GLAAD to See This
19 CommentsI’m not saying that our own Rich Flynn is in any way responsible for this, but let’s give credit where it is due. (more…)
I’m not saying that our own Rich Flynn is in any way responsible for this, but let’s give credit where it is due. (more…)
It’s substitution week here at BoredWrestlingFan.com! Drowgoddess covered SmackDown for Rich Flynn, and now it’s the Vince McMahon of BoredWrestlingFan, ThinkSoJoE covering RAW for AlyKat – and don’t worry, those of you who used your #BWF hashtag on Twitter will be recognized!
The Rock is in his office, making fun of John Cena’s terrible promo from last week. Cena’s music hits, and The Rock looks confused. Apparently, John Cena is in The Rock’s house. Rock asks if he wants to say something face to face. A little kid dressed like Cena comes in and tells Rock, “You Can’t See Me.” Rock stands up, and The Rock tells him to not even think about it. No “yo,” no gang signs. He’s not gangsta, he’s not from the hood. Rock wants him to talk to The Rock like an adult. The kid busts a rhyme – “Yo, my name’s John Cena, I’m puttin’ on the hurt/I’m the big tough guy with the bright purple shirt.” And he’s better than Cena. He tells The Rock that if he wants some, come get some. Rock sits back down and says it’s time for Cena to have a talk with the People’s Champion. Rock knows that when The Rock left, Cena took the ball and ran with it. He didn’t run far, but he was trying. Cena became The Man in the WWE. He didn’t just try, he succeeded! Think of the cultural impact Cena’s made on the world! Think about it. Kermit the Frog (ribbit, ribbit), Barney the Dinosaur (“bingo!”) and now you! And think about the demographic that Cena’s dominated – he owns the 2-5 year olds! Does he know why he’ll never be as good as The Rock? “John Cena” answers “Because I’m not that talented?” The Rock confirms. It took a big man for Cena to admit that. Now that that’s out of the way, how does that make him feel? IT DOESN’T MATTER, HOW IT MAKES YOU FEEL! The kid starts crying, and The Rock says that The Rock doesn’t see The Rock and the millions crying, and we had to sit through Cena’s movies. Rock doesn’t have any toilet paper, but Rock does have the next best thing – a John Cena t-shirt. The kid blows his nose on the shirt, then The Rock spits on it. Rock is proud of Cena, because he admitted he wasn’t that talented. Rock has a gift for “Cena.” Abracadabra, Yabba Dabba! Rock produces a box of Fruity Pebbles.
“Hustle. Loyalty. Respect. AND Fruity Pebbles?!? YES!”
The Rock knows that’s John Cena’s favorite! Fred Flintstone is Cena’s hero. Rock tells “Cena” that he’ll never has muscles as big as The Rock’s, but he can go take his Fruity Pebbles and enjoy them! Rock says “Hello, Miz.” The Rock says that The Miz is the WWE Champion. The Rock is the most electrifying man in all of entertainment, the People’s Champion. Miz knocked Cena out cold last week. He had the gall to hit the People’s elbow and trash talk Rock’s family. The other statement The Miz made was that he wants The Rock to deliver the single biggest ass whipping of a lifetime. The Rock says that before WrestleMania, he’ll bring it live on Monday Night RAW. The only thing Cena and Miz should be concerned with is how badly The Rock layeth the smacketh down on both of their candy asses, if ya smelllllllalalalalallao! What the Rock is cookin!
Backstage, Snookie is with Trish Stratus. In the arena, Michael Cole is in a glass box that he calls “The Cole Mine.”
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWESOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMME!
The WWE Champion, The Miz makes his way to the ring. We relive The Miz costing John Cena the WWE Tag Team Championships, The Miz dropping Cena after his cage match with A-Ry, and The Miz laying out Cena with a Skull-Crushing Finale and a People’s Elbow last week.
The Miz does his “really” shtick. He says that The Rock’s t-shirt says “I Bring It.” The Rock does bring it – The Rock brings out of date catch phrases, bad tattoos, horrific movies, empty promises, and pointless diatribes that only a has-been can bring. The Rock has a problem with The Miz insulting his family. Rock’s father and grandfather were both good, but they’ve never been the WWE Champion. That makes Miz better than both of them, and he can say whatever he wants. Rock likes to make six year olds cry – The Miz will make The Rock cry, and scream like a little girl. Unlike The Rock, instead of talking about beating up John Cena, The Miz has actually done it. Three weeks in a row, to be exact. So no, The Rock doesn’t own John Cena, The Miz does. Week after week, via television screen, The Rock says he’s going to bring it. Miz says who knows, he might bring it here to St. Louis. If he does bring it, he’ll be overshadowed by the most must-see WWE Champion in the history of this company, because he’s The Miz, and he’s AWWWEEEEESSSOOOOOOOMMMMMMMEEEEE!
Cole asks for our attention, and says he’s recieved an e-mail from the anonymous RAW GM. He exists the “Cole Mine,” but Jerry Lawler steps in front of him and reads the e-mail, despite Cole’s protests. The GM says that there are two first time ever matches for The Miz and John Cena. Later tonight, John Cena will face a man he’s never been in the ring with before, the number one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship, Alberto Del Rio. The Miz claims that he’s beaten everybody, so who could it possibly be he’s facing? Lawler says that The Miz has never faced this man – The Great Khali!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
@JonHexLives I was about to sit this #RAW out, then @TheRock cuts a promo and John Cena to shreds. #WWE #BWF
@TKeep123 Michael-Cole-In-A-Box! Now, if we can just get that glass booth sound-proofed! (and air tight!) #WWE #RAW #mnbw #BWF
The Great Khali def. The Miz via disqualification
The Miz goes after Khali early, but the advantage doesn’t last long. Meanwhile, King and Cole argue on commentary. Khali locks in the Vice Grip. Miz manages to get to the ropes, when Alex Riley comes in to attack Khali. Khali hits the Punjabi Plunge on a-Ry, but The Miz dissects Khali with a steel chair. He breaks it across the giant’s back. Miz DDTs Khali on the chair, which now has pieces hanging off of it. Khali’s back is bleeding from being destroyed by the chair.
Michael Cole has a very special guest tonight. He’ll expose Jerry “The King” Lawler for who he really is.
Also, Randy Orton takes on Mason Ryan in a match with WrestleMania implications!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
@TKeep123 “You’re Fired” must be some secret “wrestling insider” term for “…See you on next weeks episode!” #WWE #RAW #mnbw #BWF
@N_er_d The Miz made Khali bleed. I am not complaining, but is blood now allowed on #WWE shows? #RAW #mnbw #bwf
Congratulations are in order for John Cena, who now has over 5,000,000 followers on Facebook. Hey, speaking of followers, we’re only 21 away from 1,000 on our twitter account, @BrdWrstlngFn. And you can find us on Facebook as well!
Josh Matthews and Jerry Lawler discuss Triple H vs. The Undertaker. Which can only mean one thing. We’re going to see clips from last week! They throw it to the video package that Triple H showed on SmackDown, which is good, because I slept through SmackDown and haven’t yet seen it.
John Morrison is backstage yapping with Snooki, who invites him to be a cast member on Jersey Shore. Vickie Guerrero tells Snookie she’s got a problem with her. Vickie was offered the cover of Playboy. Snooki says that it’s gotta be a centerfold, since you can’t fit all of Vickie on one page. Vickie gets the taste slapped out of her mouth.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
@WWE_Creative Yeah, @Sn00ki calling @ExcuseMeWWE heavy is the pot calling the kettle fat. #RAWTonight
@iWoinsider Did Snooki just make a fat joke? To a woman who weighs at least 35 lbs. less than her?
“This bout, set for one fall, is for the United States Championship!”
Sheamus is on the cover of the new issue of “Muscle and Fitness” magazine. And if he loses, he’ll quit. Daniel Bryan is led to the ring by Gail Kim, and we’re set for US Title action!
Sheamus def. Daniel Bryan to become the United States Champion!
Josh Matthews ponders if there’s a curse associated with the King of the Ring. Nevermind that several Kings of the Ring have won World Championships over the years. Bryan dominates the early going, nailing a missile dropkick for a two count, sending Sheamus reeling out of the ring to regroup.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
@WWE_Creative Sheamus appearing on the cover of Muscle and Fitness is all part of his Triple H Fantasy Camp package. #RAWTonight
@JonHexLives Daniel Bryan may lose the US title just so he has something to do at #Wrestlemania. #WWE #RAW #BWF
Sheamus has finally taken over during the commercial break with a Tilt-a-whirl slam. Bryan starts to battle back but Sheamus takes him down. Sheamus goes for another Tilt-a-whirl slam, but Bryan reverses it. Sheamus winds up back on the outside, clutching his ankle in a bit of deja vu, but Sheamus gets back in the ring. He misses a brogue kick, allowing Bryan to lock in the Lebell Lock, but Sheamus gets to the bottom rope. Sheamus runs Bryan into the turnbuckle and goes for the Celtic Cross, but Bryan reverses that as well. Bryan kicks Sheamus down to his knees, then a kick to the head results in a two count for the defending champion. Bryan goes to the top rope, but Sheamus nails a brogue kick out of midair and pins Bryan to become the new United States Champion!
Michel Cole stands up in his Cole Mine. He says he’s going to participate in Regicide – the death of a king. He has somebody who is going to expose Jerry Lawler for who he really is – and that person will be out here NEXT!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
@Whovian_23 Why are people so miffed at an Irish Person as the U.S Champion. Most of the European Champions where American. #WWE #RAW #BWF
Apparently, I missed the video recapping last week’s Stone Cold hijacking of the referee spot for the Cole/Lawler match. Cole knows how King gets when anybody talks about his family. Cole isn’t going to talk about King’s family – King’s family is going to talk about him. Cole’s guest at this time is Jerry Lawler’s biological son, Brian Christopher Lawler. Grandmaster Sexay comes out to the old Too Cool music, dancing up the aisle, with Cole dancing in the ring. Cole points out that he never went by the name Brian Lawler in WWE. Christopher says that he never felt like he had a father, because Jerry Lawler was too busy being the king to pay attention to his son. Lawler never wanted a child. Christopher gets out of the ring and sounds winded from doing so. Jerry Lawler never wanted anybody to take away from his spotlight. That’s why when Brian Christopher made it on his own to the WWE, Lawler wouldn’t even admit that he was his son. Lawler grabs a mic and says that he doesn’t know what to say other than he’s not the only one who’s glad he didn’t use the Lawler name. He’s a bigger screwup than Charlie Sheen. Just the fact that he’d associate with Michael Cole tells everybody what kind of person he is. Brian asks Jerry how it feels to know that he competed at WrestleMania before he did, as part of Too Cool. He was one of the biggest superstars in WWE in that dream he had that one time. How does that make you feel, Daddy? Christopher shoves Lawler and asks for an answer. He slaps Lawler and taunts him. The reason Christopher never used Lawler’s name is because he’s ashamed of his father. Cole says Lawler doesn’t care about his family. He’s a coward, a loser, and at WrestleMania, he’ll put The King in his place…
The sounds of “Boomer Sooner” fill the arena and Jim Ross makes his way to the ring! Cole was wondering when JR was going to show up to steal the spotlight. Must be a slow day in the Barbecue business or on Twitter. JR says this has gone far enough. Cole tells him to go away. It’s over, he’s done. This is Cole’s show now. He’s the voice of the WWE, not Jim Ross. JR says he’s been meaning to talk to him about that. About the voice of WWE. For many years, JR had the privilege and honor to sit next to Jerry Lawler on RAW, and was lucky enough to be inducted to the Hall of Fame. But neither he, nor Cole, nor anybody else sitting there will be the voice of the WWE – the fans are the voice of the WWE. Lawler’s been carrying Cole for a long time. Like a mother kangaroo. But Cole isn’t a lovable furry little animal like a kangaroo – he’s a varmint. A rat bastard. Cole says he always envisioned it like this. Cole being the bigger man while JR walked out into the sunset with his tail tucked between his legs. JR gets back into the ring, takes off his hat, his jacket, and his tie, and makes a “bring it” motion. Cole takes off his jacket and tie as a “JR” chant breaks out. Meanwhile, Jack Swagger attacks Jerry Lawler at the broadcast table. Cole sends Swagger after JR, telling him to teach him some respect. Swagger beats down JR and locks in the Ankle Lock. Lawler finally gets in the ring and knocks Swagger off JR, but winds up finding himself in the Ankle Lock for his trouble. Swagger points at JR, and Cole locks JR in the Ankle Lock.
