TNA Impact; 06/03/2014; Meh.
Leave a CommentI was woken early by my postman. Damn I’m tired. I also have new socks though.
I was woken early by my postman. Damn I’m tired. I also have new socks though.
Another week, another Impact.
None of what happens in TNA will matter seeing how it’s Elimination Chamber week but screw it, my professionalism won’t let me half ass this.
I’ve barely slept all week, and I’m not feeling good. This won’t go well.
Another week another Impact. On the show we’ll be talking about the Royal Rumble too, so this isn’t that necessary. Damn.
Well here we are looking into the abyss that is RVD. The whole f’n show who is now going against Roode for the TNA World Title after making a miraclous return after being taken out by Gunner months back.
Roode comes to the ring to gloat only to have RVD then Anderson adn finally Hardy come out and attack him. Right before they attack each other like a pack of hungry hyenas. Hogan makes his entrance panders to RVD so he can set up a fatal four way where if whoever wins takes on Roode at Sacrifice this Sunday. Or if Roode wins he picks his opponent, or if RVD wins he gets to pick the stipulation. OR….. Wait I got it under control.
So Madison is ignoring Gail because she is getting ready for a guy causing for some foreshadowing to something down the line.
This leads right into Velvet Sky, who is like the female RVD who believes she still deserves a shot at the title. But we all cringe with the thought She’s taking on Brooke Tessmacher who is a good worker that deserves a better opponent to showcase her skills. thank god its short but it was kinda of like an asswhooping where it may not be that long but it still hurts like hell. Especially when Velvet had control of the match.
Crimson and Morgan seems like a feud that just keeps going on to no end. Even though we were promised an end at Lockdown but someone forgot to tell them that. Crimson calls out Morgan…
But Bully Ray comes out and busts him (Morgan) in the head with a chair. So maybe someone did get them the memo.
X division time with…Xema Ion vs Austin Aries that is a good solid match that would of been nice had it advanced story. Aries wins with no interfence from Ray who busted Morgan open because you know he’s a bully. Where is Nese, Haskins or Williams we need other competitors to show forward momentum in the division. Otherwise good match.
Daniels and Kaz discuss the AJ blackmail and whether or not to reveal it, because you know its the heel thing to do to prolong it. That or the evidence just sucks and this feud lost momentum when Russo was let go. Well they come out and AJ follows soon afterward and with 3 pictures I was deflated. IT was AJ and Dixie embracing and not even kissing even though the last picture would have you think that if you had bad vision but its obvious their faces are no where near each other but whatev’s.
I miss this feud when the evidence looked to be on Kazarian.
So the television triangle continues with Robbie E, Devon and Robbie T still fighting over the belt. So this is taking the belt seriously when they made plans to have it defended every week? So yeah another PPV but this time its a handicap match where Devon is sure he will still win.
Joseph Park comes out after having his Inspector Clouseu investigation turn up Bully Ray as a suspect. Because this all couldn’t have been solved in ten minutes by Park just watching Genesis? Got to love that suspense of disbelief.
Bully Ray comes out and gets owned by Park and the audience on the mic before pushing Park down.
So the fatal four way ends with RVD winning after Roode took 3 finishers leaving Bob van Dam to make his stipulation which will be a ladder match. Then when it couldn’t get any better AByss comes out and leaves his brother a warning because Chris couldn’t have done it during the Bully Ray/Joe Park segment because he can not be in two places as once unless you have that 2pac hologram but I digress.
Here’s to Sacrifice and finally ending that Television Menage a trois.
PNT NR out!!
So we had a lackluster Lockdown 2012 ending with Roode retaining in the flukest way possible. Now we have the champion gloating about his win, but wait we have Mr. Anderson who stilled PO’ed about the beer bottle win from a few weeks back. New Challenger? Well then we get Jeff Hardy who seems to be wanting his turn now that Kurt Angle is out of the picture in another ridiculous feud that started over Hardy having hair and Kurt not.
Hulk Hogan announces that he wants all the champions in the ring. And makes a match for the number one contendership. That fake laughing Hogan.
