Fuck. FUCK. FUCK. I have to watch RAW after that PPV last night? I regretted not ordering Payback last month, and now I really regret it, because it was a far superior show to last night’s Money In The Bank event. I’m happy with the World Championship MITB match. I’m happy with the Divas title match, I’m happy with the Tag Title match, but the rest of last night’s PPV (other than Paul Heyman being the person who did the most damage in the “All-Stars” match last night) can go fuck itself. Oh well, let’s get this over with.
I watch 30 minutes of RAW, leave for work, then recap the first 30 when I get here (if possible) and then review the rest. There’s usually some craziness involved with this, some things I write don’t actually happen, and Kodos always shows up. Also, I play by my own rules. Screw you, SmackDown review!
So I just finished iMPACT and I’m at a loss for words. Was the episode bad? No but it didn’t make much sense, that major glare of course was the reveal of Dixie and AJ. But first lets go over earlier parts of the show one being the Knockouts. Brooke Hogan is having a meeting with the talent in her dad’s office. I look around at the talent present and all I see is people who have already won the belt or are stuck in asinine story.
Madison- In Love with someone hopefully not Garett Bischoff
Velvet- who has had numerous chances to wrestle Gail and failed for the Women’s title
Mickie- who has been used to prop up Velvet
ODB- another ridiculous in love/jealously story with Eric Young with the Knockout titles no less
Roode comes out. The cocky heel is eladed that in one week he will be the longest reigning TNA World Champion in the history of the company. He wants to throw a bash. So he calls out Hogan and gives him his list of demands
What got me was Canadian confetti, where champions are made. I couldn’t stop laughing. Hogan playing the face GM tears up his demands and tells him that he will defend the title on Open Fight Night. So Hogan sets up some matches for tonight, Bully Ray vs RVD, Jeff Hardy vs Mr. Anderson, Samoa Joe vs Angle and a Battle Royal. After all that Hogan will pick the challenger for next week.
That is a whole lot of matches for just one contender but Hogan is the face GM and impartial.
First up is Bully Ray vs RVD which should make everyone nostalgic for ECW but that would be the wrong company. Bully Ray takes on Van Dam’s injured parts and pulls out a victory. I have a feeling one day that they will put the belt on Bully Ray and I would be fine with that.
King Mo is coming to TNA and I’m late on that but yeah I saw the video and thought okay I could see that once he’s done healing his knee. Then I went online and saw that Brooke Hogan would be in charge of the knockouts in a backstage compacity? Because she has been involved in the business for ever like Garett so automatically she is given a job that would put her on TV more which since her dad has been on TNA she has made numerous blink and miss em appearances. But now she is directing the knockouts?! Where is Dutch (Mantel) when you need him.
End rant. The mystery of who is Madison’s suitor is now on the mind of creative. She bails on Gail as she follows the scent of love. Then the Hooter’s girl and the would be porn star (had she not tried wrestling) Ms Tessmacher (former) and Velvet Sky (latter) confront Mrs (Recently got married and can’t remember the guys name) Gail and tell her she will be losing the title tonight. Yeah she should be so shaking in her boots.
Then we have the Battle Royal, Austin Aries, AJ Styles, Gunner, Crimson, Eric Young, Garett Bishoff, Devon, Magnus, The Two Robbies and ODB?! Make their way to the ring in what must surely be a farce. Crimson goes out with EY and ODB who clothesline him so hard that all THREE go out! So now Crimson is feuding with EY and ODB, Rob E takes out his partner Rob T before being thrown out by Devon who is soon taken out by Garett who he in turn is taken out by AJ. AJ, Gunner and Aries are left. Gunner throws out Aries but is taken out by AJ with a Samoan Drop. AJ wins as Madison during the course of the match is making Googley eyes at someone in the match. Money’s on Crimson. Because then it can be a mixxed tag team feud for the KO tag belts no one wants. YEAH! everyone’s a winner.
AJ secret tryst with Dixie is furthered along when Daniels brings out some video of her and Styles going to a Hotel/Motel. I love heel Daniels and his “Bob Van Dam” name calling.
