This is my most hated week of the year. Don’t get me wrong, I love my country, and I love my neighbors to the north in Canada, but in the business I work in outside of BoredWrestlingFan, and in the city in which I work in said business, this is one of the most stressful weeks of the year. We’re busy early in the week for Canada Day, and then we’re busy later in the week for Independence Day. On top of that, this week marks 11 years I’ve been in said business, so I face the fact that for over a decade, I haven’t been able to find anything better than what I do. Oh well. Let’s go!
I watch 30 minutes of RAW, leave for work, give you the gist of the first 30, then review the rest of the show with semi-factual information. Except this week, because I don’t feel like it. What are you gonna do about it? Complain? To who? This is my site, I do what I want with my reviews. Plus, I play by my own rules. Screw you, G’s SmackDown Reviews!
Let’s do something a little different. Instead of going segment by segment, I’m going to summarize each storyline in regards to how it was played out on the show, and offer my comments where I feel the need.
1.) CENA VS. MARK HENRY: THE RISE OF RYBACK – So we kicked off RAW with a word from our new WWE champion, John Cena. Jersey is NOT part of the CE-Nation, and their response makes it clear. Cena plays off the crowd’s hostility by joking about all the great things that come with being champ, like the applause. Cena offers to dance for the crowd, using this as context for teasing a “heel-turn,” and offers a title shot to whoever wants one tonight. Mark Henry comes out to take him up on it. Booker T comes out and says Henry has to beat Cena in a match to get a title shot.
Let’s fast forward to our main event, Cena vs. Henry. Less than a minute in, it spills out of the ring to the outside. Both men tease a table spot (which is a whole friggin thing in itself we’ll get to.) Henry sends Cena into the post. Cena whips Henry into the stairs AND GETS THE WIN BY COUNT OUT. OUR “MAIN EVENT” BARELY WENT FIVE MINUTES AND MORE THAN THREE SPOTS!!!
Henry responds to this by laying out Cena (much to the crowds’ delight,) and hoisting the belt up. Ryback comes out and runs off Henry. Ryback glares at Cena and the crowd gets excited. Ryback helps Cena up and the crowd gets less excited. Ryback gets a “FEED ME MORE,” chant going and CENA TAKES A CLOTHESLINE! Ryback gives the champ the Shell-shock and holds the belt up to a cheering crowd as RAW ends.
Rytman Remarks: So, Henry, the only established heel at Wrestlemania who won a singles match, has to beat Cena in a non-title match, to get a title shot?
Fine
Booker T, General Manager of Smackdown, can dictate who gets WWE title shots on RAW?
Fine
The match itself can’t have more than five spots and go more than five minutes?
Okay, Fine.
BUT NOW YOU’RE GOING TO GIVE THE PUSH TO THE GUY YOU BOOKED TO CHOKE IN EVERY BIG MATCH YOU PUT HIM IN? GIVING HENRY A SHOT WOULD BRING ABOUT THE END OF ALL LIFE IN THE WWE UNIVERSE OR SOMETHING!?
I seriously don’t know why I’m still watching this crap.
2.) ORTON/SHEAMUS BOTH WANT BIG SHOW – Orton, backstage in Vicki’s office w/her and Brad Maddox, demands a match w/Big Show, wanting payback for what happened at Mania. “Briki” (Brad and Vicki) agrees, reminding Sheamus he’d owe them a big favor for this.
Later in the show, Randy Orton goes to Booker T, asking HIM for a shot at big show, saying it was his mistake to trust big show, and wants to make good on it. When Booker tells him Vicki already made the match w/Sheamus, he brown-noses Booker into over-ruling Vicki, on the grounds he’s a GM, and she’s a Managing Supervisor. Booker decides to make it happen.
Later, we get a pre-recorded interview from Natalya with Big Show. Show blames his team-mates for what happened, saying they turned on him by not giving him the hot tag. Show says from now on, he’s all about the Big Show.
Later in the show, both Orton and Sheamus came out to the ring and asked the crowd who’d they like to see kick Big Show’s ass. Cole tells us to use the WWE ACTIVE APP and vote on Twitter for who we want. One commercial break later, Booker and Vicki come out together on the same page, making a Sheamus vs. Orton match w/the winner getting Big Show, making the Twitter thing totally irrelevant.
The match itself is hard fought, and both men hit their major spots, but it ends with the Big Show taking matters into his own hands. He tosses Sheamus away like nothing and BRUTALIZES Randy Orton for about twenty minutes. Orton is pounded on, and tossed around like a sack of rag-dolls. Show tosses Orton hard over the announce table into the seats, and then tosses the seats all over the place. Show leaves Orton broken on the ground, and walks off to a hero’s reception from the crowd. (This crowd was another whole thing we’ll get to.)
Rytman Remarks: Orton and Randy are fighting over who gets to beat up the guy they didn’t trust in the first place, but teamed up with anyway and then lost the match because they didn’t tag him, and he got mad and punched them out. Gotcha!
The interesting thing is, during the interview with Natalya, Show played hurt by his team not trusting him, like he really wanted to be part of something, and pulled it off pretty damn well. I actually felt bad for him.
3.) ALBERTO DEL RIO VS JACK SWAGGER & ZEB COULTER: YOUR WINNER, DOLPH ZIGGLER! – World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez,) faced Swagger in a handicap match w/Zeb Coulter as Swagger’s partner. Before the match, Zeb took the mike and actually pleaded with the crowd for their support. He even got a small “USA” chant going. The match was primarily Del Rio and Swagger with Zeb hanging back on the outside. Del Rio managed to win it, but Swagger had worked the ankle/leg the whole match and Del Rio had ringside attendants looking at him.
Cue Dolph Ziggler.
