Tag Archive: Wwe Raw

  1. RAW 8/10 in Real-Time from Calgary, Alberta, Canada

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    It seems that Joe wants the week off, and with my power due to go off at any minute. I’m doing Real-Time this week, for the second week in three.

    Stay tuned to BWF, as I watch NCIS.

    The search for HBK is on! My guess is, he’s in a  bar having a few brewskis. I know it’s never going to happen, but come on WWE, swerve us will you?

    This RAW is from Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Where a certain someone was born to wrestle, and bred to win. All rise for the playing of the Canadian National Anthem.

    Randy Orton starts us off. He’s been hearing rumours, apparently. Were they rumours, or the Voices in your head Randy? My namesake goes on about how it’s no rumour that he’s gonna beat John Cena at Summerslam, and that seemed to be the lightbulb in the head of the challenger, as Cena comes out. Cena wants Orton to bully him, that right there proves that John Cena is not a ladies man. Johnny boy gets up close and personal with the son of Cowboy Bob, and this brings out JeriShow, with the single worst entrance music in the history of entrance music.

    Show finds it amusing that Cena and Orton are up close and personal with each other. Show speaks, but there’s a Canadian in the ring, so the crowd chant for Jericho. Cena makes a Shaq joke, then asks why have the Tag Team champions made their presence. Jericho plugs Canada, then tells Cena he’s got a one-on-one match against him. Randy gets his two bobs in, but Big Show cuts him off, telling RKO that its gonna be Show and Orton one-on-one.

    The Sarge sounds like he needs a cough drop to soothe that throat. This brings us to commercial.

    Ooh look, there’s a vote. Who did the Sarge beat for the WWE Championship? Savage, Hogan or Warrior. Shouldn’t the question be, which one will be the first to appear on WWE RAW?

    MATCH#1: Four-Way Divas – Winner gets a Divas Title shot

    Kelly Kelly vs Alicia Fox vs Gail Kim vs Beth Phoenix

    If you want to find out what actually happens, in this match, find someone who cares about the WWE Women’s division, I’m off to get food.

    As I return from not paying attention to the match. I hear Cole describe Kim as ‘elastic-like’, and I hear more grunting than Maria Sharapova at Wimbledon. You’ve gotta love it don’t you? It has appeared for weeks that Beth Phoenix will face Mickie James for the belt, and yet …

    YOUR WINNER: Gail Kim

    It’s the first ever TNA KnockOuts champion who gets the victory.

    Out comes Slaughter to pretty much zero reaction from the crowd. He starts off by sucking up to Canada, and saluting the C anadian flag? Has the Sarge turned on the U.S. for the second time in his career? Of course not. Sarge turns on his newly made friends, by saying if it wasn’t for the U.S., they would be speaking Russian and French now. Infact, most of them speak French. Now Sarge wants Canadians to pay respect to the United States. Looks like Slaughter’s playing bad guy tonight.

    COMMERCIAL

    We’re back, and a recap of Triple H announcing he’s reforming DX for SummerSlam, and how trips travelled to Texas to find him. Yip.

    MATCH#2: Jack Swagger vs Evan Bourne

    The rubber match between the two. This match will go no longer than five minutes. I guarantee it.

    Swagger uses his power advantage early on, until Bourne uses his speed advantage to control the match. Swagger with a submission hold, but Bourne escapes and attack with some kicks, ending with a near fall. Swagger looks for the powerbomb, but Evan counters into a roll-up for a near fall. Swagger introduces his opponent to the turnbuckle as hard as he possibly can, and one Gutwrench Powerbomb later, and Dusty Rhodes gets the pin.

    YOUR WINNER: Jack Swagger.

    Told you the match would be quick. Swagger on the mic, and after he talks. Here comes MVP. He doesn’t care that Dusty is a 2-time All-American, the Canadians don’t care. Nobody cares. MVP challenges Swagger to a match tonight. Swagger wants it next week, but MVP isnt happy and pushes Swagger out of the ring.

    Don’t forget. Orton vs Show, Jericho vs Cena and the hunt for the Christian. Still to come.

    COMMERCIAL

    Back, and we’re hunting Christians. H hits on a guy, and scores. A little girl wants a hamburger, and it’s Texas Chef HBK. H is shocked. I think it’s lame-i-fied.

    Here comes the Sarge again. He has bought us Celine Dion to sing the Canadian National Anthem. That’s a lie, as it’s really Jillian. I’d prefer Jillian to Celine Dion.

    COMMERCIAL

    Why is Vince plugging Monk?

    Back from commercial, and it’s a contract on a pole match? Vince Russo IS writing for the WWE.

    MATCH#3: Contract on a Pole

    Eugene vs Calgary Kid

    Eugene channels his inner Rock, and hits the Rock Bottom and the People’s Elbow, but that doesnt affect the Calgary Kid. Calgary Kid knocks Eugene off the ropes and grabs the contract.

