We open w/a replay of Foley facing off w/CM Punk, followed by Punk taking a lead pipe to the gut by Cena, the attack on Foley, and the stare down w/Ryback.
Out first is WWE Champion C.M. Punk w/Paul Heyman. Heyman carries the WWE title. Punk calls Cena a coward and accuses Mick Foley of shooting him a disrespectful look and muttering something under his breath, which is why Punk put him down like a dog. Punk asks (rhetorically) if Mick would’ve disrespected Cena, The Rock, or Steve Austin like that. Heyman answers “no” to each one. He did listen to one thing Foley said, about his legacy and facing John Cena in Hell in The Cell, and that’s why he’s here to announce that it still will not happen.
Heyman takes the Mike and moves on to a most relevant piece of business. We see last week when AJ responded to his marriage proposal by slapping him. He points out she never said no, but she did put her hands on him, in direct violation of an edict by the WWE B.O.D. He reads the memo handed down, and demands AJ be removed from office, and replaced with him.
Vicki Guerro comes out w/Dolph Ziggler and reminds us of AJ attacking her 2 months ago, and we get Heyman vs. Vicki on the mike, briefly. Dolph interjects saying this is all AJ’s fault and suggests Heyman and Vicki team-up to take over.
AJ skips out, and informs us all she is on probation. She calls Heyman a “slimy, shady, greasy, creepy as all hell, worm-like excuse for a man,” and mentions she now has a “coach” advising her on running the show.
And Now Daniel Bryan is out. He says he’s just out to apologize for contributing to AJ’s mental state by dumping her. He refers to himself as a handsome, former world champion with “a great beard,” and he is now the Tag Team Champions, plural.
Out comes Kane to remind us AJ Lee is a “phenomenal kisser,” and agrees with Bryan about everything, except for one item. HE is the tag team champions – plural. This breaks down into everyone hollering at each other, until AJ brings it to a halt with a freak out. She reminds us she is still in charge and makes a tag team match, Punk/Ziggler vs. Team Hell No. AJ skips off and we get a promo for a World Heavyweight Championship debate between Big Show and Sheamus. We see Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio heading towards the ring as we go to break.
Side Note: Rey’s mask is designed to look like it’s half his, Half Sin Cara’s. Cara’s mask is half his, half Rey’s.
Nice touch
REY MYSTERIO/SIN CARA DEF PRIMO/EPICO W/ROSA – The masked Mexicans dominate a fast-paced match up while the Prime Time Players look on from the stage. Rey ends it with the 619 and a drop of the dime for the 1-2-3.
We go to break with a reminder of the Sheamus/Big Show debate coming up later.
U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO DEF BRODUS CLAY – This match starts as we come back from break. Cesaro cuts a picture-in-picture promo demanding appreciation in five different languages. Brodus looks strong until he takes a flying back elbow. Cesaro ends it with the neutralizer for the pin.
Backstage: Kaitlin is pulling up her sock over her injured ankle when AJ comes in with her executive coach Christopher J Stevenson. He’s here to evaluate her performance. She makes like she wants to make nice and asks Kaitlin for forgiveness. When Kaitlin smiles at her, AJ bursts into demonic laughter, saying she wasn’t sorry at all, and skips off, leaving CJS and Kaitlin to look confused at each other. We go to break, teasing JR appreciation night.
We come back from break with Zack Ryder in the ring and The Miz coming out. We’re told our social media ambassador for the night will be Larry King.
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION THE MIZ DEF ZACK RYDER – Ryder actually dominates most of the match, but Miz ends it w/a power-bomb to the corner and the Skull-Crushing-Finale.
We come back from break with Smackdown GM Booker-T making his way to the ring. He introduces the Big Show. As Show comes to the ring, we recap Show giving Randy Orton the WMD on last weeks’ Smackdown. Booker then introduces World Champion Sheamus. Both men make quick opening statements. Booker reads them questions from Twitter. Sheamus keeps reminding Show about losing the World Championship to Daniel Bryan in 45 seconds. Show gets angrier. Show collapses his podium (by accident at first.) Then we go to a Tout from Rey Mysteri-O’Sulivan.
It’s Sheamus in a Mysterio mask.
Yep.
Both men tease a throw-down, but Show just storms off. We get a promo for the main event tag, and we cut to Ryback lumbering towards the ring as we go to break.
RYBACK DEF TENSAI – Michael Cole informs us of Jerry Lawler’s improving condition as the match gets under way. It’s a pretty even trade-off of power moves, but when Ryback attempts to lift Tensai into the Meat Hook, someone botches, twice. Cole and JR try to sell it as a block by Tensai, and Ryback ends this with a hard clothesline.
We go to break with a reminder that tonight is JR appreciation night.
When we come back, we’re introduced to breast cancer survivors and their families in the crowd as part of WWE’s breast cancer awareness month promotion w/the Susan G. Komen foundation.
WWE DIVAS CHAMP EVE DEF BETH PHEONIX – Before the match, we get a recap of Eve trying to suspend Beth, getting called on it by Booker T, and throwing Teddy Long under the bus. Eve cuts a picture-in-picture promo where she hard sells the entire Diva division just a little too earnestly. This was a short back-and-forth match with Eve winning by faking an eye injury, hitting a low kick, and the neck-breaker for the three-count.
Backstage: AJ introduces her coach to Wade Barrett. Wade gives her a tongue-lashing before storming off. AJ says her coach looks intimidated.
We go to break with a promo for the main event.
