What’s going on people, hope you all have been well since we last met. Sorry I’m a little late but I had a very late night last night and can still feel the after effects of it so without further ado, lets get this show on the road: (more…)
Don Johnson and the dude from Napolean Dynamite host RAW tonight, and The Undertaker has vowed to confront Shawn Michaels over his challenges to a rematch at WrestleMania 26 tonight on RAW! Let’s go!
Welcome everybody to a special Tuesday edition of ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts. This column usually comes to you on Saturdays, but it’s a special occasion. Last night was the night – TNA finally tried to battle RAW with a head to head live show. Both shows had their high points – but in my opinion, WWE won the battle.
Eric Bischoff knows television. Eric Bischoff will tell you that’s his business. He’ll tell you that he was the one who put Nitro on three minutes earlier than RAW and he was the one who knew enough to beat RAW back from commercial breaks to get the viewers watching and hooked. It didn’t quite work out for TNA last night, and here’s why. TNA aired the first hour unopposed by WWE, and in the first 30 minutes had Jeff Hardy, Shannon Moore, and Ric Flair pop up on their program – but they also had a match that is unique to TNA and it’s X-Division end in a no-contest and fan chants of “This-Is-Bull-Shit.” Tara and ODB managed to change the word “bullshit” to “awesome” before Scott Hall and Sean Waltman showed up and TNA aired nearly 10 minutes in commercials. Credit to TNA where it’s due – they did what any of us would’ve done and had Hulk Hogan debut at 9:57 EST.
Many of us didn’t care and switched to RAW anyway, knowing full well that Bret Hart would kick off the show. Those who continued to watch TNA got to hear Hall, Waltman, Hogan, Kevin Nash, and Bischoff repeat themselves for 10 minutes. The moment TNA went to commercial – which would likely be the moment that fans changed the channel to see what was going on over on RAW, Bret Hart shook Shawn Michaels’ hand, and the duo hugged. This is the point for me when WWE won the battle – hands down.
TNA’s show continued to put on good wrestling matches in between the myriad of talk segments, including an awesome match for the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championships in which Hamada and Awesome Kong defeated Taylor Wilde and Sarita for the titles, and a short but good match between Pope D’Angelo Dinero and Desmond Wolfe. RAW had an excellent tag title match pitting DX against JeriShow, and the WWE Champion Sheamus in action against “Little Evan Bourne.”
WWE’s main match of the night pit Randy Orton against recent rival Kofi Kingston, but anybody who didn’t tune in to iMPACT for the TNA Championship match featuring the Champion, The Phenomenal AJ Styles, defending his title against Kurt Angle missed an early Match of the Year candidate. Throughout this match, fan chants ranged from the usual “Let’s Go AJ/Let’s Go Angle” to “This Is Epic” and the hilarious considering Earl Hebner was the referee “Who needs Bret?” Styles won this match, which was so amazing that Ric Flair watched from the top of the aisle and Hulk Hogan came out to commend the duo after the match. iMPACT ended with an old school nWo beat down as Hall, Nash, and Waltman beat down Mick Foley, much to the apparent surprise of Hulk Hogan.
As soon as the show went off the air, the Chairman made his way to the ring. With the knowledge that Bret Hart was on the show, fans probably knew, no matter which show they watched, that a confrontation was eminent. Indeed, Hart confronted McMahon, the duo seemingly made up, and McMahon kicked Hart square in the grapefruits to end the show.
I haven’t seen the ratings. Given that they were the number 3 Trending Topic on Twitter for most of the night, TNA likely popped a higher rating than normal. Going head to head with WWE on a historic night for the company, however, probably didn’t allow them to maintain it. Time will tell if last night was good or bad for TNA, but for the first time in nearly nine years, it was just awesome to be a wrestling fan on Monday nights.
Before I take off, I’d like to take a moment to thank chjpacheco for his iMPACT coverage and Legend Killer for stepping in to cover RAW so that I could sit back and be a fan rather than a critic on this spectacular night.
Tune in at the top of the hour for live coverage of Monday Night RAW, with guest host, Bret ‘Hitman’ Hart.
We begin with a promo for Bret Hart, ending with the comments made between Vince and Shawn last week, in which ‘only good things will happen’.
Enter the Hitman… to new music. It sounds the same, but it’s got more of a rock feel to it.
“I guess Hell’s frozen over” – Bret Hart
The Hitman talks about why he has came back, and thanks the fans for still supporting him. He flashbacks to his past, and then gets right down to the nitty gritty. Bret Hart calls out Shawn Michaels.
Enter the Michaels.
Hart wants a truce between himself and HBK. Shawn decides to let rip on the Hitman, stating that he deserved what he got that night, and that he did have a part in the actions of that fateful night in Montreal. Shawn says that there are parts of him that doesn’t want to forgive him. He then goes on to say, that whenever he thinks of Bret Hart, he doesn’t think of Montreal, he thinks of Anaheim, California, and the 60-minute Iron match (his words, not mine). Michaels agrees with Bret, that he wants to bury the hatchet.
Hart says that Michaels wasn’t the easiest man to get along with, but says that now, he doesn’t want either career to be remembered for that night. Bret offers his hand, Shawn shakes it, and the truce is made. They finish with a hug, and that moment right there, is a moment I will never forget.
However, Bret’s not done. Hart calls out… Vince McMahon!! However, Vince doesn’t show.
PREVIEW FOR TONIGHT’S SHOW
Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston
D-Generation X (c) vs. JeriShow – Unified Tag Team Championships
We’ll be right back.
We return to find Josh Matthews outside Vince’s office. Apparently, Vince was in a meeting and didn’t hear the Hitman call him out.
Cole and King tells us that Melina was injured in a House Show recently, and thus has been stripped of whatever title she holds. An 8-Diva tournament will be held to determine the new Champion.
TOURNAMENT MATCH#1: Maryse vs. Brie Bella w/Nikki Bella
Oh look, a divas match, watch me not care.