Still to come, John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio, but up next, Mason Ryan tries to earn the right to be in CM Punk’s corner at WrestleMania as he takes on Randy Orton.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
@JamesGuttmanWWI Brian Christopher is one of the only people I’ve ever seen run out of breath in the ring…during a promo.
@justinruff At least it wasn’t Dr. Heinie. #RAW
Randy Orton gets the obligatory hometown pop, and then Mason Ryan makes his way to the ring.
Randy Orton def. Mason Ryan
It’s all Orton in the early going, and I really don’t feel like reviewing this match. I’m going to go make my dinner. I put my food in the microwave, and Orton drops an overconfident Ryan with an RKO when I get back to pick up the victory. It’s CM Punk vs. Randy Orton with no Nexus involved at WrestleMania!
Orton goes to leave, but he looks up the ramp at CM Punk and stops. He looks back toward the ring. He punts Ryan in the skull, and turns to meet up with a charging CM Punk. The two glare at each other on all fours, and Punk decides that the better part of valor really is discretion, and slithers back out of the ring.
Earlier tonight, Snooki made a fat joke at Vickie Guerrero’s expense.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
@TKeep123 Orton with the punt to Ryan….damn, its getting crowded down in FCW! #WWE #RAW #mnbw#BWF
@WWE_Creative We’re thinking of calling @RandyOrton ‘s finishing kick the Tam-punt. #RAWTonight
2011 WWE Hall of Fame – Celebrity Wing inductee: Drew Carey! Yet nobody points out that Carey eliminated BOTH Hardyz from the Royal Rumble. Well, ok, they eliminated each other – but he was in the ring, dammit!
Micheal Cole asks for our attention once again. He tells us that he’s going to use the Ankle Lock to beat Jerry Lawler, and says that his attack on JR earlier was a Slobberknocker.
Still to come it’s John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio!
Trish Stratus and Snooki walk backstage, where Zack Ryder asks Snooki how she likes his situation. She says WooWooWoo, it’s pretty solid, as she pokes his abs.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
@WWE_Creative Gonna go out on a limb and assume that’s not the only poking that’ll happen between @Sn00ki and @ZackRyder tonight. #RAWTonight
@onecountkickout Dunno why people are bothered by Carey being in the HOF. Its been apparent for years this isn’t a REAL Hall of Fame. #WWE
Justin Roberts introduces Snooki, and now the star of the only show that beats Monday Night RAW in the ratings is on Monday Night RAW. And her head barely clears the top rope. She’s about as tall as Ariel Winter. Anyways. She’s excited. She’s been looking forward to this all week long. She’s really excited for Trish Stratus to shut Vickie Guerrero up. Snooki sits next to the broadcast booth, when Vickie Guerrero comes out for her match.
Vickie says she’ll not only beat Trish, she’ll be hired to RAW. Before she does that, she has words for Snooki. Never lay her hands on Vickie again, and how dare she steal her spotlight? Vickie says the Rolling Stone cover was hers. She shows what the original cover was supposed to look like – a badly Photoshopped picture of Vickie on a rocket. Trish Stratus makes her way to the ring, a seven time WWE Women’s Champion!
Vickie Guerrero def. Trish Stratus
Vickie stretches to start the match, and Trish tries for a quick roll-up, to no avail. Trish chases Vickie around after tearing off her shoe, which Vickie tries to use as a weapon. Needless to say, that backfired. Trish spanks Vickie with the shoe, until Dolph Ziggler interrupts the proceedings. John Morrison attacks Ziggler, taking him out with a corkscrew plancha. LayCool attack Trish (this is apparently a no-dq match), and they, along with Vickie, cover Trish, allowing Vickie to get the victory, and a job on RAW.
After the match, LayCool mock Snooki. Michelle goes out to where Snooki is sitting, and Snooki, who is dwarfed by Michelle McRibs, gets shoved back down into her seat. Snooki drops Michelle face first on the apron, then attacks Layla. Trish comes back to take out Michelle, and LayCool, along with Vickie and Dolph, retreat as JoMo celebrates with Trish and Snooki. Vickie says Snooki is in way over her head. She challenges Snooki, JoMo, and Trish to a match against LayCool and Dolph Ziggler, at WrestleMania! Snooki says she’ll see her there!
Up next, it’s John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
@WWEsAngel_Nef Dear @TNADixie Sn00kie is doing Wrestlemania. Can you say you guys got mirked? xD lololol #WWE #BWF
A Sin Cara promo airs.
Then a Shawn Michaels promo airs where he talks about The Undertaker’s streak.
Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio, as per usual. After Alberto gets halfway down the ramp, Brodus Clay walks out from the back to meet him. Guess Alberto didn’t want Clay stinking up his brand new Bentley. Del Rio is all smiles until John Cena’s music hits. Cena points at each word of the “Hustle, Loyalty, Respect” symbol on his sleeve before he runs down to the ring.
John Cena def. Alberto Del Rio via Disqualification
This is the first ever match between these two. Michael Cole says that The Rock has arrived to the arena in St. Louis as John Cena sends Del Rio reeling to the outside.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
@WWE_Creative Our Sin Cara promos last longer than @TNAwrestling ‘s PPV main events. #RAWTonight
Back from break and it’s Alberto Del Rio in charge. Josh Matthews questions Cole about The Rock, but all Cole says is “you’ll see.” “What an amazing night it has been here on Monday Night RAW” is the new “This is the greatest night in the history of our sport.” After the two men trade rights, Cena gets fired up and builds momentum. He hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but before Cena could hit an AA, Brodus Clay attacks, causing the disqualification.
As Del Rio and Clay are beating down Cena…
If ya smellllllllll… What The Rock… Is Cookin’!
The Rock’s music hits, and – wait – That’s not The Rock! It’s The Miz in a skull cap and a Rock t-shirt! Cena tries to fight Del Rio and Brodus Clay, to no avail, and The MizRock nails the Rock Bottom on Cena! Del Rio hits a running enziguri, then leaves Cena for Clay, who nails a fireman’s carry. The Miz does The Rock’s gestures, including his pose on the ropes. Miz tears off the skull cap, then rams Cena’s back into the steel ring post. Miz asks Cena how his road to WrestleMania is, then clobbers him with the microphone. Miz reminds Cena he’s owned him the last three weeks, and he’ll own him every week until WrestleMania – then clobbers Cena again. Miz suplexes Cena onto the steel ramp as little kids look on in disappointment. Cena starts to fight back. He goes for an AA at the top of the ramp, but Miz reverses and drops Cena with a DDT. Miz tosses Cena into the big WWE sign, waits for Cena to get back up, then nails the Skull Crushing Finale right into the base of the sign. Miz’s music hits, and for the fourth consecutive week, he’s gotten the better of John Cena.
Not a bad show. Not bad at all. Now to watch The True Story of WrestleMania on Netflix!
It is I, the King of the BoredWrestlingFan crew, and I have returned for a second straight week with a review of wWE RAW! I took over writing duties for tonight after the show ended, so I won’t be using tweets in tonight’s review (sorry, @TKeep123, @WWEsAngel_Nef, among others). AlyKat should be back next week. She would have been back this week, but she’s spent the last week popping open bottles of champagne due to The Miz’s WWE Championship victory and her wrists hurt too badly to type. Are you ready? Because tonight’s show is simply this: RAWWWWWESOME!
Hey folks, the man the BWF staff call “Boss” is here to fill in for AlyKat tonight as she is in attendance at the Amway Arena in Orlando, FL for tonight’s edition of RAW. I’ve actually been to a WWE event in that very venue – the 2008 WWE Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. Tonight, however, I’m on my couch in Niagara Falls, NY watching USA HD and bringing you my thoughts on this post-Survivor Series edition of RAW. Will we see John Cena tonight? What kind of mood will Wade Barrett be in? Will Aly have a heart attack in the Amway Arena as The Miz cashes in Money In The Bank? Who knows! It’s uncooked, uncut, uncensored, it’s RAW!
Originally, I thought I wasn’t going to be able to catch this RAW, due to homework, but I managed to just miss about 18 minutes of it. I’m sure RAW will more than make up. Anyway, basically all that happened during that block I missed was that Cena and Otunga lost the WWE Tag Team Championships to Gabriel and Slater. Awesome.
We come back from the first commercial for a WWE Rewind.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week: United States Daniel Bryan challenges Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler to a Champion vs. Champion match at Bragging Rights.>
Vickie Guerrero and Kaitlin make their way out to the ring. Vickie says that there was a blemish in Smackdown’s perfect night at Bragging Rights, and that Ziggler was cheated by shoddy officiating, and that there was a bias for RAW by the WWE referees. Ziggler is going to embarrass Bryan tonight.
Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler vs United States Champion Daniel Bryan
Before the match even begins, CM Punk comes out.
In the ring, Ziggler gets an advantage over Bryan, and Punk joins them for commentary. Bryan takes the advantage back and gets Ziggler in the ‘surfboard’, and Ziggler manages to get out or Bryan lets him out. Ziggler goes for a cover on Bryan, but Bryan kicks out on two. Ziggler tries to keep advantage, but Bryan takes that away with a dropkick to the face, and Ziggler kicks out of the cover. Ziggler hits a low gut-kick on Bryan and Bryan flips him right out of the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes I love that @CMPunk is about to school King and Cole on announcing. #wwe
@ThingsColeSays CM Punk burying King is AWESOME!!!
@TKeep123 Here come Chuck Norris…err..I mean….Bryan Daniel. #WWE #RAW
We’re back to Bryan and Ziggler back in the ring, and Bryan takes Ziggler out with a hard clothesline. Bryan goes for the cover, but Ziggler kicks out. Ziggler looks like he’s begging for mercy, and Bryan ignores him, hitting hard kicks on his abdomen. Bryan misses his first kick, but hits the second one, only for Ziggler to kick out at two. Bryan goes for the LaBell lock, but Ziggler gets to the ropes. Bryan puts Ziggler on the top rope, and hits a hurricanrana off the top, only for Ziggler to flip it into a pin, though Bryan kicks out. Ziggler goes for the sleeper, but Bryan gets out, and Ziggler hits what could have almost been Sweet Chin Music on Bryan. Bryan kicks out of that cover though, and Vickie screeches about the ref cheating or something. Ziggler goes for the Zig-Zag, misses, Bryan goes for a cover, reverses into Ziggler covering Bryan, and then Bryan kicks out at two. Vickie is still screeching. Ziggler and Bryan trade moves, and then Ziggler throws Bryan, but Bryan kicks out of the cover. Ziggler goes for the sleeper again, but Bryan wonders absently around the ring, but Bryan counters into the LaBell lock, and Vickie pulls Ziggler’s foot outside the bottom rope. The ref takes his submission, Vickie freaks out, and the ref basically says that that’s too bad and keeps his decision the same.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan wins via submission.
