I have hope. I have hope that after last night, the WWE is ready to turn the corner and start producing compelling television. CM Punk is back. Rob Van Dam is coming back. They pulled off the elusive double turn with Alberto Del Rio and Dolph Ziggler, which I fully expect them to solidify on tonight’s show. Plus another surprise pops up in the first 30 minutes of this episode, which I’m sure will be exciting for some people. Let’s roll!
I watch 30 minutes of RAW, leave for work, avoid spoilers like (and from) the plague, and then watch the entire show when I get here. That’s how ThinkSoJoE’s RAW reviews work. Also, I play by my own rules. Screw you, SmackDown review!
Hey! That’s right, something before RAW?! Yeah. I decided at the beginning of the Royal Rumble match to do a real quick rundown of the Royal Rumble. This is not going to be anywhere near as long as the usual RAW Reviews, and it’s not going to be as detailed. The backstage segments may be out of order, but I barely paid attention to them…
Edge vs Dolph Ziggler with Vickie Guerrero for the World Heavyweight Championship
So Edge comes out, we’re reminded that he can’t use the Spear or he loses the Championship, and then Vickie comes out, reminds us, and introduces Dolph. The match goes on for a while and was a pretty decent match. I didn’t expect it to be, but it turned out to be. Vickie got on the apron and slapped Edge, but Kelly Kelly, of all fuckin people, came out and took her out. Dolph locked in a sleeper, and during Edge’s wild flailing to get out of it, he slapped the ref, and knocked him down. So, Edge hit a quick Spear when no one was looking (except the whole audience), and then locked in the Killswitch (or the Unprettier) for the win.
World Heavyweight Champion Edge wins via pinfall.
There’s a small segment backstage with WWE Champion The Miz saying that he’ll win, and Riley backs him up.
The Miz with Alex Riley vs Randy Orton for the WWE Championship
Randy gets an early advantage, but Riley interferes and Miz gets it. Match was pretty decent, with Riley interfering a good amount, and The Miz about to walk out before Randy stopped that idea with a harsh clothesline. It ended, surprisingly, with Nexus coming out to stand by the ring. Riley came in to try to get Randy, but was thrown out onto Nexus and the ref, and then Punk came up from underneath the ring and hit the Go To Sleep on Orton, and dragged Miz over for the cover.
WWE Champion The Miz wins via pinfall.
Gail Kim was backstage with Daniel Bryan. Bellas faked an apology and then attacked.
Natalya vs LayCool in a Two-on-One Handicap Match for the WWE Diva’s Championship
Before the match can get started, the RAW GM says that he’s gotten enough emails about Cole being annoying (“That’s just a joke!”), and won’t get more about LayCool, so this is now a Fatal Four Way. NO! IT WASN’T AWESOME KONG’S DEBUT, OR EVEN BETH! IT WAS!!!!!!!
Natalya vs Layla vs Michelle McCool vs Eve Torres for the WWE Diva’s Championship
You read that right. Anyway, the match was alright, kind of, and then Eve pinned Layla as McCool pinned Natalya. However, ref was looking at Eve and Layla.
WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres wins via pinfall.
Michelle was pissed.
Then, the Royal Rumble match (and there was a thing at some point about how “Dashing” Cody Rhodes had an official statement about his not making it, thanks to Rey’s knee brace breaking his face nose.) started.
ENTRANT NUMBER – ENTRANT – ELIMINATED BY
1) CM Punk
I have to stop here. Punk came out, and then the Corre’s music hit, and then the Corre surrounded Punk, and then the New Nexus came in and it was a mini-brawl. Essentially, the RAW GM told them that this was not how the Royal Rumble match was going to start and sent them all (minus Punk) back to the back to wait their turns.
