Once again, stream of consciousness on WWE RAW by ThinkSoJoE.
Triple H making fun of John Cena’s hip hop past: priceless. John Cena getting the cover of WWE 2K15? Worthless. Hopefully they’ll do a fan art cover again this year too so I don’t have to look at Cena every time I want to pop in the game.
I left the room before the Seth Rollins/Rob Van Dam match to get ready for work – and when I came back I knew who Rollins was facing simply because Hartford was chanting ECW. Rollins called Renee Young “Toots.” Who uses that word anymore?
Let me let you guys in to the mind of ThinkSoJoe. I’m fully anticipating a feud down the line between Rusev and Adam Rose, where two of the Rosebuds are dressed as a moose and a squirrel, and Lana and Rusev kidnap them, just to give the inevitable “Moose and Squirrel” promo that these two make me think of every time they open their mouths.
Did I just see a Jack Swagger face turn? ZEB COLTER WITH THE ROCKY & BULLWINKLE REFERENCE! “Let’s go Swagger?!?” Holy shit, this is the most relevant the former World Heavyweight Champion has ever been – and he sends Rusev packing! WE THE PEOPLE!
By the way, who called the Usos retaining at Money In The Bank on BWF Radio 132? Oh that’s right. I DID! As much as I hated to do so. The Wyatt Family defeat The Usos and Sheamus.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the Bo Dallas experiment is actually working this time around.
“We actually had a 666Casino match a few weeks ago between the Divas. Glad you follow the product.” Cole calling JBL out for not following the product. I’d be surprised if ANYBODY in this company follows the product. Credit where it’s due – Naomi has really worked hard at learning how to wrestle. Let’s face it, Trish Stratus didn’t know shit when she started either.
How about that Vacant? He lost the WWE World Heavyweight Championship last night, but he won the Intercontinental Championship tonight! Go Vacant!
Cesaro is Battle Royalty. Gotta love Paul Heyman. Wait a second. A match finished during the commercial break – and it was Kofi Kingston defeating Cesaro?!? Oh well, at least Cesaro beat him down after the match. And how much does Kofi mean to… well… anybody at all? Nobody comes out to save him.
Nobody likes Santino either, since nobody shows up to his party. At least not until Adam Rose brings the alcohol. Because our PG show’s primary demographic are those who can drink Twisted Tea.
Vince Mc-Fuckin-Mahon?!? Holy shit! The boss is here, look busy! Oh wait… it’s Damien Sandow. His VKM impersonation is actually not terrible. Or at least his JT McMahon impersonation. Hey JT, I’d watch it with the Vince McMahon impersonations, Stephanie might sick Khali on you.
Hey Facebook. I know it’s my own damned fault for going on social media before watching the show – but if Chris Jericho wasn’t TRENDING I wouldn’t have seen anything about his return. So thanks for the spoiler, dicks! Wait – the fucking Miz? Wait – he’s in The Marine 4? There was a Marine 3? Who the fuck cares? Oh, nobody does – because The Miz was in THAT one too. You know, if Facebook didn’t fucking SPOIL this for me, I probably would be genuinely excited and surprised to see Y2J interrupt this segment. Though I AM genuinely surprised and excited to see The Wyatts interrupt! Actually, didn’t Jericho have some interaction with the Wyatts on NXT?
Wow. Ziggler won two matches in the span of three weeks? Of course, he can thank Summer Rae for coming in and making out with him for this one.
“We’ve had some RAW so far, and it ain’t even close to being over.” Don’t remind me, Jerry.
RybAxel. Let me guess. They’re facing Goldust and Stardust? Oh hey, I was right. Imagine that. I saw this match last night. Except Axel isn’t wearing the singlet this time. Oh look, Goldust and Stardust won. Imagine that.
The Diva’s Champ is here! Paige says she’s here to stay. But she’s interrupted by AJ Lee! Holy shit! AJ congratulates Paige, who’s not buying it. Paige says AJ’s not getting her rematch right now. Basically we’re getting the tables turned from the night after WrestleMania. Wait. Why am I doing play by play? And of course, we inevitably get the match. AJ gets the rollup – and we’ve got a new Diva’s Champion! Guess Paige was just keeping the belt warm for her while she took her hiatus. Also, I guess this puts to rest the “AJ’s pregnant” rumors, huh?
I really don’t give a shit about this main event. FFW! Let’s go ahead and end RAW with Triple H and Kane standing over a fallen John Cena. At least it’s not one of OUR guys for once. OH SHIT! Triple H calls for Seth Rollins! True to his word though, Dean Ambrose stops Rollins! And Reigns takes out Kane, because we can’t end the show with Super Cena unconscious at the feet of The Authority.
I would have included this in my rant yesterday but I thought it would be distracting since it deals with another topic. My disappointment with the Knockout Division has caused me to latch onto the fan fiction booking bandwagon with TKO by FK9, that is how bad its become. Within the last year we have been subjected to first Madison Rayne, who for some reason was the longest reigning knockout title holder, hence her last name Rayne, I guess. I thought it stood for “raining down mediocrity for fan consumption”.
Well before I go off on a tangent I first have to remind folks how during her title run leading to the hand off to Mickie James, they (booking team) attempted to amp up her heel heat by having her defeat former Knockouts like Roxxi, ODB and Alissa Flash by the way was very painful to watch . Now iMPACT is going back to the well with Jackie Moore and (glutton for punishment (paycheck) ODB.
