On this week’s RAW, Edge shocked the world (…I almost said ‘WWE Universe,’ there. Ew.) by announcing his forced retirement on medical grounds. Tonight, we bid farewell to the in-ring career of the Rated-R Superstar, Edge.
We’re hot off the heels of an… interesting WrestleMania, to say the least. And we already have our main event for next year! What’s in store for this week’s SmackDown!? Let’s find out, shall we?
Holy crap, you guys! It’s WrestleMania Weekend!
This week’s SmackDown! is the last stop before the big event itself; expect a lot of hype and build-up for the Grandest Stage of them All.
As we end the week long Celebration of Professional Wrestling at both Bored Wrestling Fan and Wonderpod-Online, we need to take a moment to look at our standings for wrestlers going into the biggest event of the year!
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We begin with a look back last week at the emergence of Wade Barrett’s new-ish faction; Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel and the returning Ezekiel Jackson. Tonight, we will hopefully gain some knowledge of the group; perhaps a name?
Barrett kicks off the show by coming down to ringside with his cronies in tow. Unfortunately, the terrible music from last week remains. Maybe it’ll grow on me? Wade announces that Big Show will not be in attendance this evening, so the WWE Universe will be formally introduced to this new group. He says his mistake with Nexus was that it was all about him, rather than the group – this is what will be different about this new venture, which he reveals is called ‘The Corre’. Hmm. That just makes me think of apples. Anyone else? Still, at least it’s not ‘Nexus 2,’ or anything to that effect.
Ezekiel Jackson is next on the mic; he’s not bad, but lacks the air of menace that is so fundamental to his character. Slater is all brag and swag. I like this kid far more than I did during his NXT tenure, but it’s hard to take him seriously – perhaps the blue brand will let the ‘One Man Rock Band’ prove himself in the ring. Finally, we have Justin Gabriel, who should never ever shave off his beard. Seriously. Never. I’m pleased to say that Justin seems to have gained confidence on the mic. It’ll be interesting to see how Gabriel factors into SmackDown!, considering that – Barrett aside – he received perhaps the best treatment in the original Nexus. Not only did the 450 Splash provide the ‘exclamation point’ of the group’s attacks; Gabriel also had a great match with John Cena last year on RAW.
The group are soon interrupted by Teddy Long. The SmackDown! GM decides to flex his authoritative muscle by threatening to pull the group from the roster if they orchestrate any other beatdowns akin to last week’s attack on Big Show. During this exchange, Wade Barrett made mention to the fact that all 4 members of The Corre will be competing in the Royal Rumble match – perhaps we’ll see a confrontation between Nexus and The Corre? Could be interesting.
Just as Teddy Long makes his exit, Alberto Del Rio’s music hits. Del Rio tells The Corre they are welcome on SmackDown!, but this is still his show. He makes yet another claim that he will win the Rumble match this Sunday. Big promises…
Alberto Del Rio vs. R-Truth: R-Truth is over from RAW, much to the delight of the piped-in audience sound effects. Perhaps that’s not very fair – Truth is evidently over with this Oklahoma crowd, although it seems a slightly cooled reception compared to usual. Around halfway through the match, the cameras cut backstage to medics crowding round Teddy Long, who is mounted on a stretcher – looks like The Corre got to the GM, perhaps? Back to the match, and Ricardo Rodriguez continues to earn his paycheck; a timely distraction allows Del Rio to lock in the Cross Armbar and make R-Truth tap. Your winner: Alberto Del Rio
We’re treated to another ‘It’s all about the numbers’ promo for the Royal Rumble match. Needless to say, I am hugely excited. Who do you think will win the match? Let me know your predictions in the comment box!
Layla vs. Beth Phoenix: One of the great things about Beth is the unusual moves she can both deliver and receive – early on in this bout, Layla hits what I can only (try to) describe as a springboard tornado reverse STO… I’m almost certain at least one part of that description is wrong – let me know! All the same, before long, Beth takes Layla out with the Glam Slam. Your winner: Beth Phoenix
Rey Mysterio vs. Dashing Cody Rhodes: The Dashing One quickly gets to work on Rey’s left knee, but Rey soon turns the tide by sending Cody face-first into the steel steps with a drop toe-hold. Not the face, Rey! Jeez! He continues his assault on Cody’s face with a 619. One top-rope splash later, and we have a winner. A trainer appears to check on Cody – it looks like Rey’s knee brace may have broken Cody’s nose. Y’know, despite the complete lack of blood, of course. Your winner: Rey Mysterio
Todd Grisham is backstage to update us on Teddy Long’s condition. I still can’t look him in the eyes without feeling pangs of guilt… Before Grisham can give us the news, however, he is interrupted by The Miz and Alex Riley. Apparently the two men will be appearing later on in the show. Michael Cole is suitably gushing.
Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston: This is an ‘Amateur Wrestling Challenge,’ apparently. The piped cheering is really in force as Kingston makes his entrance. Swagger looks incredibly gormless in his headgear and mouthguard; it’s kind of endearing, to be honest. I’ve never really seen the point in these amateur matches in pro wrestling – there’s rules and points, but no incentive to familiarise yourself with them, particularly with only 3 minutes on the clock. Swagger eventually wins 10-9, after an awkward ‘who actually won?’ moment at the end. Despite winning, Swagger decides to beat down Kofi (I’m guessing Kingston was originally supposed to win?) but it’s not long before he is taken out with a Trouble In Paradise and high crossbody. Your Winner: Jack Swagger
Drew McIntyre vs. Trent Baretta: This little mini-feud has been one of my favourite things about SmackDown! as of late. I just hope the WWE keeps Baretta around – he’s a much better worker than some people give him credit for, as is evident with some of his spots in this match. Despite his short offensive flurry, he is soon on the mat for the 3-count. After getting the pin, McIntyre offers his hand to Baretta who instead launches at Drew, knocking him through the ropes. Uh-oh. Drew runs back into the ring and begins a beatdown, but Kelly Kelly soon appears to stop him. Your winner: Drew McIntyre
The Miz comes out to ringside to bleat about the way he took care of Randy Orton on RAW. Before he can finish his catchphrase, Edge’s music hits. The two men will meet on Monday night, which has the potential to be a great bout. Both men talk trash, with The Miz eventually relenting and leaving the ring. Alex Riley looks to have a go at Edge, but is quickly taken care of with a Spear.