    YOUR WINNER:  Calg…

    Wait a minute, that isn’t the Calgary Kid. He just hit the Stroke!

    YOUR WINNER: Jeff Jarr..

    Wait a minute, that’s not the Chosen One, it’s …

    YOUR WINNER: The Miz

    The Miz is back on RAW, so what was the point of last week?

    COMMERCIAL

    We’re back with the Rewind, Show beating the hell out of Kofi last week.

    MATCH#4: Randy Orton vs the Big Show

    Big Show has been borrowing John Tenta’s ring attire.

    Show gets up close and personal to Orton, but Randy backs away. Maybe Orton only likes it when it’s Cena close to him. Randy Orton has had a grand total of zero offence so far in this match. I’ve been in and out during this match, so I have missed sections. I get back to see RKO looking for just that, the RKO, but Show blocks it. Show connects with the Chokeslam, but Orton is too close to the ropes, and gets his foot on the rope, when Show goes for the fall. Big Show goes for the fist, but Orton ducks under and heads out of the ring, and deliberately gets counted out.

    YOUR WINNER VIA COUNTOUT: Big Show

    Hunting for Christians Part Two

    Shawn gets tater tots thrown in his face. Also, he can’t cook. When I worked in the food industry, I never burned the grill like that. I only saw someone smash  a light globe into the fry vats.

    COMMERCIAL

    Another pointless Did You Know? from the folks at WWE.

    MATCH#5: MVP vs Chris Masters

    MVP doesn’t get to fight Swagger, instead he gets the Masterpiece.

    Masters with the assualt on MVP in the early going. He continues the advantage until he applies a chinlock-type hold, then MVP gets the momentum. MVP’s jumpsuit is as bright as Mark Henry’s costume last week. Masters goes for the Masterlock, but MVP counters into the Playmaker!!

    YOUR WINNER: MVP

    Enter the Swagger. The All-American American causes a long enough distraction for the Masterlock to be applied. Once that’s done, Swagger hits his Powerbomb.

    A pop for Piven and Dr. Ken and their publicity run last week.

    COMMERCIAL: They love these during a broadcast, don’t they?

    Back again, and it’s time for …

    Hunting for Christians, Part Three

    Shawn’s hired Hunter to help him flip burgers. Shawn Sweet Chins his boss. An old lady tells me to suck it, and Shawn Sweet Chin’s a little girl.

    Enter the Sarge yet again, and he cues the music of the Hitman. But no, it’s not Bret Hart, it’s Jim Duggan, complete with American flag.

    COMMERCIAL

    We’re back, with the Slam of the Week. Mark Henry vs Chavo Guerrero from last week.

    MATCH#6: Hornswoggle and Mark Henry vs ??

    Chavo was meant to be competing, but he is ‘injured’, so he calls on Legacy to take his place.

    Henry gets the upper hand, before Legacy start the dissecting. However, that is short lives, as Henry regains control. World’s Strongest Slam on DiBiase, the tag to Hornswoggle for the Splash, but DiBiase gets out of the way and Cody takes out Henry. One Dream Street later, and it’s bye bye to the Woggle.

    YOUR WINNERS: Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes.

    After the match, Legacy grab mics and book themselves to do the J.O.B to DX at SummerSlam.

    We’re back with a rundowm of the SummerSlam card, then Josh Matthews interviews Chris Jericho. Jericho says he’s winning for Calgary, then Show arrives. BIg Show bitches about how Orton ran off on him, Jericho bags out Calgary. Matthews tells Jericho the cameras are still rolling. Jericho feels like a tool.

    COMMERCIAL

    Next week’s RAW Guest Host. Former WWE writer, Freddie Prinze Jr.

    MAIN EVENT: Chris Jericho vs John Cena

    Cena gains the early momentum, until Jericho takes over. Cena ends up outside the ring, where Y2J introduces him to the ring steps. Jericho then applies a Camel Clutch, just because Sarge is guest host. Back in the ring, and Cena somehow gains control. He looks for the shuffle, but Jericho rolls him up for the two. Jericho misses with the Lionsault, but doesn’t with the Walls attempt. Cena counters into the STF, but Orton comes and breaks it up before the Ayatollah of Rock ‘n Rollah can tap, causing the DQ.

    YOUR WINNER BY DQ: John Cena

    Cena gets in Orton’s face, but eats a CodeBreaker from Jericho. Jericho shoves Orton, so Jericho gets knocked down. Enter Show. Chokeslam to Orton. Sarge comes out and announces JeriShow vs Cena and Orton for next week, as we end.

    There, even though the servers for BWF crashed during this broadcast, I did my best to bring you the action.

