Five Points and One Angle
Leave a CommentYour Empress of “Impact” has pondered the current doings of TNA, and has reached a few conclusions.
Your Empress of “Impact” has pondered the current doings of TNA, and has reached a few conclusions.
First of all, I have to welcome myself back, after being unable to provide the three of you who read my column each week. The reason why, is because someone in the household changed ISPs without meaning to, thus I lost my internet access. Also, as I write this, I have fallen ill. I get the best of luck don’t I? Anyways, let’s continue …
ZZ Top guest hosts RAW. I thought ZZ Top had three members?
The usage of Chavo Guerrero at the moment is nothing short of a complete joke. When he was in WCW, he was Cruiserweight Champion twice, and his talents were shows off each week. Recently, he’s been up against someone who strangely enough fits into THE Brian Kendrick’s jacket with ease from what I hear, Hornswoggle. Nobody should be “wrestling” Hornswoggle. Period.
Chris Jericho’s mystery partner is either Ted DiBiase, Mark Henry or Kane.
My future column for VinceRussoWatchesHisBeardGrow will elaborate on this further, but what happened to the good ‘ol days of watching wrestling? These days, the WWE is aimed at the kids, TNA is aimed at Kurt Angle and ROH has only just begun, and thus targeting anyone who’ll watch. What are the fans that have watched this product for years meant to enjoy? The fans who lived through the Attitude era flicking between RAW and Nitro? Why doesn’t pro wrestling care for these companies anymore?
UFC 100 was nothing short of awesome. Georges St. Pierre schooled Thiago Alves. Michael Bisping got dropped. Hard. Frank Mir got owned, and Brock Lesnar doesn’t like sponsors.
The Main Event Mafia hold 3/5 of the titles in TNA. Is the X-Divison and KnockOuts Championships not worthy of being owned by the MEM? Samoa Joe’s advisor, and one of the worst kept secrets in wrestling, Taz, was introduced at Victory Road. Notice how Joe, is the only member of MEM without a title belt? Is that because he didnt compete in another of the big two before arriving in TNA?
That’s all I can comment on for this week, sorry for the short column. As I said earlier, I’m unwell, and my head is spinning more and more as I type. Stay tuned for future columns by several BWF staff in the coming days. Who knows, you could see me again before the week is done.
“On the Road to Victory.” At least you are if you’re part of the Main Event Mafia.
Yep, I actually paid to see TNA live and here’s what happened: (more…)
Greetings, fellow line-crossers!
ECW’s not on until Thursday this week? Now what will people do? How can you survive two days without anything wrestling in your lives? I understand several people have been doing this.
First of all, I’d just like to say that I am sick and tired of hearing about him. Sure, his effect in the history of the world will not go un-noticed, but hearing about him all week has boiled my blood. Although I’m shocked about one thing. I’m surprised I haven’t heard more comparisions with this man.
Anyways, onto slightly more important matters. Is anyone shocked that the Main Event of Night of Champions has become a Triple Threat match between Randy Orton, Triple H and John Cena? I’m not, but Orton will still win. Maybe a H/Cena feud will ensue from this match?
Edge has been injured and is out for what is rumoured to be anywhere between six months to a year. This is bad news considering that the Tag Team of himself and Jericho was just beginning and starting to get it’s wheels in motion, and then this happens. Just what will happen to the Tag Titles now? Will they go to DiBiase and Rhodes, their opponents for Night of Champions? Nobody knows at the moment, not even me. Let’s just hope that this doesn’t send Jericho into obscurity.
Do you like pandas? Then click here. I dare you.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring to you, the unclickable LINK!
*insert weekly Kurt Angle reference here* If you don’t mention him, then he comes after you at night time. He will watch you in your sleep.
Myra Hindley became my facebook friend. Not only is she my babysitter, but she’s been dead for about seven years now. It just shows you, the dead use facebook.
Has anyone else notices that this column is starting to turn into JT’s column, rather than my own? Well, according to the poll, people read JT’s column more than anyone else’s. However, not even JT would post something like this, or say that how he once had a friend who dated a cannibal. He didnt know she was, nobody did. That was, until the one night she went down on him.
It’s my birthday tomorrow, or Thursday the 9th of the seventh month, for those reading this on a non-Wednesday or past the date in question. Celebrate it whichever you wish. I choose to celebrate it by skidding out on a very icy road, and bending up the wishbone among other things on my car. That is a true story.
Did you know that Catholic Girls take LSD?
Does anyone remember the Sooty Show? With Soo and Sweet? The Puppets? If you don’t, this might help. However, this will help.
Finally tonight, the most important thing to remember is, is that we can be friends, and that’s the most important thing. See you next week!
It’s line-crossing time!
