Tag Archive: Magnus

  1. Late Edition- Impact Review. Pintnoir

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    Well here I am after a wonderful week of work. But even with all that I’ve found time for Impact Wrestling. We start the show with a replay of how Roode has held onto his title for months. And culminating in his beat down of Steve Borden. Roode opens the show.

    He gloats how Sting on twitter has apparently quit wrestling. Roode praises himself for doing something that Harley Race, Vader, and Ric Flair failed to do. This time we don’t have an interruption from someone in the back.

    Later we cut to Crimson and Morgan arguing over AAO, and Morgan being speared by Crimson. From what the convo details we could see a Crimson heel turn. Both agree to get on the ball and win tonight.

    Tag Team Title rematch: Samoa Joe/Magnus vs Matt Morgan/Crimson

    We get another good match where Magnus takes the brunt of the attacks. Then tags in Joe to clean house when needed. Toward the end of the match Morgan is hot tagged and goes through both Joe and Magnus setting up for the pin. Joe makes the save. Later on as Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint on Joe, Crimson from the other end clotheslines Morgan when Joe ducks. A Joe Magnus setup elbow drop, helps them retain. After the match Crimson fumes at Morgan.

    Brandon Jacobs makes his return (same day if you were at the tapings) as he walks down the ramp Mike Tenay makes an announcement of last week being shown on espn and other such networks? I’m confused. How? Anyway, Brandon Jacobs calls out Bully Ray or as he calls him “Buwwy Ray” Bully Ray comes down and stops midway at the ramp. The two banter back and forth, Ray makes light of Jacobs accomplishments while he pumps up his own. Finally Jacobs has had enough and chases Bully Ray to the back. Backstage Jacobs is approached by Hardy and Storm who tell him something in his ear.

    X Division match: Zema Ion vs Alex Shelley

    We have good back and forth from these two. Zema holds his own against Shelley. During the match Austin Aries comes to the ring with popcorn and wine to evaluate the match. Shelley is making a comeback and attempting sliced bread #2 when Ion pushes him into the ref with that distraction he sprays Shelley in the face with hairspray, leading to a jawbuster and then a running knee pin. Austin Aries looks on in disgust.

    We have a replay of the Bischoff story. The segment seems strangely cut off when Hogan confronts Garett to give him some advice. Oh and Madison makes an appearance to explain her winning the knockout over the top challenge, and how she is just giving Gail a better opponent. Because you know Sarita wasn’t available.

    ODB w/ EY vs Gail: We have the new Cody Deaner appear with his love ODB, to a very good reaction from the Impact crowd. Gail follows with her typical self. We get a good match with of course the occasional interference from Eric. Soon Madison comes down which distracts  Gail. This of course leads to an ODB comeback which is ended when Gail reverses out of the BaBam and turns it into Eat Defeat. Afterwards Madison runs into the ring to raise Kim’s hand. Gail is furious shouting at Madison leaving her in the ring.

    We have a replay and interview with Jesse Sorenson and his mom detailing his accident. Mike Tenay assures us he’s at home now. AJ does a pretape about how he’s done with Daniels and Kazarian. His mind is on the TNA world title.

    This sets up AJ Styles vs Robbie E. For the television title.

    A decent match with the obligatory interference from Rob Terry. Soon Daniels with Kaz comes to the ring. Kaz who looks extremly P”Oed walks pasts a bewildered Daniels and proceeds attack AJ from the apron. Causing a DQ. Before walking out glaring at Daniels.

    Main Event: No Disqualification Tag Match Storm/Hardy w/ Brandon Jacobs vs Angle/Bully Ray

    A good match where Jacobs gets his hands on Ray. The inclusion of Angle from last weeks attack seem to help start a feud. Since Hardy didn’t really gets his hands on Angle. A table is introduced by Ray and Angle but is turned against them when Jacobs gets into the ring and chokeslams Ray through allowing Storm to get the pin.

    Sting comes out to announce his retirement. But Roode can’t help but to interrupt. This seemingly sets off Sting who starts poring on black makeup getting into his joker character. Roode goes for another low blow but is blocked but Sting kicks back dropping Roode. Sting promises to put on the boots to kick Roode’s butt. He can’t decide on a closing remark, but leaves with Ta Ta for now.

     

  2. iMPACT Wrestling has been hijacked by GEORGE LUCAS’S WALLET 2-9-12 Pntnr rvw

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    We start Impact Invasion with a wonderful involvement of a cluster fudge clip reel inter-cutting various movies 4,5,6 and 1 with last weeks Bischoff family drama. But lets start the show with a Bully Ray in ring promo.

    Meesa Approve.

    After being abandoned by his partner, Roode, he wants some answers. Not even allowing Roode’s music to finish before they take it to the ring.
    To do some more…talking. Until the real culprit behind their Fleetwood Mac split reveals himself. Steve Borden comes out with his trademark UK special Cricket Bat. He tells the heels to get ready for a tag match against James Storm and….(J Hardy can’t leave the states because of his parole) The Insane Icon, Sting. Ta Ta for now.

    So sad you couldn't be here these past two weeks.

     

    The continuing story of Kramer vs Kramer err AJ, Daniels fight over Kazarian continues as we have a one on one bout between the aforementioned parents. After a pretty solid match Daniels wins with brass nucks handed him by a reluctant Kaz.

    Gunner and Bisch senior plan infanticid. Where is Mrs. Bischoff? Women are very protective of their children. Would make a better story.

    Samoa Joe and Magnus step out next to raucous applause. While under Magnus’ music, of course. And Mag’s cuts a wonderful promo proving (hopefully to Bischoff) that he is the total package. All that comes to an end when the UK heels Morgan and Crimson come to the ring to brawl which comes to an end when joe pulls Magnus from the ring before flippin the bird.

    Good showing

    Next we have the neglected crown jewel of TNA the X Division. And its a three way between Shelley, Williams and Champ Austin Aries in a non-title bout. This is another strong showing from all competitors where we see Douglas going to the top rope for a flying European uppercut and various outside maneuevers. It finishes when after kicking Williams in the nuts following the chaos theory on Shelley, Aries goes for the brainbuster but is out smarted with slice bread. Giving the match to Alex Shelley in a long overdue rivialry.

    In the back Hulk Hogan warns Steve Borden about having a target on his back. And to look out.

    But to outside where Gail is beating on Tara. The scene jumps back to Tara taking pictures of the UK, which are interrupted by champ Kim. Bringing the fight full circle. Even with fair fight from Tara the winner after throwing thro a set of doors is Gail who mockingly brags her title and name to Wonder Years.

    Hogan and Bischoff Junior are up next. After a HH endorsement we have a interruption by Bischoff Sr. and Gunner. Hilarity ensues. After a brawl Hogan  highhandedly beats both Gunner and Bisch Sr. before letting Jr. get a punch in on his dad. Sad. OH AND Bully Ray and Roode argue before there match.

    Hardcore Country Mickie James vs Velvet Sky where we watch Mickie slowly go heel due to no title win? What comes across as a decent match ends with a miscalculation by James leading to a win for Velvet.

    Even glorified strippers win over Hardcore Country 🙁

    Welcome to The Main Event: or See ya in 3 days, Champ! -Bully Ray

    the crowd was hot for the faces as they took the champ and ray to task. Sting  eventually clears the ring after double splashing Ray/Roode in the corner. Roode eventually dropping on Ray’s manhood. The Insane Icon S Drops Roode before locking in the scorpion deathlock. Ray comes in to interfere but says the above quote with belt in hand. Roode submits as Ray looks on.

    The Star Wars promos didn’t overshadow the show because besides the opening montage and Taz being Taz mentioning princess Leila? and the minute response from Tenay the show was still good all around. Here’s to the upcoming pay per view, Against All Odds and a return back to the iMPACT Zone. The ends the no vowel edition of pntnr iMPACT Review.

    You will be missed not Webley Arena.
  3. PNTNR review TNA iMPACT 2/2/12 – Live (Taped) From Wembley Arena. Yeah, it’s Hogan?!