  2. WWE Raw results 8/3/09

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    For what it’s worth, I’d rather be doing ANYTHING than watching RAW tonight. I’d rather watch a marathon of Sasha Baron Cohen movies. I’d rather watch Grease and Grease 2. I’d rather watch all 200 episodes of iMPACT! Hell, I’d rather play the iMPACT video game. But alas, I sit through the boring crap that is RAW because it’s been my Monday routine for the last 15 1/2 years.  Don’t get me wrong, I still love professional wrestling, I’m just so bored with RAW right now, which is why I slept through the show last week (and thank you to Legend Killer for filling in for me.)  Anyways, tonight’s show is hosted by Jeremy Piven of Entourage, and we’ve got a handicapped match featuring Triple H burying taking on Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes.

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  3. RAW 7/27 LIVE and in Real-Time

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    Welcome everyone to RAW, I am your Legend Killer, subbing in for Joe this week, as he has disappeared off the face of the Earth at the time of this. We begin with RAW’s guest host for the night, 4-Time NBA Champion, Shaquille O’Neal.

    Lawler and Shaq are in the ring, and Shaq reveals a Beat the Clock challenge to determine Orton’s opponent for SummerSlam. The participants are Triple H, MVP, Jack Swagger, Mark Henry and John Cena. Shaq chants for D.C. to get ready, and the music of Chris Jericho hits.

    Jericho and O’Neal staredown, and Jericho looks like a midget.  Jericho makes a Kobe reference, then reminds Shaq that the most powerful duo in sports history isnt Shaq and LeBron. It’s Jericho and … but Shaq cuts him off and calls him Christina. Jericho talks himself up, then demands respect from everyone in the company, including Guest hosts. After another staredown between the two, Y2J introduces his new Tag Team partner, the Big Show.

    Shaq and Show look eye to eye and bald head to bald head. Show says that Shaq has a better chance of making 2 Free Throws in a row, than intimidating him. Show calls Shaq slim, Shaq calls Show fat, then challenges the largest athlete in the world to a match. Show calls him a 7ft toothpick, and complains because he doesnt want the entire NBA on his back, when he cripples Shaq. Shaq knew they wouldn’t fight him, but he hired two guys that would. Enter SmackDown!’s Cryme Tyme. Jericho and Show walk away, but Shaq has one more announcement. In the match between Jericho/Show and Cryme Tyme, there will be an outside enforcer, Shaq! Shaq then chants Christina as the Tag champs head up the ramp.

    COMMERCIAL: Looks like I’m here for the long haul. RAW better be good.

    Did You Know? WWE Raw is a complete waste of TV space.

    Match #1: Beat the Clock challenge

    Mark Henry vs Carlito

    My prediction. Henry in about 2 minutes 30 seconds, and it wins.

    Carlito heads straight to the outside,to kill time, and the moment he heads back in. Sexual Chocolate is on the attack. Carlito tries to run again, but Henry goes and gets him. Carlito tries to jump out of the ring, but Henry catches him and throws him back in. Henry tries to go for the pin, as 2 minutes tick by. Carlito tries to escape again, but to no avail. A close pinfall as my predicition is out the window. Carlito firing kicks and punches but none of them phases Henry. Henry trying to get quick pinfalls, then a splash as four minutes tick by, but Carlito rolls out of the splash. Carlito hangs Henry up on the top rope, then springs up and knocks him off his feet for a near fall.

    Carlito applies a Sleeper, as 5 minutes tick by. Henry backs Carlito into the corner, then goes for a headbutt, and gets another near fall. Carlito applies another sleeper and Henry is fading, but he quickly regains his composure. Carlito off the second rope, but Henry catches him and looks for the World’s Strongest Slam, but Carlito escapes. Carlito tries a BackStabber, but he can’t connect. Carlito off the ropes, Henry catches him, and this time lands the World’s Strongest Slam and gets the three.

    YOUR WINNER: Mark Henry in 6:49.

    COMMERCIAL: Up next is a 6-Diva Tag match. Joe, I’m going to kill you for making me watch this.

    WWE Rewind: Mickie James defeating Maryse at Night of Champions

    Washington Redskins players are at ringside.

    Match#2:Six-Diva Tag Team match

    Divas Champion Mickie James, Gail Kim and Kelly Kelly vs Beth Phoenix, Rosa Mendes and Alicia Fox

    Michael Cole has been sent to the back to see if he can get an interview with Shaq, allowing Lawler to masturbate all on his lonesome at ringside.

    If there’s no action being called here, it’s because I’m trying to finish off my bag of Doritos. The heels dominating the faces early on. Mickie gets the tag, and Mickie starts to take over the match. Jerry Lawler is no help here, as it seems he’s paying as much attention as I am right now.  Gail Kim tags herself in and gets the pin with a Missile Dropkick.

    YOUR WINNERS: Mickie James, Gail Kim and Kelly Kelly

    Beth Phoenix looks down in somewhat disgust, then a slight smile appears.

    In Shaq’s office, Cole tries to interview Shaq … however … enter the Hornswoggle. Hornswoggle tries to score a dunk, but fails miserably. Apparently, Hornswoggle and Shaq went to high school together. Also, it seems Michael Cole has found his new man-crush. Somewhere, Heidenreich is crying.

