Tag Archive: Jim Ross

  1. Paul Heymen’s Rant on WWE and TNA

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    Let’s get one thing out of the way, just so we can focus on the big picture: I’m not involved in tonight’s Monday Night Wrestling head-to-head programming as SpikeTV’s “TNA Impact” steps up against USA Network’s “WWE Monday Night Raw.”

    Ironically, the fact I took my first vacation since 1993 lead to the rumors of my involvement, and those rumors ended up taking on a life of their own.

    Since I’ve never actually enjoyed a “road trip” with my children, I figured it was time to experience a little bit of Americana with The Heyman Kids, and we set out on our little insane adventure. While I checked in regarding the Hustle (and other projects) frequently … ok, at first, obsessively, but I learned to relax a little … key words being “a little” …  I didn’t respond to many calls or emails.

    And that’s when the rumors got out of hand. “Heyman’s bringing in RVD and Ken Anderson…”  “Heyman’s opening up the show on January 4th…”  “Heyman is a 75% lock to start on Impact.”

    I wish someone would have taken some action on that percentage. My money would have been on the 25% that I wasn’t showing up.

    I’ve been the subject of rumors before, but when close friends in both WWE and TNA (sorry Dixie, WWE still gets top billing for now) are calling and emailing, convinced I’m hiding the secret that I’m appearing in Orlando on January 4th, it’s a bit stunning.

    I always try to torment Jim Ross (one of my favorite pastimes) when he lets Internet reports bother him to such an extent that he’ll address them on his website (and, just to be fair to my pushing-60-but-still-better-than-any-other-kid-out-there former colleague, I’ll post a link to his site: http://www.jrsbarbq.com), but for the first time, I understand the need to do so. I hate addressing rumors (even when they’re true), because you’ve set the precedent for giving comment. Therefore, the next time there’s a ridiculous rumor, and you decide not to comment, people take your silence as confirmation there’s something to the story, because otherwise you’d address it.

    I left the wrestling business on December 4, 2006 when I shook Vince McMahon’s hand after a rather volatile meeting with him and Stephanie, and I’ve never looked back. Some projects, like THE HEYMAN HUSTLE, are out in front of the public already, and there’s a ton of others in the works. I’m in no rush. I’m taking my time. I’m enjoying my family. And (here comes the segue), I’m looking forward to what happens out of this Monday Night head-to-head programming on SpikeTV and USA Network.

    If you’re wondering why I’m not referring to tonight’s “1st Monday Night War In Almost A Decade” as a collision between WWE and TNA, it’s because this evening’s head-to-head competition has very little to do with the professional wrestling / sports entertainment industry.

    Here’s the poop, at least from my perspective: SpikeTV’s Doug Herzog and Kevin Kay smell blood. And that blood they smell is the bleeding caused by the erosion of Raw’s fan base. Slowly but surely, Raw’s core audience is getting older and older, and the indescribably-important “youth audience” is not being replenished. Despite World Wrestling Entertainment’s Push-to-PG, the Goliath of Monday Night Cable Programming’s product is stale, and the terms “hip,” “happening,” “socially relevant,”  or “pop culture phenomenon” don’t apply to Vince McMahon’s flagship cablecast anymore.

    Raw, however, remains a powerhouse. Even the much-maligned “low 3′ ratings” are still way better than anything SpikeTV is pushing, and keep in mind Spike is the television home of the Ultimate Fight juggernaut. A decade past its heyday, Monday Night Raw is the driving force behind USA Network’s 4th consecutive sweep of the annual Cable Ratings Wars.

    That, in and of itself,  makes Vince McMahon a very influential person when it comes to NBC-Universal Executive Bonnie Hammer, who runs both USA (home of Raw) and SyFy (home of the WWE-owed ECW). For those of you keeping score, NBC is in a real state of flux. While Comcast Chairman Brian Roberts and NBC-Universal President Jeff Zucker prepare to defend Comcast’s takeover of NBC before a Senate Committee later this month,  Bonnie Hammer continues to be the rising star in the NBC-U family. Long regarded, along with Oprah Winfrey and Valerie Schaer as one of the sharpest women in all of television, Hammer’s power lies in the fact USA is the crown jewel of the NBC-U television empire. Forget the network. Their business model collapsed, along with Zucker’s Midas touch, when the Jay Leno Experiment exposed the network as not budget-conscious, but simply desperate-for-programming.

    USA, meanwhile, forged ahead. Under Hammer’s masterful guidance in 2009, USA drew a record 3.27 million viewers in primetime, a 14% improvement over its 2008 delivery. For the period spanning Dec. 29, 2008, through Dec. 27, 2009, USA swept ad-supported cable’s three top TV demos, averaging 1.49 million adults 25-54, an increase of 11% versus 2008, while also delivering 1.32 million viewers 18-49 (up 5%). The network also held off former WCW-home TBS to take the 18-34 demo, drawing 616,000 viewers.

    Not only is USA surviving, it’s thriving. And heavy hangs the head that wears the crown.

