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RAW 10.18.10

October 18, 2010 11:10 pm 4 Comments

Sorry about no RAW review last week. I originally planned to do it on Tuesday, but I completely forgot about a midterm, and real life caught up with me and bitch slapped be across the face. Anyway, there’s one gonna be up tonight, and that’s all that matters, right?

Tonight, John Cena will team up with WWE Champion Randy Orton against the men that got him into Nexus in the first place, Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris. How will Nexus feel about this?

RAW starts with Teddy Long, of all people, coming out. He says he’s here tonight because he can. Tonight, he’s going to take over RAW.

“Get out of my ring. Get out of my ring, now. You have no business being here.”

Teddy interrupts and says that Smackdown vs Raw this Sunday at Bragging Rights, and brings out the Bragging Rights trophy. Teddy says that the trophy belongs to Smackdown, and they laid the Smackdown on RAW last year.

“Get out of my ring, or else.”

Teddy says he’s not threatening him? He’ll show him, or else. Teddy climbs out of the ring and he starts arguing with Cole.

<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>

Teddy shoves the mic at Cole and goes up to the podium. He says that the Smackdown General Manager has an announcement to make. Right now, the RAW GM is going to be disconnected. He then introduces the Big Show and the rest of Team Smackdown. Edge, Alberto del Rio, Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger, Tyler Reks, and Rey Mysterio.

AWESOME!

Turns out Team RAW wasn’t too happy about that, and Captain Miz comes out with a laughing Alex Riley. Miz says this is the team that’s supposed to take over RAW? It looks like Smurf Village next to a power plant. Miz reminds us that he was the sole RAW superstar to win at Bragging Rights last year, is the team captain this year, and will lead RAW over Team Smackdown. The trophy and the Bragging Rights that go with it, will go over to the A-Show. Miz then brings out the rest of Team RAW: CM Punk, John Morrison, Santino Marella, Ezekiel Jackson, and Sheamus. Miz then tells them to get out of their ring, or they’ll make them get out.

Team RAW starts walking down to the ring, and then the brawl starts in the ring between the two teams. While they’re all killing each other, I wanna say that it’s really cool to see Ezekiel Jackson back. Miz then grabs his team and exits the ring, saving that they need to save it for Sunday. Show takes a mic and says, don’t go back there and start a ruckus. He gets it, it’s his ring. Smackdown will get out of the ring, willingly, if Miz will face Show one-on-one in a Captain vs Captain match. Miz agrees to it.

Still to come, WWE Champion Randy Orton and John Cena take on Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty.

@legendkiller515 will someone please smack the hell outta cole #wwe #raw #bwf

@CawCawBang Go away Cole you ugly troll

@Lunna1969: Smurfette! Lmao! W2g Miz #RAW #WWE

We come back to the Tag Team Champions standing in the ring.

WWE Tag Team Champions Drew McIntyre and “Dashing” Cody Rhodes vs The Hart Dynasty with Natalya

Rhodes and Kidd start out, Kidd going for McIntyre before Rhodes plants him and gets the advantage. Rhodes tags in McIntyre, who dominates Kidd. McIntyre plants Kidd’s face into the barrier before getting him back in the ring and tagging in Rhodes. McIntyre drops Kidd onto the ropes and holds him there for Rhodes to kick him in the ribs. Rhodes then tags back in McIntyre and they throw Kidd into the turnbuckle. Kidd manages to tag in Smith, who hits a drop kick on McIntyre and gets the momentum back on their side. He then hits two big kicks on Rhodes and McIntyre. He goes for a cover on McIntyre, but he kicks out at two. Smith hits a running power slam and goes for a cover, but Rhodes breaks it up. Rhodes goes to attack Smith, but Kidd attacks him. They set up for the Hart Attack, but Smith decides to attempt a Sharpshooter last minute. Smith gets distracted by Kidd and McIntyre hits the Future Shock DDT for the win.

WWE Tag Team Champions Drew McIntyre and Dashing Cody Rhodes win via pinfall.

Natalya proceeds to yell at David Hart Smith about how they’re a team.

Backstage, Cena’s thoughtful and Randy Orton walks up. He says that they should lay all the cards on the table. He can tell that Cena being a part of Nexus is eating him up, but he doesn’t think that it would stop him from helping Barrett take the WWE Championship away from him. So, if Cena helps, Orton won’t have any problem punting him in the skull. Cena says that if he even tries, Cena will break that leg off.

@kickoutblog We need Bret to fix these… broken Harts. YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

@HitTheRopes Look, Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre are offering their 2 cents…. Get it? 2 cents. (tag titles look like 2 pennies) #rimshot #wwe

Goldust with Aksana vs. Zack Ryder

Damn. I hate that they won’t play Ryder’s theme song. I jam out to it when they play it. Anyway.

Ted DiBiase and Maryse make their way out to the stage to watch the match as Ryder gets an early advantage over Goldust, which Goldust gets back by slapping Zack in the face. Goldust hits the final cut, and the match is over.

Goldust wins via pinfall.

Ted DiBiase makes his way to the ring and attacks Goldust from behind. Maryse went to grab the Million Dollar Belt, but Aksana got it. Maryse then chases Maryse out of the ring to try to get the belt back. Goldust gets up in the ring and hits the Final Cut on DiBiase too. I admit, I’m loving the weird Goldust’s return.

Still to come, Smackdown vs RAW starts early as the Big Show takes on The Miz.

@kickoutblog I kinda wish they would’ve done that video like those old Disney sing-a-longs with a bouncing R-Truth thread.

@WWEsAngel_Nef Bwahahahahahahahaha <—-My reaction to R-Truth’s video package. #WWE

@HitTheRopes Maryse and Aksana face to face. It’s as if Maryse was looking in a mirror…. a mirror that is worn, dusty, and doesn’t show sexy #wwe

Barrett is standing with Nexus and Cena walks in. Barrett says that he wants Cena to test Harris and McGuillicutty, to see if they’re good enough to join the Nexus. Cena said that Barrett just told him to go out there and give it everything he’s got, and those are his orders? He asks what the catch is, and Barrett says that there’s no catch: tonight he has the opportunity to show the WWE Universe the Cena they know and love, then orders him to get him a glass of water.

The kid from Role Models and the new Knucklehead movie, Bobbie Thompson, is playing Smackdown vs RAW with Show vs Miz, and Show wins. Miz then picks him up and to tell him that Miz has a surprise for him. Show then takes Bobbie, and puts him down. Bobbie then says that Show has to knock Miz out for him.

Cena comes back with a glass of water and hands it to Barrett, who says it wasn’t difficult. Barrett wants Cena to know that he’s really enjoying it, then splashes the water in Cena’s face.

@kickoutblog Miz is assaulting children now? #favoritewrestlerever

@FrankWWEClown Heath Slater, stop smirking, you little creep. #WWE #RAW

@CawCawBang When did little chris rock come in?

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WATER BOY!

John Cena and WWE Champion Randy Orton vs Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris

Is it just me, or does Husky look like a pedobear remake? Hmm…

Nexus come up to the stage to watch the match. Cena and McGuillicutty start, and Cena starts unleashing on McGuillicutty. Cena hurls McGuillicutty around the ring before throwing McGuillicutty after a vicious looking fisherman suplex.

@redsandman99 I think it should be illegal for Husky Harris to not wear a shirt

@kickoutblog Should be interesting to see what Husky & Imperfect can do when they don’t have to carry a keg.

Now Randy and McGuillicutty are in the ring, and McGuillicutty kicks out of a cover as Orton tags in Cena. Cena hits McGuillicutty, then goes to take Harris off the apron, then running into a dropkick. Harris gets his chance at retribution and beats up on Cena in the corner. Harris goes for a cover, and Cena kicks out. Harris tags in McGuillicutty who beats up on Cena and goes for a cover, only for Cena to kick out. Harris tags himself in and seems to get stuck for a minute between the ropes, throwing himself into Cena’s face. He goes for a cover, and Cena kicks out. Harris has Cena in the middle of the ring in a headlock, but Cena fights to his feet before Harris puts his knee in Cena’s spine. Cena’s flat on the ring floor, but rolls out of the way before Harris squishes him flatter than a pancake hits him. Orton gets in the ring with McGuillicutty and hits a scoop slam. McGuillicutty rolled out to the apron, hoping it would save him, and Orton pulls him between the top and middle rope before hitting the DDT. He points to Barrett, getting ready for the RKO, pushing Harris into Cena for an Attitude Adjustment. Orton then hits the RKO on McGuillicutty and pins him for the win.

WWE Champion Randy Orton and John Cena win via pinfall.

Cena seems content that he, for once, was able to fight in his own way and won, again. He offers Orton a hand, but Barrett tells him to hold it right there, and tells him not to shake Orton’s hand, and then tells him to get out of the ring, and it’s an order. Cena looks at Orton for a minute, then climbs out of the ring. Barrett says that Cena has the best spot in the house to witness the demise of the Viper, as Nexus surrounds the ring. Orton looks at Cena and then hits Barrett before throwing Slater out of the ring and then is ambushed by Nexus outside the ring. Nexus gets Orton back in the ring, but Orton manages to fight back for a minute before getting overwhelmed again. The crowd is cheering for Cena, but he hasn’t moved. Slater hits his finisher, for the first time since NXT, then Otunga does, then Gabriel. Barrett tells Cena to get in the ring, and Cena does so. Barrett says that he wants Cena to give Orton an Attitude Adjustment, and Cena says that that’s enough. Barrett says do it, or Cena’s fired. Cena gets Randy up to his feet, then on his shoulders. Barrett then tells Cena to give Randy to him. Barrett then hits the Wasteland on Orton. Cena walks out of the ring and starts walking up the ramp, shaking his head.

@kickoutblog Even better joke: Husky Harris is only heavier because he’s being weighed on the metric system. #Canada

@HitTheRopes Slater and Otunga need to go back to the lab and come up with a better finishing move. #wwe

Vickie comes out, just when everyone thought that it couldn’t get worse, but guess what! This is RAW!! Vickie says that she is happy to take credit for the Smackdown superstars appearing on RAW tonight, and there is one special superstar who has a special twinkle in his eyes, because his eyes are only on her: The Intercontinental Champion, Dolph Ziggler.

Dolph says that people confuse his cockiness when it’s really just confidence. He can’t blame them, he’s got it all: The looks, the shredded physique, gorgeous head of hair, and that’s not the best part. The most beautiful, intelligent woman on the face of this earth is with him. She’s the ray of sunshine when his skies are gray, she makes his heart go pitter-patter—

Daniel Bryan interrupts and says that he may not be a lady’s man (to which Dolph replies with, “I noticed”), and says that even he could do better than Vickie. Bryan says that he doesn’t have the movie star looks, peroxide infested hair, but he does have the ability to capitalize on any mistake in that ring, and the ability to make Dolph tap out. So, he proposes the United States Champion vs the Intercontinental Champion at Bragging Rights. Vickie seems to be encouraging this. Dolph says that he accepts, but why wait until Sunday? Why don’t they do this right- and then slaps Bryan. Dolph then steps behind Vickie, who steps in front of Dolph. Bryan then side-steps Vickie and tackles Dolph, preventing him from leaving. Bryan then locks in the LaBell Lock, making Dolph tap. Then, the Divas randomly come out and make their way into the ring with Vickie. The Divas surround Vickie and tell her to leave the ring. Gail throws a bucket of glitter at her, then Eve pours it on her. The Divas then seem to be paying way too much attention to Daniel, and they all start to dance with him… and it’s painful.