    COMMERCIAL

    Match#3: Beat the Clock challenge

    MVP vs Chris Masters

    6:49 is the time to beat, set by Mark Henry

    What the hell? the Masterpiece makes his return to the WWE. What not the way to make your return. So it’s the Masterlock versus the Bright Red Power Ranger.  Masters with the advantage in the early going in this one. It’s good to see MVP doesn’t hang around with that ‘thing’ from the View. MVP goes for the Boot, but misses and Masters attempts the Masterlock, but MVP escapes.

    Both men brawl to the outside, and I sense a countout here. MVP tries to enter the ring, but Masters stops him and applies the Masterlock, leading to a double countout.

    YOUR WINNER: Double Countout

    Mark Henry still has the time to beat, as MVP is upset with himself.

    Triple H’s opponent for the Beat the Clock challenge? Chicken Legs himself, Cody Rhodes. Also don’t forget the Tag match with Shaq as outside enforcer.

    COMMERCIAL

    We’re back and THE Brian Kendrick is in the ring, ready for his match with … the United States Champion, Kofi Kingston.

    Kendrick is angry at Lawler, the bell rings and Kendrick is still ranting, Kofi nails the Trouble in Paradise, and Kendrick is jobbed out inside of 5 seconds.

    Backstage, and Triple H is being beatdown by Ted DiBiase Jr., and some kind of club. How will this affect his chances against Cody Rhodes in the Beat the Clock? Will Triple H still be able to beat Mark Henry’s time? Does anyone actually care? … I didnt think so.

    COMMERCIAL

    We’re back …

    Match#5: Beat the Clock challenge

    Triple H vs Cody Rhodes

    Mark Henry still has the best time of 6:49.

    Lawler just called the Crippler Crossface, the STF. Jerry Lawler doesnt even know the names of the moves now.

    I’m just waiting for either Cole or Lawler to say ‘Beat the Cock’ instead of Beat the Clock. RAW is NOT bought to you by Verizon Wireless, as Cole just told me. RAW is bought to you by the ‘Legend Killer’ Chris Cooley, because ThinkSoJoe has decided to no longer care about his beloved readers of this site. Either that, or he is sensible and decided not to watch RAW.

    Helmsley favouring the leg that was attacked by DiBiase, and Cody focuses all his attack toward that leg. Triple H trying to avoid Cody, but Rhodes will have none of it, and continues after the leg of the Game. Rhodes applying various submission moves, but Triple H fights out of every one of them. Cody to the second rope, and drops Helmsley to the mat, as 2 minutes remain on the clock. Rhodes tries again, but HHH counters and goes for the Pedigree, but Rhodes gets a chop block.

    Rhodes takes a page out of Daddy Dusty’s book, and applies the Figure Four, but Helmsley quickly rolls the move over. Under a minute remains, and Triple H connects with the Spinebuster. Ted DiBiase comes up to the apron, daring Trips to hit in. Instead, he sends Cody Rhodes into DiBiase, sending the Million Dollar baby to the mat. Trips hits the Pedigree, but it’s all too late as he fails to beat the clock.

    TRIPLE H DOES NOT BEAT THE CLOCK

    Mark Henry’s time of 6:49 is still the top time.

    In Shaq’s office, Shaq and Santino are playing Scrabble. Santino is complaing about the words Shaq is using, as Cryme Tyme enters. Cryme Tyme an Shaq chant ‘Money, Money, Yeah, Yeah’, as Santino begins rapping. Santino rapping is pure gold! Once the rap is done, Shaq is left alone with his scrabble game and says “Vince McMahon couldn’t even beat me at this game”. A commercial follows.

    COMMERCIAL

    Match#6

    Hornswoggle vs Chavo Guerrero

    Why is he wrestling? Hornswoggle that is.

    This is a complete waste of Chavo’s skill and ability in the wrestling ring. Oh look, a stipulation, Chavo must wrestle blindfolded.

    Hornswoggle crawls under the ref’s legs, and Guerrero takes down the referee. This match can only be described as un-needed filler. Chavo wants to go off the top rope, but Hornswoggle has long since moved. Chavo crashes and burns with the Frog Splash, Hornswoggle heads to the top rope, hits the Tadpole Splash, and gets the victory.

    YOUR WINNER: Hornswoggle

    Randy Orton backstage, and he is confronted by Jack Swagger. Swagger says he’ll beat the clock. Orton isnt scared. Swagger leaves, Henry enters, and stands next to Orton, smiling. Either it’s because Henry currently holds the fastest time in the Beat the Clock, or that Henry just urinated down Orton’s leg.

