“Victory Road” 2009 – A Rant-view
7 CommentsLet me make one thing very clear, friends and readers. My title of “Empress of ‘Impact'” exists for a reason.
Let me make one thing very clear, friends and readers. My title of “Empress of ‘Impact'” exists for a reason.
Ahoy, line-crossers!
Tonight’s episode is titled “Foley Fires Up Founder.” Why do I think of the skinny little speed freak bad guy from “The Crow,” who kept yelling, “Fire it up!Fire it up?” Ah, well.
See that line over there? No, THAT one. Yes. Go cross it!
I want it on record that this review occurs under duress. We have it so rough here at www.boredwrestlingfan.com. Some of us would LIKE to have it so rough, but that’s as may be. This week’s title is “You Can Go Back Home.” Is this a thinly-veiled shot at the non-ex-WWE guys on the roster, specifically the past and present X-Division stars? I’m just sayin’.
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And we’re off!
Yes, it’s late. Don’t pretend you’re disappointed.
Find a line and cross it, peoples!
Match #1: Alex Shelley defeats Eric Young: Be still, my heart! We actually open with a match, and a match that was the best of the night on paper, at that! This means it’s Alex Shelley versus Chris Sabin for the X-Division title at “Genesis,” which is proof that God exists, and wants us to be happy (thanks, Ben Franklin!). However, note the use of the words “on paper.” Why? This was the semi-finals match of the tournament to crown a new X-Division champion. After the Main Event Mafia/Front Line story, this should be the most important thing going. The announce team should be making this out to be a tremendously important thing. Video packages of past X-Division glory should air, along with each of the competitors talking about why the title is so important and how much they want to win it. None of this happened. A match of this magnitude went less than five minutes, and was nowhere near as good as it should have been. Shelley and Young did what they could, but there was no reason to rush this match. Back when this sort of thing mattered, and TNA had something going for it, there was a match between Christopher Daniels and Chris Sabin to determine the third man in a three-way Ultimate X match for the X-Division title at the pay-per-view that weekend. That match was given a full fifteen minutes, and the announcers made it sound like this one qualifying match was the most important thing in the company. I have yet to think of a good reason that the same treatment was not given to ANY of the X-Division tournament matches this time. Not one of the tournament matches went much over five minutes, and for what? The two-hour program featured what else, exactly? All the same, just watch TNA blame the X-Division and the guys in it for not getting over, not getting rating and buy rates, and so on. Grrrrrrrrrr!
After the match ended, referee Shane Sewell was again attacked by Sheik Abdul Bashir, prompting an in-ring confrontation. Jim Cornette came out and fired Sewell as a referee, much to the dismay of the audience. Cornette then turned on the gloating Bashir, announcing that Sewell was fired for three days, and would be hired as a wrestler beginning Sunday at “Genesis,” where he would have a grudge match against Bashir.
To the ring! Main Event Mafia promo time. They all talk. Why?
To the back! Borash asks Jeff Jarrett and Mick Foley how they intend to survive the Main Event Mafia onslaught. Brother Devon and AJ Styles come in, and inform them that they have their backs. Nice moment when Devon gives Foley Brother Ray’s red flannel shirt and says that “he would want you to have this.”
To the farm! No, really. Today’s embarrassingly untimely Sarah Palin skit has been brought to you by “The Simple Life.” Has anyone told the writers how long that show has been around?
Match #2: Awesome Kong defeats Madison Rayne: The latest hottie debut and squash. As much as I like the term “Kongtourage,” it cheapens Kong by having a big group around her. She’s been so dominant that she’s proven that she doesn’t need them. If she has to have Raisha Saeed, so be it, but the others need to go, and find their own thing.
To the back! Lauren interviews Abyss. It’s bad. It’s really bad. Please stop the pain. Abyss is upset because his best friend Matt Morgan is still mad at him. He thinks that Lauren is his girlfriend, and hopes that she isn’t mad at him too, because he just couldn’t take it. You know what, Abyss, neither can I.
Tenay and West run down the card for “Genesis.”