Anyway, hopefully Captain vs Captain can save RAW… because my head is already spinning.

@bethsharae Oh no! Not glitter!!! #WWE #Raw I guess I should scream all the time at crafts time.

@TKeep123 How can Dolph say this crap with a straight face? (Better check the Wellness policy again!) #WWE #RAW #BWF

@kickoutblog Vickie Guerrero is amazing, why does she need that many zippers? Because fuck you, that’s why!

@Niki_Sushi I don’t know which is more obnoxious – ‘EXCUSE ME!’ or ‘AND I QUOTE!’… #BWF #RAW

@HitTheRopes: Oh, @WWEDanielBryan, in wrestling you might be best in the world…. at dancing, not so much. LOL

Natalya vs Alicia Fox

Let’s see how short this match is! I’m going to time it!

Alicia slaps Nat a few good times and then tries to shout out to Calgary. Natalya then throws Alicia into the turnbuckle, twice, and then throws her across the ring. Nat tries to go for the Sharpshooter, but Alicia grabs the ropes. Natalya pulls her back, and locks in the Sharpshooter, making Alicia tap.

Natalya wins via submission.

LayCool interferes and says it’s a beautiful moment in a NOT beautiful hometown. LayCool says they would love Canada, but it’s so cold and they have watered down beer, and they say ‘eh’ all the time. And they see Harts everywhere. They say the Harts don’t belong in the Hall of Fame, but in the loony bin. LayCool then starts to go into the ring, but Natalya’s ready. Nat gets Layla, but Michelle comes in. Michelle then puts Natalya in the Sharpshooter, Layla takes a picture, and Natalya counters. Lay tries to help Michelle, and nearly gets put in the Sharpshooter herself. LayCool runs off.

Oh, overall Diva MATCH time, about a minute and fifteen seconds.

Teddy, Show, and Hornswoggle are talking backstage, and Josh Matthews says that it’s rather brazen of them to show up on RAW with Team Smackdown. Hornswoggle grabs a Team Smackdown flag and the entire Smackdown Roster starts heading out.

@kickoutblog If I were The Undertaker and had to listen Michelle McCool talk all the time, I’d want to be buried alive too

@CawCawBang Nattie don’t play along with Laycool’s bullshit

@bethsharae Alicia is gonna throw a hip out if she swings them any harder. #WWE #Raw

@WWEsAngel_Nef God I hate Alicia Fox’s walk. I can’t stand it. She’s gonna break a freaking hip. #WWE

So, the longest part of this show is the Stand Up For WWE video package. So… Yeah.

Oh, we’re back. Cena’s walking away and Barrett stops him, saying he’s not finished with him or Orton yet. There we go. Next up, Team RAW’s captain The Miz will take on Team Smackdown’s captain, The Big Show… and all of Smackdown?

@Niki_Sushi So.. I’m loving this video. Because it’s showing where the WWE goes, and not just on land and the airwaves. They reach hearts-who else does?

@CawCawBang I’m so happy and proud to be a WWE fan

@kickoutblog And “Do you smell what Barack is cookin?” is still amazing. #TheRockObama

@WWEsAngel_Nef LOL God Vince McMahon is good at what he does. Way to do some quick damage control. Nice video package. #WWE

We’re finally going to introduce the guest star, Bobbie J Thompson. Sweet. He says he loves the boos and to keep them coming. He says that he’s there to introduce the man who’s going to leave Team Smackdown to a victory over Team RAW: The Big Show. No, but seriously. Where’s the muzzle on that kid?

Show comes out with Hornswoggle behind him, waving the flag, and Team Smackdown follows him out. Actually, all of Smackdown follows him out.

Miz comes out, but tells Alex Riley to stay behind and walks down to the ring alone. He pauses though, grinning and motioning for everyone else to come out. Team RAW comes out, followed by the RAW roster.

The Big Show vs The Miz

Show closes in on Miz, rips his shirt, and slaps his chest. Show continues to rip up the RAW shirt and slaps his chest again. Show then Irish Whips Miz into a corner, and Show throws him out of the ring. Smackdown closes in, and RAW starts to close in too. Show attacks RAW, and when Smackdown comes in, Show rolls in the ring.

Teddy Long comes out and says that since Bragging Rights is only six days away and everyone from both rosters is out there, he says that they have themselves a Smackdown vs RAW battle royal, and they’re going to do it right now.

Now, I hate reviewing battle royals. So, I hope you watched RAW to figure out what happens, because I’m only going to tell you the winner.

@TKeep123 Ok, I’m old, but the Red and Blue is reminding me of “Rock’em Sock’em Robots!” #WWE #RAW #BWF

Hornswoggle beats Cole up and takes his spot as an announcer, and no one knows what the fuck is going on in the ring. I can’t tell you what’s going on, but Swagger loses his mind and puts Edge in an ankle lock. Toward the end here, a bunch of RAW guys got eliminated and Smackdown is doing a good job holding their own. The last Smackdown guy ends up as The Big Show against Sheamus, Bryan, Jackson, and Miz. Down goes Bryan, then Jackson. Miz and Sheamus work together to get Show over the top rope, and no one remembered Edge wasn’t technically eliminated. So, Edge and Show are the only two left in the ring.

Team Smackdown wins.

Nexus is watching backstage, and Barrett says that all of them, and Cena, are going to witness what’s going to happen Sunday when he’s crowned WWE Champion. Barrett tells Cena to raise his hand as a token of victory. Cena shoves Slater and Gabriel out of the way and raises Barrett’s hand before walking away.

And that’s all she wrote, folks. Daniel Bryan dancing is burned behind my retina, so I’m going to go watch… something to get the image out of my head. Good night.

Power Poll 10/7/10

October 9, 2010 1:35 am Leave a Comment

1. Randy Orton (Last week: 1)

The Viper continues to dominate the Power Poll with a victory over Sheamus in a grueling Hell In A Cell match to retain the WWE Championship (My vote: 1)

2. Kane (2)

The Devil’s Favorite Demon is also the Father of Destruction’s favorite son, as proven by Paul Bearer’s assistance in Kane’s victory over his half brother The Undertaker at Hell In A Cell. (My vote: 5)

3. Wade Barrett (8)

The leader of Nexus finds himself up five spots this week following a victory over John Cena that forced Cena to be a part of the Nexus. Using his new authority over Cena’s career to help himself win the battle royal and become number one contender for Randy Orton’s WWE Championship didn’t hurt, either. (My vote: 2)

4. John Cena (4)

Even I ranked John Cena high on my ballot this week, despite his loss to Wade Barrett at Hell In A Cell. Cena played his role as the conflicted hero forced to join the enemy better than anybody thought he could. Legendary is available on DVD and BluRay at Walmart, I saw it, I enjoyed it, so I’ll plug it here! (My vote: 3)

5. Daniel Bryan (5)

The WWE United States Champion successfully defended his title in a triple threat, submissions count anywhere match at Hell In A Cell against John Morrison and The Miz, in what I consider a Match of the Year candidate. One would have to think that if he hadn’t been beaten so handily by Sheamus this past Monday night on RAW, Bryan’s rank would have gone up. (My vote: 8)

6. Edge (10)

Edge’s war on stupidity ran over three of the nights that this week’s poll covers. On SmackDown he ruined Jack Swagger’s celebration, spearing his eagle mascot. At Hell In A Cell, he interrupted Alberto Del Rio and then defeated Swagger in an impromptu match. His momentum came crashing to a halt on RAW, after being traded to SmackDown and then receiving a beatdown from The Miz and Alex Riley. (My vote: 4)

7. The Miz (6)

Mr. Money in the Bank tapped out at Hell In A Cell, but redeemed himself with the destruction of Edge, while saving Michael Cole, on RAW. (My vote: 9)

8. Sheamus (7)

Sheamus may have lost at Hell in a Cell, but his impressive showing in his match with Randy Orton and his subsequent decimation of Daniel Bryan the following night on RAW allow the Celtic Warrior to stay in the top 10. (My vote: 7)

9. Undertaker (3)

With Paul Bearer by his side last week, The Undertaker rose from the depths of wherever anybody that doesn’t make the Power Poll goes to hit number three, but drops to number nine as Paul Bearer has now aligned himself with Kane and cost The Undertaker the World Heavyweight Championship. (My vote: 10)

10. Alberto Del Rio (NR)

His name is Alberto Del Rio! But you, you already knew that. After mocking Rey Mysterio with an actual chihuahua on SmackDown, Del Rio attacked The Rated R Superstar from behind at Hell In A Cell, putting Edge at a distinct disadvantage in his match with Jack Swagger. (My vote: N/A)

Dropped out: C.M. Punk

Also voted on by me: John Morrison (6)

The Power Poll is a weekly top 10 ranking of wrestlers as voted by members of these wondeful sites: BoredWrestlingFan.com, Future Endeavors, Hit the Ropes, NoVaWPodcast, Oh My WrestleBlog, Online World of Wrestling, PIZZABODYSLAM, Pro Wrestling Ponderings, Project Wonderboy, Ringside Rants, Smark Out Moment, The Superplex, The Wrestling Blog, WrestlingAdikt.com,WrestleRage.com and Wrestlespective. If you have a wrestling site and are interested in becoming a voter, e-mail wrestlespective (at)gmail.com.

ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts

October 6, 2010 3:34 am 2 Comments

It’s been a long three weeks without cable at the ThinkSoJoE household. That’s three RAWs, the first SmackDown on SyFy, and after this Thursday, three iMPACTs that I missed – as they air, anyway. What really bugs me is the fact that for the first time in years (if ever), I’m going to miss the first three games of the Buffalo Sabres season. Well, on television. That’s what a radio’s for. I’ll finally have cable again next Thursday.

That’s not to say I haven’t been watching wrestling. In fact, I happened to see Hell In A Cell this past Sunday and RAW the next night. The problem with not having cable is, there’s only a limited amount of television you can watch via an antenna, at least in this area with the antenna I have, so your DVD collection gets old quick. So on Monday, between watching HIAC and RAW, I did something completely out of character – I watched a WWE Film.

Yes folks, I hit up my local RedBox (which, at Walmart, is actually blue) and picked up Legendary, which, of course, stars John Cena. And much to my surprise, it was actually good. I’m not saying we should give John Cena an Oscar nod for this, but he definitely played the role better than I ever expected him to. I certainly recommend checking this one out if you’ve got a couple hours to kill.

Now, after being surprised by Cena’s acting in Legendary, something happened. On Monday night, John Cena played his role as the reluctant ally to Nexus perfectly. I’m a cynic when it comes to professional wrestling sometimes, and because I know the business so well, sometimes it’s hard to suspend my disbelief and watch as a fan, but for the last few days, that’s exactly what I’ve tried to do. And as a wrestling fan, I was intrigued by the way Cena played his part following his loss to Wade Barrett at HIAC and the following night on RAW. I’m very interested to see how far the storyline with Cena in Nexus will go, and what the next step for the Barrett/Cena dynamic is. The smark in me wants to kick the fan in me’s ass for praising Cena right now, but oh well.

I’m glad to see that Goldust is finally getting a push and returning to his old “bizarre” persona, as opposed to his “La Resistance made me get electrocuted so I have tourette’s” persona. As AlyKat said in her excellent RAW review, only Goldust would send love letters to a belt.

Holy shit. Where did this John Morrison come from? The guy’s been into Parkour training for ages, and they’re just now making it a huge part of his in-ring style? Climbing that light board at HIAC and diving out onto everybody else from that high up? Where’s Joey Styles to scream “OH MY GOD!” when we need him, huh?