    COMMERCIAL

    DID YOU KNOW?: TNA iMPACT airs Thursday Nights on Spike in the U.S., and Saturday Nights on FOX8 in Australia

    Match#7: Beat the Clock challenge

    Jack Swagger vs Evan Bourne

    Two former ‘ECW’ superstars face off. Evan Bourne has new music. It’s Matt Sydal vs Dusty Rhodes 2.0

    Swagger using his power advantage and gets the upper hand on Bourne. Swagger with an Inverted Northern Lights suplex, and gets a near fall. Swagger goes for snake-eyes, but Bourne counters. He heads up top, but Swagger throws him off the top, then quickly nails a splash and gets two near falls in succession. Swagger goes for a Powerbomb, but Bourne counters into a roll-up, and gets the three.

    YOUR WINNER: Evan Bourne

    JACK SWAGGER DOES NOT BEAT THE CLOCK

    Mark Henry’s time of 6:49 is still the best time, although, in my opinion, Evan Bourne should now have the best time.

    John Cena’s opponent has been announced … the Miz!

    COMMERCIAL

    Jeremy Piven is announced as next week’s RAW guest host! He has a movie coming out, the Goods.

    A replay of Triple H’s Beat the Clock match comes on, then Josh Mathews interviews the Game. Trips decides that if he takes out Rhodes and DiBiase, then Orton is nothing.  Thus, he challenges them to a 2-on-1 Handicap match next week.

    Match#8: Beat the Clock challenge

    John Cena vs the Miz

    Miz comes out on the mic, and gets a shot in on the sports teams. The Redskins and Wizards to be exact. He talks about how all he’s gotta do is dominate early, and then run the clock down. Will we find out? Nope, commercials come first. You know that.

    COMMERCIAL: The toaster is real, Brian!!

    We’re back, and Randy Orton joins Lawler and Cole at ringside. Enter the Cena.

    The match is underway, and Miz is stalling as much as he possibly can, until he has to get back into the ring. Cena gains the advantage, but Miz gets it back. Four minutes remain, Miz with a Sleeper, but Cena escapes, only for Miz to regain the advantage, and toss Cena to the outside. Miz sends cena into the ring steps, and Cena crawls back into the ring at 9. Miz hangs Cena up between the top two ropes, and teases Cena. The ref helps Cena out of the ropes, and locks in the STF on Miz. The normal formalities ensue.

    YOUR WINNER: John Cena

    John Cena advances to Summerslam to face Randy Orton for the WWE Championship. Before you say anything, yes I know, groan when ready.

    COMMERCIAL

    The offical song for Summerslam is “You Gotta Move” by Aerosmith. Nice to see the WWE get a nice, modern band for their music.

    MAIN EVENT or Match#9 if you like it that way

    Chris Jericho and the Big Show, the Unified Tag Champs, vs Cryme Tyme (JTG and Shad) with Shaquille O’Neal as Special Enforcer.

    For those watching, did you notice that loud reaction Cryme Tyme received? Me neither.

    Jericho and JTG start off, and JTG gains the upper hand early on in this one.  Jericho gets a cheap shot in on JTG, and the blue does not suit the Big Show. Show looks like he borrowed from the wardrobe of Mr. Perfect, as he beats down JTG. Show tags in Jericho, and Y2J continues the assault.  Tag champs dominating until JTG knocks down both men. Shaq helps JTG get the tag, and Shad comes in with all the momentum. The special enforcer helps out Cryme Tyme as the start to beat over Jericho. This leads to the Big Show, and what appears to be a DQ as Show just cleans house, chokeslamming both of Cryme Tyme at once.

    This brings Shaq in the ring, and the two big men staredown. They grab each other by the throat, and Cryme Tyme helps Shaqs get the upper hand. Shaq then sends Show out of the ring with a Shoulder Block. Shaq and Cryme Tyme stand tall in the ring, as RAW winds down.

    Overall, Michael Cole has found his new man-crush which is very, very disturbing. This was Monday Night RAW, stay tuned next week, where Jeremy Piven is guest host. This has been your Legend Killer, reminding you, to pick up Season one of Code Monkeys on DVD.

  4. WWE RAW results 7/20/09

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    Alright, this should be fun!  I’m reviewing the show on a brand new laptop, and I woke up 5 minutes before the damned show started, starving but not wanting to let you guys down, since I missed my last two assignments here on BWF.  Well, we’re getting back to normal this week, sort of.  I’m back to do all my reviews, Legend Killer will be around on Wednesday with a new article (and he’s also working on something new for VinceRussoWatchesHisBeardGrow.com), and we’ll have Random Randomness on… Friday?!?  JT is going on vacation at the end of the week, so he’s going to drop in with his column a couple days early.  Anyways, I digress, put on your cheap sunglasses, it’s time for RAW with guest hosts ZZ Top!

