Last week: Dolph Ziggler lost his Intercontinental title to Kofi Kingston, immediately lost his rematch, and then turned everything around by winning a Fatal Four Way match to determine the No. 1 Contender for Edge’s World Heavyweight Championship. Give the assist to Vickie Guerrero who, in Teddy Long’s absence, inserted her boyfriend into the bout at the last minute. Tonight, will we see repercussions of Vickie’s invasive ways? Elsewhere on the program, Big Show seeks revenge on Wade Barrett, who made a surprise appearance on the show (and whose elbow made a lasting impression on… the Show. See what I did there, guys? Show? Big Show? Yeah…? Okay, that was terrible. Let’s pretend it never happened.)
It’s two weeks ‘til the Royal Rumble! I am very excited. The Rumble has been my favourite event since I was a wee boy. Even if the overall match isn’t great, every Rumble has at least a couple of classic moments. The big question is – who will win this year? Alberto Del Rio seems pretty confident about headlining WrestleMania, but I hope we get a curveball instead. Anyway, on with the show…
Speaking of Del Rio, he kicks off tonight’s show with an in-ring promo. In short, he says it’s his destiny to win the Royal Rumble and become the new ‘Mr. WrestleMania’. R-Truth soon interrupts. He says that Alberto won’t win the Royal Rumble match because he has fancy cars, or his own ‘creepy’ ring announcer. At one point, he calls Alberto, ‘Lucy’. I’m guessing that’s some sort of US television reference that I don’t get. Another interruption; this time courtesy of Dashing Cody Rhodes. He gives his own speech about how he’s going to win the Rumble and, sure enough, we get another interruption as Rey Mysterio’s music hits. Rey gives his usual spiel about fighting the odds and such. He mentions that Alberto Del Rio hasn’t won a Royal Rumble, which is a moot point seeing as Del Rio hasn’t even been in the WWE for a year! Maybe I’m taking this too seriously… Cody Rhodes has a great comeback, saying that Rey’s Rumble win ‘is so 2006.’ The four men end up brawling, before Teddy Long’s music inevitably hits. He announces that Alberto Del Rio and Cody Rhodes will take on R-Truth and Rey Mysterio… next.
Rey Mysterio/R-Truth vs. Alberto Del Rio/Cody Rhodes: There’s not much to write home about in this match, so let’s skip ahead to everyone’s favourite part, the Obligatory Tag Match Breakdown Time™! R-Truth makes the hot tag to Rey, who bounds in and starts laying into Cody Rhodes. Rey hits a Sunset Flip, but Del Rio breaks up the count with a dropkick. R-Truth takes him out of the equation, only to be thrown over the top rope by Rhodes. Rey sets up and hits the 619, follows with a splash, and picks up the win. Pretty standard match with a predictable ending. Ho hum, etc.
Your winners: Rey Mysterio/R-Truth
During the ad break, we’re treated to a ‘Did You Know?’ which states that the WWE has been granting wishes for the Make-A-Wish foundation since 1982, ‘before the entire cast of Jersey Shore was even born.’ Boy, check out WWE, being all hip and current and… dope. Do kids still say ‘dope’?
Speaking of which, it’s time for another edition of ‘Str8 Outta Brooklyn with JTG.’ Let’s just move on swiftly, shall we?
Wade Barrett is backstage, being interviewed by Todd Grisham. I always feel a pang of guilt when I see Todd backstage on SmackDown!; as if I’m cheating on him by listening to the commentary of others, and he cries himself to sleep at night whilst clutching an announcer’s headset close to his chest. Anyway, Barrett vows to take Big Show down tonight. We’re then treated to a frankly terrifying hype video for Ezekiel Jackson’s impending return to SmackDown!. Scary stuff.
Drew McIntyre vs. Trent Baretta: Hey, it’s Trent Baretta! He’s okay! He wastes no time, going for McIntyre before the Sinister Scotsman has even managed to step through the ropes. His offensive flurry is short-lived, however; Drew is soon slamming the former Dudebuster’s face into the announce desk and even backhands him in the face! How rude. Baretta eventually gets a small reprieve, but the crowd don’t seem interested in getting behind him, which is a shame. In fact, some members of the crowd actually cheer when McIntyre signals for the end with a ‘thumbs down’. Drew picks up Baretta and goes to dump him over the ropes, but Baretta counters into a pin and gets the 3-count! Holy crap, didn’t see that coming! Drew McIntyre is furious.
Your winner: Trent Baretta
We return from an ad break to see Trent Baretta walking backstage. Drew McIntyre jumps him, but the Scotsman’s attack is soon halted by the appearance of Kelly Kelly. He tries to plea his case, but she screams at him to grow up and storms off.
Big Show vs. Wade Barrett: Barrett’s music is pretty dreadful. It’s some sort of pseudo-electro-rock track. Hopefully he’ll get a better one soon. Big Show makes several attempts to take out Wade with a Chokeslam, but the Englishman keeps finding ways to evade. The final attempt sees Show thwarted by… Heath Slater! The ref calls for the bell as Justin Gabriel runs into the ring as well. I guess that explains where Gabriel and Slater ran off to after they turned their backs on CM Punk’s initiation over on RAW… All of a sudden, Ezekiel Jackson appears. For some reason, this sends Michael Cole into a frenzy, calling Jackson’s appearance ‘insane’, as if it was Ric Flair or Sting who had just shown up, as opposed to an actual WWE roster member who is due to return from injury. Jackson and Big Show have a stare down, which allows the former Nexus members to attack Show from behind. Who will Jackson side with? Big Show punches a steel chair out of Justin Gabriel’s hand, then turns around and is taken down by Ezekiel Jackson’s clothesline. Everyone starts kicking into Big Show – I guess that means Jackson is aligned with Barrett, Slater and Gabriel. Zeke lifts Big Show up and hits a powerslam, as Matt Striker announces that ‘SmackDown! may never be the same again.’ Gabriel provides the exclamation point with his 450 Splash, and this new faction (I’m guessing I can call them a faction?) celebrate their domination over Big Show. I have just one thing to say about all of this: please change the music…
Your winner (not that anyone’s interested in that at this point): Big Show via DQ
Michelle McCool vs. Beth Phoenix: McCool immediately targets Beth’s rehabilitated left knee. Beth eventually manages to fight back, and hits an awesome springboard suplex. I never get tired of that move. Beth sets up the Glam Slam, but Michelle manages to roll through. She gets a 2-count, then Beth counters into a pin attempt of her own and steals the 3.
