Can Edge even the odds before his title defense against Dolph Ziggler on Sunday? Why was Michael Tarver skulking around backstage (and again on RAW)? And, most importantly, who was responsible for the attack on Teddy Long?
Vickie kicks off the show tonight, informing us that Teddy Long will not be here. Therefore, she is the acting General Manager. There’s a motive right there for attacking Teddy Long – with him out of the picture, Vickie has complete authority and the ability to potentially screw Edge over at the Rumble and cost him his title. Vickie is soon interrupted by Randy Orton who, we are told, is on the blue brand to participate in a tag match in tonight’s main event. Randy makes some promises about his tag match against Vickie’s boyfriend, and also vows to take back his WWE championship from The Miz this Sunday. Then he insults Vickie’s hair. Okay… ‘creepy, intimidating Orton’ is always great; ‘personal insults Orton’? Not so much. Dolph comes out to the rescue. He demands Randy shows Vickie and himself respect. Seriously, Ziggler has come on leaps and bounds on the mic. Dude has ‘it’. Not that ‘it’ helps him in this scenario, because he’s soon eating canvas as Orton strikes with an RKO.
LayCool vs. Kelly Kelly/Kaitlyn: It’s incredibly lame, but I love it when Striker sings along to LayCool’s entrance music. The No. 1 contenders for the Divas title are taken out on the ramp by Kelly and Kaitlyn – wait, Kaitlyn has a match?! I swear I can hear some members of the crowd booing this sneak attack on LayCool. This match lasts about a minute – that’s not me being hyperbolic; it seriously lasts around 60 seconds. Layla distracts Kaitlyn, and Michelle McCool takes advantage with a big boot. And people say the Divas don’t get enough screen time! Your winners: LayCool
Drew McIntyre vs. JTG: Kelly Kelly has remained at ringside for this bout; Michael Cole rightly calls her a hypocrite for attacking LayCool earlier on, despite going flippin’ mental (my words, not Cole’s) at Drew for essentially the same thing last week with Trent Baretta. Right on, Cole! This match goes on a little longer than it should, I reckon. As is typical of Drew’s matches lately, JTG is resilient and even manages a few offensive flurries (I need to stop saying that phrase; seem to use it every week) but, in the end, McIntyre prevails. I like this finish – JTG goes for a backslide, which Drew rolls through and delivers a devastating Futureshock DDT. These matches against lesser opponents have been noticeably longer than they would have been, say, 6 months ago. Is this deliberate on WWE’s part to give the impression that Drew is working hard, in order to give the fans a reason to respect or get behind him? He’s as vicious as ever, but he seems to appreciate getting pinfalls lately. This is gonna be a slow-burning face turn, for sure. Credit to Kelly Kelly – she’s performing her role in this storyline very well. I totally didn’t mean that to sound so patronising… Your winner: Drew McIntyre
Todd ‘Don’t Look Him In The Eyes’ Grisham is backstage with Dashing Cody Rhodes, who has his back to the camera. Last week, Rey’s 619 – complete with an exposed knee brace – broke Cody’s nose. Cody keeps his back to the camera as he delivers his promo; a whining affair about deviated septums and extensive reconstruction surgeries. Basically, it’s great. Rhodes sounds on the verge of tears as he informs Todd that doctors have told him he is not to compete in the Royal Rumble match. Jeez, Rey. What a jerk. This is the best promo I’ve ever seen from Cody. Good job, Not-So-Dashing One!
We cut to Jack Korpela (Jack Korpela?! We want Scott Stanford, damn it!) who is with Edge. Edge talks about his tag match tonight, where he will reunite with his former Rated RKO partner. After he’s said his piece, we see Alberto Del Rio walking backstage. He bumps into Michael Tarver and introduces himself. Tarver smiles and walks away. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH TARVER?! I’m dying to know, but I want them to drag this out for as long as possible. Providing the outcome is exciting, of course.
Alberto Del Rio’s Royal Rumble Exhibition: Del Rio announces that backstage there are 39 fighters from around the globe who are ready to fight him. He’ll start with one, and another will enter every 30 seconds. First up is Seth Allen. WOO! SETH ALLEN! Seth Allen has a sweet beard. Unfortunately, his in-ring prowess isn’t quite as sweet – he lasts about 25 seconds before Del Rio throws him over the ropes. Next up is Mike Stevens, whose beard is even sweeter than Seth Allen’s. These guys look like default create-a-wrestlers in the SmackDown! vs. RAW games, it’s amazing. The clock ticks down for the 3rd competitor… and flames erupt. Uh-oh. Here comes Kane. Damn it, I was genuinely looking forward to 37 more jobbers with generic names! What about Zac Stone? Rick Daniels? Chuck Awesomesauce? (Actually, Chuck Awesomesauce is a real wrestler. I kid you not. He is my hero, purely for having that name.) Kane grabs Del Rio by the throat and goes to push him over the ropes, but for some bizarre reason, Kofi Kingston appears. He grabs Kane’s legs and pushes both men over the ropes. Umm. Okay. Del Rio and Kane slowly get back in the ring to seek revenge. I was hoping the 39 jobbers would run to the rescue (they could start a new megafaction) but, unfortunately, Rey Mysterio appears instead. The goodies stare down the baddies, and Vickie Guerrero comes out to announce they will compete in a tag match… right now!
Alberto Del Rio/Kane vs. Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio: Most of this match is standard, nondescript fare, so let’s skip to the end. Alberto’s mad at Kane, because Kane wasn’t there to be tagged in. Uhh, he was kinda busy lying on the floor after Kofi knocked him off, jerk. Kane doesn’t like being pushed around, so he hits Del Rio with a big boot and takes off. Mysterio hits a 619 (watch you don’t break his nose, Rey! Yeah, I said it! Jerk.) and Kofi follows it up with a Trouble In Paradise. Striker reiterates what he said earlier about his belief that a ‘new face’ will win the Royal Rumble this Sunday. Nice sentiment, but it’s never gonna be Kofi Kingston. Your winners: Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio
Big Show vs. Heath Slater: Big Show’s in the ring to talk about the emergence of Corre and their attack on the giant 2 weeks ago. Needless to say, he’s pretty angry. The Corre soon appear, replete with terrible t-shirts. Heath Slater slides into the ring, and I guess this is a match-up! Every time Big Show runs the ropes, I wince, expecting them to snap and send him tumbling to the floor. Show soon plants Slater with a Chokeslam, and it’s all over. The other Corre members enter the ring. Show swats Barrett and Gabriel away, but Jackson takes him down with a clothesline. A bunch of good guys run from the back to chase off The Corre. Your winner: Big Show
The Miz/Dolph Ziggler vs. Edge/Randy Orton: Midway through this match, Ziggler hits Edge with an X-Factor facebuster. Is Ziggler working his way through DX members’ finishers? Actually, I joke, but I’m pretty sure he’s used a superkick a few times in the past! This match reaches fever pitch as Dolph fails to connect with the Zigzag. Edge hits the Spear, and it’s all over. Or not, because Vickie Guerrero grabs a microphone and starts shrieking. She announces that, until further notice, the Spear is illegal. Wow, this is very reminiscent of Vickie protecting Edge by banning Undertaker’s gogoplata submission hold, eh? How time flies. Vickie announces that if Edge hits Dolph Ziggler with a Spear at the Royal Rumble, not only will he be DQ’d… he will lose his World Championship! Edge snaps, and hits Ziggler with a trifecta of, yes, Spears. Better get it out of your system tonight, buddy.
——————————————————
I started out this report focusing on the Teddy Long mystery, but not a lot was said about all that… Oh well. Seeing as we’re oh so very close to the Rumble, here’s my take on what will (but probably won’t) happen.
Rich Flynn’s Royal Rumble Predictions (Which Probably Won’t Happen)!:
Beth Phoenix made history last year by being only the second female entrant in Rumble history – and the first to eliminate a Superstar. There’s a good chance she could appear again.
And what about Awesome Kong? I have a strong feeling she will make an appearance – either during the Diva’s title match or the Rumble itself. It’s a long shot, but what better a way to debut a monster Diva?
Drew McIntyre will have an impressive Rumble. He’ll make a very deep run, and I’m putting him in the final four.
I fully expect Triple H to return during the Rumble. Admittedly, I haven’t heard what his recent plans are regarding his in-ring career, but giving Sheamus the King of the Ring is too perfect a set-up for a ‘Mania match between the two. Sheamus will dominate early on, but Triple H will appear and throw himself at Sheamus. Both men will be eliminated, but all Triple H will care about is destroying Sheamus on the outside.
When a friend pushed me for a Rumble winner prediction, I could only make one cautious choice – John Morrison, but with the caveat that his ‘Mania match would be at least a Triple Threat affair so the WWE don’t have to rely on his star power to sell the match. My friend, however, picked CM Punk, and it is a very good choice. I could see the following happen: Punk wins the Rumble. Miz retains against Orton. At the Elimination Chamber, Morrison eliminates Miz early on, resulting in a guaranteed new champion. John Cena wins the belt, which sets up a WWE championship match against Punk at WrestleMania. This also establishes a nice little grudge match between Morrison and Miz, either midcard or between the two big title bouts. One of the headline matches is going to have to be a biggy and, with SmackDown!’s lack of headline Superstars, I think we’ll be seeing it on RAW’s side. So, long story short, I’m going with CM Punk (but secretly I’m rooting for a big surprise such as Morrison).
Either way, this year’s winner needs to be a ‘new face,’ as Striker said. With their youth movement and the dire need to create new stars, the WWE needs to use the Rumble as a tool for pushing someone who has never before won. The increase to 40 men has given the Royal Rumble a shot in the arm, so hopefully this excitement will result in an equally thrilling result – not another victory for Randy Orton, John Cena or the like.
And, most importantly of all, the Soaring Eagle will be an entrant. Mark my words, kids.
Hey, BoredWrestlingFans! Last week I said I’d next see you all on Christmas (or thereabouts), but that was before ‘WWE Week on USA’ was announced, including a live SmackDown! being broadcast on Tuesday night. The greatest thing about this live SmackDown! will be the lack of that canned cheering sound which the guys in the production truck love piping in to the taped shows to try and enhance crowd reactions. D’you know the sound I mean? It’s hard to describe… Anyway, I’m babbling.
So, without further ado, let’s get down to business! (more…)
Howdy, BoredWrestlingFans! Rich Flynn here, for a second week of SmackDown! coverage. This week’s report is coming to you a little later than I had anticipated, thanks again to frantic University deadlines, which I apologise for. Thanks to everyone for their kind words about my first show report last week – here’s hoping I can keep working and improving!
All the same, let’s get this show on the road… (more…)
Hey folks, the man the BWF staff call “Boss” is here to fill in for AlyKat tonight as she is in attendance at the Amway Arena in Orlando, FL for tonight’s edition of RAW. I’ve actually been to a WWE event in that very venue – the 2008 WWE Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. Tonight, however, I’m on my couch in Niagara Falls, NY watching USA HD and bringing you my thoughts on this post-Survivor Series edition of RAW. Will we see John Cena tonight? What kind of mood will Wade Barrett be in? Will Aly have a heart attack in the Amway Arena as The Miz cashes in Money In The Bank? Who knows! It’s uncooked, uncut, uncensored, it’s RAW!
Tonight’s RAW is a special three hour edition they’re calling Old School RAW! However, before we get to tonight, I want to make a note about next week’s RAW. It’s live in Orlando, FL, and I’m going. But, because I know that you all can’t live without this review (haha… just kidding), I’m going to try to get up a RAW review on Tuesday of next week so that you can still have that. It just won’t be Monday night, because I’ll be exhausted. So yeah.
