Last week, we saw one of the weirdest, most bizarre changes in wrestling history. Tonight, there seems to be a new era, the real-life McMahon-Helmsley era, if you will. Questions abound. Who will become champion? Will Alberto del Rio cash in Money in the Bank? Will we see Zack Ryder? Who will Mark Henry sideline? Will we ever see Sin Cara again? Will my wife bring me home my drink from Sonic? (She did, btw.)
The signature opens up. How do they have time for Ultimate Warrior? Are they proud of him? Really? (<—— Miz voice) No wonder CM Punk wants to quit.
Whyyyyy in the blue hellllllllll (<——– Rock voice) is the championship match kicking off a Raw? I liked the wrestlers watching in the back. These two had a really good match. Rey and Miz had really nice chemistry together. And then, in a move that surprised absolutely no one, Alberto del Rio came in to cash in his Money in the Bank. Rey let ADR know that he was ready when he did a plancha onto ADR. ADR changed his mind and took his briefcase and went to the back. We all saw ADR cashing it in, but not cowering out.
Vince McMahon on commentary used to drive “Anything can happen in the WWF” down our throats worse than Rocky Maivia. I feel like we’re getting to that place again.
Then we get a nice recap featuring a champagne bath featuring Zack Ryder. And then they cut to John Cena who shook his hand. Don’t worry, John. You’ll get it back in no time.
Then we have Dolph Ziggler versus Evan Bourne. (My wife likes Evan Bourne, so she stayed awake during this match.) Commentary was strong during this match. Lawler made Bourne seem important. This was a really strong match. It got over Ziggler and the sleeper hold. And I don’t think Bourne lost anything by losing here.
Keith Stone is once again on my tv. This is not acceptable. Maryse & Melina vs. Kelly Kelly & Eve Torres. I am liking Eve more and more. And Maryse is sexy. This is quite possibly the worst match on Raw I have seen in some time. I’m just happier that this match got longer than the Keith Stone segment.
R-Truth is talking to Triple-H. Back from the commercial break, Triple-H is in the ring. This feels important. This monologue gives me what I need to browse some Ring of Honor and WWE and MPX (Buy a $Payday$ t-shirt. Just because I said so.) t-shirts. I loved the swerve of us thinking CM Punk was coming out and getting Jim Ross instead. Though I gotta admit. The moment I hear the snare drums, I think of Roddy Piper. Then Cole cut a promo. HHH gave him the rest of the night off as an announcer. But not as a wrestler. Cole had a match next. Then R-Truth got the hottest segment of the night. HHH got to channel his old DX self. “Are you talking to me or are you talking to these other guys?” R-Truth does the psycho eyes better than anybody else. HHH watches R-Truth walk away and lets him know HHH re-signed somebody else-John Morrison.
Then Michael Cole came out to the ring in Triple-H’s music. And his opponent… Zack Ryder. In the span of a minute, my Twitter timeline had 16 comments about Zack Ryder. It was worse than the diva match, but in Cole’s defense, he’s not a wrestler. The crowd went nuts. It was nice. Please tell me they are going to use him.
We had a Kofi-Alberto del Rio match. Kofi is such an incredible athlete. Aside from Rey, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a luchador adjust to the WWE in-ring style as well as del Rio. The finish was really strong. Kofi almost had del Rio down for the pin. Kofi had an injured arm and tapped out because of the injury and looked pretty strong even after a loss.
HHH will be on Smackdown! The exclamation point is there because it’s on the name, not because I’m enthused.
My tv does not need to be adjusted. Jim Ross is supposed to be there. Who has an “Add Jim Ross” on their settings? Maybe he can do commentary on General Hospital. “Stone Cold! Stone Cold!” regarding Jason. (I’m married. Don’t judge me.)
Miz is not happy. A champion needs a face. And, in a cheap plug worthy of DX, Miz will be on The George Lopez Show on Wednesday. Something tells me Miz may NOT be the focal point of that show, as it most likely will be crashed. Then Rey comes out to face the Confederate Warrior. The crowd really is in to John Cena. Maybe they’re in Charleston, SC. I heard the Confederacy was big there. While I can mock them all I want, this was a hot crowd. Cena and Rey fought a really good match. I really had no idea who was going to win this one. Watching Cena win made me a little sick, but then Punk’s music hit and he has new music. They had a nice stare-down with their belts.
All in all, this was such a good Raw. There are things I didn’t like. I didn’t like Cena winning the belt. I didn’t like the divas segment/match. But all the rest of the matches were great. (I’m not counting Ryder-Cole as a match.) It was undpredictable, fun, and it sounds like they are listening to us.
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Have you ever had a plethora of unrelated thoughts bouncing around inside your brain-meat, refusing to go away until they are shared with others? I knew that you did. In the spirit of our very own legendary JT’s “Random Randomness” column, here are nine of mine. It almost rhymes, so it’s true. Yes, they’re much wordier than JT’s. (more…)
Last night, Ariane Andrew became (in)famous on WWE Tough Enough when she was asked for her favorite match ever. She said Melina and Alicia Fox. Now I have been watching wrestling for over 15 years (though there were stretches where I lost interest). I’ve seen plenty of matches, too. I don’t know about this Alicia Fox-Melina match, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen better. Just in case the proverbial gun is to my head, I wanted to come up with a list of some of my favorite matches. These are by no means the best. These are the ones I would call my favorite matches. I’m not ranking these. Some of them you will agree with. Some are special to me for one reason or another.