    Doug Herzog and Kevin Kay’s target for Twenty Ten: Stop Bonnie Hammer.

    Bonnie Hammer’s easy weekly ratings boost: Vince McMahon’s Monday Night Raw.

    In the cutthroat world of television, the next step was a “gimme.” Go after Raw. Put a dent in the already-dented armor of the Still-Standing-Giant.

    So Herzog and Kevin Kay, along with “In Your Face” SpikeTV execs Sharon Levy and Brian Diamond decided to dip their toe into the shark-infested Monday Night waters. Looking at Spike’s positioning, you have to admit, it’s a pretty smart move. There’s no way for Spike to lose. Tonight, TNA will deliver three hours of primetime programming for the network, and next week, the network will air a live “UFC Fight Night” featuring Gray Maynard vs Nate Diaz.

    Wait a minute. No Kimbo? No GSP? No update on Brock Lesnar? Doesn’t sound like a major head-to-head UFC vs WWE confrontation, does it?

    That’s because UFC is simply putting on an event when their host network, SpikeTV, wants to pay them for the programming content Zuffa can deliver. As a matter of fact, UFC is not getting into the hype. Dana White is too focused on his own business (and StrikeForce, and anyone else wanting to get into MMA) to think this is a fight with WWE. The controversial Ultimate Fight President even laughed at the insinuation there would be a Monday Night War when he noted “I’m not trying to beat (WWE) on Monday night. I don’t think we would beat (Raw). Those guys pull killer ratings. It’s been like the highest rated show on television forever. We’re just putting a fight on Monday night because Spike wants us to.”

    EXACTLY!

    SpikeTV wanted UFC to deliver programming for Monday Night, January 11th, because the execs at Spike want to see where Raw is vulnerable. Even if TNA bombs tonight, it truly doesn’t matter. The network is going to pick apart not only the Demo-trending, but also the minute-by-minute ratings for Raw and TNA. Where did Raw lose viewers? Did TNA pick any of those viewers up? What caused the television viewership to change channels? What caused them to stick with what they were watching?  Where can the counter-programming work to Spike’s advantage?

    The real story of tonight’s head-to-head battle is not Vince McMahon vs Hulk Hogan, or the re-emergence of Eric Bischoff, or Stephanie McMahon’s vision for the future vs Dixie Carter’s vision for her company.  It’s about SpikeTV executives’ decision to curb the enthusiasm (oy vey) of Bonnie Hammer and NBC-U’s 4th consecutive Cable Grand Slam.

    So bring back Bret. Let Hulkamania run wild. Hand Eric Bischoff a mic, and let him declare it’s1995 all over again. Bid on Ric Flair’s “Whooooooo!” Make short term and long term offers for Rob Van Dam, Ken Anderson, and the remaining members of the Ring of Honor roster.

    The key for TNA to take advantage of this programming decision is to use the increased attention to finally BRAND their company. Pick a direction, and stick with it. So far, the only hype has been Hulk Hogan declaring himself “The Vince McMahon of TNA” (sounds like the opening line for a Wrestlemania return),
    and everyone else saying “The Monday Night Wars Are Back! The Monday Night Wars Are Back!”

    I need a reason to care about AJ Styles. Seriously, how anyone in TNA can look at themselves in the mirror and accept the fact AJ, the promotion’s World Champion and one of the most consistent performers in the industry for over half a decade, is not nearly as well known as Sheamus is simply a crime. I like Sheamus’ push, and think WWE made a fantastic decision to elevate a new character into the main event, and present him not as a fluke, but as a real deal.

    But for Sheamus to be so much better known to the general public at this point in his career than AJ Styles is not only a sign of WWE’s marketing success, but TNA’s most glaring failure.

    I know why as a fan, Sheamus is to be hated. I don’t know why, as a fan, I am supposed to care about AJ Styles. I need a reason to believe in the Motor City Machine Guns. Besides being every school boy’s masturbatory fantasy, why should I spend my time thinking about Lacey Von Erich?  Is Awesome Kong the Cris Cyborg of pro wrestling? If so, demonstrate that to me.

    TNA has a chance to capitalize on its home network’s desire to derail USA Network’s momentum. Character development and TNA-brand-building are key. Tonight, TNA has the opportunity to declare to the public something far more substantive than “check out a bunch of former WWE big name stars in a six sided ring with some of our own guys who aren’t quite so recognizable.”

    Tonight, TNA has a chance to deliver. Deliver to their own audience. Deliver to the 8pm Eastern Time curiosity viewers Hulk Hogan’s involvement may bring in. And most importantly, deliver a market study for SpikeTV execs to learn a little more about the true Ultimate Champion of the Monday Night Cable Wars:
    Bonnie Hammer.

    WOW he had alot to say and you know what its ALL TRUE but i bet VINNY MAC is kinda pissed

  2. Random Randomness

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    What’s kiddies and non kiddies and welcome to another edition ot the criticially acclaimed and contraversial Abraham Washington Show Random Randomness hosted be none other than well me.  Well then without further holdup, lets get this show on the road will ya: (more…)

  3. SmackDown review 10/23/09

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    Tonight, The Undertaker defends his World Heavyweight Championship against CM Punk in a submission match!  Will lightning strike twice?  We’ll find out tonight on Friday Night SmackDown!