Oh and Jeff Hardy beat Anderson. Highlights from past TNA PPV play Lockdown 2008, Genesis 2006 and so on.
Gail beats Velvet and Tessmacher after Velvet hit “In your face” on Tessmacher but Kim stole the pin.
Joe vs Angle, a good match but not up to par with Genesis 2006 Angle wins.
Roode comes out to close the show while all the winners come out like lions circling a Gazelle.
Next Week Open Fight Night, and a special announcement.
Spoiler: iMPACT WRESTLING goes live on throughout the summer.
Yours truly with my live (on tape) Rumble Thoughts:
World Heavyweight Championship Match: Edge vs. Dolph Ziggler
Tony Chimel has finally gotten through puberty – his voice didn’t crack when he announced Edge as “The Rated R Superstar”
I absolutely cannot buy Dolph Ziggler as a legit challenger for the World Heavyweight Championship when he still looks like a knockoff dyslexic Billy Gunn (Ziggler has a backwards D and a backwards Z on his tights).
A 16:9 aspect ratio on a computer monitor is wonderful for doing BWF stuff because I can watch the show on one side of the screen while typing on the other, and I’ve still got a pretty decent sized picture.
Can I get the “NICKY” Spirit Squad graphic that G used a couple weeks back for Ziggler? I can? Awesome!
Is that a “Let’s Go Ziggler” chant? What are these people seeing that I’m not?
And Edge kicks out of the FameAsser, or whatever Ziggler calls it.
See Edge, if you would’ve hooked the tights, you would’ve won there. It’s like Jesse Ventura always says, “Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat.”
Kelly Kelly?? Please don’t ruin Edge with a Kelly Kelly angle!
Has anybody EVER won a championship with a sleeper? Can somebody look into that for me?
Hmm. No Vicky. No referee. Hmm. I wonder what could happen now?
Yep. SPEAR! Jesse Ventura would be proud.
Killswitch?!?!?!? That reeks of awesomeness! Edge Wins!
And Chimel’s voice cracks, making the first point I made in this match null and void.
—
WWE Championship: The Miz vs. Randy Orton
Wait, what? World Heavyweight Championship match first, WWE Championship match next – it’s gotta be the Royal Rumble! And an Angry Miz Girl shot in the buildup video!
We get a Miz interview! Awesome! Ooh, and a shot at the Patriots!
Hey, they got it right this time – the challenger is coming to the ring first!
I like Miz’s trench coat better than mine. I wonder if he’d trade me.
Michael Cole’s commentary on the Miz reminds me of Bobby Heenan’s commentary on Ric Flair back in the day. Back when things weren’t often “Fair to Flair.”
I’d venture to say that A-Ry is going to be in the Rumble match, since he’s in his wrestling gear.
I wonder if the announcers realize that winning a title match at Royal Rumble doesn’t mean you’re going to WrestleMania – there’s still Elimination Chamber next month.
The voice of the WWE? I miss JR.
Can we get one of those old Batman graphics? Orton hitting his skull on the ringpost? KAARRR-AAAACK!
Nexus?!?!? Holy crap, Mason Ryan does look like Batista!
Nice dive out of the way by Chad Patton.
And Punk with the assist!
King isn’t the only one who doesn’t understand this – I have no idea why Nexus helped Miz win.
Actually, here’s a thought – A-Ry was on NXT with Harris and McGuillicutty. Perhaps he’s joined Nexus to help The Miz?
—
Cody Rhodes has dropped out of the Rumble because his face has been shattered by Rey Mysterio.
The fans in Boston think John Cena, Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio, Big Show, Wade Barrett, CM Punk, Rey Mysterio, Santino, Drew McIntyre, and Kofi Kingston are going to win the Royal Rumble. Apparently.
—
WWE Divas Championship: LayCool vs. Natalya
Ugh. I just wanna get to the Rumble. In the wo…
Ha! Cole got stuck!
And now we’ve got a Fatal Four Way: Natalya vs. Layla vs. Michelle McCool vs… Eve?!?
We couldn’t get Kong?!?