Edge vs. Justin Gabriel: As Barrett and co. come down to ringside, the Tron displays their name as ‘The Corre,’ which was a pain because I had to go back through the article and add a letter to every ‘Core’ I’d typed! All the same, Vickie Guerrero appears before the bell to introduce Dolph Ziggler as a guest commentator for the match. This match culminates in some predictably dirty tactics from Corre – Wade Barrett and Heath Slater are knocked from the apron, which allows Big Zeke to take Edge out with a clothesline while the ref is distracted. Justin Gabriel crawls over and gets the pinfall… from a clothesline? Post-match, all Corre members hit their finishing manoeuvres on the Rated R Superstar. Not bad for their debut proper. Your winner: Justin Gabriel
That’s it for another week – make sure to check back again before the Royal Rumble for some pre-PPV predictions. Cheers!
Last week: Dolph Ziggler lost his Intercontinental title to Kofi Kingston, immediately lost his rematch, and then turned everything around by winning a Fatal Four Way match to determine the No. 1 Contender for Edge’s World Heavyweight Championship. Give the assist to Vickie Guerrero who, in Teddy Long’s absence, inserted her boyfriend into the bout at the last minute. Tonight, will we see repercussions of Vickie’s invasive ways? Elsewhere on the program, Big Show seeks revenge on Wade Barrett, who made a surprise appearance on the show (and whose elbow made a lasting impression on… the Show. See what I did there, guys? Show? Big Show? Yeah…? Okay, that was terrible. Let’s pretend it never happened.)
It’s two weeks ‘til the Royal Rumble! I am very excited. The Rumble has been my favourite event since I was a wee boy. Even if the overall match isn’t great, every Rumble has at least a couple of classic moments. The big question is – who will win this year? Alberto Del Rio seems pretty confident about headlining WrestleMania, but I hope we get a curveball instead. Anyway, on with the show…
Speaking of Del Rio, he kicks off tonight’s show with an in-ring promo. In short, he says it’s his destiny to win the Royal Rumble and become the new ‘Mr. WrestleMania’. R-Truth soon interrupts. He says that Alberto won’t win the Royal Rumble match because he has fancy cars, or his own ‘creepy’ ring announcer. At one point, he calls Alberto, ‘Lucy’. I’m guessing that’s some sort of US television reference that I don’t get. Another interruption; this time courtesy of Dashing Cody Rhodes. He gives his own speech about how he’s going to win the Rumble and, sure enough, we get another interruption as Rey Mysterio’s music hits. Rey gives his usual spiel about fighting the odds and such. He mentions that Alberto Del Rio hasn’t won a Royal Rumble, which is a moot point seeing as Del Rio hasn’t even been in the WWE for a year! Maybe I’m taking this too seriously… Cody Rhodes has a great comeback, saying that Rey’s Rumble win ‘is so 2006.’ The four men end up brawling, before Teddy Long’s music inevitably hits. He announces that Alberto Del Rio and Cody Rhodes will take on R-Truth and Rey Mysterio… next.
Rey Mysterio/R-Truth vs. Alberto Del Rio/Cody Rhodes: There’s not much to write home about in this match, so let’s skip ahead to everyone’s favourite part, the Obligatory Tag Match Breakdown Time™! R-Truth makes the hot tag to Rey, who bounds in and starts laying into Cody Rhodes. Rey hits a Sunset Flip, but Del Rio breaks up the count with a dropkick. R-Truth takes him out of the equation, only to be thrown over the top rope by Rhodes. Rey sets up and hits the 619, follows with a splash, and picks up the win. Pretty standard match with a predictable ending. Ho hum, etc.
Your winners: Rey Mysterio/R-Truth
During the ad break, we’re treated to a ‘Did You Know?’ which states that the WWE has been granting wishes for the Make-A-Wish foundation since 1982, ‘before the entire cast of Jersey Shore was even born.’ Boy, check out WWE, being all hip and current and… dope. Do kids still say ‘dope’?
Speaking of which, it’s time for another edition of ‘Str8 Outta Brooklyn with JTG.’ Let’s just move on swiftly, shall we?
Wade Barrett is backstage, being interviewed by Todd Grisham. I always feel a pang of guilt when I see Todd backstage on SmackDown!; as if I’m cheating on him by listening to the commentary of others, and he cries himself to sleep at night whilst clutching an announcer’s headset close to his chest. Anyway, Barrett vows to take Big Show down tonight. We’re then treated to a frankly terrifying hype video for Ezekiel Jackson’s impending return to SmackDown!. Scary stuff.
Drew McIntyre vs. Trent Baretta: Hey, it’s Trent Baretta! He’s okay! He wastes no time, going for McIntyre before the Sinister Scotsman has even managed to step through the ropes. His offensive flurry is short-lived, however; Drew is soon slamming the former Dudebuster’s face into the announce desk and even backhands him in the face! How rude. Baretta eventually gets a small reprieve, but the crowd don’t seem interested in getting behind him, which is a shame. In fact, some members of the crowd actually cheer when McIntyre signals for the end with a ‘thumbs down’. Drew picks up Baretta and goes to dump him over the ropes, but Baretta counters into a pin and gets the 3-count! Holy crap, didn’t see that coming! Drew McIntyre is furious.