Bryan’s enjoying his victory, and Ziggler slips back into the ring, but then flees when Bryan turns around.
Last night, Smackdown beat RAW again. Boo.
Later tonight, John Cena will take on WWE Champion Randy Orton, and the winner decides the special guest referee for their next match (or… Barrett and Orton decide).
<COMMERCIAL>
@WWEsAngel_Nef Okay, Bravo #WWE Good match w/ Punk as a God on commentary
@CawCawBang LMAO! I love CM Punk’s brutal honesty
@TKeep123 Ziggler’s gonna get callouses from tapping so much! #WWE #RAW
The guest star tonight is country megastar, Toby Keith.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: WWE In Your Corner: WWE Wrestlemania Reading Challenge.>
Toby Keith gives a copy of his albums to the Bellas, and they give him a Championship belt. Santino comes up, dressed like a cowboy. He said that when he came to America, it was all pop, and now it’s country and western. He then sings a song of sorts that he wrote. I’ll try to find these lyrics later, alright? It is funny. Toby tells him to keep his night job, and then Sheamus comes up.
Sheamus mocks Santino, of course, and says that Santino embarrassed his team last night, but Sheamus is going to give him an opportunity to prove he’s not worthless. He challenges him TONIGHT! Santino says he’s on. Sheamus then tells Santino he’d better show up. Santino then asks Toby if he thinks Sheamus was ‘for really’.
Cena walks up and yells at Barrett, who calls him out for finding a loophole last night. The only reason Cena’s still employed, is because Barrett is allowing it. If he tells Cena to make a cup of coffee, be silent, or lay down to give up a championship, then he’s gonna do it. Cena says that for the last few weeks he’s been trying to hold onto something he loves, but he can’t do it anymore. Fired, quit, it’s the same damn thing, and it beats working for Barrett. Barrett tells him to hold on, and that he may have a solution. If Cena beats Orton tonight, Barrett will make him an offer that will benefit both of them.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Santino still looks less ridiculous than Toby Keith usually does.
@inkincisions Please. Someone, anyone, get in that ring, and wrestle!
@thinksojoe Best. Country. Song. Ever! #BWF
@TKeep123 Cowboy crooner Santino Morella! Fear The Cobra! #WWE #RAW
@HitTheRopes The Bellas doing what they do best, standing next to the guest star….. Wait, wasn’t there some kinda dysfunction between them? #wwe
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Slam of the Week: LayCool mocks The Harts on Smackdown.>
LayCool vs Melina and Gail Kim
Melina goes straight for McCool, then dominates Layla. Melina goes for a cover on Layla, who kicks out. The two switch each other around, and then Layla knocks Gail off the apron, and they hit each other mid-ring with a cross body. Layla tags in Michelle, but Melina didn’t see it and takes a boot to the face and a cover for the win.
LayCool win via pinfall.
Short ass Diva’s match? Check!
Lawler tells us not to wear a WWE T-shirt when you go to vote next Tuesday.
Miz and Riley make their way to the ring, and Cole says Miz is going to read the Riot Act to the rest of the team.
<COMMERCIAL>
@divadirt Michelle pins Melina after a big boot and it’s all over in 1 minute. Yay(!) [/sarcasm] #WWE
@CawCawBang Does this mean we get to see psycho Miz again?
AWESOME!
Wheeeeeeee, Miz~! I haven’t done it in a while. Just… let me have a moment.
Okay, moment over.
Miz says he’s accomplished more in his career than everyone in this arena can dream of achieving in their entire lives. No matter how superior he is to everyone in the arena or the locker room, he is not a miracle worker. Last night, he endured adversity, overcame hardship, he lasted longer than any Superstar on RAW, but they still failed against Smackdown. If the WWE Superstars had a fraction of the talent that he possessed, the Bragging Rights trophy would be on Monday Night RAW. But his talent doesn’t just speak volumes. It screams ‘AWESOME’. That’s why he’s a leader. That’s why he’s the captain, and that’s why tomorrow, the poster child of THQ’s Smackdown vs RAW 2011 is none other than him. The Miz joins Cena and the Big Show on the cover of the game. Miz says that if they really wanted to make some money, then the cover should have just consisted of him. The RAW team should have just consisted of seven Miz’, instead of one Miz and six losers. If those people understand anything, understand this: he blames his team, he blames Smackdown, he blames Rey Mysterio, and if Rey wants to come over there, he’s putting out the challenge. Step right up over to RAW, next week, he doesn’t care. The reason people watch RAW is because of him. Because he’s the Miz and he’s the only person on the RAW roster that can honestly say that I’M AWESOME!
Eve comes out after his speech and makes her way into the ring, and Miz even holds the ropes apart for her. Miz says that Eve is there to apologize on behalf of all the Divas, but she doesn’t have to. She should, instead, be apologizing for her horrific taste in men, music, and hair extensions that don’t match. She says she didn’t come out to apologize. He needs to be worried about the fact that everyone in the locker room, arena, WWE Universe thinks he’s a… bunch of words here, loser. Miz asks if they all really think he’s a frog-faced loser, and I disagree. :3 Anyway… Miz says that the Packers aren’t going to the SuperBowl, so they’re all losers as well. As for Eve, Miz finds it amusing that the Superstars sent out a Diva to insult him. Eve says that she knows what he’s going to say and he’s quite possibly the furthest thing from awesome she’s ever seen, and he’s ugly. Riley says for her to shut the front door. Riley says that he doesn’t speak Gucci, but the reason the rest of the RAW team isn’t out there is because they’re all tip-toeing their way toward unemployment, and the Miz could have beat any of those slackers by himself. So, why doesn’t Eve take that little switch in her walk back to the back and find out if anyone in the team wants to take a piece out of the captain.
Truth comes out, thus ruining a few nights on Twitter. I wish he’d stop rapping though, I really would… God, I almost miss him screaming ‘What’s Up?’ at me… and yes, Cole, Santino’s singing was better.
Truth says slackers was a bit harsh. Anybody wanna piece of Miz? Truth would like to have a piece of Mr. Kermit. Don’t get mad because what Eve said is the truth, and they all know the truth hurts. As a matter of fact, he doesn’t have a problem showing Miz that the truth hurts. God, this is corny.
“Ding ding ding.”
The Miz vs R-Truth
Miz misses a clothesline, and Truth takes advantage, knocking Miz out of the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@WWEsAngel_Nef Is it just m or is Eve channeling some serious Dixie Carter right now? #WWE
@dasharpshooters: The Miz should Choke that bitch. STFU EVE! #wwe #raw
@StrikerSays For a minute, though, I was REALLY hoping for an intergender match.
@kickoutblog All those pansies in the Raw locker room had to send a woman to trash talk Captain Awesome.
@inkincisions LMFAO. Alex Riley. OMG. This segment has made my night. “OH YOU FANCY HUH!?”
@CawCawBang get back in the kitchen woman
@divadirt Miz says Eve should be sorry for her ‘extensions that don’t quite match’. You got served! #WWE
@TKeep123 I love Eve and she’s a trained dancer, model, cheerleader, etc, but when she dances to Truth’s rap…it’s just sooo bad. #WWE #RAW
Miz has Truth in a headlock as we return, getting momentum back with a big boot to the head. Truth goes for a roll-up, but Miz kicks out at two, and then pummels Truth’s head. Miz goes for a cover, but Truth kicks out. Miz gets advantage again, but Truth fights back, countering in mid-air and going for a cover, but Miz kicks out. Miz gets Truth in the corner and beats on him until the ref pulls him away. Miz then hits the swinging corner clothesline and goes for a cover again, only for Truth to kick out again. Miz gets him to his feet and then puts him on the top turnbuckle. Miz tries for a suplex, but Truth holds steady and knocks Miz off. Miz runs into Truth’s foot, and Truth jumps over him, hitting some hard hits on Miz before Miz counters with a kick to the gut. Truth then hits a vicious clothesline and keeps his momentum going. Truth goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Truth slams his elbow into Miz and ducks under a clothesline, hitting some weird move on Miz, and going for a cover. Miz kicks out at two, and Miz is outside on the apron. Truth knocks him right into the announce table. Truth then shoves Miz into the ring, and Riley shoves Truth into the apron. Eve walks over and slaps Riley. In the ring, Miz goes to suplex Truth, but Truth manages to get on his face. Truth then takes Riley out outside the ring, and goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Truth tries to hit Lie Detector, but Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale.
The Miz wins via pinfall.
Miz blows Eve a kiss after the match, getting some attitude back, of course.
Still to come, Cena takes on Orton.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar That’s R-Truth’s signature move, looking up a the lights, flatback.
Tonight’s guest star is Toby Keith, and he happens to be the special guest referee for the next match. The Bellas need to learn how to dance to country music. Seriously… and get off him, you whores. He’s too important to get herpes from you two.
Honestly… I’m a fan of Toby Keith (born and raised listening to him), but I don’t know what he’s saying, to be honest.
It’s a shameful thing, lobster head…
Sheamus vs Santino Marella
I love Santino. He just poked his head out from behind the lights there. Santino seems reluctant, but Toby Keith works on getting him in the ring. Santino managed to get one quick shot in before Sheamus decided to massacre him for his mistake. Sheamus went for the Brogue Kick, and Santino literally just flops onto his butt. John Morrison runs out and tells the ref something, falling on his butt again when Sheamus goes for another Brogue Kick. Sheamus went for another Brogue Kick, but ended up getting his feet all caught up in the ropes, and Santino capitalizes with a pin. He and John Morrison flee up the ring.
Santino Marella wins via miracle pinfall.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Toby Keith told Santino that Sheamus is no longer Triple H’s gym buddy.
@TKeep123 Toby Keith can’t keep his eyes open? OH, that’s right, protecting them from the Sheamus glow! #WWE #RAW
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Stand Up For WWE.>
More video packages, less wrestling. Totally makes sense.
Gabriel and Slater take pride in their title win. Otunga, on the other hand, wants to talk to Barrett and looks pretty pissed. Otunga asks why he had to go through that. Barrett says that he’s sorry he feels that way. Otunga says that since he couldn’t win last night, Barrett made him lay down. Otunga says that he may be a little pissed and may decide to tell everyone why they really attacked Taker last night. McGuillicutty and Harris come in wearing Nexus shirts, and Barrett says that they’re members, and while he understands Otunga’s frustrations, Otunga is either Nexus or against us, and he needs to make that choice right now. Otunga glares at them all, and then says he’s Nexus. Barrett says he’s pleased about that and for Otunga to keep up the excellent work. I wonder where they found enough fab- okay, no fat jokes. I’m sorry.
Next up, Cena vs Orton.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar “I was in prison watching the WWE because the inmates used to watch the show to get ideas on how to-” – MVP
@HitTheRopes Hey, Stand Up for WWE ad, I visited China…town! Chinatown, dammit! #wwe
@kickoutblog Okay, Stand Up for WWE is lame, but this promo is pretty damn cool.
@ThingsColeSays OK, I actually like this video package. I know it’s got ulterior motives, but it’s different.
Oh, dear God… Next week, Pee Wee Herman is the guest host… I may avoid RAW next week… He makes me twitchy.
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SHUT THE FRONT DOOR, EVE!
John Cena vs WWE Champion Randy Orton
Cena and Orton part seven million and forty-five starts now! … I love all their matches though, I’ll be honest.