In a recent interview, TNA President Dixie Carter stated that the biggest challenge facing the business was “making new superstars.” The interview in its entirety can be read here:
What a week. And we’ve still got The Bash coming up tomorrow!
Even as I type this column, I’m distracted by the television, where there’s a clip of Michael Jackson’s performance on the Motown 25th Anniversary special, a special that is famous for one thing – Jackson debuting The Moonwalk. I’d talk more about Michael Jackson right now (for the record, this isn’t his first BWF allusion – I quoted the “BAD” video a couple weeks back in a SmackDown review), but I did that already on my official website.
B. Brian Blair was arrested on allegations of child abuse last weekend. Maybe he liked the alleged run-ins with the Iron Shiek back in the day and wanted to relive those moments in prison?
Samoa Joe turned heel at Slammiversary to the surprise of, well, pretty much everybody. Except for me. Earlier in the night, Kurt Angle cut a promo saying that King of the Mountain would be all about he and Joe, and that when it was over, “WE will be standing tall.” That’s when I got the feeling that Joe would turn, which proved correct. For the record, if you didn’t catch Slammiversary, you should. It was an excellent show.
Not only was RAW commercial free on Monday, WWE refunded the tickets of those who attended the event. Why doesn’t that ever happen in Buffalo?
Speaking of RAW, despite the fact that Cena brought up his match with Rob Van Dam at ECW One Night Stand a few years ago where the fans continually threw his shirt back to him when he threw it into the crowd, a fan was ejected from RAW for throwing Cena’s hat back to him. To be fair, it was an ugly hat. When did John Cena become John Deere anyway?
Cena also confirmed that he’s getting married “in the near future” on the Bubba The Love Sponge radio show.
Speaking of Bubba The Love Sponge, Hulk Hogan was on the show and mentioned that the reason we never saw a big time feud between himself and Jake “The Snake” Roberts is that Hogan didn’t hear the fans react to his Hulking up and pummelling Jake. Here’s a homework assignment for the BWF readers – go to your local rehab clinic, and if you find Jake Roberts, ask him his side of the story.
I’m kidding, Jake!
Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes are no longer to be called Pricele$$. They’re now only to be refered to as Legacy. I guess that’s alright. Tully Blanchard and Arn Anderson weren’t The Brain Busters when they were in the Four Horsemen either.
And before you point it out in the comments, Green Teabagger, I know that they were only the Brain Busters in the WWF.
Torrie Wilson finished second on “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here.” I have no idea who finished first. (It was Lou Diamond Phillips, apparently)
Michael Cole was arrested this past week. No, not that Michael Cole. A guy whose real name happens to be Michael Cole who wrestles under the name Mikael Judas was arrested for assaulting National Championship Wrestling promoter Donovan Loftis after Loftis allegedly made derogatory comments towards him on an internet message board.
Matt Hardy may have injured his abdominal muscles. He denied the reports on his twitter page, but we all know Matt Hardy has nothing better to do with his time than trying to work the internet fans. Ok, listen Matt. Complaining about losing your job when Amy Dumas and Adam Copeland were in the wrong and not yourself is one thing, and yeah, your internet fans probably got you your job back, but give this “working the internet” shit a rest. If you’re hurt, dude, we’re not gonna be mad at you for telling us the damned truth for once.
Apparently, CM Punk going to a Rancid concert is newsworthy, with the headline “CM Punk Attends Punk Concert.” OMG, you mean, CM Punk likes punk rock? Next thing you know, you’ll be telling me that The Headbangers like heavy metal, or that Disco Stu likes disco music!
Lastly, on a sad note, Billy Red Lyons, who I remember seeing on the WWF’s Maple Leaf Wrestling program when I was little, passed away this week. BWF’s condolences to his friends and family.
and now… GREAT AMERICAN BASH PREDICTIONS!
Carlito & Primo vs. Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase – Unified Tag Team Championship
Cody’s rumored to be working with a bad neck, but if it were a serious injury he’d probably already be out for surgery. Since Primo and Carlito have their little mini feud going with The Hart Dynasty, and there’s a definitive lack of face tag teams for Legacy to defend against, The Colons should retain here.
John Cena vs. The Miz
Are you kidding? After the way Cena verbally buried The Miz on RAW (“you’re not a reality show has-been, you’re a WWE never was.”), The Miz needs this win. Needs it. The problem, of course, is the WWE likes to humiliate The Miz on occasion. Since they’ve actually been pushing for us to take him seriously, I’m going to go way out on a limb here and actually predict victory – by hook or by crook – for The Miz.
The Great Khali vs. Dolph Ziggler – No Disqualification Match
Khali. Ziggler’s way out has been to get Khali counted out or disqualified, but all the chairs in the world won’t help Ziggler beat Khali in a no disqualification match.
Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio – Intercontinental Championship vs. Mask match
I’m a global entertainment company. I have a guy performing for me who is beloved by my younger audience members. This guy happens to wear a mask, which we sell replicas of at $50 a pop. The audience is always filled with kids wearing these masks. Am I really going to make the guy lose his mask? What am I, WCW? Look, Vince McMahon did not become a billionaire by dropping hot selling products while they’re still selling. That’s why John Cena is still a face, and it’s why Rey Mysterio will not be losing his mask this Sunday. Mysterio will be carrying gold next Friday night.
Melina vs. Michelle McCool – WWE Women’s Championship
McCool made Melina look like her bitch this past Friday on SmackDown. Melina won’t take that lying down. I just can’t see Melina dropping the belt on Sunday.
Tommy Dreamer vs. Finlay vs. Christian vs. Jack Swagger vs. Mark Henry – ECW Championship Scramble
I like the Scramble match. Last year’s PPV where they had three of them was awesome – especially because we got to see The Brian Kendrick as the WWE Champion for a few moments. This one should be good, and it’s sort of unpredictable, seeing as how three of the four challengers are former ECW Champions. Finlay has been beating everybody down lately, but Henry had the last laugh this past Tuesday night. The problem with Finlay and Mark Henry is, they don’t feel like they’ve been groomed for a run with the ECW Championship. I’m going t o give this one to Dreamer.
Randy Orton vs. Triple H – Three Stages of Hell for the WWE Championship
First fall is a regular match, second fall is falls count anywhere, and the third fall, for some ungodly reason, is a stretcher match. I have this sinking feeling in my gut that it’s Triple H getting the win here.
CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy – World Heavyweight Championship
CM Punk needs the World Heavyweight Championship right now. If he doesn’t have it, the slow heel turn doesn’t work as effectively. He somehow steals the victory at The Bash.
That’s it guys, enjoy The Bash. I’ll have coverage up at some point on Monday, depending on how long it takes to get my car repaired.
It’s line-crossing time!
Your Empress of “Impact” has abbreviated the review format for this week, as the job hunt continues to take precedence over everything else. For a lovely real-time of this week’s show, check here:
Match #1: Brutus Magnus of the British Invasion vs. Brother Ray: This was a “New York Street Fight.” It went to “no contest.” Massive run-ins from both sides, chairs used, and it’s all supposed to be legal, and we get a “no contest.” WTF??? Additionally, there was no build to this at all. Big gimmick matches have been rendered pointless through overuse and lack of hype. If Team 3D was mad at the British Invasion after the doings at “Slammiversary,” have Team 3D cut a promo, go after the British Invasion, and announce a street fight for the following week. Better still, save it for the ppv. But we’re getting to that.
To the ring! It’s Kurt Angle and the Main Event Mafia. Except for Sting. Angle welcomes Joe, calls everyone who didn’t see it coming as “morons,” and makes fun of everyone for getting played by the MEM and Joe. Foley comes out and demands his rematch against Angle. Angle is yelling, screaming, and ranting again. Oh, yay. Angle says that his contract gives him the right to choose who he wrestles. Oh, yay. If Foley wants something from the MEM, he has to give something back. They’ll go to the back and discuss it.
Match #2: Kevin Nash defeats Abyss: Not really. Dr. Stevie came in and used a taser gun on Abyss, allowing Nash to get the win. No Raven. I guess he and Douglas are both through. A real shame, as the Psycho Circus faction is awesome. Nash is terrible. The guy who can barely move and doesn’t sell for crap gets the win over a guy who actually used to be booked as a monster. Looks like happy days are here again. If you’re a former WWE main eventer.
To the ring! Beer Money, your new TNA World Tag Team Champions, hit the ring. They’ll give Team 3D a rematch any time. Scott Steiner and Booker T come out, and inform Beer Money that the MEM runs the show. Again. In return for Foley getting a rematch against Angle at “Victory Road,” the rest of the MEM gets title shots too. Kevin Nash gets a “Legends” title shot against AJ Styles. Steiner and Booker get a tag team title match against Beer Money. Oh, christ on a cracker, that’s just wonderful! James Storm, Promo God, understands what the Steiner Brothers and Harlem Heat have done, but right here and right now in TNA, they’re just another Neal and Bob. They can kneel down and bob on his beer bottle! Yes! Booker tells them that they have singles matches tonight, so they had better get ready for them. Team 3D comes out, and asks if anyone can understand anything that Booker and Steiner are saying. Great Steiner impression by Ray. Team 3D promises to make Foley an offer he can’t refuse in regard to the tag team title match, though Booker and Steiner claim that the match is carved in stone. Are they seriously going to put all the gold on the MEM at “Victory Road?” I really will commit crimes of such violent magnitude that a new mental illness syndrome will be named after me.
