Tonight I Rytman will be recapping RAW in real-“RYT”-time. This is my first attempt for BWF, as well as my first attempt period. (<- see? Right there.)
Bear with me folks…
Well we’re off to the best start as I’ve missed three minutes so far. We have Heyman and Vicki in the ring, recapping the “Rock” concert from last week. Heyman is not thrilled with Vicki calling for a replay of Rock’s remark about his penis, Heyman responds calling for a replay of Rock’s serenade to Vicki. We’re getting the whole song.
Great…
Vicki confirms Rock is here tonight, but announces he is banned from the building and will be arrested if he tries to enter. Vicki is told the Rock is here and we go live to the Rock tyring to get in. The police warn him he will be arrested if he tries to get in. Rock says arrest C.M. Punk, for impersonating a champion, Heyman for not wearing a bra in public, and ask Vicki Guerro what her intestines are like because she has her head shoved straight up her @$$. He also compares Punk’s scrotum to Manti Teao’s girlfriend, (imaginary.)
Back in the ring, Vicki makes it clear if Rock tries to get in the arena, he WILL go to Jail…
“If you smell – EXCUSE ME! – What the Vick is cooking” – Vicki Guerrero
BEAT THE CLOCK: WWE US CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO VS RANDY ORTON
We’re back with U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro in the ring, and Randy Orton comming out. This is going to be the first in a series of “Beat The Clock” matches. Whoever wins their match in the fastest time, gets to pick their number of entry in the Royal Rumble.
The match so far is odd, it seems slow-paced, however at the same time, neither man is wasting a lot of time setting up moves. Match starts with an exchange of headlocks with Cesaro dominating for two minutes. Orton gets a shoulder-block and the match becomes a slow-brawl, spilling to the outside. Both men gather themselves as we go to break.
Back from break, a brawl in the corner ends with Orton outside to the floor. Cesaro takes over with a gutwrech, a stomp, and chin-lock. Orton fights free and hits two clotheslines and a scoop-slam. He tries for the middle rope ddt, but Cesaro escapes. Cesaro sends Orton up and hits the bicep uppercut. He sends Orton shoulder-first into the post and Orton spills to the outside. Cesaro goes out to get him and tosses him back in the ring, however his mind is on the clock and not Orton. RKO out of nowhere for three.
WINNER: RANDY ORTON
TIME: 11:36
Next up is a highlight reel for Mick Foley’s Hall Of Fame induction, followed by a Shield promo, showing their past attacks on WWE superstars. And we go to break.
Back from break, out comes The Big Show. We get a replay of Show losing the World Heavyweight Championship to Alberto Del Rio two weeks ago. Michale Cole announces Big Show gets his rematch at the Royal Rumble, in the same match
BIG SHOW VS ZACK RYDER
Brad Maddox invades the announce table to put himself over as the new star of the broadcast team. Show ends this with the big right hand in less than two minutes. Show tries to give us an example of what will happen to ADR at RR by counting out Ryder. The crowd gives him two “WHAT” chants, and he gets so angry he just leaves.
WINNER: BIG SHOW – NO DUH
Up next, Ryback vs Heath Slater. We go to break.
Back from break, Brad Maddox interrupts Paul Heyman’s phone call to make him an unwitting guest on “The Brad Maddox Experience.” Heyman admits he was wrong about Maddox and agrees to make him famous. Segment ends with a handshake, and Brad leaving while Heyman gives him a weird look.
RYBACK VS SCREW IT-HE TOSSES THE OTHER TWO GUYS AROUND AND PINS HEATH SLATER
After the match, Ryback cuts a promo about entering the Royal Rumble.
“Damn, my job is fun.”– Ryback
We go back with the Rock trying to talk his way into the show. Vicki interrupts and demands he be arrested. The officers can’t until he does something illegal. Vicki offers to lift the ban if Rocky apologizes to her. Rock makes it clear that won’t happen, and reminds her she still looks horrible tonight. Vicki storms off, and the Rock tells the cops he has a plan, as we go to break…
We come back to an announcement about RAW in Las Vegas next week, featuring RAW Roulette.
Paul Heyman and WWE champion C.M. Punk enter to address the people.