These past few weeks have watched the veteran Jackie Moore be taken to school by former wet dream turned “runt of the litter”. Why? For someone who once had an illustrious career taking on the likes of Trish Stratus, Gail Kim,Victoria (now Tara),Lita, Molly Holly and Ivory been reduced to jobbing to a glamorized valet? She must really be in dire straights to take a paycheck from a company that now expects her to put over “limited sky”, and her now face turn since her former more talented partner is now a talking Zombie with lesbian ambition. I understand that the wrestling business is all about the money and never leaving the spot light if one can help it but how much did it cost iMPACT wrestling to buy Jackie’s self respect? $400? $600? maybe (doubtful) $800 an appearance? How much does self respect go for now a days?
I guess we will never know. But then that leads to the inclusion of ODB, and her return yet again to take an ass whooping for pay. I guess someone has to pay the rent at her brother’s place. Earlier last year when she left the company with her rant talent usage and the influx of ideas from the Hogan regime I so thought we would never see her again in the company, maybe Vince’s company or even ROH but never iMPACT. And then 2011 happened and we watched three entertaining dedicated women come in to job to -Mundane Rayne- with Alissa Flash getting the worst of it since there was no actual wrestling but an attack from behind which lead to a minute match, watching Melissa Anderson walk away during the ensuing chaos with a look of irritation on her face was the final nail in the coffin of the former regimes Knockouts lead by Dutch Mantel and co.
I guess what they say about wrestling is true it filled with egotists, ass kissers and genuine talent that due to not playing ball, get sent home. What really works my nerves is that what we have in front of us are what iMPACT wrestling has planned for us for the foreseeable future. Which could mean pretty soon we will have all the “talent” wrestling on Xplosion similar to the the talented divas on WWE Superstars. No going out with a bang but with a whimper that will barely register.
Well not to be a spoil sport, I want to congratulate Rayne, Sky, Tessmacher for being in the right place and right positions to keep the jobs they have and helping decimate a once landmark division which promoted diversity, talent and showmanship that will never come back. Also a special mention to Hogan,Bischoff, Russo and Dixie you made us care then you took it all away in under a year, to leave a disappointed fan boy with no desire to watch a full episode of iMPACT; without shedding a tear for what could of been.
Have you ever had a plethora of unrelated thoughts bouncing around inside your brain-meat, refusing to go away until they are shared with others? I knew that you did. In the spirit of our very own legendary JT’s “Random Randomness” column, here are nine of mine. It almost rhymes, so it’s true. Yes, they’re much wordier than JT’s. (more…)
Sorry about missing last week’s RAW everyone, but I started work Monday, and then spent the rest of the day at Universal Studios, where I mentally spent most of the day mocking TNA and the signs telling me to go watch it, and then forgot all about TNA in favor of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. BUT! I am here tonight!
There’s a rumor going around that Trish Stratus will be back tonight with Snooki and will team with her and John Morrison to go up against Dolph Ziggler and LayCool! But, is it true? I guess we’ll find out. Not only that, but what else is next on WWE Champion The Miz’s schedule on his way to Wrestlemania? I don’t know that either, so we’ll find out… I hope!
Also. Unrelated. Go vote for Chris Jericho for Dancing With the Stars, alright? You should totally do it. I did.
HOLY CRAP!! IT’S JR!?!?!?!
…. Or not. Fucking Cole.
Cole walks out in a fat suit, something on his leg, something in his mouth, a bottle of JR’s BBQ and a cowboy hat. Last week, Swagger put JR in an ankle lock? Is that what I heard? I kind of want to punch Cole in the head. Josh Matthew looks unbelievably bored. And Cole is hiding in “the Cole Mine”? Whatever. Coward.
It’s time to play the game…
Triple H makes his way down to the ramp, all authority and badass-ery, as usual.
I have to take a moment and say, the WWE cameramen are pretty fucking spectacular at getting some pretty badass shots of the Superstars and Divas. Definitely good at their jobs. Shout out to those guys. Alright, back to the facts now.
Triple H says almost twenty years in this business. It’s a long time. He walks out there and looks at everyone and wonders, could this be the last time he’s in that building? In two weeks, there is the defining moment of his entire career. In two weeks, it’s the defining moment of the Undertaker’s career. Everyone’s talking, there are signs. Nineteen and zero, eighteen and one. Time to end the streak. The whole world is talking about this match. Two icons clashing like never before, the Undertaker, Triple H, no holds barred. He has no idea what this match will take out of him, or how much it will take out of the Undertaker. He knows that neither one of them will ever be the same, he can assure us of that. This is the biggest match he’s ever been in in his life. That Streak of eighteen years is bigger than any championship, maybe all of the championships he’s ever held combined. And ending it will be a career defining moment. Before they go to the ring and tear each other apart, put each other through Hell, Triple H wants Taker to do him a favor: Come there next week, stand in the ring, one week before they collide, Triple H wants to look him in the eye, stand face to face, man to man, and Triple H wants to tell him what is going to happen at Wrestlemania. He is going to look Taker in the eye and tell him he will lose. Triple H will end the Streak. The thing is, when it dies, so does the Undertaker. If Triple H can’t do it, he will die trying. But Deadman, Triple H wants that one last opportunity, to stand face to face with you, like your song says: Ain’t no grave can hold this body down, right? When Triple H ends the Streak, that’s it. It’s done. Undertaker, at Wrestlemania, you go 18 and 1. Undertaker, at Wrestlemania, you will Rest. In. Peace.
Ted says one year ago, he was one of the rising Superstars of the WWE. He competed his first Wrestlemania match against Randy Orton. And this year, he’s just an afterthought. Well, he won’t be an afterthought anymore. He’s making his own opportunity. What if Ted takes out the Cerebral Assassin on live television two weeks before Wrestlemania? Then people will have no choice but to take notice of him, Ted DiBiase.
