitely wouldn’t mind appearing to plug that. And who wouldn’t want to induct the great Butkus? Maybe somebody from Chicago like CM Punk. Maybe a college player like The Rock. I don’t see how they could go wrong.
8. Tommy Lasorda-A Hall-of-Fame baseball manager known for being very colorful on the mic. Of course, the Atlanta crowd may not warm up to a Dodgers legend. Any wrestler would love to induct him. It would get them on some MLB sites and I’m sure Tommy Lasorda would love to plug a charity.
9. Alice Cooper-Doesn’t he still put out songs and albums and stuff? I’m sure he’d love the chance to come back and speak to the fans. Who inducts him? Obviously not Jake “The Snake,” as that might require sobriety. But which wrestler wouldn’t want to induct a legend in the music world? Chris Jericho maybe?
10. Ozzy Osborne-A former figure in Wrestlemania 2, and one of the most-recognized music icons of all-time, Ozzy Osborne would be GREAT for publicity. The man can still draw, and he still must have some marketability as he was used for one of the biggest Super Bowl commercials this past year. Again, any wrestler would love to induct Ozzy freakin’ Osborne.
11. Mike Tyson-I’d just love to hear him say “My man Cole Stone” one more time. Wrestlemania XIV was one of the biggest moments in wrestling history. That was a watershed moment of the Attitude Era. Of course if he came back, we’d always be reminded of how great their product was back then and how it isn’t now. Who would induct him? Triple-H, Stone Cold, Shawn Michaels, Jim Ross, take your pick.
12. Chuck Norris-The possibilities would be endless. WWE Chuck Norris facts: Chuck Norris can defeat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania. Chuck Norris can cross the boss. Chuck Norris knew who attacked Edge. Any young wrestler would die at the opportunity to induct Chuck Norris.
13. Aretha Franklin-She sung at Wrestlemania III & XXIII. The Queen of Soul, who wouldn’t want to induct her? Of course, it could be a well-known Black competitor like Booker T, Ron Simmons (lots of “Damnnnnnnnnns” in that speech) or Kofi. Of course, the one who makes the most sense would be Lillian Garcia, whom I’m sure they could bring back for one night to induct Aretha.
14. Cyndi Lauper-The fact Drew Carey is going into the celebrity wing of the HOF before Cyndi Lauper is downright embarrassing. Cyndi Lauper has done more for the wrestling business than show up in a match to plug their show. Brawl to Settle It All, War to Settle the Score, Wrestlemania, she used HER name to get the publicity on these events. Again, Lillian Garcia would be a great fit to induct her. So would Roddy Piper, Edge or anybody who watched her as a kid and was inspired to get into wrestling because of her participation on these big events.
15. Motorhead-The group who has created one of the most iconic entrance themes in the history of wrestling. It is also arguable that is the most iconic entrance theme ever (with respect to “Real American,” Piper’s & Undertaker’s music and maybe Stone Cold’s and The Rock’s). From the first time you hear “Time to play the gaaaaaaaaaaame” you know that Triple-H is coming to the ring. Obviously, it’s kind of silly who would induct them. Triple-H, of course.
What are your favorites? Who do you think we should see?
Tonight’s RAW will feature none other than the one, the only, Stone Cold Steve Austin!! Next week, we get the special guest host/star/whatever, Snooki, from Jersey Shore. Say what you want, I just don’t… don’t really like Jersey Shore that much. Anyway, I’ve sat through worse… I think.
About tonight: I hear that The Miz is boycotting tonight’s RAW. I’m upset, but I know some people who won’t be. And what else will happen as Wrestlemania XXVII draws closer and closer? The Undertaker is coming to RAW tonight, and John Cena says he’s going to deliver the “Final Knockout” to The Rock. Stay tuned and find out!
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, Triple H says that his last true challenge is ending the Streak.>
The Undertaker enters RAW to Johnny Cash’s Ain’t No Grave. Honestly, I’m kind of glad to hear it being used like this. It seems to suit Taker’s character very well, and… seems to me to kind of be a final theme song. But, anyway, I’ll shut up.
The Undertaker takes the mic and says at Wrestlemania, two legends, to icons will collide, will do battle. And in the end, there can only be one Highlander last outlaw. Now, the word on the street is that many feel that this is the year that the Streak is broken. That Father Time and all the battles, and all the wars, and all the injuries, are finally going to catch up to him. And then, there are those who feel like it’s the King of Kings, The Game, Triple H who is the one guy that has what it takes to bring him down and end the Streak. Well, Triple H, the Undertaker wants to remind you and everyone else, what has happened at the last two Wrestlemanias, what happened to someone else who thought they had what it took to end the Streak. Perhaps the greatest of all time, Shawn Michaels.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Wrestlemania 25 – The Undertaker defeats Shawn Michaels. Wrestlemania 26 – The Undertaker defeats Shawn Michaels again.>
At Wrestlemania, there will be no excuses, no regrets, no disqualifications, no count outs, no rules. Their match at Wrestlemania will be No Holds Barred. In a match like this, the possibilities of what could happen are endless, but there is one thing that is iron-clad: The end result. It’s just like Triple H said: Triple H ends the Streak, and the Undertaker dies. Or, Triple H dies trying. Triple H, at Wrestlemania, you will rest in peace.
Later tonight, John Cena will respond to The Rock and deliver the “final knockout” and Stone Cold Steve Austin returns to RAW!!
Backstage, Randy Orton is taking on Nexus, and is then driven into a steel closet by Mason Ryan, then double-teamed by Otunga and Ryan as Punk watches. Punk says Orton managed to put McGuillicutty on the shelf, but where they’re going to send him is much, much worse. Punk then throws his head into the steel closet again, and once more, then hits the Go to Sleep. Punk tells them to pick “this piece of garbage” up and drag him to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes Once again, the guys who put together the packages for WWE are #tremendous
@KeepItFiveStar The Undertaker putting his Avid Editing skills to work yet again. Just once I want to see him in an editing room with headphones on
@JRosz78 Love Taker coming out to Johnny Cash! Never gets old! #WWE #RAW #MNBW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar CM Punk hanging with New Nexus is like Shredder hanging with the Foot Soldiers. He’s clearly better than them and they’re not needed.
@smarkingout “Where we’re gonna send you is much, much worse.” Oh God, CM Punk is sending Orton to TNA.
@JonHexLives So Orton has officially taken Cena’s place as being the weekly target of gang violence. #WWE #RAW #BWF
Orton is in the ring, being circled by Punk, Ryan, and Otunga. The refs come out and pull Punk off him as Punk puts his knee on Orton’s throat and continues to taunt him. Orton pulls himself under the ropes and Otunga gets ready for his match. The ref keeps trying to keep Otunga off Orton and asks if Orton wants to compete. Orton says, “Uh, fuck yes.”
David Otunga vs Randy Orton
Otunga immediately is all over Orton, launching hits at his head. Then, he runs back at him and proceeds to kick him before going back to punches to Orton’s head. Otunga goes to grab him, but Orton kicks him. Otunga fights back and drags Orton out of the corner by his shirt and then drops onto him, going for a quick cover. Orton kicks out at two. Otunga pulls Orton to his feet, and then slams Orton onto the mat and goes for another cover, but Orton kicks out again. Otunga lifts Orton up once more, pointing to the Wrestlemania sign, and then he drops Orton again. Another cover later, and Orton has kicked out again. Otunga lifts him to his feet, but then Orton shows life and pushes him back before hitting the RKO and managing to pin Otunga.
Randy Orton wins via pinfall.
Ryan gets into the ring and takes Orton down with a boot to the skull. Now, neither Michael McGuillicutty nor David Otunga will be able to assist CM Punk at Wrestlemania. Ryan gets Orton onto his knees, and then starts to try something, but Orton hits another RKO and stands up, coiled to strike again. Punk runs down to try to save anyone else form getting punted in the skull, but Orton keeps him out of the ring. The two have a stare down, and Orton slowly looks over at Otunga. Punk watches as Orton considers it, and Punk tells him not to. Punk goes to run around the ring to get Otunga, and Orton punts Otunga in the skull. Orton drops to the mat, pounding it as he watches Punk, who backs away. Orton gets up on the ropes, forcing Punk to back away.
Tonight, Michael Cole will reveal the special guest referee for his match at Wrestlemania against Jerry “The King” Lawler.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar CM Punk needs to get Festus, Serena and Joey Mercury back because THIS TEAM is pathetic…
@HitTheRopes @RandyOrton’s Punt is super effective. David Otunga fainted. Please take him to the nearest Pokemon Center.
@JonHexLives If Cena is Superman and Morrison is Spider-Man, then Orton must be Wolverine since he takes a beating and comes back for more #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi Randy’s in Oprah Mode(c). ‘You get a punt! And you get a punt! And you get a punt!’ #CultofHarpo #BWF #RAW
<WWE Slam of the Week: Last Monday, John Cena defeats Alex Riley in a steel cage match.>
Earlier today, The Miz tweeted that due to not getting the recognition he deserves, he’s boycotting RAW tonight. I’m sad.
If you close your eyes…
CHRISTIAN!
Christian vs Alberto del Rio
Before the match, we learn that last week, Christian helped Edge as Del Rio attacked the World Heavyweight Champion. Del Rio comes down to the ring with none other than Brodus Clay at his side, but Christian doesn’t look that bothered…
Before the match, del Rio says that his name is Alberto del Rio, but we already knew that. It is his destiny to be the new World Heavyweight Champion at Wrestlemania, and Christian, you and he are going to fight. But not tonight. If Christian really wants to fight del Rio, first Christian has to defeat del Rio’s “little” friend, Brodus Clay.
Christian vs Brodus Clay
The match starts with the two of them locking up for a moment before dropping Christian on his face. Clay starts to lift Christian, who jumps behind him and tries to fight him and possibly lock in the Killswitch, but Brodus hits his pec. He does it again, and Christian dives between Clay’s legs, but is met by a head butt, then Clay drops onto Christian with one, two elbow drops and then a cover. Christian kicks out at two, and Clay targets Christian’s pec. Christian fights out of the submission, but Clay throws him across the ring and goes for a knee drop, but Christian moves out of the way, hitting a missile dropkick to Clay, followed by another that knocks Clay over. Christian goes for a cover, but Clay throws him off. Clay clotheslines him, and then Christian kicks out of the pin attempt. Clay gets Christian onto his shoulder and starts to run, but Christian gets down and then gets up in the corner, hitting a Tornado DDT.
Christian wins via pinfall.
Right after the match, del Rio attacks Christian. Del Rio gets Christian up, but Christian slaps him, running into a boot. Del Rio then locks in the Cross Arm Breaker, again, and keeps attacking the same arm.
<VIDEO PACAKGE: The Rock responds to John Cena’s response to The Rock’s comments.>
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes Was Edge busy or something? If I was Christian, I’d be wondering why my former brother didn’t come to my aid
@TKeep123 Brodus comes in 2nd on #nXt and is the 1st to make a post-nXt apparance on #RAW ! Enough said. #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW
@Niki_Sushi Yay Christian! I don’t care you’re supposed to be on SmackDown. I’m happy that I get to see you. :3 #BWF #RAW
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Sin Cara.>
Already in going into the 2011 Hall of Fame, Shawn Michaels, Bullet Bob Armstrong and “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan. The next inductee: Sunny.
Next up, Eve will defend the Diva’s Championship.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Sin Cara vignette is slick.
@Niki_Sushi Unlike Alberto’s retarded promos, this actually makes me excited to see Sin Cara! #BWF #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar Somewhere in the world Sable just threw a remote at her TV and took a shot of whiskey.
@JRosz78 Sunny was well EPIC! #RAW #BWF #MNBW
@HitTheRopes So who hasn’t Sunny pissed off that is willing to induct her?
@KeepItFiveStar And now the Sunny forecast has been ruined by EVE. Thanks Eve…you did it again. You even found a way to ruin this
@TKeep123 Eve up next to defend her #TNA Jeff Hardy DIVA belt vs Niki Bella! #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW
<WWE Rewind: Last week, Diva’s Battle Royal for the Number One Contender to the Diva’s Championship.>
Diva’s Champion Eve Torres vs Brie/Nikki Bella for the Diva’s Championship
Gail Kim is in Eve’s corner. Well, there’s your Gail sighting, but that’s all you’re going to get.