“What I have here, I hold more dear to my heart, then most men hold their families. This is my life’s work and for 428 days I have proven that I am the man. But 428 days is just a faction of the time it’s taken me to get to this point. I’ve worked half my life to attain this, the most prestigeous title the WWE has to offer, and I will not allow the Rock, or any man to take this from me. The Rock is here to entertain, the Rock is here to electrify, to sing songs and tell jokes. I am here to hurt people and be the champion. I will not allow the Rock to leave the Royal Rumble as WWE champion because this is why I am here, because this is important. It’s important because I have made it important, it’s prestigeous because I have made it prestigeous. What is prestigeous to the Rock is the most meaningless, insignificant thing imaginable. It’s you, the people. The people, the cheers, the chants, the signs, the adulation. The Rock is proud of being the people’s champion, almost as proud as I am of being a real champion. I will not allow the Rock to become WWE champion because I’ve been in the ring with him, I’ve looked him in the eye. I’ve seen all the way down into his soul and I’ve seen why he’s so proud of the people and being the people’s champion, it’s because he knows he cannot be this. A long time ago, I was forced to make a choice between hypocritical humility and honest arrogance and I chose honest arrogance. While the Rock foolishly chose all of you. You can call him electrifying, you can call him the Brama Bull, you can call him the great one but what you cannot call him is champion, because this… this belongs to me, and this you earn with blood and sweat and tears and for 428 days I have done just that. I have earned this. I have earned the right to be called champion. I have earned the right to be the man. In six days Rock, this is what you’re on a colission course with, so for six days please, by all means, enjoy being the peoples champion, enjoy the cheers, the chants, the signs, I want you to slap every hand, I want you to wink at every hopeful look your sheep-like fans give you, cause I realized something a long time ago, that the people do not matter. This is all that matters, and in six days at the Royal Rumble, it doesn’t matter if I smell what the Rock is cooking. All that matters is that what these people cannot give you, will remain rightfully around the waist of your undisputed WWE champion, best in the world, C.M. Punk.” – C.M. Punk
BEAT THE CLOCK: THE MIZ VS DOLPH ZIGGLER
Pretty much the opposite of the first match, as both men go right for the fall. Ziggler hits a flurry of spots, but Miz takes over, matching Ziggler’s aggression and going after the knee with a VICIOUS shoulder-tackle. Miz goes for the figure-four, but Ziggler sends him to the outside. Big E. Langston shoves him hard into the apron and Ziggler gets a two-count, as we break…
Back from break, Miz makes his comeback with fists, charging clothesline, axe-handle off the top rope. Miz goes for a skull-crushing-finale, Ziggler rolls him up and holds the tights for two, Miz reverses it, and grabs the tights for two, almost pulling them off Ziggler. Ziggler hits the flying DDT for two. Miz gets a reverse face-lock-knee-drop combo, Ziggler shoves off a neck-breaker, Miz catches Dolph’s legs and gets the figure-4. AJ distracts the ref as Big E. pulls Dolph to the ropes. Miz jaw-jacks with him and Ziggler hits the Zig-Zag from behind for the three count.
WINNER: DOLPH ZIGGLER
TIME: (10:56)
After a break, we have a recap of WWE tag champions Team Hell No (Kane & Bryan Danielson) punking out team Rhodes Scholars at Dr. Shelby’s command last week.
In the ring, Dr. Shelby introduces Team Hell-No as the first graduates of his anger-management course. Kane and Bryan come out in graduation robes. Shelby congratulates them on how far they’ve come (with a few well hidden cheap-shots,) and Shelby asks them which of them deserves to be valedictorian, and get the chance to talk about their feelings. Kane and bryan both try to pass it off on each other. Shelby suggests they hug. This eventually leads to Dr. Shelby, Kane, and Bryan leading the whole arena in a huge “hug-in,” that includes Lawler and Cole, the ringside doc and Justin Roberts, and members of the audience. It ends in a huge group hug with all three men in the ring.
It is truly a glorious train-wreck, as we go to break.
Back from break, we get a recap of Kaitlyn winning the Diva’s championship and Eve Torres quiting WWE.
Alicia Fox is in the ring, as Kaitlyn makes her way to ringside.
WWE DIVAS CHAMPION VS ALICIA FOX
Kaitlyn wins this with a spear. In fairness, Alicia didn’t look horrible here, but then again, she didn’t do that much to botch.
Backstage, Heyman walks with Punk, telling him that he’s earned something special. Heyman promises a “Paul Bomb,” later tonight while Punk chills in a fully stocked, private skybox. We go to break.
We come back to Heyman in the ring.
“Champ, this one’s for you.” – Paul Heyman
Heyman is here to act as an interpreter for Punk, seeing as the crowd can’t keep up with someone as articulate as Punk. He promises to “keep it simple.” He calls the Rock “stupid,” just like the people, for focusing on him instead of Punk.
“IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN’!!!”
Rock is out the back and in the ring, apparently getting around the ban by buying a ticket off one of the cops. Rock calls Heyman “Twinkie Tits,” and chases him out of the ring. The Rock addresses Punk, saying he’s earned the right to be called the best in the world, but it doesn’t change the fact that the Rock is a man who will rip his face off. Rock goes on to compare himself to Dr. Martin Luther King, saying he has a dream, to make it to the mountain top, the promised land, and be WWE champion. Promising that when he beats Punk, we will be “free at last.”
Then the lights go out.
The lights go on and the Shield is beating down the Rock. Rock fights back, but it ends with the Shield laying him out. Punk gets the mike and tells Rock he has to pay a price for his freedom. He tells Rock there’s only room for one man on the mountain top, and that eventually, you have to wake up from your dream.
We come back from break with a quick tribute to MLK, and a recap of the Shield assault. During the commercial, Rock was able to walk out under his own power.
Sheamus is out, he or his opponent must beat Ziggler’s time of 10:56 seconds for the chance to pick their number in the Royal Rumble.
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION WADE BARRETT VS SHEAMUS
We start with some stomping and punching. Barrett pulls the arm of Sheamus over the rope. Sheamus hits a kick to the gut and runs to the ropes, but Barrett hits a clothesline, sending Sheamus over the ropes and out to the floor. Here we go to break…
Back from break, Barrett is in control kicking Sheamus off the top corner, hitting a suplex for two, and hooking an arm-bar. Sheamus punches his way out and its an axe-handle. He ties Barrett up in the ropes for ten forearms and hits a suplex. He goes for white noise, but Barrett elbows out and tries a pump-handle. Sheamus slips out and misses a brogue-kick attempt. Barrett hits two back kicks, one to the gut and one to the head for two. Barrett hits the elbow of the second rope and makes a wasteland attempt. Sheamus elbows out of it and hits white noise. AJ Lee runs out with Ziggler/Big E. in tow. She runs in the ring and skips in front of Sheamus, blocking him. She leaves, and Barrett hits a spinning side-slam for two. Barrett misses a clothesline, and Sheamus hits the Brogue kick but the time is up.
