There Goes the Money
5 CommentsWhether CM Punk lost the World Heavyweight Championship title at the “Hell in a Cell” pay-per-view earlier this month over a dress code issue really doesn’t matter. (more…)
Whether CM Punk lost the World Heavyweight Championship title at the “Hell in a Cell” pay-per-view earlier this month over a dress code issue really doesn’t matter. (more…)
I watched SmackDown, but I was eating at the time and didn’t feel like actually reviewing the show. So, to keep up with things this week, I’m going to do a recap/thoughts column on the show. Hope you enjoy it!
In ring segment: Teddy Long says that John Cena is more than welcome to join SmackDown if he should lose at Bragging Rights. CM Punk comes out and demands a submission match against The Undertaker for the World Heavyweight Championship with Scott Armstrong as the referee and Long at ringside at the PPV. Long says he can’t do that. Before he gets a chance to announce his plans, Mr. McMahon steals his thunder and announces that Long was planning a fatal four way pitting The Undertaker against CM Punk, Batista, and Rey Mysterio for the World Heavyweight Championship at Bragging Rights.
Match #1: Rey Mysterio def. Chris Jericho following a 619.
Word Up: This week’s word is Eve, because she’s next.
Match #2: Michelle McCool def. Eve.
Backstage segment: Teddy Long enters his office to find Vickie Guerrero and Eric Escobar. Vickie says that The Undertaker is going to be furious and that Punk should’ve gotten a one on one rematch.
Match #3: John Morrison def. Dolph Ziggler in an Intercontinental Championship match. Ziggler set a chair at ringside, but Maria took it and sat on it before he could use it, leading Morrison to use the distraction to pick up the victory.
Backstage segment: Dolph tells Maria that he sees bright lights in his professional future, but he doesn’t see her in his personal future.
Match #4: Drew McIntyre & Kane def. R-Truth & Matt Hardy. For the love of not seeing your underwear every week, Matt, please go back to regular pants!
Backstage segment: Rey Mysterio and Batista agree that the best man should win at Bragging Rights.
Match #5: CM Punk def. Batista via count out.
My thoughts: If the rumors are true that Punk is in the WWE doghouse for not dressing in a suit when it doesn’t fit his gimmick, that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. The Undertaker does NOT need the World Heavyweight Championship. He’s a legend, and a shoe-in for the Hall of Fame the moment he retires. Batista gets injured every time he wins a major championship, and Mysterio hasn’t done much of anything lately to indicate that he’d have a successful run with the title.
Dolph Ziggler either needs to win the title, or move on from trying to win it. I like Ziggler, I like Morrison, I don’t mind them feuding, but it should’ve been Ziggler who picked up the title from Rey Mysterio in the first place.
And Matt Hardy. I’m begging you Matt, go back to pants. The tights look terrible on you, they’re just not your style. And yes, I will say this every week in my SmackDown reviews.
Here I am, once again, doubling up on his dose of iMPACT for the week. With Spike TV’s airing of Global iMPACT 2, from Japan.
We begin with a promo for the event, involving Angle, Nash, Shelley and Team 3D.
Global Impact 2, is footage from Wrestle Kingdom III, January 4, 2009.
The results were as follows:
Dark Match: Milano Collection AT, Minoru and Taichi Ishikari def. Mitsuhide Hirazawa, Kazuchika Okada and Nobuo Yoshihashi
Mistico, Ryusuke Taguchi and Prince Devitt def. Averno, Jado and Gedo
Jushin Liger and Takuma Sano def. Wataru Inoue and Koji Kanemoto
GLOBAL IMPACT 2 FEATURED MATCH#1:
IWGP JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS
MotorCity Machine Guns (Alex Shelley/Chris Sabin) def. No Limit (Yujiro/Tetsuya Naito)
IWGP JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Tiger Mask IV retains against Low Ki
GLOBAL IMPACT FEATURED MATCH#2:
Riki Choshu, Masahiro Chono, Kurt Angle and Kevin Nash def. Giant Bernard, Takashi Iizuka, Tomohiro Ishii and Karl Anderson
ZERO1 WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Yuji Nagata (c) def. Masato Tanaka
Jun Akiyama def. Manabu Nakanishi
GLOBAL IMPACT 2 FEATURED MATCH#3:
IWGP TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
HARDCORE MATCH
Team 3D (Brother Ray/Brother Devon) def. Most Violent Players (Togi Makabe/Toru Yano)
Hiroyoshi Tenzan and Satoshi Kojima didnt start, due to an eye injury to Tenzan.
Shinsuke Nakamura and Hirooki Goto def. Mitsuharu Misawa and Takashi Sugiura
IWGP HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Hiroshi Tanahashi def. Keiji Mutoh
This concludes the double-header of iMPACT. I have been the one they call ‘Your Legend Killer’.
Surprise!
What’s up everyone and welcome to the second edition of the Roundtable. Tonight I am your host as we sit down and predict this Sunday’s “Hell In A Cell” pay per view! Tonight we all of the BWF staff on board with their predictions, so without further ado, let’s get this show on the road:
1. World Heavyweight Championship Match- CM Punk vs. Undertaker (Hell in a Cell Match):
Legend Killer: Punk retains. Oh yeah, nobody else picks it, but watch for Batista.
ThinkSoJoE: We still don’t know for sure who put Long, Punk, and Scott Armstrong up to screwing The Undertaker at Breaking Point, so I’m sure that he’ll get screwed again at Hell In A Cell. Punk’s leaving with the gold.
Tharvey1: Undertaker over CM Punk
Drowgoddess: I want CM Punk to win and retain the title. It’s considered a foregone conclusion that Taker wins here, but it’s just too soon. Taker winning here makes no sense.
JT: It is more logical to have Punk retain here since he has people to feud with such as Batista, Rey Mysterio, And even to a lesser extent Great Khali and John Morrsion. If Taker wins he has Kane and that’s about it unless they turn Batista heel, which I don’t see happening. Punk retains.