—
WWE Divas Championship: Natalya vs. Layla vs. Michelle McCool vs. Eve
Why Eve? Didn’t we start something with Gail Kim on RAW this week? She couldn’t be in here? Again, it’s the WWE using Gail Kim in a way that says, “she’s only on our roster so TNA can’t have her.”
Has the Double Sharpshooter ever been done before? I think I saw Natalya use it before.
Cole and Lawler are acting like they don’t know about Taka Michinoku, when both of them were in WWE while he was. Indeed!
Wait – so did Eve win? I’m confused. Where’s the GM? Michelle had Natalya pinned at the same time!
Guess he doesn’t want LayCool on RAW either.
—
Oh look, there’s Gail Kim now! She’s with Daniel Bryan who is talking about how cool it would be to win the Rumble. The Bellas apologize to the two of them, then insult them. Eve is the Divas Champion, and Gail Kim is fighting with the Bellas backstage. Once again. Say it with me, kids: “She’s only on our roster so TNA can’t have her.”
—
Is it time?!? Huh??? Is it?!? I don’t care about the Elimination Chamber PPV next month – I just want to see the Rumble match! Kudos to Matt Striker for pointing out that “Paul Revere” is also the title of a Beastie Boys song.
Rumble by the numbers – that means it’s almost time!
—
“Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time… for the BIGGEST ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH in history!” Hooray!
CM Punk is number one?!? New Nexus has their work cut out for them helping him win tonight. Hopefully we’ll get Punk cutting promos between eliminations again this year, I loved that last year!
Wade Barrett?!? Or is it Zeke? Oh crap, The Corre just surrounded the ring! Where’s Nexus? There they are! WTF is going on?
The GM says to stop. The only superstar who has the right to be in the ring is CM Punk. Everybody else needs to GTFO or they’re out of the Rumble.
And a CM Punk chant breaks out as Daniel Bryan makes his way out, a former member of Nexus himself.
How awesome is it that we get 90 seconds of Punk and Bryan? The fans in Boston love it too!
Justin Gabriel officially in. Uh oh…. 450 on Punk? Nope, he missed. Bryan dumps him and we’re back to Punk/Bryan!
Oh, radio, tell me everything you know… At least I got to hear a bit of Zack Ryder’s theme! And two eliminations for Bryan – more Punk/Bryan!
William Regal! More great technical expertise in the ring! Punk/Regal/Bryan!
The ring’s filling up, who’s number 7? JoMo!
Holy shit! Morrison is FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!
And Regal got dumped by DiBiase in the meantime.
Yoshi Tatsu? He still works here?
Husky Harris here to help!
Oooh, Jobbo! Bets on which one goes out first, Guerrero or Tatsu. I got Guerrero.
Jobbo hits two suplexes on three straight guys, then the Three Amigos on Bryan.
Mizark Henry out next. And he tosses Chavo. I win!
And then Tatsu goes, also courtesy of Mark Henry.
JTG is bringin’ the hood to the Royal Rumble!
Lucky number 13 is Michael McGuillicutty, here to join his Nexus mates CM Punk and Husky Harris in battle, and he eliminates JTG.
Harris and McGuillicutty eliminate DiBiase as Chris Masters makes his entrance.
Why would Masters want to jump right into the middle of the New Nexus members that are in the ring? Of course, he gets Punk in the Masterlock and almost eliminates him before McGuillicutty saves the day.
David Otunga joins Nexus in the Rumble, and immediately, Punk eliminates Bryan, and Masters, while Nexus quadruple team Morrison out. It’s Nexus and Mark Henry in the ring, and they dump the World’s Strongest Man as well.
Tyler Reks runs into the ring where The New Nexus are waiting. Thanks for coming, Tyler!
Next victim: Vladimir Kozlov. He gets a good shot on Punk, but The Nexus gang up on him and take him down. Harris hits his finisher, and Punk tosses him. Nexus still standing tall.
Next victim: R-Truth. He barely makes it into the ring before Nexus swarm on him. Punk his the knee/bulldog combo in the corner, stopping to mock Truth in the meantime. R-Truth, gone. Nexus stand tall.