When we come back, John Bradshaw Layfield gives us a Tout about his successful climb of Mount Kilimanjaro as part of a campaign to raise money for underprivileged children.
SANTINO MORELLA DEF HEATH SLATER (DQ) – Short comedy match ends with Santino hitting the “Cobra” on Slater and Slater’s friends, Drew McIntyre and Jinder Mahal jumping Santino. Drew hits the “Future Shock” DDT on Santino and they shove the Cobra sock in Sandino’s mouth. Each man introduces himself to the crowd. Drew is still “the Chosen One;” Jinder is “the Maharaja,” and Slater is “The One Man Band.”
We go to commercial with a teaser for “JR appreciation night.”
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION SHEAMUS DEF DAMIEN SANDOW W/CODY RHODES – Earlier tonight, we had a backstage segment where Sandow and Rhodes both denied the WWE universe coming up with their name while bashing the debate segment. This was one of the most hard-fought matches on RAW in a long time. Both men were booked strong in this match and some are already considering this MOTY material. Match ends with Sheamus throwing Cody in the ring and hitting the Brogue Kick on both men.
We come back from break, with Cole in the ring re-introducing JR to the crowd. JR comes down from the stage, into the ring. Just as JR starts to speak, C.M. Punk heads out with Paul Heyman. Punk gives JR a big build up as a man who’s earned respect. He asks JR to call him “the best in the world.” JR refuses and gives Punk a dressing down. Punk stomps on JR’s hat and orders him out of the ring. JR is halfway gone when RYBACK steps into view. Ryback brings back JR and Punk decides discretion is the better part of valor and takes a hike.
ALBERTO DEL RIO DEF KOFI KINGSTON – Del Rio rides out in a $150,000 Mazarati, as Ricardo Rodriguez introduces him. We take a look back at last Friday on Smackdown as Randy Orton gets the WMD from Big Show, and gets attacked by Del Rio after the show. Kofi comes down with R-Truth and “little Jimmy,” while RR joins the announce team. Ricardo comes off a little disoriented on commentary. Kofi hits his spots but the match ends with him tapping out to the arm-breaker.
Backstage: AJ and her coach are talking. All seems well until AJ suggests that HE be the special guest ref. AJ says a coach “isn’t worth a damn unless he’s been a player,” and her coach “has never been a player.” She throws him out the building, and smirks like a Cheshire Cat.
Side Note: JR makes a boo-boo as he talks over AJ, suggesting Cole “do the reveal,” and apologizes for “talking when he should’ve been listening,” when they come back. Bryan and Kane make their entrances as we go to break.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO (BRYAN/KANE) DEF WWE CHAMPION C.M. PUNK (W/PAUL HEYMAN) AND DOLPH ZIGGLER (W/VICKI GUERRO) – We come back with everyone in the ring. AJ makes her way out as “special guest ref,” for the match, and nobody is happy about it. The match itself is a well-paced back and forth tag-team battle, with AJ playing it as a hard-line ref. At one point, Heyman pulls Punk’s foot over the bottom rope to break a three count, and AJ sends him to the back. Vicki protests, and gets sent to the back. Ziggler chases after her, leaving Punk alone to take a choke-slam from Kane for the three-count.
RYTMANS RANT
AJ Lee IS the star of Monday Night RAW, good and bad. The good is AJ has taken this derpy gimmick and RAN with it. She has the intensity and charisma to play this big and it’s worked. The bad is she’s not technically in-ring talent right now, so she’s basically high-jacking the show from the wrestlers.
My problem with this is there’s no point to it. She can’t make herself WWE champion, and she doesn’t seem to care who the champion is, as long as she’s the center of attention. She’s basically playing this as an insane child who sees RAW as her toy box, and if you don’t play “right” she sends you into the cornfield. (Twilight Zone Reference:”It’s a good life.”) To me, this is a waste. AJ is just playing with her “power,” and doesn’t really seem to care about accomplishing anything.
Here’s another thing, WHO THE HELL ARE THE GOOD GUYS AROUND HERE? Going back to AJ, why should I be happy about her sticking it to the heels if she’s just going to turn around and be nasty to the faces? Are Bryan and Kane supposed to be good guys? Why is Bryan still a douche? WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR?
That’s all for this week boys and girls. I’ll see you next week with another Rytman recap and rant.
Hey look it’s Smackdown! And it’s Friday! So it must be time for me to deprive myself of a good night’s sleep and watch two hours of this show. After a piss-poor live event last week, let’s see what the good folks in London, England did at this installment. That in itself should be incentive to watch, considering the hot crowd on RAW. There will be no holograms on this show…
It’s Thursday, and that means it’s time for Impact Wrestling! But not just any episode, no. This one will feature footage and matches from the BaseBrawl event held in Buffalo on June 18th in which Bored Wrestling Fan founder ThinkSoJoE was present for. You can check out his breakdown here, and I’ll do my best to keep a look out for him as I delve into this episode. With the preamble out of the way, let’s hop to it, shall we?
On this week’s RAW, Edge shocked the world (…I almost said ‘WWE Universe,’ there. Ew.) by announcing his forced retirement on medical grounds. Tonight, we bid farewell to the in-ring career of the Rated-R Superstar, Edge.
Sorry about missing last week’s RAW everyone, but I started work Monday, and then spent the rest of the day at Universal Studios, where I mentally spent most of the day mocking TNA and the signs telling me to go watch it, and then forgot all about TNA in favor of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. BUT! I am here tonight!
