Well. It was an adventure trying to manage to watch RAW tonight, but I finally managed to be able to do it. So since it’s already close to 1:30AM, I’m going to half ass this. Yes, even more than usual.
I watch 30 minutes, yadda yadda yadda, SmackDown sucks.
On RAW, the crowd made the difference for the show to be a winner, ultimately, which I suspect and hope will remain a tradition as the so-called “hardcore” smarks stick around for it. Will that many of them stick around for Smackdown? I’d like to think so… but this “thing” is still a new “thing.” Only one way to find out, and you know what that means. Into the back of the closet and into Narnia, kiddo, we’re hunting wabbits. Hopping time! (a.k.a. Beer will make this better).
The customary hand wave after a goal is scored.
June 24, 1991. The World Wrestling Federation had a house show in Niagara Falls, NY. The card was nothing really to write home about. Bret Hart beat IRS, Ricky Steamboat defeated Haku, Mr. Perfect retained his Intercontinental Championship over The British Bulldog, The Bushwhackers beat the Orient Express, Greg Valentine beat The Barbarian, Big Boss Man and The Rockers defeated The Mountie and The Nasty Boys, and in the main event, Jim Duggan (replacing Hulk Hogan during the steroid scandal) defeated Sgt. Slaughter in a boot camp match. The only thing extraordinary about the show was that in the front row, a nine year old kid was attending his first live professional wrestling card. That kid was me.
Over the course of the next 22 years, I’ve been to countless wrestling shows, mostly WWE. Countless RAWs and SmackDowns, a few house shows, a Night of Champions PPV, four WrestleManias and more, the training is also important and the use of supplements as sr9009 also help boost the performance on these wrestlers. But nothing in the entirety of my wrestling attendance history can compare with this past Monday night at the IZOD Center in East Rutherford, NJ.
Coming off of WrestleMania, and finding out that the advertised Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was not appearing, the crowd was rowdy to start, booing new WWE Champion John Cena and cheering the appearance of Mark Henry. The “Sexual Chocolate” chants directed at Henry did not go unnoticed. A rematch for the Intercontinental Championship between The Miz and Wade Barrett had the crowd equally amped up, as chants of “Let’s Go Barrett” filled the arena. As then-World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio took on Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter, a very audible “we want Ziggler” chant erupted, and when Dolph Ziggler cashed in his Money In The Bank contract to defeat Del Rio and become the new World Heavyweight Champion, the place came unglued.
A match between Sheamus and Randy Orton was virtually ignored by the IZOD Center contingent of the WWE Universe, as they were too busy chanting for the Ice Cream Man, Cotton Candy, Randy Savage, X-Pac (who was in a luxury box behind the section next to mine), Steve Austin, JBL, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, referee Mike Chioda, ring announcer Justin Roberts, as well as others. When Big Show came out to interrupt the match, a “Thank You Big Show” chant erupted. We then chanted for ourselves, saying “we are awesome.”
The real tipping point for the audience was the introduction of Fandango. The IZOD Center crowd embraced the ballroom dancing Superstar by humming his theme music throughout the rest of the night, including during the main event between John Cena and Mark Henry.
As the show ended, Cena acknowledged our chants, saying that his favorite one of the night was when we told ourselves we are awesome, because it’s true. The show ended with Fandango’s theme being played through the speakers and the raucous crowd still humming it deep into the night.
To all 16,000 of the rest of you in the IZOD Center last night, thank you for helping me have the most fun I’ve had in 22 years attending wrestling events.
Well here’s my contribution to Wrestlemania week and like last year is a look at what Wrestlemania through the eyes of WWE’13 well the Wii version anyway. Hey it’s better than Smackdown vs. RAW 2010 which is what I used last year. Just to let everyone know that the Wii version of this game has no DLC so I’ll only be doing the matches I can with what I’ve got. I will also be doing this on simulate mode so I will have no effect on the outcomes of the matches. So without further ado, lets go: (more…)
Okay, again this week, just a general run down of the show with some of my humble opinions.