1) CM Punk – John Cena
2) United States Champion Daniel Bryan – David Otunga
3) Justin Gabriel – Daniel Bryan
4) Zack Ryder – Daniel Bryan
5) William Regal – Ted DiBiase
6) Ted DiBiase (with Maryse) – Nexus
7) John Morrison – Nexus
8) Yoshi Tatsu – Mark Henry
9) Husky Harris – The Great Khali
10) Chavo Guerrero – Mark Henry
11) Mark Henry – Nexus
12) JTG – Michael McGuillicutty
13) Michael McGuillicutty – John Cena
14) Chris Masters – Nexus
15) David Otunga – John Cena
16) Tyler Reks – Nexus
17) Vladimir Kozlov – Punk
18) R-Truth – Punk
19) The Great Khali – Mason Ryan
20) Mason Ryan – John Cena
21) Booker T – Mason Ryan
22) John Cena – The Miz
23) Hornswoggle – Sheamus
24) Tyson Kidd – John Cena
25) Heath Slater – John Cena
26) Kofi Kingston – Randy Orton
27) Jack Swagger – Rey Mysterio
28) Sheamus – Randy Orton
29) Rey Mysterio – Wade Barrett
30) Wade Barrett – Randy Orton
31) Dolph Ziggler – The Big Show
32) Diesel – Wade Barrett
33) Drew McIntyre – The Big Show
34) Alex Riley – John Cena
35) The Big Show – Ezekiel Jackson
36) Ezekiel Jackson – Kane
37) Santino Marella – Alberto del Rio
38) Alberto del Rio – WINNER
39) Randy Orton – Alberto del Rio
40) Kane – Rey Mysterio
There were a lot of hijinks in the ring during the match. The Miz ran into the ring, after sitting commentary since Alex Riley entered the Rumble, and eliminated Cena after Cena eliminated Riley. Hornswoggle copied a lot of moves, and a lot of the people lasted longer than they may have seemed to. It wasn’t a hugely, wildly spectacular match, but it was alright.
For a while now I’ve been doing the ECW Reviews. I’m pretty sure this is my first non review so check out how I’d book the WWE’s next stop on the Road to Wrestlemania. (more…)
Hey folks, ThinkSoJoE here, fresh off of watching the Rumble at my buddy Steve’s house. We played a little bit of a game – we all tossed in two bucks and picked five numbers. Whoever had the number of the guy that won won all the money. That wasn’t me. Anyhow, we’ve got a lot of Rumbleage to cover, so let’s get to it!
Santino got a huge pop when he came out. Masters gets the win with the Masterlock. Santino is pure gold though.
Match 2: Christian vs Paul Burchill
Christian is the man! Respect the champ, Peeps!!!! Zack Ryder is doing guest commentary. Apparently Ryder has tanned everyday this week. He also sent out a shoutout to his girlfriend…xoxo. Captain Charisma gets the win via the Unprettier. I know its called the Killswitch now, but it will always be the Unprettier to me.
Josh Matthews interviews Randy Orton. He says he will make John Cena suffer at HIAC and become WWE Champ yet again.
Main Event: Dolph Ziggler vs Finlay
Mr. Ziggles gets the win after an eye rake and his Zig Zag.
Thats it for this week. Check out next week. PEACE OUT!!
I remembered to watch ECW this week! We’re gonna do this in real-time, so refresh every 10 minutes or so if you’re reading while the show is on!
ECW is coming to us from Miami Florida, where the fans are chanting ECW to kick off the show. Speaking of kicking off the show, the number one contender for the ECW Championship at Night of Champions, Christian, is the first superstar out this evening. His opponent is the guy who got his revenge on Yoshi Tatsu last week, Shelton Benjamin.
Shelton Benjamin def. Christian
Christian was in control of this match, but he climbed to the top rope and Vladimir Kozlov’s music played and the Moscow Mauler made his way down to the ring, allowing Benjamin to dropkick Christian to the outside, and allowing us to take a quick…
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Kozlov has joined in on commentary, and Shelton Benjamin has taken control of this match. Christian shows some signs of life but The Gold Standard keeps on him. Christian manages some separation and hits a missile dropkick. At one point, Christian gets Benjamin draped over the ropes, and some little kid starts chanting “619, 619.” Christian didn’t oblige, however, instead standing on the back of Benjamin and choking him across the ropes. Benjamin hit an armbreaker from the top rope on Christian, but only scored a two count. Christian goes for the Killswitch, but Benjamin manages to escape. He tosses Christian shoulder first into the ringpost and hits Paydirt for the win.
