Well when it all goes down, will you be the one still standing at the end. But to take it all in stride makes it more real for the person or persons involved to make things right. Where the hell I came up with that, I don’t know but I figured I had to give you all something. So with out further ado, lets get this show on the road:
Hello everyone, and welcome to coverage of the longest running weekly e-Nevermind. I wanted to sound all epic, but the voice in my head was Cole’s, and now I need brain bleach. Oh, and if you are on Twitter, @Niki_Sushi is a liar. Just so you all know. *wink!*
Anyway, this is an exciting RAW (I hope!) because it’s the RAW after the Royal Rumble! Who outlasted thirty-nine other men to be the winner of the first ever Forty Man Royal Rumble match?! And who walked out of the Royal Rumble WWE Champion? All those answers, and more, to come right now!
Tonight, we will have another Champion vs Champion match between World Heavyweight Champion Edge and WWE Champion, The Miz!
We start out RAW with Ricardo Rodriguez announcing Alberto del Rio. I believe he says something about a mariachi performance in celebration of Alberto del Rio’s victory. And that’s what happens. Ricardo leads them to the ring. Wait, is the mariachi band playing Alberto’s theme song? That’s great.
Rio takes the mic, silences the mariachi band, and says that his name is Alberto del Riooooooo!… but you already know that. You people never, never listen. He told us that it was his destiny to win the Royal Rumble, but we didn’t listen. That’s our problem. We never listen. (as the crowd yells What?) Tonight, we are going to celebrate Alberto del Rio. He’s going to headline Wrestlemania! Even if we don’t’ deserve it, because it’s a blue collar town, he hired the best mariachi in Mexico. This mariachi only plays for the Mexican president and Rio. This is not Justin Bieber’s music, this is real music. I concur. Anyway, he has something else really important to tell us: As the winner of the Royal Rumble, he can choose who he’s going to face at Wrestlemania: WWE Champion or the World Heavyweight Champion, and he has made his decision. And he’s going to tell us right now! The championship he will be going after at Wrestlemania will be the-
AWESOME!
WWE Champion The Miz comes out, Alex Riley in toe.
Miz says before Alberto makes his decision, he wants to say congratulations. Him winning the biggest Royal Rumble in the history, is impressive. Almost as impressive as The Miz’s winning against Randy three times after winning Money in the Bank. He just hopes that Rio chooses to face him. Miz says make no mistake about it, he’ll be the WWE Champion by the time Wrestlemania comes around. He can’t say the same about Edge, because he’s going to lose it at the Elimination Chamber. Last night, Miz saw Edge celebrating. He told everyone who would listen that he was going to embarrass Rio at Wrestlemania and mocking his accent, and his tie. Edge even said that Rio’s cars are all rental. Miz says that if he doesn’t believe Miz, he can ask Riley. Riley said that he gives Rio his word: Edge said he has no respect for a second-rate JBL meets Tito Santana.
Rio takes the mic and says that he knows Miz, and to him, this is a ploy to make him choose Edge instead of Miz. Is Miz lying to him? Miz says really? Really? Really? Listen, he took out Edge’s little buddy Christian. Edge is threatened, doesn’t like, and doesn’t respect Rio. He just thought he’d tell Rio the truth about Edge, talking behind his back.
You think you know me…
As Edge gets in, he plays one of the mariachi trumpets, and the guy laughs.
Edge says Alberto, Miz is right. He’s absolutely right. He doesn’t like or respect Rio. But, he’s wrong about one thing. He wouldn’t say those things behind his back, he’d come out and say them to his face. See, Edge will be champion at Wrestlemania, and if Rio chooses to face him, he will beat him. He will because he’s the Rrrrrated R Superstarrrr. But, you already knew that, didn’t you?
Rio says that the only think he knows is that it is his destiny to be the greatest of the great and at Wrestlemania he will be the new World Heavyweight Champion. Edge says congratulations, and to take this with you. He then hits Rio, and looks at Miz, who leaves the ring with the mariachi, who are not going to lose their instruments. Rio comes back and kicks Edge before grabbing a guitar, which he then breaks on Edge’s back, before locking in the cross-arm breaker. Edge appears to be tapping, but there’s no ref, no match, and Alberto finally lets go.
Ha. The mariachi were playing his theme!! I’m like… 95% sure.
Coming up, Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov will take on Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty for the WWE Tag Team Championships.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi OKay. Del Rio dissed the Biebtard. He’s not as obnoxious in my mind now. #BWF #RAW
@JonHexLives I kind of want to see The Miz vs, Alberto Del Rio in a faux hawk throwdown. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@seraphalexiel Alberto will be pissed if Edge loses the belt at the Elimination Chamber…..
@CMPunkSays Del Rio: “You never listen!” Crowd: “WHAT?!” #CantMakeThisShitUp #WWE
@StrikerSays LOLOLOL, “Alberto Pendejo” sign! I like that they are in RI, so obviously the arena staff didn’t know what it meant, and didn’t confiscate.
“Tonight, for the first time ever, we’re going to have a RAW Rumble match. Seven Superstars will participate. T he winner of the RAW Rumble match, will go on to face the WWE Champion at the Elimination Chamber PPV. The remaining six will be in the Elimination Chamber itself. The participates in the RAW Rumble match are Randy Orton, CM Punk, John Morrison, R-Truth, Sheamus, Jerry “The King” Lawler, and John Cena.”
WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov with Tamina vs Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty for the WWE Tag Team Championships
Marella and McGuillicutty start out, and Santino gets McGuillicutty on the ground before locking in a headlock on McGuillicutty, who runs him into the corner. Santino lets go, but McGuillicutty hits him with a couple of punches and a kick before being forced off by the ref. He then runs to jump on Santino, but Santino move sand tags in Kozlov. Kozlov powers McGuillicutty right into the corner, hitting him with some hard shoulders, before McGuillicutty goes after his knee then kicks him in the head. McGuillicutty keeps him on the ropes before tagging Harris in. Harris keeps him in the corner, then Kozlov pushes him off before Kozlov gets him down and goes for a cover, but Harris kicks out. Kozlov powers Harris over to his own corner and tags in Santino. Santino does something, but Harris shoves him across the ring and then kicks him. Harris then spends his time getting Santino up, and Santino tries to Whip him, but Husky counters, and meets Santino’s offense with a shoulder. Harris shoves Santino in the corner, tags in McGuillicutty, and then throws McGuillicutty into Santino, followed by Harris. McGuillicutty goes for a cover, but Santino kicks out. Something happens, but the replay is too big-there we go. McGuillicutty hits a neckbreaker and goes for a cover, but Santino kicks out at two. Santino is thrown out by McGuillicutty, and Tamina goes over to check on him.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 YES! Jerry The King Lawler…one more time in the Raw Rumble! …but how did R-Truth get on that list? #RAW #WWE #BWF
@CMPunkSays By the way, you are now imagining Jerry Lawler in the Elimination Chamber. #WWE
@HitTheRopes R-Truth? What the phuck? It doesn’t need to be an equal opportunity chamber! #wwe
@KeepItFiveStar R-TRUTH?! R-TRUTH!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! HE HASN’T WON A MATCH IN LIKE A MONTH!
@Niki_Sushi ‘Ruthless’ is glitterfied on McGillicutty’s ass. I can no longer take him seriously. #BWF #RAW
We come back to McGuillicutty trying to pin Santino for the cover. McGuillicutty has Santino in a headlock across the ring from Kozlov, and Santino fights to get to Kozlov, but McGuillicutty is trying to keep him back. They both get to their feet, but McGuillicutty hits a hard forearm on Santino. McGuillicutty tries to hit Kozlov, but Kozlov hits back, and Santino gets a hit on McGuillicutty. Harris and Kozlov are tagged in and Kozlov dominates Harris, going for a cover until McGuillicutty breaks it up. McGuillicutty this a missile dropkick and Santino tags himself in, sending McGuillicutty over the top rope. Santino then hits the Cobra on Harris and pins him for the win.
WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov win via pinfall.
After the match, Randy runs down the ramp out of nowhere and RKOs McGuillicutty and Harris for costing him the title last night. He looks up toward the ramp before walking around inside the ring and facing the ramp. Orton looks off to the side and takes a moment to glare at the crowd before looking at Harris’ unconscious body. He looks down at Harris and backs away, standing in the corner, watching Harris, setting up for the punt.
CM Punk, however, interrupts.
He tells Randy not to do that as he, Otunga, and Mason Ryan come out. Punk tells him again not to do it. Punk says that Orton doesn’t want to do this, nothing he wants to be a part of. It’s nothing he would do. Punk asks if he has to say please, and Randy look like he could care less if Punk says please. Punk says he’s not going to beg, but take some advice, for once in his life: Don’t do it. If Orton kicks Harris in the skull, there will be serious consequences and repercussions. Orton really doesn’t look like he cares, and Harris is teasing us about getting the fuck up. Randy stops, however, and looks back at Punk. He then moves out of that position, hangs his head, and looks back at Punk. He looks to the crowd, who cheers (sick bastards), and then back at Harris, and then the other side of the arena, then back at Punk. He smirks, laughs, drops it, and then drops back in the corner, punting Harris in the skull.
Punk, Otunga, and Ryan all take off after him, but Randy slithers on out, running through the crowd and up to the top, rather nicely silhouetted against the darkness there. There is a staring match between Punk and Orton now, as Orton’s music plays.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Randy won’t cave to an implied threat from CM Punk! Don’t worry, Mulligans have HARD heads! #RAW #WWE #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar Why can’t Randy Orton just talk it out with people? It’s always RKOs with him
@CMPunkSays NOT Have you ever herped a derp so hard that you jobbed to the Cobra? #WWE
@ForrestFuller Why not punt Micheal Cole instead of Husky Harris #WWE #RAW #BWF
Ted DiBiase is joined by Maryse, still, and has a mic. This’ll be good.
Ted says that it doesn’t thrill him to say it, but King’s career is over. And his, his is just getting started. King doesn’t need any more opportunities. It’s time for guys like him to step aside for the future. So, why doesn’t he do the right thing, for the future, and give him his spot for tonight’s RAW Rumble? King takes off his headset and grabs a mic, but Cole snatches it. Cole says he’ll handle it. Cole then says that Ted is being disrespectful. Has Ted ever met King? He’s a legend, a Hall of Famer. He’s heard of the Showstopper, right? King is the Scene Stealer. There’s no way that he’s going to let his selfish, narcissistic ego take himself out of the match to give it to DiBiase. It won’t happen. King takes the mic and says he’s gonna tell both of them something: he’ snot giving his spot up in the RAW Rumble to anybody. His Road to Wrestlemania has always been under construction. He’s been in the WWE 18 years, and he’s never been to Wrestlemania. And, as far as he’s concerned, his Road to Wrestlemania starts tonight, and if it wasn’t for Cole, he may be WWE Champion right now. He knows he can beat the Miz, and he’s gonna be in the RAW Rumble, and he’s gonna win it. Ted then hits King and moves with Maryse. King then follows Teddy, but Ted moves Maryse in front of him, preventing King from hitting Ted. Maryse, on the other hand, is not amused. Ted can’t think of a good enough excuse, so Maryse slaps him. Then, King punches Ted. Poor DiBiase’s having a bad night… And Cole now lectures King, and King says he’s about to shove his fist so far down Cole’s throat they’ll be afraid to remove it. He’s beginning to not care if he gets fired…
Later on tonight, The Miz will take on Edge!
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Maryse with the Princess Peach slap then Jerry Lawler with the Falcon Punch! Ted DiBiase just got Melee’d!
@TKeep123 Love me some Maryse! Looking even HOTTER, if that’s possible!! #RAW #WWE #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar Even R-Truth’s photo looks like he doesn’t belong in the RAW Rumble. It’s like “Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Lawler, I guess. And REALLY??”
@kickoutblog FALCON PAAAWWWWNNNNNCH!
<VIDEO PACKAGE: 2.21.11 Something is coming up…. All we saw was a man in black walking up to a shack in the rain…>
United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs Tyson Kidd
The Bellas are talking, but I don’t’ care. Bryan and Kidd are fighting, Gail ringside, and Kidd gets a good early advantage. Does anyone remember when he had that big guy? Me neither. Kidd goes for a quick cover, but Bryan kicks out two. Kidd puts Bryan in a headlock, but Bryan shoves him off and does a lot of really fancy things. Bryan delivers some hard hits to Kidd, and the camera keeps going to the FUCKING BELLAS, Kidd does some stuff, Bryan tries to lock in the LaBell lock, does, and Kidd taps out.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan wins via pinfall.
Gail hugs Bryan and joins him in his celebration before the Bellas climb into the ring. One of them hits Bryan, Gail shoves her, and insert the same freaking cat fight we’ve seen for too long already. It takes two refs holding the Bellas, and Bryan holding Gail to break it up.
Up next, The Miz and Edge will go one on one!
<COMMERCIAL>
@CMPunkSays IT’S LIKE I’M REALLY WATCHING MEAN GIRLS #WWE
@Niki_Sushi I think Gail just ripped out some extensions and killed a bird. #BWF #RAW #justoneleft
@kickoutblog I already love 2.21.11, WWE hasn’t done anything like this since Jericho’s return.
@redsandman99 How can anyone blame Daniel Bryan for choosing Gail over the Bellas. I’d punt those bitches Orton style for her
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last night, WWE Champion The Miz eliminated John Cena.>
I saw people in the front row with four signs spelling out AWESOME. Loved it.
WWE Champion The Miz with Alex Riley vs World Heavyweight Champion Edge
Miz and Edge lock up, and shove one another away. Then they lock up again, and Edge locks Miz in a headlock, but Miz fights out and gets an elbow to the face, followed by one by the back of the head. Edge Whips Miz, but Miz counters and Edge counters with a neckbreaker. Edge goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out. Edge beats Miz into a corner and hits him a few times. The replay is starting to piss me off. Edge has an advantage over Miz, pulling him in a headlock between the ropes. Edge Whips Miz, who is pulled out of the ring by Riley. Edge grabs him, but Miz drops Edge’s shoulder onto the top rope. He pulls Edge out of the ring and sends him into the steel steps. Miz pulls Edge to his feet and throws him back in the ring, going for a cover. Edge kicks out at two. Miz plants his knee in Edge’s spine before twisting himself around Edge and putting his injured arm in a submission. Edge fights to his feet and punches Miz in the head, but Miz drops down, essentially giving Edge’s arm a stunner before going for a cover, but Edge kicks out. Miz then puts Edge’s shoulder through the ropes, and Riley punches Edge. Miz goes for a cover, but Edge kicks out, so Miz returns to a submission on Edge’s shoulder. Edge fights to his feet, and punches Miz a few times, but Miz puts his knee in Edge’s stomach. Edge returns the favor by putting his heel in Miz’ jaw. Edge then starts to do something, but Miz counters, dropping Edge to the mat, and returning to the submission on Edge’s shoulder. Edge fights to the bottom rope.
Space! Miz goes to hit Edge, but Edge fights back and tries to steal a victory, but Miz fights out. Edge and Miz meet, and then Miz goes for a cover, but Edge kicks out. Miz sends Edge’s arm right back to the mat, then puts his knee in Edge’s shoulder and stretches the arm out. Edge fights out of it, and Whips Miz, but Miz kicks Edge, and then the two kick one another in the face. The ref begins his count. Miz is up to his feet, as is Edge at eight. Miz runs for Edge, but Edge drops him on his face. Edge then drops Miz again, and Edge goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out. Edge kicks Miz in the stomach and then Whips him, but Miz counters,. Edge goes for another cover, but Edge kicks out, and then Miz kicks Edge in the face, goes for a cover, but Edge kicks out. Miz gets on the apron and climbs up on the top rope, standing up and dropping down, only to get a boot to the stomach. Edge then drops Miz on his face. Edge backs up into the opposite corner, setting up for the Spear. Miz gets up to his feet, and Edge tries for the Spear, but Miz sends him into the post.
John Cena says that Miz can do it and says there’s a party, and that they’re just cheering for him. Miz starts to talk to him, and Cena gets the arena doing a Miz is Awful chant, before Edge Spears Miz.
World Heavyweight Champion Edge wins via pinfall.
<COMMERCIAL>
@CMPunkSays FALL IN A HOLE, CENA. A DEEP HOLE. A HOLE THAT REACHES THE EARTH’S CORE. #WWE
@bethsharae Stupid Cena…you got the chant wrong. It’s Miz is Awesome! #Raw
@kickoutblog Once again, the “good guys” cheat to win. Edge with an illegal move and Cena interfered! Should be a DQ win for Miz!
Stone Cold Steve Austin will return to WWE to host Tough Enough in April!
I’m feeling like this is a Smackdown invasion again…
Vickie Guerrero comes out and says that while Edge may have won tonight, but his chances of winning Friday are next to impossible. Friday, the World Heavyweight Championship will be defended in a way that it never has been before, so please join them. Whatever. Oh, hell, it’s our Surprise Champion!
WWE Diva’s Champion Eve and Natalya vs LayCool
Really, Natalya? I wouldn’t have tagged with her. Tell her to find someone else. Oh, wait, there is no one else… For the first time ever, I’m so sick of Eve and Natalya, I want LayCool to win.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Earlier today, LayCool decide that it was the ref’s fault about last night, and make up. Damn it.>
Natalya and McCool start out and Natalya goes for an early cover, followed by another, but McCool pulls out. Natalya keeps an advantage over McCool until McCool gets away and tags in Layla. Natalya walks toward Layla, who drops to the mat and curls up. Natalya touches her and she squirms. Natalya then picks her up and she gets onto her feet and pushes Natalya. Layla then runs over and attaches herself to McCool between the ropes, and turns around to get a kick from Natalya. Natalya suplexes her, and goes for the cover, but Layla kicks out. Natalya Whips Lay, and then Eve clotheslines her. Eve finally actually does something, and hits a handspring moonsault before going for a cover and Layla kicks out. Layla kicks Eve, and Eve runs her across the ring and onto the top turnbuckle. Natalya distracts the ref, and McCool kicks Eve. Layla hits the Face Lift off the turnbuckle and pins Eve for the win.
LayCool win via pinfall.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Michelle’s boot seems to have knocked some accent BACK into Layla’s mouth! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi Goddamn you, RAW. I don’t want LayCool. I just want Lay. Cool can go hang out with Cole and Del Rio in the corner. #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog “Your big foot” = LOL
OH MAH GOODNESS! IT’S THE GIANT JOBBER SQUAD!
The Great Khali and Mark Henry vs. Jimmy and Jey Uso
Oh, well. No matter who wins, this is kind of humiliating… Josh Matthews has joined Michael Cole as King has gone to get ready for his match.
“As I see the Usos stand across the ring from the Great Khali and the WSM, let’s face it: they don’t have a chance. So, to give the Usos a more competitive advantage, I’ve decided to alter the contest, and these two teams will compete in a dance off. Each team will have the opportunity to strut their stuff, and you, the WWE Universe will have the chance to decide who is the winner. Gentlemen, let’s boogie, woogie, woogie.”
I hate. The. GM.
You know what? I started to review this. I don’t know why. But now, I have a headache. If the WWE Universe loves me, they will know that Khali and Henry can’t dance, and will accept that the Usos won. I hate this. I HATE THI-
That works. The Usos attack Khali and Henry, and then are met by a Punjabi Plunge and the World’s Strongest Slam, and Khali goes for a cover. Poor thing.
<COMMERCIAL>
@StrikerSays Sorry Usos, apparently the Bellas are the only ones with “twin magic.”
@HitTheRopes Amazing that I was just defending Raw last night to someone who can’t stand WWE. Then we get a dance off. #LeSigh
@KeepItFiveStar When The Usos smiled you could tell they died on the inside
@FrankWWEClown I just threw up in my mouth watching Michael Cole dance. #WWE
@TKeep123 Mark Henry rocking the Bollywood Dance??? Kill me now. #RAW #WWE #BWF
@JonHexLives The Usos are straight jobbers now. #WWE #RAW #BWF
The Shack/rain/leather person promo for 2.21.11 plays again.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: The world premiere of the trailer for The Chaperone.>
YAY RAW HATES ME!
RAW Rumble Match: Winner faces The Miz for the WWE Championship at Elimination Chamber, and the other Six will be in the RAW Elimination Chamber match.
When thrown over the top rope, and both feet touch the floor (MORRISON), you lose. I. Hate these kinds of things.
<COMMERCIAL>
@seraphalexiel Kidnapping a wrestler’s loved one is apparently WWE films’ recipe for success
@kickoutblog What is WWE’s obsession with dancing? Just put Kozlov on Dancing With The Stars and be done with it.
