Fuck. FUCK. FUCK. I have to watch RAW after that PPV last night? I regretted not ordering Payback last month, and now I really regret it, because it was a far superior show to last night’s Money In The Bank event. I’m happy with the World Championship MITB match. I’m happy with the Divas title match, I’m happy with the Tag Title match, but the rest of last night’s PPV (other than Paul Heyman being the person who did the most damage in the “All-Stars” match last night) can go fuck itself. Oh well, let’s get this over with.
I watch 30 minutes of RAW, leave for work, then recap the first 30 when I get here (if possible) and then review the rest. There’s usually some craziness involved with this, some things I write don’t actually happen, and Kodos always shows up. Also, I play by my own rules. Screw you, SmackDown review!
First, I want to apologize for the lateness of this article. There was a death in my family this week, and it took precedent over anything else. MATCH RESULTS
REY MYSTERIO AND SIN CARA DEF EPICO AND PRIMO – After the match, Rey-Cara were ambushed by the Prime Time Players, who said they were the rightful number one contenders to the tag title and wouldn’t let anyone take anything from them ever again.
EVE TORRES (DIVAS CHAMPION) DEF BETH PHEONIX – The broadcast team spent this match speculating over whether or not Eve got her title match by injuring Kaitlin, the scheduled opponent for then champ Layla, who joined the team at ringside. Layla tried to take up the debate, but faltered.
BRODUS CLAY DEF HEATH SLATER – U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro joined the broadcast team to set up a potential feud with Brodus.
DOLPH ZIGGLER DEF SANTINO MARELLA – Marella got distracted trying to get his “Cobra” back from Vicki Guerro at ringside, leaving him vulnerable to two “Zigzags.”
WADE BARRETT DEF JUSTIN GABRIEL – Little more than a squash to build up Barrett.
TEAM FRIENDSHIP DEF KINGSTON/R-TRUTH – Kane and Bryan constantly arguing left them vulnerable to double-teaming and high-impact spots, however Bryan brought the belts home with the “no” lock.
RANDY ORTON DEF TENSAI – This was the basic “face takes a beating but keeps coming back,” routine. Orton wins with the RKO.
DAMIEN SANDOW DEF ZACK RYDER – Ryder actually looked good here, even getting a close two-count with the “broski boot,” but in the end it was another win for Sandow. Prior to this match, Sandow came out to remind us that this was back-to-school season, and attempted to give the crowd a “vocabulary lesson,” by running them down with terms like “ignoramuses,” and “miscreants.” This leads to a (heated) debate by the announcers over what counts as a “big word.”
SHEAMUS AND JOHN CENA DEF C.M. PUNK AND ALBERTO DEL RIO – We got a fast-paced back and forth, with everyone getting a piece of everyone else. Match ends with Cena getting an AA on Punk for the three-count despite Punk having a foot clearly on the ropes. Punk actually badgers the ref all the way to the back about the decision.
Highlights of the night included both Jim Ross and John Bradshaw Layfield joining Cole on commentary, and a repeated update on Jerry Lawler. He is home in Memphis, recuperating and will be on RAW next week for a special interview.
Overall, a solid, if uneventful RAW; at least till the end
Welcome to another edition of Impact Wrestling for Dec 22nd. After the events of Final Revolution, Impact is gearing towards Genesis were Hardy will face Roode for the World Title, Devon will take on the Pope and Double Trouble, and when called for a tag title match will emerge from this Wild Card tournament.
Impact opens with a replay of last week, with the decimation of Hardy and Sting. Following it up with an appearance from the heels as Roode w/ Bully Ray the culprits of the beat down. Roode spews his heelish hate which eventually leads to him attempting to get Sting to suspend him so he doesn’t have to defend his world title at Genesis.
Taz:Wouldn't Roode being suspended lead to being stripped of the title? Tenay: Yes, Captain Obvious.
(*sidenote: wouldn’t suspension lead to being stripped of the world title?) Any who, Jeff Hardy’s music hits. He marches down to the ring and tells Roode he will not be suspended and infact he, Roode and Bully Ray will be involved in a tag match tonight. All Jeff is missing is a partner. Ray prods Hardy with insults claiming no one wants to be his partner because he’s an outcast. (I guess his “drug induced performance at Victory Road” isn’t good enough) And like a angel Sting makes his entrance, he makes sure to walk backwards turning around to reveal…….
Tenay: Joker Sting?!!! what a bunch of bull.....
He claims to always respect Hardy and will gladly be his partner. (Even though the beat down he took last week would of been good enough reason.)
Wild Card Tag Team Tournament: AJ Styles + Kazarian take on RVD + Christopher Daniels
This was a good match that brought out the crowd. And lets not forget reminded the world that Kazarian still exists.
