Well folks, it’s Monday Night RAW in Calgary! And once again, I reprised my role as a “seat filler” to ensure that the on air product appears to be full and energized (or at least what you good people saw on television). We’ll see if I can hack a wifi connection and get this up tonight. I won’t be recapping everything, just pointing out some stuff I saw that you at home did not.
(more…)
Sorry about no RAW review last week. I originally planned to do it on Tuesday, but I completely forgot about a midterm, and real life caught up with me and bitch slapped be across the face. Anyway, there’s one gonna be up tonight, and that’s all that matters, right?
Tonight, John Cena will team up with WWE Champion Randy Orton against the men that got him into Nexus in the first place, Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris. How will Nexus feel about this?
RAW starts with Teddy Long, of all people, coming out. He says he’s here tonight because he can. Tonight, he’s going to take over RAW.
“Get out of my ring. Get out of my ring, now. You have no business being here.”
Teddy interrupts and says that Smackdown vs Raw this Sunday at Bragging Rights, and brings out the Bragging Rights trophy. Teddy says that the trophy belongs to Smackdown, and they laid the Smackdown on RAW last year.
“Get out of my ring, or else.”
Teddy says he’s not threatening him? He’ll show him, or else. Teddy climbs out of the ring and he starts arguing with Cole.
<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>
Teddy shoves the mic at Cole and goes up to the podium. He says that the Smackdown General Manager has an announcement to make. Right now, the RAW GM is going to be disconnected. He then introduces the Big Show and the rest of Team Smackdown. Edge, Alberto del Rio, Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger, Tyler Reks, and Rey Mysterio.
AWESOME!
Turns out Team RAW wasn’t too happy about that, and Captain Miz comes out with a laughing Alex Riley. Miz says this is the team that’s supposed to take over RAW? It looks like Smurf Village next to a power plant. Miz reminds us that he was the sole RAW superstar to win at Bragging Rights last year, is the team captain this year, and will lead RAW over Team Smackdown. The trophy and the Bragging Rights that go with it, will go over to the A-Show. Miz then brings out the rest of Team RAW: CM Punk, John Morrison, Santino Marella, Ezekiel Jackson, and Sheamus. Miz then tells them to get out of their ring, or they’ll make them get out.
Team RAW starts walking down to the ring, and then the brawl starts in the ring between the two teams. While they’re all killing each other, I wanna say that it’s really cool to see Ezekiel Jackson back. Miz then grabs his team and exits the ring, saving that they need to save it for Sunday. Show takes a mic and says, don’t go back there and start a ruckus. He gets it, it’s his ring. Smackdown will get out of the ring, willingly, if Miz will face Show one-on-one in a Captain vs Captain match. Miz agrees to it.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: The Miz becomes captain of Bragging Rights after defeating John Cena in a No DQ match. Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty interfere, costing Cena the match. Cena attacks them, Barrett interferes, and Cena almost hits him. More Barrett-Cena heat. The company makes Cena look like he’s losing his damn mind. Barrett calls Cena a coward, pathetic, and a disgrace. Barrett then says until next week, “You Can’t See Me.”>
Still to come, WWE Champion Randy Orton and John Cena take on Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty.
<COMMERCIAL>
@legendkiller515 will someone please smack the hell outta cole #wwe #raw #bwf
@CawCawBang Go away Cole you ugly troll
@Lunna1969: Smurfette! Lmao! W2g Miz #RAW #WWE
We come back to the Tag Team Champions standing in the ring.
WWE Tag Team Champions Drew McIntyre and “Dashing” Cody Rhodes vs The Hart Dynasty with Natalya
Rhodes and Kidd start out, Kidd going for McIntyre before Rhodes plants him and gets the advantage. Rhodes tags in McIntyre, who dominates Kidd. McIntyre plants Kidd’s face into the barrier before getting him back in the ring and tagging in Rhodes. McIntyre drops Kidd onto the ropes and holds him there for Rhodes to kick him in the ribs. Rhodes then tags back in McIntyre and they throw Kidd into the turnbuckle. Kidd manages to tag in Smith, who hits a drop kick on McIntyre and gets the momentum back on their side. He then hits two big kicks on Rhodes and McIntyre. He goes for a cover on McIntyre, but he kicks out at two. Smith hits a running power slam and goes for a cover, but Rhodes breaks it up. Rhodes goes to attack Smith, but Kidd attacks him. They set up for the Hart Attack, but Smith decides to attempt a Sharpshooter last minute. Smith gets distracted by Kidd and McIntyre hits the Future Shock DDT for the win.
WWE Tag Team Champions Drew McIntyre and Dashing Cody Rhodes win via pinfall.
Natalya proceeds to yell at David Hart Smith about how they’re a team.
Backstage, Cena’s thoughtful and Randy Orton walks up. He says that they should lay all the cards on the table. He can tell that Cena being a part of Nexus is eating him up, but he doesn’t think that it would stop him from helping Barrett take the WWE Championship away from him. So, if Cena helps, Orton won’t have any problem punting him in the skull. Cena says that if he even tries, Cena will break that leg off.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog We need Bret to fix these… broken Harts. YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
@HitTheRopes Look, Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre are offering their 2 cents…. Get it? 2 cents. (tag titles look like 2 pennies) #rimshot #wwe
<VIDEO PACKAGE: R-Truth’s new theme song. I’m still not sure these lyrics are PG-13.>
Goldust with Aksana vs. Zack Ryder
Damn. I hate that they won’t play Ryder’s theme song. I jam out to it when they play it. Anyway.