1. Savage-Steamboat, Wrestlemania III-I remember watching this match when I saw Wrestlemania III for the first time. I had started getting into wrestling and I wanted to watch anything and everything I could find. My local video store was The Video Library, a mom and pop store back before Blockbuster ruled everything with an iron fist. They had Survivor Series ’91, Wrestlemania III and a few others. WM3 had Hogan and Andre on the cover. How could I not rent it? And of course I fell in love with the Savage-Steamboat match. It was such a tense, dramatic match. I’m sure many people would have this in Top 5 of all time.
2. Chris Benoit-Kevin Sullivan, Falls Count Anywhere Match, Great American Bash ’96-Yes, I said the name Chris Benoit. Regardless of how you feel about him, I am talking about this match, not the person who killed his wife, son and self. There was so much intensity and hatred between these two men. And this was the first fight I’d ever seen go to the men’s restroom. The best part was Dusty Rhodes on commentary. “There’th a woman in the men’th westwoom! There’th a woman in the men’th westwoom!” And then after the match when Arn Anderson turned on Kevin Sullivan, another awesome memory. When I first heard that he had died, and before I knew he was the number one suspect in his murder-suicide, this was the match I watched.
3. Stone Cold-Bret Hart, I Quit Match Wrestlemania XIII-Ken Shamrock as guest referee, Jerry Lawler & Jim Ross on commentary. This was such a hot intense feud. Bret Hart was beginning his anti-American Hart Foundation persona, and Stone Cold was about to embark on being one of the top stars in wrestling of all time. And in this fight, there was blood. The blood flowed out of Austin’s forehead like I had never seen before. And Austin never gave up, but Ken Shamrock awarded the match to Bret Hart. This was a watershed moment in the attitude era.
4. Johnny Kashmere & Justice Pain-Jun Kazai & Nick Mondo, CZW Un-f’n-believable-I’m sure most wrestling fans would scoff at this one being in my list. But this is my list. Make your own. This match had all the drama you could ever want. They were feuding factions. This was “Fans Bring the Weapons,” and wrestling fans are very creative. This was intense and bloody, very bloody. The match was everything the title says. It really was un-f’ing-believable. This put CZW on my map, love it or hate it.
5. Vince McMahon-Shane McMahon, Wrestlemania X-7-I know. This is not the most technical match ever. But there were so many storylines that were built up here. Shane had just “bought” WCW from his dad. Linda was in the wheelchair from the meds Trish was giving her. Mick Foley was the guest referee. The moment that Linda stood up, I stood up in my Arlington home for the pure emotion of it all. And if I remember correctly, there was a Van Terminator from Shane.
6. Eddie Guerrero-Rey Misterio Jr., Halloween Havoc ’97, Mask vs. Title-This is my redemption for the above two matches. The build-up to this match was awesome. When Eddie was a heel, he had no equal. He had unmasked Rey on WCW Saturday night. As useless as Tony Schiavone was, the look of disdain on his face, covering Rey with his jacket, they were both so perfect. And in this match, you didn’t know if Rey was going to lose or not. I spent the match on pins and needles waiting for the bell to ring. Out of Eddie’s and Rey’s many matches together, this one was my favorite.
7. Randy Orton-Cactus Jack, Backlash ’04-I hated the whole Orton spitting on my hero Mick Foley. And I hated it even more when he did nothing. But I read on the Internet this was Foley’s idea, and I just decided to sit back and let Foley be Foley. But we went to the PPV at the movie theater that carried the PPV’s. The match was a thing of beauty. Now, not graceful Eddie-Rey beauty, but more like a “Terry Funk-Sabu, you’re going to be able to count the number of visible tendons” beauty. When my then-fiance and I saw the thumbtacks getting laid out, we were both saying, “Oh, Foley’s going to be diving into those.” And then Orton took the bump, and our jaws both hit the floor. I had not really respected Orton yet, but when he did that, I had a newfound respect for him that I still carry to this day.
8. Kurt Angle-Rey Misterio Jr., some Smackdown-I have no idea what it was, but Angle and Misterio had the greatest chemistry together. Misterio beat him out of nowhere. And the best part of the match was the post-match interview with Angle. “I just got pinned by a 12-year-old. Some kid barely old enough to mow my lawn beat me.” Angle and Misterio had some great matches. This was just the beginning.
9. Mr. Pogo & Terry Funk-Hayabusa & Masato Tanaka, FMW 5-5-96-Yes, this match is pretty much bloody stumps galore. There was barb wire, explosives, pretty much everything you’ve always heard about wrestling but didn’t know it existed. The drama of the guys about to go into the barb wire and then stopping is so gripping. You get Mr. Pogo and his knives. Hayabusa nearly had his mask ripped off. After the match, you can hear Terry Funk repeating, “I don’t need no f***ing stitches” and insults at Atsushi Onita.
10. Kristopher Haiden, Carrion Arcane, Frankie Fisher & Matt Andrews vs. WASP, Gregory James, Seph Annunaki & James Hawke, ladder match, MPX All on the Line- This match is unique as this is the only one I’ve ever seen live. It is also important that this was the day I met the guy now dating my sister-in-law (and the way these kids talk, he might be the brother-in-law before too long), so you know there are some emotional attachments this has for me. This is what I wrote about this the morning after:
“What can you say about this match? I’m not sure that I’ve ever seen a better match than this live. All ten guys gave everything live. I always praise this company for the little things. The wrestlers came out of the dressing room to watch. It reminded me a lot of old ECW when the boys all used to watch from the aisle. The only negative is that at the beginning of the fight, there was too much action going on.
