This week brings a slough of new competitors and grapplers to our online voting project, the Power Poll. Although an episode of iMPACT has already aired, and possibly one from Smackdown, keep in mind the date listed above. Last week didn’t include the win from Sting over on the TNA side of things, and “spoiler,” he somehow didn’t make it this week. However, a sneaky vote by myself (and likely others) vaulted an ROH/indie guy into a spot this week. And when I say “Boom” I don’t mean Kofi Kingston! Also, you won’t believe who is not on the list this week… read on smarks…. read on. (more…)
Tonight’s RAW will feature none other than the one, the only, Stone Cold Steve Austin!! Next week, we get the special guest host/star/whatever, Snooki, from Jersey Shore. Say what you want, I just don’t… don’t really like Jersey Shore that much. Anyway, I’ve sat through worse… I think.
About tonight: I hear that The Miz is boycotting tonight’s RAW. I’m upset, but I know some people who won’t be. And what else will happen as Wrestlemania XXVII draws closer and closer? The Undertaker is coming to RAW tonight, and John Cena says he’s going to deliver the “Final Knockout” to The Rock. Stay tuned and find out!
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, Triple H says that his last true challenge is ending the Streak.>
The Undertaker enters RAW to Johnny Cash’s Ain’t No Grave. Honestly, I’m kind of glad to hear it being used like this. It seems to suit Taker’s character very well, and… seems to me to kind of be a final theme song. But, anyway, I’ll shut up.
The Undertaker takes the mic and says at Wrestlemania, two legends, to icons will collide, will do battle. And in the end, there can only be one Highlander last outlaw. Now, the word on the street is that many feel that this is the year that the Streak is broken. That Father Time and all the battles, and all the wars, and all the injuries, are finally going to catch up to him. And then, there are those who feel like it’s the King of Kings, The Game, Triple H who is the one guy that has what it takes to bring him down and end the Streak. Well, Triple H, the Undertaker wants to remind you and everyone else, what has happened at the last two Wrestlemanias, what happened to someone else who thought they had what it took to end the Streak. Perhaps the greatest of all time, Shawn Michaels.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Wrestlemania 25 – The Undertaker defeats Shawn Michaels. Wrestlemania 26 – The Undertaker defeats Shawn Michaels again.>
At Wrestlemania, there will be no excuses, no regrets, no disqualifications, no count outs, no rules. Their match at Wrestlemania will be No Holds Barred. In a match like this, the possibilities of what could happen are endless, but there is one thing that is iron-clad: The end result. It’s just like Triple H said: Triple H ends the Streak, and the Undertaker dies. Or, Triple H dies trying. Triple H, at Wrestlemania, you will rest in peace.
Later tonight, John Cena will respond to The Rock and deliver the “final knockout” and Stone Cold Steve Austin returns to RAW!!
Backstage, Randy Orton is taking on Nexus, and is then driven into a steel closet by Mason Ryan, then double-teamed by Otunga and Ryan as Punk watches. Punk says Orton managed to put McGuillicutty on the shelf, but where they’re going to send him is much, much worse. Punk then throws his head into the steel closet again, and once more, then hits the Go to Sleep. Punk tells them to pick “this piece of garbage” up and drag him to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes Once again, the guys who put together the packages for WWE are #tremendous
@KeepItFiveStar The Undertaker putting his Avid Editing skills to work yet again. Just once I want to see him in an editing room with headphones on
@JRosz78 Love Taker coming out to Johnny Cash! Never gets old! #WWE #RAW #MNBW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar CM Punk hanging with New Nexus is like Shredder hanging with the Foot Soldiers. He’s clearly better than them and they’re not needed.
@smarkingout “Where we’re gonna send you is much, much worse.” Oh God, CM Punk is sending Orton to TNA.
@JonHexLives So Orton has officially taken Cena’s place as being the weekly target of gang violence. #WWE #RAW #BWF
Orton is in the ring, being circled by Punk, Ryan, and Otunga. The refs come out and pull Punk off him as Punk puts his knee on Orton’s throat and continues to taunt him. Orton pulls himself under the ropes and Otunga gets ready for his match. The ref keeps trying to keep Otunga off Orton and asks if Orton wants to compete. Orton says, “Uh, fuck yes.”
David Otunga vs Randy Orton
Otunga immediately is all over Orton, launching hits at his head. Then, he runs back at him and proceeds to kick him before going back to punches to Orton’s head. Otunga goes to grab him, but Orton kicks him. Otunga fights back and drags Orton out of the corner by his shirt and then drops onto him, going for a quick cover. Orton kicks out at two. Otunga pulls Orton to his feet, and then slams Orton onto the mat and goes for another cover, but Orton kicks out again. Otunga lifts Orton up once more, pointing to the Wrestlemania sign, and then he drops Orton again. Another cover later, and Orton has kicked out again. Otunga lifts him to his feet, but then Orton shows life and pushes him back before hitting the RKO and managing to pin Otunga.
Randy Orton wins via pinfall.
