Happy 4th of July to my fellow Americans, and happy belated Canada Day to my friends to the north. It’s time to look back at the week that was in this wacky world of professional wrestling.

The Bash was last Sunday, and the WWE managed to surprise us again – not in a main event (both of which had terrible endings, btw), but in a tag team match of all things. Yes, “Team Ego” captured the Unified Tag Team Championships in a match they weren’t originally scheduled to participate in. And the internet dubbed them, “Rated Y2J.”

Also on Sunday, it was reported that RAW ring announcer Lillian Garcia has handed in her notice to WWE and will be leaving. Lillian was very capable as an announcer, and always pumped the crowd up with her pre-show singing of “America The Beautiful.” WWE is looking for a female announcer who can sing to replace Garcia, but here’s hoping for a promotion for Justin Roberts to what WWE considers the A show.

Former WWE Superstar Brian Christopher Lawler, also known as Grand Master Sexay, was in court on Monday on charges of public intoxication. He allegedly threatened the police officer who arrested him as well, saying he’d rip the officer’s head off. Surprisingly, he was only sentenced to rehab.

On RAW it was randomly announced that 15 Superstars were involved in a trade between the three brands. For what it’s worth, the draft was just over 2 months ago. If we’re randomly going to move guys around, can we just get rid of the whole draft thing?

In the very definition of “slow news week,” it was reported that The Miz posted on his official Twitter page (http://twitter.com/mikethemiz) that he stayed up until 5:30AM watching YouTube.

Would it surprise anybody if I said that Matt Hardy complained on MySpace about something somebody said about him on the internet? I didn’t think so. Apparently some reporter on a wrestling news site complained that Matt spilled the beans on the trade (Matt went to SmackDown), when in fact Matt posted it after it hit WWE.com.

In proof that nobody watches TNA except for Drowgoddess, the IWC is speculating that Taz will debut for TNA at Victory Road. Nevermind the fact that Joe has been acting like Taz and using some of his moves while taking advice from a mysterious “advisor.” Oh, and the fact that he told AJ Styles he can ask the “advisor” who he is at Victory Road.

Word going around is that some wrestlers were upset that WWE was allegedly only paying Vickie Guerrero $500 per appearance. Those wrestlers need to shut their damned mouths. I’d kill for $500 per appearance with WWE, especially since my take home pay right now is slightly over $200 a week.

The rumor mill is buzzing with reports that Candice Michelle was released from her WWE contract because of her weight. Look, Candice may not have been as thin as the majority of the other WWE Divas, but to be fair, I’ve seen Ethiopians who weren’t as skinny as some of the WWE Divas (coughKELLYKELLYcough).

Further proving he’s a black Brock Lesnar, Bobby Lashley says he’s patiently waiting for a call from UFC, where he wants to fight against the top fighters.

Everybody’s favorite right wing nutjob, Warrior W. Warrior posted a blog on his official website blasting Michael Jackson. CZW (there’s those initials again) wrestler “Halfbreed” Billy Gram attempted a rebuttal to Warrior’s post via the comments, but apparently Warrior’s web team deleted them.

ROH (hey, more guys we don’t get to talk about much around here) is on shaky ground right now, with all of their TV tapings being canceled due to HDNet having enough footage to last them the summer, and only a couple of shows booked this month. We like ROH, and we truly hope they survive this unfortunate setback.

I was going to ask if anybody had $5,000 I could borrow to bail Roddy Piper out of jail, but apparently somebody beat me to it. Hot Rod was arrested under suspicion of driving drunk.

Torrie Wilson’s feelings are hurt, because WWE barely mentioned her when she participated in the 25 Diva Battle Royal at WrestleMania. I’d be upset too if my ring announcement was replaced by a medley of Kid Rock songs.

Finally, some sad news coming out of Mexico, as mini Luchadors La Parkita and Espectrito II (the latter you’ll remember as Mini Mankind in the WWE) were found drugged to death in Mexico City. (The rest of this paragraph is from an article written by Ryan Clark) The police have released that Parkita & Espectriro checked into their hotels after a show on Sunday night and were approached by two prostitutes. The two women spiked the lucha stars drinks and after they passed out stole all of their possessions. The two overdosed on the drugs the prostitutes spiked their drinks with. Police say that this M.O. matches that of a prostitute ring called “The Filtracion” (The Leak) who proposition men and then spike their drinks and then rob the men, but the spiked drinks usually don’t kill (probably because of their size, it killed them). The police have retrieved finger prints from the scene and are confident they will find the two responsible.