Next victim: The Great Khali! He’s back! He takes his time to get to the ring, he manages to hold his own, even eliminating Husky Harris. Khali taking care of Nexus as number 20 gets set to come out…
But it’s Mason Ryan! Nexus is back at four men in the ring, but Khali gets the upperhand. Momentarily. Ryan eliminates Khali, and the Nexus stand tall again.
CAN YOU DIG IT, SUCKA!!!
The six time World Champion, Booker T has arrived here in the Royal Rumble! He manages to hold his own against the Nexus, even hitting the scissor kick on Otunga before McGuillicutty attacks – and gets dropped with a bookend…
SPINAROONIE!!!!!
Mason Ryan saves CM Punk from elimination and dumps Booker T. Nexus still strong.
BRRRRRRRRRRRAPPLEJUICE! John Cena is here to take on The Nexus! Cena eliminates Mason Ryan, he gets Otunga and McGillicutty, and it’s down to John Cena and CM Punk!
With Punk and Cena down, entry number 23 enters – it’s Hornswoggle!?!
Punk sees Hornswoggle, who tells Punk to bring it. He catches a knee from Punk who goes back to work on Cena. He tries to eliminate Cena, but Cena reverses it into an AA over the top rope! Cena’s eliminated, single handedly, 4 of the 5 New Nexus members! Cena and Hornswoggle stand tall!
Tyson Kidd has no chance here. Hornswoggle and Cena double team Kidd, and Hornswoggle hits an Attitude Adjustment! You can’t see Hornswoggle! You can’t see Kidd either, since Cena tossed him out.
Heath Slater, no stranger to John Cena, is representing the Corre. Hornswoggle hit Sweet Shin Music and a Stunner on Slater, and Swoggle and Cena hit a double 5 knuckle shuffle, and Horny nails the Tadpole Splash. Thanks for coming, Heath Slater! Cena and Swoggle are rolling here!
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Friday Night SmackDown’s Intercontinental Champion is fired up and ready to go! Cena and Kingston look at the WrestleMania sign, and it looks like we’re set for a friendly competition here. Kingston’s offense stuns Cena.
Jack Swagger has drawn Number 27, the lucky number in the Royal Rumble match, at least in the past. He hits Cena and Kingston with Vader Bombs, but lets himself get distracted by Swoggle. Kingston hits a Boom Drop on Swagger off the back of Hornswoggle.
Sheamus joins the fray. Hornswoggle tries to form an alliance with Sheamus, to no avail. He tunes up the band, and hits Sweet Shin Music for the second time in this match. Cena saves Swoggle, but gets socked by Swagger. Swoggle gets Brogue Kicked by Sheamus out of this match.
Rey Mysterio jumps in, a former Rumble Winner himself, and he takes everybody out, but gets clotheslined by Sheamus before he could hit the 619 on Swagger.
Swagger gets 619ed out of the match by Mysterio.
Wade Barrett represents the Corre at number 30.
Dolph Ziggler is still beat up from his World Heavyweight Title match earlier as he enters at number 31 – the very first number 31 entrant in Royal Rumble history!
BIG DADDY COOL DIESEL!!! Number 32 is freakin’ Diesel!!
Drew McIntyre joins the growing number of men in the ring. A “Let’s Go Diesel” chant breaks out.
Diesel gets hit with a 619 by Rey Mysterio. And in true Kevin Nash fashion, he no-sells it.
AWESOME!!! But it’s not The Miz in the Royal Rumble, it’s Alex Riley!
Diesel gets eliminated by Wade Barrett.
The Big Show walks slowly toward the ring, stopping to eyeball Diesel as Matt Striker makes references to Boston Bruins defensemen Zdeno Chara being the tallest player in the NHL and shorter than The Big Show.
Show sends Ziggler packing.
Barrett gets some assistance in the form of Ezekiel Jackson, as Drew McIntyre gets dumped by the Big Show.
Speaking of Big Show, that’s who Zeke eliminates.
IT’S-A HE! SANTINO! Beware the Cobra! He catches a Brogue Kick from Sheamus and rolls under the bottom rope to the floor.
Alberto Del Rio enters the Rumble in a 2008 Bentley, and gets a ring announcement from Ricardo Rodriguez.