Ryan gets into the ring and takes Orton down with a boot to the skull. Now, neither Michael McGuillicutty nor David Otunga will be able to assist CM Punk at Wrestlemania. Ryan gets Orton onto his knees, and then starts to try something, but Orton hits another RKO and stands up, coiled to strike again. Punk runs down to try to save anyone else form getting punted in the skull, but Orton keeps him out of the ring. The two have a stare down, and Orton slowly looks over at Otunga. Punk watches as Orton considers it, and Punk tells him not to. Punk goes to run around the ring to get Otunga, and Orton punts Otunga in the skull. Orton drops to the mat, pounding it as he watches Punk, who backs away. Orton gets up on the ropes, forcing Punk to back away.
Tonight, Michael Cole will reveal the special guest referee for his match at Wrestlemania against Jerry “The King” Lawler.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar CM Punk needs to get Festus, Serena and Joey Mercury back because THIS TEAM is pathetic…
@HitTheRopes @RandyOrton’s Punt is super effective. David Otunga fainted. Please take him to the nearest Pokemon Center.
@JonHexLives If Cena is Superman and Morrison is Spider-Man, then Orton must be Wolverine since he takes a beating and comes back for more #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi Randy’s in Oprah Mode(c). ‘You get a punt! And you get a punt! And you get a punt!’ #CultofHarpo #BWF #RAW
<WWE Slam of the Week: Last Monday, John Cena defeats Alex Riley in a steel cage match.>
Earlier today, The Miz tweeted that due to not getting the recognition he deserves, he’s boycotting RAW tonight. I’m sad.
If you close your eyes…
CHRISTIAN!
Christian vs Alberto del Rio
Before the match, we learn that last week, Christian helped Edge as Del Rio attacked the World Heavyweight Champion. Del Rio comes down to the ring with none other than Brodus Clay at his side, but Christian doesn’t look that bothered…
Before the match, del Rio says that his name is Alberto del Rio, but we already knew that. It is his destiny to be the new World Heavyweight Champion at Wrestlemania, and Christian, you and he are going to fight. But not tonight. If Christian really wants to fight del Rio, first Christian has to defeat del Rio’s “little” friend, Brodus Clay.
Christian vs Brodus Clay
The match starts with the two of them locking up for a moment before dropping Christian on his face. Clay starts to lift Christian, who jumps behind him and tries to fight him and possibly lock in the Killswitch, but Brodus hits his pec. He does it again, and Christian dives between Clay’s legs, but is met by a head butt, then Clay drops onto Christian with one, two elbow drops and then a cover. Christian kicks out at two, and Clay targets Christian’s pec. Christian fights out of the submission, but Clay throws him across the ring and goes for a knee drop, but Christian moves out of the way, hitting a missile dropkick to Clay, followed by another that knocks Clay over. Christian goes for a cover, but Clay throws him off. Clay clotheslines him, and then Christian kicks out of the pin attempt. Clay gets Christian onto his shoulder and starts to run, but Christian gets down and then gets up in the corner, hitting a Tornado DDT.
Christian wins via pinfall.
Right after the match, del Rio attacks Christian. Del Rio gets Christian up, but Christian slaps him, running into a boot. Del Rio then locks in the Cross Arm Breaker, again, and keeps attacking the same arm.
<VIDEO PACAKGE: The Rock responds to John Cena’s response to The Rock’s comments.>
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes Was Edge busy or something? If I was Christian, I’d be wondering why my former brother didn’t come to my aid
@TKeep123 Brodus comes in 2nd on #nXt and is the 1st to make a post-nXt apparance on #RAW ! Enough said. #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW
@Niki_Sushi Yay Christian! I don’t care you’re supposed to be on SmackDown. I’m happy that I get to see you. :3 #BWF #RAW
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Sin Cara.>
Already in going into the 2011 Hall of Fame, Shawn Michaels, Bullet Bob Armstrong and “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan. The next inductee: Sunny.
Next up, Eve will defend the Diva’s Championship.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Sin Cara vignette is slick.
@Niki_Sushi Unlike Alberto’s retarded promos, this actually makes me excited to see Sin Cara! #BWF #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar Somewhere in the world Sable just threw a remote at her TV and took a shot of whiskey.
@JRosz78 Sunny was well EPIC! #RAW #BWF #MNBW
@HitTheRopes So who hasn’t Sunny pissed off that is willing to induct her?
@KeepItFiveStar And now the Sunny forecast has been ruined by EVE. Thanks Eve…you did it again. You even found a way to ruin this
@TKeep123 Eve up next to defend her #TNA Jeff Hardy DIVA belt vs Niki Bella! #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW
<WWE Rewind: Last week, Diva’s Battle Royal for the Number One Contender to the Diva’s Championship.>
Diva’s Champion Eve Torres vs Brie/Nikki Bella for the Diva’s Championship
Gail Kim is in Eve’s corner. Well, there’s your Gail sighting, but that’s all you’re going to get.