Your winner: Trent Baretta
We return from an ad break to see Trent Baretta walking backstage. Drew McIntyre jumps him, but the Scotsman’s attack is soon halted by the appearance of Kelly Kelly. He tries to plea his case, but she screams at him to grow up and storms off.
Big Show vs. Wade Barrett: Barrett’s music is pretty dreadful. It’s some sort of pseudo-electro-rock track. Hopefully he’ll get a better one soon. Big Show makes several attempts to take out Wade with a Chokeslam, but the Englishman keeps finding ways to evade. The final attempt sees Show thwarted by… Heath Slater! The ref calls for the bell as Justin Gabriel runs into the ring as well. I guess that explains where Gabriel and Slater ran off to after they turned their backs on CM Punk’s initiation over on RAW… All of a sudden, Ezekiel Jackson appears. For some reason, this sends Michael Cole into a frenzy, calling Jackson’s appearance ‘insane’, as if it was Ric Flair or Sting who had just shown up, as opposed to an actual WWE roster member who is due to return from injury. Jackson and Big Show have a stare down, which allows the former Nexus members to attack Show from behind. Who will Jackson side with? Big Show punches a steel chair out of Justin Gabriel’s hand, then turns around and is taken down by Ezekiel Jackson’s clothesline. Everyone starts kicking into Big Show – I guess that means Jackson is aligned with Barrett, Slater and Gabriel. Zeke lifts Big Show up and hits a powerslam, as Matt Striker announces that ‘SmackDown! may never be the same again.’ Gabriel provides the exclamation point with his 450 Splash, and this new faction (I’m guessing I can call them a faction?) celebrate their domination over Big Show. I have just one thing to say about all of this: please change the music…
Your winner (not that anyone’s interested in that at this point): Big Show via DQ
Michelle McCool vs. Beth Phoenix: McCool immediately targets Beth’s rehabilitated left knee. Beth eventually manages to fight back, and hits an awesome springboard suplex. I never get tired of that move. Beth sets up the Glam Slam, but Michelle manages to roll through. She gets a 2-count, then Beth counters into a pin attempt of her own and steals the 3.
Your winner: Beth Phoenix
Backstage, Dolph and Vickie are reconciling after tensions arose between them last week. The end result is an extended Eskimo kiss. That would have been cute if we replaced Vickie with someone else. I have a few suggestions, but I’ll go ahead and keep those to myself…
Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger: Josh Mathews thanks the WWE Universe for making last week the most-watched SmackDown! ever on SyFy. Is it possible that spoilers regarding Dolph’s push were partially responsible? I’m gonna blindly presume ‘yes,’ and not question anything, because I’m a big fanboy and don’t like to listen to reason. Anyway, Kofi has a mic and says he’s proud to once again be Intercontinental champ. He doesn’t get much further, because Jack Swagger’s music hits. Swagger’s not as fun without his Soaring Eagle. I’m still certain that the Eagle will make a Rumble appearance, by the way. I’d bet money on it. This match was back-and-forth, but Kofi eventually managed to hit the SOS and get the pinfall victory.
Your winner: Kofi Kingston
It’s time for Cutting Edge. The Rated R SOOOOperstar introduces Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero. As they approach the ring, Michael Cole confirms that Ziggler’s match with Edge will take place at the Royal Rumble. Sweet. This segment contains its fair share of ‘Vickie is fat and ugly’ jokes. We’ve heard it all before, so I’ll spare you the details. Ziggler says when Vickie and Edge first got together all those years back, Vickie resuscitated Edge’s entire career; at the Rumble, Dolph is gonna pull the plug and watch it flatline. Nice terminology there. Vickie shows a clip from back in July 2008 – remember when Alicia Fox was Edge and Vickie’s wedding planner, and Edge got his smooch on with her? That was back when I first started watching wrestling regularly again. Holy crap. Feels like a lifetime ago! SmackDown! has aged me, ladies and gentlemen. I’m an old soul now; just like those chaps from Inception… Edge accepts that cheating is a terrible thing, but counters that he has a clip of his own to roll. This one shows Dolph and Kaitlyn (remember her?) kissing backstage during Season 3 of NXT… Uh oh. Edge starts to rub the salt in, but Ziggler snaps and starts beating him down. Edge responds with a big boot, which sends Ziggler to the outside. Vickie gives Edge a few slaps to the face, but the champ chooses to walk away. He steps through the ropes, and Vickie starts cackling about how untouchable she is. Edge’s expression changes, and he slowly gets back into the ring. It looks like he’s going to Spear Vickie, but Dolph sweeps his legs and drags him to the outside. He sets Edge up, then hits a Zigzag, sending Edge’s head and neck slamming into the steel steps. Vickie joins Dolph at ringside, stands over Edge’s body, and plants a big kiss on her boyfriend. Yeuch.
That’s all for this week! Make sure to check make next time for more SmackDown! goodness. Cheers!
Another week. But this is the first week of the New Year, and let’s see how things round out to kick off 2011. Hopefully, we’ll be able to compare this next year to the rankings to start off 2012… but until then:
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One night removed from co-starring in one of the best opening promos in recent RAW memory, John Cena has apparently been injured during a cage match against former Nexus leader Wade Barrett at a house show in Wilkes-Barre, PA. We don’t have all the details at this time, but hopefully Cena won’t have to miss an extended amount of time away from the ring.
Hello everyone! Sorry this is up late, but I had a headache last night, and my throat hurt… Not that I need to tell you wall that. Anyway! Make sure to check out this link: http://boredwrestlingfan.com/2010/12/14/raw-tweeter-year-contest/ and vote for who you think deserves to be RAW Tweeter of the Year!! You have until December 31st to cast your votes. Now, if your name isn’t there, don’t be upset. These are just the people who I mentioned repeatedly in the review because of their tweets. Use the #BWF hash tag (just like that) on Twitter and maybe you can get mentioned! We’ll see what happens for next year, but let’s finish up this year first.
