Tag Archive: Squash

  1. RYTMAN’S RAW REVIEW 08/20/2012

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    MATCH RESULTS

    KOFI INGSTON & R-TRUTH W/SIN CARA def. THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS W/CODY RHODES – Before the match, we get a recap of Truth celebrating his teams win at Summerslam by dumping Gatorade on little Jimmy, and a shot of the unflattering cartoon Cody Rhodes had made up of Sin Cara. Kofi and Truth started of the match with fast paced double-teaming on each of the PTP while Sin Cara ran off Rhodes. The heels took control on R-Truth, until he makes the hot tag to Sin Cara. Kofi and Truth take out the PTP’s while Cody and Cara wind up the match. Cody’s obsession with Cara’s mask gets him pinned for the three-count.

    RYBACK def. MIKE SPINNER & ANDY TAVARES – Another Ryback squash with Jinder Mahal running in to get in a sneak attack. Ryback fights him off with his jawbreaker variation and proceeds to kill the jobbers while Mahal runs off.

    RANDY ORTON def. ALBERTO DEL RIO – Del Rio leaves the car in the back and storms out angry. He shows us a picture from his match with Sheamus at Summerslam, proving his foot was clearly on the ropes and demands a rematch with Sheamus right now. AJ skips out and greets Alberto with “hello” in Spanish. (I don’t know how to spell it.) She can’t give him a shot at Sheamus because that’s Booker T’s call. She does give him a match and tells him to “say hello” to his “little friend.” Randy Orton comes out. After the break, Sheamus comes out to join commentary. The match is back and forth with a lot of striking, stomping, and highspots. Del Rio goes for the win but Sheamus gets the ref to see Orton’s foot on the rope. Del Rio gets hot with Sheamus and turns around into an RKO, for a three-count.

    DAMIEN SANDOW def. BRODUS CLAY – We start off with a brief recap of the feud and how Sandow hurt Clay’s leg. As Sandow walks to the ring, we get picture-in-picture comments from Sandow vowing to get rid of Clay once and for all. We’re welcome. The match is basically Brodus tossing and squashing Sandow, and Sandow going after the bad knee. Sandow dodges a charge and rolls up Clay for a three-count with a hand full of tights, despite Clay NOT having both shoulders down, but I guess I’m the only one who cares. After the match, Clay got his revenge with a t-bone suplex and the big splash on Sandow. And we get a celebratory hug from the Funkadactyls and a dance party with kids.

    BIG SHOW def DAVID OTUNGA – Earlier tonight, Otunga offered his legal services to AJ, but made the mistake of using the “c” word. (NOT THAT C-WORD! THIS IS A FAMILY SHOW! “CRAZY!” HE SAID “CRAZY!”) AJ ordered him to wrestle an opponent of her choice. This was a straight-up squash, with an angry Show just overwhelming Otunga with a brutal beat-down.

    KANE & ZACK RYDER vs. BRYAN AND THE MIZ: NO CONTEST – AJ ordered this match as a way of making Kane and Bryan deal with “anger issues.” The match ends with the heels bailing (in Bryan’s case, through the crowd,) and Kane brutalizing the timekeeper and Tomb-stoning Ryder.

    KAITLIN WINS DIVA ROYAL – Sloppy filler, dragged out to long. Kaitlin wins by eliminating Eve, and becomes new #1 contender to the Divas title, held by Layla, who was at ringside.

    DOLPH ZIGGLER def. CHRIS JERICHO: CONTRACT VS. CONTRACT – Earlier in the night, AJ skipped in on an argument between Jericho and Ziggler and made this match with the stipulation that if Jericho wins, he gets Ziggler’s MiTB briefcase, and if Ziggler wins, Jericho’s contract is cancelled. The match is a face paced exchange of back and forth high-spots, including a scary flip off the top rope that I’m not sure went according to plan. Jericho hooked Ziggler under the arms with his legs, and flipped backwards, tossing Ziggler up and over. Ziggler landed on his head and it looked scary. Match ends with Jericho’s Lionsault hitting Ziggler’s knees and a Zig-Zag for the three-count. After the match, Jericho beats Ziggler down with his own briefcase.