“I counted the number of “Holy s***” moments for me. I had 9. There were a few that happened on the other side from where I was sitting, so I think there were a few more. At one point, we had dueling Van Terminators with ladders. There was a different spot where the two Kyles were climbing up the ladder at the same time, made it to the top and both threw baby powder at each other. It was awesome. We had Gregory James do the lucha libre plancha spot onto the 5 or 6 guys. He also did a conchairto on top of the ladder to Frankie Fisher. Haiden was already bleeding and took an insane bump onto two tables. Being that we know him outside of the business, it was difficult for my wife and some other people who knew him. It’s one thing to watch the Dudleys on Monday Night Raw back in the day; it’s another thing to watch our friend go through the tables. All I know is that my buddy took a table bump that would have made Sabu smile in approval.
“There are very few things in this business that surprise me still. I will admit I got worked when Bryan Danielson was the 7th member of Team WWE. That’s probably the last time somebody worked me that I never saw coming. Matt Andrews took the belt and the briefcase. He asked for the mic and thanked Genesis for getting him to where he was, but now that he was the champion, he was done with them. He fired all of them, climbed down the ladder, threw the briefcase on Seph and said, ‘I don’t care about this. You can have it.’
“What an insane, breath-taking main event. I guess one of the best compliments we can give the night is that my sister-in-law took her new boyfriend to wrestling for the first time last night. On the way home, he asked, ‘Do they do that all the time?’ I’ve said my peace about everything else that night. Great main event made for a great night.”
11. El Hijo del Santo & Octagon-Art Barr & Eddie Guerrero, Mask vs. Hair, WCW When Worlds Collide-I’m a total El Santo mark, so the importance of El Santo, El Hijo del Santo and his mask are so important to me. There was no greater heel faction in Mexico than the Gringos Locos (Barr, Guerrero, Konnan & Louie Spicolli). Oh, yeah, and Octagon is one of those guys I ALWAYS mark out for. There was such intensity in that match. And Eddie lost his mullet.
12. Ice Train-Scott Norton, Some episode of WCW Worldwide (I think)-Again, this is no Ring of Honor 5-star match. Nobody else probably remembers this match, but I do. The story of it was so awesome. Scott Norton & Ice Train were very similar wrestlers, and they mirrored each other. They couldn’t beat the other. Since both were on the same level on the card, you had no idea who was going to win. It even went to a time limit draw, and thus was born the tag team of Fire & Ice.
13. Chris Benoit-Dean Malenko, WCW Hog Wild ’96-Again, if you are offended by me using Chris Benoit’s name, I apologize. Benoit and Malenko had such an amazing chemistry. They were awesome together in the ring. First the match went 15 minutes. Then it was given 5 more minutes. Then it was given 5 more minutes. Finally Nancy “Woman” Benoit interfered and won the match for Benoit.
14. Undertaker-Mankind, Hell in a Cell, King of the Ring ‘98-I know. No points for originality. This is very well-documented. And if you’ve never read his account of it, read “Have a Nice Day” by Mick Foley. There were two major bumps: first was where Mick was thrown onto the table. That was planned. The second one was when the Undertaker choke-slammed Foley and the cage gave way and Foley fell to the ring. And then the chair fell on top of him. The amount of punishment that Foley took was insane.
15. Tommy Dreamer-Brian Lee, ECW Scaffold match-The Tommy Dreamer-Raven feud could not have been any hotter. With respect to Sabu-Taz, it was quite possibly ECW’s biggest feud. Brian Lee was part of Raven’s group in ECW and had made it his goal to end Tommy Dreamer’s career. There was a rickety scaffold built over a ring piled up in tables 3-deep. There was so much drama over who was going to be the first to fall. And Brian Lee went through the tables in an incredible moment.
So, just in case Stone Cold ever asks me, I have it all written down. What are your favorites?
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Hello everyone! I know I missed RAW last week, and I’m terribly sorry about that, but I’m back tonight! Who was that mysterious man who joined Nexus at the end of last week’s RAW? What wonderful news will we hear from the RAW General Manager tonight? I don’t know, but I did hear a rumor that it’s supposed to be the World Heavyweight Champion, Edge, against the WWE Champion, The Miz tonight. Champion vs Champion! Melina and Natalya are also going head to head for the Diva’s Championship!
Oh yeah! The Royal Rumble is this Sunday! Forty men are going to compete for the first time ever! Thank God I’m not covering it. You all know how I love multiple-party matches. Anyway, it’s bound to be good!
Tonight’s show is brought to you by:
You think you know me…
Damn! I don’t have any Edge pictures to use!
The World Heavyweight Champion makes his way to the ring to kick off RAW for us! He says that he doesn’t feel like waiting. He’s never liked waiting, he’s never had a lot of patience. He doesn’t like waiting at the DMV, for the guy at the supermarket to pay by check, he doesn’t like waiting for the guy in front of him at security at the airport to realize his metal belt is made of metal, and he’s sick of waiting in vain for Michael Cole to stop being a tool. So, why doesn’t the Miz just come out here now–?
“Edge, I know you’re very anxious to have your Champion vs Champion match against The Miz, but I have officially schedule that attraction for later tonight. Fortunately for you, I haven’t forgotten about your disrespect when you were a superstar on RAW. That’s why I’ve arranged a special exhibition for you right now. Whichever one of these men tosses you over the top rope will receive the advantageous position of Number 40 at this Sunday’s Royal Rumble. Ring the bell.”
Jack Swagger, Tyson Kidd, and Drew McIntyre make their way down to try to get the position. Tyson Kidd is quickly eliminated by Edge, and Drew McIntyre takes advantage. McIntyre almost gets Edge out, but Swagger breaks it up and Edge sends him over the top. Now, it’s just McIntyre and Edge, but Edge manages to eliminate McIntyre too!
Edge wins.