ONTO TONIGHT’S RAW!
On the list of VIPs tonight, Superfly Snuka, Mean Gene, Cowboy Bob Orton, Ted DiBiase Sr., and I already forgot what the commercial said. Damn, I’m not good at this memory stuff…
Cue the old school entrance with the weird 80s music! Must be Old School Night!! They even gave it a new old-school theme for tonight. That’s pretty cool. I approve, thus far. Very vintage feel. Shutting up now.
Holy crap, annoying siren of doom. Okay. Seriously, onto the RAW review. Holy crap, you can’t hear Cole over the siren. GO SIREN GO!
Jerry says that he’s there because most of his memories are in black and white and he’s excited for the legends. Justin Roberts is in the ring and introduces Mean Gene Okerlund!
Mean Gene says that tonight, RAW is Old School, and he introduces the first WWE Hall of Famer, Cowboy Bob Orton! Mean Gene starts to introduce Bob’s son, but Randy’s not there yet. Mean Gene says that’s good news and asks if Bob thinks that Randy will walk out WWE Champion? Bob says that Randy does what Randy wants to do, get what he wants, and knows how to deal from adversity. Bob remembers being called from school and being told that the teachers were afraid that Randy was going to beat them up. Bob doesn’t care about Cena’s career, and he doesn’t care if Randy gives Cena the RKO after giving it to Barrett. Before he can go on, Barrett comes out, looking rather shocked.
Barrett tells that ‘old man’ to listen carefully: His prediction about Randy’s chances are as phony as his cast. Barrett is going to defeat Randy, and when he does, he’s going to achieve something that Bob never did: Become WWE Champion. Barrett says that he doesn’t owe anything to the old school, and they didn’t pave the way for him: He did it himself. Everything he’s worked for is going to come to fruition this Sunday at Survivor Series. The only reason he didn’t bring Nexus out was because he wanted Bob to see him beat Randy.
AWESOME!
Miz repeats Barrett for a moment. Last week, when Miz told Randy he’d be on his team, he didn’t get a thanks, he just got stared down with those squinty Orton eyes. That was a bad move, and Miz sent a message right back to Randy, changing the landscape of the 10-Man Tag match, just like he can change the entire landscape of the WWE by cashing in his Money in the Bank contract. Maybe he’ll do it when Randy arrives tonight. That’d change things, wouldn’t it? Then, at Survivor Series, he and Randy wouldn’t be able to fight for the WWE title, and Cena would have to stay in the Nexus forever.
Miz is interrupted by Cena on the TitanTron, and says that Miz has the weird gift of ruining everything he touches, but Cena is going to make sure that Miz doesn’t cash in tonight. If he’s going to be free or fired at Survivor Series, he’s not going to put himself on the line for nothing. Miz will cash in nothing, because Cena challenges Miz to a match tonight for nothing. The normal Miz is probably looking to Riley, but if Miz is as “awesome” as he says he is, simply say ‘I accept’. Miz says that he makes the decisions, and accepts the match. Mean Gene then says that The Miz will go up against John Cena tonight. Raw is Old School! Hang onto your hats!
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Dude…. You can see where Randy gets his harsh stare from. Wade’s gonna blow up if he gets both set on him at the same time. #BWF #RAW
@TKeep123 Love Bob Orton still wearing the cast on his wrist….it’s been what…25 years since he broke that arm? #WWE #RAW
@thinksojoe Love the hybrid #RAW set! #BWF
@divadirt Damn, even the guardrails are old school! #WWE
Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler with Vickie Guerrero vs. Sexual Chocolate Mark Henry
Oh, God. I forgot about Mark Henry’s old name. This is killing me inside.
Ziggler starts by hitting Henry’s back for a few times before going for the sleeper hold. Henry throws him out of the ring, and Ziggler looks like he hit his ring already. Ziggler climbs back in the ring to run into a clothesline by Henry. Henry then Whips him across the ring, and he ducks under a clothesline only to attempt another sleeper. Henry backs him into the corner and then puts him on the turnbuckle before slapping him right out of the ring. Henry smiles at Vickie, who backs away, and then hurls Ziggler back into the ring. Ziggler takes out Henry’s knee when Henry gets back in and then covers him in hits. Ziggler goes for a cover, but Henry kicks out at one. A ‘chocolate’ chant is going on, and Henry gets back to his feet, launching Ziggler across the ring. Henry then takes Ziggler down with two clotheslines and a head butt. Ziggler gets an advantage back, but Henry power slams him and goes for a cover, but Ziggler gets his foot on the bottom rope. Henry gets back up and nudges Ziggler. Henry then blows a kiss to Vickie and then goes to droop onto Ziggler, who rolls out of the way. The chocolate chant goes up again, but Ziggler hits the Zig Zag! Henry kicks out at two, and then Ziggler hits it again. Henry kicks out at two again though! Ziggler then attempts the sleeper again, and locks it in as Henry lays on the ring floor. Henry seems to pass out. Good luck carrying him.
Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler wins via submission/pass out.
Backstage, David Hart Smith and Tyson Kidd are walking together. Smith says that his dad and Dynamite Kid didn’t see eye to eye, but still managed to get along. Tony Atlas says that they can work it out, and then a bunch of other stuff, talking about how him and his tag partner, Rocky Johnson, if I heard right, took care of business when they had their issues. Tony Atlas keeps going, and oiling up with WD-40, but the Hart Dynasty ran away.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog SEXUAL CHOCOLATE?!
@ThingsColeSays TONY ATLAS IS BACK!!!! AHH HEH HEH HEH AHH HEH HEH HEH
@HitTheRopes The return of Sexual Chocolate. Oh lord, the father of the hand is back. #WWE
We come back to Tony Atlas still going, but this time with Yoshi Tatsu, who is shaking his head, pantomiming suicide. Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater are in the ring.
WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater vs David Hart Smith and Tyson Kidd
Smith and Gabriel start out, going to lock up, but Gabriel kicks Smith. Smith then throws Gabriel down, twice, but Gabriel retaliates by starting to lock his head legs around Smith’s head. Smith throws Gabriel down and then beats on him a little bit, Whipping him across the ring. He then hits one, two, three belly-to-belly suplexes into a cover, but Slater breaks it up. Gabriel tags in Slater, who is dropped as soon as he gets in. Smith goes for a cover, but Slater kicks out. Smith then slams into Slater, starting to slam him to the ground, but Gabriel distracts him, getting knocked outside the ring for it. Slater slams into Smith, and then tags in Gabriel. The two take turns slamming into Smith in their corner, then tag Slater back in. Slater goes for a cover, but Smith kicks out. Slater Whips Smith across the ring, and misses the chance to slam into him. Both men crawl to their corners, and Kidd moves instead of tagging in, and then kicks him in the face. Smith lays on the floor as Gabriel goes to the top rope, hitting the 450 Splash.
WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater win via pinfall.
Smith glares at Kidd, who merely laughs back.
Mean Gene is backstage with WWE Champion, Randy Orton, with Cowboy Bob Orton. Mean Gene asks if Randy thinks he’ll walk out WWE Champion. Randy starts to respond, but Truth interrupts. Truth says that he hates to say it, but Cena knew exactly what he was doing when he held his shoulder down for the 123. People like to think that Cena has a choice: Free or Fight. Cena’s not going to fight, but Orton has a choice: Do something or let it happen. Randy says that everyone seems to have it figured out, but there is one way that he can prevent Cena from screwing him over: to punt him in the head tonight.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 I sure hope JR gets at least a cameo. Best would be coming out and knocking Cole out of HIS chair! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@ThingsColeSays Kidd should’ve kicked Smith through the Barbershop window.
@HitTheRopes Did R-Truth get his wardrobe mixed in with The Brooklyn Brawler? #OLDSCHOOLRAW
@Niki_Sushi Randy: Guess I’ll just punt John. No biggie. Truth: Not.. what I meant. Randy: Don’t care. Truth: Shit. #BWF #RAW
@redsandman99 So R-Truth is like the token wise man now?
@kickoutblog Shoulda put him through a window, Tyson!
Mean Gene tells us to remember the Old School Vintage WWE Apparel is selling in WWEShop.com. Cool.
Justin Roberts asks us to welcome the only ring announcer to ever be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame, Howard Finkel!
The Fink then tells us that he is going to introduce a man who is revered by many, feared by all: The Brooklyn Brawler with Harvey Wippleman. The Brawler takes the mic and asks if these people respect old school. He expected a standing ovation when he came to the ring, and he expects a standing ovation when his match is over. Wippleman says that the “king of old school” wants to challenge anyone from the new school to a match.
The Brooklyn Brawler vs Ezekiel Jackson
Brawler and Zeke stare at each other, and Brawler shoves Zeke, then tries to lift him. Zeke grabs him by the throat, throws him into the ropes, and then takes him down. The then flings him into the corner, then slams into him. Zeke then plants Brawler and goes for the cover.
Ezekiel Jackson wins via pinfall.
Well. That didn’t take long.
Still to come, John Cena takes on Mister Money in the Bank, The Miz!
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Not running into a brick wall. That’s standing in front of a tank and waving. #BWF #RAW
@RingsideRants Why is Cole saying 2011? Does he not know what year it is?
@FakeGorilla Good to see Harvey Wippleman got his manager’s license renewed.
Nexus is backstage and Otunga says that he was almost excommunicated, but he stepped up. Now, it’s time that one of them step up. R-Truth is becoming a problem, and as the leader- Barrett walks in and says that he’s the leader. Otunga makes a good point though, someone does need to deal with Truth. That is going to be Otunga. Otunga says they’ve had beef since NXT anyway.
“Barrett, David Otunga will not face R-Truth, as Otunga will compete in a special match later on tonight. As for R-Truth, he will be in action tonight against you, Wade Barrett. What a better way to prove to everyone that, despite who the referee is this Sunday, you are truly WWE Championship material.”
THIS ISN’T OLD SCHOOL, COLE! King said the same thing. Ahaha.
Barrett says the GM raises a good point, and Harris says that Barrett knows they have his back. Barrett thanks them, but says it won’t be needed. He’s going to go out there and prove he can beat anyone on the RAW roster on his own, then asks what Cena wants. Cena merely smiles and then steps forward, saying that he wanted to make sure that he had a grasp on his meltdown and a thank you for taking care of the Miz. Barrett says that he wants Nexus to follow Cena to the ring just in case Orton tries to interfere. Cena says if Orton wants some, he can come get some.
<COMMERCIAL>
@FrankWWEClown A laptop? An iPod tone? A wireless microphone?! This is not old school, this is MADNESS!!! #OldSchoolRAW #WWE
@HitTheRopes They didn’t have Internet back then. #wwe
@thinksojoe We got Sexual Chocolate Mark Henry, why can’t we get Word Life John Cena? #RAW #BWF
@kickoutblog If it were TRULY old school, the GM would send messages in AOL’s WWE chat room.
@TKeep123 Will we see KANE with his mask? #WWE #RAW #BWF
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BAD WIG NIGHT!
John Cena vs Mister Money in the Bank The Miz
Tonight could be the last time we see Cena on RAW! I’d be very sad. And I wonder why Riley’s wearing trunks…
Miz takes the mic and says that Cena always thinks he’s one step ahead of Miz. Cena thinks that if he takes out Miz now, he can’t cash in the Money in the Bank briefcase tonight. If he takes Miz out right now, he has one less thing to worry about Sunday. The GM never officially sanctioned this match, Cena did. Miz says that if the GM doesn’t have a problem with it, Miz can make a substitution. Cole says he hasn’t heard anything, and Miz says that he guesses the GM doesn’t mind. Tonight, he won’t compete against Cena, instead Alex Riley will be. That answers my question. Miz says that Cena wants to face him, but he’ll have to wait until Wrestlemania after he becomes WWE Champion. Because he’s the Miz, and he’s awesome!