    HIGHLIGHTS

    •Paul Heyman opening the show with Lesnar – Heyman coins the term “Brocktagon,” and refers to Brock as the new “King of Kings,” and “Lord and Master of the WWE.” Lesnar calls out the ref from Sunday night’s Summerslam match to tell him two words – “good job.”

    •AJ coming out to book Orton/Del Rio – She came off slightly racist with the Spanish hello and Scarface quote.

    •Summerslam Recap – Antonio Cesaro winning the US title and “touting” from the ring, followed by Summerslam week highlights in L.A. (Santino working in a restaurant, Be a Star anniversary, Divas on the red carpet.)

    •Shawn Michaels Live Satellite interview – Shawn sells the schmaltz big with his confession that he should’ve told hunter he couldn’t beat Brock. He tells Hunter “I love you,” “We all love you,” “You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

    •C.M. Punk offering Cena a title shot IF he admits Punk is the “best in the world.” Cena refuses and dares Punk to pick someone else.

    •Punk demanding an apology from Lawler – Lawler apologizes, but when he refuses to call Punk “the best in the world,” he gets a kick to the back of the head.

    TWITTER AND TOUTS

    •Punk on Tout, announcing he would pick his own #1 contender that night.

    •The entire WWE universe – Commenting on Hunter/Lesnar; via Twitter

    •Summerslam recap interviews: Punk demands respect, Cena is disappointed, Big Show is angry.

    RYTMANS’ RANT

    No one thing to rant about this week. I have to admit that for the most part, his show was pretty solid and kept moving nicely. Of course, they STILL went overtime but…

    I do want to comment on how badly Alberto Del Rio and Sheamus are being booked. Sheamus is losing credibility as a champion, as he can’t seem to finish off this feud convincingly. And the whole “taking the title shot away from Del Rio just to give it back” routine ran out of gas a week ago. IF Del Rio were a face, winning back his title shots from a heel GM, this might work, however it’s a heel, who we’re supposed to root against, constantly given legitimate complaints. It’s time for Sheamus to move on to someone else.

    SIDE NOTE: Is there a reason Randy Orton is beating all the top heels? It would make sense if he was being built as Punk’s next challenger, but that doesn’t seem to be the plan.

    How is AJ supposed to be better than Johnny Ace? Isn’t she doing the exact same things he did? AJ has to do something else besides torment her ex-boyfriends. You’re just wasting what was at first a fresh; interesting character on the same BS you’ve been doing all damn year.

    Also, if Cena had just come out and said to Punk, “Take your title shot and shove it,” or words to that effect, he would’ve gotten the effect he wanted, maybe won over a few fans, and FINISHED THE SHOW ON TIME!

    That’s it for this week peep-holes. I’ll see you next time, on RYT-TIME.

  2. Raw Is British 4-16-2012

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    I know. Raw is taped tonight. So is Mad Men. It’s still good. Here’s to hoping that we continue the hot streak.

    We start off the night with CM Punk and Mark Henry (who is already in the ring?). The crowd was hot and engaged already. This was a good big man-little man match. Both guys really brought it. And Punk had to go to a crazy place to get the win. Then Jericho went back and forth for a bit. Jericho had a video where he showed Punk going into a pub. Apparently that means he was drinking.

    Santino and Otunga had a match. It was painless. Please nobody ask Otunga to take a blood test. I think he might end up pregnant.

    The Brock interview I think went pretty well. I really liked it.

    Kane killed Zack Ryder. Then he called out Orton.

    John Cena came out and delivered a really good spot-on promo. And then Johnny Ace came out. Cena was going to have a secret opponent. I was hoping for the return of Berzerker.

    We got Kofi vs. Daniel Bryan. Tonight on Facebook, somebody called Daniel Bryan the most over face in the WWE. Too bad the WWE wants him to be a heel. It was a really good match. Daniel Bryan could cut a newborn kitten’s throat on live tv and the fans would chant, “One more time.”