Matt Striker mentions that Alex Riley has been eliminated, but I’m not so sure about that. Randy Orton’s music hits and he attacks Del Rio, who hadn’t made it to the ring yet. He nails several RKOs before eliminating Kingston and Sheamus.
The two men standing at the moment: John Cena, and Randy Orton. They gaze at the WrestleMania sign, but before they can go at it, Kane, making his 13th straight Rumble appearance, enters at number 40!
Hmm. No Triple H?
Ezekiel Jackson eliminated by Kane.
Kane by Mysterio, followed by Mysterio by Barrett.
Apparently Santino and Riley are gone, despite neither one of them, from my vantage point, being thrown over the top rope to the floor. The final four – Barrett, Orton, Cena, and Del Rio.
Orton and Cena start going at it with Barrett and Del Rio down. Cena goes for an AA, but Barrett stops him.
Cena hits the AA on Del Rio, but A-Ry distracts Cena, as Miz dumps Cena over the top rope! Barrett, Del Rio, and Orton are left!
Orton eliminates Barrett – and Del Rio sneaks up behind and eliminates Orton!
The referee tells Del Rio that he hasn’t won. Santino was never eliminated. He nails the Cobra! Throw him out, Santino!
Santino tries, but Del Rio turns the tide and tosses Santino. Alberto Del Rio is going to WrestleMania!
Man, it’s been nearly two months since my last ESW fix – these guys need to start putting on more shows, or alternatively, I need to start going out to their parent company, Maximum Force Wrestling’s shows. Several of tonight’s scheduled matches were set up at Overdrive on September 11th, including ESW Interstate Champion “Inferno” Johnny Adams taking on “Bad Boy” Barry Hardy, Johnny Puma taking on Ryot, and the ESW Championship match between champion Chris Cooper and challenger Brandon Thurston. Let’s go!
I’m slacking again, aren’t I? I missed reviewing SmackDown on Friday, but to be fair, I haven’t had a lot of time to do anything all weekend. I missed my usual Saturday timeslot for ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts. I did not, however, miss SummerSlam.
It’s very rare for me to miss any of the big four WWE Pay Per Views. I’ve been watching SummerSlam since 1988, and I wasn’t about to let the fact that I was only on about 3 hours sleep and am going to be trying to get a new job in the morning get in my way of watching the 21st edition of the Biggest Party of the Summer. Besides, CM Punk was winning his title back.
We’ll start at the beginning, I guess. Rey Mysterio beat Dolph Ziggler, which is fine with me. My biggest problem with the match is that Mysterio came out first. I remember watching a WCW show – I want to say it was a Clash of the Champions event on TBS – and whoever the champion was at the time came out first for the main event. The announcers explained that the champion wanted to come out first to avoid being assaulted backstage – or something like that. Anyways, the point is, in championship matches, it’s the challenger that’s supposed to come out first. If you have to have the champion come out first, give us a reason for it. Don’t just wake up one day and decide, “ah, you know what, I’m going to chuck tradition out the window and have the champion come out first for almost every title match.”
Later in the night, The Big Show and Chris Jericho also came to the ring first for their title defense, as did Christian for his.
Speaking of Christian, I actually missed the match. I was in the BWF forums typing a message before the bell rang, and by time I clicked over, Regal was standing tall over Christian, who retained his title in a SummerSlam-record 8 seconds before being beaten down by Regal and his cronies.
Was anybody else really hoping that Legacy would get the win over DX? I was already tired of RAW, now I have DX to deal with every week. Fun.
That Orton/Cena match was bizarre. From the second Lillian screwed up her announcement of the first false finish, to the fan who jumped in and attacked the referee, it was just a strange match. The question remains whether or not that fan was a plant or just some stupid mark. The fact that it looked like Cena had the match all but won and wound up losing due to the involvement of that “fan” leads me to believe that it was definitely a plant.
And the Undertaker returned. While I was expecting the lights to go out and a message to be sent to CM Punk, I was certainly not expecting The Undertaker to magically appear in the place of Jeff Hardy and chokeslam Punk.