The two lock up, and Eve backs Nikki onto the ropes, and then throws her across the ring. Eve then bounces Nikki’s head off the turnbuckle repeatedly before throwing her onto the mat. Eve tosses her again, by her hair, before kicking her once, twice, and then clotheslining her. Eve goes for a cover, but Nikki kicks out. Nikki comes back by throwing Eve onto the ropes and holding her down there. While Nikki distracts the ref, Brie hits Eve, and then Nikki kicks Eve’s head. Nikki drops Eve by her hair and goes for a cover, but Eve kicks out. Nikki stands on Eve’s hair before lifting her arms, and then goes for a cover, but Eve kicks out. Cole stands on the announce table and says enough with this match, as Nikki puts Eve in a headlock. Cole says he can’t wait to make his announcement, and he’s going to tell everyone who his special guest referee is. Nikki drops Eve onto her face, and then punches her, and Cole keeps talking and talking. Nikki throws Eve in the corner, and then Eve slaps her. Eve then kicks Nikki in the head, and Eve tries to grab Nikki before Brie replaces her, but the ref catches her that time. Eve rolls back in with Nikki, and Nikki misses a clothesline, and Eve hits whatever move it was for the win. Brie tries to help, but backs out.
Eve Torres wins via pinfall.
Cole takes the mic again and says thank God that’s over. Coming up next is Cole’s “Main Event”, and we’ll find out who the special guest referee will be for Cole and King’s match.
<COMMERCIAL>
@WWEsAngel_Nef You know #WWE while this is a great way to make Cole look like a douche, this is disrespectful to the women’s division. I hate this crap too
@TKeep123 Michael Cole interrupting the DIVA match to self-promote… Horrid treatment of the Divas…. #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW
@KeepItFiveStar Sit down Michael Cole with your fake ass Smooth Criminal suit
@HitTheRopes Damn, talk about sh*tting on the females. #wwe
@KeepItFiveStar Welp, Women’s History Month continues in the WWE….
@FrankWWEClown There’s only one choice for Michael Cole’s guest referee…the man known as….Sting. #wait22111alreadyhappened #makessense #WWE #RAW
@Niki_Sushi As much as I dislike Eve holding the belt, I would sooner party with Eve than watch a Bella be champ. #BWF #RAW
@kellylynndobson Eve dressed like a sexual Ronald McDonald. ugh. #BWF
Next week, Snooki is going to guest host RAW!
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Michael Cole reveals that Jack Swagger will be training him in preparation for his Wrestlemania match, and Jack Swagger puts King in the ankle lock.>
Cole is in the ring, laughing as the video plays back, and asks if he can have our attention. He says at Wrestlemania, he’s going to compete in his first ever match. And, well, of course, it’s in the main event (yeahright). In his hand, Cole holds the contract. The man who signs those documents will be the guest referee, and will have the honor and privilege of holding his hand high as he defeats King at Wrestlemania. We may not believe this, but Cole respects Lawler. Because of that respect, Cole picked a referee who would be impartial. The man has vowed that he’ll call the match right down the middle, and at least King will have a fighting chance at Wrestlemania. Without further ado, Cole wants to announce the man. He’s a former WWE Champion, a true legend, one of the most iconic figures in WWE history, and, much like Cole, he’s a legendary Texan. We can feel it, we know he’s here, we know this man is here. He’s been waiting for an hour to get out of our seats and cheer for this man, so let’s start the cheer. An Austin chant starts up. Cole then says that those people are fools. He suckered them in, him, Michael Cole. Ladies and gentlemen, his referee at Wrestlemania is none other than JBL!
The trademark limo with the Texas longhorns pulls up, and I just remember the last time I saw JBL when he quit because Rey… Nevermind.
JBL and Cole hug in the ring, and JBL lifts his arm. JBL gets the mic and thanks the crowd for booing him. He knew that when the great JBL came back from his hiatus, that ‘you people’ would understand, and after what they went through with no champions, and JBL felt sorry for Texas. He knew when he returned, the greatest, longest reigning champion in Smackdown history, and he knew that we would welcome him like good southern people do, with open hearts, but this is so much more important than us. Cole is right, JBL is going to Wrestlemania, the main event, there’s other matches, there’s a guest host. Whatever. Nobody has ever debuted at Wrestlemania, in the main event, until now. And JBL is so proud that this grizzled vet, standing in front of him… JBL saw the dues Cole paid, the way King treated Cole, saw that King was nothing more than a simple bully. JBL hates bullies, and it’s wrong that the strong pick on the weak just because the can. JBL is proud of Cole for standing up to that bully. The world is going to know what Cole can do. With Swagger standing on Cole’s corner, there’s only one thing missing: an impartial ref. JBL can buy anyone in that building, but no one can buy JBL. He’s a man of integrity, and that’s why he’s there, why when he signs that contract, JBL goes home. Today, JBL starts his journey back to the main event at Wrestlemania. JBL takes the contract, but is interrupted by shattering glass…
Stone Cold Steve Austin chooses now to make his way down the ramp, and Cole just shit his pants.
Austin makes his way to another corner and Cole literally scurries to get out of his way.
JBL and Cole are pointing their fingers at Austin, and yelling at him, but Austin looks unamused. Cole hides behind JBL, like he did Swagger last week. Austin keeps going for Cole, but JBL moves in the way. Austin finally gets sick of it and delivers a Stunner to JBL. He catches his beers and puts on JBL’s cowboy hat before throwing it off and celebrating with his beer as always. Some things will never get old.
He drinks one beer and pours another one on JBL, who squirms. Austin then sees the contract. Cole realizes what may be going through Austin’s head and seems to be sobbing. Austin picks up the contract, and Cole begs him not to do it. Austin just spit beer all over the contract. Cole is sobbing now, by the way. Austin says if we want him to sign that contract, give him a “Hell Yeah”. So, Stone Cold signs it. Austin says the special guest referee at Wrestlemania will be none other than STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN! And that’s the bottom line, ‘cause Stone Cold said so.
Cole keeps begging, and Austin rolls out of the ring, catching a fresh beer. Austin shakes Cole’s hand, then pours three cans of beer all over his head. Austin then tells him good luck, and shoves him back in his seat. Austin rolls back into the ring, where JBL is showing signs of life, and Cole slowly walks right under another can of beer being poured on him, and up the ramp. JBL just got hit in the head by a can of beer, and Austin gives him a beer. He offers his can up, for cheers, and then drinks it. JBL shrugs and drinks it to, before getting another Stunner. Dumbass. Swagger’s at the top of the ramp, watching Cole have a pissy fit.
Hope Cole enjoyed his beer bath.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Rock reminds us how everything started.>
<COMMERCIAL>
@JonHexLives Michael Cole has a Boss Hog fit with Roscoe Swagtraine trying to calm him down. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@TKeep123 YES! Austin serves up 2 beers for Michael Cole-on top of his head! JBL finally waking up…Stunner #2! #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW
@JonHexLives That’s like the whole 12-pack Stone Cold has poured all over that ring. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi The camera won’t look at Josh Matthews because he is grinning like a damn fool right now. #BWF #RAW
@kellylynndobson Cole sounding like Nancy Kerrigan, “Why…..Why?” #BWF
@TKeep123 …and The Rattle-snake literally STUNS the 10 Gallon Hat off of JBL! Steve-wizers for everyone! #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW
@Niki_Sushi ‘It was my night, it was my night’ I think it’s his night now. #BWF #RAW #JustSayin
@kickoutblog At least Cole didn’t pick Austin, that would’ve been dumb.
@CMPunkSays We will have Stone Cold and The Rock at Wrestlemania. WE WILL HAVE STONE COLD AND THE ROCK AT WRESTLEMANIA. #MyBodyIsNotReady #WWE
@WWE_Creative Wow, @steveaustinBSR made it through an entire segment without saying “ass”. TV-PG is alive and well! #RAWTonight
@redsandman99 See Cole? Being a tremendous douchenozzle does not pay off in the end.
@HitTheRopes Austin just embarrassed Cole on the behalf of the Divas…. Well, not really, but one can think positively
@FrankWWEClown I would mark out for Michael Cole vomiting all over the announce table in disgust of Stone Cold. Oh hell yeah. #WWE #RAW #WM27 #AUSTIN316
Backstage, Cole is flipping out because his clothes are a mess to Jack Swagger. Cole says he hates Stone Cold as much as he hates Jerry, but Swagger interrupts him. Swagger tells Cole to focus on King, and Swagger will worry about Austin. Swagger threatens to break Austin’s ankle like a twig, and Cole goes out to shower, finally.
Jerry “The King” Lawler makes his way back to ringside, where he belongs.
Doesn’t Defend His Title On Live Television United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs King Sheamus
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Triple H, and then Evan Bourne, own King Sheamus.>
Sheamus starts out by attacking the hell out of Bryan, and hurls him across the ring before putting his fists in Bryan’s face. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Bryan kicks out at two. Sheamus gets Bryan to his feet and misses a clothesline, only to eat a missile dropkick, followed by another one that sends Sheamus out to the announce table, grabbing his ankle. The ref is counting, but Sheamus doesn’t seem to be able to really walk, let alone get into the ring. Sheamus lets the ref count.
United States Daniel Bryan wins via count-out.
Sheamus takes a mic and says hold on a minute. For the last couple months, he’s been on a losing streak. But, he promises next week, all that will change, when he becomes the new United States Champion. What does Bryan say? If Sheamus doesn’t beat him for the title, Sheamus will quit. Bryan nods, and I get my wish for Bryan to actually defend his title on television.
Coming up, Shawn Michaels will speak out again on the Undertaker vs Triple H match.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!!
@KeepItFiveStar Lmao! Oh My God! Sheamus looks so sad! A part of him died last week.
@CMPunkSays I was wondering if anyone else noticed the quick count. Very astute, Mathews. #WWE
@Niki_Sushi …. I forgot about Daniel Bryan. I’ll be honest. I haven’t heard his theme in forever. Doesn’t he have a belt or something? #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Looks like there ain’t no grave that can hold King Sheamus down.
We come back to CM Punk sitting in the ring, ready for action.
Oh, and my head was just starting to stop hurting.
CM Punk vs R-Truth
Punk goes to attack Truth as Truth gives up the mic, but Truth goes for a quick cover. Punk kicks out and Truth hits a quick drop toe-hold, and then Punk takes momentum and throws Truth into one steel post, then another. Then, Punk throws Truth into a third. One more and you’ll get them all, Punk! Truth fights back, however, and Punk does like that, attacking him in the corner. Punk goes for a cover, but Truth kicks out at two. Punk gets Truth in a submission, and Truth tries to fight out, getting up to his feet before fighting out. Truth hits a clothesline, then another on Punk before slapping Punk. Punk Whips him, and Truth tries to flip over, but Punk isn’t there. Truth counters the attempted Go to Sleep and goes for a cover, but Punk kicks out at two. Punk rolls out of the ring, then grabs Truth’s arm and jumps off the apron, hurting Truth’s shoulder. Punk then locks in the Anaconda Vice, and Truth taps out.
CM Punk wins via submission.
Ryan climbs in the ring with Punk and Punk directs Ryan to Punk. Ryan lifts him up before dropping Truth down in what King just called a shoulder breaker.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Shawn Michaels weighs in.>
I’m sorry, but I can’t focus too terribly much on this, so I’m not going to say everything he says. First, Shawn comments on their friendship, and says that greatness rarely gets satisfied, which is why Triple H takes on the Undertaker. Combined with Triple H’s talent, there’s a darkness in him. Triple H is the kind of guy who could do anything and not feel any remorse about it.
Vickie Guerrero makes her way down to the ring, even though she was fired as Smackdown’s Official Consultant.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar CM Punk bringing out the Anaconda Vice on Truth! That’s how you tame a jiggaboo!