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  5. WWE RAW results 7/13/09

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    Triple H kicks off RAW tonight, and gets a huge ovation from the Orlando crowd.  He reminds us that Donald Trump bought RAW, and Vince McMahon bought it back for double the price a week later.  Meanwhile, something exciting happened – the celebrity guest host.  The Game is here to announce tonight’s host.  He was in Buffy and Austin Power, he’s also on Family Guy and is a co-creator of Robot Chicken.  His name is Seth Green – and his theme song is Welcome To The Jungle.  He’s thrilled to be here hosting RAW.  he can do whatever he wants, pick the matches and whatnot.  So the first thing he’s going to do is make a six diva swimsuit summer spectactular.  It’s in the spirit of athletic competition, of course.  Triple H sees it his way.  It’s the kind of outside the box thinking that makes The Game a fan of Robot Chicken.  They put celebrities in the most bizarre situations.  The premiere episode has, potentially, the biggest star on the planet (according to Triple H), Triple H.

    Clip of Triple H on Robot Chicken, getting his ass kicked by Dakota Fanning, until John Cena turns on her.

    Triple H says that didn’t really happen.  Triple H has experience fighting whiny little girls since his first match with Randy Orton.  Triple H says that may be true, but he never said that.  Randy Orton and Dakota Fanning have one thing in common – no male genatalia.

    I hear voices in my head…

    Orton says he’s got something Triple H don’t – the WWE Championship.  He says that if Seth Green wants to take shots at Orton, he should know that Orton has somewhat of an anger management issue.  He won’t hesitate to punt somebody in the head or RKO them no matter how big or pathetically small they might be.  Triple H suggests himself vs. Orton for the main event.  Orton says Green doesn’t wanna do that, since Cena and Triple H are already losing to him at Night of Champions.  Triple H says he’ll just drop him right now.  Orton has nothing to say to Triple H until Night of Champions, and he’s got nothing to say to Seth Green either.  He then asks Green why he’s here.  Maybe it’s so somebody might mistake him from being a real man.  Green tells Orton he might be interested in tonight’s main event.  It’s going to be Randy Orton and Legacy taking on Triple H and John Cena.  Oh yeah, and their partner Seth Green.

    Kelly Kelly is wasting valuable television time wandering aimlessly in the general direction of the ring in a bikini.

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    The following is a chance for me to go grab some dinner Six Diva Summer Swimsuit Spectacular or something stupid like that.  Screw this, I’m going to get some dinner.

    Alicia Fox, Rosa Mendez, & Maryse def. Mickie James, Gail Kim, & Kelly Kelly

    It’s your weekly multi-diva clusterf*(#, now with bikinis.  BORING.  I seriously went to get some dinner and came back in time to see Maryse pin Mickie James.

    Seth Green runs into Chris Jericho backstage.  Chris Jericho says he’s the guy who made a career of mocking Star Wars after claiming to be a big fan, and is now doing the same thing to the WWE.  He needs to cater to Chris Jericho.  Robot Chicken is apparently going on a roller skating tour with the band Gym Class Heroes for free.  Green tells Jericho that if he’s going to bring negativity to the show, he might as well just leave.  Jericho says he’s got something to say, and he’s going to say it whether Green likes it or not.

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    WWE Slam of the Week – Carlito beat the crap out of his brother after they failed to beat Jericho and Edge for the Unified Tag Team Championships last week.

    Primo is in the ring with a microphone and speaking Spanish.  He calls out Carlito.  He doesn’t get him though.  What he gets is the best part of RAW, The Miz!  Miz asks where Carlito is.  He’s probably doing something more important, like getting a cup of coffee.  So since Maryse is probably watching, The Miz is going to leave Primo laying in the middle of the ring like the rejected brother he is, because he’s The Miz, and he’s…  AWESOME!

    The Miz vs. Primo

    Primo and The Miz put on a pretty good match, until Carlito interrupts and allows The Miz to hit a reverse Russian leg sweep for the victory.

    After the match, Carlito spits in the face of his brother, who apparently don’t want to be cool.

    Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler talk about Edge’s injury and what could happen with the Unified Tag Team Championships.

    Still to come, Legacy take on Triple H, John Cena, and Seth Green.

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    WWE Rewind:  Hornswoggle defeated Chavo Guerrero on Superstars last Thursday.

    Hornswoggle is hanging out with somebody his own size backstage.  Seth Green tells him tonight it’s going to be Chavo vs. Hornswoggle, and Chavo will have one arm tied behind his back.  The Big Show shows up, and Green asks him for advice.  Show says to watch his match with Evan Bourne and see how guys his size fare in the WWE.  He then says he’ll give some advice to Green, but it’ll cost him… One Million Dollars muwahahahahahahaha.

    MVP makes his way to the ring for action.  His opponent is the guy who just a week ago said he wouldn’t fight him, Jack Swagger.

    MVP vs. Jack Swagger

    A very entertaining match that sees Swagger drop MVP with the gutwrench powerbomb (or, as our good friend Green Teabagger calls it, The All-American American’s All-American American Americanator!) for the victory.  I’d write more about it, but I’m still eating my meal from that stupid Diva thing earlier in the night.