Ted DiBiase and Maryse make their way out to the stage to watch the match as Ryder gets an early advantage over Goldust, which Goldust gets back by slapping Zack in the face. Goldust hits the final cut, and the match is over.
Goldust wins via pinfall.
Ted DiBiase makes his way to the ring and attacks Goldust from behind. Maryse went to grab the Million Dollar Belt, but Aksana got it. Maryse then chases Maryse out of the ring to try to get the belt back. Goldust gets up in the ring and hits the Final Cut on DiBiase too. I admit, I’m loving the weird Goldust’s return.
Still to come, Smackdown vs RAW starts early as the Big Show takes on The Miz.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog I kinda wish they would’ve done that video like those old Disney sing-a-longs with a bouncing R-Truth thread.
@WWEsAngel_Nef Bwahahahahahahahaha <—-My reaction to R-Truth’s video package. #WWE
@HitTheRopes Maryse and Aksana face to face. It’s as if Maryse was looking in a mirror…. a mirror that is worn, dusty, and doesn’t show sexy #wwe
Barrett is standing with Nexus and Cena walks in. Barrett says that he wants Cena to test Harris and McGuillicutty, to see if they’re good enough to join the Nexus. Cena said that Barrett just told him to go out there and give it everything he’s got, and those are his orders? He asks what the catch is, and Barrett says that there’s no catch: tonight he has the opportunity to show the WWE Universe the Cena they know and love, then orders him to get him a glass of water.
The kid from Role Models and the new Knucklehead movie, Bobbie Thompson, is playing Smackdown vs RAW with Show vs Miz, and Show wins. Miz then picks him up and to tell him that Miz has a surprise for him. Show then takes Bobbie, and puts him down. Bobbie then says that Show has to knock Miz out for him.
Cena comes back with a glass of water and hands it to Barrett, who says it wasn’t difficult. Barrett wants Cena to know that he’s really enjoying it, then splashes the water in Cena’s face.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Miz is assaulting children now? #favoritewrestlerever
@FrankWWEClown Heath Slater, stop smirking, you little creep. #WWE #RAW
@CawCawBang When did little chris rock come in?
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Harris and McGuillicutty cost Cena the Team RAW Captain match.>
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WATER BOY!
John Cena and WWE Champion Randy Orton vs Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris
Is it just me, or does Husky look like a pedobear remake? Hmm…
Nexus come up to the stage to watch the match. Cena and McGuillicutty start, and Cena starts unleashing on McGuillicutty. Cena hurls McGuillicutty around the ring before throwing McGuillicutty after a vicious looking fisherman suplex.
<COMMERCIAL>
@redsandman99 I think it should be illegal for Husky Harris to not wear a shirt
@kickoutblog Should be interesting to see what Husky & Imperfect can do when they don’t have to carry a keg.
Now Randy and McGuillicutty are in the ring, and McGuillicutty kicks out of a cover as Orton tags in Cena. Cena hits McGuillicutty, then goes to take Harris off the apron, then running into a dropkick. Harris gets his chance at retribution and beats up on Cena in the corner. Harris goes for a cover, and Cena kicks out. Harris tags in McGuillicutty who beats up on Cena and goes for a cover, only for Cena to kick out. Harris tags himself in and seems to get stuck for a minute between the ropes, throwing himself into Cena’s face. He goes for a cover, and Cena kicks out. Harris has Cena in the middle of the ring in a headlock, but Cena fights to his feet before Harris puts his knee in Cena’s spine. Cena’s flat on the ring floor, but rolls out of the way before Harris squishes him flatter than a pancake hits him. Orton gets in the ring with McGuillicutty and hits a scoop slam. McGuillicutty rolled out to the apron, hoping it would save him, and Orton pulls him between the top and middle rope before hitting the DDT. He points to Barrett, getting ready for the RKO, pushing Harris into Cena for an Attitude Adjustment. Orton then hits the RKO on McGuillicutty and pins him for the win.
WWE Champion Randy Orton and John Cena win via pinfall.
Cena seems content that he, for once, was able to fight in his own way and won, again. He offers Orton a hand, but Barrett tells him to hold it right there, and tells him not to shake Orton’s hand, and then tells him to get out of the ring, and it’s an order. Cena looks at Orton for a minute, then climbs out of the ring. Barrett says that Cena has the best spot in the house to witness the demise of the Viper, as Nexus surrounds the ring. Orton looks at Cena and then hits Barrett before throwing Slater out of the ring and then is ambushed by Nexus outside the ring. Nexus gets Orton back in the ring, but Orton manages to fight back for a minute before getting overwhelmed again. The crowd is cheering for Cena, but he hasn’t moved. Slater hits his finisher, for the first time since NXT, then Otunga does, then Gabriel. Barrett tells Cena to get in the ring, and Cena does so. Barrett says that he wants Cena to give Orton an Attitude Adjustment, and Cena says that that’s enough. Barrett says do it, or Cena’s fired. Cena gets Randy up to his feet, then on his shoulders. Barrett then tells Cena to give Randy to him. Barrett then hits the Wasteland on Orton. Cena walks out of the ring and starts walking up the ramp, shaking his head.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Even better joke: Husky Harris is only heavier because he’s being weighed on the metric system. #Canada
@HitTheRopes Slater and Otunga need to go back to the lab and come up with a better finishing move. #wwe
Vickie comes out, just when everyone thought that it couldn’t get worse, but guess what! This is RAW!! Vickie says that she is happy to take credit for the Smackdown superstars appearing on RAW tonight, and there is one special superstar who has a special twinkle in his eyes, because his eyes are only on her: The Intercontinental Champion, Dolph Ziggler.