First up, match results
CHRIS JERICHO DEF. DOLPH ZIGGLER W/AJ LEE & BIG E. – This match-up was booked as a card-change, as Fandango made his way to the ring for what was supposed to be his fifth or sixth “debut” but got beat-down/ran-off by an angry Jericho. Ziggler made his way out with his entourage as the announcers (Michael Cole/Jerry Lawler) told us this match was scheduled for later tonight. Jericho gets the win by submission with the walls of Jericho, but gets beat down by Big E. Langston. Fandango comes back out with his dance partner (the first girl to get a call-back) and picks the bones of Big E’s kill, landing a flying leg drop on Jericho’s neck.
MARK HENRY DEF. THE USOS – The Usos actually got in enough offense with their double-teaming to get a splash off the top rope for a two-count on Henry, but the match ends with Henry scoring a World’s Strongest Slam and getting the three-count. After the match, Henry brutalizes both brothers, making it clear he did not appreciate getting splashed.
U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO DEF. WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO (COUNT OUT) – Ricardo Rodriguez hobbles out on his crutches to introduce Del Rio. The intro falls flat, although I think it was on purpose to help sell what bad shape he’s in. The match is just a formality as both men go through the motions for about five minutes before Zeb Coulter comes out. Ricardo tries to move away, but from out of nowhere Jack Swagger grabs him, and drags him by the bad ankle over to the guard rail. Del Rio abandons his match to fight off Swagger and Cesaro gets the win by count-out. Del Rio takes his anger out on Cesaro with the cross-arm breaker.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO (KANE/DANEL BRYAN) DEF. THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS (TITUS O’NEAL/DARREN YOUNG)- “Pancake” Patterson is given one mention and then quietly swept under the rug. Match is just a warm-up for the champions. Ziggler and crew show up on the stage to distract the champs and give the PTP’s an opening, but the match ends with Kane choke-slamming Young for the three count.
THE MIZ DEF. WWE INTERCONTINENTAL WADE BARRETT – Before the match, Triple H came out to do cut a promo about his Wrestlemania match with Brock Lesnar. When Barrett comes out, he blocks Triple H’s way, and demands he step aside. Trips responds with a kick to the crotch. Miz comes out while Barrett is still recuperating. During the match, Barrett’s crotch briefly becomes the focal point of the match. Barrett crotches himself on the top rope with a missed kick and Miz gets the win with the figure-four submission.
THE SHIELD DEF. KHALI, RYDER, GABRIEL – To my knowledge, this is only the third actual match the Shield have officially wrestled in. The Shield wins this with a flying knee-drop to Justin Gabriel, trapped in a “Bow and arrow” hold. After the match, Khali takes a “Shield-Bomb.” Orton comes to the ring with Sheamus, and the Big Show comes up from behind, trapping the Shield. We get a brief fight before the Shield retreat.
TEAM RHODES SCHOLARS DEF BRODUS/TENSAI – Do you honestly care? This match is barley more than a pretense for a cat-fight between the Funkadactyls and the Bella Twins. Team Rhodes Scholars get the win by three-count during the confusion.
RYBACK DEF. 3MB – This was Ryback’s effort to show-up Henry that almost back-fired. The Three Man Band actually take control of the match using their numbers advantage, but it ends with Ryback getting two men up for the “Shell-Shock” and a three-count.
AJ LEE DEF. WWE DIVAS CHAMPION KAITLYN – This match was set up during a backstage segment, where Bryan and Kane were arguing over which of them was still hung up on AJ. Kaitlyn interjected, trying to get them both to let it go, while running off a list of nasty things to say about AJ, who just happened to be eavesdropping on them. Now here’s the interesting thing. AJ sends Kaitlyn head-first into a drinking fountain, or so it seemed. Kaitlyn sold it as making contact but their was NO sound effect to indicate Kaitlyn hit the fountain. Kaitlyn comes out to the ring holding her head, and when the bell rings, Kaitlyn goes to town on AJ, dominating the match and getting in all of the offence. AJ rolls out of the ring, and Kaitlyn goes after her. Kaitlyn tries a spear, but AJ side-steps her into the guard-rail, head first. AJ gets a count-out victory, and maybe a title shot at Mania. Kaitlyn gets a possible head-trauma gimmick.