Taz: Where's Waldo? Hey if Double J didn't want to play ball why should we.
Styles who is on occasional still trying to sell his injury. RVD and Kaz have some good back and forth but when this match becomes a handicap situation this is where the plot thickens.
Tenay: By which I mean plot advancement for Genesis
Daniels won’t tag in. That is until RVD attempts a rolling thunder on Kaz. Daniels takes control until he loses the upper hand leading to him wondering over to RVD who enziguri kicks him into Kaz for his fade to black. AJ and Kazarian advance. And I’m assuming the RVD vs Daniels at Genesis will happen.
Best of Three Series: Zema Ion vs Tony Nese, 2nd Round
After Zema embarrassed Nese last week with a triple round of show moves that ended the match, Nese cuts his own promo about his strength and how he is a threat in the X division. Also it should be pointed out that Zema Ion is a heel. A young arrogant foreign heel. And will possibly be taking on Austin Aries in another heel vs heel match. But to further set the tone for his heelishness we are shown his new prop gimmick a long standing tradition with the new guys because when your a face you love football (Sorenson) and when your a heel (Zema Ion) you come out with a non descript hair spray can that you use profusely around you to show that you kill the environment. Thank you guys in the back, Russo,Pritchard,Conway and the various others with input with clarifying. We basically have a repeat of last weeks match with Zema acting all arrogant earlier in the match. He again knocks out Nese only to pick him up after 2, leading him to tell everyone to wait. He of course this week walks into Nese’s power legs and gets rolled up into a pin. Never has a contest been so obvious. Nese doesn’t even have a prop.
Promoville: Madison Rayne and The Pope
Karen’s shriek filled void this week will be induced by none other than the Queen B herself Madison Rayne. Because that is so awesome. When I see her also wearing a ref shirt I know I’m in for some more Traci bashing or some Gail proping goodness. (sarcasm is king here) Will this Knockout VP nonsense ever end in a satisfying conclusion before the outside world thinks its division revolves around Karen and/or Madison?
NO! and enjoy
Now on to the Pope feud promo. Watching this brought me into a blaxploitation movie full of 70’s cars and white snow bunnies who love their choclate daddies, it was like Superfly meets Undercover Brother. It even had racial implications as when Devon was attacked from behind and in his fury it sounded like Pope called Devon a n****** before finishing up with a black a** but you know its the stereotypical Pope letting his congragation know that he’ll be pimping in the mid card with teenage boys.
Oh and Eric Young and ODB went on a date. Because a goofball and a truckers dream
Taz: I won't lie I'd hit that
make for the best odd couple.
Rayne comes out and proceeds to call out….
Tenay: TNT, which for those who are acronym challenged are Tara and Tessmacher
Why does she call them out instead of this factions favorite punching bag Traci? Because she hates their closeness. She didn’t go for the obvious quasi lesbian jokes that should of been inputed, but you know Madison still wishes she had a friend in Tara. I guess. What we end up getting is Rayne’s patented killing crowd syndrome where every one just sits there as we watch a train wreck in progress. Tara and Tessmacher even go all Chikara on us and does the slow motion match for like 2 minutes to little reaction other than those in the know.
Tenay: And I know somewhere, Vincent Kennedy McMahon is laughing at how he has devolved women's wrestling and turned it viral. Taz: What? Tenay: Nothing.
This drags for what seems like 20 minutes when in actuality is more like 5 maybe 8 minutes. Finally ending when Tara+Tessmacher look at the crowd/tv when Madison is screeching “someone hit someone” and take out Rayne. Madison screeches some more up the ramp and we are treated to some crowd noise at TNT succeeding and shutting Rayne up.
We have a Storm promo where were he talks about where to find him. In florida, or in his local bar. Kurt takes him up on that offer and shows up in his home town were he proceeds to insult the town floozie and get into a bar fight with a bunch of rednecks eventally superkicking five men while they’re on stools. James Storm was not impressed.
Wild Card Tag Tournament: ODB + EY vs Anarquia + Shannon Moore
Shannon before the match cuts a promo with Wonder Years stating that he’s going out there and doing what he has done best for the past 17 years
Tenay: which I am assuming is walking away. Taz: Like his former partner Neal. Tenay: Bazinga!
Anarquia is a embarrassment to his faction especially as he lay writhing in pain after ODB kicked him in the balls. Rosita and Sarita just stared at him yelling. Bye bye to OVW. Eric Young and ODB win and celebrate by picking each other and Earl Hebner up. I can get behind that.
Main even match: Roode/Ray vs Sting/Hardy
In a Street Fight: Faces have control for the opening part of the match not using weapons. Eventually after a poke to the eyes Ray starts smacking every one and their momma with kendo sticks. Heels look strong beating the faces with cookware and faux Kendo sticks.