Dolph chose that moment to Cash in his MiTB briefcase on Del Rio. Del Rio managed to muster up enough offense to get Ziggler in the Cross-Arm-Breaker. Ziggler escaped by working the injured ankle and won with a Zig-Zag for the three. Later in the show, Ziggler is interviewed, saying it’s “about damn time” this happened.
Rytman Remarks: during the whole match, the crowd chanted “we want Ziggler,” until he finally came out. I’m thinking Del Rio and Swagger are both gonna sit out a few shows.
4.) UNDERTAKER PROMO: IN THE SIGHTS OF THE SHIELD – Undertaker comes out to do a promo. He talks about dedicating his win to Paul Bearer…
SIERRA, HOTEL, INDIA, ECHO, LIMA, DELTA, BELIVE IN THE SHIELD
The Shield makes their way towards the Dead-man. They’ve got Taker surrounded when the pyro goes off and Team Hell No (Kane and Bryan) run out to offer back up. The Shield calls it a night and head off.
Rytman Remarks: A feud w/the Undertaker to set up a program with the tag team champions? I like it, which is why it won’t happen.
5.) FAHHHHN-DAHHHN-GO-OW! – So Fandango got a rematch with Kofi Kingston, from last month when he was supposed to debut on RAW. The match goes less than ten minutes before Chris Jericho runs out and beats down Fandango, who gets the win by DQ. After the match, Fandango still has enough in him to take a mike and do the bit with his name.
Rytman Remark: I’ll give the guy credit for sticking with it, but I’m thinking the last dance is coming up soon.
6.) “A BAD NIGHT FOR PAUL HEYMAN GUYS.” – Paul Heyman gets interviewed about how bad Wrestlemania went for him. Heyman points out that Triple H finished the night with a broken (which we saw earlier in an exclusive,) arm and Shawn Michaels got his face smashed in. He says Lesnar is here and ready to fight, but not for free. He tells us C.M. Punk will speak for himself… next week, swerving the disappointed crowd.
Now let’s look at the results from the few “filler” matches…
BIG E. LANGSTON DEF DANIEL BRYAN – High point was Big E. tossing Bryan over the top rope onto Kane.
Rytman Remark: Would’ve made sense to book this match BEFORE MANIA!
WADE BARRETT DEF. THE MIZ – BARRETT NEW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION
Rytman Remark: Decent match but I’m not expecting Barrett’s stock to skyrocket. There was a noticeable “botch” when Miz went for the knee-drop/neck-breaker combo and Barrett dropped too soon. (Michael Cole, at ringside, tried to sell it as a “sit-out” attempt by Barrett.)
R-TRUTH, RYDER, AND SANTINO MORELLA DEF 3MB
RR; Went maybe seven minutes and was more of an actual match then the main event.
TONS OF FUNK/THE FUNKADAYCTALS DEF THE BELLA SISTERS/TEAM RHODES SCHOLARS
RR; High point was Brie/Nikki giving “Sweet T” a double butt-bump to the head.
A few other points of interest…
One guy in the crowd managed to get his “WE WANT PAGE” sign on camera almost all night. Apparently, we can’t get her jobbing out to AJ and the Bella Sisters fast enough.
There seemed to be a contract out on the announcers table tonight. It wound up collateral damage in almost every brawl tonight. (Big Show’s rampage, Jericho’s payback, maybe during Del Rio Swagger,) In the Main Event, Cena and Henry both teased putting each other through it but never came across.
And now, we get to the real stars of this show…
This fucking crowd
Credit where it’s due, these folks decided they were going to have some kind of fun at this show and they did, to the detriment of the WWE. Some of their highlights included “singing along” to Fandango’s music and cheering for RVD, Randy Savage, and anyone/thing other than Sheamus or Orton during their match.
Overall, this was a weird RAW. It had some high points, but it wasn’t the best follow-up to a lackluster Mania.
This week’s RAW review is written by frequent contributor @TheMizMagnet, who used to be @AlyKat_730. Aly liked doing the guest host thing in my RAW reviews so much that she was the first person to volunteer when I asked if anybody wants to take over for me here on BWF on Monday Nights. Let us know what you think of Aly’s work via facebook, twitter, or MySpace!
Tonight’s RAW is hosted by actor and Twitter sensation (I read that somewhere… I think it was WWE Universe’s Twitter), Ashton Kutcher! The main event is a tag-team match between Randy Orton and WWE Champion John Cena, taking on Sheamus and Edge!!
We start in the middle of some action already up. Edge was beating on Evan for some reason, and told Evan that it was his ring. According to Michael, Edge came out before RAW and said it was his ring, and Evan Bourne came out to say that he wasn’t going to wait for a chance. Holy crap, is the RAW set backwards?
Anyway, Edge and Evan Bourne are fighting in the ring, and as Edge Irish Whips Evan into the ropes, Evan gets the upperhand. Here, Jerry Lawler would like to point out to us that this is not an official match, which I think all of us knew based on the fact that Edge was still in his jeans… Anyway, Evan gets Edge down, and goes for Air Bourne, but Edge rolls out of the way and hits Evan with the Spear. We find out that before we joined RAW, Evan asked for a match, stating that if he beat Edge, he wanted Edge’s spot in the Fatal Four-Way for the WWE Championship.
Edge calls for a mic and says that what happened to Evan Bourne is exactly what is going to happen to his opponents at Fatal 4Way: Randy Orton, Sheamus, and WWE Champion, John Cena. He continues on, saying no matter what he does, or how many times he proves his dominance, people like Evan Bourne and the WWE Universe continue to disrespect him. At Fatal 4Way, that all changes, because he’s nothing like his opponents. He’s not like John Cena, who’s the WWE Universe’s superhero, and quite possibly the strongest man in the industry. He’s not like Sheamus, who doesn’t care who gets in his way and will bulldoze his way through anyone to take what he wants. And he’s definitely not like Randy Orton, that snake in the grass who lies in wait to pounce and sink his fangs into you. He goes on to say that the WWE Universe are a bunch of sheep (Chris Jericho anyone?) who just fall in line. At Fatal 4Way, Edge says he’s going to prove everyone who disrespects him wrong when he becomes a ten-time WWE Champion. Gonna be honest here… I was hoping he’d go on another ‘WRONG!’ tirade, but he didn’t.