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    We start Impact Wrestling with Champion Bobby Roode and Bully getting heat from the crowd. After taunting Storm (calling him “The Cowgirl James Storm”)calls him out. Storm comes out to raucus applause. The Bully jumps in front of Roode as a protector should as all three men face off. Leading to Steve Borden coming out to announce that Against All Odds will be a four way for the TNA World Title. Making sure to assure fans that Jeff Hardy is well and will be ready to compete. But Storm still wants the two disciples of the Selfish Generation tonight!  Sting faced with this crazy redneck scratches the two on one match originally scheduled and turns it into two separate matches having the cowboy work double duty. Before shouting his now trademark “ta ta for now!” Which the British crowd eats up with mimickry.

    We get a shot of Garett Bischoff walking into the arena on his cell phone. Which makes me wonder how he’s getting reception. I mean its London, England for christ sake.

    Samoa Joe and Britain’s own Magnus approach the ring as the crowd goes wild. Tonight is a Buckingham Brawl, which is essentially a coin toss is done and the winner gets to go by Tornado Tag rules while the opposition has to use traditional tag methods. In which case similar to the Papa Johns commericial with Manning ends with Morgan and Crimson losing the toss. Which the crowd is happy about. This match is a classic example of the MCMG  vs Lethal Consequences feud from a few years back with LC being faces but being booed because the crowd liked the Machine Guns better. Same rules apply here. Joe and Magnus are way over while Morgan and Crimson are booed no matter what they do. After a beat down on the faces, Morgan eats a enziguri into a Elbow drop for the three count. The crowd is estatic.

    Suceeding that match is Eric Bischoff coming out to call out his son, Garett. The crowd is not amused. Not even when Garett arrives to the ring does the crowd ease up. And the torpedo just continues. Eric does his song and dance about Garett being a dreamer and that he will never accomplish half of what he has and how he should just give it up. Which the crowd responds with “Boring” chants. This is followed with Garett on his imaginery phone

    WRONG CONTINENT

    with his trainer who by now should be acknowledged as Hogan. Because this hasn’t been done before sans mystery. Crowd almost down right riots with the boring/booing shaking the arena. And I was watching from the USA and could feel it. Finally this painfully watched segment ends. In the ending segment leading to break Tenay announces Hogan’s return. Before he is revealed as the mysterious trainer.

    Momentarily we will have one of the sickest looking botches of night courtesy of Mark Haskins. A Double vs London’s Hometown Hero Mark Haskins, who I might add hasn’t been seen since August. I defer to this point because Tenay makes light of this but wants us to care. Because he is Britain’s own like Magnus but unlike Magnus who has been getting a push, Haskins walks in to almost half hearted support from his kinsmen. This contrasts Aries who is cheered and chanted. But we do get a good match. Albeit one that ends with the sickest landings I’ve seen on network tele. Haskins goes for a Shooting Star Press as he hits the mat Aries moves, Haskins smacks head first on the mat allowing Aries to brainbuster then pull out a classic Horns of Aries submission for the win. But back to the sickening thud his head made when landing the SSP, Haskins is legit hurt suffering a concussion on his third televised appearance with TNA but wow that was sick. Watch it online if you can.

    Where Art Thou?

    Bobby Roode is up next in his non-title match up with James Storm. Which I won’t lie I was disturbed  by this but realized that with the title not on the line we won’t have cowardly heel Bobby but Heel Roode. Which is exactly what we received. This was a good match that didn’t really spoil anything that would be upcoming on PPV seeing as how the ending allowed Ray to interfere distracting Storm leading to a spear and a pin by Roode giving him a win but making Storm still appear viable with having been screwed again for a win. Good match with each man choreographing each other due to thier long history. Afterwards Roode has Ray bullybottom Storm on the world title. Sting comes out to clear the ring but the damage has been done.

    Now its Cougar Town’s own Tara

    Yep still having trouble finding a suitable picture. But this will do.

    taking on (again) in a non-title match up Gail Kim w/ groupie err Tag partner Madison Rayne. Tara who came out pumped to see the London crowd attempted to slap everyone’s hand on the way to the ring. Hyping herself up for the match. We get a decent serving of whats to come during AAO, with Tara and Gail feeling each other out. The crowd in a similar response in the IMpact Zone feel silent for most of the match prompting Tara to unleash the “come on” screech to a momentary crowd noise. The crowd finally picked up when Tara after having been beat down by Ms. Kim finally made a come back (even pimp handing Rayne who was on the apron) leading to Madison reappearing to attack Tara from behind only for Tara to have sixth sense and ninja sidestep allowing Rayne to pop Gail. Rayne is tossed out and Tara wins with the Widow’s Peak. Allegiance aside wouldn’t any interference lead to disqualifiction on either side?

    Garett returns. He is ready to announce his trainer, but before he does Big Bischoff returns to piss on Lil Bischoff’s parade. Bringing along that anger management future attendee Gunner along for the ride. EB spouts one of the best one liners I’ve heard from this program for quite sometime. Attempting his usual threats and promises is interrupted by none other than Hulk Hogan. The United Kingdom explodes. Hogan and G. Bischoff take turns Hulk punching Gunner. With that out of the way we see Eric cowering in a corner. But of course he is thankfully pulled out before HH and GB can get to him.

    Now after that segment we have a backstage or back street more likely chat with Lil Bischoff and Hulk Hogan. Hogan hypes up the UK, talks about how TNA is on the cusp of greatness a smidgeon away from being a thousand times bigger than it is now. What started as a Hogan/Bischoff shoot on Eric became muddled in a rallying cry for iMPACT Wrestling. Having Hogan in his own words leading the ship as the mantle piece on front seeing through the fog of doubt. And for those not smelling the greatness he’ll gladly grab them direct them toward it?!

    We saw what happened to the last boat Hogan helped steer.

    Yeah my thoughts exactly.

    The Main Event: James Storm, now with taped ribs taking on Bully Ray the man with the massive calves. The crowd is loving the chant “Where is Devon?” Ray takes control early on and is shouting “I’m going to break your ribs” to Storm. Soon after the start of the match Bobby Roode comes down. This of course is followed by Borden bring his trademark…Cricket bat. Oh yeah, baseball doesn’t exist in England. Soon Storm makes a comeback and as happenstance should have it a ref bump/both wrestles laid out in the middle of the ring occurs. Roode slids in followed by Steve. This causes the champ to run like the wind with Sting in pursuit. Ray goes to reach out to Roode only to turn around and face the last call. Storm wins as a distraught champion looks on in anger.

    Next week will be a Star Wars Themed Impact again taking place in Wembley Arena. Because TNA and Star Wars share a common interest? OH wait most of the original film crew for Star Wars: A New Hope were Brits. But when it airs Star Wars: The Phantom Menace is coming to theatres in 3D which was filmed by….Jamacian stereotypes disguised as floppy haired creatures? OH NO WAIT…Is it because TNA hopes to capitalize off the launch of Star Wars to make money for itself. Good Good very WWE of you guys.

    Meesa so proud. TNA TNA TNA

     

  4. iMPACT Wrestling 01/12/12- Confusion and the return of Eric Bischoff

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    We start with a replay of the main event title match at Genesis. Where the heelish Roode kicks the ref to get disqualified to hold on the world title. Hardy twist of fate’s him and leaves a selfish Robert kissing the title.

    Roode comes out with a cocky demeanor. Taking his time as the crowd boos him for cheating Hardy. Roode wants to call out Jeff to shake his hand. But instead gets Sting. Who tells The Selfish One that he will have a rematch with Hardy tonight. But this time if Roode tries to cheat his disqualification will result in the title changing hands. Roode throws a temper tantrum before we leave for commerical break.

    We come back to a daytime promo of Crimson who is coming out of a Direct Auto Insurance location running into Morgan. They shoot the sh@# for lack of a better term about how Direct Auto is like family before Morgan reminds Crimson that they have a match tonight against the tag team Job Squad  Robbie E and Robbie T. Awkward.

    To make this sound better The two Robs don’t put up much offense considering that Robbie E keeps wanting to be tagged in when Rob T gets them down only to lose the advantage and be forced to scurry back over to Rob T. Blue Streak (Morgan & Crimson) make short work of them sending Robbie E for a double chokeslam ride to retain the belts. My how the Television title must be collecting dust for this squash. Oh and Magnus and Joe come out after the match and beat down on the champion.