Ted goes to get in the ring, but Triple H throws him out and stays on him, taking a few hits from Ted . Triple H fights back and hurls Ted right into the steel steps. He throws the top steps off and bounces Ted’s head off the other set. Ted is then thrown into, or flipped into, the guard rail before Triple H grabs a chair. He drives it into Ted’s torso before hitting Ted with it once, twice, three, four times. He loses the chair, then stands over Ted for a moment, then eyes the announce table. Triple H clears the table of the monitors, then grabs Ted, gets him on the announce table. Triple H then makes the slashing motion across his throat and Pedigrees Ted through the announce table.
Tonight, John Cena is going to respond to The Miz’s attack last night, via satellite. And, not only that, but The Miz is going to “Rewrite Miz-tory” and change the face of the WWE.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Teddy, Teddy, Teddy….. Taking on a #WM27 headliner 2 weeks before the match? Thought your daddy raised you better! #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw
@HitTheRopes Props to Teddy for having more offense against Trips than Sheamus did a few weeks ago. #JobbingIsPriceless
@SuperCoolBerry Oh so Cena “Bringin’ It via Satellite” now……he biting The Rock. Smh
We come back to Monday Night RAW with the new United States Champion, Sheamus in the ring!
United States Champion King Sheamus vs Evan Bourne
Sheamus starts out hard against Bourne and throws him to the ground before stomping away on him, using his knee. Bourne rolls under the bottom rope, but Sheamus grabs him and hits him with some hard forearms, sending Evan between and underneath the ropes again. Sheamus stops on Bourne’s hand, then throws him into the corner, but Bourne ducks a clothesline and kicks Sheamus right in the face. Bourne goes up to the top turnbuckle and misses the Air Bourne. Sheamus gets up and hits a Brogue Kick for the win.
United States Champion King Sheamus wins via pinfall.
Sheamus has a mic and says that he is now our new champion of the United States of America. He is interrupted by my favorite person ohwait.
Daniel Bryan says that one of the great things about this country is everybody gets an opportunity, no matter where they’re from. Bryan says that he wants to invoke his rematch clause at Wrestlemania. Sheamus shrugs, throws the title at Bryan, and then Brogue Kicks him in the face. Right in the face.
Tonight, a Wrestlemania Rewind from Wrestlemania 22, it’s Randy Orton vs Rey Mysterio.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!! (Exit theme version)
@kickoutblog A kick to the face usually counts as a “yes” when someone makes a challenge.
@Whovian_23 You know I’m sure there was someone else in the Orton/Mysterio match at WrestleMania 22… #WWE #RAW #BWF
<WWE Slam of the Week: Last Monday, Randy Orton destroys Mason Ryan, and then punts him in the head.>
Randy’s getting out of his tour bus and Scott Stanford meets him, asking what it’s like for Randy to travel in the gorgeous tour bus. Randy says the bus is great, offers privacy, and lets him bring his family with him on the road. On this very bus is where he witnessed the birth of the New Nexus, and the footage he likes to watch over and over again are the ones where he dismantles the new Nexus one punt at a time. Punk has no one to watch his back, but insists that he’s still sick and twisted. But, Punk has no idea what sick and twisted really is.
Maryse vs Diva’s Champion Eve Torres
Maryse mocks Eve right as they start, and Eve mockingly claps at her, and Maryse says that nobody cares about Eve. Maryse misses a slap, and Eve connects with one. Maryse then tackles Eve and slams her face down on the mat a few times. Maryse then throws Eve into the corner, slapping her before sending her face into the turnbuckle. She digs her knee into Eve’s back , and then misses an attempted hit. Cole interrupts yet again, asking if we can get it over with as Eve hits a cross body on Maryse and misses a cover. Eve then sends Maryse’s face into the turnbuckle and throws Maryse onto the ground, kicking her a few times before hitting a clothesline. Eve then goes to hit the handspring moonsault, but Maryse lifts her knees. Maryse gets Eve up, then Eve counters, hitting something or another, and pins her for the win.
Diva’s Champion Eve Torres wins via pinfall.
Cole keeps talking, and Eve is about to go attack Cole, but the bodyguard keeps her out of the way. Eve obviously wants to attack Cole and nearly slaps him. Cole then starts to climb out of the little glass room, he’s in, and then walks away.
Tonight, The Miz is going to change the face of the WWE by rewriting “Miz-tory”.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Oh My God! After two plus years of just wearing a shirt, Randy Orton is wearing PANTS!
@ThingsColeSays HOLY SHIT….IS HE WEARING PANTS? FIRST TIME IN TWO YEARS!!!!!!!!!
@Whovian_23 Randy Orton wearing clothes on RAW for the first time ever I think. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@kickoutblog Again, WWE would never do something like this during a men’s match.
@CMPunkSays Once again, @MichaelCole attempts to bury an entire division in one fell swoop. #WWE
@KeepItFiveStar LMAO Maryse went in! “Nobody cares! NO BODY CARES ABOUT YOU HERE!” Speak the truth Maryse! Take down Juwanna Man!
@Niki_Sushi Oh, go the hell away, Eve. I’m sick of you. Give the title to someone who shows up more than once every few months. #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes I totally forgot Eve was champion… Scratch that, I totally forgot there was a Divas Championship.
@Whovian_23 I get that @MichaelCole is meant to be an unlikeable prick, but it not good for business when a commenter shows no interest in matches. #BWF
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last Friday: The Big Show and Kane win, via DQ, against Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater before the Corre destroy The Big Show and Kane. Probably a bad idea…>
Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater with The Corre vs Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov with Tamina
Wrestlemania this year starts at 7 PM!