    Following a brief promo video for tonight’s main event, the terrible new SmackDown theme plays and we’re live from the University of South Carolina with RAW’s announce team calling the action!  Later on tonight, it’s Batista and Rey Mysterio vs. Chris Jericho and Kane.  Jim Ross isn’t feeling well.  The King says that it won’t be the same without Todd Grisham and Jim Ross – it’ll be better!

    Chris Jericho makes his way out first.  He’s the captain of Team SmackDown this Sunday at Bragging Rights, and this past Monday on RAW, they tried to ambush Shawn Michaels, but Team RAW arrived to deny them the opportunity.  Jericho says that his legendary status will be further cemented when he becomes known as the mastermind who led team SmackDown to a crushing victory over team RAW this Sunday.  He wins whenever he wrestles, his greatness is omnipotent.  In order to shut up DX, he needs to tweak his team a little.  He needs to know that the men on his team are worthy to stand in the same ring as Chris Jericho.  They’ll prove their dominance at Bragging Rights, just as he and Kane will prove their dominance against Batista and Mysterio tonight.

    Yo yo yo yo yo, it’s Cryme Tyme!

    JTG shows up without Shad, and Jericho asks if he’s in jail.  JTG says he’s got the flu.  Jericho says that being on the same team as JTG makes him sick.  Does JTG know what an honor it is to be in the same ring as Chris Jericho?

    EXCUSE ME!

    Vickie Guerrero, the official consultant for Team SmackDown, would like to welcome the future of SmackDown, her new boyfriend, Eric Escobar.  Escobar’s heard a lot of talk from DX saying they don’t know who he is.  Neither does the WWE  Universe, apparently, because they’re chanting “who are you?”  He says that after he leads the team to victory, DX will never forget the name Eric Escobar

    I am perfection!

    Dolph Ziggler says that if anybody is going to be responsible for this team winning at Bragging Rights, it’s Dolph Ziggler, and he’s not going to let any of them screw it up for him.  JTG asks what he knows about winning, when he lost four Intercontinental Title shots in a row, and then lost Maria.  Talking about screwing up?  His name should be Dolph Loser.   Drew McIntyre makes his way out and says that Jericho has an ace up his sleeve with McIntyre on the team.  Hand picked and personally signed by Mr. McMahon himself.  He says he should’ve been named captain.

    KABOOM!

    Kane comes to the ring, and he says that none of these guys are worthy to fight alongside Kane.  Jericho steps in and says “or me!”  Kane advised Jericho that, since they’ll be busy with Batista and Mysterio tonight, the other four of them should be busy too.  After all, they want to be on the team, don’t they?  Jericho says that since one of them called in sick, they’re stuck in a four on five tag match tonight, and if they lose, they’ll be replaced by the five men who beat them tonight.  That way we’ll see if you have what it takes to be in the same ring as Chris Jericho and Kane.  By the way, that match is NEXT!

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    Matt Hardy is on his way to the ring when we come back, joining a few other superstars in the ring.  R-Truth is out next, rapping and dancing as usual, much to the chagrin of Drew McIntyre.  Already in the ring for the team are David Hart Smith, Tyson Kidd, and Finlay.

    Matt Hardy, The Hart Dynasty, R-Truth, and Finlay def. Eric Escobar, Drew McIntyre, JTG, and Dolph Ziggler

    There’s a new mandate here on BoredWrestlingFan.  Anybody who reviews a Matt Hardy match MUST comment on how fat he looks in tights, until he either loses weight or switches back to pants.  You know what, I figured it out.  It’s not that the tights look bad on him, it’s the fact he wears boots that are the exact same color as his tights and he looks like he’s wearing footy pajamas.  It’s distracting – I can’t even really call the match.  In the end, it’s Finlay with the shillelagh shot to JTG’s leg and a Twist of Fate from Fatt Hardy for the victory.

    So now it’s Chris Jericho, Kane, Matt Hardy, Finlay, R-Truth, and the Hart Dynasty taking on DX, Cody Rhodes, Jack Swagger, Mark Henry, The Big Show, and Kofi Kingston.

    CM Punk is telling Scott Armstrong that he doesn’t seem to understand the severity of the situation.  He says that Armstrong is being selfish.  It’s not about him or his family’s legacy, it’s all about CM Punk.  Teddy Long says he’s still on probation and could lose his job over this, and worse, he could lose his life if he’s not careful.  Punk wants to know why they understood what was going on in Montreal, but now they’re second guessing themselves.  Armstrong says that a man is nothing without his good name.  He says that Punk can find someone else to do his dirty work.  Mr. McMahon comes in and says “we need to talk.”

    John Morrison is backstage, walking.  Guess that means he’s in action, NEXT!