@TKeep123 You know it’s bad for Sheamus when an R-Truth match lasts longer than his! #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW
@WWE_Creative We needed to have @CMPunk murder @RandyOrton earlier because Punk killing @RonKillings may turn him face. #RAWTonight
@legendkiller515 Why is t-truth still rapping? I don’t get it. He’s awful. And I’m the token black guy saying he can’t rap. #wwe #raw #bwf
@kickoutblog Vickie Guerrero is here! She’s announcing herself as the first (and only) participant for Money in the Bank
I’m not convinced Snooki’s PG, but I’ll deal.
Vickie screeches Excuse Me at us again, and she’s boo’d. Same old story. She says due to her extensive negotiating efforts, please allow her to introduce to us, the former World Heavyweight Champion, and the newest member to the RAW Roster, Dolph Ziggler.
I am perfection…
Apparently, getting fired from Smackdown, means a… “promotion” to RAW. But wait… Did Vickie get rehired last Friday when I wasn’t watching? I’m confuuuuused!
Dolph Ziggler vs John Morrison
So… no answer then, WWE? Not going to tell me how Vickie Guerrero is suddenly on RAW with a job and a microphone? No? … Awesome. Oh, wondrous! And now Vickie’s on commentary. Oh, and King’s making fat jokes. Sweet.
Ziggler and Morrison lock up, and Ziggler plants Morrison. Morrison tries to jump over Ziggler, but Ziggler wisely takes out the knee. And… a commercial.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes TNA got Sting and did the 3/3/11 video. WWE returns fire by getting Snooki while TNA has The Shore knockoffs.
@KeepItFiveStar HEY! Dolph Ziggler got his job back! First step Dolph! Next step Carlito! #wishfulthinking
@kickoutblog You know, she wouldn’t have to say “excuse me” so much if you’d just excuse her.
@CMPunkSays When he comes to the ring, John Morrison has this look on his face like he KNOWS he just disintegrated every pair of panties in the arena.
I come back to hear Vickie threatening Snooki if she looks at Vickie’s man, or men she’s been involved with. Anyway, Morrison drops Ziggler to the mat three times, before kneeing him and then hits the Moonlight Drive. Morrison goes for the cover, but Ziggler’s foot touches the rope. Morrison tries to pull Ziggler away, abut Ziggler holds onto the ropes and rakes Morrison’s eyes before hitting a Zig-Zag.
Dolph Ziggler wins via pinfall.
The GM did hire Dolph Ziggler to RAW, but not Vickie Guerrero. Thank you for answering me, WWE. The general manager considers Vickie a “very polarizing figure”. The GM says, however, that Vickie can have a job on RAW if she wins her match next week. Her match is against Trish Stratus.
Security comes out to escort Vickie out of the ring, and she clings to Dolph’s leg while the crowd sings her out.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: The Rock says there are consequences for running his mouth.>
Next, John Cena response to the Rock with the “final knockout.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes It’s weird to see security walk to the ring. On TNA I’m always seeing security running
@redsandman99 You know what this means? LayCool will interfere and it will set up Trish/Kelly vs LayCool at Wrestlemania
@kickoutblog If Snooki wants to get on my good side, she’ll help Vickie beat Trish Stratus next week.
@KeepItFiveStar “The Chaperon is a good emotional story about a dad, who’s trying to *Gets in Triple H mode* END THE STREAK!!!” – Triple H
@CMPunkSays They’re throwing Attitude Era stars at us like X-Men Origins: Wolverine threw mutants at the plot. Except that THIS is awesome. #WWE
@JonHexLives Apparently it took 20 minutes for the GM to notice Vickie was there. Guess she’s not that fat. #WWE #RAW #BWF
<VIDEO PACKAGE: The Rock calls Cena a Yabba Dabba Bitch.>
These fans can’t decide between The Rock and John Cena, apparently. They love… whoever has the mic at that moment.
Cena says that they’re right; everything’s bigger in Texas. Once you’re there and you look around, there’s people as far as the eye can see. Some people are excited, some people are angry. One guy’s angry at him, and that’s The Rock. Cena doesn’t get it, because The Rock didn’t come out and make fun of him. Cena likes what he has to say, calling him Fruity Pebbles. Cena thinks it’s funny. The impression of him is funny. It’s a good shtick. But, a couple weeks ago, Cena said something about the Rock, and Shut the front door, he got mad. Rock was very angry that Cena addressed him in rap. Rock said never, ever address him in rap. Cena found a solution, and he will address the Rock in hip-hop, which should clear everything up.
Last week, Rock showed the whole world his ass is soft HE talked trash from his living room and wouldn’t take his glasses off What he couldn’t afford a plane ticket or rent a helicopter No, Rock chose to stay home and read off a teleprompter You can see the words in his glasses Rewind it back I caught him Only time you see me, homies, is when I’m whippin that Rock Bottom They say the Rock is unbeatable, he’ll put John Cena on the shelf But after last week, the only thing the Rock’s beatin is himself And once again, I’m standin here And where’ s the Rock? He must be misplaced I get it, I’m a Fruity Pebble, you’re yabba dabba misplaced He yelled for thirty minutes, almost made me throw up You wanna be the people’s champ Here’s a tip: Show up I’m so glad this thing is over so I can cross it off my checklist Rock didn’t win, but it’s ok, I’ll give him a pearl necklace It’s not my fault Rock, you just make it too easy to get you You might as well attack my dog, because every week he eats my shitzu But I made him angry, that’s not what I was in it, I didn’t want him to seem hurt So to make amends, I actually went out and bought the Rock’s new t-shirt
(I BRING IT VIA SATELLITE SHIRT) Rock, make them chant your name, raise an eyebrow, give us all a fun night But don’t ever call me out again dude, cause that’s bringing a knife to a gun fight.
WWE Champion The Miz shows up out of nowhere and attacks John Cena with the WWE Championship belt. SO much for boycotting RAW. Cena gets up, and Miz watches him before Cena turns around, and Miz hits him again. Miz picks up the mic, and says Cena, Cena, Cena. You and your little buddy, The Rock, and everybody else has disrespected me for the last time. Do you see a pattern here, Cena? Every time you and Rock get your panties in a wad, this is what happens to you. And if The Rock was here, the same thing would happen to him. Cena, you like to rap, well try this one on for size:
The Rock, John Cena, Macho Man and Liz Stone Cold and Bret Hart, they’re nothing compared to The Miz.
And one more thing, hello Rock. He and Miz haven’t been properly introduced: He’s the Miz, the WWE Champion, and star of Wrestlemania. Rock, on the other hand, is just the host. So Rock should know his role and be the best Ryan Seacrest he can be. And if Rock has the guts to show up on RAW or at Wrestlemania, Miz will take his little eyebrow, his 45 catchphrases, his sunglasses, his father, his grandfather, roll them up into a ball, flip it sideways, and stick it straight up his candy ass. Because he’s The Miz, and he’s-
Miz then gets behind John Cena and gives him a Skull Crushing Finale. Miz stops, pulls off the band on his elbow, and then delivers the Miz’s Elbow.
–AWWWWWESOOOOME!
Well. Interesting RAW, to say the least, and I do like the way it ended. Yes, yes, I know. But I’m a Mizfit, and it made me happy. It didn’t make up for some of the things that went on, but there you have it. And yes, I did type up that whole rap just by sitting here listening to it. Anyway, next week we have Snooki and Trish Stratus. See you then.
Back for another edition of Monday Night RAW! Turns out the boss man, ThinkSoJoE is there live tonight, so I hope he has a good time! He tweeted something about there being a steel cage over the ring tonight. Will we see it come into action, or are they just teasing us? As the person who has to review tonight… I don’t know if I want it to come into action or not.
Also, I want to take a second and thank everyone who tweets during RAW, and those of you who reply to the actual review. It means a lot to me to know that you all like the way I write these up, and I love to see interaction. It makes the searing pain in my fingers after totally worth it.
Anyway, I hear that The Rock is supposed to be around sometime to talk about John Cena’s response. This could be really good… Or really bad. We’ll see what happens.
It’s time to play the game…
Omfg I missed this music. Oh, sorry about missing last week’s RAW. Family time prevented me from seeing it, and then a busy week prevented me from reviewing it. Sorry!
It has been made official! The Undertaker will go one-on-one with Triple H at Wrestlemania!
Triple H says that it’s good to see Buffalo too! He says that they say the true test of a man’s mettle is the test of time. He’s done everything that there is to do in the WWE. Every accolade, championship, defined Elimination Chamber, Hell in the Cell, and a thirteen-time WWE Champion. With Shawn Michaels, he started D Generation X. With Ric Flair, Evolution. He’s been hated, loved. He’s defeated icons, legends, immortals, he’s done it all. Sixteen years. Seems like yesterday, but sixteen years. He’s seen them all come and seen them all go, for sixteen years, he’s out lasted everybody.
Except for one. The Deadman. The Phenom. The Undertaker.
He’s just heard him referred to as “The Last Outlaw.” Not yet, there are two. The Undertaker and Triple H are the same, probably a lot more than he knows. When he looks in the locker room, they see the same thing: There aren’t any real challenges left. They’re in the same position. There’s only one thing that stands before him: For Taker, it’s the Streak. 16, 17, 18-0. It’s what keeps Taker going, the challenge. But, the fact is, when Taker looks around the locker room, Hunter’s the only real challenge he’s got left. And when Hunter looks around the locker room, the only true challenge he has left is ending the streak. It’s the only thing they have left. It will happen at Wrestlemania XXVII. The biggest event in history! Deadman, you and Hunter will define an era. The iconic, the immortal, the legendary, the last two will meet, and on that night, nothing else will matter. There can be only one Higlander. At Wrestlemania, Taker has only one thing left: The Streak. And when it dies, Taker dies. At Wrestlemania, Hunter has only one thing left: The Streak. If he can’t end it, he’ll die trying.
Sheamus makes his way down to the ring, much to the amusement of Triple H, actually. But, as he gets in the ring, Hunter knocks him to his knees. Triple H rolls his neck before hurling Sheamus out of the ring and following him. Hunter then throws him into the wall and starts pounding right down on him. He then throws him into the steel ring post, and follows him in front of the announce table. Hunter then punches him again, and takes Sheamus right over another barrier. Hunter throws Sheamus onto the announce table and I’m aware that… Cole’s not there!! Anyway, Hunter clears the table and climbs onto it, pulling Sheamus to his feet. He gets Sheamus in position, Jerry tells him not to do this, and Hunter points to the Wrestlemania sign before giving Sheamus a Pedigree right through the announce table!
Later on tonight, Shawn Michaels will weigh in on Triple H vs The Undertaker! Not only that, but Michael Cole will answer Jerry “The King” Lawler later! And, The Rock is going to respond to John Cena’s comments last week. Oh, and on FaceBook, he posted a picture of his boot on John Cena’s hat…
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 The #WWE announce desk DESTROYED at 12 minutes into #RAW !!! No, not the Spanish desk…King & Josh’s Desk! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar Damn. Sheamus must’ve failed a wellness test. Smoked a lot of pot. Tanned. He did SOMETHING wrong because….My God! That was brutal!
@HitTheRopes Remember when Sheamus was a menacing jar of Mayonnaise? Now he’s just Miracle Whip(ped)! #wwe
@FrankWWEClown Sheamus, you made a poor decision interrupting The Game, just sayin’. #WWE #RAW
@thinksojoe Where will the announcers set their drinks? Won’t somebody think of the announcers? #BWF
@Seanfranchise6 Tonight on RAW: HBK WILL SPEAK, COLE WILL PUSS OUT, AND ROCK WILL STOMP CENA………………..via satellite. #RAW
We come back to a handful of refs finally helping Sheamus to get away from the broken announce table. You would’ve thought someone would’ve done that during the commercial…
“Sheamus, you just got brutally attacked by Triple H, but that’s not his problem. You were scheduled to have a match tonight, and you’re still gonna have it, against this man.”
King Sheamus vs Evan Bourne
YAY EVAN!!!!! I missed Air Bourne. I’m happy to see him back.