MacGruber came out on DVD and BluRay today. I hit the blue RedBox again and picked up the BluRay, for the sheer fact that a few WWE Superstars were in the movie. Chris Jericho, Mark Henry, MVP, Kane, and The Great Khali make up MacGruber’s team (he rejects The Big Show after seeing him kiss another man), at least until he inadvertently blows them up. The movie has it’s moments, but I wouldn’t waste my time on it. I’m sure the 10 minutes that the WWE guys are in the film will pop up on YouTube any time now.

As I like to do from time to time, I want to take a second and thank the staff here at BoredWrestlingFan.com – this is the best writing team on the internet, hands down! Also, thanks to all of our readers, we appreciate all of you!

RAW 10.4.10

October 4, 2010 11:15 pm 2 Comments

Last night was Hell in a Cell! Did John Cena join Nexus? Is Randy Orton still the WWE Champion? Was Daniel Bryan brutally mu-… I’ll leave that one to myself. Find out tonight, as Jackass star, Johnny Knoxville guest stars what is sure to be another amazing Monday Night RAW!

Nexus comes out and talks about their victory at Hell in a Cell. Barrett says the two men who helped were Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty, which didn’t surprise anyone. Barrett says he doesn’t know them and they aren’t a part of the Nexus. Barrett then scolds Nexus for going down to the ring and potentially causing him his match. Tonight’s about inducting Cena into Nexus. Please welcome, the newest member of Nexus, John Cena.

He comes out with no music, which is just heartbreaking, to be honest. I’m upset. I wanted to make a joke.

Tarver says the joke is on Cena, because he failed. They have a gift for Cena: The Nexus armband. Cena looks at the arm band and puts it on. Slater says they know the transition’s going to be difficult, but they’re all there for him. The public wants to know exactly what his thoughts are. He says that he will read the official statement they made instead of saying what he wants to. Barrett says it’s not negotiable, and he’ll read it and read it now.

It essentially says that he acknowledges that he’s a member of Nexus, and an enemy of Nexus is an enemy of his. Barrett says that Cena has to participate in a tag match with a partner of his choice against Evan Bourne and Mark Henry. Cena picks Tarver.

Mark Henry and Evan Bourne vs. John Cena and Michael Tarver

Cena starts off the match with an offer to shake Bourne’s hand, and they do. Tarver’s pissed about it, but Cena doesn’t look like he cares. Cena then tags in Tarver and climbs out.

@KeepItFiveStar HEY! Where’s your Nexus Shirt Cena?! There’s a dress code damn it! Put it on!

@seraphalexiel I hope both men don’t suddenly get to join. The end of Season 2 was a failure for a reason, and it begins and ends with McGuillicutty

@Niki_Sushi Awwww. His own wittle armband. Are they slowly going to give him different parts to the ‘uniform’ or what? #BWF #RAW

@HitTheRopes Geez, Cena sure likes to pick on the black Nexus guys. Wasn’t content with getting rid of your brother, now he’s going for Tarver. LOL #wwe

@CawCawBang Cena got something planned I don’t like it

@TKeep123 I wonder if Cena gave any secret signals while he was forced to read his (confession) speech. (Viet Nam era folks will get it.) #WWE #RAW

We come back to Tarver getting his ass handed to him by Henry. Cena really doesn’t seem interested in helping Tarver at all, to be honest, even mockingly reaching for a tag. Tarver manages to get toward Cena for a tag, but Cena leans away, and Henry seems amused by it, toying with Tarver. Tarver goes to tag Cena again, but Cena jumps down off the ring and begins signing signs in the crowd. Henry picks up Tarver and hits him with the World’s Strongest Slam.

Mark Henry and Evan Bourne win via pinfall.

Cena takes a mic after the match and says that he’s gonna make his own statement. As the newest member of Nexus, he plans on doing one thing and one thing only: destroying it from within. Like no one expected that. Tonight, he proves that you can be Nexus and against us. He hits Tarver in the head with the mic, and then body slams Tarver onto the steel steps. Twice. Then he gets Tarver back in the ring and locks in the STF.

“The terms of the stipulation for your match with Wade Barrett stated that if you lost, you must join the Nexus. Now, Nexus is clearly a group that takes direction from its leader, Wade Barrett. And thus as a member of the group, John, you must also take direction from Wade Barrett. If you don’t, as much as I would hate to do it, as much as it would be bad for business, as much as the WWE Universe would despise it, I would have no alternative but to terminate your WWE contract. Mr. Cena, no one man, despite his popularity, is bigger than WWE. In other words, Mr. Cena, I will fire you.”

@FrankWWEClown And who says Cena is boring, and not interesting? Are you watching this?! #WWE #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar Cena’s looking at this all wrong. The Nexus have a great benefits package. Family picnics, BBQs, and other fun Nexus activities.

@HitTheRopes We CLEARLY see Michael Cole reading from a paper and NOT the computer screen. #fail #wwe

@TKeep123 For months we can’t keep #NEXUS away from the ring, and now Tarver gets a beat-down and NO NEXUS to be found? #WWE #RAW

@Niki_Sushi Tarver is in Soul Sucking Position! YOU BETTA HIDE YO KIDS, HIDE YO WIFE! #BWF #RAW

@WWEsAngel_Nef Okay. Say what you want marks but John Cena has the best fans. So devoted. I actually love that they chanted ‘Never Give Up’ #WWE

Alicia Fox vs Natalya

No warning on this one at all, but good to see Natalya in the ring. Natalya hits the sharpshooter pretty quick, and Alicia taps. Great 30 second match.

Natalya wins via submission.

WTF? 30 second match, 30 second reminder of the guest star, Johnny Knoxville, and now five minutes of commercials.

@RingsideRants That wasn’t even long enough for a bathroom break!

@CawCawBang wow that was quick

@kickoutblog My thoughts on Natalya vs. Alicia are longer than the actual match

@redsandman99 The good news is, Nattie won. The bad news is, the match was over in five seconds

@JoeyStyles What a match for Nattie…and I thought I finished fast.

Knoxville is talking with Gail and Melina, promoting Jackass 3D. Zack Ryder comes up, and Knox calls him a tool. He offers Ryder a high-five, only for him to get the shit smacked out of him by a giant hand. Knox mocks him a little.

Cena’s backstage with the Nexus armband again, and Josh Matthews comes up, asking what he’s gonna do. Cena says he doesn’t know. Cena suddenly takes off running after Husky and McGuillicutty, and Barrett says that there’s a lot he needs to talk about, concerning his future.

@TKeep123 FIRST time I was ever happy to see Zack Ryder during a Promo! “You know it!”…. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@Niki_Sushi Johnny Knoxville just wtfpwn’d Zack Ryder without even getting in the ring. I DEMAND WEE-MAN VS HORNSWOGGLE DAMMIT!!!! #BWF #RAW

@legendkiller515 damn zach ryder got his ass kicked and he aint even in a match #wwe #bwf #raw

Daniel Bryan is in the ring with his crazy ass music. God, I wanna punch him.

It’s a shameful thing, lobster head! … Too many limes, too many limes!

United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus

Sheamus beat the shit out of Bryan. Not even kidding.

United States Champion Daniel Bryan wins via disqualification.

I think. Sheamus hits the High Cross on Daniel after beating the hell out of him. Sheamus climbs out of the ring and starts back up the ring. Dear, God. Was RAW booking only Nexus and Cena tonight? This is ridiculous.

Anyway, Edge makes his way to the ring to supposedly apologize to the computer.

@Niki_Sushi Oh. Damn. Forgot this fruit existed. Daniel Bryan, go awa-nevermind. GO SHEAMUS GO! #BWF #RAW

@kickoutblog Oh God, it’s the battle of wrestlers who don’t tan!

@KeepItFiveStar Did Daniel Bryan fail a Wellness test or something? Did he piss the Vegan police off? That was weird.

@Niki_Sushi OMFG! Who put a wrestling match in my commercials?! #BWF #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar “And THAT’s for fulfilling your indy dates while under contract!” – Sheamus after destroying Daniel Bryan

@TKeep123 Diva match… 90 seconds. Sheamus / Bryan 120 seconds… WTH? #WWE #RAW

And a Video Package of what we just saw, like fifteen seconds ago. Jesus Christ, RAW. I get that Cena joining Nexus is a big deal, but there are other Superstars…

Oh, God, Michael Cole’s in the ring. He’s now going to speak for the General Manager. I guess Stephen Hawking got pissed at the WWE for using his voice. Supposedly, it’s because of the events of the last few weeks, and will now communicate via email. So, the GM hates us all, is what I’m getting.

Awesome.

Before Edge comes out, the GM wants us to see the hilarious, I’m sorry, horrific events of last week.

The destruction of the GM last week was unacceptable. Two things are going to happen: Edge is “going to apologize”, and the GM will make a huge announcement regarding the WWE Championship.

You think you know me…

Edge, of course, says he won’t apologize. He’s on a personal crusade against all things stupid, and around here, there are a lot of things that are stupid. Michael Cole has been the personification of stupid since 1997. He’d rather listen to a recording of JR than a live Michael Cole. And if the GM thinks he has attitude, then when Edge becomes WWE Champion, then he’ll see attitude. The GM says that tonight they will decide the Number One Contender for the WWE Championship in a 20-Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royale. Don’t expect me to keep up with that. The winner will face Randy Orton at Bragging Rights. Edge, however, has disrespected the GM one too many times, and won’t be in the battle royal tonight, because the GM has officially traded him to Smackdown.

Edge says it’s the greatest night of his career, because he now doesn’t have to listen to a computer, or this tool say, “And I Quote.” Cole flips out, and everyone boos him. Yeah, good job Cole. Cole says that now that he’s the official voice of the WWE, Edge needs to treat him with respect. Edge asks if he went off RAW after spearing Cole into next week would be respectful.

AWESOME

The Miz and Alex Riley make their way down to the ring. Miz says that Edge will do no such thing. Cole is a visionary, the one person that realized Miz’ awesomeness before anyone else. Cole leaves the ring, tripping. Miz tells him to go back to the announce table. Edge calls Miz an Edge-wannabe. Edge then goes through the checklist of Edge. Miz says that that was an interesting analysis, but they’re nothing alike. Edge says that he’s right, because Edge has been WWE Champion, and has been married, divorced, had a live celebration. He hasn’t even seen Miz talk to a woman, unless you count Alex Riley. Riley says that whether Edge likes it or not, Miz is the future of the WWE. Edge says that Miz is awesome at tapping out to Daniel Bryan.

Miz says that if Edge is trying to agitate Miz, it’s not working. Miz is either going to be competing in a WWE Championship match, or leading RAW into decimating Smackdown. So, why doesn’t Edge go to SyFy and tell all his new Smackdown buddies that he’s the Miz and he’s awesome.

Edge then attacks Miz and Alex Riley, Spearing Alex Riley, only to get a Skull Crushing Finale from Miz.

Cena backstage with Nexus, and Barrett says that Cena did him a favor in attacking Tarver. He wants Cena to help him with tonight’s battle royal. Cena asks what happens if he wins, and Barrett says that he’s ordering Cena to help him win. Otunga sticks his foot in his mouth and gets berated for it, and then tells Cena to either do as he’s told or get fired.

@TKeep123 Michael Cole has to stand on a box to be seen? #WWE #RAW #BWF

@seraphalexiel Fool. Hide yo paper, at least.