    We are introduced to “The Journey of Garett Bischoff” where we go through all his battles and eventual injury leading up to his return. And that is followed up by his father Eric Bischoff coming out and reminding all of us of his greatest hits. Which more than likely ended up in the five dollar bin next to Boston, the band not the city. Garett comes out and tells his dad that he will (like a cockroach) keep coming back no matter what he does. This leads to a father son bonding session where Garett puts his hands on his dad telling him to never touch him again. Because parental child abuse and “where did he touch you on the bear?” is riveting stuff.

    We have a backstage segment where Winter and Angelina go over there accomplishments in the Knockout Division, Winter being a two time champion which lasted less than 3 weeks. And Angelina’s five knockout title wins, you know back when she wasn’t a time traveling zombie but a Beautiful Person. Winter opponent is the none other than the love birds ODB w/ EY.  We get the usual lock up from Eric Young which the crowd eats up. The sideshow continues as EY runs around the ring getting the crowd laughing. After a pretty decent match where OD grabs her boobs and slaps her ass like a monkey so many times that I think she needs to seek sexaul harassment training. All this before the obligatory run in from Angelina which is foiled by EY who Gorilla Monsoon’s her with a Airplane Spin making him and her dizzy. (overbooking) causing EY to comically drop out of the ring through the ropes. ODB capitalizes with a F5 variation called The Bam giving her the three.

    AJ Styles comes to the ring to call out Kaz to figure what happened last week to cause his partner to walk. What I proceed to witness is a married couple fight. That is until the mistress Christopher Daniels walks down to the ring to direct Kazarian out of the ring like his bitch. Laughing at AJ until she, he attacks him. Kaz pulls Daniels out of the ring.

    An Abyss and Bully Ray segment airs. Then shifts to Ray in the back with Roode who is distraught over his rematch with Hardy. Ray makes a crack about Roode being angry because Ray is trending on twitter. The Bully promises to have Roode’s back tonight as long as he gets a title shot.

    James Storm who is still livid over losing to Angle Genesis night with a cheap low blow and kick to the head, heads down where he calls out Angle. In a replay from a couple months ago Angle isn’t prepared to wrestle. But Sting tells him he has till the end of the commercial break to get ready. Angle who is almost counted out gets his but handed to him in the early part of he match until he takes control after what could be described as a good match full of reverses, competitors using the others show move and near falls leads to Storm dropping Angle with a front lung blower and following up with a super kick for three.

    World title match. Jeff makes a promo where he says he’s ending the selfish generation tonight when he wins the title. When Roode won’t step in the ring when Jeremy Borash is announcing him Hardy baseball slides out of the ring. After earlier dominance where Jeff walked Roode around throwing him into everything he can gets his hands on. That is until a misplaced steel steps jumps rattles Hardy stupid leading to a double 10 count which is when the first 10 count is restated after one of the wrestlers rolls back in. Roode takes control where he lays down Jeff with a blockbuster and the double R spinebuster. Jeff makes a comeback after a stunner and a twist of fate followed by a swanton. Just as the refs hand is coming down for three Ray pulls out the Referee. Causing Hardy to dive outside the ring after him. In all the confusion where Hardy is screaming at the entrance ramp whats going on which causes Hardy’s music to play signaling the end of the show.

  5. Impact Wrestling or how I see TNA in theory Pt. 2

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    Earlier when the prospect of TNA revamping its product and becoming iMPACT Wrestling arose I had an epiphany. What could be more awesome than what was going through my mind in terms of the available talent. I’ve touched on Orlando Jordan, Eric Young and the X division. I admit I only glazed over the division  but a more in depth plan will be done later along with the world X cup.
    (more…)

  6. TNA iMPACT

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    Impact opens up with highlights from last week and after the intro we’re going to go straight into the first match this week.

    8-Card Stud Tournament Qualifying Match
    Brutus Magnus vs. Mr. Anderson

    Anderson reminds the fans that the ring is four sided, not 6 sided to get some heat as he does his intro. Footage of Anderson’s big win over Jarrett last week is shown as Anderson makes his way to the ring. Anderson and Brutus lockup and Anderson nails him with a knee to the gut and then lays in a couple of right hands on Brutus. Brutus blocks one of the rights and hits a series of rights of his own. Brutus beats on Anderson in the corner until the referee pulls him off which allows Anderson to hit a dropkick to Brutus’ knee. Anderson stomps on the leg and even the hand of Brutus before hitting an Elbow Drop on the back of Brutus. Anderson whips Brutus hard into the corner and then throws him headfirst into the top turnbuckle before putting the boots to Brutus in the corner. Anderson tries to throw Brutus into the top turnbuckle again but he blocks it and connects with a right hand, but Anderson comes right back with a right of his own and a kick to the gut. Anderson whips Brutus into the ropes and goes for a backdrop but Magnus kicks him in the head and follows it up with a Big Boot. Brutus whips Anderson into the ropes and hits a Back Elbow and then hits a Straightjacket Slam for a nearfall. Brutus goes for the Tormentum but Anderson rakes the eyes of Brutus (the referee was behind Brutus so his vision was blocked) and connects with the Mic Check for the pin!

    Winner: Anderson via pinfall (Mic Check)

    In the parking lot Mick Foley arrives in his beat up ride.

    —COMMERCIAL BREAK—

    In the back Christy Hemme is with Angle. She asks him about his Qualifying Match with Tomko tonight, but he says he’s not worried about Tomko right now. He wants to talk about Hulk Hogan, he claims that Hogan is responsible for Syxx and Hall jumping him last week. Hogan says that’s who Hogan is and now he’s showing his true colors, but it ends tonight. He says Hogan should expect a visit from him tonight and he’ll have a really bad attitude.

    At ringside Tenay and Taz hype up the card for tonight which will feature Tara defend the Knockouts Title against Angelina Love, Hernandez & Morgan defend the Tag Titles against 3D, and TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles going one-on-one with The Pope in a Non Title Match.

    Eric Bischoff’s music hits and Mr. Bischoff makes his way out to the ring alone this week. Bischoff says it is so good to be in Orlando one more time. He says last week Hogan make it clear that Foley has to get on the same page with him but Foley made it clear that he just wasn’t willing to do that, but Foley’s music cuts him off before he can say anything more. Foley walks out to the ring with a serious look on his face. Foley says his reputation in wrestling is that there is something wrong in his head and it’s not because he’s willing to do things to his body that doesn’t seem right, but it’s because he likes just about everybody. He throws out names like Buff Bagwell, Paul Heyman, The Ultimate Warrior, etc. of guys that don’t have great reputations in wrestling yet he still likes. He says that Bischoff is the exception because he hates Bischoff’s guts! He calls Bischoff a ‘slick, little hustler’ and that he is the complete opposite of Foley. He says he loves wrestling and gave everything and would’ve given anything to get into this business while Bischoff came in as salesman and an announcer. Foley calls him the worst announcer in history but Taz says Foley must’ve never heard of Mike Adamle (okay, I about split my sides laughing from that one). Foley says that Bischoff weaseled his way into power in WCW and he says he can’t stand Bischoff. Bischoff says that may be true but this isn’t about him and Foley, it’s about whether Foley is willing to get in line in TNA. Foley says it’s about everyone and he says he loves being apart of TNA, but he always prepares himself for the worst case scenario which is why at 28 he was saving every penny he ever made. He says that’s why he was sleeping at the Red Roof Inn when he was WWF Champion and why he drives a ‘piece of crap minivan’ now. He says he did all that so he wouldn’t have to answer to idiots like Bischoff. He shows the camera two names that he wrote down on his hand (Jeremy Borash and Abyss) and says ‘how dare’ Bischoff mess with these guys lives. Foley puts over everything that Borash does for TNA behind the scenes and says that Bischoff not knowing shows how much little he cares about knowing what makes TNA tick. Bischoff what makes him tick is power and control. He then says since Foley won’t get on the same page with him and he’s going to have to turn that page and write the next chapter of the Mick Foley story. Foley mentions something he said in his book about Bischoff saying that power should be limited to those that are not in love with it. He says Bischoff has not learned a single thing since his failure in WCW. Foley says he was recognizable all around the world while Bischoff made reality shows with Chachi. Foley says with all due respect to his wife that he always told her that deep down wrestling was always his first true love in his life because that it was the first thing he ever loved that loved him back. He says he realized that that love might not last forever but he’ll be damned if he sits back and lets Bischoff have his way with the ‘woman’ he loves. Foley starts to leave the ring but Bischoff stops him and says Foley may want to look at those names on his hand because he still has their futures in the palm of his hands. Bischoff says that new chapter of the Mick Foley Story that he was just talking about starts tonight when Mick Foley faces Kevin Nash in a No DQ Match! He says he is a student of history and Mick has a history with Nash and he wants to see that history resolved.