John Cena vs Alex Riley
Riley and Cena lock up, and Cena quickly flips Riley on his back. Cena then does it a second time. Cena seems to be screwing with Riley, and they start to lock up, but Cena kicks Riley, then tosses him again. Cena backs Riley into a corner, then runs into Riley’s elbow. Riley distracts the ref and Miz hits Cena. Riley takes advantage and plants Cena before going for a cover, only for Cena to kick out. Cena hits Riley with a low-blow, and then flings Riley across the ring. Cena runs right into the turnbuckle, however, and Riley takes the advantage. He throws Cena into the turnbuckle, and Cena bounces out, hitting some move, but the camera man knows for my love for Miz and was focused on him. Riley goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out. Riley gets Cena on his feet, but Cena throws Riley over his back, ducking a clothesline, hitting shoulder blocks, then planting Riley. Cena then tells Miz that Miz can’t see him, then hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Riley. Miz yells at Riley to not get up, and then Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment before locking in the STF, smirking at Miz.
John Cena wins via submission.
Miz gets in the ring, but Randy shoots down the ramp, taking out Orton, and then taking out McGuillicutty and Harris. Orton and Cena are in the ring, staring at one another. The two exchange blows, and then the refs climb in the ring to break them up, trying to pull Orton off Cena. The refs manage to pull them apart, and then a bunch of other guys climb in to make sure that they stay apart. Orton wants to beat the shit out of Cena. The crowd’s telling the guys to let them go.
“It’s obvious that John Cena and Randy Orton have issues they need to work out prior to Survivor Series. Since this is Old school, I can’t think of a better forum than in this very ring with a man who isn’t afraid to ask questions. Cena, Orton, later tonight, you will both be guests on Piper’s Pit.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Was Abraham Washington one of the guys breaking them up?
@kickoutblog Johnny Ace just tripped trying to get in the ring… shoulda rode his skateboard.
@ThingsColeSays Is Orton going old school by growing out his hair?
Well, when RAW would be starting, they play the entrance video one more time. Okay then… Wait, did they just restart RAW? Oh, no, they didn’t. I was a little scared.
The Fink is in the ring with Nikolai and the Iron Sheik. He then asks everyone to rise as Nikolai sings the Russian national anthem. We really just need Sheamus, and Sa-… Good for me!
Santino and Vladimir make their way down to the ring together. Santino apologizes for interrupting, and says that his tag team partner would love the honor of singing with him. Vladimir and Nikolai shake hands and then a USA chant starts. Vladimir grins and the two start. Santino even realizes this was a bad idea. He tries not to laugh, and fails, and then interrupts them again. Santino says it was… it was… crushingly terrible. Santino says that there is one song he would like them to hear, and it’s going to blow the roof off this place. It’s the story of his life, and he needs help to sing it. Slick makes his way to the ring.
Sheik starts yelling about Hogan, but no one can hear him over Slick’s theme. Sheik looks like he’s ready to blow a bitch up… Wait, what?
Santino asks Sheik what he thinks about that. Sheik says that without the Iron Sheik, something about Hulkamania, then tells everyone to shut up. Someone cuts off his mic, and then the Usos come out. It’s a cultural cluster fuck. Jesus.
Anyway, a match is next. Goodie.
<COMMERCIAL>
@StrikerSays We need Kurt Angle to come out and defend the honor of his country again.
@kickoutblog The Soviet National Anthem? I guess no one’s had the heart to tell ol’ Nikolai, have they?
@FrankWWEClown Here we go! @the_ironsheik is about to make the @WWEUniverse humble! He put you in the camel clutches!!! F*** the Santino! #OldSchoolRAW
@RingsideXcess LOL at Sheik shooting on Hogan.
Jimmy and Jey Uso with Tamina and Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka vs. Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov for the Number One Contender to the WWE Tag Team Champions
We come back to the Usos already fighting Santino. They tag, but I can’t tell which one’s in. I don’t know the difference between him. Santino gets taken down by Uso 1. Uso 1 tags in Uso 2. Santino flings Uso 2 over and then is rolled all the way over to his own corner, and Vladimir tags in, catching Uso 2 in mid air and flinging him back toward his own corner. Snuka seems a bit unimpressed, to be honest. Vladimir tags in Santino, who is shoved like a battering ram into Uso 2. Santino goes for a cover, but Uso kicks out. Santino tags back in Kozlov, who drops Uso, face-first, onto the turn buckle. Kozlov then picks up Uso and doesn’t see that the other Uso is tagged in. Uso then goes for a cover, only for Kozlov to kick out. Uso then plants Kozlov and goes for another cover. Uso gets Kozlov in a headlock, and Santino screams at Kozlov to ‘come here’. Kozlov fights out, only for Uso to plant him and then tag in the other Uso. Uso then drops into Kozlov and knocks Santino out of the ring. The Usos us3 this time to double team Kozlov. Uso pins Kozlov, but Kozlov kicks out at two. The Usos are thrown into Kozlov, and then go for a cover, but Kozlov kicks out at two. Kozlov stretches for Santino, who is yelling at him to move. Kozlov keeps trying to push Uso off of him, but it doesn’t work . Uso then tries to take out Santino, blocks it. Santino and the other Uso are tagged in, Santino dominates. Santino goes for a cover, but the other Uso goes to break it up, but Kozlov plants him. Santino then hits the Cobra.
Vladimir Kozlov and Santino Marella win via pinfall.
Sheamus then Brogue kicks Kozlov, then the Usos. Santino pleads for mercy, but Sheamus shoves him down. Morrison runs out to the ring and tricks Sheamus into running to the ropes, only to flip him over the top rope. Morrison hits a spinning kick on Sheamus, then takes a mic. Morrison says that he keeps doing this because Sheamus is a bully. One thing he learned about bullies is that when they feel threatened, they turn and walk away. Sheamus keeps looking for fights in all the wrong places. If Sheamus wants to fight, Morrison is right there. Sheamus pulls off his shirt and looks like he’s going to the ring, but Sheamus walks away.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 One of these days….they’ll learn…. FEAR THE COBRA! #WWE #RAW #BWF #OldSchoolRaw
@Niki_Sushi I love how the Cobra is considered the Golden Gun of the WWE world. Same with the Orton Punt. #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Slick left ringside because he’s afraid of Tamina. Why? Because she is a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig woman. #JiveSoulBro
@dasharpshooters: Sheamus came out of nowhere. He must have been camoflauged on the white ropes. #wwe #OldschoolRaw #raw
I can’t take Justin Roberts seriously with that damn hair… I really can’t.
David Otunga vs. Kofi Kingston
As my best friend and I said Smackdown, Kofi looks weird in blue. I got used to him in painful yellow. Anyway, why is it that the Smackdown guys both got the interviews?
Otunga takes a couple hard kicks from Kingston, who seems to find this amusing. Kingston ducks a clothesline and gets Otunga in a headlock. Otunga catches Kingston and drops him on the mat. And then again. And one more time. Otunga then goes for a cover, but Kingston kicks out. My cat started watching right now, by the way. If he’s an Otunga fan, I’ll have to send him to the Chinese place up the street. Anyway, Kingston fights out of the headlock Otunga had him in, and Otunga drops Kingston, going for a cover. Kingston kicks out at one, and Otunga plants his knee in Kingston’s back before Kingston fights to his feet. Kingston gets momentum and fights Otunga into a corner, getting pulled off Otunga by a ref. Kingston hits a hard drop kick on Otunga, and then Kingston plants Otunga, who plants him, in a double clothesline. George “The Animal” Steele makes his way to the ring, and the fans point him to the ring. He climbs into the ring, green tongue out, before he yells about eating. The ref tells him no, and he turns around to bite apart the other turnbuckle. Otunga stands up and looks at him like he needs to go to the asylum down the street, and the ref gets Steele out of the ring. Kingston reminds Otunga he’s in a match by planting Otunga into the exposed turnbuckle and hits the Trouble in Paradise.
Kofi Kingston wins via pinfall.
Morrison is backstage with Arn Anderson and Jerry Briscoe. Morrison says that he’s sick of Sheamus and shows some examples before Sheamus puts his boot in Morrison’s face. Sheamus says that he accepts Morrison’s challenge for a match at Survivor Series.
@TKeep123 OMG!!!!! George THE ANIMAL STEELE….GREEN tongue and all! What a wonderful man! #WWE #RAW #BWF #OldSchoolRaw
@StrikerSays I just LOLed at that big boot.
@Niki_Sushi This is truly the night of bad wigs. #BWF #RAW
@redsandman99 *snickers* I like JoMo but I won’t lie. I laughed when Sheamus kicked him
Aksana is walking with the Million Dollar Title backstage and Hacksaw Jim Duggan says that Aksana’s mom is over there and she’s been stealing his bit. Aksana says that she’s lost weight, and Dusty Rhodes says that he isn’t her momma. A net drops on her and Goldust takes the belt back. He then returns it to The Million Dollar Man, who walks up with IRS. Ted Jr. walks up and Ted Sr. gives it back to him. Ted says that there’s something else he wants that isn’t a hand me down. Cody shows up and says that that was far from Dashing. Goldust says that they should go over there and give him some of his grooming tips. Cody tells Goldust not to breathe on him, and walks away. Goldust tells Cody to help a brother out. Tatanka, Kelly Kelly, Ted Sr., IRS, Aksana, Dusty Rhodes, and Jim Duggan all dance. Ron Simmons sums this up perfectly.
“Damn.”
Later to come, Randy Orton and John Cena meet up on the Piper’s Pit.
Eve and R-Truth make their way to the ring for Truth’s match with Wade Barrett, next.
<COMMERCIAL>
@StrikerSays I often wonder if Ted DiBiase, Sr. even did The Laugh after punishing his sons.
@KeepItFiveStar Is “I will beat you with shovel” Aksana’s new catchphrase?
My heart hurts when Truth raps this new entrance, but it dies a little when Eve dances to it.
R-Truth with Eve vs. Wade Barrett
I hope Barrett pulls a Hannibal Lector and eats Truth’s face… Even though that would be nasty, and not PG at all.
Barrett and Truth circle one another before Barrett puts his foot in Truth’s stomach. Truth smacks Barrett before kicking him, and Barrett hurls Truth across the ring, but Truth does his fancy foot shit and avoids getting his ass kicked. Truth then clotheslines Barrett over the top rope. Truth then flips over the top rope and takes Barrett out. Truth then throws Barrett back into the room, nearly pulling his trunks down, and Truth goes to the top rope, jumping over Barrett who goes to knock him down. Barrett plants Truth, then holds him against the ropes. Barrett then suplexes Truth, who kicks out. Barrett then kicks Truth and drags him to a corner, who hits an elbow drop on Truth. Truth kicks out of Barrett’s cover at two. Barrett then plants Truth with a back breaker and goes for a cover, only for Truth to kick out. Both Orton and Cena are watching this match. Truth goes to steal a cover, but Barrett kicks out and beats Truth for it. Barrett gets Truth in a headlock, but Truth fights out, only to get Barrett’s knee in his stomach. Barrett runs into Truth’s face, and Truth takes the momentum with some hard clotheslines. Truth counters some kind of attempt at something, but Barrett kicks out of the cover. Truth drops Barrett on his stomach and goes for a cover, but Barrett kicks out. Truth misses an axe kick, and Barrett gets Truth up, but Truth fights to his feet. Barrett plants his foot in Truth’s face and then hits Wasteland.
Wade Barrett wins via pinfall.
