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RAW 12.6.10

December 6, 2010 11:24 pm 10 Comments

It’s been a couple weeks since I last made a review, and I’d like to thank the boss man himself, ThinkSoJoE for covering the past two weeks for me! Now, next week is a special three-hour RAW (Jeez, these things are popping up everywhere! Old School, then King of the Ring, and now this!) that is dedicated to the Slammy Awards! But, we’re not there yet!

Tonight on Monday Night RAW, Randy Orton returns to the ring, Michael Cole must answer for his actions last week during the TLC match between Jerry “The King” Lawler and WWE Champion The Miz, and there’s supposed to be a Fatal Four Way match for the WWE Tag Team Championships?! Only way this can get better is if Jerry Lawler knocks Michael Cole out again!

Jerry Lawler and CM Punk are sitting together without Michael Cole!! The crowd chants for him, and Punk says that he thinks Lawler would have done it if it hadn’t been for Michael Cole.

Cole interrupts and comes out from the stage with a mic. He says that it is with the deepest remorse that he comes out tonight to try to explain his actions last week. He’s been wrestling with it all week long, and he doesn’t know why he did what he did. These people don’t understand how traumatic last week was for him. The hate mail that he received, how could everyone write those hurtful things about him? But, the one thing he won’t’ do is apologize for the way he feels about the Miz, because when The Miz started in this company, Cole was the only one who supported him. And when The Miz won the WWE Championship, it was like his own son had won the championship. So, Jerry, last week, when all this was going on in the ring, and Miz was down, and Jerry was climbing… Cole got caught up in the emotion of the moment. Jerry, because of that, that’s what he deeply regrets.

King picks up a mic and says that he really expected Cole to apologize, because Cole cost him the WWE Championship. Cole says he regrets his actions last week and asks if King has ever made a mistake, and says he made a mistake. King says that it may be a mistake, but he may have to go up there and finish what he started last week. He stands up, but Cole tells him to wait. Punk says he’s not going to stop King. Cole says they should talk about this like adults. The way he just acted, it rang a bell in Cole’s head. Cole believes the way that King just acted, King is as much to blame for last week as Cole is. Cole and King are supposed to report on the news, not make it. Last week, King made the news, King was the headline. King had to be Jerry “The King” Lawler one more time. He had to steal the spotlight, he couldn’t let The Miz have his one moment. King had to steal it from him. So, the more Cole thinks about this, he doesn’t think he owes King an apology. He thinks King owes him an apology. King says he’s going to come and give Cole what he thinks he owes Cole.

<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>

Punk says that he’ll handle it, since Cole’s scared to get out of the ring. Punk steps up to the podium and tells everyone hello. He says he’s always wanted to do it, then mocks Cole, much to everyone’s amusement.

“I am ordering a cease and desist on any physicality between Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler. Violation of this order will result in termination. What I would like right now is for Jerry to get in the ring and shake hands with Michael.”

Jerry starts toward the ring, and Punk says this isn’t worth King’s job. King gets in the ring, and shakes Cole’s hand. Cole walks away, but Jerry didn’t let go. King says no physicality. But, he thinks there’s someone in the back who may want to say something to him.

I hear voices in my head…

Randy walks out, Cole tries to leave again, but Lawler holds him there. Lawler finally lets Cole’s hand go, but keeps him in the ring anyway. Randy stands there, and Cole goes to leave, but Lawler makes him stay.

Orton says that he wants Cole to send a message to The Miz: Randy doesn’t blame him for cashing in when he did, because if the roles were reversed, he would have done the exact same thing. As a matter of fact, Randy and The Miz are a lot alike. The only difference is that Randy has proven that he has the ability to back up what he says in the ring. So, Cole, keep rooting for the Miz, Randy doesn’t care, because injured knee or not, he’s going to take back the WWE Championship from The Miz tonight.

AWESOME!

The Miz and Alex Riley walk out, with Lawler still keeping Cole in the ring, and Miz says that Randy used to be so original, so willing to stand on his own, but now he sounds like everyone else who is underestimating Miz. This past summer, they were both in the same Money in the Bank match. The only difference is Miz won and Randy lost. Now, Randy’s left standing there in the middle of that ring with nothing more than tough talk and an injured knee. Well, Miz stands on that stage, the new WWE Champion, and as far as Randy winning back his title tonight, yeeeah, that’s not gonna happen. Because, the RAW Gm already informed him that he successfully defended his title last week, he doesn’t have to defend it again until TLC in two weeks, against Randy. T he good news is that Randy’s knee is going to be all better, but it doesn’t make a difference, because Randy’s going to lose again. Randy says that it’s a great plan, but where are the seven guys who are going to beat him down before he faces him. Randy tells him not to look at Alex, because Riley doesn’t count as one. Riley says that that’s pretty funny coming from a guy on one leg. And even though The Miz doesn’t have to lower himself by facing Randy, Alex has five minutes to kill, and he’d like to challenge Randy Orton to a match. Randy says he doesn’t know what it is Alex just said, but he accepts. Miz says there’s one more thing Miz has to tell Randy, and that’s the stipulation for TLC. So, he’s going to think long and hard, because his decision is going to be just like him: Awesome. Randy says he’s looking forward to Miz’s decision, and for anyone out there who thinks he may be too injured to compete, there is one thing, injured knee or not, that he can still do very well. He then RKOs Michael Cole.

@kickoutblog Is CM Punk wearing a Charles Manson shirt? Brilliant. Take any concerns over last week’s wardrobe and crank it up to 11.

@JCenadotcom The announce table without Michael Cole? My God! You can tell Christmas is near. 🙂

@RingsideRants I will mark out so hard if Jim Ross comes out to announce tonight. #Raw

@WWEUniverse COLE SLAW, courtesy of @RandyOrton! #WWE

@Niki_Sushi Ah, Jerry. You’re a sneaky one, arentcha? RKO to the FACE! x3 #BWF #RAW

@Lunna1969 OMG!!! STFU COLE!!! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@TKeep123 Probably the biggest “YOU SUCK!” chant I’ve heard in many years…and all well deserved for… Michael Cole! #RAW #WWE #BWF

They play the video replay back, and Punk says that Cole tripped on his clown shoes right into an RKO. During the commercial, referees and staff had to help Michael Cole out of the ring. Josh Matthews joins Jerry Lawler and CM Punk ringside for commentary.

Ted DiBiase and Maryse vs United States Champion Daniel Bryan and Brie or Nikki Bella

Before the match one of the Bellas is already on Daniel’s arm, and the other one isn’t happy about it. But no one cares, because Maryse is in the ring.

DiBiase and Bryan start up, locking up for DiBiase to push him away. The other Bella heads down to the ring, and DiBiase keeps control of Daniel. Punk hopes another Maryse comes down, and so do I. Bryan gets control over DiBiase now, and Matthews calls Punk Miz. In the ring, the Divas are in, and Brie, I guess, gets advantage over Maryse, who goes for a cover, but Maryse kicks out. Maryse fights back, dropping Brie hard. Maryse seems to have hurt herself, and yells at DiBiase, then at Brie. She goes for a clothesline, but misses, only for Brie to go for a cover. DiBiase breaks it up, and Nikki switches while Maryse yells at Bryan, who is distracting the ref. Nikki goes for a small package and gets it for the win. Shit match, gonna be honest.

United States Champion Daniel Bryan and Nikki Bella win via pinfall.

Brie and Nikki seem to be working together again, and in the ring, Maryse and DiBiase fight, but Maryse puts her hand in his face, and walks away. He glares after her.

Coming up, Gabriel and Slater take on the Usos, Kozlov and Marella, and Henry and Tatsu for the WWE Tag Team Championships, and an exclusive interview with Wade Barrett.

Next week is a special three-hour RAW for the Slammy Awards!

@MattWRoberts I didn’t know Daniel Bryan was the guest host of Raw tonight!!! So cool!!

@RingsideRants Where is the anonymous GM for this Bella switch bullshit that happens every week? #LogicIsOverrated

@kickoutblog Good news: Daniel Bryan match without Michael Cole commentating. Bad news: it’s also a Bella match.

@seraphalexiel This is why Ted should’ve stuck with Virgil.

Now, the Wade Barrett interview, via satellite. Otunga, however, tells us that Barrett’s on his way to the arena for Slater and Gabriel’s title match. Matthews asks what they’re strategy is for taking out Cena, but Otunga says he’s not going to tell him that. They do have a plan, and Cena’s going to pick them off one by one, but the Nexus is going to stay united. Someone knocks, and Otunga says that the interview is over. He jerks the door open, and Otunga gets onto him for taking forever, and then says that he’s not paying for cold food. Someone knocks on the door again, and Otunga answers, only for it to be Cena. Harris, I believe, attacks Cena, but Otunga gets away. Cena proceeds to rip Harris apart, and then chases after Otunga.

@KeepItFiveStar Oh David Otunga, didn’t you learn anything from Edge and Lita?

@Niki_Sushi My poor Justin. :< I’ll play nurse for you. :3 #BWF #RAW

@TKeep123 Thanks, David, you stay in the hotel room….Room Service for you! Bet You Can’t SEE Housekeeping! #RAW #WWE #BWF

@HitTheRopes Yo, Nexus gets a new shirt like every other week now. #wwe

@kickoutblog Dear WWE Superstars: never invite a camera crew to your home or hotel room… it’s a guaranteed ass kicking.

We get back, and David Hart Smith is in the ring! Josh Matthews says he’s been waiting for this match for quite some time, but… they just fought on Superstars!

David Hart Smith vs Tyson Kidd

Tyson walks down to the ring with some tall ass- OMG! This is the guy that beat Goldust in the pre-RAW match when I was in Orlando! He’s a good wrestler, guys, very strong. Did beat Goldust… Don’t remember his name. EDIT: Apparently, it’s Jackson Andrews

ANYWAY!

Kidd and Smith start out, and Smith keeps a quick advantage until Kidd kicks him in the jaw, but it doesn’t last and Smith throws him back in the ring. Kidd gets a great advantage using his speed and attacks with hard kicks before throwing him into the middle of the ring. He puts his knee in smith’s back and pulls his arms back, but Smith fights to his feet, only for Kidd to kick him. Smith hits a clothesline, then a flying shoulder, then a belly to belly throw across the ring. Kidd gets to his feet, but Smith runs into an elbow. Kidd goes up top, but Smith hits him hard. Smith climbs up too, and hits a superplex, going for the cover. Kidd kicks out at two, and then counters an Irish Whip into the clothesline. Kidd counters to a roll through and pins him.

Tyson Kidd wins via pinfall.

Smith runs out and attacks Kidd, but the big guy slams Smith into the barrier, then throws him into the ring and joins him. The new guy then clotheslines Smith to hell. Kidd climbs in, looking like friggin Hornswoggle next to this guy.

Axe Murderer Gabriel is backstage with Slater and Barrett, and says that they aren’t safe anywhere. Gabriel says that he’s not sure how well he can defend the title, but Barrett says not to be afraid, and in the long run, everything is going to work itself off. Otunga apparently ran all the way to the arena and says that Barrett’s plan didn’t work. Barrett says it was Otunga’s execution of the plan. Slater and Gabriel need to focus on defending the titles. Barrett looks at Otunga and says that he’s going to go to the ring and call out Cena, and tells him to watch, because then he’ll learn something about taking care of business. Otunga says that Barrett better, because if he doesn’t, he may have a mutiny on his hands.