Dolph says that people confuse his cockiness when it’s really just confidence. He can’t blame them, he’s got it all: The looks, the shredded physique, gorgeous head of hair, and that’s not the best part. The most beautiful, intelligent woman on the face of this earth is with him. She’s the ray of sunshine when his skies are gray, she makes his heart go pitter-patter—
Daniel Bryan interrupts and says that he may not be a lady’s man (to which Dolph replies with, “I noticed”), and says that even he could do better than Vickie. Bryan says that he doesn’t have the movie star looks, peroxide infested hair, but he does have the ability to capitalize on any mistake in that ring, and the ability to make Dolph tap out. So, he proposes the United States Champion vs the Intercontinental Champion at Bragging Rights. Vickie seems to be encouraging this. Dolph says that he accepts, but why wait until Sunday? Why don’t they do this right- and then slaps Bryan. Dolph then steps behind Vickie, who steps in front of Dolph. Bryan then side-steps Vickie and tackles Dolph, preventing him from leaving. Bryan then locks in the LaBell Lock, making Dolph tap. Then, the Divas randomly come out and make their way into the ring with Vickie. The Divas surround Vickie and tell her to leave the ring. Gail throws a bucket of glitter at her, then Eve pours it on her. The Divas then seem to be paying way too much attention to Daniel, and they all start to dance with him… and it’s painful.
Anyway, hopefully Captain vs Captain can save RAW… because my head is already spinning.
<COMMERCIAL>
@bethsharae Oh no! Not glitter!!! #WWE #Raw I guess I should scream all the time at crafts time.
@TKeep123 How can Dolph say this crap with a straight face? (Better check the Wellness policy again!) #WWE #RAW #BWF
@kickoutblog Vickie Guerrero is amazing, why does she need that many zippers? Because fuck you, that’s why!
@Niki_Sushi I don’t know which is more obnoxious – ‘EXCUSE ME!’ or ‘AND I QUOTE!’… #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes: Oh, @WWEDanielBryan, in wrestling you might be best in the world…. at dancing, not so much. LOL
Natalya vs Alicia Fox
Let’s see how short this match is! I’m going to time it!
Alicia slaps Nat a few good times and then tries to shout out to Calgary. Natalya then throws Alicia into the turnbuckle, twice, and then throws her across the ring. Nat tries to go for the Sharpshooter, but Alicia grabs the ropes. Natalya pulls her back, and locks in the Sharpshooter, making Alicia tap.
Natalya wins via submission.
LayCool interferes and says it’s a beautiful moment in a NOT beautiful hometown. LayCool says they would love Canada, but it’s so cold and they have watered down beer, and they say ‘eh’ all the time. And they see Harts everywhere. They say the Harts don’t belong in the Hall of Fame, but in the loony bin. LayCool then starts to go into the ring, but Natalya’s ready. Nat gets Layla, but Michelle comes in. Michelle then puts Natalya in the Sharpshooter, Layla takes a picture, and Natalya counters. Lay tries to help Michelle, and nearly gets put in the Sharpshooter herself. LayCool runs off.
Oh, overall Diva MATCH time, about a minute and fifteen seconds.
<VIDEO PACAKGE: CM Punk debuts on RAW again and Evan Bourne is out due to injury.>
Teddy, Show, and Hornswoggle are talking backstage, and Josh Matthews says that it’s rather brazen of them to show up on RAW with Team Smackdown. Hornswoggle grabs a Team Smackdown flag and the entire Smackdown Roster starts heading out.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog If I were The Undertaker and had to listen Michelle McCool talk all the time, I’d want to be buried alive too
@CawCawBang Nattie don’t play along with Laycool’s bullshit
@bethsharae Alicia is gonna throw a hip out if she swings them any harder. #WWE #Raw
@WWEsAngel_Nef God I hate Alicia Fox’s walk. I can’t stand it. She’s gonna break a freaking hip. #WWE
So, the longest part of this show is the Stand Up For WWE video package. So… Yeah.
Oh, we’re back. Cena’s walking away and Barrett stops him, saying he’s not finished with him or Orton yet. There we go. Next up, Team RAW’s captain The Miz will take on Team Smackdown’s captain, The Big Show… and all of Smackdown?
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi So.. I’m loving this video. Because it’s showing where the WWE goes, and not just on land and the airwaves. They reach hearts-who else does?
@CawCawBang I’m so happy and proud to be a WWE fan
@kickoutblog And “Do you smell what Barack is cookin?” is still amazing. #TheRockObama
@WWEsAngel_Nef LOL God Vince McMahon is good at what he does. Way to do some quick damage control. Nice video package. #WWE
We’re finally going to introduce the guest star, Bobbie J Thompson. Sweet. He says he loves the boos and to keep them coming. He says that he’s there to introduce the man who’s going to leave Team Smackdown to a victory over Team RAW: The Big Show. No, but seriously. Where’s the muzzle on that kid?
Show comes out with Hornswoggle behind him, waving the flag, and Team Smackdown follows him out. Actually, all of Smackdown follows him out.
Miz comes out, but tells Alex Riley to stay behind and walks down to the ring alone. He pauses though, grinning and motioning for everyone else to come out. Team RAW comes out, followed by the RAW roster.
The Big Show vs The Miz
Show closes in on Miz, rips his shirt, and slaps his chest. Show continues to rip up the RAW shirt and slaps his chest again. Show then Irish Whips Miz into a corner, and Show throws him out of the ring. Smackdown closes in, and RAW starts to close in too. Show attacks RAW, and when Smackdown comes in, Show rolls in the ring.