Anyway, last night was Tables, Ladders, and Chairs! Who walked out victorious with the WWE Championship? Did John Cena defeat Nexus leader Wade Barrett? Did I eat those cookies…? I didn’t eat the cookies. I remember now.
AWESOME!
We start out with WWE Champion The Miz coming out all by his lonesome! Where’s Alex Riley?! And no Michael Cole?! Thank God!! RAW’s starting out amazing!!
Miz says that he is STILL the WWE Champion. We better get used to hearing ‘and still WWE Champion, The Miz’. Doesn’t it have a nice ring to it? He knows it’s tough for everyone to digest. They were all expecting an announcement of “the NEW WWE Champion, Randy Orton”, but that didn’t happen, now did it? The Miz beat Randy Orton, put him through a table and now… Miz is interrupted by some ghostly music and Alex Riley comes out.
Riley says that he is the Ghost of Christmas Past. He’s here to show Miz the error of his ways before it is too late. Behold, his first ever WWE Title Defense, which was, of course, against Jerry “The King” Lawler, three weeks ago. Miz says the error of his ways? He’s actually proud of what he did. He beat a WWE Hall of Famer and made sure that he will never be WWE Champion. He doesn’t regret that moment, and he doesn’t regret any actions he’s ever done in the past. He starts to go on, but is interrupted again by Cole, dressed up as the Ghost of Christmas Present.
Cole says “And I Quote…” Miz needs to change. His actions from last night, in the tables match vs. Randy Orton were, although vintage, unacceptable. He retained his championship through nefarious means, and he should be ashamed. Miz says no, that’s where Cole’s wrong. The actions of a true champion are defined by one sentence and one sentence only: Are they still WWE Champion after the match? And yes, he was. That is all that matters. Randy Orton underestimated Miz, and Miz beat him. So, here’s an image to put on your Christmas cards: Happy Holidays from The Miz!
Miz is interrupted again, but this time by a still image of Angry Miz girl, who tells Miz that she is the Ghost of Christmas Future, and she is very angry.
Miz needs to see the light and change his ways, or the new Number One Contender, John Morrison, will beat him. Miz says that he is the future. He is the face of this company, the most must-see champion in WWE history. Charles Dickens himself couldn’t write a better story, because he’s The Miz, and he’s AWESOME!
Now listen, this ain’t no make believe…
John Morrison makes his way out, and ruins CM Punk’s night. He says he’s surprised. That was really stupid, even for Miz. But, Morrison’s actually happy for his success, because last night, he beat Sheamus. He climbed a ladder, grabbed a contract, and he’s the new Number One Contender. That means that sometime soon, they will fight for that title. And Morrison has news for Miz: He’s beat him in the past, in the present, and he knows he can beat him in the future. And when he does, he will become the new WWE Champion. Miz asks really? And has kind of a really-off with the audience. Miz says he’s always been better than Morrison, and Morrison couldn’t… Before Miz can continue, Riley jumps in front of him, between Miz and Morrison, and shoves Morrison. Miz exits the ring and Morrison goes after Riley. While he’s pummeling away on Riley, King Sheamus runs down the ramp and decides he’s going to join in the fun! He attacks Morrison, but misses, and Morrison unloads on Sheamus. Riley gets out of the ring as Sheamus attacks Morrison’s injured leg. Riley moved over to King, for some reason, and King punches him right in the face. Miz walks up the ramp.
And I Quote: “Miz, tonight, you will collide with your ghosts from the past, present, and future, in a six-man tag team match. You, Alex Riley, and King Sheamus vs. John Morrison, Jerry Lawler, and Randy Orton.”
Miz is up on the stage now, holding up his championship and yelling about how he’s the champion, when he turns to go backstage, and Randy comes out. Orton clotheslines Miz to the ground,
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last night, John Cena pulls, as we now know, 23 chairs down on top of Wade Barrett.>
Coming up later, John Cena will address the WWE Universe.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Miz, you need to change and fall in love with me so we can get married and have butt-babies. #WhatColeIsSaying #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog When was the last time John Morrison showered?
@kellylynndobson Backwards Bizarro set!!! This is not good. #RAW #BWF
@FrankWWEClown Did someone put drugs into my dinner tonight? Or am I really witnessing what I am watching on #RAW right now? #WWE
@Lunna1969 My 8 year old Niece just groaned and said that she wished CM Punk would read the GM messages! #RAW #WWE #BWF
Later on tonight, the WWE Champion The Miz, Alex Riley, and King Sheamus will face off against the team of John Morrison, Randy Orton, and Jerry “The King” Lawler. The Diva’s Champion, Natalya joins Punk, King, and Cole ringside.
Melina vs Alicia Fox vs Eve Torres to determine the Number One Contender for the WWE Diva’s Championship
Natalya says that she’s feeling quite dreamy sitting next to King, and then ends up telling him to settle his tea kettle.
The match starts out, and Alicia Fox goes to town on both Eve Torres and Melina. She switches back and forth between Eve and Melina for a while, throwing Eve out of the ring and concentrating on Melina. Melina starts to fight back against Alicia, and then fends off Eve too. All of them go for quick pins on one another, but none of them get further than two. Then Melina gets Eve on the top turnbuckle. Alicia grabs Melina onto her shoulders and holds her there, and then Eve goes to hit a flying cross body on the both of them, but Melina ducks under it, bringing Alicia with her, for a quick pin.
Melina wins via pinfall.