The Twins switched, but that didn’t help.
YOUR WINNER: Maryse
Enter the Miz… and he has music. It says he’s awesome. He says that if Maryse wins, he might just call her back. Miz disagrees with 2010 being the year of Maryse, and says it’s the year of the Miz.
MATCH #2: FATAL FOUR WAY
#1 Contender Match: United States Championship
MVP vs. Jack Swagger vs. Carlito vs. Mark Henry
Don’t get suckered in by iMPACT!. join me after the break…
We return, already in action, and we are shown that Mark Henry was taken out of the matchup for now. Swagger with a PowerSlam-type move on Carlito for a near fall. Swagger then tries for a pin on MVP for another near fall. Swagger nails Carlito in the corner, as MVP gets out of the way. Henry is back in the ring, and starts cleaning house. Carlito is used as a weapon, before being put in a Bearhug. The All-American American American American breaks up the Bearhug, but receives a Torture Rack for his troubles. They take Henry out again, and MVP nails the Playmaker on Swagger for the win.
YOUR WINNER and #1 Contender: MVP
Jericho and Show are talking backstage. If Jericho loses tonight, then he’s off RAW. But the Ayatollah of Rock-N-Rollah has a plan, and he’s off to see the Hitman, the Wonderful Hitman of RAW.
Another break.. Y’all come back now.
We return to find out, that Fozzy’s new song “Martyr No More” is the offical song of the Royal Rumble!! Yieewwww
In the Hitman’s Office, enter the Jericho. He suggests Bret be the Guest Referee for the tag title match, so that Bret can screw Michaels. The Hitman doesn’t want to do another Montreal, Jericho thinks it’s an act.
Hornswoggle and Triple H are flogging off the new Mattel line of WWE toys. Hornswoggle wants to play, and Trips says no, until they retain the titles. Shawn enters and asks why Hunter treats Hornswoggle like a little boy, when he has a beard. Helmsley then brings in his Jericho impersonator (Santino Marella) , and sicks Hornswoggle onto him.
Hornswoggle, is now Triple H’s lap dog. Literally.
The Tag Titles are on the line, NEXT!!
Last week, over 2 million females watched RAW. Woop de fucking do.
MATCH #3: Unified Tag Team Championship
D-Generation X (c) vs. Chris Jericho and the Big Show
DX go for the advantage early, but Big Show ends up double suplexing both members.
A commercial follows.
Back from the break, and the challengers are in total control. Jericho just mocked a certain Hulk Hogan in the ring. Gee, I wonder why? Triple H with the Spinebuster! Both men down.
HBK trying to get Big Show down, and finally succeeds, before heading up top, and getting knocked down by Jericho. Hornswoggle gets involved as well, but it only leads to two. Michaels looks for Sweet Chin Music, but Shwo counters into a Chokeslam! Big Show looks for the cover, but Michaels kicks out. Jericho looks for the Walls, but HBK gets the tag to Triple H. A pedigree to Jericho, but Show breaks it up.
Big Show and Michaels out of the ring, and Jericho tries to steal the win, but only gets two. Y2J then hits the CodeBreaker!. but both men are down. Jericho finally goes the cover, but HBK breaks it up. Hronswoggle looks for Sweet Chin on Jericho, but he is knocked down. Jericho looks for the Walls on the Game, but HBK nails Sweet Chin Music, and Trips gets the fall.
YOUR WINNERS: D-Generation X
Stop. Commercial Time.
We return to see Chris Jericho leaving RAW, as per the pre-match stipulation.
Someone’s knocking on Vinnie Mac’s door, and it’s Randall. He has a business proposal for Vince. He wants to kick Bret’s head off, in exchange for the #30 spot in the Rumble. But Vince has his own security, and tells Randy to bugger off. Enter the Legacy. DiBiase and Rhodes want to repay the favour, from last week, by sitting ringside during Orton’s match with Kofi Kingston. Oh, and if Randy doesn’t win, they’re gonna throw him outta Legacy!
Find out (maybe), after the break!
TNA Genesis just got advertised during a RAW commercial. Somebody’s getting fired.
Next Week’s Guest Host… ‘Iron’ Mike Tyson!
Recap of last week’s title match between John Cena and Sheamus.
Enter the Sheamus. He says he’s the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. Does he not remember who the Guest Host is? Anyways, enter the… Bourne?
He wants a title shot, and thinks he can beat the Champion? HA! Sheamus calls him Little Evan Bourne, and asks for a referee.
If Bourne can beat Sheamus, then Evan Bourne gets a WWE Title shot at the Rumble? WTF?
MATCH #4: Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne
This match is impromptu, and if Bourne wins, he gets Sheamus at the Rumble for the title. You gotta be f**king kidding me right?
Even though Evan hits his ‘Air Bourne’, it doesn’t take long for Sheamus to win.
YOUR WINNER: Sheamus.
Sorry Evan, no title shot for you.
Cole and King, then talk about the life of ‘Dr. Death’ Steve Williams, who passed away after a long battle with throat cancer. He will be missed.
I’ll be right back.
Return to the misery, in which this is the first RAW I’ve watched in five months. No kidding. A Bret Hart promo video plays, showing the build-up, and the aftermath of the Survivor Series of 1997.
Kofi comes to the ring for his match, as it’s now…
Commercial time!
RAW was watched more than ABC, CW, NBC and FOX last week. Why do I have trouble believing that?
MATCH #5: Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton
Kofi in control early, clotheslining Randy over the top, then jumping over the ropes, and nailing Orton on the outside. Randall tries figbhting back, with a DDT in the ring, but that doesn’t work, and Kingston sends him to the outside again. Guess what’s next? Yep, you guessed it.
COMMERCIAL!