Orton and Cena lock up, Cena getting Orton in a headlock, but Orton fights out of it and takes Cena down with a hard shoulder. Cena ducks a blow from Orton and gets him in another head lock. Cena gets out, but Cena hits a hard shoulder knockdown on Orton. They lock up yet again, but Cena backs Orton into a corner, then they run across the ring, and Orton counters Cena’s usual bulldog, hurling Cena across the ring. Orton gets the momentum and holds onto it, sparing Barrett a glance before focusing back on Cena. Cena launches himself at Orton, but Orton drops onto the mat and ducks under it, sending Cena right out of the ring. Barrett sneaks up on Orton from behind, but Orton catches him, and hits him, sending him scampering backward.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi @RandyOrton , why do you look like you were sculpted to make the Greek’s jealous?
@KeepItFiveStar Wade Barrett is doing the Smackdown vs RAW Manager bit. Just walk out while the person does their entrance.
We come back to Orton holding the momentum still, Cena fighting out of his headlock. Cena pulls Orton onto his shoulders, but Orton plants Cena face-first onto the mat first. Orton goes for a cover, but Cena powers out at two. Orton hits Cena with some hard hits to the face. Orton flings Cena into the corner, and Cena lifts his boot. Cena then hits a series of shoulder blocks on Orton and then drops him to the ground, calling for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, giving the You Can’t See Me to Barrett, before hitting it on Orton. Cena attempts the Attitude Adjustment, Orton attempts RKO, Cena attempts STF, and Orton hits a scoop slam. There was stuff in between, but it was moving fast. Orton glances at Barrett, and Orton pulls Cena into the ring, but Cena avoids the DDT and plants Orton outside the ring. Barrett goes to help, but Cena shoves him head over heels away from Orton. Orton and Cena exchange blows outside the ring, and then Cena throws Orton into the ring. Cena climbs onto the top turnbuckle and hits a leg drop on Orton. Cena goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out at two. Orton gets up, Cena attempts the Attitude Adjustment, and Orton wiggles free. Orton gets back into the ring and Cena locks in the STF. Orton is inching toward the ropes, but Barrett pulls the rope back, and Cena gets up in his face. They argue whether Cena should listen to Barrett or win the match. Cena gets back in the ring, and Orton hits a drop kick on him. Orton then hits his DDT on Cena, dropping to the mat and pounding in preparation for the RKO. Cena inches up to his feet, Orton watches him closely, and misses the RKO. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment instead and Orton manages to kick out at two. Cena gets Orton back up, but Orton hits an RKO on Cena, who rolled out of the ring. Orton rolls out of the ring to Cena and pulls him up and shoves him back into the ring, rolling back in himself. Orton gets to his feet and backs into a corner, but Barrett pulls Cena out and clotheslines Cena.
Jon Cena wins via disqualification.
Randy attacks Barrett from behind after the disqualification. Nexus runs to the ring and starts to take Orton out. Cena, on the other hand, fights Nexus back, and Barrett yells at them all to stop, and tells Nexus to get out of the ring. Barrett tells Cena well done, and that he gets to choose the special guest referee for his match with Orton at Survivor Series. His ref will be Cena. Barrett says that Cena will be an impartial referee, but if Barrett doesn’t win the championship at Survivor Series, he’ll fire Cena on the spot. When Barrett wins the WWE Championship, Cena will be relieved of any and all responsibilities to the Nexus. Cena looks like he can’t believe it, Orton looks pissed, and Cole poetically says that Orton is screwed. Way to take the words out of my mouth, Cole. Way to go.
What will Cena do? What will Orton do? WHAT WILL I DO?! There’s RAW. Til next week.
Hello ladies and gentlemen. Terribly sorry about missing last week, but I was out with my mom and grandmother, with a surprise visit from my aunt. We went and saw Cats, not like anyone cares… I’m going to shut up now.
Oh, heads up: My laptop screen is… busted, maybe, I don’t know. Something happened, I have no idea what. So, my laptop may be going in for repair soon. What that means is that the RAW review may be up later, because I’d have to take notes while watching it in my room, and then take the notes into the office and type it up on my desktop… Anyway, I’m still working out the kinks and trying to make everything easier. Keep an eye out on Twitter, and I’ll let you know.
Tonight, The Miz takes on John Cena. And what about Nexus? After expelling Darren Young, are they stronger, or are they beginning to crack around the edges?
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, whoever loses, leaves Nexus.>
So, Darren’s out of Nexus…? Maybe. We’ll see.
It’s a shameful thing… lobster head… TOO MANY LIMES! TOO MANY LIMES!
Lots of love to the RAW Tweeters for that one. I love you all.
Anyway, Sheamus makes his way out, and we get a rewind to the Justin Gabriel vs Randy Orton match where Sheamus came out to the ring and cost Randy the match via count out. And Randy demolished him last week outside the ring. Nexus? Not a threat. Sheamus pisses Randy off though. Ha.
Sheamus says that he’s noticed one thing about Americans: their children are spoiled brats, annoying, selfish, and will cry until they get what they want. Look at all the spoiled runts. He calls some random kid a disgrace and I JUST SAW FRANK! Anyway, he bashes a few more kids. He says there’s an even bigger spoiled child in the WWE, and that’s Randy Orton. Orton couldn’t beat Sheamus for the title at SummerSlam, so he attacks Sheamus after the match and on RAW. Everyone in the WWE Universe cheered Orton, chanting RKO RKO! Which they do now, much to Sheamus’ disgust. He says he’s going to burst their bubble, and says that Orton is not the WWE Champion, Sheamus is. Sheamus and the GM haven’t been on the same page, but in four weeks times, Night of Champions is coming up. Orton should be punished for what he did instead of rewarded. He should never get another opportunity at the WWE Championship.
<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>
“Sheamus, believe it or not, I have no problem with you. You have found a way to retain your WWE Championship, and I feel you should be rewarded. Therefore tonight I’m going to do something unprecedented. Gentlemen, will you please bring out the throne.”
Like we need this. Make someone’s ego even bigger… Anyway, there’s a throne now.
“Sheamus, I’m not going to decide your next challenger, you are. Tonight, there will be a series of matches. You will watch them, observe them, and see who impresses you the most. At the end of the evening, you will come to the ring and announce to the world your opponent for Night of Champions.”
Sheamus says there is finally justice in the WWE for him, and thanks the General Manager.
“Sheamus, there’s one other thing. The first of these matches begins right now.”
You think you know me…
Edge makes his way to the ring as we cut to commercial.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi It’s official. Whoever Sheamus picks is either going to have a mega push, or a mega burial. #BWF #RAW
@TKeep123 Until I hear Sheamus say “Fella!” my night won’t be complete. #RAW #WWE #BWF
Next week is RAW’s 900th episode!! Awesome.
Edge vs. R-Truth
So, whose taking bets that someone’s going to try to beat Sheamus with his own throne? I would. Anyway, Truth did decently, but a Spear ended that.
Edge wins via pinfall!
Edge says Sheamus can sit on his stupid little throne, brag about all the people he’s beat, but until he’s beaten a nine-time champion, until he beats the man who led Team WWE to victory at SummerSlam, until he beats the Rated-R Superstar, he hasn’t beaten anybody.
Tonight, The Miz takes on John Cena! And Cody Rhodes is going to be on Warehouse 13 on SyFy tomorrow night at 9 Central!
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog R-Truth just broke his hip like a 90 year old that just slipped in the tub. #WWE #RAW
@Niki_Sushi OMFG. Truth did the scissor kick, and all I saw was him in Alicia’s outfit. MY BRAIN NEEDS BLEACHING!!! #BWF #RAW
WWE went to China for the first time. AWESOME.
Sheamus is still sitting on his throne watching everything, and Lawler says that he looks regal. Huh, go figure.
The Great Khali vs. Chris Jericho
Khali manhandles Chris for a bit, but Chris fights back, attacking Khali’s injured knee. Advantage bounces back and forth, and Chris goes for the Codebreaker, but Khali just drops him. Jericho locks Khali in the Walls of Jericho, and Khali taps out.
Chris Jericho wins via submission.
Chris takes a mic and says that he hopes Sheamus wasn’t taking what Edge said to heart because he wasn’t the first Undisputed Champion, Chris is. Edge isn’t the man who just made a giant tap out, and most importantly, Edge isn’t the best in the world at what he does, Chris is. So Sheamus should pick Chris, and asks if Sheamus understands what Chris is saying right now. Khali gets back up and slaps Chris’ chest, knocking him out of the ring.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, Alex Riley and The Miz distract Daniel Bryan so that Tarver could get the win. The Miz, Tarver, and Riley team up to attack Daniel Bryan.>
Backstage, Josh Matthews interviews John Cena. Matthews asks him to mention what happened last week. Cena says it’s petty and classless, and he doesn’t regret choosing Bryan over Miz. Miz almost cost them the match, and showed his true colors last week by attacking Bryan. Ever since he won the Money in the Bank match, he’s gotten a bigger mouth. Tonight, Cena’ shuts it with an Attitude Adjustment.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar I will pay for Khali’s ticket to get him back to India
@ThingsColeSays Michael McGuillicutty has the “McGuillibuddies.” Michael Cole has “The Cole Miners.” John Cena has the “Purple People Eaters.”
@HitTheRopes I don’t hate Cena and all (and I have yet to look at spoilers) but I hope Miz looks better here than in their last feud. #wwe
@StrikerSays Jericho truly IS the best in the world at what he does, and here’s why: he just made a 5-minute match with Khali NOT entirely virulent.
We come back to Jillian Hall in the ring saying she has been Diva’s Champion before and she’s done it again. She starts singing Afraid by Eminem, and I think Cole was singing too. Thankfully, Melina interrupts.
Jillian Hall vs Diva’s Champion Melina for the Diva’s Championship
Jillian dominates most of this match, and they guess each other’s moves a lot, but no surprise, Melina wins with Last Call.
Diva’s Champion Melina wins via pinfall.
LayCool comes over the TitanTron to try to get Melina’s attention. They say they don’t feel bad at all for attacking her at SummerSlam. They’re going to be at the 900th episode of RAW next week, and they have a flawless offer that she can’t refuse.
Matthews is backstage with Miz, asking if he wants to respond to Cena’s accusations. Miz says that he nailed Bryan in the back of the head, but what about Cena? Cena put Team WWE at risk the minute he chose Bryan of Miz. After the WWE Championship match, Sheamus was beaten down, and had to be carried out. But did Miz cash in Money in the Bank? No. He was thinking about Team WWE. The very least Cena could have done was talk to Miz backstage. Instead, he tried to embarrass Miz in front of the entire world. Being embarrassed doesn’t sit right with Miz. So tonight, Miz is going to beat Cena, and he will show Cena that there will be consequences for his actions. As for Sheamus, Miz doesn’t expect to be chosen. But, that doesn’t really matter does it? Because Miz can pick Sheamus anytime, anywhere he wants. He might even pick Sheamus tonight.
<COMMERCIAL>
@legendkiller515 Why do they continue to have jillian sing? #wwe #bwf
@Niki_Sushi NO. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM RAW, YOU DIRTY BLONDE HO! WE JUST GOT RID OF Kx2! DON’T RUIN THIS FOR ME! #RAW #BWF
@JCenadotcom Why do they insist on making Michelle talk? :-
Nexus comes out to the ring, Wade with a microphone. Remember, it’s the Nexus Six now, which doesn’t have the same ring, does it? Sheamus asks what he owes the honor too, but before they can answer…
<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>
“I requested Nexus come out here to let them know I was highly impressed with their performance last week. As for the ban that says Nexus can no longer compete for titles, that ban has been lifted.”