2. Divas Championship Match- Mickie James vs. Alicia Fox:
Legend Killer: Mickie James. Who the hell is Alicia Fox?
ThinkSoJoE: Why even have a Hell in a Cell PPV if you don’t have EVERY match inside a Hell In A Cell? This one will be a victory for Mickie James if the WWE wants their women’s division to have even an ounce of credibility compared to TNA’s
Tharvey1: Mickie James over Alicia Fox
Drowgoddess: Mickie James. That Alicia Fox is even in a ppv title match is appalling.
JT: Mickie James. Do I really need to explain.
3. WWE Championship Match- John Cena vs. Randy Orton (Hell in a Cell Match):
Legend Killer: Cena. Because the WWE are like that.
ThinkSoJoE: Cena just won the title. Cena sells merchandise. WWE have a new toy deal starting in January with Mattel, and cheap looking toy championships to sell. Cena ain’t losing at HIAC.
Tharvey1: John Cena over Randy Orton
Drowgoddess: Cena wins. After the last RAW, it’s a given.
JT: I think that the stipulation in that if Orton loses, he can’t have another title shot. So, I’m going with Orton here. Plus like with Punk, it’s better for Orton to be champ, since he can go on to feud with HHH and HBK and even the long awaited Mark Henry feud we’ve all been waiting for. If Cena wins, he has nobody and babyface vs. babyface feuds can’t happen all the time.
4. D-Generation X vs. The Legacy (Hell in a Cell Match):
Legend Killer: DX. See previous match. Also, Cody Rhodes was Rey Mysterio jr. in WCW.
ThinkSoJoE: If there wasn’t another PPV between now and Survivor Series, there would be no question in my mind about Legacy winning this match. My assumption is that they’re still booking DX & Cena vs. Orton and Legacy as the dark main event for RAW events after Bragging Rights later this month, the theory of DX finally getting their revenge at Survivor Series could still hold up. I’m going to go with Legacy here.
Tharvey1: DX over Legacy
Drowgoddess: Who are we kidding? DX wins here, and in humiliating fashion. I completely disagree with the people who say that DX has effectively put over Legacy, and that a DX win at HIAC is acceptable.
JT: I’ve got two words for ya: “DX WINS!” I don’t see Legacy having any chance here.
5. United States Championship Match- Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz vs. Jack Swagger:
Legend Killer: The Miz. His opponents are a palm tree after a bushfire, and the second is the re-incarnation of Dusty Rhodes.
ThinkSoJoe: All three of these guys have been in a game of one-upsmanship over the past few weeks. Kofi’s outsmarted Miz and Swagger on a few occasions, leading me to believe he’s retaining.
Tharvey1: Jack Swagger over Miz and Kofi Kingston
Drowgoddess: I like all three of these guys, and will be happy no matter who wins. That said, I’m going with Kofi to retain, and Swagger and The Miz to develop a feud of their own over it.
JT: Kofi Kingstion has been champion since June, so a title change is eminent. I’m gonna go with Swagger here.
6. Unified Tag Team Championship Match- Chris Jericho & Big Show vs. Batista & Rey Mysterio:
Legend Killer: Batista and Rey. You really see them losing? Silly wrestling fan, WWE is for kids. Yes, the WWE is now a breakfast cereal.
ThinkSoJoE: Look. I’m going to give the same prediction I’ve given before. They took the time to have a band come in and remake a remix of Jericho and Big Show’s theme music. They’re not splitting the team up this quickly by ending their reign at Hell In A Cell. If they do, and I have to see Batista when RAW comes to Buffalo in three weeks, I’ll be very upset.
Tharvey1: JeriShow over Boretista and Rey Mysterio
Drowgoddess: Batista and Rey would not be in this match if they weren’t going to win it. I don’t want them to, but I predict that they will. That said, I want JeriShow to retain until Edge comes back, and have Edge and Jericho start their inevitable feud with Edge and Christian (who will have lost the ECW title to Regal) winning the tag team titles one more time.
JT: There hasn’t been enough build for this match for me to believe that the titles will change hands. Plus Mysterio has unfinished business with John Morrison and Dolph Ziggler. Plus both Rey and Batista are the next in line to be World Title contenders. Jericho and Big Show retain and keep thetitles until Edge returns and causes them to lose them.
7. Intercontinental Championship Match- John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler:
Legend Killer: errrr … Morrison?
ThinkSoJoE: PLEASE let Ziggler win. It’s no secret that I’m a huge JoMo mark, but the whole “Mr. Ziggles” thing got real old, real quick. I want Ziggler to win just so Morrison will take him seriously enough to stop calling him that. So, my pick is Ziggler.
Tharvey1: John Morrison over Dolph Ziggler
Drowgoddess: Ziggler has been doing well, and I like the guy more than I thought I would, but I don’t see the Guru of Greatness losing the title just yet. With the hint of a Maria heel turn recently, I’d like to see a slow burn on that where Maria eventually does something despicable to help Ziggler win the title, and we have a new heel couple. Morrison retains.
JT: With Rey returning, I think that he’ll want a rematch for the title at some point, probably the first or second Smackdown after the pay per view, and he will face the champion, John Morrison! Ziggler’s day is coming though.
Alright that’s all thanks for joining us for this edition of the BWF Roundtable. Tune in tomorrow for “Hell In A Cell” coverage, plus an all new Random Randomness!
TNA “No Surrender” Predictions
World Heavyweight Championship match
Sting vs. AJ Styles vs. Matt Morgan vs. Kurt Angle (ch)
JT: Matt Morgan – TNA needs to go for it and put the belt on him now. He wins by pinning either Sting or AJ Styles.
ThinkSoJoE: Gotta go with Angle here – Sting and AJ are “Bound for Glory” bound, Morgan isn’t ready for it yet.