We return to find Randy Orton applying the patented Indiana Jones and the Chinlock of Doom! This leads to the momentum being in Randy’s favour. Back to the Chinlock of Doom!, but Kofi gets out of it, and both men are down. Kofi Kingston in control now, as the crowd doesn’t really care much for Kofi. Kingston nails Randall with a cross boyd, but it only brings him two. Kofi counters the RKO, into a fancy looking move, for another near fall.
Kingston looks to finish it with Trouble In Paradise, but Orton counters it into the RKO, and the three count.
YOUR WINNER: Randy Orton
Vince is going to the ring, tune in for it, NEXT!
COMMERCIAL!
Enter McMahon…I have a feeling, this is going to be HUGE!
Vince is trying to get the focus off of Montreal, however, it doesn’t take long for the Hitman to arrive. McMahon seems scared of Bret, as he brings back memories of the past between the two. Vince is trying to kiss Bret’s ass, in order to not get dropped.
Did he just say “I want to bring up your dead”? Anyways, Vince brings a nice gesture, by wanting to put Stu Hart in the WWE Hall Of Fame. Bret accepts, nice touch.
McMahon now thanks Bret for everything he did during his time in the company. Hart shakes McMahon’s hand, and the two stand, arms raised, in the middle of the ring, and just when it looks like things end on a good note, Vinnie Mac gives Bret the ol’ Low Blow, and leaves the ring. Bret stands annoyed in the ring, and that’s all she wrote.
For those who watched that other wrestling show tonight, you sure as hell missed something tonight. Tonight wasn’t about the action. It was about Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels and Vince McMahon. Hart and Michaels buried the hatchet, and Vince just couldn’t bury it. The Road to WrestleMania begins. Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon in Phoenix.
That’s it for RAW! This has been the one they call ‘Legend Killer’.
Tonight, The Undertaker defends his World Heavyweight Championship against CM Punk in a submission match! Will lightning strike twice? We’ll find out tonight on Friday Night SmackDown!
Following a brief promo video for tonight’s main event, the terrible new SmackDown theme plays and we’re live from the University of South Carolina with RAW’s announce team calling the action! Later on tonight, it’s Batista and Rey Mysterio vs. Chris Jericho and Kane. Jim Ross isn’t feeling well. The King says that it won’t be the same without Todd Grisham and Jim Ross – it’ll be better!
Chris Jericho makes his way out first. He’s the captain of Team SmackDown this Sunday at Bragging Rights, and this past Monday on RAW, they tried to ambush Shawn Michaels, but Team RAW arrived to deny them the opportunity. Jericho says that his legendary status will be further cemented when he becomes known as the mastermind who led team SmackDown to a crushing victory over team RAW this Sunday. He wins whenever he wrestles, his greatness is omnipotent. In order to shut up DX, he needs to tweak his team a little. He needs to know that the men on his team are worthy to stand in the same ring as Chris Jericho. They’ll prove their dominance at Bragging Rights, just as he and Kane will prove their dominance against Batista and Mysterio tonight.
Yo yo yo yo yo, it’s Cryme Tyme!
JTG shows up without Shad, and Jericho asks if he’s in jail. JTG says he’s got the flu. Jericho says that being on the same team as JTG makes him sick. Does JTG know what an honor it is to be in the same ring as Chris Jericho?
EXCUSE ME!
Vickie Guerrero, the official consultant for Team SmackDown, would like to welcome the future of SmackDown, her new boyfriend, Eric Escobar. Escobar’s heard a lot of talk from DX saying they don’t know who he is. Neither does the WWE Universe, apparently, because they’re chanting “who are you?” He says that after he leads the team to victory, DX will never forget the name Eric Escobar
I am perfection!
Dolph Ziggler says that if anybody is going to be responsible for this team winning at Bragging Rights, it’s Dolph Ziggler, and he’s not going to let any of them screw it up for him. JTG asks what he knows about winning, when he lost four Intercontinental Title shots in a row, and then lost Maria. Talking about screwing up? His name should be Dolph Loser. Drew McIntyre makes his way out and says that Jericho has an ace up his sleeve with McIntyre on the team. Hand picked and personally signed by Mr. McMahon himself. He says he should’ve been named captain.
KABOOM!
Kane comes to the ring, and he says that none of these guys are worthy to fight alongside Kane. Jericho steps in and says “or me!” Kane advised Jericho that, since they’ll be busy with Batista and Mysterio tonight, the other four of them should be busy too. After all, they want to be on the team, don’t they? Jericho says that since one of them called in sick, they’re stuck in a four on five tag match tonight, and if they lose, they’ll be replaced by the five men who beat them tonight. That way we’ll see if you have what it takes to be in the same ring as Chris Jericho and Kane. By the way, that match is NEXT!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Matt Hardy is on his way to the ring when we come back, joining a few other superstars in the ring. R-Truth is out next, rapping and dancing as usual, much to the chagrin of Drew McIntyre. Already in the ring for the team are David Hart Smith, Tyson Kidd, and Finlay.
Matt Hardy, The Hart Dynasty, R-Truth, and Finlay def. Eric Escobar, Drew McIntyre, JTG, and Dolph Ziggler
There’s a new mandate here on BoredWrestlingFan. Anybody who reviews a Matt Hardy match MUST comment on how fat he looks in tights, until he either loses weight or switches back to pants. You know what, I figured it out. It’s not that the tights look bad on him, it’s the fact he wears boots that are the exact same color as his tights and he looks like he’s wearing footy pajamas. It’s distracting – I can’t even really call the match. In the end, it’s Finlay with the shillelagh shot to JTG’s leg and a Twist of Fate from Fatt Hardy for the victory.
So now it’s Chris Jericho, Kane, Matt Hardy, Finlay, R-Truth, and the Hart Dynasty taking on DX, Cody Rhodes, Jack Swagger, Mark Henry, The Big Show, and Kofi Kingston.