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    Later on, it’s Jericho & Kane vs. Mysterio & Batista

    Intercontinental Champion John Morrison and his cool slo-mo entrance are here for action.  Sunday he’ll be facing the United States Champion, The Miz.  The Miz beat Marty Jannetty on Monday with the Skull Crushing Finale.  Morrison’s opponent tonight is far from Marty Jannetty.  He’s Mike Knox, and earlier today, he said that blunt abdominal trauma is the worst pain a human body can experience, and then went on to explain why.

    John Morrison def. Mike Knox

    You know, Mike Knox doesn’t get enough credit.  I’m a huge fan of his, and I love the medical genius gimmick.  Morrison is very impressive as well, and in this matchup he uses his finesse and quickness to keep control.  Even after a huge boot to Morrison’s face, his quickness allows him to regain control in mere moments, and hit the Starship Pain for the win.

    Morrison takes the microphone and says that This Sunday he faces The Miz.  While The Miz is busy trying to prove that he’s Shawn Michaels, or that he’s not Marty Jannetty, Morrison knows who he is – the Friday Night Delight, John Morrison.

    Still to come, a submission match for the World Heavyweight Championship!

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    Backstage, the new Team SmackDown are celebrating when Chris Jericho and Kane come to congratulate them.  They expect the team to follow their lead.  R-Truth says to save the Patton speech.  They may not like him, but they respect him.  The all agree that they’re on the same page, they’re going to prove that their the superior brand this Sunday.  Jericho says he wants them to watch he and Kane destroy Mysterio and Batista the same way they’ll destroy Team RAW on Sunday.

    Mickie James is hanging out with Mae Young.  Michelle McCool comes in and says it’s nice to see Mae, but not so much Mickie.  Michelle says it’s a shame Mickie didn’t make the SmackDown Divas team at Bragging Rights, but Beth Phoenix and Natalya are so much more talented than her (ThinkSoJoE Note:  IT’S A SHOOT!).  Mickie tells Michelle to keep telling herself that.  The fact is that Michelle is scared because she knows Mickie is her biggest threat and that she’ll take that Women’s Championship from her.  Beth Phoenix comes in and compliments Mae and tells Michelle that she’s thrilled to be a part of Team SmackDown at Bragging Rights, but reminds her that she shouldn’t plan on holding the title very long.  She’ll see her Sunday.  Mae says “she told you!”  Michelle tells her to shut up, and gets slapped across the face for her trouble.

    Last week on SmackDown, Mysterio stole a victory – literally – from Batista.  Batista says his shoulder was up.  Rey says all he knows is the referee counted three.  Anyways, Mysterio and his family checked out the new Batista DVD over the weekend.  He says he learned a lot about his friend that he didn’t know before.  Batista says he wishes they put him winning the title at Bragging Rights on there.  Mysterio says that’s gonna be hard, because he’s going to win the title on Sunday night.  They’re in action, NEXT!

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    Booyakah Booyakah – whatever that means.  Rey Mysterio makes his way out for tag team action.  Batista follows soon after.  Jericho is out first for his team, followed by Kane, and we’re set for tag team action.

    Rey Mysterio & Batista def. Chris Jericho & Kane

    The story through this one is Mysterio being cut off from Batista and dominated by Jericho and Kane.  When Mysterio finally gets the tag, Batista explodes on Kane.  He drops him with a spinebuster and goes for a Batista Bomb when Jericho breaks it up.  Kane slams Batista shoulder first into the steel ringpost, but Mysterio stops him from going for the chokeslam – only to take on himself.  Batista uses the distraction to hit a spear on Kane and pick up the victory.

    Mr. McMahon says he’s excited for tonight’s championship match.  He’s proud of Punks accomplishments so far.  He says that Long earns a gold star for making this match tonight.  He tells Armstrong to be an impartial referee.  Mr. McMahon smells change in the air.  He says what starts here ends at WrestleMania sometimes.  He talks about Fan Axxess and the Hall of Fame.  He tells Scott Armstrong that his dad, Bullet Bob is quite a guy, and could be a candidate for the Hall of Fame.  McMahon tells him to keep that thought tonight during the championship match.

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    Mickie James makes her way out for Diva’s action.  Her opponent tonight is Layla.

    Mickie James vs. Layla

    In a less than impressive match, Mickie James picked up the victory with the Mick Kick.

    Video Package: Rest In Peace, Captain Lou.  We’ll miss you.

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    Video Package: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

    CM Punk, Teddy Long, and Scott Armstrong make their way out to the stage.  Punk says that he feels unstoppable knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that he can physically dissect and beat down everybody sitting in it.   He can reduce everybody sitting at home to tears in the blink of an eye.  But it doesn’t add up to how unstoppable he feels knowing that in a few moments he’s going to make The Undertaker tap out for the second time.  He knows it’s hard for us to deal with.  Punk says his bragging rights start right here tonight when he once again becomes our Straight Edge World Champion, and there’s not a thing any of us can do about it.