DRAW: NO WINNER
ZIGGLER WINS THE RIGHT TO PICK HIS NUMBER
Ziggler, AJ, and Big E. are in Vicki’s office, braging about their win. Ziggler ribs Vicki by singing Clapton to AJ. Vicki informs Dolph he didn’t win the right to pick ANY number. He won a choice, of one… or two.
Punk and Heyman walk backstage, Vince McMahon confronts them and threatens to strip Punk of the title if anybody interferes in his title match with the Rock.
Back from break, Ricardo Rodriguez introduces World Heavyweight Champion ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIO! Tensai is in the ring.
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS TENSAI
Tensai starts off strong with big right hands and forearms. He has Del Rio pinned in the corner with headbutts. Tensai with a hard whip to the corner AND MY PICTURE FREEZES. I MISS EVERYTHING up to Del Rio hitting a moonsault for the three count.
After the match, Del Rio cuts a promo on Big Show, saying there will be a ten count IN SPANISH. He leads the crowd in a ten count in Spanish.
Promo package for the second inductee for the Hall Of Fame – BOB BACKLUND!
As he makes his way to the ring, we are promised that John Cena will address the WWE universe after the break.
Cena makes it to the ring. He starts talking about Sundays. He finds a kid in the audience and starts in on how great Sundays are. No, school, playing video games, he asks the kid if he’s the one keeping him in noob status on Call Of Duty 2. (He reveals his gamer-tag as skidmarks187.) He turns his attention to a lady in the crowd, asking her about how Sundays are about reliving Saturday night and surfing YouTube, thinking she might’ve hooked up with someone special. He turns to a guy in the front row, and says his Sundays are about waking up surrounded by bodily fluids, a recite for two blow-up dolls, (one missing.) And posting embarassing photos on Twitter. Cena promises that on Sunday, he will win the Royal Rumble.
This leads to Sheamus coming out to refute that, followed by The Prime Time Players, Randy Orton, The Miz, eventually the entire locker room comes out to claim they’re going to win the Royal Rumble. This leads to an impromptu battle royal as we close out.
Okay, needles to say; you’d have to be generous with the definition of “real-time” in regards to what I’ve done here. There were rough patches and interuptions. I hope I gave you guys some idea of wha was going on, and that you enjoyed it.
Well folks, it’s Monday Night RAW in Calgary! And once again, I reprised my role as a “seat filler” to ensure that the on air product appears to be full and energized (or at least what you good people saw on television). We’ll see if I can hack a wifi connection and get this up tonight. I won’t be recapping everything, just pointing out some stuff I saw that you at home did not. (more…)
We’re down to one week before the first elimination. Tonight’s main event is David Otunga vs his pro R-Truth. In addition, the rookie challenge is an obstacle course. (more…)
Admittedly, I’m not really looking forward to a commercial free RAW, but at least it’s being presented by my hero, Donald Trump, the “new owner” of RAW. Triple H will challenge Randy Orton in a Last Man Standing match for the WWE Championship tonight as well, and it’s starting as I type this, so let’s go!
This is BoredWrestlingFan.com’s review of WWE Extreme Rules. Proudly brought to you by ThinkSoJoe, Legend Killer and Drowgoddess, through the powers of MSN Messenger. The following contains some Coarse language and mentioning of John Cena. Reader Discrection is advised. Also, the following was viewed via a stream. Streams are illegal, and BWF does not recommend viewing WWE PPVs this way. However for us, it works really well.
Legend Killer: this could be good, if the streams decide to work lol
ThinkSoJoe: right. The one I’m watching is up and running the pre-show, so I should be good unless WWE snipes it at some point
Legend Killer: I have one thats died and another that just loves to cut out
ThinkSoJoe: well, that was weird. the pre-show just ended and my browser crashed. I got it back up though.
Legend Killer: somehow I see the WWE sniping this like 2 seconds in
Legend Killer: It contains scenes not suitable for children LOL
ThinkSoJoe: Well, I guess we’ll find out in about two minutes if you’re right. I love the European disclaimer at the start of the shows over there
ThinkSoJoe: Kofi Kingston is out first – breaking the age old wrestling tradition that says the champion comes out last
ThinkSoJoe: This match could do well as just Kingston vs. MVP in a rematch from Monday. Luckily Matt Hardy and William Regal are pretty good wrestlers in their own right and will probably add to the match quality rather than take away from it
ThinkSoJoe: Matt Hardy’s trying to steal a win, but Kingston is holding his own
ThinkSoJoe: Regal caught Kofi out of the Trouble in Paradise, tossed him into Hardy – Kofi got a two on the move
ThinkSoJoe: Trouble in Paradise on Regal – Kingston retains!
Legend Killer: that was predicted, you dont normally change a title twice in a week
ThinkSoJoe: I’m 1 for 1 so far tonight in my predictions from my column from yesterday
Legend Killer: I made my predictions in the forum at WWI
ThinkSoJoe: Josh Matthews is special. He gets to be on RAW and ECW for some reason
Legend Killer: maybe because he finished third in Tough Enough?
ThinkSoJoe: Big Show has his own bus. He’s planning on doing worse to Cena than what he did at Backlash.
ThinkSoJoe: shhh… don’t tell anybody – Rey lost his mask in WCW
Legend Killer: maybe Big Show thinks he’s DX?
Legend Killer: or the new Lex Luger?
Legend Killer: is it just me, or is Jericho getting as big as JBL?