That’s it for me tonight, guys. Enjoy your holiday, and join us tomorrow as JT brings you another edition of Random Randomness!

It’s Friday, and you know what that means – time for another edition of WWE SmackDown!  I’m not in a very creative mood for this intro tonight, so let’s get started!

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It’s line-crossing time!

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Hi, ThinkSoJoE here for WWE Superstars, filling in for tharvey1 who is on vacation this week. This is the first time I’ve ever actually watched this entire show, so here we go!

Santino Marella is the first Superstar we see. His opponent tonight is The Brian Kendrick. Jerry Lawler talks to Michael Cole about Twitter – where you can find BoredWrestlingFan.com at twitter.com/brdwrstlngfn

Santino Marella def. The Brian Kendrick

I’m going to try to do the format that tharvey1 uses here every week some justice. Kendrick controlled the match until he started telling Santino he was a loser and begun slapping him. Santino says “oh, you make-a me so mad!” He then goes on the offense, eventually picking up the win with a rollup. Funny match.

Later on tonight, CM Punk takes on Edge!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Charlie Haas is in the ring when we come back. Know what that means? He’s going to lose. Especially since his opponent is John Morrison, who beat CM Punk last week on SmackDown.

John Morrison def. Charlie Haas

Younger viewers may remember the original WWF Superstars television show, where all the matches were squashes. This could’ve very well been on that show. Nice to see you, Charlie, eat Starship Pain.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Oh radio, tell me everything you know…

Zack Ryder is on this show pretty much every week. Woo Woo Woo, you know it. His opponent, as announced Tuesday on ECW, is Tyler Reks, who has generic surf music.

Zack Ryder def. Tyler Reks

Reks held his own, but Ryder put him away with the Zack Attack. Woo Woo Woo

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Video Package: Christian, for no apparent reason.

RAW Rebound: Mark Henry pinned Randy Orton.

The Bash: CM Punk hurt his eye and apparently inadvertantly kicked the referee

Speaking of Punk, here’s the World Heavyweight Champion now!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

One half of the WWE Unified Tag Team Champions, The Rated R Superstar, EDGE! makes his way to the ring, and we’re ready for our main event!

Edge def. CM Punk

Punk’s eye is the story here. Edge continues to work over the injury. That’s not to say Edge dominated, Punk showed an aggressive streak at times. Punk went for the GTS and Edge raked his eye to escape. Punk told the referee he couldn’t see, and the referee rang the bell, awarding the victory “by forfiet” to Edge.

Josh Matthews asks CM Punk if he’d done the same thing if this were a title match. Punk says his eye is more than a little bit injured. He doesn’t want to forfiet anything, but if he can’t see he can’t compete. He’ll be happy to grant Edge a rematch when his eye is better, but he can’t see right now.

That’s it, that’s the show – now it’s time to cross the line! Drow will be around in the next 24 hours with the iMPACT! review.

In a recent interview, TNA President Dixie Carter stated that the biggest challenge facing the business was “making new superstars.” The interview in its entirety can be read here: 

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Here I go again. In my weekly column, I wrote how I shouldn’t write two columns in a night. Well, this is my third.

Word of warning, I have not watched ECW prior to this review.

Yoshi Tatsu def. Shelton Benjamin

Yoshi Tatsu is the full name of the little green dinosaur from Mario. Why he’s wrestling in ECW now is beyond me. It could be because they lost most of their talent in the trade, but none-the-less, let’s see if the rest of his buddies join him in the coming weeks. Can you imagine Wario vs Tommy Dreamer?

The debut of “the Abraham Washington show”

Wasn’t he a President of the United States? Wow, a former President on ECW. Too bad they didn’t get a decent one, because this guy sucked. If the Simpsons can get George Bush Sr. and Gerald Ford in the same episode, then the WWE can get a decent former President, like Bill Clinton. That way, the Bella twins, whom were the guests, could’ve done something useful for the first time in their WWE careers.

Sheamus def. some random, let’s say … Billy Jack Haynes

This guy is a white man, with four man-boobs. If you don’t believe me, go to the ECW photos at WWE.com, and look at pic #26. You tell me that isn’t another set. He’s also Irish. So was Brendan Behan, and so is Finlay, as is Hornswoggle. Three Irishmen in the WWE. Just thought I’d mention it.