The bell rings and Evan goes to town on Sheamus right in the corner. Sheamus manages to push Evan off, but misses a clothesline. Evan hits a high kick and then goes up, and hits Air Bourne for the win!
Evan Bourne wins via pinfall.
Really, really short match, but I’m really glad that Evan’s back. And I seriously missed that slow-mo Air Bourne replay.
Justin Roberts tells us to please welcome “The Voice of the WWE”, Michael Cole. Evan even rolls his eyes, and Cole walks out to a number of boos. Cole walks over to King, and seems amused that the announce table is broken. Cole stands in front of King and talks, but no one hears him. … I’m confused.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Now Michael Cole is gonna beat Sheamus! C’mon. At some point this turns into a hate crime against gingers.
@CMPunkSays It’s not often you get buried twice in one night. Whose duffel bag did Sheamus take a dump in? #WWE
@Niki_Sushi I just had a SCREAMING fit. My baby’s back! YES! Totally made my night!
@N_er_d All I can say is that it was not a good day for our King Sheamus. #WWE #RAW #BWF #MNBW
@chynnacena We’d like to that you for flying Air Borne #WWE #RAW #BWF
<WWE Rewind: Last Monday, Cole “interviews” King, and King challenges him to a Wrestlemania Match!>
Michael Cole has a mic and is in the ring now. He says he wants to do this man-to-man, face-to-face, eye-to-eye, so he suggests that King gets off his fat, antiquated butt, and get in the ring. They have an announce table now! Cole also wants to remind King that he cannot strike Cole or he’ll be fired. Over the weekend, Cole re-read the decree that was handed down by the General Manager. It implies that if they touch one another, they’ll both be fired. But, it states that if King strikes Cole, King’s fired. King gets in the ring and stands in front of Cole. Cole says that King thinks he was intimidated last week. Did King think that Cole was going to coward down from his Wrestlemania Challenge? Lawler, there is no one, and Cole means no one, on this earth that has more guts than Cole. Cole never, ever backs down from a fight. So his answer to King’s “little” Wrestlemania Challenge is no, unless King accepts two conditions: First, Cole’s trainer can be in his corner at Wrestlemania, and second: Cole gets to choose a special guest referee for the match. King goes to take the mic, Cole asks what he says, and the King takes the mic. He says that he doesn’t care if Cole has the Dark Knight, King Kong, Saba Simba, and Superman with him, the answer is yes, Cole’s on. Cole says that they’ve got their match for Wrestlemania. Michael Cole vs Jerry “The King” Lawler! Cole says without further ado, he would like to introduce the man who will train Cole to defeat Lawler at Wrestlemania. He is a former World Champion, the All American-American, Jack Swagger!
Check, 1, 2!
Cole’s pretty damn proud of himself, but King doesn’t look impressed, to be honest. Swagger gets in the ring and the two hug, before Swagger stands over King. King still doesn’t look intimidated. Cole shoves King, and Swagger stands between them. Cole keeps asking what King thinks, and then Cole smacks Lawler. Jerry goes for Cole, but Swagger grabs King and puts him in the ankle lock.
Later tonight, Rock will respond to John Cena’s comments last week…
Randy Orton makes his way to the ring…
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes Guess Swagger won’t be in Money in the Bank this year. #wwe
@JRosz78 Thank you Swagger! YES! #RAW #BWF #MNBW
@seraphalexiel Cole’s got Jack Swagger as his trainer? I want Jack Swagger to be my trainer
@KeepItFiveStar What kind of Steve from Blues Clues dance was that, Michael Cole?
@TheFightingGeek Ah, the classic Lawler can’t touch Cole until WrestleMania. An oldie but a goodie.
@CMPunkSays Michael Cole looks like he passed Advanced Heel Tactics 462. The professor of that course is 2009 Randy Orton. #WWE
@N_er_d ok, can we get Matt Striker back on commentary now? #WWE #RAW #BWF #MNBW
Next week, Stone Cold Steve Austin returns to Monday Night RAW!
And damn it all, Cole is back on commentary, and he’s sanitizing it. Cole asks for a replay of Lawler in Swagger’s Ankle Lock, and we get a quick picture… or two, of it. And he’s talking, but I’m tuning him out. I know how now.
I hear voices in my head…
Before the match, Randy picks up a mic. He says last week, Punk was right about something. Two and a half years ago, when Randy punted Punk in the skull, he made the biggest mistake of his career. The mistake that he made was that he should have kicked Punk harder. Punk talks about faith like it can protect him, but it won’t. It won’t protect him when Randy punts him so hard in the head that it makes his spine break and so that his permanent address is a rehab center, dreaming of walking again one day. He will spend every day of his life, sipping his meals through a straw, and the only thing Punk will have left is the faith that failed him.
Punk makes his way out to the ring with the New Nexus (minus Harris still) following him. Punk calls Randy an arrogant, but predictable, hypocrite. Does Randy think that Punk told him not to show up because he didn’t want him to show up? Punk is going to put Randy in the ground.
Cole lets Josh Matthews read this email.
“It appears that there’s only one way for Randy Orton and CM Punk to settle things: In a match at Wrestlemania. Now, over the course of the next few weeks, Randy Orton will compete in singles matches against members of the New Nexus. If the Nexus members win, they can legally be in Punk’s corner at Wrestlemania. If Randy wins, that member of the Nexus is banned from ringside at Wrestlemania. If CM Punk or the members of Nexus get involved, I will personally disband the New Nexus. Randy Orton vs Michael McGuillicutty begins right now.”
Randy Orton vs Michael McGuillicutty
Orton and McGuillicutty lock up, and McGuillicutty pushes Orton in the corner. Orton turns it around and hammers away on McGuillicutty, but McGuillicutty reverses the whip, only to get a clothesline. Orton stomps on McGuillicutty’s face and then goes to drop the knee, but McGuillicutty moves. McGuillicutty takes advantage and Whips Orton, but Orton stops and throws McGuillicutty out of the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Lunna1969 i is a very happy girl tonight….even though i have the flu…Randy, Evan and HHH have made up for it!!! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar Boy, it is Open Mic night on RAW tonight.
@CMPunkSays Everyone tweet @wwejoshmathews with suggestions as to what he should put in Cole’s drink when he isn’t looking. #WWE
@kickoutblog Spoiler: no one will be in CM Punk’s corner at WrestleMania.
@KeepItFiveStar “Why the FUCK didn’t anybody do this with any of my matches against The Nexus?” – John Cena (via @lekeithlewis)
@Niki_Sushi I wonder if Cole realizes he didn’t do anything… #bwf #raw
@Whovian_23 If Stone Cold had come out while Michael Cole was in the ring, Cole would of shit /AND/ pissed his pants at the same time. #WWE #RAW #BWF
We come back to Randy still dominating McGuillicutty, but then Orton eats a missile dropkick. McGuillicutty goes for the cover, but Orton kicks out. McGuillicutty goes for another, but Orton kicks out again. Orton crawls into the corner (cause that’s the best idea ever), and McGuillicutty stomps on him in the corner. Orton fights back, however, only to get a knee by McGuillicutty. McGuillicutty then drops his feet in Orton’s face. He gets on the middle rope and shoves Orton’s face down before going for another cover, only for Orton to kick out. McGuillicutty puts Orton in a headlock, but Orton fights to his feet, and sidewalk slams him off. Orton and McGuillicutty both return to their feet, and McGuillicutty runs right into Orton’s foot. Orton gets him down with a couple of clotheslines, followed by a scoop slam. Orton then drops McGuillicutty in the back breaker. McGuillicutty does the stupid thing and rolls under the bottom rope, so Orton pulls him most of the way into the ring, and this the second-rope DDT. Orton then slams down to the mat and pounds it down, watching McGuillicutty get to his feet before hitting the RKO.
Randy Orton wins via pinfall.
So, at Wrestlemania, Michael McGuillicutty will not be in CM Punk’s corner at Wrestlemania. Orton backs into a corner as McGuillicutty lays on the mat, and Punk comes out to tell him to stop. He then says Randall Keith Orton, you have done enough. Randy does not want to do this, no one wants to see him do this. Punk is telling Randall, do not punt him in the skull. Orton goes back to the corner as McGuillicutty gets up on his knees, and then Orton punts McGuillicutty in the skull before running out of the ring and up into the stands as Punk, Mason Ryan, and David Otunga go to chase him.
Last Friday, Sin Cara was signed to the WWE!
WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley are making their way to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@2ndCitySaint RANDAL KEITH ORTON! RANDALL!!! #CMDad #WWE
@FrankWWEClown @RandyOrton either has ants in his pants or just loves to punt people in the head. I’ll go with the latter. #WWE #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar And Randy Orton punts Michael McGuillictty back into Joe Hennig!
@Niki_Sushi Is Punk gonna pull another Maryse? #bwf #raw
@kickoutblog Hopefully Orton just punts them all in the head and ends the Nexus debacle once and for all.
@Whovian_23 Seems that @RandyOrton is doing what @JohnCena could not do… take out the Nexus. #WWE #RAW #BWF
<RAW Rewind: John Cena and WWE Champion The Miz win the Unified Tag Team Championships, then The Miz costs them the titles.>
Awesome! I came to play!
The Miz has a mic. I’m sensing a trend. Anyway, Miz says The Rock is going to respond to John Cena tonight! That’s funny, because Miz called out The Rock last week as well, and he’s not responding to Miz. We all know why: Because The Miz is right. This is no longer The Rock’s show. Sure, at one point, The Rock was the biggest star in the WWE, then John Cena, but let’s face facts: John Cena’s days are numbered, and the Rock’s are over. What everyone needs to realize is that Miz is the biggest star in the WWE. He is the reason those people are there tonight (he’s the reason I went!). He is the one the talk shows want, he is the face of this company, and best of all, he is the most must-see WWE Champion in the history of this company! Do you see a trend? It’s all about The Miz. It always has been, it always will be, about him. Speaking of him, everybody’s been asking him about becoming WWE Tag Team Champions with John Cena. Let the records show that he won the WWE Tag Team Championships, and John Cena lost them, which was exactly what he wanted to happen. This is Miz’s show, he’s in the driver’s seat, and he controls what happens around there. So, when John Cena’s worrying about the Rock and doing his raps, he should be worried about The Miz, the WWE Champion. But, if The Rock and Cena want to go back and forth, so be it. The Miz will beat John Cena at Wrestlemania, and on that very same night, he will beat the Rock. Did you hear him correctly? He will beat John Cena at Wrestlemania, and on the very same night, he will beat the Rock. And then no one will ever mention them again, because the only person anyone will be talking about will be him as the greatest Superstar of all time.
Alex Riley tells them to get on their feet and show some respect to the man who, in thirty-four days, will main event Wrestlemania!
BRRRRRRRRRRRRR HERPY DERPY DOO!
And John Cena comes out. How appropriate with your timing, Cena. Oh, and Cena’s entrance without the slide is weird.
Cena says he has very very very very important news! He knows, just like everyone, he’s upset, because he can’t listen to another word The Miz says. Those people shouldn’t have to put up with it, and frankly, Miz doesn’t belong talking. The Miz isn’t well. Cena pulls out a folder that says Doctor’s Note. Cena says he has a doctor’s note that diagnosis the Miz with OCD. It’s something they could all see. He’s obsessed with everything. He’s obsessed with being awesome, but if you reference the medical report, he’s below average. He’s obsessed with being must-see, but if you reference the medical report, you have to have a microscope to see him. In his home, he has 2,000 cats, blue dockers, blue khakis, saves his dog’s poop bags, and pees in milk jugs. Ew. And that’s only the half of it. Alex says that Cena’s too funny. Riley just realized why someone nicknamed toilets ‘Johns’, because everything Cena says is crap. Even Cole agrees that was weak, and that’s sad.