The Green Teabagger: Matt Morgan reveals he was with Angle all along and helps Angle retain The Precious. Sounds like another addition to The Intro!
Legend Killer: Kurt Angle. Do you really see Matt Morgan winning?
Drowgoddess: AJ Styles to win, because he and Sting can still fight at BFG with AJ being the champ. The guy carried the company since the very first day, and he is long overdue to have the gold that proves it. AJ is not the future of wrestling, he has been the present of wrestling for the past seven years. I just hope against hope that Matt Morgan doesn’t turn out to be on Angle’s side after all. For one thing, we’ve already seen that when Samoa Joe joined the MEM and handed Angle the title. For the other thing, people are going crazy in a good way over Morgan blatantly playing games with Angle, and a swerve for the sake of a swerve will only destroy Morgan’s momentum and connection with the fans.
“The Boss” Bobby Lashley vs. “The War Machine” Rhino
JT: Lashley – It’s his first ppv match since joining TNA, no way he’s gonna lose.
ThinkSoJoE: Lashley. They’re going to put that much hype behind the Bruce Springsteen wannabe to have him job to the War Machine? Psh.
The Green Teabagger: Yeah, like Rhino has a chance. Rhino was forgotten until they needed someone to take a dive for a part-timer. Reality check: Barring injury, stupid shit, or Angle getting thrown in jail, the main event at BFG 5 is Angle-Lashley for the title. Lashley is going into that undefeated, but it will probably be his third match in TNA. Next month, he’ll probably be facing Homicide.
Legend Killer: Black Lesnar. Have this guy, that you’re hyping up to be the cornerstone of the company, then have him lose in his first match.
Drowgoddess: Everybody, even a pygmy deaf-mute in the Amazonian rain forest, knows that Lashley is winning this match. Lashley is the latest ex-WWE savior of TNA, and as such, will be absolutely dominant until he finally fights Kurt Angle.
X-Division Championship match
Daniels vs. Samoa Joe (ch)
JT: Joe – Wait, is this a feud??? Wow, this shows how much attention I pay to iMPACT! every week. I don’t see Samoa Joe losing the title anytime soon.
ThinkSoJoE: Joe. For no other reason than Joe is gonna kill you.
The Green Teabagger: I’d like Daniels to win the title and go on to a feud with The Pope D’Angelo Dinero. Right, like the MEM is giving up a belt, but this would be the one they lose if they do lose any of them anytime soon. Samoa Joe retains.
Legend Killer: Samoa Joe. Daniels wants to bring the X-Division back, but Joe’s only held the belt a month.
Drowgoddess: I could go either way in this match and be happy, but Samoa Joe retains here. Daniels SHOULD win the X-Division title, but the timing may not be right.
“Lethal Lockdown” tag team cage match
Beer Money vs. The British Invasion vs. Team 3D vs. Scott Steiner & Booker T (ch)
JT: British Invasion – There’s a Lethal Lockdown match??? I seriously didn’t know about this one until this week’s iMPACT!, but since they’re trying to tease a feud between the MEM and the British Invasion, I’ll go with them.
ThinkSoJoE: BEER MONEY!
The Green Teabagger: No titles are on the line, so Beer Money and Team 3-D win this match. That way, it looks “balanced.” :/
Legend Killer: Team 3D and Beer Money Inc. Three words. Beer Money Inc.
Drowgoddess: I’m still confused about this match. I thought that it was a four-way match for the tag team titles in a cage, under “Lethal Lockdown” rules. Now, it seems to be a non-title match with two teams of four. The website and the tv program are not in alignment on this! Either Beer Money wins or The British Invasion (in the form of Brutus Magnus) steals a third pin and victory from Steiner and Booker.
“$50,000 Bounty vs. Legends Championship” match
Abyss vs. Kevin Nash (ch)
JT: Nash (as long as he doesn’t get injured walking to the ring or boning fat chicks) – Dr. Stevie gets involved, Nash wins.
ThinkSoJoE: If the title is on the line, Nash. If not, Abyss.
The Green Teabagger: I want Abyss to win the Legends Title. That said, I almost expect Foley to either insert himself into this match at the last moment to make it a Triple Threat. Either way, if Nash shows up, he wins.
Legend Killer: Abyss. You watch Foley interfere in this one. I say Abyss, just so it pisses off Foley. However, Nash claims the bounty.
Drowgoddess: I’m not terribly excited about this match. No way is Nash losing. Mick Foley and Dr. Stevie will likely get involved, somehow.
Knockouts Championship match (title is held up)
ODB vs. Cody Deaner
JT: ODB – The women’s title should be on a woman, not a man, enough said.
ThinkSoJoE: Given the fact that every Knockout beat the crap out of Deaner this past Thursday, going with ODB.
The Green Teabagger: If there is a just and loving God, ODB will win this match. I’m still picking Cody Deaner because Russo has the book.
Legend Killer: Cody Deaner. Because TNA are that retarded to do that.
Drowgoddess: ODB has got to win. End this horribly unfunny abomination of allowing Cody Deaner to cheapen a title that actually did mean something!
Finals of the Knockouts tag team championship tournament
The Beautiful People vs. Taylor Wilde & Sarita
JT: The Beautiful People – Don’t really have a reason why, just picking them.
ThinkSoJoE: I’m going with Taylor and Sarita for the sheer fact that Angelina Love won’t be there.
The Green Teabagger: The Beautiful People….Vel Vel and 🙁 Madison Rayne, subbing for Angelina Love. Because it’s as close to the assumed original plan as they can, Rayne and Vel Vel with the Knockouts Tag Team Titles. They will still be more legit tag champions than The British Invasion.
Legend Killer: Taylor/Sarita. Considering one of their opponents no longer works for the company, I’d say it’s a good bet.