Coming up: Orton and Cena are on Piper’s Pit.
<COMMERCIAL>
@C00kieCrumz: I hope Wade Barrett kills R-Truth. #wwe
@TKeep123 OK, EVE IS HOT and getting darker every week, but damn….. she really can’t dance to that rap. #WWE #RAW #BWF #OldSchoolRaw
@RingsideRants Eve’s dancing is so awesome, but not in a good way. In more of a, “wow this is terrible” kind of way.
@KeepItFiveStar Right time for you to SHUT UP!
@HitTheRopes Thank you very much, Wade. #wwe
And the entrance is played one more time! That siren is only cool because it drowns Cole out. King then strangles Cole a little, just for fun.
Ricardo starts to introduce Alberto del Rio, but is interrupted by Tito Santana, who introduces him instead. Chavo Classic is driving Alberto’s car. Sounds like an insult.
Alberto takes the mic and thanks Tito and Chavo Classic, then says that is name is Alberto del Rio, but we already knew that. He calls the Americans fat!! Thank you, Spanish class! And he tells us all that. He says he’s in the heart of the nation, a heart that will soon be stuffed by cholesterol and obesity. Anyway, he knows we’re here to celebrate the Old School. He thinks the old legends should follow Tito and Chavo and pay respect to him.
Sgt. Slaughter comes out to show him respect. Yeah, right. Slaughter scares me. Anyway, Slaughter tells Rio to shut his hole and listen up. There are two things you don’t mess with: legends and America. Rio wants respect? How about he earns it by facing Slaughter right here, right now, you scum, you slime, you maggot. A USA chant starts up as Rio laughs. Rio says something, but I haven’t got that far in Spanish. He then says to bring a referee right now.
Alberto del Rio vs Sgt. Slaughter
Rio beats Slaughter to his knees, and Rio mockingly salutes before Whipping Slaughter. Slaughter then gets him a hold, but Rio makes it to the ropes. Rio then elbows Slaughter in the neck, and hits a hard clothesline. Slaughter kicks out of the cover at two, and Rio puts him in a headlock. A Slaughter chant breaks out. Slaughter fights to his feet, but takes a hard kick to the thigh. Slaughter ducks a clothesline, and locks in a hold, but del Rio gets out of it, flipping Slaughter over and throwing him into the corner before kicking him in the back of the head.
Alberto del Rio wins via pinfall.
Rio kicks Slaughter and locks in his armbar. Slaughter taps, but del Rio doesn’t let up. MVP, however, chases del Rio out of the ring. Rio winks at MVP as MVP helps Slaughter to his feet.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar MVP? Did the RAW flight get stuck overseas again?
@kickoutblog Why wouldn’t Mysterio make the save there?
@HitTheRopes With his bald head and the black and green on, Sgt. Slaughter looks like a turtle. #wwe #raw
@TKeep123 Sgt. Slaughter out to check Alberto del Rio’s GREEN CARD! “Shut your hole, you puke!” #WWE #RAW #OldSchoolRaw #BWF
@redsandman99 Ariba bitch!
@Lunna1969 Ricardo just got his spot light jacked! #BWF #WWE #RAW
@seraphalexiel 😀 Spanish Announcers are always win. Always
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Wrestlemania XXVII tickets are on sale!>
Mean Gene introduces WWE Hall of Famer Mae Young. Mae comes out with none other than the Bellas. Mean Gene says that she has quite a storied past in the WWE, some even say she was the very first Diva. Mae says that she’s 87. That’s all I caught. Mean Gene says that there are so many unforgettable moments in her career.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Mae Young>
LayCool interrupts Mean Gene and Mae Young. Michelle says they’re a little confused? Is this Old School RAW or Jurassic Park? They ask how it feels to know that they have a Championship when she’ll never have one. LayCool makes an adult diaper joke and tells the Bellas to change her. Mae says she wants a match with those sluts, with no disqualification, and then calls them bitches. LayCool begin laughing and run away from Mae. LayCool says they want to make it a falls count anywhere. Then they tell the guys to ring the bell.
LayCool vs Mae Young in a No DQ Falls Count Anywhere Match
Divas come out to join her. Natalya, Eve, Melina, and Gail chase LayCool down and proceed to beat LayCool up. Layla then gets a hard slap by Mae before getting a clothesline by Natalya. The Divas then put one of Mae’s feet on Layla, and the ref counts it.
Mae Young wins via pinfall.
<COMMERCIAL>
@dasharpshooters Mae Young just called Laycool sluts and bitches. HARDCORE LIKE A MUTHAFUCKA. #wwe #Oldschoolraw TV-14
@kickoutblog Who would’ve thought Mae Young on a mic was more dangerous than The Iron Sheik?
@KeepItFiveStar Mae Young is breakin down the PG barriers!
@HitTheRopes I guess they forgot to tell Mae Young they were PG. LOL. “These two sluts…” #wwe
@ThingsColeSays LOL King marking the fuck out!
@redsandman99 I’m absolutely dying here. Sluts, bitches…Mae Young with a live mic is awesome.
@TKeep123 Mae Young slapping the taste out of Layla’s flawless mouth! ..and the PIN! YES! #WWE #Raw #BWF #OldSchoolRaw
The Fink asks us to welcome the special guest commentator for this match: JR! I marked the hell out. I LOVE JR!!!! He and Lawler are my favorite commentators. Shut the fuck up Cole.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger
Bryan and Swagger lock up, and Swagger keeps his hands on Bryan. Bryan manages to fight out, only to deliver a hard kick to Swagger. Cole pretends to doze off, and Swagger gets Bryan on his back. They both try to lock in their own submissions, and Bryan manages to fight out of Swagger’s set up, grazing Swagger’s head with a kick. JR and Lawler continue to ignore Cole. Swagger has his hands around Bryan’s waist and holds on tight. Bryan avoids some this by Swagger, who runs face first into Bryan’s feet. Bryan goes for a cover, and Swagger kicks out. Bryan keeps kicking Swagger hard. Bryan climbs up the ropes to avoid getting beat, and Swagger kicks him out of the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@StrikerSays JR just keeps shutting Cole DOWN with slobberknockers of ignoring.
@KeepItFiveStar I love how Jim Ross is just no selling Michael Cole
@TKeep123 JR dissing Michael Cole…. My night is complete! #WWE #Raw #BWF #OldSchoolRaw
@divadirt OMG! JR & King reunion. Someone mute Cole’s mic please. #WWE
@kickoutblog MOTHER.FUCK.YES.JR!
@ThingsColeSays First JR, now Daniel Bryan. LOL. Cole is gonna kill himself!
@HitTheRopes And there is @JRsBBQ and all is right with Raw. #wwe
@JCenadotcom Who’s hoping that Cole gets a beating courtesy of good ole’ JR [and King]?
It made me smile to come back to JR’s voice. Swagger has Bryan around the waist and Swagger plants Bryan, going for a cover before Bryan kicks out. Bryan shakes it off and then is grabbed around the head by Swagger. Swagger and Bryan roll around the ring for a little bit before Swagger climbs back into the ring. Swagger walks right into a kick by Bryan, and then gets knocked out of the ring. Bryan plants his feet in Swagger’s face, then proceeds to keep kicking swagger. Swagger locks in the ankle lock, but Bryan gets out of it. Swagger then avoids getting kicked in the face again. Swagger jumps off the second rope and onto Bryan, going for a cover, but Bryan kicks out at two. King tells Cole to shut the hell up. Swagger then jumps off the second rope again to land on Bryan. Swagger grabs Bryan around the waist and attempts the Gut Wrench, but Bryan fights it, going to attempt the LaBell, but Swagger hits the backbreaker. Swagger attempts another Gut Wrench, but Bryan kicks Swagger in the face again. This time, for the win.
Daniel Bryan wins via pinfall.
Ted DiBiase runs into the ring and proceeds to beat the hell out of Bryan, then hits the Dream Street. Ted then takes the United States Championship and climbs in the ring. He holds it up, and then Maryse makes her way down to him. JR says his goodbyes, and I cry on the inside.
At Survivor Series, Edge and Kane will face off for the World Heavyweight Championship! The traditional match is Team Mysterio vs Team del Rio. Mysterio, Show, Masters, MVP, Kofi vs del Rio, Reks, Swagger, and someone else I missed. Sorry. Sheamus and Morrison are going head to head too! Then, there’s going to be Randy Orton vs Wade Barrett for the WWE Championship, where Cena will be freed or fired.
JR smacks Cole with his hat and gives kids high fives and what not as he heads out. Love that man.
Up next, Cena and Orton are going to meet up in Piper’s Pit.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog JR hitting Michael Cole with his hat should be added to the Raw intro video.
@Niki_Sushi Jerry just legit pointed and laughed at Cole. My night has been made three times already. #BWF #RAW
@bethsharae Beat the crap out of him JR! #Raw
@TKeep123 Ted Dibiase apparently jealous of Daniel Bryan’s beard… #WWE #Raw #BWF #OldSchoolRaw
@ThingsColeSays Ahahahahahahahaah, now Cole said “belt.” He’s fucking losing it! This is awesome!
@seraphalexiel SLOBBERKNOCKER! And…. this was the best RAW moment in a long time
@redsandman99 Nothing says shut the fuck up like a bitchslap with a cowboy hat.
We welcome the legends back out to the stage, and they all line up. Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka, Cowboy Bob Orton, IRS, Tito Santana, Sgt. Slaughter, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, The Brooklyn Brawler, Chavo Classic (who mentioned Eddie), Mean Gene Okerlund, Howard Finkel, Mae Young, Jerry Brisco, Ted DiBiase Sr., Slick, Tatanka, Tony Atlas, Arn Anderson, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes, George “The Animal” Steele, JR!, The Iron Sheik, and Nikolai Volkoff.
Now, we welcome the other legend, Rowdy Roddy Piper, who’s looking a little older than he did at the Madison Square Garden RAW he guest hosted last year.
Rowdy says that we’re gonna make some history. Old school isn’t about nostalgia, it’s about a time when you had to man up, when you had to stand up to the plate, like when Captain Lou was being honored with an award and Piper hit him with a record. When he hit Snuka in the head with a coconut. It was a time when you had a problem, and you did something about it. His first guest is John Cena.
BRRRRRRRRRR WE LOVE JR!
Roddy says that he’s a fan of Cena’s, and he’s a helluva man. Roddy has to tell him that he has been competing over 30 years, and he’s never been the WWE Champion. It does eat at him a little bit. Many many other legends have never been the WWE Champion. And if Cena’s gonna do what Roddy thinks he’s gonna do, and he’s gonna give that SOB Wade Barrett the WWE Championship without him deserving it, then what Cena’s doing is spitting in the face of all those legends that he says he respects. Roddy’s askin him not to spit in his face, Cena. Cena’s been a man ever since he walked in. Consequences be damned, do the right thing. For weeks Cena’s had to hear free or fired, free from Nexus or fired from the WWE. At times, he doesn’t know what the right thing is. It’s not that easy. From the moment Cena got here, he’s worked as hard as he can. So, when guys like Piper look at the WWE, they look at Cena, and say they could have hung with them. He’s got a lot of respect, and he looked up to them as a kid. He’s been thinking about it a lot, but after all the work he’s done, he’s not going to give the WWE Championship up. Everybody wants to know the decision: If Randy Orton wins at Survivor Series, he earns it. If Wade Barrett wins, then he earns it. Cena’s calling the match down the middle. Barrett interrupts and says well said Cena. Barrett agrees 100%, just call it down the middle. HE proved tonight that he can beat anyone on the RAW roster without Cena’s help. They were magnificent words, but that’s the problem; They’re just words. They both know there’s a reality in place here. The reality is this: if Barrett doesn’t get his hand raised, if he doesn’t win the WWE Title, Cena’s finished, it’s all over. Piper puts a hand over Barrett’s mic and tells him to shut up. He says that if Barrett lets Cena give him that WWE Championship – then spits at Barrett for not look in at him – at the end of the day, he may have the WWE Championship, but he won’t be a champion, he’ll be a joke. Barrett asks who Piper is to cast judgment on him. One way or another, this is Cena’s final night on RAW as Nexus. It may be Cena’s final RAW ever. Sunday, Barrett either sets him free or fires him. If this is indeed his final RAW, he wants to do something he should have done weeks ago, and he’s disappointed that it’s taken this long. He tells Cena to put on the Nexus shirt. Barrett says that if Cena doesn’t put it on now, Cena’s fired on the spot. Cena changes shirts. Man still looks good in black. Cena says he hopes that Barrett’s happy. Barrett’s his boss until Sunday. When that match is over, win or lose, Cena’s going to turn Barrett’s face to mush. Barrett says that he’s heard all those threats, and Nexus may be banned from ringside, but the moment he becomes WWE Champion, they will hit the ring and neutralize any threat from Cena. Barrett has Cena in his back pocket.