ThinkSoJoe: he’s definitely put on a bit of weight
Legend Killer: it looks like he could eat the Filthy Animal
ThinkSoJoe: Even with his added girth, Jericho’s still a hell of a wrestler
Legend Killer: I cannot agree more
ThinkSoJoe: nice counter there by Jericho, catching Rey out of a low dropkick into a Walls of Jericho attempt
Legend Killer: oh no shit JR, the first time the IC Title has been defended at Extreme Rules
Legend Killer: probably because this is the first Extreme Rules PPV, do we really think we’re that stupid?
ThinkSoJoe: finally, we’re getting down to the no holds barred stuff. sort of. I don’t think the plastic top piece of the table is really going to make a difference.
ThinkSoJoe: I just saw WCW Rey Mysterio!
Legend Killer: without the mask?
Legend Killer: They dont want Mysterio to look 6
ThinkSoJoe: indeed, Jericho had it pulled up, Rey’s face was on camera.
ThinkSoJoe: interesting note is that Jericho mentions in his book “A Lion’s Tale” that the first time he met Mysterio, he thought he was a 12 year old kid.
Legend Killer: thats because he really is 12
ThinkSoJoe: Rey’s call got disconnected – nice backbreaker by Jericho
Legend Killer: they just say he’s older so he can drink
Legend Killer: Why do I see Rey winning?
ThinkSoJoe: Jericho once again hits the Codebreaker out of nowhere
Legend Killer:oh look, 619 got countered! HA!
ThinkSoJoe: Finally, some plunder – Jericho’s got a chair
Legend Killer: I’ve somewhat enjoyed this match
ThinkSoJoe: Rey Rey goes Raven with the drop toe hold onto the chair
ThinkSoJoe: WALLS OF JERICHO out of nowhere! But a nice counter by Mysterio with the chair!
Legend Killer: I was gonna say, that chair seems comviently placed doesnt it
ThinkSoJoe: Jericho got the mask! And the Intercontinental Championship for the 9th time!
Legend Killer: look at his small, small head
ThinkSoJoe: Jericho should start collecting trophies from his opponents like he did in WCW
ThinkSoJoe: in fact, bring back the WCW trophies, such as Juventud Guerrera’s mask and whatnot
Legend Killer: it wouldnt surprise me if they re-hashed old gimmicks for Jericho
ThinkSoJoe: they’re not really going to do the WWE Championship match this early, are they?
Legend Killer: is Batista/Randy next?
ThinkSoJoe: well, I did see Josh Matthews standing by with Batista, so maybe they’re just re-living what happened on Monday for the fun of it
ThinkSoJoe: Batista wants Orton to get ready for a long road of pain and suffering.
Legend Killer: or because they have to kill time
ThinkSoJoe: Samoan Strap match is next. Complete with a real live Samoan
ThinkSoJoe: According to JR, Umaga was not born on the Bayou. Thank you for pointing that out there, Jimmy.
Legend Killer: He’s been the king of the obvious tonight has Good Ol’ JR
ThinkSoJoe: shouldn’t the arms be crossed on CM Punk’s shirt? I mean, it’s a cool shirt and all, but when does he just put his arms like that?
ThinkSoJoe: notice they never show the part where Umaga actually challenged Punk to a strap match in plain English?
ThinkSoJoe: I think this is the first time the announcers have actually pointed out that you have to be dragging your opponent by the strap when you touch the turnbuckles in these kind of matches. I was wondering why the faster guys never just tried to run around the ring touching the turnbuckles as soon as the bell rings
ThinkSoJoe: a sign of the dumbing down of humanity – there’s actually a score graphic to illustrate if a corner has been touched, despite the fact that you have to touch all four uninterrupted. There’s only four corners, it’s not that hard to keep up, people.
Legend Killer: they are dumbiying this down for children remember
ThinkSoJoe: ah, the old PG rating
Legend Killer: people like us who have a fully developed brain can understand
ThinkSoJoe: but still, my four year old can count to four, I don’t know how hard it is to figure out
Legend Killer: but those who the WWE are targeting as their fanbase, they have to explain everything to them
ThinkSoJoe: I suppose those who found RAW at the Staples Center a couple weeks ago entertaining would probably need to have this concept visually explained to them
Legend Killer: they’re probably wondering what the red and green lights mean
Legend Killer: for us well minded people, JBL beat Eddie Guerrero in a similar match for the WWE Championship at the first WWE version of the Great American Bash
ThinkSoJoe: Umaga showcases his strength with that pull of the strap
ThinkSoJoe: GO TO SLEEP! and Punk falls conveniently back into the fourth corner and picks up the win!
ThinkSoJoe: now maybe Punk can go on to other things, like using the MiTB briefcase again
Legend Killer: I forgot he had that until it said at the start
ThinkSoJoe: well there it is. He’s confusing it for a hat
ThinkSoJoe: Gregory Helms standing by with Captain Charisma. WASSUPWITDAT?!?
ThinkSoJoe: Dreamer seems confident. Hey look, it’s Jack Thhhhhhwagger
Legend Killer: it’s Dusty Rhodes!!!… I mean Jack Swagger!
ThinkSoJoe: Ah Tony Chimel. I remember when you got to work more than one match at a PPV
ThinkSoJoe: Christian’s got a 33% chance of leaving with his championship – but it’s “hardcore rules,” which completely benefits Tommy Dreamer
ThinkSoJoe: and once again, the Champion is out first for the title match
Legend Killer: although Jericho came out first, so it-s 1 and 1 in that count
ThinkSoJoe: You are correct, sir
ThinkSoJoe: ECW Chants – I bet Vince can’t wait to get rid of Dreamer, which will probably kill that chant off in WWE once and for all
Legend Killer: the ECW chant will never die
Legend Killer: it’s like Matt Hardy
ThinkSoJoe: Tommy and Christian bringing the Extreme
ThinkSoJoe: Tommy needs to hit people with random things again, not just the usual crap
ThinkSoJoe: I remember in ECW he hit a guy with a Nintendo
ThinkSoJoe: Christian did the Tree of Woe dropkick – that’s gimmick infringement!