    Eve is having a one-on-one with Johnny Ace. Poor Johnny.

    Great Khali. Because you know, the people haven’t been through enough. Khali was going to be teaming up with Big Show. They got to face the Colons. It was a great squash match. Too bad it was up against the tag champs.

    John Cena comes out and has a mystery opponent-Lord Tensai. It wasn’t a bad match all things considered. Tensai walked away with a win.

    All in all… Not a bad Raw. There were still some moments that left me scratching my head. But they seem to have a purpose, so it can’t be that bad, right?

  3. Raw Is During the Eagles 11-7-11

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    This is probably one of the most tiring weekends of my life. And not only that, Raw is during an Eagles game. We are coming to you delayed from Liverpool. For those of you who don’t mind me going into my life, I am a Liverpool FC fan. (YNWA)

    We open up Raw with a really great exchange between Cena and Miz/Truth. Once fisticuffs started flying, Zack Ryder came out to his rescue.

    We had Dolph Ziggler take on John Morrison as he continued his Future Endeavored Tour. Vickie looked really nice in her outfit. This was a pretty decent match. My wife was not happy over Morrison wearing a shirt. She also did not like the match. It went on too long and they weren’t really doing anything (according to her). What I thought was awesome was the crowd cheering for Ziggler. Morrison should have walked out with a Suarez jersey. Morrison snapped his losing streak. I was pleased with the match. It looked like they put some effort into it.

    Then came the Walking Wellness Violation Mason Ryan against JTG. I’m still more shocked JTG’s on Raw. It was a squash match. Even though I don’t like the guy they’re pushing, I gotta give them credit. They’re trying to make a star. The crowd had no reaction to him whatsoever.

    We got a gratuitous “Wrestlemania Will Be Big” package. Then the Bellas supported Zack Ryder. I thought we were supposed to cheer him.

    Then we got Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston. These titles are so meaningless. I hate that it was the at the tag champ’s expense, but they made ADR look strong.

    Then Punk came out. And ADR delivered the most scripted promo I’ve ever heard. He called ADR one-dimensional. About freakin’ time. And CM Punk wants the belt and to make the title interesting again. (Wow, did he really just say that?) I think the first hour was pretty good overall. The WWE “Creative” Team needs to come up with something else for Del Rio to say other than “This is my destiny.”

    Then we watch the Muppets recap. Then we get the ridiculously stale Jack Swagger rematching against Santino Marella. Swagger won. Yawn.

    Kelly Kelly is on the cover of Maxim. We all die a little on the inside. Please watchSHIMMER. They have real women’s wrestling. This segment was so awful. Kelly Kelly should never be given a microphone again.

    Then we got Super Dave Osborne introducing Kevin Nash. Nash, for everything that’s wrong with him being an active part of the WWE product in 2011, is great on the mic. I still haven’t figured out where this is going.

    Super Dave and David Otunga are courting or something. Then Otunga makes fun of Punk, Punk goes after him and then ADR attacks him.

    Then we got the Cena/Ryder-Awesome Truth main events. I want to be mad for yet ANOTHER Raw with Cena as the main event. But can I be mad that we Zack Ryder in the main event? They turned this into a good match. Miz pinned John Cena. Yeah, I just typed that.

    I will give this show credit. The first hour was very solid and I thought the main event did a great job of building Awesome Truth and Zack Ryder. Yeaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

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  4. Raw Is Chaos 10-3-11

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    I would like to begin this by wishing Mother Ruff a very happy [age deleted]th birthday. The Rangers are giving us heart attacks. The Cowboys embarrass themselves against the Lions. And as happy as that makes me, the Eagles can’t win either. I missed last night’s Hell in a Cell. Due to a HUGE weekend, it was just too much to go out on a Sunday night. From what I hear, there was a  lot of chaos and a lot of questions to have to answer.