@KeepItFiveStar LMAO. Otunga with his Kenyan 600 like speed.

@Niki_Sushi ‘It’d be hard to kidnap this guy!’ Naw…. you think? #BWF #RAW

@TKeep123 Damn, that hotel must be close by! Looks like Otunga ran the whole way! #RAW #WWE #BWF

@Lunna1969 Dude looks like he has roid rage! #WWE #RAW #BWF

Fatal Four Way Tag Team Elimination Match for the WWE Tag Team Championships
Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jimmy and Jey Uso with Tamina vs. Yoshi Tatsu and Mark Henry vs. The WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater

Wonder how Tamina will affect Santino’s chances… But, at least with this, we all know who will win.

Justin and Tatsu start out, locking up with Gabriel getting an advantage. Tatsu puts him in a headlock, no doubt causing a problem for Gabriel’s sore neck, but Tatsu ducks every move Gabriel throws at him. Tatsu hits a spinning heel kick and goes for a cover, but Gabriel kicks out. Gabriel fights back with a kick to the gut and tags in Slater, who is thrown to the ground. Tatsu then puts him in a submission (arm bar? I missed it), and Mark Henry is tagged in. Heath quickly tags in one of the Usos, who won’t get in, until Henry drags him in by his hair. Henry then punches Jey, apparently, in the head and drops him to the ground. Henry tags Tatsu back in and holds Jey as Tatsu plants his feet in Jey’s chest. Jey runs Tatsu into the corner and tags in Jimmy. Tatsu is being abused in the corner, and Jey is tagged in, and they hit their team finisher thing, and take Henry off the apron with a double baseball slide. Heath tags himself in through whichever Uso is in, and then goes for a cover on Tatsu, who cannot kick out.

Mark Henry and Yoshi Tatsu are eliminated.

The Usos come back in and really give it to Slater, who kicks out of the cover. Slater fights back, however, and the other Uso tags himself in, both of them dropping Slater. Gabriel breaks up the cover with a kick to the head. Uso then drops Slater to the mat, but Slater gets up, fighting back. Vladimir tags himself in using Heath to do so and proceeds to man handle everyone, knocking Slater and Gabriel and the other Uso off the apron, and then pinning him.

Jimmy and Jey Uso are eliminated.

So, it’s now Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs. Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater. Tamina stays with Santino, interestingly enough, and Gabriel works on weakening Kozlov’s leg. Gabriel goes for the cover, but Kozlov kicks out at two. Gabriel tags in Slater, who goes to town on Kozlov. The ref pushes him away, and Gabriel works on Kozlov. Kozlov whips Slater away and then head butts him. Santino comes in and suplexes Slater, who doesn’t like it much and lays Santino down. Gabriel is tagged in, and kicks Santino right in the face. Gabriel goes for a cover, but Santino kicks out. Tamina is still in the corner of Santino and Kozlov. Slater yells at the crowd to shut up, but in the ring, Santino’s fighting his way out of Gabriel’s headlock thing, and then flips Gabriel over him. Gabriel kicks him in the head, but Santino kicks out of the following cover at two. Nexus continues to tag in and out, keeping Santino in his corner, . Once again, Slater distracts the ref and Gabriel takes the time to attack Santino.

@HitTheRopes LOL, my brother is enamored by Tamina. Is contemplating how it must be to be with a woman that muscular

@Lunna1969: I like Yoshi but seeing him with Mark Henry is making me miss @findevan (Evan Bourne) a lot! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar What kind of “Dogpile on the rabbit” move was that, Heath Slater?!

@kickoutblog If the ring blew up right now, WWE would no longer have a tag team division.

@Niki_Sushi I would rather hear Santino sing to his theme song than R Truth…. rap? his. #BWF #RAW

We come back to Gabriel trying to keep Kozlov out of his own corner. It doesn’t work, however, and Santino gets in to fight Gabriel. I see @FrankWWEClown’s wing. Santino gets Gabriel on his back with a hip toss, and then a head butt. Santino then punches Gabriel in the stomach and when he goes for a cover, Slater comes in to break it, and Kozlov goes out of the ring to get Slater away. Cena distracts Gabriel, who is hit with the Cobra for the win.

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov win via pinfall and are the new WWE Tag Team Champions.

Tamina gives Santino a congratulatory kiss, and the three of them do the trumpet thing in the middle of the ring.

Still to come, Randy Orton is going to decimate Alex Riley, but up next is King Sheamus’ Coronation Ceremony!

@TKeep123 I told ya!!!!!! FEAR THE COBRA!! FEAR THE COBRA!! FEAR THE COBRA!! FEAR THE COBRA!! FEAR THE COBRA!! New Tag Champs! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@LadySwagger6 John Cena, you wore that outfit to RAW last week.

@KeepItFiveStar Tamina is definitely Snuka’s daughter. She hates shoes.

@kickoutblog DID SANTINO JUST THROW A STUNNER?!

By the way, everyone, in two weeks is WWE’s Tribute to the Troops featuring Diddy’s Dirty Money, Trace Adkins, Sherri Shepard, and whoever Miss USA was from last week. Because I didn’t care enough to pay attention to her name…

It’s a shameful thing, lobster head… Too many limes, too many limes…

Sheamus comes out with a wicked looking crown. I want it.

Sheamus says it’s good to be king. He says when he won King of the Ring least week, he didn’t just win the tournament, he restored credibility to the crown. He’s far superior to all of the peasants in the arena, and he’s a better fighter than anyone across the universe, he’s the man who ended Triple H’s career, the King of Kings. He kicked him off this throne, and became the new high king. The last high king of Ireland was a guy named Bryan something, and he fought for Ireland. He was feared and respected all across the land, but in the end, at the battle of some place, he fell and was defeated, and that will never happen to him, because his reign will live forever. He’s better than the best, and will not be remembered as Ronald McDonald or Conon O’Brien, but as the greatest high king in history.

Now listen, this ain’t no make believe…

Morrison says that if Sheamus was going to go this route, why not go all the way? Get some goblins, elves, gnomes, a satyr, even (the half-man, half-goat thing). Morrison says it could escort him to the ring and afterward, they could hang out. Sheamus says that he knows why Morrison is out there, Morrison is jealous. Morrison is jealous that Sheamus is a two-time WWE Champion, and that he’s the King of the Ring, and Morrison isn’t and never will be. Morrison is jealous that Sheamus has achieved more in the past two years than in his whole career, and that Sheamus is simply the better man. Morrison says that Sheamus is right: he’s achieved more and has more accolades. He’s a former WWE Champion, the King of the Ring, and last time Morrison checked, Morrison won at Survivor Series, and Sheamus beat him last week, but the score is tied and Morrison is the better man. Sheamus laughs and says that Morrison is a funny man. If Morrison’s sense of humor matched his in ring ability, he’d be wearing the crown, but he isn’t and he isn’t. And, from now on, Sheamus wants Morrison to refer to him either as ‘Your Highness’ or the High King of the WWE. But, what Sheamus wants most, is to send an example to his loyal subjects across the WWE Universe. He wants Morrison to get down on his hands and knees and bow to his king. Morrison says that he’s not going to do that, and that in this business there are no guarantees, but Morrison has one for him: Morrison will never bow down to King Sheamus.

Sheamus attacks Morrison and demands he get down, and Morrison punches him and attacks. Morrison just keeps going after Sheamus, and Morrison uses Sheamus’ own scepter and throne against Sheamus.

Tonight, Wade Barrett is going to call out John Cena and end things once and for all.

@kickoutblog King Sheamus will have the last laugh when he orders John Morrison to be beheaded

@TrueKofi what in the hell is sheamus wearing?!

@HitTheRopes Cut the jokes? Was that what Morrison was attempting to make there?

@Niki_Sushi Oh god. He called himself Ronald McDonald. My life is complete. #BWF #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar Story time with King Lobster Head

@JonHexLives: Is he a king or a wizard? #WWE #RAW #Sheamus

@TKeep123 Sheamus looks like Adam Savage on sterioids! ( #MythBusters ) #WWE #RAW #BWF

Diva’s Champion Natalya vs. Melina

Lay-Cool are ringside, invited by Michael Cole. Lawler sums up my thoughts: Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

Natalya starts dominating Melina, lifting Melina up and holding her up, and Punk tells everyone to shut up. Natalya goes for a cover, but Melina gets out and attacks Natalya back, slamming Natalya down onto her knees. Melina wraps her legs around Natalya’s middle, but Natalya gets Melina’s shoulder’s down. Natalya hits the spinning clothesline thing on Melina and gets her in a corner, attacking her, only to run into both of Melina’s feet. Natalya drops Melina into a split, and then locks in the Sharpshooter. Melina fights not to tap, but she finally does.

Natalya wins via submission.

LayCool get up and head into the ring, attacking Natalya. Melina, however, keeps walking away.

Still to come, Randy Orton is going to destroy Alex Riley, and Wade Barrett calls out John Cena!

@KeepItFiveStar Nattie just clotheslined Melina’s Vocal Chords out! She will never shriek again.

@TKeep123 hmm..Melina vs. Natalya. I’m torn here…how about just lots of close wrestling, lots of pin attempts, then kiss & make up. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@RingsideRants Screaming before you do every move is a dead giveaway, Melina.

@kickoutblog LayCool vs. Natalya won’t end until LayCool get the belt back. It’s not like there are any other heel Divas for Natalya to work with.

@ThingsColeSays Is CM Punk gonna have to choke a bitch?

Don’t forget! Next Monday, RAW starts at 8/7 Central for the Slammy Awards!

Alex Riley and The Miz are backstage, and Alex Riley says that he won’t let Miz down. Miz says that Riley is representing The Miz and everyone’s talking about how he won. Not to mention, they’re treating it as the turning point of this company, and Riley needs to beat Randy Orton. Riley says that the only way Orton will leave Louisville on his hands and knees. The Miz says after that, he won’t tell Randy what match they’ll have at the pay-per-view, he’ll show him.

I hear voices in my head…

Randy Orton vs Alex Riley is up next.

@Niki_Sushi Mm-mm-mm. I love me some sexy man, and the sexiest just came on out. I’z happeh. Now I want him to slaughter an idiot… OH WAIT! #BWF #RAW

@ThingsColeSays Did Miz just quote HBK? “Look in my eye!” bwhahahahahahaahahhahha

@kickoutblog This week’s Miz suit < last week’s Miz suit.

@kickoutblog At least Dennis Miller won’t be anywhere near this year’s Slammy Awards.

@Lunna1969 I so volunteer to be the person that oils Randy up!!! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@TKeep123 Amazing how entertaining this night has been WITHOUT Michael Cole on commentary! #WWE please take note! #RAW #BWF

AWESOME!

Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley with WWE Champion The Miz

The Miz is standing in Riley’s corner as this match begins, and Orton gets distracted by him right away, allowing Riley to focus on the knee again. Orton fights back, however, and throws Riley in the corner, getting forcibly moved away from the corner by the ref. Orton’s down, and Riley goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out. Riley stays focused on the injured knee. Randy gets back up and hits a suplex on Riley. Orton gets up again and hits Riley a few times, getting his momentum back. He hits an inverted atomic drop followed by a clothesline, and then his scoop slam. Riley rolls around the ring in pain for a minute, and manages to roll under the bottom rope, like an idiot. Orton hits that second rope DDT that we all love and then glares at Miz before flipping around and slamming onto the mat, pounding down. He gets up to hit it, but The Miz comes in and hits the Skull Crushing Finale.

Randy Orton wins via disqualification.

The Miz demands a microphone and says that he is going to show Orton what stipulation they are going to have at the pay per view. He goes under the ring and pulls out a table. He sets it up, scares the ref away (earning a laugh from me), and then lifts Randy up by his ears. Randy fights back, however, and goes to throw Miz into the table, but Miz gets out of it and flees the ring, leaving his rookie in the ring. Orton realizes this and turns his gaze to Riley. He picks Riley up, and then Batista Bombs power bombs Riley right through the table.

Barrett makes his way to the ring, and tells Otunga to make sure the rest of the guys are ready.

@KeepItFiveStar That might be the first time I’ve seen Randy Orton do a powerbomb…EVER!

@TKeep123 MIZ declares, It’s a BEVERAGE MATCH! OOPS, wrong side of the ring…. It’s a Tables Match! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@Niki_Sushi I love how there’s a refreshment box under the ring. #BWF #RAW

@Fullmetal_Ninja: #WWE #RAW A-Ri is gonna get his A-Hole ripped.

Another reminder of the Slammy’s. Seriously, just scroll up.

Barrett makes his way to the ring, hopefully with Otunga already having prepped Nexus to come out. Barrett says that he’s about to admit to something he’s never admitted to in his life: he got it wrong. He assumed that Cena was a man of his word, but we all know the stipulation from Survivor Series: it was free or fired, not free or turn up at RAW and attack the Nexus at will. It was free or fired and Cena was fired. If Cena had one ounce of integrity in his body, he’d never show his face here again. Barrett says that Cena can attack the rest of Nexus as much as he wants, but Nexus can’t get him hired, only Barrett can. With that being said, Barrett wants to invite Cena out to the ring now, from wherever it is he’s hiding, because there’s something he wants to get off his chest. Barrett tells Cena not to be shy, and Cena appears in the audience, high fiving people and making his way to the ring. Punk tells security they have a jumper, and I laugh.

Nexus comes out when Cena gets to the ring, with an apparently much better Harris. Barrett says that he’s allowed Cena out to the ring, but if Cena puts a foot out of line, or threatens him, Nexus will beat Cena within an inch of his life. Cena says okay. Barrett tells Cena that the WWE Universe can cheer as much as they want, but it doesn’t help. He knows that Cena has problems understanding him, so he’s going to say it slowly, and Cena can read his lips: This is not going to work. Barrett will never rehire him. Cena laughs before talking. He tells Barrett that he’s stupid, then mocks him. Cena says that being fired actually isn’t that bad. Technically, he’s not a WWE Superstar, but he’s part of the WWE Universe, and he still has a lot of friends, and he can tailgate with the WWE Universe, and they’re crazy. And best of all is that he has so much time on his hands that he can think of making the Nexus’ lives hell. Cena says at least Heat and Justin didn’t lose to Santino and the Cobra (oh wait), and then asks how the beatdowns last week were. And he asks how David and ‘Hasky’s’ room service was. Cena says that he’s perfectly content with staying fired, buying a ticket to ever RAW, and making the lives of every Nexus member miserable. So, Mr. Barrett, he doesn’t want to rehire Cena? Cena could care less. Cena asks fi they’re done, because he has to go party. Barrett says that he may be out to intimidate the rest of the Nexus, but he can’t intimidate Barrett. Barrett asks what insurances that the attacks are going to stop. Cena sys that if he was rehired, he’d have so much room for activities, compete in matches, have his own talk show, or he could compete for the WWE Championship. Cena says the reason he never thought of it is because he doesn’t have the WWE Championship. If Barrett keeps him fired, and all he has to do is buy a ticket and ruin his life. Cena says that if Barrett has the guts to hire him back, the attacks on Nexus may stop, but his attacks on Barrett will not. He deserves payback, and payback is what he will get. If Barrett was a man of honor and integrity, he’d rehire Cena on the spot, and they’d end it tonight. And if Barrett doesn’t, Cena’s going to get him, but Barrett will never know when or where, but it will happen. And it’s not just going to be once, he won’t stop. Every single day that Barrett is in the WWE, Cena makes it his promise that his life will be a nightmare. Barrett says that that sounded like a threat and tells Nexus to extinguish this man.

Nexus doesn’t move.

Barrett continues to tell them to come down to the ring, but Harris walks backstage, followed by Slater, Gabriel, and finally, Otunga, who all ignore repeated orders to return to the ring. Cena then tackles Barrett and chases him, hurling him into the steel steps. Cena pulls them away from the ring, and Punk tries to protect his diet soda. Punk says flat out that he’s moving. Cena gives Punk his soda this time, but Punk doesn’t seem to care. Barrett is lifted onto Cena’s shoulders, and climbs the steps, but Barrett takes off running, managing to make it out of the ring and up the ramp. The sound guys didn’t get the memo, and play Cena’s music. Cena offers Punk one of his wristbands, but Punk throws it away.

Barrett moves backstage and sees Nexus, and yells at all of them. Otunga stands there and says that Barrett may not be giving them orders anymore. Next week, Barrett either hires Cena back, or he’s kicked out of Nexus. Barrett says they have to be kidding, but the other members of Nexus gang up on him.

I’m sorry everyone, but the only image the website would let me post was the Blinded by Nexus one. xP I’ll try to get more of them up next week!!

This Cena angle is so much better than the Juan Cena angle and I’m happy I did not have to see that. So, next week, RAW starts at 8/7 Central and is the Slammy Awards!! Maybe I can talk ThinkSoJoE into helping me with our very own awards (that may come a few weeks later). Who knows? Stay tuned!

And I’m ending with a random thought: If Alex Riley can be called A-Ri, can I be called A-Kat?? Ahaha. Ignore that.

Seat Filler Diary 2: RAW 10/18/10

October 19, 2010 3:18 am 6 Comments

Well folks, it’s Monday Night RAW in Calgary! And once again, I reprised my role as a “seat filler” to ensure that the on air product appears to be full and energized (or at least what you good people saw on television). We’ll see if I can hack a wifi connection and get this up tonight. I won’t be recapping everything, just pointing out some stuff I saw that you at home did not.
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RAW 10.4.10

October 4, 2010 11:15 pm 2 Comments

Last night was Hell in a Cell! Did John Cena join Nexus? Is Randy Orton still the WWE Champion? Was Daniel Bryan brutally mu-… I’ll leave that one to myself. Find out tonight, as Jackass star, Johnny Knoxville guest stars what is sure to be another amazing Monday Night RAW!

Nexus comes out and talks about their victory at Hell in a Cell. Barrett says the two men who helped were Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty, which didn’t surprise anyone. Barrett says he doesn’t know them and they aren’t a part of the Nexus. Barrett then scolds Nexus for going down to the ring and potentially causing him his match. Tonight’s about inducting Cena into Nexus. Please welcome, the newest member of Nexus, John Cena.

He comes out with no music, which is just heartbreaking, to be honest. I’m upset. I wanted to make a joke.

Tarver says the joke is on Cena, because he failed. They have a gift for Cena: The Nexus armband. Cena looks at the arm band and puts it on. Slater says they know the transition’s going to be difficult, but they’re all there for him. The public wants to know exactly what his thoughts are. He says that he will read the official statement they made instead of saying what he wants to. Barrett says it’s not negotiable, and he’ll read it and read it now.

It essentially says that he acknowledges that he’s a member of Nexus, and an enemy of Nexus is an enemy of his. Barrett says that Cena has to participate in a tag match with a partner of his choice against Evan Bourne and Mark Henry. Cena picks Tarver.

Mark Henry and Evan Bourne vs. John Cena and Michael Tarver

Cena starts off the match with an offer to shake Bourne’s hand, and they do. Tarver’s pissed about it, but Cena doesn’t look like he cares. Cena then tags in Tarver and climbs out.

@KeepItFiveStar HEY! Where’s your Nexus Shirt Cena?! There’s a dress code damn it! Put it on!

@seraphalexiel I hope both men don’t suddenly get to join. The end of Season 2 was a failure for a reason, and it begins and ends with McGuillicutty

@Niki_Sushi Awwww. His own wittle armband. Are they slowly going to give him different parts to the ‘uniform’ or what? #BWF #RAW

@HitTheRopes Geez, Cena sure likes to pick on the black Nexus guys. Wasn’t content with getting rid of your brother, now he’s going for Tarver. LOL #wwe

@CawCawBang Cena got something planned I don’t like it

@TKeep123 I wonder if Cena gave any secret signals while he was forced to read his (confession) speech. (Viet Nam era folks will get it.) #WWE #RAW

We come back to Tarver getting his ass handed to him by Henry. Cena really doesn’t seem interested in helping Tarver at all, to be honest, even mockingly reaching for a tag. Tarver manages to get toward Cena for a tag, but Cena leans away, and Henry seems amused by it, toying with Tarver. Tarver goes to tag Cena again, but Cena jumps down off the ring and begins signing signs in the crowd. Henry picks up Tarver and hits him with the World’s Strongest Slam.

Mark Henry and Evan Bourne win via pinfall.

Cena takes a mic after the match and says that he’s gonna make his own statement. As the newest member of Nexus, he plans on doing one thing and one thing only: destroying it from within. Like no one expected that. Tonight, he proves that you can be Nexus and against us. He hits Tarver in the head with the mic, and then body slams Tarver onto the steel steps. Twice. Then he gets Tarver back in the ring and locks in the STF.

“The terms of the stipulation for your match with Wade Barrett stated that if you lost, you must join the Nexus. Now, Nexus is clearly a group that takes direction from its leader, Wade Barrett. And thus as a member of the group, John, you must also take direction from Wade Barrett. If you don’t, as much as I would hate to do it, as much as it would be bad for business, as much as the WWE Universe would despise it, I would have no alternative but to terminate your WWE contract. Mr. Cena, no one man, despite his popularity, is bigger than WWE. In other words, Mr. Cena, I will fire you.”

@FrankWWEClown And who says Cena is boring, and not interesting? Are you watching this?! #WWE #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar Cena’s looking at this all wrong. The Nexus have a great benefits package. Family picnics, BBQs, and other fun Nexus activities.

@HitTheRopes We CLEARLY see Michael Cole reading from a paper and NOT the computer screen. #fail #wwe

@TKeep123 For months we can’t keep #NEXUS away from the ring, and now Tarver gets a beat-down and NO NEXUS to be found? #WWE #RAW

@Niki_Sushi Tarver is in Soul Sucking Position! YOU BETTA HIDE YO KIDS, HIDE YO WIFE! #BWF #RAW

@WWEsAngel_Nef Okay. Say what you want marks but John Cena has the best fans. So devoted. I actually love that they chanted ‘Never Give Up’ #WWE

Alicia Fox vs Natalya

No warning on this one at all, but good to see Natalya in the ring. Natalya hits the sharpshooter pretty quick, and Alicia taps. Great 30 second match.