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    CM Punk is already in the ring and he’s introduced by Tony Chimel.  The bell tolls and The Undertaker makes his entrance, and we’re set for our SmackDown main event!

    The Undertaker def. CM Punk

    The story of this one is Punk trying to lock in submissions as quickly as possible, but The Undertaker escaping before Punk can lock them in, knowing that if he gets caught in a hold, Armstrong could possibly ring the bell, screwing him again like he did at Breaking Point.  Frustrated by the conspiracy, Undertaker chokeslams referee Scott Armstrong.  Teddy Long starts to head up the ramp, and Punk catches ‘Taker with a few chairshots.  He asks Long to get him another referee and slaps on the Anaconda Vise.  Long starts yelling for the bell, but apparently only a referee can do that..  When another referee gets to the ring, Undertaker reverses the Anaconda Vise into the Hell’s Gate for the tapout victory.

    The Undertaker glares across the arena at Punk as we’re set for this Sunday Night at Bragging Rights.

    That’s it for me, folks.  I’ll see you later on as I host the BWF Bragging Rights Roundtable!

  4. A Decade of SmackDown – A review. 10/2/09

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    Well, since the show doesn’t air for another 11 hours, I guess I have to hide the rest of this review on the other side of the jump…

    (more…)

  5. SmackDown results – 8/28/09

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    I think we all know what’s happening tonight already when CM Punk defends the World Heavyweight Championship against Jeff Hardy in a steel cage, so let’s get started!

    Jim Ross and Todd Grisham welcome us to Phoenix, AZ and Friday Night Smackdown!  Justin Roberts introduces the only Straight Edge World Champion in history, CM Punk!

    The World Champion hobbles to the ring, showing the effects of his TLC match this past Sunday at SummerSlam.  He told us so.  In case we were too intoxicated to remember, he’ll show us how he did it.  (Video package highlighting the TLC match from SummerSlam).  He’s never felt more alive than he does right now, and he’s positive that nobody in attendance have ever felt this way.  He feels every ache and pain of every table, ladder, and chair.  It was the most brutal match of his career, but it’s the pain that makes him feel so alive, and naturally, he hasn’t taken a thing for it.  Unlike all of you, who double up on extra strength medication for the slightest headache.  If anybody in here felt like Punk feels right now, they’d be on a morphene drip.  But that’s not the only pain he felt at SummerSlam.  He felt the pain of having his moment in the spotlight robbed by The Undertaker.  After everything he’s been through, tonight he’s being forced to wrestle in a steel cage match.  It’s unfair and it borderlines on conspiracy, since the higher-ups are terrified of him, just like all the fans.  They fear what they don’t understand, and they don’t understand what Straight Edge is all about.  He doesn’t drink, smoke, or do drugs, including prescription medication like Jeff Hardy.  It just means that he’s better than you, and tonight, he’ll prove it again.

    So you see the writing on the wall…

    Jeff Hardy isn’t in much better shape physically than CM Punk as he makes his way to the ring.  Hardy says that he hopes Punk’s enjoyed his reign as the straight-edge World Champion, because it ends tonight.  Punk’s preaching as if the most important words in the English language are “Just Say No,” when tonight there are three words that are far more important, “steel cage match.”  Punk says he knows Hardy is probably intoxicated right now, but how intoxicated is he?  What did he put in his body to have the strength to come out to the ring?  Painkillers to dull the scary reality he lives in?  The reality is, Punk is sick and tired of hearing the fans boo him.  He’s tired of seeing impressionable children cheering a guy like Jeff Hardy.  He’s fed up with the fans, and he’s fed up with Jeff Hardy.  One of them doesn’t belong here anymore.  Hardy likes taking risks?  How about this – tonight, the loser is out of the WWE.  Punk elaborates, since he knows Hardy is having a hard time understanding because of all the narcotics.  If Punk loses, the fans don’t have to listen to him preach anymore, but if Hardy loses, it proves that straight edge means “I’m better than you.”  (There you go, Drow – he said it!)  The fans chant Hardy’s name, and he says he doesn’t know.  It’s risky.  It’s crazy.  Punk’s on!

    You know it’s the Mack Militant…

    Teddy Long comes to the stage, and he says it’s official.  Since both are in agreement, if that’s what they want, it’s what they’re going to get.  The loser of tonight’s match will no longer be in the WWE.  The person that wins will defend the World Heavyweight Championship in two weeks at Breaking Point, where every main event match is a submission match.  That means the winner will be in a submission match at Breaking Point – against The Undertaker!  Punk waves goodbye to Hardy.

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    WrestleMania will be in Phoenix in seven months, but SmackDown is there tonight, and our opening contest is a tag team match.  John Morrison, whose coat is apparently what Jim Ross wears to the grocery store when he goes shopping for his wife, is teaming with Matt Hardy, and they’re taking on The Hart Dynasty.