CM Punk is telling Scott Armstrong that he doesn’t seem to understand the severity of the situation. He says that Armstrong is being selfish. It’s not about him or his family’s legacy, it’s all about CM Punk. Teddy Long says he’s still on probation and could lose his job over this, and worse, he could lose his life if he’s not careful. Punk wants to know why they understood what was going on in Montreal, but now they’re second guessing themselves. Armstrong says that a man is nothing without his good name. He says that Punk can find someone else to do his dirty work. Mr. McMahon comes in and says “we need to talk.”
John Morrison is backstage, walking. Guess that means he’s in action, NEXT!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Later on, it’s Jericho & Kane vs. Mysterio & Batista
Intercontinental Champion John Morrison and his cool slo-mo entrance are here for action. Sunday he’ll be facing the United States Champion, The Miz. The Miz beat Marty Jannetty on Monday with the Skull Crushing Finale. Morrison’s opponent tonight is far from Marty Jannetty. He’s Mike Knox, and earlier today, he said that blunt abdominal trauma is the worst pain a human body can experience, and then went on to explain why.
John Morrison def. Mike Knox
You know, Mike Knox doesn’t get enough credit. I’m a huge fan of his, and I love the medical genius gimmick. Morrison is very impressive as well, and in this matchup he uses his finesse and quickness to keep control. Even after a huge boot to Morrison’s face, his quickness allows him to regain control in mere moments, and hit the Starship Pain for the win.
Morrison takes the microphone and says that This Sunday he faces The Miz. While The Miz is busy trying to prove that he’s Shawn Michaels, or that he’s not Marty Jannetty, Morrison knows who he is – the Friday Night Delight, John Morrison.
Still to come, a submission match for the World Heavyweight Championship!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Backstage, the new Team SmackDown are celebrating when Chris Jericho and Kane come to congratulate them. They expect the team to follow their lead. R-Truth says to save the Patton speech. They may not like him, but they respect him. The all agree that they’re on the same page, they’re going to prove that their the superior brand this Sunday. Jericho says he wants them to watch he and Kane destroy Mysterio and Batista the same way they’ll destroy Team RAW on Sunday.
Mickie James is hanging out with Mae Young. Michelle McCool comes in and says it’s nice to see Mae, but not so much Mickie. Michelle says it’s a shame Mickie didn’t make the SmackDown Divas team at Bragging Rights, but Beth Phoenix and Natalya are so much more talented than her (ThinkSoJoE Note: IT’S A SHOOT!). Mickie tells Michelle to keep telling herself that. The fact is that Michelle is scared because she knows Mickie is her biggest threat and that she’ll take that Women’s Championship from her. Beth Phoenix comes in and compliments Mae and tells Michelle that she’s thrilled to be a part of Team SmackDown at Bragging Rights, but reminds her that she shouldn’t plan on holding the title very long. She’ll see her Sunday. Mae says “she told you!” Michelle tells her to shut up, and gets slapped across the face for her trouble.
Last week on SmackDown, Mysterio stole a victory – literally – from Batista. Batista says his shoulder was up. Rey says all he knows is the referee counted three. Anyways, Mysterio and his family checked out the new Batista DVD over the weekend. He says he learned a lot about his friend that he didn’t know before. Batista says he wishes they put him winning the title at Bragging Rights on there. Mysterio says that’s gonna be hard, because he’s going to win the title on Sunday night. They’re in action, NEXT!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Booyakah Booyakah – whatever that means. Rey Mysterio makes his way out for tag team action. Batista follows soon after. Jericho is out first for his team, followed by Kane, and we’re set for tag team action.
Rey Mysterio & Batista def. Chris Jericho & Kane
The story through this one is Mysterio being cut off from Batista and dominated by Jericho and Kane. When Mysterio finally gets the tag, Batista explodes on Kane. He drops him with a spinebuster and goes for a Batista Bomb when Jericho breaks it up. Kane slams Batista shoulder first into the steel ringpost, but Mysterio stops him from going for the chokeslam – only to take on himself. Batista uses the distraction to hit a spear on Kane and pick up the victory.
Mr. McMahon says he’s excited for tonight’s championship match. He’s proud of Punks accomplishments so far. He says that Long earns a gold star for making this match tonight. He tells Armstrong to be an impartial referee. Mr. McMahon smells change in the air. He says what starts here ends at WrestleMania sometimes. He talks about Fan Axxess and the Hall of Fame. He tells Scott Armstrong that his dad, Bullet Bob is quite a guy, and could be a candidate for the Hall of Fame. McMahon tells him to keep that thought tonight during the championship match.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Mickie James makes her way out for Diva’s action. Her opponent tonight is Layla.
Mickie James vs. Layla
In a less than impressive match, Mickie James picked up the victory with the Mick Kick.
Video Package: Rest In Peace, Captain Lou. We’ll miss you.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Video Package: John Cena vs. Randy Orton
CM Punk, Teddy Long, and Scott Armstrong make their way out to the stage. Punk says that he feels unstoppable knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that he can physically dissect and beat down everybody sitting in it. He can reduce everybody sitting at home to tears in the blink of an eye. But it doesn’t add up to how unstoppable he feels knowing that in a few moments he’s going to make The Undertaker tap out for the second time. He knows it’s hard for us to deal with. Punk says his bragging rights start right here tonight when he once again becomes our Straight Edge World Champion, and there’s not a thing any of us can do about it.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
CM Punk is already in the ring and he’s introduced by Tony Chimel. The bell tolls and The Undertaker makes his entrance, and we’re set for our SmackDown main event!
The Undertaker def. CM Punk
The story of this one is Punk trying to lock in submissions as quickly as possible, but The Undertaker escaping before Punk can lock them in, knowing that if he gets caught in a hold, Armstrong could possibly ring the bell, screwing him again like he did at Breaking Point. Frustrated by the conspiracy, Undertaker chokeslams referee Scott Armstrong. Teddy Long starts to head up the ramp, and Punk catches ‘Taker with a few chairshots. He asks Long to get him another referee and slaps on the Anaconda Vise. Long starts yelling for the bell, but apparently only a referee can do that.. When another referee gets to the ring, Undertaker reverses the Anaconda Vise into the Hell’s Gate for the tapout victory.