Natalya wins via submission.

WTF? 30 second match, 30 second reminder of the guest star, Johnny Knoxville, and now five minutes of commercials.

@RingsideRants That wasn’t even long enough for a bathroom break!

@CawCawBang wow that was quick

@kickoutblog My thoughts on Natalya vs. Alicia are longer than the actual match

@redsandman99 The good news is, Nattie won. The bad news is, the match was over in five seconds

@JoeyStyles What a match for Nattie…and I thought I finished fast.

Knoxville is talking with Gail and Melina, promoting Jackass 3D. Zack Ryder comes up, and Knox calls him a tool. He offers Ryder a high-five, only for him to get the shit smacked out of him by a giant hand. Knox mocks him a little.

Cena’s backstage with the Nexus armband again, and Josh Matthews comes up, asking what he’s gonna do. Cena says he doesn’t know. Cena suddenly takes off running after Husky and McGuillicutty, and Barrett says that there’s a lot he needs to talk about, concerning his future.

@TKeep123 FIRST time I was ever happy to see Zack Ryder during a Promo! “You know it!”…. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@Niki_Sushi Johnny Knoxville just wtfpwn’d Zack Ryder without even getting in the ring. I DEMAND WEE-MAN VS HORNSWOGGLE DAMMIT!!!! #BWF #RAW

@legendkiller515 damn zach ryder got his ass kicked and he aint even in a match #wwe #bwf #raw

Daniel Bryan is in the ring with his crazy ass music. God, I wanna punch him.

It’s a shameful thing, lobster head! … Too many limes, too many limes!

United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus

Sheamus beat the shit out of Bryan. Not even kidding.

United States Champion Daniel Bryan wins via disqualification.

I think. Sheamus hits the High Cross on Daniel after beating the hell out of him. Sheamus climbs out of the ring and starts back up the ring. Dear, God. Was RAW booking only Nexus and Cena tonight? This is ridiculous.

Anyway, Edge makes his way to the ring to supposedly apologize to the computer.

@Niki_Sushi Oh. Damn. Forgot this fruit existed. Daniel Bryan, go awa-nevermind. GO SHEAMUS GO! #BWF #RAW

@kickoutblog Oh God, it’s the battle of wrestlers who don’t tan!

@KeepItFiveStar Did Daniel Bryan fail a Wellness test or something? Did he piss the Vegan police off? That was weird.

@Niki_Sushi OMFG! Who put a wrestling match in my commercials?! #BWF #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar “And THAT’s for fulfilling your indy dates while under contract!” – Sheamus after destroying Daniel Bryan

@TKeep123 Diva match… 90 seconds. Sheamus / Bryan 120 seconds… WTH? #WWE #RAW

And a Video Package of what we just saw, like fifteen seconds ago. Jesus Christ, RAW. I get that Cena joining Nexus is a big deal, but there are other Superstars…

Oh, God, Michael Cole’s in the ring. He’s now going to speak for the General Manager. I guess Stephen Hawking got pissed at the WWE for using his voice. Supposedly, it’s because of the events of the last few weeks, and will now communicate via email. So, the GM hates us all, is what I’m getting.

Awesome.

Before Edge comes out, the GM wants us to see the hilarious, I’m sorry, horrific events of last week.

The destruction of the GM last week was unacceptable. Two things are going to happen: Edge is “going to apologize”, and the GM will make a huge announcement regarding the WWE Championship.

You think you know me…

Edge, of course, says he won’t apologize. He’s on a personal crusade against all things stupid, and around here, there are a lot of things that are stupid. Michael Cole has been the personification of stupid since 1997. He’d rather listen to a recording of JR than a live Michael Cole. And if the GM thinks he has attitude, then when Edge becomes WWE Champion, then he’ll see attitude. The GM says that tonight they will decide the Number One Contender for the WWE Championship in a 20-Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royale. Don’t expect me to keep up with that. The winner will face Randy Orton at Bragging Rights. Edge, however, has disrespected the GM one too many times, and won’t be in the battle royal tonight, because the GM has officially traded him to Smackdown.

Edge says it’s the greatest night of his career, because he now doesn’t have to listen to a computer, or this tool say, “And I Quote.” Cole flips out, and everyone boos him. Yeah, good job Cole. Cole says that now that he’s the official voice of the WWE, Edge needs to treat him with respect. Edge asks if he went off RAW after spearing Cole into next week would be respectful.

AWESOME

The Miz and Alex Riley make their way down to the ring. Miz says that Edge will do no such thing. Cole is a visionary, the one person that realized Miz’ awesomeness before anyone else. Cole leaves the ring, tripping. Miz tells him to go back to the announce table. Edge calls Miz an Edge-wannabe. Edge then goes through the checklist of Edge. Miz says that that was an interesting analysis, but they’re nothing alike. Edge says that he’s right, because Edge has been WWE Champion, and has been married, divorced, had a live celebration. He hasn’t even seen Miz talk to a woman, unless you count Alex Riley. Riley says that whether Edge likes it or not, Miz is the future of the WWE. Edge says that Miz is awesome at tapping out to Daniel Bryan.

Miz says that if Edge is trying to agitate Miz, it’s not working. Miz is either going to be competing in a WWE Championship match, or leading RAW into decimating Smackdown. So, why doesn’t Edge go to SyFy and tell all his new Smackdown buddies that he’s the Miz and he’s awesome.

Edge then attacks Miz and Alex Riley, Spearing Alex Riley, only to get a Skull Crushing Finale from Miz.

Cena backstage with Nexus, and Barrett says that Cena did him a favor in attacking Tarver. He wants Cena to help him with tonight’s battle royal. Cena asks what happens if he wins, and Barrett says that he’s ordering Cena to help him win. Otunga sticks his foot in his mouth and gets berated for it, and then tells Cena to either do as he’s told or get fired.

@TKeep123 Michael Cole has to stand on a box to be seen? #WWE #RAW #BWF

@seraphalexiel Fool. Hide yo paper, at least.

@TKeep123 “I’d rather listen to a recording of JR than a live Michael Cole!” – Edge #WWE #RAW #BWF

@Niki_Sushi That’s….. three or four laptops now? I seriously hope that’s included in the budget… I don’t think Nextel makes laptops. #BWF #RAW

@HitTheRopes Hey Otunga, know your role and shut your mouth. #wwe

@bethsharae I love Edge’s crusade. I shall join him. I now destroy all things stupid. #Raw #WWE

Oh, fuck me running… It’s the Bellas.

Nikki and Brie Bella vs. The Unified Divas Champions LayCool

Jesus Christ, someone put a mic on LayCool. My head hurts bad enough right now… I have no idea what the fuck is going on, okay? I don’t even care anymore. Oh, and there goes the Switcheroo again. Someone kill me. Seriously.

Nikki and Brie Bella win via the same old shit… er, pinfall.

Maryse is backstage, talking to Knox. He says that he doesn’t speak Spanish, and she accuses him of sending the messages. Ted then walks up and accuses him too, and Ted walks right into the huge hand. Maryse throws her shoes at Knox, and then Maryse is hit by the hand and lands right on top of Ted. Knox is apologizing repeatedly, and then runs away from a very pissed looking Ted.

@StrikerSays Are you serious. You just put the BELLAS over your champion. What is this fuckery.

@KeepItFiveStar This match is already longer than Natalya vs Alicia Fox

@ThingsColeSays They have found a way to make LayCool ever more annoying. Well done.

@inkincisions WHAT IS UP WITH DIVAS AND THROWING SHOES ?!?!?!?!?!

@divadirt LMAO! Maryse continues the shoe-throwing trend only to get hit by a giant hand. There’s a very un-PG joke in there somewhere. #WWE

@legendkiller515 that big ass hand is funny #wwe #raw #bwf

Please welcome the guest star of RAW, Johnny Knoxville. Oh, Jackass 3D is in theaters October 15^th. Yes, let’s put Knoxville in the ring. Because that went so well last time.

Knoxville’s talking really fast, is obviously freaked out by DiBiase coming after him, and tries to leave before he does. Too bad, because he’s here…

Knox says that he was just trying to make Maryse laugh, like Ted does… And proceeds to make a fool out of himself. Then smacks the taste out of Knox’s mouth. Then, it looks like he’s trying for Dreamstreet, but Knox just lays there like a limp noodle. Another message comes over the tron: You are mine. Goldust attacks DiBiase, and Maryse just stands there.

Goldust then tells DiBiase he doesn’t want him, obviously, and walks over to Maryse, who seems to be trying hard not to laugh. He does, however, say that he doesn’t want Maryse. What he wants, is the Million Dollar Belt. Only Goldust would send love notes to a belt. Seriously.

Next up: The 20 Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal.

Here are all the guys I think I saw. I’ll fix it as I can:

John Cena, Mark Henry, Evan Bourne, Mr. Money in the Bank The Miz, William Regal, David Otunga, Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, and Zack Ryder. That’s all I managed to catch, but I’ll do the best I can.

@HitTheRopes It’s amazing how great Raw started and where we are now. #wwe

@kickoutblog OMG IT IS GOLDUST! HE WANTS THE MILLION DOLLAR TITLE!

@ThingsColeSays Hey Johnny, there’s a new joke going around have you heard it? What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAPPPPPPPPPP!

@StrikerSays So happy for the return of BIZARRE Goldie. He had dialed down to just “odd.”

King and Cole remind us that a shitload of stuff has happened… if you’ve been watching, you know. If not, scroll up. I’m tired of repeating the same shit.

And Cena’s backstage, brooding over the arm band. Otunga walks up and says that he knows he’s upset. He wants to tell Cena that Nexus isn’t all bad. Barrett is a bit demanding sometimes, but deep down, they can make it work. Cena may feel like this is the end, but it’s not. If Cena ever needs to talk, Otunga’s there for him. Just let him know.

Cole opens his mouth and reminds us of what we’ve already seen. It’s okay, Cole. I have the memory of a goldfish. Thanks a bunch, man.

Twenty Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal

Fuck keeping up with this, so here’s who in the damn match. I’ll just tell you who wins, because it’s easier.

Participants: John Morrison, R-Truth, Santino Marella, Vladimir Kozlov, Sheamus, John Cena, Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, David Otunga, Zack Ryder, William Regal, Evan Bourne, Mark Henry, The Miz, Ted DiBiase, David Hart Smith, Tyson Kidd, Darren Young, and Primo.

@KeepItFiveStar CENA! WHERE’S YOUR SHIRT! You had time!

@bethsharae …. Truth doesn’t get to sing anymore?! HELL YES!!! #Raw #WWE

@HitTheRopes Otunga, don’t you pay attention!? Darren Young, Michael Tarver. What do they AND you have in common? Stay far from Cena. LOLZ #wwe

@legendkiller515 once again no one understands what the hell r-truth is saying in his damn songs #wwe #raw #bwf

Found all the damn contestants. I don’t know what’s going on… Don’t make me figure it all out. Cena eliminated Otunga, and now Barrett yells at him for it. Nexus just argues in the middle of the ring, and no one is aware of it, apparently. God, idiocy.