Legend Killer: Jack Swagger is gimmick infringement of Dusty Rhodes.
Legend Killer: is Dreamer and Christian carrying this match?
ThinkSoJoe: THhhhhwagger’s gotten a bit of offense in so far
ThinkSoJoe: but indeed it’s mostly Christian and Dreamer
Legend Killer: which doesnt surprise me
ThinkSoJoe: Tower of Doom by Christian, Dreamer crashes into the trash cans and Swagger to the mat
Legend Killer: that move is unique to WWE, yet TNA seem to do it every PPV
ThinkSoJoe: I used to see it in NSPW before I ever saw it on TV
ThinkSoJoe: In fact, I think Eric Young was the first one I saw do the move
ThinkSoJoe: DREAMER WINS! DREAMER WINS!
ThinkSoJoe: Did Striker just say Dreamer’s real name on the show?
Legend Killer: I missed it
ThinkSoJoe: Dreamer picked it up with a crutch shot and DDT to Thhhwagger
Legend Killer: I just caught the replay, notice how Christian didnt get pinned
ThinkSoJoe: yup
Legend Killer: we are 1 hour and 17 minutes into the PPV, and already four matches are won and done
ThinkSoJoe: and two titles have changed hands
and I’m currently two for four
Legend Killer: I’m three for four
ThinkSoJoe: Chavo just got popped in the snout by Aunt Vickie
Legend Killer: the winner will join Henry Godwinn as the only winners of a Hog Pen match
ThinkSoJoe: Jerry Lawler is standing by a bunch of pigs. And I don’t mean the Jerry Lawler type of pig, I mean like real pigs
did he say “without further doo doo?” Is John Cena scripting Jerry Lawler’s promos?
Legend Killer: I thought for a second it was Billy and Chuck
ThinkSoJoe: You asked about three minute warning earlier, well, you know what happened to Rico’s theme music.
Legend Killer: I bet we can reviews this match without needing to watch it
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Legend Killer: oh look, Lieutenant Loco is taking the place of Vickie
ThinkSoJoe: I wonder if Corporal Cajun will make a triumphant return to help out tonight – they are in Louisiana
Legend Killer: Doesnt the Cajun do cartoons for a wrestling magazine?
ThinkSoJoe: As a matter of fact, he does for PWI
Legend Killer: I thought so
ThinkSoJoe: Vickie’s been slopped.
Legend Killer: Cole’s impersonation of JR. Slop! Slop! Slop!
ThinkSoJoe: Vickie did the J.O.B.
Legend Killer: Goldust has turretts again
ThinkSoJoe: Goldust needs expense reports signed – and still has turrets
ThinkSoJoe: no, Chavo, I’m laughing at you
ThinkSoJoe: EDGE!
Legend Killer: they’re not even married are they?
ThinkSoJoe: Edge calling for the divorce. First Jeff Hardy, then the marriage
Not a good night to be the GM of RAW
Legend Killer: here comes the Cage!!
ThinkSoJoe: Speaking of RAW…
ThinkSoJoe: be interesting to see which superstar is out first
…and it’s the Champ
Legend Killer: 1 and 2 for champs out first
ThinkSoJoe: so that’s three out of four title matches tonight where the Champion has come out first – tradition be damned, it’s Extreme!
Legend Killer: but Kofi’s the only one to retain
ThinkSoJoe: So far. This and the World Heavyweight Championship to go for title matches
ThinkSoJoe: John Cena vs. The Big Show is still to come as well
Legend Killer: wheres Triple H?
ThinkSoJoe: “injured”
Legend Killer: isnt it about time he returns?
ThinkSoJoe: he was kicked in the head at Backlash, which was in April, so given the timetable for a return from the Randy Orton Mega Final – whatever G-Bag calls it is about 4 months, so since we’re talking about The Game, probably soon
Legend Killer: he is the Super-Being Triple H after all
Drowgoddess: I’m in!
Like Flynn!
ThinkSoJoe: LK and I were just discussing the timetable for a Triple H return from his “injury”
DrowGoddess: A Randy Orton Super Mega Kick of Final Ultimate Death
I see.
Legend Killer: it only took Vince like a month to come back didnt it?
ThinkSoJoe: He got kicked in the head before the Royal Rumble in January and came back after WrestleMania in April, so three months
(LK EDIT: Vince McMahon was back the RAW before Wrestlemania.)
Drowgoddess: But he was, of course, superhuman.
ThinkSoJoe: well, of course. He’s the boss.
Drowgoddess: How much more superhuman than Vince is Trips supposed to be?
ThinkSoJoe: He’s not – Vince came back from torn quads faster than Triple H did
Drowgoddess: Didn’t Vince tear two and Trips just one?
ThinkSoJoe: indeed
Drowgoddess: Ok, let me rephrase. Trips is Vince’s representative on Earth, and therefore cannot compete with his power, but is the next closest thing.
ThinkSoJoe: that sounds about right.
Drowgoddess: Who thinks the Batista chants are “helped?”
Of course, he may actually be that popular.
What do I know of such things?
ThinkSoJoe: Batista recently lost a cage match to Jericho – and Monday on RAW defeated Cody Rhodes in a cage by pinfall instead of climbing out of the cage. Then he didn’t climb in to help Ric Flair. Perhaps Batista’s been rendered incapable of physically climbing the cage?