Natalya says it was impressive, and goes to congratulate her. Punk tells her to waffle Melina upside the head, and Natalya ignores him. She gets in the ring and goes to shake Melina’s hand, but Melina slaps the taste out of Natalya’s mouth and then walks out, her serious face on.
Nikki and Brie are arguing over Daniel Bryan, over which one is going to win his affections or something. I have no idea, but it’s nasty. Anyway, up next, Daniel Bryan has a match!
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog “These Divas are so hot.” CM Punk channeling Jerry Lawler circa 1999?
@HitTheRopes Why isn’t Gail Kim involved in this match?
@JonHexLives CM Punk: Small package. There’s a joke in there somewhere. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar Oh shit! Melina heel turn! Follow her lead Heel Nikki! Follow her lead!
@Niki_Sushi As sick as I am of Melina being the only one getting title shots, it’s better than the Bellas getting a shot. #BWF #RAW
@kellylynndobson What did the five fingers say to the face……. SLAP! #BWF
It’s WWE week on USA! Tonight, technically, Smackdown will be live on USA at 9/8 Central, and WWE Tribute to the Troops is on Wednesday night! Also, Nexus probably won’t be here tonight. Crying shame, that.
United States Daniel Bryan with the Bella Twins vs. William Regal
I marked out when I saw that his opponent was Regal. I adore Regal.
Regal and Bryan lock up as Punk, King, and Cole try to figure out why Regal’s smiling. Regal automatically throws Bryan to the ground, but Bryan jumps back on his feet and throws Regal down instead. Regal bounces back up to his feet, and then shakes his finger at Bryan, which makes me laugh. Regal drops Bryan to the ground, holding onto his arm, and then when Bryan gets up, Regal’s not letting go. Bryan rolls over to get his arm untwisted, and then goes into this bridge thing for no reason, and then hits a dropkick on Regal. They lock up again, and Bryan twists Regal’s arm this time. Regal gets loose and proceeds to kick Bryan’s spine with the toe of his boot. It apparently pisses Bryan off, because he shoots to his feet and punches Regal, then kicks him hard in the back repeatedly. Bryan gets Regal in the corner and continues to kick him. Bryan goes to whip Regal across the ring, but Regal counters and whips Bryan across. Bryan runs up the ropes and flips over Regal, and then bounces off the ropes and right into Regal’s clothesline. Regal goes for a quick pin, but Bryan kicks out at two. Regal holds Bryan in a rather vicious looking headlock, but Bryan fights to his feet. He lifts Regal out of the air and goes to drop him, but Regal takes him down with him. Regal keeps the headlock applied, and Bryan fights to his feet, but Regal drops him back on the mat. Regal finally lets go and punches Bryan in the head a few times, then goes for a cover, but Bryan kicks out at two. Regal puts his knees in Bryan’s face, then hurls him across the ring. Bryan bounces off the turnbuckle and then slams right into another clothesline from Regal. Regal goes for a cover, but Bryan kicks out at two. Regal then puts Bryan in a full nelson, holding him there as Bryan tries to fight out. Bryan fights to his feet and then slams his ass against Regal, or at least that’s what it looks like. Regal and Bryan exchange uppercuts for a while, and then Bryan gets the momentum, only to get punched in the stomach by Regal. Regal goes for another uppercut, but Bryan catches him, going for a backslide. Regal fights out of it, and then hits Bryan in the back of the head. Regal now sets up for the Regal Stretch, but Bryan fights out of it and locks in the LaBell Lock, which Regal fights hard, for the win.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan wins via submission.
Regal applauds Bryan, and then the Bellas get in the ring and kiss Bryan. Bryan looks confused, and I would be too.
Still to come, the WWE Champion The Miz teams up with Alex Riley and King Sheamus to take on John Morrison, Randy Orton, and Jerry “The King” Lawler!
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Ugh. Fucking Daniel. All we need is ‘What’s up?’ and… shit, I dunno. OMGREGAL! Guess I’ll watch the match now. xD #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes Please give this match time #WWE
@KeepItFiveStar Please WWE, don’t make this 3 minutes long
@TKeep123 William Regal is making a Daniel Bryon match almost watchable! Alas, the Labell lock wins out. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@5CornersxSmootx #RAW #BWF Hide your kids, hide your wife, and call your friends because William Regal and Daniel Bryan is going on. IWC just creamed.
We come back to John Morrison preparing for this match backstage. Randy Orton joins him and says that it looks like Morrison’s the new Number One Contender. Morrison says that the match last night was bogus. Orton says that if Morrison wins the Championship match against Miz, he’s going after Morrison. Morrison says if that happens, he’ll be ready. He trusts Randy will be ready. Randy says that’s his first mistake: Do not trust him.
We flash to Santino laying on a towel, and Tamina standing on his back, apparently trying to work out some kink or something. He asks if she knows what she’s doing, and she says not really. Maryse walks up and says that it’s cute, ugly takes care of ugly. It’s good to know after she and Ted beat them tonight, Tamina has a plan B. Tamina calls her cupcake, and Maryse stands on Santino’s back too. The two get in each other’s faces, but security carries them off, leaving Santino face down on the floor.
Mark Henry and Gail Kim are backstage talking about how the air is much fresher because for the first time in six months, the Nexus isn’t on RAW. They continue to talk, but then are interrupted by Vickie Guerrero, who barks out an ‘excuse me!’ with Dolph Ziggler in tow. Henry says he takes that back: The air is not as fresh as he thought it was.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar They finally found Tamina some shoes.
@Niki_Sushi Dude. It’s Christmas, not fucking Valentine’s Day. Stop humping each other and WRESTLE!!! #BWF #RAW
@5CornersxSmootx #RAW #BWF What a terrible response from Morrison. “Well uh, alright…..I’ll be ready.”