So let’s look at the rest of the show.
C.M. Punk opens the show with a game of toss with the urn, and a promo that starts off by dumping on the Undertaker and his legacy. He even goes so far as to imply the streak is only important to him as something to break. He tries to mock the Takers classic pose, but the lights go out and when they come back, Taker is wailing on Punk. Punk and Heyman run off with the urn. Seemed a bit odd to me as the first half of Punk’s promo seemed to be Punk trying to convince us that this match wasn’t as important as we might feel it was.
Sheamus gets jumped by the Shield, during an interview about whether or not he and Orton can get along with Big Show, during their Mania six-man. Orton comes after them with a chair, but he gets overwhelmed by numbers. Big Show makes the save and runs off the Shield.
Now here, I gotta go into weird territory. If you’re a long time wrestling fan, you’l probably have some idea of what I’m saying here. Booking Show to come to the rescue seems a little heavy-handed to me. It’s like WWE is trying too hard to sell us on Show’s face-turn, which is par for the course with pro wrestling in general. Even if you’re among the youngest fans, you still can’t help but notice how it’s always Show that turns the tide when Orton/Sheamus gets jumped by the Shield. So I have to ask myself, is this just the same sloppy TV writing wrestling has always suffered from? Or is WWE trying to swerve me? I’m thinking maybe they want me to watch for a double-cross by Big Show so that they can swerve me with one by Orton…or Sheamus. I know Orton’s more likely, what with him reportedly wanting a heel-turn, but you know how wrestling-sorry “sports entertainment” likes illogical swerves.
Triple H cuts a promo on Brock Lesnar, about how if you don’t expect him to end your career, you’ve already lost. He makes it clear that he is coming to kick Lesnar’s ass.
Very generic promo, giving no sense that Trips was seriously concerned that his career was over. That might’ve been the plan, so that we’re actually surprised if he loses. (Which, if he does, we will be, just not for THAT reason.) And why did he have to bitch-out Wade Barrett on his way out? (See above.)
The show ended with an elaborate Q&A with John Cena and WWE champion The Rock, featuring WWE Hall Of Fame members Booker T, Brett Hart, Dusty Rhodes and Mick Foley. The panel lobs softball questions and both men give big, impassioned speeches about how/why they will win at Mania. Cena compares himself to Donavon McNabb, the Rock tells the story of how he had to get his first mattress out of a dumpster behind a motel. Cena blames his loss to Rock last year, on his letting Rock into his head. Cena tried to finish off Rock in Rock’s home-town, with his own version of “the peoples elbow.” Allowing Rock to catch him in a rock-bottom and getting the three. Rock borrows a quote from Ric Flair, “To be the man-woo-you must beat the man,” and between the two of them, Cena will never be “the man.”
I’m sorry to say this but I was underwhelmed. No new ground covered here, except for maybe when Cena “revealed” why he lost last year. I’m not a fan of “sports entertainment” trying to go into “deep, psychological,” story-lines, and I’m not moved by Cena’s need for redemption.
Overall, a pretty “meh” RAW. It did what it was supposed to do, advance the angles going into Wrestlemania, but it still felt like an auto-pilot show. That’s not always bad, but not the speed you want going into the biggest PPV of the year.
Just a basic recap this week peep-holes; as the week’s off to a rough start, (family stuff.)
Let’s start with Match results;
JOHN CENA DEF DARRIEN YOUNG (w/”Pancake” Patterson. I will get to that in a minute.)
RYBACK DEF DAVID OTUNGA (Like any other outcome was possible.)