Holy God long wall of text is done, but RAW isn’t.
I hear voices in my head…
Orton merely glances at Cena before looking at Barrett, then back at Cena. Orton says ever since Cena counted 123 on him last week, all he’s thought about is putting an end to this by kicking him in the skull. Cena says that he’s right there. Orton says that he’s thought of a better option. He could take Cena out, or. Orton then takes Barrett down and ducks a clothesline before hitting a scoop slam. Cena and Piper stand in the corners as Orton pounds on the mat. Cena moves between Orton and Barrett, and then drops a foot on Barrett’s head before RKO’ing Cena. Orton sets up for a punt, but Orton goes for the punt and misses. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Orton. Cena holds his head, and Barrett climbs back in the ring, grinning pretty happily. He walks up to Cena, who scowls at him, and then tells Cena to raise his arm. Cena lifts Barrett up and hits him with an Attitude Adjustment too. Piper raises Cena’s hand on the ramp.
Well, interesting episode, but not much of a build up for Survivor Series…
Next week, I’ll be at RAW in Orlando, so the RAW review may be up on Tuesday. That’s my plan! I’ll see you all next week!!
Hello ladies and gentlemen. Terribly sorry about missing last week, but I was out with my mom and grandmother, with a surprise visit from my aunt. We went and saw Cats, not like anyone cares… I’m going to shut up now.
Oh, heads up: My laptop screen is… busted, maybe, I don’t know. Something happened, I have no idea what. So, my laptop may be going in for repair soon. What that means is that the RAW review may be up later, because I’d have to take notes while watching it in my room, and then take the notes into the office and type it up on my desktop… Anyway, I’m still working out the kinks and trying to make everything easier. Keep an eye out on Twitter, and I’ll let you know.
Tonight, The Miz takes on John Cena. And what about Nexus? After expelling Darren Young, are they stronger, or are they beginning to crack around the edges?
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, whoever loses, leaves Nexus.>
So, Darren’s out of Nexus…? Maybe. We’ll see.
It’s a shameful thing… lobster head… TOO MANY LIMES! TOO MANY LIMES!
Lots of love to the RAW Tweeters for that one. I love you all.
Anyway, Sheamus makes his way out, and we get a rewind to the Justin Gabriel vs Randy Orton match where Sheamus came out to the ring and cost Randy the match via count out. And Randy demolished him last week outside the ring. Nexus? Not a threat. Sheamus pisses Randy off though. Ha.
Sheamus says that he’s noticed one thing about Americans: their children are spoiled brats, annoying, selfish, and will cry until they get what they want. Look at all the spoiled runts. He calls some random kid a disgrace and I JUST SAW FRANK! Anyway, he bashes a few more kids. He says there’s an even bigger spoiled child in the WWE, and that’s Randy Orton. Orton couldn’t beat Sheamus for the title at SummerSlam, so he attacks Sheamus after the match and on RAW. Everyone in the WWE Universe cheered Orton, chanting RKO RKO! Which they do now, much to Sheamus’ disgust. He says he’s going to burst their bubble, and says that Orton is not the WWE Champion, Sheamus is. Sheamus and the GM haven’t been on the same page, but in four weeks times, Night of Champions is coming up. Orton should be punished for what he did instead of rewarded. He should never get another opportunity at the WWE Championship.
<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>
“Sheamus, believe it or not, I have no problem with you. You have found a way to retain your WWE Championship, and I feel you should be rewarded. Therefore tonight I’m going to do something unprecedented. Gentlemen, will you please bring out the throne.”
Like we need this. Make someone’s ego even bigger… Anyway, there’s a throne now.
“Sheamus, I’m not going to decide your next challenger, you are. Tonight, there will be a series of matches. You will watch them, observe them, and see who impresses you the most. At the end of the evening, you will come to the ring and announce to the world your opponent for Night of Champions.”
Sheamus says there is finally justice in the WWE for him, and thanks the General Manager.
“Sheamus, there’s one other thing. The first of these matches begins right now.”
You think you know me…
Edge makes his way to the ring as we cut to commercial.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi It’s official. Whoever Sheamus picks is either going to have a mega push, or a mega burial. #BWF #RAW
@TKeep123 Until I hear Sheamus say “Fella!” my night won’t be complete. #RAW #WWE #BWF
Next week is RAW’s 900th episode!! Awesome.
Edge vs. R-Truth
So, whose taking bets that someone’s going to try to beat Sheamus with his own throne? I would. Anyway, Truth did decently, but a Spear ended that.
Edge wins via pinfall!
Edge says Sheamus can sit on his stupid little throne, brag about all the people he’s beat, but until he’s beaten a nine-time champion, until he beats the man who led Team WWE to victory at SummerSlam, until he beats the Rated-R Superstar, he hasn’t beaten anybody.
Tonight, The Miz takes on John Cena! And Cody Rhodes is going to be on Warehouse 13 on SyFy tomorrow night at 9 Central!
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog R-Truth just broke his hip like a 90 year old that just slipped in the tub. #WWE #RAW
@Niki_Sushi OMFG. Truth did the scissor kick, and all I saw was him in Alicia’s outfit. MY BRAIN NEEDS BLEACHING!!! #BWF #RAW
WWE went to China for the first time. AWESOME.
Sheamus is still sitting on his throne watching everything, and Lawler says that he looks regal. Huh, go figure.
The Great Khali vs. Chris Jericho
Khali manhandles Chris for a bit, but Chris fights back, attacking Khali’s injured knee. Advantage bounces back and forth, and Chris goes for the Codebreaker, but Khali just drops him. Jericho locks Khali in the Walls of Jericho, and Khali taps out.
Chris Jericho wins via submission.
Chris takes a mic and says that he hopes Sheamus wasn’t taking what Edge said to heart because he wasn’t the first Undisputed Champion, Chris is. Edge isn’t the man who just made a giant tap out, and most importantly, Edge isn’t the best in the world at what he does, Chris is. So Sheamus should pick Chris, and asks if Sheamus understands what Chris is saying right now. Khali gets back up and slaps Chris’ chest, knocking him out of the ring.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, Alex Riley and The Miz distract Daniel Bryan so that Tarver could get the win. The Miz, Tarver, and Riley team up to attack Daniel Bryan.>
Backstage, Josh Matthews interviews John Cena. Matthews asks him to mention what happened last week. Cena says it’s petty and classless, and he doesn’t regret choosing Bryan over Miz. Miz almost cost them the match, and showed his true colors last week by attacking Bryan. Ever since he won the Money in the Bank match, he’s gotten a bigger mouth. Tonight, Cena’ shuts it with an Attitude Adjustment.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar I will pay for Khali’s ticket to get him back to India
@ThingsColeSays Michael McGuillicutty has the “McGuillibuddies.” Michael Cole has “The Cole Miners.” John Cena has the “Purple People Eaters.”
@HitTheRopes I don’t hate Cena and all (and I have yet to look at spoilers) but I hope Miz looks better here than in their last feud. #wwe
@StrikerSays Jericho truly IS the best in the world at what he does, and here’s why: he just made a 5-minute match with Khali NOT entirely virulent.
We come back to Jillian Hall in the ring saying she has been Diva’s Champion before and she’s done it again. She starts singing Afraid by Eminem, and I think Cole was singing too. Thankfully, Melina interrupts.
Jillian Hall vs Diva’s Champion Melina for the Diva’s Championship
Jillian dominates most of this match, and they guess each other’s moves a lot, but no surprise, Melina wins with Last Call.
Diva’s Champion Melina wins via pinfall.
LayCool comes over the TitanTron to try to get Melina’s attention. They say they don’t feel bad at all for attacking her at SummerSlam. They’re going to be at the 900th episode of RAW next week, and they have a flawless offer that she can’t refuse.
Matthews is backstage with Miz, asking if he wants to respond to Cena’s accusations. Miz says that he nailed Bryan in the back of the head, but what about Cena? Cena put Team WWE at risk the minute he chose Bryan of Miz. After the WWE Championship match, Sheamus was beaten down, and had to be carried out. But did Miz cash in Money in the Bank? No. He was thinking about Team WWE. The very least Cena could have done was talk to Miz backstage. Instead, he tried to embarrass Miz in front of the entire world. Being embarrassed doesn’t sit right with Miz. So tonight, Miz is going to beat Cena, and he will show Cena that there will be consequences for his actions. As for Sheamus, Miz doesn’t expect to be chosen. But, that doesn’t really matter does it? Because Miz can pick Sheamus anytime, anywhere he wants. He might even pick Sheamus tonight.
<COMMERCIAL>
@legendkiller515 Why do they continue to have jillian sing? #wwe #bwf
@Niki_Sushi NO. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM RAW, YOU DIRTY BLONDE HO! WE JUST GOT RID OF Kx2! DON’T RUIN THIS FOR ME! #RAW #BWF
@JCenadotcom Why do they insist on making Michelle talk? :-
Nexus comes out to the ring, Wade with a microphone. Remember, it’s the Nexus Six now, which doesn’t have the same ring, does it? Sheamus asks what he owes the honor too, but before they can answer…
<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>
“I requested Nexus come out here to let them know I was highly impressed with their performance last week. As for the ban that says Nexus can no longer compete for titles, that ban has been lifted.”
Sheamus looks upset, and Barrett walks over. Sheamus and Barrett have a staring match before Barrett says their truce is over. With that, they walk backstage again.
Next up is The Miz vs John Cena.
<COMMERCIAL>
@legendkiller515 sheamus looks like he just seen a ghost…physically and literary #wwe #bwf
@Niki_Sushi God DAMN Sheamus looks pissed! Just how many Superstars pissed in his Wheaties during commercial!? #BWF #RAW
AWESOME!