There’s a rumor going around that Trish Stratus will be back tonight with Snooki and will team with her and John Morrison to go up against Dolph Ziggler and LayCool! But, is it true? I guess we’ll find out. Not only that, but what else is next on WWE Champion The Miz’s schedule on his way to Wrestlemania? I don’t know that either, so we’ll find out… I hope!
Also. Unrelated. Go vote for Chris Jericho for Dancing With the Stars, alright? You should totally do it. I did.
HOLY CRAP!! IT’S JR!?!?!?!
…. Or not. Fucking Cole.
Cole walks out in a fat suit, something on his leg, something in his mouth, a bottle of JR’s BBQ and a cowboy hat. Last week, Swagger put JR in an ankle lock? Is that what I heard? I kind of want to punch Cole in the head. Josh Matthew looks unbelievably bored. And Cole is hiding in “the Cole Mine”? Whatever. Coward.
It’s time to play the game…
Triple H makes his way down to the ramp, all authority and badass-ery, as usual.
I have to take a moment and say, the WWE cameramen are pretty fucking spectacular at getting some pretty badass shots of the Superstars and Divas. Definitely good at their jobs. Shout out to those guys. Alright, back to the facts now.
Triple H says almost twenty years in this business. It’s a long time. He walks out there and looks at everyone and wonders, could this be the last time he’s in that building? In two weeks, there is the defining moment of his entire career. In two weeks, it’s the defining moment of the Undertaker’s career. Everyone’s talking, there are signs. Nineteen and zero, eighteen and one. Time to end the streak. The whole world is talking about this match. Two icons clashing like never before, the Undertaker, Triple H, no holds barred. He has no idea what this match will take out of him, or how much it will take out of the Undertaker. He knows that neither one of them will ever be the same, he can assure us of that. This is the biggest match he’s ever been in in his life. That Streak of eighteen years is bigger than any championship, maybe all of the championships he’s ever held combined. And ending it will be a career defining moment. Before they go to the ring and tear each other apart, put each other through Hell, Triple H wants Taker to do him a favor: Come there next week, stand in the ring, one week before they collide, Triple H wants to look him in the eye, stand face to face, man to man, and Triple H wants to tell him what is going to happen at Wrestlemania. He is going to look Taker in the eye and tell him he will lose. Triple H will end the Streak. The thing is, when it dies, so does the Undertaker. If Triple H can’t do it, he will die trying. But Deadman, Triple H wants that one last opportunity, to stand face to face with you, like your song says: Ain’t no grave can hold this body down, right? When Triple H ends the Streak, that’s it. It’s done. Undertaker, at Wrestlemania, you go 18 and 1. Undertaker, at Wrestlemania, you will Rest. In. Peace.
Ted says one year ago, he was one of the rising Superstars of the WWE. He competed his first Wrestlemania match against Randy Orton. And this year, he’s just an afterthought. Well, he won’t be an afterthought anymore. He’s making his own opportunity. What if Ted takes out the Cerebral Assassin on live television two weeks before Wrestlemania? Then people will have no choice but to take notice of him, Ted DiBiase.
Ted goes to get in the ring, but Triple H throws him out and stays on him, taking a few hits from Ted . Triple H fights back and hurls Ted right into the steel steps. He throws the top steps off and bounces Ted’s head off the other set. Ted is then thrown into, or flipped into, the guard rail before Triple H grabs a chair. He drives it into Ted’s torso before hitting Ted with it once, twice, three, four times. He loses the chair, then stands over Ted for a moment, then eyes the announce table. Triple H clears the table of the monitors, then grabs Ted, gets him on the announce table. Triple H then makes the slashing motion across his throat and Pedigrees Ted through the announce table.
Tonight, John Cena is going to respond to The Miz’s attack last night, via satellite. And, not only that, but The Miz is going to “Rewrite Miz-tory” and change the face of the WWE.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Teddy, Teddy, Teddy….. Taking on a #WM27 headliner 2 weeks before the match? Thought your daddy raised you better! #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw
@HitTheRopes Props to Teddy for having more offense against Trips than Sheamus did a few weeks ago. #JobbingIsPriceless
@SuperCoolBerry Oh so Cena “Bringin’ It via Satellite” now……he biting The Rock. Smh
We come back to Monday Night RAW with the new United States Champion, Sheamus in the ring!
United States Champion King Sheamus vs Evan Bourne
Sheamus starts out hard against Bourne and throws him to the ground before stomping away on him, using his knee. Bourne rolls under the bottom rope, but Sheamus grabs him and hits him with some hard forearms, sending Evan between and underneath the ropes again. Sheamus stops on Bourne’s hand, then throws him into the corner, but Bourne ducks a clothesline and kicks Sheamus right in the face. Bourne goes up to the top turnbuckle and misses the Air Bourne. Sheamus gets up and hits a Brogue Kick for the win.
United States Champion King Sheamus wins via pinfall.
Sheamus has a mic and says that he is now our new champion of the United States of America. He is interrupted by my favorite person ohwait.
Daniel Bryan says that one of the great things about this country is everybody gets an opportunity, no matter where they’re from. Bryan says that he wants to invoke his rematch clause at Wrestlemania. Sheamus shrugs, throws the title at Bryan, and then Brogue Kicks him in the face. Right in the face.
Tonight, a Wrestlemania Rewind from Wrestlemania 22, it’s Randy Orton vs Rey Mysterio.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!! (Exit theme version)
@kickoutblog A kick to the face usually counts as a “yes” when someone makes a challenge.