@KeepItFiveStar IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!!!
@HitTheRopes JoMo and the ‘E would have been SO pissed if one of them fans got their hand in the way during that spot last night
ENTRANT NUMBER – ENTRANT – ELIMINATED BY
1) John Morrison – Sheamus
2) Sheamus – King and John Cena
3) John Cena – King
4) CM Punk – Randy Orton
5) R-Truth – John Cena
6) Jerry “The King” Lawler – WINNER
7) Randy Orton – R-Truth
I can’t cover this very well, but I’ll give you the interesting stuff. JoMo and Sheamus give us pretty good one-on-one wrestling action, same as their matches, really. Sheamus hits the Irish Curse Backbreaker on JoMo and then freezes everything as Cena comes out.
Cena comes in, obviously furious about being eliminated last night and takes it out on Sheamus. Cena goes to hit an Attitude Adjustment, and Morrison manages to land on his feet instead of getting hit by it.
Punk gets in and immediately cleans house, taking on anyone and everyone who gets in his way. Punk and Morrison are clinging to the ropes like monkeys or something, but stay in.
Truth comes in and immediately takes on his “friend” Cena. What a shitty friend. I’m just saying. Truth and Morrison both nearly eliminate the other, but hang on, and Truth can’t get his black ass back in the ring. He finally does, nearly costing Sheamus his chance to beat the shit out of him.
Jerry runs out and Punk waited for him, and then King punches every-damn-body. Three of the four corners have people getting ready to be dumped out.
Punk runs out of the ring, under the bottom rope, when Randy hits the ring. Randy’s looking for him. And guesses where he is before getting into the ring, looking under the ring. He wants Punk. Orton grabs Punk’s ankle, yanks him out from under the ring and proceeds to beat the shit out of him. Punk gets into the ring and then Randy follows, and finally enters the RAW Rumble.
Punk was the first man eliminated, by Orton, followed right after by Orton, who was eliminated by Truth. Truth nearly got venom spit in his face.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar That’s why R-Truth doesn’t deserved to be in the damn match. He almost got eliminated by the ropes. He probably thinks Parkour is a dance
@StrikerSays R-Truth doesn’t even RUN to the ring, he fucking SKIPS. He makes me want to punch unicorns.
@Niki_Sushi Sheamus has his hand ALL the way up John’s ass. Cole 2.0? #BWF #RAW
@TKeep123 Orton takes out Punk…and R-truth takes out Orton! Tooth is a dead man! :} #RAW #WWE #BWF
Good news is, no one else was eliminated during the commercial. Bad news is, I literally just saw King’s hands all over Truth’s ass. Ew.
King and Morrison are working together to try to get rid of Truth, but he won’t budge. Cena grabs Truth and Morrison on his shoulders and goes to eliminate them both, but only manages to eliminate Truth. Morrison gets Cena on the apron, and the two duke it out, both teetering on the edge. Sheamus runs over and tries to clothesline them both, but they move, and Sheamus holds on, and JoMo starts slapping his damn hands. Sheamus is responsible for Cena getting back in the ring.
Morrison pulls another shit-tacular Parkour move and he hooks his ankles in the bottom rope and keeps himself fin the match. Goes to eliminate Sheamus, but Sheamus catapults himself right onto Morrison.
Cena puts Sheamus in an STF, and Sheamus taps. Like a tard.
Morrison hits Starship Pain, and literally only hits Cena with one arm. What the fuck.
King throws Morrison out, but he keeps himself in by touching the floor with his hands only.
Morrison is out courtesy of a Brogue Kick from Sheamus. Thanks, Sheamus.
Sheamus throws King into Cena and eliminates Cena, and then Sheamus goes for a Brogue Kick, only for Cena and King to move the rope so that Sheamus eliminates himself.
Sorry folks, this is Kiharu (@Niki_Sushi) typing at you, because TheMizMagnet is spitting flames at this end. So this is me saying good night, and thanks for reading this review! Tune in next week for…well, more RAW.
@TheMizMagnet JSODGIJRPOWIGJPOIFJ PDOI APOI OSIDJFPOEWI POI A LVKJDPOI EW OAIJFDA OWIEWR *ragequits*
Hey! That’s right, something before RAW?! Yeah. I decided at the beginning of the Royal Rumble match to do a real quick rundown of the Royal Rumble. This is not going to be anywhere near as long as the usual RAW Reviews, and it’s not going to be as detailed. The backstage segments may be out of order, but I barely paid attention to them…
Edge vs Dolph Ziggler with Vickie Guerrero for the World Heavyweight Championship
So Edge comes out, we’re reminded that he can’t use the Spear or he loses the Championship, and then Vickie comes out, reminds us, and introduces Dolph. The match goes on for a while and was a pretty decent match. I didn’t expect it to be, but it turned out to be. Vickie got on the apron and slapped Edge, but Kelly Kelly, of all fuckin people, came out and took her out. Dolph locked in a sleeper, and during Edge’s wild flailing to get out of it, he slapped the ref, and knocked him down. So, Edge hit a quick Spear when no one was looking (except the whole audience), and then locked in the Killswitch (or the Unprettier) for the win.
World Heavyweight Champion Edge wins via pinfall.
There’s a small segment backstage with WWE Champion The Miz saying that he’ll win, and Riley backs him up.
The Miz with Alex Riley vs Randy Orton for the WWE Championship
Randy gets an early advantage, but Riley interferes and Miz gets it. Match was pretty decent, with Riley interfering a good amount, and The Miz about to walk out before Randy stopped that idea with a harsh clothesline. It ended, surprisingly, with Nexus coming out to stand by the ring. Riley came in to try to get Randy, but was thrown out onto Nexus and the ref, and then Punk came up from underneath the ring and hit the Go To Sleep on Orton, and dragged Miz over for the cover.
WWE Champion The Miz wins via pinfall.
Gail Kim was backstage with Daniel Bryan. Bellas faked an apology and then attacked.
Natalya vs LayCool in a Two-on-One Handicap Match for the WWE Diva’s Championship
Before the match can get started, the RAW GM says that he’s gotten enough emails about Cole being annoying (“That’s just a joke!”), and won’t get more about LayCool, so this is now a Fatal Four Way. NO! IT WASN’T AWESOME KONG’S DEBUT, OR EVEN BETH! IT WAS!!!!!!!
Natalya vs Layla vs Michelle McCool vs Eve Torres for the WWE Diva’s Championship
You read that right. Anyway, the match was alright, kind of, and then Eve pinned Layla as McCool pinned Natalya. However, ref was looking at Eve and Layla.
WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres wins via pinfall.
Michelle was pissed.
Then, the Royal Rumble match (and there was a thing at some point about how “Dashing” Cody Rhodes had an official statement about his not making it, thanks to Rey’s knee brace breaking his face nose.) started.
ENTRANT NUMBER – ENTRANT – ELIMINATED BY
1) CM Punk
I have to stop here. Punk came out, and then the Corre’s music hit, and then the Corre surrounded Punk, and then the New Nexus came in and it was a mini-brawl. Essentially, the RAW GM told them that this was not how the Royal Rumble match was going to start and sent them all (minus Punk) back to the back to wait their turns.
1) CM Punk – John Cena
2) United States Champion Daniel Bryan – David Otunga
3) Justin Gabriel – Daniel Bryan
4) Zack Ryder – Daniel Bryan
5) William Regal – Ted DiBiase
6) Ted DiBiase (with Maryse) – Nexus
7) John Morrison – Nexus
8) Yoshi Tatsu – Mark Henry
9) Husky Harris – The Great Khali
10) Chavo Guerrero – Mark Henry
11) Mark Henry – Nexus
12) JTG – Michael McGuillicutty
13) Michael McGuillicutty – John Cena
14) Chris Masters – Nexus
15) David Otunga – John Cena
16) Tyler Reks – Nexus
17) Vladimir Kozlov – Punk
18) R-Truth – Punk
19) The Great Khali – Mason Ryan
20) Mason Ryan – John Cena
21) Booker T – Mason Ryan
22) John Cena – The Miz
23) Hornswoggle – Sheamus
24) Tyson Kidd – John Cena
25) Heath Slater – John Cena
26) Kofi Kingston – Randy Orton
27) Jack Swagger – Rey Mysterio
28) Sheamus – Randy Orton
29) Rey Mysterio – Wade Barrett
30) Wade Barrett – Randy Orton
31) Dolph Ziggler – The Big Show
32) Diesel – Wade Barrett
33) Drew McIntyre – The Big Show
34) Alex Riley – John Cena
35) The Big Show – Ezekiel Jackson
36) Ezekiel Jackson – Kane
37) Santino Marella – Alberto del Rio
38) Alberto del Rio – WINNER
39) Randy Orton – Alberto del Rio
40) Kane – Rey Mysterio
There were a lot of hijinks in the ring during the match. The Miz ran into the ring, after sitting commentary since Alex Riley entered the Rumble, and eliminated Cena after Cena eliminated Riley. Hornswoggle copied a lot of moves, and a lot of the people lasted longer than they may have seemed to. It wasn’t a hugely, wildly spectacular match, but it was alright.
See ya tomorrow night for Monday Night RAW!
Hello everyone! I know I missed RAW last week, and I’m terribly sorry about that, but I’m back tonight! Who was that mysterious man who joined Nexus at the end of last week’s RAW? What wonderful news will we hear from the RAW General Manager tonight? I don’t know, but I did hear a rumor that it’s supposed to be the World Heavyweight Champion, Edge, against the WWE Champion, The Miz tonight. Champion vs Champion! Melina and Natalya are also going head to head for the Diva’s Championship!
Oh yeah! The Royal Rumble is this Sunday! Forty men are going to compete for the first time ever! Thank God I’m not covering it. You all know how I love multiple-party matches. Anyway, it’s bound to be good!
Tonight’s show is brought to you by:
You think you know me…
Damn! I don’t have any Edge pictures to use!
The World Heavyweight Champion makes his way to the ring to kick off RAW for us! He says that he doesn’t feel like waiting. He’s never liked waiting, he’s never had a lot of patience. He doesn’t like waiting at the DMV, for the guy at the supermarket to pay by check, he doesn’t like waiting for the guy in front of him at security at the airport to realize his metal belt is made of metal, and he’s sick of waiting in vain for Michael Cole to stop being a tool. So, why doesn’t the Miz just come out here now–?
“Edge, I know you’re very anxious to have your Champion vs Champion match against The Miz, but I have officially schedule that attraction for later tonight. Fortunately for you, I haven’t forgotten about your disrespect when you were a superstar on RAW. That’s why I’ve arranged a special exhibition for you right now. Whichever one of these men tosses you over the top rope will receive the advantageous position of Number 40 at this Sunday’s Royal Rumble. Ring the bell.”
Jack Swagger, Tyson Kidd, and Drew McIntyre make their way down to try to get the position. Tyson Kidd is quickly eliminated by Edge, and Drew McIntyre takes advantage. McIntyre almost gets Edge out, but Swagger breaks it up and Edge sends him over the top. Now, it’s just McIntyre and Edge, but Edge manages to eliminate McIntyre too!
Edge wins.
Edge takes the mic and thanks the anonymous RAW General Manager for getting his juices flowing. He says he’ll go to the back and get ready for his match with The Miz, but first, he wants to do something. He slowly climbs out of the ring, and says that it’s something he did last time on this show. Then, he asks who here wants to see a smashed laptop computer? The crowd cheers, King says he does, and Cole says he doesn’t. Cole gets up and tries to protect the laptop, trying to talk sense into Edge. But, Edge is a nonsensical, crazy man. Common sense doesn’t work.
Damn. The old Nexus theme is back. I miss Punk’s already.
Punk, Otunga, Harris, McGuillicutty, and the mystery man from last week make their way down to the ring. As they make their way into the ring, Edge stands by the laptop, watching them. McGuillicutty passes Punk a mic.
Punk takes it, saying that in this world, only the strong survive, and the strong survive just not from being strong, they don’t survive just from sheer will power, they survive because they evolve. Last week, it was announced that the Royal Rumble match will have forty Superstars, making it the biggest Royal Rumble match in the history of the Royal Rumble. So, as he sees his surroundings change, he adapts, because he is change. He sees the Royal Rumble expand, so the new Nexus evolves. Last week, we saw the new Nexus expand with the inclusion of the mystery Batista. He was hand-picked by Punk from Cardiff, Wales, and he is Mason Ryan. Funny how Punk’s hand-picked guy kicked him in the face.
Mason takes the mic and says he only has one thing to say: Faith.
Punk says that he doesn’t think he could have said it more eloquently. Faith. These men we see are bonded by faith, and unlike John Cena, and the faithless, fake, poor-man’s Nexus on Smackdown!, their faith, come Sunday, will be rewarded. Because they will unite for the common good, for one common goal, and that is for CM Punk to become the winner of the 2011 Royal Rumble Match. Nexus nods along, but will they stay faithful? Punk says that when he wins the 2011 Royal Rumble, he will not only go on to headline Wrestlemania, but the new Nexus will become the most powerful group the WWE has ever laid eyes on.
We are interrupted by the Corre, made of Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, and Ezekiel Jackson. Barrett explained on Smackdown! That he is not the leader of this group; it is a group of equals.
Barrett says to clarify something: the only poor man’s Nexus is the new Nexus. The Corre is nothing like the Nexus. It’s not some brainwashing dictatorship, it’s about four equals. Zeke says at the Royal Rumble, they will try to win the match for themselves, they will unite to make sure to eliminate CM Punk. Mason Ryan jumps in front of Punk and gets in Zeke’s face (never a good idea), and the two have a stare down.
“If I’m going to give Smackdown! Superstars an open invitation to come to RAW, they will have to play by my rules. With Teddy Long unfortunately sidelined, I have the authority to make this very special match. Corre member and former Nexus leader Wade Barrett will face current Nexus leader CM Punk. Whoever loses will see himself, and his entire group, out of the Royal Rumble match. And gentlemen, one last thing: The special guest referee for this Barrett vs Punk match tonight will be someone you’re both extremely familiar with. The guest referee will be John Cena.”
So… Who’s more screwed?
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Yeah, Zeke scares me more than Beardtistacles. #BWF #RAW
@TKeep123 OMG.. Mason Ryan is the love child of Batista and Wade Barrett!!! #RAW #WWE #BWF
@JonHexLives I’ve finally figured it out. A computer program is the general manager. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar The Corre looks weird without any shirts or armbands. And Ezekiel Jackson just looks scary.
@seraphalexiel We’re the Corre. We promote bad spelling and Heath Slater. Of course you should get behind us
@HitTheRopes Okay, shake the ropes violently, Mason Ryan. Go ahead. You know you want to. #WWE
@kickoutblog Well that worked out best: Swagger, Kidd or McIntyre as #40 would’ve been incredibly anticlimactic. #RAW
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, Mark Henry wins the mini-Royal Rumble.>
John Morrison and Mark Henry vs. Sheamus and Alberto del Rio
The match starts with Rio and Morrison starting it off. The two lock up, and Rio gets Morrison in the corner already. The ref separates them, but Rio kicks back quick, throwing Morrison face-first into the turnbuckle, and then staying on him. He drags Morrison over to his corner and tags in Sheamus. Sheamus takes advantage and starts to throw Morrison into the other turnbuckle, but Morrison fights back hard, putting Sheamus in a head scissors and then hitting him with a dropkick before Morrison kicks out of the quick cover. Sheamus fights back and then tags in Rio. Rio Whips Morrison cross the ring, but Morrison ducks his clothesline and fights back well. Morrison gets advantage over Rio, but Sheamus pulls him out of the ring as Morrison goes for Starship Pain.
<COMMERCIAL>
@ThingsColeSays TOO MANY LIMES, TOO MANY LIMES!
@KeepItFiveStar IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!!!!!!!
@Niki_Sushi Is anyone surprised? I believe we’ve seen more of Smackdown than RAW for the past two weeks.. #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Sheamus & Alberto Del Rio are the greatest foreign tag team since The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff. #RAW
@TKeep123 That singlet does nothing to enhance Mark Henry’s …ummmm…. masculinity. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Alexx_Raven: Morrison: Once you go black… You never go back.
@kickoutblog Pot O’Gold is the best suggestion I’ve seen so far for a Del Rio/Sheamus team.
We come back to Rio and Morrison in the ring, and Rio has Morrison in a headlock. Morrison fights out, but Rio drops him onto his head, and sends his knee repeatedly into Morrison’s spine. He goes into a quick cover, but Morrison kicks out at two. Rio drags Morrison to his corner, but Morrison fights his way back to the middle, only to get a sharp elbow to the spine. Rio tags in Sheamus, and Sheamus plays it to the crow-HOLY CRAP MICHAEL “SOUL EATER” TARVER IS WATCHING BACKSTAGE!
Anyway, Sheamus hits a clothesline on Morrison, and then stretches Morrison out. Sheamus gets Morrison into the middle of the ring, goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out at two. Sheamus fights Morrison pretty hard, and then gets Morrison in another submission. Morrison struggles to fight out, hitting a swift kick before trying to gain momentum. Sheamus, however, plants Morrison, and goes for a cover, only for Morrison to kick out at two. Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick, but Morrison hits the flying Chuck. Both men are down in the middle of the ring and their partners reach for them.
Rio and Henry make their way in, and Henry drops his fist onto Rio’s head before head butting him a couple of times. Henry Whips Rio across the ring, and then bulldozes him, going for a cover. Sheamus breaks up the count, and Henry takes exception to this, sending Sheamus into the corner before he clotheslines Rio. Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick, but Morrison comes in and hits the flying Chuck again, before hitting a corkscrew move out of the ring. Rio runs in and gets Henry in the spinning armbar thing, and Henry taps.
Sheamus and Alberto del Rio win via submission.
Later on tonight, Wade Barrett and CM Punk will go one on one against one another, and the special guest referee will be none other than John Cena. And the loser? Their whole group is out of the Royal Rumble. But, up next, it’s the Diva’s Championship match!
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog So sayeth the prophecy: “Upon his second coming, he shall watch a Mark Henry match.” #GuardYourSoul
@Niki_Sushi This just in. Soul Eater [Human Name: Michael Tarver] is back, and he’s hungry. #BWF #RAW #SucksToBeYou
@TKeep123 Sure looked like JOMO landed wrong on that knee… #WWE #RAW #BWF
Melina vs Natalya for the WWE Diva’s Championship
Random thought: How PG is it to promote a game that “You’re mom’s gonna hate it”?
Natalya and Melina lock up, and Melina shoves Natalya against the ropes before sending her right out to the floor. Melina throws Natalya back in, and slams her head against the mat. Melina keeps control over Natalya in the middle of the ring before going for the cover, only for Natalya to kick out. Melina puts Natalya in a viciously strange looking submission hold, but Natalya fights it and gets to her feet, running Melina into the corner. Natalya beats Melina up a little, and Melina kicks her in the head before Natalya drops her, and then does it again. Natalya went for that spinning clothesline, but Melina takes her down. Natalya takes a beating from Melina, but Natalya grabs Melina’s leg and lock sin the Sharpshooter, bending herself all the way over, and Melina is forced to tap out.
WWE Diva’s Champion Natalya wins via submission.
However, LayCool cuts Natalya’s victory celebration short.
McCool tells them to calm down, and says that they have good news. Layla says that in six days, Nattie’s going to lose some weight. McCool says that she’ll probably have to shop in the plus size division for the rest of her life. They’re not talking about actual body weight, they’re talking about their Diva’s Championship. Layla points out they never got their Championship rematch, and McCool says Sunday, they’re going to bring the Diva’s Championship back from being classless, to being flawless.
Still to come, the World Heavyweight Champion Edge takes on the WWE Champion, The Miz.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi That end was a credit to Melina’s flexibility, as she didn’t snap in half. #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes The way Melina can bend, it just leaves a lot to the imagination. #wwe
@kickoutblog (secretly hoping for Kong to interfere in this match and destroy them both… Sorry Natalya)
@KeepItFiveStar And here we go! The slap happy Melina vs. the awkward screaming Natalya!