I hear voices in my head, they council me, they understand, they talk to me…
Randy comes out, and Jerry or Michael Cole tell us that there are 13,124 members of the WWE Universe in attendance tonight. Whatever. Randy gets in the ring, and Edge seems to be backing away, staying cautious. Edge says that Randy thinks he’s just gonna come out there and do something to Edge, but it won’t happen because Randy’s not at 100% due to what Edge did to him at Over the Limit (a dislocated shoulder, for those of you who don’t know). Edge starts to present Randy with an option concerning Fatal 4Way, but Randy RKO’s Edge. Reminder: These two men will be on opposite sides of the ring tonight as they go to tag team action. Randy Orton and WWE Champion, John Cena vs Edge and Sheamus. Up next, we hear from Ashton Kutcher!
<COMMERCIAL>
We come back to Monday Night RAW to see Ashton Kutcher on his laptop, talking about Zack Ryder talking smack to him on Twitter. Eve Torres comes up and they hug, and Eve asks what’s going on. Ashton tells her that Zack Ryder was talking smack about him on Twitter. Does Zack know that Ashton is guest host and that he has five million Twitter followers?! Eve asks what Ashton’s going to do about it, and Ashton says he’s going to put a hit on Zack Ryder, and it could be anyone: A referee, a wrestler, a Diva, Eve herself, Ashton, an announcer…
About that time, Miz shoes up and says that Ashton wanted to see him. This was confirmed by my friend, @Niki_Sushi that Ashton really did tweet Miz to see him during RAW (@aplusk: hey @mikethemiz I need to see you tonight. #RAW). Miz goes on with theories about why Ashton may want to see him, and even mentions that Ashton may want him to star in The Killers 2. Ashton laughs and says that he and Bret Hart have set up a match for The Miz tonight against a Superstar they have acquired a one-night contract for: Daniel Bryan. Ashton says that Daniel Bryan is going to make the Miz tap out, and Miz retorts that Ashton needs to grab his camera and take pictures of what The Miz is going to do to Daniel Bryan tonight. Ashton responds, saying that Miz wouldn’t be able to see it because it’d be so far up his- He is about to continue, but Eve stops him and reminds both men that this is PG television.
New United States Champion R-Truth vs Chris Jericho
Truth is called out to the ring, his new United States Championship around his waist. RAW shows a replay of last week,where R-Truth faced The Miz to pick up the championship. Chris Jericho gets into the ring after his entrance plays, and this is where I realize they’re coming out from the other side of the entrance thing this time. It messed me up.
The match starts, and Chris gets Truth in a headlock. Truth pushes him into the ropes, only to run into a clothesline from Jericho. Truth retaliates with a hip toss on Chris, and Chris goes for a Codebreaker, but Truth catches his feet and tosses him out onto the ring floor before jumping over the top rope and landing on him.
<COMMERCIAL>
We come back to see Chris in control. Apparently, he dropped Truth, stomach-first, into the top rope and then used a baseball slide to get Truth out of the ring. Now, Chris has him in a headlock, but it’s not too long before Truth starts to fight out, successfully breaking the hold. Truth takes Chris down for a pin, but Chris kicks out at two. Chris uses the insigari on Truth, and goes for a pin, but Truth kicks out a two. Truth has Truth between the top and middle rope and holds on, breaking at three before going back and breaking at four. Truth gets up only to be thrown into the turnbuckle and beats on him, pulling Truth out at the ref’s three count. Chris gets Truth down, and Chris pantomimes wiping his hands before he brings Truth to his feet. He slaps Truth, then Irish Whips him. Truth retaliates with a flying shoulder.
Truth then takes control, hitting Chris before he dances and slaps Chris to the ground. Truth Irish Whips Chris, who manages a counter, only to get hit with a hurricanrana. Truth kicks Chris in the face and goes for the pin, but Chris kicks out at two. Truth runs at Chris, but Chris kicks him in the face and the bulldogs Truth. He goes for the Lionsault, but Truth rolls out of the way. Truth gets Chris on his knees, then goes for the bicycle kick before Chris gets out of the way and goes for the Walls of Jericho. He can’t lock it in, however, and ends up sending Chris away. Truth hits Chris with a kick to the stomach and seemed to attempt a suplex, only to drop Chris with a facebuster. He goes for a cover, but Chris kicks out at two.
Truth grabs Chris to pull him away from the ropes, but Chris holds on. The ref comes up to pull Truth off, and Chris takes advantage, poking Truth in the eyes. He then knocks Truth down, goes for a cover, and Truth kicks out at two. Chris kicks Truth in the head, while mocking him, yelling “What’s up!?”. Chris Irish Whips Truth, and bends down, probably for some move or another, but Truth kicks him in the stomach. Truth misses a spin kick, and Chris capitalizes by locking in the Walls of Jericho. Truth, however, counters it with a small package, and pins Chris for the win.
United States Champion R-Truth Wins!
Reminder! Our Main Event tonight is Edge and Sheamus vs Randy Orton and John Cena!
<COMMERCIAL>
The Fatal 4Way theme is Showstopper, by Toby Mac, I think it said. Anyway, a replay of last week is now shown. Batista is in the ring, bandaged and bruised in a wheelchair. He says that Cena is going to give him a rematch, he deserves a rematch. RAW Ring Announcer Justin Roberts interrupts him and says that he has just been asked to announce RAW’s new General Manager, Bret “The Hitman” Hart! flsajf;sdlkfjasldkfj… Sorry, I can’t stand Bret. Bret then tells Batista that he has a match tonight to get his rematch. He’ll face Randy Orton for a chance to qualify at Fatal 4Way. Batista says he can’t possibly fight tonight, and Bret can’t make him. Bret then says that if he doesn’t fight, he forfeits. Batista says if that happens, he’ll quit. Bret says that Randy qualifies by forfeit, Batista flips and says that WWE is nothing without him, and quits.