    John Morrison & Matt Hardy def. The Hart Dynasty

    I should watch what I say here, lest Matt go on MySpace and blast me, but I really think Matt needs to go back to the pants look instead of the tights – at least until he loses the weight he put on when he had a torn abdomen or whatever.  If anything, he needs to stick with the black tights he wore during his RAW stint, because this blue thing is just not working for him.  It’s looks so bad on him that it’s distracting me from what promises to be a very entertaining match.  In the end, it’s John Morrison with the Starship Pain on David Hart Smith for the victory.

    Seriously, Matt, if you’re reading this, go back to the pants.  I can’t take you seriously in those ridiculous tights.

    Still to come, Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk in a cage – winner is the WWE Champion, loser is unemployed!

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    Melina tells Maria that she saw Dolph Ziggler out with another woman after SummerSlam, but Maria doesn’t want to believe her.  She asks Melina if she has a boyfriend who really cares about her.  Melina says she should ask herself that question.  Dolph shows up, and Maria asks him about the girl.  Dolph says it’s true – it was his sister, Kristen, who was in town for the show.

    Drew McIntyre is in the ring.  Good to see him back on TV, even though he’s clearly doing the j.o.b. tonight – and as I type that, McIntyre assaults R-Truth as he’s getting in the ring.  He takes Truth’s mic, and he says that if the people like to be entertained by somebody dancing and rapping to the ring.  Well, his name is Drew McIntyre, and the party is over.  He throws the mic down and walks out.  Welcome back to SmackDown, Drew!

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    Before the break, Drew McIntyre beat the crap out of R-Truth.

    Josh Matthews welcomes the WWE Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool, who is outside of the ring on crutches.  We paid to see her wrestle tonight, but she was injured by Melina last week for no good reason.  She’s got an injured knee and isn’t medically cleared to compete.  Michelle says it’s ok, we can trust her.  She’s going to introduce Melina’s opponent – Layla.  Layla makes her way to the ring, followed by Melina, and we’re set for… no, it couldn’t be… is it?  Holy crap, it is!  It’s a one on one Divas match!

    Melina def. Layla

    Layla is vastly improving in the ring week in and week out, all credit where it’s due.  The problem is, you can usually expect her to do the job.  Melina tweaks her ankle early onin the match, and Layla capitalizes, but it only postpones the inevitable as Melina hits her finisher for the victory.

    After the match, Melina exits the ring and dumps Michelle McCool out of her chair.

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK> – “The Rise and Fall of WCW” is highly recommended by both myself and JT.

    Video: Celebrities I’ve never heard of and WWE Superstars talk about SummerSlam

    Booyakah, booyakah! (Don’t get too used to that – after next week it’s gonna be a month before I have to type that again.)

    The WWE Intercontinental Champion is on drugs his way to the ring for a steroid injection competition.  He’s scheduled to defend the Intercontinental Championship against Dolph Ziggler – guess that’s not happening, huh?

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    Kane makes his way to the ring to take on the Intercontinental Champion in this non-title match.

    Rey Mysterio def. Kane

    Meh.  I’m still not ready for this match after their infinitely long feud on RAW last year.  Kane gets himself disqualified because he won’t stop ramming Mysterio into the steel post.

    After the match, The Great Khali comes after Kane.  He goes for the Punjabi Plunge, but Kane escapes.  Ranjin (in his new “The Great Khali Says…” Bobby Heenan style jacket) hits him with a Singapore cane (he hit Kane with a cane – get it?), which draws Kane’s attention long enough for Khali to hit him with it.  Khali drives Kane to the back with cane shots, and Dolph Ziggler attacks Rey Mysterio.

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    One half of the Unified Tag Team Champions, Chris Jericho, is set for action and accompanied by The Big Show.  They’ll be facing MVP and Mark Henry at Breaking Point.  But for now, Jericho has something to say.

    JeriShow is the most powerful team in sports today – and while great teams don’t always win, they win when they have to.  Just because Floyd Mayweather helped them cheat to win on RAW doesn’t mean that MVP and Mark Henry will win at Breaking Point.  JeriShow will win at Breaking Point, just like they did at SummerSlam.  JeriShow don’t cut corners, they’re men of principal, men of honesty, but most importantly, they’re champions.  Unified Tag Team Champions.

    Yo yo yo yo yo – Shad Gaspard and JTG, it’s Cryme Time

    Great.

    Shad will be representing his team in this singles matchup.

    Chris Jericho vs. Shad Gaspard

    Shad is angry and assaults Jericho early on.  It’s all Shad for the first couple minutes of the match, using his power to virtually destroy Jericho.  Shad goes for a pin, but only gets a two when Big Show pulls Jericho out of the ring.  All hell breaks loose as both teams fight on the outside…

    You know it’s the Mack Militant…

    SmackDown General Manager Theodore Long comes out and orders the referee to restart this as a tag team match.

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    Chris Jericho & The Big Show def. Cryme Tyme

    The match has already started when we come back from the break.  Jericho is faring much better now than he was in his one on one matchup with Shad earlier on.  In fact, it’s all JeriShow in the early going.  In the end, it’s The Big Show knocking Shad out for the win.