Edge takes the mic and thanks the anonymous RAW General Manager for getting his juices flowing. He says he’ll go to the back and get ready for his match with The Miz, but first, he wants to do something. He slowly climbs out of the ring, and says that it’s something he did last time on this show. Then, he asks who here wants to see a smashed laptop computer? The crowd cheers, King says he does, and Cole says he doesn’t. Cole gets up and tries to protect the laptop, trying to talk sense into Edge. But, Edge is a nonsensical, crazy man. Common sense doesn’t work.
Damn. The old Nexus theme is back. I miss Punk’s already.
Punk, Otunga, Harris, McGuillicutty, and the mystery man from last week make their way down to the ring. As they make their way into the ring, Edge stands by the laptop, watching them. McGuillicutty passes Punk a mic.
Punk takes it, saying that in this world, only the strong survive, and the strong survive just not from being strong, they don’t survive just from sheer will power, they survive because they evolve. Last week, it was announced that the Royal Rumble match will have forty Superstars, making it the biggest Royal Rumble match in the history of the Royal Rumble. So, as he sees his surroundings change, he adapts, because he is change. He sees the Royal Rumble expand, so the new Nexus evolves. Last week, we saw the new Nexus expand with the inclusion of the mystery Batista. He was hand-picked by Punk from Cardiff, Wales, and he is Mason Ryan. Funny how Punk’s hand-picked guy kicked him in the face.
Mason takes the mic and says he only has one thing to say: Faith.
Punk says that he doesn’t think he could have said it more eloquently. Faith. These men we see are bonded by faith, and unlike John Cena, and the faithless, fake, poor-man’s Nexus on Smackdown!, their faith, come Sunday, will be rewarded. Because they will unite for the common good, for one common goal, and that is for CM Punk to become the winner of the 2011 Royal Rumble Match. Nexus nods along, but will they stay faithful? Punk says that when he wins the 2011 Royal Rumble, he will not only go on to headline Wrestlemania, but the new Nexus will become the most powerful group the WWE has ever laid eyes on.
We are interrupted by the Corre, made of Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, and Ezekiel Jackson. Barrett explained on Smackdown! That he is not the leader of this group; it is a group of equals.
Barrett says to clarify something: the only poor man’s Nexus is the new Nexus. The Corre is nothing like the Nexus. It’s not some brainwashing dictatorship, it’s about four equals. Zeke says at the Royal Rumble, they will try to win the match for themselves, they will unite to make sure to eliminate CM Punk. Mason Ryan jumps in front of Punk and gets in Zeke’s face (never a good idea), and the two have a stare down.
“If I’m going to give Smackdown! Superstars an open invitation to come to RAW, they will have to play by my rules. With Teddy Long unfortunately sidelined, I have the authority to make this very special match. Corre member and former Nexus leader Wade Barrett will face current Nexus leader CM Punk. Whoever loses will see himself, and his entire group, out of the Royal Rumble match. And gentlemen, one last thing: The special guest referee for this Barrett vs Punk match tonight will be someone you’re both extremely familiar with. The guest referee will be John Cena.”
So… Who’s more screwed?
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Yeah, Zeke scares me more than Beardtistacles. #BWF #RAW
@TKeep123 OMG.. Mason Ryan is the love child of Batista and Wade Barrett!!! #RAW #WWE #BWF
@JonHexLives I’ve finally figured it out. A computer program is the general manager. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar The Corre looks weird without any shirts or armbands. And Ezekiel Jackson just looks scary.
@seraphalexiel We’re the Corre. We promote bad spelling and Heath Slater. Of course you should get behind us
@HitTheRopes Okay, shake the ropes violently, Mason Ryan. Go ahead. You know you want to. #WWE
@kickoutblog Well that worked out best: Swagger, Kidd or McIntyre as #40 would’ve been incredibly anticlimactic. #RAW
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, Mark Henry wins the mini-Royal Rumble.>
John Morrison and Mark Henry vs. Sheamus and Alberto del Rio
The match starts with Rio and Morrison starting it off. The two lock up, and Rio gets Morrison in the corner already. The ref separates them, but Rio kicks back quick, throwing Morrison face-first into the turnbuckle, and then staying on him. He drags Morrison over to his corner and tags in Sheamus. Sheamus takes advantage and starts to throw Morrison into the other turnbuckle, but Morrison fights back hard, putting Sheamus in a head scissors and then hitting him with a dropkick before Morrison kicks out of the quick cover. Sheamus fights back and then tags in Rio. Rio Whips Morrison cross the ring, but Morrison ducks his clothesline and fights back well. Morrison gets advantage over Rio, but Sheamus pulls him out of the ring as Morrison goes for Starship Pain.
<COMMERCIAL>
@ThingsColeSays TOO MANY LIMES, TOO MANY LIMES!
@KeepItFiveStar IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!!!!!!!
@Niki_Sushi Is anyone surprised? I believe we’ve seen more of Smackdown than RAW for the past two weeks.. #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Sheamus & Alberto Del Rio are the greatest foreign tag team since The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff. #RAW
@TKeep123 That singlet does nothing to enhance Mark Henry’s …ummmm…. masculinity. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Alexx_Raven: Morrison: Once you go black… You never go back.
@kickoutblog Pot O’Gold is the best suggestion I’ve seen so far for a Del Rio/Sheamus team.
We come back to Rio and Morrison in the ring, and Rio has Morrison in a headlock. Morrison fights out, but Rio drops him onto his head, and sends his knee repeatedly into Morrison’s spine. He goes into a quick cover, but Morrison kicks out at two. Rio drags Morrison to his corner, but Morrison fights his way back to the middle, only to get a sharp elbow to the spine. Rio tags in Sheamus, and Sheamus plays it to the crow-HOLY CRAP MICHAEL “SOUL EATER” TARVER IS WATCHING BACKSTAGE!