Zack Ryder and Alicia Fox are together backstage, and they’re talking to someone, who we find out in just a second is Bret Hart, about Ashton Kutcher putting a hit on him. Bret says he has more important things to deal with than Zack. Zack claims that he’s watching Bret, and then walks away. The Hart Dynasty show up next and wonder what Bret wanted to see them about. Bret says he signed the three people that attacked them last week, and he’s not going to punish them for it either. He says that even though he’s General Manager of RAW now, he can’t cut the Hart Dynasty any favors. He then says that the question the Hart Dynasty needs to ask is what they’re going to do about it.
Eve’s music hits and she is accompanied to the ring by Santino Marella. This should be entertaining…
<COMMERCIAL>
Mixed Tag Team Match: WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres and Santino Marella vs. Maryse and William Regal with Vladimir Kozlov
We come back to see Santino teaching Eve how to do his weird cobra thing. Eve’s music fades and Maryse’s plays. She stops about halfway down the ramp, and William Regal’s music hits, and he’s joined by Vlaidimir Kozlov. Santino takes the mic when Willaim and Vladimir get to the ring, saying that, for the love of George Lucas, Willaim Regal should get rid of the Darth Vader wannabe music. He then asks Vladimir why he comes out to the ring with Regal when the two of them could be a great tag team. He continues on to say that if Kozlov joins him, then Eve will make love to him. Kozlov looks interested for a minute before Eve says that’s not true, and Santino clarifies that Eve would love for Kozlov to join with Santino, not the other thing.
The match starts with Eve and Maryse. Or, it would, if one of them would attack the other. They stand there for about a minute, just laughing at one another. Eve finally goes at Maryse, who knees her and then Irish Whips Eve, who rolls over Maryse. Maryse then drop kicks Maryse, who moves to the corner to take Regal in. Santino is tagged in, and seems to be luring Regal in. The crowd chants for Santino, who acts a little embarrassed. Santino looks like he’s trying to do a leg sweep to Regal, who finally gets sick of him and throws Santino around, calling him a ‘bloody idiot’. He goes for the Regal Stretch, but Eve kicks him, breaking it up, and Maryse goes after her. The ref and Regal are both watching the Divas, and Kozlov comes in, chokeslamming Regal before rolling out of the ring and walking up the ramp with Maryse. Santino’s arm covers Regal, and Eve and Santino win.
Diva’s Champion Eve Torres & Santino Marella win.
Bret Hart is on his way to the ring for an important announcement concerning next week’s show!
<COMMERCIAL>
The WWE shows their annual Memorial Day package, which is dedicated to the fallen soldiers in the United States Military who died to protect the freedoms we hold dear today. Happy Memorial Day, everyone!
Justin Roberts then introduces the new General Manager of RAW, Bret “The Hitman” Hart! Bret comes to the ring and says that even though he’s only been General Manager of RAW for about a week, he’s having loads of fun. He got together with Smackdown General Manager, Theodor Long, and decided to do something special for next week! All of the Superstars from RAW and Smackdown are going to come together under one roof live next week, and it’s going to be a three hour special RAW! But, not just any special three hour RAW! The fans are going to be apart of the action. The fans can tell their ideas to Bret, and the WWE Superstars can even bring their ideas to Bret
It’s a new day… it’s a new generation…
Ted DiBiase comes out to the ring, joined by Virgil, and says that if Bret and Teddy Long are accepting suggestions, he’s got one: Make him General Manager for the night. Not guest host, but General Manager, with complete power. He says that he’s willing to pay Bret and Teddy Long whatever it takes, because, even though Bret may stand there an dlook like he’s too good to be bought, everybody has a price. Ted goes on to say that Teddy Long will be bought off easily, and the reason Bret came back to the WWE and became RAW’s General Manager was because he needed money. He says that the only thing Bret has to do to make all his problems go away is name is price.
Ashton Kutcher comes over the TitanTron with one of his pre-taped clips and tells them to wait. Before Bret gives that power to Ted DiBiase, why don’t they give that power to the fans? The only thing they have to do is make it a Viewer’s Choice, let the fans pick the matches and stipulations all across the board. Bret agrees, so next week’s RAW is not only three hours long, but is a Viewer’s Choice RAW!
No Chance… that’s what you’ve got…
Look Busy! The boss is comin’!
Vince seems rather happy tonight as he makes his way down the ramp, and Jerry Lawler points out that this is the first time we’ve seen him since Wrestlemania 26. Vince talks to Bret, asking if he got all of the violence on his heart out. Bret says mostly, and a ‘You Tapped Out’ chant starts. Vince claims he didn’t really, and tells Bret that he has to treat the WWE Universe as children, and he means that in the most complimentary way. But, what he means by that is that they can’t make the right decisions, and sometimes, you have to make the decisions for them. Bret says that he’s ready for whatever the WWE Unvierse is going to throw at him, and tells Bret that he hopes Bret’s story as General Manager has a happy ending.
Turns out Zack is still trying to figure out who his hitman is, and he’s confronted Randy Orton about it. Randy tells Zack that if he wanted to take him out, they wouldn’t be having this conversation. Alicia Fox grabs Zack’s hand and leads him away, claiming that she knows how to figure out who it is. Randy watches them go, and then the door opens slightly and then slams shut on Randy’s shoulder. Edge stands there as Randy holds his shoulder, and then steps over him and heads out like nothing happened.