William Regal and Vladimir Kozlov def. ECW Champion Tommy Dreamer and Christian

A Brit and a Russian versus and American and a Canadian. I thought the Brit’s were on the Americans side? Either way, Tommy Dreamer took the loss, because he realized that he wasn’t Edge, so Christian couldn’t be cool. Good to see Regal finally get used, whether or not this lasts remains to be seen is another thing.

That’s it for this multi-cultural version of ECW, someone else will do a much better job of reviewing ECW than me next week I’m sure. Until then, stay tuned for Superstars and iMPACT later in the week, and read my column!

Welcome once again to another column, brought to you by Yours Truly. This week, I have hidden a secret word. See, if you can find it.

WWE

The Bash has been and gone. Results have been posted by whomever it was that reviewed it. So there’s no need for me to comment on it.

However, there was some kind of trade that happened, sending the likes of Matt Sydal and Dusty Rhodes to RAW, William Regal to ECW and the Hart Foundation 3.0 to SmackDown! Will this make any difference to the amount of wrestling on TV? No. Will it make a difference as to how many In Your House Pay-Per-Views I watch on DVD? Oh hell yeah!

I recently picked up the WWE Encyclopedia. They say it includes everyone, it even has Chris Benoit mentioned with a big picture of him and all. I heard they had to keep him away from the pillows, but at least he’s in there. Matt Morgan, Chris Kanyon, Sean O’Haire and Nathan Jones did not make the book. They all competed in WWE, where is their mentioning? Kanyon won tag team gold, and was U.S. Champion, and he didnt make the book!

Just Joe made the book. Remember him? The weekly jobber for Heat? He made it. Kronik, the group which lasted less than a month in WWE, they made it. Remember Pez Whatley? Phantasio? PJ Walker? They all made it. Theodore Long made it, and yet Sean Mooney nor Todd Pettingill didnt. It’s a good encyclopedia, but it would be even better if they included everyone.

TNA

It seems the nWo Wolfpac new World order Main Event Mafia will hold every TNA Title after Victory Road. I knew it was coming, it had to. It looks like Kurt Angle will be TNA Champ, Samoa Joe as Legends Champ and Booker T and Scott Steiner as Tag Team Champions.

What happened to Eric Young’s heel turn? He’s stuck wrestling Jesse Neal. Who the hell is Jesse Neal?

Well, thats it, I know it seems a bit short, but i’m now writing two columns on the same night, and this is the second of the two. Besides, I have a Randy Savage DVD to watch.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot … P!

In a recent interview, TNA President Dixie Carter stated that the biggest challenge facing the business was “making new superstars.” The interview in its entirety can be read here: 
http://www.tnawrestling.com/content/view/1575/84/

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So on RAW earlier tonight we found out that Evan Bourne, Jack Swagger, and Mark Henry have all joined RAW as part of a 15 Superstar trade.  Here’s the complete list:

Coming to Monday Night RAW:

Jack Swagger (from ECW)
Evan Bourne (from ECW)
Mark Henry (from ECW)
Alicia Fox (from SmackDown)
Gail Kim (from SmackDown)

Coming to Friday Night SmackDown:

Matt Hardy (from RAW)
Finlay (from ECW)
The Hart Dynasty – Tyson Kidd, DH Smith, and Natalya (from ECW)

Coming to ECW:

Shelton Benjamin (from SmackDown)
Goldust (from RAW)
William Regal (from RAW)
Nicki & Brie Bella (from RAW)

Somebody please tell me – what the hell was the point of the draft?  The Bellas went to RAW from SmackDown with the Draft, as did Matt Hardy.  Alicia Fox just got over to SmackDown from ECW and now she’s on RAW.  It’s ridiculous.  Ah well, whatever.  Be interesting to see if ECW is as good minus Swagger, Bourne, Henry, and the Hart Dynasty.  Shelton Benjamin is the only major SmackDown loss – and I say this because they pretty much treat Gail Kim like she’s a jobber anyway.  In fact, SmackDown will be even better with David Hart Smith, Tyson Kidd, and Natalya (who was drafted to ECW from SmackDown earlier this year in the supplemental draft, incidentally).

I just don’t see the point of this – the draft was just two months ago!

Fresh off of The Bash – I have no idea what’s going on tonight. Perhaps Carlito and Primo will have something to say about Edge and Chris Jericho winning the Unified Tag Team Championships last night? Hey, maybe Edge and Jericho will make an appearance! How about Randy Orton? Is his jaw still in tact after being brutally assaulted by The Game after a successful title defense last night? Who knows? I sure don’t, so let’s go!

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