@KeepItFiveStar Why is Mark Henry asking why? Did he not see the first 10 minutes of the show?

@HitTheRopes I always wish for something unexpected like Santino to win something like this. #wwe

@kickoutblog Why the hell is Darren Young in this match?

@Niki_Sushi I look up to see Nexus, and totally went ‘GO GO POWER RANGERS!!!’ #BWF #RAW

@legendkiller515 this is the oddest collection of #raw superstars for a battle royal ive ever seen. most of them dont belong in this match #wwe #bwf

I don’t’ know what I’m supposed to say. The outcome was obvious.

Wade Barrett wins.

But, cutting his victory celebration short is none other than the WWE Champion, Randy Orton, who makes his way right up to the ring and right inside, like Barrett ain’t nothing. Which, he probably isn’t. Insert epic staredown, Randy holding up the title, and thus, RAW ends.

Proud of myself for getting this finished for you all tonight, even with a headache and some weird ass dizziness. Anyway, until next week!

RAW 9.13.10

September 13, 2010 11:17 pm Leave a Comment

Welcome to the season premiere of Monday Night RAW, the longest episodic TV show in history!… I typed that approximately four hours before RAW, so if Michael Cole says that, I may miss the first part of RAW because I’m too busy laughing at his predictability.

Anyway, courtesy of the RAW General Manager, Randy Orton will face John Cena tonight! And don’t forget, since it’s the season premiere, it’s also the return of RAW Roulette!

Randy and John are standing and staring at each other with the wheel behind them. Josh Matthews explains that this match can be anything. Eve spins the wheel, and the main event match will be… a tables match. Matthews reminds us that the last time Cena was in a Tables match, he lost to Sheamus. Cena says it’s a new season, and the WWE Universe is divided. And, tonight, he’s feeling lucky.

Please welcome OchoCinco, the special guest star, according to Justin Roberts! OchoCinco welcomes us to the Season Premiere of Monday Night RAW! He says that there’s never been a guest star as handsome as him. Tonight will be exciting, unforgettable. RAW Roulette is back and –

AWESOME!

Miz says that from one Ohioan to another, Welcome to RAW, OchoCinco! The Bengals are his team, and RAW is his show. It’s nice to have a guest star Miz can relate to: They both say what they want, when they want because they can. Miz says they have some things in common, and then says they don’t, because Miz is a champion, and OchoCinco will never be a champion because he plays for the Bengals. OchoCinco says he has two words for Miz: Child, please. Obviously, Miz hasn’t been to Cincinnati in a while, because last time he checked, the Bengals won something last year. The Reds are going to the playoffs this year. Not just him, but Tiyo and the rest of the team are getting ready to get a SuperBowl Championship this year. Miz says really? That’s funny, because the only thing he’s seen Tiyo and him leave before half-time. Anyway, he continues to hate on OchoCinco for a while, and the rest of the team.

“Enough talk. It’s time to determine the Miz’s match tonight. Please spin the wheel.”

Alicia Fox spins the wheel, and it’s a submission match.

“The wheel determined what kind of non-title match The Miz will have tonight. For Miz’s opponent, I’m going to place that decision in the hands of Chad OchoCinco.”

OchoCinco says that 85 represents the number of ways that his opponent can tap Miz out. And, of course, it’s Daniel Bryan.

@Niki_Sushi Yay for generic rock music. Need to work on that muffin top, Daniel Bryan. You’re in PROFESSIONAL wrestling now, not the indy’s. #bwf #raw

@DCsPeoplesChamp If this Raw sucks I’m gonna riot…#BWF #WWE

@TKeep123 Miz in a submission match? Gotta be Daniel Bryon Danielson…!! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@sultrysunset ….. i want jim ross to punch michael cole on live tv. please… do it for me

@HitTheRopes Well I’m glad Miz showed up. Chad played off him much better as he was boring prior to Miz coming out. #wwe

Daniel Bryan vs. The United States Champion The Miz in a Submissions Match

Personally, I’ve been sick of Daniel Bryan for a while, but I’m putting that aside. Alex Riley is ringside in The Miz’s new t-shirt, watching as Miz keeps the momentum early. Miz gets Bryan’s knee around the rope and kicks him a few times, before the ref pushes him away. Miz gets Bryan in a figure four, but Bryan reverses and Miz crawls out. Bryan goes for the LaBell Lock, but Miz grabs the bottom rope. Riley checks on Miz, but Miz tells him to get off of him. Miz stays outside the ring for a while, not moving. He takes the mic and says he thinks he has a hernia. He says that to insure he can defend his title Sunday, he’s pulling out of the match.

Daniel Bryan wins via… forfeit/injury?

Miz says that if Bryan wants to compete tonight, he can go against Miz’s apprentice, Alex Riley. Riley climbs in the ring in a pair of jeans, attacking him.

Daniel Bryan vs Alex Riley in a Submission Match

Riley gets some good momentum, and then tries to get Bryan in a submission, only to get locked up in the LaBell Lock.

Daniel Bryan wins via submission.

Miz climbs in the ring after and attacks Bryan. Miz then rubs Bryan’s face in the title, calling him average and saying that he’ll never have the title. Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Daniel counters it into the LaBell Lock.

Jillian Hall spins the wheel, singing Right Round, with Edge, and the wheel keeps spinning.

@divadirt Jillian and Edge dueting on ‘Spin Me Right Round’ = priceless. #WWE

@JRsBBQ Miz tapping on the US Title..poetic irony. Miz’ gastro issues don’t detract from his talent. US Title match may steal PPV Sun in Chicago.

@HitTheRopes @MiketheMiz is so AWESOME he can self-diagnose himself. LOL #wwe

You think you know me…

Edge vs Evan Bourne in a Body Slam Challenge

Evan gets an early advantage, hitting Edge hard with a nice kick to the chin. Evan manages to get Edge’s feet off the ground, but he falls over, and Edge gets him down on the ground. Edge picks him up, and body slams him.

Edge wins via body slam.

Evan crawls to the corner, and Edge spears him.

“Congratulations on your victory, Edge. However, since you blatantly took advantage of your opponent after the match, I would like to see you compete in a second body slam challenge against this man.”

Somebody’s gonna get their ass kicked…

Edge vs Mark Henry in a Body Slam Challenge

Edge hits Mark with some physical blows, but Mark just shoves him across the ring. Edge manages to get Henry off his feet, but falls over with Henry on top of him. Henry scoops Edge up and slams him back down.

Mark Henry wins via body slam.

Mark climbs out of the ring and checks on Evan after the match.

Later tonight, John Cena vs Randy Orton in a tables match!

@seraphalexiel I think the wheel landed on an ‘Evan Bourne loses’ match

@ThingsColeSays I could get behind a Mark Henry/Evan Bourne tag team. #justsayin

@TKeep123 Damn, if Edge doesn’t lose a tooth from that kick, I’ll be shocked! Look for fast finish! #RAW #WWE #BWF

Ted DiBiase and Maryse vs R-Truth and Eve Torres in a Song and Dance Match

Sorry, first off, to @KeepItFiveStar that Truth is on RAW. Each team picks a member to sing and the other will dance. The winner is picked by audience interaction. Truth shoots down his own theme and sings something else. Eve dances while he does. Maryse looks appalled and Ted just looks confused. Jerry says to put the camera on the dancing, and I have to agree. I have no idea what Truth is saying at all…

Ted and Maryse are up next, however. Ted says this is stupid. He says its Monday night RAW, not America’s Got Talent. No one wants to hear Truth rap. Ted says that he should just forfeit and walk out, but he’s not. And he won’t because Maryse knows that Ted’s full of surprises. Ted asks for a spotlight, and everyone is reminded of Batista. Ted starts singing something with no music, and Maryse does some weird dance thing… It’s painful to watch.

R-Truth and Eve Torres win by… overwhelming response.

Maryse and Ted argue in the ring for a minute before DiBiase and Maryse attack Truth and Eve. Ted demolishes Truth, but Eve is doing much better. Truth, however, gets the momentum back and Eve slaps Ted before Truth hits lie detector. Truth starts rapping again, and Eve begins to continue dancing.

The Bellas spin the wheel, standing alongside OchoCinco, and Regal gets stuck in a trading places match. OchoCinco says that it’s like switching jerseys with the other team. Regal is then informed that Goldust is his opponent. Goldust graciously gives him a wig. The Bellas start to talk, but luckily Sheamus cuts them off.

OchoCinco says he got an email from the GM. The GM said that if Morrison can beat Sheamus next, then Morrison is in the six-pack challenge on Sunday. Sheamus tells the Bellas to make themselves useful for once and spin the wheel. Sheamus will face off against Morrison in a Falls Count Anywhere match. Sheamus says that whatever-his-name-is, tonight he’s gonna show him what good reality TV is, when he wipes the floor with John Morrison is. Kind of like the Patriots mauled the Bengals yesterday. Because, unlike his team, Sheamus actually backs up his banter.

@TKeep123 Ocho Dingo, Fella!!! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@Niki_Sushi AHAHAHAHAHAAHA. Oh, Sheamus. All your witty one-liners are making me love you so much more. #bwf #raw

@HitTheRopes @RealKingRegal = Bloody Ratings, dammit! The man is pure comedy. @WWE can we get Regal in your next movie? Please? #wwe

@StrikerSays I’m having a mark attack for Goldust.

@CawCawBang oh god go away bellas

@RingsideRants This Ted and Maryse bit is actually making me laugh.

@dasharpshooters Wrestling where did you go and wtf happened to you? #wwe #Raw

@iPukeRKOs America we are going backwards not forward. Sad, we can understand everything Sheamus is saying but need subtitles when R-Truth speaks.

Edge is pacing backstage, and Ryder comes up and says that the GM has it out for Edge. Edge calls him a tool again, and Ryder says that he’s not a tool, but he will drop the hammer. Edge says that when he wins the WW Championship, they’ll both go MIA. Sheamus asks if Edge said he was going to win his championship. Sheamus says he wouldn’t hold his breath if he were Edge, and Ryder ruins the moment. Both of them stare at him for a minute. Sheamus says that he wants Edge to pay close attention to what he does to Morrison next.

Morrison is warming up backstage, and has a rather dramatic moment with the camera, before he gets to do some of his Parkour, apparently scaring the hell out of some of the guys backstage.

@Niki_Sushi ATTACK OF THE TOOLS! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! WHERE’S THE GHOSTBUSTERS WHEN YOU NEED THEM?!?! #bwf #raw

@HitTheRopes JoMo dropped down and faced the camera like a superhero. #wwe

@Niki_Sushi @IAmJericho needs to come back and make this RAW worth watching until the main event. #bwf #raw

@TKeep123 Yes, Zack Ryder…..you are a tool! …..I’m guessing a rubber mallet. #WWE #RAW #BWF

The WWE Rewind is of last week when John Morrison made me hate him… And kicked Jericho out of the Six Pack Challenge. Asshole.

IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD! TOO MANY LIMES! TOO MANY LIMES!