@JonHexLives Best. Sharpshooter. Ever. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar Shouldn’t Beth Phoenix be getting title shots? She’s actually been winning
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, CM Punk vs John Cena, and Mason Ryan appears.>
Backstage, Otunga is stirring up more trouble, and is pointing out that if Punk loses, then they’re all screwed. Punk says that he’s sensing a lot of negative energy, and he doesn’t like it. Punk point sout that last week he made a sacrifice, to Mason Ryan, and took a kick in the face to beat John Cena. Come Sunday, Ryan will make his sacrifice, as will all of them, to sacrifice their spot to win the Royal Rumble match, to insure that he does. He says that when he wins, when he main events Wrestlemania, all of their lives change. Punk breaks off and looks at Husky. Harris says that there are forty people in the Royal Rumble match. What if Punk comes out first, and the Nexus doesn’t come until, say, 20th, and he’s already eliminated? Ryan tells him CM Punk will not be eliminated. Punk tells them to maintain the Corre so he can beat Nexus. Punk says that he doesn’t expect Cena to LET him win, he’s going to win because he’s better. Besides, Barrett has been making Cena’s life hell. He then tells them to have faith, and then tells them to take a knee. He extends his fist, and the others do as well.
Backstage, Josh Matthews is interviewing Cena, who punches him, yet again. Matthews has to be sick of that. Matthews asks what his mindset will be for the main event, and Cena says that as an official he’s recognized for doing the same thing. He says that if Punk wins, he has faith that he will eliminate each and every member of the new Nexus. If Barrett wins, he has to deal with the Corre, and points out that it has an extra r, and it stands for –
He’s interrupted by Miz, who fakes a laugh. Miz says he can’t believe Cena’s attitude about the Royal Rumble match. Winning the Royal Rumble match could be the worst thing that has ever happened to them should they choose to face him. Did Cena not see how he gave Orton the worst beating of his life? Or the beating he’s going to give that second-rate Champion Edge? Cena asks him to try to give him the worst beating of his life. Cena points out that The Miz could lose to Randy Orton, and could lose his rematch, and they must-see their way to a shower. Miz asks Matthews if he thinks he’s going to lose, but Miz interrupts him before he can answer. Miz asks the crowd, and they answer yes. Miz asks Riley if it’s ready, and Riley says to roll the footage. Hey, G! Think you can get me a .gif of Miz and Riley laughing??
<VIDEO PACAKGE: WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley beat down Randy Orton.>
AWESOME!
WWE Champion The Miz with Alex Riley vs World Heavyweight Champion Edge
Before the match begins, Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero make their way out to the ring as well, and Dolph joins on commentary, with Vickie.
Miz and Edge, start to lock up, but Miz misses two kicks. Edge continues to deftly avoid all of Miz’ attempts, but catches Miz’ foot and gets the advantage, backing Miz into a corner. He Whips Miz across the ring and then sends his elbow into Miz’ face. He kicks Miz in the stomach, and then head butts him. Miz fights back, however, and elbows him. Once again, however, Miz misses his kick. Miz and Edge lock hands and Edge twists Miz’ arm behind his back. Miz tries to lift Edge, but can’t get him up. Edge fights back and sends Miz right over the top rope.
<COMMERCIAL>
@RhymesWithPen Vickie Guerrero looks way better in tights than Jerry Lawler ever did
@kickoutblog I love Dolph Ziggler’s business casual + hoodie attire.
@Niki_Sushi Hey. GM. Do your damn job and chase away Smackdown. Gawd, such a failure turtle. #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog The Miz has bigger fish to fry than John Cena anyway, he’s got a World Champion to beat.
We come back to Edge immediately going for a cover on Miz, but Miz kicks out at two. Miz gets the advantage, however, attacking the injured ribs of Edge before hitting him with a kick in the face. Miz goes for a cover, but Edge kicks out at two. Miz puts his knee in Edge’s back and then pulls him back, and I’ma punch this cameraman. I don’t care about Dolph and Vickie, thank you. Edge fights out, however, and Miz drops him right onto his back with his own hair. Miz keeps the advantage, and Whips Edge across the ring, but Edge hits a swinging neckbreaker on Miz. Miz starts to get up and Edge sets up for the Spear, but Miz rolls out of the ring first. Edge, however, follows, and Miz attacks the ribs again, before Whipping him, only to get it countered and for Miz to be sent to the barrier. Riley’s on the outside, keeping an eye on things. Edge throws Miz back into the ring. Edge climbs up to the top rope, and Miz fights him up there, going for a suplex, but Edge holds on, fighting to get Miz back to the mat. Edge gets ready, and hits a cross body on Miz, but Miz kicks out of the cover on two. Edge throws Miz into the corner, and then across the ring into the corner. Edge goes to do it again, but Riley helps Miz get out of the way. Miz gets Edge up and slams him, ribs first, into the top rope.
<COMMERCIAL>
@RhymesWithPen The World Champion is currently wrestling the WWE Champion and all Lawler cares about is making Vickie fat jokes … #IWantWrestling
@JonHexLives Why is Alex Riley wearing Sheamus-tinted boots? #WWE #RAW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar TWO COMMERCIAL BREAKS?! *Monocle drops* UNHEARD OF!
@kickoutblog THEY JUST WENT TO COMMERCIAL! COME ON!
Jesus, we come back to Miz going for a cover, Edge kicking out, Miz beating Edge then going for a cover, then Edge kicks out, then Miz starts beating on Edge again. Miz is doing something with the bandage for a minute there, and then wraps his legs around Edge’s ribs. Dolph needs to shut the fuck up. Edge did something and dropped Miz almost literally onto his head. Edge hits something else, but I didn’t see it. Edge is fighting back hard, and this a clothesline on Miz. Edge drops Miz, and then goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Miz drives his shoulder into Edge’s ribs repeatedly for a minute, before running across the ring, missing the swinging corner clothesline. Edge goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two, and Alex Riley distracts Edge. Edge climbs back into the ring, and Miz grabs him, going for a quick cover, but Edge kicks out at two. Miz Whips Edge, misses a clothesline, but manages to hit Riley with the baseball slide, before Edge drops Miz back to the mat. Edge crawls back and sets up the Spear, and I think I just heard Dolph drop the headset. I did.
WWE Champion The Miz wins via disqualification.
Ziggler grabs Edge as Edge goes for the Spear, and hits the Zig Zag on Edge. However, Orton is out next, and Ziggler attacks Orton, as well as Riley. Orton hits a vicious scoop slam on Ziggler, and Miz tries to take off, but Orton grabs him and beats him up. Miz runs into the ring, and Orton hits an RKO on Riley, then on Ziggler. Miz comes in and hits Orton in the knees with Riley’s briefcase before he grabs the WWE Championship and heads on out.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Oh no! It’s never a good day when Miz misses the clothesline
@Lunna1969 i love when Randy does the scoop slam! it always looks so smooth! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@kickoutblog Also, if this whole wrestling this doesn’t work out, Miz should totally sell a licorice candy called Mizzlers.
We come back to Matthews asking Barrett what the difference is between nexus and The Corre. Barrett says that when he first formed Nexus, he got too close to the WWE Championship and lost sight of his original goal, and lost the Nexus. But, every cloud has a silver lining, and he’s a member of The Corre. The Corre doesn’t have leadership issues or against John Cena being the special guest referee. Matthews says that people are pointing fingers at The Corre as being responsible for the attack on Teddy Long. Barrett stops him and says that he wishes Long a speedy recovery. Their goal for today is to make sure that Punk and Nexus are out of the Royal Rumble. As for Cena, Barrett hopes that Cena can respect him as he respects Cena.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan and the Bella Twins vs Ted DiBiase, Maryse, and Alicia Fox
Bryan and DiBiase are going to start it out, and Bryan fights out of DiBiase’s headlock quickly, and Bryan sends DiBiase to the mat. As the men are getting ready to work, Maryse tags herself in, and one of the Bellas and Maryse starts out. Bella 1 sends Maryse to the mat, and Bella 2 distracts Bella 1 from the whole thing, and Maryse takes advantage with a quick pinfall.
Ted DiBiase, Alicia Fox and Maryse win via pinfall.
The Bellas are fighting, and Daniel doesn’t look like he knows what the fuck to do. Get used to it, Bryan.
Still to come, Punk v Barrett.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Ted DiBiase, Maryse and Knuckles from Sonic The Hedgehog vs Darling Nikki, that other twin and Daniel Bryan!
@HitTheRopes Wow, two matches involving Divas on one Raw. #Shocked
@Niki_Sushi Aaaaaaaaand there goes the good mood. Nastiness Personified vs Sexy People. Sigh. #BWF #RAW
At the Royal Rumble, Randy Orton and The Miz will go head to head for the WWE Championship! Dolph Ziggler and Edge will duke it out for the World Heavyweight Championship! LayCool will meet Natalya for the WWE Diva’s Championship, and it is a first-ever Forty Man Royal Rumble Match!
Backstage, the Bellas are fighting each other about who is better for Bryan, or whatever is important to them. Tarver watches them argue for a moment before he walks away, and both are ridiculously unaware of how lucky they are to have not gotten their souls stolen. However, They enter Daniel Bryan’s locker room to see him and Gail Kim kissing. Haha, you whores. Bryan says that he and Gail have been dating for six months. Gail says that with no guest stars around they have nothing to do. Gail gets up in their faces and slaps one, and then is sent in the corner by the other one. Referees have to break them apart, because Gail is gonna break her heel off in their asses.
The new Nexus, without Punk, makes their way to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes Michael Tarver continues to pop up in random spots. #wwe
@Niki_Sushi So. Gail kinda just went up about 100% on the ‘DAMN’ meter, ya think? Such a shame that she has bad taste in men. #BWF #RAW
@divadirt “Because there’s no guest stars around, you guys really have nothing to do?” says Gail re. the Bellas. Oh snap! #WWE
@seraphalexiel IF THIS MEANS GAIL KIM WRESTLING, THEN I FORGIVE THAT LAST MATCH
@HitTheRopes Holy hell, something for Gail Kim, yay! #wwe
@KeepItFiveStar OHHHH SHIT! GAIL KIM WITH THE SHOOT COMMENT
This Sunday, Edge and Randy Orton will come together as a tag team once again to take on The Miz and Dolph Ziggler!
Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris with Mason Ryan and David Otunga vs WWE Tag Team Champions Vladimir Kozlov and Santino Marella with Tamina
McGuillicutty and Kozlov start things off with McGuillicutty losing his mind all over Kozlov. Kozlov fights back, however, and tags in Marella, who drops McGuillicutty to the mat and puts him in a headlock. McGuillicutty fights out of it, however, and sends Santino into the corner. Santino tries to jump up on McGuillicutty, who isn’t there, and McGuillicutty takes advantage, sending Santino to his corner. Harris is tagged in and stops on Santino before picking him up and dropping him real fucking fast. Harris goes for a quick pinfall, but Santino kicks out at two. Harris keeps him in the middle of the ring in a headlock, and then Santino flips Harris over him. Harris takes exception to this, and drops Santino, before going for a cover, but Santino kicks out. Santino continues to take abuse from Harris, who has him in a headlock in the middle of the ring. Santino fights to his feet, and both men are down. Santino manages to make it over to Kozlov, but before he can tag, Harris sends Kozlov off the apron. Santino starts to get momentum, and avoids his moves. He starts to flip Harris, but instead hits Harris’ knee. Santino sets up the Cobra, and McGuillicutty starts to get in, distracting Santino, while Harris takes advantage. Harris hits some kind of harsh-looking move and pins Santino for the win.
Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris win via pinfall.
Otunga takes the mic and asks for a hand for the new Nexus, but gets boos. He says that he wants everybody to give a warm welcome to the man who has sacrificed so much for them, a man who they will sacrifice for this Sunday and help propel to victory at the 2011 Royal Rumble match. Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for their leader, CM Punk. As CM Punk makes his way to the ring, Cena is backstage and is handed a referee shirt. He tosses his dog tags to the guy that gave him the shirt and makes his way to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Michael Tarver should’ve handed John Cena his ref shirtt.
@TKeep123 All HAIL…..SANTINO !!!! Can Nexus handle The Cobra? #WWE #RAW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar Wow. That belt has sucked out all of Tamina’s muscle. And for those keeping count, she’s wearing shoes.
CM Punk with New Nexus vs Wade Barrett with the Corre with Special Guest Referee John Cena
Haven’t done this in a while, so:
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SCRAP YER POO!!!
Wait, where’s the ref shirt he was just handed? Oh, it’s under. Okay.
Cena, before the match is even started, sends the New Nexus backstage and away from ringside. The Corre is clapping, but that shit won’t last. Punk looks greatly upset. Cena seems to be distracted by the Cena chants, and sends The Corre backstage next. Told ya so.
Cena finally calls for the damn bell… and then steps between them, and shoves Punk backwards. Punk goes to attack him, and points out that he’s the ref. Then, he slaps Barrett, and points out he’s the ref. So, Punk attacks Barrett instead. Cena stands across the ring and just stands there so that Punk can attack Barrett as he wants. Punk sends Barrett out of the ring and gets in Cena’s face and yells at him, but Cena doesn’t seem fazed. He then sends Punk over the top rope, and Punk runs in, pissed, but stops himself before he hits Cena. Barrett, however, comes back in and attacks Punk, hitting a hard sidewalk slam. Cena then ignores the cover and goes out to the side and signs a few autographs, pretending that he forgot there was a match going on. Punk and Barrett are trying to wrestle, and knock each other down. Cena calls for the bell.
Cena then says that both teams are disqualified for excessive use of profanity on a PG show, and neither team is going to the Royal Rumble. And then Cena laughs. And Punk and Barrett are pissed.
“What we have just witnessed was a blatant abuse of power. Now, I can’t change the referee’s decision of this double disqualification, but I can change the consequences. Therefore, CM Punk, Wade Barrett, and their respective teams, will all compete in the Royal Rumble match Sunday. And in addition, if John Cena does not go into the ring and apologize to both Wade Barrett and CM Punk, right now, John Cena, you will be the one out of the Royal Rumble match.”
Cena’s pissed about this, and Punk and Barrett like this way too damn much. Cena pulls off his ref shirt and walks back to the ring. He slides in and stands between the two of them. He apologizes to Punk, then to Barrett, and then attacks them both. And then The Corre makes their way back down to the ring before the New Nexus follows. Cena watches both teams, but the teams seem more weary of each other than they do Cena. McGuillicutty stars to attack, and then Big Show, Bryan, Morrison, Tatsu, Henry, Kozlov, Marella, and some other people, I’m sure, start coming out. Oh, there’s Truth too.
Anyway, there’s RAW for ya. Decent build up for the Royal Rumble, though I think everyone was busier talking about Gail Kim and Daniel Bryan. Anyway, hope you all enjoy your week.
Hello everyone! Terribly sorry about my absence the last two weeks, but things were crazy. Huge thank you to G for taking over the RAW review when my brother came in, and sorry about no RAW review being up last week. Turns out, the boss man, ThinkSoJoE, is having some computer problems, so no one was able to cover. BUT THAT’S OKAY! We’re here now! Or, at least, I am.
Tonight, Punk takes over as leader of the Nexus, and John Cena’s going to confront him for the first time since Punk showed interest two weeks ago! And I’ve been hearing rumors about a Hall of Fame nomination!
Strangely enough, we start out Monday Night RAW with a tag team title match! … No opening promo?!
WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov with Tamina vs ??? for the WWE Tag Team Championship
Before their opponents can even be announced, Nexus comes out and demolishes the tag team championships. Tamina is nowhere to be seen, and Punk enters the ring rather calmly, watching the chaos. Nexus clears the ring of the champs, thus answering my question about an opening promo. Turns out we’re gonna get one.
Punk says that he’s sorry and I notice he’s wearing black and yellow shoes. He says that the tag team title match is rescheduled for a later date. Ever since Nexus has made its impact on RAW, it’s been the most dominant force the WWE has ever seen. And, as scary as it sounds, they are even stronger now. He tells Nexus that each and every single one of them has the ability and chance to shine brighter than any other Superstar in history. He can give them the chance to succeed, and says that Barrett consistently failed at setting any kind of example. Two weeks ago, Punk single-handedly put Cena out of the equation. That’s right, their hero in all of his broken down hero will appear tonight. Cena will, he’s hoping, deliver a tear-jerking encore farewell speech tonight. Cena’s days of Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect are over, while Punk’s are just beginning. And then, the coup de gras later tonight, in an act of selfless leadership, Punk will make the ultimate sacrifice when he initiates himself the new leader of the new Nexus. But, he’s getting ahead of himself. His won’t be the only initiation tonight. Each one of the Nexus must prove to themselves, the group, to Punk, to these ‘worthless people’ that they have what it takes to belong in the new Nexus. If they all pass, the Nexus will be at the apex of their power, and they will not only take over RAW, but the WWE entirely.
Otunga takes the mic, damn it, and Otunga says that he speaks for all of Nexus and they would be honored to be initiated into the new Nexus tonight. Punk says that the honor will all be his. Punk starts with McGuillicutty, and says that he’s up first. He knows, Punk knows, the people knows, that Nexus is famous for these group attacks. They’ve beaten down Hall of Famers, the Chairman, and John Cena too. McGuillicutty’s initiation is to be on the receiving end of a beat down. Husky’s name is called and he’s told to start it. Husky looks at McG for a minute, Otunga takes the initiative and starts it, dropping him. Slater asks what the hell he just did, and Punk goads Slater into action. Husky looks at him again, and then drops himself onto McGuillicutty. Husky and Otunga move McGuillicutty to the corner, and Punk leads Gabriel up to the corner, where the Axe Murderer of Nexus Gabriel stands up and hits the 450 Splash. Punk kneels in front of McGuillicutty, and Nexus puts him on Punk’s shoulders, and Punk finishes it off with the Go to Sleep. Punk leaves, and Nexus carries the unmoving McGuillicutty off.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi ‘It wasn’t your turn! >:O’ ‘YOU TOOK TOO LONG!’ #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes David Otunga speaks for no one. Not even for himself. We all know, J-Hudson speaks for him.
@kickoutblog CM Punk is the only one with the right to wear pants though.
@StrikerSays Is The Nexus going to be CM Punk’s new SES? Are they all going to shave their heads?
@CMPunkSays Screw your tag team titles, it’s NEXUS TIME! #WWE
@Lunna1969 Isn’t that how gangs do their initiations? #WWE #RAW #BWF
@JonHexLives Nexus CM Punk shirts! #WWE #RAW #BWF
DAMN IT! R-TRUTH IS BACK!
R-Truth vs Alberto del Rio
If del Rio honks that horn one more time, I’m bitch slapping his face off.
Truth goes for del Rio, but del Rio moves, and Truth chases him, throwing him into a corner and then yelling WHAT’S UP at the crowd. Del Rio is sick of Truth’s shit and gets the momentum before going for a cover, but Truth kicks out at two. Is it just me, or does the arena look smoky? Anyway, del Rio Whips Truth, then misses a clothesline. Truth counters with a head scissors and then clothesline. Truth runs back at del Rio, and clotheslines him out of the ring, sending them both to the floor. The ref starts a count, and it takes a few minutes before either man moves. Del Rio attacks Truth, who attacks back. But, Ricardo Rodriguez starts yelling at Truth, and Truth gets counted out thanks to that.
Alberto del Rio wins via count out.
Del Rio takes the mic and says that’s another victory for him! But we already know that. We also know that his destiny is to win the Royal Rumble, and headline Wrestlemania. Okay, he knows that’s a different story, because tonight they’re in Nashville! The music city? Oh, you silly, silly, Americans. You don’t know anything about music. You don’t know anything about culture. Oh, del Rio, these people will kill you outside the arena. All they know is about their Justin Biebers, Idols, hip-hop, and that horrible and boring country music. This is a bad place to diss country music… In Mexico, they know about music. They know about culture. He says to allow a man with many attributes to show them real music, mariachi music! He motions to Ricardo and asks him to sing. Ricardo says that he can’t sing, probably thanks to that hit he just took to the face, and del Rio asks nicely. Ricardo takes the mic and sings La Cucaracha. Which I learned in Spanish. He’s really not that great at it, but I can’t blame him.
Two weeks ago, Punk gave Cena a Go to Sleep, and tonight, Cena is going to confront him. Holy crap, Ricardo is jamming. Tonight, we have to watch yet another John Morrison and King Sheamus match. Goodie. Why am I always covering RAW when people who can’t sing try to? Anyone remember Mark Henry rapping?
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar “And I haven’t even started yet!” You have started! You’ve been doin this shitty song for like 5 years!
@Niki_Sushi DAMMIT! Just when I thought I escaped it! Truth, how bout you go to TNA too? CAROLINA CONNECTION! :B #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Okay, if Del Rio starts winning every match by count-out, he’s going to become the world’s greatest asshole.
@typicalROHfan CAN DEL RIO RUN OVER R TRUTH WITH HIS CAR?