Santino and Gabriel start, and Santino gets Gabriel down. He sets up for the Cobra, but catches Slater as he goes to get in, only to eat a very pretty spinning kick from Gabriel. Gabriel goes for the cover, but Santino kicks out. Slater gets tagged in and dominates Santino before putting him in a headlock. Santino battles out of it and throws Slater over him. Santino tries to get to Kozlov, but Slater stops him. Santino gets away from Slater and Slater shoves Santino right into Kozlov. Kozlov gets in and immediately dominates, but Barrett distracts Kozlov. Slater hits something or another on Kozlov and tags in Gabriel, who hits the 450 Splash for the win.
Tag Team Champions Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel win via pinfall.
And now, The Corre attacks Santino and Kozlov.
WEEEEEEEEEELL IT’S A BIG SHOW!
The Big Show and Kane, however, seem pretty pissed off after what happened on Friday and both get into the ring, attacking The Corre and saving Santino and Vladimir. Show hits the knockout punch on Slater before focusing on Jackson. Kane’s focus is on Barrett. Santino checks on Kozlov while Kane and Show give Ezekiel a huge choke slam. Tamina comes over to get her boys as Kane sets the ring on fire. Not literally, of course. Santino and Vladimir thank Show and Kane for their help.
Coming up next, John Cena responds to The Miz’ attacks live via satellite.
<COMMERCIAL>
@FrankWWEClown Somebody has a “One Man Rockband” sign in the front row. Get that girl some help, ASAP. #WWE #RAW
@Niki_Sushi No matter what, no remix will be as amazing as JeriShow. Good try, though. #BWF #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar Damn! Kane hopped on the ropes n shit. Show and Kane are NOT playin!
@HitTheRopes LOL, Cena is pulling a Rock and doing Bringing It Via Satellite #wwe
@HitTheRopes It’s quite obvious after seeing Cena being via satellite: @JohnCena fears @MikeTheMiz
Next Monday night, The Rock will be LIVE on Monday Night RAW!
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last Monday: John Cena vs Alberto Del Rio. Cena gets Rio up, but Brodus Clay interferes. Del Rio pushes Brodus away. The Rock’s theme starts, The Miz comes out in a skull cap. The Miz hits Rock Bottom. Miz attacks Cena viciously, and then wraps it all up with a Skull Crushing Finale into the WWE logo.>
Matthews says that next week, there will be no impersonations. What does John Plan to do next week? Cena says that next week will be epic. Next week, John will be face to face with The Rock. And if they do have a problem, then next week, that problem gets settled. Jerry asks if all the attention focuses on the Rock has taken his focus off the Miz and has he underestimated the Miz? John says he has and that’s why Miz has been able to attack him. He says the fact that he’s sitting at home is proof that Miz deserves to be the WWE Champion. It’s also proof that he claims he can change the face of the WWE. Miz dressing like Rock was one helluva stunt. He’s sure this celebration will be equally creative. He won’t be there tonight, but he’ll be watching. He hopes that tonight, The Miz rewrites history. Because at Wrestlemania, Cena plans on making history.
Cole takes the mic and climbs out of his little room, and says that Cena and the Rock have a lot in common. While they’re coming live via satellite, Cole’s there live in person. Coming up next, he has another worldwide exclusive, Mr. Lawler, something that we’re not gonna wanna miss, next.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog The Rock won’t even make it to WrestleMania after The Miz destroys him next week.
@kickoutblog John Cena wears his wrestling attire at home just in case the kid that mows his lawn starts talking shit.
We come back to Swagger and Cole in the ring together. Wow, this is the most screen time Jack’s gotten since… since… He was a member of the RAW Roster.
Swagger stands in front of Lawler as Cole asks for our attention. Cole says that he’d like to introduce us to the man who will train him for the Main Event at Wrestlemania, Jack Swagger. Last week, we had another worldwide exclusive, when he invited Lawler’s son to tell the world what kind of a gutless fraud Lawler really is. Cole was so touched by the emotional and heartwarming reunion, father and son together again, he wants to revisit it.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, Brian Christopher points out that he competed at Wrestlemania before King did, attacks his father, says he’s ashamed of Lawler.>
Cole quotes “ashamed of you”. Brian Christopher was so appreciative last week that Cole let him say what he did last week that he gave Cole a gift. Apparently, Brian Christopher gave him the Lawler Family Photo Album. Cole says that to understand what a person is all about, you have to go back to see the way he was raised. He shows a picture of King’s father. Cole says that he went digging for information and found out that King and his father are nothing but gutless cowards and bullies. People who talk a big game until someone steps up to them and puts them in their place. Cole says he’s going to put Lawler in his place at Wrestlemania. Cole finally realized that King, his mother, his father, and his son have one thing in common: the family is nothing but a bunch of losers. King takes off his headset and Swagger attacks him. However, King attacks back, dodging a kick and then bouncing Swagger’s head off the table. King then chases Cole, who runs right into a clothesline from Swagger. Swagger picks King up and puts him up against Cole’s glass box while Cole continues to insult Lawler’s family. Swagger then puts King in another ankle lock. Then Cole gets him in an ankle lock while Swagger rests his knee on Lawler’s head.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Swagger smashing King’s face on the glass like he’s trying to use Silly Putty to lift a picture from the Sunday comics! #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw
@TKeep123 More Michael Cole… amazing how low they are going to help sell the Cole-King match. Is this really needed? #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw
TheRealEvilNeo Oh my, @JerryLawler is going to kill @MichaelCole #ThereWillBeBlood #WWE #RAW
@JonHexLives Didn’t Josh Matthews used to wrestle? Why doesn’t he help out? #WWE #RAW #BWF
Cole apologizes, saying that he let his emotions get the best of him, and Lawler kept pushing his buttons and he’s going to try to contain himself for the rest of the night.