@Whovian_23 You know I’m sure there was someone else in the Orton/Mysterio match at WrestleMania 22… #WWE #RAW #BWF
<WWE Slam of the Week: Last Monday, Randy Orton destroys Mason Ryan, and then punts him in the head.>
Randy’s getting out of his tour bus and Scott Stanford meets him, asking what it’s like for Randy to travel in the gorgeous tour bus. Randy says the bus is great, offers privacy, and lets him bring his family with him on the road. On this very bus is where he witnessed the birth of the New Nexus, and the footage he likes to watch over and over again are the ones where he dismantles the new Nexus one punt at a time. Punk has no one to watch his back, but insists that he’s still sick and twisted. But, Punk has no idea what sick and twisted really is.
Maryse vs Diva’s Champion Eve Torres
Maryse mocks Eve right as they start, and Eve mockingly claps at her, and Maryse says that nobody cares about Eve. Maryse misses a slap, and Eve connects with one. Maryse then tackles Eve and slams her face down on the mat a few times. Maryse then throws Eve into the corner, slapping her before sending her face into the turnbuckle. She digs her knee into Eve’s back , and then misses an attempted hit. Cole interrupts yet again, asking if we can get it over with as Eve hits a cross body on Maryse and misses a cover. Eve then sends Maryse’s face into the turnbuckle and throws Maryse onto the ground, kicking her a few times before hitting a clothesline. Eve then goes to hit the handspring moonsault, but Maryse lifts her knees. Maryse gets Eve up, then Eve counters, hitting something or another, and pins her for the win.
Diva’s Champion Eve Torres wins via pinfall.
Cole keeps talking, and Eve is about to go attack Cole, but the bodyguard keeps her out of the way. Eve obviously wants to attack Cole and nearly slaps him. Cole then starts to climb out of the little glass room, he’s in, and then walks away.
Tonight, The Miz is going to change the face of the WWE by rewriting “Miz-tory”.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Oh My God! After two plus years of just wearing a shirt, Randy Orton is wearing PANTS!
@ThingsColeSays HOLY SHIT….IS HE WEARING PANTS? FIRST TIME IN TWO YEARS!!!!!!!!!
@Whovian_23 Randy Orton wearing clothes on RAW for the first time ever I think. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@kickoutblog Again, WWE would never do something like this during a men’s match.
@CMPunkSays Once again, @MichaelCole attempts to bury an entire division in one fell swoop. #WWE
@KeepItFiveStar LMAO Maryse went in! “Nobody cares! NO BODY CARES ABOUT YOU HERE!” Speak the truth Maryse! Take down Juwanna Man!
@Niki_Sushi Oh, go the hell away, Eve. I’m sick of you. Give the title to someone who shows up more than once every few months. #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes I totally forgot Eve was champion… Scratch that, I totally forgot there was a Divas Championship.
@Whovian_23 I get that @MichaelCole is meant to be an unlikeable prick, but it not good for business when a commenter shows no interest in matches. #BWF
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last Friday: The Big Show and Kane win, via DQ, against Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater before the Corre destroy The Big Show and Kane. Probably a bad idea…>
Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater with The Corre vs Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov with Tamina
Wrestlemania this year starts at 7 PM!
Santino and Gabriel start, and Santino gets Gabriel down. He sets up for the Cobra, but catches Slater as he goes to get in, only to eat a very pretty spinning kick from Gabriel. Gabriel goes for the cover, but Santino kicks out. Slater gets tagged in and dominates Santino before putting him in a headlock. Santino battles out of it and throws Slater over him. Santino tries to get to Kozlov, but Slater stops him. Santino gets away from Slater and Slater shoves Santino right into Kozlov. Kozlov gets in and immediately dominates, but Barrett distracts Kozlov. Slater hits something or another on Kozlov and tags in Gabriel, who hits the 450 Splash for the win.
Tag Team Champions Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel win via pinfall.
And now, The Corre attacks Santino and Kozlov.
WEEEEEEEEEELL IT’S A BIG SHOW!
The Big Show and Kane, however, seem pretty pissed off after what happened on Friday and both get into the ring, attacking The Corre and saving Santino and Vladimir. Show hits the knockout punch on Slater before focusing on Jackson. Kane’s focus is on Barrett. Santino checks on Kozlov while Kane and Show give Ezekiel a huge choke slam. Tamina comes over to get her boys as Kane sets the ring on fire. Not literally, of course. Santino and Vladimir thank Show and Kane for their help.
Coming up next, John Cena responds to The Miz’ attacks live via satellite.
<COMMERCIAL>
@FrankWWEClown Somebody has a “One Man Rockband” sign in the front row. Get that girl some help, ASAP. #WWE #RAW
@Niki_Sushi No matter what, no remix will be as amazing as JeriShow. Good try, though. #BWF #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar Damn! Kane hopped on the ropes n shit. Show and Kane are NOT playin!
@HitTheRopes LOL, Cena is pulling a Rock and doing Bringing It Via Satellite #wwe
@HitTheRopes It’s quite obvious after seeing Cena being via satellite: @JohnCena fears @MikeTheMiz
Next Monday night, The Rock will be LIVE on Monday Night RAW!