The two lock up, and Eve backs Nikki onto the ropes, and then throws her across the ring. Eve then bounces Nikki’s head off the turnbuckle repeatedly before throwing her onto the mat. Eve tosses her again, by her hair, before kicking her once, twice, and then clotheslining her. Eve goes for a cover, but Nikki kicks out. Nikki comes back by throwing Eve onto the ropes and holding her down there. While Nikki distracts the ref, Brie hits Eve, and then Nikki kicks Eve’s head. Nikki drops Eve by her hair and goes for a cover, but Eve kicks out. Nikki stands on Eve’s hair before lifting her arms, and then goes for a cover, but Eve kicks out. Cole stands on the announce table and says enough with this match, as Nikki puts Eve in a headlock. Cole says he can’t wait to make his announcement, and he’s going to tell everyone who his special guest referee is. Nikki drops Eve onto her face, and then punches her, and Cole keeps talking and talking. Nikki throws Eve in the corner, and then Eve slaps her. Eve then kicks Nikki in the head, and Eve tries to grab Nikki before Brie replaces her, but the ref catches her that time. Eve rolls back in with Nikki, and Nikki misses a clothesline, and Eve hits whatever move it was for the win. Brie tries to help, but backs out.
Eve Torres wins via pinfall.
Cole takes the mic again and says thank God that’s over. Coming up next is Cole’s “Main Event”, and we’ll find out who the special guest referee will be for Cole and King’s match.
<COMMERCIAL>
@WWEsAngel_Nef You know #WWE while this is a great way to make Cole look like a douche, this is disrespectful to the women’s division. I hate this crap too
@TKeep123 Michael Cole interrupting the DIVA match to self-promote… Horrid treatment of the Divas…. #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW
@KeepItFiveStar Sit down Michael Cole with your fake ass Smooth Criminal suit
@HitTheRopes Damn, talk about sh*tting on the females. #wwe
@KeepItFiveStar Welp, Women’s History Month continues in the WWE….
@FrankWWEClown There’s only one choice for Michael Cole’s guest referee…the man known as….Sting. #wait22111alreadyhappened #makessense #WWE #RAW
@Niki_Sushi As much as I dislike Eve holding the belt, I would sooner party with Eve than watch a Bella be champ. #BWF #RAW
@kellylynndobson Eve dressed like a sexual Ronald McDonald. ugh. #BWF
Next week, Snooki is going to guest host RAW!
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Michael Cole reveals that Jack Swagger will be training him in preparation for his Wrestlemania match, and Jack Swagger puts King in the ankle lock.>
Cole is in the ring, laughing as the video plays back, and asks if he can have our attention. He says at Wrestlemania, he’s going to compete in his first ever match. And, well, of course, it’s in the main event (yeahright). In his hand, Cole holds the contract. The man who signs those documents will be the guest referee, and will have the honor and privilege of holding his hand high as he defeats King at Wrestlemania. We may not believe this, but Cole respects Lawler. Because of that respect, Cole picked a referee who would be impartial. The man has vowed that he’ll call the match right down the middle, and at least King will have a fighting chance at Wrestlemania. Without further ado, Cole wants to announce the man. He’s a former WWE Champion, a true legend, one of the most iconic figures in WWE history, and, much like Cole, he’s a legendary Texan. We can feel it, we know he’s here, we know this man is here. He’s been waiting for an hour to get out of our seats and cheer for this man, so let’s start the cheer. An Austin chant starts up. Cole then says that those people are fools. He suckered them in, him, Michael Cole. Ladies and gentlemen, his referee at Wrestlemania is none other than JBL!
The trademark limo with the Texas longhorns pulls up, and I just remember the last time I saw JBL when he quit because Rey… Nevermind.
JBL and Cole hug in the ring, and JBL lifts his arm. JBL gets the mic and thanks the crowd for booing him. He knew that when the great JBL came back from his hiatus, that ‘you people’ would understand, and after what they went through with no champions, and JBL felt sorry for Texas. He knew when he returned, the greatest, longest reigning champion in Smackdown history, and he knew that we would welcome him like good southern people do, with open hearts, but this is so much more important than us. Cole is right, JBL is going to Wrestlemania, the main event, there’s other matches, there’s a guest host. Whatever. Nobody has ever debuted at Wrestlemania, in the main event, until now. And JBL is so proud that this grizzled vet, standing in front of him… JBL saw the dues Cole paid, the way King treated Cole, saw that King was nothing more than a simple bully. JBL hates bullies, and it’s wrong that the strong pick on the weak just because the can. JBL is proud of Cole for standing up to that bully. The world is going to know what Cole can do. With Swagger standing on Cole’s corner, there’s only one thing missing: an impartial ref. JBL can buy anyone in that building, but no one can buy JBL. He’s a man of integrity, and that’s why he’s there, why when he signs that contract, JBL goes home. Today, JBL starts his journey back to the main event at Wrestlemania. JBL takes the contract, but is interrupted by shattering glass…
Stone Cold Steve Austin chooses now to make his way down the ramp, and Cole just shit his pants.