Drowgoddess: Taylor Wilde and Sarita should win, but the only reason that Madison Rayne got back together with The Beautiful People is because Angelina Love won’t be at the ppv. That’s quite a lot of trouble to go to unless the only plan is to have The Beautiful People win. Therefore, I’m predicting a Velvet Sky/Madison Rayne victory.
Grudge match
Eric Young vs. Hernandez
JT: Hernandez – I think everyone knows how much I hate Eric Young, so yeah, my pick might be a little biased, but I’m sticking to it.
ThinkSoJoE: EY will take this one, likely with help from Homicide.
The Green Teabagger: Eric Young wins with a combination of cheating, chairs, and a piledriver. JT will probably say, “Fuck Eric Young!” before, during, and after. I will be watching the New York Giants dissect the Dallas Cowboys.
Legend Killer: Hernandez. Even with Homicide in his corner, the chum for Team Canada has no chance.
Drowgoddess: I don’t hate Eric Young. I think he’s doing the best work of his career, and the “cheap knock-off of Chris Jericho” accusations really aren’t fair. Hernandez has destroyed all of World Elite that have challenged him thus far, so Eric Young has to win, by hook or by crook.
The BWF staff has spoken! Join us for full coverage of “No Surrender,” and see who was right.
I didn’t watch this PPV, and I’m refusing to. At first, I was refusing to watch because of the whole “submission matches without primarily submission wrestlers” thing. Now there’s another reason, but I’ll get to that at the end.
Chris Jericho & The Big Show def. MVP & Mark Henry to retain the Unified WWE Tag Team Championships. As if we didn’t see that coming.
Kofi Kingston def. The Miz to retain the WWE United States Championship. And the point of that was?
Legacy def. DX in a Submissions Count Anywhere match. Really? Wow! There’s some credibility for the two young guys there – which will no doubt be destroyed by Hell In A Cell next month.
Kane def. The Great Khali in a Singapore Cane Submission match. And people actually paid for this?
Christian def. William Regal to retain the ECW Championship. By Pinfall. On a submission themed Pay Per View. Where the main events are all supposed to be submission matches. In the ECW main event. Yup.
John Cena def. Randy Orton in an I Quit Match to win the WWE Championship. Great. Now we have to deal with Cena as the champion again.
The Undertaker def. CM Punk to win the World Heavyweight Championship – but wait, there’s more!
Teddy Long came out and announced the the Hell’s Gate submission was still technically banned, so the match had to be restarted…
CM Punk def. The Undertaker to retain the World Heavyweight Championship. Punk reversed a Last Ride into an Anaconda Vise, and the referee immediately called for the bell. Punk and the referee then bolted up the ramp to where Teddy Long was standing. Yes folks, another rehash of the Montreal Screwjob.
You know what, I’m sick of this crap. Every time the WWE is in Canada, they have to do some kind of screwjob angle. 2003 in Montreal with The Rock and Hulk Hogan. A few years back with Shane McMahon and Shawn Michaels. Look. The Bret Hart/Shawn Michaels thing happened in November of 1997. That’s nearly 12 years ago. The fact is, that wasn’t a storyline – that was real, or as they say in the business, a “shoot.” That pissed off a lot of people because Bret Hart was loved by the fans – especially the Canadian fans – and was legitimately screwed out of the WWF Championship. I get it, wink wink, nudge nudge, we screwed the fan favorite in Canada. It’s getting old. I get where you’re coming from with it, but enough is enough.
I also hate the whole gimmick PPV thing. John Cena, Randy Orton, The Undertaker, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Ted DiBiase, Cody Rhodes, The Great Khali, and Kane are not names that spring to mind when you mention submission wrestling to me. And next month is Hell in a Cell. Because a John Cena/Randy Orton Hell in a Cell main event makes any sense. Really, to have, at the very least, two Hell in a Cell matches in one Pay Per View sort of diminishes the significance of the match. Same with the TLC Pay Per View coming up in December. These type of matches should be kept to one per year, maximum, and the guys in the matches should be guys who specialize in them. Undertaker or Triple H in Hell in the Cell, for example, or Edge, Christian, or Matt Hardy in TLC.
Given the lack of anything decent or new on the card, and the oh so cliche Montreal Screwjob ending, I’m glad I didn’t waste either my time or my money on this PPV.
We’re not wasting any time – the bell tolls and The Undertaker is heading towards the ring!
He says that the sands of time have fallen slowly through the hourglass, but in two days, he’ll reclaim the World Heavyweight Championship and once again cast his shadow of darkness over SmackDown. He’s sure by now CM Punk is growing very tired. By now, he’s constantly waking up in the middle of the night in a puddle of his own sweat, consumed by fear, knowing that his Breaking Point will be realized when he feels the grip of Hell’s Gate. Submission is the only alternative to an eternity of pain. When Punk submits, and he will submit, not only will he relinquish the World Heavyweight Championship, but he will personally hand Undertaker his soul, and thus the symphony of lies shall end.
The World Heavyweight Champion has heard enough, and he comes out on the stage, microphone in hand. He says that he sees through the smoke and mirrors, and sees Undertaker for what he really is. While Jeff Hardy was a charismatic enabler, Undertaker is so much worse. He’s prayed on these people’s chemically influenced minds for nearly 20 years. He’s like this generations Alice in Wonderland. He’s created a self destructive cycle because all of these people actually believe in The Undertaker. They believe he’s got magical powers that allow him to come back and vanquish any foe. They believe, get this, that The Undertaker has a chance of taking the World Heavyweight Championship this Sunday. What they don’t realize is that Punk is stronger than the Undertaker’s previous victims. He’s not after Undertaker’s soul, he just wants to make him tap out. Imagine the reaction when Taker does tap out? They just lost Jeff Hardy, and now they’ll watch The Undertaker submit to the Anaconda Vice. They’ll go and get drunk, pop some pain pills, just to numb themselves from the reality that their hero tapped out. We’ll get a glimpse of it tonight when Punk makes Matt Hardy tap out to the Anaconda Vice. He asks The Undertaker not to interfere, because he wants everybody to get a glimpse of the world we’ll all live in after he makes Undertaker tap at Breaking Point. There will only be one icon, the choice of a new generation, the only straight edge World Champion in history, CM Punk. They’ll all be forced to join Punk and just say no. Taker says Punk got something wrong. They won’t be saying just say no, they will say rest in peace.