    Jeff Hardy is drawing on himself backstage when he’s joined by Matt Hardy, who tells him to beat CM Punk so that the Hardys can take over SmackDown.  Jeff says he lives for the moment, and the moment is now.

    The steel cage is lowering, and it might as well be the curtain on the career of one of the two men who will be entering it when we come back!  (Hey!  when did I get all metaphory and stuff?)

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    This is a steel cage match for the World Heavyweight Championship.  This match can be won by pinfall, submission, or by escaping the cage with both feet touching the floor.

    Jeff Hardy makes his way to the ring, and he gets attacked from behind by the World Heavyweight Champion.  Punk slingshots Hardy face first into the cage, then hiptosses him to the floor.  Punk suplexes Hardy on the outside, then finally tosses him back into the ring.  Punk follows Hardy in, and the bell rings, starting this match.

    CM Punk def. Jeff Hardy

    Punk tries to escape early, but Hardy stops him.  In fact, that seems to be Punk’s M.O. – escape early.  Personally, I don’t see why he didn’t just go for the door as soon as the bell rang instead of climbing out.  This is definitely going to be one of those “must watch” matches.  It’s all Punk, but Hardy, like his older brother, will not die.  Punk ducks a high cross body, slowing Hardy’s comeback attempt, but not for long.  Hardy hits a Whisper in the Wind and scores a two count.

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    Hardy tries to escape as we come back from the break, but Punk stops him – and eats a cross body from the top rope for his troubles – and a two count.  Hardy tries another escape, but Punk stops him again.  Hardy crotches Punk on the top rope and hits the Swanton Bomb after the champion crumbles to the canvas.  Hardy goes for the cover, but Punk kicks out at two!  Punk goes to climb out, and Hardy goes for the door.  Punk realizes this, and prevents Hardy’s escape.  Both men are down, and we head to another…

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    It’s Punk trying to escape through the door when we come back this time.  Hardy drags him back in and the door is closed once again.  Punk goes for the Go To Sleep, but Hardy reverses it into a backslide for a two count.  Punk nails a double underhook backbreaker and only scores a two.  Punk goes for the Go To Sleep again, but Hardy again counters, this time into a Twist of Fate.  Hardy crawls over to the corner and uses the ropes to pull himself up.  He begins to climb.  He gets on top of the cage, but Punk sees this and the adrenaline starts to flow, causing Punk to rush to try and stop him.  Hardy gets over the top of the cage, but Punk manages to pull him back in and superplex him to the canvas.  Punk pulls himself to the ropes and uses them to get to his feet.  He starts to climb the cage.  He gets to the top, but Hardy’s adrenaline rushes and he leaps to his feet to try to pull Punk back in.  Punk thumbs Hardy in the eye and bounces his head off of the top of the cage, sending Hardy crashing to the mat and allowing Punk to drop to the floor to retain his title and bring Jeff Hardy’s career to a screeching halt.

    The champion makes his exit, the cage raises from the ring, and the copyright graphic appears on the screen – at 9:55PM.  Odd.  The fans chant “Thank You Jeff,” and the Charismatic Enigma rises to his feet.  He ties his hair back and applauds the fans.  He grabs a microphone and apologizes if he’s let anybody down.  He’s sorry we’ll be seeing CM Punk instead of him on SmackDown, but it’s been a hell of a ride, hasn’t it?  He wants to thank all of the fans and wants to let us know it’s not goodbye forever, it’s only goodbye for now.  If the time is right, he’s sure he’ll see us in the future.  He says “Thank you all.”  He says at least Matt’s back on his side, there’s still a Hardy on this show.  “Yours truly, Jeff Hardy, ours truly, this life.”  The saddened fans in the arena chant “Thank You Jeff” once again as the now former WWE Superstar leaves for perhaps the last time.  Hardy stands at the top of the ramp to salute the fans one last time, when Punk smacks him in the back of the head with the World Title.  Punk stands tall over the fallen Hardy as we fade to black.

    The Undertaker returns to SmackDown, NEXT WEEK!

    My Thoughts: Man.  I knew this was coming, but I still feel weird sitting here knowing that Jeff Hardy has wrestled his last match for a while.  Love him or hate him, Jeff Hardy was probably the most exciting superstar on any of the WWE brands.  Hopefully it’ll be sooner, rather than later, that we see the Charasmatic Enigma back in the ring.

    Speaking of Hardys, those blue tights look terrible on you, Matt.  Not as bad as The Big Show’s Mr. Perfect singlet looks on him, but still pretty bad.

    If Michelle is injured as bad as she seems to be, shouldn’t the WWE higher-ups make her relinquish the title?  I know, I know.  I’m talking about logic in the same sentence of the WWE.

    That’s it for tonight guys.  Not sure if I’m doing a ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts tomorrow since I’m working on another project at the moment, but I guarantee you that JT will be here for Random Randomness on Sunday!

  6. Backlash thoughts

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    Holy crap, there was a WWE Pay Per View last night, wasn’t there?  I haven’t seen more than 5 minutes of it (by time I sat down to watch it, I was exhausted), so I’m going to wing this.  Here we go!