Austin makes his way to another corner and Cole literally scurries to get out of his way.
JBL and Cole are pointing their fingers at Austin, and yelling at him, but Austin looks unamused. Cole hides behind JBL, like he did Swagger last week. Austin keeps going for Cole, but JBL moves in the way. Austin finally gets sick of it and delivers a Stunner to JBL. He catches his beers and puts on JBL’s cowboy hat before throwing it off and celebrating with his beer as always. Some things will never get old.
He drinks one beer and pours another one on JBL, who squirms. Austin then sees the contract. Cole realizes what may be going through Austin’s head and seems to be sobbing. Austin picks up the contract, and Cole begs him not to do it. Austin just spit beer all over the contract. Cole is sobbing now, by the way. Austin says if we want him to sign that contract, give him a “Hell Yeah”. So, Stone Cold signs it. Austin says the special guest referee at Wrestlemania will be none other than STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN! And that’s the bottom line, ‘cause Stone Cold said so.
Cole keeps begging, and Austin rolls out of the ring, catching a fresh beer. Austin shakes Cole’s hand, then pours three cans of beer all over his head. Austin then tells him good luck, and shoves him back in his seat. Austin rolls back into the ring, where JBL is showing signs of life, and Cole slowly walks right under another can of beer being poured on him, and up the ramp. JBL just got hit in the head by a can of beer, and Austin gives him a beer. He offers his can up, for cheers, and then drinks it. JBL shrugs and drinks it to, before getting another Stunner. Dumbass. Swagger’s at the top of the ramp, watching Cole have a pissy fit.
Hope Cole enjoyed his beer bath.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Rock reminds us how everything started.>
<COMMERCIAL>
@JonHexLives Michael Cole has a Boss Hog fit with Roscoe Swagtraine trying to calm him down. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@TKeep123 YES! Austin serves up 2 beers for Michael Cole-on top of his head! JBL finally waking up…Stunner #2! #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW
@JonHexLives That’s like the whole 12-pack Stone Cold has poured all over that ring. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi The camera won’t look at Josh Matthews because he is grinning like a damn fool right now. #BWF #RAW
@kellylynndobson Cole sounding like Nancy Kerrigan, “Why…..Why?” #BWF
@TKeep123 …and The Rattle-snake literally STUNS the 10 Gallon Hat off of JBL! Steve-wizers for everyone! #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW
@Niki_Sushi ‘It was my night, it was my night’ I think it’s his night now. #BWF #RAW #JustSayin
@kickoutblog At least Cole didn’t pick Austin, that would’ve been dumb.
@CMPunkSays We will have Stone Cold and The Rock at Wrestlemania. WE WILL HAVE STONE COLD AND THE ROCK AT WRESTLEMANIA. #MyBodyIsNotReady #WWE
@WWE_Creative Wow, @steveaustinBSR made it through an entire segment without saying “ass”. TV-PG is alive and well! #RAWTonight
@redsandman99 See Cole? Being a tremendous douchenozzle does not pay off in the end.
@HitTheRopes Austin just embarrassed Cole on the behalf of the Divas…. Well, not really, but one can think positively
@FrankWWEClown I would mark out for Michael Cole vomiting all over the announce table in disgust of Stone Cold. Oh hell yeah. #WWE #RAW #WM27 #AUSTIN316
Backstage, Cole is flipping out because his clothes are a mess to Jack Swagger. Cole says he hates Stone Cold as much as he hates Jerry, but Swagger interrupts him. Swagger tells Cole to focus on King, and Swagger will worry about Austin. Swagger threatens to break Austin’s ankle like a twig, and Cole goes out to shower, finally.
Jerry “The King” Lawler makes his way back to ringside, where he belongs.
Doesn’t Defend His Title On Live Television United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs King Sheamus
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Triple H, and then Evan Bourne, own King Sheamus.>
Sheamus starts out by attacking the hell out of Bryan, and hurls him across the ring before putting his fists in Bryan’s face. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Bryan kicks out at two. Sheamus gets Bryan to his feet and misses a clothesline, only to eat a missile dropkick, followed by another one that sends Sheamus out to the announce table, grabbing his ankle. The ref is counting, but Sheamus doesn’t seem to be able to really walk, let alone get into the ring. Sheamus lets the ref count.
United States Daniel Bryan wins via count-out.
Sheamus takes a mic and says hold on a minute. For the last couple months, he’s been on a losing streak. But, he promises next week, all that will change, when he becomes the new United States Champion. What does Bryan say? If Sheamus doesn’t beat him for the title, Sheamus will quit. Bryan nods, and I get my wish for Bryan to actually defend his title on television.
Coming up, Shawn Michaels will speak out again on the Undertaker vs Triple H match.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!!
@KeepItFiveStar Lmao! Oh My God! Sheamus looks so sad! A part of him died last week.