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last Monday: John Cena vs Alberto Del Rio. Cena gets Rio up, but Brodus Clay interferes. Del Rio pushes Brodus away. The Rock’s theme starts, The Miz comes out in a skull cap. The Miz hits Rock Bottom. Miz attacks Cena viciously, and then wraps it all up with a Skull Crushing Finale into the WWE logo.>
Matthews says that next week, there will be no impersonations. What does John Plan to do next week? Cena says that next week will be epic. Next week, John will be face to face with The Rock. And if they do have a problem, then next week, that problem gets settled. Jerry asks if all the attention focuses on the Rock has taken his focus off the Miz and has he underestimated the Miz? John says he has and that’s why Miz has been able to attack him. He says the fact that he’s sitting at home is proof that Miz deserves to be the WWE Champion. It’s also proof that he claims he can change the face of the WWE. Miz dressing like Rock was one helluva stunt. He’s sure this celebration will be equally creative. He won’t be there tonight, but he’ll be watching. He hopes that tonight, The Miz rewrites history. Because at Wrestlemania, Cena plans on making history.
Cole takes the mic and climbs out of his little room, and says that Cena and the Rock have a lot in common. While they’re coming live via satellite, Cole’s there live in person. Coming up next, he has another worldwide exclusive, Mr. Lawler, something that we’re not gonna wanna miss, next.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog The Rock won’t even make it to WrestleMania after The Miz destroys him next week.
@kickoutblog John Cena wears his wrestling attire at home just in case the kid that mows his lawn starts talking shit.
We come back to Swagger and Cole in the ring together. Wow, this is the most screen time Jack’s gotten since… since… He was a member of the RAW Roster.
Swagger stands in front of Lawler as Cole asks for our attention. Cole says that he’d like to introduce us to the man who will train him for the Main Event at Wrestlemania, Jack Swagger. Last week, we had another worldwide exclusive, when he invited Lawler’s son to tell the world what kind of a gutless fraud Lawler really is. Cole was so touched by the emotional and heartwarming reunion, father and son together again, he wants to revisit it.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, Brian Christopher points out that he competed at Wrestlemania before King did, attacks his father, says he’s ashamed of Lawler.>
Cole quotes “ashamed of you”. Brian Christopher was so appreciative last week that Cole let him say what he did last week that he gave Cole a gift. Apparently, Brian Christopher gave him the Lawler Family Photo Album. Cole says that to understand what a person is all about, you have to go back to see the way he was raised. He shows a picture of King’s father. Cole says that he went digging for information and found out that King and his father are nothing but gutless cowards and bullies. People who talk a big game until someone steps up to them and puts them in their place. Cole says he’s going to put Lawler in his place at Wrestlemania. Cole finally realized that King, his mother, his father, and his son have one thing in common: the family is nothing but a bunch of losers. King takes off his headset and Swagger attacks him. However, King attacks back, dodging a kick and then bouncing Swagger’s head off the table. King then chases Cole, who runs right into a clothesline from Swagger. Swagger picks King up and puts him up against Cole’s glass box while Cole continues to insult Lawler’s family. Swagger then puts King in another ankle lock. Then Cole gets him in an ankle lock while Swagger rests his knee on Lawler’s head.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Swagger smashing King’s face on the glass like he’s trying to use Silly Putty to lift a picture from the Sunday comics! #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw
@TKeep123 More Michael Cole… amazing how low they are going to help sell the Cole-King match. Is this really needed? #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw
TheRealEvilNeo Oh my, @JerryLawler is going to kill @MichaelCole #ThereWillBeBlood #WWE #RAW
@JonHexLives Didn’t Josh Matthews used to wrestle? Why doesn’t he help out? #WWE #RAW #BWF
Cole apologizes, saying that he let his emotions get the best of him, and Lawler kept pushing his buttons and he’s going to try to contain himself for the rest of the night.
Snooki has been all over the internet about how she’s getting in the ring for Wrestlemania!
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, Snooki guest stars on RAW, is interrupted by Vickie Guerrero, helps defeat LayCool, and accepts a Wrestlemania match.>
Dolph Ziggler with Vickie Guerrero and LayCool vs John Morrison with Trish Stratus
Morrison and Ziggler lock up, and Morrison starts to fight out, but Ziggler attacks Morrison. Ziggler starts to get Morrison up, but Morrison throws him into the corner. Ziggler kicks at Morrison’s knee and Ziggler goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out. Ziggler gets right back on Morrison and jumps on him before going for another cover, but kicks out. Ziggler gets Morrison in a side-headlock, but Morrison fights up to his feet and out, only to get a kick to the stomach. Ziggler Whips Morrison, who ducks it, and then hits a clothesline before flipping Ziggler out of the ring. Morrison goes to jump out of the ring at Ziggler, but McCool stands in the way. Trish gets Layla and McCool out of the way, then gets in the ring.
“I am now ordering this match to be a handicapped inter-gender tag team match. John Morrison will team up with Trish Stratus against Dolph Ziggler, LayCool, and Vickie Guerrero.”
Before the announcement is even done, Trish grabs Vickie’s hair, and it takes Dolph, Layla, and Michelle all to get her off.
<COMMERCIAL>
@ThingsColeSays Hahaha. Cole completely forgot, like all of us, that Dolph was World Champion.
@kickoutblog Good God, that Trish Stratus magazine cover is a Photoshop disaster.