Anyway, Sheamus hits a clothesline on Morrison, and then stretches Morrison out. Sheamus gets Morrison into the middle of the ring, goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out at two. Sheamus fights Morrison pretty hard, and then gets Morrison in another submission. Morrison struggles to fight out, hitting a swift kick before trying to gain momentum. Sheamus, however, plants Morrison, and goes for a cover, only for Morrison to kick out at two. Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick, but Morrison hits the flying Chuck. Both men are down in the middle of the ring and their partners reach for them.
Rio and Henry make their way in, and Henry drops his fist onto Rio’s head before head butting him a couple of times. Henry Whips Rio across the ring, and then bulldozes him, going for a cover. Sheamus breaks up the count, and Henry takes exception to this, sending Sheamus into the corner before he clotheslines Rio. Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick, but Morrison comes in and hits the flying Chuck again, before hitting a corkscrew move out of the ring. Rio runs in and gets Henry in the spinning armbar thing, and Henry taps.
Sheamus and Alberto del Rio win via submission.
Later on tonight, Wade Barrett and CM Punk will go one on one against one another, and the special guest referee will be none other than John Cena. And the loser? Their whole group is out of the Royal Rumble. But, up next, it’s the Diva’s Championship match!
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog So sayeth the prophecy: “Upon his second coming, he shall watch a Mark Henry match.” #GuardYourSoul
@Niki_Sushi This just in. Soul Eater [Human Name: Michael Tarver] is back, and he’s hungry. #BWF #RAW #SucksToBeYou
@TKeep123 Sure looked like JOMO landed wrong on that knee… #WWE #RAW #BWF
Melina vs Natalya for the WWE Diva’s Championship
Random thought: How PG is it to promote a game that “You’re mom’s gonna hate it”?
Natalya and Melina lock up, and Melina shoves Natalya against the ropes before sending her right out to the floor. Melina throws Natalya back in, and slams her head against the mat. Melina keeps control over Natalya in the middle of the ring before going for the cover, only for Natalya to kick out. Melina puts Natalya in a viciously strange looking submission hold, but Natalya fights it and gets to her feet, running Melina into the corner. Natalya beats Melina up a little, and Melina kicks her in the head before Natalya drops her, and then does it again. Natalya went for that spinning clothesline, but Melina takes her down. Natalya takes a beating from Melina, but Natalya grabs Melina’s leg and lock sin the Sharpshooter, bending herself all the way over, and Melina is forced to tap out.
WWE Diva’s Champion Natalya wins via submission.
However, LayCool cuts Natalya’s victory celebration short.
McCool tells them to calm down, and says that they have good news. Layla says that in six days, Nattie’s going to lose some weight. McCool says that she’ll probably have to shop in the plus size division for the rest of her life. They’re not talking about actual body weight, they’re talking about their Diva’s Championship. Layla points out they never got their Championship rematch, and McCool says Sunday, they’re going to bring the Diva’s Championship back from being classless, to being flawless.
Still to come, the World Heavyweight Champion Edge takes on the WWE Champion, The Miz.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi That end was a credit to Melina’s flexibility, as she didn’t snap in half. #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes The way Melina can bend, it just leaves a lot to the imagination. #wwe
@kickoutblog (secretly hoping for Kong to interfere in this match and destroy them both… Sorry Natalya)
@KeepItFiveStar And here we go! The slap happy Melina vs. the awkward screaming Natalya!
@KeepItFiveStar Shouldn’t Beth Phoenix be getting title shots? She’s actually been winning
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, CM Punk vs John Cena, and Mason Ryan appears.>
Backstage, Otunga is stirring up more trouble, and is pointing out that if Punk loses, then they’re all screwed. Punk says that he’s sensing a lot of negative energy, and he doesn’t like it. Punk point sout that last week he made a sacrifice, to Mason Ryan, and took a kick in the face to beat John Cena. Come Sunday, Ryan will make his sacrifice, as will all of them, to sacrifice their spot to win the Royal Rumble match, to insure that he does. He says that when he wins, when he main events Wrestlemania, all of their lives change. Punk breaks off and looks at Husky. Harris says that there are forty people in the Royal Rumble match. What if Punk comes out first, and the Nexus doesn’t come until, say, 20th, and he’s already eliminated? Ryan tells him CM Punk will not be eliminated. Punk tells them to maintain the Corre so he can beat Nexus. Punk says that he doesn’t expect Cena to LET him win, he’s going to win because he’s better. Besides, Barrett has been making Cena’s life hell. He then tells them to have faith, and then tells them to take a knee. He extends his fist, and the others do as well.
Backstage, Josh Matthews is interviewing Cena, who punches him, yet again. Matthews has to be sick of that. Matthews asks what his mindset will be for the main event, and Cena says that as an official he’s recognized for doing the same thing. He says that if Punk wins, he has faith that he will eliminate each and every member of the new Nexus. If Barrett wins, he has to deal with the Corre, and points out that it has an extra r, and it stands for –
He’s interrupted by Miz, who fakes a laugh. Miz says he can’t believe Cena’s attitude about the Royal Rumble match. Winning the Royal Rumble match could be the worst thing that has ever happened to them should they choose to face him. Did Cena not see how he gave Orton the worst beating of his life? Or the beating he’s going to give that second-rate Champion Edge? Cena asks him to try to give him the worst beating of his life. Cena points out that The Miz could lose to Randy Orton, and could lose his rematch, and they must-see their way to a shower. Miz asks Matthews if he thinks he’s going to lose, but Miz interrupts him before he can answer. Miz asks the crowd, and they answer yes. Miz asks Riley if it’s ready, and Riley says to roll the footage. Hey, G! Think you can get me a .gif of Miz and Riley laughing??