@JonHexLives I’m hoping Alberto Del Rio does at least one promo where he warms up like Ramses from NACHO LIBRE. #WWE #RAW #BWF
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Two weeks ago, WWE Champion The Miz violently attacks Jerry “The King” Lawler.”>
Jerry says that he’d be lying if he said he was fully recovered. Cole says that Randy will be sorely disappointed when he can’t take the WWE Championship from The Miz. Cole tells Jerry to apologize, but we have an email.
“Recently, Michael Cole has been on the receiving end of a lot of criticism. However, I support Michael Cole in every conceivable way. Even though, he’s a conceited, pompous, arrogant, self-centered, pretentious jerk. Okay, just kidding. The reality is that Michael Cole has done a phenomenal job and is the epitome of manhood. I wish we had more people like him, with the guts to stand up against popular opinion. Michael is an award winning journalist, a two-time Slammy award winner. He is witty, highly intelligent, and not to mention, handsome. Ladies and gentlemen, the highest honor one can achieve is to refer to themselves as a Cole Miner!”
Jerry finally interrupts, and my dinner stays in my stomach. Jerry says that he’s just received a message from the entire WWE Universe, and he quotes: “Will you please SHUT UP?” Really, Cole, nobody in their right mind would ever even think, say, or much less type, that Cole is handsome. What he really is is a coward. Cole says that Jerry can’t touch him or he’ll be ordered, but Jerry slams the laptop shut.
Cole says it still works.
“I assure you that Michael Cole is not a coward. And King, neither are you. That’s why I know that even though your body hasn’t fully recovered, you can’t wait to exact revenge. Therefore, tonight, WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on the team of Jerry “The King” Lawler, and Randy Orton.”
Punk is backstage and says that McGuillicutty’s in and passed with flying colors. Husky’s next. His initiation, if he chooses to accept, is in his left hand. He will willingly, without reprisal, take three lashes from everybody, with… a strap? A belt? Something. Husky says he accepts. Punk tells him to take the shirt off. Husky takes the shirt off, and Otunga starts. Justin’s next, and doesn’t seem as anxious as Otunga was. Slater comes up, and seems more discontent with the belt than with Husky. Punk tells them to get Husky up and hold his arms. Then, Punk delivers eight quick snaps with the belt.
<COMMERCIAL>
@RhymesWithPen CM Punk is treating Nexus like a frat, but lets be serious, no frat would ever allow Heath Slater to be a brother …
@KeepItFiveStar This is payback for the last week’s RAW/Smackdown with all that wrestling
@Niki_Sushi I have officially gotten to the point that until I see Cole, I literally can NOT hear him. I’ve blocked him out. #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Just when you thought it couldn’t get creepier than the opening segment, New Nexus turns to S&M
@jaded_prinz Ugh Raw has now turned into mini Bondage bear porn featuring a submissive Husky Harris lol
@dasharpshooters I guess Husky couldn’t remember the safe word. #wwe #raw
United States Champion Daniel Bryan and Mark Henry with The Bella Twins vs Ted DiBiase and Tyson Kidd with Maryse
Bryan and DiBiase start out the match with Bryan dominating. However, Bryan gets distracted and goes to take Kidd out of the match, but DiBiase throws him out of the ring. Kidd sneaks in a hit real quick and then DiBiase brings Bryan back in. DiBiase tags in Kidd, who keeps Bryan in the corner. Kidd distracts the ref, and DiBiase chokes Bryan. Kidd tags in DiBiase, and DiBiase gets Bryan in the center of the ring with a headlock. Bryan fights out and bounces off the ropes, hitting a hard clothesline on DiBiase. Bryan tags in Henry, and DiBiase tags in Kidd. Kidd runs face first into a clothesline, and then is head butted to the ground. Twice. Kidd crawls away and Henry runs toward him in the corner, but Kidd dives over and tags DiBiase in. They hit a double dropkick, but Ted is hit by a clothesline and Kidd is hit by Bryan. Then, Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the win.
Mark Henry and the United States Champion win via pinfall.
Later tonight, WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on Jerry “The King” Lawler (again) and Randy Orton. We have The Big Show here tonight and we find out why next.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog No Jackson Andrews with Tyson Kidd, I’m sure that tells you all you need to know about his WWE future.
@TheMizMagnet: GODDAMN IT! JERRY! STOP FIGHTING MIZ! I HATE THESE MATCHES! *storms off* #BWF
@TKeep123 This whole RAW is from a bad parallel world.
@Niki_Sushi I’m not going to be happy with the Diva’s division until A) Bellas are fired for being stupid or B) Awesome Kong comes n eats them #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes A couple years ago Mark Henry would have been ALL over them twins. #wwe
@KeepItFiveStar Mark Henry continues to be a threat for the Royal Rumble
On NXT, that guy with the giant nose was eliminated, and Dolph Ziggler said that he was terrible, and basically sucked. Not like anyone cares about NXT.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, it’s a big show!
Between Alberto del Rio and The Big Show, we have been invaded by Smackdown. Awesome. And Show just wiggled his ass. I’m so sorry to that guy in the front row.
Show says thank you very much, and it’s great to be back on RAWR…er… RAW. He is here to discuss some issues. Number one is Wade Barrett. He finds it funny that last week Barrett is knocked out of Nexus, and this coming up Smackdown, he wants to knock Barrett out! Number two, the Royal Rumble. He’s letting every superstar know that they’re on notice. The Big Show is coming to the Royal Rumble and he’s not playing games, go on and main event Wrestlemania-
We walk alone…
Punk, Gabriel, Slater, and Otunga make their way out to the stage, and Punk looks at Otunga, as do the rest of Nexus. Otunga makes his way down to the ring, and this is apparently his initiation. He looks back at Punk, who merely stares at him, and then makes his way into the ring.
Show holds up a finger, and Otunga pushes it down and smacks Show’s ear. Show looks at him, and Otunga looks like he’s just offering himself up for a smack, but then Show kicks him and then throws him out of the ring. Show follows Otunga and chucks him over the announce table. Punk rips his shirt (DAMN IT!), and then delivers that massive slap on the announce table. Show yells at him, and then drops him right on the floor. Show slams Otunga into the steel steps, and then shoves him into the ring. He then choke slams Otunga. Show then delivers the knockout punch to Otunga. Punk, Slater, and Gabriel don’t move, except to raise their fists up. I guess Otunga passed.
Later, Cena will address Punk, and next up, John Morrison will take on King Sheamus.
<COMMERCIAL>
@seraphalexiel I think you can get arrested for this type of hazing
@kickoutblog Seriously, if someone told me I could take 25 lashes from a leather belt or a 25% punch from Big Show, I’d ask for 50 lashes.
@KeepItFiveStar And now the WWE, and Jack Link’s present: Messin With Sasquatch
@RobMcNichol If Henry is Sexual Chocolate, Bryan Danielson must be Erotic Marshmallow.
<VIDEO PACAKGE: Last week’s Falls Count Anywhere Match for the WWE Championship>
John Morrison vs King Sheamus
Sheamus gets a good start in this match, but Morrison fights back, only to eat Sheamus’ knee with his stomach. Sheamus stomps on Morrison, and then continues to methodically pick Morrison apart before bouncing him off his knee. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out at two. Sheamus puts his foot in Morrison’s throat and then steps off, dominating Morrison. Morrison tries to fight back, but Sheamus puts a stop to that with his elbow in Morrison’s face. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out. Sheamus puts Morrison into a vicious looking hold that my brain refuses to give me a name for, but Morrison fights out, climbing up to his feet only to take a hit from Sheamus. Sheamus goes to knee Morrison in the stomach again, but Morrison goes for a cover. Morrison kicks out and picks up speed, getting the momentum. He this a heel kick to the jaw before Sheamus crawls into the corner. Sheamus, however, has none of that, and Morrison ends up on his stomach before kicking him again. Morrison plants his feet in Sheamus’ face, and then pulls himself up with a very on-PG pelvic thrust, but Sheamus shoves him out of the ring instead of facing up against Starship Pain.
<COMMERCIAL>
Nobody tweeted anything that I could really use here, so here’s a picture for your entertainment.
We come back to Sheamus dominating Morrison again, but Morrison fights out of the headlock. He goes to Whip Sheamus, but Sheamus drops him onto his back and goes for the cover, only for Morrison to kick out at two. Sheamus holds Morrison’s head off the apron, and drops hard elbows onto Morrison before letting him roll back into the ring and going for another cover. Morrison kicks out at two again, and Sheamus puts him in another submission. Morrison fights to his feet, and then out of the hold, fighting back against Sheamus with quick punches and kicks. Morrison pulls Sheamus out of the corner, and then goes for the flash kick, but Sheamus ducks it. Sheamus runs across the ring at Morrison, but Morrison pulls down the top rope and sends Sheamus out. Morrison then jumps out of the ring, attempting a suicide dive, but Sheamus plants his knees into Morrison’s ribs. Sheamus then plants Morrison onto the steel steps, ribs-first, and rolls him into the ring. Sheamus gets ready to use the Brogue kick, but Morrison fell onto his ass, and Sheamus just kicks him in the back. Sheamus then puts Morrison on the top of the turnbuckle and climbs up after him, because this always ends well, , but Morrison drops onto the steps and puts Sheamus’ face into the steel post before hitting something I missed and winning.
John Morrison wins via pinfall.
Now we’re reminded of McGuillicutty’s initiation into Nexus, then Husky’s initiation, and then Otunga’s demise at the hands of The Big Show.
Punk is holding onto two Singapore canes, and says that Otunga did well and is in. Punk says that Slater and Gabriel’s initiations… He’s not going to beat them with the kendo sticks, my bad, and Punk says that they’re going to beat each other with the kendo sticks until he tells them to stop. Punk says he’s serious, and neither one looks like they want to do it, and this is going to be an EPIC LIGHTSABER DUEL! Neither one moves to do anything, and Punk just watches like, “you fucking babies” before he stops them. Punk says that if they’re not in, they’re out. He expects home runs from all his soldiers, so swing for the fences. Slater and Gabriel look at the frustrated Punk, weapons in hand, and Punk asks them if they’re going to hit him, then tells them to do it. They both drop the Kendo sticks, and then walk out of the locker room.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Please…PLEASE hit Punk with those sticks! Get some balls! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@HitTheRopes It’s a light sabers duel. #StarWarsMeetsWWE
@Niki_Sushi Awwww! I’m so proud of Justin! Punk kinda looked like he was gonna eat their faces, though. #RUNFORTHEHILLS #BWF #RAW
@stephensonmc @JustinG_Nexus twirled his kendo stick like he was Obi-Wan #Raw
@YourBoyDrew So is anyone else convinced CM Punk runs a BDSM dungeon somewhere?
The first inductee into the Hall of Fame class of 2011 is about to be announced!
Jerry Lawler is in the ring and says that the greatest accomplishment of his career was being inducted into the Hall of Fame. So many individuals, even in childhood, dream of competing in the ring, and less that 100 of them have been inducted into the Hall of Fame. Hall of Famers share qualities like skill, drive, determination, charisma, and the respect of the WWE Universe, and the inductee he’s about to name, has earned the respect of the WWE Universe. He deserves, more than any other, to be a first ballot nominee. And it is the Heart Break Kid Shawn Michaels.
I think I’m cute… I know I’m sexy…
Holy shit, Shawn is there. I hate them right now. But it’s a personal thing. Just ignore me now.
Shawn takes the mic and motions for silence, but a one more match chant start-
Del Rio walks out, obviously not even caring. HE says his name is Alberto del Rio, and Shawn stares at him. Del Rio says that we already know that, and he, he is Shawn Michaels, the Heart Break Kid, the Legend, the Icon, the Showstopper. These people used to cheer Shawn. An HBK chant starts. Del Rio says but now, they cheer him. Which is greeted by a giant boo. It’s simple, del Rio says, that he’s the present and the future of the WWE. And Shawn is just history. After del Rio wins the Royal Rumble match, he’s going to win the Heavyweight or the WWE title, and after that, he will be known as the New Mr. Wrestlemania. And Shawn says nothing, just gives him a good dose of Sweet Chin Music. He then pockets his microphone like a gun, and makes sure his shoe isn’t scuffed up. Shawn then takes the scarf and dances his way back up the stage.
<COMMERCIAL>
@FrankWWEClown Congratulations to @ShawnMichaels_ Can’t wait to be there live to see one of my childhood heros get inducted. #HBK #WWE #RAW
@Lunna1969 Omg I’m actually crying cause I’m so happy! Congrats @ShawnMichaels_
@TKeep123 HBK into the #WWE Hall of Fame! Works for me! Well deserved! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@CMPunkSays I am grinning my face off. #HBK #WWE
@Niki_Sushi I just joygasm’d right here. Very few people have done everything Shawn did and incited the same love and adoration he has. #ThankYouShawn
@Niki_Sushi Shawn, keep that scarf. You’ll need it for the weather down there. #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes Shawn Michaels didn’t plan on going hunting but he just bagged himself a wild Del Rio.
@KeepItFiveStar Alberto Del Rio and his scarf just got Sweet Chin Music! That’s unfair. The scarf had nothing to do with this!
@TKeep123 Is there anyone that doesn’t see Sweet Chin Music in ADR’s future? #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Saiyavenger Sweet Chin Music. Still epic in ways even complex flippy-dippy finishers only wish they could be.
@RingsideRants ADR had time to shower and put a suit on after his match, but Otunga couldn’t even change his shirt?
Riley is excited about Lawler and Orton being in the ring at the same time, but Miz doesn’t seem excited, and asks what’s wrong with Miz. Miz says that in two week’s time, he’s attacked a Hall of Famer and defended his title in a match that people should be talking about. But no, people are talking about Randy Orton. People are saying that it’s a fact that Randy will win The Miz’ championship at the Royal Rumble. NO matter what he does, people won’t give him the respect that he has earned. Tonight, in their match, he doesn’t just want to beat them, he wants to demoralize, embarrass, and hurt them, so they can show the world that the only fact is that he’s going to be the WWE Champion for a very, very long time. Alex starts to say his catchphrase, but Miz stops him and says that catchphrases are for closers, and he won’t’ say it until after he finishes Randy Orton tonight
Cole is in the ring and says that they are about to be joined by John Cena. Two weeks ago, John Cena was assaulted by the new Nexus and their soon-to-be new leader, CM Punk. Punk interrupts from on top of the tron, which is pretty badass. Punk says that they are through talking about John Cena, and this is the CM Punk show now. What he wants to talk about is the new Nexus. What tonight has shown is that McGuillicutty, Harris, and Otunga have proven themselves strong enough to be in the new Nexus. They sacrificed themselves through their initiations, and now he is prepared to do the same. His initiation will be the ultimate sacrifice, and it is his hope and dream that through his sacrifice, it will prove that not only was he a member of Nexus, but he was their leader. Should he dive off this tro- Jesus Christ Nashville wants death. Fucking hell. Punk asks if he should break every bone in his body, rupture every muscle, and Matthews says no. So do I. Punk spreads his arms, and pauses. He says there’s one question he needs to ask: How gullible are all of you people? He’s wearing a bright yellow harness. He has two guys spotting him. He’s safer there than anyone in their seats. He then says what kind of an idiot jumps off the tron? Consider themselves initiated, Nashville, they are all the biggest, mindless, group of sheep – JERICHO! – he has ever seen in his entire life. The injured, but members, of Nexus make their way out to the ring, short Gabriel and Slater.
Punk is in the ring now and says that if anyone watching actually thought he was going to jump off the tron, they are stupid. He takes off his shirt, and says that as we can see, he’s wearing a safety harness, and then says that someone who would consider doing such a rash thing, is mentally challenged (still hating on Jeff Hardy! =D), and he is mentally superior. There’s never been a thought in his mind to jump off the tron, he doesn’t need their approval or initiations, and he is the leader of the new Nexus. Punk says that Cena is no longer there. He got rid of Cena.
Cena’s voice comes and Cena says that he’s there, on that big screen you were gonna jump off of. Cena proceeds to insult him and that kind of thing, and says that he is wasting everyone’s time. Why would he bother to give the new Nexus a physical imitation? He’s already given them one. He said he would get his hands on each and every member of the Nexus, and he di-wait. There’s a new member he hasn’t managed to initiate, and that’s CM Sucks. Punk says he’s not afraid of John, and he will not stand in his ring on his show and be intimidated by John. John says prove it. Next week, CM Sucks faces John Cena in a match. Punk says that he accepts. Cena says he was hoping that Punk would. All those things Punk has been saying about Punk, they’re right. If you provoke him, he’s the most animalistic, brutal, violent, physical man on the planet. That means, next week, Punk gets dealt with. As sure as Cena wears purple and the sun rises in the morning, Punk gets dealt with. Next week, it’s not about t-shirts and armbands, it’s about him whooping Punk’s ass.
Up next, the WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on Jerry “The King” Lawler and Randy Orton.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi What kind of idiot jumps off the Tron?! Me: Jeff Hardy? #BWF #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar “What kind of an idiot jumps off the tron?!” Jeff Hardy
@kickoutblog Punk is gonna Shane-O-Mac it up there.
@CMPunkSays I really wish John Cena wouldn’t bury the best thing in the WWE. That’s just… it’s just wrong.
@ThingsColeSays “CM Sucks” has to stop.
@kickoutblog John Cena’s been watching George Carlin.
@JonHexLives It’s like indie Punk has come back. #WWE #RAW #BWF
AWESOME!
The WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley vs Jerry “The King” Lawler and Randy Orton
Alex Riley and Jerry Lawler start the match, and Lawler goes for Miz, who jumps off the edge of the ring. Riley takes advantage and knocks Lawler down. Riley tags Miz in and Miz knocks Lawler across the ring. Lawler gets Miz down on the mat and begins to pound him. Miz runs out of the ring, but Lawler follows closely. Lawler then bounces Miz’ head off the announce table before sending him into the apron, and then into the steel steps. Miz rolls into the ring off a punch in the face, and then Miz sends his elbow into Lawler’s face and tags in Riley. Lawler sends Riley to the ground and tags in Orton. Riley backs away from Orton who follows, upper cutting him in the corner. The ref has to forcibly remove Orton from Riley, and Orton goes back, Whipping Riley across the ring, only to get a kick to the stomach. Miz is tagged in and hit with a clothesline before Orton stomps on Miz’ face once, then again. Orton then stomps on his stomach and steps on him, tagging in Lawler. Lawler gets Miz to his feet and punches Miz to his knees, twice, three times. King proceeds to unload on Miz in the corner, the referee having to force Lawler off. Miz retaliates with a kick to the face, and then goes over Lawler and punches him repeatedly, having to be forced off by the ref. Miz then sends Lawler to the mat before putting him in a headlock. Lawler fights up to his feet, but gets a knee to the midsection for his troubles. Miz then hits his swinging corner clothesline, sending Lawler face first into the mat.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar C’mon Randy Orton. How you gonna wipe your mouth before coming out to wrestle? Didn’t wash your hands or anything.
We come back to Riley dominating over Lawler, and Riley runs shoulder first into the turnbuckle as Lawler rolls over, and nearly goes to tag in Miz. Riley runs to Lawler, and gets punched in the face for his troubles. Lawler reaches for Orton, but Riley tries to get Miz. Riley manages to tag Miz in, and Lawler technically tags in Orton, but Orton never saw it. Miz sets up the Skull Crushing Finale, but Orton gets in and manages to hit the RKO. Lawler goes for the cover as Orton hides behind the apron, and Riley breaks it up. Riley makes Miz tag him in, but Lawler manages to tag in Orton. Orton hits the scoop slam, and then the back breaker on Riley, all the while, keeping an eye on Miz too. Riley rolls under the ropes, but Orton grabs him and hits that DDT. He then hits the mat and sets up for the RKO. Miz tries to sneak in, but Orton sees him, and Miz slips back out. Riley stands up and tries for something, but Orton hits the RKO. Orton keeps his focus on Miz. Orton moves back and tags in Lawler while Orton stares at Miz. Lawler then drops his right hand on Riley for the win.
Randy Orton and Jerry “The King” Lawler win via pinfall.
Next week, CM Punk and John Cena will finally face off!!
Tonight’s RAW was made up for by the fact that del Rio got Sweet Chin Music’d by Shawn Michaels. And… I wasn’t fond of the main event, but I’m starting to get sick of Jerry wrestling. It’s a personal thing, I suppose. Anyway. We’ll see what happens next week! Later!