Morrison and Ziggler are still in the ring, and Ziggler with another headlock. Morrison fights out again, but Ziggler keeps a hold of his hair, only to eat another kick to the face. Ziggler rolls to his corner and tags in Layla. Trish gets in the ring too, and ducks Layla’s clothesline. Trish hits some hard hits right into Layla’s face, kicking her in the stomach before Whipping her across the ring. Lay kicks her, and Trish flips her into the ring before slapping her chest twice, three times. Trish then Whips Lay, who turns it and Whips Trish into a kick by McCool. Layla tags in McCool, who hits Trish right in the temple with her knee. McCool attacks Trish, and then drops her knee on Trish repeatedly. McCool goes for a cover, but Trish kicks out at one. Trish counters something with something, I missed it, and McCool drags her back to their corner, tagging in Layla. Layla kicks Trish in the stomach before going for a cover, only for Trish to kick out. Layla throws Trish’s face into the mat and shoves her with her foot. Lay then throws her back into the ring, tagging in Vickie. Vickie almost hits something, but Trish manages to tag in Morrison. Ziggler jumps in and eats a clothesline before a couple of kicks. Morrison then bounces his head off the turnbuckle and hits the flash kick. Layla runs around the ring and hurls Trish off the side of the apron, Morrison misses Starship Pain, and Ziggler hits the Zig Zag. Vickie runs in and goes for the cover on Morrison, with some kind of Cougar movement that made me gag.
Vickie Guerrero, Dolph Ziggler, and Lay Cool win via pinfall.
Remind me: Inter-gender rules. Shouldn’t it have been Dolph who pinned him, because he’s a MAN?! Just asking…
Still to come, The Miz is going to rewrite “Miz-tory”.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Vickie pins JoMo ?? Umm..but in Intergener rules…oh, wait….this is #WWE. Nevermind. #RAW #BWF #mnbw
@kickoutblog Come on @ScottArmstrong_, Vickie wasn’t legally allowed to pin John Morrison. Mixed tag rules! You just screwed Morrison like you did Taker!
@iPrinceRyMoZ: You know your life sucks when you get pinned by Vickie Guererro… #Smh #WWE #RAW
@PricelessRKO JoMo really didnt need that on his record…smh #WWE #RAW #BWF
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Sin Cara Promo…>
BRING ME SIN CARA! Please?
<VIDEO PACKAGE: John Cena, Big Show, Arn Anderson, Randy Orton, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, Jerry “The King” Lawler, John Morrison, JR, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Booker T, Harley Race, Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho!, Dusty Rhodes comment on Triple H vs The Undertaker at Wrestlemania.>
I hear voices in my head…
Randy Orton vs Rey Mysterio – Wrestlemania 22 Rewind
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Okay, NOW I’m excited for Triple H vs. Undertaker. WWE’s hype machine strikes again.
@KeepItFiveStar Wow. All these Superstars did this Taker interview in John Cena’s house
@CMPunkSays I want Sin Cara nowwwwwwwwwww #WWE
@JCenadotcom Sin Cara: the most anticipated debut since forever! Can’t wait!
@Niki_Sushi I SERIOUSLY wanna see Sin Cara! C’mon! #BWF #RAW
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Orton is interviewed earlier, and is it just me, or is Randy going to end up getting a sound guy fired?>
Orton and Rey go to lock up, but Rey wraps his arms around Randy and ducks it. Rey kicks at Randy, Randy kicks back. Randy throws Rey into a corner, Rey takes advantage with some kicks. Randy seems to be forgetting that Rey is small. Randy ducks a kick and Rey eats an uppercut by Orton. Orton then throws Rey right out of the ring, causing him to bounce on the floor outside. Orton climbs out of the ring and throws Rey back into the ring, going for a cover, but Rey kicks out at two. Orton drops his knee on Rey and goes for another cover, but Rey kicks out again. Orton puts Rey in a headlock and Rey fights to his feet before fighting his way out of it, only to get an elbow on his back. Randy throws him into a corner then puts him on the top turnbuckle. Rey fights Orton as Orton gets up and Rey hits the seated senton on Orton, only to get a scoop slam. Orton grabs Rey and pulls him back into the ring, starting to deliver that DDT, but Rey counters and gets Orton in position, but misses the 619, only to get hit with the DDT. Punk, however, interrupts on the TitanTron.
Punk is outside by Randy’s tour bus and says that he doesn’t know what sick and twisted is, but he does know that Orton has a very nice tour bus, and Punk can’t wait to meet his wife. Randy then takes off backstage and runs outside to his bus, starting to get inside, only to get hit by Punk. A woman begins screaming, and Punk tells her to shut up as Punk holds a wrench. Punk says that the voices are probably telling Orton that he shouldn’t have punted Nexus. Ain’t that a kick in the head? He then blows a kiss at Sam, who gets out of the bus and kneels with Randy when Punk walks away.
Up next, The Miz is going to rewrite Miz-tory.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog What’s the matter, Randy? CM Punk just wanted to introduce himself to your wife. He’s just trying to be courteous and nice.
@KeepItFiveStar That was a plan by the selfish Rey Mysterio. He paid CM Punk to distract Orton and flirt with his wife. What a horrible person
@HitTheRopes CM Punk about to show Orton’s wife his “straight edge” #wwe
@KeepItFiveStar Oh Randy, why did you even bring the bus? Don’t you know what happens in these situations?
@ImAMelFo If this was a real WM22 rematch, Kurt Angle’s music should hit any time now… #wwe #raw
@TKeep123 If this were the OLD Days…that Orton Tour BUS would end up wearing a green DX logo! #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw
@redsandman99 Orton don’t think that Punk is sick and twisted? Didn’t he see Punk crashing Mystero’s daughter’s birthday celebration? Or the Manson beard?