The Undertaker glares across the arena at Punk as we’re set for this Sunday Night at Bragging Rights.
That’s it for me, folks. I’ll see you later on as I host the BWF Bragging Rights Roundtable!
What’s up! It’s Rizzle fo’ shizzle dizzle! Whatever that means. Snoop Doggy Dogg is your host (does he still call himself that, or is it just Snoop Dogg now? In which case, does that mean he can’t perform the song “What’s My Name?” anymore, since it says his name is Snoop Doggy Dogg?), and word on the street is, there’s a former WWE Intercontinental Champion in the hizzle looking to shut up the United States Champion, the Miz. All this and commentary from the Twitterverse, tonight!
To quote the underrated band Unwritten Law, “I’m sick of my sickness.” I feel like crap right now, so my goal tonight is to do as little as possible to get through this review before I turn it over to whomever tonight’s BWF guest host will be.
Chris Jericho kicks things off, explaining WWE Bragging Rights, explaining that the main event will be a 7 on 7 tag match between RAW and SmackDown. Jericho says he can choose whichever side he wants since he’s a Unified Tag Team Champion, but he’s been named the SmackDown team captain and plans to put together a great team. Guest Host Nancy O’Dell interrupts and tells him that we don’t start RAW with him, we start it with DX.
BREAK IT DOWN!
Shawn Michaels and Triple H make their way out to the ring. Or at least, Triple H does. Mark Eaton, the timekeeper, gets in the ring and does the running around Triple H bit. The Game says we’re doing things differently tonight. Are you ready?
For the thousands in attendance, the millions watching at home, and Shawn Michaels who’s not here. He says he got a call from HBK, with whom he was going to set up the RAW team for Bragging Rights. He could go ahead and make the team, but instead he’s going to be a true friend and call HBK at home and badger him. HBK’s voicemail is a parody of his theme music. HBK picks up. Triple H and the DX Army want to know where he is. He says his daughter got sick and he had to stay home. He just put her to sleep and finished reading her a bedtime story. Triple H asks if it was from the Unauthorized History of DX that’s on sale now, would he? He says he wouldn’t read his daughter that crap… um… he means… he means that of course he read it! Triple H says he reads it to his kids all the time. HBK says goodbye to Indianapolis, and Triple H is then interrupted by Chris Jericho and The Big Show. Jericho puts over SmackDown. Triple H says SmackDown is a good show. A very good show with a spineless GM that does whatever Vince says, it features a grumpy little troll who runs his mouth all the time (that’s Jericho), and it features great, great, wrestling. Y’know, like The Great Khali. Triple H says it’s nowhere near the league of RAW (Editor Note: He’s right. It’s in a much much better league). Jericho says that he’s going to take The Big Show for the SmackDown team despite the fact that he’s a RAW Superstar. Triple H says that Jericho’s the boss, then makes a couple of gay jokes. Show says that he and Jericho are equals, and Big Show carries the team. Jericho asks him what he just said. Show says he’s not the one who got pinned last week. Jericho says he’s not the one who was the laughing stock of Sportscenter after being humiliated by Shaquille O’Neil. Show says that at least he didn’t get punked out by a 200 Year Old fossil named Bob Barker. Jericho says he’d face Barker anywhere in the world. Jericho says he’s the best in the world at what he does, and he’s made The Big Show a champion. He’s no longer known as the guy who got knocked out at WrlestleMania 24 by Floyd Mayweather. Big Show tells Triple H he’s changed his mind and wants to be on the RAW team at Bragging Rights. Triple H says it’s the greatest news he’s heard, but unfortunately they don’t have any spaces open. He says he’ll do him a favor though. He’s been given the authority to earn his slot on the RAW team. All he’s got to do is win his match tonight. Show says he can do it. His opponent tonight is Chris Jericho. Oh yeah, and that match is now. The Tag Team Champions don’t look happy as Triple H leaves.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
From some of our friends on Twitter:
@fozzyfan: They ruined a perfect opening of Raw by interrupting @IAmJericho for Triple Nose? Thumbs DOWN
@IAmJHPunk: How did HHH already talk to the guest host & get permission 2 make the match when he barely found out that Show wants 2 switch? #wwerawfail
The Big Show def. Chris Jericho
Big Show tries to calm Jericho down, but Jericho keeps slapping him. Show slaps him off the top rope, and Jericho falls to the floor clutching his knee. Show goes to help him up, and Jericho tries to sneak back into the ring before the 10 count. Show prevents that from happening and gets back in the ring himself for the count out victory.
Maria Menudos is standing by with Legacy. She asks how they’re doing and if they should be on team RAW at Bragging Rights. They both think they should be. There will be a triple threat match later tonight, and the winner will be on Team RAW. It’s Rhodes vs. DiBiase vs. Cena.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
From the Twitterverse:
@leomc2: what a waste of 30 minutes that was #wwe #raw
@dasharpshooters: John Cena wants to qualify? dude is in a IRON MAN MATCH. #supercena #wwe #raw
The Indiana Pacers are in the house. And The Diva’s Champion is here – out first for a title defense. Tradition be damned. Apparently, Mickie James’ challenger is Jillian. How the hell did that happen?
Jillian Hall def. Mickie James to become the new WWE Diva’s Champion?!?
Um. What? Jillian just beat Mickie James to become the Diva’s Champion? Mickie had her foot on the ropes, but I guess it counts.