FANDANGO vs GREAT KHALI: NO CONTEST (Not that it would’ve been one anyway.)
R-TRUTH DEF DAMIAN SANDOW BY COUNT OUT
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO DEF PRIMO/EPICO w/Rosa Mendes
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO w/Roberto Rodriguez DEF CODY RHODES
RANDY ORTON/SHEAMUS DEF 3MB (Heath Slater, Jinder Mahal, Drew McIntyre)
DOLPH ZIGGLER w/AJ and Big E. DEF KOFI KINGSTON
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL WADE BARRETT DEF CHRIS JERICHO AND THE MIZ (3 way for the title)
Okay, so let’s talk about the show…
“Pancake” Patterson
“Pancake” fucking Patterson
“PANCAKE” FUCKING PATTERSON
PANCAKE FUCKING PATTERSON!
Seriously
(Sigh) I’m praying this is something Titus actually wanted to do, because if this was any white guy’s idea, and Titus HAS to do it, then we need to shut down WWE, I’m sorry. HOW IN 2013 ARE WE SUPPOSED TO JUSTIFY A BAD FRED SANFORD GIMMICK? The sad thing is, this bit is stupid enough to actually go over, God help us all.
RAW Managing Supervisor Vicki Guerrero and SMACKDOWN Senior Advisor Teddy Long pulled Ryback out of the six-man with Orton/Sheamus against the Shield and booked against Mark Henry. Later in the night, The Shield jumped Orton/Sheamus, and Big Show made the run-in to cement the “face” turn. (Hey, it’s more effort than they put into Miz’s face turn.) So, Big Show is in the six-man, and Ryback gets Henry. My question is why not just book Big Show in the six-man in the first place? For the record, Ryback would’ve been the better choice, as he still has “unfinished business” with the Shield, but since when does WWE care about continuity? I’m thinking this could still turn into an eight-man, Henry and the Shield vs Ryback, Show, Sheamus and Orton.
I gotta admit, Fandango scored some points with me tonight. I dig him with a different Ballroom Dancing girl leading him in every week, I was into the streamers, and the outline of his silhouette from the ceiling. I dig him hitting on every Diva that comes to the ring with his opponents. Kind of stupid, seeing how much I hated “Pancake” Patterson, but with Fandango, there is a small difference. Fandango is still a “mystery.” I actually don’t know if he sucks in the ring yet. There’s still a chance this could pay off. With “Pancake,” I know it’s just a desperate attempt at getting a mid-card guy some heat.
R-Truth getting a count-out over Sandow felt like filler to me. I could live with their “feud” ending here. Neither man has enough momentum to justify a spot on Mania.
Cody had a bit with the Bella Twins and Kaitlyn that I’m hoping brings this “flirtation” angle to an end. It’s going nowhere, and the only logical outcome is a face turn for Cody that he does not need right now.
Side Note: WHY DOES FACIAL HAIR COUNT AS A GIMMICK?
And now the highlight of the night, in the best heel promo in history, C.M. PUNK MOCKS THE UNDERTAKER WITH THE URN OF PAUL BEARER.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkGdq4NOBE8
I have nothing to add, genius.
So apparently, Ziggler is getting a shot at the tag titles w/Big E. as his partner. WWE set this up with AJ skipping out to the ring during Hell No’s match against Mo/Co, Kane and Bryan responded by coming out to challenge Ziggler and Big E. after Dolph’s win over Kofi. AJ demanded they put the tag titles on the line. I feel obligated to point out that Ziggy/Big E. haven’t wrestled as a tag-team in the entire time they’ve been on RAW, and Big E. has yet to wrestle an official match on any show besides NXT, however; one thing I’ve learned in all my years of watching RAW, the meaning of the word futility.
Side Note: Daniel DID get a win over Ziggler on Saturday Morning Slam, so you could argue they’re working a “program,” but you’d be stretching it. (You’d also be someone who cares more than any one else.)