@TKeep123 “I’d rather listen to a recording of JR than a live Michael Cole!” – Edge #WWE #RAW #BWF

@Niki_Sushi That’s….. three or four laptops now? I seriously hope that’s included in the budget… I don’t think Nextel makes laptops. #BWF #RAW

@HitTheRopes Hey Otunga, know your role and shut your mouth. #wwe

@bethsharae I love Edge’s crusade. I shall join him. I now destroy all things stupid. #Raw #WWE

Oh, fuck me running… It’s the Bellas.

Nikki and Brie Bella vs. The Unified Divas Champions LayCool

Jesus Christ, someone put a mic on LayCool. My head hurts bad enough right now… I have no idea what the fuck is going on, okay? I don’t even care anymore. Oh, and there goes the Switcheroo again. Someone kill me. Seriously.

Nikki and Brie Bella win via the same old shit… er, pinfall.

Maryse is backstage, talking to Knox. He says that he doesn’t speak Spanish, and she accuses him of sending the messages. Ted then walks up and accuses him too, and Ted walks right into the huge hand. Maryse throws her shoes at Knox, and then Maryse is hit by the hand and lands right on top of Ted. Knox is apologizing repeatedly, and then runs away from a very pissed looking Ted.

@StrikerSays Are you serious. You just put the BELLAS over your champion. What is this fuckery.

@KeepItFiveStar This match is already longer than Natalya vs Alicia Fox

@ThingsColeSays They have found a way to make LayCool ever more annoying. Well done.

@inkincisions WHAT IS UP WITH DIVAS AND THROWING SHOES ?!?!?!?!?!

@divadirt LMAO! Maryse continues the shoe-throwing trend only to get hit by a giant hand. There’s a very un-PG joke in there somewhere. #WWE

@legendkiller515 that big ass hand is funny #wwe #raw #bwf

Please welcome the guest star of RAW, Johnny Knoxville. Oh, Jackass 3D is in theaters October 15^th. Yes, let’s put Knoxville in the ring. Because that went so well last time.

Knoxville’s talking really fast, is obviously freaked out by DiBiase coming after him, and tries to leave before he does. Too bad, because he’s here…

Knox says that he was just trying to make Maryse laugh, like Ted does… And proceeds to make a fool out of himself. Then smacks the taste out of Knox’s mouth. Then, it looks like he’s trying for Dreamstreet, but Knox just lays there like a limp noodle. Another message comes over the tron: You are mine. Goldust attacks DiBiase, and Maryse just stands there.

Goldust then tells DiBiase he doesn’t want him, obviously, and walks over to Maryse, who seems to be trying hard not to laugh. He does, however, say that he doesn’t want Maryse. What he wants, is the Million Dollar Belt. Only Goldust would send love notes to a belt. Seriously.

Next up: The 20 Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal.

Here are all the guys I think I saw. I’ll fix it as I can:

John Cena, Mark Henry, Evan Bourne, Mr. Money in the Bank The Miz, William Regal, David Otunga, Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, and Zack Ryder. That’s all I managed to catch, but I’ll do the best I can.

@HitTheRopes It’s amazing how great Raw started and where we are now. #wwe

@kickoutblog OMG IT IS GOLDUST! HE WANTS THE MILLION DOLLAR TITLE!

@ThingsColeSays Hey Johnny, there’s a new joke going around have you heard it? What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAPPPPPPPPPP!

@StrikerSays So happy for the return of BIZARRE Goldie. He had dialed down to just “odd.”

King and Cole remind us that a shitload of stuff has happened… if you’ve been watching, you know. If not, scroll up. I’m tired of repeating the same shit.

And Cena’s backstage, brooding over the arm band. Otunga walks up and says that he knows he’s upset. He wants to tell Cena that Nexus isn’t all bad. Barrett is a bit demanding sometimes, but deep down, they can make it work. Cena may feel like this is the end, but it’s not. If Cena ever needs to talk, Otunga’s there for him. Just let him know.

Cole opens his mouth and reminds us of what we’ve already seen. It’s okay, Cole. I have the memory of a goldfish. Thanks a bunch, man.

Twenty Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal

Fuck keeping up with this, so here’s who in the damn match. I’ll just tell you who wins, because it’s easier.

Participants: John Morrison, R-Truth, Santino Marella, Vladimir Kozlov, Sheamus, John Cena, Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, David Otunga, Zack Ryder, William Regal, Evan Bourne, Mark Henry, The Miz, Ted DiBiase, David Hart Smith, Tyson Kidd, Darren Young, and Primo.

@KeepItFiveStar CENA! WHERE’S YOUR SHIRT! You had time!

@bethsharae …. Truth doesn’t get to sing anymore?! HELL YES!!! #Raw #WWE

@HitTheRopes Otunga, don’t you pay attention!? Darren Young, Michael Tarver. What do they AND you have in common? Stay far from Cena. LOLZ #wwe

@legendkiller515 once again no one understands what the hell r-truth is saying in his damn songs #wwe #raw #bwf

Found all the damn contestants. I don’t know what’s going on… Don’t make me figure it all out. Cena eliminated Otunga, and now Barrett yells at him for it. Nexus just argues in the middle of the ring, and no one is aware of it, apparently. God, idiocy.

@KeepItFiveStar Why is Mark Henry asking why? Did he not see the first 10 minutes of the show?

@HitTheRopes I always wish for something unexpected like Santino to win something like this. #wwe

@kickoutblog Why the hell is Darren Young in this match?

@Niki_Sushi I look up to see Nexus, and totally went ‘GO GO POWER RANGERS!!!’ #BWF #RAW

@legendkiller515 this is the oddest collection of #raw superstars for a battle royal ive ever seen. most of them dont belong in this match #wwe #bwf

I don’t’ know what I’m supposed to say. The outcome was obvious.

Wade Barrett wins.

But, cutting his victory celebration short is none other than the WWE Champion, Randy Orton, who makes his way right up to the ring and right inside, like Barrett ain’t nothing. Which, he probably isn’t. Insert epic staredown, Randy holding up the title, and thus, RAW ends.

Proud of myself for getting this finished for you all tonight, even with a headache and some weird ass dizziness. Anyway, until next week!

Power Poll 9/29/10: Well, he urn-ed it!

September 30, 2010 4:56 am Leave a Comment

Thank you, thank you, thank you to Jason Mann of Wrestlespective for using one of my favorite old Bobby Heenan jokes for the title of this week’s Power Poll. Ready? Here we go!

Power Poll 9/29/10: Well, he urn-ed it!

1. Randy Orton (Last week: 1)

The Viper has set a record for most weeks at number one on the Power Poll – which, given the short time frame that the poll has been around, isn’t nearly as impressive as it sounds. Still, the WWE Champion manages to hang on to the top spot this week with his dismantling of Chris Jericho on RAW. (My vote: 2)

2. Kane (3)

The World Heavyweight Champion moves up a spot this week to number two after destroying Chris Masters and calling out his brother The Undertaker on SmackDown. (My vote: 7)

3. Undertaker (NR)

Speaking of The Undertaker, the power of the urn returns to him in the form of Paul Bearer at his side. Finally shifting the balance of power to his half of the dark side, the Phenom jumps from obscurity to the number 3 spot on the Power Poll (My vote: 4)

4. John Cena (5)

Let the instant replay in professional wrestling debate begin! The anonymous General Manager of RAW restarted Cena’s match with Edge after the Rated R Superstar pinned Cena with his foot under the bottom rope, leading to an STF victory for Cena. The GM, on the other hand, wasn’t so lucky… (My vote: NR)

5. Daniel Bryan (2)

The United States Champion may have bit off more than he can chew when he inadvertently hit tag team partner John Morrison following their loss on Monday. He now finds himself in a triple threat match with former WWE Tag Team Champions at Hell In A Cell. (My vote: NR)

6. The Miz (4)

He’s The Miz, and he pinned Bryan Daniel clean this past Monday on RAW. The second part of the US Championship triple threat at Hell in a Cell, Mr. Money In The Bank drops two spots this week. (My vote: 9)

7. Sheamus (10)

The former WWE Champion must’ve done something to redeem himself this week, since he’s moved back up three slots to number seven. Destroying The Great Khali, even if it was with chairs, will do that, fella! (My vote: 5)

8. Wade Barrett (8)

The leader of the Nexus coached the team of Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel to victory over Evan Bourne and Mark Henry, then joined in on the post match beatdown of Bourne. He faces John Cena at Hell In A Cell – can he win and prevent Nexus from disbanding? (My vote: NR)

9. CM Punk (NR)

With an out of nowhere victory over former Straight Edge Society running buddy Luke Gallows, CM Punk returns to the Power Poll. (My vote: 3)

10. Edge (NR)

After having a pinfall victory overturned by the anonymous General Manager, the Rated R Superstar finally had enough and destroyed the GM’s computer. Maybe now we’ll finally find out who the GM is. (My vote: 1)

Dropped out: Alberto Del Rio, Dolph Ziggler, John Morrison

Also voted on by me: Alberto Del Rio (6), The Pope (8), and John Morrison (10)

RAW 9.27.10

September 27, 2010 11:15 pm 4 Comments

Hello, everyone! Terribly sorry about not getting a review up for last week’s RAW, but things were really hectic. Anyway, I’m back tonight, and you can bet there’s gonna be a review up this week!

If you didn’t know it by now, Randy Orton is the new WWE Champion following Night of Champions! And at Hell in a Cell this Sunday, he’s got his hands full with Sheamus in a one on one rematch for the WWE Champion. But, this week? He’s got his hands full with Chris Jericho as they compete. And if Chris wins? Well, if Chris wins, Randy Orton will give Chris a title opportunity whenever he wants it.

AWESOME

Miz and Alex Riley get to the ring tonight, and Miz says that Daniel Bryan challenged him and Alex Riley to a tag team match. Didn’t Bryan learn his lesson last week? Bryan’s like the guy who wins a hundred million dollars in the lottery and thinks he’s gonna win every time he plays. What happens every Monday night? Bryan gets embarrassed by The Miz. And on tonight’s episode, he’s bringing a tag team partner to join in on the fun. So, come one, come all, and join in on the beatdown!

Daniel Bryan’s music plays, and Miz asks if that’s really his music. Then, he asks who Daniel’s tag team partner is, and if he even has any friends. Miz is interrupted in his catchphrase yet again by John Morrison’s music.

United States Champion Daniel Bryan and John Morrison vs Mr. Money in the Bank The Miz and Alex Riley

Bryan and Riley start out, with Bryan getting the momentum early. He goes for an early cover, but Riley kicks out. Bryan tags in Morrison, but Riley attacks back. Morrison gets the advantage, however, and Riley drops him into the top rope. Riley keeps the advantage over Morrison as Miz is in the ring. Miz then drops Morrison right into the bottom rope. Miz gets covered, but kicks out. Miz manhandles Morrison, then backs up to have Riley come up. Riley stomps on Morrison in the corner before the ref pulls him out. Riley then drops Morrison and goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out. Miz gets tagged in, and hits a swinging corner clothesline on Morrison before going for a cover, only for Morrison to kick out. Morrison goes for a tag, but when he jumps up, Miz catches him. Miz misses a clothesline and dives for Bryan, but Miz grabs his leg and goes to pull him back, only to get a kick in the face. Morrison finally tags Bryan in, and Miz misses a clothesline as Bryan takes out Riley and hits a dropkick on Miz. He goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Bryan goes for the Labelle Lock but Miz counters with Skull Crushing Finale. Miz pins him for the cover.

The Miz and Alex Riley win via pinfall.

Miz attacks Bryan after the match, but Morrison comes to his rescue, and Bryan takes out both Morrison and the Miz. Morrison pulls Bryan off of Miz, but Bryan attacks Morrison. Morrison attacks Bryan, then Miz goes back to attacking Bryan, and then Morrison jumps on them both.