Your winner: Beth Phoenix
Backstage, Dolph and Vickie are reconciling after tensions arose between them last week. The end result is an extended Eskimo kiss. That would have been cute if we replaced Vickie with someone else. I have a few suggestions, but I’ll go ahead and keep those to myself…
Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger: Josh Mathews thanks the WWE Universe for making last week the most-watched SmackDown! ever on SyFy. Is it possible that spoilers regarding Dolph’s push were partially responsible? I’m gonna blindly presume ‘yes,’ and not question anything, because I’m a big fanboy and don’t like to listen to reason. Anyway, Kofi has a mic and says he’s proud to once again be Intercontinental champ. He doesn’t get much further, because Jack Swagger’s music hits. Swagger’s not as fun without his Soaring Eagle. I’m still certain that the Eagle will make a Rumble appearance, by the way. I’d bet money on it. This match was back-and-forth, but Kofi eventually managed to hit the SOS and get the pinfall victory.
Your winner: Kofi Kingston
It’s time for Cutting Edge. The Rated R SOOOOperstar introduces Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero. As they approach the ring, Michael Cole confirms that Ziggler’s match with Edge will take place at the Royal Rumble. Sweet. This segment contains its fair share of ‘Vickie is fat and ugly’ jokes. We’ve heard it all before, so I’ll spare you the details. Ziggler says when Vickie and Edge first got together all those years back, Vickie resuscitated Edge’s entire career; at the Rumble, Dolph is gonna pull the plug and watch it flatline. Nice terminology there. Vickie shows a clip from back in July 2008 – remember when Alicia Fox was Edge and Vickie’s wedding planner, and Edge got his smooch on with her? That was back when I first started watching wrestling regularly again. Holy crap. Feels like a lifetime ago! SmackDown! has aged me, ladies and gentlemen. I’m an old soul now; just like those chaps from Inception… Edge accepts that cheating is a terrible thing, but counters that he has a clip of his own to roll. This one shows Dolph and Kaitlyn (remember her?) kissing backstage during Season 3 of NXT… Uh oh. Edge starts to rub the salt in, but Ziggler snaps and starts beating him down. Edge responds with a big boot, which sends Ziggler to the outside. Vickie gives Edge a few slaps to the face, but the champ chooses to walk away. He steps through the ropes, and Vickie starts cackling about how untouchable she is. Edge’s expression changes, and he slowly gets back into the ring. It looks like he’s going to Spear Vickie, but Dolph sweeps his legs and drags him to the outside. He sets Edge up, then hits a Zigzag, sending Edge’s head and neck slamming into the steel steps. Vickie joins Dolph at ringside, stands over Edge’s body, and plants a big kiss on her boyfriend. Yeuch.
That’s all for this week! Make sure to check make next time for more SmackDown! goodness. Cheers!
Well even a good night’s sleep and high caffeine tea can’t get me to think of anything really clever this morning so I am just gonna wing it in the intro today and hopefully it doesn’t suck too bad. So I have an article, wanna read it, well here it goes: (more…)
Oh how things can change in one weeks time! Once again I return to bring you this week’s power poll. Sadly, I am a little strapped for time and this will not be an animated gif version of the article. However, it will still be a nice look at the IWC’s perception of the top stars amongst the contributing websites. (more…)
G’s going big time! Yup, now you can suffer through this TNA review through 3 websites (yeah, I’ll plug myself). Thanks to the wonderful world of iMPACT, I return to describe what I am seeing on my television and what I’m thinking about as it happens…. Tonight is the fallout from Genesis on Sunday. Pretty much every title changed hands, and Jeff “Jailbird Junkie” Hardy dropped the title to an asshole.
Plus, I totally sold out and started selling advertisement time in these things via McDonald’s. (more…)
Hello everyone! Terribly sorry about my absence the last two weeks, but things were crazy. Huge thank you to G for taking over the RAW review when my brother came in, and sorry about no RAW review being up last week. Turns out, the boss man, ThinkSoJoE, is having some computer problems, so no one was able to cover. BUT THAT’S OKAY! We’re here now! Or, at least, I am.
Tonight, Punk takes over as leader of the Nexus, and John Cena’s going to confront him for the first time since Punk showed interest two weeks ago! And I’ve been hearing rumors about a Hall of Fame nomination!
Strangely enough, we start out Monday Night RAW with a tag team title match! … No opening promo?!
WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov with Tamina vs ??? for the WWE Tag Team Championship
Before their opponents can even be announced, Nexus comes out and demolishes the tag team championships. Tamina is nowhere to be seen, and Punk enters the ring rather calmly, watching the chaos. Nexus clears the ring of the champs, thus answering my question about an opening promo. Turns out we’re gonna get one.
Punk says that he’s sorry and I notice he’s wearing black and yellow shoes. He says that the tag team title match is rescheduled for a later date. Ever since Nexus has made its impact on RAW, it’s been the most dominant force the WWE has ever seen. And, as scary as it sounds, they are even stronger now. He tells Nexus that each and every single one of them has the ability and chance to shine brighter than any other Superstar in history. He can give them the chance to succeed, and says that Barrett consistently failed at setting any kind of example. Two weeks ago, Punk single-handedly put Cena out of the equation. That’s right, their hero in all of his broken down hero will appear tonight. Cena will, he’s hoping, deliver a tear-jerking encore farewell speech tonight. Cena’s days of Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect are over, while Punk’s are just beginning. And then, the coup de gras later tonight, in an act of selfless leadership, Punk will make the ultimate sacrifice when he initiates himself the new leader of the new Nexus. But, he’s getting ahead of himself. His won’t be the only initiation tonight. Each one of the Nexus must prove to themselves, the group, to Punk, to these ‘worthless people’ that they have what it takes to belong in the new Nexus. If they all pass, the Nexus will be at the apex of their power, and they will not only take over RAW, but the WWE entirely.