Thank you, Sandman
Eventually the faces come up victorious as Hardy pins Roode. Here’s to Genesis as Roode retains eventually leading to the epic rematch between James Storm and Roode. And we’re out until next week.
Hey, Everybody! It’s time for WWE Superstars again.
Match 1: Tiffany vs Co-Women’s Champion Layla (non-title match)
Somehow Tiffany is the number one contender. This is your standard Diva’s match. Michelle McCool interferes behind the referees back. Layla wins with the Lay-Out.
Match 2: Vance Archer and Kurt Hawkins vs The Dudebusters
Wasn’t Kurt Hawkins a Dudebuster in FCW? He gets the win over his former team with the flying elbow off the top rope. After the match, Archer and Hawkins tell the Hart Dynasty to pay attention and they will find them. I guess they are next in line for a tag title shot now.
Main Event: Zack Ryder vs Evan Bourne
Evan Bourne is the most exciting guy to watch in the WWE right now. He’s just spectacular. Bourne gets the win with the Shooting Star Press.
Howdy folks and welcome to another edition of “Random Randomness” for this Thanksgiving week here in the U.S. Hope everyone had a safe and happy Thanksgiving and ate way too much. Let’s get this going: (more…)
What’s up, Peeps?! The HIAC ppv is approaching and I like the concept. The last Superstars has come and gone and my review is late today… like it normally is. I try to be fashonably late.
Match 1: Shad w/ JTG and Eve vs Tyson Kidd w/ David Hart Smith and Natalya
As Todd Grisham said, Shad will try to rep his hood in this match. Shad gets the win in this relatively long match by Superstars standards. Pretty nice finish sees Shad catching Tyson Kidds springboard into a reverse Russian Leg Sweep.
Match 2: Shaemus vs Tyler Reks
How has Tyler Reks not been released yet? This guy can’t even walk properly! Shaemus gets the win with a boot to the face.
Main Event: The Miz vs Kofi Kingston
I want The Miz to be US champ soon! He’s awesome!!! Kofi is good too I guess. He picks up the win in this one as he hits the Trouble in Paradise.
Hell in a Cell Predictions
Intercontinental Title Match: John Morrison defeats Dolph Ziggler
United States Championship Triple Threat Match: Jack Swagger defeats The Miz and Kofi Kingston
Unified Tag Title Match: JeriShow defeats Batista and Rey Mysterio
Tag Team HIAC Match: DX defeats Legacy
Divas Title Match: Mickie James defeats Alicia Fox
World Heavyweight Title HIAC Match: Undertaker defeats CM Punk
WWE Title HIAC Match: John Cena defeats Randy Orton
Welcome lads, lasses and haemaphs. It’s me once again, on yet another Wednesday, fresh off Real-Time for WrestleMania XXV. For those who didnt catch it, then read the thread, situated just a couple of posts down. For those that did, then let’s continue.
If you remember, my head and my heart gave their predictions for WMXXV. Well the results are in! My head picked a grand total of … 2! Undertaker, and the 25th Diva, Santina Marella. My heart on the other hand, didnt get all 9, but still beat my head. My heart picked 4. Triple H, Chris Jericho, Santina Marella and Matt Hardy. These results leave one question. Is it better to pick with your head, or your heart? When it came to WMXXV? Your heart was the one you should’ve went for.
Onto non-Wrestlemania news. Batista is back.
Onto news that people will care about, Tank Johnson has signed a 1-year deal with the Bengals. The same Tank Johnson who, well I’ll let his Wikipedia page tell you. The link is the following: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tank_Johnson.
With Lockdown less than two weeks away, the only match I care about, is of course the Tag Title match between Team 3D and the one and only, Beer Money Inc. The rest of the card can go to hell. Anything that involves Kurt Angle, I’m trying to ignore him, in an attempt he goes away. It hasnt worked so far, but these things don’t happen overnight.
Finally, in conjuction with vincerussowatcheshisbeardgrow.com, I am starting a competition. It’s based on this commercial for Roses chocolates Commercial. In it, it says that by thanking someone, you give them a box of Roses chocolates. For example, Thank you very much for watering my garden, and you give them chocolates. What this competititon is, well, it’s simple. What’s the most inapproapriate thing you can think of, yet be thanked with Roses chocolates?
Thank you very much for … then you add the rest.
For those who dont understand, I’ll give you a few examples. Thank you very much for … killing my family. Thank you very much for … making me sit through a Kurt Angle match. Now, those examples cant be used, but surely you can come up with better ones than that. The competiton ends soon, so get a-creating.
Thats all for this Wednesday, I have been the one they call ‘Legend Killer’, asking you, Would you like some knives?