The Power Poll has been taken over by Don Owens of Future-Endeavors.com, and we here at BoredWrestlingFan would like to welcome him here in his first week…
1. Wade Barrett (last week: 1)
The leader of the Nexus proved he can win matches on his own with a victory over R-Truth, and proved he’s in control of The Nexus by forcing John Cena to don the black and yellow t-shirt this past Monday on RAW. (My vote: 1)
2. Randy Orton (3)
The WWE Champion RKO’d anything that moved on Monday Night, but failed to take out John Cena, perhaps his biggest threat this Sunday at Survivor Series. (My vote: 2)
3. Edge (2)
The Rated R Superstar failed to exile David Otunga from The Nexus thanks to interference from Kane. However, Edge had the last laugh when he kidnapped Paul Bearer and caused enough of a distraction for The Big Show to pick up a victory over the World Heavyweight Champion. (My vote: 3)
4. John Cena (6)
After easily defeating Alex Riley in a match, Cena not only avoided being punted in the head by Randy Orton, he managed to hit him with an Attitude Adjustment – followed by one for Wade Barrett. (My vote: N/A)
5. Kane (5)
A loss for the World Heavyweight Champion, even if it was because of a distraction from Edge, leaves him at number 5. (My vote: 4)
6. Daniel Bryan (9)
The American Dragon impressed voters this week by holding off SmackDown’s All American American, Jack Swagger on RAW. (My vote: 9)
7. Alberto Del Rio (7)
His name is Alberto Del Rio, but of course, you already knew that. A victory over Sergeant Slaughter on RAW capped off a good week for Alberto, who defeated Kofi Kingston on SmackDown, was announced by Tito Santana, and was driven into the arena by Chavo Classic. (My vote: 7)
8. Dolph Ziggler (NR)
Apparently, appearing on both shows and winning helps big time in the Power Poll, because Dolph Ziggler retained his Intercontinental Championship against MVP on Friday and put Sexual Chocolate Mark Henry to sleep on Monday. (My vote: N/A)
9. Jeff Hardy (8)
TNA’s World Champion is the only thing that keeps them on this poll sometimes. And here, Jeff Hardy is hanging out near the bottom with his ugly new Immortal Championship. (My vote: 5)
10. Santino (10)
Two weeks running for Santino? Holy crap! Hanging out with The Iron Sheik and defeating the Usos through use of The Cobra(!!!!) will definitely get you votes here on the Power Poll! (My vote: 6)
Dropped Out: The Miz
I also voted for: Ezekiel Jackson (8) and Jim Ross (10)
The Power Poll is a weekly top 10 ranking of wrestlers as voted by members of these wonderful sites: BoredWrestlingFan.com, Future Endeavors, Hit the Ropes, NoVaWPodcast, Oh My WrestleBlog, Online World of Wrestling, PIZZABODYSLAM, Pro Wrestling Ponderings, Project Wonderboy, Ringside Rants, Smark Out Moment, Smarks Anonymous, The Superplex, The Wrestling Blog, WrestlingAdikt.com, WrestleRage.com, Wrestling Nuggets and Wrestlespective. Follow the Power Poll voters on Twitter.
Hello ladies and gentlemen! The RAW Review is back this week, just as it was last week, and I’m frazzled. I decided to take on the challenge that is National Novel Writing Month, but I’ll suck that up quietly in peace and not bring it to RAW. Anyway, I’ve tucked away all the stuff for that for now, and I am focused on RAW! Just a side note, however, I am going to be missing the November 22nd edition of RAW, for I will be there LIVE when they come to Orlando!! So I may get a late review up on the 23rd or something like that depending on how tired I am. We’ll see how that goes, but why am I jumping ahead!? I have to get through tonight!!
However, before we begin, our very own ThinkSoJoE and Random Redhead’s birthdays are on the same day as Wrestlemania 27 tickets… Just an idea… 😉 There’s your plug, sweetie.
I hear voices in my head, they council me, they understand, they talk to me…
We start out RAW first thing with Randy Orton making his way onto the stage and into the ring. He says that he doesn’t think there’s a man alive who could take the title from him, but if someone did, he would accept it, but he couldn’t accept it if he lost it because of a crooked referee. Especially if that crooked ref just so happened to be John Cena. So, he’d like to ask Cena to come out to the ring because if he’s gonna screw Orton over at Survivor Series, the least he could do is be man enough to say it to his face.
BRRRRRRRRRR SLAM THAT DOOR!
Cena walks out and says that he will say something to Orton’s face: cut him some slack. He knows Randy is the WWE Champion, he’s been there before, they both have. Orton’s smart enough to know that championships are won and lost, they come they go, and he has a decision to make at Survivor Series. If Barrett beats Cena at Survivor Series, he’s finally out of Nexus, but if Orton wins, Cena’s fired. And he has to be the guest referee. Cena says that if there’s a situation, if something happens, he doesn’t … He asks if he sees all that chaos on unrest, but he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. He’s either free or fired. Orton says that he sees that, and it’s Cena’s bleeding heart way of saying that he is gonna screw Orton over at Survivor Series. Cena denies it, but Orton says that if he does screw Orton over, then he keeps his job, but he’ll be the biggest phony in the WWE. And don’t bother coming out talking about Hustle, Loyalty, Respect, especially respect, because he’s obeying Barrett and disrespecting every champion, including himself. Then, Orton tells him to get out of his ring, because Cena doesn’t deserve to be in it. Orton then apologizes and says that Cena can’t get out of the ring without asking his master for permission. Cena says that they both worked hard to get there, and that Nexus runs the show while Cena gets coffee. Cena says that Barrett may have enough skill to compete for the WWE Championship, but he’s classless, and Barrett’s the one who doesn’t know about respect.
We walk alone, through the unknown…
Nexus – now with their new members McGuillicutty and Harris, make their way onto the stage. Barrett thanks Cena for his kind words, and he gives Cena permission to say whatever he wants about Barrett because actions will speak louder than words, and when push comes to shove, Cena will do exactly what he’s told. And at Survivor Series, Cena will raise his hand as the new WWE Champion. Cena says that all he knows that in three weeks, it’s over. He’s either out of Nexus or, and Barrett says or he’s fired. Cena asks Orton if he can have a second with his boss. Cena says that in three weeks, this thing is coming to a head, and whether he leaves Nexus or leaves the WWE, he’ll leave Barrett a parting gift: when this is all over, Cena will beat the hell out of Barrett. Orton then says that he doesn’t have to wait until Survivor Series, and as far as Orton is concerned, Barrett’s a scared little child who needs to hide behind seven other guys, and he’ll beat on him until the only thing left for Cena to do is count to ten and declare Orton the victor. Barrett starts toward the ring.
“Randy Orton, as the WWE Champion, I feel for the position you’re in. You want to know what Cena is going to do, we all wanna know, so I think we should find out tonight. Later this evening, there will be a main event with Wade Barrett and a partner of his choice vs you, Randy, and a partner of your choosing. And the special guest referee is going to be John Cena.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@CawCawBang Someone’s going to get their head punted in
@thinksojoe No, Michael Cole, you may NOT have my attention. #BWF #RAW
@Niki_Sushi So… was Cole reading the ‘e-mail’ off of Microsoft Word?
@Lunna1969 And I quote, shut the hell up Michael Cole!
We return to WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater in the ring.
WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater vs David Hart Smith and Tyson Kidd with Natalya
So, are these two actually going to split, or is this going to be teased the entire time? Curious… And I may be wrong. I don’t see Natalya.
Kidd and Slater start out, getting good momentum, but Kidd tags – see, punches – Smith in, and Smith dominates Slater. Smith hits the suplex on Slater, going for a cover, but Slater kicks out at two. Smith continues to dominate in the center of the ring, until Slater manages to get behind Smith and Gabriel tags himself in, getting a quick hit on Smith and taking advantage. Slater and Gabriel tag in and out, dominating Smith in their corner. Gabriel gets Smith in the middle of the ring in a headlock, and I see now that Natalya was not out here. Smith hits a scoop slam on Gabriel. Smith manages to get Kidd in, and Kidd gets a good advantage, hitting a neckbreaker before going for a cover, only for Slater to break it. Smith sends Slater flying outside of the ring, and Kidd takes advantage, dropkicking Gabriel out of the ring. Slater shoves Smith into Gabriel, sending Kidd flying into Smith. Slater then distracts Kidd, and Gabriel goes to the top rope and hits the 450 for the win.
WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater win via pinfall.
Smith yells at Kidd for a while, once again teasing the breakup.
Backstage, Cena’s standing there and Truth comes up. Truth says Cena got buck, confusing all of us, and then explains that Cena just stood up for himself. Truth then says when the moment of truth arrives, what is Cena gonna do? He says that he’s Cena’s friend, and Cena walks away.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Oh Hart Dynasty…ya dun goofed…again
@Niki_Sushi I was all pumped up to see Justin and Heath, but then a couple Harts came out and ruined it for me. Ah, dammit. #BWF #RAW
@seraphalexiel I wanna know when Truth and Cena got so chummy. Did anyone know they were friends before Cena became a slave?
@HitTheRopes Umm, that’s not what “getting bucked” means, R-Truth. #wwe
@kickoutblog I’d really like to see Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel lock up in the future.
The guest star tonight is PeeWee Herman. And just this song is driving me crazy.
It’s a shameful thing, lobster head, too many limes, too many limes!
<VIDEO PACKAGE: John Morrison assists Santino Marella defeat Sheamus.>
Sheamus says that everyone expected him to come out and throw a tantrum over Santino’s loss last week, but Santino didn’t beat him, he beat himself. Santino, he’s given you a week to bask in the glory of his fluke victory, but now he’s gonna pay. So, fella, come out here and try that one more time. And come out Santino does, in street clothes. Santino says that first of all, he would just like to say that he respects Sheamus as a human being. In fact, he is a little bit of a fan of his. Actually, he went trick-or-treating dressed as Sheamus. The only problem is that everyone thought he was a ghost. Sheamus smirks a little. Santino says that it was quite irritating and no wonder Sheamus is so angry. Sheamus isn’t grinning anymore. Santino says last night he consumed too much candy, and bad things happen. So, unfortunately, the doctor said that if he wrestles against Sheamus, he’s going to accidentally throw up in Sheamus’ face. He doesn’t think that anyone wants to see that, but the crowd disagrees. Santino says that he did find Sheamus a suitable replacement.
Yeah, you’re a stoopid boy…
Vladimir comes out and says that Sheamus talks funny. Now, Vladimir crush him. HULK SMASH!
Sheamus vs Vladimir Kozlov
Vladimir gets a good start against Sheamus, getting an early advantage, but Sheamus fights back. Vladimir wastes no time in getting it back, and Santino plays cheerleader for Kozlov. Sheamus gets Kozlov in the corner and gets Kozlov in the middle of the ring, hitting a back breaker and going for a cover. Kozlov kicks out at two, and Sheamus uses some rather Orton-like knee drops to the skull. Kozlov then grabs Sheamus and head butts his chest, going for the cover, but Sheamus gets his foot on the rope. Sheamus fights back and hits the Brogue kick for the win.
Sheamus wins via pinfall.
Sheamus then gets Santino’s hand under his boot and steps back, only for Santino to scurry out of the ring. Sheamus follows him, and Santino offers Sheamus candy in exchange for safety, then offers to give him money. Sheamus drops the money and continues to stalk Santino. Santino then offers him the credit card, and Sheamus chucks that too. Santino then offers to write Sheamus a check, but Sheamus shoves him backward, and then kicks his stomach. Sheamus lifts Santino, and gets ready to hit the Irish curse, only for Morrison to come to his rescue, kicking Sheamus in the stomach and head. Santino trumpets the fact that he’s okay, and Morrison watches him.
Truth walks up to Orton backstage and Truth says that he’s cool with Orton, but he and Cena are friends. Truth says that he doesn’t like what he saw, and he thinks that Cena’s already made up his mind. Truth says that Cena’s not going to let himself get fired, and he has a funny feeling that Cena’s gonna count Barrett victorious. Orton says that tonight, he’s going to make Truth his tag-team partner. Cena and Orton have never gotten along, but Orton wants to see how he treats his friends. Orton says that tonight, they’re going to find out that Cena doesn’t have any friends.
<COMMERCIAL>
@seraphalexiel Obviously, Truth’s new gimmick is Danny Glover. More hood, less awards
@Niki_Sushi Its a shameful thing, lost my shorts! Too much sun, too much sun! #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes When the Hell did R-Truth become Dr. Phil of the Raw locker room? Stop being an instigator, Truth. #wwe
@ThingsColeSays Hey Truth, who is Wade Barriet?
@FrankWWEClown “Odds are I will eventually throw up…….IN YOUR FACE.” –Santino #WWE #RAW
@bethsharae I’m not entirely positive that R-Truth speaks the English language.
Mark Henry is on the phone with PeeWee and says that things aren’t the same since Evan got hurt, because he’s not just his tag partner, but his friend too. PeeWee says that he felt the same thing with a splinter, and I don’t know what he’s talking about. Henry turns around and says it’s a great story, but he still has to find a tag partner, which is why he’s there to see him. Herman says he’d be glad to be his tag partner. Henry says that Herman is just the man to give him a big hug, and Henry crushes him. Herman says that he knows what may cheer him up, and that’s Diva Twister. The Bellas, Melina, an Eve. Dear, God.
PeeWee says he’s taking some time off from his Broadway show – the PeeWee Herman show – for plenty of surprises, and Lita shows up!, joining them for Twister.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes Thank gawd they introduced the Divas because this segment had *PAUSE* written all over it. #wwe
@kickoutblog Ya know, as much as I love Pee-Wee, it’s probably a really bad idea to play Twister with him. Just sayin.
OH, RADIO, TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!
Well, Joe, you got part of a Ryder entrance!! That counts, right?
Zack Ryder vs Ezekiel Jackson
Ryder gets a small advantage, and Jackson takes that away without even blinking. Big Zeke wins.
Ezekiel Jackson wins via pinfall.
The main event is going to be Orton and Truth against Barrett and Otunga with Cena as special guest ref!
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Zack Ryder, meet your new pimp. Be sure to shave your legs and wax your bikini line; clients don’t like that shit.
@kickoutblog Ow, Ow, Ow… you know it! #BigZekeWillBreakYou
… PeeWee came out… but now I’m terrified.
Tonight’s secret word is ring. Apparently, we’re supposed to do something. And King is too excited about this. Scream, of course. I must have erased that from my memory. And I totally did just put arrested… Freudian slip.
AWESOME!
Cole welcome us to Miz-ville, and I want to punch him. PeeWee’s making some kind of noise in the mic as Miz climbs into the ring.
Miz says he thought RAW losing at Bragging Rights was the lowest point of the show, but he was wrong. Miz doesn’t like PeeWee – though Riley does – and he always liked He-Man. PeeWee asks why he doesn’t marry He-Man. Miz tells him to get out of the ring, and everyone screams. Riley tells him not to say the secret word, and Miz says that he doesn’t care about the secret word, and he wants PeeWee out of his ring – cue screaming. Miz says that he’s not a cultural icon, just a pathetic excuse for a man. Miz and PeeWee proceed to fight like kindergartners, and Riley says he’ll handle it, but Riley gets in PeeWee’s face and Miz has to stop him. Miz asks if PeeWee is stupid, and says that he’s Mr. Money in the Bank. Miz doesn’t care who PeeWee is, and asks if PeeWee wants him to beat him into a pulp, and PeeWee says that he’s shaking, and that PeeWee is starting to get angry. He’s a loner and a rebel. PeeWee says that they should not anger the P. He got his cousin backstage, and Miz mocks him a little bit. Miz says that’s so funny he forgot to laugh, and to bring his cousin and the whole Herman family, because he will destroy them all. PeeWee says that he’ll be out there to wipe the smirk off his face.
WELL, It’s a Big Show!
Show comes out in a PeeWee imitation suit, and I die a little inside. Show double clotheslines Miz and Riley out of the ring and picks PeeWee up. Pee Wee asks if they had a nice trip out of the ring.
“Miz, you’re not getting out of this so easy. You said you’d beat anyone in PeeWee’s family, well, tonight’s secret word is pain. Because you’re going to face PeeWee Herman’s cousin, the big PeeWee, next.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog If Big Show does the Pee-wee Tequila dance, I might have to stop watching wrestling since nothing will ever top that.
@HitTheRopes Okay, who came in and changed the channel. I could have sworn I was tuning in to watch WRESTLING. #wwe
@Niki_Sushi Oh fuck me. This is…. this is horrifying. Even Miz looks embarrassed for Show.
@RingsideRants Jesus, I miss wrestling. #WWE #RIPWrestling
@KKonvictionCom Oh it’s Pee-Wee. Hide yo kids, hide you wives, hide your husbands…cuz he’s rapin errbody up in hurr.
The Miz vs The Big Pee Wee Show
Show dominates Miz, which just hurts my heart even more than- no, less than that last segment. Show Irish Whips Miz, who ducks out of the ring for a moment, climbing back in the ring. Show then returns to dominating Miz, which we all know is because of his movie (alright, alright, I’ll stop being a fangirl. xP), and steps down on Miz’s throat, though Miz comes back, ducking under a clothesline and getting some hits to Show’s knee. Show comes back with a hard hit to Miz, then flips him onto the ground and hits a hard elbow drop. Show goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out. Miz looks a little dizzy, but continues to kick at Show’s knee, alternating between his head and knee. Miz hits a dropkick on Show’s knee, finally getting him down to his knees. Miz then gets Show in a headlock, holding it there tight. Show stands up, but Miz holds on, paying for it as Show falls backwards. Miz and Show both make their way to their feet, Show regaining momentum. Show climbs up to the second rope, watching Riley, and then dropping backward, only for Miz to roll out of the way. Miz then goes for the cover, but Show throws him into the ref. Miz attacks Show while he’s down, kicking him in the face before hitting some hard hits and going up to the top rope, aiming to knock Show down again. Miz goes up again, dropping his knuckles on Show’s head, once, and then doing it again for a third time. He goes for the cover, but Show throws him off again. Miz gets Show in a headlock, holding on tight once again. Show struggles to get up to his feet, flipping Miz off him and then clotheslining Miz once, twice, and Irish Whipping Miz and then throwing him over his back. Show makes a train noise and then runs across the ring, getting Miz set up for the choke slam, but Riley distracts Show, who uses the briefcase and gets disqualified.
The Big Show wins via disqualification.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Stand up for WWE, Celebrity Edition.>
Backstage, Cena is talking to Barrett. Barrett says after Cena raises his hand in victory, he wants Cena to clean his locker room: Sweep, mop, and then scrub Barrett’s back. Cena looks over and sees Otunga. Otunga says that Cena won’t be scrubbing Barrett’s back, because he’ll be raising Otunga’s hand. Otunga has more talent than anyone in Nexus, and more than Cena. Yeah, okay, Otunga.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar John Cena’s also gonna shave Wade Barrett’s back and Barrett will purr like a Walrus
@kickoutblog Pee-wee + Big Show + The Miz = wrestling gold
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Goldust and Aksana get married tomorrow night on NXT.>
That may have been a commercial, but it made me grin. Remember, DiBiase has a personal vendetta against Goldust for stealing Daddy’s belt. Which means daddy’s more pissed off.
Ted DiBiase with Maryse vs. Daniel Bryan
DiBiase starts to get an advantage, but Daniel eats his advantage with his feet. … I don’t know what that meant either. Anyway, Maryse walks over to Cole and says something, and Cole says that he’ll let us know. DiBiase tries to get the advantage away from Bryan, and does so after a hard fight. He gets Bryan in the middle of the ring, holding Bryan in a headlock. Maryse looks like she’s got something in mind, so keep an eye on her Bryan, and not a creepy one. Bryan attempts a LaBell lock in mid-air, but turns it into a cover, twice, and DiBiase kicks out both times. Alright, that staircase flip thing off the ropes was impressive. Bryan pounds the mat as he avoids DiBiase, getting pumped up, and then kicks DiBiase in the chest once, twice, three, four, five, six times. DiBiase counters a jump into a cover, but Bryan kicks out at two. DiBiase gets behind Bryan and tries for Dream Street, but Bryan gets him in the LaBell Lock, and DiBiase taps.
Daniel Bryan wins via submission.
DiBiase freaks out on Maryse and says that he can’t concentrate and he needs his title back.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! #LeBellLock
@TheWWETweeter AHAHAH!! David Otunga just said he’s the most talented guy in @TheNexusWWE!! That was hilarious!! ..Oh wait.. He wasn’t kidding..? #WWE #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar #umad Ted. Its Daniel Bryan, there’s nothing you can do
Damn it. LayCool is here. I mean… No, that’s what I meant.