Cena asks if Miz ever wondered why no one’s taking him seriously as the WWE Champion. Cena says that was awful, and it’s actually a pretty sad story. Look at Riley, he’s looking at them right now, sucking in air like a dying fish. You know what, you wanna be a champion, you wanna leave a legacy, Miz needs to start doing it by himself. With all these accomplishments, do you really wanna look back and realize that he shared his legacy with another man? Cena then tells him not to answer that. Miz wants to be must-see, talked about, let’s do something about it tonight! Right here, right now, fire Alex Riley, so at Wrestlemania it can be The Miz vs John Cena! Miz asks if Cena is scared of A-Ry, or is he trying to play mind games? Unlike Cena, Miz is mentoring the next generation of Superstars, and he’s secure with his position, so he’s sharing his genius in the WWE, instead of hocking merchandise or trying to decide what jorts to wear. Cena says that maybe his announcement could be that Miz and Riley are co-champions, moving in together, and basically being gay. Cena says that Miz may be training Riley how to be a loser, but Cena’s going to train Miz on how to be a man. Tonight, Cena wants a match with Riley. If Cena wins, Riley is fired. Miz and Riley talk about it for a minute, and then Miz says that he accepts. Cena says that’s shocking, but Miz adds a stipulation: He gives his word that Miz will not interfere, but if Riley wins, he wants Cena to publicly admit that Miz is the greatest superstar of all time, because he’s the Miz and he’s awesome! Cena asks if he’s been to outer space. He’s been fired, a slave, water thrown at him, called Barney turd, called Fruity Pebbles, he’ll do it.
Cole’s back on the email.
“No offense to Miz or his word, but to insure there is no outside interference tonight, John Cena vs Alex Riley will take place inside a steel cage. John, the only way to win this match tonight is to escape the cage.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@justinruff When will we stop using homosexuality as a negative? #Raw #WWE
@CMPunkSays DING DING DING DING DING THAT WAS CENA’S 10,000TH GAY JOKE #WWE
@FrankWWEClown That is one detailed doctor’s note. I need to find me that doctor, I think I may have a few screws loose. #WWE #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar I think in honor of the Fruity Pebbles joke, John Cena should slide down a Dinosaur then go to the ring in a Flintstones car for WM27.
@HitTheRopes @MikeTheMiz trying to channel his inner @IamJericho by beating two of the biggest superstars in wrestling on the same night.
@CMPunkSays That suit is AWWWWWWESOME. #BeMiz #WWE
@KeepItFiveStar Miz, suited up. Looking sharp as usual. Rock and Cena are getting all the praise. Show em what you can do, champ!
@N_er_d hahhaha The Rock vs Cena is funny. The Rock vs Miz would be more entertaining. I see Jericho’s mic skills in the Miz #WWE #RAW #BWF #MNBW
@Whovian_23 You know Cole I’m pretty sure that a good broadcast journalist is meant to be unbiased and…. oh never mind. #WWE #RAW #BWF
Shawn Michaels is going to talk later!! And it’s a Diva’s Battle Royal with Eve on ringside.
Diva’s Battle Royal – Winner will face Eve Torres for the Diva’s Championship
Bella One’s first to be eliminated, then Alicia Fox, then Tamina, Natalya and Melina, Maryse, then a Bella, then the other Bella twin tries to help her sister, and Gail is eliminated. Eve gets in the ring and tries to tell the ref what happened, and the Bellas double team Eve.
Bella… Whichever wins.
Up next, The Rock will respond to John Cena’s rap on him from last week!
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog I couldn’t type a sentence before we got to the final three divas in this battle royal.
@KeepItFiveStar ….Welp. At least we know the WWE is ready for Women’s History Month.
@JRosz78 Really we are fuckin pushin Eve(tranny) and the Bellas? Well now the diva division really is dead! #RAW #BWF #MNBW
@Whovian_23 Why doesn’t the GM just order the Bella’s to wear different clothes during matches? #WWE #RAW #BWF
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, John Cena raps on The Rock in response to his comment two weeks ago!>
Live!… via satellite, it’s The Rock!
Rock has on one of Cena’s hats, and mocks the rap style with the childish voice “you can’t see me”. He says:
The Rock is rappin
He’s gone soft
So now he needs
To take this crap off.
Finally, The Rock has come back to Monday Night RAW (via satellite). Wait, The Rock is the champion of the People, the energy of the People, and the Rock is electrifying every inch of the 14,000 strong in the HSBC Arena, which can only mean one thing: Finally, the Rock has come back to Buffalo (via satellite). And it’s that electricity that’s in the air right now, you can cut it with a knife, makes every woman with a beating heart stop and say ‘Damn, I want a piece of the Rock.’, every man with a bit of testosterone that says ‘Damn, let’s whip some candy asses.’, and they’ve got the attention of John Cena. So let Rock get this straight…? He makes his historic return to RAW, electrify the world, speak from the heart to the people, and said exactly how he felt about John Cena. He came back to RAW, kicked down the door, and addressed him like a man, and what does Cena do in response: Raps to Rock? He raps… to Rock? He addresses Rock in the form of rap. Well, of course Cena did, cause that’s how the guy in the purple shirt responds with his dog tag chain and jean shorts. He thought it was funny, it was real funny. Let Rock remind Cena and the world how this whole thing started: It started with Cena publicly running his mouth about Rock, calling him a liar when he says he loves the WWE. Cena said don’t jerk him or the fans around by saying he loves this business and not coming back. By saying that, Cena insulted him and his family. Rock’s love for the WWE is endless. He grew up in the WWE, born in the WWE, his blood is the WWE. His grandfather, the late great High Chief, his father former WWE Tag Team Champion Rocky Johnson, both Hall of Famers, who he inducted. He is standing in his house, this is his collection of WWE Championship titles that he proudly displays. He didn’t show love? Because he accomplished his goals and wanted to achieve more? Rock knew that if he made it in Hollywood, outside of the WWE, that meant one important thing, that he just opened the door, held open the door for the WWE and locker room, and he helped opened the door for Cena. Paved the way for him. And what does Cena do? Publicly insult and knock the People’s Champion. Well, Cena, no, there are consequences, he’s going to pay for running his mouth. He’s just made an open plea to bring it, and trust him, like no one else on this planet, brings it like the Rock. Now, he has just opened the door himself, and on the other side, staring right back at him is the Rock. Sorry guys, it’s a lot of stuff to type as he says it. The Rock is hosting Wrestlemania, but more importantly, he’ll be addressing Cena sooner than he thinks. The Rock electrifies all over the world, his spirit is everywhere, and it’s in that spirit and that electricity that allows the People’s Champ to electrify Buffalo, just… like… that. Buffalo, get ready, cause in a few seconds, you will feel the electricity, because when the Rock addresses Cena, the Rock is never alone, and the Rock means never alone… The Rock is with the millions and millions, bringing it to Wrestlemania and the world. Cena, the Rock ain’t no rapper, and clearly neither are you, but open your ears and shut your mouth, and listen to this very special gift from Rock to Cena: The Rock is back to scratch a major itch, so enjoy your Fruity Pebbles, you Yabba Dabba Bitch. And Cena will smell what the Rock is cookin.
Great big wall of text. I’m sorry, he talks a lot… If I missed stuff, it’s because of all that talking. I do my best, but I’m not that damn good. Hahaha… Anyway.
Coming up, John Cena vs Alex Riley in a steel cage match, but Shawn Michaels is coming up next!
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes The Rock opened the door for Cena to star in The Tooth Fairy 2: The Whole Tooth
@KeepItFiveStar “Wait wait wait…so YOU’RE responsible for The Marine and The Chaperon? FUCK YOU, ROCK!” – @lekeithlewis
@KeepItFiveStar Man, The Rock really hates rap. I hope he shoots on R-Truth next. That guy’s always “rapping”
@kickoutblog Uh Rock… you’re at home, not in Buffalo
@Niki_Sushi Rock, diss John Cena all you want, but you’re lining his pockets. #justfyi #raw #raw
@WWE_Creative Finally, @TheRock has come back…to his living room. #RAWTonight
In his living room, Shawn says that he was happy that Taker may get his and Triple H may end the streak, but he’s a little upset that he couldn’t get the job done. Obviously, Shawn has a history with both of them, and he’s been in the ring with both of them. Having been inside the ring with Taker, you almost find yourself at war with a legacy instead of a man. It’s a huge, huge mountain to climb. He doesn’t know another way to describe it.
Shawn says there’s a part of Triple H that can be extremely vicious. Every time Shawn’s ever been in the ring with Triple H, he hasn’t seen a hint of compassion, and he’s one of Triple H’s best friends in the world. Shawn thinks that if there’s anyone who could beat Taker at Wrestlemania, it’s Triple H, and no words do justice to it. There’s a history inside them that so few ever touch. Triple H is his buddy, but Shawn can’t say how he’s going to feel when and if Triple H beats the Streak.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs
Before Daniel Bryan can get all the way down to the ring, The Miz comes down and attacks him, throwing him into the barrier before delivering a hard kick to what looked like the side of his head. Miz continues to assault Bryan before putting his foot all over Bryan’s face and standing on Bryan’s face. Miz then kicks him in the head again. My bad, it’s just the steel part, not the padded barrier. Miz stands behind Bryan and gets him up before hitting the Skull Crushing Finale on Bryan on the floor.
And that’s what Bryan gets for not defending the United States Championship on the air recently. … I’m just sayin.
Miz takes the mic and says that just so everyone knows, he did that because he can. Welcome to The Miz Show. He’s done waiting. Lower the cage, and start the match.
I love the steel cage-lowering music, by the way. That creepy feeling tone makes me mark out every single time.
<COMMERCIAL>
@seraphalexiel I love how Daniel’s opponent just decided to chill in the back, not even come out
@CMPunkSays That kid who just yelled at The Miz should never open his stupid mouth ever again. #WWE #KidsAreDumb
@thinksojoe I could’ve stayed home and watched TV. Boo Rock, and boo HBK. #BWF
@Niki_Sushi I know who I’m rooting for! 18-1! 18-1! #Bwf #raw #endthestreak
@CMPunkSays I applaud Shawn Michaels for realizing that the word “epic” is essentially meaningless now. #WWE
@KeepItFiveStar LOL the replay of Daniel Bryan getting attacked and the way his music cut was funny. It made a “WOMP WOMP” sound.
@TKeep123 Daniel Bryan’s head did bounce nicely off he floor… #WWE #RAW #BWF #MNBW
@legendkiller515 oh so now he can do things because he can? what the hell? #wwe #raw #bwf
WWE Champion The Miz joins Cole and Matthews ringside for this match. He says that the attack on Daniel Bryan was a message to The Rock and to John Cena.
Alex Riley vs John Cena in a Steel Cage Match – If Riley loses, he is fired. If Cena loses, he must admit that The Miz is awesome.
BRRRRRRRR YABBA DABBA BITCH
Oh, and there’s no pin-fall or submission. They must escape the cage to win.
Riley goes to leave right away, but Cena pulls him down and hits him. Cena bounces Riley’s head off the turnbuckle, and then slaps him in the chest. Cena suplexes Riley to the ring floor, and kicks him in the kidney. Cena punches him, knees him, and hurls him back down to the ground. Cena goes to leave, but Miz runs over and holds the door closed. Riley knees Cena and Miz slams the door on him. Riley pounds away on Cena and hurls him into the cage. Matthews brings up that Miz said he wouldn’t get involved, and Miz says that he wouldn’t say anything. Miz tells Riley to bring Cena over there, and Miz takes a picture. I’m seriously amused. Riley throws Cena into the cage, but Cena stops and throws Riley into the cage. Miz slips something (a phone) into the cage and then Riley slams it into Cena’s face and crawls to the door, reaching out. Cena grabs Riley’s feet, and Miz grabs his arms, and the two of them tug Riley in opposite directions, but Cena gets Riley in. Cena locks in the STF, and Riley taps, but it doesn’t matter. Miz finally tells Cole to shut up, and Riley doesn’t move. Cena climbs toward the top of the cage, and Miz grabs a chair, waiting for Cena to climb down low enough for Cena to get hit. Cena stands down and watches him in the ring, going for the other side, but Miz smacks the cage with the chair, following him. Riley is up, and puts Cena on his shoulders before just dropping backwards.
Here is the Miz tweet, by the way:
@mikethemiz I’m so awesome.
But he tweeted again!