Match #3: Taylor Wilde defeats Daffney: This was a “Match of 10,000 Tacks.” Why? Why, why, WHY does TNA feel compelled to waste this in this manner? Daffney and Taylor have a “Monster’s Ball” match at the last ppv, which Daffney lost. They have a mixed tag team “Monster’s Ball” match Sunday night at “Slammiversary,” which Daffney lost. For absolutely no good reason, with zero hype or build, they have a “Match of 10,000 Tacks” that Daffney loses! Aside from completely desensitizing fans to this sort of match and rendering it completely ineffective, what possible good reason is there for the heel crazy chick to lose all these matches? Shouldn’t Taylor Wilde be getting her pretty little backside handed to her?
To the back! Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne sit on their thrones and talk about Tara. Her name is apparently short for “Tarantula,” and they won’t let someone from another organization come in and take the Knockouts title. A real tarantula turns up on Madison Rayne’s shoulder, and shrieking ensues.
To the back! In Mick Foley’s office, Team 3D confront Foley over the tag team title match arrangement. Foley offers them a “Number One Contender” match against Steiner and Booker, with the winners facing Beer Money for the titles at the ppv. Team 3D doesn’t want to until Foley gets on his knees and begs them to take the match. Taken aback, they agree to the match.
Match #4: Scott Steiner defeats Robert Roode: Uh, sure. MEM wins again. Just like old times.
To the back! JB interviews Angle. Angle answers to no one, not even Sting.
To the back! JB chats with Foley, who is all about making up with Jarrett if Jarrett apologizes next week when he shows up. Angle can meet with Foley next week if he is angry about Foley’s “tweaking” of their title match deal.
To the back! Lauren asks Eric Young what’s up. Young refuses to be the court jester, and has learned that there are no friends in this business. Rhino steps up and confronts Young, who headbutts him and leaves. Jesse Neal checks on Rhino, who gets mad at him and shoves him away.
To the back! Lauren asks Booker T about his match, and he insults Team 3D. Sharmell runs up with paperwork in hand, giving her a match against Jenna Morasca at the ppv, because there’s only room for one female in the MEM. Great. A nonwrestling personality and skanky reality tv show winner from 2003 get a ppv wrestling match. The non-WWE part of the roster can’t be happy with this, nor should they be.
Match #5: Booker T defeats James Storm: Uh, sure. MEM wins again. Just like old times. Booker has Sharmell get Storm’s beer bottle, and smashes Storm in the head with it.
To the ring! AJ Styles calls out Samoa Joe and yells at him. He wants to know who is in Joe’s head. Joe says that AJ can ask him himself at “Victory Road.” AJ attacks Joe. Matt Morgan makes the save for Joe and attacks AJ. Daniels makes the save for AJ. The entirety of the Main Event Mafia comes out and takes out all the non-MEM people. Sting comes out with his bat. Sting berates the MEM, and tells Nash that he expected better from him. Nash explains that Sting’s plan of “honor and dignity” for the MEM didn’t work, and Angle’s plan did. They couldn’t beat Joe, so they bought him, and had to have Jenna Morasca’s money to do it. Sting brings up Nash’s son. Sting hands Nash his bat and tells him to hit him, and turns his back. Nash goes for it, but Sting has a second bat and hits Nash first. Sting starts laying out the MEM, but Joe gets one of the bats and beats down Sting. The whole MEM stomps on Sting as the show ends.
FINAL THOUGHTS: If I sound overly negative and hostile toward this week’s show, it’s because I am. Unlike some people, if I didn’t really care about the product, I wouldn’t get upset when things like this show happen. “Slammiversary” was quite well-done, and following it up shouldn’t have been difficult. Did Jarrett and Foley lose their executive power when they failed to win the World Heavyweight title? Why does the MEM run the show and make their own matches? I get the Foley compromise bit, and actually like that part, but we seem to have come back to the “MEM dominates the show and win all their matches, and anything not part of the MEM doesn’t matter” routine. Had there actually been any semblence of a Frontline/Originals group, this might have been ok, with power shifting back and forth, but it all got dropped. Sting is out of the MEM, and certainly is not the Godfather anymore, despite winning a match with that stipulation. Angle is the Godfather again simply because he says that he is. Apparently, match stipulations can be disregarded at will, with no consequences of any kind. As if all that wasn’t bad enough, Chris Sabin wasn’t even on the show. Not even in a short backstage segment. That’s just cruel, TNA! I don’t ask you for much.
Join us next week for more detailed “Impact” Impressions, and hopefully, news of gainful and legal employment!
Peace out,
Drowgoddess