“I’ve decided that this Sunday, at Hell in a Cell, for the first time ever, Daniel Bryan will defend the United States Championship against both John Morrison and The Miz. But it will be defended in a match that I just invented: A Triple Threat Submissions Count Anywhere Match.”

@legendkiller515 since when was hell in the cell an important pay per view #wwe #raw #bwf

@ _MFS_ Can King please read the emails? Cole already talks WAY too much #WWE #RAW #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar Damn Tamina. What’d the O-Zone Layer do to you?

@kickoutblog KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! #danielfudd

@bethsharae Yep, Miz and Riley will win this one. I’m already calling it. Morrison has once like once or twice against Miz since they broke up. #Raw

Divas Battle Royal for the Number One Contender for the Unified Diva’s Championship

I see Melina, the Bellas, Eve, Gail, Jillian, Maryse, Alicia, Tamina, and Natalya. Then LayCool comes on out to sit ringside. I’m not even going to try to keep up with this cluster fuck.

Natalya wins.

Good to finally see Natalya get her chance. Anywho, didn’t pay attention to the match. I hate Divas Battle Royals.

Later tonight, Edge has The General Manager on The Cutting Edge.

@kickoutblog Finally, a talented female athlete challenging for the Divas Title, are my eyes deceiving me?

@_MFS_ Okay, so they surprised me there, a Diva with actual fucking talent actually won, good job for once #WWE #RAW #BWF

@Niki_Sushi Yeah…. Officially fucking sick of LayCool. Michelle needs to go the hell away so Layla – who has talent – can shine. Skank. #BWF #RAW

Maryse is backstage with Ted, upset that Eve cost her the battle royal. Ted says he doesn’t care about the battle royal, and that she cost them the match last week. Someone knocks on the door and slips an envelope under the door. Maryse opens it and it reads, “Next week, you will be mine.”

It’s a shameful thing, lobster head!! TOO MANY LIMES, TOO MANY LIMES!

Sheamus says that we may have heard of some kind of Irish tale about two princes who had to race to get the throne of Ireland. The first prince to put his hand on the kingdom became the new king. As it came to a close, the younger of the two princes knew he was about to lose, so he cut off his hand and threw it at the castle. It made him the king of Ireland. Sheamus says he’s willing to cut off his own hand to win back the WWE Title. I don’t think that’s a good idea. Orton has underestimated Sheamus, and Sheamus should talk to Triple H because Sheamus ended Triple H’s career. In that cell, Sheamus is going to have the time of his life. But, right now, he wants to call out any WWE Superstar with a set of tires to face him. But, if they do, not only will they find out why he’s a future three-time WWE Champion, but why he’s also the fiery red hand of the WWE.

@Niki_Sushi I’m waiting for i- there it was. Fella. And I quote: VINTAGE SHEAMUS!

@TKeep123 Mysterious “I WILL HAVE YOU” message….gotta be from GoldDust! #WWE #RAW

@ThingsColeSays Does “fiery red hand of WWE” mean Sheamus has herpes of the hand or something? Hide yo kids, hide yo wife!

@_MFS_ Sheamus, cutting off hands is not PG #WWE #RAW #BWF

We come back, and Sheamus says that it’s not a surprise that no one back there is man enough to take him on. Then, of course, the Great Khali comes out.

Sheamus vs The Great Khali

Khali slaps Sheamus’ chest, and Sheamus proceeds to beat Khali to the ground. Sheamus then kicks Khali in the head and out of the ring. Outside the ring, he proceeds to beat Khali up as the ref counts. He takes the top off the announce table and beats Khali with it, then stealing Jerry’s chair, and then Cole’s chair. The bell has rung at this point, but Sheamus just keeps throwing chairs.

The Great Khali wins via disqualification.

Sheamus then gets Khali up, but Khali pushes him into the turn buckle, but gets a Brogue Kick for his troubles. He goes to get up, but gets another Brogue Kick.

Up next, Edge has the RAW General Manager on the Cutting Edge!

@KeepItFiveStar Every week I hope The Great Khali finally made that trip back to India. And every week I’m disappointed.

@bethsharae Dang Sheamus! One bonus of being so white, any amount of Red just glows. #Raw

@TKeep123 WOW!!! The hand print on Sheamus’ chest is amazing!!! #WWE #RAW

@kickoutblog If I had Khali’s hand tattooed on my chest, I’d be pissed too

You think you know me…

The whole podium is in the ring. If Cole reads the whole thing, I’m going to spaz… Really hard. I kind of wish Cole would get punched in the face. I’d take Josh Matthews over him.

Edge says that tonight is a first. The RAW GM is the guest. Edge does appreciate the GM agreeing to show up on the show. The computer will generate a voice (thank God), to keep this person’s identity a secret. Edge asks why he is such a spineless coward. The GM asks why Edge is such a moron. The GM remains anonymous to protect his identity. If people knew who he was, it’d change everything. Edge says that’s the worst voice ever. He thought he was Stone Cold, the Rock, Shawn Michaels, Bob Barker, or Lindsay Lohan after another bender. The only thing Edge knows is that whoever he is, he is a big fat liar. The GM says seriously, Edge, you hurt his feelings. Why do you have to hate, yo. He tried to make peace with him, but he wants confrontation. Why does Edge despise the GM? Edge asks why the GM despises him, and then asks why he’s arguing with a computer. Edge says that’s it. He’s gonna go ask Chris Jericho exactly who the GM is. The GM says Jericho is bluffing, but the GM knows a lot of things… Like Edge’s opponent. Right now.

Insert Stephen Hawking laughter.

Edge says that he doesn’t have an opponent, and he’s done talking to an overgrown Speak ‘N Spell, and he’s out. The GM says that he does have a match tonight, because the GM has scheduled a match between Edge and this man…

BRRRRRRRRRRRR RUBBER POO!

@HitTheRopes Edge, when you start arguing with a computer, you know it’s time to leave Raw. Come back to Smackdown, yo

@ThingsColeSays Edge is right. The state of Raw these days.

@KeepItFiveStar Is the GM JTG? JTGM?

@Grotessk The RAW GM is T-Pain.

@_MFS_ It’s okay Edge, I argue with my computer at work all day too #WWE #RAW #BWF

John Cena vs Edge

Nexus is watching backstage. Big surprise.

Anyway, Cena gets the early advantage, but Edge punches that out of him. Cena hits Edge with a drop toe-hold, but Edge kicks him out of the ring. Cena starts to try to get back in the ring, but Edge hits a baseball slide and kicks him right back out. Edge Irish whips Cena into the steel steps, then rolls into the ring to break the count. I missed what happened, but I saw Cena go for an Attitude Adjustment, and Edge counter. Edge goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out. Edge keeps the advantage, punching his face as the ref tries to get him to back up. Cena begins to fight back, ducking a clothesline, hitting a flying shoulder tackle before Edge stops him. Edge goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Edge gets Cena in a corner, then Irish whips him across the ring. Edge goes for a suplex, but Cena counters it with one of his own. Cena gets up and goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Edge counters again and goes for a cover, only for Cena to kick out again. The crowd starts a “Let’s Go Cena, Let’s Go Edge” chant as Cena wakes up and starts fighting back a little more. Cena gets up on the second rope and tries to get an Attitude Adjustment again, but Edge jumps down and hits a spear on Cena by the ropes, covering him. Cena’s leg was under the rope, however, and Edge thinks he just won cleanly. But, the GM hates him, so here’s the email!

Edge wins via pinfall.

“You need to play by the rules. John Cena’s foot was clearly under the bottom rope. See for yourself. Therefore, this match will continue.”

Told ya.

Edge then runs back and starts punching Cena in the head. Edge goes for the Spear again, but Cena counters with the STF. Edge almost gets to the rope, but Cena pulls him back to the center of the ring. Edge taps.

John Cena wins via submission.

Edge climbs out of the ring and starts slowly toward the computer.

“Edge, you lost fair and square. Don’t look at me like that. Just walk away.”

Edge stops, and looks at the computer again, only for the computer to ask him what he’s doing. The computer says that Edge has the crazy eyes and he’s warning him. Then, Edge knocks over the podium, and breaks the laptop in half, then beats it with a chair, then with his head. Obviously, Edge is pissed.

@ThingsColeSays THAT’S WHY YOU HOOK BOTH LEGS, BOYS AND GIRLS. There’s a lesson to be learned here.

@bethsharae ….There is not instant replay in wrestling! Go away General Manager! #WWE #Raw

@HitTheRopes LOL, the Raw GM was injured. The #WWE had to find a way to write him out of the storyline.

@kickoutblog “Edge… you have the crazy eyes” might be my favorite WWE line since “malignant fist.”

@KeepItFiveStar OH NO! CHAIRSHOTS TO THE GM’S HEAD!

@TKeep123 Edge lays the RAW SMACKDOWN on the computer GM laptop. Edge 1 : GM 0 #WWE #RAW

@_MFS_ Yay! Dead computer! Man I wish I could do that to the crappy computers where I work! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@TeamNakedBaby Edge just killed Stephen Hawking 😀

Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater vs Mark Henry and Evan Bourne

Evan and Heath start out, Heath getting a good grip on Bourne pretty early. He already tags in Gabriel, who goes for a cover only for Bourne to kick out. Gabriel tags Slater back in and Slater hits a knee drop on Bourne and goes for a cover. Slater keeps momentum over Bourne, until he misses a clothesline and Bourne hits a high knee to Slater’s face. Slater tags in Gabriel, and Henry comes in off the tag too. Henry proceeds to deliver some hard hits to Gabriel, and downs Slater when he tries to help, then drops Gabriel on his stomach. Henry tags in Bourne, who is then taken out by Gabriel, after Slater takes out Henry. Gabriel climbs to the top rope now, and attempts the 450 Splash on Bourne, who manages to avoid it. Bourne goes to the top, and hits Air Bourne. He goes for the cover and Slater rolls them over so Gabriel pins Bourne.

Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel win via pinfall.

Nexus launches Mark Henry into the steel steps and then climb into the ring to get Evan. Otunga delivers a clothesline to Bourne, Tarver punches him hard, Slater just takes him down with some move (his trunks are sparkly and distracting), and then Barrett lifts him up, hitting Wasteland on Bourne. Tarver and Barrett move Bourne, and Gabriel hits a successful 450 Splash.

Barrett gets a mic and says that Nexus has said from the very beginning that you’re either Nexus, or you’re against us. After Hell in a Cell, Cena will no longer be “against us”, because when Barrett beats him, he will become property of Nexus. It’s not like they need him, but Cena’s going to serve a purpose. Cena’s going to take them to the upper something, and help them demoralize the entire WWE. Just to show Cena that being a part of the Nexus isn’t all bad, they’ve decided that they’re going to take a little trip. Otunga takes the mic and says that they’re invading Smackdown Friday. Unlike RAW, they’re giving all the superstars on Smackdown a fair warning. Tarver takes the mic and says the bad news is that they are the bad news. None of you can stop them.

@kickoutblog Please, please, please let us get some high flying insanity with Bourne and Gabriel.

@TKeep123 Mark Henry becomes the World’s Strongest Yard Dart at the hands of Nexus! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@HitTheRopes Anybody else find Wade Barrett’s face eerily similar to that of a rat?

Next week, Johnny Knoxville is the guest star. Remembering how bad it was last time, this’ll be fun.

