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WrestleMania XXVII

April 1, 2012 12:00 pm Leave a Comment

Finally, the day is upon us. April 1, 2012. John Cena vs. The Rock in the main event of WrestleMania XXVIII in Miami, Florida. But, how did we get to this monumental main event? We’ll set the DeLorean for April 3, 2011 in Atlanta, Georgia, where The Rock was the guest host for WrestleMania XXVII. Sure, I know it started before that, but you can dig through our archives and do your own damned research. This is WrestleMania week, so we’re going to talk about WrestleMania. That’s how it works. Anyways, let’s sit back, relax, and remember a time when The Miz was in the main event instead of being lost in a sea of people in an overbooked tag team match.

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Random Randomness

November 27, 2011 10:48 am 5 Comments

Well here another week gone by but with this one being a holiday one here in the States hopefully you all ate plenty and watched lots of football and passed out in front of the TV. So without further ado, we shal get this show on the road: (more…)

WWE RAW 6/28/11: RAW Roulette

June 28, 2011 3:19 am 1 Comment

What? Me again? That’s right folks, it’s the Alpha BoredWrestlingFan, ThinkSoJoE here with you for a third straight week of RAW gimmickry! I don’t mind a gimmick show every now and then, but three weeks in a row? Last week we found out that CM Punk is leaving the company after the Money In The Bank Pay Per View, and he’s got a WWE Championship match that very same night. Also, the voting got screwed up during the Power to the People RAW, and tonight we’ll see Sin Cara take on Evan Bourne because of it. All this, and Shawn Michaels, tonight on RAW!

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RAW 3.7.11

March 7, 2011 11:25 pm 11 Comments

Tonight’s RAW will feature none other than the one, the only, Stone Cold Steve Austin!! Next week, we get the special guest host/star/whatever, Snooki, from Jersey Shore. Say what you want, I just don’t… don’t really like Jersey Shore that much. Anyway, I’ve sat through worse… I think.

About tonight: I hear that The Miz is boycotting tonight’s RAW. I’m upset, but I know some people who won’t be. And what else will happen as Wrestlemania XXVII draws closer and closer? The Undertaker is coming to RAW tonight, and John Cena says he’s going to deliver the “Final Knockout” to The Rock. Stay tuned and find out!

The Undertaker enters RAW to Johnny Cash’s Ain’t No Grave. Honestly, I’m kind of glad to hear it being used like this. It seems to suit Taker’s character very well, and… seems to me to kind of be a final theme song. But, anyway, I’ll shut up.

The Undertaker takes the mic and says at Wrestlemania, two legends, to icons will collide, will do battle. And in the end, there can only be one Highlander last outlaw. Now, the word on the street is that many feel that this is the year that the Streak is broken. That Father Time and all the battles, and all the wars, and all the injuries, are finally going to catch up to him. And then, there are those who feel like it’s the King of Kings, The Game, Triple H who is the one guy that has what it takes to bring him down and end the Streak. Well, Triple H, the Undertaker wants to remind you and everyone else, what has happened at the last two Wrestlemanias, what happened to someone else who thought they had what it took to end the Streak. Perhaps the greatest of all time, Shawn Michaels.

At Wrestlemania, there will be no excuses, no regrets, no disqualifications, no count outs, no rules. Their match at Wrestlemania will be No Holds Barred. In a match like this, the possibilities of what could happen are endless, but there is one thing that is iron-clad: The end result. It’s just like Triple H said: Triple H ends the Streak, and the Undertaker dies. Or, Triple H dies trying. Triple H, at Wrestlemania, you will rest in peace.

Later tonight, John Cena will respond to The Rock and deliver the “final knockout” and Stone Cold Steve Austin returns to RAW!!

Backstage, Randy Orton is taking on Nexus, and is then driven into a steel closet by Mason Ryan, then double-teamed by Otunga and Ryan as Punk watches. Punk says Orton managed to put McGuillicutty on the shelf, but where they’re going to send him is much, much worse. Punk then throws his head into the steel closet again, and once more, then hits the Go to Sleep. Punk tells them to pick “this piece of garbage” up and drag him to the ring.

@HitTheRopes Once again, the guys who put together the packages for WWE are #tremendous

@KeepItFiveStar The Undertaker putting his Avid Editing skills to work yet again. Just once I want to see him in an editing room with headphones on

@JRosz78 Love Taker coming out to Johnny Cash! Never gets old! #WWE #RAW #MNBW #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar CM Punk hanging with New Nexus is like Shredder hanging with the Foot Soldiers. He’s clearly better than them and they’re not needed.

@smarkingout “Where we’re gonna send you is much, much worse.” Oh God, CM Punk is sending Orton to TNA.

@JonHexLives So Orton has officially taken Cena’s place as being the weekly target of gang violence. #WWE #RAW #BWF

Orton is in the ring, being circled by Punk, Ryan, and Otunga. The refs come out and pull Punk off him as Punk puts his knee on Orton’s throat and continues to taunt him. Orton pulls himself under the ropes and Otunga gets ready for his match. The ref keeps trying to keep Otunga off Orton and asks if Orton wants to compete. Orton says, “Uh, fuck yes.”

David Otunga vs Randy Orton

Otunga immediately is all over Orton, launching hits at his head. Then, he runs back at him and proceeds to kick him before going back to punches to Orton’s head. Otunga goes to grab him, but Orton kicks him. Otunga fights back and drags Orton out of the corner by his shirt and then drops onto him, going for a quick cover. Orton kicks out at two. Otunga pulls Orton to his feet, and then slams Orton onto the mat and goes for another cover, but Orton kicks out again. Otunga lifts Orton up once more, pointing to the Wrestlemania sign, and then he drops Orton again. Another cover later, and Orton has kicked out again. Otunga lifts him to his feet, but then Orton shows life and pushes him back before hitting the RKO and managing to pin Otunga.

Randy Orton wins via pinfall.

Ryan gets into the ring and takes Orton down with a boot to the skull. Now, neither Michael McGuillicutty nor David Otunga will be able to assist CM Punk at Wrestlemania. Ryan gets Orton onto his knees, and then starts to try something, but Orton hits another RKO and stands up, coiled to strike again. Punk runs down to try to save anyone else form getting punted in the skull, but Orton keeps him out of the ring. The two have a stare down, and Orton slowly looks over at Otunga. Punk watches as Orton considers it, and Punk tells him not to. Punk goes to run around the ring to get Otunga, and Orton punts Otunga in the skull. Orton drops to the mat, pounding it as he watches Punk, who backs away. Orton gets up on the ropes, forcing Punk to back away.

Tonight, Michael Cole will reveal the special guest referee for his match at Wrestlemania against Jerry “The King” Lawler.

@KeepItFiveStar CM Punk needs to get Festus, Serena and Joey Mercury back because THIS TEAM is pathetic…

@HitTheRopes @RandyOrton’s Punt is super effective. David Otunga fainted. Please take him to the nearest Pokemon Center.

@JonHexLives If Cena is Superman and Morrison is Spider-Man, then Orton must be Wolverine since he takes a beating and comes back for more #WWE #RAW #BWF

@Niki_Sushi Randy’s in Oprah Mode(c). ‘You get a punt! And you get a punt! And you get a punt!’ #CultofHarpo #BWF #RAW

Earlier today, The Miz tweeted that due to not getting the recognition he deserves, he’s boycotting RAW tonight. I’m sad.

If you close your eyes…

CHRISTIAN!

Christian vs Alberto del Rio

Before the match, we learn that last week, Christian helped Edge as Del Rio attacked the World Heavyweight Champion. Del Rio comes down to the ring with none other than Brodus Clay at his side, but Christian doesn’t look that bothered…

Before the match, del Rio says that his name is Alberto del Rio, but we already knew that. It is his destiny to be the new World Heavyweight Champion at Wrestlemania, and Christian, you and he are going to fight. But not tonight. If Christian really wants to fight del Rio, first Christian has to defeat del Rio’s “little” friend, Brodus Clay.

Christian vs Brodus Clay

The match starts with the two of them locking up for a moment before dropping Christian on his face. Clay starts to lift Christian, who jumps behind him and tries to fight him and possibly lock in the Killswitch, but Brodus hits his pec. He does it again, and Christian dives between Clay’s legs, but is met by a head butt, then Clay drops onto Christian with one, two elbow drops and then a cover. Christian kicks out at two, and Clay targets Christian’s pec. Christian fights out of the submission, but Clay throws him across the ring and goes for a knee drop, but Christian moves out of the way, hitting a missile dropkick to Clay, followed by another that knocks Clay over. Christian goes for a cover, but Clay throws him off. Clay clotheslines him, and then Christian kicks out of the pin attempt. Clay gets Christian onto his shoulder and starts to run, but Christian gets down and then gets up in the corner, hitting a Tornado DDT.

Christian wins via pinfall.

Right after the match, del Rio attacks Christian. Del Rio gets Christian up, but Christian slaps him, running into a boot. Del Rio then locks in the Cross Arm Breaker, again, and keeps attacking the same arm.

@HitTheRopes Was Edge busy or something? If I was Christian, I’d be wondering why my former brother didn’t come to my aid

@TKeep123 Brodus comes in 2nd on #nXt and is the 1st to make a post-nXt apparance on #RAW ! Enough said. #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW

@Niki_Sushi Yay Christian! I don’t care you’re supposed to be on SmackDown. I’m happy that I get to see you. :3 #BWF #RAW

Already in going into the 2011 Hall of Fame, Shawn Michaels, Bullet Bob Armstrong and “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan. The next inductee: Sunny.

Next up, Eve will defend the Diva’s Championship.

@kickoutblog Sin Cara vignette is slick.

@Niki_Sushi Unlike Alberto’s retarded promos, this actually makes me excited to see Sin Cara! #BWF #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar Somewhere in the world Sable just threw a remote at her TV and took a shot of whiskey.

@JRosz78 Sunny was well EPIC! #RAW #BWF #MNBW

@HitTheRopes So who hasn’t Sunny pissed off that is willing to induct her?

@KeepItFiveStar And now the Sunny forecast has been ruined by EVE. Thanks Eve…you did it again. You even found a way to ruin this

@TKeep123 Eve up next to defend her #TNA Jeff Hardy DIVA belt vs Niki Bella! #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW

Diva’s Champion Eve Torres vs Brie/Nikki Bella for the Diva’s Championship

Gail Kim is in Eve’s corner. Well, there’s your Gail sighting, but that’s all you’re going to get.

The two lock up, and Eve backs Nikki onto the ropes, and then throws her across the ring. Eve then bounces Nikki’s head off the turnbuckle repeatedly before throwing her onto the mat. Eve tosses her again, by her hair, before kicking her once, twice, and then clotheslining her. Eve goes for a cover, but Nikki kicks out. Nikki comes back by throwing Eve onto the ropes and holding her down there. While Nikki distracts the ref, Brie hits Eve, and then Nikki kicks Eve’s head. Nikki drops Eve by her hair and goes for a cover, but Eve kicks out. Nikki stands on Eve’s hair before lifting her arms, and then goes for a cover, but Eve kicks out. Cole stands on the announce table and says enough with this match, as Nikki puts Eve in a headlock. Cole says he can’t wait to make his announcement, and he’s going to tell everyone who his special guest referee is. Nikki drops Eve onto her face, and then punches her, and Cole keeps talking and talking. Nikki throws Eve in the corner, and then Eve slaps her. Eve then kicks Nikki in the head, and Eve tries to grab Nikki before Brie replaces her, but the ref catches her that time. Eve rolls back in with Nikki, and Nikki misses a clothesline, and Eve hits whatever move it was for the win. Brie tries to help, but backs out.

Eve Torres wins via pinfall.

Cole takes the mic again and says thank God that’s over. Coming up next is Cole’s “Main Event”, and we’ll find out who the special guest referee will be for Cole and King’s match.

@WWEsAngel_Nef You know #WWE while this is a great way to make Cole look like a douche, this is disrespectful to the women’s division. I hate this crap too

@TKeep123 Michael Cole interrupting the DIVA match to self-promote… Horrid treatment of the Divas…. #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW

@KeepItFiveStar Sit down Michael Cole with your fake ass Smooth Criminal suit

@HitTheRopes Damn, talk about sh*tting on the females. #wwe

@KeepItFiveStar Welp, Women’s History Month continues in the WWE….

@FrankWWEClown There’s only one choice for Michael Cole’s guest referee…the man known as….Sting. #wait22111alreadyhappened #makessense #WWE #RAW

@Niki_Sushi As much as I dislike Eve holding the belt, I would sooner party with Eve than watch a Bella be champ. #BWF #RAW

@kellylynndobson Eve dressed like a sexual Ronald McDonald. ugh. #BWF

Next week, Snooki is going to guest host RAW!

Cole is in the ring, laughing as the video plays back, and asks if he can have our attention. He says at Wrestlemania, he’s going to compete in his first ever match. And, well, of course, it’s in the main event (yeahright). In his hand, Cole holds the contract. The man who signs those documents will be the guest referee, and will have the honor and privilege of holding his hand high as he defeats King at Wrestlemania. We may not believe this, but Cole respects Lawler. Because of that respect, Cole picked a referee who would be impartial. The man has vowed that he’ll call the match right down the middle, and at least King will have a fighting chance at Wrestlemania. Without further ado, Cole wants to announce the man. He’s a former WWE Champion, a true legend, one of the most iconic figures in WWE history, and, much like Cole, he’s a legendary Texan. We can feel it, we know he’s here, we know this man is here. He’s been waiting for an hour to get out of our seats and cheer for this man, so let’s start the cheer. An Austin chant starts up. Cole then says that those people are fools. He suckered them in, him, Michael Cole. Ladies and gentlemen, his referee at Wrestlemania is none other than JBL!

The trademark limo with the Texas longhorns pulls up, and I just remember the last time I saw JBL when he quit because Rey… Nevermind.