Otunga takes the mic, damn it, and Otunga says that he speaks for all of Nexus and they would be honored to be initiated into the new Nexus tonight. Punk says that the honor will all be his. Punk starts with McGuillicutty, and says that he’s up first. He knows, Punk knows, the people knows, that Nexus is famous for these group attacks. They’ve beaten down Hall of Famers, the Chairman, and John Cena too. McGuillicutty’s initiation is to be on the receiving end of a beat down. Husky’s name is called and he’s told to start it. Husky looks at McG for a minute, Otunga takes the initiative and starts it, dropping him. Slater asks what the hell he just did, and Punk goads Slater into action. Husky looks at him again, and then drops himself onto McGuillicutty. Husky and Otunga move McGuillicutty to the corner, and Punk leads Gabriel up to the corner, where the Axe Murderer of Nexus Gabriel stands up and hits the 450 Splash. Punk kneels in front of McGuillicutty, and Nexus puts him on Punk’s shoulders, and Punk finishes it off with the Go to Sleep. Punk leaves, and Nexus carries the unmoving McGuillicutty off.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi ‘It wasn’t your turn! >:O’ ‘YOU TOOK TOO LONG!’ #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes David Otunga speaks for no one. Not even for himself. We all know, J-Hudson speaks for him.
@kickoutblog CM Punk is the only one with the right to wear pants though.
@StrikerSays Is The Nexus going to be CM Punk’s new SES? Are they all going to shave their heads?
@CMPunkSays Screw your tag team titles, it’s NEXUS TIME! #WWE
@Lunna1969 Isn’t that how gangs do their initiations? #WWE #RAW #BWF
@JonHexLives Nexus CM Punk shirts! #WWE #RAW #BWF
DAMN IT! R-TRUTH IS BACK!
R-Truth vs Alberto del Rio
If del Rio honks that horn one more time, I’m bitch slapping his face off.
Truth goes for del Rio, but del Rio moves, and Truth chases him, throwing him into a corner and then yelling WHAT’S UP at the crowd. Del Rio is sick of Truth’s shit and gets the momentum before going for a cover, but Truth kicks out at two. Is it just me, or does the arena look smoky? Anyway, del Rio Whips Truth, then misses a clothesline. Truth counters with a head scissors and then clothesline. Truth runs back at del Rio, and clotheslines him out of the ring, sending them both to the floor. The ref starts a count, and it takes a few minutes before either man moves. Del Rio attacks Truth, who attacks back. But, Ricardo Rodriguez starts yelling at Truth, and Truth gets counted out thanks to that.
Alberto del Rio wins via count out.
Del Rio takes the mic and says that’s another victory for him! But we already know that. We also know that his destiny is to win the Royal Rumble, and headline Wrestlemania. Okay, he knows that’s a different story, because tonight they’re in Nashville! The music city? Oh, you silly, silly, Americans. You don’t know anything about music. You don’t know anything about culture. Oh, del Rio, these people will kill you outside the arena. All they know is about their Justin Biebers, Idols, hip-hop, and that horrible and boring country music. This is a bad place to diss country music… In Mexico, they know about music. They know about culture. He says to allow a man with many attributes to show them real music, mariachi music! He motions to Ricardo and asks him to sing. Ricardo says that he can’t sing, probably thanks to that hit he just took to the face, and del Rio asks nicely. Ricardo takes the mic and sings La Cucaracha. Which I learned in Spanish. He’s really not that great at it, but I can’t blame him.
Two weeks ago, Punk gave Cena a Go to Sleep, and tonight, Cena is going to confront him. Holy crap, Ricardo is jamming. Tonight, we have to watch yet another John Morrison and King Sheamus match. Goodie. Why am I always covering RAW when people who can’t sing try to? Anyone remember Mark Henry rapping?
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar “And I haven’t even started yet!” You have started! You’ve been doin this shitty song for like 5 years!
@Niki_Sushi DAMMIT! Just when I thought I escaped it! Truth, how bout you go to TNA too? CAROLINA CONNECTION! :B #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Okay, if Del Rio starts winning every match by count-out, he’s going to become the world’s greatest asshole.
@typicalROHfan CAN DEL RIO RUN OVER R TRUTH WITH HIS CAR?
@JonHexLives I’m hoping Alberto Del Rio does at least one promo where he warms up like Ramses from NACHO LIBRE. #WWE #RAW #BWF
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Two weeks ago, WWE Champion The Miz violently attacks Jerry “The King” Lawler.”>
Jerry says that he’d be lying if he said he was fully recovered. Cole says that Randy will be sorely disappointed when he can’t take the WWE Championship from The Miz. Cole tells Jerry to apologize, but we have an email.
“Recently, Michael Cole has been on the receiving end of a lot of criticism. However, I support Michael Cole in every conceivable way. Even though, he’s a conceited, pompous, arrogant, self-centered, pretentious jerk. Okay, just kidding. The reality is that Michael Cole has done a phenomenal job and is the epitome of manhood. I wish we had more people like him, with the guts to stand up against popular opinion. Michael is an award winning journalist, a two-time Slammy award winner. He is witty, highly intelligent, and not to mention, handsome. Ladies and gentlemen, the highest honor one can achieve is to refer to themselves as a Cole Miner!”
Jerry finally interrupts, and my dinner stays in my stomach. Jerry says that he’s just received a message from the entire WWE Universe, and he quotes: “Will you please SHUT UP?” Really, Cole, nobody in their right mind would ever even think, say, or much less type, that Cole is handsome. What he really is is a coward. Cole says that Jerry can’t touch him or he’ll be ordered, but Jerry slams the laptop shut.
Cole says it still works.
“I assure you that Michael Cole is not a coward. And King, neither are you. That’s why I know that even though your body hasn’t fully recovered, you can’t wait to exact revenge. Therefore, tonight, WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on the team of Jerry “The King” Lawler, and Randy Orton.”
Punk is backstage and says that McGuillicutty’s in and passed with flying colors. Husky’s next. His initiation, if he chooses to accept, is in his left hand. He will willingly, without reprisal, take three lashes from everybody, with… a strap? A belt? Something. Husky says he accepts. Punk tells him to take the shirt off. Husky takes the shirt off, and Otunga starts. Justin’s next, and doesn’t seem as anxious as Otunga was. Slater comes up, and seems more discontent with the belt than with Husky. Punk tells them to get Husky up and hold his arms. Then, Punk delivers eight quick snaps with the belt.