The United States Champion The Miz vs John Cena
I’m calling it now, as Cena comes out (BRRRRRR SOGGY SHOES!) that Daniel Bryan is going to interfere. Just my theory. Anyway, Miz gets an early advantage, but Cena takes it from him. He goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out, and dodges a move from Cena, sending Cena shoulder-first into the steel pole. Miz goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out. Miz gets the advantage back, and then Cena takes it back, Irish whipping him across the ring before suplexing him and going for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Miz gets advantage back with a knee to the face, and then a kick to the stomach. Meanwhile, Cole admits he has no friends. Anyway, Miz hits a leg drop across Cena’s face, and then goes for a cover, but Cena shoves him off. Cena gets the advantage back, and then goes to the top rope, and Miz knocks him off and out of the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
We come back to Miz hooked all around Cena in a sleeper, his legs around his waist from behind. Cena backs him into the turnbuckle, and goes for the bulldog, but Miz shoves him off, followed by a boot to the face. He goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Miz goes outside the ring and hangs Cena’s head over the edge, then knees him in the face. He gets Cena under the bottom rope, and then drops him, flinging him into the rope. He goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Miz is watching Cena as he gets up in the corner, and then hits the swinging corner clothesline. Cena gets in another corner, and Miz tries again, but Cena rolls out of the way. Cena hits a shoulder tackle and then gets the momentum back. Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Miz, who gets up and is picked up for the Attitude Adjustment. However, Miz hits him with a backbreaker, then a neckbreaker, then goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Cena gets up and Miz attempts the Skull Crushing Finale, but Miz blocks and gets Miz into the STF. Miz reaches for the ropes and grabs the bottom rope to get free.
To give you a break from the block paragraphs, I’ll continue here. Cena goes for Miz, but Miz kicks him in the face. Goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out. Miz Whips Cena into the turnbuckle and then attempts another Skull Crushing Finale. Cena tries the attitude Adjustment again, but Miz gets out of the ring and away from him. Daniel Bryan attacks from behind, the ref calls for the bell, and Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment.
The United States Champion The Miz wins via disqualification.
Cena walks away, and Daniel Bryan gets in and puts Miz in a submission. Miz taps out, and four refs have to pull Bryan off of Miz.
Later tonight, Randy Orton will face John Morrison and Ted DiBiase in a Triple Threat match.
<COMMERCIAL>
@FrankWWEClown “Get that idiot off him!” -Michael Cole No Cole, you’re the idiot, you’re the idiot.
@Niki_Sushi I now name Daniel Bryan’s submission move. It’s now the ‘Twisted Dick’. #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes These two are putting on a good match. Good job @mikethemiz and @johncena. #wwe
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Two weeks ago, Tamina hits on Santino.>
Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs Jimmy and Jey Uso with Tamina
No idea. I was hoping Tamina would hit on Santino again. Anyway, Vladimir picks up the win.
Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov win via pinfall.
Afterward, Jimmy (I think) went to attack Santino again, but Tamina protected him and helped him up. Tamina then blows Santino a kiss, and he hysterically ‘gets hit’ by it. I love that guy. Vladimir looks at him like he’s retarded and tries to move his hand, but Santino won’t. Santino says he thinks Tamina likes him.
Sheamus is deliberating on all the matches, even the one he hasn’t seen yet, and JoMo, Randy, and Ted have a match next.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog In King’s defense, I think Tiger Woods might be the only person sleazier than Jerry Lawler.
Sheamus seems to have decided. He’s looking pretty smug in that throne.
Ted DiBiase with Maryse vs John Morrison vs Randy Orton
Orton comes out and Sheamus stands at attention! Aaaand no match yet.
<COMMERCIAL>
@dasharpshooters Yay its Maryse and her bitch! #wwe #Raw #bwf
Sheamus leaves the ring/stage area as Morrison disappeared somewhere and Randy and DiBiase go at it in the ring. There’s Morrison, beating DiBiase to a pulp. Randy and Morrison are in the ring, and Maryse is comforting DiBiase ringside. DiBiase finally comes back to interrupt Morrison’s cover on Orton, and flings Morrison out of the ring. He goes for the cover on Orton, and Orton kicks out. DiBiase gets an advantage on Orton and holds onto it for a bit, gaining momentum over Morrison too. But Orton comes back to get some momentum on both of them, hitting a scoop slam on Morrison, then DiBiase in succession. He then gets DiBiase between the top and middle rope, ducks a kick from Morrison, and DDTs DiBiase. Orton prepares to RKO DiBiase, but DiBiase shoves him into Morrison, who kicks him in the face, and then is sent out of the ring by DiBiase. DiBiase tries to hit Dream Street, but Orton counters. Orton then RKOs Morrison in midair and wins the match.
Randy Orton wins via pinfall.
DiBiase attacks Randy afterward only to also receive an RKO from Randy. Randy cackles and then Matthews is backstage with Sheamus. Sheamus says he doesn’t need to see anymore of Orton, because he’s already made his decision, and in just a few minutes, Sheamus is going to tell the entire world in that ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 If Michael Cole would use “Classic” instead of “Vintage,” it wouldn’t be half as obnoxious. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@legendkiller515 randy does it again…rko in mid air. he is a beast #wwe #bwf
@KeepItFiveStar Oh no!!!!! Morrison got the beard RKO’d off him!!
Sheamus is standing in the ring, and I think something glared off his face and into my eyes, because I went temporarily blind. Sheamus says that he is still a warrior, the Celtic Warrior despite last week. He says that he’s going to defend his title right now, and not wait until Night of Champions. A ref climbs into the ring, and Sheamus says that he’s seen a lot of great competitors tonight. But the only reason he became WWE Champion was because of opportunity. You can’t succeed without opportunity. Despite what he’s seen tonight, he went left field. He decided to make it a Superstar who’s never had a WWE Championship before, a man who could be the next biggest WWE Superstar. His next opponent is Zack Ryder.
OOOH RADIO, TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!
Ryder comes out and says that everyone all over the world is looking at the next WWE Champion, woo woo woo, you know it.
Zack Ryder vs WWE Champion Sheamus for the WWE Championship
Someone apparently loves Ryder, because he’s finally getting his chance! … Not like it’ll last. Anyway, there’s only like ten minutes left anyway. So, yeah. Sheamus destroys Ryder with the kick thing to the head.
WWE Champion Sheamus wins via pinfall.
Cole makes a lame joke, and everyone hates him more. Sheamus takes the mic and says that there we have it: another successful retention for the Celtic Warrior. Now, he wants to reference some WWE Rules and Regulations. Now, he doesn’t have to defend his title for another 30 days. That means at Night of Champions, he’s taking the night off. He says he may even take the whole month off, go back to Ireland. However, Nexus thinks that’s a bad idea.
We are one, we are one, we are one, we will stand together… until Darren Young loses!
Barrett makes his way down to the ring and says that Sheamus is right, legally. He doesn’t need to defend his title for another thirty days, but Barrett won Season One of NXT. Sheamus asks so what, and Barrett says that he gets a title opportunity at a pay-per-view of his choice. Barrett chooses to take it against Sheamus at Night of Champions.
<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>
“The GM would like everyone to know that he has upheld Barrett’s request: Sheamus will defend against Barrett at Night of Champions, but that’s not all. Earlier tonight, Sheamus, you spoke of opportunity. Well, I’m giving an opportunity to not only Wade Barrett, but to four other deserving Superstars. That means at Night of Champions, Sheamus will defend the WWE Championship in a Six Pack Challenge. Sheamus will not only face Wade Barrett, he will face Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, Edge, and John Cena.”
Sheamus shoves Barrett at the others, and they all glare at him, surrounding him. Cena attacks, and then so does everyone else. Sheamus throws Barrett out of the ring, then Jericho delivers the Codebreaker to Sheamus, Edge Spears Jericho, Cena Attitude Adjustment’s Edge, and Randy RKO’s John.
Overall, RAW could have been a little more impressive, but it wasn’t terrible. Hope you all enjoyed it, and I hope to see you next week. Keep an eye on my Twitter (@TheMizMagnet) for more details.
Well, I ignored iMPACT, slept through SmackDown, and wrote off RAW, so I guess that makes me perfectly qualified to vote in this week’s Power Poll. We have a new number one this week, and he is….
1. The Miz (3)
He may still have his Money In The Bank briefcase despite another attempt to cash it in, but The Miz impressed voters enough this week to catapult himself up two spots to number one – because he’s The Miz, and he’s AWESOME! (My vote: 5)
2. Randy Orton (4)
A take no prisoners week for the WWE’s Apex Predator, Orton defeated Jey Uso, RKO’d Sheamus, and then for good measure RKO’d The Miz as well. (My vote: 1)
3. Sheamus (2)
The WWE Champion caught an RKO earlier on in the night, but picked up a tag team victory later in the night when his reluctant partner The Miz pinned John Cena. (My vote: 3)
4. Kane (1)
After RAW dominates the top three, SmackDown’s World Heavyweight Champion, Kane, takes his place on the Power Poll at number four. A promo to kick off the show and a no-sell of a Mysterio 619 keeps the Big Red World Champion from dropping any further. (My vote: 4)
5. Rey Mysterio (8)
Speaking of Mysterio, he climbs up the Power Poll after a victory over Jack Swagger in a two out of three falls match to become the number one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship at SummerSlam. (My vote: NR)
6. Rob Van Dam (5)
Despite not doing anything of note (seriously – he’s not even mentioned in Drow’s iMPACT review), Rob Van Dam only drops one spot, and is in fact the only member of the TNA roster to be featured in this week’s poll. (My vote: 2)
7. John Cena (6)
Cena has been strong on the mic the last few weeks, including his show opening promo with Chris Jericho this week on RAW. Had Jericho not hit him with the Codebreaker and cost him their tag match, the former WWE Champion’s ranking would likely be much higher. (My vote: 6)
8. Chris Jericho (10)
Chris Jericho continues to climb the ranks of the Power Poll this week, having been an awesome foil to John Cena in both the opening segment and the closing matchup of RAW. (My vote: 7)
9. Big Show (NR)
Having fun at the expense of the Straight Edge Society, Big Show unmasked Joey Mercury, and unmasks his ability to be a top 10 player in sports entertainment after a couple weeks off the Poll. (My vote: 9)
10. Wade Barrett (7)
Evan Bourne is not even half the size of Mark Henry, so slamming him to the canvas is not nearly as impressive a feat. Barrett makes the top ten on the sheer fact that he’s the leader of The Nexus. (My vote: 10)
Hot on the heels of Money in the Bank, the main event tonight is a Triple Threat match between Edge, Randy Orton, and Chris Jericho! But will RAW’s Mr. Money in the Bank, The United States Champion, The Miz decide that Sheamus’ WWE Championship is too much for him to ignore? And what about John Cena? How is he going to react after Nexus interfered in his match last night? All these questions will – hopefully – be answered tonight on Monday! Night! RAW! Warning, also, a lot of block paragraphs tonight. Sorry.
@Niki_Sushi So… did anyone see Sheamus last night after the match? No? Me neither. White men can’t jump, but Irish men and RUUUUUUUUUUN. #BWF
Wade is going to fight Mark Henry alone tonight, and Nexus is banned from ringside.
Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho vs. Edge for a chance to face WWE Champion Sheamus at SummerSlam
Randy started out with a good advantage, hammering both Edge and Jericho away, but then Jericho gets Randy in the corner and hammers away on him, only for Edge to join, and then stand back and watch. Randy fights back into control, however, getting Edge out of the ring before throwing Chris into the turnbuckle. Edge shows his stealthy side by dropping off the apron and slamming Randy’s head into the top rope. Chris beats on Randy for a little bit, then starts yelling at Edge to do the same. Jericho holds Orton while letting Edge hit him, then the two take turns beating on Orton. They both Irish Whip him and then go to double back drop him, but Orton countered with a double DDT. Jericho rolled out of the ring, and Randy went for a cover on Edge. Edge kicked out at two. Afterward, Orton purposefully stomps on Edge and wears him down. Randy goes to hit the RKO on Edge, but Edge counters and Jericho hits the Codebreaker. Jericho went for a cover, but Edge broke it apart. Edge and Jericho roll out to the outside, and we go to commercial as Edge bounces Jericho’s head off the announce table.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KiraSwaggaholic This should be the goddamn MAIN EVENT wtf
We come back to Edge and Jericho still outside the ring, and I don’t actually see Randy. Nevermind, Randy’s inside the ring, and he takes out Chris, throwing him out of the ring and into Edge. Jericho goes to get back in, but Randy goes to pull him through. Edge gets up, but manages to get out as Orton DDT’s Jericho from the rope. Randy goes for a cover, but Edge breaks it and throws Randy out. Edge rushes into the ring to cover Jericho, but Chris kicks out at two. Edge goes back to Randy, throwing him back into the ring and going for a cover. Orton kicks out at two. Edge hits Randy and panders, in Jericho’s words, to the crowd, before proceeding to attack Randy’s face. He goes to run off the ropes, but Jericho pulls him out, and bounces his head off the announce table before attacking Randy. Jericho goes for a pin, using the ropes for leverage, but Randy kicks out at two. Jericho gets Randy in a headlock in the middle of the ring. Randy manages to stand and then powers out, gaining momentum with some clotheslines. A scoop slam into a cover on Jericho, but he kicks out at two. Jericho rolls out the apron, but Randy follows. He goes to set Jericho up for a DDT again, but Edge comes in. Randy gains momentum with a back breaker, goes for a cover, but Edge kicks out at two. Randy gets Edge up and kicks him out of the ring. Randy sets Jericho up for the DDT off the ropes again, but Jericho counters and sets up the Walls of Jericho, locking them in. Randy pulls to the ropes, only for Jericho to pull him back to the center of the ring. Edge comes in and DDTs Jericho. Edge goes for the cover, but Jericho kicks out. Edge goes into the corner, setting up the Spear. Jericho turns, but launches at Edge before he can Spear him, and sets him up into the Walls of Jericho. Edge makes it to the ropes, forcing Jericho to break the hold. Jericho goes to hit it again, but Edge counters into a roll up and Jericho kicks out at two. Orton tries to hit the RKO, but Edge counters and goes for the cover, for Randy to kick out at two. Edge goes to the opposite corner from before, and sets up the Spear. Edge runs for the Spear, but Jericho attacks. Jericho rolls Edge up, Edge kicks out. Edge rolls Randy up, Randy kicks out. Then, all three of them clothesline each other.
Jericho sends Edge out of the ring, and then Randy goes for the RKO, Jericho counters. Jericho goes for Lionsault, Randy moves out of the way. Randy begins pounding on the mat, and then hits the RKO on Jericho, then on Edge. He pins Edge for the victory.
Randy Orton wins via pinfall!
<COMMERCIAL>
Edge has stayed in the ring the entire commercial break, and is demanding that Chris comes back out, saying that ‘this has gone on between us for too long.’ Chris does come back out, asking what Edge’s problem is. Edge asks how many a lot and I missed about three of them. He says that it has to end right here, right now, tonight. Chris grabs a mic, after demanding it. For the first time in eleven years, they agree on something: It’s going to end tonight. Chris is the reason that Nexus has achieved what they have. If Chris just snaps his fingers, Nexus would do whatever he wanted them to. He could call Nexus out here and take years off not only his career, but his life. Edge doesn’t think that Nexus agrees, and they’d take Edge up on his offer first. Looks like Nexus is going to answer, because they’re coming out now.
Wade says they’re both veterans and Nexus would be lucky to call either of them an ally. They’ve had successful, innovative, Hall of Fame careers. But, Jericho was right. Nexus wouldn’t take years off his career, they’d end it. Nexus then attacks Edge, and Jericho’s bouncing around pretty excited. Edge is then Speared by Sheffield. Chris then puts Edge in the Walls of Jericho, with Nexus still surrounding them. Chris seems to realize where he is, because he lets Edge out, staring at Nexus.
Wade says that Edge was also right. They would really like to shut up the guy who’s claiming to be behind Nexus’ success. They surround him, and Chris attacks Barrett, clinging to him as Nexus tries to pull him off. They finally get him off and start wailing away on him. Barrett claims that Jericho didn’t teach him anything. Nexus then lifts Jericho, and Otunga takes him down.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Hey, at least @IAmJericho went down swinging, just like the best in the world should!
Nexus is walking backstage, and they go into the Nexus locker room. Wade is stopped by Josh Matthews, who says that there is no question he has the most powerful group in the WWE. I missed the rest of this part because I was talking to my grandmother. Sorry.
Sheamus comes up to Barrett and says he has a proposal. Wade tells him to step into his office, and Sheamus says he’d rather wait out there. Pansy ass.
John is waiting in the locker room area, and is doing an interview with Michael Cole from ringside. Cena says he didn’t shake Barrett’s hand out of foolish pride and because he thought he could stop Barrett. No one could stop Barrett. Edge and Jericho were decimated, Nexus attacked last night, and Cena can see the writing on the wall. What Cena’s saying is that tonight, he’d like to meet Wade Barrett and Nexus in the ring, because he’s got something to say. King asks why, and Cena says that they’ve cost him everything. They say that you’re either Nexus, or against us. Right now, Cena’s if you can’t beat ‘em… and he walks away.
<COMMERCIAL>
Eve Torres vs. Maryse with Ted DiBiase
Ted returns the favor tonight and accompanies Maryse to the ring. Last night, Maryse actually got in the ring and climbed the ladder. John Morrison pulled her down and put her out of the ring, by the way. Maryse takes off a ring or something and hands it to the ref. Hoshit, Ted is on commentary. Maryse trash talks Eve for a while, but Eve shoves her away. Maryse hits her back with a good slap, and then kicks her into the ropes. Ted says Maryse isn’t a gold digger. Maryse is dominating this match, flinging Eve around however she wants to. However, Eve fights back, getting Maryse down, and going for a pinfall. However, Maryse gets her foot on the rope. The ref never seems to see it. However, and Ted starts yelling at the ref. Eve rolls out of the ring and heads up the ramp.
Eve Torres wins via pinfall!
Morrison comes down and attacks Ted, hitting Starship Pain on DiBiase. Sheamus is making his way to… somewhere. I think it’s the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 I’ll admit I enjoy seeing Maryse laying on her back, but…that match could have lasted a few more minutes. Damn, no French kiss! #WWE #RAW
It’s a shame that they lost their heads…
Sheamus comes down to the ring and everyone wonders what it is that he could possibly have to say about or to Nexus?
Sheamus says to let the records show: He’s beaten Cena in tables, fatal four way, and a steel cage match. He beat Cena for the first time and it was called a fluke. A second time? Luck. Now that it’s the third time, and the word is dominance. What now for Cena? He’s in Sheamus’ past. He gets the back of the line and he won’t get another title shot against Sheamus anytime soon. He should have done what Sheamus did earlier tonight. He went and found Barrett, walked up to him, and said he wanted, no, demanded a truce. He explained to Barrett that one year ago, no one had ever heard of Sheamus or Nexus. But now, they’re both the two most powerful entities in the entire WWE. He explained that they don’t have to like each other, they’ll stay out of each other’s business. Barrett agreed, and as of tonight, the truce is in effect. It’s good news for Sheamus, but bad for Orton. The only way Orton can beat Sheamus is Nexus’ interference, but that’s gone now, so Orton doesn’t stand a chance. He’ll suffer the same fate as Cena. He can sit back and watch as Sheamus becomes the longest reigning champion of all time.
AWESOME!
Miz comes down with the Money in the Bank briefcase. Miz congratulates Sheamus on getting rid of the Nexus problem. Now, Sheamus has a bigger problem: A Miz problem. Sheamus doesn’t control the fate of the WWE Championship, Miz does, because he’s Mr. Money in the Bank. He can cash it in anytime he wants for a WWE Championship match. Anytime Sheamus is in that ring, Miz will be watching him. Say Sheamus beats Orton at SummerSlam, but as Sheamus gets his hand raised, Sheamus is hit with an RKO, and Miz will be there. What if Sheamus is interviewed backstage, and Miz beats him and drags him out to the ring, and beats him? Regardless of who’s champion, Miz can wait for the moment that his entire career has been leading to, to Main Event Wrestlemania! Or maybe Miz forgets about all that and cashes it in tonight. Either way, Sheamus can call Miz his celebrity stalker, because every breath he takes, every move he makes, Miz will be watching him, because he’s the Miz, and he’s awesome! Sheamus interrupts, saying he’s the WWE Champion, and Miz is nothing.
You’ve got Mail!
GM: Should The Miz want to cash in the Money in the Bank contract tonight, take a seat at ringside. Sheamus will be in action right now against this man…
You are cleared for takeoff…
WWE Champion Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne
Evan gets early momentum, sending Sheamus right out of the damn ring. And then, commercial.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi ‘Were there any smilie-faces at the end of that e-mail?’ The answer is yes. But Cole’s too stupid to say ‘smiley-face-smiley-face’. #BWF
We come back to Sheamus rolling back out of the ring. Sheamus shoves Evan into the apron, and they both climb back into the ring. Evan gets back with some sharp kicks, and Sheamus Irish Whips Evan, only for Evan to kick him in the face. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Evan kicks out at two. Sheamus sends Evan into the turnbuckle, and then keeps him in the corner with some kicks and knees. Sheamus wraps Evan around the turnbuckle and pulls on him from the outside, releasing at four. Sheamus climbs back into the ring, keeping Evan down. Sheamus hammers Evan with some forearms before putting him into some weird ass submission move. Evan fights to his feet and then tries to fight back, only to get planted on the mat. Sheamus goes for the cover, but Evan kicks out at two. Sheamus pulls Evan up by his hair and shoves him right back down before going back to work on the shoulder of Evan. Evan fights out of it, and hits Sheamus with some hard kicks. Sheamus sends him into the corner and literally slaps him silly, only for Evan to kick the hell out of his head. Sheamus misses a clothesline, and Evan puts his foot in Sheamus’ jaw. Evan goes for a cover on Sheamus, but Sheamus kicks out at two. Sheamus is down, and Evan goes to the top rope. Miz is on the edge of his seat, ready, but Sheamus rolls out of the ring. Evan jumps out to the outside, landing right on Sheamus. The ref starts his count. Sheamus gets back in, and Evan’s still being counted on. He gets back up to the apron, and is kicked coming in. Sheamus hits the big boot, and covers Evan for the win.
WWE Champion Sheamus wins via pinfall!
Miz applauds, almost sarcastically, at Sheamus’ victory. Miz then hits Sheamus right in the ribs with the briefcase, followed by a shot to the back. He seems to be considering cashing in, and gets Sheamus up, attempting to go for the Skull Crushing Finale, and hits it, planning Sheamus’ face on the briefcase. Miz cashes it in.
Truth runs out, and Miz climbs out, taking his briefcase back. Truth attacks Miz, as Miz tries to leave. Miz takes the briefcase and leaves. Since the bell never rang, it’s not an official match up, thus he never cashed it in, officially.
<COMMERCIAL>
@BrdWrstlngFn I can only imagine the RAW review if @MikeTheMiz wins the title right here…
–Hey! Don’t mock me!! I’m behaving!! I usually behave!! I keep it… mostly… unbiased… sometimes.
@Niki_Sushi To RAW fans, you are extremely lucky Miz didn’t win the title tonight. There would have been no review, just a Mizfit ranting on Miz. #BWF
–Hey! Nu-uh!!! I… I would have made it a very fair RAW review. DAMN YOU BOTH! … J/K. I love you both.
Miz is backstage, and Josh says that he has to be furious because R-Truth ruined it for him. Miz says that Truth just cost him the WWE Championship. He had Sheamus unconscious. Make no mistake, there will be other opportunities. He has an entire year. So whether it’s tomorrow night, or July 17th, 2011, he will take his rightful place as WWE Champion. Because he’s the Miz, and he’s AWESOME… and pissed.