@mikethemiz Say cheese.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar A twitpic during a match! @mikethemiz THAT’S awesome!
@kickoutblog Okay, The Miz tweeting John Cena’s agony is the greatest thing ever.
@KeepItFiveStar The Miz is tweeting during commentary! That was my gimmick for Melina! Worst Upcoming Women’s History Month EVER! #WomensHistoryMonth
We come back to Riley dropping Cena. Riley punches Cena in the head and tries for a missile drop kick, but Cena holds onto the ropes. Riley misses a clothesline and Cena drops him onto his back. He hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle (and Miz tells Cole to shut up again), before Cena pulls Riley up for the Attitude Adjustment, but Riley grabs onto the cage and tries to climb, only to be followed by Cena. Cena gets his head beat against the cage, and Riley climbs up to the top. He’s on the very top, and Cena gets up with him, straddling the top to try to get Riley back into the ring. They are both at the very top of the cage, and Cena punches Riley in the head, only for Riley to fall just inside the cage, on the top rope. They are both on the top rope again, and Cena bulldogs Riley off the top rope. Cena gets Riley up and hits the Attitude Adjustment. Cena picks up the phone and messes with it before taking a picture of Alex Riley now. He then walks to the cage door, and Miz pushes it closed. Cena and Miz push against the door, before Cena pushes it open and gets out.
John Cena wins.
Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale right after the match, and Miz seems perfectly fine with the fact that Alex Riley just lost. They play a replay, and it does look like The Miz let the door go so that Cena could fall out of the ring…
There’s the show! And… I’ll be back next week, when Stone Cold Steve Austin returns!
Hello everyone! Tonight is that special night once a year where Superstars and Divas – and now Guest Hosts/Stars? – are given that award that they all hope to attain! A championship?! Don’t be silly!! The Slammy for… Whatever Category They’re Nominated In!! And, because someone, somewhere loves me, here are the categories and nominees!
SHOCKER OF THE YEAR! The Miz cashes in Money in the Bank and becomes the WWE Champion
Randy Orton punts Chris Jericho in the head
The Nexus debuts
Paul Bearer turns on The Undertaker
KNUCKLEHEAD MOMENT OF THE YEAR Big Show unmasks a bald CM Punk
Santino Marella gets out-danced by Vladimir Kozlov
Beth Phoenix eliminates The Great Khali from the Royal Rumble
Lay-Cool gets beaten by Mae Young
DESPICABLE ME AWARD CM Punk sings Happy Birthday to Rey Mysterio’s daughter
Drew McIntyre faces and humiliates Teddy Long
Kane buries The Undertaker alive
Mr. McMahon makes truce with Bret Hart, then kicks him in the groin
HOLY %&^*%&* MOVE OF THE YEAR Kofi Kingston hits Drew McIntyre with a leg drop off ladder through announce table
John Cena sends Batista onto a car and through the stage with two Attitude Adjustments
Randy Orton delivers an RKO to a flying Evan Bourne
John Morrison dives off set onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz
GUEST STAR SHINING MOMENT OF THE YEAR Wayne Brady gets RKO’d by Randy Orton
Pee-Wee Herman vs The Miz
Mike Tyson punches out Chris Jericho
William Shatner sings WWE Entrance Themes
“OH SNAP” MELTDOWN OF THE YEAR Big Show destroys Jack Swagger’s trophies
Edge destroys the RAW GM’s laptop
Alberto Del Rio injures Rey Mysterio’s arm with a steel chair
Batista quits WWE
WWE MOMENT OF THE YEAR Sheamus attacks Triple H from behind with a lead pipe
Edge Spears Chris Jericho through the barricade
The Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels in Michaels’ final match
John Cena counts 1-2-3 as Orton defeats Barrett and Cena is fired from WWE
As well as these categories, there’s also Diva of the Year and Superstar of the Year! But, alongside the Slammys tonight, we also have to find out what Wade Barrett’s decision is concerning Nexus. Will he rehire John Cena, or will he be outcast from the Nexus?
However, before RAW went on the air, the following Superstars won the following awards:
Best Performance By a Winged SpecimenRAW Chicken Best Use of Exercise Equipment Rosa Mendes – Shake Weight Most Menacing Haircut Tyler Reks Best Family Values Kane destroying Swagger Sr. as Jack Swagger looks on Superstar/Diva Most in Need of Makeup Sheamus The “Cole in Your Stocking Award” Daniel Bryan attacking Michael Cole on NXT Outstanding Achievement in Baby Oil Application“Dashing” Cody Rhodes Frequent Tweeter Award Goldust Best WWE.Com Exclusive Show WWE NXT <-Because this needed a category… Most Annoying Catchphrase Zack Ryder’s Woo Woo Woo, You Know It
David Arquette is introduced, and says that there’s no one better to kick of the Slammy Awards than him. Arquette says that he beat Eric Bischoff, and then says that he should have won an Oscar for his role in “Ready to Rumble”. The first category of the Slammys is the Shocker of the Year! Is it The Miz cashing in on Orton? The Nexus debuting? Paul Bearer’s turn against the Undertaker? Or, will it be Randy Orton punting Chris Jericho in the skull?
Wade Barrett comes out and says nothing for a few minutes. Then, he speaks and says he accepts it on behalf of the Nexus. Of course, the Nexus wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for him. If he wouldn’t have won NXT Season One and brought them with him, then they wouldn’t have become the most powerful group in the history of the WWE. And speaking of power, he is the one man with the power to rehire John Cena. Of course, the other members of Nexus have informed him that if he fails to rehire Cena, he’ll be excommunicated from the group. That is, of course, the group he created. He hasn’t made up his mind yet, but he will be making his decision before the night is over. In the mean time, everyone can rest assured that Barrett will be creating many more shocking moments in the WWE.
“Mr. Barrett, I’m going to give you the opportunity to give us yet another shocking moment in a match right now against this man.”
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, it’s a Big Show!
Wade Barrett vs The Big Show
Big Show took Wade’s Slammy, and Barrett looks upset. Punk says that Show thinks there is chocolate under the Slammy, which is why he took it.
Show goes for Barrett, but Barrett ducks under the rope. And then again. Barrett then slides out of the ring and walks around it. The ref starts counting. Barrett gets back in the ring at nine. Show then fakes a hit and kicks Barrett on the stomach, then smacks him hard in the chest. Show then goes to do it again, but Barrett pokes Show in the eye. Barrett takes advantage and attacks the legs. Show misses with a right hand, and Barrett continues to attack his legs. The crowd has a Cena chant going, and Show swats Barrett away from him. Barrett gets show on one knee, but Show gets up and is pissed, throwing Barrett all over the ring, and then out of it. Show climbs out and smacks Barrett again. Barrett is thrown back in the ring, and Show makes his way in as well. Barrett rolls back out and grabs his Slammy. Then, he proceeds to walk out of the match.
Big Show wins by count out.
The Superstar of the Year Nominees are Rey Mysterio, Randy Orton, Edge, John Cena, World Heavyweight Champion Kane, and WWE Champion The Miz.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi ‘It’s not fair! It’s not fair!’ Bitch, this is professional wrestling, not dodgeball. #BWF #RAW
@TKeep123 did I just see ANGRY MIZ girl in the crowd??? #WWE #RAW #Slammies
Oh God. And again, the Diva of the Year will be determined in a battle royal… again.
Kelly Kelly’s presenting Despicable Me Slammy of the Year with Tyson Kidd and Jackson Andrews, or whatever his name was.
God, it’s been so long since I’ve had to listen to Kelly Kelly talk, and she still sounds disgustingly stupid. And I agree with Tyson as he congratulates her for using more big words right now than ever in her life. I like Tyson now. The nominees are: Drew McIntyre humiliating Teddy Long (I want this one, just for Drew to talk to me), Kane burying the Undertaker alive, Mr. McMahon turning on Bret Hart after seeming to accept him, or CM Punk singing happy birthday to Rey Mysterio’s daughter.
CM PUNK!
The crowd doesn’t seem to know whether to cheer or boo him.
Punk says this just goes to prove that if you work hard and believe in yourself, you’ll make all your dreams come true. People ask him why he did it, and he did what he did because Rey wronged Punk, and when people wrong him, he gets even. Right now, there’s another individual who has wronged him, and he’s going to talk specifically to this person, so he wants them to watch their back, because he will get even. And if you think what he did to Rey and his family was despicable, you haven’t seen anything yet.
Kofi comes out, and Punk says that it’s his moment.
<COMMERCIAL>
@WWEsAngel_Nef LMAO @ CM Punk #wwe #slammys Punk is fkn gold man!
@kickoutblog Quite convenient that the Despicable Me award is one day before the movie comes out on DVD.
@xescapeartists Did Tyson just make fun of Kelly Kelly? OMG TYSON. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. And Kelly, you suck on the microphone. kthnks.
@redsandman99 And the Bellas STILL think Daniel Bryan is the guest host!
Kofi Kingston and United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler and Ted DiBiase with Maryse
Daniel and Dolph start out, Ziggler with Bryan in a headlock. Bryan fights out with elbows, but Ziggler takes him down, only for Bryan to kick out of the cover. Ziggler tags in DiBiase, who holds Bryan against the ropes, distracting the ref while Ziggler delivers a cheap shot. DiBiase goes for two covers in a row, but Bryan kicked out. DiBiase tags in Ziggler, who runs right in and goes for a cover, only for Bryan to kick off. Ziggler tags in DiBiase again, and kicks Bryan in the stomach. DiBiase goes for another cover, but Bryan kicks out at two. DiBiase gets Bryan in a headlock, and Bryan kicks out, ducking two clotheslines, and then both men running into one another in a cross body. DiBiase rolled right out of the ring, and Bryan tags in Kingston. Ziggler comes in, only to get a bunch of kicks to the face. Kingston Boom Drops Ziggler and then calls for the Trouble in Paradise, which connects. Kingston goes for the cover and DiBiase just barely misses breaking the cover before the ref smacks the mat in three.
Kofi Kingston and the United States Champion Daniel Bryan win via pinfall.
Later to come, Sheamus and John Morrison meet one on one.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog But speaking of Despicable Me… IT’S SO FLUFFY!
@Niki_Sushi Vickie, Bellas, Daniel, Kofi…this could only get worse if Truth came out. #BWF #RAW
@WWEsAngel_Nef I love how everyone has a woman at ringside except Kofi. Maybe he should ask DB if he can borrow a Bella Theres enough 2 go around #bwf #wwe
Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov are going to present Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year! Santino says that once again RAW was host to top performers in sports and entertainment. Santino says that Kozlov was humiliated by the cast of MacGruber, and then Kozlov says the time that he destroyed Santino. Santino apologizes, kisses his cheeks, and then steps away from an angry looking Kozlov. The Nominees are Mike Tyson for punching out Chris Jericho, Pee Wee Herman vs The Miz, Wayne Brady getting an RKO, or William Shatner singing Superstar Entrance Themes.
Via satellite, Pee Wee says he just received word that he won. He’s never won anything like that before and he’s overwhelmed, and he’d like to thank The Miz, Big Show (AKA Big Pee Wee), and he’s ready to come back anytime, and it’s incredible, and he’s going to burst, and thank you, and all that good stuff.
Backstage, Barrett puts his Slammy up and is confronted by Nexus. Otunga says they want his decision. If he doesn’t hire Cena back, Nexus will be just fine, but Otunga can’t say the same thing for Barrett. Taking that beating from Show didn’t look too promising for Barrett’s singles career. Barrett thanks Otunga for opening his eyes and says he knows exactly what he has to do.
<COMMERCIAL>
@JoeyStyles William Shatner was robbed of a Slammy
@WWEsAngel_Nef WILLIAM SHATNER WAS ROBBED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #WWE #bwf #Slammys
@RingsideRants That crowd could not care less about Pee Wee Herman.