Kozlov smiles at the announce table after the match and says that Christian is “nothing.”
Last week on ECW, Ezekiel Jackson, who is a part of the new superstar initiative despite the fact we used to see him on SmackDown every week, beat the hell out of some jobber. This week, he’s here with Gregory Helms. He’s very happy to be on ECW, and he’s only got one chance to make a good first impression. Helms asks if he felt he needed to break out of The Brian Kendrick’s shadow. Jackson says Kendrick hired him because he needed him.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Paul Burchill is already in the ring. Know what that means? That means he’s doing the job. His opponent was impressive the last couple of weeks in matches with Shelton Benjamin, Yoshi Tatsu.
Yoshi Tatsu def. Paul Burchill
Burchill is aggressive to kick things off, which should be expected from The Ripper. Tatsu fights back, but not for long, Burchill locks in a camel clutch. Tatsu fights out of it and starts throwing kicks. Tatsu goes for a springboard missile dropkick but he slips (and much to Drowgoddess’s delight, there’s no “you f*&#ed up” chant). Burchill takes advantage, but Tatsu manages to hit a “buzzsaw-like” kick to the head of Burchill (to which Matt Striker exclaims, “you’ve got to be Karate Kidding me!”) and picks up the victory.
Still to come, Tommy Dreamer takes on Vladimir Kozlov
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
ZZ Top will be the guest hosts of RAW next Monday.
Tiffany is in her office, and Tyler Rekes enters her office and asks about actually wrestling on ECW instead of on Superstars. She says she’ll book him for next week.
This week, however, she’s booked somebody else. You might know him. If you do, you will remember the name… Goldust. Can you guess who his opponent is? Did you guess Zack Ryder? Woo Woo Woo, you know it!
Zack Ryder def. Goldust
Good to see Goldust actually getting to wrestle instead of being stuck in stupid backstage skits. It’s not like the guy can’t wrestle. Realistically, this should be a showcase for Ryder with Goldust getting his offense in, and thusfar, that’s what it’s been. I just noticed – there’s a new referee! I have no idea what his name is, and we’ll probably never find out. Goldust hits a Bionic Elbow from the middle rope, but he didn’t do the little dance that Dusty used to do, so he only got a two count. Ryder winds up hitting the Zack Attack moments later and picking up the win.
RAW REBOUND: Guest Host Seth Green got himself involved in the main event. As in, he wrestled as the tag team partner of John Cena and Triple H as they took on Legacy. His team lost by disqualification.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Strange things have been happening in ECW, involving a mysterious superhero in green who “blew in and saved the day.” Hahaha, blew in. Matt Striker, you’re so punny.
Sheamus is set for action against some jobber. Sheamus tells him that he’s come to plant his flag as the most dominant superstar in ECW.
Sheamus def. Roman Cornell
If you’re over 15 years of age, you’ll recall the original WWF Superstars of Wrestling television program. You’ll also recall the matches – the established star beats the crap out of the newcomer. That’s what this felt like, despite the fact that Sheamus is a new guy himself. Sheamus picks up the easy win.
Up next, Tommy Dreamer takes on Vladimir Kozlov
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Next week, Christian and Tommy Dreamer will be guests on the Abraham Washington show.
Vladimir Kozlov is smiling on his way to the ring. I don’t want to see this guy smile, I want to see this guy kick ass, because that’s what he does, he kicks ass. Speaking of guys that kick ass, Tommy Dreamer is Kozlov’s opponent. I’m looking forward to a good fight here, that will probably get interrupted by Christian.
Tommy Dreamer vs. Vladimir Kozlov
You know, I was looking for a fight, and I got a wrestling match early on here. The thing is, even though these are two very tough guys who could easily kick your ass, they’re also capable of wrestling. The action spills to the outside, and Dreamer ducked a kick from Kozlov, who kicked the steel post instead. Very good match here. Not a match of the year contender by any means, but it’s entertaining. Kozlov catches Dreamer coming off the top rope with a headbutt to the chest, and drops the ECW Champion with a modified spinebuster for the victory.