Snooki has been all over the internet about how she’s getting in the ring for Wrestlemania!
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, Snooki guest stars on RAW, is interrupted by Vickie Guerrero, helps defeat LayCool, and accepts a Wrestlemania match.>
Dolph Ziggler with Vickie Guerrero and LayCool vs John Morrison with Trish Stratus
Morrison and Ziggler lock up, and Morrison starts to fight out, but Ziggler attacks Morrison. Ziggler starts to get Morrison up, but Morrison throws him into the corner. Ziggler kicks at Morrison’s knee and Ziggler goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out. Ziggler gets right back on Morrison and jumps on him before going for another cover, but kicks out. Ziggler gets Morrison in a side-headlock, but Morrison fights up to his feet and out, only to get a kick to the stomach. Ziggler Whips Morrison, who ducks it, and then hits a clothesline before flipping Ziggler out of the ring. Morrison goes to jump out of the ring at Ziggler, but McCool stands in the way. Trish gets Layla and McCool out of the way, then gets in the ring.
“I am now ordering this match to be a handicapped inter-gender tag team match. John Morrison will team up with Trish Stratus against Dolph Ziggler, LayCool, and Vickie Guerrero.”
Before the announcement is even done, Trish grabs Vickie’s hair, and it takes Dolph, Layla, and Michelle all to get her off.
<COMMERCIAL>
@ThingsColeSays Hahaha. Cole completely forgot, like all of us, that Dolph was World Champion.
@kickoutblog Good God, that Trish Stratus magazine cover is a Photoshop disaster.
Morrison and Ziggler are still in the ring, and Ziggler with another headlock. Morrison fights out again, but Ziggler keeps a hold of his hair, only to eat another kick to the face. Ziggler rolls to his corner and tags in Layla. Trish gets in the ring too, and ducks Layla’s clothesline. Trish hits some hard hits right into Layla’s face, kicking her in the stomach before Whipping her across the ring. Lay kicks her, and Trish flips her into the ring before slapping her chest twice, three times. Trish then Whips Lay, who turns it and Whips Trish into a kick by McCool. Layla tags in McCool, who hits Trish right in the temple with her knee. McCool attacks Trish, and then drops her knee on Trish repeatedly. McCool goes for a cover, but Trish kicks out at one. Trish counters something with something, I missed it, and McCool drags her back to their corner, tagging in Layla. Layla kicks Trish in the stomach before going for a cover, only for Trish to kick out. Layla throws Trish’s face into the mat and shoves her with her foot. Lay then throws her back into the ring, tagging in Vickie. Vickie almost hits something, but Trish manages to tag in Morrison. Ziggler jumps in and eats a clothesline before a couple of kicks. Morrison then bounces his head off the turnbuckle and hits the flash kick. Layla runs around the ring and hurls Trish off the side of the apron, Morrison misses Starship Pain, and Ziggler hits the Zig Zag. Vickie runs in and goes for the cover on Morrison, with some kind of Cougar movement that made me gag.
Vickie Guerrero, Dolph Ziggler, and Lay Cool win via pinfall.
Remind me: Inter-gender rules. Shouldn’t it have been Dolph who pinned him, because he’s a MAN?! Just asking…
Still to come, The Miz is going to rewrite “Miz-tory”.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Vickie pins JoMo ?? Umm..but in Intergener rules…oh, wait….this is #WWE. Nevermind. #RAW #BWF #mnbw
@kickoutblog Come on @ScottArmstrong_, Vickie wasn’t legally allowed to pin John Morrison. Mixed tag rules! You just screwed Morrison like you did Taker!
@iPrinceRyMoZ: You know your life sucks when you get pinned by Vickie Guererro… #Smh #WWE #RAW
@PricelessRKO JoMo really didnt need that on his record…smh #WWE #RAW #BWF
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Sin Cara Promo…>
BRING ME SIN CARA! Please?
<VIDEO PACKAGE: John Cena, Big Show, Arn Anderson, Randy Orton, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, Jerry “The King” Lawler, John Morrison, JR, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Booker T, Harley Race, Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho!, Dusty Rhodes comment on Triple H vs The Undertaker at Wrestlemania.>
I hear voices in my head…
Randy Orton vs Rey Mysterio – Wrestlemania 22 Rewind
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Okay, NOW I’m excited for Triple H vs. Undertaker. WWE’s hype machine strikes again.
@KeepItFiveStar Wow. All these Superstars did this Taker interview in John Cena’s house
@CMPunkSays I want Sin Cara nowwwwwwwwwww #WWE
@JCenadotcom Sin Cara: the most anticipated debut since forever! Can’t wait!