Sheamus looks upset, and Barrett walks over. Sheamus and Barrett have a staring match before Barrett says their truce is over. With that, they walk backstage again.
Next up is The Miz vs John Cena.
<COMMERCIAL>
@legendkiller515 sheamus looks like he just seen a ghost…physically and literary #wwe #bwf
@Niki_Sushi God DAMN Sheamus looks pissed! Just how many Superstars pissed in his Wheaties during commercial!? #BWF #RAW
AWESOME!
The United States Champion The Miz vs John Cena
I’m calling it now, as Cena comes out (BRRRRRR SOGGY SHOES!) that Daniel Bryan is going to interfere. Just my theory. Anyway, Miz gets an early advantage, but Cena takes it from him. He goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out, and dodges a move from Cena, sending Cena shoulder-first into the steel pole. Miz goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out. Miz gets the advantage back, and then Cena takes it back, Irish whipping him across the ring before suplexing him and going for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Miz gets advantage back with a knee to the face, and then a kick to the stomach. Meanwhile, Cole admits he has no friends. Anyway, Miz hits a leg drop across Cena’s face, and then goes for a cover, but Cena shoves him off. Cena gets the advantage back, and then goes to the top rope, and Miz knocks him off and out of the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
We come back to Miz hooked all around Cena in a sleeper, his legs around his waist from behind. Cena backs him into the turnbuckle, and goes for the bulldog, but Miz shoves him off, followed by a boot to the face. He goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Miz goes outside the ring and hangs Cena’s head over the edge, then knees him in the face. He gets Cena under the bottom rope, and then drops him, flinging him into the rope. He goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Miz is watching Cena as he gets up in the corner, and then hits the swinging corner clothesline. Cena gets in another corner, and Miz tries again, but Cena rolls out of the way. Cena hits a shoulder tackle and then gets the momentum back. Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Miz, who gets up and is picked up for the Attitude Adjustment. However, Miz hits him with a backbreaker, then a neckbreaker, then goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Cena gets up and Miz attempts the Skull Crushing Finale, but Miz blocks and gets Miz into the STF. Miz reaches for the ropes and grabs the bottom rope to get free.
To give you a break from the block paragraphs, I’ll continue here. Cena goes for Miz, but Miz kicks him in the face. Goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out. Miz Whips Cena into the turnbuckle and then attempts another Skull Crushing Finale. Cena tries the attitude Adjustment again, but Miz gets out of the ring and away from him. Daniel Bryan attacks from behind, the ref calls for the bell, and Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment.
The United States Champion The Miz wins via disqualification.
Cena walks away, and Daniel Bryan gets in and puts Miz in a submission. Miz taps out, and four refs have to pull Bryan off of Miz.
Later tonight, Randy Orton will face John Morrison and Ted DiBiase in a Triple Threat match.
<COMMERCIAL>
@FrankWWEClown “Get that idiot off him!” -Michael Cole No Cole, you’re the idiot, you’re the idiot.
@Niki_Sushi I now name Daniel Bryan’s submission move. It’s now the ‘Twisted Dick’. #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes These two are putting on a good match. Good job @mikethemiz and @johncena. #wwe
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Two weeks ago, Tamina hits on Santino.>
Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs Jimmy and Jey Uso with Tamina
No idea. I was hoping Tamina would hit on Santino again. Anyway, Vladimir picks up the win.
Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov win via pinfall.
Afterward, Jimmy (I think) went to attack Santino again, but Tamina protected him and helped him up. Tamina then blows Santino a kiss, and he hysterically ‘gets hit’ by it. I love that guy. Vladimir looks at him like he’s retarded and tries to move his hand, but Santino won’t. Santino says he thinks Tamina likes him.
Sheamus is deliberating on all the matches, even the one he hasn’t seen yet, and JoMo, Randy, and Ted have a match next.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog In King’s defense, I think Tiger Woods might be the only person sleazier than Jerry Lawler.
Sheamus seems to have decided. He’s looking pretty smug in that throne.
Ted DiBiase with Maryse vs John Morrison vs Randy Orton
Orton comes out and Sheamus stands at attention! Aaaand no match yet.
<COMMERCIAL>
@dasharpshooters Yay its Maryse and her bitch! #wwe #Raw #bwf
Sheamus leaves the ring/stage area as Morrison disappeared somewhere and Randy and DiBiase go at it in the ring. There’s Morrison, beating DiBiase to a pulp. Randy and Morrison are in the ring, and Maryse is comforting DiBiase ringside. DiBiase finally comes back to interrupt Morrison’s cover on Orton, and flings Morrison out of the ring. He goes for the cover on Orton, and Orton kicks out. DiBiase gets an advantage on Orton and holds onto it for a bit, gaining momentum over Morrison too. But Orton comes back to get some momentum on both of them, hitting a scoop slam on Morrison, then DiBiase in succession. He then gets DiBiase between the top and middle rope, ducks a kick from Morrison, and DDTs DiBiase. Orton prepares to RKO DiBiase, but DiBiase shoves him into Morrison, who kicks him in the face, and then is sent out of the ring by DiBiase. DiBiase tries to hit Dream Street, but Orton counters. Orton then RKOs Morrison in midair and wins the match.
Randy Orton wins via pinfall.
DiBiase attacks Randy afterward only to also receive an RKO from Randy. Randy cackles and then Matthews is backstage with Sheamus. Sheamus says he doesn’t need to see anymore of Orton, because he’s already made his decision, and in just a few minutes, Sheamus is going to tell the entire world in that ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 If Michael Cole would use “Classic” instead of “Vintage,” it wouldn’t be half as obnoxious. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@legendkiller515 randy does it again…rko in mid air. he is a beast #wwe #bwf
@KeepItFiveStar Oh no!!!!! Morrison got the beard RKO’d off him!!
Sheamus is standing in the ring, and I think something glared off his face and into my eyes, because I went temporarily blind. Sheamus says that he is still a warrior, the Celtic Warrior despite last week. He says that he’s going to defend his title right now, and not wait until Night of Champions. A ref climbs into the ring, and Sheamus says that he’s seen a lot of great competitors tonight. But the only reason he became WWE Champion was because of opportunity. You can’t succeed without opportunity. Despite what he’s seen tonight, he went left field. He decided to make it a Superstar who’s never had a WWE Championship before, a man who could be the next biggest WWE Superstar. His next opponent is Zack Ryder.
OOOH RADIO, TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!
Ryder comes out and says that everyone all over the world is looking at the next WWE Champion, woo woo woo, you know it.
Zack Ryder vs WWE Champion Sheamus for the WWE Championship
Someone apparently loves Ryder, because he’s finally getting his chance! … Not like it’ll last. Anyway, there’s only like ten minutes left anyway. So, yeah. Sheamus destroys Ryder with the kick thing to the head.
WWE Champion Sheamus wins via pinfall.
Cole makes a lame joke, and everyone hates him more. Sheamus takes the mic and says that there we have it: another successful retention for the Celtic Warrior. Now, he wants to reference some WWE Rules and Regulations. Now, he doesn’t have to defend his title for another 30 days. That means at Night of Champions, he’s taking the night off. He says he may even take the whole month off, go back to Ireland. However, Nexus thinks that’s a bad idea.
We are one, we are one, we are one, we will stand together… until Darren Young loses!
Barrett makes his way down to the ring and says that Sheamus is right, legally. He doesn’t need to defend his title for another thirty days, but Barrett won Season One of NXT. Sheamus asks so what, and Barrett says that he gets a title opportunity at a pay-per-view of his choice. Barrett chooses to take it against Sheamus at Night of Champions.
<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>
“The GM would like everyone to know that he has upheld Barrett’s request: Sheamus will defend against Barrett at Night of Champions, but that’s not all. Earlier tonight, Sheamus, you spoke of opportunity. Well, I’m giving an opportunity to not only Wade Barrett, but to four other deserving Superstars. That means at Night of Champions, Sheamus will defend the WWE Championship in a Six Pack Challenge. Sheamus will not only face Wade Barrett, he will face Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, Edge, and John Cena.”
Sheamus shoves Barrett at the others, and they all glare at him, surrounding him. Cena attacks, and then so does everyone else. Sheamus throws Barrett out of the ring, then Jericho delivers the Codebreaker to Sheamus, Edge Spears Jericho, Cena Attitude Adjustment’s Edge, and Randy RKO’s John.
Overall, RAW could have been a little more impressive, but it wasn’t terrible. Hope you all enjoyed it, and I hope to see you next week. Keep an eye on my Twitter (@TheMizMagnet) for more details.
I didn’t post this last night because I really wasn’t that excited about RAW. Anyway, I won’t be posting on next week until Tuesday, maybe Wednesday. I’m not going to be watching RAW. I’m joining my mother and grandmother to go see a show. I’m excited. Anyway, here’s the review!
The Main Event is Cena & Bret Hart vs Jericho & Edge with Nexus as Lumerjacks!
Bret Hart comes out in a Batman shirt and says that he’s upset that Jericho and Edge left and talks about Team WWE. He asks Jericho and Edge to join him in the ring, and says that if Nexus wins at SummerSlam, then everyone loses. Jericho makes his way to the ring, and Bret asks him to rejoin Team WWE, because this is Jericho’s time to make things right. Jericho still refuses, and tells Bret that Bret’s worried about losing tonight, and is frightened. Once again, Bret is screwed. Chris doesn’t want to team with either Cena or Bret, he just wants to dismantle Bret.
You think you know me…
Edge comes out and asks Jericho what’s wrong with him, they grew up idolizing him. Edge says he’s in, goes to attack Hart, Hart goes for Sharpshooter, Jericho pokes him in the eye. Jericho and Edge make their way out of the ring, and Natalya joins Bret in the ring. Nexus is backstage beating up Tyson and David Hart Smith. Wade says it’s not Bret’s day. Bret and Nat leave the rign and run backstage.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar “That’s what you get for not being a Hart, Tyson!” – Nexus
@dasharpshooters Michael Keaton looks like shit. #wwe #raw #bwf
@Niki_Sushi I want Bret to say ‘nut up or shut up’ so Chris can shove the mic in his mouth. #BWF
Medics are backstage with Hart Dynasty, Bret says he’s going to take things under his own hands. Cena stops him and tells him to stay with his family.
AWESOME!!!
United States Champion and Mister Money in the Bank The Miz vs Evan Bourne
Miz wins with a Skull Crushing Finale, but Evan had some great offense going, and a pretty sweet looking hurricanrana.
United States Champion The Miz wins via pinfall!
Miz gets mic and says he doesn’t care who has the WWE Championship after SummerSlam, when he’s ready to cash in, he will be the WWE Champion, because he’s the Miz and he’s AWESOME. Backstage, Cena is talking to Khali backstage.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Yeah, The Miz just murdered Evan Bourne.
@_MFS_ Bourne does shit like that and yet they still make him job… #WWE #RAW #BWF
@JCenadotcom Cole talking about The Miz requires me to mute the channel…
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Melina’s return.>
Melina vs. Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox
Not a horrible match, but I wasn’t all that impressed.
Melina wins via pinfall.
Khali is backstage with Josh and says that Ranjin Singh’s not here. Josh asks is Khali with WWE or Nexus? Khali says WWE, then jacks the mic and grumbles and mumbles a lot. He then challenges Wade Barrett to a match, said Josh… thankfully
<COMMERCIAL>
@RAWMysteryGM I know what Khali said and he will be punished accordingly for that outburst #WWE #bwf
@ KeepItFiveStar So The Great Khali vs. Glade Berry…?