Drowgoddess: Between nailing Divas like his name was Bob Vila and “medicating,” would you be shocked that he can’t?
ThinkSoJoe: As far as Batista’s popularity, I’ve been at WWE shows with Batista chants, but the one I attended recently wasn’t one of them
Drowgoddess: I remember when Randy ORton had reversals for everything.
Drowgoddess: My friend Arthur was playing an e-fed character called “The Pinfall Wizard” Michael merlin (from the mean streets of suburban Delaware), and he thought that Orton was the exact wrestling style that his character would have.
ThinkSoJoe: Chris Jericho is the one who does that now. Hell, he reversed a 619 into stealing Mysterio’s mask and rolling him up for a pin earlier in the night.
ThinkSoJoe: Holy shit – Batista won?
Drowgoddess: BULLSHIT!!!
Legend Killer: Oh FUCK no
ThinkSoJoe: WHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?
As if RAW didn’t suck bad enough as it was
Drowgoddess: What the fuck was that???
Legend Killer: he must’ve ‘polished off’ Triple H
ThinkSoJoe: look – he’s climbing the ropes but not even bothering to climb up the cage to show off the belt
Legend Killer: thats because he cant
Drowgoddess: What a shit match for a world title change, regardless of the outcome. And the outcome is proof that there is no god.
ThinkSoJoe: I absolutely have to agree with you on that one, Drow
ThinkSoJoe: Hopefully this means Edge is going over
ThinkSoJoe: Hell, they have to have The Big Show go over Cena too to make up for this shit
Legend Killer: If Edge doesnt win, I’m rioting
Drowgoddess: A one-man Aussie riot. I’d pay to see that. Moreso than this show.
Legend Killer: mand I’m starting with PenisMan himself, Batista
Drowgoddess: It’s at times like this that I feel TNA gets a disproportionate share of shit from people.
ThinkSoJoe:You can’t lose a step if you never had it, Cena!
ThinkSoJoe: Which means I’m probably stuck watching John Cena and The Big Show pretend they know how to properly apply submission holds
Legend Killer: oh wait, I’m back
Drowgoddess: And better than ever…
ThinkSoJoe: got a knack for making things better?
Legend Killer: I’m surprised their not showing footage from 2004 and WM
Legend Killer: face facts, cause your opinion dont matter
ThinkSoJoe: my official prediction for this match on BWF yesterday was that I’m going to fall asleep.
Legend Killer: my predcition is Cena, because Cena secretly wears the Yellow and Red
ThinkSoJoe: The only thing that could save this match is the ghost of he-who-shall-remain-nameless coming back and making them both tap in a total of 5 seconds. Or killing them
ThinkSoJoe: I did wind up saying Cena would win
Legend Killer: theres no pillows or kettle cords, so theres no chance of that happening
Drowgoddess: I’d rather see Benoit kill them both than watch this match.
ThinkSoJoe: The set for this PPV is a giant X. That’s almost as good of a set as the inVasion set with it’s giant V
ThinkSoJoe: wtf. There wasn’t a PPV in March, but since WrestleMania, there’s been a WWE PPV every three weeks.
Drowgoddess: Ooo! Maybe Bryan Danielson is stopping by to see Regal, and he hits the ring to show those bitches what real submission wrestling is all about!
Drowgoddess: It’s what Jesus would do.
You know you want it.
ThinkSoJoe: I’ve never wanted to see Kurt Angle make a run-in any more than I do right now.
Drowgoddess: Ok, yeah, but I like my idea better.
Drowgoddess: Is it a submission if Big SHow sits on your chest?
ThinkSoJoe: I guess you get what you pay for – or in this case, don’t pay for
Drowgoddess: Ah, back on.
Not that that’s a good thing.
ThinkSoJoe: *disclaimer: BoredWrestlingFan.com and it’s staff do not endorse streaming PPV feeds*
Legend Killer: *disclaimer* However, the staff member who writes columns on Wednesdays endorses not paying for a WWE Pay Per View*
Drowgoddess: *disclaimer* The Executive Shareholder endorses ppvs not being mind-numbingly shit-tacular, regardless of company.
ThinkSoJoe: I figure if I say we don’t endores streaming the PPVs then it’s less damaging if WWE reads this review and decides “hey, these guys are telling people that it’s possible to watch our completely unnecessary and shitty PPVs for free on the internet”
Drowgoddess: Good point.
ThinkSoJoe: especially since I’d be the one getting the letter from their attorney
Drowgoddess: That’s why you’re the boss.
Drowgoddess: But hey, we’d be proving Vince’s assertion that fans watch the show together, instead of each person buying it separately.
🙂
ThinkSoJoe: and if WWE legal are reading this, Hi, Mr. McDevitt!
Drowgoddess: I’m glad Big Show is enjoying something about this. Someone should, it sure as hell isn’t us.
Jerry! Wassup, man!
ThinkSoJoe: of course, if anybody from WWE were actually reading this, they’d know that real fans hate John Cena and Batista
Legend Killer: if WWE were watching, they’d have shut BWF down due to my links in my columns
Drowgoddess: The man has a point.
ThinkSoJoe: this is true
Legend Killer: how can this match go longer than anything else so far?
Drowgoddess: Your links are patently offensive.
ThinkSoJoe: This match isn’t over yet?
Drowgoddess: Slow, lumbering plodding takes time.
Legend Killer: my links also dont lead to what I hint them to
ThinkSoJoe: the longer this crap goes, the shorter the ladder match that everybody actually wants to watch will be
Drowgoddess: Therein lies the beauty of them.