@seraphalexiel Randy’s just lucky that Punk didn’t go to his bus and introduce his wife to his sneaky penis
@Whovian_23 So if we believe WWE Randy Orton has had about four different wife’s… all named Samantha. #WWE #RAW #BWF
Next week, Triple H and The Undertaker will meet up face to face, and The Rock will be on RAW Live!
Alex Riley is in the ring and tells us his name is Alex Riley. Three weeks ago, he was fired as The Miz’ apprentice. But, lucky for everyone, he was rehired as the “Vice President of Corporate Communication”. Allow him to introduce the most must-see Champion and the best man at his wedding.
AWESOME
This Wednesday, The Miz is going to be on Conan on TBS!
Miz says that in the 1970s, people would travel great distances to say that they saw Muhammad Ali fight in person, and in the 80s, people would pay millions to see Michael Jordan in his prime play basketball. Now, in 2011, we have been blessed with the honor of watching him. When he first started, people didn’t take him seriously. Some people said that he was annoying, but now look how far we’ve come? Now, John Cena, like The Rock, hangs onto every single word Miz says. Last week, he imitated The Rock. He knows, it was good, got everyone. It was ironic, while there has been many wanna-be Rock clones over the years, the one person who imitated him correctly is one-of-a-kind, an original. He has rewritten history. Someone has come who has more charisma than Shawn Michaels, more physically something than Andre the Giant, more intelligent than John Cena and The Rock combined. He is the greatest WWE Champion in history. And, in the process, he has become bigger than the entire WWE Universe and every single one of us that’s in it. He has flipped the WWE since day one, and that is what he’s about to reveal, symbolizes and celebrates this iconic the WWE logo. He has flipped it in the form of an M. And that M stands for Miz. The time has now come. Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to rewrite “Miz-tory”.
A drum roll sounds, and a spotlight shines over the covered thing in the ring. The cover is pulled away, and the WWE Championship is exactly the same, except the WWE logo is upside down. Miz lifts it over his head in victory. Alex Riley secures the belt around his waist. Miz says that this is what the WWE Championship will look like moving forward. It will no long spin like a toy, and we will look at it as the most coveted title in the world. Miz doesn’t plan on being a multi-time Champion, because he doesn’t ever plan on losing the title. Because he’s The Miz, and he’s–! Awesome!
John comes on the TitanTron clapping. He says the show was fantastic, moving, epic. He hasn’t seen something that emotional since the season finale of Flip This House. He flipped the WWE logo to an M for his name, because it begins with an M. The WWE Universe knows that Cena isn’t invincible, and knows that you should never make Cena angry. In thirteen days, Cena will make history at Wrestlemania. People come in and remove Cena’s walls. His living room got torn apart! Cena says that he was supposed to be broadcasting from his home, and he is. For the past nine years, the WWE has been his home. Right now, the two of them are in the middle of his living room, and he’s coming to take out the trash.
Cena heads to the ring and Miz and Riley prepare for him. Wisely, they watch every entrance they can see, but Cena comes on down the ramp. Miz is wielding the table as a shield in the ring. Cena runs into the ring and Miz throws the table at him. It’s an instant brawl as Riley and Miz attack Cena together. Cena fights back the best he can, but there’s a flurry of movement in the ring. When Cena starts to get advantage of one, the other jumps in. Cena gets Riley out of the ring and Miz heads out. Riley gets back in the ring and Cena locks in the STF on Riley. The ref climbs into the ring and tries to get Cena to let Riley go, but Cena holds fast. Miz comes back and Cena finally lets Riley go. Miz stands on the stage and watches as Cena locks the STF in again. Miz looks a bit upset and moves closer to the ring. Cena just waits for him, and then Miz walks out as Riley gets put into yet another STF. Two more refs join the first one and try to get Cena off of Riley.
That’s it for this week. Stay tuned for next week’s RAW!
Tonight is the WWE’s last show before Summerslam. Today is also the day where it was reported that former grappler Lance Cade has passed away at the extremely young age of 29. Heart failure is being reported as the cause… Yes, it does suck to start off a show with news like this, but that’s the way it goes. Rest in Peace Mr. Cade. (more…)
We’re less than a week till Shelton Benjamin and Christian try to steal the show at TLC for the ECW title. We open with Joah Matthews explaining the rules of the match. Vladimir Kozlov interrupts to call out Ezekial Jackson. (more…)
Well, my first ECW review seems to have gone over well. So here’s the second. Tonight’s main event is Christian vs Yoshi Tatsu for the ECW title. William Regal and his crew and Zach Ryder probably won’t like that. Shelton Benjamin should be looking for something to do with Sheamus running to Raw. And there’s a new announcer.
We open with a video for Yoshi Tatsu, promoting the title match.
And the show proper starts with Abraham Washington. The one part of the show I can’t stand. His guest tonight is Tiffany.
They’ve got a big show tonight so he’s going to do something he never does. Stop running his mouth. Tony starts laughing so much Washington threatens him with the unemployment line. Tiffany’s theme is “Insatiable?” Did someone forget to mention the PG thing.
When asked about ECW not having an impact at Bragging Rights she points out the number of stars on the show who had their first break on ECW. She promises that next year it will have an even bigger impact. The reason Sheamus left is because she doesn’t want people who don’t want to be here. So he got to leave. Provided he wrestles one last match, tonight against Shelton. And her arm is healing well.
Regal comes out and demands a title shot. She refuses and says he may never get one. After she leaves Regal has a tantrum tossing around the furniture.
We’re then introduced to Josh Matthews new partner, Byron Saxton. They then show another video about Yoshi.