@ _MFS_ what the fuck was that move supposed to be Alicia cause it looked like absolute shit #WWE #RAW #BWF
@redsandman99 I’m hoping that since Melina won tonight, Alicia wins at Summerslam. I love Melina but there should be proper feud for the title.
@dasharpshooters Dammit Khali you have been in this company for like 4 years and you cant speak english? #wwe #raw #BWF
As a result of Melina’s victory, Alicia will defend against Melina at SummerSlam.
Later tonight, Eve & Gail v Bellas v Maryse and Jillain in some bathing suit match thing, and Sheamus has called out Orton.
Chris Jericho and Edge are backstage complaining about Bret. They say if Nexus loses, it’s because they’re not on Team WWE, and they may have bitten off more than they can chew. Edge says they’ll survive whatever Nexus does, and Jericho says they’re architects and they make things happen. If they take out Cena and Hart, there’s no SummerSlam match, and they’re in the clear.
JoMo and R-Truth talking backstage. They say they got each other’s backs, but they need to find a replacement.
Mark Henry comes up and hears them say they need replacements, they just need him instead of two replacements, and to consider this match his audition. Nexus is watching on a big TV, and Wade nods to them. Everyone but Barrett leaves Nexus locker room.
<COMMERCIAL>
@YourBoyDrew Tweets are being swallowed, it’s like the Bella Twins, are operating twitter for me
@iwcmvp WWEShop.com has an interesting new item. For $35 Michael Tarver will come to your house and make you crap your pants in fear #WWE #RAW #BWF
Ted DiBiase with Maryse vs. Mark Henry
Henry’s attacked by Nexus before anything can happen.
Sheamus makes his way to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Every week, we should place bets to see how long Mark Henry lasts before he gets his ass beat
@JCenadotcom Henry failed the audition then…
@Niki_Sushi Nexus is doin’ drive-by’s now!
@Bruce412 RIP Mark Henry #TeamNexus #WWE #bwf
@dasharpshooters Wait a minute there was a guy walking next to Maryse? I didnt notice. #wwe #Raw #bwf
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Randy Orton def. United States Champion The Miz>
It’s a shame that they lost their heads…
Sheamus to the ring. Mark Henry’s still trying to make it up the ramp, that fatass. Anyway, Sheamus says Randy is talking out his arse, and shows a video package of how he’s not afraid of Randy Orton.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Sheamus’ destruction>
Who thinks he’s afraid of Orton? Everyone. Sheamus says he’s afraid of no one (except Nexus… <.<; ) and that he wants to call out Orton. Randy comes out and interrupts him. Orton has something to say first – Sheamus didn’t get in the ring because he was afraid last week. Sheamus blew an opportunity last week, and he’ll do the same at SummerSlam. Sheamus can do whatever he wants, but fact is Sheamus has never beaten Orton. Orton says he’s not Triple H or Cena. Sheamus says he’s not the WWE Champion either, and he won’t be after SummerSlam, and when he beats Orton, Orton will go back to the end of the line, and Orton’ll never get another title chance. Orton says he will beat Sheamus because Sheamus has never beaten Orton, but if Sheamus wants to redeem himself for not attacking last week, Orton says do something about it.
Sheamus, your title matches in the past have been marred with outside interference. Therefore, if anyone interferes in the WWE Champ match at SummerSlam, they will be suspended indefinitely. Furthermore, I agree with Sheamus. If Randy loses at SummerSlam, there will be no rematch, and he will go back to the end of the line. However, I also agree with Orton. If Sheamus is not scared, then I encourage him to do something about it, right now.
Sheamus goes to walk away, goes to attack Orton, stops, then walks away. Orton attacks instead, Sheamus runs the title into Orton’s face. Sheamus goes for boot, Orton dodges, and delivers a backbreaker to Sheamus. Sheamus is down, Randy backs up, then goes for a punt, but stops short. Sheamus is freaked. Orton rolls out and picks up the Championship
<COMMERCIAL>
@iwcmvp “What the hell, why is that jar of Mayo doing with the WWE title?, MMMMMMM Mayo” – Mark Henry #WWE #BWF
@dasharpshooters Mystery GM should get 2 minutes in the penalty box for instigating. #wwe #raw #bwf
@TheViperRKO951 I think Sheamus just craped himself #RAW
@SinisterAsh What will happen if the GM gets a virus?
@Niki_Sushi One day, the lights will blink and the power won’t come back on.
@KeepItFiveStar “IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!!!!”
@ThingsColeSays TOO MANY LIMES, TOO MANY LIMES!
Sheamus is still outside the ring, very pissed off. The Season Two NXT Rookies are in action, and I don’t care.
Three NXT Rookies vs Three NXT Rookies
Uh… The fat one won. O.o Husky Harris.
NXT Rookies win via squishing pinfall.
Sheamus attacks Rookies afterward, hitting the High Cross on Kaval. He then takes a mic and says that it was a message to the GM and Orton, and he promises to still be the WWE Champion next week.
Truth and Morrison make their way to the ring
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Hey you know when this would be a good idea? Tomorrow night on NXT, but I guess we have kegs to carry and fat people to kiss then.
@kickoutblog Sheamus just did to NXT what I wish I could do to whoever is booking this show
@bojeeB Kool Aid man has died, Miracle Whip has lost his cool….
R-Truth and John Morrison vs. William Regal and Zack Ryder
I don’t know what happened… I was tweeting.
R-Truth and John Morrison win via pinfall.
<COMMERCIAL>
@wnwdotcom: Big win? They squashed two of the most irrelevant workers on the Raw roster!
@ThingsColeSays Since they couldn’t get Will Ferrall, the Bellas walk to the ring with their giant dildos. They will get off one way or another!
@KeepItFiveStar The fans don’t like you R-Truth. They like rap beats and being asked questions.
@iwcmvp Was I the only one who thought that red haired woman in the audience during Truth’s entrance was Heath Slater? #WWE #BWF
@RAWMysteryGM Coming up next The Bikini Contest, featuring surprise entrant Mae Young. Get the lotion ready folks, there will be some tuggin going on #BWF
Nikki and Brie Bella vs Eve Torres and Gail Kim vs Maryse and Jillian Hall
Don’t know, don’t care what happened here. Point is, they were all in bathing suits, and that is the only reason that this was even on. The entrance with the slide was dumb, and Santino and Vladimir couldn’t even save this… Okay, Santino did. I love that guy.
The Bellas win via crap ring work.
Tamina corners, so to speak, Santino, and then let’s him go, but slaps his ass as he walks by. Santion acts kind of embarrassed.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: The Monty loses to Big Boss Man at SummerSlam>
Khali on his way to ring, but is attacked by Nexus. Everyone saw this coming.
<COMMERCIAL>
@dasharpshooters Whats up with the PG swim wear? Fucking Lame #wwe #raw #bwf
@iwcmvp Santino and Kozlov look like human bottles of ketchup and mustard #WWE #RAW #BWF
@SinisterAsh Bella Twins winning matches make me want to punch a dry wall
@bethsharae Does this mean Khali is out too? I’m crossing my fingers… #Raw
@kickoutblog Weird how those two second backstage assaults are so much more devastating than an actual wrestling match. >_>
@TKeep123 Tamina wants a big old slice of Santino pie! Sweet! Must be the Uni-brow! Beware the Cobra! #WWE #RAW #BWF
Wade says that he was just informed that there will be no Khali vs Barrett match. Nexus will write a new chapter in the WWE after SummerSlam, and after they win at SummerSlam, the balance of power will shift dramatically and permanently. Nexus will beat Team WWE. Skip says they’re going to break Team WWE physically and mentally. Otunga says if anyone in the locker room is considering joining Team WWE, think about what they’ve done tonight, because you’re either Nexus or you’re against us.
Bret and Cena make their way to the ring and Miz comes up. Miz says their team’s in trouble, and they need help. He figures it was just a matter of time before they went looking for him, and he says he wants to hear them ask him to join their team. Bret says fine and asks if he’s in or out. Miz says he wants to hear it from both of them. Cena asks if he’s in or out, and Miz revels in Cena asking him for help before he says he’ll let them know Sunday. Cena says it’s a shame that they may need him.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Something tells me that 3/4 of the Nexus … have no idea what a Nexus is! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@kickoutblog Eat_Souls.MichaelTarver
@kickoutblog Michael Tarver was not given a microphone because if Sacramento heard his true voice, their heads would explode.
@IAmJHPunk Is Bret gonna wrestle in a Batman shirt? #wwe #raw #bwf
Next week Justin Long guest hosts RAW.
John Cena and Bret Hart vs Chris Jericho and Edge with Nexus as Lumberjacks
Cena tossed out, Nexus goes crazy. Jericho tossed out, Nexus doesn’t seem to give a shit, until Jericho hits Barrett by accident, and then Edge tries to help, Bret drags Gabriel in, Barrett drags him out. Nexus takes out Edge and Jericho, Morrison and Truth join Bret and Cena, Nexus gets in the ring. Edge and Jericho back away, then seem to debate whether or not to go back in the ring. Finally, Jericho and Edge rejoin Team WWE. Short brawl between Team WWE and Nexus. Nexus flees best they can, and Team WWE chases then out into the stands
Alright. I’m going to say it. Overall, not a great RAW. The best parts of RAW were the very first match, The Miz vs Evan Bourne, and then Randy Orton and Sheamus’ segment. I admit, the main event got better at the end, building the hype up by making Jericho and Edge return, but the rest of it? Total shit. Just sayin’. See everyone in a week, I hope! If I can’t get to RAW before Tuesday, then it’ll be two weeks! Ciao, darlings!
This week’s RAW review is written by frequent contributor @TheMizMagnet, who used to be @AlyKat_730. Aly liked doing the guest host thing in my RAW reviews so much that she was the first person to volunteer when I asked if anybody wants to take over for me here on BWF on Monday Nights. Let us know what you think of Aly’s work via facebook, twitter, or MySpace!
Tonight’s RAW is hosted by actor and Twitter sensation (I read that somewhere… I think it was WWE Universe’s Twitter), Ashton Kutcher! The main event is a tag-team match between Randy Orton and WWE Champion John Cena, taking on Sheamus and Edge!!
We start in the middle of some action already up. Edge was beating on Evan for some reason, and told Evan that it was his ring. According to Michael, Edge came out before RAW and said it was his ring, and Evan Bourne came out to say that he wasn’t going to wait for a chance. Holy crap, is the RAW set backwards?
Anyway, Edge and Evan Bourne are fighting in the ring, and as Edge Irish Whips Evan into the ropes, Evan gets the upperhand. Here, Jerry Lawler would like to point out to us that this is not an official match, which I think all of us knew based on the fact that Edge was still in his jeans… Anyway, Evan gets Edge down, and goes for Air Bourne, but Edge rolls out of the way and hits Evan with the Spear. We find out that before we joined RAW, Evan asked for a match, stating that if he beat Edge, he wanted Edge’s spot in the Fatal Four-Way for the WWE Championship.
Edge calls for a mic and says that what happened to Evan Bourne is exactly what is going to happen to his opponents at Fatal 4Way: Randy Orton, Sheamus, and WWE Champion, John Cena. He continues on, saying no matter what he does, or how many times he proves his dominance, people like Evan Bourne and the WWE Universe continue to disrespect him. At Fatal 4Way, that all changes, because he’s nothing like his opponents. He’s not like John Cena, who’s the WWE Universe’s superhero, and quite possibly the strongest man in the industry. He’s not like Sheamus, who doesn’t care who gets in his way and will bulldoze his way through anyone to take what he wants. And he’s definitely not like Randy Orton, that snake in the grass who lies in wait to pounce and sink his fangs into you. He goes on to say that the WWE Universe are a bunch of sheep (Chris Jericho anyone?) who just fall in line. At Fatal 4Way, Edge says he’s going to prove everyone who disrespects him wrong when he becomes a ten-time WWE Champion. Gonna be honest here… I was hoping he’d go on another ‘WRONG!’ tirade, but he didn’t.