@Niki_Sushi Johnny Knoxville should win, just for knocking Ted on his ass. I’m just saying. #BWF #RAW
Mark Henry vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes
Rhodes can’t even get his jacket out of the ring before Henry runs after him. Henry goes after Rhodes, and Rhodes ducks under the ropes. Rhodes ducks a clothesline, and then is thrown across the ring, and then is hit with a clothesline. Henry then screws with Rhodes’ face, and Rhodes goes Hulk on him. Rhodes rips Henry and then jumps all over him, literally, and then puts him in a headlock. Henry refuses to submit, and manages to get up to his feet. Rhodes goes to kick him, but Henry pushes him back and then clotheslines him a few times. Rhodes thrown into the corner, and then gets Henry’s giant ass in his stomach. Henry goes to do it again and Rhodes hits Beautiful Disaster, then takes him down. Rhodes then jumps off the top rope and plants his knee in Henry’s spine for the win.
“Dashing” Cody Rhodes wins via pinfall.
Next up is the Holy %&^*%&* Move of the Year.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi I really… really… want some kool-aid right now. HE’S DANCING MY FACE, DAMMIT! >:O #BWF #RAW
@seraphalexiel At this point, I’m positive that a win over Mark Henry should no longer be considered an upset victory
Jerry “The King” Lawler is presenting us with the next award!… along with Vickie Guerrero. Don’t worry, King, you aren’t the only one upset. King says he’s glad to see Vickie and he’s lucky to be there, because he was up all night with his pet lizard who had reptile dysfunction. I laughed. Vickie says Holy…. Is the exact reaction she had when Cole caused Jerry the WWE Championship. King says that that’s probably the reaction Ziggler has when she models lingerie, or goes into the restaurant and says she’ll take it when given the menu. Vickie says she’s lost weight, and Jerry says to look around, and she’ll find it.
Nominees! Morrison jumps off the set onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz, Kingston leg drops Drew off a ladder through the announce table, Cena AA’s Batista through the stage, and Randy RKO’s Evan in midair.
John Cena! King says hold up, because Cena is fired and can’t be there, so they’re going to accept it.
Barrett comes out and says that he’ll take that. If Cena wants it, he can come and get it. The whole world is hanging on Barrett’s every word, because he’s about to decide whether or not to rehire John Cena. Barrett says his decision is… … … … Barrett says that he’s not going to make his decision unless John Cena comes down to the ring and faces him. The crowd starts screaming and Barrett’s eyes dart around to try to find Cena. Cena hugs a bunch of people and high fives people and makes his way to the ring. Barrett tells him to keep his distance, and that if Cena attacks him now, his decision will be obvious. Barrett says that he’s thought long and hard about this decision, and it affects a lot of people: Cena, Barrett, and the Nexus. The Nexus comes out, but John doesn’t seem scared. Nexus surrounds the ring again. All these long pauses of silence are getting on my nerves. Barrett says that Cena is officially rehired… on two conditions: 1) Cena agrees to face Barrett this Sunday at TLC in a chair match, which Cena agrees to. 2) Cena gives the whole world what they’ve been waiting to see: Tonight, he goes one-on-one with David Otunga. Otunga looks shocked, but Cena laughs and agrees to that too. Barrett says he wants to show Cena exactly why he wanted to rehire him. And Nexus climbs up on the apron, and Cena fights, and Nexus gangs up on him. Barrett slides in the ring with a steel chair, and smacks Cena with it when he goes to get up. Then again. Barrett and Nexus leave the ring. Welcome back, Cena.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Slipped that carpet right out from under Mr. Orange Face, now didn’t he? #BWF #RAW
@TKeep123 “Paging Wade Barrett…paging Wade Barrett….you can claim your testicles at the ticket office. ” #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy
Next week is WWE Week on USA! Monday night at 9 is RAW, Tuesday night at 9 is Smackdown, LIVE, and Tribute to the Troops is Wednesday at 8!!
David Arquette is back, with a change of clothes, to say something: he’s opening a theater at the historic Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood. They’ll be debuting on Valentine’s Day 2011. He wants to introduce the WWE Universe Fan Reaction of the Year. This encapsulates what makes the WWE Universe so great. Nominees: Weird Kid Reacting to Cena joining Nexus. Loser Crying when Shawn Michaels’ career ended at Wrestlemania, some Kid, and then the Angry Miz Girl.
I officially hate her. She thanks her dad and her sister, and-
AWESOME
I really hate her right now.
Miz kneels in front of her, to a rather unimpressed face, and asks if she remembers him. He says she looks so pretty, and compliments her Slammy. He asks if he can take a look at her Slammy, and the girl looks half dead. He says that he should take it for safe-keeping, and then asks if she can do him a favor: show him the face, and then mocks her for the face. He makes Riley hold it, and says that he deserves a Slammy, not a nine-year-old girl. Nobody’s worked harder than him. He’s held the United States, Unified Tag Team, Money in the Bank, and WWE Championships. That’s called a Grand Slam. He finds it amazing that tonight is the Slammys when there are still three weeks left in the year, because if you want a moment of the year, tune in this Sunday to TLC where he’ll beat Orton so bad, Orton will beg him to put him through a table. He’ll prove why Miz is the reason they’re here tonight-
“I decided that six days before your tables match at TLC, both you and Randy Orton are going to face former champions tonight. And Miz, your match against a former World Champion, begins right now.”
WWE Champion The Miz vs Rey Mysterio
Miz and Rey go to lock up, but Miz kicks Rey, then beats him into the corner. Miz then whips Rey across the ring, but Rey throws him out of the ring, and then sentons him outside the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi It’s like taking a Slammy from a very angry 9 year old girl who would love nothing more than to beat you to death with it. #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Did Miz just steal Miz Girl’s Slammy?! Hilarious.
@HitTheRopes Where’s Kalee’s dad? Just for realism, dad should have gotten in Miz’s face. #wwe
@TKeep123 ANGRY MIZ GIRL…..LIVE!!! ….and she WINS!! …and she still ain’t happy! #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy
@AngryGirlWWE I WIN! I WIN!!!!! #angrygirlwwe
@RingsideRants Miz Girl is a better actress than Dixie Carter.
We come back to Rey fighting and throwing Miz across the ring. Miz went to counter one of Rey’s moves, but Rey countered that one. Rey shoves Miz into the ropes and gets ready for the 619, but Alberto Del Rio interrupts, and Miz climbs out of the ring. Rey slides out of the ring, but gets face planted into the apron by Miz. Miz throws him back in and goes for a cover, but Rey kicks out at two. Miz dominates Rey, putting him up on the top rope, and climbing up after him. Miz sets up a suplex, but Rey throws him off and hits a seated senton, then flies into a lateral press on Miz. Miz shoves Rey back and then kicks him in the stomach. Rey kicks him in the head and Miz kicks out of the pin. Miz goes to hit him, but Rey gets a drop toe hold on Miz and goes for the 619, but Alberto is on the apron and distracts him. Rey set s up again, but Riley distracts the ref and Alberto takes Rey down. Miz sneaks up a cover.
WWE Champion The Miz wins via pinfall.
Rey chases Alberto Del Rio down the ramp.
“As I said earlier, both The Miz and Randy Orton will face former champions tonight. Miz just faced Rey Mysterio and later tonight, Randy Orton will compete in a handicapped match against Alex Riley and his partner, former WCW World Heavyweight Champion, David Arquette.”
Well, way to give a match to Randy. Because legitimately building up momentum is overrated.
Still to come, the Diva Clusterfuck Battle Royal for the Diva of the Year Slammy. And John Morrison and Sheamus have yet another match next.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Miz Girl should do a run-in and cost Miz the match.
@TKeep123 Is it wrong I’m looking forward to the Cross-brand DIVA Battle Royal? …Ok, and hoping for wardrobe malfunction? #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy
Edge is here to give out the Slammy for the Oh SNAP! Meltdown of the Year, a category he is nominated for. He says that it’s an honor to be out there tonight to present the Slammy and he’s pretty sure Kane was supposed to be his co-presenter tonight because he’s probably having a Meltdown of his own right now. Right now, Edge needs a co-presenter, one he’s comfortable with, one that he knows well and has had chemistry with…
If you close your eyes you’ll find naked truth revealed…
I marked out right here. I really did. Edge asks how his pec is and Christian says it’s fine. Christian says that he hopes Del Rio wins, because he and his Peeps haven’t forgotten what happened. The nominees are: Show destroying Swagger’s trophies, Alberto del Rio freaking out all over Rey Mysterio, Edge destroying the RAW General Manager’s laptop (“You’ve got the crazy eyes!”), or Batista quitting the WWE.
Edge!!
Edge says that he appreciates the Slammy, but for Meltdown of the Year? He doesn’t get it. He’s always been calm and rational, but sure he may have lost his cool a few times because of a RAW General Manager who hides behind a computer, and has no guts and Christian tries to stop Edge. Christian’s phone goes off and he says that he’s just received an email… nah, just kidding. He is the RAW General Manager.
Sunday, Edge will be the World Heavyweight Champion, but after all these years one thing has remained the same: Michael Cole is still a massive tool.
King Sheamus vs John Morrison
Sheamus shoves Morrison right into the corner, then slaps him hard, and then proceeds to just beat the hell out of Morrison. Morrison then beats the crap out of Sheamus. Sheamus goes right through the damn ref to get to Morrison, then Morrison gets the momentum… I don’t even know.
Nobody wins due to double count out.
More refs come out to try to get them apart, but the two of them are vowing death to the other, but still.
“Sheamus, Morrison, it’s obvious this issue of yours isn’t going to be resolved tonight, so I’ve decided to raise the stakes. Not only will the two of you will compete at TLC Sunday, but the winner will become the next Number One Contender to the WWE Championship. The winner will be the man who gets the contract that is suspended above the ring. That’s right, the two of you will compete in a Number One Contender’s Ladder Match.”
Sheamus yells at Cole, then grabs a ladder. He then slams it into Morrison, who walked right the hell into it, and then climbs in the right to further beat the hell out of Morrison, and throws him out of the ring, into the ladder.
Still to come, Randy will face Riley and Arquette, Cena and Otunga will face up.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi How do you win an award for beating up a computer? How do you win an award for puking on someone? The same way, akshully. #BWF #RAW
@seraphalexiel Honestly, I would have preferred if Del Rio and Mysterio got the ladder match
@RingsideRants Oh damn…. a potential Morrison-Miz title program in the works??
@kickoutblog Christian > Edge. Always
@WWEsAngel_Nef Why yes. Yes you are a tool Michael Cole. Edge is ftfw! #WWE #bwf #Slammys
@TKeep123 Christian get’s a Anonymous GM message on his iPhone … ok, just kidding! #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy
@HitTheRopes Damn, that sh*t had to hurt! #Sheamus #Morrison #wwe
Presenting the Slammy for Knucklehead Moment of the Year is… JTG and William Regal? SERIOUSLY?! I love Regal, but seriously? With JTG? Regal at least just shakes his head at JTG.
Nominees: Show unmasks a bald CM Punk, Mae Young PWNS Lay-Cool, Beth Phoenix eliminates Khali via… kiss?!, and Santino Marella is out-danced by… Vladimir Kozlov?!
Mae Young beating LayCool… But Lay Cool is totally here. God. Layla says she’d thank Mae Young, but they don’t get basic cable at the nursing home, and the award is Flawless.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes JTG screws up the announcement. #ReadingReadingYeahYeah
@WWEsAngel_Nef You know JTG needs to fire that gimmick and be more Regal ish. #bwf #WWE #Slammys
@kickoutblog A battle royal to determine Diva of the Year? Doesn’t that just determine the Diva of December 13th?
Diva Clusterfuck Battle Royal to determine Diva of the Year
Layla, Michelle McCool, Kelly Kelly, Alicia Fox, Beth Phoenix, Maryse, Brie and Nikki Bella, Melina, Eve Torres, Diva’s Champion Natalya, Gail Kim, Kaitlyn, and Tamina? Anyway, Kaitlyn and Rosa are eliminated first, Tamina, Bella Whore 1, Eve Torres, Bella Whore 2, Maryse, Kelly Kelly, Melina (after a Glam Slam into the ropes), Layla, Beth Phoenix, Gail, Alicia Fox, and Diva’s Champion Natalya.
Michelle McCool wins.