    In the back Abyss is watching a monitor when JB walks up and he asks JB if he’s going to be okay. JB asks him if it sounds like he’s going to be okay. JB says he worked for Bischoff 10 years ago and nothing has changed. He says when Bischoff is around nobodies okay. JB says he is just there to pick him last check and Abyss freaks out as JB walks off.

    —COMMERCIAL BREAK—

    Back from commercials Christy Hemme is with Tara in the back. Christy asks Tara about her history with Angelina. Tara says when she first came to TNA Angelina and the Beautiful People made her life hell but since Angelina has came back she seems to be a different person. Tara says Angelina has her eye on the prize but she can’t take it from her and says she’s ready for Angelina.

    TNA World Tag Team Championships
    “Super Mex” Hernandez & “The Blueprint” Matt Morgan (c) vs. Team 3D

    Tenay mentions that if 3D wins then that would make them 24-time Tag Champions. Bubba and Hernandez will start the match off. They lockup and Bubba throws Hernandez into the corner and then they lockup again but this time Hernandez shoves Bubba into the ropes. Hernandez goes for a clothesline but Bubba blocks it and goes for one of his own, but Hernandez blocks his as well. Bubba grabs a side headlock on Hernandez and he shoves Bubba into the ropes and connects with a nasty shoulder block that sends Bubba crashing into the corner! Hernandez follows up with a Corner Splash attempt but Bubba moves and then whips Hernandez into the opposite corner. Bubba charges and hits a Corner Splash of his own. Hernandez kicks Bubba and grabs the top rope and pulls himself up to the top rope showing off that crazy strength and athleticism he possesses. Bubba connects with some nasty chops on Hernandez and then Press Slams him off the top! Bubba drops an elbow on top of Hernandez and gets a nearfall. Bubba tags in Devon and he lays in some elbows on Hernandez until Hernandez connects with a knee to the gut and quickly tags in Morgan. Morgan goes for a clothesline but Devon ducks and connects with a series of rights. Devon attempts to whip Morgan into the ropes but he reverses it only to eat a big Clothesline from Devon followed by a leg drop for a one count. Devon comes off the ropes but Morgan connects with a Discuss Clothesline for a nearfall of his own. Hernandez tags back in and locks a rear chin lock on Devon but Devon breaks it up with back elbows and then comes off the ropes only to eat a big shoulder block for another nearfall. Hernandez lifts Devon up and puts him on the top rope. Hernandez goes up top with him and goes for a Superplex but Devon blocks it and bites the forehead of Hernandez! Devon shoves Hernandez off the top and then hits a Diving Headbutt! Both men are down and they tag out at the same time. Bubba connects with some big jabs on Morgan and then attempts to whip Morgan into the ropes, but Morgan blocks it and attempts a clothesline. Bubba ducks it and goes for a German Suplex but Morgan counters with back elbows. Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint but Bubba catches his foot to block it and then connects with the German Suplex! Hernandez comes in but eats a Samoan Drop from Bubba! 3D then hit the Reverse 3D on Morgan! 1…2…NO Hernandez breaks it up! Hernandez connects the forearms on both members of 3D but thy come back with a double shoulder block. Bubba hits a Scoop Slam and then Devon climbs to the top but the Nasty Boys run out and shove Devon off the top as the referee was checking on Hernandez! Hernandez goes for a clothesline on Bubba but he counters into a Bubba Bomb attempt. Hernandez blocks it and shoves Bubba into the Carbon Footprint from Morgan! 1…2…3 and they retain the titles!

    Winners & STILL Tag Champs: Hernandez & Morgan via pinfall (Carbon Footprint)

    The Nasty Boys bring a chair out and are about to lay 3D out further but Hernandez & Morgan come back and run them off. Hernandez and Morgan help 3D up and explain what just happened to them. They fist bump with the champs and walk out.

    —COMMERCIAL BREAK—

    “Samoan Submission Machine” Samoa Joe vs. Jesse Neal

    This is the first time we’ve see Neal since Hogan and company has arrived. Tenay reminds us that Joe still has a TNA Title show in the bank. Neal jumps Joe as he comes into the ring but Joe lays him out with a T-Bone Suplex! Joe lays into Neal in the corner with jabs and chops and then he whips Neal into the opposite corner and connects with a Running Back Elbow! Joe then lays Neal out with a Leaping Enziguri! Neal tries to fight back but Joe lays him out with a headbutt. Neal pokes Joe’s eyes and then hits a Running Forearm. Neal climbs up to the top and dives off the top with a Flying Cross Body but Joe just nonchalantly steps aside. Joe connects the some SICKENING open hand strikes and then he whips Neal into the corner and connects with the Flying Knee Strike! Joe puts Neal up top and hits the Muscle Buster and screams “AJ!” as he hits it! 1…2…3!

    Winner: Joe via pinfall (Muscle Buster)

    In the back Christy approaches Hogan and asks him how he feels about what Kurt said earlier. He doesn’t know what Kurt said so Christy tells him. Hogan says this is just another thing that he didn’t do that Kurt is blaming him for. Hogan says that he is easy to find so tell Kurt to come see him. Christy tells Hogan that Kurt said he would be coming for Hogan later and Hogan says he’ll be waiting.

    —COMMERCIAL BREAK—

    Non Title Match
    “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. “The Phenomenal” AJ Styles w/Ric Flair

    This a first time ever matchup right here! Taz likens Flair and AJ’s relationship to that of a great NFL QB with a legendary coach in his corner. AJ and Pope lockup and Pope gets AJ in a wristlock right off the bat, but AJ quickly forces Dinero into the corner so the referee will have to come in and break it up. AJ connects with a series of chops but Dinero pimp slaps AJ! AJ charges at Pope but he hits a drop toe hold and then floats over into a Front Chancery. Dinero transitions into a wristlock but AJ quickly reverses it and kicks Dinero in the gut. AJ goes for a scoop slam but Dinero blocks it and connects a series of Elbow’s to the top of AJ’s head. Dinero then mocks AJ and Flair and connects with a big right! Dinero whips AJ into the ropes and hits a Backdrop! AJ slides out to the floor to catch a breather and get some advice from Naitch.

    —COMMERCIAL BREAK—

    Back from commercials Dinero shoves AJ into the ropes but AJ nails him with a shoulder block and then does the Flair strut! AJ comes off the ropes and Dinero goes for a backdrop but AJ blocks it and connects with an elbow and then a chop. AJ whips Dinero into the ropes and leapfrogs him and then connects with the Phenomenal Dropkick! AJ puts the boots to Dinero as he tries to get out of the ring and then catapults Dinero into the bottom rope in a sort of guillotine affect. AJ lights Dinero up with chops in the corner and Dinero answers him back until AJ connects with a big right hand and then he locks in a Camel Clutch on Dinero on the mat! Dinero gets to the ropes and then AJ chokes Dinero on the middle rope. AJ hits a Snap Suplex for a nearfall. AJ mounts Dinero and lays into Dinero with rights and lefts. Dinero comes back with some body shots on AJ and then he attempts to whip AJ into the ropes, but AJ reverses it only to have Dinero hit a Sunset Flip! 1…2…NO AJ kicks out and then connects with a big Running Back Elbow! AJ locks in a rear chin lock on Dinero now but Dinero gets to his feet and breaks it up with back elbows only to have AJ slam Dinero to the mat by his head. AJ puts the boots to Dinero and then measures Dinero for a big right hand, but Pope blocks it and connects with a series of rights and lefts of his own. Dinero ducks another right hand attempt and shows that amateur boxing history with his hand speed connecting with some beautiful body shots on AJ followed by a big right hook! Dinero hits an Atomic Drop and then a Flying Shoulder Block! 1…2…NO AJ kicks out! Pope is starting to get on a roll but AJ cuts him off with a rake of the eyes followed by a Leaping Enziguri! Flair talks trash to Pope from ringside and AJ goes for a Flying Forearm Smash in the corner, but Dinero moves and lights AJ up with a big chop. Dinero goes for the Coronation (Running Body Guillotine as the opponent is draped over the middle rope) but AJ moves out of the way hanging Dinero up in the ropes. AJ grabs Dinero and goes for a Vertical Suplex but Pope blocks it and rolls AJ up with a Small Package out of nowhere! 1…2…3!