Tonight should prove to be Lillian’s last night with the WWE, and Friday’s SmackDown may be Jeff Hardy’s last night, but of course, Matt Hardy has said that Jeff is staying with the company past SummerSlam. Take that for what it’s worth, it was another Matt Hardy attempt to work the internet.
That’s it for me guys, I should be around tonight with the WWE RAW results.
Hey everybody. Just wanted to chime in and give my two cents on Cyber Sunday. Taking a look at the card here’s how it looks:
1. WWE Championship (WWE Universe chooses challenger) choices are:
a. Jeff Hardy
b. Kozlov
c. Both
What I think should happen- I would like to see HHH take on both of them. Then during the match HHH gets knocked out of the ring, Kozlov does his headbutt thingy on Jeff Hardy, pins him and wins the WWE title.
What probably will happen- Jeff hardy gets 90% of the vote and faces HHH one-on-one, with HHH coming out on top.
2. Undertaker vs. Big Show (WWE Universe chooses type of match) choices are:
a. Knockout Match
b. I Quit Match
c. Last Man Standing Match
What I think should happen- I don’t have much to say about this match so I’m going with Last man standing.
What will probably happen- Last man standing, Taker gets his win back.
3. WWE Diva Halloween Costume Contest– I don’t care, nuff said.
4. Pick the Tag Team Match choices are:
a. World Tag Team Champions Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase vs. CM Punk & Kofi Kingston
b. John Morrison & The Miz vs. Cryme Tyme
c. Jamie Noble & Mickie James vs. William Regal & Layla
What I think should happen- First, let me say what won’t happen. The mixed tag match. If it gets more than 10% of the vote I’ll be surprised. Now back on the subject, I think that the tag title match will happen.
What probably will happen- Tag title match, Punk and Kingston win.
5. Cyber Sunday Preview Match (United States Championship Match) the choices are:
R-Truth
MVP
Festus
Wow good to see Shelton get on the card (even if it’s a preview match on wwe.com) and no doubt that he’s gonna be facing and losing the belt to R-Truth. (that’s both what I think and probably will happen)
6. ECW Championship Match (WWE Universe chooses Matt Hardy’s opponent) Choices are:
a. Mark Henry
b. Evan Bourne
c. Finlay
What I think will happen- If anyone has seen Evan Bourne, then there should be no doubt that he should be facing Matt Hardy.
What probably will happen- Evan Bourne faces Matt. The guy is awesome and even proved it last Tuesday on ECW so that will turn the vote in his direction.
7. Kane vs. Rey Mysterio (WWE Universe chooses type of match) choices are:
Falls Count Anywhere Match
No Holds Barred Match
Best 2-out-of-3 Falls Match
What I think should happen- Ugh, this is one feud I don’t care about. I am not a fan of Rey Mysterio’s (never have) so anything involving him I just don’t give a s#@*. I gonna go with No Hols Barred.
What will probably will happen- Falls Count Anywhere. Kane kills Rey and takes his mask.
a. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper
b. Goldust
c. Honky Tonk Man
What I think will happen- Goldust, um no. Honky Tonk Man maybe. Granted I know that his whole gimmick is revolved the Honky Tonk Man and the Honk-A-Meter, but I just don’t see it happening when the other choice is Rowdy Roddy Piper. He should clearly win this vote.
What probably will happen- Charlie Haas dressed as the Honky Tonk Man does the job to Santino.
9.World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho vs. zzzz, I mean Batista (WWE Universe chooses referee) choices are:
a. Randy Orton
b. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin
c. Shawn Michaels
Man even Batista puts me to sleep even typing his name.
What I think will happen- Randy Orton being a choice is a joke. If he gets more than 5% of the votes I will know this whole thing is rigged. This is going to be very close between HBK and Stone Cold. Since Austin is supposed to be there and I don’t see having him there and not using him so he wins.
What probably will happen- Austin gets 50%, HBK 49%, Orton 1%. Austin during the match gets pissed off at both Jericho and Batista, stuns them counts them both down but just before 3 Jericho gets his arm on Batista and retains.
Well those are my thoughts on Cyber Sunday, hope you didn’t too bored and go away. If you didn’t thanks for reading and hop to see you soon.