ThinkSoJoe: I hate leaving comments about the links in your articles, LK, for the sheer fact that I don’t want to spoil them for anybody who reads the comments first for some reason
Drowgoddess: You know, at “Tag Wars 2008,” ROH had a tag match between AOTF (Black and Jacobs) and the MCMG. It really ended up being a submissions match between Alex Shelley’s Border City Stretch and Jimmy Jacobs’s End Times. THAT was a fantastic submissions match. I wish I were watching that match right now.
Drowgoddess: Sorry, I waxed nostalgic for actual submission wrestling done by people who, you know, can actually do it.
In case WWE reads this.
😛
ThinkSoJoe: every time I see a submission match between two guys who suck at submission holds, I really miss Kurt Angle and you-know-who. Their ultimate submission match was just pure awesome
ThinkSoJoe: hooray for using the attitude adjustment in a submission match.
ThinkSoJoe: goodnight, Cena
Drowgoddess: I don’t mean to sound rude, because you ARE the man, but why do you call him you-know-who? This isn’t “Harry Potter,” and I don’t see the point in not saying his name when everyone knows who he was.
ThinkSoJoe: “if Cena can’t answer the count, this one’s over”
when did this become a last man standing match?
Drowgoddess: You’re totally right about the match, though. A thing of beauty, it was.
Drowgoddess: Don’t get me wrong, I’m not stepping on your right to call it as you see it, I just honestly want to know from someone who isn’t twelve or retarded. Or both.
Drowgoddess: BULLSHIT!!!!
Drowgoddess: Sure, we could all see it coming, but I cry BULLSHIT!!!
ThinkSoJoe: bullshit or not, it’s thankfully over.
Drowgoddess: Indeed.
My soul hurts.
ThinkSoJoe: for the record – no problem with mentioning Benoit by name, just habit after two years.
Drowgoddess: Ok.
The best announcers ever could not make this match work.
The only thing extreme about that match was my desire to gouge out my own eyes with a plastic fork.
ThinkSoJoe: PPVs have to end by – I think – 10:57, so with intro video and entrances, we’re looking at no more than 30 minutes for this one
Drowgoddess: They can make it work. They’re both good enough.
Legend Killer: I thought they had to end 10 minutes before
ThinkSoJoe: it’s either 10:53 or 10:57
I’m not entirely positive
and that’s here in the States, so I don’t know if it’s earlier on that side of the pond
Drowgoddess: Either way, WWE isn’t know for filling the entire time.
ThinkSoJoe: JR mentions Bob Vila just about an hour after Drowgoddess mentions him in our conversation here. Is JR spying on us?
Legend Killer: Thats not good
Drowgoddess: But does JR have a webcam?
ThinkSoJoe: Once again, the Champion makes his way out first
Drowgoddess: If we can’t be personally identified, nothing can be proven.
Anyone could have sat here and typed.
Legend Killer: I just realized, I have to somehow edit this (LK EDIT: The edit is what you’re reading right now :D)
Drowgoddess: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Legend Killer: and turn it into something readable
ThinkSoJoe: yup. You sure do
Drowgoddess: SOrry, that was rude of me.
Drink up, then!
Legend Killer: and the Vampiro fans go wild
Drowgoddess: Are there any left?
ThinkSoJoe: I’m still a fan of Vampiro
Legend Killer: I thought they were gonna call him the Charismatic Enigma
ThinkSoJoe: They’ve been calling him the unique enigma. I’m sure if you search for Charismatic Enigma you’ll eventually find the DVD that TNA put out on him
Drowgoddess: I liked Vampiro back in the day. He’s honestly been off my radar. I watch him every now and then on the luche libre show on Galavision.
Legend Killer: I believe they’re still selling that DVD on shoptna.com
Drowgoddess: Unique enigma is even dumber than the original name.
Legend Killer: its better than the ‘Rainbow Warrior’
Legend Killer: these two are the best in ladder matches *cough*Shawn Michaels*cough*
Drowgoddess: I’ll give Michaels credit where it’s due, but even things that the great and powerful Michaels has done can be improved upon.
Legend Killer: I’m finding it funny that Todd Grisham is trying to tell us that this is the first Ladder match Jeff Hardy and Edge have competed in
ThinkSoJoe: these guys get the credit though because they took the standard that Shawn Michaels set and, as Drow said, improved on it
Drowgoddess: Perhaps he means against each other, one on one. Or perhaps he’s retarded.
ThinkSoJoe: I’m sure he meant it’s the first singles ladder match between the two
Drowgoddess: YEs. What he said.
🙂
Legend Killer: I agree. Todd Grisham is retarded
Legend Killer: Edge meet Ladder. Ladder meet Edge
ThinkSoJoe: and now, Mr. Ladder, let me introduce you to Jeff Hardy
Drowgoddess: Now that we all know each other….
Legend Killer: Those ladders will not give, yet that ladder is bent up all out of shape
Drowgoddess: Shhh!
ThinkSoJoe: that ladder must’ve been in the clearance aisle at the home depot
it was a factory defect
Drowgoddess: This show is a factory defect.
Todd Grisham is a factory defect.
Legend Killer: Factory defect? I thought all ladders were meant to have a guy like Hardy fall on them
WWE Extreme Rules is a Factory Defect
ThinkSoJoe: how much do you think the annual ladder budget is for WWE?
Drowgoddess: What’s the entirity of the Gross National Product of Sweden?
Legend Killer: thats probably why Jeff Hardy wont re-sign, they’re taking the Ladders out of his paycheck
Drowgoddess: LOL
ThinkSoJoe: best submission hold I’ve seen all night – and there was a submission match on the card!