Tag match involving the other disappointment of the night Matt Morgan and Crimson who are now involved in a tag match against each other. With Bully Ray and Aries thrown to compress the feud.
Ray wins after pulling the tights of Aries. If that wasn’t bad enough here comes Garett Bischoff.
Jeff Hardy talks about how kurt is to blame for his not having the title. Because you know it wasn’t drugs or nothing. Yeah here comes Garett.
Oh wait he has brought out the heavy lifters of the match, AJ, RVD and Anderson. He talks. I fast forward.
And then Flair comes out to talk bout a going away party for a man that shouldn’t be on my TV. Because him and Bischoff are friends what bio did I read where he talks about the disdain that he has for that man?
OH Yeah!
Dangling plot threads abound about AJ Styles, Kazarian and Daniels, will we get are answers probably not but I like Daniels and that non funny Armenian bastard named Kazarian.
AJ and Kurt have a match that is of course nothing short an excellent example of wrestling when Daniels/Kazarian hand Styles the dreaded envelope which distracts AJ long enough for Kurt to get the pin.
Abyss’s brother corners Gunner. And because Gunner’s no snitch he walks away only to have Mr. Park threaten him with legal action. Well the no snitching policy evaporates in the face of jail time. Gunner finally directs Mr. Park toward Bully Ray. Because Park doesn’t watch TNA PPV’s.
All the champions come out. To await on Hogan’s announcement. But before that we have some backstage talk with the new king of sex tapes Hogan wanting to make Hardy vs Anderson a three way and convincing RVD about taking the sweet spot. More pimping of RVD is surely on the way.
OPen Fight Night is announced. New talent will be put in the ring against anyone of thier choosing including the champions. IF they impress Hogan and his panel of judges then they get a contract. This is of course in conjuction with the Gut Check Challenge which has been around for a while. But now it will be televised. Oh and Devon will defend the TV title every week.
Team Gail (Madison, The Sitas and of course Gail) vs Team TNT(Velvet, Mickie and of course TNT) hey at least the Sarita is involved in an actual wrestling match. Well Brooke Tessmacher pins Gail setting up filler for Gail vs (shudder) Velvet which may or may not happen at Slammiversary.
Here comes Devon to defend his title against Gunner. FF because well…Gunner. Devon wins and I testify to that.
James Storm has doubts about his future after not beating Roode. Leaves the ring. I feel for him and I’m sorry about his Damn luck.
So yeah RVD beat Anderson and Hardy to become the number 1 contender for the title. After being gone for how long?
Well here’s to another transition for Impact Wrestling and to Open Fight Night. I’m actually interested in what happens next week which hasn[t been the case for a long time.
So TNA has their Lockdown PPV this Sunday. Do I care? No, not really. Here’s the deal, I got virtually 45 minutes of sleep last night, and have been up since 5:30AM yesterday. Tried to call in to work at the night job, and then it started fucking snowing which means there is NO ABSOLUTE WAY I’m getting out of my shift. Ugghhh… still have to get up at 5:30AM tomorrow as well. Needless to say, my patience is VERY thin right now, which doesn’t bode well for Impact from this smark’s POV. But, it is what it is… let’s just get this over with, shall we?
Hey Warrior, want to go do some coke and bang some ringrats?
He's running wild on something
Impact is Hogan Country. After only being gone since October, Hogan is now a face official. And out to introduce him is Dixie Carter doing her best Price’s Right impersonation introduces the man in black in blue GM Hulk Hogan.
This time the entire locker room is out there instead of the last weeks 5 or 6 faces. Hogan starts booking matches, Crimson and Morgan will settle their feud at Lockdown and also having Angle vs Hardy right after his speech.
Angle and Hardy ends in a count out after Kurt decides enough is enough. Hogan congratulates him and sets up a Lockdown match between them. Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t Kurt legit hurt with a pulled groin so shouldn’t he be taking it easy for those Olympic trials instead of in a cage? But I guess priorities.
Flair is in the back on his cell phone talking to Vince ..er I mean Eric Bischoff about out of control Hogan.