@CMPunkSays I was wondering if anyone else noticed the quick count. Very astute, Mathews. #WWE
@Niki_Sushi …. I forgot about Daniel Bryan. I’ll be honest. I haven’t heard his theme in forever. Doesn’t he have a belt or something? #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Looks like there ain’t no grave that can hold King Sheamus down.
We come back to CM Punk sitting in the ring, ready for action.
Oh, and my head was just starting to stop hurting.
CM Punk vs R-Truth
Punk goes to attack Truth as Truth gives up the mic, but Truth goes for a quick cover. Punk kicks out and Truth hits a quick drop toe-hold, and then Punk takes momentum and throws Truth into one steel post, then another. Then, Punk throws Truth into a third. One more and you’ll get them all, Punk! Truth fights back, however, and Punk does like that, attacking him in the corner. Punk goes for a cover, but Truth kicks out at two. Punk gets Truth in a submission, and Truth tries to fight out, getting up to his feet before fighting out. Truth hits a clothesline, then another on Punk before slapping Punk. Punk Whips him, and Truth tries to flip over, but Punk isn’t there. Truth counters the attempted Go to Sleep and goes for a cover, but Punk kicks out at two. Punk rolls out of the ring, then grabs Truth’s arm and jumps off the apron, hurting Truth’s shoulder. Punk then locks in the Anaconda Vice, and Truth taps out.
CM Punk wins via submission.
Ryan climbs in the ring with Punk and Punk directs Ryan to Punk. Ryan lifts him up before dropping Truth down in what King just called a shoulder breaker.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Shawn Michaels weighs in.>
I’m sorry, but I can’t focus too terribly much on this, so I’m not going to say everything he says. First, Shawn comments on their friendship, and says that greatness rarely gets satisfied, which is why Triple H takes on the Undertaker. Combined with Triple H’s talent, there’s a darkness in him. Triple H is the kind of guy who could do anything and not feel any remorse about it.
Vickie Guerrero makes her way down to the ring, even though she was fired as Smackdown’s Official Consultant.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar CM Punk bringing out the Anaconda Vice on Truth! That’s how you tame a jiggaboo!
@TKeep123 You know it’s bad for Sheamus when an R-Truth match lasts longer than his! #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW
@WWE_Creative We needed to have @CMPunk murder @RandyOrton earlier because Punk killing @RonKillings may turn him face. #RAWTonight
@legendkiller515 Why is t-truth still rapping? I don’t get it. He’s awful. And I’m the token black guy saying he can’t rap. #wwe #raw #bwf
@kickoutblog Vickie Guerrero is here! She’s announcing herself as the first (and only) participant for Money in the Bank
I’m not convinced Snooki’s PG, but I’ll deal.
Vickie screeches Excuse Me at us again, and she’s boo’d. Same old story. She says due to her extensive negotiating efforts, please allow her to introduce to us, the former World Heavyweight Champion, and the newest member to the RAW Roster, Dolph Ziggler.
I am perfection…
Apparently, getting fired from Smackdown, means a… “promotion” to RAW. But wait… Did Vickie get rehired last Friday when I wasn’t watching? I’m confuuuuused!
Dolph Ziggler vs John Morrison
So… no answer then, WWE? Not going to tell me how Vickie Guerrero is suddenly on RAW with a job and a microphone? No? … Awesome. Oh, wondrous! And now Vickie’s on commentary. Oh, and King’s making fat jokes. Sweet.
Ziggler and Morrison lock up, and Ziggler plants Morrison. Morrison tries to jump over Ziggler, but Ziggler wisely takes out the knee. And… a commercial.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes TNA got Sting and did the 3/3/11 video. WWE returns fire by getting Snooki while TNA has The Shore knockoffs.
@KeepItFiveStar HEY! Dolph Ziggler got his job back! First step Dolph! Next step Carlito! #wishfulthinking
@kickoutblog You know, she wouldn’t have to say “excuse me” so much if you’d just excuse her.
@CMPunkSays When he comes to the ring, John Morrison has this look on his face like he KNOWS he just disintegrated every pair of panties in the arena.
I come back to hear Vickie threatening Snooki if she looks at Vickie’s man, or men she’s been involved with. Anyway, Morrison drops Ziggler to the mat three times, before kneeing him and then hits the Moonlight Drive. Morrison goes for the cover, but Ziggler’s foot touches the rope. Morrison tries to pull Ziggler away, abut Ziggler holds onto the ropes and rakes Morrison’s eyes before hitting a Zig-Zag.
Dolph Ziggler wins via pinfall.
The GM did hire Dolph Ziggler to RAW, but not Vickie Guerrero. Thank you for answering me, WWE. The general manager considers Vickie a “very polarizing figure”. The GM says, however, that Vickie can have a job on RAW if she wins her match next week. Her match is against Trish Stratus.
Security comes out to escort Vickie out of the ring, and she clings to Dolph’s leg while the crowd sings her out.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: The Rock says there are consequences for running his mouth.>
Next, John Cena response to the Rock with the “final knockout.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes It’s weird to see security walk to the ring. On TNA I’m always seeing security running
@redsandman99 You know what this means? LayCool will interfere and it will set up Trish/Kelly vs LayCool at Wrestlemania
@kickoutblog If Snooki wants to get on my good side, she’ll help Vickie beat Trish Stratus next week.