The Hart Dynasty with Natalya vs The WWE Tag Team Champions Drew McIntyre and Dashing Cody Rhodes for the WWE Tag Team Championship

I admit that I like typing Dashing in front of Cody Rhodes’ name. And that’s all I’ll say about that. Promise.

Tyson and Rhodes start out. Rhodes sends Kidd out to the apron, but Kidd jumps right back in and goes for a cover, only for Rhodes to kick out. Rhodes tags in McIntyre, and they hurl Kidd into the turnbuckle. McIntyre gets Kidd up by his head and tags in Rhodes. Rhodes hits Kidd, tags in McIntyre, and then Irish whips him right into McIntyre’s clothesline. McIntyre goes for a move, but Kidd kicks him in the head. McIntyre tags in Rhodes and Smith is tagged in too. Smith hits Rhodes with some hard this, and then knees him in the face. Rhodes is then dominated to the ground, Smith going for a cover only for McIntyre to interfere and then get knocked out of the ring. The Hart Dynasty go for the Hart Attack, but McIntyre pushes Kidd off early. Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the win.

Drew McIntyre and Dashing Cody Rhodes win via pinfall.

Smith asks why Kidd hit him from behind, and the two argue with Natalya trying to get them to stop. Smith walks away after shoving Kidd.

Up next, Chris Jericho will take on WWE Champion Randy Orton.

@kickoutblog Uh Cole, all wrestlers shave their legs.

@seraphalexiel Everytime they play Cody’s song instead of Drew’s, someone kicks a puppy around. Stop puppy violence

@TKeep123 I wonder if Cody and Drew take turns shaving each other!…. Those boys be smooth! #WWE #RAW

@HitTheRopes Just what #WWE needs to do: break up an ACTUAL tag team. smh

@Niki_Sushi You know you hit hard when Drew McIntyre does a Gollum Crawl to the ropes. #BWF #RAW

Cena and Truth backstage. Truth says no matter what happens on Sunday, truth is, he always has Cena’s back. Cena says he knows what’s at stake, and he’s going to take Nexus out one by one. Truth tells him to be careful, and Cena says that he’s always careful. Truth says he’s one of the most reckless people he knows. Cena says he is, but Nexus, since they’re going to the premiere of Smackdown on Friday, maybe he should be there, and if they run into each other, then Hell in a Cell starts early.

Break the walls down!

Chris says that when he wins this match tonight, he will be the number one contender, and will go on to win the WWE Championship, do you understand what he is saying to you right now? He’ll be the first to admit that Orton is a dangerous man, but he’s not scared. He’s changed from the fresh upstart he was when he first started to a deranged lunatic who has done whatever he could to become champion. He is a viper. He thinks, strikes, and acts like a snake, whenever he wants when he hits the RKO. But, much like Randy used to call himself the Legend Killer, Chris is going to call himself the Viper Killer, and will strike the head of the snake right here, and Orton will join the ranks of Hall of Famers and Legends who have been beaten by him. The list starts and continues, but a commercial interrupts.

@bethsharae Did R-Truth just call Cena “Crunk”? #raw

@KeepItFiveStar “U da moss reckless. Moss gettin crunk person. I KNOW!” – R-Truth (What??)

@kickoutblog I write the most gettin’ crunk Raw reviews. And that’s the truth

@HitTheRopes Every time R-Truth sets foot in front of a #WWE camera I feel the black race is set back decades “Most getting crunk person…” #facepalm

@seraphalexiel DID THEY JUST CUT OFF JERICHO???? SOMEONE NEED TO GET FIRED

@CawCawBang Word of the day is Crunk

@_MFS_ Ummm interrupting someone who can actually cut a promo with commercials? Not cool #WWE, not cool at all #RAW #BWF

We come back to Jericho’s list continuing, still. By the way, gonna plug here. Got Jericho’s DVD in the mail today, and it is amazing. Worth every penny. Trust me. Get it!

I hear voices in my head…

Anyway, the list is interrupted by Randy’s entrance.

Chris Jericho vs WWE Champion Randy Orton

Jericho starts off the match with a strong kick to Orton’s stomach. He gets Orton in the corner and delivers some solid hits before Irish whipping Orton across the ring only to run into a clothesline. Orton hits back at Jericho, however, dropping his knee into Jericho’s face. He hits an uppercut on Jericho, who’s hanging out of the ring on the apron, and then climbs back in. Jericho hits a slap on Orton to get him out of his face, and then kicks Orton right in the shoulder. He taunts Orton, calling him a stupid man, his new favorite insult, before Orton starts hitting back again. Orton Irish whips Jericho, who holds onto the ropes, and then is clotheslined out of the ring. Orton walks out with him and Irish whips Jericho, who reverses, and whips Orton into the barrier.

@HitTheRopes ARMBAR!!!!! #wwe

@Niki_Sushi Wow…. was @IAmJericho seriously listing people off that whole time? Elephant memory he has. #BWF #RAW

@Lagana Has WWE mentioned and promoted more TNA people tonight then TNA usually does?

@WellYoureWrong …MOSS COVERED THREE HANDLED FAMILY GREDUNZA #1004opponents #wwe

@legendkiller515 damn jericho is naming everyone he beat. #classic #wwe #raw #bwf

We come back to Orton stomping on Jericho, and Sheamus walks out from behind the curtain to watch the match. Orton sees him and pauses his methodical beat down of Jericho’s legs to stare at him. Jericho gets to his feet and goes for a clothesline, but Orton ducks and Jericho hits and insagari before hitting Orton’s neck against the bottom rope after a failed cover. Orton gets up and attempts the RKO, but Jericho counters into a backslide, only for Orton to kick out. Jericho goes for another cover after a dropkick, but Orton kicks out. Jericho gets Orton in a headlock. Orton fights out of it, and runs right into a dropkick. Jericho goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out at two again. Jericho drops his knee in Orton’s face, and then goes for another cover, only for Orton to kick out again. Jericho gets Orton in a submission, but Orton fights out, delivering a back breaker to Jericho. Orton gets up and watches Jericho, taking him down with clotheslines, and a scoop slam. He then backs Jericho into the corner and Irish whips him. Jericho puts his foot in Orton’s face when Orton runs at him, and then misses a Lionsault. Orton hits the backbreaker and goes for the RKO, only for Jericho to drop him. Jericho hits the Lionsault this time and goes for a cover, only for Orton to kick out. Jericho gets up and kicks Orton in the stomach, but Orton goes for the DDT from the second rope. Jericho counters it and locks in the Walls of Jericho. Orton reaches for the bottom rope, however, but Jericho pulls him back to the center of the ring. Orton reverses it and knocks Jericho out of the ring. Jericho goes right back in, and then this the DDT from the second rope.

Block of test is huge, so here’s a break.

Orton drops down to his knees, and Sheamus misses a clothesline on Orton and the ref calls for the bell. Orton then hits the DDT from the second rope on Sheamus. Orton starts to go for a punt, but Jericho hits the Code Breaker on Orton instead. Jericho grabs a chair and climbs back in the ring, telling Orton to get up. Jericho says he’s gonna knock Orton’s head off, but Jericho misses with the chair and Orton hits the RKO on Jericho. Orton then punts Jericho in the head. Sheamus looks terrified that he actually did it, however.

Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. One wild RAW. Decent lead up to Hell in a Cell, I think, so we’ll see what happens! ‘Til next week!

Random Randomness

September 26, 2010 11:00 am 1 Comment

Whats up people? I hope everything is all well on your end as well as it is mine and if not, hopefully it’s getting better like mine. But all in all your here and that’s what matters and I should stop rambling and just get on with the article because it just feels weird to just keep going on and on and on while you wait for what I have to say about things. So lets get this show on the road so we can all watch some football or something: (more…)

Power Poll 9/22/10: American Made

September 23, 2010 3:51 am Leave a Comment

Power Poll 9/22/10

1. Randy Orton (Last week: 1)

As if there were any question. The Viper has been topping the Power Poll regularly without the WWE Championship, and now that he’s got the title he’s got to be unstoppable on this thing. His show opening promo with Sheamus was one of very few highlights on this past Monday’s RAW. (My vote: 1)

2. Daniel Bryan (9)

Once again proving that a championship victory means a lot to the members of the Power Poll voting committee, Daniel Bryan jets up the ranks by taking the United States Championship from his former NXT pro The Miz. (My vote: 4)

3. Kane (2)

It’s a rare occasion for any superstar to have The Undertaker’s number, and it finally seems as if Kane may have joined that elite group as he retains the World Heavyweight Championship at Night of Champions. (My vote: 9)

4. The Miz (10)

Even in defeat, The Miz catapults up the Power Poll this week. Mr. Money In The Bank looked strong in his loss at Night of Champions, and his beatdown of Daniel Bryan on RAW certainly helped him regain any lost respect. (My vote: 3)

5. John Cena (3)

I could’ve sworn I voted for Cena this week in the poll, but apparently not. It doesn’t help him as he drops two spots, despite defeating a majority of The Nexus members on RAW. (My vote: NR)

6. Alberto Del Rio (5)

Not much from Alberto Del Rio this week, but he’s doing his job well enough that we haven’t forgotten him. (My vote: 8)

7. Dolph Ziggler (NR)

Retaining his Intercontinental Championship against all odds at Night of Champions, Dolph Ziggler earns enough votes to get himself onto the Power Poll. (My vote: NR)

8. Wade Barrett (NR)

A strong showing at Night of Champions and the prospect of forcing John Cena to join The Nexus helps Wade Barrett return to the Power Poll. Again. (My vote: NR)

9. John Morrison (NR)

How this guy didn’t get on the Power Poll last week is beyond me. Utilizing his Parkour Training in his matches is starting to get the Shaman of Sexy noticed on Monday nights. (My vote: 6)

10. Sheamus (8)

The Fellabration is just about over for Sheamus as he’s dangerously close to dropping off of the list. He’ll get his chance to redeem himself in two weeks as he challenges Randy Orton in a Hell In A Cell.

Dropped out: The Undertaker, Roderick Strong, Chris Jericho

Others voted on my me: Jay Lethal (5), Kurt Angle (7), Drew McIntyre (10)

The Power Poll is a weekly top 10 ranking of wrestlers as voted by members of these wondeful sites: BoredWrestlingFan.com, Future Endeavors, Hit the Ropes, NoVaWPodcast, Oh My WrestleBlog, Online World of Wrestling, PIZZABODYSLAM, Pro Wrestling Ponderings, Project Wonderboy, Ringside Rants, Smark Out Moment, The Superplex, The Wrestling Blog, WrestlingAdikt.com, WrestleRage.com and Wrestlespective. If you have a wrestling site and are interested in becoming a voter, e-mail wrestlespective (at) gmail.com.

Power Poll 9/15/10: Honorable mention

September 16, 2010 4:40 am Leave a Comment

Power Poll 9/15/10: Honorable mention (or ROH 1, TNA 0)

ROH had its highest placement on the Power Poll yet, while TNA completely falls off the radar with Impact scurrying away from the NFL. But, not surprisingly, WWE dominated with familiar faces at the top.

1. Randy Orton (Last week: 1)
WWE is going full-bore in its attempt to turn Randy Orton into this generation’s Stone Cold Steve Austin, it seems, even giving him a win on TV over John Cena (in a tables match, but still). I feel bad for this generation.

2. Kane (2)
Say this for WWE. The idea of Kane as World champion seemed ridiculous three months ago. Not anymore.

3. John Cena (4)
I have officially run out of things to say about John Cena.

4. Chris Jericho (10)
Taking advantage of some wacky rules and stupidity by the Hart Dynasty, Jericho (in a suit) had a nice match with Tyson Kidd, winning cleanly to earn a spot back in the six-pack match at Night of Champions. Plus, he got to tell off Michael Cole and the mystery GM.