Teddy Long comes out and says that since Bragging Rights is only six days away and everyone from both rosters is out there, he says that they have themselves a Smackdown vs RAW battle royal, and they’re going to do it right now.
Now, I hate reviewing battle royals. So, I hope you watched RAW to figure out what happens, because I’m only going to tell you the winner.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Ok, I’m old, but the Red and Blue is reminding me of “Rock’em Sock’em Robots!” #WWE #RAW #BWF
Hornswoggle beats Cole up and takes his spot as an announcer, and no one knows what the fuck is going on in the ring. I can’t tell you what’s going on, but Swagger loses his mind and puts Edge in an ankle lock. Toward the end here, a bunch of RAW guys got eliminated and Smackdown is doing a good job holding their own. The last Smackdown guy ends up as The Big Show against Sheamus, Bryan, Jackson, and Miz. Down goes Bryan, then Jackson. Miz and Sheamus work together to get Show over the top rope, and no one remembered Edge wasn’t technically eliminated. So, Edge and Show are the only two left in the ring.
Team Smackdown wins.
Nexus is watching backstage, and Barrett says that all of them, and Cena, are going to witness what’s going to happen Sunday when he’s crowned WWE Champion. Barrett tells Cena to raise his hand as a token of victory. Cena shoves Slater and Gabriel out of the way and raises Barrett’s hand before walking away.
And that’s all she wrote, folks. Daniel Bryan dancing is burned behind my retina, so I’m going to go watch… something to get the image out of my head. Good night.
It’s been a long three weeks without cable at the ThinkSoJoE household. That’s three RAWs, the first SmackDown on SyFy, and after this Thursday, three iMPACTs that I missed – as they air, anyway. What really bugs me is the fact that for the first time in years (if ever), I’m going to miss the first three games of the Buffalo Sabres season. Well, on television. That’s what a radio’s for. I’ll finally have cable again next Thursday.
That’s not to say I haven’t been watching wrestling. In fact, I happened to see Hell In A Cell this past Sunday and RAW the next night. The problem with not having cable is, there’s only a limited amount of television you can watch via an antenna, at least in this area with the antenna I have, so your DVD collection gets old quick. So on Monday, between watching HIAC and RAW, I did something completely out of character – I watched a WWE Film.
Yes folks, I hit up my local RedBox (which, at Walmart, is actually blue) and picked up Legendary, which, of course, stars John Cena. And much to my surprise, it was actually good. I’m not saying we should give John Cena an Oscar nod for this, but he definitely played the role better than I ever expected him to. I certainly recommend checking this one out if you’ve got a couple hours to kill.
Now, after being surprised by Cena’s acting in Legendary, something happened. On Monday night, John Cena played his role as the reluctant ally to Nexus perfectly. I’m a cynic when it comes to professional wrestling sometimes, and because I know the business so well, sometimes it’s hard to suspend my disbelief and watch as a fan, but for the last few days, that’s exactly what I’ve tried to do. And as a wrestling fan, I was intrigued by the way Cena played his part following his loss to Wade Barrett at HIAC and the following night on RAW. I’m very interested to see how far the storyline with Cena in Nexus will go, and what the next step for the Barrett/Cena dynamic is. The smark in me wants to kick the fan in me’s ass for praising Cena right now, but oh well.
I’m glad to see that Goldust is finally getting a push and returning to his old “bizarre” persona, as opposed to his “La Resistance made me get electrocuted so I have tourette’s” persona. As AlyKat said in her excellent RAW review, only Goldust would send love letters to a belt.
Holy shit. Where did this John Morrison come from? The guy’s been into Parkour training for ages, and they’re just now making it a huge part of his in-ring style? Climbing that light board at HIAC and diving out onto everybody else from that high up? Where’s Joey Styles to scream “OH MY GOD!” when we need him, huh?
MacGruber came out on DVD and BluRay today. I hit the blue RedBox again and picked up the BluRay, for the sheer fact that a few WWE Superstars were in the movie. Chris Jericho, Mark Henry, MVP, Kane, and The Great Khali make up MacGruber’s team (he rejects The Big Show after seeing him kiss another man), at least until he inadvertently blows them up. The movie has it’s moments, but I wouldn’t waste my time on it. I’m sure the 10 minutes that the WWE guys are in the film will pop up on YouTube any time now.
As I like to do from time to time, I want to take a second and thank the staff here at BoredWrestlingFan.com – this is the best writing team on the internet, hands down! Also, thanks to all of our readers, we appreciate all of you!
Last night was Hell in a Cell! Did John Cena join Nexus? Is Randy Orton still the WWE Champion? Was Daniel Bryan brutally mu-… I’ll leave that one to myself. Find out tonight, as Jackass star, Johnny Knoxville guest stars what is sure to be another amazing Monday Night RAW!
Nexus comes out and talks about their victory at Hell in a Cell. Barrett says the two men who helped were Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty, which didn’t surprise anyone. Barrett says he doesn’t know them and they aren’t a part of the Nexus. Barrett then scolds Nexus for going down to the ring and potentially causing him his match. Tonight’s about inducting Cena into Nexus. Please welcome, the newest member of Nexus, John Cena.
He comes out with no music, which is just heartbreaking, to be honest. I’m upset. I wanted to make a joke.
Tarver says the joke is on Cena, because he failed. They have a gift for Cena: The Nexus armband. Cena looks at the arm band and puts it on. Slater says they know the transition’s going to be difficult, but they’re all there for him. The public wants to know exactly what his thoughts are. He says that he will read the official statement they made instead of saying what he wants to. Barrett says it’s not negotiable, and he’ll read it and read it now.