<COMMERCIAL>
@RhymesWithPen CM Punk is treating Nexus like a frat, but lets be serious, no frat would ever allow Heath Slater to be a brother …
@KeepItFiveStar This is payback for the last week’s RAW/Smackdown with all that wrestling
@Niki_Sushi I have officially gotten to the point that until I see Cole, I literally can NOT hear him. I’ve blocked him out. #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Just when you thought it couldn’t get creepier than the opening segment, New Nexus turns to S&M
@jaded_prinz Ugh Raw has now turned into mini Bondage bear porn featuring a submissive Husky Harris lol
@dasharpshooters I guess Husky couldn’t remember the safe word. #wwe #raw
United States Champion Daniel Bryan and Mark Henry with The Bella Twins vs Ted DiBiase and Tyson Kidd with Maryse
Bryan and DiBiase start out the match with Bryan dominating. However, Bryan gets distracted and goes to take Kidd out of the match, but DiBiase throws him out of the ring. Kidd sneaks in a hit real quick and then DiBiase brings Bryan back in. DiBiase tags in Kidd, who keeps Bryan in the corner. Kidd distracts the ref, and DiBiase chokes Bryan. Kidd tags in DiBiase, and DiBiase gets Bryan in the center of the ring with a headlock. Bryan fights out and bounces off the ropes, hitting a hard clothesline on DiBiase. Bryan tags in Henry, and DiBiase tags in Kidd. Kidd runs face first into a clothesline, and then is head butted to the ground. Twice. Kidd crawls away and Henry runs toward him in the corner, but Kidd dives over and tags DiBiase in. They hit a double dropkick, but Ted is hit by a clothesline and Kidd is hit by Bryan. Then, Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the win.
Mark Henry and the United States Champion win via pinfall.
Later tonight, WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on Jerry “The King” Lawler (again) and Randy Orton. We have The Big Show here tonight and we find out why next.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog No Jackson Andrews with Tyson Kidd, I’m sure that tells you all you need to know about his WWE future.
@TheMizMagnet: GODDAMN IT! JERRY! STOP FIGHTING MIZ! I HATE THESE MATCHES! *storms off* #BWF
@TKeep123 This whole RAW is from a bad parallel world.
@Niki_Sushi I’m not going to be happy with the Diva’s division until A) Bellas are fired for being stupid or B) Awesome Kong comes n eats them #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes A couple years ago Mark Henry would have been ALL over them twins. #wwe
@KeepItFiveStar Mark Henry continues to be a threat for the Royal Rumble
On NXT, that guy with the giant nose was eliminated, and Dolph Ziggler said that he was terrible, and basically sucked. Not like anyone cares about NXT.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, it’s a big show!
Between Alberto del Rio and The Big Show, we have been invaded by Smackdown. Awesome. And Show just wiggled his ass. I’m so sorry to that guy in the front row.
Show says thank you very much, and it’s great to be back on RAWR…er… RAW. He is here to discuss some issues. Number one is Wade Barrett. He finds it funny that last week Barrett is knocked out of Nexus, and this coming up Smackdown, he wants to knock Barrett out! Number two, the Royal Rumble. He’s letting every superstar know that they’re on notice. The Big Show is coming to the Royal Rumble and he’s not playing games, go on and main event Wrestlemania-
We walk alone…
Punk, Gabriel, Slater, and Otunga make their way out to the stage, and Punk looks at Otunga, as do the rest of Nexus. Otunga makes his way down to the ring, and this is apparently his initiation. He looks back at Punk, who merely stares at him, and then makes his way into the ring.
Show holds up a finger, and Otunga pushes it down and smacks Show’s ear. Show looks at him, and Otunga looks like he’s just offering himself up for a smack, but then Show kicks him and then throws him out of the ring. Show follows Otunga and chucks him over the announce table. Punk rips his shirt (DAMN IT!), and then delivers that massive slap on the announce table. Show yells at him, and then drops him right on the floor. Show slams Otunga into the steel steps, and then shoves him into the ring. He then choke slams Otunga. Show then delivers the knockout punch to Otunga. Punk, Slater, and Gabriel don’t move, except to raise their fists up. I guess Otunga passed.
Later, Cena will address Punk, and next up, John Morrison will take on King Sheamus.
<COMMERCIAL>
@seraphalexiel I think you can get arrested for this type of hazing
@kickoutblog Seriously, if someone told me I could take 25 lashes from a leather belt or a 25% punch from Big Show, I’d ask for 50 lashes.
@KeepItFiveStar And now the WWE, and Jack Link’s present: Messin With Sasquatch
@RobMcNichol If Henry is Sexual Chocolate, Bryan Danielson must be Erotic Marshmallow.
<VIDEO PACAKGE: Last week’s Falls Count Anywhere Match for the WWE Championship>
John Morrison vs King Sheamus
Sheamus gets a good start in this match, but Morrison fights back, only to eat Sheamus’ knee with his stomach. Sheamus stomps on Morrison, and then continues to methodically pick Morrison apart before bouncing him off his knee. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out at two. Sheamus puts his foot in Morrison’s throat and then steps off, dominating Morrison. Morrison tries to fight back, but Sheamus puts a stop to that with his elbow in Morrison’s face. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out. Sheamus puts Morrison into a vicious looking hold that my brain refuses to give me a name for, but Morrison fights out, climbing up to his feet only to take a hit from Sheamus. Sheamus goes to knee Morrison in the stomach again, but Morrison goes for a cover. Morrison kicks out and picks up speed, getting the momentum. He this a heel kick to the jaw before Sheamus crawls into the corner. Sheamus, however, has none of that, and Morrison ends up on his stomach before kicking him again. Morrison plants his feet in Sheamus’ face, and then pulls himself up with a very on-PG pelvic thrust, but Sheamus shoves him out of the ring instead of facing up against Starship Pain.
<COMMERCIAL>
Nobody tweeted anything that I could really use here, so here’s a picture for your entertainment.