I hear voices in my head, they council me, they understand, they talk to me…
Randy comes out, and Jerry or Michael Cole tell us that there are 13,124 members of the WWE Universe in attendance tonight. Whatever. Randy gets in the ring, and Edge seems to be backing away, staying cautious. Edge says that Randy thinks he’s just gonna come out there and do something to Edge, but it won’t happen because Randy’s not at 100% due to what Edge did to him at Over the Limit (a dislocated shoulder, for those of you who don’t know). Edge starts to present Randy with an option concerning Fatal 4Way, but Randy RKO’s Edge. Reminder: These two men will be on opposite sides of the ring tonight as they go to tag team action. Randy Orton and WWE Champion, John Cena vs Edge and Sheamus. Up next, we hear from Ashton Kutcher!
<COMMERCIAL>
We come back to Monday Night RAW to see Ashton Kutcher on his laptop, talking about Zack Ryder talking smack to him on Twitter. Eve Torres comes up and they hug, and Eve asks what’s going on. Ashton tells her that Zack Ryder was talking smack about him on Twitter. Does Zack know that Ashton is guest host and that he has five million Twitter followers?! Eve asks what Ashton’s going to do about it, and Ashton says he’s going to put a hit on Zack Ryder, and it could be anyone: A referee, a wrestler, a Diva, Eve herself, Ashton, an announcer…
About that time, Miz shoes up and says that Ashton wanted to see him. This was confirmed by my friend, @Niki_Sushi that Ashton really did tweet Miz to see him during RAW (@aplusk: hey @mikethemiz I need to see you tonight. #RAW). Miz goes on with theories about why Ashton may want to see him, and even mentions that Ashton may want him to star in The Killers 2. Ashton laughs and says that he and Bret Hart have set up a match for The Miz tonight against a Superstar they have acquired a one-night contract for: Daniel Bryan. Ashton says that Daniel Bryan is going to make the Miz tap out, and Miz retorts that Ashton needs to grab his camera and take pictures of what The Miz is going to do to Daniel Bryan tonight. Ashton responds, saying that Miz wouldn’t be able to see it because it’d be so far up his- He is about to continue, but Eve stops him and reminds both men that this is PG television.
New United States Champion R-Truth vs Chris Jericho
Truth is called out to the ring, his new United States Championship around his waist. RAW shows a replay of last week,where R-Truth faced The Miz to pick up the championship. Chris Jericho gets into the ring after his entrance plays, and this is where I realize they’re coming out from the other side of the entrance thing this time. It messed me up.
The match starts, and Chris gets Truth in a headlock. Truth pushes him into the ropes, only to run into a clothesline from Jericho. Truth retaliates with a hip toss on Chris, and Chris goes for a Codebreaker, but Truth catches his feet and tosses him out onto the ring floor before jumping over the top rope and landing on him.
<COMMERCIAL>
We come back to see Chris in control. Apparently, he dropped Truth, stomach-first, into the top rope and then used a baseball slide to get Truth out of the ring. Now, Chris has him in a headlock, but it’s not too long before Truth starts to fight out, successfully breaking the hold. Truth takes Chris down for a pin, but Chris kicks out at two. Chris uses the insigari on Truth, and goes for a pin, but Truth kicks out a two. Truth has Truth between the top and middle rope and holds on, breaking at three before going back and breaking at four. Truth gets up only to be thrown into the turnbuckle and beats on him, pulling Truth out at the ref’s three count. Chris gets Truth down, and Chris pantomimes wiping his hands before he brings Truth to his feet. He slaps Truth, then Irish Whips him. Truth retaliates with a flying shoulder.
Truth then takes control, hitting Chris before he dances and slaps Chris to the ground. Truth Irish Whips Chris, who manages a counter, only to get hit with a hurricanrana. Truth kicks Chris in the face and goes for the pin, but Chris kicks out at two. Truth runs at Chris, but Chris kicks him in the face and the bulldogs Truth. He goes for the Lionsault, but Truth rolls out of the way. Truth gets Chris on his knees, then goes for the bicycle kick before Chris gets out of the way and goes for the Walls of Jericho. He can’t lock it in, however, and ends up sending Chris away. Truth hits Chris with a kick to the stomach and seemed to attempt a suplex, only to drop Chris with a facebuster. He goes for a cover, but Chris kicks out at two.
Truth grabs Chris to pull him away from the ropes, but Chris holds on. The ref comes up to pull Truth off, and Chris takes advantage, poking Truth in the eyes. He then knocks Truth down, goes for a cover, and Truth kicks out at two. Chris kicks Truth in the head, while mocking him, yelling “What’s up!?”. Chris Irish Whips Truth, and bends down, probably for some move or another, but Truth kicks him in the stomach. Truth misses a spin kick, and Chris capitalizes by locking in the Walls of Jericho. Truth, however, counters it with a small package, and pins Chris for the win.
United States Champion R-Truth Wins!
Reminder! Our Main Event tonight is Edge and Sheamus vs Randy Orton and John Cena!
<COMMERCIAL>
The Fatal 4Way theme is Showstopper, by Toby Mac, I think it said. Anyway, a replay of last week is now shown. Batista is in the ring, bandaged and bruised in a wheelchair. He says that Cena is going to give him a rematch, he deserves a rematch. RAW Ring Announcer Justin Roberts interrupts him and says that he has just been asked to announce RAW’s new General Manager, Bret “The Hitman” Hart! flsajf;sdlkfjasldkfj… Sorry, I can’t stand Bret. Bret then tells Batista that he has a match tonight to get his rematch. He’ll face Randy Orton for a chance to qualify at Fatal 4Way. Batista says he can’t possibly fight tonight, and Bret can’t make him. Bret then says that if he doesn’t fight, he forfeits. Batista says if that happens, he’ll quit. Bret says that Randy qualifies by forfeit, Batista flips and says that WWE is nothing without him, and quits.
Zack Ryder and Alicia Fox are together backstage, and they’re talking to someone, who we find out in just a second is Bret Hart, about Ashton Kutcher putting a hit on him. Bret says he has more important things to deal with than Zack. Zack claims that he’s watching Bret, and then walks away. The Hart Dynasty show up next and wonder what Bret wanted to see them about. Bret says he signed the three people that attacked them last week, and he’s not going to punish them for it either. He says that even though he’s General Manager of RAW now, he can’t cut the Hart Dynasty any favors. He then says that the question the Hart Dynasty needs to ask is what they’re going to do about it.
Eve’s music hits and she is accompanied to the ring by Santino Marella. This should be entertaining…
<COMMERCIAL>
Mixed Tag Team Match: WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres and Santino Marella vs. Maryse and William Regal with Vladimir Kozlov
We come back to see Santino teaching Eve how to do his weird cobra thing. Eve’s music fades and Maryse’s plays. She stops about halfway down the ramp, and William Regal’s music hits, and he’s joined by Vlaidimir Kozlov. Santino takes the mic when Willaim and Vladimir get to the ring, saying that, for the love of George Lucas, Willaim Regal should get rid of the Darth Vader wannabe music. He then asks Vladimir why he comes out to the ring with Regal when the two of them could be a great tag team. He continues on to say that if Kozlov joins him, then Eve will make love to him. Kozlov looks interested for a minute before Eve says that’s not true, and Santino clarifies that Eve would love for Kozlov to join with Santino, not the other thing.
The match starts with Eve and Maryse. Or, it would, if one of them would attack the other. They stand there for about a minute, just laughing at one another. Eve finally goes at Maryse, who knees her and then Irish Whips Eve, who rolls over Maryse. Maryse then drop kicks Maryse, who moves to the corner to take Regal in. Santino is tagged in, and seems to be luring Regal in. The crowd chants for Santino, who acts a little embarrassed. Santino looks like he’s trying to do a leg sweep to Regal, who finally gets sick of him and throws Santino around, calling him a ‘bloody idiot’. He goes for the Regal Stretch, but Eve kicks him, breaking it up, and Maryse goes after her. The ref and Regal are both watching the Divas, and Kozlov comes in, chokeslamming Regal before rolling out of the ring and walking up the ramp with Maryse. Santino’s arm covers Regal, and Eve and Santino win.
Diva’s Champion Eve Torres & Santino Marella win.
Bret Hart is on his way to the ring for an important announcement concerning next week’s show!
<COMMERCIAL>
The WWE shows their annual Memorial Day package, which is dedicated to the fallen soldiers in the United States Military who died to protect the freedoms we hold dear today. Happy Memorial Day, everyone!
Justin Roberts then introduces the new General Manager of RAW, Bret “The Hitman” Hart! Bret comes to the ring and says that even though he’s only been General Manager of RAW for about a week, he’s having loads of fun. He got together with Smackdown General Manager, Theodor Long, and decided to do something special for next week! All of the Superstars from RAW and Smackdown are going to come together under one roof live next week, and it’s going to be a three hour special RAW! But, not just any special three hour RAW! The fans are going to be apart of the action. The fans can tell their ideas to Bret, and the WWE Superstars can even bring their ideas to Bret
It’s a new day… it’s a new generation…
Ted DiBiase comes out to the ring, joined by Virgil, and says that if Bret and Teddy Long are accepting suggestions, he’s got one: Make him General Manager for the night. Not guest host, but General Manager, with complete power. He says that he’s willing to pay Bret and Teddy Long whatever it takes, because, even though Bret may stand there an dlook like he’s too good to be bought, everybody has a price. Ted goes on to say that Teddy Long will be bought off easily, and the reason Bret came back to the WWE and became RAW’s General Manager was because he needed money. He says that the only thing Bret has to do to make all his problems go away is name is price.
Ashton Kutcher comes over the TitanTron with one of his pre-taped clips and tells them to wait. Before Bret gives that power to Ted DiBiase, why don’t they give that power to the fans? The only thing they have to do is make it a Viewer’s Choice, let the fans pick the matches and stipulations all across the board. Bret agrees, so next week’s RAW is not only three hours long, but is a Viewer’s Choice RAW!
No Chance… that’s what you’ve got…
Look Busy! The boss is comin’!
Vince seems rather happy tonight as he makes his way down the ramp, and Jerry Lawler points out that this is the first time we’ve seen him since Wrestlemania 26. Vince talks to Bret, asking if he got all of the violence on his heart out. Bret says mostly, and a ‘You Tapped Out’ chant starts. Vince claims he didn’t really, and tells Bret that he has to treat the WWE Universe as children, and he means that in the most complimentary way. But, what he means by that is that they can’t make the right decisions, and sometimes, you have to make the decisions for them. Bret says that he’s ready for whatever the WWE Unvierse is going to throw at him, and tells Bret that he hopes Bret’s story as General Manager has a happy ending.
Turns out Zack is still trying to figure out who his hitman is, and he’s confronted Randy Orton about it. Randy tells Zack that if he wanted to take him out, they wouldn’t be having this conversation. Alicia Fox grabs Zack’s hand and leads him away, claiming that she knows how to figure out who it is. Randy watches them go, and then the door opens slightly and then slams shut on Randy’s shoulder. Edge stands there as Randy holds his shoulder, and then steps over him and heads out like nothing happened.
<COMMERCIAL>
The Miz vs Daniel Bryan
AWESOME!! I came to play!