It essentially says that he acknowledges that he’s a member of Nexus, and an enemy of Nexus is an enemy of his. Barrett says that Cena has to participate in a tag match with a partner of his choice against Evan Bourne and Mark Henry. Cena picks Tarver.
Mark Henry and Evan Bourne vs. John Cena and Michael Tarver
Cena starts off the match with an offer to shake Bourne’s hand, and they do. Tarver’s pissed about it, but Cena doesn’t look like he cares. Cena then tags in Tarver and climbs out.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar HEY! Where’s your Nexus Shirt Cena?! There’s a dress code damn it! Put it on!
@seraphalexiel I hope both men don’t suddenly get to join. The end of Season 2 was a failure for a reason, and it begins and ends with McGuillicutty
@Niki_Sushi Awwww. His own wittle armband. Are they slowly going to give him different parts to the ‘uniform’ or what? #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes Geez, Cena sure likes to pick on the black Nexus guys. Wasn’t content with getting rid of your brother, now he’s going for Tarver. LOL #wwe
@CawCawBang Cena got something planned I don’t like it
@TKeep123 I wonder if Cena gave any secret signals while he was forced to read his (confession) speech. (Viet Nam era folks will get it.) #WWE #RAW
We come back to Tarver getting his ass handed to him by Henry. Cena really doesn’t seem interested in helping Tarver at all, to be honest, even mockingly reaching for a tag. Tarver manages to get toward Cena for a tag, but Cena leans away, and Henry seems amused by it, toying with Tarver. Tarver goes to tag Cena again, but Cena jumps down off the ring and begins signing signs in the crowd. Henry picks up Tarver and hits him with the World’s Strongest Slam.
Mark Henry and Evan Bourne win via pinfall.
Cena takes a mic after the match and says that he’s gonna make his own statement. As the newest member of Nexus, he plans on doing one thing and one thing only: destroying it from within. Like no one expected that. Tonight, he proves that you can be Nexus and against us. He hits Tarver in the head with the mic, and then body slams Tarver onto the steel steps. Twice. Then he gets Tarver back in the ring and locks in the STF.
“The terms of the stipulation for your match with Wade Barrett stated that if you lost, you must join the Nexus. Now, Nexus is clearly a group that takes direction from its leader, Wade Barrett. And thus as a member of the group, John, you must also take direction from Wade Barrett. If you don’t, as much as I would hate to do it, as much as it would be bad for business, as much as the WWE Universe would despise it, I would have no alternative but to terminate your WWE contract. Mr. Cena, no one man, despite his popularity, is bigger than WWE. In other words, Mr. Cena, I will fire you.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@FrankWWEClown And who says Cena is boring, and not interesting? Are you watching this?! #WWE #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar Cena’s looking at this all wrong. The Nexus have a great benefits package. Family picnics, BBQs, and other fun Nexus activities.
@HitTheRopes We CLEARLY see Michael Cole reading from a paper and NOT the computer screen. #fail #wwe
@TKeep123 For months we can’t keep #NEXUS away from the ring, and now Tarver gets a beat-down and NO NEXUS to be found? #WWE #RAW
@Niki_Sushi Tarver is in Soul Sucking Position! YOU BETTA HIDE YO KIDS, HIDE YO WIFE! #BWF #RAW
@WWEsAngel_Nef Okay. Say what you want marks but John Cena has the best fans. So devoted. I actually love that they chanted ‘Never Give Up’ #WWE
Alicia Fox vs Natalya
No warning on this one at all, but good to see Natalya in the ring. Natalya hits the sharpshooter pretty quick, and Alicia taps. Great 30 second match.
Natalya wins via submission.
WTF? 30 second match, 30 second reminder of the guest star, Johnny Knoxville, and now five minutes of commercials.
<COMMERCIAL>
@RingsideRants That wasn’t even long enough for a bathroom break!
@CawCawBang wow that was quick
@kickoutblog My thoughts on Natalya vs. Alicia are longer than the actual match
@redsandman99 The good news is, Nattie won. The bad news is, the match was over in five seconds
@JoeyStyles What a match for Nattie…and I thought I finished fast.
Knoxville is talking with Gail and Melina, promoting Jackass 3D. Zack Ryder comes up, and Knox calls him a tool. He offers Ryder a high-five, only for him to get the shit smacked out of him by a giant hand. Knox mocks him a little.
Cena’s backstage with the Nexus armband again, and Josh Matthews comes up, asking what he’s gonna do. Cena says he doesn’t know. Cena suddenly takes off running after Husky and McGuillicutty, and Barrett says that there’s a lot he needs to talk about, concerning his future.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 FIRST time I was ever happy to see Zack Ryder during a Promo! “You know it!”…. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi Johnny Knoxville just wtfpwn’d Zack Ryder without even getting in the ring. I DEMAND WEE-MAN VS HORNSWOGGLE DAMMIT!!!! #BWF #RAW
@legendkiller515 damn zach ryder got his ass kicked and he aint even in a match #wwe #bwf #raw
Daniel Bryan is in the ring with his crazy ass music. God, I wanna punch him.
It’s a shameful thing, lobster head! … Too many limes, too many limes!
United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus
Sheamus beat the shit out of Bryan. Not even kidding.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan wins via disqualification.
I think. Sheamus hits the High Cross on Daniel after beating the hell out of him. Sheamus climbs out of the ring and starts back up the ring. Dear, God. Was RAW booking only Nexus and Cena tonight? This is ridiculous.