We come back to Sheamus dominating Morrison again, but Morrison fights out of the headlock. He goes to Whip Sheamus, but Sheamus drops him onto his back and goes for the cover, only for Morrison to kick out at two. Sheamus holds Morrison’s head off the apron, and drops hard elbows onto Morrison before letting him roll back into the ring and going for another cover. Morrison kicks out at two again, and Sheamus puts him in another submission. Morrison fights to his feet, and then out of the hold, fighting back against Sheamus with quick punches and kicks. Morrison pulls Sheamus out of the corner, and then goes for the flash kick, but Sheamus ducks it. Sheamus runs across the ring at Morrison, but Morrison pulls down the top rope and sends Sheamus out. Morrison then jumps out of the ring, attempting a suicide dive, but Sheamus plants his knees into Morrison’s ribs. Sheamus then plants Morrison onto the steel steps, ribs-first, and rolls him into the ring. Sheamus gets ready to use the Brogue kick, but Morrison fell onto his ass, and Sheamus just kicks him in the back. Sheamus then puts Morrison on the top of the turnbuckle and climbs up after him, because this always ends well, , but Morrison drops onto the steps and puts Sheamus’ face into the steel post before hitting something I missed and winning.
John Morrison wins via pinfall.
Now we’re reminded of McGuillicutty’s initiation into Nexus, then Husky’s initiation, and then Otunga’s demise at the hands of The Big Show.
Punk is holding onto two Singapore canes, and says that Otunga did well and is in. Punk says that Slater and Gabriel’s initiations… He’s not going to beat them with the kendo sticks, my bad, and Punk says that they’re going to beat each other with the kendo sticks until he tells them to stop. Punk says he’s serious, and neither one looks like they want to do it, and this is going to be an EPIC LIGHTSABER DUEL! Neither one moves to do anything, and Punk just watches like, “you fucking babies” before he stops them. Punk says that if they’re not in, they’re out. He expects home runs from all his soldiers, so swing for the fences. Slater and Gabriel look at the frustrated Punk, weapons in hand, and Punk asks them if they’re going to hit him, then tells them to do it. They both drop the Kendo sticks, and then walk out of the locker room.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Please…PLEASE hit Punk with those sticks! Get some balls! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@HitTheRopes It’s a light sabers duel. #StarWarsMeetsWWE
@Niki_Sushi Awwww! I’m so proud of Justin! Punk kinda looked like he was gonna eat their faces, though. #RUNFORTHEHILLS #BWF #RAW
@stephensonmc @JustinG_Nexus twirled his kendo stick like he was Obi-Wan #Raw
@YourBoyDrew So is anyone else convinced CM Punk runs a BDSM dungeon somewhere?
The first inductee into the Hall of Fame class of 2011 is about to be announced!
Jerry Lawler is in the ring and says that the greatest accomplishment of his career was being inducted into the Hall of Fame. So many individuals, even in childhood, dream of competing in the ring, and less that 100 of them have been inducted into the Hall of Fame. Hall of Famers share qualities like skill, drive, determination, charisma, and the respect of the WWE Universe, and the inductee he’s about to name, has earned the respect of the WWE Universe. He deserves, more than any other, to be a first ballot nominee. And it is the Heart Break Kid Shawn Michaels.
I think I’m cute… I know I’m sexy…
Holy shit, Shawn is there. I hate them right now. But it’s a personal thing. Just ignore me now.
Shawn takes the mic and motions for silence, but a one more match chant start-
Del Rio walks out, obviously not even caring. HE says his name is Alberto del Rio, and Shawn stares at him. Del Rio says that we already know that, and he, he is Shawn Michaels, the Heart Break Kid, the Legend, the Icon, the Showstopper. These people used to cheer Shawn. An HBK chant starts. Del Rio says but now, they cheer him. Which is greeted by a giant boo. It’s simple, del Rio says, that he’s the present and the future of the WWE. And Shawn is just history. After del Rio wins the Royal Rumble match, he’s going to win the Heavyweight or the WWE title, and after that, he will be known as the New Mr. Wrestlemania. And Shawn says nothing, just gives him a good dose of Sweet Chin Music. He then pockets his microphone like a gun, and makes sure his shoe isn’t scuffed up. Shawn then takes the scarf and dances his way back up the stage.
<COMMERCIAL>
@FrankWWEClown Congratulations to @ShawnMichaels_ Can’t wait to be there live to see one of my childhood heros get inducted. #HBK #WWE #RAW
@Lunna1969 Omg I’m actually crying cause I’m so happy! Congrats @ShawnMichaels_
@TKeep123 HBK into the #WWE Hall of Fame! Works for me! Well deserved! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@CMPunkSays I am grinning my face off. #HBK #WWE
@Niki_Sushi I just joygasm’d right here. Very few people have done everything Shawn did and incited the same love and adoration he has. #ThankYouShawn
@Niki_Sushi Shawn, keep that scarf. You’ll need it for the weather down there. #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes Shawn Michaels didn’t plan on going hunting but he just bagged himself a wild Del Rio.
@KeepItFiveStar Alberto Del Rio and his scarf just got Sweet Chin Music! That’s unfair. The scarf had nothing to do with this!
@TKeep123 Is there anyone that doesn’t see Sweet Chin Music in ADR’s future? #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Saiyavenger Sweet Chin Music. Still epic in ways even complex flippy-dippy finishers only wish they could be.
@RingsideRants ADR had time to shower and put a suit on after his match, but Otunga couldn’t even change his shirt?