Up next, it’s a Belfast Brawl pitting Finlay against Mike Knox
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Last week, Finlay pinned Knox after a shillelagh shot.
This week, the fighting Irishman faces Knox in a Belfast Brawl.
Finlay def. Mike Knox
Knox is kinda doing this smart guy gimmick, which is cool. It kinda reminds me of Raven a little bit, though I don’t believe that Knox is actually a member of MENSA. Anyways, speaking of the original ECW, matches like this make me miss it. Sure, it’s more brutal than the normal WWE match, but it’s got none of ECW’s hardcore heart. Steel chairs and trash cans are the traditional WWE weapons, and they’re put to good use here, mostly by Knox. Knox breaks out another WWE staple, at least since the Dudleys came over from ECW a decade ago, the table. Before anybody actually goes through the table, Finlay gets to his shillelagh and knocks Knox cold for the three count.
Backstage, Michelle runs into Dolph Ziggler, who is looking for Maria. Maria’s nowhere to be found, and Michelle wants to know what he sees in a ditzy little girl like Maria when he could be with a sexy woman like her. She falls and starts groping him while Layla snaps a picture with her cell phone.
Later on tonight, it’s CM Punk vs. Matt Hardy
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Monday: The Price is RAW!
David Hart Smith is accompanied by Natalya and Tyson Kidd for singles competition. He’s not the only one accompanied by family – Ranjin Singh is with his big brother, Smith’s opponent, The Great Khali.
This one never gets started, as Kane attacked Khali as soon as he got in the ring. He grabs another WWE signature weapon (that was stolen from ECW), the Singapore Cane, but before he could use it, Khali turned the tide and dropped the Big Red Monster with a Punjabi Plunge.
The Unified Tag Team Champions are heading to the ring, as they’re up NEXT!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
The World Tag Team Champions are here. They both lost in singles matches against their Breaking Point opponents this past Monday on RAW….
Yo yo yo yo yo, it’s Cryme Tyme!
I hope JeriShow destroy them.
Chris Jericho and The Big Show def. Cryme Tyme
I have to apologize, guys. I’ve paid absolutely no attention to this match because I just found out about Jeff Hardy’s arrest earlier today and was reading about it. JTG tried to skin the cat back into the ring, and he got an unlikely assist back in from The Big Show’s fist, knocking him out cold and leaving him prone for Jericho to pick up the pinfall.
Teddy Long is greeted by Mr. McMahon backstage. Mr. McMahon reminds him he’s on probation, and that SmackDown is only good. It needs to be great. What’s Long going to do about it? Next week, he’s got a huge surprise that will change the face of SmackDown. Mr. McMahon wants to know what he’ll do for him at Breaking Point. Long says he’ll have something good. Mr. McMahon reminds him he doesn’t like good, he wants excellent. McMahon asks where his picture is, and Long says he’s wondering the same thing.
Submission Match coming up later tonight between Matt Hardy and CM Punk.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK (I WANT THE SMACKDOWN DVD!)>
Charlie Haas is already in the ring – which means he’ll be jobbing. Especially since his opponent is the NEW Intercontinental Champion, John Morrison!
John Morrison def. Charlie Haas
John Morrison can make anybody look like a credible opponent, which makes him look even better when he hits the Starship Pain and picks up a victory like he did here.
JoMo says that last week he became the Intercontinental Champion in one of the greatest matches of his career, but it wouldn’t be possible without Rey Mysterio (doing drugs). He can’t describe the feeling, but he hopes these images will do that for him.
Video: Morrison celebrating winning the title and hugging Rey Mysterio
Morrison thanks Rey from the bottom of his heart, and offers him a rematch whenever he gets back from his suspension asks for one.
I am perfection…
Dolph Ziggler is sickened. He earned his title match, and Morrison and Mysterio decided to have a match. Morrison says that’s pretty much what happened. Was he going to lose again to Mysterio? Ziggler says that the third time’s a charm, but he wants his title match. Morrison says let’s do it right now. Ziggler says no. We’ll have it on his terms. Morrison wonders if Ziggler’s scared and calls him Mr. Ziggles. Ziggler says nobody calls him that. Morrison wonders if Maria calls him that. Ziggler says nobody calls him that. Morrison says he just called him that. Ziggler says Morrison doesn’t count. Morrison says the whole arena is chanting “Mr. Ziggles.” Ziggler says to stop it or he’ll leave the stage. The fans cheer. Morrison says he thinks Ziggler should go, because it’s what the people want, and they’re not going to stop chanting “Mr. Ziggles.” Ziggler slinks up the ramp and backstage, much to the delight of the SmackDown fans. Morrison says that the WWE Universe won’t stop chanting Mr. Ziggles as long as he’s Intercontinental Champion.
Josh Matthews is with Matthew Hardy. Tonight he faces the man who was right about his brother’s drug use all along ended his brother’s career. Hardy says that Punk won’t be able to say he’s never submitted anymore. There will be two submissions – to The Undertaker at Breaking Point, and tonight against Matt Hardy. He says that Punk will be lucky to make it to Breaking Point, because when he locks in a submission, he’s not letting go.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Melina is out first for her match, and her opponent, Layla, is accompanied by the WWE Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool.
Layla def. Melina
Michelle hit Melina with her crutch to allow Layla to pick up the victory.