    Winner: Dinero via pinfall (small package)

    After the match Dinero doesn’t even have time to celebrate as Flair gets in the ring and attacks him along with AJ! Flair lights Dinero up with chops and rights but Samoa Joe’s music hits and h runs out and makes the save! Joe with some nasty rights on AJ and then Flair turns Joe around and nails him with a chop but it has no affect on Joe! Flair freaks out and begs Joe off and then AJ chop blocks Joe from behind! AJ and Flair now double team Joe until Dinero makes the save for Joe! Joe clotheslines Flair out f the ring t the floor and then Dinero and Joe stomp on AJ until security runs out and holds them back!

    —COMMERCIAL BREAK—

    Back from commercials Flair is on the mic on the stage and asks Joe if he wants to die tonight as security is still holding Joe & Dinero back. Flair says Joe should know better and says that this is the new TNA and Joe will get his a** beat! Flair makes fun of Joe about being Samoan and then starts to run away when it looks like Joe is going to break away from security. Joe grabs a mic and screams at Flair to shut his mouth before he stomps the rest of the nature out of his a**! Joe calls AJ a scumbag and Flair says no he’s the World Champion, but Joe tells him to shut his mouth! Joe says he doesn’t care when it was whether they were friends or they hated each other AJ was ALWAYS a warrior! AJ says he gave it all up for a overpriced suit and some wholesale hookers! Joe says he needs to remind AJ how to be a man and a champion and that’s why he is cashing in his title shot at Against All Odds! Joe says from this day until then he will have to go to sleep knowing he has to face the inevitable (pointing at himself) and wake up knowing he has to face the inevitable. Joe tells Pope he thinks they go give Flair & AJ a preview of what the inevitable is! Pope lays security out with some right hands and they chase AJ and Flair to the back!

    In the back Christy is with Angelina. She asks Angelina if she is worried about BP getting involved and she says definitely. She says if she was still in BP she would get involved and says she taught them everything they know but didn’t teach them everything she knows. She says she would’ve never tried to replace Angelina Love because you can’t. Angelina says tonight is about her title shot and says success is the best revenge and she is awesome at revenge.

    In the back Nash is with Eric Young when Bischoff walks in. Bischoff acts like he doesn’t know who Young is and he introduces himself. Bischoff asks Young to leave and then Bischoff sits down with Nash. Bischoff says he needs a favor from Nash. He says he needs Nash to destroy Foley tonight and Nash says he needs him to do him a favor but Pac and Hall still don’t have contracts. Bischoff says they are screwups and they won’t follow the rules. He says he’s sick of that and there is nothing he can do about it. Bischoff says that he can play to that same tune that Pac and Hall play to or he can go out and destroy Foley for him.

    —COMMERCIAL BREAK—

    Back from commercials footage is shown form 2 months ago when Foley jumped Nash in the Impact Zone after Nash set up the fake meeting between Foley and Nash.

    In the back Christy is with Mick Foley and she asks if Foley is planning on falling in line. Foley says he will face Nash tonight and Foley says he is no longer mad at Nash, but the more he thinks about what Nash did to him the hotter he gets. Abyss walks up still freaking out and he asks Foley if he’ll fall in line. Foley says his job will be safe and Abyss needs to do him a favor and that’s promising him that he will stay away from the ring no matter what happens between Foley and Nash tonight.

    8-Card Stud Tournament Qualifying Match
    Tomko vs. “Olympic Hero” Kurt Angle

    Angle immediately connects with a German Suplex on Tomko but then eats a Big Boot from Tomko! Both men get right to their feet and go nose-to-nose! Angle nails Tomko with a headbutt and then a series of rights and a clothesline that sends Tomko over the top to the floor! Angle follows him out and slams Tomko into the ring steps and rolls Tomko back into the ring. Angle charges at Tomko but eats a Snap Powerslam from Tomko! He whips Angle into the corner and nails him with a running Clothesline and then he grabs Angle and whips Angle into the ring post. Tomko hits a Powerslam for a nearfall and then locks in a Rear Chinlock on Angle. Angle fights to his feet and breaks the hold with back elbows and then comes off the ropes but Tomko grabs him by the throat and hits a Chokeslam. Tomko climbs to the top but Angle quickly gets to the top and hits the Belly-to-Belly Superplex on Tomko! Both guys are down now and finally Angle gets to his feet and hits the Rolling German Suplexes on Tomko! As he went for the third one Tomko blocked it and threw Angle into the corner. Tomko charges but Angle moves and hits the Angle Slam! 1…2…NO Tomko kicks out! Tomko comes out of nowhere with a Lariat! Tomko goes for the Chainsaw Kick but Angle ducks and hit more Rolling German Suplexes! This time Angle goes old school and connects with 5! Angle grabs Tomko’s ankle and locks in the Ankle Lock! Angle drops down to the and great veins the leg which causes Tomko to tap!

    Winner: Angle via submission (Ankle Lock)

    Mr. Anderson, Hernandez, Desmond Wolfe, & Kurt Angle are all now in the Tournament for Against All Odds with 4 more yet to be named.

    —COMMERCIAL BREAK—

    Footage is shown from TNA’s tour of Europe this past week and then a nice video package highlighting the issues between Foley and Nash from the last few months is shown.

    Nash enters Hogan’s office and he talks about the conversation he had with Bischoff and says he’s down, but he asks for another chance for Pac and Hall. Hogan says they’ve had enough chances and he has done everything he could for them. Nash says now more than ever they need him but Hogan says they’re acting crazier than they ever have now. Hogan says Nash just needs to get away from them but he wants Hogan to keep an open mind about them. Hogan tells Nash not to let them suck him again because ‘you know how they are.’

    A video package is shown highlighting Angelina and the Beautiful People’s past.

    TNA Knockouts Championship
    Tara (c) vs. Angelina Love

    Tara and Angelina lockup and Tara gets the advantage with a side headlock and then she hits a side headlock takeover. Tara holds onto the side headlock as they hit the mat but Angelina is able to roll Tara over and get a one count before Tara rolls back over. Angelina is able to counter out with a head scissors but Tara counters right back by rolling frontwards into a bridging pin for a nearafll. Angelina bridges out of the pin and right into a Backslide! 1…NO Tara kicks out!

    —COMMERCIAL BREAK—

    Angelina and Tara are engrossed in a Greco-Roman Knucklelock as we come back from commercials and Angelina is able to lock Tara into Hammerlock and even hit a Hammerlock Armdrag holding onto the Hammerlock on the mat. Angelina puts her knee into the ribs of Tara and then locks in a wristlock but Tara is able to cartwheel out of the move into a wristlock of her own. I do believe we have a wardrobe malfunction here as Tara’s chest is blurred out! How did nobody get a picture of that of all the people that was there live (just asking)? Angelina with a single leg takedown for a nearfall and then she slams Tara headfirst into the top turnbuckle and then she slams her into the opposite turnbuckle. Tara comes back and slams Angelina’s head into the turnbuckle and then whips her into the opposite corner and charges at her, but Angelina is able to lift herself up onto the top rope over the charging Tara and then roll her up! 1…2…NO Tara kicks out! Tara comes back with a kick to the gut and then the Spider’s Web (Fireman’s Carry into Spinning Sidewalk Slam)! 1…2…NO Angelina kicks out! Angelina comes back with a forearm and then she whips Tara into the ropes and goes for the Botox Injection, but Tara ducks and goes for the Widows Peak! Angelina blocks it and counters into a rollup but Tara rolls through and gets the pin!