WWE Champion Sheamus vs John Morrison in a Falls Count Anywhere Match

Sheamus gets the early advantage over Morrison, but Morrison keeps slipping out of the way. Sheamus hurls Morrison out of the ring, getting Sheamus to follow him before attacking his knees to send him face-first into the apron. He hits a hurricanrana through the ropes and goes for a cover outside, only for Sheamus to kick out at two. Sheamus shoves Morrison into the barrier, and Sheamus ends up getting hurled over the barrier, taking out a security guard. Morrison then leap-frogs over the barrier, punching Sheamus. Morrison goes for a cover, but Sheamus kicks out at two again. Sheamus hits Morrison with the Irish Curse backbreaker before driving his head into the steel, then dropping him on it and driving his knee into Morrison’s abs. He goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out at two. Sheamus goes for the Brogue kick, but takes out some equipment instead. Morrison hits some offense back, but Sheamus takes the advantage. Sheamus then drives Morrison’s chest into the stage, going for a cover for Morrison to kick out at two.

Sheamus kicks Morrison around a little, and goes for the High Cross. He almost falls off, but he doesn’t. He tries to throw Morrison off the stage, but Morrison manages to flip and land on his feet. Morrison hits a flash kick on Sheamus and goes for the cover, but Sheamus kicks out at two. Sheamus goes for the cover, but Morrison kicks out. Sheamus lifts Morrison, but Morrison manages to get out of the way. Morrison runs into a back elbow, and Sheamus grabs a chair. Morrison jumps from the bottom part of the Tron, but misses the cover. Jericho comes out and hits Morrison in the back with a chair. Sheamus goes for the cover and wins.

Sheamus wins via pinfall.

Chris is sitting in the middle of the ring, and still to come: Randy and John will face off in a Tables Match.

@Niki_Sushi Thank you @IAmJericho for making this watchable. <3 . #BWF #RAW

@FrankWWEClown Wow, unbelievable by Morrison. He impresses me more and more every week. #WWE #RAW

@RingsideRants I don’t mind a Chris Jericho – John Morrison program. Could be really good stuff.

@TKeep123 Even the Titan-Tron-Bomb doesn’t stop Sheamus! Take that, Free-Runner-Fella! #WWE #RAW #BWF

Jerry tells Chris that it’s RAW Roulette night, but Chris obviously doesn’t give a flying shit what night it is. Chris says he’s not going anywhere until he gets exactly what he wants. He will sit in that chair in the middle of the ring all night long if he has to, until he gets the restitution that he deserves, do you understand what he’s saying to you right now? He’s going to sit there until we get an email from the esteemed GM, an email that states the Six Pack Challenge is back on, and he has been reinstated back in the match. Taking him out of the match was stupid, expecting Morrison to replace him was lunacy, and he wants – and will have – justice. And if he doesn’t get what he wants, he quits. He will go home and watch as the entire WWE burns up in flames, laughing every step of the way. And if you don’t think he’s serious, try him. This time, it’s for real. So, what’s it gonna be?

Chris says alright, but he has to warn the GM: before he leaves, he will track down and find the GM, exposing his identity to the entire world.

Chris tells Cole to just read the email. And everyone cheers.

“Jericho, I really don’t like ultimatums. There’s no chance that’s going to work. No chance in hell.” Chris laughs here and asks if he’s expected to believe he’s Vince. Chris said that if Vince had some orders to be barking, he’d be doing it man to man. And, more importantly, Vince would realize that his most important asset needs to be in the PPV, so try again GM.

“There’s something you should know, Jericho. I will make this six-pack challenge match again, a six-pack elimination match. It’ll start with six men, and go down to five until there’s a winner. I’m telling you this because I’ve decided to put you back in the six-pack challenge. However-“

Chris cuts him off and tells Cole to give him his moment. Chris says he’ll let the show continue, and thanks him for finally admitting that Jericho is the biggest, brightest star in the company. Jericho then guarantees he’ll leave Night of Champions as the WWE Champion.

“Don’t ever interrupt me again. As I was saying, I am going to put you back in the six pack challenge, provided you win your match tonight. That match will take place right now, and since you are the best in the world at what you do, Chris, you’re going to compete in a handicapped match against the WWE Tag Team Champions, the Hart Dynasty. Oh, Chris, one other thing: This match is going to be contested inside a steel cage.”

Chris gets out of the ring and starts yelling at Cole as the cage is lowered.

@Niki_Sushi @IAmJericho vs Michael Cole plz? #BWF #RAW

@sultrysunset SHUT UP! JUST READ IT! fuccckkkk i love you chris

@FrankWWEClown “Of course you have an email, just read it, you idiot!” –@IAmJericho #WWE #RAW

Holy shit match came back quick.

Hart Dynasty vs Chris Jericho

Handicapped match, and the Hart Dynasty is taking off bad with the momentum. Jericho has to climb up, both of them, and Chris would have to himself. Jericho manages to stop Tyson and pull him back in, but David Hart Smith can’t help anymore. Tyson goes for a cover, but Jericho kicks out at two. Jericho throws Kidd into the cage, and then smacks him a bit. Jericho then yells, asking the Gm if that’s what he wants. The ref opens the door, and Tyson dives for it, but Jericho pulls him back by his trunks. Jericho then delivers a hard backbreaker to Kidd, kicking him before putting him in a headlock. Kidd gets momentum back, hitting Jericho pretty damn hard before slamming his head into the turnbuckle. Kidd Irish Whips Jericho across the ring, and Jericho immediately starts climbing, but Kidd pulls him back into the ring, beating his head against the cage and then throwing him down into the ring. Kidd stands up and goes to hit Jericho, who attempts to roll him into the walks of Jericho, only for it to be countered. Kidd goes for the sharpshooter, and Jericho reaches the bottom rope. Chris manages to get out, and Kidd starts climbing up the cage. Jericho realizes what he did and grabs Kidd, pulling him back into the ring, before Kidd slams Jericho’s head against the cage again. Kidd jumps down and Jericho locks him into the Walls of Jericho.

Chris Jericho wins via submission.

@HitTheRopes Either the stipulation in that cage match was silly or DH Smith was silly for leaving Kidd in their alone…..Or both. *shrugs* #wwe

@inkincisions HELL YEA CHRIS JERICHO! THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT!!

@TKeep123 Tyson Kidd…..you tapped. Turn in your little Forehead-Goatee-thingy….. You’re dead to me. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@FrankWWEClown Oh my god, I thought Tyson was about to break his own neck there. I jumped off my couch. #WWE #RAW

That one guy in the Hall of Fame is in the crowd, but no one cares. Not even he cared. That’s sad.

William Regal vs Goldust in a Trading Places Match

Goldust is out in the ring looking like Regal, which is actually quite terrifying… And Regal… pulls off a pretty decent Goldust, though he’s pissed as it is. Poor Regal. When Regal takes off the robe, people cheered for him. Poor guy looked a little scared. Omg, and Regal does a Goldust impression… and Goldust has brass knuckles, punching him with them for the victory, that cheater.

Goldust wins via cheating-I mean pinfall.

Up next, Randy Orton takes on John Cena in a Tables match.

@FrankWWEClown My hopes and dreams have came true, @KingRegal has come out dressed as Goldust. I have been waiting many moons to see this. #WWE #RAW

@AnthonySkatz Dear @iamjericho , after tonight, if anyone ever claims you’re not one of the 5 best wrestlers ever, you have my blessing to murder them.

@TKeep123 Hmmm…a new life for William Regal as Regal-Dust! Actually looks good! #WWE

@StrikerSays HAHAHAHAHA THE CROWD WOOOOED WHEN REGAL TOOK OFF THE ROBE.

@ThingsColeSays Boy, Nexus has really been all over the show tonight.

The Undertaker vs Kane for the World Heavyweight Championship

Daniel Bryan vs The Miz for the United States Championship

The Big Show vs CM Punk

Jericho vs Cena vs Orton vs Barrett vs Edge vs Sheamus for the WWE Championship – Elimination Six-Pack

OchoCinco is apparently going to be the ring announcer. Lovely. He’s bad at it.

Randy Orton vs John Cena in a Tables Match

Orton and Cena pause before the match to evaluate the crowd, apparently, before locking up. They break apart and listen to the crowd again. They go to lock up, but Cena gets Orton in a headlock. They lock up again, and Orton puts Cena in a headlock before taking Cena down with a big shoulder block. Orton takes advantage, and holy shit that was a good full body shot on Orton. Orton gets Cena in a corner and gets in a few good shots . Orton on the apron, and Cena pushes Orton backward, but Orton avoids the table.

@ChandraLooney Ochocinco should never, EEEVVEERR be a ring announcer. He needs an RKO for that. @RandyOrton get on that please.

@Niki_Sushi @RandyOrton should be registered as a lethal weapon… a big, muscled sling-shot/pinball. #BWF #RAW

@inkincisions OMFG. PLEASE GET ON WITH THE MATCH!

Orton and Cena are exchanging shots when we come back before Orton hits a backbreaker on Cena. Orton keeps the momentum over Cena for now, stomping on him repeatedly. Orton keeps hitting Cena, who’s on the apron, and nearly knocking him off the apron before Cena gets back in. Orton is thrown around the ring by Cena now, who suplexes him into the ring floor. Cena and Orton clothesline one another in the middle of the ring, and are both down again. Cena lifts Orton as though he was going for the Attitude Adjustment, and then Orton counters with a DDT. He then pulls a table into the ring, setting it up in the corner. Orton misses a clothesline, but Cena this some flying shoulder tackles before getting ready for the Five Knuckle Shuffle. After all these matches, you’d hope that Orton could actually see Cena by now…

Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle and attempts the Attitude Adjustment, but Orton counters with a few moves and stuff happens, and I was interrupted, and Nexus attacks. They’re all attacking Cena, and Orton RKOs Tarver, only to get attacked by Gabriel, Slater, and Barrett. Otunga gets an Attitude Adjustment, and Slater is sent outside of the ring and through a table. Barrett gives Cena a Wasteland, and only Gabriel and Barrett are left in the ring. The two set up a table. Barrett lifts Cena as Gabriel goes up to the rope. Orton shoves him off and through a table, only to be flattened by Barrett. Cena and Orton are in the ring, Barrett left as the only man standing. Barrett then lifts Orton, attempting Wasteland until Orton counters and shoves him through the table outside the ring. Orton looks around, repositioning a table before he drops onto his knees, slamming the mat. Edge and Jericho come out to the ring and attack Orton. Orton fights back against both of them, avoiding a Codebreaker and assisting Edge in spearing Jericho into a table set up in the corner. Sheamus comes in to attack too, delivering a hard hit to Orton’s face before throwing Cena out of the ring too. Cena hits an Attitude Adjustment on Sheamus before climbing back in the ring. Orton and Cena are both moving now, and Orton is lifted up, and counters Cena’s Attitude Adjustment at the very last second to put Cena through the table instead.

Randy Orton wins via RKO through a table.

Honestly, I think that’s the first RAW in a while that has actually had an ending to the Main Event match. Anyway, relatively decent RAW, though not exactly all that impressive. See ya next week!

WWE RAW for 5/24/10

May 25, 2010 10:24 pm 5 Comments

Hey guys, I decided to take the night off, and in my absence, twitter user @Punk_Kanellis was kind enough to send us her thoughts on the show. Here they are, enjoy!