<VIDEO PACAKGE: WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley beat down Randy Orton.>
AWESOME!
WWE Champion The Miz with Alex Riley vs World Heavyweight Champion Edge
Before the match begins, Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero make their way out to the ring as well, and Dolph joins on commentary, with Vickie.
Miz and Edge, start to lock up, but Miz misses two kicks. Edge continues to deftly avoid all of Miz’ attempts, but catches Miz’ foot and gets the advantage, backing Miz into a corner. He Whips Miz across the ring and then sends his elbow into Miz’ face. He kicks Miz in the stomach, and then head butts him. Miz fights back, however, and elbows him. Once again, however, Miz misses his kick. Miz and Edge lock hands and Edge twists Miz’ arm behind his back. Miz tries to lift Edge, but can’t get him up. Edge fights back and sends Miz right over the top rope.
<COMMERCIAL>
@RhymesWithPen Vickie Guerrero looks way better in tights than Jerry Lawler ever did
@kickoutblog I love Dolph Ziggler’s business casual + hoodie attire.
@Niki_Sushi Hey. GM. Do your damn job and chase away Smackdown. Gawd, such a failure turtle. #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog The Miz has bigger fish to fry than John Cena anyway, he’s got a World Champion to beat.
We come back to Edge immediately going for a cover on Miz, but Miz kicks out at two. Miz gets the advantage, however, attacking the injured ribs of Edge before hitting him with a kick in the face. Miz goes for a cover, but Edge kicks out at two. Miz puts his knee in Edge’s back and then pulls him back, and I’ma punch this cameraman. I don’t care about Dolph and Vickie, thank you. Edge fights out, however, and Miz drops him right onto his back with his own hair. Miz keeps the advantage, and Whips Edge across the ring, but Edge hits a swinging neckbreaker on Miz. Miz starts to get up and Edge sets up for the Spear, but Miz rolls out of the ring first. Edge, however, follows, and Miz attacks the ribs again, before Whipping him, only to get it countered and for Miz to be sent to the barrier. Riley’s on the outside, keeping an eye on things. Edge throws Miz back into the ring. Edge climbs up to the top rope, and Miz fights him up there, going for a suplex, but Edge holds on, fighting to get Miz back to the mat. Edge gets ready, and hits a cross body on Miz, but Miz kicks out of the cover on two. Edge throws Miz into the corner, and then across the ring into the corner. Edge goes to do it again, but Riley helps Miz get out of the way. Miz gets Edge up and slams him, ribs first, into the top rope.
<COMMERCIAL>
@RhymesWithPen The World Champion is currently wrestling the WWE Champion and all Lawler cares about is making Vickie fat jokes … #IWantWrestling
@JonHexLives Why is Alex Riley wearing Sheamus-tinted boots? #WWE #RAW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar TWO COMMERCIAL BREAKS?! *Monocle drops* UNHEARD OF!
@kickoutblog THEY JUST WENT TO COMMERCIAL! COME ON!
Jesus, we come back to Miz going for a cover, Edge kicking out, Miz beating Edge then going for a cover, then Edge kicks out, then Miz starts beating on Edge again. Miz is doing something with the bandage for a minute there, and then wraps his legs around Edge’s ribs. Dolph needs to shut the fuck up. Edge did something and dropped Miz almost literally onto his head. Edge hits something else, but I didn’t see it. Edge is fighting back hard, and this a clothesline on Miz. Edge drops Miz, and then goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Miz drives his shoulder into Edge’s ribs repeatedly for a minute, before running across the ring, missing the swinging corner clothesline. Edge goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two, and Alex Riley distracts Edge. Edge climbs back into the ring, and Miz grabs him, going for a quick cover, but Edge kicks out at two. Miz Whips Edge, misses a clothesline, but manages to hit Riley with the baseball slide, before Edge drops Miz back to the mat. Edge crawls back and sets up the Spear, and I think I just heard Dolph drop the headset. I did.
WWE Champion The Miz wins via disqualification.
Ziggler grabs Edge as Edge goes for the Spear, and hits the Zig Zag on Edge. However, Orton is out next, and Ziggler attacks Orton, as well as Riley. Orton hits a vicious scoop slam on Ziggler, and Miz tries to take off, but Orton grabs him and beats him up. Miz runs into the ring, and Orton hits an RKO on Riley, then on Ziggler. Miz comes in and hits Orton in the knees with Riley’s briefcase before he grabs the WWE Championship and heads on out.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Oh no! It’s never a good day when Miz misses the clothesline
@Lunna1969 i love when Randy does the scoop slam! it always looks so smooth! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@kickoutblog Also, if this whole wrestling this doesn’t work out, Miz should totally sell a licorice candy called Mizzlers.
We come back to Matthews asking Barrett what the difference is between nexus and The Corre. Barrett says that when he first formed Nexus, he got too close to the WWE Championship and lost sight of his original goal, and lost the Nexus. But, every cloud has a silver lining, and he’s a member of The Corre. The Corre doesn’t have leadership issues or against John Cena being the special guest referee. Matthews says that people are pointing fingers at The Corre as being responsible for the attack on Teddy Long. Barrett stops him and says that he wishes Long a speedy recovery. Their goal for today is to make sure that Punk and Nexus are out of the Royal Rumble. As for Cena, Barrett hopes that Cena can respect him as he respects Cena.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan and the Bella Twins vs Ted DiBiase, Maryse, and Alicia Fox
Bryan and DiBiase are going to start it out, and Bryan fights out of DiBiase’s headlock quickly, and Bryan sends DiBiase to the mat. As the men are getting ready to work, Maryse tags herself in, and one of the Bellas and Maryse starts out. Bella 1 sends Maryse to the mat, and Bella 2 distracts Bella 1 from the whole thing, and Maryse takes advantage with a quick pinfall.