<COMMERCIAL>
The Miz vs Daniel Bryan
AWESOME!! I came to play!
Miz comes to the ring first, followed by Daniel Bryan, who is still coming down to the NXT theme. There is a replay here of what happened on NXT last time, where Michael Cole confronted Daniel Bryan (who looked like his fashion sense was very Miz-inspired). Bryan says that Michael Cole isn’t a man because he can’t escape from a simple handshake. Security rushes in, and Cole slaps Bryan. Bryan chased Cole around the ring and security finally pushes him off. The pros watch as Bryan comes up, and Miz tells Bryan he should just leave, only for Bryan to get mad and punch Miz. The two go at each other, only for security to end up escorting Bryan backstage.
In the ring, Daniel quickly gains the upperhand, putting Miz in an armbar. The ref is trying to pull Daniel off. When he finally gets off, Daniel runs into the turnbuckle, and Miz gets him with a take down before he just begins wailing on Bryan, ending it with a kick to the face before going for a cover. Bryan kicks out at two. He then slaps Miz, and Miz starts wailing on him. Miz then throws Bryan into the corner before hitting him with a swinging corner clothesline. From there, Miz climbs up the turnbuckle and jumps off, driving his fists into Bryan’s shoulders and Michael Cole won’t shut up about how outraged he is by Daniel Bryan’s actions on NXT and blah blah blah. No one likes you, Cole, go find your real family. Miz keeps wailing on Bryan, who finally gains the upper hand and gets Miz in some arm bar/headlock move. Miz rolls back to cover, but Bryan moves and manages to cover Miz for the win.
Daniel Bryan wins.
After the match, Miz attacks Brian, throwing him out of the ring. Miz climbs out and kicks Bryan’s head before picking him up and taking him to the announce table, telling him to apologize to Cole. Bryan then elbows Miz’ gut before sending him flying over the announce table and into Michael Cole. Is there going to be a match with Michael Cole and Daniel Bryan next week?!
<COMMERCIAL>
Cole claims to be assaulted for the second time in less than a week, but no one besides Jerry Lawler seems to care… Actually, Jerry doesn’t even seem to care that much. A replay to last week is played where the new tag team attacks the Hart Dynasty.
We come back to RAW to see the new tag team standing the ring, saying that the whole world is tripping over them. They are Jay and Jimmy Uso, Rikishi’s twin sons, with Tamina Snuka, Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka’s daughter. They claim that the Hart Dynasty aren’t the only ones with family that run deep in the business. The Harts were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. They claim they were born and created for one purpose: Dominate!
The Hart Dynasty comes out, and Tamina and Natalya roll out of the ring. The Hart Dynasty goes for the Hart Attack, but Tamina grabs Tyson’s ankles, and turns just in time to deliver a vicious clothesline to Natalya. Tamina takes Natalya back in the ring, and the three of them perform a frog splash on all three members of the Hart Dynasty.
Still to come, the Main Event! Will Randy Orton be able to compete, or will Cena have to find a new partner?!
<COMMERCIAL>
Oh, radio, tell me everything you know…
We come back in time for Zack Ryder and Alicia Fox to come down to the ring. Zack says that he knows Ashton Kutcher put a hit out on him, and Alicia had a great idea: Come down to the ring and demand to know who it was. Because that’s not common sense or anything. Ashton comes on the TitanTron and asks if Zack wants to know who it is. Zack says yes, and Jerry Lawler starts into the ring with a chair.
Zack Ryder with Alicia Fox vs Jerry “The King” Lawler with Steel Chair
Zack seems amused that it would be Jerry, but Jerry merely sits on the chair. Ashton gets Zack’s attention again and says that it’s not Jerry. Jerry climbs out of the ring, and different music hits.
Zack Ryder with Alicia Fox vs The Great Khali
Zack and Alicia immediately climb out of the ring as Khali makes his way to the ring, alone. He climbs in, looks at them, and then raises his arms. The crowd cheers, but Ashton comes back on and says that it’s not The Great Khali either.
Zack Ryder with Alicia Fox vs Goldust
Goldust starts down the ramp and takes a breath, but Ashton says it’s not him either. Zack claims that he’s getting really paranoid, and he just wants to know who it is. Ashton says that he’ll never see it coming. Alicia grabs the mic and says something unimportant. She goes to hand it back, but they both drop it. Zack bends over to grab it, and Alicia hits him with a scissor kick. Ashton claps, confirms it was Alicia, and then we’re reminded that the first Fatal 4Way match announced will be Randy Orton vs Edge vs Sheamus vs WWE Champion John Cena for the WWE Championship. Gonna be honest, I kind of like the theme for Fatal 4Way.
Edge is back in the back, getting ready, when Sheamus shows up. Sheamus says that he saw what Edge did to Orton and he liked it. He heard what Edge said earlier, and Edge was right: He’s nothing like Sheamus, and they don’t trust one another. Edge says if they’re smart, they can weaken Cena like he weakened Randy. Sheamus says that if Edge takes advantage of something at Sheamus’ expense, it’ll be the last mistake Edge ever makes.
<COMMERCIAL>
WWE Classics honors The Junkyard Dog this week, who died in 1998 in a car accident. Next week, RAW will be hosted by the cast of The A-Team!! Don’t forget, next week also starts at 8/7 PM Eastern/Central and is a Viewer’s Choice! During RAW, go to WWE.com to cast your opinion!
Edge and Sheamus vs WWE Champion John Cena and …??
You think you know me…
Edge makes his way to the ring followed by Sheamus, though neither of which looks like they actually trust one another.
Brrrrrrrr… SHABADOOOO!!!!