McCool says that she feels that LayCool got off on the wrong foot with everyone and she doesn’t care. They apologize for hurting the WWE Universe. They just need a fresh start, and the more they give, the more people take it the wrong way. Natalya, for example, is what they call special. She’s Canadian, and they’re going to be nice. They say that they’re going to give Natalya another chance at Survivor Series if she beats McCool tonight, but she won’t do that because they’re the best there was, is, and ever will be.
Diva’s Champion Michelle McCool vs Natalya
I really thought Cole was going to say it was time for the most exciting sixty seconds of RAW. I was going to cry a little as I laughed myself to death. Anyway, Natalya gets a pretty good start, but McCool yanks it away from her and beats the shit out of her for a while. Just when it looks like Natalya can’t get back in it, Natalya steals an advantage back and throws McCool into Layla, then moves out of the way so that McCool kicks Layla, and then sneaks a pin in there for the victory.
Natalya wins via pinfall.
We see a heart monitor beeping, and then Freddie Prinze Jr comes up, and says that the someone’s still in a coma, and he’s going to miss the election. Then, we see it’s Vince McMahon?!
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Michelle’s weave met some chlorine, apparently. #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Look out, women are actually wrestling on WWE TV. #SignsofApocalypse
@CawCawBang THERE’S NO TIME OUT IN WRESTLING!!!!!
@BrdWrstlngFn As much as I can’t stand these two – I love the gimmick. It works.
@ThingsColeSays Oh God. That can’t be good.
@FrankWWEClown Aw, Layla is crying. How dare you Natalya. #WWE #RAW
@YourBoyDrew Vince..I just saw you at the appreciation show, what happened within that one day? Haha
Freddie talks to Vince and says that at least Linda comes over to visit, and she’s dedicated, even though she spent $50 million on a campaign. I was right. This is the obligatory Linda for Senate segment!! Now Freddie has to break the news that Taker was buried, Nexus is stronger than ever, Cena’s in Nexus, Paul Bearer’s back, Goldust is getting married, and RAW’s being taken over by PeeWee Herman. Vince says next, Freddie’s going to tell him Bryan is US Champion. Right on the money, Vince. Vince pulls off all the stuff keeping him hooked p and says that he has to go to the bathroom. Then again, if his wife can run for Senate, he can run to be the President. Oh, dear God. There’s a Blumenthal sign on Vince’s butt.
Stephanie suddenly shoots up in bed and says that she had the weirdest dream. She asks Triple H to make sure her dad’s still in a coma, and he says yes, and Thank God.
BRRRRRRRRRRRR What the hell is Creative on tonight?
Wade Barrett and David Otunga vs Randy Orton and R-Truth with Special Guest Referee John Cena
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes With the Blumenthal poster on his keister, WWE gave both candidates time in that segment. LOL
@RingsideRants Stay classy, Vince.
@kickoutblog Okay, Vince waking up after hearing his wife spent $50 million was pretty funny. Not digging the free Linda ads though.
@seraphalexiel D: I hate politics too. Go away
@CawCawBang Mr. Mcmahon is Mr. Krabs
@FrankWWEClown Cena would make a great ref if he wasn’t a Superstar, he just pulled out the tag ropes for this match. So vital. Eat that, Chioda. #WWE
@Lunna1969 Super Cena don’t look right in black and white stripes…
@KeepItFiveStar If John Cena destroys R-Truth I will love him for life
@ThingsColeSays Vince McMahon has lost his damn mind.
Otunga and Orton start out, locking up in the middle of the ring. Otunga backs Orton into a corner and beats on Orton for a while. Orton gets out, and hits a shoulder block on Otunga, getting him to his knees before kicking him in the stomach. He then Irish Whips Otunga and runs into an elbow. Otunga tags in Barrett, who gets a clothesline from Orton as he gets in. Cena gets Orton off of Barrett and Barrett takes advantage and rolls Orton up, only for Orton to kick out at two. It happens again, but Barrett tags in Otunga, who eats a scoop slam. Orton and Barrett lock eyes, and Orton drops his knee in Otunga’s face, then follows him out of the ring. Cena tells them to get back in the ring, and Orton goes to throw Otunga into the steps, only for Otunga to reverse it and throw Orton in. Cena tells Otunga to get Orton back in, and he does. Otunga goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out at two. Otunga tags in Barrett, who immediately begins stomping on Orton. Barrett gets Orton in a headlock, but Orton gets to his feet and gives Barrett a very hard throw to the mat. Both men are down and work toward their corners, Otunga and Truth tagged in. Truth hits a hard, two hard elbows on Otunga, then throws Otunga down. Otunga Irish Whips Truth, who jumps off the corner and does his fancy dance moves, and goes for a cover, only for Otunga to kick out at two. Truth throws Otunga into the ropes, and Barrett is tagged in. Barrett goes for the cover, but Truth kicks out at two. Barrett Whips Truth into the corner, and Barrett hits a back breaker. Barrett lifts Truth and punches him in the face, then going up to the second rope and missing an elbow drop as Truth moves out of the way. Both men are down, again. Truth tags Orton, but Cena never saw the tag due to Otunga climbing into the ring and distracting Cena. Barrett drags Truth over to their corner and the Barrett tags Otunga in. Otunga slams Truth onto the mat and hits an elbow drop, going for a cover only for Truth to kick out at two. Otunga tags in Barrett, Cena kicks Otunga to the apron, and Barrett beats Truth up a little. Otunga goes for a cover, but Truth kicks out at two, then puts Truth in a headlock. Truth fights back, and the two of them are down in the center of the ring after a double cross body. Otunga tags in Barrett, but Cena misses it because Orton distracts him. As Cena yells at Barrett, Orton hits the RKO on Otunga and takes Barrett out of the ring. Truth then gets the pin on Otunga.
R-Truth and WWE Champion Randy Orton win via pinfall.
For some reason, Truth’s music changes to Randy’s. The sound guys probably realized that playing Orton’s music made more sense since Orton really got them the victory. Either way, we end RAW with an epic staredown between Orton, Barrett, and Cena.
Overall, not a bad RAW, if you take away the scary ass PeeWee segments. See ya next week, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry about no RAW review last week. I originally planned to do it on Tuesday, but I completely forgot about a midterm, and real life caught up with me and bitch slapped be across the face. Anyway, there’s one gonna be up tonight, and that’s all that matters, right?
Tonight, John Cena will team up with WWE Champion Randy Orton against the men that got him into Nexus in the first place, Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris. How will Nexus feel about this?
RAW starts with Teddy Long, of all people, coming out. He says he’s here tonight because he can. Tonight, he’s going to take over RAW.
“Get out of my ring. Get out of my ring, now. You have no business being here.”
Teddy interrupts and says that Smackdown vs Raw this Sunday at Bragging Rights, and brings out the Bragging Rights trophy. Teddy says that the trophy belongs to Smackdown, and they laid the Smackdown on RAW last year.
“Get out of my ring, or else.”
Teddy says he’s not threatening him? He’ll show him, or else. Teddy climbs out of the ring and he starts arguing with Cole.
<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>
Teddy shoves the mic at Cole and goes up to the podium. He says that the Smackdown General Manager has an announcement to make. Right now, the RAW GM is going to be disconnected. He then introduces the Big Show and the rest of Team Smackdown. Edge, Alberto del Rio, Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger, Tyler Reks, and Rey Mysterio.
AWESOME!
Turns out Team RAW wasn’t too happy about that, and Captain Miz comes out with a laughing Alex Riley. Miz says this is the team that’s supposed to take over RAW? It looks like Smurf Village next to a power plant. Miz reminds us that he was the sole RAW superstar to win at Bragging Rights last year, is the team captain this year, and will lead RAW over Team Smackdown. The trophy and the Bragging Rights that go with it, will go over to the A-Show. Miz then brings out the rest of Team RAW: CM Punk, John Morrison, Santino Marella, Ezekiel Jackson, and Sheamus. Miz then tells them to get out of their ring, or they’ll make them get out.
Team RAW starts walking down to the ring, and then the brawl starts in the ring between the two teams. While they’re all killing each other, I wanna say that it’s really cool to see Ezekiel Jackson back. Miz then grabs his team and exits the ring, saving that they need to save it for Sunday. Show takes a mic and says, don’t go back there and start a ruckus. He gets it, it’s his ring. Smackdown will get out of the ring, willingly, if Miz will face Show one-on-one in a Captain vs Captain match. Miz agrees to it.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: The Miz becomes captain of Bragging Rights after defeating John Cena in a No DQ match. Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty interfere, costing Cena the match. Cena attacks them, Barrett interferes, and Cena almost hits him. More Barrett-Cena heat. The company makes Cena look like he’s losing his damn mind. Barrett calls Cena a coward, pathetic, and a disgrace. Barrett then says until next week, “You Can’t See Me.”>
Still to come, WWE Champion Randy Orton and John Cena take on Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty.
<COMMERCIAL>
@legendkiller515 will someone please smack the hell outta cole #wwe #raw #bwf
@CawCawBang Go away Cole you ugly troll
@Lunna1969: Smurfette! Lmao! W2g Miz #RAW #WWE
We come back to the Tag Team Champions standing in the ring.
WWE Tag Team Champions Drew McIntyre and “Dashing” Cody Rhodes vs The Hart Dynasty with Natalya
Rhodes and Kidd start out, Kidd going for McIntyre before Rhodes plants him and gets the advantage. Rhodes tags in McIntyre, who dominates Kidd. McIntyre plants Kidd’s face into the barrier before getting him back in the ring and tagging in Rhodes. McIntyre drops Kidd onto the ropes and holds him there for Rhodes to kick him in the ribs. Rhodes then tags back in McIntyre and they throw Kidd into the turnbuckle. Kidd manages to tag in Smith, who hits a drop kick on McIntyre and gets the momentum back on their side. He then hits two big kicks on Rhodes and McIntyre. He goes for a cover on McIntyre, but he kicks out at two. Smith hits a running power slam and goes for a cover, but Rhodes breaks it up. Rhodes goes to attack Smith, but Kidd attacks him. They set up for the Hart Attack, but Smith decides to attempt a Sharpshooter last minute. Smith gets distracted by Kidd and McIntyre hits the Future Shock DDT for the win.
WWE Tag Team Champions Drew McIntyre and Dashing Cody Rhodes win via pinfall.
Natalya proceeds to yell at David Hart Smith about how they’re a team.
Backstage, Cena’s thoughtful and Randy Orton walks up. He says that they should lay all the cards on the table. He can tell that Cena being a part of Nexus is eating him up, but he doesn’t think that it would stop him from helping Barrett take the WWE Championship away from him. So, if Cena helps, Orton won’t have any problem punting him in the skull. Cena says that if he even tries, Cena will break that leg off.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog We need Bret to fix these… broken Harts. YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
@HitTheRopes Look, Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre are offering their 2 cents…. Get it? 2 cents. (tag titles look like 2 pennies) #rimshot #wwe
<VIDEO PACKAGE: R-Truth’s new theme song. I’m still not sure these lyrics are PG-13.>
Goldust with Aksana vs. Zack Ryder
Damn. I hate that they won’t play Ryder’s theme song. I jam out to it when they play it. Anyway.
Ted DiBiase and Maryse make their way out to the stage to watch the match as Ryder gets an early advantage over Goldust, which Goldust gets back by slapping Zack in the face. Goldust hits the final cut, and the match is over.
Goldust wins via pinfall.
Ted DiBiase makes his way to the ring and attacks Goldust from behind. Maryse went to grab the Million Dollar Belt, but Aksana got it. Maryse then chases Maryse out of the ring to try to get the belt back. Goldust gets up in the ring and hits the Final Cut on DiBiase too. I admit, I’m loving the weird Goldust’s return.
Still to come, Smackdown vs RAW starts early as the Big Show takes on The Miz.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog I kinda wish they would’ve done that video like those old Disney sing-a-longs with a bouncing R-Truth thread.
@WWEsAngel_Nef Bwahahahahahahahaha <—-My reaction to R-Truth’s video package. #WWE
@HitTheRopes Maryse and Aksana face to face. It’s as if Maryse was looking in a mirror…. a mirror that is worn, dusty, and doesn’t show sexy #wwe
Barrett is standing with Nexus and Cena walks in. Barrett says that he wants Cena to test Harris and McGuillicutty, to see if they’re good enough to join the Nexus. Cena said that Barrett just told him to go out there and give it everything he’s got, and those are his orders? He asks what the catch is, and Barrett says that there’s no catch: tonight he has the opportunity to show the WWE Universe the Cena they know and love, then orders him to get him a glass of water.
The kid from Role Models and the new Knucklehead movie, Bobbie Thompson, is playing Smackdown vs RAW with Show vs Miz, and Show wins. Miz then picks him up and to tell him that Miz has a surprise for him. Show then takes Bobbie, and puts him down. Bobbie then says that Show has to knock Miz out for him.
Cena comes back with a glass of water and hands it to Barrett, who says it wasn’t difficult. Barrett wants Cena to know that he’s really enjoying it, then splashes the water in Cena’s face.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Miz is assaulting children now? #favoritewrestlerever
@FrankWWEClown Heath Slater, stop smirking, you little creep. #WWE #RAW
@CawCawBang When did little chris rock come in?
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Harris and McGuillicutty cost Cena the Team RAW Captain match.>
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WATER BOY!
John Cena and WWE Champion Randy Orton vs Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris
Is it just me, or does Husky look like a pedobear remake? Hmm…
Nexus come up to the stage to watch the match. Cena and McGuillicutty start, and Cena starts unleashing on McGuillicutty. Cena hurls McGuillicutty around the ring before throwing McGuillicutty after a vicious looking fisherman suplex.
<COMMERCIAL>
@redsandman99 I think it should be illegal for Husky Harris to not wear a shirt
@kickoutblog Should be interesting to see what Husky & Imperfect can do when they don’t have to carry a keg.
Now Randy and McGuillicutty are in the ring, and McGuillicutty kicks out of a cover as Orton tags in Cena. Cena hits McGuillicutty, then goes to take Harris off the apron, then running into a dropkick. Harris gets his chance at retribution and beats up on Cena in the corner. Harris goes for a cover, and Cena kicks out. Harris tags in McGuillicutty who beats up on Cena and goes for a cover, only for Cena to kick out. Harris tags himself in and seems to get stuck for a minute between the ropes, throwing himself into Cena’s face. He goes for a cover, and Cena kicks out. Harris has Cena in the middle of the ring in a headlock, but Cena fights to his feet before Harris puts his knee in Cena’s spine. Cena’s flat on the ring floor, but rolls out of the way before Harris squishes him flatter than a pancake hits him. Orton gets in the ring with McGuillicutty and hits a scoop slam. McGuillicutty rolled out to the apron, hoping it would save him, and Orton pulls him between the top and middle rope before hitting the DDT. He points to Barrett, getting ready for the RKO, pushing Harris into Cena for an Attitude Adjustment. Orton then hits the RKO on McGuillicutty and pins him for the win.
WWE Champion Randy Orton and John Cena win via pinfall.
Cena seems content that he, for once, was able to fight in his own way and won, again. He offers Orton a hand, but Barrett tells him to hold it right there, and tells him not to shake Orton’s hand, and then tells him to get out of the ring, and it’s an order. Cena looks at Orton for a minute, then climbs out of the ring. Barrett says that Cena has the best spot in the house to witness the demise of the Viper, as Nexus surrounds the ring. Orton looks at Cena and then hits Barrett before throwing Slater out of the ring and then is ambushed by Nexus outside the ring. Nexus gets Orton back in the ring, but Orton manages to fight back for a minute before getting overwhelmed again. The crowd is cheering for Cena, but he hasn’t moved. Slater hits his finisher, for the first time since NXT, then Otunga does, then Gabriel. Barrett tells Cena to get in the ring, and Cena does so. Barrett says that he wants Cena to give Orton an Attitude Adjustment, and Cena says that that’s enough. Barrett says do it, or Cena’s fired. Cena gets Randy up to his feet, then on his shoulders. Barrett then tells Cena to give Randy to him. Barrett then hits the Wasteland on Orton. Cena walks out of the ring and starts walking up the ramp, shaking his head.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Even better joke: Husky Harris is only heavier because he’s being weighed on the metric system. #Canada
@HitTheRopes Slater and Otunga need to go back to the lab and come up with a better finishing move. #wwe
Vickie comes out, just when everyone thought that it couldn’t get worse, but guess what! This is RAW!! Vickie says that she is happy to take credit for the Smackdown superstars appearing on RAW tonight, and there is one special superstar who has a special twinkle in his eyes, because his eyes are only on her: The Intercontinental Champion, Dolph Ziggler.
Dolph says that people confuse his cockiness when it’s really just confidence. He can’t blame them, he’s got it all: The looks, the shredded physique, gorgeous head of hair, and that’s not the best part. The most beautiful, intelligent woman on the face of this earth is with him. She’s the ray of sunshine when his skies are gray, she makes his heart go pitter-patter—
Daniel Bryan interrupts and says that he may not be a lady’s man (to which Dolph replies with, “I noticed”), and says that even he could do better than Vickie. Bryan says that he doesn’t have the movie star looks, peroxide infested hair, but he does have the ability to capitalize on any mistake in that ring, and the ability to make Dolph tap out. So, he proposes the United States Champion vs the Intercontinental Champion at Bragging Rights. Vickie seems to be encouraging this. Dolph says that he accepts, but why wait until Sunday? Why don’t they do this right- and then slaps Bryan. Dolph then steps behind Vickie, who steps in front of Dolph. Bryan then side-steps Vickie and tackles Dolph, preventing him from leaving. Bryan then locks in the LaBell Lock, making Dolph tap. Then, the Divas randomly come out and make their way into the ring with Vickie. The Divas surround Vickie and tell her to leave the ring. Gail throws a bucket of glitter at her, then Eve pours it on her. The Divas then seem to be paying way too much attention to Daniel, and they all start to dance with him… and it’s painful.
Anyway, hopefully Captain vs Captain can save RAW… because my head is already spinning.
<COMMERCIAL>
@bethsharae Oh no! Not glitter!!! #WWE #Raw I guess I should scream all the time at crafts time.
@TKeep123 How can Dolph say this crap with a straight face? (Better check the Wellness policy again!) #WWE #RAW #BWF
@kickoutblog Vickie Guerrero is amazing, why does she need that many zippers? Because fuck you, that’s why!
@Niki_Sushi I don’t know which is more obnoxious – ‘EXCUSE ME!’ or ‘AND I QUOTE!’… #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes: Oh, @WWEDanielBryan, in wrestling you might be best in the world…. at dancing, not so much. LOL
Natalya vs Alicia Fox
Let’s see how short this match is! I’m going to time it!
Alicia slaps Nat a few good times and then tries to shout out to Calgary. Natalya then throws Alicia into the turnbuckle, twice, and then throws her across the ring. Nat tries to go for the Sharpshooter, but Alicia grabs the ropes. Natalya pulls her back, and locks in the Sharpshooter, making Alicia tap.
Natalya wins via submission.
LayCool interferes and says it’s a beautiful moment in a NOT beautiful hometown. LayCool says they would love Canada, but it’s so cold and they have watered down beer, and they say ‘eh’ all the time. And they see Harts everywhere. They say the Harts don’t belong in the Hall of Fame, but in the loony bin. LayCool then starts to go into the ring, but Natalya’s ready. Nat gets Layla, but Michelle comes in. Michelle then puts Natalya in the Sharpshooter, Layla takes a picture, and Natalya counters. Lay tries to help Michelle, and nearly gets put in the Sharpshooter herself. LayCool runs off.
Oh, overall Diva MATCH time, about a minute and fifteen seconds.
<VIDEO PACAKGE: CM Punk debuts on RAW again and Evan Bourne is out due to injury.>
Teddy, Show, and Hornswoggle are talking backstage, and Josh Matthews says that it’s rather brazen of them to show up on RAW with Team Smackdown. Hornswoggle grabs a Team Smackdown flag and the entire Smackdown Roster starts heading out.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog If I were The Undertaker and had to listen Michelle McCool talk all the time, I’d want to be buried alive too
@CawCawBang Nattie don’t play along with Laycool’s bullshit
@bethsharae Alicia is gonna throw a hip out if she swings them any harder. #WWE #Raw
@WWEsAngel_Nef God I hate Alicia Fox’s walk. I can’t stand it. She’s gonna break a freaking hip. #WWE
So, the longest part of this show is the Stand Up For WWE video package. So… Yeah.