Hey everybody. Just wanted to chime in and give my two cents on Cyber Sunday. Taking a look at the card here’s how it looks:
1. WWE Championship (WWE Universe chooses challenger) choices are:
a. Jeff Hardy
b. Kozlov
c. Both
What I think should happen- I would like to see HHH take on both of them. Then during the match HHH gets knocked out of the ring, Kozlov does his headbutt thingy on Jeff Hardy, pins him and wins the WWE title.
What probably will happen- Jeff hardy gets 90% of the vote and faces HHH one-on-one, with HHH coming out on top.
2. Undertaker vs. Big Show (WWE Universe chooses type of match) choices are:
a. Knockout Match
b. I Quit Match
c. Last Man Standing Match
What I think should happen- I don’t have much to say about this match so I’m going with Last man standing.
What will probably happen- Last man standing, Taker gets his win back.
3. WWE Diva Halloween Costume Contest– I don’t care, nuff said.
4. Pick the Tag Team Match choices are:
a. World Tag Team Champions Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase vs. CM Punk & Kofi Kingston
b. John Morrison & The Miz vs. Cryme Tyme
c. Jamie Noble & Mickie James vs. William Regal & Layla
What I think should happen- First, let me say what won’t happen. The mixed tag match. If it gets more than 10% of the vote I’ll be surprised. Now back on the subject, I think that the tag title match will happen.
What probably will happen- Tag title match, Punk and Kingston win.
5. Cyber Sunday Preview Match (United States Championship Match) the choices are:
R-Truth
MVP
Festus
Wow good to see Shelton get on the card (even if it’s a preview match on wwe.com) and no doubt that he’s gonna be facing and losing the belt to R-Truth. (that’s both what I think and probably will happen)
6. ECW Championship Match (WWE Universe chooses Matt Hardy’s opponent) Choices are:
a. Mark Henry
b. Evan Bourne
c. Finlay
What I think will happen- If anyone has seen Evan Bourne, then there should be no doubt that he should be facing Matt Hardy.
What probably will happen- Evan Bourne faces Matt. The guy is awesome and even proved it last Tuesday on ECW so that will turn the vote in his direction.
7. Kane vs. Rey Mysterio (WWE Universe chooses type of match) choices are:
Falls Count Anywhere Match
No Holds Barred Match
Best 2-out-of-3 Falls Match
What I think should happen- Ugh, this is one feud I don’t care about. I am not a fan of Rey Mysterio’s (never have) so anything involving him I just don’t give a s#@*. I gonna go with No Hols Barred.
What will probably will happen- Falls Count Anywhere. Kane kills Rey and takes his mask.
a. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper
b. Goldust
c. Honky Tonk Man
What I think will happen- Goldust, um no. Honky Tonk Man maybe. Granted I know that his whole gimmick is revolved the Honky Tonk Man and the Honk-A-Meter, but I just don’t see it happening when the other choice is Rowdy Roddy Piper. He should clearly win this vote.
What probably will happen- Charlie Haas dressed as the Honky Tonk Man does the job to Santino.
9.World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho vs. zzzz, I mean Batista (WWE Universe chooses referee) choices are:
a. Randy Orton
b. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin
c. Shawn Michaels
Man even Batista puts me to sleep even typing his name.
What I think will happen- Randy Orton being a choice is a joke. If he gets more than 5% of the votes I will know this whole thing is rigged. This is going to be very close between HBK and Stone Cold. Since Austin is supposed to be there and I don’t see having him there and not using him so he wins.
What probably will happen- Austin gets 50%, HBK 49%, Orton 1%. Austin during the match gets pissed off at both Jericho and Batista, stuns them counts them both down but just before 3 Jericho gets his arm on Batista and retains.
Well those are my thoughts on Cyber Sunday, hope you didn’t too bored and go away. If you didn’t thanks for reading and hop to see you soon.
Tonight on SmackDown, Jeff Hardy takes on The Brian Kendrick, Triple H takes on MVP, and Vickie Guerrero is expecting her apology from The Undertaker. All this and more, tonight! You guys know how it works by now, quick results up here, details after the jump, so stick around, Friday Night SmackDown is on the air right now!
Michelle McCool def. Maryse to retain the WWE Divas Championship.
Festus vs. Ryan Braddock ended in a no contest when Jesse and Festus wrapped Braddock in duct tape and bubble wrap and wheeled him out of the arena.
R-Truth def. Shelton Benjamin.
Jeff Hardy def. The Brian Kendrick. After the match, Vladimir Kozlov lays Hardy out at the top of the ramp.
Carlito’s Cabana with special guest Primo. They challenge Hawkins and Ryder to a tag title match, which is accepted for next week.