To the back! JB asks the Motor City Machine Guns whether they are concerned that the X-Division title match between them will cause problems in their friendship and their tag team. Chris Sabin went into sarcastic mode, informing JB that it was “an interesting, intriguing, insightful question.” Alex Shelley pointed out that the best things come in pairs, not the least of which was Mick Foley and poor hygiene. Shelley gets bonus points for referring to Foley as Duke “the Dumpster” Droese. Shelley goes on to say that the bond they share is unbreakable, and is bigger than JB, the X-Division title, or TNA. Foley steps in, and tells the Guns that he knows that they have the ability to steal the show, but they also have the ability to completely stink up the pay-per-view and ruin his show, which he literally cannot afford. If they blow off the match and try to lay down for one another, or anything else of that nature, Foley will give them one-way bus tickets back to Detroit, and they will never get another X-Division title shot again. Whoa, time out! Two things. Thing the first. While it’s totally true that having the Guns put over the X-Division title as something important that they both really want would have been helpful, TNA hasn’t made it look like it’s really worth having already. Thing the second. Why is Foley so mad? What has Alex Shelley or Chris Sabin ever said or done that would imply that they weren’t going to have an awesome match, or that they would deliberately pull something? All they ever said was that the two of them would be in the finals. If anything, two guys with the egos that they have been portrayed to have would go out of their way to show up the rest of the roster and prove how much better they are in the ring than everyone else. The point has been made for the past several weeks in these reviews that without promo or segment time being given to these subplots, things that happen like this seem random and disjointed. There’s really no excuse for it.
“Rough Cuts” time! We get another endearing and babyface-ish segment for Beer Money. Honestly, if you’re turning them face, you have to do it on the actual show and in the ring, not just with these segments. It’s confusing to see this stuff, then watch the same guys wrestle a completely heel match immediately afterward.
Match #3: Matt Morgan (with Abyss) defeats Robert Roode (with James Storm and Jacqueline): This match actually ended with ref stoppage. Morgan doesn’t seem to want Abyss around, and if he turns on Abyss, it may be hard to boo him. The match was stopped by the referee because of Robert Roode’s knee injury. Consequences Creed and Jay Lethal (still in full “Macho Man” mode) come out and watch, then announce that they will be cashing in their Feast or Fired tag team title shot right now. Did it ever get explained that cashing the title shots in at any time was allowed? I don’t recall ever hearing that part. I know that it worked for CM Punk, but cashing in a title shot when one of your opponents is practically incapacitated is a pretty heelish thing to do. Creed and Lethal don’t have much of a reason to do it.
Match #4: Consequences Creed and Jay Lethal defeat Beer Money, Inc. for the Tag Team titles: The match itself wasn’t bad, but it was essentially a handicap match. It took Creed, Lethal, and hitting Storm with the briefcase for the new babyface champs to get the win. They really looked weak.
To the back! The Front Line celebrates the tag team title win in the locker room. I wanted to be excited about it, but it was not clicking for me.
Tenay and West run down the “Genesis” card again, announcing that the tag team title match is now a 3-way match due to the title change.
To the back! BG James is an emotional mess as he tells Jeff Jarrett why he has to get in the ring with Kurt Angle. Some people thought it was ridiculously over the top, but I think it worked rather well.
To the farm! More fake Palin. Damn my eyes!
Match #5: Kurt Angle defeats BG James: The match wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated. Afterwards, the Main Event Mafia hits the ring and destroys BG James in a similar fashion as they did to Samoa Joe. Mick Foley and Jeff Jarrett run down, and the MEM bails. We go to commercial.
When we return, Jarrett loses control and shouts about what he’s going to do to Angle on Sunday. Foley calms him down and speaks about being ashamed of his inaction in regard to the doings of the MEM. HE admits that he is older and slower and isn’t the man he used to be, but that he is the Hardcore Legend, and he’ll be drawing strength from Brother Devon and AJ Styles in their match. “I may not be as good as I once was, but for one night I will be as good as I ever was!” Great line. A video package running down the “Genesis” card closes the show. I have promoted high school plays that I directed better than TNA promotes their pay-per-views.
“Genesis” Predictions
Rhino vs. Sting (World Heavyweight Championship): Sting retains. Is there really any doubt?
Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle: This could go either way, but if Angle wins, the story is over. I don’t think they’re done yet, so I pick Jarrett to win.
Mick Foley, AJ Styles & Brother Devon vs. Booker T, Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner: If Angle loses, the MEM wins here. Foley will probably be taking the pin, or possibly even turning on his team here and costing them the match. After all, we wouldn’t be expecting it after his strong ending promo on “Impact,” now, would we?
Beer Money vs. Abyss & Matt Morgan vs. Jay Lethal & Consequences Creed (Tag Team Championship): Lethal and Creed retain. I don’t want it to happen, but it probably will. The new champs have to retain, or the entire Feast or Fired deal is wasted. Granted, most people hate it anyway, but if TNA is going to keep doing it, they have to make it matter. There’s also the built-in tag team title feud between Lethal and the Guns stemming from the Feast or Fired match, if we can ever get to that point.
Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelley (X-Division Championship finals): Alex Shelley wins. As much as I would love for the future Mr. Drowgoddess to have a title belt, Shelley has been the one at the forefront, and his having the belt will allow the Shelley/Foley friction to escalate. Also, the Guns were not booked to go on the European tour that’s coming up, and Alex Shelley by himself was added to be on it just recently. I think that means that the X-Division champion has to be included on the tour. It should easily be the match of the night, and I just pray to every form of divinity ever devised by the minds of men that this match doesn’t signal the break-up of the tag team. If it does, the whole universe is going to die. (Anyone seen that video?)
? vs. Awesome Kong (Knockout Championship – Lumberjack Match): If it’s true that Christy Hemme won’t be in the match due to a neck injury, and won’t be showing up during the match to get involved, interesting possibilities are raised. If Gail Kim hadn’t signed with WWE, this would be the best surprise ever for her to return unannounced and face Kong for the title. I hope they didn’t introduce Madison Rayne on “Impact” just to put her in the title match at the pay-per-view with no build-up. Roxxi or ODB would be good, but they’ve been beaten by Kong to many times. Angelina Love would be good, but she’s a heel and otherwise occupied with stupid skits. Please don’t let it be Taylor Wilde. In any case, Kong retains unless it’s someone truly exceptional.
Shane Sewell vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir (Grudge Match): Sewell to win. He’s endured to much from Bashir with too little payback, and if he does win, Bashir can whine and threaten and make excuses.
Check back on Monday or Tuesday for a review of “Genesis.” Yes, I’m getting it. Like you had to ask.
Peace out,
Drowgoddess
– Tonight’s WWE RAW kicks off with the always sexy Kelly Kelly making her way to the ring…
Kelly Kelly and Candice Michelle vs. Jillian Hall and Katie Lea
Kelly’s partner Candice Michelle is out next. The horrible music of Jillian Hall hits next as she comes out with Katie Lea for tonight’s opening match. Jerry Lawler announces that Candice Michelle will be dressed as Marilyn Monroe at Cyber Sunday. Before the match, Jillian Hall gets on the mic and sounds like crap singing as usual.
As Jillian is singing, Kelly dropkicks her and unleashes an assault. 2 count by Kelly Kelly. Candice comes in and they double team Jillian. Candice goes to work on Jillian now. Lawler announces Kelly will be dressed as a sailor at Cyber Sunday. Candice uses the ropes on a move on Jillian until Katie kicks her in the stomach. Katie gets tagged in now and goes to work on Candice for a 2 count.
Lawler announces Katie Lea will be a Vampire at Cyber Sunday at Katie works on Candice for another 2 count. Jillian comes back in and drops Candice for another 2 count. Candice throws Katie into the turnbuckle, drops Jillian and tags back in Kelly. Kelly drops Jillian with clotheslines and takes her down with a head scissors move. Kelly nails a cross body off the top for a 2 count as Katie breaks it up. Candice kicks Katie in the ring as Jillian gets a 2 count on Kelly. Kelly hits a big leg drop on Jillian for the pinfall and the win.
Winners: Kelly Kelly and Candice Michelle
– Back from commercial and Chris Jericho comes to the ring. He gets a ton of heat from the fans. Jericho gets out of the ring, goes to the floor and makes Lilian announce him as the World Heavyweight Champion. Jericho goes back in the ring and says that’s what he’s talking about and calls out Lilian. The crowd tells Jericho he sucks. Jericho says everyone is disrespecting him, not just Lilian. The fans, the Superstars, everyone.
Jericho says the fans shouldn’t be able to pick his special referee at Cyber Sunday and talks about Michaels, Austin and Orton again. The crowd pops big for Austin’s name. Jericho talks about who he has beaten lately. Jericho says when he wins at Cyber Sunday, everyone will have to admit he is the best. Out comes Batista.
Batista makes his way to the ring to a nice pop from the fans. Jericho looks pissed. Batista asks Jericho if he’s seriously out here demanding respect and says that’s ridiculous, as is his hair. Batista says you earn respect, not demand it. Batista says if Jericho beats him at Cyber Sunday he will earn a lot of people’s respect but until then, will he please stop crying and shut his mouth? The crowd pops. Batista says he will shut it for him. The RAW music hits and out comes Mike Adamle.
Adamle tells them to save it for Cyber Sunday. Adamle says for the first time ever tonight, they will face the same three opponents in a Gauntlet Match. He says Gauntlet Match again. Wow, that’s Mike Adamle for ya. He forgot his lines or something. Adamle says tonight is another Adamle Original. Batista and Jericho come face to face in the ring and Jericho slaps The Animal. Jericho rolls out of the ring with his belt and taunts Batista as he heads to the back.