@Niki_Sushi I SERIOUSLY wanna see Sin Cara! C’mon! #BWF #RAW
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Orton is interviewed earlier, and is it just me, or is Randy going to end up getting a sound guy fired?>
Orton and Rey go to lock up, but Rey wraps his arms around Randy and ducks it. Rey kicks at Randy, Randy kicks back. Randy throws Rey into a corner, Rey takes advantage with some kicks. Randy seems to be forgetting that Rey is small. Randy ducks a kick and Rey eats an uppercut by Orton. Orton then throws Rey right out of the ring, causing him to bounce on the floor outside. Orton climbs out of the ring and throws Rey back into the ring, going for a cover, but Rey kicks out at two. Orton drops his knee on Rey and goes for another cover, but Rey kicks out again. Orton puts Rey in a headlock and Rey fights to his feet before fighting his way out of it, only to get an elbow on his back. Randy throws him into a corner then puts him on the top turnbuckle. Rey fights Orton as Orton gets up and Rey hits the seated senton on Orton, only to get a scoop slam. Orton grabs Rey and pulls him back into the ring, starting to deliver that DDT, but Rey counters and gets Orton in position, but misses the 619, only to get hit with the DDT. Punk, however, interrupts on the TitanTron.
Punk is outside by Randy’s tour bus and says that he doesn’t know what sick and twisted is, but he does know that Orton has a very nice tour bus, and Punk can’t wait to meet his wife. Randy then takes off backstage and runs outside to his bus, starting to get inside, only to get hit by Punk. A woman begins screaming, and Punk tells her to shut up as Punk holds a wrench. Punk says that the voices are probably telling Orton that he shouldn’t have punted Nexus. Ain’t that a kick in the head? He then blows a kiss at Sam, who gets out of the bus and kneels with Randy when Punk walks away.
Up next, The Miz is going to rewrite Miz-tory.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog What’s the matter, Randy? CM Punk just wanted to introduce himself to your wife. He’s just trying to be courteous and nice.
@KeepItFiveStar That was a plan by the selfish Rey Mysterio. He paid CM Punk to distract Orton and flirt with his wife. What a horrible person
@HitTheRopes CM Punk about to show Orton’s wife his “straight edge” #wwe
@KeepItFiveStar Oh Randy, why did you even bring the bus? Don’t you know what happens in these situations?
@ImAMelFo If this was a real WM22 rematch, Kurt Angle’s music should hit any time now… #wwe #raw
@TKeep123 If this were the OLD Days…that Orton Tour BUS would end up wearing a green DX logo! #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw
@redsandman99 Orton don’t think that Punk is sick and twisted? Didn’t he see Punk crashing Mystero’s daughter’s birthday celebration? Or the Manson beard?
@seraphalexiel Randy’s just lucky that Punk didn’t go to his bus and introduce his wife to his sneaky penis
@Whovian_23 So if we believe WWE Randy Orton has had about four different wife’s… all named Samantha. #WWE #RAW #BWF
Next week, Triple H and The Undertaker will meet up face to face, and The Rock will be on RAW Live!
Alex Riley is in the ring and tells us his name is Alex Riley. Three weeks ago, he was fired as The Miz’ apprentice. But, lucky for everyone, he was rehired as the “Vice President of Corporate Communication”. Allow him to introduce the most must-see Champion and the best man at his wedding.
AWESOME
This Wednesday, The Miz is going to be on Conan on TBS!
Miz says that in the 1970s, people would travel great distances to say that they saw Muhammad Ali fight in person, and in the 80s, people would pay millions to see Michael Jordan in his prime play basketball. Now, in 2011, we have been blessed with the honor of watching him. When he first started, people didn’t take him seriously. Some people said that he was annoying, but now look how far we’ve come? Now, John Cena, like The Rock, hangs onto every single word Miz says. Last week, he imitated The Rock. He knows, it was good, got everyone. It was ironic, while there has been many wanna-be Rock clones over the years, the one person who imitated him correctly is one-of-a-kind, an original. He has rewritten history. Someone has come who has more charisma than Shawn Michaels, more physically something than Andre the Giant, more intelligent than John Cena and The Rock combined. He is the greatest WWE Champion in history. And, in the process, he has become bigger than the entire WWE Universe and every single one of us that’s in it. He has flipped the WWE since day one, and that is what he’s about to reveal, symbolizes and celebrates this iconic the WWE logo. He has flipped it in the form of an M. And that M stands for Miz. The time has now come. Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to rewrite “Miz-tory”.
A drum roll sounds, and a spotlight shines over the covered thing in the ring. The cover is pulled away, and the WWE Championship is exactly the same, except the WWE logo is upside down. Miz lifts it over his head in victory. Alex Riley secures the belt around his waist. Miz says that this is what the WWE Championship will look like moving forward. It will no long spin like a toy, and we will look at it as the most coveted title in the world. Miz doesn’t plan on being a multi-time Champion, because he doesn’t ever plan on losing the title. Because he’s The Miz, and he’s–! Awesome!
John comes on the TitanTron clapping. He says the show was fantastic, moving, epic. He hasn’t seen something that emotional since the season finale of Flip This House. He flipped the WWE logo to an M for his name, because it begins with an M. The WWE Universe knows that Cena isn’t invincible, and knows that you should never make Cena angry. In thirteen days, Cena will make history at Wrestlemania. People come in and remove Cena’s walls. His living room got torn apart! Cena says that he was supposed to be broadcasting from his home, and he is. For the past nine years, the WWE has been his home. Right now, the two of them are in the middle of his living room, and he’s coming to take out the trash.
Cena heads to the ring and Miz and Riley prepare for him. Wisely, they watch every entrance they can see, but Cena comes on down the ramp. Miz is wielding the table as a shield in the ring. Cena runs into the ring and Miz throws the table at him. It’s an instant brawl as Riley and Miz attack Cena together. Cena fights back the best he can, but there’s a flurry of movement in the ring. When Cena starts to get advantage of one, the other jumps in. Cena gets Riley out of the ring and Miz heads out. Riley gets back in the ring and Cena locks in the STF on Riley. The ref climbs into the ring and tries to get Cena to let Riley go, but Cena holds fast. Miz comes back and Cena finally lets Riley go. Miz stands on the stage and watches as Cena locks the STF in again. Miz looks a bit upset and moves closer to the ring. Cena just waits for him, and then Miz walks out as Riley gets put into yet another STF. Two more refs join the first one and try to get Cena off of Riley.