John Cena comes out with the WWE Championship and a mic. He says that he has unfortunate news: Since Edge decided to take out Randy Orton’s shoulder, Randy will be unable to compete. He says that Edge had a good plan to try to leave him short-handed, but Edge didn’t count on one thing: Every Superstar backstage hates Sheamus and Edge, so Cena could have anyone he wanted as a partner. He says that the partner he picked was a human wrecking ball, and had a particular beef with Edge.
Edge and Sheamus vs WWE Champion John Cena and Evan Bourne
I was really excited to see that Evan was getting his chance tonight, and he did prove to me, at least, that he can pull of main events. Anyway, Cena and Edge start. They lock up, and Edge knees Cena in the gut before punching him in the head. The then bounces John off the turnbuckle and punches him in the head again as Cena falls. Edge Irish Whips Cena, who gives Edge a bulldog, and then tags in Evan. Evan gives Edge some pretty solid kicks, and then takes Edge down. Edge shoves Evan to the mat, then Irish Whips him, only for Edge to counter with a hurricanrana. Evan then hits a standing dropkick, followed by a twisting drop kick which knocks Edge out of the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
When we come back, Cena is beating Sheamus down. Cena Irish Whips Sheamus across the ring and then tags in Evan. Evan launches himself across the ring at Sheamus and then covers, but Sheamus kicks out at two. Evan continues hitting Sheamus with a series of kicks aimed at his thighs before Sheamus knocks him down. Sheamus then picks Evan up and runs him into the turnbuckle, hitting his back before tagging in Edge. Edge elbows Evan down, stomping on him before laying him partially out of the ring. He kicks his head and then elbows him out onto the floor. He gets Evan back in before tagging in Sheamus, who lifts Evan up for a suplex. Evan brings his knees down, hitting Sheamus in the head. As soon as Evan’s feet hit the mat, he’s kicking Sheamus’ thighs again. He tries to jump to Cena, but Sheamus catches him and throws him away from his corner, where he clotheslines Evan, and ten goes for a cover. Evan kicks out at two.
Sheamus drops a knee on Evan’s face before stepping on Evan and tagging Edge in. Edge kicks Evan’s side, then hurls Evan across the ring into the turnbuckle. He goes for a cover, but Evan kicks out at two. Evan manages to gain a little momentum here, but Edge then kicks him in the face and goes for another cover. Again, Evan kicks out at two. Edge puts Evan in a headlock, but Evan manages to fight out and hit an insigari on Edge, leaving both of them motionless for a moment in the ring, tagging their partners in before the ref can hit six on the count.
Sheamus gets hit with a few shoulder blocks before Cena drops him and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle. He lifts Sheamus for the Attitude Adjustment, but Sheamus manages to counter and slam Cena to the ground. Sheamus goes for his kick, but Cena moves. Evan jumps up, managing to kick Sheamus in the head. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, and then Edge goes for a Spear, instead hitting the turnbuckle. Cena tags Evan in, and Evan hits Air Bourne before covering Sheamus for the win.
WWE Champion John Cena & Evan Bourne win!
Overall Thoughts: Overall, it was a pretty good RAW. Once again, the guest host segment was retarded, and I was a little disappointed that Ashton Kutcher’s segments were all pre-filmed instead of it all being live. But, the main event had some good action, and I’m glad that Evan got a push to the main event. Next week, I’ll be in class for about the first… half hour of RAW or so, but I’ll see if I can’t get a summary from a friend or something for ya. Also, next week is the return of the BWF Tweets!! Use the hashtag #BWF on Twitter to get your tweets in the review!! Seeya next week!
What’s up folks, welcome to our RAW review. We promise not to bite your ear off or eat your children, but we can’t promise you that RAW’s guest host, Mike Tyson, won’t. I’m not sure what else is going on tonight, but I’d expect some interaction between DX and Tyson. Ready? No? Too bad, let’s go!
Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban hosts and Chris Jericho takes on DX in a handicapped match tonight. Sound like fun? Didn’t think so. Ah well, try to enjoy it. Here we go!
Tiffany was apparently in a car accident, so while she’s recovering, William Regal is in charge. He’s been ordered not to make any decisions involving the ECW Championship, including Number One Contenders matches. He’s made a change to tonight’s main event however. It will now be Christian vs. Zack Ryder, Vladimir Kozlov, Ezekiel Jackson, and William Regal in a 4 on 1 handicapped match.
Abraham Washington Show with guest, Intercontinental Champion John Morrison
And you guys wonder why I don’t watch this show anymore. BTW, Morrison was on “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader” earlier tonight. He lost on the last question, but the show sent $2500 in his name to the Make A Wish Foundation anyway. Morrison takes shots at The Miz and Dolph Ziggler, until Ziggler comes out and takes a seat next to him on the couch. After some bad Dolph Lundgren jokes, we reach the punchline of John Morrison calling Ziggler “Mr. Ziggles.” Even Morrison and Ziggler couldn’t save this segment.
Backstage, Regal is on the phone defending his decision to make the match tonight. Ryder comes in and says that he’s got it on his own, but Regal says that the board of directors has made the match Regal, Kozlov, Jackson, and Ryder vs. Christian, Yoshi Tatsu, Tommy Dreamer, and Goldust. Ryder questions Regal’s management abilities.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Shelton Benjamin def. Paul Burchill
Sheamus assaulted Shelton Benjamin from behind when he was on his way to the ring. The referee asked him if he still wanted to wrestle, and he said yes. It’s all Burchill through this match – until Benjamin dropped him with Pay Dirt for the victory.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
We waste a bunch of time talking about RAW’s main event for Hell In A Cell. Then Christian gives a pep talk to his team.
Christian, Tommy Dreamer, Goldust, & Yoshi Tatsu def. William Regal, Ezekiel Jackson, Vladimir Kozlov, & Zack Ryder
Teddy Long shows up in his limo and looks paranoid after what he did to The Undertaker this past Sunday at Breaking Point. He surrounds himself with security and asks them to stick close to him.