Time for Sheamus’ last match on ECW. There’s a replay of Benjamin pounding Sheamus last week. And interview with Shelton talks about Sheamus saying he was mediocre. He says Sheamus is a coward and he’s running to Raw without doing anything to impress anyone. He’ll leave with a new respect for the Gold Standard. One of Shelton’s best promos.
Sheamus with several shots to the head and slams Benjamin’s head into the corner. Shelton fights out of the corner and then clotheslines the Celt out of the ring. He steps to the apron and then delivers a springboard split leg moonsault to the floor.
When we get back Sheamus’ arm is wrapped around the ringpost and Shelton is working it. Hammerlock and he rams him into the turnbuckle. He wants to snap it on the top rope but Sheamus slams him to the ringpost. Then on the floor he picks Shelton up and rams him backfirst into it. Kneedrop tot he back by the Celtic Warrior. Chinlock. Shelton elbows out, but ends up in a tilt-a-whirl slam. Hard whip to the corner and then he steps on Benjamin’s head. Another knee to the back and another variation on a chinlock. She stops an attempt to fight out short.
Overhead belly to belly by the Gold Standard. And they’re trading punches. Shelton takes the advantage. He’s whipped to the corner, leaps to the top and comes off with a clothesline. A couple of clotheslines then he hits Stinger Splash. Sheamus ducks a Dragonwhip but Shelton ducks a clothesline and hits a German Suplex.
Sheamus hotshots him into the ropes the hits the pump kick for the win.
Rosa is babbling about clothes to Gregory Helms. She then wonders what he wanted to ask her. “I just said hello” Paul Burchill and Katie Lea show up. She tells Rosa to leave. Birchall wants Helms to pass a message onto Hurricane to meet him in the ring next week.
A video of the Bragging Rights tag match
Savannah interviews Christian. He says Yoshi is the most deserving guy on ECW cause he went out and got some wins unlike some people, cough, William Regal. Yoshi makes him excited for the future. He will be a champ in the future. Just not tonight. Christian has been mentoring him and tonight he’ll learn the most important lesson any young talent can learn. How to cope with defeat.
Christian comes out wearing a T-shirt rather than his ring jacket. I really prefer the jacket. Yoshi Tatsu has yet another new set of tights. Gold would be appropriate on any other show but ECW with their supposedly platinum belt. He’s carrying something, I thought it was a microphone at first.
Sexton even points out the tights on commentary.
Tatsu with a waistlock. Christian backs him into the corner. Tatsu gets one kick. He tries a second but Christian dodges and gets a waistlock. Tatsu take him down. Christian works a headlock against several attempts to escape. Tatsu slips out and slaps on a headlock of his own.
Flapjack by Christian after some rope running. Springboard sunset flip. Tatsu with backbody drop and a flipping senton. Backslide. Back to a headlock. Tatsu sent outside but pulls himself in and rolls into a schoolboy for two.
Christian’s working a headlock on the mat. Yoshi shoves him into the corner, but runs into an elbow. Christian goes up top but is thrown off. Yoshi leaps over the top, but misses the champ and lands very awkwardly. Christian hits his own move over the ropes.
Crossbody by Tatsu. His leg looks fine. Christian with a neckvice. Tatsu elbows out. Christian hits a backbreaker out of a reverse DDT. Chinlock with a knee to the back. Christian rams his head into the turnbuckle
Yoshi blocks a tornado DDT then goes up top and hits a spinkick off the top rope. Rapid fire kicks by Tatsu. Christian sends him into the corner but misses a charge then Tatsu hits a roaring elbow.
Kilswitch blocked by a kick to the back. Tatsu sent into the ropes and Christian stands on his back, heads to the outside and decks him.
Second rope dropkick by the champ, but a top rope misses and Tatsu jackknife covers him. Double knees in the corner by Tatsu. Reverse DDT by Christian. Killswitch blocked by a kick to the back
Tatsu rolls through a springboard sunset flip and hits a kick. Another Killswitch blocked after Christian ducks the finishing kick. Pendulum kick after dodging a corner charge, followed by a diving Euro uppercut by the champ.
He finally hits the Killswitch for the win, then checks on Yoshi. Ezekial and Kozlov come down and flatten both men, hitting a double Uranage on the champ. Regal hold the belt and stand over him.
Despite only two matches in an hour ECW felt jam packed tonight. Both matches were excellent.
I do feel sorry for Shelton. It seems like he’s going to be in line for a push but with his and Sheamus’ feud cut short he didn’t get much chance to look good against the Celtic Warrior. And at one point during the match, when they were getting ready to transition the advantage back over to Sheamus he was pretty much wrestling like a heel. That’s something he’ll have to work on.
Meanwhile Christian did several nasty spots, such as choking a friend on the ropes without seeming like he was going to cross the line. I’m almost surprised that Regal’s crew didn’t attack before the end of the match, sparing Yoshi the pinfall loss.
I still feel they’re going to far with the pushing Regal to the head. His best role outside of authority figure as a heel is coldly calculating. Making him crazy doesn’t really work for me. I do hope Tiffany decides to make him earn his title shot.
*NOTE: Sorry for the delay in getting this review to you guys, technical difficulties kept me from posting this last night *
Tonight, it’s the WWE Three For All – all three World Championships are on the line tonight as RAW brings us three hours of action from Charlotte, North Carolina!
RAW is in CM Punk’s hometown of Chicago the night after SummerSlam, and I get to watch RAW in HD for the first time as my cable company has given me USA HD for just two weeks during the Olympics!