5. Alberto Del Rio (3)
Del Rio continued his strong showing since his debut with a submission win over Twitter legend Matt Hardy. Given that Hardy went insane soon afterward, I guess maybe we

6. The Undertaker (NR)
The creative build for his match with Kane at Night of Champions has refreshed a stale-sounding feud, but will the enthusiasm for it end when they actually have to get in the ring together?

7. Roderick Strong (NR)
I confess I don’t know much about Roderick Strong. I know he’s now the ROH champion, beating Tyler Black on Saturday. I think he likes backbreakers.

8. Sheamus (NR)
The WWE champion returns after a one-week absence, but isn’t kind of sad that he’s been such an afterthought lately that he’s behind the ROH champion?

9. Daniel Bryan (6)
The future unified WWE-World-TNA-ROH-Evolve-Chikara-GAEA-CMLL-CWA-WCCW-ECW-GLOW* champion slipped a little despite a convincing win over Alex Riley and embarrassing The Miz.

10. The Miz (9)
The U.S. champion and Money in the Bank holder has fallen steadily since Summerslam. But I have a feeling he’ll have neither of those things when Night of Champions is finished and will be a lot higher in the Power Poll next week.

Dropped: Kurt Angle, Kaval, Jeff Hardy

The Power Poll is a weekly top 10 ranking of wrestlers as voted by members of these wonderful sites: BoredWrestlingFan.com, Future Endeavors, Hit the Ropes, NoVaWPodcast, Oh My WrestleBlog, Online World of Wrestling, PIZZABODYSLAM, Pro Wrestling Ponderings, Project Wonderboy, Ringside Rants, Smark Out Moment, The Superplex, The Wrestling Blog, WrestlingAdikt.com,WrestleRage.com and Wrestlespective. If you have a wrestling site and are interested in becoming a voter, e-mail wrestlespective (at)gmail.com.

*Inside joke

RAW 9.13.10

September 13, 2010 11:17 pm Leave a Comment

Welcome to the season premiere of Monday Night RAW, the longest episodic TV show in history!… I typed that approximately four hours before RAW, so if Michael Cole says that, I may miss the first part of RAW because I’m too busy laughing at his predictability.

Anyway, courtesy of the RAW General Manager, Randy Orton will face John Cena tonight! And don’t forget, since it’s the season premiere, it’s also the return of RAW Roulette!

Randy and John are standing and staring at each other with the wheel behind them. Josh Matthews explains that this match can be anything. Eve spins the wheel, and the main event match will be… a tables match. Matthews reminds us that the last time Cena was in a Tables match, he lost to Sheamus. Cena says it’s a new season, and the WWE Universe is divided. And, tonight, he’s feeling lucky.

Please welcome OchoCinco, the special guest star, according to Justin Roberts! OchoCinco welcomes us to the Season Premiere of Monday Night RAW! He says that there’s never been a guest star as handsome as him. Tonight will be exciting, unforgettable. RAW Roulette is back and –

AWESOME!

Miz says that from one Ohioan to another, Welcome to RAW, OchoCinco! The Bengals are his team, and RAW is his show. It’s nice to have a guest star Miz can relate to: They both say what they want, when they want because they can. Miz says they have some things in common, and then says they don’t, because Miz is a champion, and OchoCinco will never be a champion because he plays for the Bengals. OchoCinco says he has two words for Miz: Child, please. Obviously, Miz hasn’t been to Cincinnati in a while, because last time he checked, the Bengals won something last year. The Reds are going to the playoffs this year. Not just him, but Tiyo and the rest of the team are getting ready to get a SuperBowl Championship this year. Miz says really? That’s funny, because the only thing he’s seen Tiyo and him leave before half-time. Anyway, he continues to hate on OchoCinco for a while, and the rest of the team.

“Enough talk. It’s time to determine the Miz’s match tonight. Please spin the wheel.”

Alicia Fox spins the wheel, and it’s a submission match.

“The wheel determined what kind of non-title match The Miz will have tonight. For Miz’s opponent, I’m going to place that decision in the hands of Chad OchoCinco.”

OchoCinco says that 85 represents the number of ways that his opponent can tap Miz out. And, of course, it’s Daniel Bryan.

@Niki_Sushi Yay for generic rock music. Need to work on that muffin top, Daniel Bryan. You’re in PROFESSIONAL wrestling now, not the indy’s. #bwf #raw

@DCsPeoplesChamp If this Raw sucks I’m gonna riot…#BWF #WWE

@TKeep123 Miz in a submission match? Gotta be Daniel Bryon Danielson…!! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@sultrysunset ….. i want jim ross to punch michael cole on live tv. please… do it for me

@HitTheRopes Well I’m glad Miz showed up. Chad played off him much better as he was boring prior to Miz coming out. #wwe

Daniel Bryan vs. The United States Champion The Miz in a Submissions Match

Personally, I’ve been sick of Daniel Bryan for a while, but I’m putting that aside. Alex Riley is ringside in The Miz’s new t-shirt, watching as Miz keeps the momentum early. Miz gets Bryan’s knee around the rope and kicks him a few times, before the ref pushes him away. Miz gets Bryan in a figure four, but Bryan reverses and Miz crawls out. Bryan goes for the LaBell Lock, but Miz grabs the bottom rope. Riley checks on Miz, but Miz tells him to get off of him. Miz stays outside the ring for a while, not moving. He takes the mic and says he thinks he has a hernia. He says that to insure he can defend his title Sunday, he’s pulling out of the match.

Daniel Bryan wins via… forfeit/injury?

Miz says that if Bryan wants to compete tonight, he can go against Miz’s apprentice, Alex Riley. Riley climbs in the ring in a pair of jeans, attacking him.

Daniel Bryan vs Alex Riley in a Submission Match

Riley gets some good momentum, and then tries to get Bryan in a submission, only to get locked up in the LaBell Lock.

Daniel Bryan wins via submission.

Miz climbs in the ring after and attacks Bryan. Miz then rubs Bryan’s face in the title, calling him average and saying that he’ll never have the title. Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Daniel counters it into the LaBell Lock.

Jillian Hall spins the wheel, singing Right Round, with Edge, and the wheel keeps spinning.

@divadirt Jillian and Edge dueting on ‘Spin Me Right Round’ = priceless. #WWE

@JRsBBQ Miz tapping on the US Title..poetic irony. Miz’ gastro issues don’t detract from his talent. US Title match may steal PPV Sun in Chicago.

@HitTheRopes @MiketheMiz is so AWESOME he can self-diagnose himself. LOL #wwe

You think you know me…

Edge vs Evan Bourne in a Body Slam Challenge

Evan gets an early advantage, hitting Edge hard with a nice kick to the chin. Evan manages to get Edge’s feet off the ground, but he falls over, and Edge gets him down on the ground. Edge picks him up, and body slams him.

Edge wins via body slam.

Evan crawls to the corner, and Edge spears him.

“Congratulations on your victory, Edge. However, since you blatantly took advantage of your opponent after the match, I would like to see you compete in a second body slam challenge against this man.”

Somebody’s gonna get their ass kicked…

Edge vs Mark Henry in a Body Slam Challenge

Edge hits Mark with some physical blows, but Mark just shoves him across the ring. Edge manages to get Henry off his feet, but falls over with Henry on top of him. Henry scoops Edge up and slams him back down.

Mark Henry wins via body slam.

Mark climbs out of the ring and checks on Evan after the match.

Later tonight, John Cena vs Randy Orton in a tables match!

@seraphalexiel I think the wheel landed on an ‘Evan Bourne loses’ match

@ThingsColeSays I could get behind a Mark Henry/Evan Bourne tag team. #justsayin

@TKeep123 Damn, if Edge doesn’t lose a tooth from that kick, I’ll be shocked! Look for fast finish! #RAW #WWE #BWF

Ted DiBiase and Maryse vs R-Truth and Eve Torres in a Song and Dance Match

Sorry, first off, to @KeepItFiveStar that Truth is on RAW. Each team picks a member to sing and the other will dance. The winner is picked by audience interaction. Truth shoots down his own theme and sings something else. Eve dances while he does. Maryse looks appalled and Ted just looks confused. Jerry says to put the camera on the dancing, and I have to agree. I have no idea what Truth is saying at all…

Ted and Maryse are up next, however. Ted says this is stupid. He says its Monday night RAW, not America’s Got Talent. No one wants to hear Truth rap. Ted says that he should just forfeit and walk out, but he’s not. And he won’t because Maryse knows that Ted’s full of surprises. Ted asks for a spotlight, and everyone is reminded of Batista. Ted starts singing something with no music, and Maryse does some weird dance thing… It’s painful to watch.

R-Truth and Eve Torres win by… overwhelming response.

Maryse and Ted argue in the ring for a minute before DiBiase and Maryse attack Truth and Eve. Ted demolishes Truth, but Eve is doing much better. Truth, however, gets the momentum back and Eve slaps Ted before Truth hits lie detector. Truth starts rapping again, and Eve begins to continue dancing.

The Bellas spin the wheel, standing alongside OchoCinco, and Regal gets stuck in a trading places match. OchoCinco says that it’s like switching jerseys with the other team. Regal is then informed that Goldust is his opponent. Goldust graciously gives him a wig. The Bellas start to talk, but luckily Sheamus cuts them off.

OchoCinco says he got an email from the GM. The GM said that if Morrison can beat Sheamus next, then Morrison is in the six-pack challenge on Sunday. Sheamus tells the Bellas to make themselves useful for once and spin the wheel. Sheamus will face off against Morrison in a Falls Count Anywhere match. Sheamus says that whatever-his-name-is, tonight he’s gonna show him what good reality TV is, when he wipes the floor with John Morrison is. Kind of like the Patriots mauled the Bengals yesterday. Because, unlike his team, Sheamus actually backs up his banter.

@TKeep123 Ocho Dingo, Fella!!! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@Niki_Sushi AHAHAHAHAHAAHA. Oh, Sheamus. All your witty one-liners are making me love you so much more. #bwf #raw

@HitTheRopes @RealKingRegal = Bloody Ratings, dammit! The man is pure comedy. @WWE can we get Regal in your next movie? Please? #wwe

@StrikerSays I’m having a mark attack for Goldust.

@CawCawBang oh god go away bellas

@RingsideRants This Ted and Maryse bit is actually making me laugh.

@dasharpshooters Wrestling where did you go and wtf happened to you? #wwe #Raw

@iPukeRKOs America we are going backwards not forward. Sad, we can understand everything Sheamus is saying but need subtitles when R-Truth speaks.

Edge is pacing backstage, and Ryder comes up and says that the GM has it out for Edge. Edge calls him a tool again, and Ryder says that he’s not a tool, but he will drop the hammer. Edge says that when he wins the WW Championship, they’ll both go MIA. Sheamus asks if Edge said he was going to win his championship. Sheamus says he wouldn’t hold his breath if he were Edge, and Ryder ruins the moment. Both of them stare at him for a minute. Sheamus says that he wants Edge to pay close attention to what he does to Morrison next.

Morrison is warming up backstage, and has a rather dramatic moment with the camera, before he gets to do some of his Parkour, apparently scaring the hell out of some of the guys backstage.