Sheamus is walking backstage with an icepack over his head, and stops at the Divas, The Bellas, and Gail, who are laughing, demanding to know if they think it’s funny. He continues on, but Randy stops him. He says that it’s too bad what just happened. Having the WWE Championship makes Sheamus a target, and come SummerSlam, whether it’s Sheamus, Miz, or whoever, they will be wearing a giant bull’s eye. Randy won’t hit that bull’s eye with an arrow, spear, or bullet. He’s going to hit the bull’s eye with an RKO.
What’s Cena calling Nexus to the ring for?! We’ll find out later tonight.
<COMMERCIAL>
@IAmJHPunk Fact: Bullets, spears, and arrows hurt more than RKOs. #wwe #raw #bwf
John Morrison is on the cover of Muscle & Fitness!!
Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs. William Regal and Zack Ryder
Honestly, I thought that Santino would be done by now… Seems they’re funny enough to keep around. Sucks that Zack is here instead of… wherever he used to be… Nevermind, he’s fine here. Anyway, Santino and Ryder start off, and I miss Ryder’s one-legged trunks. Santino’s pulling some Diva-esque moves here, and Ryder seems confused. Santino tags in Kozlov, and Ryder tags in Regal. Kozlov gets the advantage over Regal and tags in Santino, who’s almost immediately beaten up by Regal. Regal covers Santino, who kicks out at two. Regal tags in Ryder, who does something and then covers Santino, who kicks out at two. Ryder gets Santino in a headlock. Ryder keeps the advantage, going for something off the turnbuckle, but Santino moved. Santino kicks Ryder away from him and tags in Kozlov, who throws Ryder around the ring like he’s nothing. Kozlov goes for a cover, but Regal comes in, and Kozlov is up. Regal rolls out, Kozlov plants Ryder, and Kozlov tags in Santino, who does something, and then goes for the cover, and wins.
Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov win via pinfall!
Santino celebrates, and Kozlov actually manages to smile, though he doesn’t seem quite as excited as Santino. Nexus is all together in the back, talking before the Barrett v Henry match up. Remember, Nexus can’t be ringside.
<COMMERCIAL>
Wade Barrett vs. Mark Henry
I’m actually wondering what kind of a match this is gonna be… I think Mark Henry just got lucky for Money in the Bank, to be honest, but we’ll see… Hey!!! Maybe Mark will actually split Wade’s weave! … Oh, right… white Englishman. No weave… my bad.
Henry goes for Wade, but Wade climbs out of the ring. He climbs back in, and then goes to attack, Mark, but Mark head butts him right down, and Wade rolls out. The ref starts the count, and Wade climbs back in. They lock up again, and Wade hits Mark with a knee to the gut. A few good hits seem to be pissing Mark off. Each hit looks like it’s making Mark madder, until Mark just punches Wade in the head, and bounces his head off the turnbuckle. Wade’s down after a big clothesline by Mark Henry. Henry goes for a cover, but Barrett kicks out. Henry gets Barrett up and then head butts him. Wade gets up, head butts him back, and takes the lead. He focuses his attack on Henry’s knee, but is taken down with a scoop slam. Henry goes for the cover, but Barrett kicks out at two. Barrett is dragged over to the corner, and Henry gets up, but is distracted as Nexus comes down on the stage. They’re not ringside, so it doesn’t count. Barrett manages to lift Henry, but literally falls, selling it pretty well, for what it was, and covers Henry for the win.
Wade Barrett wins via pinfall!
After the match, Wade Barrett shoves Henry out of the ring. Lifting him seems to have done its damage to his back, because Barrett’s holding it. Barrett gets a mic, and calls out Cena.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Wade Barret’s gonna regret that when he shits his spine out later tonight.
Nexus is still in the ring, and I swear it looks like Slater has girl legs, and Young’s hair is actually down, instead of straight the hell up. Not bad, actually.
Tarver says that they already made one truce tonight, and they give them his word that they will at least hear him out… If he acknowledges that the Nexus run this show. If he understands that if he continues with this resistance, then they will make his life miserable for the rest of John’s “little” career. This furthers @ThinkSoJoe’s theory of Daniel Bryan running RAW, but whatever. If Cena apologizes for attacking Tarver and Young, then they may consider ending it. But it’s all on Cena.
BRRRRRRRRRRRR YABBA DABBA DOO!!
Nexus is lined up, all nice and neat, and Cena doesn’t even get in the ring yet. He thanks them for meeting him out there. He gets in the ring and says that since Nexus arrived, he’s had two WWE Championship matches. The first, they cost him the Championship, and the second they prevented him from winning it back. Tonight, Sheamus made a truce with them, something he should have done a long time ago. He apologizes, and asks them for a truce as well. Barrett says no. He’s not interested in a truce, or an olive branch. He’s not looking for peace. He wants Cena to join Nexus. Think about it, everything he’s achieved on his own, he can achieve ten times that by joining Nexus. Face facts: Nexus is the present and the future of the WWE, and together they’re gonna be unstoppable. To be perfectly honest, this isn’t really much of a choice. He’s either Nexus, or ‘against us’. Does John wanna make history together by joining?
Cena says he can’t do it. Wade says that’s unfortunate, and it leaves Nexus with a different proposition. Either Cena can leave the ring with his tail between his legs and show the world what a coward he really is, or he can stand in the ring and Nexus will give him the most vicious beating Nexus has ever administered. Cena climbs out of the ring and walks up the ramp. He stops at the stage and says he wants to say one more thing, something he’s said time and time again. Whether he does it himself, or has help, he will take each and every one of them down. He’s walking back toward the ring. Tonight’s little peace offering was a test. They sealed their fate, because Cena has help. Ever since Nexus came and started beating people up, Cena’s been forming a team. A team that will take down Nexus at SummerSlam. They said they wanted him to join the Nexus, to make history. Tonight, Cena wants them to meet his team and realize that at SummerSlam, Nexus is history.
Cena’s Team: Edge. John Morrison. R-Truth. Khali. Chris Jericho. Bret Hart.
Cena’s Army, as Cole called them, stormed the ring, and Nexus ran.
My thoughts: Well, the Cena vs. Nexus thing is going to be interesting at SummerSlam. I like Cena, Edge, Morrison, Truth, and Jericho, but Khali? I don’t remember Khali being intimidating lately, at all. And as for Bret Hart… it could be really interesting, but it could be a complete screw up at the same time. Guess we’ll just have t see how it plays off.
The TNA World Heavyweight Champion dropped off the Power Poll last week, but is back with a vengeance after a victory over Samoa Joe on iMPACT and retaining his title in the four way at Victory Road. (My vote: 2)
2. Randy Orton (3)
The Viper holds strong this week, climbing to number two despite a loss to Edge. The reason? How about the Holy Shit moment of the night from RAW where Orton RKO’d Evan Bourne right out of Air Bourne? That twitter Trending Topic worthy move definitely boosted Orton’s ranking in the eyes of the voters. (My vote: 1)
3. Jack Swagger (5)
The World Heavyweight Champion and his ruthless aggression continue to shine on Friday Night Smackdown, where this week he dragged Rey Mysterio all across the backstage area in an Ankle Lock, then tried to pull the same on The Big Show before being interrogated by Kane. (My vote: 3)
4. Sheamus (1)
The WWE Champion drops three spots after running from The Nexus on RAW before saving his Money In The Bank challenger John Cena from the group later in the night. (My vote: 9)
5. John Cena (2)
Meanwhile, a decent promo to kick off RAW and a strong showing against the aforementioned Nexus in a 6-on-1 handicap match can’t keep John Cena from also falling three spots. (My vote: NR)
6. The Miz (NR)
The United States Champion continues RAW’s dominance of this week’s Power Poll after his decimation and humiliation of Mark Henry on Monday Night. (My vote: 6)
7. Edge (NR)
The Rated R Superstar, yet another RAW wrestler, breaks into the Power Poll top 10 with a victory over Randy Orton and a killer promo later in the night. (My vote: 7)
8. Kurt Angle (8)
Kurt Angle may be staying put on the Power Poll rankings, but a victory over The Pope at Victory Road will almost certainly move him up the rankings in TNA. (My vote: NR)
9. Wade Barrett (NR)
The leader of The Nexus made a huge splash in the first week of the Power Poll, but has just now found his way back. A great promo to kick off RAW, the Nexus’ subsequent beatdown of several Superstars backstage, and leading the group to victory over John Cena will do that. (My vote: NR)
10. Rey Mysterio (4)
The World Heavyweight Champion manages to stay on the list, despite his only appearance on SmackDown having been dragged down a hallway by Jack Swagger. Apparently, being a World Champion is heavily considered by several members of the Power Poll Panel.
Dropped out: Abyss, Evan Bourne, Jay Lethal, Jeff Hardy
Also receiving votes: Jay Lethal, Evan Bourne, Jeff Hardy, Abyss, Chris Sabin, Alex Shelley, Abyss, Justin Gabriel, Kofi Kingston, Chris Jericho, Pope D’Angelo Dinero, Doink the Clown, The Nexus, Samoa Joe, Kazarian, A.J. Styles, Percy Watson, Alicia Fox, Maryse, Kaval
Wrestlers that I voted for who did not make the list include: A.J. Styles (4), Kazarian (5), Samoa Joe (8), and Doink The Clown (10).
The Power Poll is expanding. If you write for a wrestling website or podcast and are interested in being a voter, e-mail wrestlespective(at)gmail.com and include a link to your site.
Hooray for me actually participating this week – it gives me the right to comment on everything myself! Here goes!
1. Sheamus (Last week: 1)
On our facebook page earlier this week, I posted that only one of the three World Champions made my list this week – and this is the guy. I voted Sheamus number two after a few great promos on RAW.
2. John Cena (7)
Another guy that wasn’t bad on the mic this week is John Cena. I actually missed the end of RAW, and that could contribute to why Cena didn’t make my personal list this week.
3. Randy Orton (6)
The Viper did make my ballot this week – I actually picked him sixth. An impressive showing in the tag match on RAW and a post match RKO on Evan Bourne helped Orton in this week’s poll.
4. Rey Mysterio (4)
I didn’t pick Mysterio at all – He’s just another victim of…
5. Jack Swagger (NR)
The All American American Jack Swagger. I’ve been so impressed with Swagger the last couple of weeks that I actually picked him number one this week on my ballot. It wasn’t enough to put the former World Heavyweight Champion past number 5 on the Power Poll this week, however.
6. Abyss (5)
I didn’t vote for Abyss, but I did like the way he handled doing the crazy gimmick on iMPACT this week. The board with the nails in it may be good for chasing away aliens on “The Simpsons,” but it couldn’t stop Jeff Hardy.
7. Evan Bourne (NR)
The high flying Evan Bourne somehow managed to slip under my radar this week, as he wasn’t on my ballot. All the credit in the world to this kid, he’s been a thorn in Chris Jericho’s side for the last month or so, and is definitely the guy most people, myself included, are looking forward to watching in RAW’s Money In The Bank ladder match.
8. Kurt Angle (2)
Angle got enough votes to stay on the Power Poll this week? A promo with The Pope didn’t do it for me, but apparently it worked for some of the voters.
9. Jay Lethal (9)
Lethal has impressed lately, getting a push in the Hogan/Bischoff era of TNA. A win, albeit tainted, over Matt Morgan this week had me pick Lethal 5th on my list, and let him hang on to #9 overall.
10. Jeff Hardy (NR)
The victory over Abyss on iMPACT must have garnered Hardy enough attention from my fellow pollsters to get him into the top 10. Hardy was impressive in the win, I must admit, but I didn’t vote for him.