ADR vs Swagger just got personal as Swagger took out Ricardo’s ankle with the “Patriot Act” after Del Rio’s win over Cody. We got a “USA” chant during the match, which might not have been for ADR. I hate to say it, but I did see this coming. I’m guessing a LOT of WWE fans are “Tea-baggers,” and are slowly inching on to Swagger’s bandwagon. Also, Del Rio isn’t working as a baby-face. I’m sorry, but his “champion of the immigrants” routine doesn’t ring true enough. Del Rio really lost a step becoming a face. He’s watered down his personality too much and his “come back from nowhere” approach in the ring is sloppy and awkward. Honestly, I think Del Rio might have to drop the belt and disappear for a while if they want to salvage him.
The last actual match of the night was Wade Barrett getting a badly-needed win over Miz and Jericho. Most people, including me, felt this was a bit anti-climatic as it would’ve made a good addition to the Mania card. I’m thinking if they wanted to, they can revisit that whole “Intercontinental Open,” idea they scrapped so Barrett could feud with Bo Dallas. (Remember that? Neither do they.)
The night ended with the big contract signing between Triple H and Paul Heyman, representing Brock Lesnar. It ended with Trips clearing the ring and brutalizing Heyman before signing the contract. Lesnar came out and pulled Heyman out. Heyman revealed his big surprise stipulations – “No Holds Bared,” and Triple H’s career on the line.
This is where I allow myself to get optimistic (possibly masochistic,) and hope this is secretly Triple H’s retirement match, then I remember his match against the Undertaker a few Wrestlemania cards ago was supposed to be a retirement match.
And we are out…
RYTMAN’S REMARKS: Not bad, not bad at all. This show was a good build-up to Wrestlemania. Still, if you watched it you can see how little fore-thought went into developing an under-card for the show. Stuff is being thrown together and juggled around in a very last-minute manner. We’d better hope the three “big” matches can carry the show, because it doesn’t look like they’ll have a ton of support.
We briefly see ADR and David Otunga (AAL) helping a neck-brace wearing Ricardo out of GM Booker T’s office. That’s right folks another law suit angle in professional Matlock… err…. L.A. Law… no that’s not it…. hmm…. Law and Order? Nah…. how about Kojak? Yeah, that’s the one. Savalas and shit.
What’s up mother fucker? I’m bald. And dead. How do you like them apples……bitches?
MATCH RESULTS
DOLPH ZIGGLER DEF. RANDY ORTON – Match ends with Ziggler charging Orton in the corner, Orton swings up, Ziggler hits the post, Orton tries a school-boy roll-up, Ziggler reverses it for a three-count, holding the trunks.
SIN CARA/MYSTERIO DEF. TENSAI/CODY RHODES – Rey h0its the 619 on Cody but is outside the ring when he tags Sin Cara. Ref makes them re-tag and Cara hits a Swanton for three.
C.M. PUNK (WWE CHAMPION) VS SHEAMUS (WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION) – Doesn’t happen; Punk in street clothes decides to take a personal day and leaves.
SHEAMUS DEF. JACK SWAGGER – Sheamus wins with the Texas Clover leaf leg-lock. After the match, Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez attack Sheamus. Ricardo winds up taking a brogue-kick meant for Del Rio. He sells it so long I start to think he’s legit hurt.
EVE DEF. KAITLYN – Eve wins with a neck-breaker. Match is booked to make Eve look like she’s playing nice until she gets an opening for a cheap shot.
RYBACK DEF. JINDER MAHAL – Ryback scores the pin with the meat-hook.
KANE & DANIEL BRYAN “HUG OUT” – So, after a series of “anger management” sketches, Bryan and Kane agree to meet in the ring. General Manager AJ lets us decide their fate via “Twitter poll.” The WWE universe votes for them to “hug it out.” Meaning they have to hug each other.
They have to hug each other.