Anyway, Edge makes his way to the ring to supposedly apologize to the computer.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Oh. Damn. Forgot this fruit existed. Daniel Bryan, go awa-nevermind. GO SHEAMUS GO! #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Oh God, it’s the battle of wrestlers who don’t tan!
@KeepItFiveStar Did Daniel Bryan fail a Wellness test or something? Did he piss the Vegan police off? That was weird.
@Niki_Sushi OMFG! Who put a wrestling match in my commercials?! #BWF #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar “And THAT’s for fulfilling your indy dates while under contract!” – Sheamus after destroying Daniel Bryan
@TKeep123 Diva match… 90 seconds. Sheamus / Bryan 120 seconds… WTH? #WWE #RAW
And a Video Package of what we just saw, like fifteen seconds ago. Jesus Christ, RAW. I get that Cena joining Nexus is a big deal, but there are other Superstars…
Oh, God, Michael Cole’s in the ring. He’s now going to speak for the General Manager. I guess Stephen Hawking got pissed at the WWE for using his voice. Supposedly, it’s because of the events of the last few weeks, and will now communicate via email. So, the GM hates us all, is what I’m getting.
Awesome.
Before Edge comes out, the GM wants us to see the hilarious, I’m sorry, horrific events of last week.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Edge WTFPWNS the GM.>
The destruction of the GM last week was unacceptable. Two things are going to happen: Edge is “going to apologize”, and the GM will make a huge announcement regarding the WWE Championship.
You think you know me…
Edge, of course, says he won’t apologize. He’s on a personal crusade against all things stupid, and around here, there are a lot of things that are stupid. Michael Cole has been the personification of stupid since 1997. He’d rather listen to a recording of JR than a live Michael Cole. And if the GM thinks he has attitude, then when Edge becomes WWE Champion, then he’ll see attitude. The GM says that tonight they will decide the Number One Contender for the WWE Championship in a 20-Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royale. Don’t expect me to keep up with that. The winner will face Randy Orton at Bragging Rights. Edge, however, has disrespected the GM one too many times, and won’t be in the battle royal tonight, because the GM has officially traded him to Smackdown.
Edge says it’s the greatest night of his career, because he now doesn’t have to listen to a computer, or this tool say, “And I Quote.” Cole flips out, and everyone boos him. Yeah, good job Cole. Cole says that now that he’s the official voice of the WWE, Edge needs to treat him with respect. Edge asks if he went off RAW after spearing Cole into next week would be respectful.
AWESOME
The Miz and Alex Riley make their way down to the ring. Miz says that Edge will do no such thing. Cole is a visionary, the one person that realized Miz’ awesomeness before anyone else. Cole leaves the ring, tripping. Miz tells him to go back to the announce table. Edge calls Miz an Edge-wannabe. Edge then goes through the checklist of Edge. Miz says that that was an interesting analysis, but they’re nothing alike. Edge says that he’s right, because Edge has been WWE Champion, and has been married, divorced, had a live celebration. He hasn’t even seen Miz talk to a woman, unless you count Alex Riley. Riley says that whether Edge likes it or not, Miz is the future of the WWE. Edge says that Miz is awesome at tapping out to Daniel Bryan.
Miz says that if Edge is trying to agitate Miz, it’s not working. Miz is either going to be competing in a WWE Championship match, or leading RAW into decimating Smackdown. So, why doesn’t Edge go to SyFy and tell all his new Smackdown buddies that he’s the Miz and he’s awesome.
Edge then attacks Miz and Alex Riley, Spearing Alex Riley, only to get a Skull Crushing Finale from Miz.
Cena backstage with Nexus, and Barrett says that Cena did him a favor in attacking Tarver. He wants Cena to help him with tonight’s battle royal. Cena asks what happens if he wins, and Barrett says that he’s ordering Cena to help him win. Otunga sticks his foot in his mouth and gets berated for it, and then tells Cena to either do as he’s told or get fired.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Michael Cole has to stand on a box to be seen? #WWE #RAW #BWF
@seraphalexiel Fool. Hide yo paper, at least.
@TKeep123 “I’d rather listen to a recording of JR than a live Michael Cole!” – Edge #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi That’s….. three or four laptops now? I seriously hope that’s included in the budget… I don’t think Nextel makes laptops. #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes Hey Otunga, know your role and shut your mouth. #wwe
@bethsharae I love Edge’s crusade. I shall join him. I now destroy all things stupid. #Raw #WWE
Oh, fuck me running… It’s the Bellas.
Nikki and Brie Bella vs. The Unified Divas Champions LayCool
Jesus Christ, someone put a mic on LayCool. My head hurts bad enough right now… I have no idea what the fuck is going on, okay? I don’t even care anymore. Oh, and there goes the Switcheroo again. Someone kill me. Seriously.
Nikki and Brie Bella win via the same old shit… er, pinfall.
Maryse is backstage, talking to Knox. He says that he doesn’t speak Spanish, and she accuses him of sending the messages. Ted then walks up and accuses him too, and Ted walks right into the huge hand. Maryse throws her shoes at Knox, and then Maryse is hit by the hand and lands right on top of Ted. Knox is apologizing repeatedly, and then runs away from a very pissed looking Ted.
<COMEMRCIAL>
@StrikerSays Are you serious. You just put the BELLAS over your champion. What is this fuckery.
@KeepItFiveStar This match is already longer than Natalya vs Alicia Fox
@ThingsColeSays They have found a way to make LayCool ever more annoying. Well done.
@inkincisions WHAT IS UP WITH DIVAS AND THROWING SHOES ?!?!?!?!?!