@KeepItFiveStar “The Chaperon is a good emotional story about a dad, who’s trying to *Gets in Triple H mode* END THE STREAK!!!” – Triple H
@CMPunkSays They’re throwing Attitude Era stars at us like X-Men Origins: Wolverine threw mutants at the plot. Except that THIS is awesome. #WWE
@JonHexLives Apparently it took 20 minutes for the GM to notice Vickie was there. Guess she’s not that fat. #WWE #RAW #BWF
<VIDEO PACKAGE: The Rock calls Cena a Yabba Dabba Bitch.>
These fans can’t decide between The Rock and John Cena, apparently. They love… whoever has the mic at that moment.
Cena says that they’re right; everything’s bigger in Texas. Once you’re there and you look around, there’s people as far as the eye can see. Some people are excited, some people are angry. One guy’s angry at him, and that’s The Rock. Cena doesn’t get it, because The Rock didn’t come out and make fun of him. Cena likes what he has to say, calling him Fruity Pebbles. Cena thinks it’s funny. The impression of him is funny. It’s a good shtick. But, a couple weeks ago, Cena said something about the Rock, and Shut the front door, he got mad. Rock was very angry that Cena addressed him in rap. Rock said never, ever address him in rap. Cena found a solution, and he will address the Rock in hip-hop, which should clear everything up.
Last week, Rock showed the whole world his ass is soft HE talked trash from his living room and wouldn’t take his glasses off What he couldn’t afford a plane ticket or rent a helicopter No, Rock chose to stay home and read off a teleprompter You can see the words in his glasses Rewind it back I caught him Only time you see me, homies, is when I’m whippin that Rock Bottom They say the Rock is unbeatable, he’ll put John Cena on the shelf But after last week, the only thing the Rock’s beatin is himself And once again, I’m standin here And where’ s the Rock? He must be misplaced I get it, I’m a Fruity Pebble, you’re yabba dabba misplaced He yelled for thirty minutes, almost made me throw up You wanna be the people’s champ Here’s a tip: Show up I’m so glad this thing is over so I can cross it off my checklist Rock didn’t win, but it’s ok, I’ll give him a pearl necklace It’s not my fault Rock, you just make it too easy to get you You might as well attack my dog, because every week he eats my shitzu But I made him angry, that’s not what I was in it, I didn’t want him to seem hurt So to make amends, I actually went out and bought the Rock’s new t-shirt
(I BRING IT VIA SATELLITE SHIRT) Rock, make them chant your name, raise an eyebrow, give us all a fun night But don’t ever call me out again dude, cause that’s bringing a knife to a gun fight.
WWE Champion The Miz shows up out of nowhere and attacks John Cena with the WWE Championship belt. SO much for boycotting RAW. Cena gets up, and Miz watches him before Cena turns around, and Miz hits him again. Miz picks up the mic, and says Cena, Cena, Cena. You and your little buddy, The Rock, and everybody else has disrespected me for the last time. Do you see a pattern here, Cena? Every time you and Rock get your panties in a wad, this is what happens to you. And if The Rock was here, the same thing would happen to him. Cena, you like to rap, well try this one on for size:
The Rock, John Cena, Macho Man and Liz Stone Cold and Bret Hart, they’re nothing compared to The Miz.
And one more thing, hello Rock. He and Miz haven’t been properly introduced: He’s the Miz, the WWE Champion, and star of Wrestlemania. Rock, on the other hand, is just the host. So Rock should know his role and be the best Ryan Seacrest he can be. And if Rock has the guts to show up on RAW or at Wrestlemania, Miz will take his little eyebrow, his 45 catchphrases, his sunglasses, his father, his grandfather, roll them up into a ball, flip it sideways, and stick it straight up his candy ass. Because he’s The Miz, and he’s-
Miz then gets behind John Cena and gives him a Skull Crushing Finale. Miz stops, pulls off the band on his elbow, and then delivers the Miz’s Elbow.
–AWWWWWESOOOOME!
Well. Interesting RAW, to say the least, and I do like the way it ended. Yes, yes, I know. But I’m a Mizfit, and it made me happy. It didn’t make up for some of the things that went on, but there you have it. And yes, I did type up that whole rap just by sitting here listening to it. Anyway, next week we have Snooki and Trish Stratus. See you then.
Much has been written about the misogyny inherent in professional wrestling, the violence against women, and the general exploitation of females in the wrestling business. Almost all of these writings, however, have been penned by men. As a female wrestling fan, this subject has taken up quite a bit of brain space recently, and the fact that I couldn’t remember reading a woman’s thoughts on the matter compelled the putting of fingers to keyboard. (more…)
This is simply an extended reponse to my previous column dealing with the wide-open subject of John Cena. “Bored Wrestling Fans” very own Jana always provides a good read and I thought that her opinions were so great that it’d be a shame not to share them with the rest of you! Couldn’t fit THIS into one measly comment!