Drowgoddess: Two of the best wrestlers all night.
Legend Killer: I still dont know how a Submission match is ‘Extreme’
It’s about as extreme as a ‘Judy Bagwell on a Pole’ match
Drowgoddess: It would have been if Angle and Danielson and Low Ki were doing it.
Or Samoa Joe from 2004-06.
ThinkSoJoe: the fatal four way “stipulation” was more extreme than that submission match
Legend Killer: or these two circa 2001
reviewing Extreme Rules the way we have, is more extreme than a Submission match
Drowgoddess: Playing around with my dogs is more extreme than that submission match.
Legend Killer: getting up of a morning is more extreme than a Submission match
Drowgoddess: A working ladder. As opposed to the white-collar variety.
ThinkSoJoe: I’m getting ready for work right now – and THAT’S more extreme than a submission match
Legend Killer: why doesn’t Jeff just knock the title down with the Ladder?
Drowgoddess: Look at the size of that ladder! Could Todd Grisham be much more homoerotic?
ThinkSoJoe: he does know he’s nowhere near the belt, right?
Legend Killer: I wanted to see Jeff’s legs stretch like a Stretch Armstrong
ThinkSoJoe: oh shit, that was a slick move by Hardy. Kid’s got more guts than brains, but that was a smart move right there
Drowgoddess: Edge’s move was likewise smart.
ThinkSoJoe: Hardy, for those reading the conversation instead of watching the match, tipped a very tall ladder in the corner forward and kind of fell on the belt. Edge sprang up and pulled him down off the title
Legend Killer: Why wouldnt someone else not in the match, think of climbing up the ladder whilst these two are outside, and grab the title?
ThinkSoJoe: because it wouldn’t count. Unless you’re CM Punk.
Legend Killer: Why wouldnt it count? You could claim to be World Champion
much like if you did it at Wrestlemania in MiTB
Drowgoddess: You could claim to be Emperor of Rome, and if you aren’t booked in the match, it won’t count.
ThinkSoJoe: this isn’t TNA where you can just steal something and then defend it at will
Drowgoddess: Oh, snap!
Legend Killer: or WCW where you can find a title in the rubbish and claim it as your own
Drowgoddess: But that’s just the American Way!
ThinkSoJoe: well, to be fair, WWE did something similar when Mideon found the European Championship in Shane’s bag
Drowgoddess: But that was kind of funny.
Kind of.
Legend Killer: It could have been Naked Mideon?
Legend Killer: I wonder do they realize that their not gonna reach the title from there?
ThinkSoJoe: shades of WrestleMania 23
Legend Killer: will those Ladders give now JR?
Drowgoddess: Jeebus, that looked like it hurt a LOT.
Drowgoddess: Can they talk about impact on WWE programming?
ThinkSoJoe: after that fall through a ladder, they’re back in the ring and trying to climb for the title? Somebody should do an article on the art of selling.
ThinkSoJoe: Oh wait
Legend Killer: is that a ref bump in a Ladder match?
ThinkSoJoe: Twist of Fate out of a midair spear!
Drowgoddess: That’s a great idea, someone should.
Wow!!!
Legend Killer: That was impressive
Legend Killer: We ready for the post PPV show Drow?
Drowgoddess: Huh?
Legend Killer: may as well do a post-PPV show considering we’re here
Drowgoddess: Ok.
ThinkSoJoe: Hardy just tied Edge up in the ladder…. NEW CHAMPION!
Legend Killer: Oh FUCK no
ThinkSoJoe: Well, my predictions all sucked for tonight
Drowgoddess: Your predictions weren’t the only thing.
Legend Killer: I enjoyed Mysterio and Jericho for some reason
ThinkSoJoe: this show certainly isn’t going to be the breeding ground for any MOTY conversations, but I have to agree that Mysterio and Jericho wasn’t terrible
ThinkSoJoe: Show’s not over yet folks…
Legend Killer: CM Punk!!
ThinkSoJoe: IT’S CM PUNK!!!
Drowgoddess: So we have Kofi as IC champ, Batista as one world champ and Jeff HArdy as the other.
ThinkSoJoe: LET’S GO PUNK!!
Legend Killer: this is what happens when you dont sign new deals Jeff
ThinkSoJoe: GTS! NEW CHAMPION – WHAT?!
ThinkSoJoe: Hardy Kicked Out!
ThinkSoJoe: Hardy gets two!
ThinkSoJoe: this PPV just got exciting
Legend Killer: things just got exciting all of a sudden
ThinkSoJoe: GTS #2
Drowgoddess: I want Punk to win, but I don’t see it.
ThinkSoJoe: 1, 2, 3 NEW CHAMPION!!
Drowgoddess: YES!!!!!!!!
Sweet mother of god, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Legend Killer: Two NEW Champions in the space of three minutes
ThinkSoJoe: Finally, something good on this PPV
Drowgoddess: CM Punk ruined nothing, JR!
ThinkSoJoe: CM Punk is your New World’s Heavyweight Champion!
Legend Killer: at least they know how to end things with a BANG!
ThinkSoJoe: OMG what an end to a pretty weak show
ThinkSoJoe: Hardy winning would’ve been enough, really, but Punk taking it makes it even better
Legend Killer: it kinda makes it worthwhile in a sense
Drowgoddess: Too bad Punk isn’t supposed to turn heel. As popular as HArdy is, it would be a g reat time.
ThinkSoJoe: I’ve got to get out of here guys
Drowgoddess: Awww.
Bye, then, Joe!
ThinkSoJoe: Later
Legend Killer: Joe leaves for work, now stay tuned for the post-PPV show