JBL and Cole hug in the ring, and JBL lifts his arm. JBL gets the mic and thanks the crowd for booing him. He knew that when the great JBL came back from his hiatus, that ‘you people’ would understand, and after what they went through with no champions, and JBL felt sorry for Texas. He knew when he returned, the greatest, longest reigning champion in Smackdown history, and he knew that we would welcome him like good southern people do, with open hearts, but this is so much more important than us. Cole is right, JBL is going to Wrestlemania, the main event, there’s other matches, there’s a guest host. Whatever. Nobody has ever debuted at Wrestlemania, in the main event, until now. And JBL is so proud that this grizzled vet, standing in front of him… JBL saw the dues Cole paid, the way King treated Cole, saw that King was nothing more than a simple bully. JBL hates bullies, and it’s wrong that the strong pick on the weak just because the can. JBL is proud of Cole for standing up to that bully. The world is going to know what Cole can do. With Swagger standing on Cole’s corner, there’s only one thing missing: an impartial ref. JBL can buy anyone in that building, but no one can buy JBL. He’s a man of integrity, and that’s why he’s there, why when he signs that contract, JBL goes home. Today, JBL starts his journey back to the main event at Wrestlemania. JBL takes the contract, but is interrupted by shattering glass…

Stone Cold Steve Austin chooses now to make his way down the ramp, and Cole just shit his pants.

Austin makes his way to another corner and Cole literally scurries to get out of his way.

JBL and Cole are pointing their fingers at Austin, and yelling at him, but Austin looks unamused. Cole hides behind JBL, like he did Swagger last week. Austin keeps going for Cole, but JBL moves in the way. Austin finally gets sick of it and delivers a Stunner to JBL. He catches his beers and puts on JBL’s cowboy hat before throwing it off and celebrating with his beer as always. Some things will never get old.

He drinks one beer and pours another one on JBL, who squirms. Austin then sees the contract. Cole realizes what may be going through Austin’s head and seems to be sobbing. Austin picks up the contract, and Cole begs him not to do it. Austin just spit beer all over the contract. Cole is sobbing now, by the way. Austin says if we want him to sign that contract, give him a “Hell Yeah”. So, Stone Cold signs it. Austin says the special guest referee at Wrestlemania will be none other than STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN! And that’s the bottom line, ‘cause Stone Cold said so.

Cole keeps begging, and Austin rolls out of the ring, catching a fresh beer. Austin shakes Cole’s hand, then pours three cans of beer all over his head. Austin then tells him good luck, and shoves him back in his seat. Austin rolls back into the ring, where JBL is showing signs of life, and Cole slowly walks right under another can of beer being poured on him, and up the ramp. JBL just got hit in the head by a can of beer, and Austin gives him a beer. He offers his can up, for cheers, and then drinks it. JBL shrugs and drinks it to, before getting another Stunner. Dumbass. Swagger’s at the top of the ramp, watching Cole have a pissy fit.

Hope Cole enjoyed his beer bath.

@JonHexLives Michael Cole has a Boss Hog fit with Roscoe Swagtraine trying to calm him down. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@TKeep123 YES! Austin serves up 2 beers for Michael Cole-on top of his head! JBL finally waking up…Stunner #2! #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW

@JonHexLives That’s like the whole 12-pack Stone Cold has poured all over that ring. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@Niki_Sushi The camera won’t look at Josh Matthews because he is grinning like a damn fool right now. #BWF #RAW

@kellylynndobson Cole sounding like Nancy Kerrigan, “Why…..Why?” #BWF

@TKeep123 …and The Rattle-snake literally STUNS the 10 Gallon Hat off of JBL! Steve-wizers for everyone! #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW

@Niki_Sushi ‘It was my night, it was my night’ I think it’s his night now. #BWF #RAW #JustSayin

@kickoutblog At least Cole didn’t pick Austin, that would’ve been dumb.

@CMPunkSays We will have Stone Cold and The Rock at Wrestlemania. WE WILL HAVE STONE COLD AND THE ROCK AT WRESTLEMANIA. #MyBodyIsNotReady #WWE

@WWE_Creative Wow, @steveaustinBSR made it through an entire segment without saying “ass”. TV-PG is alive and well! #RAWTonight

@redsandman99 See Cole? Being a tremendous douchenozzle does not pay off in the end.

@HitTheRopes Austin just embarrassed Cole on the behalf of the Divas…. Well, not really, but one can think positively

@WWEUniverse Arrived. Raised Hell. Signed Contract. Left. #Austin316 #MichaelCole #WWE #Raw #Wm27

@FrankWWEClown I would mark out for Michael Cole vomiting all over the announce table in disgust of Stone Cold. Oh hell yeah. #WWE #RAW #WM27 #AUSTIN316

Backstage, Cole is flipping out because his clothes are a mess to Jack Swagger. Cole says he hates Stone Cold as much as he hates Jerry, but Swagger interrupts him. Swagger tells Cole to focus on King, and Swagger will worry about Austin. Swagger threatens to break Austin’s ankle like a twig, and Cole goes out to shower, finally.

Jerry “The King” Lawler makes his way back to ringside, where he belongs.

Doesn’t Defend His Title On Live Television United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs King Sheamus

Sheamus starts out by attacking the hell out of Bryan, and hurls him across the ring before putting his fists in Bryan’s face. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Bryan kicks out at two. Sheamus gets Bryan to his feet and misses a clothesline, only to eat a missile dropkick, followed by another one that sends Sheamus out to the announce table, grabbing his ankle. The ref is counting, but Sheamus doesn’t seem to be able to really walk, let alone get into the ring. Sheamus lets the ref count.

United States Daniel Bryan wins via count-out.

Sheamus takes a mic and says hold on a minute. For the last couple months, he’s been on a losing streak. But, he promises next week, all that will change, when he becomes the new United States Champion. What does Bryan say? If Sheamus doesn’t beat him for the title, Sheamus will quit. Bryan nods, and I get my wish for Bryan to actually defend his title on television.

Coming up, Shawn Michaels will speak out again on the Undertaker vs Triple H match.

@KeepItFiveStar IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!!

@KeepItFiveStar Lmao! Oh My God! Sheamus looks so sad! A part of him died last week.

@CMPunkSays I was wondering if anyone else noticed the quick count. Very astute, Mathews. #WWE

@Niki_Sushi …. I forgot about Daniel Bryan. I’ll be honest. I haven’t heard his theme in forever. Doesn’t he have a belt or something? #BWF #RAW

@kickoutblog Looks like there ain’t no grave that can hold King Sheamus down.

We come back to CM Punk sitting in the ring, ready for action.

Oh, and my head was just starting to stop hurting.

CM Punk vs R-Truth

Punk goes to attack Truth as Truth gives up the mic, but Truth goes for a quick cover. Punk kicks out and Truth hits a quick drop toe-hold, and then Punk takes momentum and throws Truth into one steel post, then another. Then, Punk throws Truth into a third. One more and you’ll get them all, Punk! Truth fights back, however, and Punk does like that, attacking him in the corner. Punk goes for a cover, but Truth kicks out at two. Punk gets Truth in a submission, and Truth tries to fight out, getting up to his feet before fighting out. Truth hits a clothesline, then another on Punk before slapping Punk. Punk Whips him, and Truth tries to flip over, but Punk isn’t there. Truth counters the attempted Go to Sleep and goes for a cover, but Punk kicks out at two. Punk rolls out of the ring, then grabs Truth’s arm and jumps off the apron, hurting Truth’s shoulder. Punk then locks in the Anaconda Vice, and Truth taps out.

CM Punk wins via submission.

Ryan climbs in the ring with Punk and Punk directs Ryan to Punk. Ryan lifts him up before dropping Truth down in what King just called a shoulder breaker.

I’m sorry, but I can’t focus too terribly much on this, so I’m not going to say everything he says. First, Shawn comments on their friendship, and says that greatness rarely gets satisfied, which is why Triple H takes on the Undertaker. Combined with Triple H’s talent, there’s a darkness in him. Triple H is the kind of guy who could do anything and not feel any remorse about it.

Vickie Guerrero makes her way down to the ring, even though she was fired as Smackdown’s Official Consultant.

@KeepItFiveStar CM Punk bringing out the Anaconda Vice on Truth! That’s how you tame a jiggaboo!

@TKeep123 You know it’s bad for Sheamus when an R-Truth match lasts longer than his! #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW

@WWE_Creative We needed to have @CMPunk murder @RandyOrton earlier because Punk killing @RonKillings may turn him face. #RAWTonight

@KeepItFiveStar What’s Up?! STRAIGHT EDGE! What’s Up?! STRAIGHT EDGE! What’s Up?! STRAIGHT EDGE! What’s Up?! STRAIGHT EDGE!

@legendkiller515 Why is t-truth still rapping? I don’t get it. He’s awful. And I’m the token black guy saying he can’t rap. #wwe #raw #bwf

@kickoutblog Vickie Guerrero is here! She’s announcing herself as the first (and only) participant for Money in the Bank

I’m not convinced Snooki’s PG, but I’ll deal.

Vickie screeches Excuse Me at us again, and she’s boo’d. Same old story. She says due to her extensive negotiating efforts, please allow her to introduce to us, the former World Heavyweight Champion, and the newest member to the RAW Roster, Dolph Ziggler.

I am perfection…

Apparently, getting fired from Smackdown, means a… “promotion” to RAW. But wait… Did Vickie get rehired last Friday when I wasn’t watching? I’m confuuuuused!

Dolph Ziggler vs John Morrison

So… no answer then, WWE? Not going to tell me how Vickie Guerrero is suddenly on RAW with a job and a microphone? No? … Awesome. Oh, wondrous! And now Vickie’s on commentary. Oh, and King’s making fat jokes. Sweet.

Ziggler and Morrison lock up, and Ziggler plants Morrison. Morrison tries to jump over Ziggler, but Ziggler wisely takes out the knee. And… a commercial.

@HitTheRopes TNA got Sting and did the 3/3/11 video. WWE returns fire by getting Snooki while TNA has The Shore knockoffs.

@KeepItFiveStar HEY! Dolph Ziggler got his job back! First step Dolph! Next step Carlito! #wishfulthinking

@kickoutblog You know, she wouldn’t have to say “excuse me” so much if you’d just excuse her.

@CMPunkSays When he comes to the ring, John Morrison has this look on his face like he KNOWS he just disintegrated every pair of panties in the arena.

I come back to hear Vickie threatening Snooki if she looks at Vickie’s man, or men she’s been involved with. Anyway, Morrison drops Ziggler to the mat three times, before kneeing him and then hits the Moonlight Drive. Morrison goes for the cover, but Ziggler’s foot touches the rope. Morrison tries to pull Ziggler away, abut Ziggler holds onto the ropes and rakes Morrison’s eyes before hitting a Zig-Zag.

Dolph Ziggler wins via pinfall.

The GM did hire Dolph Ziggler to RAW, but not Vickie Guerrero. Thank you for answering me, WWE. The general manager considers Vickie a “very polarizing figure”. The GM says, however, that Vickie can have a job on RAW if she wins her match next week. Her match is against Trish Stratus.

Security comes out to escort Vickie out of the ring, and she clings to Dolph’s leg while the crowd sings her out.

Next, John Cena response to the Rock with the “final knockout.”

@HitTheRopes It’s weird to see security walk to the ring. On TNA I’m always seeing security running

@redsandman99 You know what this means? LayCool will interfere and it will set up Trish/Kelly vs LayCool at Wrestlemania

@kickoutblog If Snooki wants to get on my good side, she’ll help Vickie beat Trish Stratus next week.

@KeepItFiveStar “The Chaperon is a good emotional story about a dad, who’s trying to *Gets in Triple H mode* END THE STREAK!!!” – Triple H

@CMPunkSays They’re throwing Attitude Era stars at us like X-Men Origins: Wolverine threw mutants at the plot. Except that THIS is awesome. #WWE

@JonHexLives Apparently it took 20 minutes for the GM to notice Vickie was there. Guess she’s not that fat. #WWE #RAW #BWF

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR YABBA DABBA BITCH PLEASENOGAYJOKES

These fans can’t decide between The Rock and John Cena, apparently. They love… whoever has the mic at that moment.

Cena says that they’re right; everything’s bigger in Texas. Once you’re there and you look around, there’s people as far as the eye can see. Some people are excited, some people are angry. One guy’s angry at him, and that’s The Rock. Cena doesn’t get it, because The Rock didn’t come out and make fun of him. Cena likes what he has to say, calling him Fruity Pebbles. Cena thinks it’s funny. The impression of him is funny. It’s a good shtick. But, a couple weeks ago, Cena said something about the Rock, and Shut the front door, he got mad. Rock was very angry that Cena addressed him in rap. Rock said never, ever address him in rap. Cena found a solution, and he will address the Rock in hip-hop, which should clear everything up.

Last week, Rock showed the whole world his ass is soft
HE talked trash from his living room and wouldn’t take his glasses off
What he couldn’t afford a plane ticket or rent a helicopter
No, Rock chose to stay home and read off a teleprompter
You can see the words in his glasses
Rewind it back I caught him
Only time you see me, homies, is when I’m whippin that Rock Bottom
They say the Rock is unbeatable, he’ll put John Cena on the shelf
But after last week, the only thing the Rock’s beatin is himself
And once again, I’m standin here
And where’ s the Rock? He must be misplaced
I get it, I’m a Fruity Pebble, you’re yabba dabba misplaced
He yelled for thirty minutes, almost made me throw up
You wanna be the people’s champ Here’s a tip: Show up
I’m so glad this thing is over so I can cross it off my checklist
Rock didn’t win, but it’s ok, I’ll give him a pearl necklace
It’s not my fault Rock, you just make it too easy to get you
You might as well attack my dog, because every week he eats my shitzu
But I made him angry, that’s not what I was in it, I didn’t want him to seem hurt
So to make amends, I actually went out and bought the Rock’s new t-shirt
(I BRING IT VIA SATELLITE SHIRT)
Rock, make them chant your name, raise an eyebrow, give us all a fun night
But don’t ever call me out again dude, cause that’s bringing a knife to a gun fight.

WWE Champion The Miz shows up out of nowhere and attacks John Cena with the WWE Championship belt. SO much for boycotting RAW. Cena gets up, and Miz watches him before Cena turns around, and Miz hits him again. Miz picks up the mic, and says Cena, Cena, Cena. You and your little buddy, The Rock, and everybody else has disrespected me for the last time. Do you see a pattern here, Cena? Every time you and Rock get your panties in a wad, this is what happens to you. And if The Rock was here, the same thing would happen to him. Cena, you like to rap, well try this one on for size:

The Rock, John Cena, Macho Man and Liz
Stone Cold and Bret Hart, they’re nothing compared to The Miz.

And one more thing, hello Rock. He and Miz haven’t been properly introduced: He’s the Miz, the WWE Champion, and star of Wrestlemania. Rock, on the other hand, is just the host. So Rock should know his role and be the best Ryan Seacrest he can be. And if Rock has the guts to show up on RAW or at Wrestlemania, Miz will take his little eyebrow, his 45 catchphrases, his sunglasses, his father, his grandfather, roll them up into a ball, flip it sideways, and stick it straight up his candy ass. Because he’s The Miz, and he’s-

Miz then gets behind John Cena and gives him a Skull Crushing Finale. Miz stops, pulls off the band on his elbow, and then delivers the Miz’s Elbow.

–AWWWWWESOOOOME!

Well. Interesting RAW, to say the least, and I do like the way it ended. Yes, yes, I know. But I’m a Mizfit, and it made me happy. It didn’t make up for some of the things that went on, but there you have it. And yes, I did type up that whole rap just by sitting here listening to it. Anyway, next week we have Snooki and Trish Stratus. See you then.

RAW 2.14.11

February 14, 2011 11:38 pm 5 Comments

Happy Valentine’s Day!! Here at BoredWrestlingFan, we love you all! In a non-creepy kind of way. Like family, really… I love you like brothers and sisters and dysfunctional cousins, and that one uncle who always comes in around Christmas time dressed up like Santa, just to get you to sit on his lap, but always gets punched out by your dad. Yeah. I love you all like that.

Anyway, now that I’ve creeped myself out, who will be the guest host for Wrestlemania? And who is going to be showing themself next week on RAW?! AND WHEN WILL RANDY ORTON WEAR PANTS?! All these questions (or, y’know, just one of them), and more will be answered on tonight’s edition of Monday Night RAW!

Earlier tonight, the RAW GM announced three singles matches: Randy Orton v King Sheamus, John Morrison vs R-Truth, and John Cena vs CM Punk once more, but tonight, there will be a winner and the New Nexus is banned from ringside!!

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRR LOVE YOU TOO!!!

John Cena vs CM Punk – There Must Be A Winner and New Nexus is Banned from Ringside

Before the match, Cena thanks King for the assist, and comments on the crowd. He says he sees some guys smiling, sweating, and that could only mean that it’s Valentine’s Day. He says it’s good to see all the couples, and nothing really says “I love ya honey” like a pair of tickets to WWE. Love is in the air, but so is Wrestlemania! Tonight’s gonna be big, because tonight we find out who will host Wrestlemania! As we can see, everyone’s talking about it, and there are tons of theories. Lady Gaga (after showing up at the Grammys in an egg), Sammy (after leaving Jersey Shore), but Cena thinks that his theory is the most solid: Michael Cole hosts Wrestlemania. He says that he’s equally upset, but Mr. McMahon said last night (Last week), all this special stuff. Cole gets a special feeling every time the GM sends him an email, Cole has a special attraction to Miz and A-Ry, and something that’s never been seen before? They’ve never seen any absolute proof that Michael Cole is actually a man. Cena says that there’s no need for Cole to stand up and embarrass himself, because he’d look like a host. Tonight, we find out who hosts Wrestlemania, Sunday we find out who goes to Wrestlemania for the WWE Championship. Cena says that after his year, he needs this Wrestlemania moment. At one point, he was a slave, working for a group of radicals, and then he was fired. And then he was living off of powdered milk and Crayola crayons, and then he came back and still had to deal with the group of radicals called the Nexus. The great thing about the Elimination Chamber is that only one man from that group can step inside, and that’s CM Punk-

CM Punk’s music interrupts and Punk comes out with a mic. He says that he does not need to listen to this anymore, just as he does not need the members of the New Nexus to defeat Cena. Cena’s a sports fan, it’s in the history book, the last two times that Punk and Cena met, let the record state: CM Punk: 2, John Cena: 0. He doesn’t need to listen to Cena run down Cole, or the people in Anaheim, because he is a good person. Trust Punk, Cena, even here, good things happen to good people.

The match starts with Punk closing the distance, and the two lock up, only for Cena to push Punk in the corner. Punk seems to have an injured leg, but runs to Cena to miss a clothesline, and throws Punk across the ring, and Punk moves as Cena runs to him, sending Cena shoulder-first into the steel post. Punk gets on the apron, and jumps onto Cena on the outside.

@Niki_Sushi I think I just heard Cole jizz himself when Punk complimented him. I think it’s a love square here now. #BWF #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar Uh-oh, Punk. Last time someone tried a win-loss countdown with John Cena, they got destroyed. Poor 2009 Miz.

@CMPunkSays So is Michael Cole asexual or a hermaphrodite? #VagueSexualSlurs #WWE

@legendkiller515 cole is a good Samaritan? since when? #bwf

@SadieandCompany Love the Grey’s Sports Almanac reference from @CMPunk! #WWE #BWF

We come back to Punk dominating Cena, and he goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out a two. Punk pulls Cena back up and suplexes him into another cover, but Cena won’t be put away. He latches onto Cena’s shoulder, and Cena gets him off with an arm drag before running right into Punk’s foot, and Punk goes for yet another cover. Punk then wraps his feet around Cena’s waist and applies some pressure. Cena works on getting Punk’s legs out from around him, and tries to lock in the STF, but Punk gets to the rope and elbows Cena off of him. Punk steps on Cena’s head and back, and the ref gets him off. Punk stands Cena up, and delivers a hit to the forehead. Punk continues with some hits to Cena’s head before wrapping it up with a kick to the chest. Punk relishes in the boos for a minute before meeting a punch to the gut by Cena. Cena Whips Punk, who counters, and then Cena hits some shoulder takedowns, and a sidewalk slam. He hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle and goes for the Attitude adjustment, but Punk pushes him off and kicks him right in the face. Punk goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Punk goes back to the submission, putting Cena’s head in between his legs, but Cena gets him up, and Punk fights his way to safety. Cena reverses and hits a Gutwrench, but Punk gets out of the cover. Cena climbs up on the top rope, but Punk jumps up and kicks him in the head, sending Cena back to the ring. Punk runs across the ring and gives the high knee to Cena before missing the Bulldog, and Cena tries to hit the STF only to get met with a swinging neckbreaker, but Cena kicks out of the cover at two. Punk gets Cena up, but Cena counters and goes for the cover, but Punk kicks out at two. Punk delivers some hard and high kicks and goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two again. Punk climbs out of the ring and goes to the top rope, hitting a cross body, but Cena catches him and puts him up for the Attitude Adjustment, and Punk gets the top rope. Cena sends him out of the ring, and Punk gets a chair from someone in Nexus, followed by a wrench. As the ref gets the chair out of the ring, Punk hits Cena with the wrench and hits the Go to Sleep for the win.

CM Punk wins via pinfall.

And there’s the end of RAW! … Oh, wait. It’s still the beginning of RAW…

Josh Matthews is taking the place of Jerry “The King” Lawler because King is taking time off after the death of his mother. Our prayers are with him and his family. But don’t worry, he’ll be at Elimination Chamber.

Still to come, the Wrestlemania guest host!

@KeepItFiveStar Mae Young and Mark Henry’s hand is all grown up and it’s joined the Nexus!

@Niki_Sushi Huh. I haven’t heard any rumors about it being Johnny Depp or Ryan Seacrest. If only. #BWF #RAW

@HitTheRopes Michael Cole lies, NOBODY says it will be Vince McMahon

@N_er_d Diljeet Guest Host Revelation today. Please be someone sensible. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@legendkiller515 cole just sounds like a hater. he got that #hateration going on #bwf

Justin Roberts tells us to welcome Ricardo Rodriguez. He says Ladies and gentlemen, something something something something something, something about a suit, something something, Excellent, Mexico, Alberto del Rio. Thank you Spanish Class! … I hope my Spanish teacher doesn’t watch wrestling, or I’m in trouble. And, now there’s a random plug about the Smackdown! Elimination Chamber match! … Cool. Cause RAW is Smackdown now. I guess.

Alberto del Rio says that his name is Alberto del Rio, but we already knew that. This Sunday, it makes no difference to him who wins the Smackdown Elimination Chamber, because just like it was his destiny to win the Royal Rumble, it is his destiny at Wrestlemania to be the World Heavyweight Champion.

You think you know me…

Edge comes down with his World Heavyweight Championship, and I don’t know how he kept it because I didn’t watch. Edge asks Alberto what’s up, and says that the past two weeks he’s been so busy beating Dolph Ziggler on Smackdown that he almost forgot that del Rio attacked him with a guitar. So, he talks about his destiny, and Edge says he has a destiny too. Wanna know what it is? And then Edge takes del Rio off his feet and pummels him. Edge backs into the corner, and starts to go for the Spear, but Ricardo does what he’s paid for and distracts Edge. Del Rio starts to do something to Edge, but Edge Spears him.

Vickie says this Sunday there will be a World Heavyweight Championship match, but first, she’s there to introduce the new – and then has to excuse herself again – World Heavyweight Champion, her amazing boyfriend, Dolph Ziggler! Okay, last Friday, Vickie tries to Spear Edge, but hurts herself, and Edge takes advantage to Spear Dolph. Edge calls for another ref, and Packers linebacker, Clay Matthews went out and counted for the match.

Vickie says that she has told him over and over and over again that if he uses the Spear, he would face the consequences. This Friday night on Smackdown, they will have the official coronation of Dolph Ziggler as the World Heavyweight Champion. So, Edge, you lost the world title on Friday, and he is about to lose something else: his job. Vickie has proof that Edge is the one who assaulted Teddy Long, and then she cackles. Because this really is Smackdown now. I have a headache now.

Coming up next, Natalya’s getting her rematch for the Diva’s Championship in a Lumberjill match.

@TKeep123 Vickie reveals she has “PROOF” that Edge attacked Teddy Long…..then she cackles like a hen laying a square egg. #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw

@KeepItFiveStar Wow. Sting really grew his hair out long. And grew a goatee. Man, The Undertaker look is coming back in style. …STINNNNNG!!!

@HitTheRopes SO, how does @HeelZiggler feel about Del Rio doing his whole introduction shtick but with a Spanish flair? Remember Dolph’s, Hi my name is..

@Niki_Sushi You attacked me with a guitar. MEET MY BANJO! #BWF #RAW

@FrankWWEClown Vickie Guerrero’s laugh makes puppies run for their lives, makes babies cry, and made me vomit. Talk about a triple whammy. #WWE #RAW

@ccastagnoli Best evil laugh since Ted DiBiase; @excusemewwe

@SadieandCompany Hmmm…. 21-2 = 19 , 1-1 = 0 … WM 27 19-0 #WWE #Bwf

@ThingsColeSays You know what, could 2.21.11 be the return of Triple H?

Tonight, we have another match I don’t want to watch, as the United States Champion Daniel Bryan will go against the WWE Champion, The Miz!

Natalya vs WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres for the Diva’s Championship in a LumberJill Match

I hate Lumberjack/jill matches too.

DON’T SHAKE HANDS! Anyway, Natalya gets Eve down on the match, but Eve gets her out of it, and then they do the same thing. The two then try to go for the same move, and respect one another. Natalya with two covers in a row, but Eve kicks out at two. Eve gets Natalya on her back, but not shoulders down, and Natalya fights to her feet. Natalya drags Eve into the ring, and gets her in that surfboard submission, but Eve gets her hands free and flips free, pinning Natalya, who kicks out at two. Natalya gets Eve in a headlock, but Eve fights out and the two of them exchange move, but Eve hits a handspring moonsault and Natalya kicks out of the cover. Natalya hits the spinning clothesline thing and Eve throws Natalya out of the ring. The bellas attack her, and Maryse Alicia and Melina join, but Gail Kim and Tamina try to help her, and do so. Eve then takes out the heel divas, minus Melina, and it looks like Maryse was hurt more. Eve gets back in the ring, and both Divas are down in the center of the ring. Maryse leaves ringside, by the way. Natalya goes in a roll through, but Natalya’s shoulders are down, and Eve retains.

WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres wins via pinfall.

Natalya stands up and the two shake hands again, which just infuriates me.

@5CornersxSmootx #RAW Alicia Fox looks like a 6ft prostitute with that red hair.

@KeepItFiveStar Oh God! Maryse! Is she okay?! Somebody check on my fallen angel!

@kickoutblog Eve looks like Wonder Woman and Iron Man had a baby.

@legendkiller515 cole sounds like he never got some valentines love as a kid…he needs help! #bwf

@TKeep123 “Lumber-Jack” matches are usually to end some long terrible feud… This is for Eve and Natalya? What’s the point? #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw

Eve Torres and the Bellas are arguing backstage. One of the Bellas tries to choke Eve, and Gail comes up to help Eve, and then its Eve, Gail and Natalya against the Bellas in some crappy brawl or another. Well, I could be reviewing two people I don’t like shoving their tongues down their throats.

Cole has a lame ass segue turning back over to The Chaperone as we get a ‘sneak peek’, or, y’know… the trailer again.

Mark Henry-

Mark Henry starts to come out to the ring, but Sheamus comes out and attacks him from behind, delivering a Brogue Kick to him, and then demands the mic, fella!

Sheamus says that to every fella in the Elimination Chamber, that’s a reminder of what he’s capable of. And if they want an even bigger reminder, they can watch what he does to Randy Orton tonight. A ref gets Henry onto his knees and Sheamus Brogue Kicks him again.

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley make their way to the ring. Oh, and wouldn’t you know it? Michael Tarver’s doin The Creep!

@KeepItFiveStar What the hell, Natalya and Gail? Eve started the fight! She ran off at the mouth at The Bellas. Called them fat. Heard a racial slur or two.

@TKeep123 Diva Pile…Diva Pile! I so want to be the back-stage Ref! #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw

@HitTheRopes The backstage brawl was slightly better than the actual title match. #WWE

@Niki_Sushi Well. Looks like a Bella is getting fired. Didn’t you learn from leering at Daniel that choking is BAD? #BWF #RAW

@CMPunkSays I figured it out. Michael Tarver has been dead the whole time, BUT HE DOESN’T KNOW IT. #WWE #AsDirectedByMNightShyamalan

@KeepItFiveStar LOL Michael Tarver should come out The Creep by The Lonely Island featuring Nicki Minaj

@Niki_Sushi And he’s out! See ya later, Mark! Nice seeing you. #BWF #RAW #SameTimeNextWeek

@ThingsColeSays HAHAHAHAHAHA, MIZ JUST SHOVED DOWN CENA’S BEST BACKSTAGE FRIEND.

@kickoutblog Okay, Miz shoving that guy was hilarious.

@AkatsukiArtist @kickoutblog HE JUST SHOVED STAN

@kickoutblog Good thing Alex Riley keeps Miz’s soul in that briefcase, otherwise Michael Tarver would’ve enjoyed a late dinner

@JonHexLives The Miz shoving random backstage guy was easily the best thing he’s done since stealing Angry Miz Girl’s Slammy. #WWE #RAW #BWF

AWESOME!

WWE Champion The Miz with Alex Riley vs United States Champion Daniel Bryan

It looks like Alex Riley is on commentary again, which really kind of sucks. Though, I did laugh at Cole and Riley shaking hands, and then Cole backhanding Matthews. I did laugh.

Miz and Bryan circle one another, and lock up, Miz getting Bryan in a headlock. Miz then knocks Bryan down. The two lock up again, and Bryan gets a few arm drags on Miz. Miz elbows Bryan, and then avoids Bryan’s kick, only to get hit by two missile dropkicks in a row, and Miz kicks him in the face. Miz then attacks Bryan repeatedly. I’d go into more detail, but the damn cameras keep going to the announce table. Miz puts pressure on Bryan’s jaw, putting him in a headlock, and Bryan fights out. Bryan runs at Miz, but they both fall over and have a ‘what the fuck?!’ moment, and Bryan puts Miz in a headlock. Miz Whips Bryan and then elbows him so hard that Miz is knocked over too before going to the cover. Bryan kicks out, and Miz comes back at him, putting Bryan in a headlock. Bryan and Miz duke it out with a few hits, and then Bryan Whips Miz, who counters and then Bryan flips out of the corner and retaliates with a clothesline. Miz gets up in the corner and Bryan plants his feet in Miz’ chest before going for the cover, but Miz kicks out. Miz plays possum and fights back, but Bryan drops him on the outside of the ring. Miz stands up, Bryan runs at him, but Miz moves. Bryan then launches himself at Miz outside the ring. Bryan throws Miz back into the ring and goes up top, and plants his feet in Miz’s chest again, but Miz kicks out of the cover at two. Miz is on his feet, and he is lured into the LaBell Lock, but Miz gets to the ropes first. The two seem to fight for a minute in the ropes before Miz hits a neckbreaker and deposits Bryan outside the ring.

@KeepItFiveStar OH! What a neckbreaker by Miz! Damn!

@Niki_Sushi NO! WHY CAN’T I EVER ESCAPE!? I’m going to start crying every time I heard this damn song now. Daniel, just… go away. Please. #BWF #RAW

We come back to Miz in control, and he gets Bryan up on the top rope, delivering some this to him. Miz tries to go for the suplex that no one seems able to hit anymore, and he manages to get Miz from the top to the ring on his back in record time, but Miz still kicks out from the cover. Bryan’s on his feet first and delivers some hard kicks to Miz’ chest, rapid-fire. Miz ducks under his next one and goes for a cover, but Bryan kicks out at two. Miz does it again, but Bryan kicks out again. Miz starts to drop Bryan onto his knee, but Bryan counters and kicks him in the chest again, but Miz kicks out of the cover at two. Bryan tries to get the LaBell Lock in again, but Miz gets up to his feet, and Bryan jumps onto his shoulders before dropping Bryan right on his face. Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the win.

WWE Champion The Miz wins via pinfall.

Miz stays in the ring after his match and asks if everyone saw what he did to the United States Champion Daniel Bryan? He knows everyone saw what he did, but there’s one person that didn’t see: Jerry “The King” Lawler. We all know Jerry’s unfortunately not here tonight, because his mother passed away. Therefore, Miz would like to take this moment to offer his sincere condolences. And yet he still gets boo’d. However, Miz says, he hopes that Jerry doesn’t use this as an excuse as to why he loses his match on Sunday at the Elimination Chamber. Because if Miz wants him to hear one thing, it is that The Miz will still be WWE Champion because he’s The Miz and he’s AWESOME!

Apparently, the rumors about the host of Wrestlemania have included every celebrity. I heard it’d even be Elvis!

@KeepItFiveStar That could’ve went down a really bad road. Thankfully it didn’t! #MizIsAwesome

@CMPunkSays HE’S GOING FOR THE NUCLEAR HEAT #Miz #WWE

@BrdWrstlngFn I see a lot of hate for @MikeTheMiz on here. Means he’s doing his job. Keep up the good work, Miz!

@HitTheRopes Lol, people starting freaking out thinking the WWE would have Miz go in on Lawler’s tragedy. Good job there WWE. Respectful and sells match

Michael McGuillicutty and David Otunga with Mason Ryan vs John Morrison and R-Truth

HOLY SHIT TRUTH’S DREADS ARE GONE! Oh, not they aren’t.

During the commercial, the RAW GM made this match to allow Truth and Morrison a chance at revenge, or something. Truth starts out with McGuillicutty and starts beating him up, but McGuillicutty fights back, only to get beat again. Morrison has some red around his eyes, and Otunga distracts the ref, so Morrison goes to get him, and Ryan gets Truth out of the ring and kicks him in the ribs. McGuillicutty climbs out of the ring and rams him kidney-first into the apron before hitting him again. McGuillicutty throws him into the ring and goes for the cover, but Truth kicks out at two. McGuillicutty tags in Otunga, who suplexes Truth and goes for a cover, only for Truth to kick out. Cole and Matthews argue over Punk’s victory as Otunga works on weakening Truth. Truth fights back and dodges a wild clothesline before dropping Otunga on his neck. Truth and Otunga are both down in the middle of the ring and Morrison gets in against Otunga. Morrison drops Otunga and hits him repeatedly, obviously furious about the attack on him last week. Otunga tags McGuillicutty in, but Morrison doesn’t care. He’s gone Hulk, and proceeds to just beat the shit out of McGuillicutty now. I’m not sure if the ref or Truth are safe either. Morrison works harder on kicking the shit out of McGuillicutty, and the ref finally gets him off of Otunga, and Morrison kicks Ryan away from the ring before sending Truth out on Ryan. Morrison kicks, or knees, McGuillicutty in the face and pins him for the win.

R-Truth and The Hulk John Morrison win.

Mason Ryan attacks Morrison from behind, but Morrison and Truth fight him out. The ref raises his hand and Morrison jerks it away to glare threateningly at Nexus.

Chris Jericho’s new autobiography, Undisputed, is available Wednesday! It’d be the perfect late Valentine’s Day present for your favorite RAW Reviewer, just so you know…

Coming up, the guest host of Wrestlemania will be announced, and Randy Orton and Sheamus will go one-on-one.

@CMPunkSays Did John Morrison just activate Devil Trigger? #WWE

@KeepItFiveStar John Morrison’s traded in the Parkour for Hardcore! He is PISSED!

@Niki_Sushi No, it goes like this. ‘JoMo used DUCT TAPE! It’s SUPER EFFECTIVE!’ #BWF #RAW

@JRosz78 At least they didn’t give that crackhead R-Fail a mic to fuck up this week! #RAW #WWE #BWF

The co-star to Triple H in The Chaperone is here, Ariel Winter, I mean. She says that she’s excited to be in the ring on Monday Night RAW. Good for her. As we know, in The Chaperone, Triple H plays her father. Not only is tonight Valentine’s Day, but tonight is the night for the Khali Kiss Cam, and I think Cole reacted with my reaction. Ugh.

Khali says something and I heard Kiss Cam, and I think he said BLAH BLAH BLAH! Ranjin says that he said Welcome to a special Valentine’s Day Kiss Cam! For the first time ever, Khali won’t be kissing anyone, but everyone else, backstage or in the front, gets to kiss. Audience, audience, Santino and Tamina, (with the Cobra trying to kiss), then Vickie and Dolph (who looks disgusted), audience, Maryse and Ted (and Maryse totally says no and kisses Yoshi instead!), Zack and Regal (OMG REGAL KISSED HIM!), audience, Hornswoggle?! Horny comes out with chocolates for Ariel, which is cute. He gives her the box, and then goes to leave, but she kisses his cheek. He hugs her and lifts her, spinning her around. Ariel then totally loses the chocolates all over the ring.

Still to come, that stuff I said before was still to come.

Randy Orton is making his way to the ring!

@kickoutblog William Regal is so manly, he’s totally comfortable with kissing another man.

@KeepItFiveStar OHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! YOSHI TATSU GET YOU SOME!!!

@HitTheRopes Ariel Winter’s jacket is cool. And she dances better than Khali, not that that is difficult.

@Niki_Sushi Regal is my damn hero. Not many men are comfortable enough with themselves to kiss another man. #BWF #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar Awww. Chocolate botch! Mark Henry’s like “I’m on my way!” *Mark Henry runs to the ring with Ultimate Warrior like speed*

@FrankWWEClown Hornswoggle, that’s illegal. You have a full beard. That girl is like 10 years old. You little creep, you. #WWE #RAW

@HitTheRopes William Regal just wanted to get Zacked! @ZackRyder

@CMPunkSays REGAL! You cheeky bugger, you. #WWE

@kickoutblog Chris Hansen returns to Dateline NBC this week with “To Catch A Leprechaun”

@TKeep123 Next week Chaperone HHH shows up to kick the crap out of Hornswaggle for sleazing on his ‘daughter’… #WWE #RAW #BWF

@JRosz78 #RAW was goin so well then they throw this PG kid crap in there! SMH #RAW #BWF

Tonight’s order is screwing with me… Seriously… Shouldn’t the Wrestlemania guest host announcement come before this match? Aw, whatever.

King Sheamus vs Randy Orton

Orton comes out to the ring and looks over his shoulder, just in case.

Orton and Sheamus lock up, and trip over one another against the ropes. Orton backs up and Sheamus kicks him, hitting some hard hits before Whipping Orton, but Orton counters and takes Sheamus down before pounding on him and stomping on his head. He then goes to drop his knee on Sheamus, but Sheamus moves and hits him back, punching him in the head. Sheamus punches Orton, and Orton retaliates with a back breaker. Orton then drops the knee on Sheamus and goes for a cover, but Sheamus kicks out at two. Sheamus shoves Orton’s face into the turnbuckle, and then Sheamus takes Orton down with a clothesline. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Orton powers out. Sheamus steps on Orton’s chest before pushing Orton’s neck into the middle rope. Sheamus hits Orton’s chest with five or six hard forearms, and then drives his thigh into Orton’s face. Orton gets up and Sheamus swan dives into the ring and takes Orton down, going for a cover, but Orton kicks out at two. Sheamus goes for a submission, but Orton fights quickly to his feet, and Sheamus holds on, getting Orton back on the ring mat. Orton fights back up and fights out of the submission, delivering some head butts before getting kicked, but retaliating with two clotheslines and a scoop slam. He Whips Sheamus, and then kicks him in the chest, going for something, but Sheamus hits the Irish Curse Backbreaker, and Orton kicks out of the following cover at two. Sheamus punches him in the head and then puts him on the top rope. Orton takes a hit, and then Sheamus goes for the super plex, and Sheamus hits the super plex! Sheamus gets up, but Randy hits the RKO out of nowhere!

Randy Orton wins via pinfall.

Punk slides into the ring with the New Nexus right after Orton’s victory, and John Morrison comes out to help Orton, followed by R-Truth and finally John Cena. Randy RKOs Otunga, then McGuillicutty, and then attacks Ryan, before Cena and Randy both throw Ryan out, and Punk tries to get Randy in the Go to Sleep, but Randy counters and pushes Punk to Cena, who hits the Attitude Adjustment.

Backstage, a limo pulls up. The door opens, and heels are what come out of the limo.

@KeepItFiveStar Sheamus is like an RKO Magnet

@kickoutblog I actually think Sheamus and Orton have chemistry, they just haven’t found the right mixture yet. #SCIENCE

@KeepItFiveStar IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!!

@ThingsColeSays TOO MANY LIMES, TOO MANY LIMES!

@Niki_Sushi I’m open to just about anyone, but if it’s Stephanie McMahon, I’m going to whip her with Cole’s tie.. using Daniel’s arms. #BWF #RAW

And the host of Wrestlemania 27 is…

IF YOU SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL!!!!!!!!

The Rock has finally returned to the WWE, and what a way to do it! He gets an absolutely astounding pop, so much so that I actually turned down my TV a little to try to save my head from exploding. Then again, it already hurts, so… yeah.

Silence, jabronis! The Rock has a microphone!

Rock goes to speak, but they start cheering him again.

Rock says after seven long years, finally, finally, finally the Rock has come back to Anaheim! Which means, finally, the Rock has come back to Monday Night RAW! Which means, finally, the Rock has come back home. Before The Rock gets into that, before we electrify, before we turn this out tonight, for those of you who don’t know, the Rock has many nicknames: The Great One, The Most Electrifying Man in All of Entertainment, The People’s Champion. But he wants to tell us something that’s important right now, as Dwayne. It’s been a long time since he’s been back. Seven years, to be exact. But he wants to take this moment, in the middle of this ring, to tell us why he’s back. It’s not because of the money, it’s not to promote a movie, he is back in the middle of this ring, because of us, the WWE Universe. When he left the WWE seven years ago, he dreamed big, and we dreamed big with him, and we helped him to do that because we never left his side. And he wants to take a moment to tell everyone here, millions watching around the world, thank you, he loves us, and it is because of us that he is back, and it is because of us, and he gives us his word, that he is never ever going away. Simply put, the Rock is back. He’s back because he wanted to do something unprecedented, host Wrestlemania! So it happened, Rock called Mr. McMahon. McMahon knew why he was caling, there was only one man electrifying enough, who can captivate the world, Rock, that man can only be, Justin Beiber-?! But Rock told Vince, no no no nononono. The Rock knows Justin, he’s cool, but make no mistake about it, there’s only one man capable enough host Wrestlemania, The ROCK! I forgot how fast this man talks. The Rock is going to Wrestlemania, is hosting Wrestlemania, and at the drop of a dime, the Rock with Layeth the Smackdown at Wrestlemania! But, to who? That’s the question. Could it be the WWE Champion, The Miz? Rock hears “I’m awesome” all the time. If you gotta run around telling everyone how awesome you are, it means you completely suck. But, there’s one more man, who the Rock wants to see, one more man the Rock is gonna see:

Cole says he has gotten an email, and Rock says WHOA! Rock says that if Cole takes one more step toward that computer, the Rock will slap the taste out of his mouth so hard he’ll never get it back. Does Cole think that Rock is going to let him interrupt Rock when he’s live on RAW? Does he actually think that anyone gives a damn what the General Manager has to say? Cole, is that what you think? Cole says – IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK! And what you do, Cole, is sit your ass down, take off your headset and don’t say a word. And Rock Quotes: “Know your damn role and shut your damn mouth.” Cause if he doesn’t, Rock will post some cool pictures on the Rock’s FaceBook. Facebook.com/DwayneJohnson. If Cole does it, Rock will step out of that ring, go over to the computer, shine it up nice, turn it sideways, and stick it straight up Michael Cole’s candy ass! Rock calls him a drunk hobbit and tells him to sit down.

Cole is pouting. It’s epic.

There is one man who the Rock is going to see, one man who the Rock has to see face-to-face. A guy who he met and thought was a cool guy, wished him well, happy for his success, and when the Rock leaves, he starts talking trash about the Rock. Rock doesn’t know and doesn’t care, and that’s John Cena. So, let Rock get this straight: The WWE has gone from the powerful Austin 3:16 to the Dominant and Iconic Can You Smell What the Rock is Cookin’, to… you can’t see me? What, are you playing Peek-a-boo? Believe Rock, we can all see you. A blindfolded, sleeping, stuck-in-the-basement Stevie Wonder can see your ass. How the hell do you think we can miss? Bright ass purple, green, orange shirt, lookin like a big fat bowl of Fruity Pebbles. Cena, Rock will see you at Wrestlemania. Just like the Rock will see Miz, and just like he will see everyone, and just as sure as the Rock turns Wrestlemania into the most epic Wrestlemania ever, and just as sure as Rock guarantees that he’ll show he’s the most electric man in entertainment, layeth the Smackdown at any moment, the Rock and the millions, and the millions, and the millions of the Rock’s fans go to Wrestlemania and electrify, if you smell-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l what the Rock….

….

…

Is cookin.

Well. There’s RAW. While I’m very glad that Rock is back, I think that they should have cut his mic time in like… half. I’m exhausted. Anyway, excited for Wrestlemania now! See you all next week.

Random Randomness

February 12, 2011 8:16 pm 4 Comments

Well it seems to me that the world is on fire and I just saved a bunch of money by not switching to Geico, I concur that reality is just something and nothingness is everywhere, but as we all know none of that really made any sense (except the Geico part) we shall take a look at the world as only the Random one sees it:

(more…)

RAW 2.7.11

February 8, 2011 3:07 pm 2 Comments

Hello everyone! I know RAW is a little late today, but last night was full of internet frustrations and homework. So, that’s why it’s up now, and that’s why it’s shorter than usual. As you can see, I did still track Tweets for this review, so, yeah. Here we go!

Look busy! The boss is comin’!

I actually missed having the opportunity to say that. I missed Mr. McMahon. He comes out onto the stage and says that now that the SuperBowl is over, there’s one thing left that supersedes the SuperBowl, that has more grandeur, more excitement- Wrestlemania! Each year, something special separates one Wrestlemania from all the others. Next week, we’ll be introduced to a man who embodies that. No one has hosted an event in front of 75,000 people before, not at the Grammys or anywhere else! Next week, we’ll meet the guest host for Wrestlemania 27!

I hear voices in my head…

As Randy makes his way down to the ring, Vince heads out.

Randy comes out and says that if Punk thinks they’re even, he’s delusional. Orton is only JUST getting started, and it’s going to cost Punk a helluva lot more than just Harris. He starts to go on, but Punk interrupts. Punk sits on the stage and says he’s surprised they agree: it’s not over by a long shot. And, because he knows Randy is dying to know, Punk tells us the reason he cost Randy Orton the WWE Championship at the Royal Rumble:

Punk says that now Randy knows why. Randy really doesn’t care about anyone but himself, and that night, CM Punk had to forfeit the title. Punk hasn’t forgotten and has waited this long. The difference between their actions is that Punk’s are defensible. As long as they’re on the same show, Punk vows that Randy Orton with never be WWE Champion again. Punk says that he’s not going to wait until the Elimination Chamber; he’s going to eliminate Randy Orton right now.

The New Nexus comes to the ring and attacks Orton, who fights back for a while before the numbers game becomes too much. Punk gets in Randy’s face, and Randy manages to get a good solid hit on Punk’s nose. So solid, in fact, that Punk starts pouring blood. Nexus gets Orton still, however, and lifts him up on Punk’s shoulders, and Punk hits the Go to Sleep.

@seraphalexiel Strangely enough, it looks like if Mason Ryan, Otunga, and Mike McGuillicutty all went to school with Punk, they’d bully the shit out of him

@ThingsColeSays Punk is bleeding! Stop the segment!

@Niki_Sushi Punk should be thanking Randy. He’s the one that was breathing Hasky’s ass at the Rumble. #BWF #RAW

@Rack_Flair Vince got out of a coma yesterday to catch the Superbowl #wwe #raw

@TKeep123 Vince McMahon out to save the #RAW ratings…….and hype #WrestleMania !!!! #RAW #WWE #BWF

@CMPunkSays In case you wonder what I think of Punk’s tactic of making #WWE’s top faces look like total pricks… I FUCKING LOVE IT.

@JonHexLives Wow. CM Punk has legit beef with Randy Orton. That’s hilarious. #WWE #RAW #BWF

During the commercial, we learn that the RAW General Manager has put the members of the New Nexus in action against each of the members of RAW’s Elimination Chamber match, which will come to a head tonight when John Cena faces off against CM Punk.

Mason Ryan vs R-Truth

Truth comes out and says Green Bay, Wisconsin instead of Milwaukee, and the Milwaukee crowd lets him know that he fucked it up, via a Milwaukee chant. Ryan basically latches onto a knee and starts targeting that before be puts Truth in a submission that Truth taps out of rather quickly.

Mason Ryan wins via submission.

However, after the match, Mason Ryan doesn’t let go right away. He continues to hold it, and then gets out to grab a chair. The ref stops him, so Ryan just puts him back in the submission. However, the ref has seen enough, and reverses his decision.

R-Truth wins via disqualification.

Later on tonight, John Cena will take on CM Punk, and the WWE Champion The Miz wants to say a congratulations to the Number One Contender for the WWE Championship at Elimination Chamber, Jerry “The King” Lawler!

@ThingsColeSays BLACKEYEDPEASSUCKEDLASTNIGHT WHAT’S UP? RIPMYHEADOFF STAND UP AND SAY WHAT’S UP. WHAT’S UP? WHAT’S UP?

@HitTheRopes I’m going to have FAITH and hope that Mason Ryan destroys R-Truth as much as Truth destroys the English language. #WWE

@KeepItFiveStar LMAO!! MILWAUKEE IS OFFICIALLY MY FAVORITE CROWD! What a mistake by R-Truth! How dare he hurt that crowd’s feelings

@CMPunkSays Holy crap, that’s a BROCK LOCK! #WWE

@kickoutblog Oh R-Truth, you can’t screw the cheap city pop, especially when it’s Milwaukee, which is an Indian word meaning “The Good Land.”

@TKeep123 Mason Ryan needs an “I am NOT Batista” t-shirt ! #RAW #WWE #BWF

Punk, Otunga, and McGuillicutty are backstage, and Punk is pacing, holding a towel up to his bloodied nose. Mason Ryan joins them backstage and Punk looks upset before he gives Ryan a ‘Well done’. He says that tonight, he doesn’t care if they win or if they lose, so long as they hurt people. He wants all of his Elimination Chamber opponents hurt so that he can have the advantage. R-Truth and Randy Orton are already hurt. Ryan says something in Arabic before saying two down, three to go. Otunga worries about taking out Sheamus, but Punk says that he always has a plan.

WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres, Gail Kim, and Tamina vs Melina, Nikki, and Brie Bella

Natalya’s ringside for commentary, and says that next week, she’s going to get her rematch against Eve for the Diva’s Championship. Her constant bickering with Cole was more annoying than anything else. As for the action in the ring, the early momentum went to Melina and the Bellas, but Tamina cleaned house of the Bellas and Eve pinned Melina for the win.

WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres, Gail Kim, and Tamina win via pinfall.

@TKeep123 Gail Kim in a match? Hell must be freezing over…. #RAW #WWE #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar Also this is Gail Kim’s third consecutive week on RAW. Tamina – 4. Bare feet- 39. And Eve is still a dude.

@Niki_Sushi Damn it all. Tonight can only get worse if Daniel shows up. #BWF #RAW #knockonwood

@WWE_Creative Thanks @NatbyNature for burying Just For Men while mocking MIchael Cole. It’s not like they’re our SPONSOR or anything. #RAWTonight

@JonHexLives Is that white gold, Michael Cole? #Divaschampionship #WWE #RAW #BWF

John Morrison makes his way to the ring.

@dasharpshooters When WWE uses a Johnny Cash song in their video, you know its serious. 2-21-11 is gonna be huge. #wwe #raw

@kickoutblog I predict we’ll see that Elimination Chamber hype vid about 437 times between now and Feb. 20

@TKeep123 Ain’t No Grave “Gonna Hold This Body Down” by Johnny Cash … nice touch to the #WWE 2-21-11 promo… #RAW #WWE #BWF

John Morrison vs Michael McGuillicutty

McGuillicutty tries to send his focus to Morrison’s arm, holding it out of the ring and about to crush it between the ring and the steel steps, but Morrison moves it out of the way before he can. Morrison picks up the pace of the match, and McGuillicutty literally walks right into a flash kick. Morrison hits Starship Pain (and doesn’t miss it this time) for the win.

John Morrison wins via pinfall.

It starts to look like Morrison’s going to be uninjured, but Punk comes down as Morrison is celebrating and pulls a Maryse, spraying Mickie Morrison in the face with something before kicking him in the head.

@Niki_Sushi Did Punk just pull a Maryse there?! #BWF #RAW

@CMPunkSays HA HA NOW YOU’RE BLIND #WWE

@KeepItFiveStar OH NO! ANTI-PARKOUR SPRAY! Damn you Punk!

@lovehateRIOT i’m pretty sure that punk just used jomo’s own hairspray on him. rofl #raw

AWESOME!

Miz comes out with Alex Riley in tow. He says that as he watched the RAW Rumble last week, one thought was going through his mind: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! He says he was pulling for King the whole time. He asks King to join him in the ring and tells Riley to get out so that King doesn’t feel uncomfortable. King enters the ring, and Miz asks if King has any idea why he was rooting for him. King says that he figures it’s because Miz thinks he’s the weakest. Miz says that’s not it at all, and he could have beaten anyone who won the RAW Rumble for the WWE Championship. No, the reason he was rooting for King is because he feels that they’re mirror images of one another. King had the biggest mouth and the power to incite riots with just his words. People would listen when King spoke. Miz says that, in a way, he patterned his career after King’s, and now everyone’s wondering what he will do next. King says that first of all, they aren’t mirror images of one another and says something about how he wouldn’t want to look in the mirror every morning and see his haircut like Miz’s. He then says that he’s always had a big mouth, but he can back it up. He says that if Miz thinks he’s a modern King, he doesn’t know King as well as he thinks he does, and that King didn’t pattern his career after anyone: He’s an original. Miz then calls him an original cheap shot artist.

Miz says that that was equivalent to a sucker punch. King says that he thinks that Miz is a sucker, and that he speaks for the entire WWE Universe, both in Milwaukee and all over, when he says the Miz sucks (oh, but I disagree, sir!). King says that Miz is right: he’s never been WWE Champion or been to Wrestlemania. No one has any idea what it would mean to him to do both, and that it was his lifelong dream. King says that he will win at the Elimination Chamber, and he will say he’s going to Wrestlemania. Miz says that he’s wrong, and after their match at the Elimination Chamber match, the whole world will hear, “I’m the Miz, and I’m-“ But King interrupts and starts up an ‘awful’ chant.

Miz, Alex Riley, and King all start to brawl. When it looks like King has the upper hand, Ted DiBiase comes out to help Miz out, but Daniel Bryan comes out to join the fray to help King out.

“King and Bryan versus Miz and DiBiase NOW.”

WWE Champion The Miz and Ted DiBiase vs Jerry “The King” Lawler and the United States Champion Daniel Bryan

Is it just me, or has Bryan not been wearing the US Championship lately?

Ted and Bryan start out, and Bryan starts with some hard kicks. He gets DiBiase in a pin, but DiBiase kicks out, only for Bryan to do it again. DiBiase kicks out again and King is tagged in. Miz comes in and is thrown back to the mat a few times before Miz throws King out of the ring. While Bryan is distracting the ref, DiBiase comes out and attacks King outside the ring.

@Niki_Sushi DAMMIT! I JINXED MYSELF! S RATJLABEJKLNBSRZG;LAEORJIA;EJHBP3O4UART;GLJLBTS GO AWAY DANIEL! #BWF #RAW

@Lunna1969 Bad Teddy! Go to my room!

@KeepItFiveStar Ted DiBiase with revenge #ForTheFuture !

@KeepItFiveStar Yes. The Miz is awful. AWFULLY GOOD at being AWESOME!

@kickoutblog The Miz is killing it, would be nice if he hit Lawler with a Piledriver at Elimination Chamber, just to really sell the “mirror image” idea.

Maryse is ringside now, and Alex Riley has been on commentary since the match started.

Bryan is in with Miz when we come back, and Bryan dominates. Ted helps Miz out and Miz turns the momentum in his favor. Miz hits the swinging corner clothesline before going and tagging DiBiase in. Bryan fights back, but DiBiase goes for a cover, only for Bryan to kick out. DiBiase gets the momentum before tagging Miz in. Miz trash talks Bryan, who takes advantage, and tags King in. Miz tags in DiBiase, only for King to get momentum. King hits what I think was a DDT. Miz breaks up the cover, and Bryan attacks him to get him out of the ring. DiBiase starts to get some momentum on King, but King gets him down, lowers the strap, and punches him straight in the face.

United States Champion Daniel Bryan and Jerry “The King” Lawler win via pinfall.

Alex Riley vows that he will not let The Miz lose at Elimination Chamber.

@KeepItFiveStar Hey Maryse showed up! Gail did not. She’s being stomped out by The Bellas somewhere

@HitTheRopes I would feel bad about DiBiase always losing but he comes down to the ring with Maryse at his side.

Sheamus vs David Otunga

Before Sheamus can make it all the way down to the ring, Josh Matthews follows him and asks for his opinion on Mark Henry’s comments. Sheamus asks what comments, and Josh says that Mark Henry said that Sheamus didn’t deserve to be in the Elimination Chamber match, and Mark Henry should replace him. Sheamus says that Mark Henry never won, doesn’t know if he can fit, and that Mark Henry should shut his mouth before Sheamus shuts it for him.

Otunga makes his way to the ring for the ma-

Mark Henry makes his way out and is pissed. He had Sheamus duke it out for a bit, with Otunga watching, before Otunga tries to get up on the top turnbuckle to do something, only for Sheamus to send him outside the ring. Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick, and is rewarded with two World’s Strongest Slams right in a row. Mark Henry yells at him to shut his trap before leaving. Otunga crawls in the ring and stands over Sheamus like he actually did something.

Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto del Rio.

@HitTheRopes Mark Henry wasn’t about to lose that brawl during Black History Month. Not to the well-tanned Sheamus. Otunga stands tall too.

@TKeep123 I didn’t think Sheamus could look any whiter…but now as he stands next to Mark Henry….I was wrong. #RAW #WWE #BWF

@ThingsColeSays SHEAMUS = BURIED

@KeepItFiveStar Wow. The crowd has gone mild for this one. They’re still mad at R-Truth for fuckin Milwaukee and they’re taking it out on all black people

@Niki_Sushi Dark Chocolate, interrupts Milk Chocolate to kill White Chocolate. It’s not Valentine’s Day yet. #BWF #RAW

@kickoutblog Sheamus getting punked by Henry was incredibly stupid.

@kickoutblog All that did was make Sheamus, ya know, the guy who’s actually IN the Chamber, look bad.

Alberto del Rio tells us his name is Alberto del Rio!… but we already knew that. He says that Santino Marella really thinks that he almost got del Rio. It was del Rio’s destiny to win the Royal Rumble, just like it’s his destiny to be the next World Heavyweight Champion at Wrestlemania.

Santino Marella vs Alberto del Rio

Santino gets fired up before the match even starts and throws del Rio out of the ring. Del Rio gets back in the ring, and the ref starts the match. Del Rio tries to do something to Santino, but Santino moves last second and del Rio is sent between the top and middle ropes. The match continues on, and Santino nearly hits the Cobra, but del Rio ducks it, focuses on the arm, and then locks in the cross arm breaker for the win.

Alberto del Rio wins via submission.

@KeepItFiveStar LOL I love that. “My name…My name is Alberto Del RRRRRRRRRIOOOOOOOOOOOO >.< OOOOOOOOO!!! 😀 “

@kickoutblog Alberto Del Rio vs. Santino Marella, even more logical storytelling from WWE tonight… but you already knew that!

@StrikerSays You know, @RRWWE didn’t seem quite as EXCITED for that win as he usually does. Then again, his Royal Rumble performance set the bar HIGH.

Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler come out, and Vickie says that she has something to say: in two weeks, Dolph will not be in the Smackdown Elimination Chamber match as a challenger, but as the new World Heavyweight Champion. She knows for a fact because Dolph will beat Edge-

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR CLEAN YOUR SHOES!

One of them asks what Cena’s doing out there, and Cena responds that he’s putting a stop to this, because it’s more offensive than Christina Aguilera butchering the National Anthem at the SuperBowl, and then says he’s just kidding. He says that he’s come to apologize for Truth, who may have celebrated a little too long and thinks he’s still in Green Bay, but they’re in Milwaukee, in case you didn’t know from Cole shouting it like his brain was going to explode earlier. And, also because the last time the three of them were in the ring together, it was awesome. He says that he and Vickie had a sweet… sexy, passionate make out session, and then says, “You remember, Dolph. You were there and cool with it.” Vickie says that this is not how you respect that acting General Manager of Smackdown and if they don’t show her some respect, she’ll leave. So, they don’t show her respect, and she leaves. Cena then basically says that he will kick Punk’s Elimination Chamber in the Elimination Chamber and Elimination Chamber a bunch more times.

@KeepItFiveStar Don’t apologize on behalf of Truth! Are you serious? If anyone else did that, they’d either be released or depushed immediately.

@HitTheRopes Wonder if Cena will apologize for Truth just being a sad example for us blacks? #wwe

@Niki_Sushi ‘I’ll kick his elimination chamber’ – that sounds SO damn dirty. I twitched, for real. #BWF #RAW

@kickoutblog See, it is possible to have an awesome segment, teasing Vickie Guerrero, without calling her fat.

CM Punk vs John Cena

Punk and Cena go at it for a while, with Cena repeatedly looking toward the ramp for the interference for New Nexus. Apparently, he gets sick of waiting, and low-blows Punk to get himself disqualified.

CM Punk wins via disqualification.

The New Nexus makes their way down the ring, and Mason Ryan stops by CM Punk, who is outside the ring. McGuillicutty and Otunga stand in the ring with Cena before they attack him, but King gets up and gives Cena a chair. Cena then proceeds to clean the ring out, and Nexus backs away.

So, it wasn’t the most impressive RAW ever for me, but there you have it. I admit that I kind of lost interest toward the end there, so I’m not 100% sure what exactly happened. Hopefully, next week will be more interesting!

RAW Review 7.12.10

July 12, 2010 11:18 pm Leave a Comment

Hello, everyone!! Tonight’s RAW Review is going to be written similar to last week’s, mainly because it’s easier for me. I should be able to bounce back next Monday. Anywho, tonight, Randy faces Edge and John Cena goes one on seven against the Nexus!! What’ll happen!?

We kick off RAW with a flashback of last week, where John refused to shake Wade Barrett’s hand, and how the RAW GM made the matchup for tonight. You all remember that, right? No? Ah, well… Oh yeah! I almost forgot RAW had a theme. We haven’t seen it in a while. Oh, and the mom from The Brady Bunch is the guest host… Whoever she is… I already forgot her name. Oh!! It’s a six-on-one handicapped match!! Thanks to John kicking Darren Young’s ass last week, he can’t compete. Shame.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SCOOBY DOO!

Cena starts by thanking the WWE Universe, then thanks the WWE Superstars who helped him last week. It was missing a white flash, white lightning, a white kid with red hair. Sheamus. Eventually, Sheamus will have to remember that they’re all in this together, but Sheamus will have to realize that Sheamus is not going to be the WWE Champion, because he’s going to lose it to John in the Steel Cage Match. Insert some Irish jokes, and then how Sheamus became WWE Champion twice. In a Steel Cage Match, no one can interfere, which is more important. He gets on a real roll about his match tonight when Nexus comes out, wearing… the most retarded shirts ever. I’m just sayin’.

Barrett says that they could go tot he ring and beat the living daylights out of him, but it’d be too easy. So, they’re going to wait until later on when everyone can watch them. They can do whatever they want with a clear conscience, because Cena brought it upon himself. Cena and Barrett are about to start arguing with the GM sends an email: Mr. Cena. Based upon your blatant disregard for my instructions, if any Superstar gets involved in the match tonight, they will be suspended for 90 days. Futhermore, the Nexus must tag in and out tonight. If they don’t abide by that rule, they will be suspended for 90 days as well. Barrett points out that Cena’s going to be in that ring all alone. Cena says that he may lose, but he’s going to take a few of them down with him tonight.

@Niki_Sushi White flash, white lightning, the pale kid with the red hair… Why not Sheamus McDonald? #BWF #RAW

@TKeep123 Loved Cena calling them “NNNnnnnnnNNN” !! RT @Duce102694: Nexus is out w/ the ugly N Shirt #WWE #Raw

Eve is ringside and going on commentary for the Diva’s match.

Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox vs Gail Kim

Actually not a bad Diva’s match… Would have been better had Alicia actually hit her intended target with her finisher, but whatever. Eve on commentary was kind of… uninteresting, no matter how much I like Eve.

Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox wins by pinfall.

After the match, the RAW GM sends an email. He said that since Alicia faked an injury last week, Eve gets another chance at the Diva’s Championship this Sunday at Money in the Bank.

@divadirt Alicia vs Eve announced for Money in the Bank… TWO Divas matches this Sunday! OMG!

The Hart Dynasty and Natalya vs The Usos and Tamina in a Six Person Tag Team Match

During this match, we’re finally told about the guest host, though no one really cares. Tyson’s getting some good momentum early in, but Tamina shoves his foot off the rope to give…. whichever one it is the advantage. Sorry, but I didn’t hear the na- Jimmy was the one who got the advantage. David Hart Smith gets in and snatches the momentum back for the Hart Dynasty. He went for a cover, but Tamina pulled him off. Then Natalya got her out of the ring. The Usos steal the momentum back and take the win.

The Usos and Tamina win by pinfall!

Barrett is talking to Chris, thanking him for teaching him. Chris congratulates him, and then is stopped by Josh, but he walks off. Nexus then gangs up on Yoshi Tatsu, who stares at David Otunga before Otunga beats him up a little. Tarver then hits him a few times and gets in his face for no apparent reason.

@jcenadotcom Did anyone buy that beatdown by Nexus on Tatsu?

It’s a new day! It’s a new generation!!

Maryse and Ted DiBiase make their way out to the ring, and we’re reminded that Maryse helped to distract John Morrison last week so that DiBiase could steal the win. Ted introduces them as the Million Dollar Couple, then clarifying that he’s referring to himself and the Money in the Bank briefcase. He tells Maryse to imagine the possibilities after he wins the briefcase: he’ll shower her with gifts and will win the WWE Championship.

Now listen, this ain’t no make believe!

John Morrison says that he wouldn’t waste his time showering Maryse with gifts, because everyone knows the French don’t take showers. Maryse proceeds to say something in French, and Morrison just says OK and translates it as: everyone in the arena has hippo breath and smells like dueling rhinos in the Serengeti plains. And that Maryse herself resembles a dung chewing platypus. She goes to slap him, he blocks, and DiBiase attacks Morrison. DiBiase went for Dream Street, but Morrison countered. he beats on DiBiase for a minute and then goes for Starship Pain, only for Maryse to pull DiBiase out of the way.

@TKeep123 OK, I have to admit that Dibiase DID trade UP with Virgil Version 2. #wwe #RAW #BWF

@kickoutblog New rule: you can’t hate John Cena for his silly promos and then cheer for John Morrison after that. http://bit.ly/RAW71210

Oh, God. We come back for some retarded Brady Bunch sort of segment with Santino and Regal both looking for tag team partners… Santino’s squares are Kozlov, Khali, and Goldust. Regal’s are Ryder, Primo, and a Doink wannabe. And there’s the mom from Brady Bunch. She gives Santino an apple pie (FLORENCE HENDERSON! That’s her name). Santino makes some dumb joke and canned laughter is given. She asks if Santino’s team is ready, and he says yes. More bad jokes and canned laughter, and Regal comes in with the most intelligent comment of the night: I just want to let you know how utterly ridiculous this is. Regal says that he’d go to her for advice on how to raise six annoying children, and he’d go to the Partridge family for other advice. She slaps Regal and shoves him out. Santino goes for a kiss and she stops him, heading out.

OH YEAH!!! Miz booted Truth out of the Money in the Bank PayPerView!!! Who’s going to take his place? We find out tonight!!! We get a flashback to Wrestlemania 21 in 2005 where Edge won the first ever Money in the Bank match. And then to ten months later, at Revolution 2006, where Edge cashed it in against John Cena to get the WWE Championship. Next up, Randy Orton faces Edge!

@_UncleDave Whats the purpose of a raw guest host, seriously? Oh yea, to help save a career of a z-list star. #raw

@dasharpshooters Edge trying to make Lohan weight? That dude looks bony as hell. #wwe #raw

You think you know me…

Edge vs Randy Orton

I love both Edge and Randy… So I’m seriously hoping this is a great match. Because I need something to wipe out that damn Brady Bunch segment… At any rate, Edge gets early momentum, which immediately goes to Randy. Randy holds tight to that momentum, beating on Edge before going to the cover, only for Edge to kick out at two. Randy keeps it for a good while until he throws Edge back into the ring and Edge greets him with a boot to the face. Edge looked like he was setting up for a spear, then lookled like he was setting up a punt, then just kicked him in the head… went for another, but Randy countered with a scoop slam and started to get the momentum back, but Edge snatched it by throwing Randy between the top and middle ropes.

(Just ’cause it made me laugh…)
@ThingsColeSays BREAKING… WWE has signed Paul Heyman to be the 8th man in the Raw MITB match, just to keep him away from TNA.

@AustinH_24seven Randy Orton: 50% tattoos, 50% RAGE #WWE

We come back, and Randy seems to have gotten some momentum back anyway. Edge hits him with a drop toe hold though and beats on Randy for a minute before putting him in a head lock. Randy seemed to be about to go out there, but countered and dropped Edge to the mat. Randy grabs the momentum back and hits a scoop slam. The ref tells Randy to get Edge back in the ring, but Edge manages to counter and attacks Randy. He goes for a cover, but Randy kicks out a two. Edge sets up for a Spear, but Randy kicks him and goes down, prepping for the RKO. Edge counters, goes for Spear, Randy jumps over him, covers Edge, Edge kicks out, and Randy hits a back breaker. Randy drops and starts pounding on the mat only for Jericho to come out and distract Randy. Edge takes advantage and pins Randy for the win.

Edge wins va pinfall.

Jericho climbs into the ring after the match and hits Edge with a Code breaker, Randy hits Jericho with an RKO, and Evan comes out to beat on Randy. Evan goes for Airbourne, but Randy hits the RKO in mid air.

Skip Sheffield is walking, and Josh Matthews stops him to talk about Nexus showing up on NXT tomorrow night, asking if they’re going to focus on the pros, rookies, or both. Morrison gets shoved or something, I missed it, and then Nexus surrounds Morrison. Morrison attacks, but Nexus gets the upper hand and throws Morrison into some doors. All of Nexus gangs up on Morrison and throws him into one of those big boxes that the Spirit Squad got thrown into back in the day- Wait, what’s that? A Glee reference? Says who?! Dolph? Oh, fine. Anyway, they all stand over him as the camera fades.

@TKeep123 Evan Bourn will think twice about another run-in on Randy Orton! Pretty amazing! #WWE #RAW

@Niki_Sushi When Randy Fucking Orton RKO’s Evan Bourne mid-Air Bourne, you KNOW you’re fucked. #WWE #BWF

@ChrisC06 I would get beaten up by the Nexus for laughing at David Otunga’s spray-on hairdo. #WWE #Raw

@shot_of_flair My entire first page on my twitter feed just proved to me that huge boners were had with the SSP-RKO reversal. #WWE

@TKeep123 Orton’s RKO on Evan ranks up there with Jericho’s Codebreaker as a counter to both CMPunk & Mysterio coming off the ropes. #wwe #RAW #bwf

AWESOME!!

The Miz makes his way to the ring with a mic. My favorite part of the night. He mentions how everyone is talking about how they’re going to win Money in the Bank. Well, talk is cheap. We get a flashback to last week when Miz brutally attacked Truth (Did I say brutally? I meant beautifully…). He says that he’s never been more serious in his life. And he took out Truth with his bare hands, not a ladder. He didn’t just take away his ability to compete, he took away his ability to play catch with his son, his ability to entertain. Let’s face it, wherever Truth is, he’s not dancing. This Sunday, when Miz has the ladder in his hands, what he did to Truth will pale in comparison to what he’s going to do to his other opponents. One down, six to go. Because he’s The Miz and he just got interrupted by the GM, that bastard!!! Cole asks if he can have everyone’s attention, and they all scream no. The GM Says: The Miz will now compete against R-Truth’s replacement. See, there’s an old saying: Just when you think you have all the answers, I change the questions.

Somebody’s gonna get their ass kicked… somebody’s gonna get their weave split.

The United States Champion The Miz vs Mark Henry

I have to admit, I’m disappointed. I wish Mark Henry would split Alicia’s weave… Anyway, Miz goes for Henry pretty enthusiastically, but Henry is having none of it. Henry goes for outside of the ring, but Miz moves last second only for Henry to run into the podium with the laptop to communicate with the GM of RAW. Miz throws a basket of some kind on him, then dumps trash all over Mark and throws the trash can at him.

@dreamsinstatic R-Truth replaced by the Kool Aid man. Oh YEAH! #WWE

@Seanfranchise6 RAW MITB Match will be a FAIL cause MIZARK is in it.

@Niki_Sushi So…. in a round-about way… did Mark Henry just kill RAW’s GM? #RAW #BWF

@B_alpha_male The ‘Worlds strongest man’ just got taken out by rubber trash cans. #WWE #RAW

Dear God… Alright, now we’re going to see Florence Henderson out here as the Special Guest Ring Announcer. She says she’s feeling groovy, and NO I AM NOT FEELING GROOVY.

The Regal Bunch: William Regal, Zack Ryder, Primo, and Doink the Clown vs The Santino Bunch: Santino Marella, Vladimir Kozlov, Goldust, and the Great Khali in an 8-Man Tag Team Match

Okay, so… Flo stole Regal’s cloak, Santino finally hit the frigging Cobra, and Doink was tagged in. Doink uses a squirt gun to spray Khali, but Khali didn’t like it much, and pins Doink for the win after a smack to the head.

The Santino Bunch win via pinfall!

The music stops and Santino goes over to Flo again, but she ducks under him and goes to Khali. they kiss, and Santino is heartbroken… And I just threw up a little in my mouth… Khali picks her up and they kiss more, and I die a little inside….

@TKeep123 Ok, this Bradey Bunch tag match has potential to be a Royal mess…. Doink? Reminiscent of The Oddities. #wwe #raw #BWF

@aemckay Khali, you smoothie. Florence Henderson, you slut. #WWE #RAW

The Money in the Bank line up: Smackdown: Matt Hardy, Cody Rhodes, Dolph Ziggler, Drew McIntyre, The Big Show, Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston, Christian, and Kane. RAW: United States Champion The Miz, Mark Henry, Randy Orton, Edge, John Morrison, Ted DiBiase, Evan Bourne, and Chris Jericho.

Josh talks to Edge about how psycho Edge basically is. Edge says that he has a voice that talks to him and what not… I had this part typed out, but my computer decided to delete it. Evan’s with a trainer, and Sheamus shows up. He asks if the RKO messed Evan up, and then Nexus shows up. Sheamus looks nervous and says that Bourne was bragging about how he helped jump them last week. Insert Nexus beating up Bourne now. Sheamus kneels next to Bourne and says that that’ll teach him a lesson, won’t it, fella? Nexus comes back and looks at Sheamus. They start after Sheamus, but Sheamus runs, and asks where Cena’s locker room is before taking off again.

@iwcmvp Josh Matthews is the leader of The Nexus #WWE

Nexus vs John Cena in a Six-on-One Handicapped Match

Reminder: If anyone helps Cena, they’re suspended for 90 days. If Nexus doesn’t tag in and out, then they’re suspended for 90 days. It starts with Cena tearing Tarver up. Tarver tags in Justin Gabriel. Gabriel rolls over to tag in Skip Sheffield after taking a slight beating from Cena. Cena and Sheffield are having a match of strength before Sheffield shoves Cena into the corner. Cena manages to wiggle out before Nexus all get out of the ring and huddle up for a minute to rethink their strategy. The ref is yelling at them to get back up on the apron. While the ref is distracted, Heath Slater attacks him from behind, and Sheffield beats on Cena., throwing Cena into his corner. Slater is tagged in, keeping Cena in the corner as Nexus beats up on Cena while Slater distracts the ref. Slater keeps hitting Cena pretty hard with some suplexes before tagging in David Otunga. Cena fights back and manages to get some hits in on other members of Nexus before Otunga gets him again, suplexing Cena. Cena manages to drop Otunga, and then Wade Barrett is tagged in. It looks like John was saving his energy for Barrett, but Barrett hits Cena with a boot to the face. He got Cena up in a Fireman’s Carry, but Cena got out, beating on Barrett with some shoulder take downs before hitting the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Barrett. Sheffiled tags himself in as Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Barrett. Sheffield hits that clothesline, then tags in Otunga. Otunga hits Cena, then tags in Gabriel, who pulls Cena closer to the corner and hits the 450 Splash, and goes for the cover for the win.

The Nexus wins via pinfall.

Nexus celebrates in the ring afterward, and Barrett makes them all back off. Cena uses Barrett to stand up before punching Barrett and running for a chair. He takes out Slater and runs into the ring. Nexus scatters outside of the ring and gets Slater. Barrett pulls them all back together to strategize, and they surround the ring again. Cena’s bleeding here, by the way. Nexus surrounds the ring, but Sheamus comes in with a chair too, losing it in his hurry to beat on Nexus. Cena and Sheamus clear the ring with their chairs, finally working in unison.

Not a bad show tonight, overall. Guys, next week, use the #BWF hashtag in your tweets so that I can put you in the RAW review, alright? Thanks!!

WWE RAW results 6/1/10

June 1, 2010 5:23 am Leave a Comment

This week’s RAW review is written by frequent contributor @TheMizMagnet, who used to be @AlyKat_730. Aly liked doing the guest host thing in my RAW reviews so much that she was the first person to volunteer when I asked if anybody wants to take over for me here on BWF on Monday Nights. Let us know what you think of Aly’s work via facebook, twitter, or MySpace!

Tonight’s RAW is hosted by actor and Twitter sensation (I read that somewhere… I think it was WWE Universe’s Twitter), Ashton Kutcher! The main event is a tag-team match between Randy Orton and WWE Champion John Cena, taking on Sheamus and Edge!!

We start in the middle of some action already up. Edge was beating on Evan for some reason, and told Evan that it was his ring. According to Michael, Edge came out before RAW and said it was his ring, and Evan Bourne came out to say that he wasn’t going to wait for a chance. Holy crap, is the RAW set backwards?

Anyway, Edge and Evan Bourne are fighting in the ring, and as Edge Irish Whips Evan into the ropes, Evan gets the upperhand. Here, Jerry Lawler would like to point out to us that this is not an official match, which I think all of us knew based on the fact that Edge was still in his jeans… Anyway, Evan gets Edge down, and goes for Air Bourne, but Edge rolls out of the way and hits Evan with the Spear. We find out that before we joined RAW, Evan asked for a match, stating that if he beat Edge, he wanted Edge’s spot in the Fatal Four-Way for the WWE Championship.

Edge calls for a mic and says that what happened to Evan Bourne is exactly what is going to happen to his opponents at Fatal 4Way: Randy Orton, Sheamus, and WWE Champion, John Cena. He continues on, saying no matter what he does, or how many times he proves his dominance, people like Evan Bourne and the WWE Universe continue to disrespect him. At Fatal 4Way, that all changes, because he’s nothing like his opponents. He’s not like John Cena, who’s the WWE Universe’s superhero, and quite possibly the strongest man in the industry. He’s not like Sheamus, who doesn’t care who gets in his way and will bulldoze his way through anyone to take what he wants. And he’s definitely not like Randy Orton, that snake in the grass who lies in wait to pounce and sink his fangs into you. He goes on to say that the WWE Universe are a bunch of sheep (Chris Jericho anyone?) who just fall in line. At Fatal 4Way, Edge says he’s going to prove everyone who disrespects him wrong when he becomes a ten-time WWE Champion. Gonna be honest here… I was hoping he’d go on another ‘WRONG!’ tirade, but he didn’t.

I hear voices in my head, they council me, they understand, they talk to me…

Randy comes out, and Jerry or Michael Cole tell us that there are 13,124 members of the WWE Universe in attendance tonight. Whatever. Randy gets in the ring, and Edge seems to be backing away, staying cautious. Edge says that Randy thinks he’s just gonna come out there and do something to Edge, but it won’t happen because Randy’s not at 100% due to what Edge did to him at Over the Limit (a dislocated shoulder, for those of you who don’t know). Edge starts to present Randy with an option concerning Fatal 4Way, but Randy RKO’s Edge. Reminder: These two men will be on opposite sides of the ring tonight as they go to tag team action. Randy Orton and WWE Champion, John Cena vs Edge and Sheamus. Up next, we hear from Ashton Kutcher!

We come back to Monday Night RAW to see Ashton Kutcher on his laptop, talking about Zack Ryder talking smack to him on Twitter. Eve Torres comes up and they hug, and Eve asks what’s going on. Ashton tells her that Zack Ryder was talking smack about him on Twitter. Does Zack know that Ashton is guest host and that he has five million Twitter followers?! Eve asks what Ashton’s going to do about it, and Ashton says he’s going to put a hit on Zack Ryder, and it could be anyone: A referee, a wrestler, a Diva, Eve herself, Ashton, an announcer…

About that time, Miz shoes up and says that Ashton wanted to see him. This was confirmed by my friend, @Niki_Sushi that Ashton really did tweet Miz to see him during RAW (@aplusk: hey @mikethemiz I need to see you tonight. #RAW). Miz goes on with theories about why Ashton may want to see him, and even mentions that Ashton may want him to star in The Killers 2. Ashton laughs and says that he and Bret Hart have set up a match for The Miz tonight against a Superstar they have acquired a one-night contract for: Daniel Bryan. Ashton says that Daniel Bryan is going to make the Miz tap out, and Miz retorts that Ashton needs to grab his camera and take pictures of what The Miz is going to do to Daniel Bryan tonight. Ashton responds, saying that Miz wouldn’t be able to see it because it’d be so far up his- He is about to continue, but Eve stops him and reminds both men that this is PG television.

New United States Champion R-Truth vs Chris Jericho

Truth is called out to the ring, his new United States Championship around his waist. RAW shows a replay of last week,where R-Truth faced The Miz to pick up the championship. Chris Jericho gets into the ring after his entrance plays, and this is where I realize they’re coming out from the other side of the entrance thing this time. It messed me up.

The match starts, and Chris gets Truth in a headlock. Truth pushes him into the ropes, only to run into a clothesline from Jericho. Truth retaliates with a hip toss on Chris, and Chris goes for a Codebreaker, but Truth catches his feet and tosses him out onto the ring floor before jumping over the top rope and landing on him.

We come back to see Chris in control. Apparently, he dropped Truth, stomach-first, into the top rope and then used a baseball slide to get Truth out of the ring. Now, Chris has him in a headlock, but it’s not too long before Truth starts to fight out, successfully breaking the hold. Truth takes Chris down for a pin, but Chris kicks out at two. Chris uses the insigari on Truth, and goes for a pin, but Truth kicks out a two. Truth has Truth between the top and middle rope and holds on, breaking at three before going back and breaking at four. Truth gets up only to be thrown into the turnbuckle and beats on him, pulling Truth out at the ref’s three count. Chris gets Truth down, and Chris pantomimes wiping his hands before he brings Truth to his feet. He slaps Truth, then Irish Whips him. Truth retaliates with a flying shoulder.

Truth then takes control, hitting Chris before he dances and slaps Chris to the ground. Truth Irish Whips Chris, who manages a counter, only to get hit with a hurricanrana. Truth kicks Chris in the face and goes for the pin, but Chris kicks out at two. Truth runs at Chris, but Chris kicks him in the face and the bulldogs Truth. He goes for the Lionsault, but Truth rolls out of the way. Truth gets Chris on his knees, then goes for the bicycle kick before Chris gets out of the way and goes for the Walls of Jericho. He can’t lock it in, however, and ends up sending Chris away. Truth hits Chris with a kick to the stomach and seemed to attempt a suplex, only to drop Chris with a facebuster. He goes for a cover, but Chris kicks out at two.

Truth grabs Chris to pull him away from the ropes, but Chris holds on. The ref comes up to pull Truth off, and Chris takes advantage, poking Truth in the eyes. He then knocks Truth down, goes for a cover, and Truth kicks out at two. Chris kicks Truth in the head, while mocking him, yelling “What’s up!?”. Chris Irish Whips Truth, and bends down, probably for some move or another, but Truth kicks him in the stomach. Truth misses a spin kick, and Chris capitalizes by locking in the Walls of Jericho. Truth, however, counters it with a small package, and pins Chris for the win.

United States Champion R-Truth Wins!

Reminder! Our Main Event tonight is Edge and Sheamus vs Randy Orton and John Cena!

The Fatal 4Way theme is Showstopper, by Toby Mac, I think it said. Anyway, a replay of last week is now shown. Batista is in the ring, bandaged and bruised in a wheelchair. He says that Cena is going to give him a rematch, he deserves a rematch. RAW Ring Announcer Justin Roberts interrupts him and says that he has just been asked to announce RAW’s new General Manager, Bret “The Hitman” Hart! flsajf;sdlkfjasldkfj… Sorry, I can’t stand Bret. Bret then tells Batista that he has a match tonight to get his rematch. He’ll face Randy Orton for a chance to qualify at Fatal 4Way. Batista says he can’t possibly fight tonight, and Bret can’t make him. Bret then says that if he doesn’t fight, he forfeits. Batista says if that happens, he’ll quit. Bret says that Randy qualifies by forfeit, Batista flips and says that WWE is nothing without him, and quits.

Zack Ryder and Alicia Fox are together backstage, and they’re talking to someone, who we find out in just a second is Bret Hart, about Ashton Kutcher putting a hit on him. Bret says he has more important things to deal with than Zack. Zack claims that he’s watching Bret, and then walks away. The Hart Dynasty show up next and wonder what Bret wanted to see them about. Bret says he signed the three people that attacked them last week, and he’s not going to punish them for it either. He says that even though he’s General Manager of RAW now, he can’t cut the Hart Dynasty any favors. He then says that the question the Hart Dynasty needs to ask is what they’re going to do about it.

Eve’s music hits and she is accompanied to the ring by Santino Marella. This should be entertaining…

Mixed Tag Team Match: WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres and Santino Marella vs. Maryse and William Regal with Vladimir Kozlov

We come back to see Santino teaching Eve how to do his weird cobra thing. Eve’s music fades and Maryse’s plays. She stops about halfway down the ramp, and William Regal’s music hits, and he’s joined by Vlaidimir Kozlov. Santino takes the mic when Willaim and Vladimir get to the ring, saying that, for the love of George Lucas, Willaim Regal should get rid of the Darth Vader wannabe music. He then asks Vladimir why he comes out to the ring with Regal when the two of them could be a great tag team. He continues on to say that if Kozlov joins him, then Eve will make love to him. Kozlov looks interested for a minute before Eve says that’s not true, and Santino clarifies that Eve would love for Kozlov to join with Santino, not the other thing.

The match starts with Eve and Maryse. Or, it would, if one of them would attack the other. They stand there for about a minute, just laughing at one another. Eve finally goes at Maryse, who knees her and then Irish Whips Eve, who rolls over Maryse. Maryse then drop kicks Maryse, who moves to the corner to take Regal in. Santino is tagged in, and seems to be luring Regal in. The crowd chants for Santino, who acts a little embarrassed. Santino looks like he’s trying to do a leg sweep to Regal, who finally gets sick of him and throws Santino around, calling him a ‘bloody idiot’. He goes for the Regal Stretch, but Eve kicks him, breaking it up, and Maryse goes after her. The ref and Regal are both watching the Divas, and Kozlov comes in, chokeslamming Regal before rolling out of the ring and walking up the ramp with Maryse. Santino’s arm covers Regal, and Eve and Santino win.

Diva’s Champion Eve Torres & Santino Marella win.

Bret Hart is on his way to the ring for an important announcement concerning next week’s show!

The WWE shows their annual Memorial Day package, which is dedicated to the fallen soldiers in the United States Military who died to protect the freedoms we hold dear today. Happy Memorial Day, everyone!

Justin Roberts then introduces the new General Manager of RAW, Bret “The Hitman” Hart! Bret comes to the ring and says that even though he’s only been General Manager of RAW for about a week, he’s having loads of fun. He got together with Smackdown General Manager, Theodor Long, and decided to do something special for next week! All of the Superstars from RAW and Smackdown are going to come together under one roof live next week, and it’s going to be a three hour special RAW! But, not just any special three hour RAW! The fans are going to be apart of the action. The fans can tell their ideas to Bret, and the WWE Superstars can even bring their ideas to Bret

It’s a new day… it’s a new generation…

Ted DiBiase comes out to the ring, joined by Virgil, and says that if Bret and Teddy Long are accepting suggestions, he’s got one: Make him General Manager for the night. Not guest host, but General Manager, with complete power. He says that he’s willing to pay Bret and Teddy Long whatever it takes, because, even though Bret may stand there an dlook like he’s too good to be bought, everybody has a price. Ted goes on to say that Teddy Long will be bought off easily, and the reason Bret came back to the WWE and became RAW’s General Manager was because he needed money. He says that the only thing Bret has to do to make all his problems go away is name is price.

Ashton Kutcher comes over the TitanTron with one of his pre-taped clips and tells them to wait. Before Bret gives that power to Ted DiBiase, why don’t they give that power to the fans? The only thing they have to do is make it a Viewer’s Choice, let the fans pick the matches and stipulations all across the board. Bret agrees, so next week’s RAW is not only three hours long, but is a Viewer’s Choice RAW!

No Chance… that’s what you’ve got…
Look Busy! The boss is comin’!

Vince seems rather happy tonight as he makes his way down the ramp, and Jerry Lawler points out that this is the first time we’ve seen him since Wrestlemania 26. Vince talks to Bret, asking if he got all of the violence on his heart out. Bret says mostly, and a ‘You Tapped Out’ chant starts. Vince claims he didn’t really, and tells Bret that he has to treat the WWE Universe as children, and he means that in the most complimentary way. But, what he means by that is that they can’t make the right decisions, and sometimes, you have to make the decisions for them. Bret says that he’s ready for whatever the WWE Unvierse is going to throw at him, and tells Bret that he hopes Bret’s story as General Manager has a happy ending.

Turns out Zack is still trying to figure out who his hitman is, and he’s confronted Randy Orton about it. Randy tells Zack that if he wanted to take him out, they wouldn’t be having this conversation. Alicia Fox grabs Zack’s hand and leads him away, claiming that she knows how to figure out who it is. Randy watches them go, and then the door opens slightly and then slams shut on Randy’s shoulder. Edge stands there as Randy holds his shoulder, and then steps over him and heads out like nothing happened.

The Miz vs Daniel Bryan

AWESOME!! I came to play!

Miz comes to the ring first, followed by Daniel Bryan, who is still coming down to the NXT theme. There is a replay here of what happened on NXT last time, where Michael Cole confronted Daniel Bryan (who looked like his fashion sense was very Miz-inspired). Bryan says that Michael Cole isn’t a man because he can’t escape from a simple handshake. Security rushes in, and Cole slaps Bryan. Bryan chased Cole around the ring and security finally pushes him off. The pros watch as Bryan comes up, and Miz tells Bryan he should just leave, only for Bryan to get mad and punch Miz. The two go at each other, only for security to end up escorting Bryan backstage.

In the ring, Daniel quickly gains the upperhand, putting Miz in an armbar. The ref is trying to pull Daniel off. When he finally gets off, Daniel runs into the turnbuckle, and Miz gets him with a take down before he just begins wailing on Bryan, ending it with a kick to the face before going for a cover. Bryan kicks out at two. He then slaps Miz, and Miz starts wailing on him. Miz then throws Bryan into the corner before hitting him with a swinging corner clothesline. From there, Miz climbs up the turnbuckle and jumps off, driving his fists into Bryan’s shoulders and Michael Cole won’t shut up about how outraged he is by Daniel Bryan’s actions on NXT and blah blah blah. No one likes you, Cole, go find your real family. Miz keeps wailing on Bryan, who finally gains the upper hand and gets Miz in some arm bar/headlock move. Miz rolls back to cover, but Bryan moves and manages to cover Miz for the win.

Daniel Bryan wins.

After the match, Miz attacks Brian, throwing him out of the ring. Miz climbs out and kicks Bryan’s head before picking him up and taking him to the announce table, telling him to apologize to Cole. Bryan then elbows Miz’ gut before sending him flying over the announce table and into Michael Cole. Is there going to be a match with Michael Cole and Daniel Bryan next week?!

Cole claims to be assaulted for the second time in less than a week, but no one besides Jerry Lawler seems to care… Actually, Jerry doesn’t even seem to care that much. A replay to last week is played where the new tag team attacks the Hart Dynasty.

We come back to RAW to see the new tag team standing the ring, saying that the whole world is tripping over them. They are Jay and Jimmy Uso, Rikishi’s twin sons, with Tamina Snuka, Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka’s daughter. They claim that the Hart Dynasty aren’t the only ones with family that run deep in the business. The Harts were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. They claim they were born and created for one purpose: Dominate!

The Hart Dynasty comes out, and Tamina and Natalya roll out of the ring. The Hart Dynasty goes for the Hart Attack, but Tamina grabs Tyson’s ankles, and turns just in time to deliver a vicious clothesline to Natalya. Tamina takes Natalya back in the ring, and the three of them perform a frog splash on all three members of the Hart Dynasty.

Still to come, the Main Event! Will Randy Orton be able to compete, or will Cena have to find a new partner?!

Oh, radio, tell me everything you know…

We come back in time for Zack Ryder and Alicia Fox to come down to the ring. Zack says that he knows Ashton Kutcher put a hit out on him, and Alicia had a great idea: Come down to the ring and demand to know who it was. Because that’s not common sense or anything. Ashton comes on the TitanTron and asks if Zack wants to know who it is. Zack says yes, and Jerry Lawler starts into the ring with a chair.

Zack Ryder with Alicia Fox vs Jerry “The King” Lawler with Steel Chair

Zack seems amused that it would be Jerry, but Jerry merely sits on the chair. Ashton gets Zack’s attention again and says that it’s not Jerry. Jerry climbs out of the ring, and different music hits.

Zack Ryder with Alicia Fox vs The Great Khali

Zack and Alicia immediately climb out of the ring as Khali makes his way to the ring, alone. He climbs in, looks at them, and then raises his arms. The crowd cheers, but Ashton comes back on and says that it’s not The Great Khali either.

Zack Ryder with Alicia Fox vs Goldust

Goldust starts down the ramp and takes a breath, but Ashton says it’s not him either. Zack claims that he’s getting really paranoid, and he just wants to know who it is. Ashton says that he’ll never see it coming. Alicia grabs the mic and says something unimportant. She goes to hand it back, but they both drop it. Zack bends over to grab it, and Alicia hits him with a scissor kick. Ashton claps, confirms it was Alicia, and then we’re reminded that the first Fatal 4Way match announced will be Randy Orton vs Edge vs Sheamus vs WWE Champion John Cena for the WWE Championship. Gonna be honest, I kind of like the theme for Fatal 4Way.

Edge is back in the back, getting ready, when Sheamus shows up. Sheamus says that he saw what Edge did to Orton and he liked it. He heard what Edge said earlier, and Edge was right: He’s nothing like Sheamus, and they don’t trust one another. Edge says if they’re smart, they can weaken Cena like he weakened Randy. Sheamus says that if Edge takes advantage of something at Sheamus’ expense, it’ll be the last mistake Edge ever makes.

WWE Classics honors The Junkyard Dog this week, who died in 1998 in a car accident. Next week, RAW will be hosted by the cast of The A-Team!! Don’t forget, next week also starts at 8/7 PM Eastern/Central and is a Viewer’s Choice! During RAW, go to WWE.com to cast your opinion!

Edge and Sheamus vs WWE Champion John Cena and …??

You think you know me…

Edge makes his way to the ring followed by Sheamus, though neither of which looks like they actually trust one another.

Brrrrrrrr… SHABADOOOO!!!!

John Cena comes out with the WWE Championship and a mic. He says that he has unfortunate news: Since Edge decided to take out Randy Orton’s shoulder, Randy will be unable to compete. He says that Edge had a good plan to try to leave him short-handed, but Edge didn’t count on one thing: Every Superstar backstage hates Sheamus and Edge, so Cena could have anyone he wanted as a partner. He says that the partner he picked was a human wrecking ball, and had a particular beef with Edge.

Edge and Sheamus vs WWE Champion John Cena and Evan Bourne

I was really excited to see that Evan was getting his chance tonight, and he did prove to me, at least, that he can pull of main events. Anyway, Cena and Edge start. They lock up, and Edge knees Cena in the gut before punching him in the head. The then bounces John off the turnbuckle and punches him in the head again as Cena falls. Edge Irish Whips Cena, who gives Edge a bulldog, and then tags in Evan. Evan gives Edge some pretty solid kicks, and then takes Edge down. Edge shoves Evan to the mat, then Irish Whips him, only for Edge to counter with a hurricanrana. Evan then hits a standing dropkick, followed by a twisting drop kick which knocks Edge out of the ring.

When we come back, Cena is beating Sheamus down. Cena Irish Whips Sheamus across the ring and then tags in Evan. Evan launches himself across the ring at Sheamus and then covers, but Sheamus kicks out at two. Evan continues hitting Sheamus with a series of kicks aimed at his thighs before Sheamus knocks him down. Sheamus then picks Evan up and runs him into the turnbuckle, hitting his back before tagging in Edge. Edge elbows Evan down, stomping on him before laying him partially out of the ring. He kicks his head and then elbows him out onto the floor. He gets Evan back in before tagging in Sheamus, who lifts Evan up for a suplex. Evan brings his knees down, hitting Sheamus in the head. As soon as Evan’s feet hit the mat, he’s kicking Sheamus’ thighs again. He tries to jump to Cena, but Sheamus catches him and throws him away from his corner, where he clotheslines Evan, and ten goes for a cover. Evan kicks out at two.

Sheamus drops a knee on Evan’s face before stepping on Evan and tagging Edge in. Edge kicks Evan’s side, then hurls Evan across the ring into the turnbuckle. He goes for a cover, but Evan kicks out at two. Evan manages to gain a little momentum here, but Edge then kicks him in the face and goes for another cover. Again, Evan kicks out at two. Edge puts Evan in a headlock, but Evan manages to fight out and hit an insigari on Edge, leaving both of them motionless for a moment in the ring, tagging their partners in before the ref can hit six on the count.

Sheamus gets hit with a few shoulder blocks before Cena drops him and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle. He lifts Sheamus for the Attitude Adjustment, but Sheamus manages to counter and slam Cena to the ground. Sheamus goes for his kick, but Cena moves. Evan jumps up, managing to kick Sheamus in the head. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, and then Edge goes for a Spear, instead hitting the turnbuckle. Cena tags Evan in, and Evan hits Air Bourne before covering Sheamus for the win.

WWE Champion John Cena & Evan Bourne win!

Overall Thoughts: Overall, it was a pretty good RAW. Once again, the guest host segment was retarded, and I was a little disappointed that Ashton Kutcher’s segments were all pre-filmed instead of it all being live. But, the main event had some good action, and I’m glad that Evan got a push to the main event. Next week, I’ll be in class for about the first… half hour of RAW or so, but I’ll see if I can’t get a summary from a friend or something for ya. Also, next week is the return of the BWF Tweets!! Use the hashtag #BWF on Twitter to get your tweets in the review!! Seeya next week!

WWE NXT 3/30

March 30, 2010 11:06 pm 3 Comments

We’re up to the first vote on NXT. Some people expect some people will be tossed from the show, but I doubt that will happen
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Tag Archive: Guest Host

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