@HitTheRopes Creative meeting note: “How about we put Gail Kim in a match for #1 Contender for Diva Title…nah, a segment with Mark Henry is better.”
Santino Marella and Tamina vs Ted DiBiase and Maryse
Santino walks out, all bent over. When they get to the ring, Tamina lifts Santino, cracking his back or something, and making it all better. Santino looks like he’s going to hug her, but seems to remember that he has a match to participate in. Santino and DiBiase start out, locking up. Santino makes the Cobra with his hand, and then drops DiBiase to the ground. DiBiase retaliates by punching Santino in the face. DiBiase controls the match for a while, hitting a standing dropkick right to Santino’s chin. DiBiase gets Santino in a headlock and holds him there, Santino reaching and grabbing for the ropes. Santino fights to his feet and manages to duck the clothesline from DiBiase, and then hits a hip toss on DiBiase. DiBiase rolls over to the corner, tagging Maryse in as Santino sets up for the Cobra. Maryse stands behind Santino until he turns around, and Santino forcibly stops himself from hitting the Cobra on her, saying ‘It’s a girl’. While he fights it, Maryse turns it around on him and he hits himself with the Cobra. Tamina then comes in and super kicks Maryse right in the face. She drags her to a corner, pulls her pigtails out, and then climbs up to the top rope. She’s about to jump off, when Ted goes to get her, but Santino goes to hit the Cobra, only for Ted to send him to the mat. Tamina hits the Superfly Splash for the win.
Tamina and Santino Marella win via pinfall.
Tamina glomps Santino, for that was exactly what that was, and Santino seems to have back problems again. Then again, after taking that chair from Barrett last night and the beat down from Nexus, I’d have back problems too. Tamina then carries a celebrating Santino up the ramp.
Backstage, John Cena makes his way to the ring, regifting some flowers and then drinking someone else’s coffee, I think.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Tamina used health. Santino restored to 100 HP
@Niki_Sushi …. Did Tamina just Sweet Chin Music Maryse?! THAT’S COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT! #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes Tamina is wondering: How the heck did @TheBethPhoenix carry Santino around? Dude is NOT light.
@5CornersxSmootx #RAW #BWF WHY IS JOHN CENA STEALING FLOWERS AND DRINKING OTHER PEOPLE’S COFFEE? #HideYourFlowersHideYourCoffee #IhatePG
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR MISTLETOE!!!
Cena says that they’re extra fired up tonight, and he knows why. Because tonight is epic, monumental. He feels good about tonight, he’s gonna do something he should have done a long time ago. He hugs the guy in the We Hate Cena guy, who looks ashamed. Cena says that tonight, for the first time in six months, Monday Night RAW is Nexus-free!! It makes him wanna dance, so he does the dougie. He even says that they hit rock bottom. He says it makes him wanna sing. So, he sings to make Texas happy, of course. He says that he’s so happy to be there that he has a treat. He’s commandeered some footage from last night’s TLC. It Is the footage describing the demise of Wade Barrett.
<VIDEO PACKGE: Cena puts a panel over Barrett, then pulls chairs on top of him.>
Cena plays it again, from another camera angle. Then again, from another camera angle, and yet again in slow motion. Punk is still aghast over this, by the way, and continues to call Cena a monster. Cena says that he feels good when he gets a bargain, especially close to the holiday season. Six months ago, he promised he would get to each and every member of the Nexus, and it took some time, but last night at TLC, he got to each and every member of the Nexus. That means the winds have finally changed for Barrett and his group of turd burglars, and he can now focus on the more important things, like winning the Royal Rumble and going to Wrestlemania.
Then, it’s all ruined by Vickie’s screeching. I MEAN, asking them to excuse her.
She and Intercontinental champion Dolph Ziggler come out. Vickie says pardon the interruption, but no one hears her over the crowd. Pardon the interruption, but John wasn’t the only one who won a match last night. Cena says that there’s so much hatred in the air, he can’t hear her. Every time she goes to talk now, the crowd won’t let her speak. John’s dying as they completely swallow whatever she’s trying to say. She continues to screech, and he continues to laugh. Cena tells them to give her the floor, but they won’t do it. Cena finally has to stand right in front of her to hear her, and finally tells everyone that she said he wasn’t the only one who won last night. Vickie continues, and says that despite competing in a Triple Threat match, Dolph is still Intercontinental Champion. And since Cena can show footage, Vickie can show her own footage.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week at the Slammys, Jerry “The King” Lawler insults Vickie Guerrero.>
Vickie says that she has come to demand an apology, and if King doesn’t give her one, her boyfriend is going to beat him up. Jerry asks if it was about her weight. HE can’t help it if she’s the only Diva in the WWE whose bathtub has stretch marks. Cena says that Vickie is so fat she wakes up in sections. Jerry responds with when God said ‘let there be light’, he had to ask Vickie to step out of the way first. John responds with ‘Vickie’s so fat, her baby pictures had to be taken via satellite.” Dolph defends Vickie, and Cena stops Dolph, and says that Dolph called Vickie a double bagger, meaning Dolph has to put a bag over his head in case the one over her head breaks. Dolph used to be afraid of the dark, but then he saw Vickie naked, and was afraid of the light. It’s about here that Vickie slaps Cena.
And I Quote: “Since Vickie Guerrero is threatening that her boyfriend, Dolph Ziggler, will beat people up, let’s try it in a match tonight. Dolph Ziggler vs. John Cena. And that match will take place right now.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar “If You Can’t See Me, GivE Me A Hell Yeah” If they can’t see you, how are they gonna know to give the hell yeah? Worst sign ever
@kickoutblog JOHN CENA IS BACK… from not leaving!