Riley is excited about Lawler and Orton being in the ring at the same time, but Miz doesn’t seem excited, and asks what’s wrong with Miz. Miz says that in two week’s time, he’s attacked a Hall of Famer and defended his title in a match that people should be talking about. But no, people are talking about Randy Orton. People are saying that it’s a fact that Randy will win The Miz’ championship at the Royal Rumble. NO matter what he does, people won’t give him the respect that he has earned. Tonight, in their match, he doesn’t just want to beat them, he wants to demoralize, embarrass, and hurt them, so they can show the world that the only fact is that he’s going to be the WWE Champion for a very, very long time. Alex starts to say his catchphrase, but Miz stops him and says that catchphrases are for closers, and he won’t’ say it until after he finishes Randy Orton tonight
Cole is in the ring and says that they are about to be joined by John Cena. Two weeks ago, John Cena was assaulted by the new Nexus and their soon-to-be new leader, CM Punk. Punk interrupts from on top of the tron, which is pretty badass. Punk says that they are through talking about John Cena, and this is the CM Punk show now. What he wants to talk about is the new Nexus. What tonight has shown is that McGuillicutty, Harris, and Otunga have proven themselves strong enough to be in the new Nexus. They sacrificed themselves through their initiations, and now he is prepared to do the same. His initiation will be the ultimate sacrifice, and it is his hope and dream that through his sacrifice, it will prove that not only was he a member of Nexus, but he was their leader. Should he dive off this tro- Jesus Christ Nashville wants death. Fucking hell. Punk asks if he should break every bone in his body, rupture every muscle, and Matthews says no. So do I. Punk spreads his arms, and pauses. He says there’s one question he needs to ask: How gullible are all of you people? He’s wearing a bright yellow harness. He has two guys spotting him. He’s safer there than anyone in their seats. He then says what kind of an idiot jumps off the tron? Consider themselves initiated, Nashville, they are all the biggest, mindless, group of sheep – JERICHO! – he has ever seen in his entire life. The injured, but members, of Nexus make their way out to the ring, short Gabriel and Slater.
Punk is in the ring now and says that if anyone watching actually thought he was going to jump off the tron, they are stupid. He takes off his shirt, and says that as we can see, he’s wearing a safety harness, and then says that someone who would consider doing such a rash thing, is mentally challenged (still hating on Jeff Hardy! =D), and he is mentally superior. There’s never been a thought in his mind to jump off the tron, he doesn’t need their approval or initiations, and he is the leader of the new Nexus. Punk says that Cena is no longer there. He got rid of Cena.
Cena’s voice comes and Cena says that he’s there, on that big screen you were gonna jump off of. Cena proceeds to insult him and that kind of thing, and says that he is wasting everyone’s time. Why would he bother to give the new Nexus a physical imitation? He’s already given them one. He said he would get his hands on each and every member of the Nexus, and he di-wait. There’s a new member he hasn’t managed to initiate, and that’s CM Sucks. Punk says he’s not afraid of John, and he will not stand in his ring on his show and be intimidated by John. John says prove it. Next week, CM Sucks faces John Cena in a match. Punk says that he accepts. Cena says he was hoping that Punk would. All those things Punk has been saying about Punk, they’re right. If you provoke him, he’s the most animalistic, brutal, violent, physical man on the planet. That means, next week, Punk gets dealt with. As sure as Cena wears purple and the sun rises in the morning, Punk gets dealt with. Next week, it’s not about t-shirts and armbands, it’s about him whooping Punk’s ass.
Up next, the WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on Jerry “The King” Lawler and Randy Orton.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi What kind of idiot jumps off the Tron?! Me: Jeff Hardy? #BWF #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar “What kind of an idiot jumps off the tron?!” Jeff Hardy
@kickoutblog Punk is gonna Shane-O-Mac it up there.
@CMPunkSays I really wish John Cena wouldn’t bury the best thing in the WWE. That’s just… it’s just wrong.
@ThingsColeSays “CM Sucks” has to stop.
@kickoutblog John Cena’s been watching George Carlin.
@JonHexLives It’s like indie Punk has come back. #WWE #RAW #BWF
AWESOME!
The WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley vs Jerry “The King” Lawler and Randy Orton
Alex Riley and Jerry Lawler start the match, and Lawler goes for Miz, who jumps off the edge of the ring. Riley takes advantage and knocks Lawler down. Riley tags Miz in and Miz knocks Lawler across the ring. Lawler gets Miz down on the mat and begins to pound him. Miz runs out of the ring, but Lawler follows closely. Lawler then bounces Miz’ head off the announce table before sending him into the apron, and then into the steel steps. Miz rolls into the ring off a punch in the face, and then Miz sends his elbow into Lawler’s face and tags in Riley. Lawler sends Riley to the ground and tags in Orton. Riley backs away from Orton who follows, upper cutting him in the corner. The ref has to forcibly remove Orton from Riley, and Orton goes back, Whipping Riley across the ring, only to get a kick to the stomach. Miz is tagged in and hit with a clothesline before Orton stomps on Miz’ face once, then again. Orton then stomps on his stomach and steps on him, tagging in Lawler. Lawler gets Miz to his feet and punches Miz to his knees, twice, three times. King proceeds to unload on Miz in the corner, the referee having to force Lawler off. Miz retaliates with a kick to the face, and then goes over Lawler and punches him repeatedly, having to be forced off by the ref. Miz then sends Lawler to the mat before putting him in a headlock. Lawler fights up to his feet, but gets a knee to the midsection for his troubles. Miz then hits his swinging corner clothesline, sending Lawler face first into the mat.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar C’mon Randy Orton. How you gonna wipe your mouth before coming out to wrestle? Didn’t wash your hands or anything.
We come back to Riley dominating over Lawler, and Riley runs shoulder first into the turnbuckle as Lawler rolls over, and nearly goes to tag in Miz. Riley runs to Lawler, and gets punched in the face for his troubles. Lawler reaches for Orton, but Riley tries to get Miz. Riley manages to tag Miz in, and Lawler technically tags in Orton, but Orton never saw it. Miz sets up the Skull Crushing Finale, but Orton gets in and manages to hit the RKO. Lawler goes for the cover as Orton hides behind the apron, and Riley breaks it up. Riley makes Miz tag him in, but Lawler manages to tag in Orton. Orton hits the scoop slam, and then the back breaker on Riley, all the while, keeping an eye on Miz too. Riley rolls under the ropes, but Orton grabs him and hits that DDT. He then hits the mat and sets up for the RKO. Miz tries to sneak in, but Orton sees him, and Miz slips back out. Riley stands up and tries for something, but Orton hits the RKO. Orton keeps his focus on Miz. Orton moves back and tags in Lawler while Orton stares at Miz. Lawler then drops his right hand on Riley for the win.
Randy Orton and Jerry “The King” Lawler win via pinfall.
Next week, CM Punk and John Cena will finally face off!!