@divadirt LMAO! Maryse continues the shoe-throwing trend only to get hit by a giant hand. There’s a very un-PG joke in there somewhere. #WWE
@legendkiller515 that big ass hand is funny #wwe #raw #bwf
<VIDEO PACKAGE: R-Truth and Eve Torres defeat Maryse and Ted DiBiase two weeks ago; the secret admirer messages start.>
Please welcome the guest star of RAW, Johnny Knoxville. Oh, Jackass 3D is in theaters October 15th. Yes, let’s put Knoxville in the ring. Because that went so well last time.
Knoxville’s talking really fast, is obviously freaked out by DiBiase coming after him, and tries to leave before he does. Too bad, because he’s here…
Knox says that he was just trying to make Maryse laugh, like Ted does… And proceeds to make a fool out of himself. Then smacks the taste out of Knox’s mouth. Then, it looks like he’s trying for Dreamstreet, but Knox just lays there like a limp noodle. Another message comes over the tron: You are mine. Goldust attacks DiBiase, and Maryse just stands there.
Goldust then tells DiBiase he doesn’t want him, obviously, and walks over to Maryse, who seems to be trying hard not to laugh. He does, however, say that he doesn’t want Maryse. What he wants, is the Million Dollar Belt. Only Goldust would send love notes to a belt. Seriously.
Next up: The 20 Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal.
Here are all the guys I think I saw. I’ll fix it as I can:
John Cena, Mark Henry, Evan Bourne, Mr. Money in the Bank The Miz, William Regal, David Otunga, Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, and Zack Ryder. That’s all I managed to catch, but I’ll do the best I can.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes It’s amazing how great Raw started and where we are now. #wwe
@kickoutblog OMG IT IS GOLDUST! HE WANTS THE MILLION DOLLAR TITLE!
@ThingsColeSays Hey Johnny, there’s a new joke going around have you heard it? What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAPPPPPPPPPP!
@StrikerSays So happy for the return of BIZARRE Goldie. He had dialed down to just “odd.”
<VIDEO PACKAGE: WWE Superstars and Make A Wish.>
King and Cole remind us that a shitload of stuff has happened… if you’ve been watching, you know. If not, scroll up. I’m tired of repeating the same shit.
And Cena’s backstage, brooding over the arm band. Otunga walks up and says that he knows he’s upset. He wants to tell Cena that Nexus isn’t all bad. Barrett is a bit demanding sometimes, but deep down, they can make it work. Cena may feel like this is the end, but it’s not. If Cena ever needs to talk, Otunga’s there for him. Just let him know.
Cole opens his mouth and reminds us of what we’ve already seen. It’s okay, Cole. I have the memory of a goldfish. Thanks a bunch, man.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Randy Orton punts Chris Jericho last week.>
Twenty Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal
Fuck keeping up with this, so here’s who in the damn match. I’ll just tell you who wins, because it’s easier.
Participants: John Morrison, R-Truth, Santino Marella, Vladimir Kozlov, Sheamus, John Cena, Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, David Otunga, Zack Ryder, William Regal, Evan Bourne, Mark Henry, The Miz, Ted DiBiase, David Hart Smith, Tyson Kidd, Darren Young, and Primo.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar CENA! WHERE’S YOUR SHIRT! You had time!
@bethsharae …. Truth doesn’t get to sing anymore?! HELL YES!!! #Raw #WWE
@HitTheRopes Otunga, don’t you pay attention!? Darren Young, Michael Tarver. What do they AND you have in common? Stay far from Cena. LOLZ #wwe
@legendkiller515 once again no one understands what the hell r-truth is saying in his damn songs #wwe #raw #bwf
Found all the damn contestants. I don’t know what’s going on… Don’t make me figure it all out. Cena eliminated Otunga, and now Barrett yells at him for it. Nexus just argues in the middle of the ring, and no one is aware of it, apparently. God, idiocy.
<COMEMRCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Why is Mark Henry asking why? Did he not see the first 10 minutes of the show?
@HitTheRopes I always wish for something unexpected like Santino to win something like this. #wwe
@kickoutblog Why the hell is Darren Young in this match?
@Niki_Sushi I look up to see Nexus, and totally went ‘GO GO POWER RANGERS!!!’ #BWF #RAW
@legendkiller515 this is the oddest collection of #raw superstars for a battle royal ive ever seen. most of them dont belong in this match #wwe #bwf
I don’t’ know what I’m supposed to say. The outcome was obvious.
Wade Barrett wins.
But, cutting his victory celebration short is none other than the WWE Champion, Randy Orton, who makes his way right up to the ring and right inside, like Barrett ain’t nothing. Which, he probably isn’t. Insert epic staredown, Randy holding up the title, and thus, RAW ends.
Proud of myself for getting this finished for you all tonight, even with a headache and some weird ass dizziness. Anyway, until next week!
Another episode of Smackdown is upon us… oh joy! Nine days away from Summerslam, which is looking decent as a card… not fantastic, though. So let’s see what those crazy McMahon’s have in store for us… tonight? Well technically two Tuesdays ago, since this was a pretape. (more…)
Friday night suffering time folks!! Plenty of animated gifs, and a couple videos for y’all too? Here we go:
We kick things off with Kane in the ring, and he is cutting another one of these highly produced, live promos. These are fantastically edited, considering they are done live-to-tape. Undertaker woke up briefly and said two words to his brother…. the name of his assailant. Kane tells us it was…
(more…)
Hey everybody. It’s your favorite WWE Superstars reviewer. I am here this week with actual thoughts this week instead of the generic results. Enjoy!