—————-
The current anti-Cena attitude can be traced to several factors.
The easy thing to do, which is also incorrect, is to make blanket assumptions, such as “The IWC hates Cena,” or that only women and kids cheer for Cena. Both of those statements are demonstrably false. Show me a fan of ANYTHING today who doesn’t spend time on the internet, researching and seeking to connect with others of like mind. I don’t remember anyone ever claiming that only women and kids cheered for Hulk Hogan back in the 80s, and if it were true for Cena, it would almost have to be true for Hogan. The argument that Hogan was a star in a more innocent time, where older kids and guys would have felt comfortable supporting him, and that we today have already experienced the age of the anti-hero, making the more traditional hero less attractive, doesn’t stand up either. Hogan’s heyday in the 80s was the time of Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry, the X-Men comics (which I know were created earlier, but were still very popular), the golden age of hard rock and heavy metal, and a host of other tv, movie, and comic book characters who were as dark, edgy, and of the anti-hero vein as anything that we have today.
Wrestling fans have grown up accustomed to “cool” heels. The nWo holds much responsibility for this, as does DX, the original ECW, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, and the Rock. We’ve almost been trained to be contrary, cheering for heelish characters and booing babyfaces. The example of the Rock is always trotted out, and the comparison has some merit. Rocky Maivia was too goody-goody and boring. The Rock was everything that we wanted to be. Cena was quite popular all around when he first started the rapper gimmick, largely because he was unpredictable on the mic. He would cut down anyone, including Vince McMahon. Nowadays, he grunts and makes rather constipated-looking facial expressions while repeating lackluster catchphrases like “Never give up.” Cena is doing exactly what he is supposed to do by playing the indestructible super hero that every kid loves, but in doing so, he has completely alienated the rest of the audience that is not part of the PG demographic.
This leads me to the next point. Whether it really happened because Linda McMahon decided to run for Senate or not, the shift to the PG product and tightly focused marketing on kids is, to a degree, a very sound business decision. The golden age of WWF in the 80s (I consider the Attitude Era a completely different creature from any sort of “golden age.”) targeted kids. Business boomed. Now those very kids are grown and have their own kids. It’s a basic business concept to “get ’em when they’re young,” and then you have customers for life. It certainly worked before. The problem with catering to a new generation of fans is that the previous generation of fans, who have supported the product with time, money, and passion, feel slighted and even cheated. The resentment and hatred over that is transferred to the company’s poster boy, John Cena. The thing that WWE seems to have forgotten in their new business model is that the kids aren’t paying for anything. Parents and guardians, adults, in other words, have to take the kids to the shows, buy tickets, t-shirts, masks, and all the other merchandise that gets created, and sit through the shows with the kids, both live on on tv. If the parents think that the content is stupid, or embarrassing/insulting to human intelligence, they won’t want to spend the time and money on WWE that they once did. Basically, there has to be something in it for them as well, and WWE is ignoring that.
This ties in with my final point. You were dead-on about having a company that has a bit of everything. That’s why I (and so many others, by the sound of it) feel so disappointed and let down by both WWE and TNA. I wouldn’t mind sitting through a John Cena match if I knew that I would get an Alex Shelley match somewhere else on the card. The most effective and profitable concept for pro wrestling has always been, and always will be, what I call the circus model. It has a little bit of everything, and all of it is good. Comedy acts, like Santino Marella and Hornswaggle. Over-the-top epicness like the Undertaker and Kane. Special attractions like the Great Khali and the Big Show. True tag teams like the Hart Dynasty, the Usos, Beer Money, and the Motor City Machine Guns. Legitimate women’s matches with actual wrestlers like Beth Phoenix, Natalya, Mickie James, Daffney, Sarita, MsChif, and Sara Del Ray. Mat-based technical wow-fests with people like Douglas Williams, Nigel McGuinness, Christopher Daniels, AJ Styles, Davey Richards, KENTA, and Roderick Strong. Powerhouses like Drew McIntyre, Samoa Joe, and Sheamus. Super-athletic high-fliers like Brian Kendrick, Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne, Justin Gabriel, John Morrison, and Austin Aries. That would be every wrestling fan’s dream.
The company with the broadest appeal does the best business. ROH caters to a very specific audience, and that’s great for that audience. They specifically say that they aren’t interested in the casual fan, and that they provide serious wrestling that has nothing to do with sports entertainment for fans of real pro wrestling. Fine, that’s their thing. The big two aren’t much better. WWE hates tag teams, most of the smaller and more athletic high-fliers, and legitimate female wrestlers who don’t look like Barbie dolls. They focus on children at the expense of the adult audience. TNA prides themselves on being a more adult product, but Eric Bischoff mocks the hardcore wrestling fans and says repeatedly that they don’t matter, that the casual fans were the target audience. As you said, TNA has tried so hard to be WWE that they have lost almost everything that made them different. The X-Division, the six-sided ring, the legitimate Knockouts division, the focus on true tag teams, and the international talent are all gone.