    Chris Jericho is carrying a folder and walking toward the ring.

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    We know some of you may be eating, but here, enjoy these graphic pictures of Edge’s surgery on his Achille’s Tendon.

    And now,  please welcome his tag team partner, Chris Jericho!

    Jericho says that for the first time in WWE history, the Unified Tag Team Champions are held by one man, and it’s appropriate that that man is the best in the world today, Chris Jericho.  He finds it ironic that both Edge and Achilles were great warriors for their time and were taken down by injuries to their Achilles heel.  Jericho lists Edge’s injuries and claims he was taking a chance by taking Edge on as a partner.  It’s not fair to Jericho that he should have to suffer for Edge’s faults.  He’s not giving up his titles.  He’s got a contract with him that says that if Edge is injured, Jericho could chose a new tag team partner and remain tag team champion.  Before Night of Champions, he’ll pick a devious, cunning partner who is worthy of being in the ring with Jericho, and he’ll also be a truthful, honest man.

    Somebody gonna get they ass kicked…

    Mark Henry makes his way to the ring, smiling.  He enters, and Jericho smiles back.  He says Henry is impressive, and just the type of partner Jericho had in mind.  Henry puts his arm around Jericho and tells him that they could do unbelievable things.  He asks Orlando if they think they’d be a good team.  Henry says that he’s not out here to be his partner.  Jericho’s look of confidence turns to a look of fear, and Henry tells him he’s out here to be his opponent.

    Mark Henry def. Chris Jericho via count-out

    Henry tears the suit off of Chris Jericho and tosses him around like a rag doll.  Jericho takes some time outside the ring to regroup – and to take off his tie.  He stalls as the fans chant “you suck.”  He finally gets in the ring and the match officially starts.  Henry tosses Jericho around as the announcers theorize that this is punishment for Jericho’s attitude with guest host Seth Green earlier.  Jericho gets knocked down, and hightails it out of there, getting counted out in the process, much like Cody Rhodes last week.

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    Hornswoggle is here and ready for his match with Chavo Guerrero, who will have one hand tied behind his back.

    Hornswoggle def. Chavo Guerrero

    Ugh.  Hornswoggle used a stinkface.  Chavo goes for a one armed suplex, but Hornswoggle rolled him up for the pin instead.

    Randy Orton is proud of Ted DiBiase for slapping his dad last week.  DiBiase says he never wants to be like his old man.  He’ll be better.  Cody Rhodes says that his father might be the guest host last week, and unlike some people he has a great relationship with is dad.  Orton instructs his Legacy mates to not touch Seth Green in this match, because Orton wants him for himself.

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    Kofi Kingston is on his way to the ring to do commentary for the following matchup.  Evan Bourne is out first for this matchup, and his opponent is The Big Show.

    Evan Bourne vs. The Big Show

    Show dominates, with a little of Evan Bourne offense.  Show hits a huge spear and locks in the Camel Clutch for the victory.

    Show refuses to break the hold, but Kofi Kingston runs into the ring to make the safe.  Kofi will face Big Show this Thursday on Superstars.

    The Robot Chicken Star Wars Episode II DVD comes out next week.  They show a clip, which I seriously wish was a clip from the first Star Wars episode with Hulk Hogan voicing Abe Lincoln against Jedi George Bush.

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    We get a rundown of the Night of Champions card.

    Backstage, Santino is playing with action figures, making his own figure knock out the Iron Shiek and kiss Trish Stratus.  He asks Seth Green for a job on his show, “Electric Poultry.”  Cena and Triple H join them and Santino leaves.  Cena tells Green that if he abandons them he’ll beat him up.  Triple H tells him it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, yadda yadda yadda.  Cena and Triple H argue over who’s going to watch out for Green, and Cena says it doesn’t matter who protects him, he’s gonna get killed anyway.  Triple H agrees.

    Michael Cole reveals next week’s guest hosts for Monday Night RAW.  That’s right, I said hosts, plural.  They are…. ZZ TOP!

    <COMMERCIAL BREAK>

    (Thanks to Mr. Random Randomness, JT for covering the rest of the show)

    Legacy Comes out first, we get reminded that Orton wants Seth Green to himself (like that’s really gonna happen).  Seth Green comes out to “Welcome To The Jungle.”  I wonder if Axl knows WWE is using his song.  HHH out next. He spits water, it’s supposed to be cool or something. He’s also like a foot taller than Seth. Oh yeah he’s also on the cover of some muscle magazine.  Cena out last to mostly cheers, he now has John Deere looking gear.  Michael Cole says “this is what it’s all about.”  Sorry Cole it really isn’t.  We then go to a…

    Commercial Break- The Taco Bell Bacon Potato Burrito is pretty good, you should try it. The G.I. Joe movie looks awesome, too bad I’ll be out of town when it comes out. 🙁