@Niki_Sushi ATTACK OF THE TOOLS! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! WHERE’S THE GHOSTBUSTERS WHEN YOU NEED THEM?!?! #bwf #raw

@HitTheRopes JoMo dropped down and faced the camera like a superhero. #wwe

@Niki_Sushi @IAmJericho needs to come back and make this RAW worth watching until the main event. #bwf #raw

@TKeep123 Yes, Zack Ryder…..you are a tool! …..I’m guessing a rubber mallet. #WWE #RAW #BWF

The WWE Rewind is of last week when John Morrison made me hate him… And kicked Jericho out of the Six Pack Challenge. Asshole.

IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD! TOO MANY LIMES! TOO MANY LIMES!

WWE Champion Sheamus vs John Morrison in a Falls Count Anywhere Match

Sheamus gets the early advantage over Morrison, but Morrison keeps slipping out of the way. Sheamus hurls Morrison out of the ring, getting Sheamus to follow him before attacking his knees to send him face-first into the apron. He hits a hurricanrana through the ropes and goes for a cover outside, only for Sheamus to kick out at two. Sheamus shoves Morrison into the barrier, and Sheamus ends up getting hurled over the barrier, taking out a security guard. Morrison then leap-frogs over the barrier, punching Sheamus. Morrison goes for a cover, but Sheamus kicks out at two again. Sheamus hits Morrison with the Irish Curse backbreaker before driving his head into the steel, then dropping him on it and driving his knee into Morrison’s abs. He goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out at two. Sheamus goes for the Brogue kick, but takes out some equipment instead. Morrison hits some offense back, but Sheamus takes the advantage. Sheamus then drives Morrison’s chest into the stage, going for a cover for Morrison to kick out at two.

Sheamus kicks Morrison around a little, and goes for the High Cross. He almost falls off, but he doesn’t. He tries to throw Morrison off the stage, but Morrison manages to flip and land on his feet. Morrison hits a flash kick on Sheamus and goes for the cover, but Sheamus kicks out at two. Sheamus goes for the cover, but Morrison kicks out. Sheamus lifts Morrison, but Morrison manages to get out of the way. Morrison runs into a back elbow, and Sheamus grabs a chair. Morrison jumps from the bottom part of the Tron, but misses the cover. Jericho comes out and hits Morrison in the back with a chair. Sheamus goes for the cover and wins.

Sheamus wins via pinfall.

Chris is sitting in the middle of the ring, and still to come: Randy and John will face off in a Tables Match.

@Niki_Sushi Thank you @IAmJericho for making this watchable. <3 . #BWF #RAW

@FrankWWEClown Wow, unbelievable by Morrison. He impresses me more and more every week. #WWE #RAW

@RingsideRants I don’t mind a Chris Jericho – John Morrison program. Could be really good stuff.

@TKeep123 Even the Titan-Tron-Bomb doesn’t stop Sheamus! Take that, Free-Runner-Fella! #WWE #RAW #BWF

Jerry tells Chris that it’s RAW Roulette night, but Chris obviously doesn’t give a flying shit what night it is. Chris says he’s not going anywhere until he gets exactly what he wants. He will sit in that chair in the middle of the ring all night long if he has to, until he gets the restitution that he deserves, do you understand what he’s saying to you right now? He’s going to sit there until we get an email from the esteemed GM, an email that states the Six Pack Challenge is back on, and he has been reinstated back in the match. Taking him out of the match was stupid, expecting Morrison to replace him was lunacy, and he wants – and will have – justice. And if he doesn’t get what he wants, he quits. He will go home and watch as the entire WWE burns up in flames, laughing every step of the way. And if you don’t think he’s serious, try him. This time, it’s for real. So, what’s it gonna be?

Chris says alright, but he has to warn the GM: before he leaves, he will track down and find the GM, exposing his identity to the entire world.

Chris tells Cole to just read the email. And everyone cheers.

“Jericho, I really don’t like ultimatums. There’s no chance that’s going to work. No chance in hell.” Chris laughs here and asks if he’s expected to believe he’s Vince. Chris said that if Vince had some orders to be barking, he’d be doing it man to man. And, more importantly, Vince would realize that his most important asset needs to be in the PPV, so try again GM.

“There’s something you should know, Jericho. I will make this six-pack challenge match again, a six-pack elimination match. It’ll start with six men, and go down to five until there’s a winner. I’m telling you this because I’ve decided to put you back in the six-pack challenge. However-“

Chris cuts him off and tells Cole to give him his moment. Chris says he’ll let the show continue, and thanks him for finally admitting that Jericho is the biggest, brightest star in the company. Jericho then guarantees he’ll leave Night of Champions as the WWE Champion.

“Don’t ever interrupt me again. As I was saying, I am going to put you back in the six pack challenge, provided you win your match tonight. That match will take place right now, and since you are the best in the world at what you do, Chris, you’re going to compete in a handicapped match against the WWE Tag Team Champions, the Hart Dynasty. Oh, Chris, one other thing: This match is going to be contested inside a steel cage.”

Chris gets out of the ring and starts yelling at Cole as the cage is lowered.

@Niki_Sushi @IAmJericho vs Michael Cole plz? #BWF #RAW

@sultrysunset SHUT UP! JUST READ IT! fuccckkkk i love you chris

@FrankWWEClown “Of course you have an email, just read it, you idiot!” –@IAmJericho #WWE #RAW

Holy shit match came back quick.

Hart Dynasty vs Chris Jericho

Handicapped match, and the Hart Dynasty is taking off bad with the momentum. Jericho has to climb up, both of them, and Chris would have to himself. Jericho manages to stop Tyson and pull him back in, but David Hart Smith can’t help anymore. Tyson goes for a cover, but Jericho kicks out at two. Jericho throws Kidd into the cage, and then smacks him a bit. Jericho then yells, asking the Gm if that’s what he wants. The ref opens the door, and Tyson dives for it, but Jericho pulls him back by his trunks. Jericho then delivers a hard backbreaker to Kidd, kicking him before putting him in a headlock. Kidd gets momentum back, hitting Jericho pretty damn hard before slamming his head into the turnbuckle. Kidd Irish Whips Jericho across the ring, and Jericho immediately starts climbing, but Kidd pulls him back into the ring, beating his head against the cage and then throwing him down into the ring. Kidd stands up and goes to hit Jericho, who attempts to roll him into the walks of Jericho, only for it to be countered. Kidd goes for the sharpshooter, and Jericho reaches the bottom rope. Chris manages to get out, and Kidd starts climbing up the cage. Jericho realizes what he did and grabs Kidd, pulling him back into the ring, before Kidd slams Jericho’s head against the cage again. Kidd jumps down and Jericho locks him into the Walls of Jericho.

Chris Jericho wins via submission.

@HitTheRopes Either the stipulation in that cage match was silly or DH Smith was silly for leaving Kidd in their alone…..Or both. *shrugs* #wwe

@inkincisions HELL YEA CHRIS JERICHO! THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT!!

@TKeep123 Tyson Kidd…..you tapped. Turn in your little Forehead-Goatee-thingy….. You’re dead to me. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@FrankWWEClown Oh my god, I thought Tyson was about to break his own neck there. I jumped off my couch. #WWE #RAW

That one guy in the Hall of Fame is in the crowd, but no one cares. Not even he cared. That’s sad.

William Regal vs Goldust in a Trading Places Match

Goldust is out in the ring looking like Regal, which is actually quite terrifying… And Regal… pulls off a pretty decent Goldust, though he’s pissed as it is. Poor Regal. When Regal takes off the robe, people cheered for him. Poor guy looked a little scared. Omg, and Regal does a Goldust impression… and Goldust has brass knuckles, punching him with them for the victory, that cheater.

Goldust wins via cheating-I mean pinfall.

Up next, Randy Orton takes on John Cena in a Tables match.

@FrankWWEClown My hopes and dreams have came true, @KingRegal has come out dressed as Goldust. I have been waiting many moons to see this. #WWE #RAW

@AnthonySkatz Dear @iamjericho , after tonight, if anyone ever claims you’re not one of the 5 best wrestlers ever, you have my blessing to murder them.

@TKeep123 Hmmm…a new life for William Regal as Regal-Dust! Actually looks good! #WWE

@StrikerSays HAHAHAHAHA THE CROWD WOOOOED WHEN REGAL TOOK OFF THE ROBE.

@ThingsColeSays Boy, Nexus has really been all over the show tonight.

The Undertaker vs Kane for the World Heavyweight Championship

Daniel Bryan vs The Miz for the United States Championship

The Big Show vs CM Punk

Jericho vs Cena vs Orton vs Barrett vs Edge vs Sheamus for the WWE Championship – Elimination Six-Pack

OchoCinco is apparently going to be the ring announcer. Lovely. He’s bad at it.

Randy Orton vs John Cena in a Tables Match

Orton and Cena pause before the match to evaluate the crowd, apparently, before locking up. They break apart and listen to the crowd again. They go to lock up, but Cena gets Orton in a headlock. They lock up again, and Orton puts Cena in a headlock before taking Cena down with a big shoulder block. Orton takes advantage, and holy shit that was a good full body shot on Orton. Orton gets Cena in a corner and gets in a few good shots . Orton on the apron, and Cena pushes Orton backward, but Orton avoids the table.

@ChandraLooney Ochocinco should never, EEEVVEERR be a ring announcer. He needs an RKO for that. @RandyOrton get on that please.

@Niki_Sushi @RandyOrton should be registered as a lethal weapon… a big, muscled sling-shot/pinball. #BWF #RAW

@inkincisions OMFG. PLEASE GET ON WITH THE MATCH!

Orton and Cena are exchanging shots when we come back before Orton hits a backbreaker on Cena. Orton keeps the momentum over Cena for now, stomping on him repeatedly. Orton keeps hitting Cena, who’s on the apron, and nearly knocking him off the apron before Cena gets back in. Orton is thrown around the ring by Cena now, who suplexes him into the ring floor. Cena and Orton clothesline one another in the middle of the ring, and are both down again. Cena lifts Orton as though he was going for the Attitude Adjustment, and then Orton counters with a DDT. He then pulls a table into the ring, setting it up in the corner. Orton misses a clothesline, but Cena this some flying shoulder tackles before getting ready for the Five Knuckle Shuffle. After all these matches, you’d hope that Orton could actually see Cena by now…

Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle and attempts the Attitude Adjustment, but Orton counters with a few moves and stuff happens, and I was interrupted, and Nexus attacks. They’re all attacking Cena, and Orton RKOs Tarver, only to get attacked by Gabriel, Slater, and Barrett. Otunga gets an Attitude Adjustment, and Slater is sent outside of the ring and through a table. Barrett gives Cena a Wasteland, and only Gabriel and Barrett are left in the ring. The two set up a table. Barrett lifts Cena as Gabriel goes up to the rope. Orton shoves him off and through a table, only to be flattened by Barrett. Cena and Orton are in the ring, Barrett left as the only man standing. Barrett then lifts Orton, attempting Wasteland until Orton counters and shoves him through the table outside the ring. Orton looks around, repositioning a table before he drops onto his knees, slamming the mat. Edge and Jericho come out to the ring and attack Orton. Orton fights back against both of them, avoiding a Codebreaker and assisting Edge in spearing Jericho into a table set up in the corner. Sheamus comes in to attack too, delivering a hard hit to Orton’s face before throwing Cena out of the ring too. Cena hits an Attitude Adjustment on Sheamus before climbing back in the ring. Orton and Cena are both moving now, and Orton is lifted up, and counters Cena’s Attitude Adjustment at the very last second to put Cena through the table instead.

Randy Orton wins via RKO through a table.

Honestly, I think that’s the first RAW in a while that has actually had an ending to the Main Event match. Anyway, relatively decent RAW, though not exactly all that impressive. See ya next week!

Tag Archive: John Cena

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