Tonight, Smackdown hails from my city of birth, the mean streets of Edmonton. A place ravaged by gang warefare between Polar Bears and Steve. You know, Steve? Everyone knows Steve. He’s a tough dude. Saw him wear shorts in July once, in three feet of snow. There’s a statue of Jericho there too, inventor of Canada. In Canada, we all hop. Do you hop? You should.
Why wear wrestling gear when going anarchist?
Here I am to take over the Impact Wrestling review. Boy do I have my work cut out for me. No Barkley or Daffney to assist.
Sorry Daff, but the drunk tank you will stay
We open on Impact and the continuing story of Bobby Roode’s rise to the top. Kurt Angle and Roode exchange words. Is it me or do I see a swerve coming with this whole Roode as champion pursuit?
I know. I know I will regret this later.
We now have the 5-man ladder match for the number one contenders match against Austin Aries for the X division gold. After a somewhat cluttered affair, where Aladdin (Kendrick) in all his Disney glory and steals a victory out from under Kid Kash.
Go Make the street rat proud, Kendrick
Kaz and Tracy get called out to the ring by The Jarretts, where JJ badmouths Kaz about leaving the company multiple times and how Jarrett kept taking him back despite his flip flopping. He then targets his venom on Ms Brooks for being disrespectful to his wife. Calling her a “10 cent whore” which causes Kaz to punch Jeff. Soon security or the retired wrestlers brigade come out to separate them. It all comes to a head when Gunner comes out and F5’s Kaz. (Where’s Fourtune?)
She slept with the owner of the company,
Ink Inc comes out and gets jumped by Mexican America before a singles match between Hernandez and Jesse Neal could take place. After a swift beating and two big splashes by SuperMex, The Sitas spray paint NWO style on there backs the groups initials.
Promo Flair argues with Hogan about his announcement and tells him not to do it. (Why again, would Flair care?) Next Promo is the pre match hype for Tara vs Madison for the Queen’s Qualifier’s Match. The winner taking on Velvet, Mickie and Knockout Champion Winter for the title. Crimson returns.
Knockouts Queen’s Qualifier Match, Madison Rayne comes out in camo wrestling gear and Tara follows with one half of the now pointless tag belts. “Accessories anyone?” What starts out to be a very promising match….sorry I couldn’t keep a straight face. Soon turns to farce when Earl Hebner gets involve and starts choosing sides. Madison uses her charms to get Earl to make calls on her behalf which leads to an eventual reveal and her luck turns for the worse only for her to win with
She "slept" with a higher up for her old position, So tell me who is the better hoe?
her feet on the ropes sealing Tara’s fate as her bitch.
Even though she won't win they still show that she is an asset, and not a hinderance
Christopher Daniels brags about his victory over Styles.
Crimson comes out and calls out Joe. After some back in forth in which Joe calls Crimson his “bitch” a fight ensues which leads to Crimson to be put in the figure four leglock while still suffering from a fractured ankle. But don’t worry Morgan shows to save the day. After a quick clearing of the ring we have the two big men stare each other down until Morgan gives Crimson a friendly man pat on the chest.
Next we have two underrated superstars Dinero versus Anderson. Let us make it quick. Devon’s kids interfere which causes Devon to come out. While that whole mess is going on we have Anderson in the ring at which point Ray hits him with the Singapore cane which Pope slyly picks up the victory.
Sappy Roode promo in which I get early vibes of a wrestler’s version of Rocky. Roode makes the usual promises of training and going into BFG and winning the world title.
Will he have what it takes to beat Apollo Angle for the World Title?
Main Event: AJ Styles versus Bobby Roode. A really good match leading to Roode winning with a cross-face.
Hogan comes out to announce his retirement. Or more correctly tease it for next week. Good way to try to boost ratings with a fake RETIREMENT promo. Sting listens back stage calling Hogan a academy award winning actor, Sting closes the show promising to be in Knoxville, Tennessee for the announcement.
You know your announcement is on thin ice when even the Joker calls you on it.
So that is all for Impact for this week. See you next week when we witness a Knoxville audience.
We open NXT with a replay of the obstacle course challenge and Cole going nuts and quitting.
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Whose line is it, anyway? Let’s make a deal where you don’t forget the lyrics, because Wayne Brady is hosting WWE Monday Night RAW! This, of course, begs the question: Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?
Ah, SmackDown. I didn’t think I’d be reviewing this show anymore, but it just keeps coming back to me. Truth be told, I love covering the blue brand – Josh Matthews makes stupid faces, Matt Striker makes cool comments, and I don’t really have to wait for the show to come on to do my review. Yes folks, it’s 8AM on Friday, March 5th, and I’m here to review WWE Friday Night SmackDown!
Greetings and salutations, fellow “Smackdown” fans!
The work week has ended for me, and I invite you to join me in leaving the realm of public education behind, and diving headfirst into the B-show that really isn’t. I’ve read no spoilers, and actually have no idea what is happening tonight. (more…)