That’s it for this week. Stay tuned for next week’s RAW!
This past weekend, I had the opportunity to witness a new experience for me. It couldn’t have been any better. Ring of Honor had a live Internet Pay Per View (iPPV) on gofightlive.tv. It was a wonderful experience. I got to sit on the computer for a little bit and watch some really good wrestling. My wife got the tv and watched so many JFK documentaries, she calls Oliver Stone a poser. It was a nice experience, and we didn’t fight over the remote and both actually enjoyed our evening.
I fell in love with Ring of Honor all over again. I watched it when it was first created, but I had not really kept up with it. As a wrestling fan who despises the very thought of TNA existing, is tentatively getting back into the WWE’s product, can only watch AAA on Galavision for so long before my mind gets tired of listening to Spanish and can only go to so many live wrestling shows per month because I’m a husband and father before I’m a wrestling fan, Ring of Honor (ROH) fills a lot of holes for me. For those of you who haven’t discovered it, here are 10 Reasons to Watch ROH.
1. The price. WWE’s PPV’s are a whopping $44.95, $10 more for HD. Ring of Honor was $14.95. And they didn’t have some length promo bringing out Trish Stratus. I love Trish more than anything, but did she really belong being reintroduced on a PPV? I don’t think there was a single ROH fan tweeting that night that didn’t feel they got their money’s worth several times over.
2. Steve Corino storyline. I think that we can admit that Steve Corino has been one of the best heels of the past decade. The storyline now is that Steve Corino is trying to atone for his many sins. He’s trying to be a good guy. He still feels that urge to be bad. So now there is a kind of Incredible Hulk vs. Bruce Banner struggle.
3. Grizzly Redwood. My theater teacher in high school would always make us come up with verbs for our characters’ motivation. And she said to always go with the most interesting choice. Grizzly Redwood is a little guy. He plays the big burly lumberjack, which is ironic and a fun choice. He’s a great, scrappy babyface.
4. Kyle O’Reilly. The ironic thing is that I was not looking for O’Reilly’s matches. I was searching for Adam Cole, and I found a match where he was wrestling Kyle O’Reilly. And all respect to Adam Cole, but I was blown away by O’Reilly’s work. He’s sensational and worth watching.
5. El Generico. When it comes to chants, El Generico’s makes me happy. I even tried doing it for my local indy and their wrestler Lucha Lucha. The crowd did not appreciate the “Ole!” chant. However the Texas Rangers do “O’Day” for reliever Darren O’Day. He’s a great gimmick and a great reason to watch.
6. Sara del Ray. Most women on TNA & WWE look like they came off the page of a porn magazine. They teach women that they are never anything unless their cup size is double letters or look like the page of a porn magazine. Not that del Ray isn’t pretty or isn’t attractive, but she’s a strong female athletic wrestler. Plus, she’s a great heel and the woman you love to hate.
7. Kings of Wrestling. Kings of Wrestling are a Tag Team that seems like they could be very successful singles wrestlers, yet they are a tag team. They have an amazing swagger and work incredibly well as a team. They own the ring, and they own the Tag Team Division. And with respect to Beer Money and Motor City Machine Guns, they are the best Tag Team in wrestling.
8. TV Title. Most fans probably hate this, but I’ll admit it. I like the title. I’m ok with a DQ or countout. I’m ok with time limit draws. Matter of fact, I wish there were more time limit draws. I used to love the TV title, because Lord Steven Regal always found a way to last long enough. If you wanted that title, you had to win and you had to win in 10 minutes.
9. The Briscoes.I remember watching some early Briscoes matches, CZW, ROH, etc. I’m going to be honest. They didn’t show me anything. They were just two brothers who looked alike and were ugly as sin. This match they had against Haas & Benjamin was the real first time they had ever shown me anything. I think I finally “get it.” They showed me something for the first time. They still aren’t any prettier, but I finally “saw something.”
10. Shelton Benjamin done right. I could write a whole blog of how the WWE dropped the ball on Shelton Benjamin. With respect to John Morrison, he is perhaps the most athletically-gifted wrestler I’ve ever seen. Do you remember that match he had against Triple-H in a time when The Game DID NOT LOSE? How about his match against Shawn Michaels (That one was for bragging rights between me and my then-fiance)? And then they brought in his mother, failed sitcom veteran Thea Vidale. And I saw a great athlete ruined because of poor booking. Ring of Honor understands how to do Shelton Benjamin right. No stupid gold hair. No failed sitcom actress. No reference to his criminal past. Just a great athlete being a great athlete.
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Well when it all goes down, will you be the one still standing at the end. But to take it all in stride makes it more real for the person or persons involved to make things right. Where the hell I came up with that, I don’t know but I figured I had to give you all something. So with out further ado, lets get this show on the road:
Much has been written about the misogyny inherent in professional wrestling, the violence against women, and the general exploitation of females in the wrestling business. Almost all of these writings, however, have been penned by men. As a female wrestling fan, this subject has taken up quite a bit of brain space recently, and the fact that I couldn’t remember reading a woman’s thoughts on the matter compelled the putting of fingers to keyboard. (more…)
Your Empress of “Impact” is, for one night only, your Reina of RAW! As I shall be missing this week’s “Impact,” I traded reviews with our fearless leader and founder, ThinkSoJoE. What fallout will we see from last night’s “Breaking Point” ppv? Will Trish Stratus have blonde hair again? Join us here and on the BWF thread for RAW, and find out!