Match 1: Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs William Regal and Primo Colon
In the opening minutes of the match, Santino pulled off a Primo cartwheel and started power-walking off the ropes as William Regal just watched in confusion. Fear the Cobra! If he wasn’t funny, he would have been released a long time ago. I think this might be a last ditch effort to do something with Kozlov. Everything else has failed, so why not put him in a tag team. Primo has seemingly found a home on Superstars and lucky to still have a job. Regal is being underutilized. He was perfect as the GM on RAW.
As far as the match goes, the end comes when Primo goes for high flying cross body off the top rope and Kozlov catches him and drops him with the Iron Curtain. The winners of the match are Vladimir Kozlov and Santino Marella.
Match 2: Chris Masters vs Caylen Croft of the Dudebusters
Why haven’t they done more with Chris Masters? He’s the type of guy who should be in the Mark Henry role or chasing the US Title. I can’t stand the Dudebusters. They suck hard! Croft spends the majority of the match getting beat down like the jobber he should be, but he gets the victory after hitting a chop block and a DDT. The world is in complete disaray now as Caylen Croft picks up the victory over Chris Masters.
Main Event: MVP w/Percy “Oh Yeah” Watson vs Chavo Guerrero
Once upon a time there was a heavily hyped new superstar on Smackdown. He was pushed and eventually became a multiple time US Champion. He then was moved to RAW and is now lost on Superstars most weeks. That superstar is MVP.
Once upon a time there was another superstar who was part of a great wrestling family. He was a very good Cruiserweight, but then he became Kerwin White. After tragedy struck, he re-adopted his God given name and became the WWECW Champion. He lost in 8 seconds to a Big Red Monster, became a forgotten member of another family (La Familia), and then became a forgotten member of the WWE roster. He is now a staple of Superstars too. His name is Chavo Guerrero.
MVP picks up the win with the Play of the Day. Let this be a lesson; If you have a heavily hyped debut on Smackdown, you will probably end up on Superstars eventually. This means you, Alberto Del Rio. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you soon enough on WWE Superstars. And I’m hoping to see all of you again next week for another exhilirating show.
Power Poll 7/28/10
Well, I ignored iMPACT, slept through SmackDown, and wrote off RAW, so I guess that makes me perfectly qualified to vote in this week’s Power Poll. We have a new number one this week, and he is….
1. The Miz (3)
He may still have his Money In The Bank briefcase despite another attempt to cash it in, but The Miz impressed voters enough this week to catapult himself up two spots to number one – because he’s The Miz, and he’s AWESOME! (My vote: 5)
2. Randy Orton (4)
A take no prisoners week for the WWE’s Apex Predator, Orton defeated Jey Uso, RKO’d Sheamus, and then for good measure RKO’d The Miz as well. (My vote: 1)
3. Sheamus (2)
The WWE Champion caught an RKO earlier on in the night, but picked up a tag team victory later in the night when his reluctant partner The Miz pinned John Cena. (My vote: 3)
4. Kane (1)
After RAW dominates the top three, SmackDown’s World Heavyweight Champion, Kane, takes his place on the Power Poll at number four. A promo to kick off the show and a no-sell of a Mysterio 619 keeps the Big Red World Champion from dropping any further. (My vote: 4)
5. Rey Mysterio (8)
Speaking of Mysterio, he climbs up the Power Poll after a victory over Jack Swagger in a two out of three falls match to become the number one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship at SummerSlam. (My vote: NR)
6. Rob Van Dam (5)
Despite not doing anything of note (seriously – he’s not even mentioned in Drow’s iMPACT review), Rob Van Dam only drops one spot, and is in fact the only member of the TNA roster to be featured in this week’s poll. (My vote: 2)
7. John Cena (6)
Cena has been strong on the mic the last few weeks, including his show opening promo with Chris Jericho this week on RAW. Had Jericho not hit him with the Codebreaker and cost him their tag match, the former WWE Champion’s ranking would likely be much higher. (My vote: 6)
8. Chris Jericho (10)
Chris Jericho continues to climb the ranks of the Power Poll this week, having been an awesome foil to John Cena in both the opening segment and the closing matchup of RAW. (My vote: 7)
9. Big Show (NR)
Having fun at the expense of the Straight Edge Society, Big Show unmasked Joey Mercury, and unmasks his ability to be a top 10 player in sports entertainment after a couple weeks off the Poll. (My vote: 9)
10. Wade Barrett (7)
Evan Bourne is not even half the size of Mark Henry, so slamming him to the canvas is not nearly as impressive a feat. Barrett makes the top ten on the sheer fact that he’s the leader of The Nexus. (My vote: 10)
I also voted for: AJ Styles (8)
Participating sites: BoredWrestlingFan.com, Hit the Ropes, NoVaWPodcast, Online World of Wrestling, PIZZABODYSLAM, Pro Wrestling Ponderings, Project Wonderboy, Ringside Rants, The Superplex, The Wrestling Blog, WrestlingAdikt.com,WrestleRage.com, Wrestlespective
Hello all and welcome to the Money In the Bank Roundtable, I am you host JT and tonight I am joined by BWF writer G as well as RYTMAN. Welcome guys I hope we have a good discussion for this Sunday’s pay per view. So without further ado, let’s get this show on the road: (more…)
Smackdown
Hey, it’s Friday night and you know what that means…. choke down ecstasy and dance all night to hard trance music? Well, no… no thanks. It means G suffers through his long shift at work, then comes back and suffers through Smackdown for you. And this is the go home SD before Sunday’s PPV… which I won’t even be stealing since I’ll be getting sloshed at the Calgary Stampede… count on it! (more…)