The SmackDown video plays, and we’re on our way!
Batista is here. Great. He chose to be on SmackDown, and he can’t wait to get started.
BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!
Chris Jericho is here to save this segment. He says Batista makes him sick. He calls him an injury prone loser like Edge. He tells Batista that Jericho is the true face of SmackDown, and that everybody knows it. A lot has changed since Batista’s been gone, and he’s been gone a long time, and Jericho is now the man on this show. Batista says to be the man, you’ve gotta beat the man. He says they’ll have a chance to catch up, because tonight, Jericho has a match against Batista. The Animal promptly hits a spinebuster on Jericho.
Jericho asks Big Show backstage where he was. Big Show says that Jericho wanted to do it by himself. Jericho says he’ll do it by himself and tells Show to wait backstage. Show tells him to relax.
Still to come, an interview with Scott Armstrong.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Dolph Ziggler is sitting in on commentary, and the WWE Intercontinental Champion, John Morrison makes his way to the ring for action. His opponent will be Mike Knox, who gives us a lesson on Restless Leg Syndrome.
John Morrison def. Mike Knox
SmackDown always has the best wrestling of the week. This match, no exception. Morrison picks up the win with the Starship Pain.
Morrison takes the mic after the match and he says he hopes Dolph had a good time playing footsie with Todd Grisham (who is awesome on the new SmackDown 10th Anniversary DVD). He says does the Mr. Ziggles bit again, and it’s way less funny this week. The fans aren’t getting behind it as much, either.
Todd Grisham and JR show us footage from Breaking Point. Meaning, if you paid for it, you should be pissed off because they just showed the only important part of the whole show on free television. Anyways, Josh Matthews asks Armstrong why he did what he did. He says he answered to somebody in a position much higher than the one he’s at. He was asked to do something he knew was wrong, and something he’s not proud of. He makes no excuses, he did what he had to do to keep his job.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Batista vs. Chris Jericho will be our main event tonight, but for now, here’s somebody that Batista’s allegedly slept with, Melina! Her opponent, the WWE Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool, limps to the ring.
Michelle McCool def. Melina
Justin Roberts did not announce this as a Triple Threat. Anyhow, Michelle is aggressive in this one, but it’s not enough as Melina picks up the victory with a rolling powerbomb.
Teddy Long is backstage with his security force when Mr. McMahon walks in. The Chairman excuses the security team and he wonders again where his picture was. He enjoyed the surprise of Batista coming to SmackDown. He doesn’t seem so impressed with what he came up with for Breaking Point. He wants to know why T-Lo double crossed The Undertaker. McMahon wants an explanation, and it’d better be the right one. In fact, he owes the WWE Universe an answer. He sends Long to the ring and tells him he’ll be waiting back in his office. He asks if Long has any idea what The Undertaker is going to do to him. Long heads to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Theodore Long is flanked by security as he heads to the ring to offer up an explanation as to why he screwed The Undertaker at Breaking Point. Long welcomes Batista back to SmackDown. He then admits that all of this was pre-planned. It was pre-planned to prevent The Undertaker from becoming the World Heavyweight Champion. Long isn’t going to say that he’s proud of what he did, because he’s not. He’s not going to say that he’s not afraid of The Undertaker, because he is. He knows that The Undertaker may show up here sometime tonight, which is why he’s surrounded himself with security. He’s not the only one involved, Scott Armstrong and CM Punk were in on it too. Long knows how he feels about this conspiracy, and he’d like to tell us why he did what he did. You see, he’s got a family to take care of. Times are tough, and he can’t let them down. He’s too old to learn to do something new, so therefore, he’d like to apologize for his actions. The crowd boos. He says he’d like to apologize to the WWE Universe, and he’d like to apologize to each and every one of the fans. He’d especially like to apologize to The Undertaker. One last thing. He hopes that The Undertaker can find it in his heart to forgive him. Long leaves with his security in tow.
Backstage, the security team hears noises as they walk Long to his limo. Long gets in and tells the drive he’s ready to go. The doors lock, the privacy window rolls down, and The Undertaker says “Buckle up, Teddy” as smoke and lightning fill the back of the limo.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK> – if you’re in the Buffalo area, MyNetwork TV is giving away tickets to Monday Night RAW in a “watch and win” sweepstakes. Yes, it’s possible to win – I won last week!
CM Punk, the World Heavyweight Champion is here, and he has a microphone. He says, “I told you so.” Punk says he’s the only man who ever made The Undertaker tap out. Which isn’t true. Watch the Angle/Undertaker match on the SmackDown DVD. Punk admits he’s been preaching, because the people need a good preaching to. He then goes on a tirade about drugs. He calls everybody a liar, and says he’s a prophet, the choice of a new generation, a champion everybody can be proud of, the first and only straight edge World Heavyweight Champion in history. If you’re not Straight Edge like Punk, that means he’s better than you.
Still to come, Batista vs. Chris Jericho!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
The Great Khali vs. Kane is still to come, but right now, it’s Cryme Tyme. Did I fall asleep and miss the good matches on SmackDown and wake up on Monday? Their opponents are from Canada, which happens to be where SmackDown is, so they’re getting cheered – they’re the Hart Dynasty!
The Hart Dynasty vs. Cryme Tyme
I swear if the Harts lose tonight, I’m done with WWE. Luckily, Kidd hit the Blockbuster on JTG and picked up the victory, so it hasn’t come to that.
Melina is looking trashy as ever backstage when she walks into the Divas locker room, which is plastered with pictures of Dolph Ziggler helping Michelle McCool last week. Maria says she’s sure Dolph has a logical explanation and wonders why Melina wouldn’t come to her with this instead of plastering pictures all over the wall. Melina tries to explain that she didn’t do it, but Maria walks away.
Still to come, Batista vs. Jericho, but up next, Kane vs. Khali.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
The Great Khali is out first for this next abomination of a professional wrestling match. Kane follows, and we’re underway.