    Winner & STILL Knockouts Champ: Tara via pinfall

    After the match Angelina and Tara shake hands and Angelina raises Tara’s hand. It actually looked like Angelina tried to tell her about the boobage slipping out but the Beautiful People run out and jump Angelina. They put the boots to Angelina as Tara just watches and finally she lays out BP. Angelina throws some big rights as well as both girls clean house. Velvet is able to escape without Angelina getting her hands on her though.

    In the parking lot Scott Hall & Syxx-Pac are shown sneaking around.

    —COMMERCIAL BREAK—

    Back from commercials Angle walks into Hogan’s office and screams at him to explain to him how Hogan shakes his hand and then 10 seconds later ‘his cronies’ jump him. Hogan says he refused to give Pac (who Hogan refers to as X-Pac) and Hall contracts because they’re thugs and now Angle thinks he hired them to do his dirty work. Hogan says Angle’s temper is the problem here. Angle says he’s worried about Hogan’s agenda and says he doesn’t trust Hogan as far as he can throw him. He says he knows what Hogan is all about and he’s heard all the horror stories about the people he’s done business with. Angle says Hogan needs to understand that he won’t screw with him the way he’s screwed with ‘them’ and he needs to consider this his final warning. Hogan tells Angle he needs to do himself a favor and get out of his office, please. Angle slams his fists on Hogan’s desk and then storms out.

    No DQ Match
    “Big Sexy” Kevin Nash vs. “Hardcore Legend” Mick Foley

    Kevin Nash does his best Raven impersonation by rolling a shopping cart full of weapons out to the ring while Foley brought out his trademark barbed wire baseball bat. Foley swings his bat at Nash who blocks the shots with a garbage can. Finally the trash can is beat up so bad that Nash just flings it at Foley (who knocks it away with the bat) and picks up a chair. Foley swings the bat at Nash more and he blocks it with the chair this time and then he picks up a hockey stick and hits Foley in the legs with it as he charged in with the bat. Nash picks up the barbed wire bat and tries to scrape it on Foley’s face but Foley blocks it and is able to hit a mule kick to Nash’s balls! Foley with a running forearm and now the brawl spills out to the floor where Foley slams Nash into the guardrail and then the ring apron. Foley gets back in the ring and grabs a picture frame but Foley hesitates which allows Nash to nail him with a Big Boot for the pin. That whole thing was VERY sloppy.

    Winner: Nash via pinfall (Big Boot)

    It’s shown that the reason Foley hesitated was because the picture was the stupid picture of him and Borash. We see Hall and Pac coming down through the crowd now! Hall and Pac attack Nash out of nowhere! Pac hits a vision Spinning Heel Kick and then Hall puts the boots to him! What the hell?! Hall turns his attention to Foley and stomps on him while Pac continues to beat on Nash. Hall and Pac taunt the crowd and Nash as everyone wonders what the hell just happened.

  7. “iMPACT” Impressions 8/20/09

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    Cross the line!

    We open with Matt Morgan and a baseball bat. Morgan wants to smash Kurt Angle’s head in with said bat. Angle and the Main Event Mafia get him in the ring and Angle explains that he didn’t pin Morgan and keep the title on purpose. He just fell on him after thinking that he had hit Sting. They agree to team up and take on Team 3D in a tables match. I was late getting to the show, so I missed most of this.

    Match #1: Beer Money vs. The British Invasion: This was a street fight, and a non-title match. I’m still getting caught up, so specific moves are not being detailed right now. Loud chants of “We want tables!” Kendo sticks, trash cans, plastic bags, and both members of Beer Money in street clothes. Berr Money dominates rather well. Storm gets knocked off the ring post, but Roode gets in and puts Brutus Magnus through a trash can and gets the pin for the win. Magnus and Roode were very bloody.

    To the back! Lauren interviews the Beautiful People. They sit on their thrones. Madison Rayne has been kicked to the curb, and TBP will get her tonight. Short but awesomely fun promo, as per usual from TBP.

    To the back! Cody Deaner and ODB argue loudly over Deaner’s status as Knockouts champion. Foley and JB are talking, but Foley offers to help. Deaner uses Foley’s white board to visually demonstrate that when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of you and umption. Foley says that he will retreat to his inner sanctum, and issue a verdict on the Knockouts champion status next week on “iMPACT.” Abyss comes up and Foley thanks him for his help against Nash at the ppv. Foley gives Abyss a gift. “Is it groceries? I love groceries!” Foley tells Abyss that it isn’t groceries. It is, in fact, a blue flannel. Abyss cries. Foley says that there is no crying in wrestling. Abyss straightens up. Foley and Abyss discuss spilling their own blood. Foley wants his bat back.

    Mike Tenay and Taz are the official broadcast team. Don West has been promoted within the merchandising company. Tenay and Taz run down the evening’s card.

    Match #2: Madison Rayne vs. Angelina Love: Rayne enters to the Beautiful People’s music, alone and looking scared. Love jumps Rayne from behind and throws her into the barricade. Love manhandles Rayne to the ring. Love pins Rayne in a matter of seconds. Velvet Sky scampers down to the ring. TBP put the boots to Rayne, and give her the Brown Paper Bag treatment. Tara and Christy Hemme run to Rayne’s aid, and TBP bail.

    The Motor City Machine Guns bring us all a public service message. Their lack of tv time has made their paychecks smaller. The MCMG are all about three things: Entertaining you, the fans. Getting laid. Getting paid. For $2000 an hour, you can hire their services. They’ll play video games, go see movies, or sit on your couch and do absolutely nothing while you make them dinner. Call now, and they’ll throw in a free Sham-Wow! I’ll continue this real-time when I get back from the bank. 

    Match #3: Samoa Joe vs. Homicide: X-Division Champion Samoa Joe has a rematch against Homicide from the ppv. Joe’s strikes seem lacking in power. Joe hits a nice snap slam on Homicide, but Homicide kicks out at two. Joe continues to outpower Homicide, but the Notorious 187 refuses to stay down. Homicide uses speed, and takes Joe down, but can’t get the three-count. Joe gets the pin with a muscle buster. Clean win for Joe.

    “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero, totally pimped out, arrives in a chauffeured car.

    To the back! Lauren interviews Tara, Christy Hemme, Sarita, and Taylor Wilde are very happy. Next week starts a Knockouts tag team tournament. Tara and Christy will team up, as will Taylor Wilde and Sarita. Tonight is the Four-way dance between Traci Brooks, Awesome Kong, Sarita, and Christy Hemme.

    Match #4: Awesome Kong (w/ Raisha Saeed) vs. Traci Brooks (w/ Sharmell) vs. Sarita (w/ Taylor Wilde) vs. Christy Hemme (w/ Tara): This was a four-way singles match. Kong and Sarita start. Kong totally outpowers Sarita. Sarita pulls the ropes and Kong goes over the top and hits the floor. Sarita takes down Traci with a spinning head scissors. Traci and Christy slap at each other. Kong clotheslines Traci on the floor. Sarita flies over the top and takes out Kong. We go to a commercial break. When we return, Christy goes for the FFCLG, but Kong plants her. Christy later hits the FFCLD on Traci, but Kong hits Christy with the Implant Buster. Sarita tries a missile dropkick, but Kong catches her and throws her down. While Kong climbs to the top turnbuckle, Traci rolls over and steals the pin on Christy. Traci gets the win. KONG MAD! KONG SMASH! Kong throws chairs as the remaining Knockouts bail up the ramp.

    Consequences Creed (w/ Jay Lethal) is in the ring when we return from a commercial break.