From Twitter: @SanzJohnson: since jill the new champ, hopefully she can get a new theme, outfit, and face! #WWE #RAW
Jillian decides to sing Lady GuyGuy’s song “Paparazzi.” She’s interrupted by the sounds of Lenny Kravitz’ version of “American Woman,” which brings out Nancy O’Dell. She made a major Diva’s trade over the weekend. Jillian is still on RAW. The bad news for her is that she has to defend her Diva’s Championship against RAW’s newest Diva right now. She knows a thing or two about paparazzi… MELINA IS BACK ON RAW! Jillian scrambles to put her belt around her waist before Melina gets to the ring.
Melina def. Jillian Hall to become the new WWE Diva’s Champion
Well, thanks for coming, Jillian. I wonder why Mickie dropped the title?
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
From Twitter: @BigD923: Thank you Melina, Jillian as Divas Champions would of sucked!!! #WWE #RAW
@steverechtman: Between Nancy O’Dell and Maria Menunos, this is some of the best mic work that the #WWE had had in a very long time. #Raw
Snoop Dogg is the guest host for next week’s RAW.
Triple H is talking to a cardboard cutout of HBK. Actually, he’s talking to him on speaker phone. Shawn’s music starts playing, and Hornswoggle comes out dressed like HBK! Shawn says he’s not watching and he’s going into the living room to see what’s going on. Triple H says it’s gimmick infringement, and Hornswoggle hits sweet shin music on the HBK cutout. Triple H tries to save him, but Hornswoggle knocks The Game down and gives him a crotch chop.
Full details of the Diva trade will be available on WWE.com after RAW tonight
Santino is with Nancy O’Dell, who is the Sexy Superfan of the Month from WWE Magazine. Santino does his best anchor work when Beth Phoenix comes in and shoves him out of the way. She says that she heard she’s been traded to SmackDown. Phoenix pretty much says she’ll kick O’Dell and Menoudos’ asses. Santino says that Maria isn’t scared, she’d compete against Phoenix in some kind of match tonight. Santino says it’s official while O’Dell tries to tell him it’s a bad idea. Santino says he faked every “organism” with Beth Phoenix in the past.
Last Week: An Iron Man Match was made for Bragging Rights
From Twitter: @DCsPeoplesChamp: Why do they keep Hornswaggle around? #midgetfail
@WellYoureWrong: Okay, how drunk and or high do you have to be to sit through Cena Vs Orton for an Hour? #wwe
@ANDaniloTheRef: Beth to SD!? I can only imagine the Matches she could have against Natalya but, the Matches ain’t gonna happen. Damn Bikini Models! #WWE
WrestleMania 26 Tickets go on sale in 26 days.
Legacy make their way out for their triple threat match. John Cena comes out and we’re ready for action.
John Cena vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Ted DiBiase
The idea here is that Legacy are going to try and soften up Cena for his Iron Man Match at Bragging Rights, but they still want to win and get onto team RAW for Bragging Rights. Orton came out and distracted Cena while he had DiBiase in an STF, and Rhodes rolled DiBiase up for the pinfall.
DiBiase isn’t thrilled with being pinned, and Orton tries to get them to calm down, and Nancy O’Dell makes a match for later tonight – Legacy vs. John Cena and Randy Orton.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
From Twitter:
@HandsomeGenius: #Raw – The they could team Rhodes with Chavo Geurrero and keep the Legacy gimmick alive. (This tweet is far-fetched.)
@johnnyz4282: So that was our first real match of the evening. Time, 10:13pm #wwe
@WellYoureWrong: I’m not a big Legacy fan but Cena didn’t win so, I approve.
The Indianapolis Colts are here, and we’ve got a Bragging Rights qualifying match set for one fall. First, it’s the All-American American Jack Swagger, who has guaranteed he won’t lose a match for the rest of the year. His opponent tonight is a former United States Champion, MVP!
Jack Swagger vs. MVP
Swagger actually won this one pretty easily. Impressive victory for the All-American American.
So far, team RAW is DX, Big Show, Cody Rhodes, and Jack Swagger.
Legacy are still arguing backstage. Orton says he won’t team with Cena and he won’t let O’Dell tell him what to do. He’s not going to let himself get tagged in, so it’ll be a handicapped match. DiBiase says that Rhodes is thinking what it would mean to pin both DiBiase and Orton in one night. Rhodes says that DiBiase is thinking that he can redeem himself by pinning Orton tonight. Orton says if that’s what they’re thinking, they’d better keep thinking.
Kofi Kingston makes his way out for a Bragging Rights qualifier. His opponent tonight is the high flying Evan Bourne.
Kofi Kingston vs. Evan Bourne
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
From the Twitterverse:
@aemckay: Kofi Kingston vs Evan Bourne? Wow. This is going to be awesome.
@NekoEyes: Evan Bourne’s theme music is KA!
@MigotoShiShi: Evan Bourne looks like Cody Rhodes and The Miz’s love child…
Back from break, the match is underway. A hard fought match, but Bourne gets caught with a Trouble In Paradise kick, giving Kofi the victory, and qualifiying him for Bragging Rights.
The RAW team is now Big Show, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Cody Rhodes, Jack Swagger, and Kofi Kingston. Mark Henry and Chris Masters will have the final qualifier this Thursday on Superstars.
Triple H is still talking to Shawn Michaels when Nancy O’Dell and Maria Menoudos come in, shill the book, and ask if Maria is ready for her match tonight. Chavo comes in and asks what’s up with Triple H and Hornswoggle. He thinks it’s a conspiracy. Triple H says he doesn’t like the troll anymore than Chavo does. Chavo says he should be the captain of the RAW team. Triple H has Menoudos kick him in the balls. HBK says if you’re not down with that, they’ve got two words for you.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
From twitter:
@SanzJohnson: chavo isnt a stuntman anymore..he’s on crash test dummy level #WWE #RAW
@WellYoureWrong: If you wearing the PPV T-Shirt, You’re not going to be on said PPV. #wwe
@BradMilner: Poor Chavo … he’d give anything to be opening on Nitro again
It’s time for 6 Diva tag team action. Beth Phoenix and her team (Alicia Fox and Roza Mendez) are already in the ring. Their opponents are Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, and Maria Menoudos. Before the match we get a sneak peek at Menoudos’ new movie, “Serial Buddies.”