Last night on WWE Monday night RAW, comedian Jon Lovitz hosted. You know the night is gonna be corny when a comedian hosts, well anyways, The first match was a Triple Threat Qualifying match. Whoever won would be in the Fatal-Four-Way match next month. The match of course had all the top RAW superstars in it; figures. It went by slow and steady, gaining tension towards the end. Edge won that by spearing Jericho, and then the 3-count. I don’t know about you fans, but I LOVE the Hart Dynasty. They are so powerful, and Natalya plays a great role in it as well. Well, they took on William Regal and Vladimir Kozlov, nothing much to say about this match. The Hart Dynasty won– but wait! Here comes the exciting part! They got attacked by a mystery trio of 2 men and 1 women, we’ll have to wait till next week to see who it was! Jon Lovitz then hosted a “WWE Superstar Search”.. lame to me. Khali and his little “translator” put on a disgusting version of an old song, and then Of course, before Jillian started singing (does that women EVER wrestle?), Lovitz cut her off and pulled someone out of the crowd to do some weird thing with their eyes. Honestly, what happened to World WRESTLING Entertainment? All these acts disgust me, it’s supposed to be wrestling people! Not a reality show! Next up, R-Truth vs. The Miz; this match was actually pretty good. Pretty high impact, back-and-forth action between the two superstars. But, R-Truth came out with the win and told Toledo, Ohio What’s up! Congratulations R-Truth for becoming the New US Champion! Next up, my favorite time of the night, women’s wrestling! These ladies are so talented, I respect them so much. It was Alicia Fox and Maryse vs. the STILL reigning diva’s champion, Eve and Gail Kim. This match was what WWE calls a divas match now-a-days. Maryse wasn’t in the mood to begin with since she failed to re-capture the title from Eve last night, what did make her a little happier is that she rolled up Eve for the win. Short but long segment of new RAW GM Bret Hart assigning the Fatal-Four-Way for next month, the competitors would be John Cena vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho vs. whoever won this next match, Sheamus vs. Mark Henry. Mark Henry, as always, dominated over Sheamus, but GO FIGURES… Sheamus ended up winning. How do you roll up a man that heavy? I don’t know. Sheamus is also qualified. Bret Hart than got assigned as new RAW GM! Whoo! No more celebs!

WWE RAW results 5/10/10

May 11, 2010 5:41 am Leave a Comment

Guess what I don’t care about. RAW tonight. Why? Because I’m going to SmackDown tomorrow night. Oh yeah, yours truly won tickets to tomorrow night’s tapings in Buffalo. YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH BOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYY!

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WWE RAW results 2/8/10

February 8, 2010 11:44 pm 6 Comments

Some NASCAR guy (note: It’s Carl Edwards) hosts RAW tonight as we witness the next chapter in the war between Bret “Hitman” Hart and Vince McMahon. What role will John Cena and Batista play? Will Edge make another RAW appearance? And who will walk out with the Unified Tag Team Championships – DX, Miz-Show, or CM Punk’s Straight Edge Society? All this and more, tonight!

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Paul Heymen’s Rant on WWE and TNA

January 14, 2010 1:50 am Leave a Comment

Let’s get one thing out of the way, just so we can focus on the big picture: I’m not involved in tonight’s Monday Night Wrestling head-to-head programming as SpikeTV’s “TNA Impact” steps up against USA Network’s “WWE Monday Night Raw.”

Ironically, the fact I took my first vacation since 1993 lead to the rumors of my involvement, and those rumors ended up taking on a life of their own.

Since I’ve never actually enjoyed a “road trip” with my children, I figured it was time to experience a little bit of Americana with The Heyman Kids, and we set out on our little insane adventure. While I checked in regarding the Hustle (and other projects) frequently … ok, at first, obsessively, but I learned to relax a little … key words being “a little” … I didn’t respond to many calls or emails.

And that’s when the rumors got out of hand. “Heyman’s bringing in RVD and Ken Anderson…” “Heyman’s opening up the show on January 4th…” “Heyman is a 75% lock to start on Impact.”

I wish someone would have taken some action on that percentage. My money would have been on the 25% that I wasn’t showing up.

I’ve been the subject of rumors before, but when close friends in both WWE and TNA (sorry Dixie, WWE still gets top billing for now) are calling and emailing, convinced I’m hiding the secret that I’m appearing in Orlando on January 4th, it’s a bit stunning.

I always try to torment Jim Ross (one of my favorite pastimes) when he lets Internet reports bother him to such an extent that he’ll address them on his website (and, just to be fair to my pushing-60-but-still-better-than-any-other-kid-out-there former colleague, I’ll post a link to his site: http://www.jrsbarbq.com), but for the first time, I understand the need to do so. I hate addressing rumors (even when they’re true), because you’ve set the precedent for giving comment. Therefore, the next time there’s a ridiculous rumor, and you decide not to comment, people take your silence as confirmation there’s something to the story, because otherwise you’d address it.

I left the wrestling business on December 4, 2006 when I shook Vince McMahon’s hand after a rather volatile meeting with him and Stephanie, and I’ve never looked back. Some projects, like THE HEYMAN HUSTLE, are out in front of the public already, and there’s a ton of others in the works. I’m in no rush. I’m taking my time. I’m enjoying my family. And (here comes the segue), I’m looking forward to what happens out of this Monday Night head-to-head programming on SpikeTV and USA Network.

If you’re wondering why I’m not referring to tonight’s “1st Monday Night War In Almost A Decade” as a collision between WWE and TNA, it’s because this evening’s head-to-head competition has very little to do with the professional wrestling / sports entertainment industry.

Here’s the poop, at least from my perspective: SpikeTV’s Doug Herzog and Kevin Kay smell blood. And that blood they smell is the bleeding caused by the erosion of Raw’s fan base. Slowly but surely, Raw’s core audience is getting older and older, and the indescribably-important “youth audience” is not being replenished. Despite World Wrestling Entertainment’s Push-to-PG, the Goliath of Monday Night Cable Programming’s product is stale, and the terms “hip,” “happening,” “socially relevant,” or “pop culture phenomenon” don’t apply to Vince McMahon’s flagship cablecast anymore.

Raw, however, remains a powerhouse. Even the much-maligned “low 3′ ratings” are still way better than anything SpikeTV is pushing, and keep in mind Spike is the television home of the Ultimate Fight juggernaut. A decade past its heyday, Monday Night Raw is the driving force behind USA Network’s 4th consecutive sweep of the annual Cable Ratings Wars.

That, in and of itself, makes Vince McMahon a very influential person when it comes to NBC-Universal Executive Bonnie Hammer, who runs both USA (home of Raw) and SyFy (home of the WWE-owed ECW). For those of you keeping score, NBC is in a real state of flux. While Comcast Chairman Brian Roberts and NBC-Universal President Jeff Zucker prepare to defend Comcast’s takeover of NBC before a Senate Committee later this month, Bonnie Hammer continues to be the rising star in the NBC-U family. Long regarded, along with Oprah Winfrey and Valerie Schaer as one of the sharpest women in all of television, Hammer’s power lies in the fact USA is the crown jewel of the NBC-U television empire. Forget the network. Their business model collapsed, along with Zucker’s Midas touch, when the Jay Leno Experiment exposed the network as not budget-conscious, but simply desperate-for-programming.

USA, meanwhile, forged ahead. Under Hammer’s masterful guidance in 2009, USA drew a record 3.27 million viewers in primetime, a 14% improvement over its 2008 delivery. For the period spanning Dec. 29, 2008, through Dec. 27, 2009, USA swept ad-supported cable’s three top TV demos, averaging 1.49 million adults 25-54, an increase of 11% versus 2008, while also delivering 1.32 million viewers 18-49 (up 5%). The network also held off former WCW-home TBS to take the 18-34 demo, drawing 616,000 viewers.

Not only is USA surviving, it’s thriving. And heavy hangs the head that wears the crown.

Doug Herzog and Kevin Kay’s target for Twenty Ten: Stop Bonnie Hammer.

Bonnie Hammer’s easy weekly ratings boost: Vince McMahon’s Monday Night Raw.

In the cutthroat world of television, the next step was a “gimme.” Go after Raw. Put a dent in the already-dented armor of the Still-Standing-Giant.

So Herzog and Kevin Kay, along with “In Your Face” SpikeTV execs Sharon Levy and Brian Diamond decided to dip their toe into the shark-infested Monday Night waters. Looking at Spike’s positioning, you have to admit, it’s a pretty smart move. There’s no way for Spike to lose. Tonight, TNA will deliver three hours of primetime programming for the network, and next week, the network will air a live “UFC Fight Night” featuring Gray Maynard vs Nate Diaz.

Wait a minute. No Kimbo? No GSP? No update on Brock Lesnar? Doesn’t sound like a major head-to-head UFC vs WWE confrontation, does it?

That’s because UFC is simply putting on an event when their host network, SpikeTV, wants to pay them for the programming content Zuffa can deliver. As a matter of fact, UFC is not getting into the hype. Dana White is too focused on his own business (and StrikeForce, and anyone else wanting to get into MMA) to think this is a fight with WWE. The controversial Ultimate Fight President even laughed at the insinuation there would be a Monday Night War when he noted “I’m not trying to beat (WWE) on Monday night. I don’t think we would beat (Raw). Those guys pull killer ratings. It’s been like the highest rated show on television forever. We’re just putting a fight on Monday night because Spike wants us to.”

EXACTLY!

SpikeTV wanted UFC to deliver programming for Monday Night, January 11th, because the execs at Spike want to see where Raw is vulnerable. Even if TNA bombs tonight, it truly doesn’t matter. The network is going to pick apart not only the Demo-trending, but also the minute-by-minute ratings for Raw and TNA. Where did Raw lose viewers? Did TNA pick any of those viewers up? What caused the television viewership to change channels? What caused them to stick with what they were watching? Where can the counter-programming work to Spike’s advantage?

The real story of tonight’s head-to-head battle is not Vince McMahon vs Hulk Hogan, or the re-emergence of Eric Bischoff, or Stephanie McMahon’s vision for the future vs Dixie Carter’s vision for her company. It’s about SpikeTV executives’ decision to curb the enthusiasm (oy vey) of Bonnie Hammer and NBC-U’s 4th consecutive Cable Grand Slam.

So bring back Bret. Let Hulkamania run wild. Hand Eric Bischoff a mic, and let him declare it’s1995 all over again. Bid on Ric Flair’s “Whooooooo!” Make short term and long term offers for Rob Van Dam, Ken Anderson, and the remaining members of the Ring of Honor roster.

The key for TNA to take advantage of this programming decision is to use the increased attention to finally BRAND their company. Pick a direction, and stick with it. So far, the only hype has been Hulk Hogan declaring himself “The Vince McMahon of TNA” (sounds like the opening line for a Wrestlemania return),
and everyone else saying “The Monday Night Wars Are Back! The Monday Night Wars Are Back!”