@HitTheRopes I’m wondering if Cena handled getting dumped the same way he handled being fired. #wwe
@Niki_Sushi All I want for Christmas is my Hunter back… is that too much to ask for?! Enough! GIMME A KILLER! #BWF #RAW
@TKeep123 Vickie, give it up, it’s only a 2 hour show! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar Boy Jerry Lawler’s all over this RAW tonight
@kickoutblog Ziggler vs. Cena = good. Vickie fat jokes when she’s no longer fat = lame.
@5CornersxSmootx #RAW #BWF King is all “Why u mad tho!?” and Punk is facepalming at the table.
Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler vs John Cena
Ziggler and Cena circle one another before locking up, and Ziggler wraps his arms around Cena and takes Cena down. Ziggler goes for an early pin, but Cena gets out before Ziggler can even keep his shoulders down. Cena and Ziggler lock up again, and Cena gets Ziggler in a headlock, but Ziggler gets to the ropes. Cena backs off and watches Ziggler. Ziggler holds his hand up and Cena goes to grab it, but Ziggler kicks him in the stomach and then attacks Cena in the corner. Ziggler keeps his momentum, whipping Cena across the ring, but Cena counters and then hits the running bulldog on Ziggler, who rolls under the ropes. Cena catches Ziggler’s foot that time, kicking Ziggler before hitting a fisherman suplex and going for the cover. Ziggler kicks out, but Cena flings him across the ring, only to run right into the turnbuckle himself. Ziggler gets up and attacks Cena. Ziggler whips Cena across the ring, and Cena bounces off the turnbuckle. Ziggler goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out. Ziggler then this some hard kicks out Cena before punching him right in the face. He does it again, knocking Cena down, and goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out. Ziggler kicks Cena hard, but Cena drops Ziggler. Cena goes for a cover, but Ziggler kicks out at two. Cena whips Ziggler, who bounces off the ropes and kicks Cena before going for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Ziggler locks in a hold of some kind, but Cena fights to his feet. Cena then worms his way up and puts Ziggler up for the Attitude Adjustment, but Ziggler counters by dropping Cena face-first to the mat and then going for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Oh boy Dolph Ziggler is gonna job out like the guards did to Austin Power’s Dad in Goldmember.
@CMPunkSays If the #WWE ran Twitter, the Fail Whale would be replaced by the Failure Turtle.
@Niki_Sushi WWE made a bad move by having their money-maker act like a 10 year old bully. The guys may love it, but Mom’s gonna be pissed. #BWF #RAW
We come back to Cena gaining momentum, side slamming Ziggler to the mat. Ziggler and Cena then take each other out with clotheslines. The ref begins the count, and both men reach their feet, Ziggler first. Ziggler then drops Cena back to the ground, going for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Ziggler hits a dropkick to the jaw and goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Ziggler went for another dropkick, but Cena avoids it. Cena then comes back with a couple shoulder take downs and sets up for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, which he hits. Ziggler gets to his feet, and Cena gets Ziggler on his shoulders. Ziggler fights out and then tries for the sleeper, but Cena counters and locks in the STF. Vickie stands on the edge, distracting the ref, as Ziggler taps out. Cena starts to celebrate when he realizes that the ref never saw it. Ziggler hits the Zig Zag, but Cena kicks out of the following cover at two. Ziggler then undoes the cover on the turnbuckle, and the ref gets him away from it. Ziggler grabs the Intercontinental Championship and goes to hit Cena with it, but Cena ducks it and hits the Attitude Adjustment for the win.
John Cena wins via pinfall.
Cena gets his arm raised in victory, and then CM Punk gets in the ring and beats Cena with a chair. Punk then calmly walks away as Cena stands up and glares after Punk.
Coming up, the six man tag team match.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar C’mon Ziggler! First you do the Fame-asser, then you do a cocky pin?
@TKeep123 Poor Dolph…having to defend Vickie’s honor! Could be a long night! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi On the off-chance Nexus IS gone, I hope people realize the members still have contracts… #BWF #RAW
@FrankWWEClown I’M MARKING OUT. I’M MARKING OUT. I’m a Cena fan, but I can’t stop marking out!!! My hometown boy @CMPunk just made a statement! #WWE
@dasharpshooters Never mess with a man and his Diet Soda Cena. CM PUNK IS BACK IN ACTION! #wwe #raw
@StrikerSays I’m expecting him to turn green and lose all his clothes except for his purple shorts.
@HitTheRopes CM Punk has just made a bunch of folks happy and even more pissed off. #WIN
@ThingsColeSays The Feud That Diet Soda Built: CM Punk vs. John Cena
@kickoutblog Kick my cat, I kill your dog. Spill my diet soda, I hit you with a steel chair. #PhilosophyofPunk
Moments ago, Josh Matthews asked CM Punk why he attacked Cena. Punk responded with the only thing Cena understands is aggression. Last night, he brutalized Barrett with a steel chair, and tonight, Punk just gave him a dose of his own medicine.
Backstage, King’s getting ready for his match and is met by Sheamus. Sheamus says that he sees King still carries around his old crown. Unlike King, Sheamus earned his crown. As far as Sheamus is concerned, there’s only room for one king around here. They’ve been calling King King since 1974. Sheamus says to spare him the history lesson, because as far as tonight is concerned, the King is dead. Long live the King.
Vickie says that she went out there looking for an apology, and Dolph didn’t get her one. Dolph responds that he’s challenging Cena to a rematch tomorrow night. Vickie says that it’s going to be a handicapped match: John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler and her.
AWESOME!
Alex Riley and the WWE Champion The Miz make their way to the ring for their tag team match.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi For all that talk about keeping yourself healthy… why isn’t CM Punk wearing a seat belt? #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Vickie is gonna kick Cena’s ass.
@KeepItFiveStar Dolph, last time you did this, Daniel Bryan beat you three times.