How does all this tie back in to John Cena? While there are a given number of douchebags who have to make sure that everyone knows that they are far too cool to ever like something that is popular or mainstream, most of it, I honestly believe, stems from frustrated and disappointed fans who feel that there is nothing in the WWE product for them anymore. They resent having devoted so much time, money, and passion into something that has essentially ditched them. Because John Cena is the embodiment of the current WWE product, all the negative feelings are transferred to him. Booing and criticizing him is easier than actually getting the desired changes from Vince and the WWE. It’s rather like spending huge quantities of time, effort, and money on dating someone, and then you get kicked to the curb for someone else. Of course you hold that individual up as the epitome of all that is wrong with the world. It’s how human nature works.
Power Poll 9/15/10: Honorable mention (or ROH 1, TNA 0)
ROH had its highest placement on the Power Poll yet, while TNA completely falls off the radar with Impact scurrying away from the NFL. But, not surprisingly, WWE dominated with familiar faces at the top.
1. Randy Orton (Last week: 1)
WWE is going full-bore in its attempt to turn Randy Orton into this generation’s Stone Cold Steve Austin, it seems, even giving him a win on TV over John Cena (in a tables match, but still). I feel bad for this generation.
2. Kane (2)
Say this for WWE. The idea of Kane as World champion seemed ridiculous three months ago. Not anymore.
3. John Cena (4)
I have officially run out of things to say about John Cena.
4. Chris Jericho (10)
Taking advantage of some wacky rules and stupidity by the Hart Dynasty, Jericho (in a suit) had a nice match with Tyson Kidd, winning cleanly to earn a spot back in the six-pack match at Night of Champions. Plus, he got to tell off Michael Cole and the mystery GM.
5. Alberto Del Rio (3)
Del Rio continued his strong showing since his debut with a submission win over Twitter legend Matt Hardy. Given that Hardy went insane soon afterward, I guess maybe we
6. The Undertaker (NR)
The creative build for his match with Kane at Night of Champions has refreshed a stale-sounding feud, but will the enthusiasm for it end when they actually have to get in the ring together?
7. Roderick Strong (NR)
I confess I don’t know much about Roderick Strong. I know he’s now the ROH champion, beating Tyler Black on Saturday. I think he likes backbreakers.
8. Sheamus (NR)
The WWE champion returns after a one-week absence, but isn’t kind of sad that he’s been such an afterthought lately that he’s behind the ROH champion?
9. Daniel Bryan (6)
The future unified WWE-World-TNA-ROH-Evolve-Chikara-GAEA-CMLL-CWA-WCCW-ECW-GLOW* champion slipped a little despite a convincing win over Alex Riley and embarrassing The Miz.
10. The Miz (9)
The U.S. champion and Money in the Bank holder has fallen steadily since Summerslam. But I have a feeling he’ll have neither of those things when Night of Champions is finished and will be a lot higher in the Power Poll next week.
As the world turns, another week goes by and with it another week of wrestling and other things in this random world. And here we are, 7 days away from the biggest event for wrestling fans worldwide and here I am with nothing to talk about. Nah just kidding, why would I be here if I had nothing to talk about, so lets get going: (more…)
What? I was supposed to review this at 9? What? I was supposed to use tweets? What? I should be publishing this right now instead of just starting on it? What? Deadline? What? Schedule? What? Punctuality? What? What? What? Truth be told, I was unable to catch the beginning of RAW or iMPACT for reasons beyond my control, so I opted to wait until after the shows were over to start writing about them. So I found a copy of RAW first – and fast! – so we’re going to start with the WWE’s show tonight. Too bad today’s only 3/15, because with our guest host tonight, 3/16 may have been more appropriate – That’s right, Stone Cold Steve Austin is our host tonight, and he’ll be moderating the contract signing between Bret Hart and Vince McMahon for their WrestleMania match. Speaking of WrestleMania, it’s WrestleMania rewind night tonight! We’ll get a rematch from WrestleMania XIX, which I happened to have attended, when Shawn Michaels faces the World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho. We’ll see a rematch of WrestleMania XX’s opening contest when John Cena faces The Big Show. WrestleMania 25’s main event will also see a rematch tonight, as Randy Orton takes on Triple H.
Alright, I don’t want to talk too much (this is the RAW review, not the iMPACT review, y’know!), so let’s get started!
It’s the last stop before the Elimination Chamber – what’s to become of John Morrison’s spot if he’s unable to compete? That’s all I got. I’m still half asleep. Anyways, it’s Friday (for another 10 minutes as of the time I’m typing this very sentence), and I’ve got SmackDown fired up and ready to go!
What’s up folks, welcome to our RAW review. We promise not to bite your ear off or eat your children, but we can’t promise you that RAW’s guest host, Mike Tyson, won’t. I’m not sure what else is going on tonight, but I’d expect some interaction between DX and Tyson. Ready? No? Too bad, let’s go!