Oh, we’re back. Cena’s walking away and Barrett stops him, saying he’s not finished with him or Orton yet. There we go. Next up, Team RAW’s captain The Miz will take on Team Smackdown’s captain, The Big Show… and all of Smackdown?
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi So.. I’m loving this video. Because it’s showing where the WWE goes, and not just on land and the airwaves. They reach hearts-who else does?
@CawCawBang I’m so happy and proud to be a WWE fan
@kickoutblog And “Do you smell what Barack is cookin?” is still amazing. #TheRockObama
@WWEsAngel_Nef LOL God Vince McMahon is good at what he does. Way to do some quick damage control. Nice video package. #WWE
We’re finally going to introduce the guest star, Bobbie J Thompson. Sweet. He says he loves the boos and to keep them coming. He says that he’s there to introduce the man who’s going to leave Team Smackdown to a victory over Team RAW: The Big Show. No, but seriously. Where’s the muzzle on that kid?
Show comes out with Hornswoggle behind him, waving the flag, and Team Smackdown follows him out. Actually, all of Smackdown follows him out.
Miz comes out, but tells Alex Riley to stay behind and walks down to the ring alone. He pauses though, grinning and motioning for everyone else to come out. Team RAW comes out, followed by the RAW roster.
The Big Show vs The Miz
Show closes in on Miz, rips his shirt, and slaps his chest. Show continues to rip up the RAW shirt and slaps his chest again. Show then Irish Whips Miz into a corner, and Show throws him out of the ring. Smackdown closes in, and RAW starts to close in too. Show attacks RAW, and when Smackdown comes in, Show rolls in the ring.
Teddy Long comes out and says that since Bragging Rights is only six days away and everyone from both rosters is out there, he says that they have themselves a Smackdown vs RAW battle royal, and they’re going to do it right now.
Now, I hate reviewing battle royals. So, I hope you watched RAW to figure out what happens, because I’m only going to tell you the winner.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Ok, I’m old, but the Red and Blue is reminding me of “Rock’em Sock’em Robots!” #WWE #RAW #BWF
Hornswoggle beats Cole up and takes his spot as an announcer, and no one knows what the fuck is going on in the ring. I can’t tell you what’s going on, but Swagger loses his mind and puts Edge in an ankle lock. Toward the end here, a bunch of RAW guys got eliminated and Smackdown is doing a good job holding their own. The last Smackdown guy ends up as The Big Show against Sheamus, Bryan, Jackson, and Miz. Down goes Bryan, then Jackson. Miz and Sheamus work together to get Show over the top rope, and no one remembered Edge wasn’t technically eliminated. So, Edge and Show are the only two left in the ring.
Team Smackdown wins.
Nexus is watching backstage, and Barrett says that all of them, and Cena, are going to witness what’s going to happen Sunday when he’s crowned WWE Champion. Barrett tells Cena to raise his hand as a token of victory. Cena shoves Slater and Gabriel out of the way and raises Barrett’s hand before walking away.
And that’s all she wrote, folks. Daniel Bryan dancing is burned behind my retina, so I’m going to go watch… something to get the image out of my head. Good night.
Last night was Hell in a Cell! Did John Cena join Nexus? Is Randy Orton still the WWE Champion? Was Daniel Bryan brutally mu-… I’ll leave that one to myself. Find out tonight, as Jackass star, Johnny Knoxville guest stars what is sure to be another amazing Monday Night RAW!
Nexus comes out and talks about their victory at Hell in a Cell. Barrett says the two men who helped were Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty, which didn’t surprise anyone. Barrett says he doesn’t know them and they aren’t a part of the Nexus. Barrett then scolds Nexus for going down to the ring and potentially causing him his match. Tonight’s about inducting Cena into Nexus. Please welcome, the newest member of Nexus, John Cena.
He comes out with no music, which is just heartbreaking, to be honest. I’m upset. I wanted to make a joke.
Tarver says the joke is on Cena, because he failed. They have a gift for Cena: The Nexus armband. Cena looks at the arm band and puts it on. Slater says they know the transition’s going to be difficult, but they’re all there for him. The public wants to know exactly what his thoughts are. He says that he will read the official statement they made instead of saying what he wants to. Barrett says it’s not negotiable, and he’ll read it and read it now.
It essentially says that he acknowledges that he’s a member of Nexus, and an enemy of Nexus is an enemy of his. Barrett says that Cena has to participate in a tag match with a partner of his choice against Evan Bourne and Mark Henry. Cena picks Tarver.
Mark Henry and Evan Bourne vs. John Cena and Michael Tarver
Cena starts off the match with an offer to shake Bourne’s hand, and they do. Tarver’s pissed about it, but Cena doesn’t look like he cares. Cena then tags in Tarver and climbs out.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar HEY! Where’s your Nexus Shirt Cena?! There’s a dress code damn it! Put it on!
@seraphalexiel I hope both men don’t suddenly get to join. The end of Season 2 was a failure for a reason, and it begins and ends with McGuillicutty
@Niki_Sushi Awwww. His own wittle armband. Are they slowly going to give him different parts to the ‘uniform’ or what? #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes Geez, Cena sure likes to pick on the black Nexus guys. Wasn’t content with getting rid of your brother, now he’s going for Tarver. LOL #wwe
@CawCawBang Cena got something planned I don’t like it
@TKeep123 I wonder if Cena gave any secret signals while he was forced to read his (confession) speech. (Viet Nam era folks will get it.) #WWE #RAW
We come back to Tarver getting his ass handed to him by Henry. Cena really doesn’t seem interested in helping Tarver at all, to be honest, even mockingly reaching for a tag. Tarver manages to get toward Cena for a tag, but Cena leans away, and Henry seems amused by it, toying with Tarver. Tarver goes to tag Cena again, but Cena jumps down off the ring and begins signing signs in the crowd. Henry picks up Tarver and hits him with the World’s Strongest Slam.
Mark Henry and Evan Bourne win via pinfall.
Cena takes a mic after the match and says that he’s gonna make his own statement. As the newest member of Nexus, he plans on doing one thing and one thing only: destroying it from within. Like no one expected that. Tonight, he proves that you can be Nexus and against us. He hits Tarver in the head with the mic, and then body slams Tarver onto the steel steps. Twice. Then he gets Tarver back in the ring and locks in the STF.
“The terms of the stipulation for your match with Wade Barrett stated that if you lost, you must join the Nexus. Now, Nexus is clearly a group that takes direction from its leader, Wade Barrett. And thus as a member of the group, John, you must also take direction from Wade Barrett. If you don’t, as much as I would hate to do it, as much as it would be bad for business, as much as the WWE Universe would despise it, I would have no alternative but to terminate your WWE contract. Mr. Cena, no one man, despite his popularity, is bigger than WWE. In other words, Mr. Cena, I will fire you.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@FrankWWEClown And who says Cena is boring, and not interesting? Are you watching this?! #WWE #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar Cena’s looking at this all wrong. The Nexus have a great benefits package. Family picnics, BBQs, and other fun Nexus activities.
@HitTheRopes We CLEARLY see Michael Cole reading from a paper and NOT the computer screen. #fail #wwe
@TKeep123 For months we can’t keep #NEXUS away from the ring, and now Tarver gets a beat-down and NO NEXUS to be found? #WWE #RAW
@Niki_Sushi Tarver is in Soul Sucking Position! YOU BETTA HIDE YO KIDS, HIDE YO WIFE! #BWF #RAW
@WWEsAngel_Nef Okay. Say what you want marks but John Cena has the best fans. So devoted. I actually love that they chanted ‘Never Give Up’ #WWE
Alicia Fox vs Natalya
No warning on this one at all, but good to see Natalya in the ring. Natalya hits the sharpshooter pretty quick, and Alicia taps. Great 30 second match.
Natalya wins via submission.
WTF? 30 second match, 30 second reminder of the guest star, Johnny Knoxville, and now five minutes of commercials.
<COMMERCIAL>
@RingsideRants That wasn’t even long enough for a bathroom break!
@CawCawBang wow that was quick
@kickoutblog My thoughts on Natalya vs. Alicia are longer than the actual match
@redsandman99 The good news is, Nattie won. The bad news is, the match was over in five seconds
@JoeyStyles What a match for Nattie…and I thought I finished fast.
Knoxville is talking with Gail and Melina, promoting Jackass 3D. Zack Ryder comes up, and Knox calls him a tool. He offers Ryder a high-five, only for him to get the shit smacked out of him by a giant hand. Knox mocks him a little.
Cena’s backstage with the Nexus armband again, and Josh Matthews comes up, asking what he’s gonna do. Cena says he doesn’t know. Cena suddenly takes off running after Husky and McGuillicutty, and Barrett says that there’s a lot he needs to talk about, concerning his future.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 FIRST time I was ever happy to see Zack Ryder during a Promo! “You know it!”…. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi Johnny Knoxville just wtfpwn’d Zack Ryder without even getting in the ring. I DEMAND WEE-MAN VS HORNSWOGGLE DAMMIT!!!! #BWF #RAW
@legendkiller515 damn zach ryder got his ass kicked and he aint even in a match #wwe #bwf #raw
Daniel Bryan is in the ring with his crazy ass music. God, I wanna punch him.
It’s a shameful thing, lobster head! … Too many limes, too many limes!
United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus
Sheamus beat the shit out of Bryan. Not even kidding.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan wins via disqualification.
I think. Sheamus hits the High Cross on Daniel after beating the hell out of him. Sheamus climbs out of the ring and starts back up the ring. Dear, God. Was RAW booking only Nexus and Cena tonight? This is ridiculous.
Anyway, Edge makes his way to the ring to supposedly apologize to the computer.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Oh. Damn. Forgot this fruit existed. Daniel Bryan, go awa-nevermind. GO SHEAMUS GO! #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Oh God, it’s the battle of wrestlers who don’t tan!
@KeepItFiveStar Did Daniel Bryan fail a Wellness test or something? Did he piss the Vegan police off? That was weird.
@Niki_Sushi OMFG! Who put a wrestling match in my commercials?! #BWF #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar “And THAT’s for fulfilling your indy dates while under contract!” – Sheamus after destroying Daniel Bryan
@TKeep123 Diva match… 90 seconds. Sheamus / Bryan 120 seconds… WTH? #WWE #RAW
And a Video Package of what we just saw, like fifteen seconds ago. Jesus Christ, RAW. I get that Cena joining Nexus is a big deal, but there are other Superstars…
Oh, God, Michael Cole’s in the ring. He’s now going to speak for the General Manager. I guess Stephen Hawking got pissed at the WWE for using his voice. Supposedly, it’s because of the events of the last few weeks, and will now communicate via email. So, the GM hates us all, is what I’m getting.
Awesome.
Before Edge comes out, the GM wants us to see the hilarious, I’m sorry, horrific events of last week.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Edge WTFPWNS the GM.>
The destruction of the GM last week was unacceptable. Two things are going to happen: Edge is “going to apologize”, and the GM will make a huge announcement regarding the WWE Championship.
You think you know me…
Edge, of course, says he won’t apologize. He’s on a personal crusade against all things stupid, and around here, there are a lot of things that are stupid. Michael Cole has been the personification of stupid since 1997. He’d rather listen to a recording of JR than a live Michael Cole. And if the GM thinks he has attitude, then when Edge becomes WWE Champion, then he’ll see attitude. The GM says that tonight they will decide the Number One Contender for the WWE Championship in a 20-Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royale. Don’t expect me to keep up with that. The winner will face Randy Orton at Bragging Rights. Edge, however, has disrespected the GM one too many times, and won’t be in the battle royal tonight, because the GM has officially traded him to Smackdown.
Edge says it’s the greatest night of his career, because he now doesn’t have to listen to a computer, or this tool say, “And I Quote.” Cole flips out, and everyone boos him. Yeah, good job Cole. Cole says that now that he’s the official voice of the WWE, Edge needs to treat him with respect. Edge asks if he went off RAW after spearing Cole into next week would be respectful.
AWESOME
The Miz and Alex Riley make their way down to the ring. Miz says that Edge will do no such thing. Cole is a visionary, the one person that realized Miz’ awesomeness before anyone else. Cole leaves the ring, tripping. Miz tells him to go back to the announce table. Edge calls Miz an Edge-wannabe. Edge then goes through the checklist of Edge. Miz says that that was an interesting analysis, but they’re nothing alike. Edge says that he’s right, because Edge has been WWE Champion, and has been married, divorced, had a live celebration. He hasn’t even seen Miz talk to a woman, unless you count Alex Riley. Riley says that whether Edge likes it or not, Miz is the future of the WWE. Edge says that Miz is awesome at tapping out to Daniel Bryan.
Miz says that if Edge is trying to agitate Miz, it’s not working. Miz is either going to be competing in a WWE Championship match, or leading RAW into decimating Smackdown. So, why doesn’t Edge go to SyFy and tell all his new Smackdown buddies that he’s the Miz and he’s awesome.
Edge then attacks Miz and Alex Riley, Spearing Alex Riley, only to get a Skull Crushing Finale from Miz.
Cena backstage with Nexus, and Barrett says that Cena did him a favor in attacking Tarver. He wants Cena to help him with tonight’s battle royal. Cena asks what happens if he wins, and Barrett says that he’s ordering Cena to help him win. Otunga sticks his foot in his mouth and gets berated for it, and then tells Cena to either do as he’s told or get fired.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Michael Cole has to stand on a box to be seen? #WWE #RAW #BWF
@seraphalexiel Fool. Hide yo paper, at least.
@TKeep123 “I’d rather listen to a recording of JR than a live Michael Cole!” – Edge #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi That’s….. three or four laptops now? I seriously hope that’s included in the budget… I don’t think Nextel makes laptops. #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes Hey Otunga, know your role and shut your mouth. #wwe
@bethsharae I love Edge’s crusade. I shall join him. I now destroy all things stupid. #Raw #WWE
Oh, fuck me running… It’s the Bellas.
Nikki and Brie Bella vs. The Unified Divas Champions LayCool
Jesus Christ, someone put a mic on LayCool. My head hurts bad enough right now… I have no idea what the fuck is going on, okay? I don’t even care anymore. Oh, and there goes the Switcheroo again. Someone kill me. Seriously.
Nikki and Brie Bella win via the same old shit… er, pinfall.
Maryse is backstage, talking to Knox. He says that he doesn’t speak Spanish, and she accuses him of sending the messages. Ted then walks up and accuses him too, and Ted walks right into the huge hand. Maryse throws her shoes at Knox, and then Maryse is hit by the hand and lands right on top of Ted. Knox is apologizing repeatedly, and then runs away from a very pissed looking Ted.
<COMEMRCIAL>
@StrikerSays Are you serious. You just put the BELLAS over your champion. What is this fuckery.
@KeepItFiveStar This match is already longer than Natalya vs Alicia Fox
@ThingsColeSays They have found a way to make LayCool ever more annoying. Well done.
@inkincisions WHAT IS UP WITH DIVAS AND THROWING SHOES ?!?!?!?!?!
@divadirt LMAO! Maryse continues the shoe-throwing trend only to get hit by a giant hand. There’s a very un-PG joke in there somewhere. #WWE
@legendkiller515 that big ass hand is funny #wwe #raw #bwf
<VIDEO PACKAGE: R-Truth and Eve Torres defeat Maryse and Ted DiBiase two weeks ago; the secret admirer messages start.>
Please welcome the guest star of RAW, Johnny Knoxville. Oh, Jackass 3D is in theaters October 15th. Yes, let’s put Knoxville in the ring. Because that went so well last time.
Knoxville’s talking really fast, is obviously freaked out by DiBiase coming after him, and tries to leave before he does. Too bad, because he’s here…
Knox says that he was just trying to make Maryse laugh, like Ted does… And proceeds to make a fool out of himself. Then smacks the taste out of Knox’s mouth. Then, it looks like he’s trying for Dreamstreet, but Knox just lays there like a limp noodle. Another message comes over the tron: You are mine. Goldust attacks DiBiase, and Maryse just stands there.
Goldust then tells DiBiase he doesn’t want him, obviously, and walks over to Maryse, who seems to be trying hard not to laugh. He does, however, say that he doesn’t want Maryse. What he wants, is the Million Dollar Belt. Only Goldust would send love notes to a belt. Seriously.
Next up: The 20 Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal.
Here are all the guys I think I saw. I’ll fix it as I can:
John Cena, Mark Henry, Evan Bourne, Mr. Money in the Bank The Miz, William Regal, David Otunga, Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, and Zack Ryder. That’s all I managed to catch, but I’ll do the best I can.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes It’s amazing how great Raw started and where we are now. #wwe
@kickoutblog OMG IT IS GOLDUST! HE WANTS THE MILLION DOLLAR TITLE!
@ThingsColeSays Hey Johnny, there’s a new joke going around have you heard it? What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAPPPPPPPPPP!
@StrikerSays So happy for the return of BIZARRE Goldie. He had dialed down to just “odd.”
<VIDEO PACKAGE: WWE Superstars and Make A Wish.>
King and Cole remind us that a shitload of stuff has happened… if you’ve been watching, you know. If not, scroll up. I’m tired of repeating the same shit.
And Cena’s backstage, brooding over the arm band. Otunga walks up and says that he knows he’s upset. He wants to tell Cena that Nexus isn’t all bad. Barrett is a bit demanding sometimes, but deep down, they can make it work. Cena may feel like this is the end, but it’s not. If Cena ever needs to talk, Otunga’s there for him. Just let him know.
Cole opens his mouth and reminds us of what we’ve already seen. It’s okay, Cole. I have the memory of a goldfish. Thanks a bunch, man.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Randy Orton punts Chris Jericho last week.>
Twenty Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal
Fuck keeping up with this, so here’s who in the damn match. I’ll just tell you who wins, because it’s easier.
Participants: John Morrison, R-Truth, Santino Marella, Vladimir Kozlov, Sheamus, John Cena, Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, David Otunga, Zack Ryder, William Regal, Evan Bourne, Mark Henry, The Miz, Ted DiBiase, David Hart Smith, Tyson Kidd, Darren Young, and Primo.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar CENA! WHERE’S YOUR SHIRT! You had time!
@bethsharae …. Truth doesn’t get to sing anymore?! HELL YES!!! #Raw #WWE
@HitTheRopes Otunga, don’t you pay attention!? Darren Young, Michael Tarver. What do they AND you have in common? Stay far from Cena. LOLZ #wwe
@legendkiller515 once again no one understands what the hell r-truth is saying in his damn songs #wwe #raw #bwf
Found all the damn contestants. I don’t know what’s going on… Don’t make me figure it all out. Cena eliminated Otunga, and now Barrett yells at him for it. Nexus just argues in the middle of the ring, and no one is aware of it, apparently. God, idiocy.
<COMEMRCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Why is Mark Henry asking why? Did he not see the first 10 minutes of the show?
@HitTheRopes I always wish for something unexpected like Santino to win something like this. #wwe
@kickoutblog Why the hell is Darren Young in this match?
@Niki_Sushi I look up to see Nexus, and totally went ‘GO GO POWER RANGERS!!!’ #BWF #RAW
@legendkiller515 this is the oddest collection of #raw superstars for a battle royal ive ever seen. most of them dont belong in this match #wwe #bwf
I don’t’ know what I’m supposed to say. The outcome was obvious.
Wade Barrett wins.
But, cutting his victory celebration short is none other than the WWE Champion, Randy Orton, who makes his way right up to the ring and right inside, like Barrett ain’t nothing. Which, he probably isn’t. Insert epic staredown, Randy holding up the title, and thus, RAW ends.
Proud of myself for getting this finished for you all tonight, even with a headache and some weird ass dizziness. Anyway, until next week!
Hello, everyone! Terribly sorry about not getting a review up for last week’s RAW, but things were really hectic. Anyway, I’m back tonight, and you can bet there’s gonna be a review up this week!
If you didn’t know it by now, Randy Orton is the new WWE Champion following Night of Champions! And at Hell in a Cell this Sunday, he’s got his hands full with Sheamus in a one on one rematch for the WWE Champion. But, this week? He’s got his hands full with Chris Jericho as they compete. And if Chris wins? Well, if Chris wins, Randy Orton will give Chris a title opportunity whenever he wants it.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: The Miz didn’t tap out at Night of Champions, and Daniel Bryan pays for his win last week on RAW.>
AWESOME
Miz and Alex Riley get to the ring tonight, and Miz says that Daniel Bryan challenged him and Alex Riley to a tag team match. Didn’t Bryan learn his lesson last week? Bryan’s like the guy who wins a hundred million dollars in the lottery and thinks he’s gonna win every time he plays. What happens every Monday night? Bryan gets embarrassed by The Miz. And on tonight’s episode, he’s bringing a tag team partner to join in on the fun. So, come one, come all, and join in on the beatdown!