@TKeep123 “FELLA” in Lawler’s face…. “…I actually eRRRRNed this crown!” King vs King tonight! Hey, wheres the King of Kings? #WWE #RAW #BWF
WWE Champion The Miz, Alex Riley, and King Sheamus vs John Morrison, Jerry “The King” Lawler, and Randy Orton
The match starts out with Alex Riley and Randy Orton. Orton doesn’t seem happy that Miz tagged in Riley right away, and he takes his rage out on Riley. Orton drags Riley into the middle of the ring and jumps on him, his knees hitting his face. Orton tags in Morrison, who hits Riley and sends him into the corner. Morrison whips him into the other corner and then slams into him. Riley is in Morrison’s corner, but tries to fight out. Lawler is tagged in and fights against Riley before hitting a dropkick on Riley. Riley fights back, slamming Lawler into his corner. Riley tags Miz in and Lawler knocks Miz right off his feet. Lawler tags in Orton, and Miz flees the ring, running in and tagging Sheamus in. Sheamus looks like he’s not completely sure what the hell just happened, but climbs in the ring anyway.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Miz should be using The Roots version of his theme.
@Niki_Sushi Yes, Miz is awesome. Just because you’re screaming it into the mic doesn’t mean he’s going to be waiting in your hotel room, Cole. #BWF #RAW
@CMPunkSays You know what’s sad? Alex Riley has gained more notoriety than the guy who actually WON Season 2 of NXT.
@TKeep123 One last time to see Jerry “drop the strap”……. I”m hopeful! #RAW #WWE #BWF
We come back to Lawler being the one in the ring against Sheamus. Sheamus distracts the ref and Riley gets in a cheap shot. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Lawler kicks out at two. Sheamus gets Lawler in an armbar, I believe, and holds him there. Lawler fights to his feet and is met with a knee to this midsection by Sheamus. Sheamus runs at Lawler, who moves last second and sends Sheamus shoulder first into the turnbuckle. Morrison comes in off the tag, and starts to get a good momentum, but seems to hurt his already-injured leg and Sheamus tries to take advantage. Morrison hits his flying chuck, and goes to set up Starship Pain, but Riley distracts him. He gets up to do it again, but Sheamus knocks him down, bouncing his head off the mat. Miz comes in off the tag from Sheamus and immediately attacks the injured leg of Morrison. He slams Morrison down on his knee, tagging Sheamus back in. Sheamus locks himself around Morrison’s leg, applying pressure, before planting his knees into Morrison’s. Morrison manages to swing Sheamus around, and Sheamus tags in Riley, who prevents Morrison from reaching his teammates. Riley continues to go after the injured leg, slamming it against the mat. Riley gets Morrison in the corner and delivers some hard hits. Riley tries to get Morrison into his corner and finally gets him off the rope to do so. Riley tags in Miz, who continues on the injured leg. Miz goes to jump on Morrison’s leg again, but Morrison kicks Miz out of the ring. Miz runs back in and stops Morrison before he can tag in a teammate. Miz tags in Sheamus, who goes right back to the injured leg. Sheamus delivers hard forearms to Morrison’s chest before going to the cover, but Morrison kicks out at two. Sheamus gets Morrison in a hold using his leg, but Morrison uses his good leg to get out of it. Sheamus is having none of it, however, and drops his elbow onto Morrison’s spine. Sheamus mocks Morrison as he reaches for his teammates before dropping Morrison to the mat.
Breaking up that huge wall of text, Sheamus gets Morrison in a half Boston crab, and Morrison tries to drag Sheamus to his corner. Lawler distracts the ref, and Orton runs in, hitting Sheamus to get him to let go of Morrison. Sheamus recovers quickly, however, and attacks Morrison. Sheamus tags in Miz, and Miz misses at stopping Morrison, and Morrison tags in Orton. Orton this a quick flurry of attacks before hitting the scoop slam. Then, he pulls Miz into the ring and this the DDT. He goes for a cover, but Sheamus comes in and breaks up the pin. Morrison takes Sheamus out over the top rope, and Orton drops to his knees. Miz has his back to Orton, but Riley comes in, taking the RKO meant for Miz. Miz puts his boot in Orton’s face, and Orton is tagged by Lawler. Lawler takes down the strap, and Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Orton comes in and hits the RKO, leaving Lawler to pin The Miz.
Randy Orton, John Morrison, and Jerry “The King” Lawler win via pinfall.
And I Quote: “The television show, Smackdown, will be live tomorrow night at 9/8 central here on the USA Network from San Antonio, Texas. In addition to all the Smackdown superstars, RAW’s contribution will be a handicapped match. As we heard earlier tonight, it’ll be Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero vs John Cena. Also, just added to tomorrow night’s event, the WWE Champion, The Miz, will take on Randy Orton, live on Smackdown.”
Miz comes in and attacks Lawler from behind. Orton goes to set Miz up for the powerbomb, but Riley interferes and Miz flees again. Randy flat out calls Miz a son of a bitch, by the way. I heard it clear just now.
Anywho. Next Monday, I may not be watching RAW. My brother, who has been in the Army for the past few months, is going to be here for Christmas, so I may be spending time with him. I should be able to let you know by Monday.
Don’t forget to vote for the RAW Tweeter of the Year!!! I’ll see you all later!!
It is I, the King of the BoredWrestlingFan crew, and I have returned for a second straight week with a review of wWE RAW! I took over writing duties for tonight after the show ended, so I won’t be using tweets in tonight’s review (sorry, @TKeep123, @WWEsAngel_Nef, among others). AlyKat should be back next week. She would have been back this week, but she’s spent the last week popping open bottles of champagne due to The Miz’s WWE Championship victory and her wrists hurt too badly to type. Are you ready? Because tonight’s show is simply this: RAWWWWWESOME!