“Celebrate all you want tonight, ladies, but this Sunday may be a different story. At TLC, LayCool will meet WWE Diva’s Champion Natalya and her partner, Beth Phoenix, in the first ever Diva’s Table Match.”
Next up, Edge takes on Jack Swagger.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog How long have they been using the “HERE COME ALL THE DIVAS!!” music? It needs to go
@Niki_Sushi …. I think LayCool just got royally fucked. #justsayin #BWF #RAW
@seraphalexiel Wait. Did they say Divas tag team tables match? Did I hear that right? DID I HEAR THAT RIGHT?
I’m a horrible person for continuing to laugh at Kane pushing Paul Bearer off the edge of the second floor… I really am.
You think you know me…
Edge vs Jack Swagger
Edge and Swagger lock up, but Swagger gets the momentum and slams Edge down to the ground. Swagger keeps momentum over Edge, throwing Edge across the ring and into the opposite corner. Edge, however, takes no shit, and beats Swagger, who manages to come back by dropping Edge stomach-first into his knee. Swagger goes for a cover, but Edge kicks out at two. Swagger then puts Edge in… a submission my brain isn’t providing a name for right now, but Edge fights to his feet and then eats the heel of Swagger’s boot. Swagger goes for another cover, but Edge kicks out. Here, Cole points out to us that TLC means Tables, Ladders, and Chairs. Thanks Cole! :B Edge fights off of Swagger’s shoulders and drops Swagger straight to the mat. Edge ducks a clothesline and slams into Swagger before dropping him to the mat and going for a cover. Swagger kicks out at two, and Edge goes to Whip him, but gets thrown to the mat, and he kicks out of Swagger’s cover at two. Swagger runs across the ring and goes to drop on Edge, but Edge lifts his legs and Swagger tries to lock in the ankle lock, but Edge rolls over. Swagger goes for the Gutwrench Powerbomb, which we haven’t seen in forever, and Edge counters out of it, dropping Swagger to the ground. He sets up for the Spear and hits it.
Edge wins via pinfall.
WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley are backstage talking about David Arquette. Miz says that he’ll be out there too. Arquette runs up and says that he and Miz have a lot in common: they have Hollywood careers, they’re both awesome. Riley says that Orton is dangerous and Arquette is delusional. Miz says he has one goal in mind: To put Orton through a table.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Edge vs. Jack Swagger will be preempted for Jack Swagger vs. his t-shirt.
@Niki_Sushi I’ve always wondered what exactly they stare off into the distance at… is there a target saying ‘LOOK HERE’? #BWF #RAW
@TKeep123 Edge v. Swagger …not a bad match tonight! Edge wins! THPEAR! THPEAR! THPEAR! #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy
Cool Smackdown vs RAW 2011 award thing.
WWE Moment of the Year Slammy will be presented by The Big Show! Show walks over to get a better mic, and says that there are many legendary moments in the WWE, and here are this year’s nominees: Cena rules fairly and is fired from the WWE. Sheamus attacks Triple H from behind during Triple H’s farewell speech. Edge Spears Jericho through the barrier. Shawn Michaels’ final match against The Undertaker.
Shawn Michaels!
Shawn couldn’t be here tonight, but he is on the Tron!!! Shawn says he can’t give away his location for fear the WWE would try to get him to come back, and he thanks everyone for making his life worth living, and Shawn tweeted that this part was taped earlier, so it’s NOT LIVE YOU LIARS! Shawn thanks everyone for the ride, and says that he doesn’t miss it, but misses the fans. Hopefully, we can all see each other very soon, and says good luck!
Later tonight, Cena takes on Otunga. Up next, Randy Orton will get great momentum going into TLC by defeating these two nobodies in Riley and Arquette… I mean… Will have a match.
<COMMERCIAL>
@FrankWWEClown The moment of the year HAS to be HBK/Taker. I was blessed to see it live, and I will never forget it. Brought tears to my eyes. #WWE
@TKeep123 Birth of AUSTIN 3:16 ….. still sends a chill down my spine.. Thank you Steve Austin! #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy
@seraphalexiel Shawn Michaels, you were like no other. I’m happy that you’re happy. Thank you for everything
I hear voices in my head…
Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley and David Arquette
Looks like Riley will start out with Orton, because he didn’t learn last week, and the two go to lock up, but Orton is obviously pissed, and he beats the hell out of Riley in the corner. He then Whips Riley, who counters it, and then Riley is smacked to the ground. Orton uppercuts him, then goes for the cover, but Riley kicks out at two. Riley is then hurled around the ring, but Orton runs right into Riley’s feet. Arquette gets tagged in and jumps on Orton, who looks at him like he’s an idiot, and then kicks him in the stomach. Orton starts pounding the mat, and wisely tags in Riley who looks at him like he’s an idiot, but Orton drops him in a back breaker. Orton then smashes his foot into Riley’s face. But, Riley moves when Orton goes to drop his knee in Riley’s face, but Orton still kicks out of the cover. Orton fights back against Riley, and then delivers a knee to Orton’s midsection as Orton goes to him. When the ref isn’t looking, Arquette has Orton in a headlock. Riley then walks into Orton’s fist, but then Riley runs into the clothesline. Orton then scoop slams Riley and jerks around, chucking Riley back to the mat. Riley gets up, Orton hits the RKO, and that’s all she wrote.
Randy Orton wins via pinfall.
After the match, Miz slams the Money in the Bank briefcase into Orton’s’ head, and Arquette is going to help him this time around. Like a dumbass. Miz gets the table set up, and gets Orton up. Punk pretends that he has no idea what Miz is going to do, and Miz and Arquette go to double suplex Orton into the table, but Orton counters and beats Miz down. He goes to power bomb Miz, but Arquette gets him out of it. Miz rolls out of the ring, and Arquette is left to take the power bomb through the table.
Coming up, John Cena takes on David Otunga.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 David Arquette….rocking Evel Kenevil ninja-style! #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy
@Niki_Sushi Tool of the Year award. Who would win? David Arquette or Michael Cole? #BWF #RAW
Cole comes out and says that 2010 had some great quotes. The Nominees for the And I Quote Line of the Year are from Santino, Cena, Edge… and so many others. My favorite is Cody’s “Don’t breathe on me”.
Seriously? Michael Cole. I think he’s lying. He pulls the ‘I wasn’t expecting this’ thing and pulls out a paper. The thanks the non-existent Cole Miners and The Miz, and the sound guys cut him off. Good. Anyway. Superstar of the Year awards is next.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog “Crack binge with Amy Winehouse” and “Of course you have an email you idiot, just read it.”
@HitTheRopes Wooo!!! @TitusNXT always makes it a win!
@seraphalexiel “Duct tape? Are you serious?”
@FrankWWEClown I’ll be accepting my award for “And I Quote of the Year” for….”I HATE YOU HEATH SLATER, I HATE YOU!!!” Tootin’ my own horn. 🙂 #WWE
Teddy Long is going to present the Superstar of the Year Slammy! The nominees are Edge, WWE Champion The Miz, World Heavyweight Champion Kane, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton.
Cena comes out and thanks everyone for not giving up on him. He says that this award was our award to give away and he finds it amazing that we gave it to him because up to an hour ago he didn’t have a job. It’s been a crazy year: he was forced to join the Nexus (only good thing being that he could pee in Barrett’s coffee), he was fired (and got to tailgate with the WWE Universe), and there’s magic on Bourbon Street. Cena says that what happened to him was his own fault, but he is now back fulltime on RAW. He will continue to be a man of his word. He has gotten to each and every member of the Nexus except Otunga and Barrett. Tonight, when Otunga steps in the ring, he doesn’t care if he brings Hasky, McG, the dude from something (AXE MURDERER!) or the chick from Wendy’s, Otunga is getting hurt. Sunday at TLC, every ounce of frustration, misery, anger will be unleashed. This Sunday, at TLC, we have his word: Wade Barrett will be destroyed.
John Cena vs. David Otunga
Barrett takes the mic and says that before the match starts, he wants to remind Cena what happened earlier, what’s going to happen tonight, and what will happen on Sunday.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Nexus attacks Cena and Barrett attacks Cena with a chair.>
Otunga turns around and high fives Nexus, or forearm bump, or something, except Barrett. Otunga walks down to the ring. Fina-fuckin-lly.
And now, like last week with Barrett, the Nexus slowly walks out on Otunga.
Cena, however, wants to fight, so he forces Otunga into the ring and smacks Otunga Show-style., then again on the back. Cena knees Otunga in the stomach, and chucks Otunga to the mat. Cena Whips Otunga across the ring, then runs his shoulder into Otunga’s face. Cena throws Otunga into the corner, then Whips him back around the ring, and Otunga finally moves. Otunga wails on Cena, bouncing around like a ping pong ball, and then goes back to Cena. Otunga goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out. Otunga goes to lift Cena, but Cena drops him with a drop toe hold and locks in the STF. Otunga taps out.
John Cena wins via submission.
Cena grabs a chair as Barrett walks out with a chair again. Cena then proceeds to use that chair on Otunga. And again. And again. And again. Cena then drags Otunga to the middle of the ring, and then massacres Otunga with it. Barrett seems more amused than scared, Cena.
So, there’s the Slammys! I have an idea in mind for something for those of you who tweet for me every week, but I have to see if it’ll work out. Keep an eye on my Twitter, and on the BWF website, because I may post it there if I don’t wait until next week. Thanks a lot, and I’ll be back for you next week!
John Cena walked out of WrestleMania the WWE Champion, MizShow walked out as Unified Tag Team Champions, Jack Swagger walked out as Mr. Money In The Bank, and HBK walked out and headed for the unemployment line. What’s going to happen tonight on RAW? We’ll find out!
I write this, just minutes after watching Shawn Michaels’ last match in a wrestling ring. With a defeat to the Undertaker at WrestleMania XXVI, Shawn Michaels’ career ended after 25 years.
Shawn Michaels was THE guy for me. Not Hulk Hogan. Not Ric Flair. Not even Steve Austin. But Shawn Michaels. He was that one guy growing up, that I knew would be my favourite, and that every time I heard ‘Sexy Boy’, I knew something fun and exciting was about to happen. Whether he was with Diesel, or D-Generation X. I was always entertained, and amazed, by HBK.
My…worship, of Shawn Michaels didnt just resort to the television. There were two video games in particular. WWF Steel Cage Challenge for the SEGA Master System, and WWF Royal Rumble for the Genesis. I don’t know how many times Shawn Michaels won the WWF Championship on these games, and it didn’t matter who else was on them, I was always the one character.
Everyone has that one person in the world that they idolize, that they worship. Whether it’s a family member, or a sportsman, or maybe someone in your favored profession? For me, besides family. There is only one idol. Shawn Michaels in my eyes, was someone who could do no wrong, even when he was the baddest. There was nothing he couldn’t do, in and out of the ring. He was brash, cocky, always so confident in his own ability, that he didnt even think of how good the other person was. In DX, he was cool. With Triple H, D-Generation X single-handedly fueled my love for the wrestling business. Partly for their attitude and behaviour towards everyone, but mostly, because Shawn Michaels was involved.
To this day, I still get giddy inside, whenever I see Shawn Michaels, or hear that ‘Sexy Boy’ theme. To watch his last match in 1998, before taking four years off. To that speech in 1997 about losing his smile. With all the returns and great moments that Shawn Michaels has had, nothing… nothing, has given me the same feeling that the end of WrestleMania XXVI gave me. I found it hard to move, hard to type, hard to do anything. It was like Pittsburgh fans watching Mario Lemieux’s last game, or Chicago Bulls fans watching Michael Jordan sink that final shot. You hoped it would never end, and when it did, you just didn’t know how to react. That’s how I felt about Shawn Michaels.
In my opinion, he will always be the greatest performer, and the greatest superstar in the history of wrestling. There will be no-one, who comes close to Shawn Michaels. There will be no-one, who comes close to winning me over, and making me a fan for life. The business may not be the same as it was, but I will always the great matches, and memories, that Shawn Michaels gave me. Thank You Shawn. You made this little wrestling fan who he is today.