Maria Menoudos, Kelly Kell, and Gail Kim def. Beth Phoenix, Alica Fox, and Rosa Mendez.
I stopped paying attention for a second and I missed the end of the match, but I know the faces won.
Later tonight, it’s Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase against Randy Orton and John Cena!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
As is customary on Monday Nights, I’ve got to take off and won’t be able to watch the RAW main event. I’ll turn it over to this week’s BWF guest host, Drowgoddess. Take it away, Drow!
Hi!
We get a recap of The Miz (and he’s awesome!) winning the US title from Kofi Kingston. Then we actually get The Miz, title and mic in hand. He tells us to show some respect to the new United States Champion. He asks if he’s bragging too much, and says to get used to it. At “Bragging Rights,” The US Champ from RAW faces the Intercontinental Champ from Smackdown, John Morrison. John Morrison was nothing more than a hairdo with abs. The Miz was the talent of their tag team. Morrison is the new Richard Simmons, who will wear bedazzled tank tops and hang out with 400-pound women while the Miz is the face of the biggest company in the world. Any promo by The Miz is, of course, AWESOME!
Cole and Lawler run down the matches from Smackdown that will be on the ppv card, then push the Cena/Orton 60-minute Iron man match.
Randy Orton & John Cena vs. Legacy: Orton enters first. We go to commercial. When we return, Legacy is already in the ring. Orton has the mic, and says that he just got off the phone with Snoop Dogg, next week’s guest host. Snoop agreed that since it may be Cena’s last RAW, Cena will compete in one of the biggest matches of his career next Monday night. Cena enters, and the roof is blown off. Orton jumps down off the apron and stares at Cena. Legacy bicker in their corner before DiBiase and Cena lock up. Actual mat grappling for a bit. DiBiase drives Cena into the corner with kicks and punches, and Rhodes wrenches Cena’s neck. Legacy double-teams Cena. DiBiase and Cena again. Punches fly. Rhodes locks in a variation of the Camel Clutch on Cena. After this match, we will learn who Cena’s opponent next week is. Rhodes works the submission holds, but Cena stands and plants Rhodes. Cena tags Orton in when Orton glances down, and Cena stays far away from Orton. Orton has to wrestle Rhodes, and Rhodes tries to pin Orton! Cena loves it, and Orton is surprised. DiBiase tags in and tries to pin Orton repeatedly. Orton tags Cena in, and they make constipated faces at each other. Cena lays out DiBiase, and prepares for the Attitude Adjustment, but Orton tags in right then. DiBiase tags in, and pins Orton! Orton is livid and stunned. Cena waits for Orton, and hits him with the Attitude Adjustment when he finally turns around.
Winners: Legacy (Ted DiBiase Jr. pinned Randy Orton)
The huge announcement of John Cena’s opponent for his possible last match ever on RAW? Triple H. No, really, it is.
Peace out!
(P.S. from ThinkSoJoE – thanks to all of you from the Twitterverse who kept me entertained through this show!)
I didn’t watch this PPV, and I’m refusing to. At first, I was refusing to watch because of the whole “submission matches without primarily submission wrestlers” thing. Now there’s another reason, but I’ll get to that at the end.
Chris Jericho & The Big Show def. MVP & Mark Henry to retain the Unified WWE Tag Team Championships. As if we didn’t see that coming.
Kofi Kingston def. The Miz to retain the WWE United States Championship. And the point of that was?
Legacy def. DX in a Submissions Count Anywhere match. Really? Wow! There’s some credibility for the two young guys there – which will no doubt be destroyed by Hell In A Cell next month.
Kane def. The Great Khali in a Singapore Cane Submission match. And people actually paid for this?
Christian def. William Regal to retain the ECW Championship. By Pinfall. On a submission themed Pay Per View. Where the main events are all supposed to be submission matches. In the ECW main event. Yup.
John Cena def. Randy Orton in an I Quit Match to win the WWE Championship. Great. Now we have to deal with Cena as the champion again.
The Undertaker def. CM Punk to win the World Heavyweight Championship – but wait, there’s more!
Teddy Long came out and announced the the Hell’s Gate submission was still technically banned, so the match had to be restarted…
CM Punk def. The Undertaker to retain the World Heavyweight Championship. Punk reversed a Last Ride into an Anaconda Vise, and the referee immediately called for the bell. Punk and the referee then bolted up the ramp to where Teddy Long was standing. Yes folks, another rehash of the Montreal Screwjob.
You know what, I’m sick of this crap. Every time the WWE is in Canada, they have to do some kind of screwjob angle. 2003 in Montreal with The Rock and Hulk Hogan. A few years back with Shane McMahon and Shawn Michaels. Look. The Bret Hart/Shawn Michaels thing happened in November of 1997. That’s nearly 12 years ago. The fact is, that wasn’t a storyline – that was real, or as they say in the business, a “shoot.” That pissed off a lot of people because Bret Hart was loved by the fans – especially the Canadian fans – and was legitimately screwed out of the WWF Championship. I get it, wink wink, nudge nudge, we screwed the fan favorite in Canada. It’s getting old. I get where you’re coming from with it, but enough is enough.
I also hate the whole gimmick PPV thing. John Cena, Randy Orton, The Undertaker, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Ted DiBiase, Cody Rhodes, The Great Khali, and Kane are not names that spring to mind when you mention submission wrestling to me. And next month is Hell in a Cell. Because a John Cena/Randy Orton Hell in a Cell main event makes any sense. Really, to have, at the very least, two Hell in a Cell matches in one Pay Per View sort of diminishes the significance of the match. Same with the TLC Pay Per View coming up in December. These type of matches should be kept to one per year, maximum, and the guys in the matches should be guys who specialize in them. Undertaker or Triple H in Hell in the Cell, for example, or Edge, Christian, or Matt Hardy in TLC.