Ted DiBiase, Alicia Fox and Maryse win via pinfall.
The Bellas are fighting, and Daniel doesn’t look like he knows what the fuck to do. Get used to it, Bryan.
Still to come, Punk v Barrett.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Ted DiBiase, Maryse and Knuckles from Sonic The Hedgehog vs Darling Nikki, that other twin and Daniel Bryan!
@HitTheRopes Wow, two matches involving Divas on one Raw. #Shocked
@Niki_Sushi Aaaaaaaaand there goes the good mood. Nastiness Personified vs Sexy People. Sigh. #BWF #RAW
At the Royal Rumble, Randy Orton and The Miz will go head to head for the WWE Championship! Dolph Ziggler and Edge will duke it out for the World Heavyweight Championship! LayCool will meet Natalya for the WWE Diva’s Championship, and it is a first-ever Forty Man Royal Rumble Match!
Backstage, the Bellas are fighting each other about who is better for Bryan, or whatever is important to them. Tarver watches them argue for a moment before he walks away, and both are ridiculously unaware of how lucky they are to have not gotten their souls stolen. However, They enter Daniel Bryan’s locker room to see him and Gail Kim kissing. Haha, you whores. Bryan says that he and Gail have been dating for six months. Gail says that with no guest stars around they have nothing to do. Gail gets up in their faces and slaps one, and then is sent in the corner by the other one. Referees have to break them apart, because Gail is gonna break her heel off in their asses.
The new Nexus, without Punk, makes their way to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes Michael Tarver continues to pop up in random spots. #wwe
@Niki_Sushi So. Gail kinda just went up about 100% on the ‘DAMN’ meter, ya think? Such a shame that she has bad taste in men. #BWF #RAW
@divadirt “Because there’s no guest stars around, you guys really have nothing to do?” says Gail re. the Bellas. Oh snap! #WWE
@seraphalexiel IF THIS MEANS GAIL KIM WRESTLING, THEN I FORGIVE THAT LAST MATCH
@HitTheRopes Holy hell, something for Gail Kim, yay! #wwe
@KeepItFiveStar OHHHH SHIT! GAIL KIM WITH THE SHOOT COMMENT
This Sunday, Edge and Randy Orton will come together as a tag team once again to take on The Miz and Dolph Ziggler!
Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris with Mason Ryan and David Otunga vs WWE Tag Team Champions Vladimir Kozlov and Santino Marella with Tamina
McGuillicutty and Kozlov start things off with McGuillicutty losing his mind all over Kozlov. Kozlov fights back, however, and tags in Marella, who drops McGuillicutty to the mat and puts him in a headlock. McGuillicutty fights out of it, however, and sends Santino into the corner. Santino tries to jump up on McGuillicutty, who isn’t there, and McGuillicutty takes advantage, sending Santino to his corner. Harris is tagged in and stops on Santino before picking him up and dropping him real fucking fast. Harris goes for a quick pinfall, but Santino kicks out at two. Harris keeps him in the middle of the ring in a headlock, and then Santino flips Harris over him. Harris takes exception to this, and drops Santino, before going for a cover, but Santino kicks out. Santino continues to take abuse from Harris, who has him in a headlock in the middle of the ring. Santino fights to his feet, and both men are down. Santino manages to make it over to Kozlov, but before he can tag, Harris sends Kozlov off the apron. Santino starts to get momentum, and avoids his moves. He starts to flip Harris, but instead hits Harris’ knee. Santino sets up the Cobra, and McGuillicutty starts to get in, distracting Santino, while Harris takes advantage. Harris hits some kind of harsh-looking move and pins Santino for the win.
Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris win via pinfall.
Otunga takes the mic and asks for a hand for the new Nexus, but gets boos. He says that he wants everybody to give a warm welcome to the man who has sacrificed so much for them, a man who they will sacrifice for this Sunday and help propel to victory at the 2011 Royal Rumble match. Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for their leader, CM Punk. As CM Punk makes his way to the ring, Cena is backstage and is handed a referee shirt. He tosses his dog tags to the guy that gave him the shirt and makes his way to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Michael Tarver should’ve handed John Cena his ref shirtt.
@TKeep123 All HAIL…..SANTINO !!!! Can Nexus handle The Cobra? #WWE #RAW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar Wow. That belt has sucked out all of Tamina’s muscle. And for those keeping count, she’s wearing shoes.
CM Punk with New Nexus vs Wade Barrett with the Corre with Special Guest Referee John Cena
Haven’t done this in a while, so:
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SCRAP YER POO!!!
Wait, where’s the ref shirt he was just handed? Oh, it’s under. Okay.
Cena, before the match is even started, sends the New Nexus backstage and away from ringside. The Corre is clapping, but that shit won’t last. Punk looks greatly upset. Cena seems to be distracted by the Cena chants, and sends The Corre backstage next. Told ya so.
Cena finally calls for the damn bell… and then steps between them, and shoves Punk backwards. Punk goes to attack him, and points out that he’s the ref. Then, he slaps Barrett, and points out he’s the ref. So, Punk attacks Barrett instead. Cena stands across the ring and just stands there so that Punk can attack Barrett as he wants. Punk sends Barrett out of the ring and gets in Cena’s face and yells at him, but Cena doesn’t seem fazed. He then sends Punk over the top rope, and Punk runs in, pissed, but stops himself before he hits Cena. Barrett, however, comes back in and attacks Punk, hitting a hard sidewalk slam. Cena then ignores the cover and goes out to the side and signs a few autographs, pretending that he forgot there was a match going on. Punk and Barrett are trying to wrestle, and knock each other down. Cena calls for the bell.