    Christian def. Jack Swagger to become the new ECW Champion.  Captain Charisma has finally won a World Championship – nevermind the fact that he’s, y’know, a two time NWA World Heavyweight Champion.

    Chris Jericho def. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat as if you couldn’t guess.  Another accolade to add to Jericho’s Hall of Fame resume.

    Kane def. CM Punk for some reason.  The Money in the Bank briefcase wasn’t on the line, so um, yeah.

    Jeff Hardy def. Matt Hardy in an “I quit” match that I’ve been told was WrestleCrap worthy and had a lackluster finish.  You’d think after all the time they’d been wrestling together they’d be able to put on a show stealer.

    Santina can’t kiss Khali because she’s in love with Jim Ross.  Yup.

    Santina Marella def. Beth Phoenix in an impromptu match for the title of Miss WrestleMania.  I love Santino Marella’s character, but this angle must die.

    Legacy def. Triple H, Shane McMahon, and Batista making Randy Orton the new WWE Champion – and all is right with the world.  Well, except for the fact that for the moment, John Cena is the World Heavyweight Champion.  Speaking of…

    Edge def. John Cena in a Last Man Standing match to become the new World Heavyweight Champion!  Now all is right with the world!

    RAW coverage will be up later tonight, probably in the same format as last week, so stay tuned.  Meanwhile, that other wrestling website’s owner must see that BWF is gaining a huge amount of popularity, because he decided to step up his game and do a Real-Time RAW Insanity tonight, if you’re into that sort of thing.

  7. SmackDown results – 1/2/08

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    Hey guys!  I haven’t gotten around to actually reviewing SmackDown yet, and I won’t have time before RAW tonight, so I’ve gone and gotten the results from elsewhere for you.

    SmackDown results from RAJAH.com after the jump! (more…)

  8. WWE SmackDown 12/19/08 results

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    As stated yesterday, I’ve been super busy lately, to the point that I haven’t even gotten to watch SmackDown from this past Friday, which included Jeff Hardy’s title celebration.  However, since you guys are good to me, here (after the jump, of course) are the results, courtesy of Rajah.com! (more…)

  9. Armageddon/RAW results: Dec. 14-15, 2008

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    Sorry for the lack of updates on my part, folks, I’ve just been super burnt out the last few days for some reason.  It’s probably got to do with my current employment situation (which is that my work may potentially be closing – don’t worry about me though, I have a plan), or maybe it’s got to do with the impending launch of a new site through my company, Fropac Entertainment – but more onthat when I get to it.  All of that is irrelevant, though, as we’ve got a NEW WWE CHAMPION in Jeff Hardy!

    Armageddon (from WrestlingNewsWorld.com)  and RAW results (from wrestling-radio.com) after the jump! (more…)

  10. Thoughts On Smackdown 10/31/08

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    By JT

    Hello again everyone, I’m back to give you my thoughts on this week’s edition of Smackdown.  Yeah, I know it’s Sunday, but going out Friday and Saturday nights causes me watch it on Sunday mornings.  So you wanna know I what thought?  You don’t, too bad I’m gonna tell you any way:

    Undertaker vs. Chavo Guerrero in a Casket Match.  Really?????? For some reason I thought it was supposed to be Big Show, so when I heard Chavo’s name I said WTF????

    Jim Ross dresssed as a sailor- LOL funny  

    Tazz dressed as a soldier- Cool

    Miz & Morrison- put them on either ECW, RAW or Smackdown and keep them there.  I’m sick of seeing them every time I turn on WWE programming.

    Some lame magic segment featuring Jessis and Festus.  Like I said, it was lame. 

    Jimmy Wang Yang won a match.  Yay!  So what if it was by DQ, a win is a win! 

    Kung Fu Naki is lame, nuff said.

    Khali Kiss cam is even lamer.

    Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy & Rey Mysterio vs. Kane, Mark Henry & MVP- Good to see some Smackdown guys involved.  This match should be on the big 3 hour RAW tomorrow, not the Smackdown before, because god forbid you have a 6-man tag featuring all Smackdown guys.

    Vladimir Kozlov  wants double double e title shot (which he does deserve).  Triple H comes out and makes this a US vs. Russia thing and than I stopped listening because I can’t stand Triple H. (pointless JT fact- Triple H kinda looks like my younger brother, except my younger brother is fat and lazy)

    Some John Cena is coming back segment came on, I push the fast forward button on my remote.

    Divas match, fast forward button.

    Undertaker wins the Casket match- Shocker  (Undertaker is awesome, nuff said)

    Then we find out as the DVR cuts it off (damn DVR) that next week, it’ll be Vladimir Kozlov vs The Undertaker and if Kozlov wins, he gets a title shot.  Sounds good to me. 

    I know is may sound like I thought the show was horrible, but it wasn’t.  The wrestling part of the show was good.

    Well that’s all for now, see you all soon and those in the United States, go out and vote on Tuesday!