    Match #5: “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Consequences Creed: Lethal is sent to the back by the ref. Pope and Creed exchange arm holds. Creed hits a springboard clothesline, and takes down Pope. Pope returns the favor with a stiff punch. Pope hits a Bronco Buster from behind, sliding through the ropes to the floor. Pope follows up with a barrage of stiff punches and a sleeper hold. Creed fights to his feet. Pope goes for a kick, but Creed catches the foot. Pope is all charisma and flash, a total major league player. Pope pulls down his knee pads and hits Creed with a running double knee to the back. Pope gets the pin and win. Post-match, the lights go out and Suicide’s music plays. Suicide rushes the ring and attacks Pope. Pope bails and looks at Suicide with the Booker T googly eyes. Suicide gestures at Pope with the slice across the throat.

    AJ Styles walks toward the ring from backstage.

    To the back! Lauren interviews Matt Morgan, asking him if he’s buying what Angle said earlier. Morgan claims that he’s totally buying it because Kurt Angle never lies. He slips up and says Angle will get his “boot” instead of his “back.” Morgan blames his inexperience and nervousness.

    To the ring! AJ Styles is in street clothes. He has a mic. The audience chants his name loudly. He says that he’s had it pretty rough for the last few weeks. He always had it rough, but he never quit. He is proud of the man that he has become. More “AJ!” chants. What he isn’t so proud of is losing the Legends title, losing the matches against Matt Morgan, and losing friends like Eric Young and Samoa Joe. He has already missed half the lives of his kids while he’s on the road, and when he is home, he can’t stop being bothered by things like this from work. He yells at his family over petty things because he’s hung up on the work problems. It isn’t worth it. It’s time for AJ Styles to say goodbye to professional wrestling. He loves the TNA fans, and he’s sorry. Sting walks out in street clothes and sunglasses. Loud crowd chants of “Sting!” Sting grabs a mic. He asks AJ if that’s the legacy that AJ really wants to leave after seven years. He says that AJ is saying, “I quit.” He’s quitting on his wife, his kids, the fans, the little kids who want to be him. Sting takes off the glasses and tells AJ that he’s quitting on him too. Right now, AJ is a loser because quitting is what losers do. Does AJ think that Sting hasn’t suffered, both professionally and personally? He hasn’t quit in over twenty years. He wanted to pass the torch to somebody, somebody who could bring honor, dignity, and respect back to the business. He had been talking about AJ the whole time. AJ is, or was, the Chosen One. AJ can either go home and quit, or go in the back, lace up his boots, and claim what is his. AJ is near tears, but he stops, and hugs Sting. Sting says that AJ is supposed to be “The Man,” and tells AJ to come with him. They leave up the ramp together as Taz and Tenay wonder if AJ has really quit or not.

    To the back! Lauren asks Hernandez when he plans to cash in his briefcase for a World title shot. Hernandez says that the night he cashes it in will be the night he becomes World Heavyweight Champion. Eric Young interrupts, and tells Hernandez to come talk to him, presumably about joining World Elite. 

    To the announce table! “The Boss” Bobby Lashley comes to the announce table, and says that next week will be the TNA television debut of TNA President Dixie Carter. She will announce, among other things, Bobby Lashley’s role in TNA. Tenay invites Lashley to stay at the table and join the commentary. He accepts.

    Match #6: Team 3D vs. Matt Morgan and Kurt Angle: Team 3D enters first. Matt Morgan enters next. Kurt Angle enters, but makes a beeline for Lashley and attacks him at the announce table. Lashley fights back, but Angle makes it to the ring. This was a tables match. Angle and Brother Ray start. Typical Team 3D tables match, with lots of stiff punches and forearms. Team 3D targets Angle’s neck. Morgan overpowers Devon. Team 3D double-teams Morgan over the ropes, and follow up on Angle. When we return from commercial break, Devon leaps off the rope to deliver the Wazzup. “Get the tables!” Team 3D sets up the tables in the ring. Morgan rolls into the ring and clotheslines Team 3D from behind. Morgan moves a table and gestures for a chokeslam. Morgan chokeslams Devon, but Ray moves the table. Angle tags in. Angle goes after Devon, whose mouth appears to be bleeding. Angle goes for an Angle Slam through a table, but Morgan moves the table just as Devon reverses the move. Morgan rushes at another table with a Carbon Footprint, but breaks the table on his own. The match continues, as no one was put through a table by an opponent. Team 3D dominates, and Ray hits Angle with a super kick on the floor. Ray brings another table from the backstage area. Angle fights off Team 3D alone in the ring. Angle calls Morgan into the ring afterwards. Morgan’s knee is still bad from the bothced kick through the table. Angle orders Morgan to the top rope, but Morgan’s knee can’t handle it. Team 3D grab him on the top rope and throw Morgan through the table. Team 3D wins.  Post-match, Angle and Morgan yell at each other.

    The End.

  8. “iMPACT” Impressions 8/13/09

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    Cross the line!

    Match #1: Christy Hemme defeats Sojo Bolt: We open going straight into the match, which is awesome. Christy looks great, and is better in the ring than she has ever been. Not top-of-the-card Knockouts action, by any means, but she certainly didn’t embarrass herself.

    Tenay and West run down tonight’s card, and a split screen shows AJ Styles and Matt Morgan entering the arena.

    Lauren interviews Taz about Samoa Joe’s loss to Hernandez. Taz says that Joe let himself down. Joe beat Joe. Taz will motivate Joe, and turn a negative into a positive. Homicide will be the one to suffer, and Joe will put him out. Solid promo with excellent delivery by Taz.

    Match #2: Hernandez defeats Doug Williams: I still don’t like Hernandez’s new music. Hernandez holds Williams up in a suplex for an eternity before landing a backbreaker over his shoulder. Brutus Magnus distracts Hernandez, and Williams takes control. Williams targets the neck and shoulders. Williams goes to the top turnbuckle, but misses a back senton. Don West is awesome! He says that the TNA fans aren’t the smartest of people, are the chants of “USA! USA!” for the Mexican or the Brit? Williams goes for a top rope cross body, but Hernandez catches him and plants him with a sit-down powerbomb for the win. Brutus magnus attacks hernandez post-match, but Hernandez disposes of him. Rob Terry attacks Hernandez with the “Feast or Fired” briefcase, and knocks him down. The British Invasion bails, and Hernandez gives chase once he regains his footing.

    To the back! Hernandez grabs the mic from Lauren and yells something in Spanich. He leaves.

    To the Mike Tenay sit-down interview! It’s with Bobby Lashley. Tenay says that he has followed every second of Lashley’s WWE career, and that professional wrestling wasn’t enough for him. Way to insult everyone, Mike. Is it possible to be successful in pro wrestling and MMA at the same time? Lashley says that he can. Tenay brings up the Main Event Mafia and Kurt Angle’s desire to be the greatest wrestler ever. Who would win between the greatest wrestler ever and the greatest MMA fighter ever? Lashley says that the fans will.

    Jeremy Borash interviews Dr. Stevie (with a smokin’ hot Daffney) about his bounty on the head of Abyss. Dr. Stevie talks about defeating and destroying “Chris.” Abyss rushes in, grabs Dr. Stevie by the throat, and tells him to finish the job himself. Abyss is attacked by a chair-wielding “Outlaw” Jethro Holiday. For some reason.

    To the back! Lauren interviews Tara, who has Poison crawling over her arm. Tara talks about Awesome Kong, and Lauren talks up the four-way Knockouts match. Tara is in creepy mode, and I likes it.

    Match #3: Eric Young and Sheik Abdul Bashir (w/ Kiyoshi) defeat Rhino and Jesse Neal: Jesse Neal has the same haircut and ring gear that he had for his first match, which is appalling. Neal and Young (Ha! See what I did there?) start out. Rhino tags in and works over Young’s midsection. Neal tags back in. Tenay and West talk up the problems between Neal and Rhino. Young drives Neal into his corner, and Bashir tags in. Bashir tags in Young. Young levels Neal with a clothesline. Tenay and West talk up the “Steel Asylum” match that will take place at “Hard Justice.” The winner will be the Number One Contender to the X-Division title. Alex Shelley, Chris Sabin, Consequences Creed, Jay Lethal, Amazing Red, Suicide, and a debuting “Pope” D’Angelo Dinero (formerly known as Elijah Burke) are in it. Why am I afraid that Dinero/Burke is going to be handed the win and a shot at the X-Division title for his debut match that happens to be on a ppv, and the true X-Division guys will get shoved aside yet again? I hope that I’m wrong. Young and Bashir isolate Neal, and quickly tag each other in and out. Rhino is not happy. Neal has a chance to tag in Rhino, but attacks Bashir instead. Young grabs his trunks and rolls Neal up for the pin. Post-match, Rhino yells at Neal and slaps him. When Neal turns away, Rhino sets up and Gores him. Tenay and West play Rhino up as the face.