Cena then says that both teams are disqualified for excessive use of profanity on a PG show, and neither team is going to the Royal Rumble. And then Cena laughs. And Punk and Barrett are pissed.
“What we have just witnessed was a blatant abuse of power. Now, I can’t change the referee’s decision of this double disqualification, but I can change the consequences. Therefore, CM Punk, Wade Barrett, and their respective teams, will all compete in the Royal Rumble match Sunday. And in addition, if John Cena does not go into the ring and apologize to both Wade Barrett and CM Punk, right now, John Cena, you will be the one out of the Royal Rumble match.”
Cena’s pissed about this, and Punk and Barrett like this way too damn much. Cena pulls off his ref shirt and walks back to the ring. He slides in and stands between the two of them. He apologizes to Punk, then to Barrett, and then attacks them both. And then The Corre makes their way back down to the ring before the New Nexus follows. Cena watches both teams, but the teams seem more weary of each other than they do Cena. McGuillicutty stars to attack, and then Big Show, Bryan, Morrison, Tatsu, Henry, Kozlov, Marella, and some other people, I’m sure, start coming out. Oh, there’s Truth too.
Anyway, there’s RAW for ya. Decent build up for the Royal Rumble, though I think everyone was busier talking about Gail Kim and Daniel Bryan. Anyway, hope you all enjoy your week.
Due to the length of today’s post, I have edited it to better suit the front page. The draft picks will be listed here by brand at the top of the post, and the in-depth analysis will be found after the jump. This is done in Real-Time, so click your browser’s refresh button every 10 minutes or so for the latest picks!
RAW
The Great Khali & Ranjin Singh
Natalya
Ezekiel Jackson
Goldust JTG The Hart Dynasty
SMACKDOWN
Chavo Guerrero
Cody Rhodes
Chris Masters
Hornswoggle
Rosa Mendes
Montel Vontavious Porter
Full analysis of the 2010 supplemental draft picks, after the jump!
Happy New Year BWFers. Last night was the final WWE program of the decade. Hope you had a safe holidays. Due to time constraints, I will only provide the results of the show.
Match 1: Melina vs Alicia Fox
Winner: Melina via Sunset Flip Bomb
Match 2: Shelton Benjamin vs Vance Archer
Winner: Shelton Benjamin via DQ after Archer was called for a 5 count in the corner.
Match 3: Cryme Tyme vs Mike Knox and Charlie Haas
Winner: Cryme Tyme via JTG’s Shout Out
Main Event: MVP and Chris Masters vs Jack Swagger and Carlito
Winner: Swagger and Carlito via Carlito’s Backstabber
Johnny Damon from your 2009 World Series Champion New York Yankees (w00t!) is the guest host tonight for Monday Night RAW! I have no idea what’s booked for tonight, but you can assume that it’ll have something to do with the Slammy Award Winning John Cena and his pursuit of the equally Slammy Award Winning WWE Champion, Sheamus. Let’s go!
10 days until Hell in a Cell. That means 2 more Superstars to review. Lets get the first one out of the way.
Match 1: The Masterpiece Chris Master vs Primo Colon
Its time to start pushing Chris Masters into something big. This guy is huge! Primo is a very good inhancement talent. Masters should not be losing to Primo, but I understand that Primo can’t job every week and needs some credibility for himself. Primo wins this with a quick roll up. This is fine with me, as Masters was not made to look weak in the loss. Primo is always fun to watch and he has so much more talent than Carlito, but I still see Carlito as having more to offer. Go figure.
Match 2: Goldust vs William Regal
Lord Regal’s court follows him to the ring in this one. Big Zeke is a star! Kozlov not so much, but he is ginormous too. Should Goldust still be called Goldust if his ring attire is more black than gold? Goldust wins this one via DQ. Kozlov and Ezekial Jackson help Regal dismantle Goldust. Christian, Tommy Dreamer and Yoshi Tatsu rush to the ring to save the Golden one.
Match 3: Michelle McCool and Layla vs Maria and Melina
If you have missed it, over the last few weeks Maria and Melina have been on the outs, as Maria thinks Melina has been trying to sabotage her relationship with Mr. Ziggles. Early on, Maria and Melina seem to be on the same page. Michelle McCool hits a big boot to Maria’s face and Layla gets the pin. After the match, Maria wants nothing to do with Melina. This proves that good booking and creative writing can make women’s matches interesting.
Ask the divas segment. Who cares?!
Main Event: Matt Hardy vs Kane
Matt just doesn’t do it for me at all. He is out of shape, doesn’t speak well, and can’t do the things he used to be able to. Kane, however, should be a main event heel on Smackdown right now, but the fans will always love him too. Why are the fans behind Matt so much? Is it because he is Jeff’s brother? He certainly isn’t exciting to watch or listen to anymore. Matt wins via DQ as Kane straddles Matt on the ropes several times and then delivers a Chokeslam for good measure. Even after leaving Matt in a heaping pile in the ring, the fans still popped for Kane as he left the ring.
Thanks for checking out the review this week. Join me next week as I will also give my HIAC predictions.
Well, like I said yesterday, folks, I was under the weather. I didn’t tell it to get up and move, like Drowgoddess suggested – it did that on it’s own. Either that or it saw her comment and decided it didn’t want a Texas sized ass kicking.
Hey, speaking of Texas sized ass kickings, Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker will wrestle at WrestleMania! They kicked off Monday Night RAW with a killer back and forth promo – probably one of the best promos in years in the WWE. Undertaker was going to tell HBK to rest in peace, but HBK interrupted, saying he’d rest comfortably knowing that he ended the streak.
More of RAW, and all of ECW, after the jump! (more…)