Tonight’s RAW was made up for by the fact that del Rio got Sweet Chin Music’d by Shawn Michaels. And… I wasn’t fond of the main event, but I’m starting to get sick of Jerry wrestling. It’s a personal thing, I suppose. Anyway. We’ll see what happens next week! Later!
Since you like to go online and bash wrestling websites, I thought maybe a site that’s run by fans for fans would take a shot at getting on your bad side for once. We here at BoredWrestlingFan do not have any inside connections, and we don’t claim to be a source for wrestling news. We are simply fans of the product. I must disclaim that this article does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the BWF staff as a whole, although I’m sure that at least a few of them feel the same way.
I have no doubt that you and your brother made it to WWE on your athletic merit, and the number of WWE Tag Team Championships the two of you have held together over the years will attest to that. Matt Hardy V1? Brilliant stuff. Loved the Matt Facts, and despite wearing a Rey Mysterio mask to WrestleMania XIX, I still cheered for you. As your career went on though, it went downhill.
Yes, we all know the story – Amy cheated on you with Adam, you got fired because of it (yes, I will admit, that was ridiculous), and you went on the internet and got your fans to support you and convince the WWE to bring you back. After that, however, you didn’t seem to have the passion anymore. I can see how a situation like that would suck the life out of somebody, but you’re a performer on a nationally televised stage and you have to deliver.
Which brings me to the latter stages of your WWE career, Matt. You put on a ton of weight – and yes, I’m aware of your abdominal tear that caused you to not be able to work out – and your work ethic continued to plummet. You were essentially absent from TV, which would upset anybody in that situation, I’m sure, but what, exactly, Matt, were you doing to better your position in the company? Were you working out post-surgery to get back into ring shape? Were you doing cardio and trying to lose the gut that had writers here calling you “Fatt Lardy?” Nope. You were on the internet complaining about it.
We’re tired of it, Matt. Sure, you have millions of viewers to your YouTube videos, but how many of those are people like me who are tuning in to see just how batshit crazy you’ve actually gone?
Then you show up in TNA as Rob Van Dam’s mystery opponent at Genesis, as if that weren’t the worst kept secret in pro wrestling. I haven’t watched TNA in two months and I knew you were the mystery opponent. But here’s the thing. No matter how much you try to make yourself look like Raven, you’re not him. Raven had thyroid issues and still managed to get himself back into somewhat decent shape. And did Kizarny have a yard sale and sell his hair extensions?
Look, Matt, I want to like you, I really do, but your shtick is getting old. Stop trying to work the internet, and start trying to work on losing some weight and getting back into ring shape. Then maybe someday will call you a has-been, instead of what you are now, a never-was.
Many thanks to Joe for setting me up with a username here on BWF. I can now say I’m officially on board, and it feels great. Also, thanks again to Jana for helping me get started here; I really appreciate it.
Anyhow! On with the show. Tonight, Edge defends his World Heavyweight Championship against Kane in a Last Man Standing match. Elsewhere, Rey Mysterio and Alberto Del Rio will collide in a 2 Out Of 3 Falls match.
[World Heavyweight Championship] Edge vs. Kane: Last Man Standing matches can go one of two ways – either they’re heart-stopping thrill-rides, or they’re burdened with too many referee counts and not enough action. I have a feeling this one will lean towards the latter, but you never know. I’m rooting for Edge in this bout; partly because Kane has been lackluster as of late, and partly because I’m going through another of my Canada-obsessed phases. The action spills backstage in this match, as Kane and Edge bounce each other’s heads off a variety of surfaces and utilities such as a water cooler (…am I saying that right? ‘Water cooler?’). At one point, Kane steals a wheelchair from a plant in a cast (his reaction as he hops out of shot is fantastic) and sits Edge in it. He tries to dump Edge down a stairwell, but the Ultimate Opportunist manages to escape in time. The two fight their way back to ringside, but an Edgecution is not enough to keep Kane down for the ten-count. The same happens in reverse after a Chokeslam, and Edge tumbles to the outside of the ring after briefly standing up. A little while later, Kane grabs Edge by the throat and drives him through the announce desk. As this happens, Matt Striker wins the ‘Commentator Overreaction Of The Night’ Award with an Oscar-worthy performance, pretty much falling to his knees. This is to set up a bizarre spot where Edge uses Striker to push himself to his feet…? Kane goes berserk and starts throwing chairs in the ring, but his plan will backfire. After literally throwing a chair off Kane’s face, Edge delivers a couple more blows to the Big Red Monster’s leg. He hits a Spear, then lays a chair underneath the leg. One Conchairto later, and Kane is suitable incapacitated. The challenger almost makes it up, but his leg fails and he tumbles to the mat as the referee counts to ten. This was a good bout, if a little slow at times.
Your winner, and still World Heavyweight Champion: Edge
[Intercontinental Championship] Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston: Two title matches in a row! WWE is spoiling us. The announce team have mentioned that tonight sees the feuds of Kane/Edge and Mysterio/Del Rio come to a head; I’m hoping the same applies for these two. I really enjoy watching both in the ring – particularly Ziggler – but after so many matches, it’s starting to feel a little, well, same-y. Technical term for you, there. Towards the end of this match-up, Kofi goes for a Trouble In Paradise, but Dolph ducks underneath and locks in the Sleeper. Kofi eventually manages to counter with a Stunner-esque jawbreaker, and follows it up with an SOS. Dolph raises a shoulder in one of the closest kick-outs I have ever seen. Yikes. Both men are up eventually and grappling on the turnbuckle, but Kofi eventually hits a top-rope Gordbuster (thank you, Striker) and waits for Ziggler to stand before landing one of his insane crossbodies. He hooks the leg… and gets the 3! Holy cow. Nice unexpected finish to the match, but I’m gutted to see Dolph drop the strap. Kofi is busy celebrating, but Ziggler jumps him from behind and nails him with a Zigzag. Outside the ring, Vickie grabs a microphone and starts shrieking. She says Teddy Long isn’t here tonight, which makes Vickie the acting GM. She rules that Dolph gets a rematch for the title – right now! It looks like it’s official. The ref helps Kofi to his feet, and away they go! Dolph lays an aggressive beatdown on the new champ, but a few seconds later, he’s eating a Trouble In Paradise from out of nowhere! Kofi rolls Dolph over, and retains his title. I wonder what’s next for Ziggler?