Miz comes to the ring first, followed by Daniel Bryan, who is still coming down to the NXT theme. There is a replay here of what happened on NXT last time, where Michael Cole confronted Daniel Bryan (who looked like his fashion sense was very Miz-inspired). Bryan says that Michael Cole isn’t a man because he can’t escape from a simple handshake. Security rushes in, and Cole slaps Bryan. Bryan chased Cole around the ring and security finally pushes him off. The pros watch as Bryan comes up, and Miz tells Bryan he should just leave, only for Bryan to get mad and punch Miz. The two go at each other, only for security to end up escorting Bryan backstage.
In the ring, Daniel quickly gains the upperhand, putting Miz in an armbar. The ref is trying to pull Daniel off. When he finally gets off, Daniel runs into the turnbuckle, and Miz gets him with a take down before he just begins wailing on Bryan, ending it with a kick to the face before going for a cover. Bryan kicks out at two. He then slaps Miz, and Miz starts wailing on him. Miz then throws Bryan into the corner before hitting him with a swinging corner clothesline. From there, Miz climbs up the turnbuckle and jumps off, driving his fists into Bryan’s shoulders and Michael Cole won’t shut up about how outraged he is by Daniel Bryan’s actions on NXT and blah blah blah. No one likes you, Cole, go find your real family. Miz keeps wailing on Bryan, who finally gains the upper hand and gets Miz in some arm bar/headlock move. Miz rolls back to cover, but Bryan moves and manages to cover Miz for the win.
Daniel Bryan wins.
After the match, Miz attacks Brian, throwing him out of the ring. Miz climbs out and kicks Bryan’s head before picking him up and taking him to the announce table, telling him to apologize to Cole. Bryan then elbows Miz’ gut before sending him flying over the announce table and into Michael Cole. Is there going to be a match with Michael Cole and Daniel Bryan next week?!
<COMMERCIAL>
Cole claims to be assaulted for the second time in less than a week, but no one besides Jerry Lawler seems to care… Actually, Jerry doesn’t even seem to care that much. A replay to last week is played where the new tag team attacks the Hart Dynasty.
We come back to RAW to see the new tag team standing the ring, saying that the whole world is tripping over them. They are Jay and Jimmy Uso, Rikishi’s twin sons, with Tamina Snuka, Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka’s daughter. They claim that the Hart Dynasty aren’t the only ones with family that run deep in the business. The Harts were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. They claim they were born and created for one purpose: Dominate!
The Hart Dynasty comes out, and Tamina and Natalya roll out of the ring. The Hart Dynasty goes for the Hart Attack, but Tamina grabs Tyson’s ankles, and turns just in time to deliver a vicious clothesline to Natalya. Tamina takes Natalya back in the ring, and the three of them perform a frog splash on all three members of the Hart Dynasty.
Still to come, the Main Event! Will Randy Orton be able to compete, or will Cena have to find a new partner?!
<COMMERCIAL>
Oh, radio, tell me everything you know…
We come back in time for Zack Ryder and Alicia Fox to come down to the ring. Zack says that he knows Ashton Kutcher put a hit out on him, and Alicia had a great idea: Come down to the ring and demand to know who it was. Because that’s not common sense or anything. Ashton comes on the TitanTron and asks if Zack wants to know who it is. Zack says yes, and Jerry Lawler starts into the ring with a chair.
Zack Ryder with Alicia Fox vs Jerry “The King” Lawler with Steel Chair
Zack seems amused that it would be Jerry, but Jerry merely sits on the chair. Ashton gets Zack’s attention again and says that it’s not Jerry. Jerry climbs out of the ring, and different music hits.
Zack Ryder with Alicia Fox vs The Great Khali
Zack and Alicia immediately climb out of the ring as Khali makes his way to the ring, alone. He climbs in, looks at them, and then raises his arms. The crowd cheers, but Ashton comes back on and says that it’s not The Great Khali either.
Zack Ryder with Alicia Fox vs Goldust
Goldust starts down the ramp and takes a breath, but Ashton says it’s not him either. Zack claims that he’s getting really paranoid, and he just wants to know who it is. Ashton says that he’ll never see it coming. Alicia grabs the mic and says something unimportant. She goes to hand it back, but they both drop it. Zack bends over to grab it, and Alicia hits him with a scissor kick. Ashton claps, confirms it was Alicia, and then we’re reminded that the first Fatal 4Way match announced will be Randy Orton vs Edge vs Sheamus vs WWE Champion John Cena for the WWE Championship. Gonna be honest, I kind of like the theme for Fatal 4Way.
Edge is back in the back, getting ready, when Sheamus shows up. Sheamus says that he saw what Edge did to Orton and he liked it. He heard what Edge said earlier, and Edge was right: He’s nothing like Sheamus, and they don’t trust one another. Edge says if they’re smart, they can weaken Cena like he weakened Randy. Sheamus says that if Edge takes advantage of something at Sheamus’ expense, it’ll be the last mistake Edge ever makes.
<COMMERCIAL>
WWE Classics honors The Junkyard Dog this week, who died in 1998 in a car accident. Next week, RAW will be hosted by the cast of The A-Team!! Don’t forget, next week also starts at 8/7 PM Eastern/Central and is a Viewer’s Choice! During RAW, go to WWE.com to cast your opinion!
Edge and Sheamus vs WWE Champion John Cena and …??
You think you know me…
Edge makes his way to the ring followed by Sheamus, though neither of which looks like they actually trust one another.
Brrrrrrrr… SHABADOOOO!!!!
John Cena comes out with the WWE Championship and a mic. He says that he has unfortunate news: Since Edge decided to take out Randy Orton’s shoulder, Randy will be unable to compete. He says that Edge had a good plan to try to leave him short-handed, but Edge didn’t count on one thing: Every Superstar backstage hates Sheamus and Edge, so Cena could have anyone he wanted as a partner. He says that the partner he picked was a human wrecking ball, and had a particular beef with Edge.
Edge and Sheamus vs WWE Champion John Cena and Evan Bourne
I was really excited to see that Evan was getting his chance tonight, and he did prove to me, at least, that he can pull of main events. Anyway, Cena and Edge start. They lock up, and Edge knees Cena in the gut before punching him in the head. The then bounces John off the turnbuckle and punches him in the head again as Cena falls. Edge Irish Whips Cena, who gives Edge a bulldog, and then tags in Evan. Evan gives Edge some pretty solid kicks, and then takes Edge down. Edge shoves Evan to the mat, then Irish Whips him, only for Edge to counter with a hurricanrana. Evan then hits a standing dropkick, followed by a twisting drop kick which knocks Edge out of the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
When we come back, Cena is beating Sheamus down. Cena Irish Whips Sheamus across the ring and then tags in Evan. Evan launches himself across the ring at Sheamus and then covers, but Sheamus kicks out at two. Evan continues hitting Sheamus with a series of kicks aimed at his thighs before Sheamus knocks him down. Sheamus then picks Evan up and runs him into the turnbuckle, hitting his back before tagging in Edge. Edge elbows Evan down, stomping on him before laying him partially out of the ring. He kicks his head and then elbows him out onto the floor. He gets Evan back in before tagging in Sheamus, who lifts Evan up for a suplex. Evan brings his knees down, hitting Sheamus in the head. As soon as Evan’s feet hit the mat, he’s kicking Sheamus’ thighs again. He tries to jump to Cena, but Sheamus catches him and throws him away from his corner, where he clotheslines Evan, and ten goes for a cover. Evan kicks out at two.
Sheamus drops a knee on Evan’s face before stepping on Evan and tagging Edge in. Edge kicks Evan’s side, then hurls Evan across the ring into the turnbuckle. He goes for a cover, but Evan kicks out at two. Evan manages to gain a little momentum here, but Edge then kicks him in the face and goes for another cover. Again, Evan kicks out at two. Edge puts Evan in a headlock, but Evan manages to fight out and hit an insigari on Edge, leaving both of them motionless for a moment in the ring, tagging their partners in before the ref can hit six on the count.
Sheamus gets hit with a few shoulder blocks before Cena drops him and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle. He lifts Sheamus for the Attitude Adjustment, but Sheamus manages to counter and slam Cena to the ground. Sheamus goes for his kick, but Cena moves. Evan jumps up, managing to kick Sheamus in the head. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, and then Edge goes for a Spear, instead hitting the turnbuckle. Cena tags Evan in, and Evan hits Air Bourne before covering Sheamus for the win.
WWE Champion John Cena & Evan Bourne win!
Overall Thoughts: Overall, it was a pretty good RAW. Once again, the guest host segment was retarded, and I was a little disappointed that Ashton Kutcher’s segments were all pre-filmed instead of it all being live. But, the main event had some good action, and I’m glad that Evan got a push to the main event. Next week, I’ll be in class for about the first… half hour of RAW or so, but I’ll see if I can’t get a summary from a friend or something for ya. Also, next week is the return of the BWF Tweets!! Use the hashtag #BWF on Twitter to get your tweets in the review!! Seeya next week!
Hey guys, I decided to take the night off, and in my absence, twitter user @Punk_Kanellis was kind enough to send us her thoughts on the show. Here they are, enjoy!
Last night on WWE Monday night RAW, comedian Jon Lovitz hosted. You know the night is gonna be corny when a comedian hosts, well anyways, The first match was a Triple Threat Qualifying match. Whoever won would be in the Fatal-Four-Way match next month. The match of course had all the top RAW superstars in it; figures. It went by slow and steady, gaining tension towards the end. Edge won that by spearing Jericho, and then the 3-count. I don’t know about you fans, but I LOVE the Hart Dynasty. They are so powerful, and Natalya plays a great role in it as well. Well, they took on William Regal and Vladimir Kozlov, nothing much to say about this match. The Hart Dynasty won– but wait! Here comes the exciting part! They got attacked by a mystery trio of 2 men and 1 women, we’ll have to wait till next week to see who it was! Jon Lovitz then hosted a “WWE Superstar Search”.. lame to me. Khali and his little “translator” put on a disgusting version of an old song, and then Of course, before Jillian started singing (does that women EVER wrestle?), Lovitz cut her off and pulled someone out of the crowd to do some weird thing with their eyes. Honestly, what happened to World WRESTLING Entertainment? All these acts disgust me, it’s supposed to be wrestling people! Not a reality show! Next up, R-Truth vs. The Miz; this match was actually pretty good. Pretty high impact, back-and-forth action between the two superstars. But, R-Truth came out with the win and told Toledo, Ohio What’s up! Congratulations R-Truth for becoming the New US Champion! Next up, my favorite time of the night, women’s wrestling! These ladies are so talented, I respect them so much. It was Alicia Fox and Maryse vs. the STILL reigning diva’s champion, Eve and Gail Kim. This match was what WWE calls a divas match now-a-days. Maryse wasn’t in the mood to begin with since she failed to re-capture the title from Eve last night, what did make her a little happier is that she rolled up Eve for the win. Short but long segment of new RAW GM Bret Hart assigning the Fatal-Four-Way for next month, the competitors would be John Cena vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho vs. whoever won this next match, Sheamus vs. Mark Henry. Mark Henry, as always, dominated over Sheamus, but GO FIGURES… Sheamus ended up winning. How do you roll up a man that heavy? I don’t know. Sheamus is also qualified. Bret Hart than got assigned as new RAW GM! Whoo! No more celebs!
Guess what I don’t care about. RAW tonight. Why? Because I’m going to SmackDown tomorrow night. Oh yeah, yours truly won tickets to tomorrow night’s tapings in Buffalo. YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH BOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYY!