Holy crap, it’s a trifecta of ThinkSoJoE goodness this week! Perhaps I’ll do a “ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts” column this weekend and make it four! I do have a lot to talk about this week, so that’s always a possibility. Anyways, I watched SmackDown earlier, and hadn’t gotten online to get the message that Drow wouldn’t be here this week until just now, so I’ll do my best to relate to you what happened on tonight’s show. And if my memory is fuzzy, there’s always YouTube…
Ok, maybe not, but it is in real-time, so don’t forget to refresh the page every so often if you’re visiting between 10PM and 11PM Eastern on June 23, 2009!
ECW theme plays: Look, new ECW. I just brought up the original ECW, how can I not question your heart?
Five nights away from The Bash, where Mark Henry, Jack Swagger, Christian, Finlay, and ECW Champion Tommy Dreamer will attempt to walk out as champion in a Scramble match!
But tonight, Evan Bourne is here with taped up ribs due to injuries suffered at the hands of The World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry. Bourne’s opponent is The Hart Dynasty’s Tyson Kidd.
Evan Bourne def. Tyson Kidd
Matt Striker assumes that if he presses Triangle and L1, Kidd or Bourne will do something exciting, since they’re almost like video game characters with their high flying offense. David Hart Smith and Natalya hopped up on the apron at the same time, earning themselves an ejection from the referee. Bourne knocks Kidd out of the ring and hits a high-flying maneuver to the outside, earning himself a classic “ECW” chant! Back in the ring, however, Kidd goes after the injured ribs of Bourne. Kidd stretches Bourne as only a Hart Dungeon graduate can do, but Bourne reverses a back suplex attempt into a pin attempt for one. Kidd doesn’t let this minor setback impede his progress, he goes right back after Bourne’s ribs, driving his knee into them and then draping Bourne across the top rope. Bourne starts to battle back amid “Let’s Go Evan” chants. Bourne uses a unique rollup to score a two count and starts to build momentum. Bourne hits a hurricanrana and a Tito Santana-esque flying forearm before taking Kidd down with a high knee. He climbs the ropes and launches a picture perfect Shooting Star Press for the victory! Excellent match to kick off ECW!
A lot of people are saying Finlay took cheap shots on Tommy Dreamer and Christian last week – but they don’t mention the shot on Jack Swagger. The show a video of the cheap shots in question – including the cheap shot on Swagger that I mentioned.
Speaking of Finlay, he’s on his way to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
For some ungodly reason, Finlay still has Hornswoggle’s music. I know this because he’s on his way to the ring as I type this. And apparently, he’s got something to say. People want to know what his problem is and why he did what he did to Christian and Dreamer. He tried to break up a fight between the two of them a few weeks back, and nobody called him to apologize – they texted him. What he did last week wasn’t a cheap shot, it was an eye for an eye, and this Sunday at The Bash…
Oh radio, tell me everything you know…
Zack Ryder tells Finlay to listen up, because Finlay’s overlooking the fact that he’s got a match with the man of ECW, Zack Ryder. Woo Woo Woo, you know it. Whatever that means.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Finlay def. Zack Ryder
The match is underway when we come back, and Finlay is in control. As Matt Striker says, Finlay is looking to make Ryder’s Woo Woo Woo turn backwards into Ow Ow Ow. Finlay attempts to wear down Ryder with submission holds and fierce strikes. Ryder starts to battle back after he and Finlay inadvertantly cracked heads, which seemed to hurt Finlay’s injured eye. Ryder starts to work over the Irishman with submission holds of his own. Mr. Woo Woo Woo goes after the injured eye, wearing Finlay down. Finlay starts to fight back with a barrage of strikes. He hits the Finlay Roll but only gets a two count. Ryder goes after the eye again, and exposes the steel turnbuckle as the referee checks on Finlay, but Finlay manages to catch Ryder with a surprise roll up for the victory!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
RAW REBOUND: Randy Orton and Triple H both failed to answer the referee’s ten count, thus allowing Randy Orton to retain the WWE Championship. Donald Trump sold RAW back to Mr. McMahon for twice what he paid for it. Mr. McMahon then told Randy Orton he’s going to wrestle in Three Stages of Hell at The Bash, defending his title once again against Triple H, who assaulted him in the parking lot after the show.
Josh Matthews and Matt Striker run down the card for The Bash.
Striker gets in the ring and has a blackboard illustrating the ECW Championship Scramble match with him. Your teacher teaches us the rules of the match. He then welcomes Gregory Helms, who is standing by backstage with Mark Henry. Henry starts to talk about tonight’s main event, when a large box falls on a production assistant. When Henry turns back around, Helms is gone, and The Hurricane is saving the production assistant! When Henry turns back around again, Helms is there and asks him again how he feels about his match tonight.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Jack Swagger is the first man out for tonight’s main event, followed by his tag team partner for the evening, Mark Henry. The ECW Champion Tommy Dreamer makes his way out first for his team. Christian makes his way out and we’re set for our main event of the evening.
Tommy Dreamer & Christian vs. Mark Henry & Jack Swagger
Christian and Swagger start off with Christian taking early control. He tags in Dreamer who doesn’t fare as well, until Swagger tags in Mark Henry. Dreamer knocks Henry out of the ring and dumps an incoming Swagger out as well. Dreamer hits the rolling senton from the apron on Henry and Christian hits a cross body from the top onto Swagger, and the “ECW” chants start up again as we head to a…
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Swagger is pounding away on Christian as we come back, but Christian starts to battle back. Dreamer gets the tag in, and starts dominating. Christian inadvertently causes distracts the referee, however, allowing Mark Henry to sneak in and attack Dreamer from behind, which gives Swagger the opportunity to take over and tag in the World’s Strongest Man. Swagger and Henry make the ghost of Gorilla Monsoon proud by cutting the ring in half and using frequent tags to keep a fresh man in the ring, but Swagger finds himself caught with a Dreamer spinebuster. Swagger gets to Henry first, but Dreamer gets to Christian soon after. Captain Charisma takes Henry down with a missile dropkick from the top rope and gets a two count. Christian goes for a sunset flip on Henry, but Swagger tags himself in. Henry goes to sit on Christian, who moves, but Swagger, the legal man, goes for a Gutwrench Powerbomb, which Christian escapes before hitting the Killswitch. Swagger was close enough to the ropes for Tony Atlas to pull his foot under the rope. Henry squashes Christian on the outside, allowing Swagger to hit the Gutwrench on a second attempt to pick up the win.
After the match, Henry drops Dreamer with a World’s Strongest Slam, and then gives one to Jack Swagger for good measure.
My Thoughts: THE HURRICANE IS BACK! This show is usually awesome enough, but to actually see The Hurricane on my television made it that much better for me.
ECW is consistently one of the best shows every week. There’s a reason for that – the talent. Twice tonight, ECW chants broke out in the crowd. It may not be the original, as I alluded to earlier in this post, but it’s still an extremely (no pun intended) enjoyable professional wrestling program.
Giggity giggity giggity it’s time for this week’s review of WWE Superstars… Let’s go!
Right out of the gate we get the opening match. Rey Rey against the Gold Standard Shelton Benjamin, with special guest commentating from the Shaman of Sexy, the Guru of Greatness, the Friday Night Delight John Morrison.
This beginning of this match was awesome!!! Tons of flying and bumping. Rey jumped off of the apron and connected with a hurricanrana on Shelton on the outside. Shelton manhandled Rey a little bit during the match, as most people do. Loads of athleticism were on display during this really good match. The greatest line of the match was when Morrison called Shelton “Socially awkward.” Why hasn’t Shelton/Morrison been announced for Judgement Day?! That would be a fantastic match. Rey gets the win with the 619 and springboard splash. This match was great and gets a 9.8 out of 10…it was that good! After the match, Morrison and Shelton got in each other’s face and Morrison layed Benjamin out.
Match number two is Mizark Hizenry facing the ECW CHAMPION…Captain Charisma…Christian!!! This review will be full of plugs for Christian. I can feel it now.
This one starts off with Big Mark displaying his power as well as Christian ability to sell and take bumps. The quickness and smarts of Christian sends Henry to outside and he hits a baseball slide. Back from commercial break, Christian continues to exhibit his bumping ability, as he allows Mark Henry to dominate the match offensively. Christians speed and passion take Mark Henry down, as he hits a dropkick from the top rope. His agility got him out of several power move attempts by Henry, and he eventually hits a crossbody off the middle rope to pin the World’s Strongest Man. How can anybody deny that Captain Charisma is World Champion material?! The guy is gold!!!!! I give this match a 10 out of 10. Not really, but it gets that because Christian was in it and got the win (it really was about an 8 out of 10).
Match number 3 is Big Show against Hornswoggle! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
This was billed as an exhibition match for Show. The Big Show picked up the troll and placed him on the top rope and allowed him to do his tadpole splash, but Show moved out of the way. HAHAHA! This was rather humorous. He placed him up on the top a second time, but Goldust did a run-in to rescue the midget and got a chokeslam and camelclutch for his efforts from the Big Show. This was funny, but pointless. Since this was not even a match, it gets no rating.
The show was one of the better Superstars so far. At least it didn’t involve any diva wrestling. The show gets a 8.5 out of 10. The last segment hurt it a little bit. Now for a fact of life as I know it…the Houston Rockets are the worst team in the NBA without Yao and T-Mac. How are the Lakers having so much trouble with them? This proves they aren’t as great as everybody thinks they are!!! Kobe SUCKS!!! Thanks for reading and see you next week.