The Bully Ray comes out talk about his name and how he’s taken craps bigger than Austin Aries. Which of course prompts Aries to come out and fling his microphone at him and beat on him in the corner before Ray gets the upper hand and powerbombs Aries. Bully Ray like a kid who forgets that he’s already introduced himself asks “Do you know who I am?”
Then we have Joseph Park still looking for his brother Abyss. This time he hopes that the caterers know where he’s at but to no avail but he leaves his card anyway. At this point he should just go straight to Dixie Carter ask to see the tapes from Genesis, find out the Bully Ray may have something to do with and attack/litigate him to death. Just sayin.
Then we have the knockouts number one contenders match with everyone but Brooke Tessmacher, Sarita and Rosita because you know they don’t exist in the realm of possiblity of getting the title. That right is reserved for Velvet Sky who not only was given a whole new backstory but hot shoted to the title picture because she exudes sexuality! Who needs talented knockouts when one can get first Madison Rayne who is the longest reigning former champion and a women who causes men to “Let the Pigeons Loose”. Glow, Shimmer and Chickfight keep me strong. Velvet wins after apologizing to Mickie and hitting her with “In Yo Face” for her Lockdown rematch.
Wrong Pic but I like it better than a champion Sky
EY has a bachelor party with a bunch of nerds…Our word so I am allowed to say it. Well Jock nerds who play Fantasy Baseball when Dungeons and Dragons is too complicated. Then ODB comes in an places Eric’s face in her boobs. And I died a little inside. KO Tag Titles going to good use.
Aj Styles and James storm was nice and a good flashback to when Roode took on Styles to prepare for Angle. After a moonsault, Storm kicks Styles teeth down in his throat. In a good little short match. Here is something I can get behind now if only AJ could stop being used as enhancement talent which seems to be the case 99% of time.
Montgomery Gentry is in the back and is confronted by Roode and his bodyguards as he spits water into the rednecks eyes. OH SH–t I smell a Canadian lynching! but no that is what security is for.
In one of the oddest turn of events what was once a one on one match between Gunner and Garett is now turned into a Lethal Lockdown match were if Bischoff senior loses he right to the Bischoff name along with being kicked off Impact. Hmm I wonder who is going to win you know with Eric getting work on a project that could and will take him off television for a while but like a cockroach he’ll be back.
Always getting his good side
MCMG have a tag match against Mexican America who I thought had disbanded after the Repo game guy took thier girls but there back too along with Helium Chavo. You know when I can’t have Sarita and to a lesser extent Rosita in the Knockout title picture but they can hang with LAX lite to be fed to the MachineGuns I know what I’m in for in the foreseeable future. Crap. MCMG win and then call out the Joe Daddies. So yeah here comes the tag division and I mean all the meaningful tag teams in a cage for the titles. 4 guys make up a once great division. TNA should look at the total roster and make more and not only that but with them renewing there deal with Spike put on Xplosion on Saturdays with focus on Tag team, Television and X Division story arcs. Internal booking mode off. I’m happy that Sabin is back though.
And the main event is a “dream” match between Mr. Anderson and Roode who in typical heel fashion smacks a beer bottle over his head. And wins only to have Storm then Hogan out to reverse the decision to close out the show.
Thoughts: I find the introduction to be really Razzie bad by Dixie but after that the show really took off and we got some good matches and some good progression what with the Motor City Machine Guns back and kicking ass and maybe we will have an official who watches the matches and intervenes when something goes wrong unlike Sting for the last few months. Here is to a better Go Home show then last PPV what with it being Lockdown.
See you next Week
And no visible pics. yeah this is awesome. Hope to get that fixed for next time. (ThinkSoJoE note: Fixed!)
We open the show with the drawn out conclusion of Victory Road. This leads into Dixie Carter coming to the ring putting her best crying face on. She goes over how horrible of a champion Roode is and how she has conversed with Lawyers for the past week, but the incident only happened last night, but thats what happened when you tape a show. Mr. Borden comes to the ring to make a case for keeping Roode so James Storm and the fans can get revenge at Lockdown. Because you know when and if I put hands on my boss nothing will be down until he gets revenge at a later date. Sting seems reinvigorated with becoming a wrestler again and decides to abducate the GM position and elects Hogan to Dixie’s chargin.