Josh Matthews is with R-Truth. He asks about Drew McIntyre. Truth says that the party is just getting started and starts babbling. The basic idea, I think, is that he wants a match with Drew McIntyre – who assaults him from behind.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Before the break: Drew McIntyre attacked R-Truth
Todd Grisham and JR run down the Breaking Point card
The World Heavyweight Champion, CM Punk makes his way out to the ring as we relive him crashing through a table last week at the hands of The Undertaker. He’s facing Matt Hardy in a submission match – NEXT!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
CM Punk def. Matt Hardy
Matt, I’m begging you, please either go back to the pants look until you drop some weight, or get some tights that fit you. You look ridiculous with your underwear sticking out of the back of your tights. If I were your opponent, I’d give you a wedgie. In fact, I just tweeted him that @MATTHARDYBRAND. Here’s hoping he doesn’t post a blog blasting me. Hardy actually holds his own in this match, and utilizes a variety of submission holds, primarily working over Punk’s knee. Doesn’t stop Punk from kicking him in the head then locking him in the Anaconda Vice for the victory!
Punk celebrates his victory, holding his title high, but the bell tolls and the lights go out. When they come back on, Punk is without his title, as it is in the possession of The Undertaker at the top of the ramp.
My Thoughts: I have absolutely zero interest in Breaking Point. Submission matches are traditionally held between two guys who are well versed in submission – Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit comes to mind. I’m also disappointed that a submission themed pay per view doesn’t feature any of the three members of the roster who were trained in the famous Hart Family Dungeon. Hell, the Hart Dynasty can’t even get an actual match anymore. Matt Hardy seriously needs a different look. The black tights aren’t nearly as distracting as the blue ones he wore a couple of weeks ago, but they don’t fit him in any sense of the word. Ah well.
I think we all know what’s happening tonight already when CM Punk defends the World Heavyweight Championship against Jeff Hardy in a steel cage, so let’s get started!
Jim Ross and Todd Grisham welcome us to Phoenix, AZ and Friday Night Smackdown! Justin Roberts introduces the only Straight Edge World Champion in history, CM Punk!
The World Champion hobbles to the ring, showing the effects of his TLC match this past Sunday at SummerSlam. He told us so. In case we were too intoxicated to remember, he’ll show us how he did it. (Video package highlighting the TLC match from SummerSlam). He’s never felt more alive than he does right now, and he’s positive that nobody in attendance have ever felt this way. He feels every ache and pain of every table, ladder, and chair. It was the most brutal match of his career, but it’s the pain that makes him feel so alive, and naturally, he hasn’t taken a thing for it. Unlike all of you, who double up on extra strength medication for the slightest headache. If anybody in here felt like Punk feels right now, they’d be on a morphene drip. But that’s not the only pain he felt at SummerSlam. He felt the pain of having his moment in the spotlight robbed by The Undertaker. After everything he’s been through, tonight he’s being forced to wrestle in a steel cage match. It’s unfair and it borderlines on conspiracy, since the higher-ups are terrified of him, just like all the fans. They fear what they don’t understand, and they don’t understand what Straight Edge is all about. He doesn’t drink, smoke, or do drugs, including prescription medication like Jeff Hardy. It just means that he’s better than you, and tonight, he’ll prove it again.
So you see the writing on the wall…
Jeff Hardy isn’t in much better shape physically than CM Punk as he makes his way to the ring. Hardy says that he hopes Punk’s enjoyed his reign as the straight-edge World Champion, because it ends tonight. Punk’s preaching as if the most important words in the English language are “Just Say No,” when tonight there are three words that are far more important, “steel cage match.” Punk says he knows Hardy is probably intoxicated right now, but how intoxicated is he? What did he put in his body to have the strength to come out to the ring? Painkillers to dull the scary reality he lives in? The reality is, Punk is sick and tired of hearing the fans boo him. He’s tired of seeing impressionable children cheering a guy like Jeff Hardy. He’s fed up with the fans, and he’s fed up with Jeff Hardy. One of them doesn’t belong here anymore. Hardy likes taking risks? How about this – tonight, the loser is out of the WWE. Punk elaborates, since he knows Hardy is having a hard time understanding because of all the narcotics. If Punk loses, the fans don’t have to listen to him preach anymore, but if Hardy loses, it proves that straight edge means “I’m better than you.” (There you go, Drow – he said it!) The fans chant Hardy’s name, and he says he doesn’t know. It’s risky. It’s crazy. Punk’s on!
You know it’s the Mack Militant…
Teddy Long comes to the stage, and he says it’s official. Since both are in agreement, if that’s what they want, it’s what they’re going to get. The loser of tonight’s match will no longer be in the WWE. The person that wins will defend the World Heavyweight Championship in two weeks at Breaking Point, where every main event match is a submission match. That means the winner will be in a submission match at Breaking Point – against The Undertaker! Punk waves goodbye to Hardy.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
WrestleMania will be in Phoenix in seven months, but SmackDown is there tonight, and our opening contest is a tag team match. John Morrison, whose coat is apparently what Jim Ross wears to the grocery store when he goes shopping for his wife, is teaming with Matt Hardy, and they’re taking on The Hart Dynasty.
John Morrison & Matt Hardy def. The Hart Dynasty
I should watch what I say here, lest Matt go on MySpace and blast me, but I really think Matt needs to go back to the pants look instead of the tights – at least until he loses the weight he put on when he had a torn abdomen or whatever. If anything, he needs to stick with the black tights he wore during his RAW stint, because this blue thing is just not working for him. It’s looks so bad on him that it’s distracting me from what promises to be a very entertaining match. In the end, it’s John Morrison with the Starship Pain on David Hart Smith for the victory.
Seriously, Matt, if you’re reading this, go back to the pants. I can’t take you seriously in those ridiculous tights.