    It seems like tonight’s Raw has some major buzz. Randy Orton comes out first and kills my buzz. Drew McIntyre is already in the ring and gets no entrance theme. Thanks for spoiling the end of the first match, WWE. This was a little more than a squash. McIntyre got his share of offense in. The crowd seemed to be really into Randy Orton. But does he make you tune into the show? I can think of 1.98 reasons why he doesn’t. Orton pinned him in what was a decent opener. Kudos to McIntyre for making him look good. Then he attacks McIntyre after the match. Why is he a face?

    Mark Henry came out and they fought each other. Security kept on trying to hold them back and they kept on attacking each other. A great visual.

    We had a Mark Henry video package. Then John Morrison continued his “About to Be Future Endeavored” tour against Mark Henry. Morrison got some offense before Mark Henry kicked out of Morrison’s finisher. Mark Henry grabbed the mic. He is done with Randy Orton. He wants Big Show.

    Super Dave Osborne is giving the heels a pep talk. All 6 are going to the ring. (At this point, my wife fell asleep, for those of you curious.)

    Alberto del Rio speaks. As much as I loathe that it’s Otunga getting the ball, I like that they are finding a common theme among everything that is happening. Each rep got to cut their promo about how they are being wronged. And then Vickie grabbed the mic. You would have thought she was Michelle Bachman at an Atheist’s convention. And then HHH came out and told them they weren’t men or something. I like the thought and concept; the execution is not doing it for me.

    We got Eve & Kelly fighting Beth & Nattie. Kelly & Eve gave Beth & Nattie a beatdown. I don’t think this was a match. I saw some fire from Kelly. I liked it.

    Super Dave Osborne apologized to HHH. He called for a vote of “no confidence.”

    Rock is on my tv. My wife woke up. Jinder Mahal started speaking a foreign language. That must mean we’re supposed to boo him. Marella grabbed the mic and started mocking Mahal’s language. Classy. Santino squashed Mahal. Mahal must be opening for Morrison on his “About to Be Future Endeavored” tour.

    Broadus Clay footage. He’s like a walking zip code.

    The footage of the beatdown was unreal. All the wrestlers were out there, heels and faces alike. There are so many questions to be answered here. Miz and Truth apologized (ish).

    Then there was the 12-man match. We had “Never Pissed in a Cup” Mason Ryan. Sheamus got in some good offense. Cody Rhodes had some good moments and looked good. This was pretty good for a cluster. Kofi did the face in peril very well. The crowd loved it. Even my wife who happened to wake up again noticed Evan Bourne come in and go to town. This crowd was so wild all night. They did the spot where everybody did their finishers. Then Sheamus got the pin. I thought the match would be a lot worse than it was. It was given the time it needed.

    All the wrestlers came out and stood ringside. So everybody stands ringside while HHH gets the center of attention. This is so ridiculous. He needs to take himself off tv. And out of all the superstars, the one who gets the mic… Wade Barrett? Then Mike Chioda gets a mic? Me like. Then Beth gets a mic. “We’re girls.” Really? Then Lawler gets in the ring with HHH. Everything is out of control, but it’s not HHH’s fault. There’s a puppeteer behind the scenes. Who is it? Everybody votes no confidence, including Lawler, who did it kind of reluctantly. Then, one by one, factions walked out, the last being JR. What a surreal Raw.

    This has to be the most surreal Raw I have seen since ECW and WCW joined forces and the best Raw since CM Punk cut “The Promo.” So many questions abound.

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  5. WWE Superstars

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    Its late.  I’m tired.  This is gonna be quick.

    Match 1:  Evan Bourne vs Chris Masters

    This match looked like a squash until the end, when Bourne made his comeback and hit his Shooting Star Press for the win.  Raw is not doing a good job in building their midcard scene.  Masters should be in the US Title race…not losing to Evan Bourne.  Evan Bourne should be on Smackdown in the IC Title race…not beating huge guys like Masters and Jack Swagger.

    Match 2:  William Regal vs Tyler Reks

    Tyler Reks sucks.  He looks like he needs to take a massive duece when he walks.  Regal wins with his running knee.  After the match, Big Zeke and Kozlov hit their finishers on Reks for good measure.