Yeah
After stalling a good few minutes, Bryan eventually hugs Kane. Kane eventually hugs Bryan. They eventually hug each other. Then they start shoving each other. Then they start fighting. It ends with Bryan knocking Kane off the top rope with a chair.
U.S. CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: ANTONIO CESARO (U.S. CHAMPION) DEF. SANTINO MORELLA – Santino spends the entire match trying to make up his mind about using the cobra. Cesaro finishes this farce with his pile-driver variation.
ZACK RYDER DEF. HEATH SLATER – Ryder wins with the rough-rider.
ALBERTO DEL RIO DEF. JOHN CENA: FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE – A scary brawl that actually spilled out all the way to backstage. Cena throws Del Rio through the interview area and gives him the AA. Alberto lands on a luggage container and C.M. PUNK hits Cena with a kick to the head out of nowhere. Punk pulls Del Rio on Cena for a three-count, and then Cena takes a GTS face first onto Punk’s car. As the car drives off, PAUL HEYMAN looks out the window and winces.
THE GOOD
• THE FINISH – The main event was actually exciting. Nice to see people who understand what “falls count anywhere” means. Punk getting Del Rio a win over Cena was the right way to get people hyped for the PPV. Paul Heymans cameo as Punks driver got me excited. I am marking out big-time for the possibility of him teaming up with Punk.
• ANGER MANAGEMENT – As stupid as these bits are, at least Kane and Bryan have made them watchable. Funny moment was when they both bailed on “Harold;” during a trust fall exercise, and the “doctor” losing his patients with his patients.
THE BAD
Oh God, where to begin?
• COMMENTARY – Intercontinental champion The Miz joined the commentary team tonight. It was weird. Miz and Michael Cole seemed to be taking turns playing face. Oddly enough, Cole seemed to be working as the face announcer most of the night. It was kind of confusing. When Divas Champ Layla came out to join them for the Kaitlin/Eve match, Miz jumped all over her. They got into a Jerry Springer like shouting match with Cole desperately playing ref, with NO-ONE playing attention to the match.
• EVE VS KAITLIN – Actually decent; but BURIED by Miz and Layla bitching each other out. Also, Eve gets the win and makes a big show of offering Layla a handshake. You can see their feud coming a mile away, so what’s the point of making Kaitlin #1 contender if you want to do an Eve/Layla program? Why didn’t they just make Eve #1 contender?
• THE HUG – Screw you WWE universe. You’re buying into the WWE BS and voting for what they want you to vote for. You are getting the show you deserve.
THE UGLY
• AJ – Sweet mother, can we pull the plug on this experiment already? This whole night seemed to be more about AJ losing control than anything else. From people walking out on her to the breakdown in the ring, it’s like WWE wanted to make some point about any woman NOT named McMahon being in charge. Unless they’re setting up a Zach Ryder sized de-push, they need to have AJ quit this job and reactivate her as an active roster member so she can kill Vicki.
• VICKI AND “INVISIBLE” AJ – Just stop. Please just stop. Wrestling doesn’t do topical humor. Wrestling doesn’t need to do topical humor. For those playing along at home, Clint Eastwood was a guest speaker at the Republican National Convention last week, and did a “bit” with an empty chair representing Barack Obama. Vicki decided to pick up on this and do the same thing with AJ. It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t even relevant to the show, because AJ showed up.
• SANTINO’S “COBRA” – George Steel Is face palming this crap.
RYTMANS RANT
WHY ARE WE BOOKING THIS GODDMN SHOW?!?
Seriously, what is the deal with the twitter polls? Why not just let us book the whole damn show via twitter? AND WHY WOULD WE VOTE FOR A HUG!? AND WHY DID WE!?!?!?
I just…..
Ugh.
Friday Night Smackdown hopping time! Shall we?
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So, apparently I’m supposed to write some kind of intro paragraph for these things. A paragraph usually is constituted with a few sentences that correlate to an idea and supports the content within. Furthermore, including this sentence, I count three strings of words. Done. Let’s hop to it, shall we?
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