Still to come, Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk in a cage – winner is the WWE Champion, loser is unemployed!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Melina tells Maria that she saw Dolph Ziggler out with another woman after SummerSlam, but Maria doesn’t want to believe her. She asks Melina if she has a boyfriend who really cares about her. Melina says she should ask herself that question. Dolph shows up, and Maria asks him about the girl. Dolph says it’s true – it was his sister, Kristen, who was in town for the show.
Drew McIntyre is in the ring. Good to see him back on TV, even though he’s clearly doing the j.o.b. tonight – and as I type that, McIntyre assaults R-Truth as he’s getting in the ring. He takes Truth’s mic, and he says that if the people like to be entertained by somebody dancing and rapping to the ring. Well, his name is Drew McIntyre, and the party is over. He throws the mic down and walks out. Welcome back to SmackDown, Drew!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Before the break, Drew McIntyre beat the crap out of R-Truth.
Josh Matthews welcomes the WWE Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool, who is outside of the ring on crutches. We paid to see her wrestle tonight, but she was injured by Melina last week for no good reason. She’s got an injured knee and isn’t medically cleared to compete. Michelle says it’s ok, we can trust her. She’s going to introduce Melina’s opponent – Layla. Layla makes her way to the ring, followed by Melina, and we’re set for… no, it couldn’t be… is it? Holy crap, it is! It’s a one on one Divas match!
Melina def. Layla
Layla is vastly improving in the ring week in and week out, all credit where it’s due. The problem is, you can usually expect her to do the job. Melina tweaks her ankle early onin the match, and Layla capitalizes, but it only postpones the inevitable as Melina hits her finisher for the victory.
After the match, Melina exits the ring and dumps Michelle McCool out of her chair.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK> – “The Rise and Fall of WCW” is highly recommended by both myself and JT.
Video: Celebrities I’ve never heard of and WWE Superstars talk about SummerSlam
Booyakah, booyakah! (Don’t get too used to that – after next week it’s gonna be a month before I have to type that again.)
The WWE Intercontinental Champion is on drugs his way to the ring for a steroid injection competition. He’s scheduled to defend the Intercontinental Championship against Dolph Ziggler – guess that’s not happening, huh?
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Kane makes his way to the ring to take on the Intercontinental Champion in this non-title match.
Rey Mysterio def. Kane
Meh. I’m still not ready for this match after their infinitely long feud on RAW last year. Kane gets himself disqualified because he won’t stop ramming Mysterio into the steel post.
After the match, The Great Khali comes after Kane. He goes for the Punjabi Plunge, but Kane escapes. Ranjin (in his new “The Great Khali Says…” Bobby Heenan style jacket) hits him with a Singapore cane (he hit Kane with a cane – get it?), which draws Kane’s attention long enough for Khali to hit him with it. Khali drives Kane to the back with cane shots, and Dolph Ziggler attacks Rey Mysterio.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
One half of the Unified Tag Team Champions, Chris Jericho, is set for action and accompanied by The Big Show. They’ll be facing MVP and Mark Henry at Breaking Point. But for now, Jericho has something to say.
JeriShow is the most powerful team in sports today – and while great teams don’t always win, they win when they have to. Just because Floyd Mayweather helped them cheat to win on RAW doesn’t mean that MVP and Mark Henry will win at Breaking Point. JeriShow will win at Breaking Point, just like they did at SummerSlam. JeriShow don’t cut corners, they’re men of principal, men of honesty, but most importantly, they’re champions. Unified Tag Team Champions.
Yo yo yo yo yo – Shad Gaspard and JTG, it’s Cryme Time
Great.
Shad will be representing his team in this singles matchup.
Chris Jericho vs. Shad Gaspard
Shad is angry and assaults Jericho early on. It’s all Shad for the first couple minutes of the match, using his power to virtually destroy Jericho. Shad goes for a pin, but only gets a two when Big Show pulls Jericho out of the ring. All hell breaks loose as both teams fight on the outside…
You know it’s the Mack Militant…
SmackDown General Manager Theodore Long comes out and orders the referee to restart this as a tag team match.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Chris Jericho & The Big Show def. Cryme Tyme
The match has already started when we come back from the break. Jericho is faring much better now than he was in his one on one matchup with Shad earlier on. In fact, it’s all JeriShow in the early going. In the end, it’s The Big Show knocking Shad out for the win.
Jeff Hardy is drawing on himself backstage when he’s joined by Matt Hardy, who tells him to beat CM Punk so that the Hardys can take over SmackDown. Jeff says he lives for the moment, and the moment is now.
The steel cage is lowering, and it might as well be the curtain on the career of one of the two men who will be entering it when we come back! (Hey! when did I get all metaphory and stuff?)
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
This is a steel cage match for the World Heavyweight Championship. This match can be won by pinfall, submission, or by escaping the cage with both feet touching the floor.
Jeff Hardy makes his way to the ring, and he gets attacked from behind by the World Heavyweight Champion. Punk slingshots Hardy face first into the cage, then hiptosses him to the floor. Punk suplexes Hardy on the outside, then finally tosses him back into the ring. Punk follows Hardy in, and the bell rings, starting this match.