    To the back! Lauren interviews Rhino about his treatment of Jesse Neal, actually getting some bass in her voice and challenging Rhino about it. “What do you think this is, the Lifetime Channel?” Awesome! Rhino delivers a strong promo about respecting what Neal has done in the military, but doubting that Neal can handle wrestling.

    Match #4: Tara defeats ODB (w/ Cody Deaner), Angelina Love (w/ Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky), andAwesome Kong (w/ Raisha Saeed): Kong and Tara go after each other, while The Beautiful People bail and hide from Cody Deaner. ODB drinks from her flask, and shares it with Tara. Tara “Hulks up” and smacks her own boobs. ODB climbs to the top and leaps off onto Kong, Raisha Saeed, and Cody Deaner. Tara climbs to the top and leaps off on The Beautiful People. Tara smashes her head on the floor. Kong and Tara fight to the outside. Angelina Love takes out ODB with the Botox Injection bicycle kick. Kong broke up the count. ODB and Kong go. Kong womanhandles ODB, but ODB kicks out twice. Tara and Angelina Love fight outside the ring. Kong chokeslams ODB. Deaner hops up on the apron and screams at Kong. Deaner acts like he wants to fight Kong, but grabs her by the head and kisses her instead. Kong stares at Deaner, then pulls him into the ring and plants him with the Awesome Bomb. Tara runs in and rolls up Kong for the win.

    To the back! Lauren talks to AJ Styles about his upcoming match against Matt Morgan. With the “Best of Three” series tied at one win each, AJ’s loss will put Sting at a huge disadvantage.

    To the back! Jeremy Borash talks with Team 3D. I hate that Brother Devon talks respectfully about Booker T and Scott Steiner. More kissing up to Harlem Heat and the Steiner Brothers, neither of which are current teams. Talking up the Team 3D versus Booker T and Scott Steiner tag team title match.

    Match #5: Scott Steiner (w/ Booker T and Sharmell) defeats Brother Ray (w/ Brother Devon): This was a “No DQ” match. Steiner gets the mic and blah blah blah. Brother Ray takes a mic and kisses up to Harlem Heat and the Steiner Brothers, before pointing out that garbage is also a household name, and, like them, it’s getting old and stinking. Slow, plodding, power game. Sharmell and Booker interfere. Ray takes Steiner’s chain mail headdress and puts it on. The British Invasion come down and distract, allowing Booker and Steiner to put Ray through a table and get the win. This was barely a match, and far too short for this sort of thing. With interference almost right away, it was pointless.

    To the contract signing! Mike Tenay oversees as Mick Foley and Kevin Nash sign contracts for the Legends title match on Sunday at teh “Hard Justice” ppv. Both guys have final pre-match comments. Foley says that he doesn’t think that he’s ever had a conversation with Nash that didn’t revolve around money. Doesn’t a sense of pride or accomplishment meananything to Nash? Nash tells Foley that he could have made $20,000 at the past weekend’s authograph session, which he thinks that Foley cost him. Why doesn’t Foley take the easy way out, like Nash always has? Foley says that Nash may look down on him, but he loves wrestling with the sort of passion that would allow him to do it for free. Nash strips down and calls himself an athlete and a businessman, while Foley is a pathetic wrestler. Foley says that he’ll bring his set of skills on Sunday, and Nash can bring his, and they’ll see what happens. Foley says that they’re on a wrestling show, in a wrestling ring, with a title contract for a wrestling match, and nobody’s going through that table? Nash says that he doesn’t get paid for that, so he won’t go through it or put Mick through it for free. Mick says that he would put Nash through the table for free, and then announces that he thinks that he will go through the table for free. Foley runs off the ropes and hurls himself through the table. People cheer.

    To the video package for the “Steel Asylum” match!

    To the back! Lauren interviews Matt Morgan. Morgan feels no pressure, and is completely confident that he will win. He guarantees victory, in fact.

    Match #6: Matt Morgan (w/ Kurt Angle) defeats AJ Styles (w/ Sting): This was the rubber match to determine the third man in the three-way dance at “Hard Justice” for the World Heavyweight title. AJ takes the match to Morgan by running the ropes and landing a flip dive over the top rope. AJ and Morgan fight on the floor, and AJ takes Morgan down with a flying forearm. Morgan is finally rolled into the ring and the bell rings to start the match. AJ puts Morgan in the Figure Four leg lock for a long time. Morgan screams, but won’t tap. Morganmakes it to the ropes, and AJ breaks the hold. Morgan gets his wind back, and uses his power against AJ. Morgan dominates AJ. Don West says that Angle has announced that this is Morgan’s last test for MEM membership. If Morgan wins this match, and helps him retain the title, he’ll be in. AJ kicks out several times, but Morgan continues to toy with him, and won’t allow AJ a chance to get in any offense. Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint in the corner, but AJ dodges and lands a few punches. AJ hits a missile dropkick, but Morgan kicks out at two. Morgan catches AJ in a side slam, but AJ kicks out at two. AJ hits a Pele out of nowhere, but Morgan kicks out just in time. Morgan takes AJ’s head off with a Carbon Footprint, and gets the pin. Matt Morgan, Kurt Angle, and Sting will fight in the “Hard Justice” main event. Post-match, the entire MEM comes to the ring, applauding. Angle gets a mic.

    Angle praises Morgan, and claims that the MEM was scouting him to recruit him all along. Morgan says that he thought that he was selling himself to the MEM, not the other way around. Angle says that Morgan has one last little thing to do before getting in to the MEM. Morgan says that Angle can’t possibly be asking him to help Angle retain the title. Angle says that he’s not asking it, he’s demanding it. Morgan calls Angle “little man,” and tells him that no one demands anything of “The Blueprint.” He isn’t passing up this opportunity, and he will be walking out of the match as the new World Heavyweight Champion. Angle is furious, and has to be restrained by the MEM as Morgan exits up the ramp. Morgan’s face turn is here.

     

    “Hard Justice” Predictions:

    Bounty Match: Abyss vs. Jethro Holiday

    Abyss needs the win here.

     

    Winner gets World Heavyweight title shot from the “Feast or Fired” briefcase: Hernandez vs. Big Rob Terry

    Hernandez has got to get the win here.

     

    New Japan IWGP Tag Team Championship match:  The British Invasion (champs) vs. Beer Money

    The British Invasion retains, if only because New Japan already issued one statement (later retracted) that they didn’t recognize the title change, and it can’t possibly happen again.

     

    “Steel Asylum” match (winner is #1 Contender for the X-Division title): Alex Shelley vs. Chris Sabin vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed vs. Daniels vs. Suicide vs. Amazing Red

    If there were a god, Chris Sabin would win. That being said, Jay Lethal won the last one. I’m picking Daniels to win. This is all null and void if Don West was right, and Elijah Burke debuts as “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero in this match. If he does, you can just hand him the win, as that’s the track record here. 

     

    Knockouts Championship title match: Angelina Love (w/ Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky) vs. ODB (w/ Cody Deaner)

    Angelina retains. Please.

     

    X-Division title match: Homicide vs. Samoa Joe (w/ Taz)

    Homicide retains. He hasn’t had the title long, and there’s been no focus on it since he won it. He shouldn’t lose it yet.

     

    Tag Team Championship match: Booker T and Scott Steiner (champs) vs. Team 3D

    Team 3D should win here. I doubt that they will, but they should.

     

    Legends Championship match: Mick Foley (champ) vs. Kevin Nash

    Foley retains. Why let him win it if he’s going to lose it right away?

     

    World Heavyweight title match: Kurt Angle (champ) vs. Matt Morgan vs. Sting

    Angle retains. It’s Angle, duh.

     

    That’s it for the real-time. Check back Sunday for a review of “Hard Justice!”

    Peace out,

    Drowgoddess