We then cut to Bully Ray who seems obsessed with taking hostages for whatever reason. Which with the X Division match coming next is apparent foreshadowing. Some one always has to take out the X guys to prove a point to which point I wish I knew.
Austin Aries (c) vs Kid Kash vs Anthony Nese vs Zema Ion: A really good match. Especially for Nese who was able to show off his abilities and hopefully gets a shot at a story with Aries. Everyone gets as least one show moment in and out of the ring leading to a tower of doom in the corner. Then (like foreshadowing demands) Bully Ray comes in as the competitors are all laid out and attacks. Aries the only one left standing gets a boot to the face. Yeah that was awesome.
So Mexican America is outside with Josh Matthews who is about to repossess their ride. What happens next is typical Repo Games which Chavo or should I say Anarquia gets wrong except for the first one. Leading to begging for a chance to pay Matthews when each set wins their respective tag titles, honestly they should both just play easy slots games.
Sarita and Rosita vs Eric Young and ODB: This match was short and to the point, as with that I mean we got the typical EY antics which lead to him goofily playing around the ring since male on female violence isn’t allowed on Spike TV. Eventual Eric strips which causes the girls to flock around him (because Sarita has nothing better to do) hitting on him. ODB jealous takes out the pair before hitting the BBAM on Rosita she starts in on EY for messing around with other girls and where his ring, they kiss and she tosses him on top of Rosita for the pin. Yeah so Bully Ray couldn’t interrupt this match.
Crimson is backstage previewing the new Direct Auto Insurance with Morgan before going all heel and saying Morgan was the selfish one. Morgan appears and attacks Crimson until security pulls them apart. Crimson crawls away.
James Storm comes out and calls out Roode for attacking Dixie and for just being a bad friend. Instead of Roode we get Randy Orton circa The Evolution who is the British attorney for Robert Roode who is hiding at home until Lockdown but Storm is more than welcome to fight either Daniels or Kazarian. James opts for both then Last Calls the lawyer William Kelly.
Kurt Angle is having an interview with Wonder Years when after being asked about the rematch with Hardy which Kurt declines, is presented with the fact that he lost against Garrett which causes Kurt to seek out the kid which takes 5 seconds rechallenging him for three minutes.
Garett vs Angle: Garett and kurt have a pissing contest until a shoving match fires up Garett causing him to do a couple clothelines and a face plant. But when bischoff jr goes for one face plant too many Kurt tossing Garett out of the ring. Garett sees the clock and decides to duck Angle for the remaining time. Until that is Gunner comes out and attacks Garett. Bisch Junior wins by DQ. Hardy comes out for the save.
Tag Title Match Samoa Joe and Magnus vs Mexican America: MA takes early advantage isolating Magnus as Joe watches from the sidelines. Magnus eventually gets the hot tag and Joe cleans house locking Anarquia in a choke hold. The Sitas hope up on the apron to distract the ref who doesn’t see that Chavo Jr has tapped. Then Josh Matthews comes down and repossess the girls. Hernandez breaks the hold and is about ready to powerbomb Joe when Magnus big boots him and takes Chavo jr setting up for the back kick into the elbow drop. Magnus and Joe wins.
Afterwards in the lot MA is trying to get the car back only to attack Matthews who fights Anarquia off. Proving that they have no money or power to take on Matthews the girls leave with Josh. Hopefully ending Mexican America.
James Storm comes out to have his handicapp match with Kaz and Daniels which lasts a total of 5 minutes including entrances. Oh and before that we get news on how next week we are having the official video of Longnecks and Rednecks (Storm’s theme) with Montgomery Gentry and Cowboy Troy! IF you not into country you may not know who that is. Storm wins after a Double Last Call on Kaz and Daniels respecitvely.
Wow the main event is Hogan and Sting with Dixie talking about the GM position which could of been handled at the beginning of the show. Awesome. As I try not to fall asleep as Sting kisses Hogan’s ass we are left decisionless which means that this will continue into next week on a taped show. yeah again. sigh.
See you next week. Pintnoir out.