– Still to come tonight, CM Punk and Kofi Kingston vs. John Morrison and The Miz. We go back to commercial.
JBL vs. Stone Cold Steve Haastin
Back from commercial and JBL’s white limousine pulls into the arena. JBL steps out and heads for the ring. JBL gets on the mic before the match and says it’s ridiculous to have him compete against a has-been impersonator. JBL goes on to insult the people and talk about how he is rich and they are poor. The glass breaks and out comes Stone Cold… it’s Charlie Haas! Haas, acting and looking like Austin, enters the ring and does the Stone Cold mannerisms. Lilian announces him as Stone Cold Steve Haastin. Haas gets on the mic as the crowd chants Austin. He just says the clock is ticking. JBL says you have to be kidding me and Haas says “What?” Everytime JBL says something, that’s what he gets.
Haas acts more like Austin and the bell rings. Haas attacks JBL, Stone Cold style and mounts a nice offense. JBL fights back. Haas goes for a Stunner but JBL drops him with a big boot. JBL nails the Clothesline from Hell and lays Haas out for the pinfall and the win.
Winner: JBL
Rey Mysterio vs. Snitsky
Back from commercial and Rey makes his way out. Snitsky is out next. A video plays on the side of Snitsky talking about pain. The bell rings and Snitsky goes to work on Rey, beating him down.
Snitsky misses a big running boot in the corner and gets tangled up. Rey bounces off the top and nails Snitsky then hits him with a low dropkick. Snitsky is down. Rey climbs to the top and stomps down on Snitsky’s stomach. Rey drops Snitsky on the ropes and nails the 619. Rey comes off the top with another splash and gets the pinfall for the win in a quick match.
Winner: Rey Mysterio
John Morrison and The Miz vs. CM Punk and Kofi Kingston
Out for the next match first is John Morrison and The Miz, representing ECW. Morrison gets on the mic and shushes the crowd. Miz encourages the fans to text their vote to pick them to wrestle at Cyber Sunday. They compare themselves to other tag teams and rip DX. They call them Geriatric X and say “Are you 50?” Wow, Triple H is crapping himself right now. Out next is CM Punk followed by his tag partner Kofi Kingston.
Punk and Morrison lock up first, going right to the mat. Kofi comes in after a minute as does Miz. Kofi and Punk double team Miz for a 2 count. Kofi takes Miz to the mat. Back on their feet and Kofi lands a huge dropkick, sending Miz to the outside.Punk back in now for a 2 count on Miz after some kicks.
Miz ends up on the floor and Morrison comes in. Punk and Kofi pick up Morrison and throw him over the top rope onto Miz and the floor. Kofi covers Miz in the ring for a 2 count. Kofi tags back in Punk and they do some more double teaming. Flying shot by Punk for another 2 count. Miz fights back now with right hands n Punk. Punk tags back in Kofi who works over Miz in the corner. Kofi with another 2 count. Miz tries a big hip toss on Kofi but gets it countered. Miz distracts the ref and Morrison kicks Kofi off the turnbuckle. Morrison gets tagged in and works over Kofi now.
Morrison nails a bridge suplex for a 2 count. Morrison takes Kofi back to the mat with a headlock as we go back to another commercial break.
Back from commercial and Morrison still has Kofi on the mat. During the commercial we saw Miz come in and knock Punk off the apron, but get dropped by Kofi before tagging in Morrison. Miz comes back in now and kicks at Kofi’s back. Another headlock by Miz on Kofi. Miz takes advantage of the ref’s back being turned again and pulls Kofi down by his hair. Morrison comes in and they do some double teaming. 2 count by Morrison as Punk breaks the pin.
Kofi rocks Morrison and knocks Miz off the apron. In comes Punk. Punk unloads with kicks and forearms on Morrison, taking him down. Running knee in the corner by Punk and then the bulldog. Punk looks to slip off the top as Morrison rolls out of the way. Miz dumps Kofi to the floor. Punk decks Miz. Punk nails the GTS on Morrison without seeing Miz was the legal man. Miz rolls up Punk from behind to get the win.
Winners: John Morrison and The Miz
Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. Santino Marella
Back from commercial and Santino Marella comes out with Beth Phoenix. Santino is dressed as Roddy Piper, Goldust and Honky Tonk Man all in one. What a sight. Santino says all of his potential opponents for Cyber Sunday are washed up. Santino rips Rodney the Piper and then Goldendust, as he calls them. Santino then rips the Honky Donk Man. Beth and Santino go on until Hacksaw Duggan comes out.