Given the lack of anything decent or new on the card, and the oh so cliche Montreal Screwjob ending, I’m glad I didn’t waste either my time or my money on this PPV.
Well, well, well. Here we are at another Wednesday, which normally means you’d read about my views about the week that was in professional wrestling. But this week, I’d thought I’d try something different. I dont know how this will turn out, but here goes.
The View of the Non-Wrestling Fan
James Guttman said it best in his book, World Wrestling Insanity: the Fall and Decline of a Family Empire, when he quoted the adage “For those who enjoy it, no explanation is needed. For those who don’t, no explanation will do”. I can sit here for hours, trying to explain to you why exactly I an a fan of the business this website is based on, but to be honest, I cant. What I can tell you, is that there were three things that got me going, my second eldest brother, some WWF Steel Cage wrestling game for the SEGA Mega Drive, and Shawn Michaels. Infact, Michaels and Bret Hart were my Tag Team Champions on that game. This was 1993. Little did I know of the future these two would have. But moving on, the reason this column is being written as you see it, is because of work, and my lunch breaks.
In the past couple of days, I have been taking in some PPVs to watch during my 30-minute break. Which normally means I get a full match in. However, what I have found, is that there people in my workplace, who cannot stand the sight of wrestling. They are the type who say ‘it’s fake’ or ‘they know what’s gonna happen, don’t they’? This is where the old adage I mentioned earlier comes in. No matter what I say, I cannot and will not change their minds about what they think.
The following is from the point-of-view of the non-wrestling fan. The PPV in question, is Judgment Day 2000. The match was the first on the card. A six-man tag between Edge, Christian and Kurt Angle versus Too Cool and Rikishi.
There was a time in this match where, I think it was Rikishi was in the ring, and he was beating up all three of his opponents. Now, rather than ganging up for a 3-on-1 assault, they attacked him individually. Infact, one waited for the other to be knocked down, before making his move. Now, common sense will tell you that, if you have three guys, against one, then the three should attack all at once, thus increasing their chances of beating down the one. I decided not to argue, and infact listen to their opinions of the action. Here’s some questions that arose, other than the one I just mentioned:
What is the point of that (Scotty 2 Hotty’s worm) when all that happens is a chop to the throat that misses by three inches?
They wouldnt be able to do this as much as they do if they actually connected?
and one that I came up with …
What was everyone’s fascination with Too Cool? They sucked!
Let’s analyze as the wrestling fan. Scotty’s worm is purely for show. Much like Rock’s ‘People’s Elbow’, or Hogan’s ‘Leg Drop’. They’re basic moves done in a way to make it look like it would have more effect on their opponent, when really, it wouldnt do much to them at all.
If they actually connected, you would only see a guy wrestle every few months. You don’t see the same guy fight at a UFC PPV 3,4,5 months running, because it would be almost physically impossible to not only compete, but to be able to recover enough from the beating they received in their last bout. Also, they are entertainers. I was told something which struck a cord with me. “That’s why wrestlers become good actors, because they need to act in order to do this (wrestle)”. I agree with this statement. Would the Rock, or Steve Austin, or John Cena be as good as what they in the movies, without performing in a wrestling ring? We cannot answer that, with a definite answer, but being involved with ‘Sports Entertainment’ has helped, and thats all the wrestling business is now. It’s ‘Sports Entertainment’, not ‘professional wrestling’.
I think the point I’m trying to make is, we all know we know it. Some of us can explain why we like this guy, or boo that guy, but some of us don’t understand why others don’t like it as much. My advice is, chances are your not going to change someones mind about it, but listen to their thoughts. Look at things from another perspective, a non-wrestling fan’s perspective. You might just learn a thing or two, but most of all, realize, that Too Cool really did suck.
After being involved in the coverage of WWE Extreme Rules this past week. II’m back to bring you my weekly Wednesday column. Now, all links will lead to my favourite racing moments or races or crashes, or just funny moments.
WWE
My opinions of Extreme Rules has already been expressed. So I’m going to comment on other things.
Umaga was released. A case of a guy who was pushed, then nothing. Pushed, then nothing. He had just recently come back and into the feud with CM Punk. The release comes as a bit of a shock but it isnt a surprise. He was getting pushed and pushed, and yet he wasnt getting the crowd reaction of a main event guy. Maybe he could do better in TNA. Speaking of which, guess where Mr. Kennedy’s going in September?
Vickie Guerrero quits as General Manager of RAW. Rumour has it, that she is leaving for good, to spend more time with her kids. Good for Vickie for wanting to spend time with your kids. No offence, but it seems, for the most part, you tarnished your late husband somewhat.
Greatest Race Ever! Find the race on YouTube, theres 12 parts to it, but it’s all worth it, I promise.
Triple H returns. Yes, the Game, the King of Kings returned on RAW to attack Legacy. Now, as we talked about during our Extreme Rules coverage, Hunter wasnt out for that long at all after the Scott Norwood kick. Shawn Michaels was out months, it ended the WWE career of RVD, and yet both Vince McMahon and Triple H were both out for about a month and a half. Those McMahons must have super powers or something.
TNA
To be honest, I missed iMPACT this week. due to my cable being down. Let’s see what I missed.
It doesnt look like much at all. The MMG and Lethal Consequences were named as Suicide’s opponents for the first ever X-Division King Of The Mountain. That isnt a shock at all. i’m sure I’ll have more next week.
I thought I might just put this here.
I’m gonna finish this column with a reminder to Ricardo Rosset and Taki Inoue. Poor Taki needs to watch for cars, as for Ricardo. Well, thanks for making my night a whole lot better.
Peace out, or whatever, tune in next week, and read all the columns. Oh, and avoid the beer bottles, we just turned one, so we’re breaking it in. Well I am anyways, by drinking the place dry.