Your winner, and NEW Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston
After a quick ad break, we’re backstage with Dolph and Vickie. They’re bickering about who’s to blame for Kofi’s double win, and it results in Dolph suggesting Vickie finds a new boyfriend. I’d just like to let Mr. Ziggler know that I would never call him a “two-time loser”. Get in touch, Dolph.
Kelly Kelly’s strutting about backstage, and Drew McIntyre appears to wish her good luck in her match tonight. Kelly questions how genuine Drew’s sentiments are, but he insists he will win Kelly’s trust. He also reveals he has a No. 1 Contender’s Match tonight…
Big Show vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Cody Rhodes: …and here’s the aforementioned No. 1 Contender’s Match, which will be contested under Triple Threat rules. Matt Striker alludes to the fact that Big Show has been a World Heavyweight Champion “once, in a parallel universe,” which I love because, like Striker himself, I’m a massive comic book nerd. Hooray! Of course, he was referring to Show’s reign as WCW champ back in the day. Hey, remember there was a phase late last year when the announce team – Striker in particular – kept referring to Big Show as ‘The Giant’? I was hoping something cool would come of that, but apparently not. Anyway, match time. McIntyre is last out, and as he is making his way into the ring, a familiar voice can be heard shrieking into a microphone. Sure enough, Vickie Guerrero has reappeared. Surely she’s not gonna do what I think she is… She does! Vickie is making this match a Fatal Four Way! Dolph Ziggler makes his way back to ringside, to compete in what will be his third match of the night. The other competitors seem pretty angry about it, but I’m not sure why. Surely a beat-up opponent from the offset will be easier to pin than the fresher competitors? But, then again, anything can happen in the WWE – and I kind of want Dolph to steal this one! Big Show is ultra-aggressive from the offset, dealing with any and all threats from his three opponents. Drew McIntyre finally manages to level the playing field, pushing Show face-first into one of the steel posts. All three men wisely decide to take the giant out of the equation, as they ram him through the barricade! Rhodes, Ziggler and McIntyre fight amongst themselves for a while, before Show reemerges. He quickly dispatches McIntyre to the outside of the ring, and resumes his earlier domination. Show signals for the Chokeslam, but… Wade Barrett slides into the ring and starts attacking him! Barrett lands a nice elbow to Show’s chest and makes a quick exit. Rhodes takes advantage with a Beautiful Disaster kick, but Big Show kicks out. Ziggler sneaks in to the ring, takes a run… and nails the Zigzag on Big Show! Holy crap! 1… 2… and a kick-out. Now it’s McIntyre’s turn, who plants Show to the mat with his Futureshock DDT. McIntyre makes the cover… and there’s yet another kick-out. Show throws McIntyre out of the ring, while Ziggler and Rhodes conspire in the other corner. Ziggler tells Rhodes to attack first, but as Cody starts to walk away, Ziggler lays him out with a Zigzag! Show’s not even aware of what’s going on behind him, and it’s too late – Dolph Ziggler has picked up the win and is the No. 1 Contender for Edge’s World Heavyweight Championship! Wow. Wow wow wow.
Your winner: Dolph Ziggler
Michelle McCool vs. Kelly Kelly: McCool works on Kelly’s left knee throughout this match, but Kelly soon fights back and even manages to set up the K2. Layla provides enough distraction for Michelle to counter it into a Faithbreaker, and it’s an easy win for LayCool. I wish I had more to talk about here, but it was over almost before it began! LayCool lift Kelly back up and plant her down with a double facebuster. All of a sudden, Drew McIntyre appears (who saw that one coming?) and tells LayCool to get out of the ring. They oblige.
Your winner: Michelle McCool
Rey Mysterio vs. Alberto Del Rio: Before the match, Del Rio mentioned he was going to win the Royal Rumble – is it just me, or has nobody else (save Cena) even mentioned the Rumble yet? Early on in this bout, Del Rio evades a 619 attempt and quickly locks in his Cross Armbreaker to make it 1-0 in his favour. Not too long later, Rey Mysterio manages to roll up Alberto and equalises. The finish to this match is hilarious – Alberto is on the outside, as his personal ring announcer Ricardo Rodriguez checks up on him. Mysterio splashes on top of both from the top turnbuckle, and eventually rolls Del Rio back into the ring. He goes to climb in himself, but Rodriguez has latched onto Rey’s foot, and Alberto wins the 3rd fall by count-out. Del Rio makes a quick exit, leaving his ring announcer to the dogs (well, the one dog… or maybe the Chihuahua?). Rey starts laying into Rodriguez, then rolls him into the ring. He sets up a 619 and connects, as Alberto Del Rio watches from the ramp. Maybe this particular rivalry isn’t quite over yet?
Your winner: Alberto Del Rio
And that’s the lot! The difference in quality between this and last week’s show is staggering – although, I’m sure you’d disagree if you’re not a Dolph Ziggler fan. A program with a fast, young, hungry superstar may be just what Edge needs after his turgid feud with Kane. It looks like Wade Barrett has made his way over to the blue brand – I’m not sure how he’s going to cope outside of the Nexus, but I have a feeling he’ll do alright.
Well, that’s it for this week. Be sure to check back again next week as we witness the fallout from tonight. Thanks for reading!
Author’s Note: This article was written and comments received before Awesome Kong signed with WWE, Taylor Wilde officially quit TNA of her own accord, and Hamada parted ways with TNA. Those facts will change some aspects of the two remaining articles in the series, “It’s a Girl Thing,” on women’s wrestling in North America. (more…)
Greetings all! Hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday season celebrating whatever it is you all celebrate out there in the BWF Universe, I know I did. I apologize on the fact that I haven’t been on here as much as I said I have but the homeowner stuff has kept me very busy on top of being sick too, I haven’t been too much up for writing nor can I say that if I’ll even be back on a regular basis but I’m gonna try. Before I get going I want to thank the awesome staff here that has kept things going while JoE and myself have been away. So now that I got all the mushy stuff out of the way let’s see what I’ve got on tap for this edition: (more…)
Another week. But this is the first week of the New Year, and let’s see how things round out to kick off 2011. Hopefully, we’ll be able to compare this next year to the rankings to start off 2012… but until then: (more…)