Hacksaw gets in the ring and yells Santino’s name. Santino rips him as well and calls him washed up. Duggan calls Santino confused and a flash in the pan. Duggan says he doesn’t appreciate him disrespecting his generation. Santino brings the Honk-A-Meter out again. Santino keeps joking on Hacksaw. Duggan calls Beth Santino’s boyfriend. She gets in his face and he calls her a tough guy. Santino calls them fighting words and takes off his Piper outfit. Beth throws the clothes in Duggan’s face and Santino smashes the guitar over his face and lays him out. Santino says whoever faces him at Cyber Sunday will never forget the name… Santino’s mouth is busted open and he’s bleeding pretty badly. It looked like he got hit by a piece of the guitar. Back to commercial.
Cryme Tyme vs. Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase
Back from commercial and Cryme Tyme make their way to the ring. Their opponents, the World Tag Team Champions are out next with Manu.
The bell doesn’t even ring when Manu, Rhodes and DiBiase attack Cryme Tyme in the ring. The referee tries to stop things but can’t as Cryme Tyme get beat down. Ted DiBiase grabs the title belts from ringside and hold them high in the air, saying that’s what Champions do. The match never started. We go to commercial.
No Contest
Gauntlet Match with Chris Jericho and Batista
The World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho comes out to the ring first. Jericho awaits what’s next as we go back to another commercial break. Back from commercial and Batista comes out. Adamle is in the ring and announces the first opponent, William Regal, who comes out with Layla.
Batista and Regal start off with rights fro Regal. Batista nails a Spine buster and goes for the Batista Bomb. Batista nails it and pins Regal for the pinfall.Jericho and Batista have words. In comes Jericho now. Adamle says Jericho will start …. his mic fades off. Wow this is insane. Regal takes his time getting to his feet as Jericho yells. Jericho nails the Codebreaker on Regal for the easy pinfall.
Adamle tells Chris Jericho he starts the next match. Out comes Mark Henry with Tony Atlas right behind him. Jericho hits Henry with a right but gets tossed back into the corner. Jericho trips Henry and tries to turn him over for the Walls of Jericho but can’t. Henry kicks him out to the floor. Jericho runs in the ring and gets decked by Henry. Henry with kicks to the stomach and more in the corner. Henry with a big splash on Jericho in the corner. Henry misses a big splash on the mat. Jericho nails the Lionsault but only gets a 2 count. Jericho takes the padding off the turnbuckle. The ref puts the pad back on. Jericho runs outside and grabs his World Title belt, runs in and decks Henry with it but the referee sees him and DQ’s him.
Henry wins by DQ.
Batista comes in now. Henry gets to his feet and Batista nails him with right hands as the bell rings. Henry shoves him to the mat. Batista nails a big spine buster on Henry for the pinfall and the win. Batista wins that one.
Adamle introduces their third opponent, Kane, and tells Jericho he will start this one out again. We go back to another commercial break.
Back from commercial and Kane drops an elbow on Jericho for a 2 count. Kane with right hands on Jericho in the corner and stomps. Kane continues to pound Jericho in the corner. Jericho comes out of the corner and starts working on Kane’s knees. Jericho uses the ring post on Kane’s leg. Kane misses the big elbow as Jericho rolls out of the way. Jericho misses the Codebreaker and Kane climbs to the top. Jericho knocks him off the top turnbuckle. Jericho climbs up to Kane and they fight on top. Jericho goes for the superplex but Kane knocks him to the mat. Kane flies off the top with a clothesline for a real close 2 count. Kane calls for the chokeslam but Jericho fights out of his hold. Kane drops Jericho on the ropes, sending him to the floor. Batista corners Jericho on the floor as Kane pullshim back in. Kane drops Jericho with a big boot for the pinfall and the win on that one.
Kane decks Jericho on the apron, sending him to the floor. The bell rings for Batista’s match with Kane. Kane turns around and gets speared by Batista. The Animal covers Kane for the pinfall and the win on their match.
Jericho is on the floor trying to recover from the beating Kane gave him. Batista climbs the top rope and taunts Jericho. Jericho holds his World Title belt high as RAW goes off the air.
Source: cramthis.com
Who will face Mark Henry in ECW’s Championship Scramble at Unforgiven? Every match is a qualifier tonight, so we’ll know in about an hour!
Results and analysis, after the jump. (more…)
For the last several weeks, TNA iMPACT has been one of the most entertaining wrestling shows. Last night’s iMPACT was a big one, and almost had a pay-per-view like feel to it, just three days before Hard Justice. All of the matches for this Sunday’s PPV were showcased, some intertwining with each other, and there were a lot of crazy parts to the show, and some sick bumps being taken, including one that left the canvas soaked in the blood of Kurt Angle.
Full results after the jump! (more…)