Kane vs. The Great Khali
Kane knocked Khali out with a chair.
After the bell, Kane used the steel steps to completely destroy Khali’s knee.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
WWE Smack of the Week: Drew McIntyre destroying R-Truth over the last few weeks.
Charlie Haas is on non-entrance jobber duty. R-Truth’s music plays, but Drew McIntyre comes out instead. He says R-Truth had an accident in the backstage area and can’t compete. He declare Haas the winner by forfeit. Haas shakes his hand, and then gets attacked and dropped with a double armed DDT.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Batista def. Chris Jericho
Jericho went for a Codebreaker but was caught and hit with a Batista Bomb for the win.
Backstage, Big Show says Batista got lucky, and that when he gets in the ring with him next week, his luck will run out.
Sorry for the lack of detail, guys, I got caught up in something else that I didn’t think would take as long as it has. I’m hitting up an independent show tomorrow night, so I’ll be here to give you thoughts and pictures from that. See you then!
No Way Out is finally over, and ThinkSoJoE finally has USA HD through his cable provider (and SciFi too! No more reviewing Standard Definition WWE shows!). Edge is the World Heavyweight Champion, so what does this mean for the main event situation on Monday Night RAW? Perhaps we’ll find out tonight!
Ah, my second favorite PPV of the year, only behind WrestleMania. This is the 22nd Annual Royal Rumble, a Pay Per View that I grew up watching. Thirty men enter, twenty-nine leave over the top rope, and since 1993, the man left standing would go on to challenge for a World Championship at WrestleMania.
On top of that, there’s a few matches going on – all of which could also have major implications on the WrestleMania 25 card, seeing as how they’re title matches.
One thing that bugged me about last year’s Royal Rumble match was that then-ECW Champion Chavo Guerrero was competing in the match. The ECW Championship is the top championship (not to mention the only one) on the ECW brand, which means that the winner of the Royal Rumble could theoretically challenge for the ECW Championship in lieu of the World Heavyweight or WWE Championships. We won’t have to worry about that this year, however, as the ECW Championship is on the line when former champion Matt Hardy gets his rematch with the man who took his title, Jack Swagger. Hardy took quite a beating this past Friday night on SmackDown at the hands of Swagger, The World’s Strongest Man Mark Henry, and The Rated R Superstar, Edge. Given Hardy’s history, that could really motivate him going into tonight’s match. I, however, feel as though there’s going to be bigger things coming up for Matt Hardy than the ECW Championship, so by hook or by crook, I’m expecting Swagger to retain.
Recently on the RAW side of things, Melina has been a thorn in Beth Phoenix’s side. The WWE Women’s Champion is fed up with Melina’s antics, and looking to punish her. What role, if any, will Rosa Mendez or Santino Marella play in thier WWE Women’s Championship match? I look for Rosa to somehow cost The Glamazon the match, but likely by DQ. I don’t see Melina getting the title just quite yet.
Speaking of RAW, World Heavyweight Champion John Cena will be bringing his title with him to the Motor City. While the self-proclaimed “Hockeytown” is no stranger to championships, neither is Cena’s opponent, John “Bradshaw” Layfield. In recent weeks, JBL has had his employee, Shawn Michaels, at his side and doing his bidding. With the Heart Break Kid in his corner, can JBL defeat the man who ended his only WWE Championship reign, taking his title in the process? Doubtful. While it would be great for JBL to win the Championship here, only to somehow wind up defending it against Shawn Michaels in Houston at WrestleMania, I don’t think the WWE is comfortable enough with JBL at this particular moment to give him a two month title reign. John Cena wins this one, with a potential rematch at No Way Out in February.
A black cloud has been hanging over the head of WWE Champion Jeff Hardy since last year. He missed Survivor Series because of it, and after winning the WWE Championship at Armageddon, he’s been involved in a hit and run accident and had somebody try to blow him up by tampering with the pyrotechnics. This hasn’t stopped Jeff Hardy though, he’s determined to show up at the Joe Louis Arena and defend his WWE Championship against the man he took it from, Edge. Will Jeff Hardy’s emotions get the best of him? Or will Edge’s overconfidence cost him the belt that he lives and breathes for? Will we finally find out who is behind the bizarre things that have happened to Jeff Hardy over the past few months? So many questions to be answered. My prediction is that Edge will win the WWE Championship back, and this will eventually lead to a huge match at WrestleMania. I won’t say what I think that match will be, but I will say that it won’t be a one on one contest.
Finally, the Royal Rumble match itself. 70% of the winners since 1993 have gone on to win a major championship at that year’s WrestleMania. This year, it could be anybody, as the men I’d predict to win it at this point are all in singles competition earlier in the night. After giving it a lot of thought, the only man who we know for sure to be in the Rumble that I can say I’d expect to win it all is… Randy Orton. I see Orton having a rough next couple of months though, instead of smooth sailing into the main event at WrestleMania. His punt to Mr. McMahon’s head this past Monday pretty much ensures that.
Guys, I hope you’ve enjoyed this article. I want to know, who do you think is going to win the Royal Rumble? Leave a comment and let me know!
BONUS! One of my favorite promos of all time, courtesy of The Rock!
Well, I haven’t had the motivation to write up a review of SmackDown from this past Friday – in fact, if anybody is interested in writing the SmackDown reviews from now on, drop a comment and let me know. We’ve got a bit of a special case this week though – rather than copy and paste from a “Newz” site, I’ve taken it straight from the horse’s mouth. No, not Vickie Guerrero, but from WWE.com. The reason being, there was an angle involving WWE Champion Jeff Hardy that was added into the broadcast after it was taped, and we usually take our SmackDown results from spoilers if I can’t get a review up.
WWE.com’s SmackDown results, after the jump! (more…)