Daniel Bryan’s music plays, and Miz asks if that’s really his music. Then, he asks who Daniel’s tag team partner is, and if he even has any friends. Miz is interrupted in his catchphrase yet again by John Morrison’s music.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan and John Morrison vs Mr. Money in the Bank The Miz and Alex Riley
Bryan and Riley start out, with Bryan getting the momentum early. He goes for an early cover, but Riley kicks out. Bryan tags in Morrison, but Riley attacks back. Morrison gets the advantage, however, and Riley drops him into the top rope. Riley keeps the advantage over Morrison as Miz is in the ring. Miz then drops Morrison right into the bottom rope. Miz gets covered, but kicks out. Miz manhandles Morrison, then backs up to have Riley come up. Riley stomps on Morrison in the corner before the ref pulls him out. Riley then drops Morrison and goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out. Miz gets tagged in, and hits a swinging corner clothesline on Morrison before going for a cover, only for Morrison to kick out. Morrison goes for a tag, but when he jumps up, Miz catches him. Miz misses a clothesline and dives for Bryan, but Miz grabs his leg and goes to pull him back, only to get a kick in the face. Morrison finally tags Bryan in, and Miz misses a clothesline as Bryan takes out Riley and hits a dropkick on Miz. He goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Bryan goes for the Labelle Lock but Miz counters with Skull Crushing Finale. Miz pins him for the cover.
The Miz and Alex Riley win via pinfall.
Miz attacks Bryan after the match, but Morrison comes to his rescue, and Bryan takes out both Morrison and the Miz. Morrison pulls Bryan off of Miz, but Bryan attacks Morrison. Morrison attacks Bryan, then Miz goes back to attacking Bryan, and then Morrison jumps on them both.
“I’ve decided that this Sunday, at Hell in a Cell, for the first time ever, Daniel Bryan will defend the United States Championship against both John Morrison and The Miz. But it will be defended in a match that I just invented: A Triple Threat Submissions Count Anywhere Match.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@legendkiller515 since when was hell in the cell an important pay per view #wwe #raw #bwf
@ _MFS_ Can King please read the emails? Cole already talks WAY too much #WWE #RAW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar Damn Tamina. What’d the O-Zone Layer do to you?
@kickoutblog KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! #danielfudd
@bethsharae Yep, Miz and Riley will win this one. I’m already calling it. Morrison has once like once or twice against Miz since they broke up. #Raw
Divas Battle Royal for the Number One Contender for the Unified Diva’s Championship
I see Melina, the Bellas, Eve, Gail, Jillian, Maryse, Alicia, Tamina, and Natalya. Then LayCool comes on out to sit ringside. I’m not even going to try to keep up with this cluster fuck.
Natalya wins.
Good to finally see Natalya get her chance. Anywho, didn’t pay attention to the match. I hate Divas Battle Royals.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Legendary comes out tomorrow. John Cena’s been everywhere promoting it.>
Later tonight, Edge has The General Manager on The Cutting Edge.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Finally, a talented female athlete challenging for the Divas Title, are my eyes deceiving me?
@_MFS_ Okay, so they surprised me there, a Diva with actual fucking talent actually won, good job for once #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi Yeah…. Officially fucking sick of LayCool. Michelle needs to go the hell away so Layla – who has talent – can shine. Skank. #BWF #RAW
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Eve Torres and R-Truth defeated Maryse and Ted DiBiase. Mystery message on the Titantron.>
Maryse is backstage with Ted, upset that Eve cost her the battle royal. Ted says he doesn’t care about the battle royal, and that she cost them the match last week. Someone knocks on the door and slips an envelope under the door. Maryse opens it and it reads, “Next week, you will be mine.”
It’s a shameful thing, lobster head!! TOO MANY LIMES, TOO MANY LIMES!
Sheamus says that we may have heard of some kind of Irish tale about two princes who had to race to get the throne of Ireland. The first prince to put his hand on the kingdom became the new king. As it came to a close, the younger of the two princes knew he was about to lose, so he cut off his hand and threw it at the castle. It made him the king of Ireland. Sheamus says he’s willing to cut off his own hand to win back the WWE Title. I don’t think that’s a good idea. Orton has underestimated Sheamus, and Sheamus should talk to Triple H because Sheamus ended Triple H’s career. In that cell, Sheamus is going to have the time of his life. But, right now, he wants to call out any WWE Superstar with a set of tires to face him. But, if they do, not only will they find out why he’s a future three-time WWE Champion, but why he’s also the fiery red hand of the WWE.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi I’m waiting for i- there it was. Fella. And I quote: VINTAGE SHEAMUS!
@TKeep123 Mysterious “I WILL HAVE YOU” message….gotta be from GoldDust! #WWE #RAW
@ThingsColeSays Does “fiery red hand of WWE” mean Sheamus has herpes of the hand or something? Hide yo kids, hide yo wife!
@_MFS_ Sheamus, cutting off hands is not PG #WWE #RAW #BWF
We come back, and Sheamus says that it’s not a surprise that no one back there is man enough to take him on. Then, of course, the Great Khali comes out.
Sheamus vs The Great Khali
Khali slaps Sheamus’ chest, and Sheamus proceeds to beat Khali to the ground. Sheamus then kicks Khali in the head and out of the ring. Outside the ring, he proceeds to beat Khali up as the ref counts. He takes the top off the announce table and beats Khali with it, then stealing Jerry’s chair, and then Cole’s chair. The bell has rung at this point, but Sheamus just keeps throwing chairs.
The Great Khali wins via disqualification.
Sheamus then gets Khali up, but Khali pushes him into the turn buckle, but gets a Brogue Kick for his troubles. He goes to get up, but gets another Brogue Kick.
Up next, Edge has the RAW General Manager on the Cutting Edge!
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Every week I hope The Great Khali finally made that trip back to India. And every week I’m disappointed.
@bethsharae Dang Sheamus! One bonus of being so white, any amount of Red just glows. #Raw
@TKeep123 WOW!!! The hand print on Sheamus’ chest is amazing!!! #WWE #RAW
@kickoutblog If I had Khali’s hand tattooed on my chest, I’d be pissed too
You think you know me…
The whole podium is in the ring. If Cole reads the whole thing, I’m going to spaz… Really hard. I kind of wish Cole would get punched in the face. I’d take Josh Matthews over him.
Edge says that tonight is a first. The RAW GM is the guest. Edge does appreciate the GM agreeing to show up on the show. The computer will generate a voice (thank God), to keep this person’s identity a secret. Edge asks why he is such a spineless coward. The GM asks why Edge is such a moron. The GM remains anonymous to protect his identity. If people knew who he was, it’d change everything. Edge says that’s the worst voice ever. He thought he was Stone Cold, the Rock, Shawn Michaels, Bob Barker, or Lindsay Lohan after another bender. The only thing Edge knows is that whoever he is, he is a big fat liar. The GM says seriously, Edge, you hurt his feelings. Why do you have to hate, yo. He tried to make peace with him, but he wants confrontation. Why does Edge despise the GM? Edge asks why the GM despises him, and then asks why he’s arguing with a computer. Edge says that’s it. He’s gonna go ask Chris Jericho exactly who the GM is. The GM says Jericho is bluffing, but the GM knows a lot of things… Like Edge’s opponent. Right now.
Insert Stephen Hawking laughter.
Edge says that he doesn’t have an opponent, and he’s done talking to an overgrown Speak ‘N Spell, and he’s out. The GM says that he does have a match tonight, because the GM has scheduled a match between Edge and this man…
BRRRRRRRRRRRR RUBBER POO!
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes Edge, when you start arguing with a computer, you know it’s time to leave Raw. Come back to Smackdown, yo
@ThingsColeSays Edge is right. The state of Raw these days.
@KeepItFiveStar Is the GM JTG? JTGM?
@Grotessk The RAW GM is T-Pain.
@_MFS_ It’s okay Edge, I argue with my computer at work all day too #WWE #RAW #BWF
John Cena vs Edge
Nexus is watching backstage. Big surprise.
Anyway, Cena gets the early advantage, but Edge punches that out of him. Cena hits Edge with a drop toe-hold, but Edge kicks him out of the ring. Cena starts to try to get back in the ring, but Edge hits a baseball slide and kicks him right back out. Edge Irish whips Cena into the steel steps, then rolls into the ring to break the count. I missed what happened, but I saw Cena go for an Attitude Adjustment, and Edge counter. Edge goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out. Edge keeps the advantage, punching his face as the ref tries to get him to back up. Cena begins to fight back, ducking a clothesline, hitting a flying shoulder tackle before Edge stops him. Edge goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Edge gets Cena in a corner, then Irish whips him across the ring. Edge goes for a suplex, but Cena counters it with one of his own. Cena gets up and goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Edge counters again and goes for a cover, only for Cena to kick out again. The crowd starts a “Let’s Go Cena, Let’s Go Edge” chant as Cena wakes up and starts fighting back a little more. Cena gets up on the second rope and tries to get an Attitude Adjustment again, but Edge jumps down and hits a spear on Cena by the ropes, covering him. Cena’s leg was under the rope, however, and Edge thinks he just won cleanly. But, the GM hates him, so here’s the email!
Edge wins via pinfall.
“You need to play by the rules. John Cena’s foot was clearly under the bottom rope. See for yourself. Therefore, this match will continue.”
Told ya.
Edge then runs back and starts punching Cena in the head. Edge goes for the Spear again, but Cena counters with the STF. Edge almost gets to the rope, but Cena pulls him back to the center of the ring. Edge taps.
John Cena wins via submission.
Edge climbs out of the ring and starts slowly toward the computer.
“Edge, you lost fair and square. Don’t look at me like that. Just walk away.”
Edge stops, and looks at the computer again, only for the computer to ask him what he’s doing. The computer says that Edge has the crazy eyes and he’s warning him. Then, Edge knocks over the podium, and breaks the laptop in half, then beats it with a chair, then with his head. Obviously, Edge is pissed.
<COMMERCIAL>
@ThingsColeSays THAT’S WHY YOU HOOK BOTH LEGS, BOYS AND GIRLS. There’s a lesson to be learned here.
@bethsharae ….There is not instant replay in wrestling! Go away General Manager! #WWE #Raw
@HitTheRopes LOL, the Raw GM was injured. The #WWE had to find a way to write him out of the storyline.
@kickoutblog “Edge… you have the crazy eyes” might be my favorite WWE line since “malignant fist.”
@KeepItFiveStar OH NO! CHAIRSHOTS TO THE GM’S HEAD!
@TKeep123 Edge lays the RAW SMACKDOWN on the computer GM laptop. Edge 1 : GM 0 #WWE #RAW
@_MFS_ Yay! Dead computer! Man I wish I could do that to the crappy computers where I work! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@TeamNakedBaby Edge just killed Stephen Hawking 😀
Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater vs Mark Henry and Evan Bourne
Evan and Heath start out, Heath getting a good grip on Bourne pretty early. He already tags in Gabriel, who goes for a cover only for Bourne to kick out. Gabriel tags Slater back in and Slater hits a knee drop on Bourne and goes for a cover. Slater keeps momentum over Bourne, until he misses a clothesline and Bourne hits a high knee to Slater’s face. Slater tags in Gabriel, and Henry comes in off the tag too. Henry proceeds to deliver some hard hits to Gabriel, and downs Slater when he tries to help, then drops Gabriel on his stomach. Henry tags in Bourne, who is then taken out by Gabriel, after Slater takes out Henry. Gabriel climbs to the top rope now, and attempts the 450 Splash on Bourne, who manages to avoid it. Bourne goes to the top, and hits Air Bourne. He goes for the cover and Slater rolls them over so Gabriel pins Bourne.
Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel win via pinfall.
Nexus launches Mark Henry into the steel steps and then climb into the ring to get Evan. Otunga delivers a clothesline to Bourne, Tarver punches him hard, Slater just takes him down with some move (his trunks are sparkly and distracting), and then Barrett lifts him up, hitting Wasteland on Bourne. Tarver and Barrett move Bourne, and Gabriel hits a successful 450 Splash.
Barrett gets a mic and says that Nexus has said from the very beginning that you’re either Nexus, or you’re against us. After Hell in a Cell, Cena will no longer be “against us”, because when Barrett beats him, he will become property of Nexus. It’s not like they need him, but Cena’s going to serve a purpose. Cena’s going to take them to the upper something, and help them demoralize the entire WWE. Just to show Cena that being a part of the Nexus isn’t all bad, they’ve decided that they’re going to take a little trip. Otunga takes the mic and says that they’re invading Smackdown Friday. Unlike RAW, they’re giving all the superstars on Smackdown a fair warning. Tarver takes the mic and says the bad news is that they are the bad news. None of you can stop them.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Please, please, please let us get some high flying insanity with Bourne and Gabriel.
@TKeep123 Mark Henry becomes the World’s Strongest Yard Dart at the hands of Nexus! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@HitTheRopes Anybody else find Wade Barrett’s face eerily similar to that of a rat?
Next week, Johnny Knoxville is the guest star. Remembering how bad it was last time, this’ll be fun.
The Hart Dynasty with Natalya vs The WWE Tag Team Champions Drew McIntyre and Dashing Cody Rhodes for the WWE Tag Team Championship
I admit that I like typing Dashing in front of Cody Rhodes’ name. And that’s all I’ll say about that. Promise.
Tyson and Rhodes start out. Rhodes sends Kidd out to the apron, but Kidd jumps right back in and goes for a cover, only for Rhodes to kick out. Rhodes tags in McIntyre, and they hurl Kidd into the turnbuckle. McIntyre gets Kidd up by his head and tags in Rhodes. Rhodes hits Kidd, tags in McIntyre, and then Irish whips him right into McIntyre’s clothesline. McIntyre goes for a move, but Kidd kicks him in the head. McIntyre tags in Rhodes and Smith is tagged in too. Smith hits Rhodes with some hard this, and then knees him in the face. Rhodes is then dominated to the ground, Smith going for a cover only for McIntyre to interfere and then get knocked out of the ring. The Hart Dynasty go for the Hart Attack, but McIntyre pushes Kidd off early. Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the win.
Drew McIntyre and Dashing Cody Rhodes win via pinfall.
Smith asks why Kidd hit him from behind, and the two argue with Natalya trying to get them to stop. Smith walks away after shoving Kidd.
Up next, Chris Jericho will take on WWE Champion Randy Orton.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Uh Cole, all wrestlers shave their legs.
@seraphalexiel Everytime they play Cody’s song instead of Drew’s, someone kicks a puppy around. Stop puppy violence
@TKeep123 I wonder if Cody and Drew take turns shaving each other!…. Those boys be smooth! #WWE #RAW
@HitTheRopes Just what #WWE needs to do: break up an ACTUAL tag team. smh
@Niki_Sushi You know you hit hard when Drew McIntyre does a Gollum Crawl to the ropes. #BWF #RAW
Cena and Truth backstage. Truth says no matter what happens on Sunday, truth is, he always has Cena’s back. Cena says he knows what’s at stake, and he’s going to take Nexus out one by one. Truth tells him to be careful, and Cena says that he’s always careful. Truth says he’s one of the most reckless people he knows. Cena says he is, but Nexus, since they’re going to the premiere of Smackdown on Friday, maybe he should be there, and if they run into each other, then Hell in a Cell starts early.
Break the walls down!
Chris says that when he wins this match tonight, he will be the number one contender, and will go on to win the WWE Championship, do you understand what he is saying to you right now? He’ll be the first to admit that Orton is a dangerous man, but he’s not scared. He’s changed from the fresh upstart he was when he first started to a deranged lunatic who has done whatever he could to become champion. He is a viper. He thinks, strikes, and acts like a snake, whenever he wants when he hits the RKO. But, much like Randy used to call himself the Legend Killer, Chris is going to call himself the Viper Killer, and will strike the head of the snake right here, and Orton will join the ranks of Hall of Famers and Legends who have been beaten by him. The list starts and continues, but a commercial interrupts.
<COMMERCIAL>
@bethsharae Did R-Truth just call Cena “Crunk”? #raw
@KeepItFiveStar “U da moss reckless. Moss gettin crunk person. I KNOW!” – R-Truth (What??)
@kickoutblog I write the most gettin’ crunk Raw reviews. And that’s the truth
@HitTheRopes Every time R-Truth sets foot in front of a #WWE camera I feel the black race is set back decades “Most getting crunk person…” #facepalm
@seraphalexiel DID THEY JUST CUT OFF JERICHO???? SOMEONE NEED TO GET FIRED
@CawCawBang Word of the day is Crunk
@_MFS_ Ummm interrupting someone who can actually cut a promo with commercials? Not cool #WWE, not cool at all #RAW #BWF
We come back to Jericho’s list continuing, still. By the way, gonna plug here. Got Jericho’s DVD in the mail today, and it is amazing. Worth every penny. Trust me. Get it!
I hear voices in my head…
Anyway, the list is interrupted by Randy’s entrance.
Chris Jericho vs WWE Champion Randy Orton
Jericho starts off the match with a strong kick to Orton’s stomach. He gets Orton in the corner and delivers some solid hits before Irish whipping Orton across the ring only to run into a clothesline. Orton hits back at Jericho, however, dropping his knee into Jericho’s face. He hits an uppercut on Jericho, who’s hanging out of the ring on the apron, and then climbs back in. Jericho hits a slap on Orton to get him out of his face, and then kicks Orton right in the shoulder. He taunts Orton, calling him a stupid man, his new favorite insult, before Orton starts hitting back again. Orton Irish whips Jericho, who holds onto the ropes, and then is clotheslined out of the ring. Orton walks out with him and Irish whips Jericho, who reverses, and whips Orton into the barrier.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes ARMBAR!!!!! #wwe
@Niki_Sushi Wow…. was @IAmJericho seriously listing people off that whole time? Elephant memory he has. #BWF #RAW
@Lagana Has WWE mentioned and promoted more TNA people tonight then TNA usually does?
@WellYoureWrong …MOSS COVERED THREE HANDLED FAMILY GREDUNZA #1004opponents #wwe
@legendkiller515 damn jericho is naming everyone he beat. #classic #wwe #raw #bwf
We come back to Orton stomping on Jericho, and Sheamus walks out from behind the curtain to watch the match. Orton sees him and pauses his methodical beat down of Jericho’s legs to stare at him. Jericho gets to his feet and goes for a clothesline, but Orton ducks and Jericho hits and insagari before hitting Orton’s neck against the bottom rope after a failed cover. Orton gets up and attempts the RKO, but Jericho counters into a backslide, only for Orton to kick out. Jericho goes for another cover after a dropkick, but Orton kicks out. Jericho gets Orton in a headlock. Orton fights out of it, and runs right into a dropkick. Jericho goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out at two again. Jericho drops his knee in Orton’s face, and then goes for another cover, only for Orton to kick out again. Jericho gets Orton in a submission, but Orton fights out, delivering a back breaker to Jericho. Orton gets up and watches Jericho, taking him down with clotheslines, and a scoop slam. He then backs Jericho into the corner and Irish whips him. Jericho puts his foot in Orton’s face when Orton runs at him, and then misses a Lionsault. Orton hits the backbreaker and goes for the RKO, only for Jericho to drop him. Jericho hits the Lionsault this time and goes for a cover, only for Orton to kick out. Jericho gets up and kicks Orton in the stomach, but Orton goes for the DDT from the second rope. Jericho counters it and locks in the Walls of Jericho. Orton reaches for the bottom rope, however, but Jericho pulls him back to the center of the ring. Orton reverses it and knocks Jericho out of the ring. Jericho goes right back in, and then this the DDT from the second rope.
Block of test is huge, so here’s a break.
Orton drops down to his knees, and Sheamus misses a clothesline on Orton and the ref calls for the bell. Orton then hits the DDT from the second rope on Sheamus. Orton starts to go for a punt, but Jericho hits the Code Breaker on Orton instead. Jericho grabs a chair and climbs back in the ring, telling Orton to get up. Jericho says he’s gonna knock Orton’s head off, but Jericho misses with the chair and Orton hits the RKO on Jericho. Orton then punts Jericho in the head. Sheamus looks terrified that he actually did it, however.
Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. One wild RAW. Decent lead up to Hell in a Cell, I think, so we’ll see what happens! ‘Til next week!