CM Punk def. Jeff Hardy
Punk tries to escape early, but Hardy stops him. In fact, that seems to be Punk’s M.O. – escape early. Personally, I don’t see why he didn’t just go for the door as soon as the bell rang instead of climbing out. This is definitely going to be one of those “must watch” matches. It’s all Punk, but Hardy, like his older brother, will not die. Punk ducks a high cross body, slowing Hardy’s comeback attempt, but not for long. Hardy hits a Whisper in the Wind and scores a two count.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Hardy tries to escape as we come back from the break, but Punk stops him – and eats a cross body from the top rope for his troubles – and a two count. Hardy tries another escape, but Punk stops him again. Hardy crotches Punk on the top rope and hits the Swanton Bomb after the champion crumbles to the canvas. Hardy goes for the cover, but Punk kicks out at two! Punk goes to climb out, and Hardy goes for the door. Punk realizes this, and prevents Hardy’s escape. Both men are down, and we head to another…
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
It’s Punk trying to escape through the door when we come back this time. Hardy drags him back in and the door is closed once again. Punk goes for the Go To Sleep, but Hardy reverses it into a backslide for a two count. Punk nails a double underhook backbreaker and only scores a two. Punk goes for the Go To Sleep again, but Hardy again counters, this time into a Twist of Fate. Hardy crawls over to the corner and uses the ropes to pull himself up. He begins to climb. He gets on top of the cage, but Punk sees this and the adrenaline starts to flow, causing Punk to rush to try and stop him. Hardy gets over the top of the cage, but Punk manages to pull him back in and superplex him to the canvas. Punk pulls himself to the ropes and uses them to get to his feet. He starts to climb the cage. He gets to the top, but Hardy’s adrenaline rushes and he leaps to his feet to try to pull Punk back in. Punk thumbs Hardy in the eye and bounces his head off of the top of the cage, sending Hardy crashing to the mat and allowing Punk to drop to the floor to retain his title and bring Jeff Hardy’s career to a screeching halt.
The champion makes his exit, the cage raises from the ring, and the copyright graphic appears on the screen – at 9:55PM. Odd. The fans chant “Thank You Jeff,” and the Charismatic Enigma rises to his feet. He ties his hair back and applauds the fans. He grabs a microphone and apologizes if he’s let anybody down. He’s sorry we’ll be seeing CM Punk instead of him on SmackDown, but it’s been a hell of a ride, hasn’t it? He wants to thank all of the fans and wants to let us know it’s not goodbye forever, it’s only goodbye for now. If the time is right, he’s sure he’ll see us in the future. He says “Thank you all.” He says at least Matt’s back on his side, there’s still a Hardy on this show. “Yours truly, Jeff Hardy, ours truly, this life.” The saddened fans in the arena chant “Thank You Jeff” once again as the now former WWE Superstar leaves for perhaps the last time. Hardy stands at the top of the ramp to salute the fans one last time, when Punk smacks him in the back of the head with the World Title. Punk stands tall over the fallen Hardy as we fade to black.
The Undertaker returns to SmackDown, NEXT WEEK!
My Thoughts: Man. I knew this was coming, but I still feel weird sitting here knowing that Jeff Hardy has wrestled his last match for a while. Love him or hate him, Jeff Hardy was probably the most exciting superstar on any of the WWE brands. Hopefully it’ll be sooner, rather than later, that we see the Charasmatic Enigma back in the ring.
Speaking of Hardys, those blue tights look terrible on you, Matt. Not as bad as The Big Show’s Mr. Perfect singlet looks on him, but still pretty bad.
If Michelle is injured as bad as she seems to be, shouldn’t the WWE higher-ups make her relinquish the title? I know, I know. I’m talking about logic in the same sentence of the WWE.
That’s it for tonight guys. Not sure if I’m doing a ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts tomorrow since I’m working on another project at the moment, but I guarantee you that JT will be here for Random Randomness on Sunday!
Welcome to the War for another week.
Fresh off my coverage of the 22nd SummerSlam, I’ve saved this time to recap the event.
The PPV as a whole was between average and good. I enjoyed what I saw of the first match between Mysterio and Ziggler, and all bar the ending of the TLC match for the World Heavyweight Championship, but other than that, I personally wasnt excited, even with the 16th return of D-Generation X.
I made up for the average 2009 version, by watching the 1998 edition of SummerSlam. Watching Jeff Jarrett get his hair cut by X-Pac and one-night only DX member, Howard Finkel, to Mankind defending the Tag Team titles unsuccessfully by himself against the New Age Outlaws to the Ladder match between Triple H and the Rock, and Stone Cold defeating the Undertaker for the WWF Championship.
Speaking of the WWE, I have decided to boycott all WWE programming until furhter notice, due to the sheer rubbish that it brings up every week. I will determine a return time in the future, but until then, I will not watch RAW, ECW or SmackDown!
Moving to the other side of the tracks so to speak, and this week on TNA’s iMPACT broadcast, history will be made. TNA President, Dixie Carter, will make her first appearance on the broadcast, and will make an announcement involving Bobby Lashley. Looks like another interesting iMPACT on the way (even though I already know what happens, thanks to the creator of these here parts).
Moving into the sporting world now, and former New York Giants Wide receiver Plaxico Burress was sentenced to two years prison for shooting himself pretty much. There goes him signing for the Eagles this year.
Brett Favre flunked in his first pre-season game wearing the Purple of the Minnesota Vikings. He went 1-4 with just 4 yards, in 2 sets of plays. First, the now fourth-string QB, John David Booty, gives his #4 to Favre, then Favre has 4 pass attempts, and gets 4 yards. I sense a pattern. The weird thing about all this? Brett Favre’s favourite number is 7.
For those who haven’t heard of Caster Semenya, well arent you in for a surprise. Semanya, won the Women’s 800m race at the IAAF Athletics Championships recently. However, she could be stripped of the Gold medal, as officals aren’t sure if 18 year old is infact, a female. Here’s a picture of her. I’ll let the BWF readers decide for themselves. Here’s more information on the story. If you still aren’t unsure, if you unjumble the letters of her full name ‘Caster Semenya’ you get ‘Yes, A secret man’. I think we just found JT’s latest girl.
RIP Sen. Ted Kennedy. He passed away Tuesday after a long battle with Brain cancer.
I’m looking to picking up the new Rise and Fall of WCW dvd. I hear good things.
That’s all for the War for another week. It looks like I’m recapping ECW again this week, as well as SmackDown! from last week. Unless of course, someone else picks up the slack. If they don’t, then they’ll be there by the end of the week.
Stay tuned to BWF throughout the week for your wrestling fix.