    Match 3: Cryme Time and Eve vs the Hart Dynasty

    Good match…even with the divas involved.  Eve looks good in the ring and Natalya is good in the ring.  Natalya gets the win after Eve missed her acrobatic splash followed by a Natalya clothesline.   

    See ya next week folks.

  6. WWE Superstars Review

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    Hey everybody!  Its your favorite Christian enthusiast, tharvey1, here again for another review of WWE Superstars.  

    Match Numero Uno por la noche pits Rey Rey and Senor Money in the Bank CM Punk against Kane and El Grande Show.  For those of you not fluent in Spanglish, it is Rey and CM Punk vs Kane and Big Show in a tag match.

    To start the match, it is Kane taking on Rey.  Kane and Rey seem to work well together when they square off, so the beginning of the match was quite entertaining.  A pretty cool spot with Kane sliding Rey across the ring on his stomach to outside and Rey landing on his feet caught my eye.  The middle of the match saw Kane and Show taking it to the much much smaller Rey.  Somehow Rey weaseled away from Kane and made the tag to Punk, who came in hot until Show forced him off the top rope and into a chokeslam by Kane.  Winner Kane and Big Show.  I was suprised to see how little Punk was used in this match.  I give this match a 6.5 out of 10.

    The next match of the evening is Finlay and the midget against Tyson Kidd and Natalya, who were already in the ring

    Kidd and Finlay start the match, with the troll quickly entering.  He somehow pulled off a move, pulled out tennis balls and juggled them, threw them at Tyson Kidd, who proceeded to chase him out of the ring.  Finlay then layed him out, tossed him back into the ring, and hit him with the shileighly….screw the spelling…you know what I’m talking about.  The “little person” nails Kidd with the tadpole splash for the W.  I was wildly disappointed with the lack of action for the B E A utiful Natalya, as her appearance was the only thing that made this squash match bearable to watch.  I give this match a 2 out of 10.  How can they build a guy like Tyson Kidd up if they are just going to job him to Hornswoggle?!  On the way to break, Finlay seranades the audience and Hornswoggle with a rendition of When Irish Eyes are Smiling and just like that, Father and Son are split up.  God I hope they future endeavor that little monkey soon.

    John Cena talks backstage.  Blah Blah Blah.  He’s a great person, but there’s just so much I can take of him.

    And Now for the Main Event of the evening.  In the Blue Corner and fighting out of Jamaica…Kofi Kingston.  In the Red Corner and fighting out of Toronto Ontario, Canada and hopefully future World Heavyweight Champion…The Rated R Superstar EHHHDDDDGGGE!!!!!!

    Why hasn’t this match occurred sooner?  Why didn’t Kofi get any revenge on Edge for stealing his Elimination Chamber spot?  Whatever…The ultra, super athletic Kofi Kingston is great to watch…especially when he squares off against the magnificent Edge.  The beginning of the match has a lot of arm bars by Kofi Kingston to pass the time on what will be a fairly lengthy match to end the show.  Right before the final commercial break of the night, Edge knocks Kofi off the top rope.  Back from break, Edge assumes control of the match.  A little back in forth leads to Kofi showing off his athleticism off the top rope with a high cross body.  Kofi uses an unorthodox, kinda belly to belly sweep for a pin attempt, which results in a twooooooo.  Edge gets up and face plants Kofi, then misses a spear as Kofi recovers and hits a spinning kick to knock The Rated R Superstar out of the ring.  A series of near falls by both men leads into a spear by Edge for the win.  This was good back and forth match and by far the best match of the night.  I give this match an 8 out of 10.  It would have been a 10 out of 10 if Christian had shown up for a “5 Second Pose.”  There’s my cheap plug of the night for Christian.

    Overall, the show was just OK.  The first match was alright, but lacked “it,” as all four of the guys seemed to care less about being there.  The second match was a joke.  Somebody please kill Hornswoggle already.  The main event was very good, but not good enough to offset Hornswoggle being on the show.  Now I will leave you with a fact of life as I know it….Firehouse is the greatest band of the “Hairband” era.  Thanks for reading everybody and join me next week for another exhilarating WWE Superstars Review by Yours Truly.