Kozlov locks in a submission hold on Dreamer after the match, prompting Christian to come out for the save. Kozlov ducks Christian, who inadvertently hits Tommy Dreamer instead, then Kozlov nails a headbutt to the chest of Christian, leaving both the ECW Champion and his number one contender lying in the ring as the show goes off the air.
My Thoughts: Both the ECW Champion and his number one contender lost their matches tonight, and were both left lying by Vladimir Kozlov at the end of the show. I enjoyed tonight’s show, and I’m glad that Yoshi Tatsu and Sheamus were part of it. Out of the new Superstars they’ve debuted on this show over the last couple of weeks, those are the guys I think have what it takes to make it. I’m not sure about Tyler Rekes yet, and Abraham Washington hasn’t really done anything. It was an enjoyable show tonight for sure. I’ll see you guys Friday for SmackDown!
Alright, here’s hoping I can review this show with no issues. Tonight it’s CM Punk defending the World Heavyweight Championship against Jeff Hardy, and Randy Orton defending the WWE Championship against Triple H in a Three Stages of Hell match.
Hey everybody! Tharvey1 here with the WWE Superstars Review for the Thursday April 16, 2009. Since this is the debut of the new Superstars, lets get this thing started off right.
Match number 1 of the night was Matt Hardy vs. The Undertaker.
The match started off with Taker dominating inside and outside the ring. As soon as the action got back into the ring, Taker went “Old School,” then sent Matt back outside the ring with a clothesline over the ropes. After the commercial break, Matt reversed a chokeslam into a neckbreaker, and then got his offense in. Taker then hit a bigboot as Matt tried to jump off the top rope, thus putting Taker back in control. The end of the match saw Matt scramble out of the ring and walk back up the ramp for an intentional count-out. Jeff Hardy does a run out and forces Matt back into the ring and into a chokeslam.
This was a pretty good match. Not too many spots to screw up, although I’m sure Shelton Benjamin could have found a way to if he were involved. I give this match a 7 out 10.
Match number 2 of the night was Christian vs. Finlay in the Finals of the Elimination Chase for the ECW Championship
I was in attendance for this match and the main event. During the ECW taping, Tiffany made this match for Superstars. The start of the match was slow and saw a lot of restholds. This is understandable, as both men had participated in the triple threat match with Tommy Dreamer not 45 minutes before hand during ECW.
The middle of the match saw a descent mix of power and tope rope spots. The finale of the match had Christian hitting the Unprettier (yes I will still call it that, even though WWE wants to call it the Killswitch). This was a good, short match, especially for both men’s second match of the evening. Christian is one of the best talents in the WWE, and hopefully he gets his shot eventually. There’s my cheap plug of the evening for Captain Charisma.
I give this match a 6.5 out of 10
Match number 3 and “Main Event” of the evening was Shane McMahon vs Cody Rhodes
Before the match, Shane cut a promo with Eve backstage about Randy Orton. Blah, Blah, Blah. Whatever…who cares?…time to wrap that angle up soon.
The beginning of the match had Shan’O Mac taking control, and treating Cody like the girl he has been made to be over the last few months. Cody got a little offense during the middle of the match. He got outside the ring and went for a chair, reentered the ring, and had the chair confiscated by the referee. Shane got tossed outside the ring by Cody, grabbed the chair, and promptly struck Cody with the chair. Cody wins by DQ.
After the match, Shane hits Cody a few times with the chair and sets him up for the Coast to Coast with a trash can from under the ring. Terrible effort with the Coast to Coast. Shane’s getting to old for that spot.
I give this match a 5 out 10.
Pretty good debut for the show. I can only hope this doesn’t turn into another Velocity or Heat. I will leave you with a random fact of life as I know it: RDLee loves Bacon! Had to give him a return shoutout from his realtime review.
Thanks for reading, and see you next week for another review of WWE Superstars.