I’m on the official BWF WrestleMania week schedule for today, so here I am with my final WrestleMania week article (save for the SmackDown review that should be coming later today.) For the record, I didn’t hate the fact that LK didn’t talk about WrestleMania during his column this week, though I appreciate the fact that he posted his thoughts yesterday. Anyways, moving on:
WWE Unified WWE Tag Team Championship: The Miz & John Morrison vs. Primo & Carlito
For the record, GreenTeabagger also has his predictions for the show in the latest edition of Anger Management at fellow BWF Network site VinceRussoWatchesHisBeardGrow.com. In any event, while the Colóns are talented wrestlers in their own right, The Miz and John Morrison are a proven commoddity with both sets of WWE Tag Team Championships – not to mention that despite being the heels, the fans care about them and actually like them more than they do SmackDown’s Primo and Carlito. Miz and Morrison take this.
25 Diva Clusterf*#k Battle Royal
We know most of the Divas in the match, but if one of the ones we don’t know is one who has walked out of WrestleMania with the Women’s Championship the most in the past, Trish Stratus is the only one deserving of the title “Miss WrestleMania.” If she’s not in it, the win will somehow go to Mae Young, even if she’s not actually involved during the bulk of the match.
Money in the Bank Ladder Match
I’ve seen Kane’s name come up numerous times over the course of the week as the guy most people are picking to win MiTB. They’re also expecting him to cash in and lose to John Cena. Personally, the only one I can see picking up the win here is MVP. MVP stuck it out through that stupid losing streak gimmick, which was allegedly a test to see if he’s in this for the long haul. The story goes that the WWE didn’t want another Rock or Bobby Lashley on their hands, so they used the losing streak to see if MVP believed in the company enough to stick it out through jobbing left and right. He did, and now he’s on a hot streak and in the Money In The Bank ladder match. WWE sees MVP as somebody with star potential. Others have predicted that since he’s going into the match as United States Champion, he’s not likely to win. I got news for you guys. Rob Van Dam won the Intercontinental Championship (against Shelton Benjamin, no less) after winning the MiTB match at WrestleMania 22, before going on to win the WWE Championship soon after that at June’s ECW One Night Stand. MVP is my pick, but don’t expect him to cash it in tomorrow night.
Intercontinental Championship: JBL vs. Rey Mysterio
As much as I hated to hear that Tazz has parted ways with World Wrestling Entertainment, the rumors about this being JBL’s last match were given one more ounce of truth with the news. I enjoyed JBL as a commentator on SmackDown before his return to the ring early last year, and I’m looking forward to hearing him again each and every Friday night. That said, even though I’m sure the plan in JBL’s mind is to retire as Intercontinental Champion, I’m going to pick Rey Rey to pick up the title here. It just makes sense to me. BALLGAME!
Chris Jericho vs. WWE Legends
It’s sad that Jericho is being wasted away here. He’s one of the best heels in the business, and the fact that he had to literally fight off angry fans at a live event in Victoria, British Columbia earlier this year just proves that. So he’s stuck facing three WWE Legends who are representing Mickey Rourke and, essentially, Ric Flair. Afa the Wild Samoan is in town for ‘Mania, so I expect him to get involved in some way, shape, or form. Picking the Legends in this one.
Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy
On any given night, Shawn Michaels can steal the show. Especially if that night is WrestleMania. That said, he’s going to have some competition this year, especially if you’re a fan of hardcore (or as the WWE calls it now, Extreme Rules) matches. The buildup to this match has been really good, and the fact that the last time WWE had a brother vs. real-life brother match at WrestleMania, it gave Shawn Michaels’ show stealing performance a run for it’s money at WrestleMania X should give you an idea of what we’re in store for here. There’s no way, with everything Matt’s put Jeff through over the past six months, that Jeff lets his brother get the best of him. Jeff Hardy to win it here.
World Heavyweight Championship: Edge vs. The Big Show vs. John Cena
I’d like to take a moment to thank everybody that didn’t go to see 12 Rounds, particularly those who filled out the WWE produced survey about why you didn’t with the answer “I have no interest in seeing a movie with John Cena in it.” They’re maybe, finally, about to realize how stale Cena’s truly become. Which, of course, would mean that Edge is going to retain the World Heavyweight Championship, since there’s no way in hell they give Show a run with the title at this point. Edge is my pick.
Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker
Attention all WWE, TNA, and up and coming wrestling bookers. Watch the last month of WWE programming, and skip everything that doesn’t involve Shawn Michaels or The Undertaker. That is how you book a match that people want to see. HBK’s gotten the better of The Undertaker on every occasion so far, which leads me to believe that the deadman is going to increase his streak to 17-0.
WWE Championship: Triple H vs. Randy Orton
Not to steal Legend Killer’s “head vs. heart” way of doing things, but despite the fact that my head is telling me that there is no way Orton is walking out of WrestleMania as the WWE Champion for the second straight year, my gut feeling is that there’s no way he loses. He’s on such an incredible roll, he’s got such momentum going into this match, and it just feels like he’s got this one in the bag. My mind is better at predicting things than my gut though, so I have to, reluctantly, choose Triple H to win.
Well, folks, hope you’ve enjoyed WrestleMania week here at Bored Wrestling Fan. Drowgoddess is out and about in Houston taking in the festivities, and hopefully should be around later this weekend to give us her insights on things.