I need a reason to care about AJ Styles. Seriously, how anyone in TNA can look at themselves in the mirror and accept the fact AJ, the promotion’s World Champion and one of the most consistent performers in the industry for over half a decade, is not nearly as well known as Sheamus is simply a crime. I like Sheamus’ push, and think WWE made a fantastic decision to elevate a new character into the main event, and present him not as a fluke, but as a real deal.

But for Sheamus to be so much better known to the general public at this point in his career than AJ Styles is not only a sign of WWE’s marketing success, but TNA’s most glaring failure.

I know why as a fan, Sheamus is to be hated. I don’t know why, as a fan, I am supposed to care about AJ Styles. I need a reason to believe in the Motor City Machine Guns. Besides being every school boy’s masturbatory fantasy, why should I spend my time thinking about Lacey Von Erich? Is Awesome Kong the Cris Cyborg of pro wrestling? If so, demonstrate that to me.

TNA has a chance to capitalize on its home network’s desire to derail USA Network’s momentum. Character development and TNA-brand-building are key. Tonight, TNA has the opportunity to declare to the public something far more substantive than “check out a bunch of former WWE big name stars in a six sided ring with some of our own guys who aren’t quite so recognizable.”

Tonight, TNA has a chance to deliver. Deliver to their own audience. Deliver to the 8pm Eastern Time curiosity viewers Hulk Hogan’s involvement may bring in. And most importantly, deliver a market study for SpikeTV execs to learn a little more about the true Ultimate Champion of the Monday Night Cable Wars:
Bonnie Hammer.

WOW he had alot to say and you know what its ALL TRUE but i bet VINNY MAC is kinda pissed

The War On… Monday Night RAW

January 4, 2010 8:27 pm Leave a Comment

Tune in at the top of the hour for live coverage of Monday Night RAW, with guest host, Bret ‘Hitman’ Hart.

We begin with a promo for Bret Hart, ending with the comments made between Vince and Shawn last week, in which ‘only good things will happen’.

Enter the Hitman… to new music. It sounds the same, but it’s got more of a rock feel to it.

“I guess Hell’s frozen over” – Bret Hart

The Hitman talks about why he has came back, and thanks the fans for still supporting him. He flashbacks to his past, and then gets right down to the nitty gritty. Bret Hart calls out Shawn Michaels.

Enter the Michaels.

Hart wants a truce between himself and HBK. Shawn decides to let rip on the Hitman, stating that he deserved what he got that night, and that he did have a part in the actions of that fateful night in Montreal. Shawn says that there are parts of him that doesn’t want to forgive him. He then goes on to say, that whenever he thinks of Bret Hart, he doesn’t think of Montreal, he thinks of Anaheim, California, and the 60-minute Iron match (his words, not mine). Michaels agrees with Bret, that he wants to bury the hatchet.

Hart says that Michaels wasn’t the easiest man to get along with, but says that now, he doesn’t want either career to be remembered for that night. Bret offers his hand, Shawn shakes it, and the truce is made. They finish with a hug, and that moment right there, is a moment I will never forget.

However, Bret’s not done. Hart calls out… Vince McMahon!! However, Vince doesn’t show.

PREVIEW FOR TONIGHT’S SHOW

Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston

D-Generation X (c) vs. JeriShow – Unified Tag Team Championships

We’ll be right back.

We return to find Josh Matthews outside Vince’s office. Apparently, Vince was in a meeting and didn’t hear the Hitman call him out.

Cole and King tells us that Melina was injured in a House Show recently, and thus has been stripped of whatever title she holds. An 8-Diva tournament will be held to determine the new Champion.

TOURNAMENT MATCH#1: Maryse vs. Brie Bella w/Nikki Bella

Oh look, a divas match, watch me not care.

The Twins switched, but that didn’t help.

YOUR WINNER: Maryse

Enter the Miz… and he has music. It says he’s awesome. He says that if Maryse wins, he might just call her back. Miz disagrees with 2010 being the year of Maryse, and says it’s the year of the Miz.

MATCH #2: FATAL FOUR WAY

#1 Contender Match: United States Championship

MVP vs. Jack Swagger vs. Carlito vs. Mark Henry

Don’t get suckered in by iMPACT!. join me after the break…

We return, already in action, and we are shown that Mark Henry was taken out of the matchup for now. Swagger with a PowerSlam-type move on Carlito for a near fall. Swagger then tries for a pin on MVP for another near fall. Swagger nails Carlito in the corner, as MVP gets out of the way. Henry is back in the ring, and starts cleaning house. Carlito is used as a weapon, before being put in a Bearhug. The All-American American American American breaks up the Bearhug, but receives a Torture Rack for his troubles. They take Henry out again, and MVP nails the Playmaker on Swagger for the win.

YOUR WINNER and #1 Contender: MVP

Jericho and Show are talking backstage. If Jericho loses tonight, then he’s off RAW. But the Ayatollah of Rock-N-Rollah has a plan, and he’s off to see the Hitman, the Wonderful Hitman of RAW.

Another break.. Y’all come back now.

We return to find out, that Fozzy’s new song “Martyr No More” is the offical song of the Royal Rumble!! Yieewwww

In the Hitman’s Office, enter the Jericho. He suggests Bret be the Guest Referee for the tag title match, so that Bret can screw Michaels. The Hitman doesn’t want to do another Montreal, Jericho thinks it’s an act.

Hornswoggle and Triple H are flogging off the new Mattel line of WWE toys. Hornswoggle wants to play, and Trips says no, until they retain the titles. Shawn enters and asks why Hunter treats Hornswoggle like a little boy, when he has a beard. Helmsley then brings in his Jericho impersonator (Santino Marella) , and sicks Hornswoggle onto him.

Hornswoggle, is now Triple H’s lap dog. Literally.

The Tag Titles are on the line, NEXT!!

Last week, over 2 million females watched RAW. Woop de fucking do.

MATCH #3: Unified Tag Team Championship

D-Generation X (c) vs. Chris Jericho and the Big Show

DX go for the advantage early, but Big Show ends up double suplexing both members.

A commercial follows.

Back from the break, and the challengers are in total control. Jericho just mocked a certain Hulk Hogan in the ring. Gee, I wonder why? Triple H with the Spinebuster! Both men down.

HBK trying to get Big Show down, and finally succeeds, before heading up top, and getting knocked down by Jericho. Hornswoggle gets involved as well, but it only leads to two. Michaels looks for Sweet Chin Music, but Shwo counters into a Chokeslam! Big Show looks for the cover, but Michaels kicks out. Jericho looks for the Walls, but HBK gets the tag to Triple H. A pedigree to Jericho, but Show breaks it up.

Big Show and Michaels out of the ring, and Jericho tries to steal the win, but only gets two. Y2J then hits the CodeBreaker!. but both men are down. Jericho finally goes the cover, but HBK breaks it up. Hronswoggle looks for Sweet Chin on Jericho, but he is knocked down. Jericho looks for the Walls on the Game, but HBK nails Sweet Chin Music, and Trips gets the fall.

YOUR WINNERS: D-Generation X

Stop. Commercial Time.

We return to see Chris Jericho leaving RAW, as per the pre-match stipulation.

Someone’s knocking on Vinnie Mac’s door, and it’s Randall. He has a business proposal for Vince. He wants to kick Bret’s head off, in exchange for the #30 spot in the Rumble. But Vince has his own security, and tells Randy to bugger off. Enter the Legacy. DiBiase and Rhodes want to repay the favour, from last week, by sitting ringside during Orton’s match with Kofi Kingston. Oh, and if Randy doesn’t win, they’re gonna throw him outta Legacy!

Find out (maybe), after the break!

TNA Genesis just got advertised during a RAW commercial. Somebody’s getting fired.

Next Week’s Guest Host… ‘Iron’ Mike Tyson!

Recap of last week’s title match between John Cena and Sheamus.

Enter the Sheamus. He says he’s the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. Does he not remember who the Guest Host is? Anyways, enter the… Bourne?

He wants a title shot, and thinks he can beat the Champion? HA! Sheamus calls him Little Evan Bourne, and asks for a referee.

If Bourne can beat Sheamus, then Evan Bourne gets a WWE Title shot at the Rumble? WTF?

MATCH #4: Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne

This match is impromptu, and if Bourne wins, he gets Sheamus at the Rumble for the title. You gotta be f**king kidding me right?

Even though Evan hits his ‘Air Bourne’, it doesn’t take long for Sheamus to win.

YOUR WINNER: Sheamus.

Sorry Evan, no title shot for you.

Cole and King, then talk about the life of ‘Dr. Death’ Steve Williams, who passed away after a long battle with throat cancer. He will be missed.

I’ll be right back.

Return to the misery, in which this is the first RAW I’ve watched in five months. No kidding. A Bret Hart promo video plays, showing the build-up, and the aftermath of the Survivor Series of 1997.

Kofi comes to the ring for his match, as it’s now…

Commercial time!

RAW was watched more than ABC, CW, NBC and FOX last week. Why do I have trouble believing that?

MATCH #5: Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton

Kofi in control early, clotheslining Randy over the top, then jumping over the ropes, and nailing Orton on the outside. Randall tries figbhting back, with a DDT in the ring, but that doesn’t work, and Kingston sends him to the outside again. Guess what’s next? Yep, you guessed it.

COMMERCIAL!

We return to find Randy Orton applying the patented Indiana Jones and the Chinlock of Doom! This leads to the momentum being in Randy’s favour. Back to the Chinlock of Doom!, but Kofi gets out of it, and both men are down. Kofi Kingston in control now, as the crowd doesn’t really care much for Kofi. Kingston nails Randall with a cross boyd, but it only brings him two. Kofi counters the RKO, into a fancy looking move, for another near fall.

Kingston looks to finish it with Trouble In Paradise, but Orton counters it into the RKO, and the three count.

YOUR WINNER: Randy Orton

Vince is going to the ring, tune in for it, NEXT!

COMMERCIAL!

Enter McMahon…I have a feeling, this is going to be HUGE!

Vince is trying to get the focus off of Montreal, however, it doesn’t take long for the Hitman to arrive. McMahon seems scared of Bret, as he brings back memories of the past between the two. Vince is trying to kiss Bret’s ass, in order to not get dropped.

Did he just say “I want to bring up your dead”? Anyways, Vince brings a nice gesture, by wanting to put Stu Hart in the WWE Hall Of Fame. Bret accepts, nice touch.

McMahon now thanks Bret for everything he did during his time in the company. Hart shakes McMahon’s hand, and the two stand, arms raised, in the middle of the ring, and just when it looks like things end on a good note, Vinnie Mac gives Bret the ol’ Low Blow, and leaves the ring. Bret stands annoyed in the ring, and that’s all she wrote.

For those who watched that other wrestling show tonight, you sure as hell missed something tonight. Tonight wasn’t about the action. It was about Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels and Vince McMahon. Hart and Michaels buried the hatchet, and Vince just couldn’t bury it. The Road to WrestleMania begins. Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon in Phoenix.

That’s it for RAW! This has been the one they call ‘Legend Killer’.

WWE RAW results – 12/7/09

December 7, 2009 11:31 pm Leave a Comment

Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban hosts and Chris Jericho takes on DX in a handicapped match tonight. Sound like fun? Didn’t think so. Ah well, try to enjoy it. Here we go!

(more…)

Tag Archive: Monday Night Raw

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