    Legacy def. John Cena, Triple H, and Seth Green via disqualification

    • We come back and the match has already started with HHH dominating (shocker).
    • 1st pin attempt- 2 count
    • Tag to Cena
    • Continues to dominate
    • 2nd pin attempt- 2 count
    • Tag to Green- punches Rhodes in the face knocking him down
    • Outside the ring HHH knocks Rhodes down
    • Tag to Cena- Back Body drop
    • Orton takes Cena out while the ref’s back is turned.
    • Orton now dominating
    • Orton 1st pin attempt- 2 count
    • Orton stomps on Cena
    • Dibiase & Rhodes double team Cena while Ref’s back is turned
    • Rhodes gets a full nelson on Cena- Cena fights out of it, but is knocked down
    • Double tag
    • HHH dominates Orton, then he goes after Rhodes & DiBiase
    • Match gets out of control
    • Orton RKO’s HHH
    • Goes for a pin, Seth Green breaks it up
    • Orton then attacks Green
    • Orton goes for The Randy Orton Super Magic Mega Kick of Final Ultimate Death!!! (TM Green Teabagger) but is stopped by Cena
    • Cena goes after Orton, but is stopped but legacy who attack him until HHH makes the save with a sledgehammer, getting their team DQed
    • HHH bumps into Cena with the sledgehammer, but it has no effect.
    • HHH and Cena come face to face but Seth Green comes between them and they raise each others hands.

    We fade to black with Legacy at the top of the ramp and Cena and HHH with Seth Green on hos shoulders standing tall in the ring.

    My Thoughts: Seth Green should not be wrestling.  Guest hosting is one thing, but getting involved in a professional wrestling match is another.  The wrestlers are trained professionals, and as Edge’s latest injury has proven, even they get severely hurt doing what they do for a living.  Seth Green is not a wrestler.  Seth Green is an actor – one who’s work I actually enjoy.  He’s got no business getting into the ring in a wrestling capacity.  Look, I’m all for this guest host thing.  I like it, it gives RAW an air of mainstream acceptance, and sure, Seth Green actually wrestling on Monday Night RAW will probably get some TMZ or Entertainment Tonight coverage, but is it really worth risking the poor guy’s health and career to have him step in and participate in something he’s not extensively trained to do?

    Why aren’t Legacy complaining about not knowing who they have to face at Night of Champions?  That fits their characters, even if their opponents are also heels.  Hell, I don’t think Rhodes and DiBiase were even mentioned in Chris Jericho’s promo about the Unified Tag Team Championship match at Night of Champions, and they’re the challengers.

    This show just wasn’t very good.  I just hope that ZZ Top don’t jump in and challenge DiBiase and Rhodes to a Night of Champions warm up match next week.

  7. WWE RAW results 6/29/09

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    Fresh off of The Bash – I have no idea what’s going on tonight. Perhaps Carlito and Primo will have something to say about Edge and Chris Jericho winning the Unified Tag Team Championships last night? Hey, maybe Edge and Jericho will make an appearance! How about Randy Orton? Is his jaw still in tact after being brutally assaulted by The Game after a successful title defense last night? Who knows? I sure don’t, so let’s go!

    (more…)

  8. WWE RAW Results 6/15/09

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    *NOTE: Sorry for the delay in getting this review to you guys, technical difficulties kept me from posting this last night *

    Tonight, it’s the WWE Three For All – all three World Championships are on the line tonight as RAW brings us three hours of action from Charlotte, North Carolina!

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  9. WWE RAW Review – 4/6/09

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    Before I get started, I want to thank the entire BoredWrestlingFan staff for all of their contributions to WrestleMania week.  Overall we finished with 331 page views on the week, which is more than we had in some of our early months here.  Great job, guys!  Tonight on RAW, we’ll see a 10 Diva tag team match with five of RAW’s Divas vs. five of SmackDown’s Divas.  We’ll see Miz and Morrison get their chance at redemption as they get a rematch with Carlito and Primo for the unified tag team championships, and according to Joey Styles himself, tonight’s RAW Main Event is an “All-Star WrestleMania Tag”:  Cena, Hardy, Punk, Dragon and Mysterio vs. Edge, Show, Hardy, Jericho and Kane (source:  twitter.com/WWEJoeyStyles).  There’s also been a rumor that Randy Orton might be getting another chance at the WWE Championship as well, but again, it’s only a rumor.

    Will anybody bother to step up and try to top HBK/Undertaker as a potential Match of the Year?  We’ll find out tonight!  Results after the jump! (more…)

  10. WWE RAW Review – 3/30/09

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    We’re on the final stretch of the Road to WrestleMania.  There’s just a little bit more scenery to take in before we hit the exit ramp and head to Reliant Stadium for the biggest show of them all.  Speaking of The Big Show, he’s taking on John Cena tonight!  What else is happening?  I guess you’ll find out when I will!

    Full RAW results, after the jump! (more…)